Scary Movie (2000) - full transcript

A group of teenagers including Cindy Campbell and Bobby Prinze, accidentally hit a man when driving, and dispose of the body, but now they are being stalked by a very recognisable masked killer. The victim count increases, whilst Cindy must survive the carnage that has she has seen in so many films before.

01 Scary Movie - Comedy Horror 2000
1080p [H264-mp4] Subtitles English

[Crickets Chirping]

[Owl Hoots]

[Phone Rings]

- Hello. - [Mans Voice]
Wanna have a little fun?

- Who's this? - Tell me your
name and I'll tell you mine.

I don't think so. [Farts]

- What's that noise?
- Oops. I farted.

- I didn't think you would hear
me. - No, that popping noise.

Oh. I'm making popcorn. I'm
getting ready to watch a video.

- Ooh. What is it?
- It's just a scary movie.



- Do you like scary movies?
- Mm-hmm.

- What's your favorite?
- Mm, I don't know.

Think.

Oh, I know. Um, Kazaam, the
one where Shaq plays a genie.

- That's not a horror movie.
- Well, you haven't seen Shaq act.

[Popping]

- Hey, you have a nice voice.
- Thanks.

You never did tell me your name.

Why do you wanna know my name?

Cause I wanna know
who I'm looking at.

What... What did you say?

Nice breasts.

Look, what do you want?

I wanna see what your
insides look like.



Well... Well, then,
turn to page 54.

Oh.

Hey, nice.

Listen, asshole, you've had your
fun, now you better stop or else.

- Or else what? - Or else my
boyfriends gonna be here any minute,

and he's black and
he'll kick your ass.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

You mean the one who wears
makeup and dresses like a woman?

- How did you know?
- Turn the porch lights on.

Help! Help!

Oh, that's not my boyfriend. I mean, I've
fucked him a couple of times, but that's it.

- [Squealing]
- Look, I'm calling the cops.

Go ahead. Call the cops.

But you might wanna check
the back door first.

You forgot to lock it.

[Doorbell Chimes]

Take that, you psycho!

[Groaning]

I cant feel my legs.

I think my arm is broken.

- Sorry.
- I want my mommy.

Hello, Drew.

Oh, God!

[Screams]

- Daddy! Daddy!
- Ugh!

Daddy!

- Daddy!
- [Groans]

Daddy, no! No!

- Did you hear something?
- No, I didn't hear anything.

[Keyboard Clicking]

[Rustling]

[Screams] Bobby, what are you
doing? My dads in the other room.

It just occurred to me. I never
climbed through your window before.

Now that you got it out of your
system, Bobby, you have to leave.

Why?

Shh. Come on.

What's going on in there?

Ow! Daddy's head is stuck.
Unstick Daddy's head.

- [Groaning]
- Dad, can you knock?

- Knock? I thought I heard screaming
in here. - No. No, you didn't, Dad.

Well, it could've been that crack
I smoked earlier, I guess.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's what it was.

I gotta leave town for
a couple of days.

No big deal. Just that new business I
started with those Colombian guys?

- Oh, you mean Uncle Escobar.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Well, there's a problem.
Some money went missing.

And apparently, some legs
are gonna get broken.

It's just better if I lay
low for a couple of days.

- If the cops raid the place...
- I never heard of you.

- And don't forget...
- To flush your stash.

Oh, you are my little girl.
I love you so much...

that I left you a little
something in the coffee can.

- Dad... - But you have to remember
to step on it before you sell it.

- Now, what are you gonna cut
it with? - Um, baking...

Baking soda. Not
baking powder.

Because baking powder guys will have
muffins growing out of their nose.

You love that joke,
don't you, honey?

You've loved that joke since
you were two years old.

- Okay, well...
- Okay, I love you.

- I love you.
- Have a good trip.

- Bye.
- Bye. Whew!

Is the coast clear?

Oh, Cindy, that nightgown.

That was close. God!

I was, uh, home watching The Exorcist,
and it got me thinking about you.

If this is about the time I puked green
slime and masturbated with a crucifix...

It was my first
keg party, Bobby.

No. No. Uh, it was edited for TV.
All the good stuff was cut out.

So you thought you would just
climb through my window...

and we would play bump-bump?

I was kind of hoping to
get my balls licked,

but I wouldn't wanna break your
little underwear rule, now, would I?

So maybe just some
on-top-of-the-clothes type stuff?

Okay. But just for a minute.

[Soft Rock]

What the...

Wrong set.

Bobby! Oh, Bobby!

I don't wanna wait for
our lives to be over

- No, Bobby, don't.
- Ow!

Jeez.

Yeah, my dad.

Okay, stud, you have to go now.

Oh, um, about the sex stuff?

I was only half serious. I don't
wanna rush you or anything.

Hey, would you
settle for PG-13?

What's that?

Oh, jeez!

- [Crash]
- Good night, Bobby.

- [Laughing]
- Shorty, you are so loud.

And make sure you take your
behind to class today.

- I do be going to class.
- Lunch is not a class, Shorty.

It is when you got the munchies.

- See, that's why you such
a dumb-ass. - Your mother.

You my brother. That's
your mother too, jackass.

Oh, yeah. Well, then,
your fathers stupid.

So? I don't know him.

Yeah, me neither.

- Hey, girl, you ready?
- Yeah, in a minute.

- Were gonna be late.
- Wait. There's Buffy.

[Grunts] I don't know why
you hang out with her.

- She is such a ho.
- Why do you say that?

Cause I've seen her.

- My friend Sean had a pool
party this summer. - Sean?

You know, Puff Daddy?

Anyway, everybody was
drinking Cristal champagne.

And then it started to get wild, and people
were getting freaky in the pool and stuff.

I look over and there was your girl
getting buck wild in the Jacuzzi.

So?

With a backup dancer.

I mean, that's nasty.

That's-That's lower than
the security guard.

At least security can get you
backstage. She don't love herself.

Bye, Daddy. - I don't know. II
think Buffy's sweet, Brenda.

She is as fake as
Press-onnails.

Hey, baby girl!

What is up, my sister?

- Bye, Mr. Gilmore.
- Bye!

- Is he gone?
- Yep.

Do you like what you see

It's all about the money

[Girl] Hey, Cindy!

- I love this color.
- Let me see that.

- Oh, you guys should not
use this brand. - Why not?

- Because they test their
products on animals. - So?

Look, have you seen what they
do to those poor animals?

Well, I am much more
of a people person.

I'd like to feed all the hungry,
little children of the world.

I'd much rather help my
fellow man than some animal.

- Spare a dollar?
- Get away from me, you bum!

Buffy! Can't you see
he's just hungry?

Here you go, sir.
A nice sandwich.

- See?
- I said a dollar, bitch!

Ow!

God. Look at this place.

It's a circus.

Hello. I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of
the book, You're Dead, llmmm Rich.

A small college
town is in shock...

after the unthinkable
has happened:

a brutal killing spree
that left one teen dead...

- That's it. Two teens dead...
- [Gunshot]

And this small town
shaken and stirred.

- Its times like these... - Police
are combing the area for clues.

There are no witnesses
available at this time.

There are no
suspects in custody.

Police are asking
anyone to come forward.

Reporting live for Black TV. White folks are
dead and were getting the fuck out of here!

Grab your shit and
lets go, motherfucker!

Hey, do you think the press
is gonna wanna talk to us?

Oh, girl, no. The press only wants to interview
the most ignorant person they can find.

I'm on TV! Oh, shit!
First Cops, now this!

Oh, man, I'm gonna
be a star, son!

- What can you tell us about Drew?
- Well, she had the fat ass.

- I mean, it was like bang!
- How close were you to the victim?

Real close. Until the
roofies wore off.

Then she woke up talking
about pressing charges.

So I just pulled my tongue
out of her ass and left.

What would have been
your last words to Drew?

Run, bitch! Run!

Hey, yo, dawg. Does this
shirt make me look gay?

No, man.

What about now?

- Nah. Yeah.
- Cool?

Here. Take one, guys. Don't
forget: elections Tuesday.

Don't forget:
election's Tuesday.

Ah! Goddamn it!
Son of a bitch!

What's the matter, honey?

My report card.

Well, at least you got one A.

Yeah. I did, huh?

- You're so smart.
- [Moaning]

- Hey, has anybody seen Bobby?
- Nah.

You know what? That
kid is always late.

I don't get it. He
lives so close.

[Rock]

See you later, Hairy
Mama, Bubba, Jim,

Big Jim, Little Jim,
Slim Jim, everybody.

I'll see you later.
Ciao, Ding. All right.

Damn, girl. Mm-mm-mm.

- I'd sure like to get in them pants.
- Really?

Yeah. What size are these?

[Bobby] Hey, guys.

- Hey, Bobby.
- Hey, baby.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- You guys see all the
reporters out there? - Yeah.

Saying that girl Drew Decker
got killed last night.

- You know what? I think I knew her.
- Really?

- She had a brother named Steve?
- Yeah.

Long hair, pretty little
mouth, perfect ass?

- That was her.
- Nah, I was talking about Steve.

Whatever happened to him?

Do you guys think its strange
that she got killed...

exactly one year after we,

you know, killed that guy?

Hey, Cindy, that
was an accident.

Was it, Greg?

[Greg] Yeah!

[Laughing]

Would you look at
what they're doing?

When are we gonna do
stuff like that, huh?

One day.

- You like that, baby?
- Yeah, that's different.

- You like that?
- Oh, I love that.

Oh, I love when you
play with my ass.

I'm not playing with your ass.

- Ray!
- Oh, my bad.

Come on, man! Hey, Bobby,
put on some music.

Hold on.

Here. Put this on.

- It's raining men - Yeah,
that's the shit right here!

- Hallelujah - Its raining men

- Baby.
- Amen

- I'm gonna go out I'm gonna let
myself get - What? It's a classic.

- Absolutely soakin wet -
Put on the radio, man.

[Rock]

Yeah! Whoo!

- What? It was laundry day.
- What the fuck is...

Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah!

- Hey. Come over here.
- What?

- Just get a little closer to me.
- Something you're gonna tell me?

- [Zipper Unzips]
- Bobby, what are you doing?

I just want you to touch it.
Just touch it. Come on.

- Uh...
- Just a little bit. Come on.

Whoo!

- Ow! - Oh, yeah, that's
what I'm talking about.

Oh, my God! Shit!

God, Cindy... Oh, shit!

- [Ray] Oh, my God.
- What was that?

I think we hit something.

Oh, man!

Bobby, look at my car,
man! My dads gonna freak!

[Bobby]I didn't see it.
It came out of nowhere.

- Oh, my God, we hit a boot.
- Where's the foot?

I don't know.

Where the...

- [Screams]
- Its a body!

- Oh, shit, is he alive?
- I don't know.

- Well, check it out.
- I cant.

- Shit!
- We have to call the police.

- No way. I ain't going to jail.
- We have to!

Cindy, do you know what they
do to young boys in prison?

And all those sex-starved convicts just
waiting for a fresh piece of meat.

Hey, you're right, Cindy. Maybe
we should call the police.

[Greg]Oh, yeah, That's a great idea,
Ray. But what about Brenda, huh?

You think she wants
to go to jail?

This is manslaughter, okay?
Were all gonna fry for this.

- Were looking at 10 to 15 years.
- Shut up, Bobby!

- Its okay. I'm fine. - Alcohol all
over. - We're in so much trouble.

- I'm fine. -[Brenda]Don't
blame that shit on me, Ray.

- Look, well get rid of the body.
- Unnecessary.

-[Brenda]Now you're thinking. - We'll dump
him in the ocean. - Not the ocean, the pier.

- Guess I'll be leaving now.
- [Greg] That's a great idea.

- What about the alcohol?
- Well get rid of it.

[Bobby]Come on.
It'll be all right.

- Come on. Hurry up. Lets go.
- Put him in the trunk.

- I wont have anything to do with this!
- [Greg]Shut up!

Cindy, come on. Well just
pretend it never happened.

You know, like the time we got drunk
and we went down on each other.

- I'll get his arm. - I'll grab.
I'll grab his other arm. His ass.

Well take him down to Williamson
Cove and we'll dump him in there.

The sharks'll take
care of the evidence.

Oh, my God, someone's coming.

- Oh, shit. Its Shorty.
- Brenda, take care of him.

[Rap Playing On Radio]

Shorty, I know you ain't
driving without no papers.

I got papers, blunts, bongs,

all the ingredients to
make a high niggard pie.

- Hey, yo, can I help you?
- Yo, what's up, Ray?

- Yo, son, you all need jumper cables?
- Nah, were cool.

Oh, good, cause I left
my roach clip at home.

- Go home, Shorty.
- Yeah, I-I'll see you later.

Peace, Ray.

- Get the trunk closed.
- [Buffy]It won't close.

- I'll do it.
- [Groaning]

[Shorty Laughing]

Hold on. Hold on. Put him
down. He's heavy. Oh, God.

Okay, look. On three we
dump him over the ledge.

Wait, wait, wait. Shouldn't
we at least check his wallet?

- For what?
- Shit, he might have some money.

We already committed murder.
We might as well rob his ass.

- I'll take the credit cards. - I want his
jewelry. - I'm gonna take his drawers.

- [All Shouting] - Get off! Hey, yo,
get off! His drawers are mine! Yo!

- [Chuckling] I got me a gold ring.
- Credit cards.

- All right, lets get him in the water.
- I don't think I can, Greg.

- Its not too late.
- Shut up, okay?

- Christ, already. I'll do it.
- Just get him in the water.

Okay. One, two,

three.

Right now we make a pact.
We take this to our grave.

- Agreed? - Agreed. - Agreed.

- Agreed?
- [Brenda, Bobby] Agreed.

Say it, Cindy. Say it!

We take this to our
grave. Say it!

- [Gagging]
- We take this to our grave. Say it.

Greg, chill. Come on.
You're hurting her.

We take this to our grave. Ow.

And we never mention this again.

Mention what?

- The guy we just killed.
- Well, you just mentioned it, Greg.

Starting now!

Stupid bitch, man.

- God. I hate him. - Its gonna be
okay, baby. It's gonna be okay.

I promise. Just touch it
again. Come on. Please.

- You have to move on, Cindy. That's
all behind us now. - Exactly.

- Its a coincidence.
- Gregss right, Cindy.

I mean, what do you think
were in, a horror movie?

Yeah, you guys are
right. If we were,

they'd probably cast some dingbat like
Jennifer Love Huge Tits to play me.

Yeah, or they'd cast people in their late
twenties, early thirties to play us.

-[Bell Rings] - Kenny, get the
camera ready. Here. Hold my gum.

- Sheriff, Sheriff, can I get
a statement? - No comment.

Damn. Who do I have to screw
around here to get a stupid story?

Hey! Hey, no running.

[Blows Whistle]

- Loser.
- [Continues Blowing]

- Slow it down!
- [Boy] Blow me!

All right!

Hi. Gail Hailstorm. Field
Reporter, Hard Story.

Special Officer Doofy.

Oh, hi, Doofy. Doofy, listen.
Is there a problem on campus?

- No comment. No comment.
- Okay. Okay.

You know, you look awfully
young to be a police officer.

- I'm 25 and a half years old.
- Ooh!

- Yeah, that's this many.
- Ah, so big.

Yeah. That's big.

- Well, you don't look a
day over 12. - [Chuckles]

Except for the big head and
glazed-over look in your eyes.

- Ooh, was that drool?
- Yeah. I forgot to swallow.

Don't worry, cause
I never forget.

- [Both Laughing]
- [Farts]

- Would you remind me not
to do that again? - Sorry.

[Man Over P.A.] Due to the recent tragedy,
the sheriff and me, your principal,

will be questioning all
students throughout the day.

Wow. Sounds like we've got the makings
of a serial killer on our hands.

Yeah, I'm not supposed to say.
It's official police business.

Hey, Doofy, what do you say you and
I go inside my van over there...

and, uh, get to know each
other a little better?

- Would you like that? Yeah, that
van right there. - That van?

- [Chuckles]
- Yeah.

- Yeah, okay, lets go. Come on.
- Oh!

A terrible tragedy and
an unbearable loss.

Its days like today that
we need prayer in school.

It starts to unravel the very
moral fabric of our society.

Here you go, baby.

Go to your daddy.

Oh!

[Chuckles] I'll see
you after class.

- Sweet!
- All right!

Okay, class, who would like to give
their oral presentation first?

- Oh!
- Anybody?

- Yes!
- Anybody else?

- Okay, Heather.
- [Students Groaning]

- Okay. Can I start?
- Yeah.

Okay, my presentation is
on the First Amendment.

And it began on May 25, 1787 in
Philly with George Washington.

And it states, and lleuote,

When our Founding Fathers argued the
passage of our glorious Constitution...

[Heather Continuing]

The First Amendment gives us the
right to say what we want...

Oh, shut the fuck up!

- So, who's next?
- [Putting]

Uh, Cindy Campbell.

Isn't she the daughter
of, well, you know...

- Oh, yeah, you know, old
Mrs., uh... - Old Mrs...

[Sheriff] Yeah. Yeah,
the one and only...

The one and only.
[Clears Throat]

- Why, hello, Cindy.
- Hi, Principal Seuiggman.

- Thanks, Doofy. - Its Special
Officer Doofy today, Cindy.

Now, Cindy, Sheriff has some questions
that he would like to ask you today.

- What is that... god-awful smell?
- I don't know.

I got a poopie.

Did you just say that
you went poopie?

- Yeah. It was good.
- [Sheriff]Mm.

- Get him out of here.
- Yes.

- Thank you, Doofy.
- [Doofy] Okay.

You should now go
back to Special Ed.

- Okay. Salute.
- Maybe a change of underwear, son.

- Bye, Doofy.
- Bye, Cindy.

- How are you, Cindy?
- Fine.

- How are you, Sheriff?
- Bloated, constipated.

Got a boil on my ass the size of
a walnut. You know, the usual.

Cindy, II want to ask you some
questions about Drew Decker.

- I didn't really know her.
- Oh, come on. Sure you do.

No. I mean, I didn't
really know her.

I've been in this game a long time.
Don't bullshit a bullshitter.

Tell me about Drew. What was
she like in bed, Cindy?

Tried to get you. Its
an old police trick.

Its an old police trick. You didn't
fall for it. Good for you, kid.

Hike!

Pass! Pass!

- [Whistle Blows]
- All right, shower up!

Yes!

Yo, Dugan, man, nice
play, yo. Word up.

Johnson, what a block, baby.

Word up. Woodward. Nice ass.

Damn.

Yo, Greg, what's up? You gonna
hit the showers or what?

No, man. I think I'm gonna work
out, beat the bag a little.

Suit yourself, kid. All right. Last
one in the showers a rotten egg!

Come on, yall! I'm gonna
get you all! [Laughing]

Don't let Uncle Ray catch you!

Who did this? Huh?
Where are you?

This isn't funny, all right?

A small dicks like
a disability, man!

Would you make fun of a guy in
a wheelchair? Huh? Would you?

Come on out here, you sick fuck!

I'll kick the shit out of
you right now! All right?

Its not the size of the hammer,

its the nail you're
throwing it at!

[Cindy] It's a shame
how she died.

- She was such a nice girl. - Yeah, she
used to baby-sit my brother Doofy.

- He had the biggest crush on her.
- Ray, you're a dead man.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

You wanna get
butt-naked and wrestle?

- Bring it on, Ray!
- Hold my earrings. Where's my Vaseline?

- Take it easy. What's the problem?
- I'll show you the problem.

Oh... That's you?

They... They turned the hot water
off in the showers, all right?

Laugh it up, you
guys. Big laugh.

You know what? You
can all go to hell!

Greg, you're not the
only one who got one.

Oh, you mean Bobby's
got a baby dick too?

No. I was talking
about the note.

I got one too.

- Somebody knows.
- That's bullshit, Cindy.

Someone just trying
to fuck with us.

We have to call
the police, Greg.

You call the police, and I'll kill
you myself. [Punching Stomach]

- You're hurting her, man.
- And you know what?

That goes for all of you guys.

That psycho wants a piece
of me, bring it on.

But I'm not going to
jail. You got that?

[Cindy Groaning]

- [Bones Crunching]
- [All Groaning]

What's everybody talking about?

Just forget it, Shorty. You
already know too much.

[Cindy Groaning]

- [Audience Cheering]
- [Emcee] Aren't they beautiful?

- Buffy!
- [Man]Contestant number one!

Very good. And
contestant number two.

Very good. And
contestant number three.

[Greg] Buffy! That's my girl!

- That's my girlfriend!
- Yeah, that's my girlfriend too!

- Hey, kiss my ass!
- [Boy #2] Yeah, I'm hitting that too!

- All right, Buffy!
- Hey, shut the hell up, man!

- [Boy #3] The best pussy I ever had!
- What, you want a piece of me?

Now the talent portion
of the competition.

Oh, you guys, I'm gonna go downstairs for
a closer seat. See you after the show.

- Number three, Buffy Gilmore.
- [Cheers And Applause]

Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go hit the head.
You want me to bring you back anything?

No, no, no. I'm good, man. But
hurry back. She's gonna perform.

- Don't worry. I'll be back.
- Good evening, Buffy.

And what will be your
talent for this evening?

Acting. I'll be doing
a dramatic reading.

[Boy] Yeah, yeah!

Buffy Gilmore doing
a dramatic reading.

Hey, do that thing from Baywatch!
She's running down the beach!

Look out, Greg!
Look behind you!

- Its him! It's the killer!
- Huh?

Oh, my God! Somebody
do something!

Somebody do something!

He's killing him!

- He's killing him!
- Must be an original piece.

He's killing him!

- [Sobbing]
- She's good. She's good.

- What's wrong with you people?
- That's fantastic.

You fucking bastards!
Why won't anyone help?

- Amazing.
- [Woman]She's the next Pamela Lee.

Oh, God! Oh, God! Don't!

- [Groans]
- Greg, hold on!

[Emcee]Give it up for
Buffy Gilmore! Beautiful.

- Absolutely fantastic.
- [Cheering]

I think we have a winner, ladies
and gentlemen. Miss Buffy Gilmore!

Buffy, wait. You have
to go back onstage.

- No. I have to get to Greg.
- But you won!

- They're calling your name.
- There's a killer...

- I won?
- They're calling your name. Go.

- Buffy, what happened? What about Greg?
- Oh, fuck Greg. I won.

- Congratulations!
- Oh, out of my way, loser!

- Miss Buffy Gilmore!
- [Cheers And Whistles]

Here she comes

Miss Teen She's So Fine

- Such lovely tits -
Give me my crown, bitch.

And a great behind

There she is Doggy style anytime

And I'll do her behind
behind and behind

Oh, there she is

She loves 69

There's no sign of him anywhere.

- He could've taken the body.
- That's impossible, Cindy.

- There's no blood. There's nothing. Look
around. - llbetitsss just Greg playing...

another one of his dumb jokes.

He's gonna turn up. I'm sure of it. He's
probably at my house waiting for us right now,

- you guys.
- All right, fine.

But you know what? I'm gonna
look around some more, so...

- You mind catching a ride home
with Buffy? - Yeah, no problem.

- All right, fine.
- Call me later.

[Humming]

[Phone Rings]

- Hello.
- [Mans Voice] Hello, Cindy.

- Who is this?
- Its me, Bobby.

You know, your boyfriend.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I guess
I'm a little jumpy lately.

- Hey, any sign of Greg?
- No.

- Do you want me to come by?
- No.

I'm just gonna take a bath,
and then I'm gonna go to bed.

Okay. I'd really like to see
you, but... I love you.

Aw. I love you too, baby.

[Farts]

[Rings]

Bobby, I told you...

[Mans Voice] I still know
what you did last Halloween.

- Who is this?
- [Dial Tone]

[Phone Rings]

- [Screams]
- [Thud]

- Ow! Ow!
- [Ringing]

- Hello.
- I'm gonna kill you.

- I'm gonna slice you up.
- Who is this?

- I'm gonna chop you like liver.
- What do you want?

I'm in the house. [Snickering]

Do you know where I
am? [Snickering]

I could be anywhere. I'm
like the wind, baby.

Yeah. Where am I?

[Snickering]

Um, you're-you're
behind the couch.

[Snickering Stops] What?
How do you know that?

I can, um, see your feet.

Ah! Okay, turn around.

Close your eyes. No peeking.

Yeah. No. No. No.

Hey, no peeking. No
peeking. Turn around.

Good.

Okay, now you look.

Now do you know where
I am? You don't.

No, Mr. Killer. I don't
know where you are.

- I'll give you a big clue.
- [Screams]

Oh! I gotta stop drinking.

- Grandma!
- Ow, baby!

Oh, my hip!

[Screaming]

[Woman Dispatcher] White woman
in trouble off the 744...

[Sirens Wailing]

- [Twigs Snapping]
- [Screams]

Are you okay? I heard
screaming. What's going on?

- Bobby, he was here.
- Shh.

- The killer was here, Bobby.
- Its okay.

- I can explain that.
- Oh, my God.

A friend gave 'em to
me. Cindy. Cindy.

- [Screaming]
- Cindy. Cindy!

Cindy! Cindy! Cindy!

Its me, Cindy. [Gasps]

Cindy, you know me. Cindy.

I know you've had a rough night,
Cindy, so I won't keep you.

I just want you to look at some
photos. Tell me what you think.

Mm-mmm.

- No?
- No.

- I'm sorry, Sheriff.
- You sure?

Okay, you're free to go. Do you
have somebody picking you up?

- Yeah.
- Oh. Just...

Just check that one out again.

- Mm, no. - No? No? Well, worth
a shot. All right, thanks.

- Guess what I just did with those
hookers we busted. - No way.

All the way, man! Yes,
yes. Watch this. Doofy!

- Yeah?
- Come on. Come on.

Okay.

Special Officer Doofy reporting.

Hey, Doofy, smell my fingers.

- What's that? - That's when you
know you've become a man, Doofy!

Hey, Terry, smell my finger.

- What the hell is that?
- My ass.

- Get the hell out of
here, Doofy. - Doofy.

- Mom said get home now. - Tell Mom
I'm on official police business.

- Cindy, are you okay? - Hey, hey,
hey. No talking to the witness.

- Go get in the car, Doofy. She's
coming with us. - Does Mom know?

- Yeah, Doofus.
- Mom says when I wear this badge,

you're supposed to treat
me like a man of the law.

Mom also said for you to stop sticking
your dick in the vacuum cleaner.

- [Cheering] - Oh! - Oh!

Okay, three, two...

- [Man]Oh, no. Gosh darn.
- What now?

- It's just that there's all these numbers
with deci... - What, can't you count?

- No, I can count, but there's really...
- Let me make it easy for you.

This little piggy went to the market.
This little piggy stayed home.

Now, if this little piggy doesn't
roll the god-damn camera...

- I'm gonna put my foot up his
fuckin' ass... - We're live, Gail.

Gail Hailstorm standing out
front of the police station...

where I'm going to try and get
a glimpse of Cindy Campbell,

the young girl who was
attacked earlier this evening.

- You're on my foot, fat shit!
- Sorry, G...

- What did I say? - Don't
ever step on Gail's shoes.

- Why not?
- Because Gail wears Prada shoes.

- You idiot.
- I'm a bad man.

[Reporters Shouting]
Cindy! Cindy!

- Cindy, can we get a statement?
- Buffy Gilmore, Miss Teen.

- She's not talking. - Is it true
the police have someone in custody?

- Come on, Cindy.
- Cindy, your ass looks fat!

Bitch!

- Good shot.
- Come on.

- All right, who copped a feel?
- Gail, it was me.

- Oh, my God.
- It was an accident, Gail.

I only touched it, the
top of the breast.

- It was so tender and juicy.
- Shut up!

[Dial Tone]

[Phone Rings]

- Yo.
- Hello, Shorty. What are you doing?

Nothin'. Sittin' here watchin'
the game. Smokin' some bud.

Are you all alone?

- Was sup?
- Was sup?

What the... Who's that?

Yo, pick up the phone.

- Was sup?
- Was sup?

Yo, Dookie, pick up the phone!

- Yo.
- Was sup?

- What you doin', son?
- Nothin'... Just chillin'... killin'...

True. True.

So you think Bobby did it?

I don't know. But he
was there, Buffy.

I knew there had to be
something. He just too perfect.

Handsome, smart, good in bed.

- What did you say?
- Uh...

Hey, Cindy. Got your ice
pack for your hand.

- Ow!
- Sorry.

- [Groans]
- I'll get you one for your head.

No, no, that's okay, Doofy.

Hey, were gonna get that guy
you dumped in the water. Yeah.

I'll be next door
if you need me.

Night, Cindy.

Buffy, you told him?

The moron overheard a conversation
Greg and I were having.

- Yeah, but what if he says
something? - Who's gonna believe...

a retarded retard
like him anyway?

Cindy, telephone.

Thank you.

- Hello.
- [Mans Voice] Hello, Cindy.

- Guess what.
- No!

- You got the wrong guy.
- No!

- Doofy!
- Its not Bobby.

- Who is this?
- [Dial Tone]

- Doofy! Doofy!
- Oh, my God.

Hello?

I said don't disturb me
while I'm cleaning my room!

I heard Bobby got
out this morning.

I haven't seen him
around. Is he pissed?

You mean since you branded him the
Candy man? No. His heart is broken.

Yo, son. Its like I
seen this all before.

They had a killer at your
old high school, Shorty?

No, it was in this movie Scream.

Same dialogue and
everything. This is ill.

- How did it end?
- I don't know.

Some niggas started shooting up in the
movie theater, so we just broke out.

- No doubt. - Okay, I say
we all just stick together.

Tonight everyone
meet at my house.

And bring some friends. But don't
tell everyone. Try to keep it quiet.

Okay.

Yo! Party at Cindy's house! Drunk
white women for everybody!

Ray, if you see Bobby,
tell him I love him.

Okay. If I see Bobby,
I'll tell him I love him.

- Jesus! - Its okay. It's all
right. It's just me, baby.

- What, you don't still think
It's me, do you? - No.

It's just that somebody
did try to kill me.

- And the police said I scared him away.
- I know. He called me last night.

You see, it couldn't have been me. I
was in jail last night. Remember?

You're the best.

I'm sorry. Please understand.

Understand what? That my girlfriend would
rather call me a killer than touch me?

- That's not true, Bobby.
- Then what is it?

What is it? She's gone and
she's not coming back.

- Its been over a year, Cindy. - But Ginger was
such an important part of the Spice Girls.

- Oh, you gotta move on, baby.
- Oh!

I'm sorry if my
complicated life...

is an inconvenience to
your perfect existence.

Cindy. Cindy.

[Sheriff] Okay,
everybody, listen up.

Let me just say, uh,

the killing of these teenagers
has been tragic, but, uh...

Hey, you know, shit happens.

[Reporters Shouting]
Sheriff! Sheriff!

- Yes, Miss Thunderstorm. - Have
they found Cindy Campbell's father?

- No.
- Isn't he a suspect?

That is classified information.
Where are you getting that?

I'm sorry, but my sources are
strictly confidential, Sheriff.

Hey, Gail.

Gail swallows.

Watch this.

Hello. Who is this?

What?

You wanna kill me?

Oh, God. Hold on.

- Cindy, its for you.
- [Girls Laughing]

All right, knock it off, Buffy.

Now, as you all have heard,
there is a killer in town...

and the police have asked us to
give you the following safety tips.

Stay in well-lit areas.

Do not travel alone
whenever possible.

Always wipe front to back.

And remember, never,
ever believe someone...

when they tell you that
shaving your pubic hair...

will rid you of
crab infestation.

Now, I understand this is a difficult
time for you young ladies.

So if anyone needs to come
to my office to talk,

I am here for you.

- What a crock of shit.
- [Cindy]It's not, Buffy!

- He's real!
- [Girls Laughing]

[Inhales]

Miss Mann?

Come in, dear. Have a seat. Take
off your bra if you'd like.

No, thanks.

What can I do for you, Cindy?

I need to talk. See, I
have this problem...

and I don't know who to tell.

- Not feeling so fresh?
- Huh?

Feminine odor and
itching got you down?

Uh, no. No, not that.

Then what is it?

I have a terrible secret.

Well, Cindy, we all have
our little secrets.

Sometimes we do things
were not so proud of.

Some for money,

others to gain the athletic
edge on the competition.

Sometimes those secrets
come back to haunt us.

- Aah!
- Do you know what I mean?

Yes, I do, um, Miss Mann.
Thanks for ball...

I mean, all your help.
I have to go to class.

Anytime, dear.

- Buffy, are you coming?
- I'll catch up with you guys in a sec.

[Man Whispering]Redrum.

Hello?

Somebody there?

Hello!

[Gasps] Very funny.

Who put you up to this, Cindy?

Lose the cape. Its
way too 990s horror.

Oh, so what movie is this
from, Die, Cheerleader, Die?

Wanna play psycho killer? Can I
be the helpless cheerleader?

Oh, so this is where I'm
supposed to beg for my life?

Please, Mr. Killer,
don't kill me.

So is this where I'm
supposed to bleed?

Oh, look, I'm bleeding!

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed
to run, right?

Okay. I'm running!
I'm running! Help!

Help! Now I'm gonna fall and break
my leg, leaving me helpless.

- [Bones Crack]
- Aah!

There you go, Mr. Scary
Killer. I'm panicking now.

Oh, God! Somebody
please help me!

Oh, God, no!

No!

Oh, now what?

I guess this is the big climax. Hope
you don't mind if I fake it. Aah!

Oh, look at me. I'm all dead.

I'm a gross, scary severed
head. Come on. Please.

Do you know who I am? I'm Miss Teen.
You're really giving me a headache.

And you got blood all over my Gucci
sweater. I hope you're gonna pay for that.

Ah! I will not be
ignored by the likes...

- I'm gonna jump!
- Phil, get back in there.

- No!
- What are you doing up there?

- Be reasonable.
- I cant take this fucking job...

or those greasy shit
head teenagers anymore!

- I'm going to end it all! - Wait!
Hold on! We're getting help for you!

Now we know Bobby's not
the killer. So who is?

I don't know.

If the killer was in your house last
night, why didn't he just kill you then?

Because he just messing with us.

Don't you see? Hess got us
right where he wants us.

We cant go to the police. He's just out
there watching us and waiting for us.

What are you waiting for, huh?

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

[To Himself] What
am I waiting for?

- [Shouting] What am I waiting
for? - What are you waiting for?

- Fuck you!
- [Crowd Gasping]

[Woman] Oh, my God.

Ray, I still don't think
this party is a good idea.

- You know I'm not gonna let nothin'
happen to you. - I just don't feel right.

- Why cant we just do something else?
- How about we go to the movies?

Huh? You like that? See
a little movie, huh?

[Hip Hop Plays On Radio]

- Hey! This is my song!
- Hey!

- You know they gave me a shout-out
on the album, right? - What?

Everywhere I go I
see the same hos

Ooh, Brenda.

Did I tell you how sexy
you look in my jersey?

- I do, Ray?
- Yes.

I like it. Hey, get up. Go
over there. Let me see it.

[Giggling]

Ooh! Yes, I like that.

- You like that? You like that?
- Yeah. Hey!

- Hey, put this on with it.
- [Laughing]

- Ray, you are so freaky. - That's
right. You know I'm freaky, girl.

Go on. Pull it. Pull it up.

[Both] Ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ah, ahh!

Yeah. Here. Put this on with it.

Go on.

- Are you sure?
- Go on, girl. Go on. Pull it on.

- Okay.
- Go on.

- I like that look.
- Ooh! I'm bad.

Here. Put this on with it.

Go on, girl. Put it on.

Yeah. Put that shit on there.
Come on. Just shove it on.

Do it. Yeah. Ooh,
so fucking sexy.

Come here, girl. Bring your little
sexy ass over here. Come on!

Full speed. Charge! [Growling]

Yes! Yes! Come
on! Turn around!

Turn around! Come on!

Yes, Brendan! Take it,
Brendan! Take it, Brendan!

- Who?
- Uh... Uh, Brenda.

Put the helmet on. No, lets
role-play. Come on. You get me.

- Come on! Come on!
- Huh?

I'm here at Lovers Lookout.

Its dark, It's in the
middle of nowhere,

and its where hormone-driven teens
love to come and fool around.

So very likely were about
to see someone get killed.

Okay, sure enough, there's a girl in
that car, blouse unbuttoned, all alone.

Lets see if she'll
have a word with us.

Hi. Gail Hailstorm, author
of the new book You're Next.

- Oh, yeah.
- Can you tell us your name?

- Well, my names Heather. - Can you tell
us what you are doing out here all alone?

Well, yeah, sure. My boyfriend and
I were just, like, making out...

and then we heard a noise out
there, so he went to go check it,

but... well, that was,
like, ten minutes ago.

Yeah, yeah. Has it crossed your little mind
that your boyfriend was probably murdered...

and you're about to
be slaughtered next?

- Really? No way!
- Way.

- Heather, good luck. - Okay,
thanks, Gail. You're the best.

- [Screaming] - Just as I thought.
The murder is happening as we speak.

I'm going to try and break into the
bloodshed. Are you getting this?

Excuse me. Heather, can you tell
us what you're feeling, honey?

Lots of pain. Gail, please
help me. Gail, please!

I'd like to help you out, kid, but It's
sweeps. Sir, sir, can I get a word with you?

You got a lot of nerve coming here.
I'm just trying to do my job.

- Get the camera off me now! You're
dead, bitch. - No, Kenny, keep rolling!

I'm gonna slice your head off and shove
it up his ass. Get that camera off me!

Oh, my God, Kenny! Kenny,
move your fat ass!

Kenny! Oh, my God,
he's right behind you!

[Kenny] This manis
chasin' Miss Gail.

- [Kenny Grunts]
- [Thud]

I'm so scared right now.

I just want to say...

to the family of my
cameraman, Kenny,

I am so sorry.

This was my interview,

my story.

Its all my fault.

- You want some popcorn? - Uh-uh. I
brought me a little snack of my own.

[Paper Rustling]

- You want some chicken?
- Nah.

Mm-hmm. For all yall talkers up in here,
It's time to keep it down right now.

Shh.

Shh, back at you. Shh!

Why they actin' already? It
ain't nothin' but the previews.

The largest ship the
world had ever known.

It's 400 passengers and crew on a
maiden voyage to a brave new world.

A journey that would change
their lives forever.

Whoo!

I'm the king of the
world! Whoo-hoo!

- [Yells] -[Whip master]Get
your ass back down there, boy!

- I'm gonna go to the bathroom real
quick. - The movie about to come on.

I gotta go to the bathroom.
Here. Take your hot sauce.

[Brenda] Hurry up,
man. Don't be long.

Back up! Let him through!

You can move back some. You
don't own the theater.

[Men Chattering]

- [Bell Rings]
- [Announcer]And they're off!

It's number three in the lead.
Number two close behind.

And number three is the winner!

Number two has placed,
and number four to show.

Next weeks Triple
Crown starts at 2:30.

- [Trickling]
- Be here early.

[Baby Sounds]

[Sounds Continue]

[Laughing]

Hey, who was that?

Go ahead. Do it
again. Do it again.

Anon.

[Brenda] Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.

Mm-mmm! Don't go in there!

- [Yells] - [Screams]
- [Screams]

[Laughing] Lord, I'm gonna
have a heart attack!

Man, this is some scary shit!

Oh, I am scared!
[Continues Laughing]

- Excuse me. - I think I paid my money
like everybody else up in here.

- Out of her favor...
- That ain't no man.

- You can see her real hair right there!
- Do you mind?

I know you better
get outta my face!

Outta my face! Outta my face!

This is all me up in
here. You handle that.

- [Man] Will you shut the fuck up!
- [Woman] Yeah!

Mmm, mmm. This movie is good.

Hey, baby. You came
back just in time.

She's about to get it
on with Shakespeare.

- She dressing like a man...
- Shut up.

Yeah, I got you. I
got you on camera.

You on Candid Camera now.

You ain't know that.

- [Cell Phone Beeping]
- [Audience Groaning]

Hello. Hey, girl. Uh-uh.
I'm in the movie.

Shakespeare In Love.
Uh-uh. Ooh! You lying.

For Christ's sake, will
you just shut your trap!

- Shut up!
- Hold on.

I don't know why you all
is actin' I like this.

My girlfriend already seen the movie. She said
they don't even stay together in the end.

Give me that.

Right on.

Will you sit down.

- [Groans]
- Shut up.

Your ass is grass.

- This is for Thelma!
- And Louise!

This is for talking
through The Fugitive!

- You ruined Schindlers List.
- Jackie Chan movies.

- Boogie Nights!
- And Big Mommas House!

[Audience Jeering]

Aaaaaahhhhh!

[Applause]

And I can not marry the daughter
of Sir Robert De Lesseps.

[Loud Rock]

Um, you guys, there's a
few too many people.

Oh, honey, please don't
throw... Hey, you guys, stop.

Hey! Hey, please!
That's my dad!

- No, don't touch... Ah, no!
- Do you have more beer?

- Do you have more beer?
- Um, yeah. Uh, check in the garage.

No, no, no, no! Don't!

[Metal Clanging]

[Sighs] Kitty, you scared me.

- [Clanging]
- [Whinnying]

Horsey. Oh, you scared me too.

Hello? Who's there?

Oh, my God! Oh, my
God! Please, don't!

Please! I'm just a day player!

[Screaming]

Oh, my God!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

- [Screaming]
- [Howling]

Yeah!

Oh, Bobby. Bobby. I was
worried about you.

I thought the killer got
to you before I could.

Could what?

I wanna go upstairs. There's
something I wanna show you.

- [Chuckles] Yeah.
- [Chuckles] Oh, yeah.

- Hey, party on!
- [All] Yeah!

- So...
- So. [Giggles]

Here we are... again.

Yeah. [Giggles]

And, you know, if
you're not ready,

I'll understand.

Bobby.

I am ready.

- You are?
- Yeah.

I cant keep fighting
these urges.

I have to just
give in to them...

and let them flow.

Right.

- Bobby?
- Huh?

I have been so selfish.

This is like a scene from
a movie or something.

Only it isn't a movie, Bobby.

This is real life.

Its all a movie, baby.

There's the sound guy. There's the script
supervisor. How you are doin'... baby?

- Bobby?
- What?

What I mean is that
in real life...

you have to enjoy each moment.

[Moaning]

Mmm! Ow!

[Groaning] Bobby.

- [Mumbling]
- Bobby!

Can I tell you a secret?

Sure, man.

I see dead people.

[Laughing] Man, this
shit is awesome!

Yo, son, we gotta roll
some more of that shit!

[Shrieking] Ah, shit!

We don't have any
more papers, man.

We don't have any more papers.

Oh, man! What can we
use to make a bong?

Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke!
Toke! Toke! Toke!

- Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke!
Toke! Toke! Toke! - Yeah!

Oh, shit, son!

Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke!
Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke!

- This some good shit!
- [Shouting, Whooping]

[Grunting]

[Grunting]

- Bobby! I've never done this before.
- What?

Its okay. It's okay.

It's just like... It's like
sucking on a Tootsie Roll Pop.

- A Tootsie Pop?
- Yeah, a cherry-flavor one.

- Oh.
- With the fudge in the middle?

- [Makes Sucking Sound]
- Okay. [Giggles]

Show me now Show me how

- How it feels when were
together - Just like that.

- I'm afraid if we wait
- Just like that, baby.

- Well be waiting till
forever -[Crunch] - Ah!

Oh! Jesus!

I never could wait to get
to the chewy middle.

- You know what? Let me.
- Oh. Okay.

Goddamn!

[Man Singing, Lyrics Indistinct]

I'm flyin' solo but don't
know if I can stop

Don't ask me why
Don't make me lie

Just kick back just sit back

Enjoy the ride

Cause I'm a spaceman

- [Bats Squeaking]
- [Cindy Giggles]

Guess its been a while.

So stay with me

Oh! Oops! [Giggling]

Its very, uh, 770s of you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, Bobby!

[Gagging]

Come here, Bobby!
I want it now!

Oh, man, am I fuckin' stoned!

Yeah, me too, son.

Hey, you guys hear that?

- [Mimics Electronic Sound That Precedes
Killers Appearance] - [Whimpering]

- [Laughing]
- Oh!

[All Laughing]

- Shh!
- [Touch Tones]

- [Line Ringing]
- [Girl] Hello?

- Hello. What's your favorite
scary movie? - [Girl] Hello?

[All Laughing]

Let me talk to her. Shh!

I'm gonna gut you like a pig!

[All Laughing]

Oh, yeah! Oh!

Yeah! What's my name, Bobby?

What? Ah!

- What's my name, bitch?
- Ow! God! It's Cindy!

Whose is it, Bobby?
Whose is it, Bobby?

Its yours.

Ahhhhhh!

- [Roaring]
- Oh, my God!

[Rumbling]

Oh, shit!

[Shouting]

[Rapping] Don't even contest
Cause I'll make you undress

Like porn dancers waitin' at
the front door for an answer

Hey, yo, I'm sick of artificial
MCs like silicone titties

Hey, yo, check it, yo.
Fuck a cheap ball

I wanna smoke Cheech and Chong

And if I wanna fuck long I let
my ding-a-long hit the bong

And then the song Always
pass the dutchie to the left

Because the right way
is wrong [Cackling]

- Whoo-hoo! - I got one. I got
one. Here it goes. Ready?

I'm gonna slash and gash Cut
another hole in your ass

I spill blood on the walls then
play tennis with your balls

If the phone rings
don't answer the call

Gonna slit your throat
fuck you like a goat

Peel your foreskin off and
make a winter coat Peace!

Yo!

That was the illest
rhyme I ever seen, son!

Bobby... where
were you tonight?

- What?
- I was just curious.

What took you so
long to get here?

Why you so curious?

I don't know.

I thought it would fit
the 90s horror cliché...

if you turned out
to be the killer.

Oh, so, what? You think I
killed Buffy and Greg?

Buffy and Greg are dead?

- I thought you knew that.
- Oh, my God!

Bobby, turn around!
Its the killer!

[Screaming]

- Cindy!
- [Gasps]

- Oh, my God! Bobby! Bobby!
- Cindy. Help me.

- Bobby, its okay.
- Gimme the gun. Gimme-

Its gonna be okay, Bobby.

Yo, wait for me! There's
a killer in the house!

There's ass, blood
and guts everywhere!

Someone done gone crazy, son!

- [Chuckling] We all go a little
crazy sometimes. - Bobby, no!

Oh, shit, son!

[Whimpering] Oh, my God!

[Groaning]

Cindy, he shot me in the lungs.

[Inhaling]

You wanna hit this shit?

Ketchup.

Just like my mom puts
on her spaghetti, baby.

Oh, my God! Ray, you've gotta
help me! Bobby's gone crazy!

[Girls Voice] Surprise!

- [Killers Voice] Surprise, Cindy!
- [Gasps]

Why are you doing this, Bobby?

Why? Why? You hear that, Ray?

I think she wants a motive.

- Did Scream have a plot?
- No.

[Chuckles] Did I Know What You
Did Last Summer make any sense?

Don't think so!

What about the sequel? What was
with that fat, white Jamaican kid?

- I wanna kill that motherfucker.
- It was bad casting, Bobby.

How about this for a
motive? Lack of sex!

It can cause serious
deviant behavior.

- I thought you loved me.
- Oh, I did, baby.

I did. But abstinence can make you
discover new things about yourself.

That's right, Cindy. I'm gay.

And in case you haven't
noticed, so is Ray.

What? I ain't gay.

- What are you talking about? You took me
to that club. - So, they play good music.

- What about our trip to San Francisco,
then? - I wanted to go shopping.

- But you made love to me.
- No. First of all, you sucked my...

Whatever, Ray! I don't want
to talk about this now.

The point is, I'm a new man, and I'm ready to
leave all this behind and start a new life.

- So you killed all your friends?
- Oh, no.

Just you.

And maybe Shorty, but that
wasn't planned or anything.

But he's the genius part.

Were copycatting a serial
killer that already exists.

- Its the perfect crime, Cindy.
- But wait! There's more!

Hang on to your seat, baby,
cause this one's a screamer!

- I'll be back.
- Uh-oh.

Move your big ass. Come on.

- Dad!
- [Grunts]

What are you gonna
do, frame him?

Nah. Were just havin' a little
bit of fun with old daddio.

The police are gonna find
you and daddy both dead,

and me and Ray are the only
survivors of maniacs revenge.

- You ready? I'm ready.
- You ready? I'm ready to do this shit.

- Come on. Come on. All right.
- All right.

- Come on! [Shouts]
- Give it to me. No!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Ready? All right. Lets do this.
- Wait, wait. Ready.

- Come on. Come on.
- Ready.

Give it to me!

No! Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

- Remember what we talked
about? To the side. - I know.

- How many times we gonna
go over this? - Okay.

Stop. Just... All
right. Trust me, okay?

- All right. I'm ready.
- Trust me. I got this shit. Ready?

- Wait, wait, wait!
- I'm about to cut your throat, boy!

Stop acting like a little
girl. Come on. Come on!

- You're right, you're right, you're right.
Yeah, come on! - Come on. You ready?

No! You guys are psychos!

You've seen one too
many TV shows!

No! Watching television shows
doesn't create psycho killers!

Cancelin' TV shows does!

The Wayans Brothers
was a good show, man!

It was a good-ass show, and we
didn't even get a final episode!

Take it easy! I'm feelin'
a little woozy here!

Its my turn. Give
me the knife.

Fuck outta here. Ain't
nobody stabbin' me.

- [Cindy Screams]
- [Ray, Bobby Groaning]

Surprise, Cindy!

[Shouting]

[Growling]

[Snarling, Yelling]

[Cindy Screams]

[Groaning]

All right, all right.
Hold on a second.

Just give me a
moment. Ah. One...

[Grunting, Sighing]

[Bones Cracking] Oh,
yeah. That's it.

Ah. Okay.

[Cindy Shouting]

[Irish Jig Plays]

[Shouting]

- [Screams]
- Dad!

- [Mumbling, Gasping]
- Are you okay?

I thought I told you not to
have a party unless I was here.

But, Dad, you were here.
You were in the closet.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Did you get
some girlfriends numbers for me?

- Dad, they're dead.
- Ah, you know, I cant get a break.

- [Siren Wailing]
- What's that? Is that the cops?

Okay, okay, listen,
honey. Help me up now.

Uh... Uh... If the cops come,
tell em I'm a plumber, okay?

You had a leaky faucet, and you called, and
they sent me over. We don't know each other.

[Sirens Continue]

- No! No!
- [Tires Screeching]

Dad, Dad, put your arms down.

- What the hells goin' on here?
-[Man]Sheriff, it's a bloodbath in there.

- He was right here! I swear it!
- Who was?

The killer! The guy that
murdered all my friends!

And the sick bastard planted
drugs all in the house there.

- All over the place.
- Dad. Stop it.

All right, Cindy. I'm gonna have
to take you down to the station.

I'm cool, though, right?

- I'm okay?
- Lets... Lets go, Cindy.

Cindy. Call me.

Daddy'll get you out, honey.

Okay. Lets go over this again.

- You say it was an accident.
- Yes.

- He was on the road. - And you
think he came back to get revenge?

- It has to be him, Sheriff.
- [Banging]

Here, Sheriff. They wanted
me to give this to you.

- That'll be all, Doofy.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna go, then. All right.
- All right.

Bye, Cindy.

I'm sorry, Cindy. It wasn't
the man you guys killed.

His name was David Keegan. Some fishermen
found his body a few weeks later.

- He's buried in Lakewood Cemetery.
- That's impossible.

- Then I don't know who it could be.
- Hess gotta be someone...

who was connected with all the victims,
someone who knew about the accident.

Someone who could move around
without being noticed.

Oh, my God.

She used to baby-sit my brother Doofy.
He had the biggest crush on her.

[Gasping] Its me, Cindy.

Night, Cindy.

- Doofy!
- Shit head?

- Have you seen Doofy?
- No.

- Have you seen Doofy? Has anybody
seen Doofy? - No, Sheriff.

- No. - [Man] Yeah. Just
went out the back, Sheriff.

[Sheriff] Doofy!

He walks alone under
the big city lights

He always knows just
when the time is right

He never shows what he's
thinking He keeps it inside

Because he's too cool for school

He comes alive when
the sun goes down

He gets it right You
know he's always down

He's got one eye open and
his ear to the ground

And he's too cool for school

He's an operator
Hess a real player

- And if you mess with him you
know you'll never win - [Gasps]

No-o-o-o-o!

-[Song Continues, Lyrics
Indistinct] - [Continues Shouting]

[Cackling] Shit, son.
Yo, what the deal?

Yo, if you all watchin'
this tape right now,

that means I didn't make it.

Either I'm a prisoner,
or worse, dead.

But either way it goes, I'm gonna tell you
all the rules to survive this situation.

Rule number one: You
gotta be quick.

Rule number two:
Don't fall down.

And rule number three: Whatever
you do, never look back.

You all wish me luck.

Snatch and run, you all!

Come back here, you
motherfuckers! Son of a bitch!

[Rap, Indistinct]