Scary Tales (1993) - full transcript

(ominous music)

- Our story is about a
man who finds a necklace.

But it's no ordinary necklace.

It's Satan's Necklace.

(heart beating)

(drowned out rock music)

- Nice shot, Stevie Wonder.

(drowned out rock music)

- But Barb, I love you.

Barb?

Barb?



- What a loser.

- Man, I really feel
sorry for that guy.

Every 20 minutes he's on
the phone with that girl.

If you ask me, I think
she's stringing him along.

Ready for another one, Chuck?

- [Chuck] Yeah.

(drowned out rock music)

- There you go.

- Tom, can I get some pretzels?

- Sure.

There you go.

(drowned out rock music)

- Ah, Mr. Punctuality.

- I've been trying to
call for the last hour,



but the line's been busy.

Hey, I'll take the usual, Tom.

- [Tom] You got it.

- Rough day at work, huh?

(chuckling)

- You wouldn't believe the shit
I had to put up with today.

- There you go.

- Ah, thanks, Tom.

Here I am at this red light,

I'm on my way over here,

and this asshole
decides to carjack

this lady in front of me

not knowing that I'm a cop.

- [Chuck] Good shit.

- Yeah.

Now, me being Dick
Fuckin' Tracy,

I gotta apprehend
this fuckin' idiot.

- [Chuck] Ah, one of
Baltimore's finest.

- I tell you what.

I deal with more assholes
than a fuckin' proctologist.

- [Chuck] Here's
to our hero, Dan.

- I'll fuckin' drink to that.

(drowned out rock music)

(lighthearted piano music)

Can you believe after only
being separated for two months

that bitch has her boyfriend
living in my house,

fucking him in my bed,

and I'm still paying
the God damn mortgage?

- Sounds like you're
getting fucked

in more ways than one.

(chuckles)

- Speaking of getting fucked,

I haven't seen pussy in so long

the fuckin' crack of
dawn looks good to me.

- Dawn, have I met her?

- Dawn?

I got your fuckin' Dawn
right here buddy, huh?

- Whoa.

- What is it?

- It sounds really big.

(dramatic music)

Dan.

- Oh.

Oh, let me see that, yeah.

Yeah, that's nice.

You see, that's a vintage
Yoo-hoo cap, yeah.

Let me see now.

- Here it comes.

- Oh yeah, it's
coming to me now.

This was bottled
the summer of '92.

What do you think this
valuable find's worth, huh?

- Hey, maybe enough to
get you a piece of ass

down the block.
(chuckling)

- I got your fuckin' ass
right here buddy, huh?

- Yeah, I got...

Hang on.

- What?

- That's strange.

- What?

- I didn't move
my metal detector

and it just went off again.

- Huh.

Hey, maybe it could be
another Yoo-hoo cap.

Ooh!

You could have a matching set.

(dramatic music)

Wow.

Looks like you
finally got something.

What do you think it's worth?

Yo, Chuck.

Earth to Chuck!

Come in, Captain Yoo-hoo.

Hey, Chuck.

Hey, easy man.

(dramatic music)

Easy.

(dramatic music)

You all right?

- I just feel lightheaded.

- I think you've been out
in the fuckin' sun too long.

- I think I had enough,
let's call it a day.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

(dramatic music)

- Look what I found.

- God, you scared me.

Where'd you get it at?

- Me and Dan dug it out at old
Baker's Field this morning.

- You mean you finally
found something

other than bottle caps

with that old metal detector?

- I told you I'd find
something sooner or later.

- Well, I hope you
worked up an appetite,

'cause dinner is ready.

So, how's Dan?

- Not too bad, considering
what he's been going through.

- [Woman] What do you mean?

- Well, Dan and Stacy split up.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

And now they're in the
middle of a legal separation.

- [Woman] They've been
married for over 10 years.

- Dan's a big boy,
he'll get over it.

- And what about Stacy?

- What do you mean?

From what Dan tells me,
she's doing just fine.

I wonder if this necklace
is worth anything.

- I don't know.

But if you ask me, it
looks like something

you might've got out of
a box of Cracker Jack's.

(Chuck mock laughs)

- Really.

How's it look?

- [Woman] Mhm.

- Let me check this out.

Hey, this does look pretty good.

- Are you all right, Hun?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

♪ It's a knockout body ♪

♪ She's in perfect health ♪

♪ She'll do what you ask ♪

♪ She'll do it today ♪

♪ But when she's finished ♪

♪ You'll have to pay ♪

♪ 'Cause she's a good time ♪

♪ The sinner before ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ You'll always want more ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ She always get paid ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ She'll leave a
smile on your face ♪

(catchy rock music)

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ You've seen her before ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ You'll always want more ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ She always gets paid ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ She'll leave a
smile on your face ♪

♪ She's a good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

♪ Good time ♪

- But he says, right?
- Yeah.

- "You have to do the talk!"

(laughing)

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- Holy sh-

- I got one more,
you ready for this?

- Yeah, yeah.

- What does a blonde and
a computer have in common?

- What's that?

- You don't appreciate 'em
until they go down on ya!

(laughing)

- Excuse me, man.

- Hey, man!

Look what you fuckin' did.

- I'll buy you another
drink, man, I'm sorry.

- Not the beer.

Look at my God damn shirt.

Hey, I ain't finished
with you yet.

- Don't fuck with me.

(catchy rock music)

- Hey, hey, hey.

You all right?

- What?

- Shit, for a minute I
thought you were gonna

kick that motherfucker's ass.

- Man.

♪ Though sometimes it
was quite strange ♪

(wondrous music)

(moaning)

(dramatic music)

(heavy breathing)

- What's wrong?

- Just a nightmare.

- You gonna be all right?

- Yeah.

(ominous music)

- You look like shit,
didn't you get any sleep?

- [Chuck] Not really.

- You feel all right?

You look like you might be
coming down with something.

- I feel...

So drained.

Damn nightmare.

- [Woman] Was it that bad?

- It was just really weird.

- [Woman] What do
you mean weird?

- We were having sex, right?

- Wait a minute.

Your nightmare
was us having sex?

- The sex part was fine, it was,

you turned into this hideous
monster or something.

And then...

(woman pukes)

Then you puked all over my face.

- I think you've been watching

too many horror movies.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

- Why don't you go
upstairs and get some rest?

- Maybe later.

I'm just gonna go downstairs

and play with the
metal detector.

I think a wire's coming
loose or something.

(dramatic piano music)

(Chuck yawns)

Fuck it then.

(Chuck yawns)

(metal detector falls)

(ominous music)

(monster yells)

(screaming)

Oh, fuck.

God.

(vacuum running)

- Hey.

You must've got a lot done.

You've been down in the basement

for about two hours now.

- Actually, I fell asleep while

I was working on
my metal detector.

- Well, you did need to sleep.

I think I'm gonna go upstairs

and get a nice, hot bubble bath.

All right?

Oh, by the way, the paper came.

It's sitting on the sofa.

- So, where you off to?

- Ah, I was supposed
to meet a buddy of mine

for lunch today.

- Well, I'll talk to
you later Dan, okay?

- Okay.

Take care, Fred.

(dramatic music)

Hey, how's it going, Chuck?

We still gettin'
together today for lunch?

Ah, that's great.

All right.

I'll probably be by
then in about an hour

to pick you up, okay?

All right, I'll see you then.

Buh bye.

- [Woman] Hey, who
was on the phone?

- Just Dan.

- [Woman] Chuck?

- Yeah, Hun?

- [Woman] Could you come
up here for a second?

- Sure.

What do you need, huh?

- Well, I just wanted to know

if you wanted to join me, Hun?

If you know what I mean.

- Just give me a minute.

(ominous music)

(growling)

- Hurry it up, Hun.

I'm really getting horny.

- So am I.

(ominous music)

(growling)

(knocking)

- Yo, Chuck, you ready?

(loud thud)

Yo Chuck, you up there?

Hello?

What the fuck?

(ominous music)

What the fuck?

- [Chuck] Going somewhere, Dan?

- Chuck?

- I'm afraid Chuck's
no longer with us.

(ominous music)

(gun fires)

Nice shot, Dan.

But not good enough!

- Yeah?

Fuck you!

(gun fires)

Oh, shit.

(ominous music)

What the fuck?

(growling)

(heart beating)

- Our next story is about a man

who goes off the deep end

after catching his
wife with another man.

It's called Sliced In Coldblood.

(heart beating)

(dramatic piano music)

- Don't tell me.

Another late night
at the office?

- I told you I was gonna
be late all this week.

- I don't remember
you saying anything

about being late.

- Remember last
week that I told you

that two girls were
going on vacation,

and I had to cover for them.

- Is this gonna be
an every night thing?

- No.

- It just doesn't
matter to you, does it?

- What doesn't matter?

- When was the last time
we spent any time together?

- Christ, John.

Is that what this is all about?

- It has been a long time.

- I don't believe this.

Here I am busting my ass
working 12 hours a day

and all you can think
about is getting fucked?

Well, fuck you!

(ominous music)

Can you turn the light out?

(ominous music)

♪ I'm love for the first time ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ And I need you ♪

♪ Right here by my side ♪

♪ So let me know
it'll be all right ♪

♪ Tell me, darling ♪

♪ Can we make it
through the night ♪

♪ If we don't ♪

♪ Will our love survive ♪

♪ Yes, that's right ♪

♪ I'm in love for
the first time ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ And I need you ♪

♪ Right here by my side ♪

♪ So let me know
it'll be all right ♪

(catchy music)

(dog barking)

(ominous music)

- So, did your husband
give you any shit

about coming home
late last night?

- What, John giving me shit?

Please.

- Aren't you getting
a little tired

of sneaking around
behind his back?

Why don't you just leave him?

- Now's just not the right time.

Look.

John just lost his job,

I don't think he could
handle it right now.

It's as simple as that.

(ominous music)

- So, what's on the
agenda for today?

- Well, you could fuck me,

or I could fuck you, or
we could fuck each other.

- Hm, decisions,
decisions, decisions.

Let's see.

I fucked you last night,

and you fucked me
the day before,

so why don't we fuck each other?

- Sounds good to me.

(ominous music)

You have any of that wine
left from last night?

- No, but I have a cold
bottle of champagne

downstairs in the basement.

- That'll work.

- I'll be right back.

(dramatic music)

- Is everything okay, Bob?

(ominous music)

John?

It's not what you think.

We were just friends, really.

- Shut up, bitch!

(dramatic music)

- You fuckin' bastard!

- Doesn't shut

the fuck up!

Bitch!

(screaming)

(ominous music)

(dog barking)

(burping)

- Hey, Bernice!

I need another beer!

Bernice!

- Just a minute, I'm coming!

(ominous music)

(groaning)

- Okay, bitch.

One fuckin' scream and
I'll cut your tongue

out of your throat,

and I'll think nothing about it.

- Here, take my money.

- I don't want
your fuckin' money.

I got kinda something
else in mind

if you know what I mean.

- Please don't hurt me.

(ominous music)

- 40.

Yeah, we're getting
ready to come over.

Uh huh.

Yeah, we'll be up
there in a little bit.

(ominous music)

What about?

Well, yeah.

Oh, God, I'm about
to go, Charlie.

I think somebody wants
to use the phone.

Yeah, okay.

Talk to you later.

(ominous music)

Hey man, what's your
fuckin' problem?

Hey, pal, what are you doing?

(groaning)

(ominous music)

(heart beating)

- That's all we have time for.

- Tell us another!

- [Kids] Please!

- Well, just one more.

Our last story is about a man
obsessed with a video game.

It's called Level 21.

- She's-

- I'm not paying you two clowns

to beat off to girly
magazines all day.

I take it that since you have
all this time on your hands

that you have
those reports done.

- Well, actually,
we're kinda stuck.

- Stuck?

- We're kind of stuck
ending the reports

with "Sincerely Yours"
or "Respectfully Yours".

What do you think was more
appropriate, Mr. Dobson?

- Hm.

Well, I think "Sincerely
Yours" would be best.

Yes, that's it,
"Sincerely Yours".

Oh, I'll take that.

(chuckling)

Is there a problem?

- We're just glad to have
someone like you around

to help us out when we run
into problems like this.

By the way, I like
what you've done

with your hair
today, Mr. Dobson.

- Why, thank you.

(laughing)

- You're too much.

- Hey, how's it goin'?

- Not too good.

- What, having problems?

- I'm stuck on level 20 again.

- You ready, Dad?

- Ready for what?

- Remember?

You promised you'd
play ball with me.

- Oh, not today.

Look, I'm really busy.

(kid stomps off)

- You know what?

You could be a real
asshole sometimes.

- Hey, that Raisin
Bran looks pretty good.

Why don't you grab a box?

Something wrong?

- Yeah, something's wrong.

I can't believe you
couldn't tear yourself away

from that damn video game

long enough to play
catch with your son.

- Yeah, but I'm so
close to level 21

I could just taste it.

- Oh, so this stupid video game

is more important to
you than your son?

- I know, you're right.

I have been spending too
much time on that game.

- Look, I didn't
mean to snap at ya,

it's just Billy was really
disappointed, you know?

I mean, you did promise him.

- I know, you're right.

I gotta give that
game a break anyway.

- Okay.

- Shit!

- What's wrong?

- It's this damn game.

It's really starting
to piss me off.

- Why?

- Well, I can't
get past level 20.

I got past the first 19 levels

with no problem whatsoever.

- So?

- So, I usually blow through
a game like this in 2 days.

- It's probably rigged so you
can't even get to level 21.

Christ, level 21 probably
don't even exist!

- No, it's there.

- How do you know?

- I can feel it.

- Actually, there is a level 21.

But I doubt you'll
ever get there.

- Now what makes you so sure?

Have you ever been to
level 21 before, Myron?

- Sure, I've been
there, and beyond.

- You've really
reached level 21?

(chuckling)

- What a weirdo.

He's only been here two weeks

and he thinks he
knows everything.

- Well, what do
you know about him?

- Here comes Dobson!

- Up and in.

Whoa!

- Sweet!

- What did you
eat for breakfast?

- All ball.

- My finger!
- All ball.

(laughing)

(grunting)

- Yeah!

(laughing)

- Jesus Christ, man.

You're playing like shit!

- I know.

I just can't get level
21 out of my head.

- Not that fuckin' game again.

Come on man, give
it a break, will ya?

Come on, man.

We can still kick
these guys' asses.

- You girls ready
to play or what?

- [Ron] Let's go.

- How'd it go?

- Well, let's just say me
and Ron kicked some ass.

Dinner ready yet?

- [Woman] In about an hour.

- Okay.

Well, I'll be downstairs.

- [Woman] All right.

(wondrous music)

- I can't believe it!

I finally hit level 21.

What the...

(coughing)

(birds chirping)

- [Man] Hey!

- Who's there?

- [Man] Down here!

- You've got to be
fuckin' kidding.

This has got to be a dream.

- This is no dream,
this is level 21.

- [Bill] What do
you mean level 21?

- The game!

Don't you remember?

The game you've been playing.

- [Bill] Yeah?

- Well, this is level 21.

- But level 21 is
just a video game.

- Actually, level 1
to 20 are video games,

but level 21 is
reality as you can see.

- No, this has to be a dream.

(groaning)

What the hell did
you do that for?

If this was a dream, you
would not have felt that!

- You little...

- Ah, ah, ah.

Temper, temper, temper.

You'll never make
it through level 21

with that attitude,

especially if you make
it to that Dark Overlord.

Oh.

I wasn't supposed to say that.

- What do you mean
Dark Overlord?

- I gotta go.

- Where'd he go?

Great!

Now what?

(mysterious music)

(water rushing)

What the...

Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

- No, my friend,
I'm on your side.

(dramatic music)

(groaning)

- Look out!

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

Boy, that was a close one.

- You'll be meeting
much tougher battles

than that, my friend.

- Wait a minute.

I got a couple of questions
that haven't been answered yet.

And don't tell me
I'm on level 21.

I've heard enough of that shit

from that little 3
foot, shin kicking,

disappearing, double
talking little bastard.

(groaning)

What the fuck?

(dramatic music)

What the hell is it?

- I got this one.

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

- You son of a bitch!

(groaning)

- Beware...

The Dark...

Overlord.

- Help!

Somebody help me!

Help!

Help!

Please, somebody help me!

Please, help me!

Help!

Help!

Help me!

Somebody help!

Help!

Please, untie me quick
before he gets back.

(sobbing)

Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Are you all right?

- I am now that you're here.

But we must hurry.

- Oh, don't worry.

I won't let anybody hurt you.

- We must hurry now!

- Whoa, whoa!

What's the hurry?

- He'll be back soon,
we have to go now!

- Who will be back soon?

- The Dark Overlord!

(gasps)

It's too late.

He's already here.

- Where?

I don't see him.

- Don't you see him?

He's right here.

- No, I don't.

(dramatic music)

- He's right here!

- Where?

- Right here.

Can't you see me now?

Don't worry, I won't
let anybody hurt you.

(cackling)

- You won't be
laughing when I shove

my sword down your throat.

- You insipid twit!

Do you really think that
you're any match for me?

The Dark Overlord?

(dramatic music)

- You don't scare me.

- How bout now?

- What's the matter?

Afraid to fight me with a sword?

- Me?

Afraid of the sword?

I think not.

(dramatic music)

Pretty impressive,
don't you think?

Actually, there is a level 21,

but I doubt you'll
ever get there.

(cackling)

- Myron?

(dramatic music)

- Game over!

- You're right,
the game is over.

(dramatic music)

I win.

(dramatic music)

This is just a dream.

- Just in time,
dinner's almost ready.

(knocking)

Would you get that, Hun?

- Sure.

- [Myron] Surprise!

(laughing)

(heart beating)

- I hope you children
have enjoyed the stories.

Until next time...

(heart beating)

(dramatic piano music)