Satan's Little Helper (2004) - full transcript
During Halloween, theater student Jenna Whooly returns to Bell Island to spend the holiday with her family and her boyfriend Alex Martin, a classmate of hers who was also raised on the island. Her younger brother Douglas "Dougie" Whooly is very attached to Jenna and is fascinated with the video game "Satan's Little Helper," and he becomes jealous with the presence of Alex. He leaves home wearing his costume of Satan's little helper, seeking Satan himself on the streets so he can ask him to kill Alex. Dougie meets a serial killer who, coincidently, is wearing a costume of Satan and decides to help him. He brings the insane murderer home, and Jenna and her mother Merrill Whooly believe that the masked killer is Alex acting like Satan to please Dougie. Later, the boy walks with the maniac along the streets, helping him to terrorize the locals.
10 points.
50 points.
Bonus points.
100 points.
Mom, he's ripping
his guts out.
Oh, guardian angel.
Crap.
Oh, no, God's getting us.
Mom, there's a blind man.
Oh, nice.
Yes.
Cool.
50 points.
10 points.
50 points.
I'm getting so good
at being helper.
Dougie, shh,
I'm on the phone.
Can I play online
if all my homework's done?
Betty.
No, I'm in the car.
I'm going to pick up Jenna
at the ferry.
She came home to spend
Halloween with her brother.
Is that true love or what?
Jenna's my girlfriend.
I'm gonna marry her.
He says he's gonna marry her.
Yes.
I don't think they got up
to the word "incest"
in the third grade yet.
You said "sex."
I said "incest."
And don't be so snoopy.
Play your game.
She always takes Dougie out
on Halloween.
She doesn't want
to break the tradition.
I know.
When Jenna takes me,
we're gonna find Satan,
and I'm gonna show him
what a good helper I am.
There really is a Satan, right?
That's why
I was calling you.
I do have a costume.
I'm putting together
this Carmen Miranda
and Chiquita Banana type thing.
It came to me
in a dream.
Actually, I was stoned.
So is there?
What?
Is there what there?
A Satan in real life?
Um, hey, Betty,
can you hold on a sec?
Well, ah,
for man,
Satan represents evil.
And evil does occur here
and everywhere
in the whole world.
And so, in that sense,
Satan does exist,
except that he
doesn't look like anything.
He doesn't go running around
with horns and a tail.
Unless, of course,
he's wearing a costume
like his little helper does.
Yes.
Hey, Betty,
I see the ferry.
Jenna!
Jenna!
Jenna.
Jenna!
Dougie!
Dougie!
Jenna!
Oh, I missed you so much.
Okay, we're gonna find Satan
when we go trick-or-treating.
We are?
Let's see the costume.
Oh, Satan's Little Helper.
That's so cool.
Mom made it.
She did?
Well, then we better
find Satan.
And I can
do karate.
Oh, I'd better
watch out.
Oh, Mom.
Where's Dad?
Oh, he's at work.
On a Saturday?
Well, it's either that
or he's having an affair.
Mom.
Show me
your hands.
Come on, show me.
Oh, you're
biting them again.
Don't embarrass me.
Mom, Dougie,
this is Alex.
Hi.
Hello.
Dougie, I've heard
so much about you.
We met up at school,
then we discovered
we're both from Bell Island
and both theater majors too.
Kind of a kismet thing.
I'll say.
And since I was coming home
for Halloween
and it's Alex's favorite
holiday too,
I figure we can all
go trick-or-treating together.
No!
Dougie.
He gets
kind of possessive.
He's had his heart set
on marrying her.
Now you're competition.
Listen, I don't have to go
trick-or-treating with you guys
if it's gonna ruin your plans
with your brother.
No, no, he just needs
to get used to you.
I'm sure
he'll be fine.
So how is it
you guys never met before,
I mean,
at least in high school?
Uh, I didn't go
to Bell Island High.
So what?
You went
to boarding school?
Boarding schools suck.
Dougie.
Believe me,
boarding school
was not my first choice.
His dad forced him.
Forced him?
That's not very nice.
By the way,
am I taking you home?
Actually, he's coming
to our house.
He might stay over.
We're not sure.
What?
Oh.
Dougie, where you going?
To find Satan.
And without you.
Wait.
What's with all this Satan stuff
all of a sudden?
Oh, your dad got him
this new video game
called Satan's Little Helper.
He's got it on this,
on his computer.
Mom. What?
The door?
Take this, please.
Alex, our house.
House, meet Alex.
Nice.
Very homey.
You don't have
to do that.
Oh, I can't help it.
When my dad
divorced my mom,
he took one of his girlfriends
with him to Japan.
Brought back the whole
"no shoes in the house" policy.
Beat it into my head
ever since.
Can't wait to see what you've
got for costumes this year.
Actually,
we don't have anything.
We've been totally
racking our brains
but can't come up
with a thing.
Theater majors,
shame on you.
I know.
It's totally weird.
Would you like to wear
what I made for myself
last Halloween?
A Renaissance slut?
I still don't know
what you were thinking.
Alex, help he here,
will ya?
She is an actress,
isn't she?
Last I heard.
Mother,
that is so not me.
I still have it
all in the attic.
You get undressed.
I'll go look for it.
Alex, make yourself at home.
And as soon
as we're finished,
I'll see if I can
help you out.
If you get bored,
play with this.
No, Mom.
Come back here, you.
Come up the stairs.
What the heck are you
supposed to be, Whooly?
Satan's Little Helper.
That is so gay.
Just wait till I find Satan
and he sends you all to hell.
Let's see how you laugh then.
Yeah, right.
Ah, that is great.
That looks so real.
Oh, my God,
they're like melons.
Yep, you are
a lusty wench.
I can't let Alex
see me like this.
We just met.
I mean, you know,
started dating.
Actually, it's our first
official date,
and I can't believe
my own mother's
trying to turn me
into a whore.
What is this about Alex
not wanting to go home?
He doesn't get along
with his dad.
He didn't even tell him
he was coming.
Why?
Same old.
He doesn't want him acting.
Wants him to take over
his toupee business.
His toupee business.
His toupee--
You look at yourself now.
Want some cider?
Isn't that a bit
too much makeup, my lady?
Nah, the more, the better.
Not that the blokes
be looking at me face
when they got these
tender morsels in their hands.
Trick or treat.
Well,
what do you think?
Wow.
You look stunning.
Really?
I can't believe your mom
wore that for Halloween.
I know.
Well, what you gonna be
for All Hallows Eve, eh?
You know,
I was just thinking.
Your brother's
so into this game,
maybe I'll dress as Satan
for him for Halloween.
Oh, that's
a great idea.
I figured, "I've lived
with Satan all my life.
"It should be
easy to draw from him
to get the character down."
Hey, Alex.
Cider?
Sure.
Mom, Alex got
his inspiration.
He's going to be Satan.
Oh, that's nice.
I bet this will
make Dougie really happy.
I'm sure he'll
start warming up to you.
I hope so.
How the hell
does he do that?
Crap, that is so cool.
Awesome.
Are you Satan?
Wait.
I'm Douglas Whooly.
Can I be your helper?
Can you talk?
Then why don't you?
'Cause you don't need to?
How many points
for killing that old guy?
I forgot.
20?
That's all?
So, Master,
next could we send
my sister's new boyfriend,
Alex, down to hell?
They go to college together,
and they're at my house.
And I only want to go
trick-or-treating
with my sister.
And you don't have worry,
'cause my dad's away at work.
Afraid God might see us?
So can you?
And can I be your helper?
This is gonna be so fun.
Well, let's just let this cider
cool off a bit.
Thanks, Jim.
This Halloween marks...
Oh, look,
Billy Flarin.
...Billy Flarin arson incident.
Mayor Flarin assures us
that this time around...
He went
to my high school.
Adding that Billy
has been born again
and poses no threat
to the community.
Nevertheless, fire officials
are advising residents
of Bell Island
to extinguish all candles
from outside their homes.
Lisa G, WNTC News.
Bet you didn't have
any arsonists at your school.
No, I guess
I missed out.
I'm gonna go get us
some special cider mugs.
She's so weird.
I'm sorry.
I need to show you something.
If you need me
to do karate, I can.
Look.
Was that good?
This could be
our secret door to Hell.
So cool.
I hide down here
all the time.
I can make
all the noise I want,
and no one hears me.
You can have some.
Are you wearing a costume
so no one could see
what you really look like?
Just like me?
Can I see?
Okay.
Smash!
Oh, that so looks like blood.
Is Dougie back yet?
Dougie!
Dougie!
I'm down here, in hell!
Well, come on up!
Alex wants to
tell you something.
Okay, I'll get him
to come downstairs,
and then you can-- gsskk!
Duh, what kind of helper
do you think I am?
Did you find Satan?
No.
Come downstairs.
I have to show you something.
Well, what's up?
Just something.
Oh, no, now,
don't pull on him.
You're gonna make him
spill his cider.
Now, everyone,
into the dining room, please.
Drink your cider
in the dining room.
You want some?
No.
Well, just go
into the dining room
and sit with your sister.
She came all the way
just to see you.
Go on.
So, Dougie,
how about I dress as Satan
for Halloween?
You could be my little helper,
like in the video game.
We can join forces.
No. Why not?
You and Alex could be
the Satan team from hell
and scare everybody
when you go trick-or-treating.
I need you to come with me
to the costume store.
As my official helper,
I'm afraid that's an order.
That's an order.
Okay.
So I'll go with Alex
to the costume store,
and you stay here
with Mom.
But wait
just one second.
Psst, Master,
it's your helper.
Okay, it's all changed.
I'll go with Alex
to the costume store.
You just follow us,
and when we come out,
you can just kill him
and send him back to hell.
Okay?
Yes.
Come on, let's go.
Well, I guess
we better get going.
Don't be too long.
I'll see you later.
Look, they're bonding.
Isn't that cute?
Will you stop biting?
Wait till you see what
an incredible actor he is.
He is going
to be so scary.
Sounds like
you really like him.
What makes you
say that?
Are you jealous,
you wench?
Allah be praised.
Jerk.
All right, Dougie,
this is the place.
You coming?
Come on.
All right, let's see
what we have here.
How's this?
That's not Satan.
I'm trying to find the one
that looks most like my dad.
Why?
So I can draw on him
for inspiration.
This is perfect.
Where's my toupee?
Here we go.
Come on.
Hey, Satan.
Where's your pitchfork?
What, you think you're gonna be
a big movie star?
You're gonna be a big nothin',
that's all.
Do you hate him?
Well, actually, no,
but he sure hates me.
Does he hit you?
Whenever he gets a chance, yeah.
Come on, let's just pay
for that, and let's go.
All right.
Come on, let's go.
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Come on.
Come on!
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
Come on, it's him.
Get him.
How's he gonna get me?
I'm Satan.
Okay, so, what did you
want to show me?
Just something.
Well, where is it?
You'll see soon enough.
Better watch out.
Satan's getting you.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
How's he gonna get me
if I'm Satan?
I don't get it.
Splat!
Pardon me.
Can you pose
for a picture?
Thank you so much.
You made our day.
Where's Alex?
Did he get the costume?
Yup.
And?
Well, where is he?
Helpers don't tell
on their masters.
So you boys are into
this game already.
I can see your boomies.
You're more like
Satan's little pervert.
That would be
my laddie now.
That's not
your laddie.
Oh, right,
your master.
That is so fantastic!
Mom, come see Alex.
You won't believe it.
Now he's looking
at your boomies.
Feast your eyes on them,
me good lord,
while we have
this little dance.
This is so fun.
Jenna, I got cherries.
I got bananas.
I got grapes.
But I'm not sure
about the onions.
What do you think?
Oh, my God.
Oh, I gotta get
a camera.
Alex?
Alex,
come here.
Listen, I love
that mask.
It looks--
Me lord, Satan,
we be feelin' a wee bit
frisky, now, aren't ya?
Come here.
I can't be kissing latex,
so off with your hea--
You're really into this,
aren't you?
Well, then have it your way.
No more.
Alex.
Jenna, is he getting you?
Alex.
That's really
just pretend, right?
Yeah,
of course it is.
We're just playing
a game.
But that's not Alex.
Oh, right.
It's Satan.
Me Lord of Darkness
will have to keep it
in his britches for now.
Run!
Don't get her;
she's my sister.
Jenna, run.
Jenna, hide
before he gets you.
Okay, where? Here?
He's scary.
He's locking the door.
Hey, what did you stop for?
It was an amazing picture.
Come on, dance.
Alex, that's too weird. Stop.
Would you say something?
He doesn't talk.
He doesn't have to.
Come on and see my room.
It's really cool.
Come on.
I can't beli--
Isn't that the creepiest thing
you ever saw,
the way he just
stares at you
and you have to figure out
what he's thinking?
Ah, love, huh?
Ah, damn it.
I forgot all about it.
Because I was concentrating
on picking you up at the ferry,
it completely
slipped my mind.
Money's gonna have to do.
Hello!
Hello.
Happy Halloween.
Trick or treat.
I have no candy,
but I have a dollar bill for you
and a dollar bill for you.
Thank you.
Happy Halloween.
Bye.
You know, maybe I have
some candy left over
from last year.
Oh, you're not serious.
That's gross.
Not if it's sealed.
It'll be fine.
It's so fun how my sister
thinks you're Alex,
and then you pretend
to get her.
I didn't think
you'd come back
because Halloween
is your busiest time.
But you'd rather
spend it with me?
Let me show you.
I'm getting to be
the best helper.
I'm getting so good.
Come on.
Come on.
Recognize anyone
from your family?
I can't believe you have
absolutely no candy.
Well, look
a little harder.
Oh, that's gross.
So what are you
doing tonight?
Me?
You remember the Andersons?
The rented Bell Tower Castle
for a Halloween party.
Fun.
Wait till you see
what I'm wearing.
Quiche.
I am supposed
to bring the quiche.
Okay, no candy.
Just these.
Well, what am I
supposed to do about it?
I'm out--out of dollar bills.
The little buggers
are going to be
egging the house.
Chill, Mom.
No one's egging the house.
They're going to be
egging the house.
Chill!
Just make your quiche.
Don't worry,
it's just
some dumb trick-or-treaters.
Is it God?
Master.
Could God come
as a trick-or-treater?
Oh, crap.
Let's go see.
Master, if it's God,
I'll tell him
you went back to hell.
Okay?
Trick or treat.
Coming.
Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
Sorry, no candy.
I got two bucks left.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Jenna, is it God?
No, sorry.
Just a witch.
Would me knights
in hellish armor
serve this damsel in distress
and quest for some sweets
at the confectionery?
Huh?
Go buy some candy
at the grocers.
The master doesn't
go shopping.
Very good.
I cannot believe
you're keeping this up.
I'm going
to have nightmares.
Come on.
Thanks again for doing this
for my brother.
If it was up to me,
you'd get an Oscar.
So, Master,
where did you put Alex?
Can I see?
Okay.
Candy's over that way, Master.
Is all that stuff
to tape people up,
kill them,
and spill their guts out?
Awesome.
But not
my mom and sister,
even in pretend.
You have to promise.
Make the Satanic Salute.
Wait,
what about the candy?
Whatever I want?
Yes.
But we didn't pay.
Hey, wait a minute.
He's coming!
Don't you know anything?
Satan does not have to pay.
I'm his helper,
and I say
for this, you shall die.
Yeah, well,
that's great.
But I'm not playing
any games.
Wait till he smells
all the garbage.
See what you get
for disobeying Satan?
20 points.
Yeah.
Look, a pregnant lady.
Cool.
50 points.
Try to hit the baby carriage.
100 points.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
This is so fun,
master.
Over there,
blind man, blind man!
Bonus points.
Master, could you
take me to hell?
Sweet.
We're trick-or-treating?
But I wanted to do it
with Jenna too.
Okay. Crap.
Let's go.
I should stand guard
in case God comes?
Okay.
Satan's helper
on the lookout.
All right, all right, all right,
I'm coming.
Aren't you a little too old
to be trick-or-treating?
I'm coming as fast as I can.
Oh, okay, okay, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Don't worry, I'm coming.
Where did you get
that coat?
Looks like you robbed it
from a Hasid.
All right, all right,
I got your candy.
Just a minute.
Here's your candy.
Oh, I hope God
doesn't see us.
Hey, Whooly, who are you
going trick-or-treating with?
Oh, just Satan.
Yeah, Satan.
Oh, that looks so real!
Holy shit!
They thought that was real.
Jerks.
Nice job.
That was awesome.
Dad, open up!
Did you hear the door?
Come on, ignore it.
It's Halloween.
But I love
giving out the treats.
Well, then give out
a few right here
and then throw in a few
new tricks while you're at it.
Dad, open up!
Dad, it's me!
Come on, open up!
I need help!
Dad, open up!
Alex?
What the hell
is he doing home?
Who's Alex?
My son.
Excuse me?
I have a son in college,
if you can believe it.
That is if you can call a bunch
of acting classes college.
Dad, I need help!
Sounds like
he's in trouble.
I should
stand guard again?
You got it, Master.
Vernon, come see
what your son's wearing.
Oh, I'm sure
it's very dramatic.
It sure as hell is.
Hi, Alex.
I'm Nicole.
I work for your dad.
Alex, what the hell's
come over you?
Take that thing off.
And take those things
off your feet
before you step foot
in this house.
Have you lost
your mind?
What the hell
is that school doing to you?
crash!
Can I have some candy?
I'm your helper.
Huh?
Mrs. Sylvia Tishbaum.
I should mix this with the candy
and make people have diarrhea
all over the place
and puke their guts out.
Sweet.
Hell is so fun.
Come on.
Sir, step away
from the boy.
Take the mask off.
Master, don't you want to run?
Sir, step away
from the boy.
You don't have to?
Place your hands
on your head now.
Where were you?
And where's Alex?
Okay, we went to the store
and got the candy,
then Satan let me ride
in the shopping cart,
and we ran
all these people over.
Then he took me to hell,
where we went trick-or-treating.
It was so cool.
My master hung this old lady
out the window,
and we poisoned
all the candy.
Dougie,
where is your master?
The police got him,
but he doesn't care,
'cause he'll just tape them up
and cut their guts out.
Dougie, do you realize
what you're saying?
Start giving out the candy,
fill up those little bags
I found,
and when Satan comes,
tell him I'd like to have
a little talk with him.
Coming.
Trick or treat.
Hey, why aren't you out
trick-or-treating?
Yeah, with Satan.
Do you know what?
At least I didn't think
that stupid hanged lady
was real.
Hey, we were trying
to trick you.
Lie.
Just give us
some candy.
Yeah,
little helper.
Just one second.
Come on, Whooly,
hurry up in there.
Okay, one for you.
Have a happy Halloween.
Finally.
One for you.
Enjoy your candy.
Thank you.
One for you.
Drive safely.
It's anarchy! Anarchy!
You must take sanctuary
in the cathedral at once.
The police station burns
with the fire of hell.
Soon all the constables
will be dead.
And then, God help us.
Hey, man,
cut out all the bullshit.
What are you talking about?
Yo, man,
I'm not kiddin'.
Three cops
finded dead.
There's only two of them left
on the whole fuckin' island.
You better get
your ass home fast.
Anarchy!
Anarchy!
Will you stop
shaking the floor?
You're going to ruin
my quiche.
I cannot believe
he's not home yet.
I'd really like to know
what's going on.
Maybe he just changed his mind
and visited his dad.
Yeah, and maybe he went off
to some party without me.
Or maybe he went to visit
an ex-girlfriend.
Do you know
what he told Dougie?
He said that they're
going to use knives
to cut people's
guts out
and poison kids.
You think that's normal.
I got it.
That's probably him.
What took you so long?
You could've called
or something.
I told you.
You never listen.
Come on,
you have to catch me.
Then you can take me
back to hell.
And what's this telling him
about taped-up mouths
and knives...
and then actually
buying this stuff?
This is all pretty sick,
don't you think?
Alex, stop right now.
It's not funny.
Talk.
Say something,
or I'll--
Okay, I think
you're way overdoing it,
and I really wish
you would just cut it--
Alex, I'm serious.
Stop.
Come on,
you're not getting me.
Ah.
Oh, my God.
I'm not waiting
for your father anymore,
so I'm going on ahead
to the party.
That's not Alex.
That's someone else
in that costume.
Well, of course
it's Alex.
Who else could it be?
You're in the game.
Dougie?
Dougie!
Dougie, come out.
I have to tell you something.
Dougie.
Dougie, come down.
I have to tell you something.
It's normal when you're playing
hide-and-seek
not to make any noise.
Dougie?
Ah, we got customers.
Douglas!
Will you come down here
and help us with the candy?
Please.
I had such
a good hiding spot,
and you had to ruin it.
Trick or treat.
What are you
supposed to be?
I'm a serious businessman
coming home to check out
my son's excellent costume.
Look how great this is.
You look just like
Satan's little helper,
just like the game.
And Jenna
in Mom's old costume.
Chiquita.
Bell Tower Castle,
here we come!
We are gonna rock that place,
my darling.
And the dip.
Your costume's
waiting for you upstairs.
You're an elf.
Shut up.
An elf.
You said
leave it to me.
I am gonna catch
so much shit for this.
By the way, what are those cops
doing parked outside?
Let go;
we're still playing.
Dad, go tell those cops
there's a psycho in our house.
What did I
walk into here?
Alex dressed up as Satan to go
along with Dougie's outfit--
Whoa, who's Alex?
Alex is Jenna's friend
from school.
He came here to spend
Halloween with us.
Anyway, they are ensconced
in this game,
which, frankly, I think is
getting a little out of hand.
Let go, or Satan's helper
will karate you.
Come on, hell boy, let's go
check out Daddy's elf costume.
Put me down!
You can't go up there.
Are you serious?
Satan's not
even up there.
He's down in the basement
so he can get back to hell,
in case you were God
ringing the doorbell.
Yeah, well,
he's in big trouble now, boy,
'cause I just happen to be
one of the avenging angels.
Will you guys
stop horsing around?
'Cause we gotta go.
Put me down, or I'll tell Satan
to cut your guts out.
Oh, yeah?
Well, go ahead, because
I got God watching my back.
Satan, quick,
come and spill his guts out.
No!
I didn't mean it.
No!
No.
I want you to run.
Come.
Get up.
No!
Come on!
Jenna!
Mom?
Mom?
Dougie!
Mom.
Mom!
Oh, God.
Jenna.
Oh.
Master said all the dead people
were pretend,
but he lied.
Stop calling him master!
Where's Mom?
He took her.
I'm going after them.
But he'll kill you!
Look, stay here
and lock the door.
Don't open up for anyone,
no matter what.
Try not to look
at Daddy, okay?
Here, hold on to this
till I get back.
Oh, my--
Jenna!
God, Alex.
T-this ps-psycho
comes home with Dougie
a-and he--
I thought he was you.
And he killed my dad,
and he took my mom.
Jenna, Jenna,
was this guy wearing
a black coat
and a white mask?
Yeah.
That's the same guy
that jumped me.
Your brother set me up.
No, he thought
it was just a game.
Yeah, some game.
Where is he?
He's back at the house.
All right,
where did they go?
He knows about that party
at that castle.
I bet he took her there.
Look, you have to help me
get her.
Jesus Christ.
There's no keys.
We got this.
Come on, let's go.
I don't know.
It could be the guy
from the news report.
Billy Flarin?
I ran into a guy
who told me
that the police station
burned to the ground.
Isn't that what Billy
was known for?
So much for being
born again.
Yeah, well,
with those last two cops dead,
there's no police left
on Bell Island.
We're in Dodge City now.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
I've taken the last beating
I'm ever gonna take today.
Come on.
No, the party's
this way.
Yeah, but he already knows
what we look like.
I need to get close enough
to use this thing.
Greetings.
I am Queen Frances.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Let me help you up.
Can you bend
your legs a little?
I don't know
what happened.
She just fell.
You guys bustin'
my chops?
Have a good night.
Enjoy the party.
That fruit lid,
it's the bomb.
Merril?
What a great Chiquita!
But what's with the tape?
Chiquita the mummy?
You really were stoned.
And Dean is what?
A goat man.
He's no goat man.
He's the devil.
And I've never seen him
this horny.
Greetings, dears.
I am Queen Frances,
but you two
can call me Mumsy.
I am delighted
that you have arrived
for our festive gala.
Where the hell's
the quiche?
Mmmm!
Come on, Harry.
Take a picture of me
with Mr. Horny.
Oh, my,
he really is horny.
Greetings,
I am Queen Frances.
Thud!
Hey, I think
you broke your cherry.
♪
♪ He's a great humanitarian.
♪ He's a great philanthropist.
♪ He knows just where
to touch you, honey, ♪
♪ and how you like
to be kissed. ♪
♪ He'll put both his arms
around you. ♪
♪ You can feel that tender touch
of the beast. ♪
Hey, smash that sucker.
God, this is Douglas Whooly.
I'm sorry for helping Satan,
and now I need your help
to get him away from our house
and to make him
go back to hell.
I promise to be good
forever and ever if you do.
I swear to you.
And amen.
We have to hurry.
I can't see in this thing.
Jesus, smells like someone
puked in this thing.
Oh, God.
♪
How's she like the punch,
Mr. Satan?
Hey, Dean, Betty told me
you were gonna be an elf.
What happened,
you chicken out?
So here's to--
What the hell are you two
supposed to be?
We're a he/she.
Oh.
Not bad.
Bad.
Ew, gross.
That's Billy's dad,
Mayor Flarin.
Oh, I love trolls, man.
I saw
Shrek
three times.
Mrs. Flarin, we need to talk
to your son, Billy.
Careful talkin'
to birds, Janice.
Their talk is cheep.
Let's cut out the chitchat.
Where's your son?
Alex.
Oh, my God.
Mom!
Get out of my way.
I'm coming.
Mom.
Damn it, just let me go.
Please, get out of my way!
Let me through!
Mom!
Watch it.
Mom!
Mom, where are you?
Move out of my way.
Move.
Let me through.
Mom!
Does anybody have nails?
Does somebody have nails?
No, I'm sorry.
Shit!
Get me some water.
Get me some water!
Hey, watch it, asshole.
Alex?
Are you okay?
Take care of her.
Listen, I'll be back.
I'm gonna go get Alex, okay?
Betty, call for help.
Go get help.
Look, look, look,
look, look, look!
Satan's ripping out
his guts.
I just got
extra points for that.
I need the keys
to the red SUV.
You need a ticket, love.
Hey, you!
Fuck her.
What's up, my nigga?
All right, who are you?
You better say something,
or I'm gonna blow
your fuckin' head off.
Dad?
I hate you.
Alex!
Alex.
Did you find him?
Yeah.
And?
It's my father.
Get in.
What are you talking about?
Did you see his face?
You got the mask off.
No.
Then how do you know?
He could've killed me
when he had the chance.
Instead he took the gun,
and he shot his own hand
and then handed it back to me
just to humiliate me,
to show me he can keep on
doing it forever.
Which way did he go?
I don't know,
maybe home?
That's our house.
Alex.
Alex?
Give me the gun.
Put your hands up!
Kneel down on the ground!
Kneel down
on the ground now!
He's in hell where he belongs.
I'll go home.
I'll get Dougie.
We'll pick up my mom
and find the police.
And, Alex,
don't blame yourself.
The only one to blame
is him.
Go away.
I'm not answering.
Duh, God could come
as a trick-or-treater.
Yes, you came.
Oh, thank you so much.
Come in.
I remember
that Satan was afraid
because you can come
as a trick-or-treater,
and you can be wearing a costume
just like he did.
He's not here.
He took my mom.
My sister went to get her,
but she didn't come back yet.
You want me
to come with you?
Is that real blood?
In real life?
Does God talk?
He doesn't have to,
like Satan?
Jenna!
Okay,
you go get Satan.
I'll make sure
he doesn't get my sister.
Jenna!
Jenna!
Dougie.
Jenna!
Jenna.
Didn't I tell you
to stay in the house?
Yeah, but God said.
God?
I prayed for him
to come and help us,
and he did.
See, here's his blood.
Get in, quick.
Let's see.
Okay, Dougie,
are you telling me the truth,
or did you touch Daddy?
No, I swear
I didn't touch him.
Then whose blood
is this?
I told you,
it's God's.
Okay, who was he,
and what did he look like?
You know, Jesus.
He's wearing a costume.
But I know he was real,
'cause he had real blood.
Was he bleeding
from his hand?
When you were trick-or-treating,
did Satan kill Alex's father?
When we were trick-or-treating,
he threw a guy out a window.
Was it a big brick house?
That man was Alex's father.
And Jesus is Satan.
Mom!
It was so horrible.
He poisoned the punch.
It's so--
it's so horrible.
It's okay.
So he hasn't come back.
He's gone.
Where is he?
He's gone, okay?
He's gone.
But why?
Why? Why us?
If it isn't Alex,
then who is it?
Oh, God.
Alex.
He thinks
that maniac is dead.
It's okay.
Alex.
Fuck!
There's no answer.
I gotta go.
No, you are not
going out there.
I have to.
No.
Fran Anderson
called the Bay Shore police.
A helicopter will be coming here
any minute now.
I don't care.
No, I have just
lost a husband.
I am not
going to lose you.
Don't go out there.
He'll kill you.
Okay.
I think it's down
in the basement.
It's Satan.
That's how he gets
back to hell.
Just let him
go back to hell!
He killed Daddy.
His ass is fucking grass.
Pick it up.
It's him!
Okay, it's over.
Oh, God.
Alex.
Alex, no.
Alex.
Mom! The helicopter.
I'm gonna go out and get it.
Dougie, you stay
where you are.
Alex!
Dougie!
Wait, come back.
He's still getting us.
Come on!
He's still getting us.
Come back.
Hello, helicopter,
could you hear me?
This is Douglas Whooly.
Turn around.
Come and save us.
We live at 66 Helen Street.
Come fast.
And over and out.
You heard me?
Great.
Come on.
Mom!
Mom, come on up.
The police are here.
We're safe.
Come on.
Come on,
snap out of it.
Come on.
Oh, thank God.
Come in.
Mom, why doesn't
he say something?
He's afraid Satan
will hear him.
50 points.
Bonus points.
100 points.
Mom, he's ripping
his guts out.
Oh, guardian angel.
Crap.
Oh, no, God's getting us.
Mom, there's a blind man.
Oh, nice.
Yes.
Cool.
50 points.
10 points.
50 points.
I'm getting so good
at being helper.
Dougie, shh,
I'm on the phone.
Can I play online
if all my homework's done?
Betty.
No, I'm in the car.
I'm going to pick up Jenna
at the ferry.
She came home to spend
Halloween with her brother.
Is that true love or what?
Jenna's my girlfriend.
I'm gonna marry her.
He says he's gonna marry her.
Yes.
I don't think they got up
to the word "incest"
in the third grade yet.
You said "sex."
I said "incest."
And don't be so snoopy.
Play your game.
She always takes Dougie out
on Halloween.
She doesn't want
to break the tradition.
I know.
When Jenna takes me,
we're gonna find Satan,
and I'm gonna show him
what a good helper I am.
There really is a Satan, right?
That's why
I was calling you.
I do have a costume.
I'm putting together
this Carmen Miranda
and Chiquita Banana type thing.
It came to me
in a dream.
Actually, I was stoned.
So is there?
What?
Is there what there?
A Satan in real life?
Um, hey, Betty,
can you hold on a sec?
Well, ah,
for man,
Satan represents evil.
And evil does occur here
and everywhere
in the whole world.
And so, in that sense,
Satan does exist,
except that he
doesn't look like anything.
He doesn't go running around
with horns and a tail.
Unless, of course,
he's wearing a costume
like his little helper does.
Yes.
Hey, Betty,
I see the ferry.
Jenna!
Jenna!
Jenna.
Jenna!
Dougie!
Dougie!
Jenna!
Oh, I missed you so much.
Okay, we're gonna find Satan
when we go trick-or-treating.
We are?
Let's see the costume.
Oh, Satan's Little Helper.
That's so cool.
Mom made it.
She did?
Well, then we better
find Satan.
And I can
do karate.
Oh, I'd better
watch out.
Oh, Mom.
Where's Dad?
Oh, he's at work.
On a Saturday?
Well, it's either that
or he's having an affair.
Mom.
Show me
your hands.
Come on, show me.
Oh, you're
biting them again.
Don't embarrass me.
Mom, Dougie,
this is Alex.
Hi.
Hello.
Dougie, I've heard
so much about you.
We met up at school,
then we discovered
we're both from Bell Island
and both theater majors too.
Kind of a kismet thing.
I'll say.
And since I was coming home
for Halloween
and it's Alex's favorite
holiday too,
I figure we can all
go trick-or-treating together.
No!
Dougie.
He gets
kind of possessive.
He's had his heart set
on marrying her.
Now you're competition.
Listen, I don't have to go
trick-or-treating with you guys
if it's gonna ruin your plans
with your brother.
No, no, he just needs
to get used to you.
I'm sure
he'll be fine.
So how is it
you guys never met before,
I mean,
at least in high school?
Uh, I didn't go
to Bell Island High.
So what?
You went
to boarding school?
Boarding schools suck.
Dougie.
Believe me,
boarding school
was not my first choice.
His dad forced him.
Forced him?
That's not very nice.
By the way,
am I taking you home?
Actually, he's coming
to our house.
He might stay over.
We're not sure.
What?
Oh.
Dougie, where you going?
To find Satan.
And without you.
Wait.
What's with all this Satan stuff
all of a sudden?
Oh, your dad got him
this new video game
called Satan's Little Helper.
He's got it on this,
on his computer.
Mom. What?
The door?
Take this, please.
Alex, our house.
House, meet Alex.
Nice.
Very homey.
You don't have
to do that.
Oh, I can't help it.
When my dad
divorced my mom,
he took one of his girlfriends
with him to Japan.
Brought back the whole
"no shoes in the house" policy.
Beat it into my head
ever since.
Can't wait to see what you've
got for costumes this year.
Actually,
we don't have anything.
We've been totally
racking our brains
but can't come up
with a thing.
Theater majors,
shame on you.
I know.
It's totally weird.
Would you like to wear
what I made for myself
last Halloween?
A Renaissance slut?
I still don't know
what you were thinking.
Alex, help he here,
will ya?
She is an actress,
isn't she?
Last I heard.
Mother,
that is so not me.
I still have it
all in the attic.
You get undressed.
I'll go look for it.
Alex, make yourself at home.
And as soon
as we're finished,
I'll see if I can
help you out.
If you get bored,
play with this.
No, Mom.
Come back here, you.
Come up the stairs.
What the heck are you
supposed to be, Whooly?
Satan's Little Helper.
That is so gay.
Just wait till I find Satan
and he sends you all to hell.
Let's see how you laugh then.
Yeah, right.
Ah, that is great.
That looks so real.
Oh, my God,
they're like melons.
Yep, you are
a lusty wench.
I can't let Alex
see me like this.
We just met.
I mean, you know,
started dating.
Actually, it's our first
official date,
and I can't believe
my own mother's
trying to turn me
into a whore.
What is this about Alex
not wanting to go home?
He doesn't get along
with his dad.
He didn't even tell him
he was coming.
Why?
Same old.
He doesn't want him acting.
Wants him to take over
his toupee business.
His toupee business.
His toupee--
You look at yourself now.
Want some cider?
Isn't that a bit
too much makeup, my lady?
Nah, the more, the better.
Not that the blokes
be looking at me face
when they got these
tender morsels in their hands.
Trick or treat.
Well,
what do you think?
Wow.
You look stunning.
Really?
I can't believe your mom
wore that for Halloween.
I know.
Well, what you gonna be
for All Hallows Eve, eh?
You know,
I was just thinking.
Your brother's
so into this game,
maybe I'll dress as Satan
for him for Halloween.
Oh, that's
a great idea.
I figured, "I've lived
with Satan all my life.
"It should be
easy to draw from him
to get the character down."
Hey, Alex.
Cider?
Sure.
Mom, Alex got
his inspiration.
He's going to be Satan.
Oh, that's nice.
I bet this will
make Dougie really happy.
I'm sure he'll
start warming up to you.
I hope so.
How the hell
does he do that?
Crap, that is so cool.
Awesome.
Are you Satan?
Wait.
I'm Douglas Whooly.
Can I be your helper?
Can you talk?
Then why don't you?
'Cause you don't need to?
How many points
for killing that old guy?
I forgot.
20?
That's all?
So, Master,
next could we send
my sister's new boyfriend,
Alex, down to hell?
They go to college together,
and they're at my house.
And I only want to go
trick-or-treating
with my sister.
And you don't have worry,
'cause my dad's away at work.
Afraid God might see us?
So can you?
And can I be your helper?
This is gonna be so fun.
Well, let's just let this cider
cool off a bit.
Thanks, Jim.
This Halloween marks...
Oh, look,
Billy Flarin.
...Billy Flarin arson incident.
Mayor Flarin assures us
that this time around...
He went
to my high school.
Adding that Billy
has been born again
and poses no threat
to the community.
Nevertheless, fire officials
are advising residents
of Bell Island
to extinguish all candles
from outside their homes.
Lisa G, WNTC News.
Bet you didn't have
any arsonists at your school.
No, I guess
I missed out.
I'm gonna go get us
some special cider mugs.
She's so weird.
I'm sorry.
I need to show you something.
If you need me
to do karate, I can.
Look.
Was that good?
This could be
our secret door to Hell.
So cool.
I hide down here
all the time.
I can make
all the noise I want,
and no one hears me.
You can have some.
Are you wearing a costume
so no one could see
what you really look like?
Just like me?
Can I see?
Okay.
Smash!
Oh, that so looks like blood.
Is Dougie back yet?
Dougie!
Dougie!
I'm down here, in hell!
Well, come on up!
Alex wants to
tell you something.
Okay, I'll get him
to come downstairs,
and then you can-- gsskk!
Duh, what kind of helper
do you think I am?
Did you find Satan?
No.
Come downstairs.
I have to show you something.
Well, what's up?
Just something.
Oh, no, now,
don't pull on him.
You're gonna make him
spill his cider.
Now, everyone,
into the dining room, please.
Drink your cider
in the dining room.
You want some?
No.
Well, just go
into the dining room
and sit with your sister.
She came all the way
just to see you.
Go on.
So, Dougie,
how about I dress as Satan
for Halloween?
You could be my little helper,
like in the video game.
We can join forces.
No. Why not?
You and Alex could be
the Satan team from hell
and scare everybody
when you go trick-or-treating.
I need you to come with me
to the costume store.
As my official helper,
I'm afraid that's an order.
That's an order.
Okay.
So I'll go with Alex
to the costume store,
and you stay here
with Mom.
But wait
just one second.
Psst, Master,
it's your helper.
Okay, it's all changed.
I'll go with Alex
to the costume store.
You just follow us,
and when we come out,
you can just kill him
and send him back to hell.
Okay?
Yes.
Come on, let's go.
Well, I guess
we better get going.
Don't be too long.
I'll see you later.
Look, they're bonding.
Isn't that cute?
Will you stop biting?
Wait till you see what
an incredible actor he is.
He is going
to be so scary.
Sounds like
you really like him.
What makes you
say that?
Are you jealous,
you wench?
Allah be praised.
Jerk.
All right, Dougie,
this is the place.
You coming?
Come on.
All right, let's see
what we have here.
How's this?
That's not Satan.
I'm trying to find the one
that looks most like my dad.
Why?
So I can draw on him
for inspiration.
This is perfect.
Where's my toupee?
Here we go.
Come on.
Hey, Satan.
Where's your pitchfork?
What, you think you're gonna be
a big movie star?
You're gonna be a big nothin',
that's all.
Do you hate him?
Well, actually, no,
but he sure hates me.
Does he hit you?
Whenever he gets a chance, yeah.
Come on, let's just pay
for that, and let's go.
All right.
Come on, let's go.
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Come on.
Come on!
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
Come on, it's him.
Get him.
How's he gonna get me?
I'm Satan.
Okay, so, what did you
want to show me?
Just something.
Well, where is it?
You'll see soon enough.
Better watch out.
Satan's getting you.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
How's he gonna get me
if I'm Satan?
I don't get it.
Splat!
Pardon me.
Can you pose
for a picture?
Thank you so much.
You made our day.
Where's Alex?
Did he get the costume?
Yup.
And?
Well, where is he?
Helpers don't tell
on their masters.
So you boys are into
this game already.
I can see your boomies.
You're more like
Satan's little pervert.
That would be
my laddie now.
That's not
your laddie.
Oh, right,
your master.
That is so fantastic!
Mom, come see Alex.
You won't believe it.
Now he's looking
at your boomies.
Feast your eyes on them,
me good lord,
while we have
this little dance.
This is so fun.
Jenna, I got cherries.
I got bananas.
I got grapes.
But I'm not sure
about the onions.
What do you think?
Oh, my God.
Oh, I gotta get
a camera.
Alex?
Alex,
come here.
Listen, I love
that mask.
It looks--
Me lord, Satan,
we be feelin' a wee bit
frisky, now, aren't ya?
Come here.
I can't be kissing latex,
so off with your hea--
You're really into this,
aren't you?
Well, then have it your way.
No more.
Alex.
Jenna, is he getting you?
Alex.
That's really
just pretend, right?
Yeah,
of course it is.
We're just playing
a game.
But that's not Alex.
Oh, right.
It's Satan.
Me Lord of Darkness
will have to keep it
in his britches for now.
Run!
Don't get her;
she's my sister.
Jenna, run.
Jenna, hide
before he gets you.
Okay, where? Here?
He's scary.
He's locking the door.
Hey, what did you stop for?
It was an amazing picture.
Come on, dance.
Alex, that's too weird. Stop.
Would you say something?
He doesn't talk.
He doesn't have to.
Come on and see my room.
It's really cool.
Come on.
I can't beli--
Isn't that the creepiest thing
you ever saw,
the way he just
stares at you
and you have to figure out
what he's thinking?
Ah, love, huh?
Ah, damn it.
I forgot all about it.
Because I was concentrating
on picking you up at the ferry,
it completely
slipped my mind.
Money's gonna have to do.
Hello!
Hello.
Happy Halloween.
Trick or treat.
I have no candy,
but I have a dollar bill for you
and a dollar bill for you.
Thank you.
Happy Halloween.
Bye.
You know, maybe I have
some candy left over
from last year.
Oh, you're not serious.
That's gross.
Not if it's sealed.
It'll be fine.
It's so fun how my sister
thinks you're Alex,
and then you pretend
to get her.
I didn't think
you'd come back
because Halloween
is your busiest time.
But you'd rather
spend it with me?
Let me show you.
I'm getting to be
the best helper.
I'm getting so good.
Come on.
Come on.
Recognize anyone
from your family?
I can't believe you have
absolutely no candy.
Well, look
a little harder.
Oh, that's gross.
So what are you
doing tonight?
Me?
You remember the Andersons?
The rented Bell Tower Castle
for a Halloween party.
Fun.
Wait till you see
what I'm wearing.
Quiche.
I am supposed
to bring the quiche.
Okay, no candy.
Just these.
Well, what am I
supposed to do about it?
I'm out--out of dollar bills.
The little buggers
are going to be
egging the house.
Chill, Mom.
No one's egging the house.
They're going to be
egging the house.
Chill!
Just make your quiche.
Don't worry,
it's just
some dumb trick-or-treaters.
Is it God?
Master.
Could God come
as a trick-or-treater?
Oh, crap.
Let's go see.
Master, if it's God,
I'll tell him
you went back to hell.
Okay?
Trick or treat.
Coming.
Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
Sorry, no candy.
I got two bucks left.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Jenna, is it God?
No, sorry.
Just a witch.
Would me knights
in hellish armor
serve this damsel in distress
and quest for some sweets
at the confectionery?
Huh?
Go buy some candy
at the grocers.
The master doesn't
go shopping.
Very good.
I cannot believe
you're keeping this up.
I'm going
to have nightmares.
Come on.
Thanks again for doing this
for my brother.
If it was up to me,
you'd get an Oscar.
So, Master,
where did you put Alex?
Can I see?
Okay.
Candy's over that way, Master.
Is all that stuff
to tape people up,
kill them,
and spill their guts out?
Awesome.
But not
my mom and sister,
even in pretend.
You have to promise.
Make the Satanic Salute.
Wait,
what about the candy?
Whatever I want?
Yes.
But we didn't pay.
Hey, wait a minute.
He's coming!
Don't you know anything?
Satan does not have to pay.
I'm his helper,
and I say
for this, you shall die.
Yeah, well,
that's great.
But I'm not playing
any games.
Wait till he smells
all the garbage.
See what you get
for disobeying Satan?
20 points.
Yeah.
Look, a pregnant lady.
Cool.
50 points.
Try to hit the baby carriage.
100 points.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
This is so fun,
master.
Over there,
blind man, blind man!
Bonus points.
Master, could you
take me to hell?
Sweet.
We're trick-or-treating?
But I wanted to do it
with Jenna too.
Okay. Crap.
Let's go.
I should stand guard
in case God comes?
Okay.
Satan's helper
on the lookout.
All right, all right, all right,
I'm coming.
Aren't you a little too old
to be trick-or-treating?
I'm coming as fast as I can.
Oh, okay, okay, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Don't worry, I'm coming.
Where did you get
that coat?
Looks like you robbed it
from a Hasid.
All right, all right,
I got your candy.
Just a minute.
Here's your candy.
Oh, I hope God
doesn't see us.
Hey, Whooly, who are you
going trick-or-treating with?
Oh, just Satan.
Yeah, Satan.
Oh, that looks so real!
Holy shit!
They thought that was real.
Jerks.
Nice job.
That was awesome.
Dad, open up!
Did you hear the door?
Come on, ignore it.
It's Halloween.
But I love
giving out the treats.
Well, then give out
a few right here
and then throw in a few
new tricks while you're at it.
Dad, open up!
Dad, it's me!
Come on, open up!
I need help!
Dad, open up!
Alex?
What the hell
is he doing home?
Who's Alex?
My son.
Excuse me?
I have a son in college,
if you can believe it.
That is if you can call a bunch
of acting classes college.
Dad, I need help!
Sounds like
he's in trouble.
I should
stand guard again?
You got it, Master.
Vernon, come see
what your son's wearing.
Oh, I'm sure
it's very dramatic.
It sure as hell is.
Hi, Alex.
I'm Nicole.
I work for your dad.
Alex, what the hell's
come over you?
Take that thing off.
And take those things
off your feet
before you step foot
in this house.
Have you lost
your mind?
What the hell
is that school doing to you?
crash!
Can I have some candy?
I'm your helper.
Huh?
Mrs. Sylvia Tishbaum.
I should mix this with the candy
and make people have diarrhea
all over the place
and puke their guts out.
Sweet.
Hell is so fun.
Come on.
Sir, step away
from the boy.
Take the mask off.
Master, don't you want to run?
Sir, step away
from the boy.
You don't have to?
Place your hands
on your head now.
Where were you?
And where's Alex?
Okay, we went to the store
and got the candy,
then Satan let me ride
in the shopping cart,
and we ran
all these people over.
Then he took me to hell,
where we went trick-or-treating.
It was so cool.
My master hung this old lady
out the window,
and we poisoned
all the candy.
Dougie,
where is your master?
The police got him,
but he doesn't care,
'cause he'll just tape them up
and cut their guts out.
Dougie, do you realize
what you're saying?
Start giving out the candy,
fill up those little bags
I found,
and when Satan comes,
tell him I'd like to have
a little talk with him.
Coming.
Trick or treat.
Hey, why aren't you out
trick-or-treating?
Yeah, with Satan.
Do you know what?
At least I didn't think
that stupid hanged lady
was real.
Hey, we were trying
to trick you.
Lie.
Just give us
some candy.
Yeah,
little helper.
Just one second.
Come on, Whooly,
hurry up in there.
Okay, one for you.
Have a happy Halloween.
Finally.
One for you.
Enjoy your candy.
Thank you.
One for you.
Drive safely.
It's anarchy! Anarchy!
You must take sanctuary
in the cathedral at once.
The police station burns
with the fire of hell.
Soon all the constables
will be dead.
And then, God help us.
Hey, man,
cut out all the bullshit.
What are you talking about?
Yo, man,
I'm not kiddin'.
Three cops
finded dead.
There's only two of them left
on the whole fuckin' island.
You better get
your ass home fast.
Anarchy!
Anarchy!
Will you stop
shaking the floor?
You're going to ruin
my quiche.
I cannot believe
he's not home yet.
I'd really like to know
what's going on.
Maybe he just changed his mind
and visited his dad.
Yeah, and maybe he went off
to some party without me.
Or maybe he went to visit
an ex-girlfriend.
Do you know
what he told Dougie?
He said that they're
going to use knives
to cut people's
guts out
and poison kids.
You think that's normal.
I got it.
That's probably him.
What took you so long?
You could've called
or something.
I told you.
You never listen.
Come on,
you have to catch me.
Then you can take me
back to hell.
And what's this telling him
about taped-up mouths
and knives...
and then actually
buying this stuff?
This is all pretty sick,
don't you think?
Alex, stop right now.
It's not funny.
Talk.
Say something,
or I'll--
Okay, I think
you're way overdoing it,
and I really wish
you would just cut it--
Alex, I'm serious.
Stop.
Come on,
you're not getting me.
Ah.
Oh, my God.
I'm not waiting
for your father anymore,
so I'm going on ahead
to the party.
That's not Alex.
That's someone else
in that costume.
Well, of course
it's Alex.
Who else could it be?
You're in the game.
Dougie?
Dougie!
Dougie, come out.
I have to tell you something.
Dougie.
Dougie, come down.
I have to tell you something.
It's normal when you're playing
hide-and-seek
not to make any noise.
Dougie?
Ah, we got customers.
Douglas!
Will you come down here
and help us with the candy?
Please.
I had such
a good hiding spot,
and you had to ruin it.
Trick or treat.
What are you
supposed to be?
I'm a serious businessman
coming home to check out
my son's excellent costume.
Look how great this is.
You look just like
Satan's little helper,
just like the game.
And Jenna
in Mom's old costume.
Chiquita.
Bell Tower Castle,
here we come!
We are gonna rock that place,
my darling.
And the dip.
Your costume's
waiting for you upstairs.
You're an elf.
Shut up.
An elf.
You said
leave it to me.
I am gonna catch
so much shit for this.
By the way, what are those cops
doing parked outside?
Let go;
we're still playing.
Dad, go tell those cops
there's a psycho in our house.
What did I
walk into here?
Alex dressed up as Satan to go
along with Dougie's outfit--
Whoa, who's Alex?
Alex is Jenna's friend
from school.
He came here to spend
Halloween with us.
Anyway, they are ensconced
in this game,
which, frankly, I think is
getting a little out of hand.
Let go, or Satan's helper
will karate you.
Come on, hell boy, let's go
check out Daddy's elf costume.
Put me down!
You can't go up there.
Are you serious?
Satan's not
even up there.
He's down in the basement
so he can get back to hell,
in case you were God
ringing the doorbell.
Yeah, well,
he's in big trouble now, boy,
'cause I just happen to be
one of the avenging angels.
Will you guys
stop horsing around?
'Cause we gotta go.
Put me down, or I'll tell Satan
to cut your guts out.
Oh, yeah?
Well, go ahead, because
I got God watching my back.
Satan, quick,
come and spill his guts out.
No!
I didn't mean it.
No!
No.
I want you to run.
Come.
Get up.
No!
Come on!
Jenna!
Mom?
Mom?
Dougie!
Mom.
Mom!
Oh, God.
Jenna.
Oh.
Master said all the dead people
were pretend,
but he lied.
Stop calling him master!
Where's Mom?
He took her.
I'm going after them.
But he'll kill you!
Look, stay here
and lock the door.
Don't open up for anyone,
no matter what.
Try not to look
at Daddy, okay?
Here, hold on to this
till I get back.
Oh, my--
Jenna!
God, Alex.
T-this ps-psycho
comes home with Dougie
a-and he--
I thought he was you.
And he killed my dad,
and he took my mom.
Jenna, Jenna,
was this guy wearing
a black coat
and a white mask?
Yeah.
That's the same guy
that jumped me.
Your brother set me up.
No, he thought
it was just a game.
Yeah, some game.
Where is he?
He's back at the house.
All right,
where did they go?
He knows about that party
at that castle.
I bet he took her there.
Look, you have to help me
get her.
Jesus Christ.
There's no keys.
We got this.
Come on, let's go.
I don't know.
It could be the guy
from the news report.
Billy Flarin?
I ran into a guy
who told me
that the police station
burned to the ground.
Isn't that what Billy
was known for?
So much for being
born again.
Yeah, well,
with those last two cops dead,
there's no police left
on Bell Island.
We're in Dodge City now.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
I've taken the last beating
I'm ever gonna take today.
Come on.
No, the party's
this way.
Yeah, but he already knows
what we look like.
I need to get close enough
to use this thing.
Greetings.
I am Queen Frances.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Let me help you up.
Can you bend
your legs a little?
I don't know
what happened.
She just fell.
You guys bustin'
my chops?
Have a good night.
Enjoy the party.
That fruit lid,
it's the bomb.
Merril?
What a great Chiquita!
But what's with the tape?
Chiquita the mummy?
You really were stoned.
And Dean is what?
A goat man.
He's no goat man.
He's the devil.
And I've never seen him
this horny.
Greetings, dears.
I am Queen Frances,
but you two
can call me Mumsy.
I am delighted
that you have arrived
for our festive gala.
Where the hell's
the quiche?
Mmmm!
Come on, Harry.
Take a picture of me
with Mr. Horny.
Oh, my,
he really is horny.
Greetings,
I am Queen Frances.
Thud!
Hey, I think
you broke your cherry.
♪
♪ He's a great humanitarian.
♪ He's a great philanthropist.
♪ He knows just where
to touch you, honey, ♪
♪ and how you like
to be kissed. ♪
♪ He'll put both his arms
around you. ♪
♪ You can feel that tender touch
of the beast. ♪
Hey, smash that sucker.
God, this is Douglas Whooly.
I'm sorry for helping Satan,
and now I need your help
to get him away from our house
and to make him
go back to hell.
I promise to be good
forever and ever if you do.
I swear to you.
And amen.
We have to hurry.
I can't see in this thing.
Jesus, smells like someone
puked in this thing.
Oh, God.
♪
How's she like the punch,
Mr. Satan?
Hey, Dean, Betty told me
you were gonna be an elf.
What happened,
you chicken out?
So here's to--
What the hell are you two
supposed to be?
We're a he/she.
Oh.
Not bad.
Bad.
Ew, gross.
That's Billy's dad,
Mayor Flarin.
Oh, I love trolls, man.
I saw
Shrek
three times.
Mrs. Flarin, we need to talk
to your son, Billy.
Careful talkin'
to birds, Janice.
Their talk is cheep.
Let's cut out the chitchat.
Where's your son?
Alex.
Oh, my God.
Mom!
Get out of my way.
I'm coming.
Mom.
Damn it, just let me go.
Please, get out of my way!
Let me through!
Mom!
Watch it.
Mom!
Mom, where are you?
Move out of my way.
Move.
Let me through.
Mom!
Does anybody have nails?
Does somebody have nails?
No, I'm sorry.
Shit!
Get me some water.
Get me some water!
Hey, watch it, asshole.
Alex?
Are you okay?
Take care of her.
Listen, I'll be back.
I'm gonna go get Alex, okay?
Betty, call for help.
Go get help.
Look, look, look,
look, look, look!
Satan's ripping out
his guts.
I just got
extra points for that.
I need the keys
to the red SUV.
You need a ticket, love.
Hey, you!
Fuck her.
What's up, my nigga?
All right, who are you?
You better say something,
or I'm gonna blow
your fuckin' head off.
Dad?
I hate you.
Alex!
Alex.
Did you find him?
Yeah.
And?
It's my father.
Get in.
What are you talking about?
Did you see his face?
You got the mask off.
No.
Then how do you know?
He could've killed me
when he had the chance.
Instead he took the gun,
and he shot his own hand
and then handed it back to me
just to humiliate me,
to show me he can keep on
doing it forever.
Which way did he go?
I don't know,
maybe home?
That's our house.
Alex.
Alex?
Give me the gun.
Put your hands up!
Kneel down on the ground!
Kneel down
on the ground now!
He's in hell where he belongs.
I'll go home.
I'll get Dougie.
We'll pick up my mom
and find the police.
And, Alex,
don't blame yourself.
The only one to blame
is him.
Go away.
I'm not answering.
Duh, God could come
as a trick-or-treater.
Yes, you came.
Oh, thank you so much.
Come in.
I remember
that Satan was afraid
because you can come
as a trick-or-treater,
and you can be wearing a costume
just like he did.
He's not here.
He took my mom.
My sister went to get her,
but she didn't come back yet.
You want me
to come with you?
Is that real blood?
In real life?
Does God talk?
He doesn't have to,
like Satan?
Jenna!
Okay,
you go get Satan.
I'll make sure
he doesn't get my sister.
Jenna!
Jenna!
Dougie.
Jenna!
Jenna.
Didn't I tell you
to stay in the house?
Yeah, but God said.
God?
I prayed for him
to come and help us,
and he did.
See, here's his blood.
Get in, quick.
Let's see.
Okay, Dougie,
are you telling me the truth,
or did you touch Daddy?
No, I swear
I didn't touch him.
Then whose blood
is this?
I told you,
it's God's.
Okay, who was he,
and what did he look like?
You know, Jesus.
He's wearing a costume.
But I know he was real,
'cause he had real blood.
Was he bleeding
from his hand?
When you were trick-or-treating,
did Satan kill Alex's father?
When we were trick-or-treating,
he threw a guy out a window.
Was it a big brick house?
That man was Alex's father.
And Jesus is Satan.
Mom!
It was so horrible.
He poisoned the punch.
It's so--
it's so horrible.
It's okay.
So he hasn't come back.
He's gone.
Where is he?
He's gone, okay?
He's gone.
But why?
Why? Why us?
If it isn't Alex,
then who is it?
Oh, God.
Alex.
He thinks
that maniac is dead.
It's okay.
Alex.
Fuck!
There's no answer.
I gotta go.
No, you are not
going out there.
I have to.
No.
Fran Anderson
called the Bay Shore police.
A helicopter will be coming here
any minute now.
I don't care.
No, I have just
lost a husband.
I am not
going to lose you.
Don't go out there.
He'll kill you.
Okay.
I think it's down
in the basement.
It's Satan.
That's how he gets
back to hell.
Just let him
go back to hell!
He killed Daddy.
His ass is fucking grass.
Pick it up.
It's him!
Okay, it's over.
Oh, God.
Alex.
Alex, no.
Alex.
Mom! The helicopter.
I'm gonna go out and get it.
Dougie, you stay
where you are.
Alex!
Dougie!
Wait, come back.
He's still getting us.
Come on!
He's still getting us.
Come back.
Hello, helicopter,
could you hear me?
This is Douglas Whooly.
Turn around.
Come and save us.
We live at 66 Helen Street.
Come fast.
And over and out.
You heard me?
Great.
Come on.
Mom!
Mom, come on up.
The police are here.
We're safe.
Come on.
Come on,
snap out of it.
Come on.
Oh, thank God.
Come in.
Mom, why doesn't
he say something?
He's afraid Satan
will hear him.