Save Yourselves! (2020) - full transcript
A young Brooklyn couple heads to an upstate cabin to unplug from their phones and reconnect with each other. Blissfully unaware of their surroundings, they are left to their own devices as the planet falls under attack.
Because we look this way,
we see about the same number of galaxies
this way as that way, as that way,
as that way.
Kind of looks like we're at the center,
and they're all receding from us.
Say, "Hey, we're at the center, then."
You know, but now,
we're smarter than this now.
We say,
"We're not gonna fall for that." Okay?
We've fallen for that one
nine times already.
We're not gonna fall for this again.
You mean, somebody's sitting there,
thinking:
"Every time we make ourselves
the star of the show, we're wrong."
So we're not gonna make that mistake again.
And so you then apply Einstein's
General Theory of Relativity and it says
if you live in an expanding universe
in this fabric of space and time,
no matter where you are,
it will look like you're at the center.
- Which means what, there is no center?
- Yes.
- Every center is an illusion.
- Yes.
And so that's how we could look like
we're at the center of the actual universe,
even though we're not.
Because everybody sees
the same signature of the expansion.
Now, there's an even stronger argument
than the numerics.
Let's look at the ingredients of...
- No.
- What?
No, no, no.
What's happening?
Oh, my God, this is bad.
- Wait, Su, is it North Korea?
- No, my tabs.
What?
My tabs. My tabs.
My Internet tabs, they're gone.
Jesus, Su...
- Did you use my computer?
- What are we talking about?
"Adventures in Sourdough,
Seven Tips from Seven Master Bakers."
Alexa, pause.
I mean, your computer was closer.
- I was making the bread.
- Jack!
- Alexa, play.
- Just for future reference...
- Alexa, pause.
- ...I keep my tabs organized.
In this case, all the flights I lined up
for Stephanie, which you just obliterated.
Su, how hard is it to just aggregate
all the flights? I'm sorry.
This is my job, Jack. It's important.
- Alexa, play.
- Alexa, stop.
You know, in the world, in this city,
there are so many things
that are more important.
Okay, what's an important thing?
There are so many.
Name one thing.
Food wastage.
Great, very good.
In New York alone,
a quarter of the food is wasted,
and it's not just the wasting.
It's the food scraps that get trapped under
other garbage, and that creates methane.
That's why I always make the exact...
- Done already?
- She changed her mind.
I love you.
That's nice.
Did you mean to say, "I'm sorry"?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
For the thing that you want me
to apologize for.
"Su, I'm sorry for turning on your computer
and not restoring all your tabs before
I started new bullshit tabs of my own."
Yeah, that's it.
Are you listening?
Okay, okay.
I am so sorry, Su,
for deleting all of your tabs,
which are very well-organized,
and I know are very important to you
for work.
A kiss here, please.
That's 5 bucks.
How long do we have before the party?
Why, what do you wanna do before the party?
I think you know.
What...? What are we doing?
Oh, it's the groom-to-be. Sorry.
Oh, Kylie had a baby.
Stegosauruses are further from T. rexes
than T. rexes are from humans.
Okay, so humans have been around
for 200,000 years, give or take.
- But then dinosaurs arrived...
- Right, T. rexes specifically.
They were 65 million years ago.
Right? That's 65 million years.
Bam, we taking it back
100 million years before that?
That's when Stegosauruses were popping off.
We're all dust bags. You know?
And it's like our individual lives
are meaningless, if you think about it.
But only if you think about it.
Well, you know, fun fact about dinosaurs is
they're actually very small.
- Mexico City. That's so hip.
- I know.
Are you so excited?
We're so excited. We're doing, like,
a whole low-footprint wedding thing.
So nothing disposable, no plastic straws.
Get that out. Oh, hi!
Oh, and Cal's parents are flying in
a 12-piece New Orleans brass band,
honey, 12-piece.
- What?
- Yeah!
Oh, my goodness.
We didn't wanna do the whole mariachi thing,
felt a little too much like appropriation.
Hey. Hey!
Stop.
Is that Raph?
There's this volcano there, though.
It's called the Managua Volcano. Oh, my God.
It sits in the middle
of this expansive lake,
which creates these offshore winds,
which produces these gigantic waves.
They're like glass sculptures of waves.
It's awesome.
So it's perfect
for this thing I'm prototyping.
- Tubular.
- Yeah, what are you prototyping?
It's 3D-printed surfboards
made out of algae.
You know, the bad kind?
It's terrorizing the ecosystem out there,
so we're finding another use for it.
We're borrowing inspiration
from whale tails.
That's incredible.
I mean, I would love
to do something like that.
You know, like, something tangible.
You can.
Well, yeah, but we have jobs and...
Well, Raph was an investment banker.
The lost decade. Yeah.
How did you get out of that?
I just quit, you know?
I mean, it was changing
the chemistry of my brain.
I was full of a very slow-burning rage
for some time.
I think I have that.
Man. Nicaragua, huh? Living the dream.
Well, you know,
I'm back and forth quite a bit.
I've been restoring
my grandfather's cabin upstate,
and it's almost done and...
Actually, this is perfect.
You all should enjoy it,
you should go up there.
It's always in need of inhabitants.
I mean...
- That would be great.
- Yeah.
- I mean, only if you want us to do that.
- So generous. If you want that, yeah.
Yeah. We like that type of stuff.
Oh, Jack. I almost forgot.
I got you something in Patagonia.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, it's a rock.
- It's a crystal.
- It's a crystal, yeah.
I thought of you when I saw it.
I know it's kind of kooky,
but if you are feeling stressed or angry,
just hold it in your hand,
and it really helps.
- Cool. Thanks, Raph.
- Yeah. You're welcome.
I wanna start a community garden.
I wanna get some dirt under my fingernails.
Did you see Raph's hands?
Were they dirty?
No, they were, like, worn, you know?
Yeah.
I wanna be vegetarian again.
Yeah.
Really just makes you rethink
all your life choices.
Mine?
No, no, no, like a collective you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
I wanna be better people.
Like a collective people?
No, like us. Like, the two of us.
Oh, yeah, no, that's what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
Yeah, we're disconnecting. Yeah.
Yeah, reconnecting with each other,
I suppose.
- Hi, Stephanie, this is Su.
- Yeah, I think so.
I'm sorry to bother you on the weekend.
- I wanted to make sure you got my e-mail.
- Yeah.
I wanted to talk to you
about maybe taking this week off.
Right. Well, I have about...
It's in the e-mail and I sent a Dropbox link
of anything you might need.
...five or seven clients
who may need maintenance while I'm gone,
- but honestly I don't think so.
- Yeah. I just hope it's all okay.
- Thank you, bye.
- Yeah.
Yeah, let me know when you get there.
That's it. Yeah.
So they want the users to be able
to star and un-star posts, which is...
I'm fired.
Hey, hang on a sec, Dyl.
What?
I mean, can you call her back?
Can you talk to her about this?
Hey, I mean, we... We don't have to do this.
No. This is good.
This is a good thing. It's a good thing.
Are you sure?
Yeah. It's good.
Okay.
Hey, Dyl.
I just plucked a gray nipple hair.
New notebook?
Yeah. Rethinking my whole life,
so thought I'd get a freshie.
This'll be great, Su.
And it's only for one week.
We'll just get away
and let our brain chemistry sort itself out.
Yeah. It'll be great.
Yeah.
I'm proud of us.
You put the big soap into the little soap
Put the big soap into the little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
Big soap
Little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
You got confirmation from Raph, right?
Yep, key is in the garlic braid,
whatever that is.
Almost forgot my starter.
You're bringing that?
Yeah, it has to be fed.
Okay. You got everything, right?
Yeah. It's not the end of the world
if we forget something.
Oh, chicken, chicken, chicken.
'Buch!
I forgot to tell my mom.
That's what the voicemail's for.
She'll hear the voicemail
and she'll know what's up.
She's gonna freak about my job.
So she can freak in a week.
- Yeah.
- Okay, ready?
Yes.
Thank you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
One, two, three.
- Hello, this is Jack.
- And Su.
And we are going offline for one whole week,
but we will be back June 9th.
So if you need us, too bad.
We will have no phones and no laptops.
And we're not checking our e-mail either,
and we are not kidding, so...
- Bye, world!
- Bye!
- Wow, is this it?
- Yeah.
Jeez.
So nice.
Oh, wow, the air is so clean.
This is nice. This is so nice.
This is the best thing we've ever done.
Nice.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
What?
Alexa, play Whitney Houston.
What are you doing?
Siri, play Whitney Houston.
Okay, Google, read Moby Dick.
All clear.
I looked up some hikes last night
and put them in my notebook.
You're a genius.
Okay, let's go.
Go without me.
Look at these ants doing a tug-of-war
over this crumb.
Oh, there's more.
There's a whole line of them.
Wow, they are really going at it.
What? I like ants.
It's funny.
They think this crumb is so important.
Little do they know there are
two giant humans standing right next to them
that could crush them at any moment.
Must be hunting season.
It really is beautiful out here.
We should go build a fire.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
Jack, I was thinking
we could try something this week.
Okay.
I was thinking about the things
that we're trying to achieve,
so I wrote this stuff down.
Okay, wait, what is this?
What is this? Let me see. Let me see.
"How to Be a Better We: Tips for Achieving
Authenticity in Life and Love."
- What?
- Yeah.
Is this a list from the Internet?
- Well, yeah, but I handwrote it.
- Su.
- Well, the printer wasn't working.
- Su!
I just wanted to have a starting point
for this week, to be productive.
"How to Be a Better We."
- Okay.
- No, no, no, here we go.
"Begin to see yourselves
as more than what you have allowed yourself
to believe that you can be."
"Begin to see yourself..."
Yeah, you know,
we're not afraid of what we can't do.
We're actually afraid of what we can do.
It's about individual power.
Just read the full description.
You always just read the headlines.
Read the description, you might like it.
Su, the whole point of this was
to disconnect from the Internet.
And you brought the Internet with us.
What is this hippie crap?
You have a crystal in your pocket.
I like the crystal.
I like the way that it feels in my hand.
Hey, Su, come on.
You don't have to be responsible
for every moment.
I'm sure it's fine.
Well, must be some bad wood.
Okay.
Next time.
The frogs are croaking.
You can see the whole dome of the universe.
Wow, did you see that?
- A shooting star.
- Yeah, wow.
- Oh, my God!
- Another one!
What?
Is it normal?
Maybe it's a meteor shower.
I saw this once in Vermont,
but I was high on acid.
The urge to take out my phone right now
is very strong.
I've been wanting to YouTube
how to make a trap to catch a rabbit so bad.
But I'm exercising self-control.
You wanna murder a rabbit?
You wanna see it die?
No, I... No. I want to learn
how to humanely trap a rabbit.
Who are you?
What is...?
Did that one hit the Earth?
Oh, no.
- What?
- No more.
What?
It... Well, it's just, you get...
You always get your sleep visions
when you drink. And we're in a new place.
Yeah, but I want more.
What's happening?
Get out!
Get out of here!
Oh, my God, Jackie, nothing's there.
- Get out of here!
- Look, you're asleep.
- No, I'm not. I'm not asleep.
- Yes, you are, you're asleep.
- No, I'm not. Spider-Man.
- Okay.
- Spider covered in spiders. Trying to...
- It's okay, just...
- You're okay.
- Man covered in spiders, trying...
- It's okay.
- Trying to eat me.
Yeah.
- What?
- My sandal.
Okay.
So now we'll close our eyes
and just feel each other.
Oh, okay.
No, not feel me up. Feel with your brain.
Right. Sorry.
Wow, with your eyes closed,
you can really hear all of nature's sounds.
Yes.
Okay, open.
So calm.
Yeah. What a gift.
Yeah.
What do you think your gifts are?
- What?
- I was just wondering.
Because I was thinking about my gifts
the other day...
Wait, no, Su. I know what this is.
My gifts are I'm good with animals.
I'm a great listener. I'm fast.
Have you been doing an Internet list
this entire time?
Su, that's the opposite of authentic.
Well, you're being
the opposite of open-minded.
Well, I think that you're doing it wrong.
You've replaced your phone with a notebook.
I just think, Su,
that you need to learn how to relax.
This is relaxing!
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go bake a loaf of bread
and eat it!
Jack! Wait!
God.
Okay.
"Focus on the present moment."
That's what you've been saying.
- "Practice listening to your body."
- Gross.
"Go on an adventure together."
That sounds like a Tinder profile.
"Acknowledge your gifts. Practice gratitude.
Do things for others."
I don't really think
we should be using the list as a weapon.
Why won't you just do the gifts?
Can you think of a thing you're gifted at?
Jack.
Jack.
What is that?
Has this been here the whole time?
The pouffe? Yeah. I don't know. Probably.
I don't think people are going around
putting pouffes in people's cabins.
Jack. Can you focus on your gifts
for one second?
I floss and parents love me.
Let's do "Be honest about something
you've never told anyone."
You know, I just think that honesty's best
in small doses spread out over a lifetime.
Okay, well, Jack,
I feel like I never get much from you
outside the regular Jack stuff.
- What is wrong with the regular Jack stuff?
- Well, I mean, deeper stuff, Jack.
- Can you pass me the body wash?
- Yeah, which one?
It's the little green.
Here you go.
Oh, what about this one?
What are you really afraid of?
I guess that I'm afraid
of my own blood coursing through my body.
Okay, well,
I'm afraid of our lives getting stagnant.
Why are you making up problems
that don't exist?
I think they do exist.
I'm not like you, I can't just sit around,
waiting for life to happen to me.
I wanna achieve something this week, okay?
I lost my job for this week.
Can you pass me the face wash?
- Which one is the face wash?
- It's the orange one.
- Jack, acquaint yourself with the soaps.
- I don't... None of them are labeled.
We should be doubling down on our work,
not running away from everything.
- You know what's authentic?
- What?
A paycheck with benefits
and having a goddamn savings account.
- Su, you know that I have 37,000...
- Your Bitcoin does not count, Jack!
I'm 30. My mom had three kids
by the time she was my age.
You're 34. What are you doing?
No. No.
Ethanol? What?
They're attracted to ethanol?
What is it? Is that a drink?
No, no, just the sherry.
It's here, I'll get it. Hang...
Hi, Surina, are you watching this?
Those rats in New York?
They're not rats. They're not rats, Su.
- They're talking about it on Fox & Friends.
- Jeez, Mom.
Hi, Su. When did you decide to go away?
You didn't tell me...
Okay, let's do this.
- What, turn on our phones?
- What? No, definitely not.
I wanna do the list.
Yeah.
I thought about my one honesty thing
that I've never told anyone before.
Really?
Yeah, and I agree with you,
like, we should be productive about
this week and stop fucking around, okay?
Because I don't want there
to be any secrets between us, Su.
Jack, I'm sorry.
Just... Before you say anything,
can I just say what I have prepared?
- Yeah, sorry, go ahead.
- Thank you.
I don't know how to be a man.
Okay.
Like, you know how my dad is really great
at man stuff.
Like, he can catch a fish
and get the hook out of a fish's mouth
when it's still wobbling on the ground,
and then gut it
and then feed it to the whole family.
My brothers, they picked up on that stuff,
and they all know basic plumbing,
and I don't know how to get
the hook out of a fish's mouth
and I don't know anything about plumbing.
- Jack, you're good at...
- Just, I'm trying to...
And, look, I know that
that's all bullshit masculinity
and I never wanted
to be that type of guy anyway.
So I sort of hid behind
this idea of a modern man
so I wouldn't have
to do that type of guy stuff.
But I'm, like,
not good at the new stuff either.
Yeah, I can cook, I can cook.
But I can't tell if a bathroom is dirty,
and I am such a bad listener.
And, like, I know that when you wanna
talk about stuff and get honest,
I just shut down,
and I retreat inward, and I get so silent,
but that's just because I hate
the sound of my own voice.
It is so pathetic.
God, that felt so good. You go.
What?
Yeah, it doesn't have to be big like mine.
It could be a small confession or...
It feels so good to get it off your chest.
I think you should go.
A confession?
Yeah, I mean, we both have to do it, right?
Yeah, of course.
I just can't think of anything right now.
Okay, what's, like, the last thing that you
weren't completely honest with me about?
- The last thing?
- Yeah, the last thing.
- The last thing.
- Yeah.
Anything, honestly, big, small.
I mean, it could be so fucked up.
I eat my contacts.
What?
Every two weeks, I eat my contacts.
When I change to a new pair,
I eat the old ones.
- Your contact lenses?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I've had contacts forever,
and I didn't always do that.
I just wanted to eat them one night,
and now I can't stop.
Su, this is so bad.
It's actually something I'm really scared of
because that can't be good for your body.
What the hell?
What?
A critter just flew by so fast.
A critter? What, like a...?
Like a fox or a squirrel, or...?
I guess, like a hedgehog?
What does a hedgehog look like?
You know like when Sonic the Hedgehog's
in a small little ball, going so fast?
Did it look like a rat?
No, it was too big and too fast to be a rat.
Jesus.
I'm sure it's fine.
- Give me that one.
- Okay.
- You're so sneaky.
- Thank you so much.
- Hey, come on, now.
- Okay.
I don't even feel like looking
at my phone at all right now.
Maybe we should just move out of New York.
Get a plot of land somewhere.
- Sure.
- Start a restaurant.
I wonder how much land up here costs.
You wanna buy property?
Yeah, or we could do it in Brooklyn,
you know?
Or maybe that, like,
adds to gentrification. I don't know.
Okay, so upstate. Yeah, we'll do upstate.
Who knows? Maybe in a year,
we start thinking about having kids.
Yeah, maybe in a year,
we could start actively trying.
Yeah, no, like you said,
we'll just start thinking about having kids.
My baby's drunk.
That's not true.
I just have a little bit of a buzz on.
I'm so sorry.
- I did not wanna do this. I'm so sorry, Su.
- Unbelievable.
I did not envision this happening.
- I actually wanted you to win.
- Did you?
I did.
Okay, what is this?
Just all this talk about the future is...
Okay. Mortgage.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
401(k).
College fund.
Let's have sex on the unfinished puzzle.
Say something about the stock market.
Collateralized debt obligation.
- Not that.
- Not that.
What is it?
Get out of here!
You leave us alone!
It's okay. Who is it, what is it?
- It's a lion.
- Okay.
There's a lion looking at me!
No, it's okay, it's okay.
Just come back to sleep.
- You stay away from my girlfriend!
- Oh, that's very nice.
- You leave us alone.
- That's really manly, thank you.
- There's a lion in the room.
- Yeah, yeah.
There's a lion trying to eat me.
Trying to eat my girlfriend.
I'm feeling pretty good about stuff.
Can you make breakfast?
Like one of your really good breakfasts?
You want a really good one now, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.
I got you, Su.
Yes!
We did a really good job of that puzzle.
What the...?
Wait, what the fuck?
What?
What happened to my starter?
Did you bake it all yesterday?
Did I bake it all? What? No, I've been
cultivating this for six months.
"Did I bake it all?" I would never. Jesus.
Are there raccoons around here?
Did we drink all the whiskey?
No, there's plenty left.
Did we spill it?
God!
I can't believe
these little fuckers ate it all!
Jesus, they licked it clean.
Maybe Blake still has some of the offspring.
Oh, I fucking bet he didn't feed it.
God.
My starter. What...?
What does that?
Is there ethanol in sourdough starter?
What are you talking about?
Su?
Hey.
Did you move the pouffe?
- No. Do you want me to move it back...?
- No, no, no, don't touch it.
Okay.
I think maybe that's not just a pouffe.
I guess I don't really know
what a pouffe is.
What? It's like an ottoman,
like a furry footstool.
Okay, I thought
it was more like a decorative pouffe.
- A decorative pouffe? What do you mean?
- That's... I don't... I do not know.
Okay, what do you think it is?
I don't know.
- Okay, yeah, just...
- No.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
- Oh, my God!
- What the fuck was that?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
No, no, seriously, what...? What was that?
That was, like, not, like, a normal animal.
I need to tell you something,
and you have to promise not to be mad at me.
What, wait, what, Su?
Let me secure everything.
Secure everything? What is happening?
Su, what is happening?
- Oh, my God. Okay.
- Su. Su? Su.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What is happening?
- Okay, so...
Well, yesterday, I was mad, and then,
my mom, she was talking about these rats.
- Your mom?
- I thought it was the usual crap because...
Wait, what are you talking about?
I turned my phone on.
What?
- I know. Just for a second. But listen...
- You broke the pact.
- Yeah, I know. But, Jack, listen to me.
- You lied to me.
- Technically, I just omitted information.
- That is the same!
Okay, Jack.
There were these voicemails from my mom.
I thought she was just talking about,
like, Fox News or whatever,
but she kept saying
that these rats were taking over the city,
and, like, something about ethanol,
and it's just...
- What?
- I don't know. I didn't listen to all of it.
But isn't it just a little weird we see
this freaky little creature all of a sudden?
And then... And then the whiskey and
the sourdough, that's ethanol stuff, right?
What are you saying?
I don't know,
but we need to turn our phones back on.
- We have to.
- No. No, Su! No.
Okay, you're right, yeah.
Let's get back online.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
Thank you.
What?
I got three more voicemails now
and a bunch of texts. What about you?
No signal.
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah. I don't have a signal either.
God, no messages, nothing.
What?
Well, it's just if...
If you would've told me yesterday,
maybe I'd have all my messages too, so...
Okay, whatever. Just...
What...? What do your messages say?
Okay. Francis.
"Where are you guys? Are you seeing this?
They're infesting all the bars.
Brooklyn is fucked.
Let us know that you guys are okay, okay?"
What the fuck?
Kate. "Everyone's assembling
at Yankee Stadium.
Wait, no, don't go there,
it's been destroyed."
Em. "Can I come over? Julian is 'dwad.'"
Oh, dead.
"I don't know what to do."
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, Julian.
What do the voicemails say?
Yeah, right.
Hi, Su. When did you decide to go away?
You didn't tell me that.
They're saying these big rats from Brazil
have gotten into New York
and are causing a lot of damage.
It's very dangerous, Su!
Anyway, listen, could you please have
a think about Thanksgiving?
Because the flights are gonna
start getting expensive.
Okay? Bye!
Oh, my God, it's fucking June, Mom.
- Okay, just next... Next one, next one.
- Okay.
Hi, Surina. Are you watching this?
Those rats in New York, they're not rats.
They're not rats, Su.
They're talking about it on Fox & Friends.
It's unbelievable.
They're some kind of alien,
would you believe it?
- Extraterrestrials. All over the world.
- Aliens?
- Gene saw one in his backyard.
- I didn't listen to this part.
Hang on, Carol's calling me.
I'll call you back, bye, bye, bye.
That's it, that's the end.
I mean, we're toast. Aliens, Su.
Jack, just stop. There's more.
- Ethanol? What?
- They're attracted to ethanol.
They're attracted to ethanol?
What is it, is it a drink?
No, just the sherry. It's here, I'll get it.
Hang on, hang on.
Surina, hello? Are you there?
Pick up if you're there, pick up.
Okay. I love you. I'm going to Carol's. Bye.
Oh, I just ignored her.
I didn't even... I just thought
she was, like, a crazy person.
I didn't even try.
Hey, hey. I'm sure it's okay.
That's the last voicemail I have from her.
Okay, and who were
the other voicemails from?
Raph. Your mom.
- Yeah, play them? Play them, play them.
- Okay.
Sorry, making a smoothie.
Listen, shit's getting weird here
in New York,
so I'm gonna come up there to the cabin
and chill with you guys till this rides out.
Sorry to crash your vibe. Peace.
- When is that message from?
- Yesterday at 1:30 p.m.
Fuck!
Okay, next one, next one.
Hey, Su. Listen, I'm trying
to get in touch with Jack,
and so I tried you, but sounds like
you two have the same ridiculous voicemail.
Anywhoozle, we just wanted to let you know
we loaded up the boat,
and we're gonna be out on the water
until all of this blows over.
Dad has stored up six weeks of canned food,
so don't worry about us, all right?
He's got everything under control.
Listen, if you get this in the next hour,
we can pick you up at any port, all right?
Hope you get this. Bye.
What time's that from?
Five thirty-five p.m., yesterday.
Fuck. Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck, I'm probably just leaving a message
for two dead people right now.
We're all gonna die anyway.
So I'm coming, my grandfather's gun is
in the chest in the basement.
The code is...
the year penicillin was invented.
Have it ready for me.
Get away from it. No, it'll close up!
We could've got out.
Okay, well,
maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Aliens, Su!
I'm sorry, but you had ample time to tell me
about this yesterday, we could have escaped!
We could be on a fucking boat right now!
Okay, what are we even doing here?
It's your friend's cabin...
I didn't know there were gonna be aliens
on planet Earth!
I didn't either!
- Let's not argue, it's not helpful to argue.
- You were arguing.
I'm trying to voice my opinion
and then you were starting to argue with me.
Okay, fine, let's just both shut up.
Yeah, you're right. Okay.
Yes, just chill,
and let's just think about this
for a second. So...
Okay.
I think we should go into town,
try to get cell service,
and then we'll call your parents
and meet them by the water.
Okay.
Don't you think, though, it'd be safer
if we just stayed here and, you know, hide?
No!
No, no, no!
- What, the car won't start?
- Come on!
- It's out of gas.
- We just put $30 into the tank.
This is an emergency alert.
Take shelter and stay tuned for updates.
Is there ethanol in gas?
I don't know these things, Su.
No, windows up, windows up, windows...
Definitely do not get out of the car!
Oh, my God.
Okay, Su, I need you to be a little bit
more focused on safety right now, okay?
Jack, it drank the gas.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, so...
I guess that we just stay put, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
Yes.
We have about three days' worth of food.
And kind of seems like the place
people would wanna escape to, yeah? So...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Food. Shelter.
And we have a gun in the basement.
No, no, no. Su.
Okay, I'm not adding a gun to the situation.
There's enough danger as it is. No gun.
I can't, I cannot do that, can't do that.
Jack.
Jack, I know, trust me, I know.
The presence of a gun,
having a gun in the home,
increases the probability
of one of us being shot.
I hate guns too. The statistics...
If I so much as pick up a gun,
I'm more likely to shoot you
than anything else in the house.
I know, Jack, I know the statistics.
You're 11 times more likely to kill yourself
than any external threat.
Exactly.
No guns.
No gun.
- It's just, we might need to use the gun.
- No. No, no, no.
Like if...
aliens are coming toward us,
a gun might stop them.
Okay. We're gun people.
- No...
- We are gun people now.
My grandfather's gun is
in the chest in the basement.
The code is...
the year penicillin was invented.
Have it ready for me.
Get away from it. No, it'll close up!
Sounded like 1970?
Or like 1770.
1777, 1777, 1870?
What was penicillin the cure for?
- Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna start at 1700.
- Okay, that's great, thank you.
I just hope my mom's okay.
Oh, I wish I could call her.
Su, you can't just think about...
Yeah, right.
1704...
And the thing about... That's, you know,
- because when you have parents, then they...
- What?
Just, I can't...
I can't do the code and talk, yeah.
There we go. Thank you.
- So let's not speculate.
- Right.
What do we know? What do we not know?
Okay. What do we know, what do we know?
Well, we know
that there are aliens on planet Earth.
Jesus Christ.
And we know that they look
like tiny, furry, little foot stools
and that New York has been evacuated,
which means that other cities
have been evacuated as well.
Look, we can't think about this
in terms of, like, movies we've seen
because these are aliens
from another planet,
not Earth,
so it doesn't really make sense
to be talking in terms of wants.
Because those are really
Earth-based behaviors.
Okay, we have to start somewhere.
I don't think so.
I think we should start nowhere.
I'm gonna start looking for more stuff
to make weapons.
Wait, are you leaving this room?
Yeah, I think there's more weapon-y stuff
in the basement.
But... Okay, just be careful.
It's the... The pouffe is so fast and sneaky.
Right, those are Earth-based attributes,
but, yeah, okay.
- What the hell was that?
- I dropped a flashlight.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know, I don't know.
I just...
God.
Can we not split up again?
It's just too scary.
Yeah, sorry.
I got tape, flashlight, a broom,
and I think we should use the wine.
Use the wine?
- Yeah, as, like, a distraction bomb.
- What?
Okay, so the pouffe is coming towards us,
we have the wine, we throw it very far away,
it shatters,
the pouffe goes right towards the wine.
It's not a bad idea. It's pretty clever.
Thanks, yeah. I mean...
The hinges aren't on.
Looks like it just...
Oh, bingo.
Yes.
We should test it.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm just protecting my ears.
I think you should too.
Just shoot the gun.
Okay.
God, this trigger's hard to...
Jack! Are you...?
Is there any in my hair?
- No, I think you're good.
- Yeah, cool.
How about on my body?
- You're good, are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, fine.
I hid the bullets too, in a separate place.
Regardless of everything else,
I'm glad we're on the same page about guns.
- I'm starving.
- Me too.
We should probably ration, though, right?
Yeah.
We should make go bags,
in case we have to leave really suddenly.
Okay. Yeah, like passports
and birth certificates.
No, we don't have those. Okay, yeah,
go bags, that's a good idea. Okay.
We have spaghetti squash, micro greens,
lamb chops, leftover quinoa...
Would it have killed us
to have gotten some nonperishables?
Okay. Three, two, one, go.
Fuck!
On the move.
Hut! Hut!
Get the ice.
- It won't close, it won't close!
- It's okay, it's okay, let's go, let's go.
All right. And I'm here.
Banana bag, the duffel, the backpack.
Good.
Twenty-three seconds. Not bad.
Seems like a lot of stuff
to carry on the run.
Okay, okay.
Sean Connery.
What time are you going to Wimbledon?
I don't know.
"I was thinking about 10-ish."
That's a good one.
Okay, Sean Connery.
What did Sean Connery say
to the hostage who had a beard?
I don't know.
"I came here to shave you."
Is anyone going to shave us?
Or are we gonna have to shave ourselves?
If it's as bad as it seems,
everything's gonna be different.
Maybe I can be a part of the team
that rebuilds the Internet.
Jackie.
Yeah?
We don't have any skills.
Are you scared?
A little bit.
Me too. A little bit.
You should go to sleep for a bit.
I wouldn't abandon you. No way.
I'm not even tired yet, seriously.
I'll wake you up when I'm tired
and then you can keep watch.
I love you, Jackie.
I know they don't look like us, Jack.
But who's to say
they won't take better care of this place?
Get out of here!
Jack, it's okay, it's okay.
Pouffe on the couch!
- You stay away from us!
- There's a pouffe on the couch!
- Jack, we need to go!
- What's happening?
- I need a minute.
- Jack, we need to get out of here! Jack!
- Run, Jack.
- Okay.
Let's go! Let's go.
Okay. Okay. Come on. Come on.
That was the pouffe, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was. It was.
- Barn, barn, barn!
- Barn!
No, no, no, I just woke up!
Okay, okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay.
Okay.
Keys?
Keys.
- Car!
- Yeah.
- Car!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Okay. Keys. Yeah.
No hole!
No hole, no hole, no hole.
- You have to put the clutch in.
- It's stick shift?
- Stick, you can't drive a stick?
- Can you?
No.
Well, my boyfriend in college
taught me once, but it was once.
I don't know, I'm not very good!
I don't know.
Okay.
Oh, my God, yeah.
All right. Okay.
Put the clutch in, turn the engine...
Have to keep the clutch in.
Go, go, go! Su, Su!
Go, go, go.
- Go, go, go!
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!
Okay.
- Okay. Come on, Su, a little faster.
- Okay, this is as fast as it goes.
All right. All right.
Going, going, going.
Going. Wait.
The go bags.
Goddamn it, the go bags.
We can do this.
Twenty-three seconds, we got this.
- Su, the pouffe is in the cabin!
- Right.
Okay, let's forget the fridge stuff.
Then we don't have to go in the cabin.
We have the go bags by the door with
the essentials, that's all we need, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
So I'm gonna reverse.
You're gonna go to the wood pile,
get the ax.
I'm gonna go in the cabin,
get the bags by the door.
We'll meet back in the car and reverse.
Reverse, go to the wood pile,
go back to the door, get the bags,
get outside, take the other...
Are you listening or are you repeating?
Yeah, go to the ax... I'm so sorry.
Just one more time.
No, just get the ax... Okay, I'm so sorry.
What is it? What, say it one more time?
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
- Su, Su!
- What?
- Stop! Pouffe on the roof.
- What?
Pouffe on the roof!
It didn't drink the gas.
I don't think it... Is it clear?
I don't know.
Is it good?
I don't know, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Here, got you.
Let's go.
Okay. Okay.
Do you see any?
- What was that?
- It doesn't matter, let's just keep going.
- Yeah?
- Okay.
Okay.
- Hey-o.
- Oh, God!
All right, yeah, I'm not an expert,
but don't you think
that we should be switching gears?
Damn it, I slept in my contacts.
Oh, what, you didn't eat them?
Still no service?
No, no service.
Hey, hey, hey, wait, what is that?
Oh, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, no.
Oh, God, it's a pouffe. Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
It sucked out the gas!
It sucked out the gas.
- It's a fluffer!
- Shoot it!
Holy shit.
- It's going right through!
- It's going straight through.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Oh, fuck.
No, no, no.
- Shit, Su, reverse.
- Oh, my God, okay.
- Reverse, reverse.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Can't get it.
Jack, what are you doing?
Jack!
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
- It worked.
- It worked.
Holy shit.
Oh, God.
It's in my mouth.
Did it just pouffe us?
Is it gone?
Yeah. I think so.
Yeah, drive.
Jesus, that's a lot of blood.
What was that?
That's a baby.
That's definitely a crying baby
in the truck.
Okay, what if it wasn't a baby?
What if it was, like, a bird or something?
Under normal circumstances,
you know I would help the baby out.
You know I would.
I just think that right now
we should be just full-blown selfish, yeah?
Jack, we can't be the people who left
the crying baby in the truck, though.
Maybe we didn't hear it. Right?
What if we just drove by
and we didn't even hear it, the baby?
- Shit!
- Oh, God.
God. Shit.
Shit, it's a baby.
Should we just take it
or should we leave a note?
I'd like to get the fuck out of here
as fast as possible.
Okay, okay.
Hi.
Okay, we're gonna get you out of here.
Yes, we are.
I got you.
Can you help me with the seat belt?
You're okay. It's okay.
- It's just, it's stuck, I don't know why.
- Okay.
- What the hell?
- Actually, should we just get him out
- and just not worry about the whole thing?
- I'm trying to get the whole thing out.
- Okay, just take him out.
- Is this a button or a knob?
Tell me how this...
That's how you should do it,
let me look for something.
Why would it look like a button
if it's not a button?
- It's like military grade. I don't know.
- Why would you make it...?
Oh, it's stuck. But...
It's a diesel, isn't it?
A lady!
I'm gonna take the car, okay?
Okay, no, no, no!
There are six more bullets left in this gun.
- Don't take the car.
- Don't do this, please don't do this!
- We don't know what we're doing!
- You can't leave us here!
What about the baby?
It's not my baby.
Wait.
What is happening?
We're fucked.
I mean, we were fucked,
and now we have no car and a fucking baby!
Where did she come from, the woods?
The go bags, Jack.
What the fuck just happened?
If we had the gun,
we would still have the car.
Su, if we had a gun, she would've shot us
and then stolen the car.
Is he okay?
Of course he's not okay.
His parents are dead and he's stuck with us.
You're okay. You're okay, little guy.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Okay, let's just grab their shit
and let's go.
Okay, where?
I don't know, the woods, the other way?
Okay, yeah.
Shit.
Okay, come on.
Still no service.
Okay, let's stay away from houses and cars.
Hi.
Hurry up because I think
we're kind of in a hot zone here.
The car probably still smells like ethanol.
Bingo.
Feel like I can still smell the pouffe.
My birth control was in the car.
Goddamn it.
If we don't get rescued in the next
three days, I'm going to get my period.
Is that how that works?
Instant noodles, electrolytes, epinephrine.
There's a birth certificate
for this little guy.
- Oh, my God.
- What? What is it?
No!
Baby Jack?
Baby Jack.
We have two... We have two Jacks.
I think Baby Jack shat himself.
Do you know how to do it?
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
I mean, it's not cricket science.
Cricket?
- Rocket science.
- Yeah.
I changed my nephew a couple of times.
He peed on me once,
so I learned my lesson there.
You gotta keep your head back.
Just put him on the ground, or...?
Changing mat.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Hi. Hi, Baby Jack.
Hi.
Okay, Baby Jack.
Okay, there we go.
What do we got here,
a little snappy snappies?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you got a little frown on, huh?
You little frowny guy.
Can you grab his legs?
This is, like, a two-person job.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Okay.
There we go.
Litterbug.
I think I need to sit down.
Okay.
Yeah.
Here we go.
You're really pretty.
I guess I feel pretty.
I can't see you very well,
but I would say you look strong.
Yeah.
- I feel strong.
- Good.
I mean, this is what
we should've done all along.
- Had a baby, living wild and free.
- Yeah. Baby.
No, no, no burden of a job or society.
Yeah!
Now we have...
Now we have a son.
What?
What?
What did you say?
Do you wanna meet the officiant?
Su, this is Reverend Tree.
Reverend Tree, Su.
Hey. He's marrying us.
We're getting married?
- Yeah, we are.
- We're getting married.
Yes.
Let us promise to always
listen to each other's thoughts and feelings
and to never lie,
especially when it pertains to aliens.
Okay.
And let's just get jobs
and contribute to society.
And let's rebuild the country.
- Just give me one second.
- Of course, take your time,
I don't need an answer right now.
That's what I told the guy.
I said you ever gonna come around here
another time,
you better shove that up your ass,
trying to sell me a coconut.
Oh, Su, what is this?
Su, Su, Su?
Jack.
Jack.
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Come snug me.
Jack, I'm gonna save you.
I got it. I got it.
Is that string cheese?
Don't fight me.
I'm not gonna fight. I like that stuff.
Remove blue.
One.
Two.
Three.
Su.
Oh, God.
Su. Su, Su.
Su.
- Su.
- What?
- We've been drugged, something happened.
- What's happening?
- You stabbing me?
- No, no, no.
The pouffe, it pouffed us.
And we just gotta go.
It's not very safe out right now, okay?
Oh, no.
I lost a contact.
It's not in my eye.
- Oh, shit.
- Goddamn it.
All my other contacts are
in the goddamn car.
Hey, whatever happened to your glasses?
I didn't like the way they looked,
so I threw them in the garbage.
Okay.
Well, can you see at all?
Like, through one eye.
Still no service.
Su?
What?
Where's Baby Jack?
Jack?
Jack!
I mean, he was here, and then I was here,
and then he went...
We lost the baby.
Of course we lost the baby.
I don't think he could've gotten far.
Yeah, sure, we can't even take care
of ourselves, let alone a baby.
We should've just left him in the car
for someone more capable to find him.
Jack, we're idiots.
We should be dead
instead of Baby Jack's parents.
Su, I think you're just having a hard time
right now because we were poisoned.
No, the world is fucked,
and we should stop pretending it's not!
Okay, maybe if we just be quiet,
we can hear him.
Okay?
We're gonna die out here!
Su, Su, Su, no, no, no.
We're not dying. Hey, we're not dying.
We're not dying.
Let's just try to focus on one thing.
Finding the baby.
Yeah, focus with me, okay.
Baby Jack!
Pouffe.
Is it looking at us or is it looking at him?
Okay, on the count of three,
you grab the knife, and I'll grab the wine.
One...
Now!
Jack!
Jack.
Su, the wine.
Okay.
- Come on, Su.
- Okay.
Jack!
Jack!
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Jack, Jack.
What the fuck?
You okay?
Hi.
No way.
Oh, baby, I know.
It's okay.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
I mean, it almost killed me, but I think so.
You stepped between me and the pouffe.
Yeah.
You shielded me.
Well, you savagely murdered that pouffe
when it was attacking me.
I really... I didn't like it.
I really didn't want to.
- I don't like killing things.
- Yeah.
Sorry, I can't stop shaking.
It's okay.
I'm shaking too.
And we're chock-full
of epinephrine right now.
I think we're close to the trail.
We should just keep going up that hill.
What, do you love me or something?
What...? What is epinephrine?
I don't know.
Is that the lookout?
Really is a nice view, huh?
Here.
We were here just a few days ago.
Three days ago.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
Oh, I don't think it matters
who we are anymore.
Yeah?
Right?
Yeah?
Oh, there's a thingy.
Su, there's something over there.
Was that there before?
What is that?
- Just looking.
- Su.
- I'm just looking.
- Su!
What is she doing?
Yeah, what's she doing?
Okay, we're touching it.
I can't.
There's like a... Like a force field.
Great. Well, maybe we don't touch it.
Yeah, it's not safe.
What's safe now, Jack?
Okay.
Let's touch the thing.
Cool.
Is it a communication tower or something?
Look, it just keeps going,
like down into the ground.
Phone?
- Phone!
- It's me.
- Phone.
- It's me. It's me.
Phone.
- Yes!
- Yeah?
- Yes!
- My God, who is it?
- Who is it, what is it?
- No! It won't pick up, it's totally busted.
It won't answer. It won't answer.
Check yours, check yours, check yours.
It's on.
Oh, my God, I have signal.
- Oh, my God, yeah.
- Yes.
- So many texts.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Okay, go to CNN.
Okay, all right.
I'm standing in the center
of what used to be Johannesburg.
- What?
- What is that?
Go to Twitter.
- This isn't right.
- I don't know.
- What is happening?
- This can't be real.
Go to Facebook.
...all right on the checkpoint.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, no!
- Shit! Help. Help!
- Help! Help!
- Help!
- Help!
We're in a pouffe trap!
- We're in a fucking pouffe trap!
- Shit, shit, shit. Shit, Jack.
- Okay, wait... Su, Su, the phone!
- Oh, my God, yes! Let me call my mom?
No, I don't wanna worry her.
- 911.
- We should call 911.
Okay.
- Speaker, speaker.
- Speaker.
You have called 911.
Due to high call volume...
- Shit!
- ...we're unable to answer your call now.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Okay, this is Surina Raji.
And Jack Wyndam.
Residents of Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
Yeah, hi, we're currently...
We're somewhere near Pine Bush, New York.
And we have a baby, we found him, Baby Jack.
And we're in a pod, and we're...
It's some alien trap of some sort
and we can't get out.
And we're going up.
- We're going up.
- Su.
We're going up.
- We're moving up now.
- Okay.
Su?
So, yeah, if you get this,
call us back at 917...
You have been disconnected.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
We're... We're in the sky, Su.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Hey. Everything's gonna be all right.
Everything's fine.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
- Are you having trouble breathing?
- Yeah.
Okay.
Oxygen.
Are we saved?
we see about the same number of galaxies
this way as that way, as that way,
as that way.
Kind of looks like we're at the center,
and they're all receding from us.
Say, "Hey, we're at the center, then."
You know, but now,
we're smarter than this now.
We say,
"We're not gonna fall for that." Okay?
We've fallen for that one
nine times already.
We're not gonna fall for this again.
You mean, somebody's sitting there,
thinking:
"Every time we make ourselves
the star of the show, we're wrong."
So we're not gonna make that mistake again.
And so you then apply Einstein's
General Theory of Relativity and it says
if you live in an expanding universe
in this fabric of space and time,
no matter where you are,
it will look like you're at the center.
- Which means what, there is no center?
- Yes.
- Every center is an illusion.
- Yes.
And so that's how we could look like
we're at the center of the actual universe,
even though we're not.
Because everybody sees
the same signature of the expansion.
Now, there's an even stronger argument
than the numerics.
Let's look at the ingredients of...
- No.
- What?
No, no, no.
What's happening?
Oh, my God, this is bad.
- Wait, Su, is it North Korea?
- No, my tabs.
What?
My tabs. My tabs.
My Internet tabs, they're gone.
Jesus, Su...
- Did you use my computer?
- What are we talking about?
"Adventures in Sourdough,
Seven Tips from Seven Master Bakers."
Alexa, pause.
I mean, your computer was closer.
- I was making the bread.
- Jack!
- Alexa, play.
- Just for future reference...
- Alexa, pause.
- ...I keep my tabs organized.
In this case, all the flights I lined up
for Stephanie, which you just obliterated.
Su, how hard is it to just aggregate
all the flights? I'm sorry.
This is my job, Jack. It's important.
- Alexa, play.
- Alexa, stop.
You know, in the world, in this city,
there are so many things
that are more important.
Okay, what's an important thing?
There are so many.
Name one thing.
Food wastage.
Great, very good.
In New York alone,
a quarter of the food is wasted,
and it's not just the wasting.
It's the food scraps that get trapped under
other garbage, and that creates methane.
That's why I always make the exact...
- Done already?
- She changed her mind.
I love you.
That's nice.
Did you mean to say, "I'm sorry"?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
For the thing that you want me
to apologize for.
"Su, I'm sorry for turning on your computer
and not restoring all your tabs before
I started new bullshit tabs of my own."
Yeah, that's it.
Are you listening?
Okay, okay.
I am so sorry, Su,
for deleting all of your tabs,
which are very well-organized,
and I know are very important to you
for work.
A kiss here, please.
That's 5 bucks.
How long do we have before the party?
Why, what do you wanna do before the party?
I think you know.
What...? What are we doing?
Oh, it's the groom-to-be. Sorry.
Oh, Kylie had a baby.
Stegosauruses are further from T. rexes
than T. rexes are from humans.
Okay, so humans have been around
for 200,000 years, give or take.
- But then dinosaurs arrived...
- Right, T. rexes specifically.
They were 65 million years ago.
Right? That's 65 million years.
Bam, we taking it back
100 million years before that?
That's when Stegosauruses were popping off.
We're all dust bags. You know?
And it's like our individual lives
are meaningless, if you think about it.
But only if you think about it.
Well, you know, fun fact about dinosaurs is
they're actually very small.
- Mexico City. That's so hip.
- I know.
Are you so excited?
We're so excited. We're doing, like,
a whole low-footprint wedding thing.
So nothing disposable, no plastic straws.
Get that out. Oh, hi!
Oh, and Cal's parents are flying in
a 12-piece New Orleans brass band,
honey, 12-piece.
- What?
- Yeah!
Oh, my goodness.
We didn't wanna do the whole mariachi thing,
felt a little too much like appropriation.
Hey. Hey!
Stop.
Is that Raph?
There's this volcano there, though.
It's called the Managua Volcano. Oh, my God.
It sits in the middle
of this expansive lake,
which creates these offshore winds,
which produces these gigantic waves.
They're like glass sculptures of waves.
It's awesome.
So it's perfect
for this thing I'm prototyping.
- Tubular.
- Yeah, what are you prototyping?
It's 3D-printed surfboards
made out of algae.
You know, the bad kind?
It's terrorizing the ecosystem out there,
so we're finding another use for it.
We're borrowing inspiration
from whale tails.
That's incredible.
I mean, I would love
to do something like that.
You know, like, something tangible.
You can.
Well, yeah, but we have jobs and...
Well, Raph was an investment banker.
The lost decade. Yeah.
How did you get out of that?
I just quit, you know?
I mean, it was changing
the chemistry of my brain.
I was full of a very slow-burning rage
for some time.
I think I have that.
Man. Nicaragua, huh? Living the dream.
Well, you know,
I'm back and forth quite a bit.
I've been restoring
my grandfather's cabin upstate,
and it's almost done and...
Actually, this is perfect.
You all should enjoy it,
you should go up there.
It's always in need of inhabitants.
I mean...
- That would be great.
- Yeah.
- I mean, only if you want us to do that.
- So generous. If you want that, yeah.
Yeah. We like that type of stuff.
Oh, Jack. I almost forgot.
I got you something in Patagonia.
- Me?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, it's a rock.
- It's a crystal.
- It's a crystal, yeah.
I thought of you when I saw it.
I know it's kind of kooky,
but if you are feeling stressed or angry,
just hold it in your hand,
and it really helps.
- Cool. Thanks, Raph.
- Yeah. You're welcome.
I wanna start a community garden.
I wanna get some dirt under my fingernails.
Did you see Raph's hands?
Were they dirty?
No, they were, like, worn, you know?
Yeah.
I wanna be vegetarian again.
Yeah.
Really just makes you rethink
all your life choices.
Mine?
No, no, no, like a collective you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
I wanna be better people.
Like a collective people?
No, like us. Like, the two of us.
Oh, yeah, no, that's what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
Yeah, we're disconnecting. Yeah.
Yeah, reconnecting with each other,
I suppose.
- Hi, Stephanie, this is Su.
- Yeah, I think so.
I'm sorry to bother you on the weekend.
- I wanted to make sure you got my e-mail.
- Yeah.
I wanted to talk to you
about maybe taking this week off.
Right. Well, I have about...
It's in the e-mail and I sent a Dropbox link
of anything you might need.
...five or seven clients
who may need maintenance while I'm gone,
- but honestly I don't think so.
- Yeah. I just hope it's all okay.
- Thank you, bye.
- Yeah.
Yeah, let me know when you get there.
That's it. Yeah.
So they want the users to be able
to star and un-star posts, which is...
I'm fired.
Hey, hang on a sec, Dyl.
What?
I mean, can you call her back?
Can you talk to her about this?
Hey, I mean, we... We don't have to do this.
No. This is good.
This is a good thing. It's a good thing.
Are you sure?
Yeah. It's good.
Okay.
Hey, Dyl.
I just plucked a gray nipple hair.
New notebook?
Yeah. Rethinking my whole life,
so thought I'd get a freshie.
This'll be great, Su.
And it's only for one week.
We'll just get away
and let our brain chemistry sort itself out.
Yeah. It'll be great.
Yeah.
I'm proud of us.
You put the big soap into the little soap
Put the big soap into the little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
Big soap
Little soap
You put the big soap into the little soap
You got confirmation from Raph, right?
Yep, key is in the garlic braid,
whatever that is.
Almost forgot my starter.
You're bringing that?
Yeah, it has to be fed.
Okay. You got everything, right?
Yeah. It's not the end of the world
if we forget something.
Oh, chicken, chicken, chicken.
'Buch!
I forgot to tell my mom.
That's what the voicemail's for.
She'll hear the voicemail
and she'll know what's up.
She's gonna freak about my job.
So she can freak in a week.
- Yeah.
- Okay, ready?
Yes.
Thank you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
One, two, three.
- Hello, this is Jack.
- And Su.
And we are going offline for one whole week,
but we will be back June 9th.
So if you need us, too bad.
We will have no phones and no laptops.
And we're not checking our e-mail either,
and we are not kidding, so...
- Bye, world!
- Bye!
- Wow, is this it?
- Yeah.
Jeez.
So nice.
Oh, wow, the air is so clean.
This is nice. This is so nice.
This is the best thing we've ever done.
Nice.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
What?
Alexa, play Whitney Houston.
What are you doing?
Siri, play Whitney Houston.
Okay, Google, read Moby Dick.
All clear.
I looked up some hikes last night
and put them in my notebook.
You're a genius.
Okay, let's go.
Go without me.
Look at these ants doing a tug-of-war
over this crumb.
Oh, there's more.
There's a whole line of them.
Wow, they are really going at it.
What? I like ants.
It's funny.
They think this crumb is so important.
Little do they know there are
two giant humans standing right next to them
that could crush them at any moment.
Must be hunting season.
It really is beautiful out here.
We should go build a fire.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
Jack, I was thinking
we could try something this week.
Okay.
I was thinking about the things
that we're trying to achieve,
so I wrote this stuff down.
Okay, wait, what is this?
What is this? Let me see. Let me see.
"How to Be a Better We: Tips for Achieving
Authenticity in Life and Love."
- What?
- Yeah.
Is this a list from the Internet?
- Well, yeah, but I handwrote it.
- Su.
- Well, the printer wasn't working.
- Su!
I just wanted to have a starting point
for this week, to be productive.
"How to Be a Better We."
- Okay.
- No, no, no, here we go.
"Begin to see yourselves
as more than what you have allowed yourself
to believe that you can be."
"Begin to see yourself..."
Yeah, you know,
we're not afraid of what we can't do.
We're actually afraid of what we can do.
It's about individual power.
Just read the full description.
You always just read the headlines.
Read the description, you might like it.
Su, the whole point of this was
to disconnect from the Internet.
And you brought the Internet with us.
What is this hippie crap?
You have a crystal in your pocket.
I like the crystal.
I like the way that it feels in my hand.
Hey, Su, come on.
You don't have to be responsible
for every moment.
I'm sure it's fine.
Well, must be some bad wood.
Okay.
Next time.
The frogs are croaking.
You can see the whole dome of the universe.
Wow, did you see that?
- A shooting star.
- Yeah, wow.
- Oh, my God!
- Another one!
What?
Is it normal?
Maybe it's a meteor shower.
I saw this once in Vermont,
but I was high on acid.
The urge to take out my phone right now
is very strong.
I've been wanting to YouTube
how to make a trap to catch a rabbit so bad.
But I'm exercising self-control.
You wanna murder a rabbit?
You wanna see it die?
No, I... No. I want to learn
how to humanely trap a rabbit.
Who are you?
What is...?
Did that one hit the Earth?
Oh, no.
- What?
- No more.
What?
It... Well, it's just, you get...
You always get your sleep visions
when you drink. And we're in a new place.
Yeah, but I want more.
What's happening?
Get out!
Get out of here!
Oh, my God, Jackie, nothing's there.
- Get out of here!
- Look, you're asleep.
- No, I'm not. I'm not asleep.
- Yes, you are, you're asleep.
- No, I'm not. Spider-Man.
- Okay.
- Spider covered in spiders. Trying to...
- It's okay, just...
- You're okay.
- Man covered in spiders, trying...
- It's okay.
- Trying to eat me.
Yeah.
- What?
- My sandal.
Okay.
So now we'll close our eyes
and just feel each other.
Oh, okay.
No, not feel me up. Feel with your brain.
Right. Sorry.
Wow, with your eyes closed,
you can really hear all of nature's sounds.
Yes.
Okay, open.
So calm.
Yeah. What a gift.
Yeah.
What do you think your gifts are?
- What?
- I was just wondering.
Because I was thinking about my gifts
the other day...
Wait, no, Su. I know what this is.
My gifts are I'm good with animals.
I'm a great listener. I'm fast.
Have you been doing an Internet list
this entire time?
Su, that's the opposite of authentic.
Well, you're being
the opposite of open-minded.
Well, I think that you're doing it wrong.
You've replaced your phone with a notebook.
I just think, Su,
that you need to learn how to relax.
This is relaxing!
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go bake a loaf of bread
and eat it!
Jack! Wait!
God.
Okay.
"Focus on the present moment."
That's what you've been saying.
- "Practice listening to your body."
- Gross.
"Go on an adventure together."
That sounds like a Tinder profile.
"Acknowledge your gifts. Practice gratitude.
Do things for others."
I don't really think
we should be using the list as a weapon.
Why won't you just do the gifts?
Can you think of a thing you're gifted at?
Jack.
Jack.
What is that?
Has this been here the whole time?
The pouffe? Yeah. I don't know. Probably.
I don't think people are going around
putting pouffes in people's cabins.
Jack. Can you focus on your gifts
for one second?
I floss and parents love me.
Let's do "Be honest about something
you've never told anyone."
You know, I just think that honesty's best
in small doses spread out over a lifetime.
Okay, well, Jack,
I feel like I never get much from you
outside the regular Jack stuff.
- What is wrong with the regular Jack stuff?
- Well, I mean, deeper stuff, Jack.
- Can you pass me the body wash?
- Yeah, which one?
It's the little green.
Here you go.
Oh, what about this one?
What are you really afraid of?
I guess that I'm afraid
of my own blood coursing through my body.
Okay, well,
I'm afraid of our lives getting stagnant.
Why are you making up problems
that don't exist?
I think they do exist.
I'm not like you, I can't just sit around,
waiting for life to happen to me.
I wanna achieve something this week, okay?
I lost my job for this week.
Can you pass me the face wash?
- Which one is the face wash?
- It's the orange one.
- Jack, acquaint yourself with the soaps.
- I don't... None of them are labeled.
We should be doubling down on our work,
not running away from everything.
- You know what's authentic?
- What?
A paycheck with benefits
and having a goddamn savings account.
- Su, you know that I have 37,000...
- Your Bitcoin does not count, Jack!
I'm 30. My mom had three kids
by the time she was my age.
You're 34. What are you doing?
No. No.
Ethanol? What?
They're attracted to ethanol?
What is it? Is that a drink?
No, no, just the sherry.
It's here, I'll get it. Hang...
Hi, Surina, are you watching this?
Those rats in New York?
They're not rats. They're not rats, Su.
- They're talking about it on Fox & Friends.
- Jeez, Mom.
Hi, Su. When did you decide to go away?
You didn't tell me...
Okay, let's do this.
- What, turn on our phones?
- What? No, definitely not.
I wanna do the list.
Yeah.
I thought about my one honesty thing
that I've never told anyone before.
Really?
Yeah, and I agree with you,
like, we should be productive about
this week and stop fucking around, okay?
Because I don't want there
to be any secrets between us, Su.
Jack, I'm sorry.
Just... Before you say anything,
can I just say what I have prepared?
- Yeah, sorry, go ahead.
- Thank you.
I don't know how to be a man.
Okay.
Like, you know how my dad is really great
at man stuff.
Like, he can catch a fish
and get the hook out of a fish's mouth
when it's still wobbling on the ground,
and then gut it
and then feed it to the whole family.
My brothers, they picked up on that stuff,
and they all know basic plumbing,
and I don't know how to get
the hook out of a fish's mouth
and I don't know anything about plumbing.
- Jack, you're good at...
- Just, I'm trying to...
And, look, I know that
that's all bullshit masculinity
and I never wanted
to be that type of guy anyway.
So I sort of hid behind
this idea of a modern man
so I wouldn't have
to do that type of guy stuff.
But I'm, like,
not good at the new stuff either.
Yeah, I can cook, I can cook.
But I can't tell if a bathroom is dirty,
and I am such a bad listener.
And, like, I know that when you wanna
talk about stuff and get honest,
I just shut down,
and I retreat inward, and I get so silent,
but that's just because I hate
the sound of my own voice.
It is so pathetic.
God, that felt so good. You go.
What?
Yeah, it doesn't have to be big like mine.
It could be a small confession or...
It feels so good to get it off your chest.
I think you should go.
A confession?
Yeah, I mean, we both have to do it, right?
Yeah, of course.
I just can't think of anything right now.
Okay, what's, like, the last thing that you
weren't completely honest with me about?
- The last thing?
- Yeah, the last thing.
- The last thing.
- Yeah.
Anything, honestly, big, small.
I mean, it could be so fucked up.
I eat my contacts.
What?
Every two weeks, I eat my contacts.
When I change to a new pair,
I eat the old ones.
- Your contact lenses?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I've had contacts forever,
and I didn't always do that.
I just wanted to eat them one night,
and now I can't stop.
Su, this is so bad.
It's actually something I'm really scared of
because that can't be good for your body.
What the hell?
What?
A critter just flew by so fast.
A critter? What, like a...?
Like a fox or a squirrel, or...?
I guess, like a hedgehog?
What does a hedgehog look like?
You know like when Sonic the Hedgehog's
in a small little ball, going so fast?
Did it look like a rat?
No, it was too big and too fast to be a rat.
Jesus.
I'm sure it's fine.
- Give me that one.
- Okay.
- You're so sneaky.
- Thank you so much.
- Hey, come on, now.
- Okay.
I don't even feel like looking
at my phone at all right now.
Maybe we should just move out of New York.
Get a plot of land somewhere.
- Sure.
- Start a restaurant.
I wonder how much land up here costs.
You wanna buy property?
Yeah, or we could do it in Brooklyn,
you know?
Or maybe that, like,
adds to gentrification. I don't know.
Okay, so upstate. Yeah, we'll do upstate.
Who knows? Maybe in a year,
we start thinking about having kids.
Yeah, maybe in a year,
we could start actively trying.
Yeah, no, like you said,
we'll just start thinking about having kids.
My baby's drunk.
That's not true.
I just have a little bit of a buzz on.
I'm so sorry.
- I did not wanna do this. I'm so sorry, Su.
- Unbelievable.
I did not envision this happening.
- I actually wanted you to win.
- Did you?
I did.
Okay, what is this?
Just all this talk about the future is...
Okay. Mortgage.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
401(k).
College fund.
Let's have sex on the unfinished puzzle.
Say something about the stock market.
Collateralized debt obligation.
- Not that.
- Not that.
What is it?
Get out of here!
You leave us alone!
It's okay. Who is it, what is it?
- It's a lion.
- Okay.
There's a lion looking at me!
No, it's okay, it's okay.
Just come back to sleep.
- You stay away from my girlfriend!
- Oh, that's very nice.
- You leave us alone.
- That's really manly, thank you.
- There's a lion in the room.
- Yeah, yeah.
There's a lion trying to eat me.
Trying to eat my girlfriend.
I'm feeling pretty good about stuff.
Can you make breakfast?
Like one of your really good breakfasts?
You want a really good one now, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.
I got you, Su.
Yes!
We did a really good job of that puzzle.
What the...?
Wait, what the fuck?
What?
What happened to my starter?
Did you bake it all yesterday?
Did I bake it all? What? No, I've been
cultivating this for six months.
"Did I bake it all?" I would never. Jesus.
Are there raccoons around here?
Did we drink all the whiskey?
No, there's plenty left.
Did we spill it?
God!
I can't believe
these little fuckers ate it all!
Jesus, they licked it clean.
Maybe Blake still has some of the offspring.
Oh, I fucking bet he didn't feed it.
God.
My starter. What...?
What does that?
Is there ethanol in sourdough starter?
What are you talking about?
Su?
Hey.
Did you move the pouffe?
- No. Do you want me to move it back...?
- No, no, no, don't touch it.
Okay.
I think maybe that's not just a pouffe.
I guess I don't really know
what a pouffe is.
What? It's like an ottoman,
like a furry footstool.
Okay, I thought
it was more like a decorative pouffe.
- A decorative pouffe? What do you mean?
- That's... I don't... I do not know.
Okay, what do you think it is?
I don't know.
- Okay, yeah, just...
- No.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
- Oh, my God!
- What the fuck was that?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
No, no, seriously, what...? What was that?
That was, like, not, like, a normal animal.
I need to tell you something,
and you have to promise not to be mad at me.
What, wait, what, Su?
Let me secure everything.
Secure everything? What is happening?
Su, what is happening?
- Oh, my God. Okay.
- Su. Su? Su.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What is happening?
- Okay, so...
Well, yesterday, I was mad, and then,
my mom, she was talking about these rats.
- Your mom?
- I thought it was the usual crap because...
Wait, what are you talking about?
I turned my phone on.
What?
- I know. Just for a second. But listen...
- You broke the pact.
- Yeah, I know. But, Jack, listen to me.
- You lied to me.
- Technically, I just omitted information.
- That is the same!
Okay, Jack.
There were these voicemails from my mom.
I thought she was just talking about,
like, Fox News or whatever,
but she kept saying
that these rats were taking over the city,
and, like, something about ethanol,
and it's just...
- What?
- I don't know. I didn't listen to all of it.
But isn't it just a little weird we see
this freaky little creature all of a sudden?
And then... And then the whiskey and
the sourdough, that's ethanol stuff, right?
What are you saying?
I don't know,
but we need to turn our phones back on.
- We have to.
- No. No, Su! No.
Okay, you're right, yeah.
Let's get back online.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
Thank you.
What?
I got three more voicemails now
and a bunch of texts. What about you?
No signal.
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah. I don't have a signal either.
God, no messages, nothing.
What?
Well, it's just if...
If you would've told me yesterday,
maybe I'd have all my messages too, so...
Okay, whatever. Just...
What...? What do your messages say?
Okay. Francis.
"Where are you guys? Are you seeing this?
They're infesting all the bars.
Brooklyn is fucked.
Let us know that you guys are okay, okay?"
What the fuck?
Kate. "Everyone's assembling
at Yankee Stadium.
Wait, no, don't go there,
it's been destroyed."
Em. "Can I come over? Julian is 'dwad.'"
Oh, dead.
"I don't know what to do."
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, Julian.
What do the voicemails say?
Yeah, right.
Hi, Su. When did you decide to go away?
You didn't tell me that.
They're saying these big rats from Brazil
have gotten into New York
and are causing a lot of damage.
It's very dangerous, Su!
Anyway, listen, could you please have
a think about Thanksgiving?
Because the flights are gonna
start getting expensive.
Okay? Bye!
Oh, my God, it's fucking June, Mom.
- Okay, just next... Next one, next one.
- Okay.
Hi, Surina. Are you watching this?
Those rats in New York, they're not rats.
They're not rats, Su.
They're talking about it on Fox & Friends.
It's unbelievable.
They're some kind of alien,
would you believe it?
- Extraterrestrials. All over the world.
- Aliens?
- Gene saw one in his backyard.
- I didn't listen to this part.
Hang on, Carol's calling me.
I'll call you back, bye, bye, bye.
That's it, that's the end.
I mean, we're toast. Aliens, Su.
Jack, just stop. There's more.
- Ethanol? What?
- They're attracted to ethanol.
They're attracted to ethanol?
What is it, is it a drink?
No, just the sherry. It's here, I'll get it.
Hang on, hang on.
Surina, hello? Are you there?
Pick up if you're there, pick up.
Okay. I love you. I'm going to Carol's. Bye.
Oh, I just ignored her.
I didn't even... I just thought
she was, like, a crazy person.
I didn't even try.
Hey, hey. I'm sure it's okay.
That's the last voicemail I have from her.
Okay, and who were
the other voicemails from?
Raph. Your mom.
- Yeah, play them? Play them, play them.
- Okay.
Sorry, making a smoothie.
Listen, shit's getting weird here
in New York,
so I'm gonna come up there to the cabin
and chill with you guys till this rides out.
Sorry to crash your vibe. Peace.
- When is that message from?
- Yesterday at 1:30 p.m.
Fuck!
Okay, next one, next one.
Hey, Su. Listen, I'm trying
to get in touch with Jack,
and so I tried you, but sounds like
you two have the same ridiculous voicemail.
Anywhoozle, we just wanted to let you know
we loaded up the boat,
and we're gonna be out on the water
until all of this blows over.
Dad has stored up six weeks of canned food,
so don't worry about us, all right?
He's got everything under control.
Listen, if you get this in the next hour,
we can pick you up at any port, all right?
Hope you get this. Bye.
What time's that from?
Five thirty-five p.m., yesterday.
Fuck. Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck, I'm probably just leaving a message
for two dead people right now.
We're all gonna die anyway.
So I'm coming, my grandfather's gun is
in the chest in the basement.
The code is...
the year penicillin was invented.
Have it ready for me.
Get away from it. No, it'll close up!
We could've got out.
Okay, well,
maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Aliens, Su!
I'm sorry, but you had ample time to tell me
about this yesterday, we could have escaped!
We could be on a fucking boat right now!
Okay, what are we even doing here?
It's your friend's cabin...
I didn't know there were gonna be aliens
on planet Earth!
I didn't either!
- Let's not argue, it's not helpful to argue.
- You were arguing.
I'm trying to voice my opinion
and then you were starting to argue with me.
Okay, fine, let's just both shut up.
Yeah, you're right. Okay.
Yes, just chill,
and let's just think about this
for a second. So...
Okay.
I think we should go into town,
try to get cell service,
and then we'll call your parents
and meet them by the water.
Okay.
Don't you think, though, it'd be safer
if we just stayed here and, you know, hide?
No!
No, no, no!
- What, the car won't start?
- Come on!
- It's out of gas.
- We just put $30 into the tank.
This is an emergency alert.
Take shelter and stay tuned for updates.
Is there ethanol in gas?
I don't know these things, Su.
No, windows up, windows up, windows...
Definitely do not get out of the car!
Oh, my God.
Okay, Su, I need you to be a little bit
more focused on safety right now, okay?
Jack, it drank the gas.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, so...
I guess that we just stay put, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
Yes.
We have about three days' worth of food.
And kind of seems like the place
people would wanna escape to, yeah? So...
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Food. Shelter.
And we have a gun in the basement.
No, no, no. Su.
Okay, I'm not adding a gun to the situation.
There's enough danger as it is. No gun.
I can't, I cannot do that, can't do that.
Jack.
Jack, I know, trust me, I know.
The presence of a gun,
having a gun in the home,
increases the probability
of one of us being shot.
I hate guns too. The statistics...
If I so much as pick up a gun,
I'm more likely to shoot you
than anything else in the house.
I know, Jack, I know the statistics.
You're 11 times more likely to kill yourself
than any external threat.
Exactly.
No guns.
No gun.
- It's just, we might need to use the gun.
- No. No, no, no.
Like if...
aliens are coming toward us,
a gun might stop them.
Okay. We're gun people.
- No...
- We are gun people now.
My grandfather's gun is
in the chest in the basement.
The code is...
the year penicillin was invented.
Have it ready for me.
Get away from it. No, it'll close up!
Sounded like 1970?
Or like 1770.
1777, 1777, 1870?
What was penicillin the cure for?
- Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna start at 1700.
- Okay, that's great, thank you.
I just hope my mom's okay.
Oh, I wish I could call her.
Su, you can't just think about...
Yeah, right.
1704...
And the thing about... That's, you know,
- because when you have parents, then they...
- What?
Just, I can't...
I can't do the code and talk, yeah.
There we go. Thank you.
- So let's not speculate.
- Right.
What do we know? What do we not know?
Okay. What do we know, what do we know?
Well, we know
that there are aliens on planet Earth.
Jesus Christ.
And we know that they look
like tiny, furry, little foot stools
and that New York has been evacuated,
which means that other cities
have been evacuated as well.
Look, we can't think about this
in terms of, like, movies we've seen
because these are aliens
from another planet,
not Earth,
so it doesn't really make sense
to be talking in terms of wants.
Because those are really
Earth-based behaviors.
Okay, we have to start somewhere.
I don't think so.
I think we should start nowhere.
I'm gonna start looking for more stuff
to make weapons.
Wait, are you leaving this room?
Yeah, I think there's more weapon-y stuff
in the basement.
But... Okay, just be careful.
It's the... The pouffe is so fast and sneaky.
Right, those are Earth-based attributes,
but, yeah, okay.
- What the hell was that?
- I dropped a flashlight.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know, I don't know.
I just...
God.
Can we not split up again?
It's just too scary.
Yeah, sorry.
I got tape, flashlight, a broom,
and I think we should use the wine.
Use the wine?
- Yeah, as, like, a distraction bomb.
- What?
Okay, so the pouffe is coming towards us,
we have the wine, we throw it very far away,
it shatters,
the pouffe goes right towards the wine.
It's not a bad idea. It's pretty clever.
Thanks, yeah. I mean...
The hinges aren't on.
Looks like it just...
Oh, bingo.
Yes.
We should test it.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm just protecting my ears.
I think you should too.
Just shoot the gun.
Okay.
God, this trigger's hard to...
Jack! Are you...?
Is there any in my hair?
- No, I think you're good.
- Yeah, cool.
How about on my body?
- You're good, are you okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, fine.
I hid the bullets too, in a separate place.
Regardless of everything else,
I'm glad we're on the same page about guns.
- I'm starving.
- Me too.
We should probably ration, though, right?
Yeah.
We should make go bags,
in case we have to leave really suddenly.
Okay. Yeah, like passports
and birth certificates.
No, we don't have those. Okay, yeah,
go bags, that's a good idea. Okay.
We have spaghetti squash, micro greens,
lamb chops, leftover quinoa...
Would it have killed us
to have gotten some nonperishables?
Okay. Three, two, one, go.
Fuck!
On the move.
Hut! Hut!
Get the ice.
- It won't close, it won't close!
- It's okay, it's okay, let's go, let's go.
All right. And I'm here.
Banana bag, the duffel, the backpack.
Good.
Twenty-three seconds. Not bad.
Seems like a lot of stuff
to carry on the run.
Okay, okay.
Sean Connery.
What time are you going to Wimbledon?
I don't know.
"I was thinking about 10-ish."
That's a good one.
Okay, Sean Connery.
What did Sean Connery say
to the hostage who had a beard?
I don't know.
"I came here to shave you."
Is anyone going to shave us?
Or are we gonna have to shave ourselves?
If it's as bad as it seems,
everything's gonna be different.
Maybe I can be a part of the team
that rebuilds the Internet.
Jackie.
Yeah?
We don't have any skills.
Are you scared?
A little bit.
Me too. A little bit.
You should go to sleep for a bit.
I wouldn't abandon you. No way.
I'm not even tired yet, seriously.
I'll wake you up when I'm tired
and then you can keep watch.
I love you, Jackie.
I know they don't look like us, Jack.
But who's to say
they won't take better care of this place?
Get out of here!
Jack, it's okay, it's okay.
Pouffe on the couch!
- You stay away from us!
- There's a pouffe on the couch!
- Jack, we need to go!
- What's happening?
- I need a minute.
- Jack, we need to get out of here! Jack!
- Run, Jack.
- Okay.
Let's go! Let's go.
Okay. Okay. Come on. Come on.
That was the pouffe, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was. It was.
- Barn, barn, barn!
- Barn!
No, no, no, I just woke up!
Okay, okay.
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay.
Okay.
Keys?
Keys.
- Car!
- Yeah.
- Car!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Okay. Keys. Yeah.
No hole!
No hole, no hole, no hole.
- You have to put the clutch in.
- It's stick shift?
- Stick, you can't drive a stick?
- Can you?
No.
Well, my boyfriend in college
taught me once, but it was once.
I don't know, I'm not very good!
I don't know.
Okay.
Oh, my God, yeah.
All right. Okay.
Put the clutch in, turn the engine...
Have to keep the clutch in.
Go, go, go! Su, Su!
Go, go, go.
- Go, go, go!
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!
Okay.
- Okay. Come on, Su, a little faster.
- Okay, this is as fast as it goes.
All right. All right.
Going, going, going.
Going. Wait.
The go bags.
Goddamn it, the go bags.
We can do this.
Twenty-three seconds, we got this.
- Su, the pouffe is in the cabin!
- Right.
Okay, let's forget the fridge stuff.
Then we don't have to go in the cabin.
We have the go bags by the door with
the essentials, that's all we need, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
So I'm gonna reverse.
You're gonna go to the wood pile,
get the ax.
I'm gonna go in the cabin,
get the bags by the door.
We'll meet back in the car and reverse.
Reverse, go to the wood pile,
go back to the door, get the bags,
get outside, take the other...
Are you listening or are you repeating?
Yeah, go to the ax... I'm so sorry.
Just one more time.
No, just get the ax... Okay, I'm so sorry.
What is it? What, say it one more time?
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
- Su, Su!
- What?
- Stop! Pouffe on the roof.
- What?
Pouffe on the roof!
It didn't drink the gas.
I don't think it... Is it clear?
I don't know.
Is it good?
I don't know, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Here, got you.
Let's go.
Okay. Okay.
Do you see any?
- What was that?
- It doesn't matter, let's just keep going.
- Yeah?
- Okay.
Okay.
- Hey-o.
- Oh, God!
All right, yeah, I'm not an expert,
but don't you think
that we should be switching gears?
Damn it, I slept in my contacts.
Oh, what, you didn't eat them?
Still no service?
No, no service.
Hey, hey, hey, wait, what is that?
Oh, stop, stop, stop.
Oh, no.
Oh, God, it's a pouffe. Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
It sucked out the gas!
It sucked out the gas.
- It's a fluffer!
- Shoot it!
Holy shit.
- It's going right through!
- It's going straight through.
Oh, my God.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Oh, fuck.
No, no, no.
- Shit, Su, reverse.
- Oh, my God, okay.
- Reverse, reverse.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Can't get it.
Jack, what are you doing?
Jack!
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
- It worked.
- It worked.
Holy shit.
Oh, God.
It's in my mouth.
Did it just pouffe us?
Is it gone?
Yeah. I think so.
Yeah, drive.
Jesus, that's a lot of blood.
What was that?
That's a baby.
That's definitely a crying baby
in the truck.
Okay, what if it wasn't a baby?
What if it was, like, a bird or something?
Under normal circumstances,
you know I would help the baby out.
You know I would.
I just think that right now
we should be just full-blown selfish, yeah?
Jack, we can't be the people who left
the crying baby in the truck, though.
Maybe we didn't hear it. Right?
What if we just drove by
and we didn't even hear it, the baby?
- Shit!
- Oh, God.
God. Shit.
Shit, it's a baby.
Should we just take it
or should we leave a note?
I'd like to get the fuck out of here
as fast as possible.
Okay, okay.
Hi.
Okay, we're gonna get you out of here.
Yes, we are.
I got you.
Can you help me with the seat belt?
You're okay. It's okay.
- It's just, it's stuck, I don't know why.
- Okay.
- What the hell?
- Actually, should we just get him out
- and just not worry about the whole thing?
- I'm trying to get the whole thing out.
- Okay, just take him out.
- Is this a button or a knob?
Tell me how this...
That's how you should do it,
let me look for something.
Why would it look like a button
if it's not a button?
- It's like military grade. I don't know.
- Why would you make it...?
Oh, it's stuck. But...
It's a diesel, isn't it?
A lady!
I'm gonna take the car, okay?
Okay, no, no, no!
There are six more bullets left in this gun.
- Don't take the car.
- Don't do this, please don't do this!
- We don't know what we're doing!
- You can't leave us here!
What about the baby?
It's not my baby.
Wait.
What is happening?
We're fucked.
I mean, we were fucked,
and now we have no car and a fucking baby!
Where did she come from, the woods?
The go bags, Jack.
What the fuck just happened?
If we had the gun,
we would still have the car.
Su, if we had a gun, she would've shot us
and then stolen the car.
Is he okay?
Of course he's not okay.
His parents are dead and he's stuck with us.
You're okay. You're okay, little guy.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
Okay, let's just grab their shit
and let's go.
Okay, where?
I don't know, the woods, the other way?
Okay, yeah.
Shit.
Okay, come on.
Still no service.
Okay, let's stay away from houses and cars.
Hi.
Hurry up because I think
we're kind of in a hot zone here.
The car probably still smells like ethanol.
Bingo.
Feel like I can still smell the pouffe.
My birth control was in the car.
Goddamn it.
If we don't get rescued in the next
three days, I'm going to get my period.
Is that how that works?
Instant noodles, electrolytes, epinephrine.
There's a birth certificate
for this little guy.
- Oh, my God.
- What? What is it?
No!
Baby Jack?
Baby Jack.
We have two... We have two Jacks.
I think Baby Jack shat himself.
Do you know how to do it?
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
I mean, it's not cricket science.
Cricket?
- Rocket science.
- Yeah.
I changed my nephew a couple of times.
He peed on me once,
so I learned my lesson there.
You gotta keep your head back.
Just put him on the ground, or...?
Changing mat.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Hi. Hi, Baby Jack.
Hi.
Okay, Baby Jack.
Okay, there we go.
What do we got here,
a little snappy snappies?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you got a little frown on, huh?
You little frowny guy.
Can you grab his legs?
This is, like, a two-person job.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
Okay.
There we go.
Litterbug.
I think I need to sit down.
Okay.
Yeah.
Here we go.
You're really pretty.
I guess I feel pretty.
I can't see you very well,
but I would say you look strong.
Yeah.
- I feel strong.
- Good.
I mean, this is what
we should've done all along.
- Had a baby, living wild and free.
- Yeah. Baby.
No, no, no burden of a job or society.
Yeah!
Now we have...
Now we have a son.
What?
What?
What did you say?
Do you wanna meet the officiant?
Su, this is Reverend Tree.
Reverend Tree, Su.
Hey. He's marrying us.
We're getting married?
- Yeah, we are.
- We're getting married.
Yes.
Let us promise to always
listen to each other's thoughts and feelings
and to never lie,
especially when it pertains to aliens.
Okay.
And let's just get jobs
and contribute to society.
And let's rebuild the country.
- Just give me one second.
- Of course, take your time,
I don't need an answer right now.
That's what I told the guy.
I said you ever gonna come around here
another time,
you better shove that up your ass,
trying to sell me a coconut.
Oh, Su, what is this?
Su, Su, Su?
Jack.
Jack.
Jack, Jack, Jack.
Come snug me.
Jack, I'm gonna save you.
I got it. I got it.
Is that string cheese?
Don't fight me.
I'm not gonna fight. I like that stuff.
Remove blue.
One.
Two.
Three.
Su.
Oh, God.
Su. Su, Su.
Su.
- Su.
- What?
- We've been drugged, something happened.
- What's happening?
- You stabbing me?
- No, no, no.
The pouffe, it pouffed us.
And we just gotta go.
It's not very safe out right now, okay?
Oh, no.
I lost a contact.
It's not in my eye.
- Oh, shit.
- Goddamn it.
All my other contacts are
in the goddamn car.
Hey, whatever happened to your glasses?
I didn't like the way they looked,
so I threw them in the garbage.
Okay.
Well, can you see at all?
Like, through one eye.
Still no service.
Su?
What?
Where's Baby Jack?
Jack?
Jack!
I mean, he was here, and then I was here,
and then he went...
We lost the baby.
Of course we lost the baby.
I don't think he could've gotten far.
Yeah, sure, we can't even take care
of ourselves, let alone a baby.
We should've just left him in the car
for someone more capable to find him.
Jack, we're idiots.
We should be dead
instead of Baby Jack's parents.
Su, I think you're just having a hard time
right now because we were poisoned.
No, the world is fucked,
and we should stop pretending it's not!
Okay, maybe if we just be quiet,
we can hear him.
Okay?
We're gonna die out here!
Su, Su, Su, no, no, no.
We're not dying. Hey, we're not dying.
We're not dying.
Let's just try to focus on one thing.
Finding the baby.
Yeah, focus with me, okay.
Baby Jack!
Pouffe.
Is it looking at us or is it looking at him?
Okay, on the count of three,
you grab the knife, and I'll grab the wine.
One...
Now!
Jack!
Jack.
Su, the wine.
Okay.
- Come on, Su.
- Okay.
Jack!
Jack!
I'm alive, I'm alive!
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Jack, Jack.
What the fuck?
You okay?
Hi.
No way.
Oh, baby, I know.
It's okay.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
I mean, it almost killed me, but I think so.
You stepped between me and the pouffe.
Yeah.
You shielded me.
Well, you savagely murdered that pouffe
when it was attacking me.
I really... I didn't like it.
I really didn't want to.
- I don't like killing things.
- Yeah.
Sorry, I can't stop shaking.
It's okay.
I'm shaking too.
And we're chock-full
of epinephrine right now.
I think we're close to the trail.
We should just keep going up that hill.
What, do you love me or something?
What...? What is epinephrine?
I don't know.
Is that the lookout?
Really is a nice view, huh?
Here.
We were here just a few days ago.
Three days ago.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
Oh, I don't think it matters
who we are anymore.
Yeah?
Right?
Yeah?
Oh, there's a thingy.
Su, there's something over there.
Was that there before?
What is that?
- Just looking.
- Su.
- I'm just looking.
- Su!
What is she doing?
Yeah, what's she doing?
Okay, we're touching it.
I can't.
There's like a... Like a force field.
Great. Well, maybe we don't touch it.
Yeah, it's not safe.
What's safe now, Jack?
Okay.
Let's touch the thing.
Cool.
Is it a communication tower or something?
Look, it just keeps going,
like down into the ground.
Phone?
- Phone!
- It's me.
- Phone.
- It's me. It's me.
Phone.
- Yes!
- Yeah?
- Yes!
- My God, who is it?
- Who is it, what is it?
- No! It won't pick up, it's totally busted.
It won't answer. It won't answer.
Check yours, check yours, check yours.
It's on.
Oh, my God, I have signal.
- Oh, my God, yeah.
- Yes.
- So many texts.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Okay, go to CNN.
Okay, all right.
I'm standing in the center
of what used to be Johannesburg.
- What?
- What is that?
Go to Twitter.
- This isn't right.
- I don't know.
- What is happening?
- This can't be real.
Go to Facebook.
...all right on the checkpoint.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, no!
- Shit! Help. Help!
- Help! Help!
- Help!
- Help!
We're in a pouffe trap!
- We're in a fucking pouffe trap!
- Shit, shit, shit. Shit, Jack.
- Okay, wait... Su, Su, the phone!
- Oh, my God, yes! Let me call my mom?
No, I don't wanna worry her.
- 911.
- We should call 911.
Okay.
- Speaker, speaker.
- Speaker.
You have called 911.
Due to high call volume...
- Shit!
- ...we're unable to answer your call now.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Okay, this is Surina Raji.
And Jack Wyndam.
Residents of Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
Yeah, hi, we're currently...
We're somewhere near Pine Bush, New York.
And we have a baby, we found him, Baby Jack.
And we're in a pod, and we're...
It's some alien trap of some sort
and we can't get out.
And we're going up.
- We're going up.
- Su.
We're going up.
- We're moving up now.
- Okay.
Su?
So, yeah, if you get this,
call us back at 917...
You have been disconnected.
Okay.
Oh, shit.
We're... We're in the sky, Su.
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Hey. Everything's gonna be all right.
Everything's fine.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
- Are you having trouble breathing?
- Yeah.
Okay.
Oxygen.
Are we saved?