Sasaki in My Mind (2020) - full transcript

The story of a would-be actor, his larger-than-life classmate and their friends. Unfolding their past and present, Sasaki in My Mind looks head-on at adolescent sparkle and the pathos of bygone days.

Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki!

"Sasaki in My Mind"

Good morning.


How was your world today?


This person with the head of a cow

and a human body

was wearing a white bed sheet
over his head.

But the bed sheet was all red.

I don't know what happened
but it's definitely blood.

He's sitting

in the middle of a train

carefully holding a funeral portrait
of the deceased.

I can't see who this person is
in the portrait.

The train arrives at the station
but he doesn't get off.

I see... It sounds mysterious.

I wonder what happened.

I wanna go to a batting cage.

I thought you were sick of it.

I didn't have time to go.

I decided...

to move out this winter.



Moving out?

I don't know yet.


We can switch.


I'll do that.

Hold on.
I'm getting the hang of it.


I have a hard time handling
the boxes with my bad hand.

It looks painful.

I owned a pub

but it burned down in that fire
in Uguisudani.

The whole pub?

Burned to the ground.

It says "detergent-less laundry ball."







Cutting toe nails is

the most troublesome task in life.

I don't think so.

I totally do.

Going out?

Yeah. Out drinking.


How was work today?

I assembled boxes and assembled boxes
and assembled boxes.

A box craftsman.



I'm on my way out.

Okay. I'll meet you inside.

Yep. See you later.

Look at all that.
I don't know most of them.

How is it going?

How's what going?

You know... Are you still acting?


Are you gonna quit?

Things are looking up for you.
I saw the TV ad.

I'm still struggling.

I thought I had a decent role in
a big film but it sucked.

All my other jobs are TV series.
That's it.

That's good.

No, it's not.

Give me one of your roles.


I mean, you'll get your break soon.



"The Long Goodbye."

We should do it together.
Arrange it a little.

How will it merit you?


Why now?

Yuji, I love your acting.

You don't have to say that.

You have to hang in there.

You said you didn't have
any talent but...

What about me?


must have talent.

What else can you do besides act?

If there's something...


Ishii! Ishii!

- Ishii!
- Yes?

Almost done?

One more round.



You work here?

I'm a box craftsman.


So what's up?

Everybody's asking me.

Of course.
Are you still acting?

You're doing business
with that company?

It was a cold sales visit.

Don't worry about me.
Don't change the subject.

Are you still acting?


It doesn't pay the bills, huh?


A tough profession.

I'll go watch you perform.

I'll let you know.

Why didn't you come
to the reunion?

Sasaki was there.

What? Sasaki was there?

Yeah. He hasn't changed.

Too bad I missed him.

Where do you live?

15 minutes from Shin-Yurigaoka.

Keio line

Odakyu line.

You should've kept in touch.

You too.

You live alone?

No... I live with a girl.
My ex.

We still live together.


One of you didn't move out?

She's going to this winter.

Why did you break-up?

She probably got fed up with me.

You should enjoy yourself
with other women.

Enjoy myself?

I'll join you.
But don't tell my wife.

Why would I? I don't know her.

Women are the best cure for loneliness.

Find friends with benefits.

Before you know it,
you'll find your next girlfriend.

Are you talking about casual sex?

What else?

It's not like I'm looking for sex.

I won't rely on someone
to fill the void.

I hate that term
"friends with benefits."

Don't get so mad.

You're still in love with her?

What if I am?

I bet you haven't told her.

So what?

You should tell her.

One of these days.

People say that all the time.

"One of these days, I'll get married."

You don't want to face the issue.

You don't know anything about us
but you're saying I'm running away?

It's not just about her.

Then what?

Your life in general.

You're not living it like you want to.

It's obvious even to me
just after a few hours.

Mind your own business.


What the hell?

What was that for?



Stop talking shit.



Stop it!

What should I tell my wife?

You're pretty strong.

I started boxing.

You did? At our age?

I hate to lose.

Lose to what? Grow up already.

I don't wanna lose.

You're taking after him.


You think so?

Haven't you seen him?

I did once.


Another round?

I've had enough.

Okay. I'll see you around.

Is this like boobs?

Yuji, go faster!

I can't!

My legs are falling off!

Keep going!

Stop doing that!



See ya!


- Run!
- Go!




Were you drinking?

Your face.

Things happened.

You're kidding me.
Did you get in a fight?

Boxing actually came in handy.

What are you talking about?
What happened?

I was drinking with Tada,
a friend from high school.

We got in a fight with a stranger.

Start acting like an adult.

Talking with Tada
brought back memories.

Of what?

We had a classmate called Sasaki.


He's a total idiot.

He always took his clothes off,
get buck naked.


Even in front of girls
and on the streets.

We'd go "Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki!"

Then he'd go like this and
dance completely naked.

He's crazy.

He sure is.
The Sasaki call.

Crazier than you taking up boxing
and fighting with strangers?

I'm nothing compared to Sasaki.

You haven't seen him?

I saw him once after high school.

About 5 years ago.

Will you see him again?

I don't know.

You must've been good friends.


I haven't seen you this happy
for a very long time.



They're late.

I love that look on his face.

I wanna be like him.

Life is how you live it.

Yeah... You're right.

You should be an actor.

Yeah... You're right.

Yes. You should be an actor.

It just dawned on me.

- You're an actor.
- No.

You said I was right.

I did not.
I could never be an actor.

You're a fool.

You should because you can't.

You don't make any sense.

Why did you do it?

You're not yourself.

I get it.

You're in a void
like a kite without a string.

I get it.

You're watching life go by in terror.

Like a clown wandering in a graveyard,
reminiscing about the dead.

But it's over, Joe.

You're always saying goodbye.

No matter when. All the time.

Because... that's life.

A long, long goodbye.

And one day...
The final goodbye will come.

It'll be...

a goodbye to yourself.

Get out of here.
I want to be by myself.

All right.

But Joe...

Hold it right there.

Should I spend more time
looking at Silva?

This scene depicts your relationship.
Do what you think Joe would do.


What are you doing?


Something stinks.


It totally reeks.

What is it?

Moldy laundry?

Not my house.
My laundry gets crispy dry.

Then... what is this smell?


Stop giving me shit.

I love this routine.

Drop it.


So what?

You're going to Tokyo, right?

Not again.

You should go.

Introduce me to Natalie Portman.

Who's winning?

Me, of course.

I'm ahead 3 to 2.

You know what?

Serie A and Liga... Liga whatever.
It's so confusing..

Why not use the same name?
Like Serie J in Japan.

No. That doesn't work.

Why not?

Right, Kimura?

What about Bundes J?

Sounds good.

It does not.

Your dad's not coming home?

I doubt it.

You sure?

I'm hungry.

You have instant noodles?

Yeah but instant noodles are my lifeline.

I want some.

The Sasaki Special,
coming right up.

Move. Don't play without me.

Hey... I think there's a hole.


- No floor.
- Huh?

Keep it covered.
Stop moving it around.

What a crappy, floor.

There's a hole.

Are your friends here?


I need my seal.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I bought sashimi.
You guys should eat it.


Sorry... Excuse me.

Sorry about that.


Important stuff.

Here it is.

Okay. Bye.

When are you coming home next?

When things settle down at work.


You said he wasn't coming home.

I thought he'd brought
a woman with him.

Does he?

Never. Look at him.

Laugh. It was a joke.



We have a homerun.

It's the timing.

- 3, 2, 1.
- Isn't it too low?

3, 2.1.

Ready? 3... 2...

Wait. You didn't say one.

- Here it comes.
- One.

I'm gonna kill you.


- Get serious.
- I am.

Get ready. 3...

I need a homerun.

Not in a million years.

I'm a former Nirasaki Yanchers.

What's that?

My baseball team in elementary school.
Don't you know?

Why would we?


- I give up.
- Let's go home.

I'm hungry.

Vinegared dish.

Batting cage.

What's that?

A place to practice batting.

We were there.

Have you heard of it?

Sort of.

How's school?

The same.

Boring, huh?

"Survey on plans after high school"

It's starting.


This is fun.
Where did you get it?

Kimura gave it to me.


Why didn't you wake me up?

Because you were sleeping.

This is cool.

We can play against each other.

Okay... But... Just once.
I have to go soon.

You're serious.

I'm gonna beat you.

Not yet.

This is mine.

Hey... Hey...

- You knew that?
- Yeah.

Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki!

Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki!

I dare you to say it again!

If I were a girl, I'd never date a guy
like you who lets his dick hang out!

I can't believe you said it again!
Get up!

I said get up!

I'll take you on.

We're really doing this?

You can't beat me.

While you were painting in the art club,
I was practicing basketball.

While you played basketball,
I painted.

That's what I said.

Hey... Yuji! Kimura!
Kimura! Yuji!

You're my witnesses.


You're gonna lose.


You're going down.

You're playing a different sport.


- It's not rugby.
- Get in position.

Cheap move!
That wasn't fair!

You can't beat him.

- Yes, I can.
- You just lost.

I'll never play this again.

One day, I'll beat you in basketball!

You said never again.

Did I?

Plans for after high school?

I don't know yet.



I don't wanna talk about it.
Don't be such a bore.

You can have this.

- I've read it.
- Read it again.

It'll do you good.

Your dad...
Has he been home?



You really are boring.

Am I?

That was close.

I wanna homerun!

Who do you think is
the prettiest girl in school?

Why do you ask?

Just tell me.

Akari Ichinose.

You think so too?


I'm in love.

With Ichinose?


You and her? No way.

I'm losing sleep because of her.

You're crazy about her.

Don't tell Sasaki.

He can't keep a secret.

Yeah... Maybe so.

Actually, he's good at
keeping secrets.

Catch it.

I'll never catch your pass again.

Hurry! Do something!

Sasaki! Sasaki!

Put your pants on.

Come here!

Don't get caught.

Where's his pants?


Sasaki! Stop!

Sasaki! Come back here!

He was out of here so fast.

"Okonomiyaki restaurant"


"Bad luck"

Didn't you also draw
"bad luck" last year?

They all say "bad luck."

I got "excellent luck."
Yuji got 'luck."

Shut up.

You'll draw "bad luck."

I'm not gonna draw one.
Waste of money.

It's not a waste of money.
This is our future.

Bad luck in your future.


Don't throw it away.

My "excellent luck"...

What happened?!

Why? Why?
What's going on?

Sasaki... Sasaki...

Don't touch me!

I'm going home.

Make up an excuse for me
to Tada and Kimura.

Wash your hands.


Washing your hands later
would defeat the purpose.

Go wash them now.


Keep procrastinating and
you'll never get anything done.

You procrastinate too.

You don't hang up
the laundry right away.

It smells moldy!

You're right.

Sorry. Forget I said that.

Page 17. Lesson 3. Number 3.

Ichinose, read it.


His first time to miss school.


I fell asleep.

Good morning.

Where are the guys?

Hey went home.

Did they?

Any interesting news?

A baby elephant was born.


Do you know how
adult elephants communicate?


With low-frequency sound
that humans can't hear.

Your dad hasn't been home?



I made a report.

Wanna go eat something?


I'm into instant yakisoba these days.

It's good.

It's frickin' good.


Live your life.

You'll be fine.

Have faith in yourself.


"Monthly homerun awards"

Isn'it it "kurenai"?

Is that how you read it?

- Wanna go?
- Yeah.

- Kimura.
- Yes.








! I'm sure you've all noticed
that Sasaki hasn't been

coming to school.


his father passed away.


probably won't be here for a while.

Ishii, Tada, Kimura.

Come to my office later.

There's something I'd like to
ask you guys.

Come during recess.

Don't look so glum.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning.

Don't look at me like that.

Sasaki, shut up and sit down.

Class President?

Anything to say?

We need to talk.


Come see me later.


Let's go eat.

- Cafeteria?
- Yeah.

Next class?



What should I eat?


Sounds good.

Give me the Sasaki call.

Sasaki. Sasaki. Sasaki. Sasaki.

- Sasaki!
- Stop it!


Tell me why.


- Do it!
- No.

Why not?
Because my dad died?

But you always have fun
making me strip.

- Take it easy.
- Huh?!

Are you crazy? I'm fine.
So what if he's dead?

He was a loser...

Forget it.

You guys are so lame.

"Semi-permanent face soap"

How's it going?

Not good.

Only pockets full of dreams.

Same here.

That's life. What time is it?


Turn on the radio.

No. No radio.

Why not?

Who cares.
Let's get back to work.

Let's go outside.
This place is depressing.

I have to stay and watch.

Let's go get a beer.

For 10 cents a glass.

Silva... Hold on.


I was born on it.

It's just a plain old bed.

I was born on that bed.

My dad died on it.

A quick death, right?

Unlike other cancer patients.

He committed suicide.

I woke up that morning and
came to this room...

and saw everything.

He wasn't afraid of physical pain.

He feared the medical costs.

He wanted us to get
the insurance payout.


Let's take a break.

You're tense.

I'm sorry.

But in a good way.


Now I know why
Sudo wanted you to play Silva.

Unlike Silva...

if I saw a friend going
into a downward spiral

I don't think I can help him.

I appreciate the thought but
I'm not that strong.

What's wrong with that?


People aren't necessarily lonely
because they're alone.

We can be lonely even with
people around us.

It's not easy to save a friend
from ruining his life

but I think you know how it is.


You have to shine in
your own spotlight.

- Hey, Yuji.
- Sasaki?

What's up?

Where are you?

- Now?
- Now.

I'm back in town.


How are ya?

What do you think?

You haven't changed.

How many years has it been?

I'm not counting.

It's been... What?
5 years since we graduated.


It's been 5 years, I think.


That's cool.


This is cool.

I know.

You haven't left?

Still living here?

Let's go outside.

I came back from Okinawa last month.


Remember that sumo wrestler
who assaulted his apprentice?


Nat was talking about it
to a friend I made there.

He said

"You have no right to talk about it
when you have no backbone."

He went on for an hour.

He made me so pissed off.
I broke a beer bottle on his head.


Were you arrested?

No. I paid him 300,000 yen.

Then later, I ran into him by chance.

He wanted me to apologize to him.

After I'd already paid him.

I said, "Sorry sorry sorry..."
Then he ran away.

What an asshole.

What about you?
You moved to Tokyo, right?


Have you improved your acting skills?

Sort of.

Gimme a break.
You better stay with it.

So what do you do now?

This. Pro pachinko player.

Cool. Good money?

Like 300,000 yen per month.

That's a lot. Nice.

But the hard part is

there's a fail-safe tactic
that guarantees a profit.

A sure win.

It's all over the Internet.

So even white-collar businessmen
can do it.

They're my number one enemy.

Are you serious?

Is Taka here?


That's his bike.

1 haven't seen him.


Yuji. Shinpei.

- Hi.
- Hello.

I'll be right back.


How's it going?

Fantastic. I'm on a roll!

Are you Yuji, the actor?

How do you know that?

Because Sasaki

always brags about his friend
who's gonna be a star.

Same age?

I'm 22.

A year older than me.

I guess so.

- New machine?
- Yeah.


I'm going fishing.

Was he always like this?

He hasn't changed.

Come on. Thanks.

Good luck.

Yuji, break a leg.


You lent him money?



It's his crush's birthday.


He's a good guy.


Do you have a girlfriend?

Of course not.

I With a background like mine

who'd want me?

You have a point.

But before the shop opens

I get in line with the other old guys.

We talk about our strategies.

They're a lot of fun.

But I don't wanna be like them
when I'm old.

I'd rather die.

Find a job.


An ordinary job is no fun.
I'm not cut out for it.

But a girlfriend...

would be nice.

No. 41, please.

1,171 yen.
May I see some ID?

What? Do I look like a minor?

It's a formality.

Thank you.

It's your birthday today?


Look. It's today.


Happy 27th birthday.

Thank you.

From 2,000 yen.

I'm home.

You noticed?

How does it look?




You're leaning on me.

Am I?

You're drunk.

It's a Friday night.
I had a few drinks.




I'm sorry to call you at this hour.
Is this Yuji's cellphone?

Yes. Who's this?

My name is Naemura.

It really is late at night.

I'm sorry.

Is this your number?


In high school, you were good friends
with Sasaki...



What about him?


passed away today.

What happened?

Sasaki is waiting for you.

Um... Wait...

He's waiting?

Sasaki is waiting for you guys.

So please come see him.

"Open. Come and enjoy."

This man is a beast.

He stole your woman?

Did you tell him?
You said she was hot.

Big tits.

Gimme a break.

Just big?

Get in line.

Seriously. Just big and nothing else.

- Huge?
- Gigantic.

He was feeling her up.

Get in line.


Get lost, asshole!

What are you waiting for?

He's a nobody.
Hurry up.

Shut up.

Get your hands off me.

Let go of me!

Fuck off!


Let's go.

You're too late.

The old guys are already sitting at
the juicy machines you wanted!

A fool... A fool... I'm a fool.

Love me...

Until I know what happiness is

I won't stop smoking
I'll puff away

What's wrong?

Next song?

If I talk to a girl I don't know,
is that a pick-up?

Definitely yes.


Did you see someone?


Is she hot?

She was singing this song...


What should I do?
I really want to sing with her.

Ask her.

I'm going.


I'm going.


Where are you going?

Hello. Did you hear me knocking?

Yes. Can I help you?


I was walking down the hallway...

I heard you singing
all my favorite songs.

T thought... it'd be so much fun
if we could sing together.

I'm not trying to pick you up.

I just want to sing with you.

Sing karaoke with you.

You're trying to pick me up.

You think so?

I don't know...

Your name...
I'm Sasaki.

I'm Naemura.

May I sing?


- A song.
- Okay.

- Can I sing here?
- Sure.


Yes... I'm Sasaki.


I'm sleepy.

You're not sleepy?

No way.

- I am.
- No.

- Not at this hour.
- What do you mean?

Because it's this hour.

- It was fun.
- Yeah.

This way?

That way.


See ya.



Did you get her number?

No. I wasn't trying to pick her up.

Maybe I'll see her again.

I don't get it.

There's nothing to get.

It's not like that.

I don't have ulterior motives.

See you again.

See you.

Yuji... Long time no see.



Thank you for coming.

I'm Naemura.
We talked on the phone.


I'm Ishii.



Something didn't feel right.

But when I saw his face

I knew he was dead.

I thought about calling the police
and an ambulance but...

You're also weird.

Maybe so.

He always talked about you
and Tada and Kimura.

You and Sasaki...

We're friends...

I guess.



He was diagnosed with cancer.
It was too late.

But he said

"No problem.
I can die without a struggle."

The house is so messy but...

he'd invite me over.

Nice bath.


You're not bathing?

I'm sorry.

About what?



Why apologize?

It was a bad mistake.

Bad mistake?

Having sex with me?

I know it doesn't change anything.

- But...
- I knew...

I kind of knew how you felt.

So I'm moving out.

Yesterday was my mistake.

I'm sorry.

Your apology hurts the most.

You called me just in time.


Don't worry about it.
We were just leaving the restaurant.

You weren't answering my calls.

Why get in a fight tonight?

You idiot.



His funeral is tomorrow.

Sasaki's funeral.

They're doing everything at once.

So much is happening all at once.

It's hard to keep up.

He has relatives but...

They want to wrap things up quickly.

I see.

Sasaki... He was lying there
like he was pretending to be asleep.


Was it us?

Were we making him strip?

In that case...
If we started the Sasaki call...

Maybe he would've...


Sasaki is gone.

He looked peaceful.

It's nobody's fault.
Not ours. Not his. Not anybody's.

"Batting cage"

Damn, I suck.


"No. 1: Sasaki,
50 homeruns"


Time to get up.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.



It's almost ready.


You can wear this.


Good morning.

Good morning.
Did you sleep well?


Good. Wanna eat?


Take a seat.

Thank you.

Let's eat.

It feels weird.

What do you mean?

Seeing my old classmates
as a husband and wife.



Too hot?

Oh yeah...


4 months old.

Wanna hold him?

I don't know how.

I've never held a baby before.





Sorry, kid.


I'm sorry. Sorry...

I have to go.

Go where?

I have to go say something.


Thanks, you guys.

Where did you spend the night?

At Kimura's place.

You don't look good in a suit.

I'm also going to move out.

Under that kitchen hood,
we smoked together.

We ate weird stuff on
that weird table I made.

There are so many memories
I don't want to forget.

If I move out,
I know I'll start to forget.

I was afraid of that.

I'm the selfish one.

I knew how you felt but
I kept living with you.

I pretended I was right.

I lied a lot too.


I said I had to work late but

I was out drinking
with other guys.

I said I just needed space

but there's someone I'm attracted to.

It was me

who couldn't let go and move on.


What kind of world was it?

I forgot.

Are you serious?

Thank you...

for all these years.

Me too.

Thank you.


See your friend and
burn his face into your memory.


You're not yourself.

I get it.
You're in a void like a kite...

without a string.

I get it. You're...

watching life go by in terror.

Like a clown wandering in a graveyard,
reminiscing about the dead.

But it's over, Joe!

There's nothing we can do!

One day, we'll write a story about this.

An empty elegy!

But for now, let's keep going!

Let's drink!

The world is rushing forward!
We have to keep up!

But there's at least time
to say goodbye, isn't there?!


That word isn't in my dictionary!

There's only hello!

Don't try to fool me!

You're always saying goodbye!

No matter when! All the time!

Because that's life!

A long, long goodbye!

And one day...

the final goodbye will come!

It'll be...

a goodbye to yourself!


Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki! Sasaki!

Great song.

I love this song.