Santa with Muscles (1996) - full transcript
An evil millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.
Dear Santa,
how are you?
I'm not doing so well.
There's this really,
really bad man
named Ebner Frost
who lives up on the hill.
He's got these weird people
working for him,
and I think they're gonna
do something really bad
this Christmas.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
I don't want anything
for me this Christmas,
Santa, but things have been
kind of hard for my friends
and the people in my town.
Mr. Frost and his men
have been real bullies
to everyone in Lakeville.
That's where I live.
We used to be a happy town,
but now people are moving away
'cause Mr. Frost has been
so mean to them.
And now he's trying
to take our Orphanage
away from us
and nobody can stop him!
It might not be much,
but it's the only home
we know.
I know you're really busy
this time of year,
but I just thought
that since you're going
to be in the neighborhood
anyway, maybe you could
stop by a little early
this year and help us.
If Rudolph or your other
reindeer aren't ready,
you could take a car
or a bike or..
Hey, you,
come back here!
That's
our Christmas Tree!
Hey, come back here!
I'm afraid that,
with the way things are going,
this might be
the last Christmas I spend
with my friends.
I know it's only a few days
until Christmas,
but please hurry.
Yours truly,
Elizabeth Bentley Walsh.
P.S., I hope you're
really out there, Santa.
Never stop to smell
the roses!
Aaaaah!
Aah!
Ha ha.
Free omelet.
Very nice.
Aah!
Time.
Four minutes...
23 seconds.
Robe.
How did I do?
Oh, great!
Wonderful, Boss!
Tremendous. Magnificent!
You're the best.
Weasels.
If you guys are bucking
for a Christmas bonus,
forget it.
4:23? You call that exercise?
Better cut down
on my cholesterol.
Yes, Sir.
Oh... Make a note, Chas.
My picture on the can
isn't big enough.
And have then make me
more tan.
Yes? Of course.
Straightaway.
You guests have arrived, Sir.
Figures. Business always
calls when you're having fun.
Hmm. That should be
another one of Blake's Rules.
Make a note, Chas.
Make it rule number...
What number are we up to now?
385.
Right. Make it 386..
"Never mix business
with pleasure."
Ooh, I'm hot today!
Better write that one
down, Chas.
The rules are important, Guys.
What would we have
without Blake's Rules, anyway?
Fun.
Chaos, Mr. Thorne.
We would have chaos.
Pierre, rule number 105.
Yes, Sir! "Never give
an inch, especially when
you can take one."
Franco, 91?
"Never lend a hand.
You might need it later."
Which reminds me, Sir...
One of those nonprofit
organizations called inquiring
about a Christmas Fundraiser
they want to hold here
at the mansion.
After all, it is Christmas.
Haven't you learned anything?
If you give them a taste,
they want more.
If you want to do them a favor,
send them some of those
carbohydrate bars
that aren't selling anyway,
and Chas, don't forget..
To write it off, Sir.
Good man, Chas.
Okay, Guys, let's go kick
some paintball butt.
Let's roll!
We're outta here!
Guys, let's hit it!
All right!
I'm gonna get him!
Watch out!
Blake, come on!
They are gonna be history.
Of course before
the time limit runs out,
but you still have to get
the other team's flag.
That about covers it. Ready?
Ready?
Never trust the enemy, Captain.
Hey, that's not fair!
Get him!
Too rich and too quick.
Boop boop boop boop.
Boop boop boop boop ehhhnk!
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo ehhhnk!
Gotcha.
Aah!
Sheriff! I mean, Dispatch!
We got massive guns
out here on 43.
It must be Militia
or terrorists!
Send everything you got!
I'm rolling! Come on, Baby!
Hey, why don't you
just pull over?
Rule number 20..
"Never Surrender."
Besides, this is fun.
Give me your paint gun.
Sorry.
Idiot.
Hey. Hey!
Watch it! Watch it!
We'll lose them in Lakeville.
There's a million places
to hide.
I grew up there.
Do we have any news
on Mr. Claus?
No, but I got a midget
in a clown suit.
Great.
Rule number 21:
"When in doubt, get out."
Later.
Santa! Santa!
Santa! Santa! Santa!
No, don't worry about it.
I raise you one king.
How's it looking out there?
Pretty bad?
Uh-huh. Yeah. No, no problem.
It's no problem.
I just ran into a streak
of bad luck, that's all.
I'll have the money for you
today, I promise. Uh...
Listen up. I've got 50 bucks
for the first elf
that brings me Santa Claus.
We can do that, huh?
It appears my luck
may have just changed.
I'll call you.
Receive payment from Lenny
today, or cause
mass hemorrhaging.
Hi! I'm Dr. Blight,
Mr. Frost's personal physician.
Mr. Frost will be with you
in just a moment.
Comfortable?
Get me out of here!
Get me down!
Anything I can get you?
Coffee, tea, aspirin?
Eh...
Good. Enjoy!
Hey, what are you doing?
Let me down!
Mr. Rapini, I'm Ebner Frost.
I'm so glad you could make it.
I do hope we can reach
an agreement on the sale
of your shoe store.
I'm not selling
my shoe store!
Get me out of here!
Where are you going?
No! Don't leave me!
Chump.
How unfortunate.
Well, since you're going
to be hanging around
a while, let me introduce you
to my staff of scientists.
Don't be disturbed by the fact
they've been kicked out
of some of the finest
universities in the world.
They've always just been
a little ahead of their time...
And the law.
Allow me to introduce you
to the world-renowned
geologist, Mr. Flint.
Nice to meet ya.
You are going to make
such an interesting fossil.
Canadian chemist,
Mr. Vial.
Some find the scent
of methane gas offensive,
but I like to think of it
as nature's perfume.
The electrifyingly
beautiful Ms. Watt.
Ah! Spring!
I'll give you all a chance
to get acquainted.
Did we look that way?
I don't know where he went.
I can't believe it.
Come on! Let's try over here.
Man!
Oh, excuse me, Santa.
You haven't seen some crazy guy
in army fatigues come through
here, have you?
Well, no, Officer,
nothing like that.
Well, uh, keep your eyes peeled
and Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho.
Now, we know this joker
is around here...
Idiots.
How do we find this guy?
We gotta just throw a cover
over this thing
and smoke him out.
Santa, I thought
I missed you!
Yeah. If you hurry,
you still can.
Do you have a minute?
Fax me, you little brat.
That's weird.
Th-that's him. Freeze!
Let's get him!
All right, where'd he go,
up the chimney?
I think he's up
in the air conditioning ducts.
The ducts! Did you see
the size of that guy?
I think he went
underneath the floors.
The floor?
This is a cement floor!
Think, Barn!
Oh, and your idea was better?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Somewhere.
He can't just disappear.
I'm not gonna be the one
to tell the Chief
we lost Santa.
No. I'm not gonna let
this guy get away
with Santa fraud.
Come on!
Morons.
Ho ho no!
Another drunk Mall Santa.
Well, you'll do.
You're a big one, aren't you?
Oh!
Ho ho!
Merry Christmas!
Very Merry Christmas!
I'm rich!
And Mr. Frost won't
pulverize me.
And a snappy dresser, too.
Why, don't mind if I do.
Oh, answer to my prayers!
Thank you!
Thank you, Mr. Uh!!!
Blake Thorne?
Richest man... In ten states?
Blake Thorne?
Yeah!
Whoo! I'm rich!
I'm richer than rich!
I'm too rich!
Visa, Mastercard.
American Express!
A-whoo, a-whoo, a-whoo, a-whoo.
Merry Christmas to all...
And to all good night!
Who are you?
Lenny. How ya doing?
I work here.
Doing the elf thing, you know?
Y-you okay?
I think so. Uh...
I was going to, uh...
To the North Pole!
Am I right?
You know, the kids
are waiting for you.
I'll take you there.
We'd better hurry.
Otherwise, you're gonna be
really late, Mr. Uh..
Mr. Uh.. you know, I didn't
catch your name.
You okay?
I really don't remember.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Uh...
Santa!
What?
You're Santa Claus. Santa!
No. Yes!
No. Yes!
No. Yes! Hello!
Look at you.
Come here. Come here.
Look! Who else would you be?
You got the little hat,
you got the beard,
you got the gloves.
Hey, see? It's Christmastime.
Come here to spread a little
of that holiday cheer.
Come on, Man.
Uh, uh, I mean, Sir.
We have a lot work to do.
Santa? Are you sure?
Hey, who's the one
who got hit on the head, huh?
Oh!
Ooh, uh, sorry
about that, Chief.
Let's go. I'll explain it
to you on the way.
Work with me.
Here we go.
Nice and easy.
Oh oh oh!
Ah! All right, I got ya.
Santa! Santa! Santa!
Losers, Santa.
Santa, losers.
Aw, man!
Oh, gee!
Okay, Big Guy.
Now, you're on.
Now, remember to smile,
say "Ho ho ho" a lot,
and most importantly,
promise them anything.
It's showtime.
Watch your head!
Low ceiling coming out.
They love you.
Well, it's about time.
Elf, take Santa to his throne!
You're on.
Santa, his first name.
Who are you?
David. You knew that.
You been good this year?
Yeah, sort of.
And, uh, what's your name,
little girl?
Susan. And I want
a Magic Mary Townhouse
with a swimming pool,
cars, and a horse stable.
And a new makeup set
and a CD Walkman
because my best friend
Kathy has one.
And a new Barbie doll.
And...
Smile.
Smile.
You look beautiful today,
little girl.
What can Santa get you
for Christmas?
Um... Um, you know,
one of those.
Oh, a golf ball.
No.
Uh, pocketknife.
No.
Electric razor?
No.
Hmm.
Smile.
Let go!
I was here first!
No, you weren't!
Santa! Get off me!
Get the money. Go. Bye.
Welcome, Mr. Thorne,
to the United Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
Place your thumb on the scanner
for fingerprint identification.
Doh! No! No!
I'm sorry, the user's
thumbprint does not match
Mr. Blake Thorne.
I hate progress. No no no!
How you doing?
Little problem with the...
Would you hurry up?
My mom could've done this..
Give me a hand, Genius.
This thing's heavy.
Hello. Afternoon, Ladies.
Crap!
Move, you tool.
Hurry up.
Now, pick up as much as you can.
What are you doing?
We're Santa's Little Helpers,
and we're gonna take this money
to the Orphanage for him.
Beat it, Kid.
You are not!
We are too!
Get lost before we tell Santa
you're a bad little girl.
Santa!!!
You be good.
Santa'll be right back.
Okay.
Someone's been very naughty.
What are you gonna do
about it, Santa?
Give me a lump of coal?
Watch out!
Santa, watch out!
How about two lumps?
Look, Santa's beating
some guy up!
Yay, Santa!
Watch out, he's got
a candy cane!
Ow!
You see, Kids?
It pays to be nice.
Anybody want to help
Santa clean up?
Yeah!
That was very nice.
And he could be very helpful.
Hey, hey, hey!
Good work, Boss.
I knew you had it in you.
You know, I was gonna help you,
but I, uh, you know.
Anyway, hey.
If you could just come over here
for just a minute, there's
something I'd like to show you.
The Mission.
They need help, Lenny.
We should go.
Yeah, yeah, we, uh,
we, uh, we should go there...
Someday. But first..
We should go there.
We should go right now.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Got something nice for you.
Come on, Santa.
Go home!
Don't you have parents?
You know,
you're absolutely right.
The Mission could be kind of
like your local office.
L-let's get outta here.
If I'm Santa,
where's my sleigh?
It's getting new brakes,
and Rudolph's got
this stomach thing.
I got something better.
Let's ride!
Bye, Santa!
Oh, did you see that?
Ahem. Here's the file
on the Rapini sale, Sir.
Did you...
Get these disinfected?
Do you have any idea
how many germs can fester
on a piece of paper?
I've a feeling this Rapini
fellow's not going to sell.
I'll sell!
I'll sell! I'll sell!
I'll sell! I'll sell!
I knew we could work things
out in an amicable manner.
Oh, and remember to be out
by Christmas.
Thank you.
Yes! Blight?
Now our plans
are almost complete.
I still have one last headache.
The Orphanage.
Round up the troops
and see if we can convince
our little friends to adopt
a new attitude.
"Adopt!" That's a good one, Sir.
Ahem. I'll just get the spray.
You sure this scooter's
gonna make it to the Orphanage?
Doctor's note:
Never let Flint drive.
Good afternoon, Leslie.
What do you want?
Oh, we just dropped by
to see how your relocation
plans are going.
Any way we can be of help?
You're so full of it.
Just leave us alone.
Why don't you just
disappear forever?
We'll be around
if you need us.
Please, don't hesitate
to call me.
In your dreams.
Come inside, children.
Wow!
What are you staring at?
Get back to work.
What's going on?
Where is he going?
Get the heck outta here!
Where do you get off
coming to our homeless shelter?
Be careful, Clay!
You better stop there,
or you're gonna have to..
Come and get it!
Don't! Oh!
Why aren't we moving?
Arrrh!
Wow!
Merry Christmas, Santa!
It's, uh...
Santa! Cool!
Yeah. Let's go!
Santa!
Wow, that was awesome!
How'd you do that?
See, I told you Santa
would answer my letter!
Looks like we owe you
a debt, Mr., uh...
Ahem.
Uh, I guess you can
call me Santa.
Well, the least
we can do is offer you dinner.
Do you have time?
Yeah!
Sure. They can't start
Christmas without me.
Can they?
Santa, you saved
my life, Man.
I was a goner, Man.
Santa, sit next to me!
Here. I bet you had
a long trip.
Thank you, um...
Elizabeth.
I wrote you the letter.
I guess you get
a lot of letters.
Uh, I think so.
Wait right there!
I'll be right back.
You have to cut Elizabeth
some slack.. She still
believes in that stuff.
She also believes
in the Tooth Fairy
and the Easter Bunny.
My name is Sarah,
and that's Taylor.
Hey, Kid, how's it going?
Lenny's my name.
Hello, Santa.
I'm Leslie Morgan.
I run this place...
Or at least I try to, anyway.
Thank you for what you did.
That was a very stupid thing
you did out there, Santa,
but I'm glad you did.
Hey, if had been 20 years
younger, I'd have done
the same myself!
Hey, look here.
Leslie, she may run this place,
but I'm the one who keeps it
in one piece.
Clayton is the name.
Well, thanks, everybody.
I'm really glad to be here.
I'm really not sure why...
But I saw the sign at the mall
and for some reason I thought
I might be needed here.
Who were those guys, anyway?
The scientists?
Oh, they work for Mr. Frost.
He's been clearing out
the whole neighborhood,
and no one knows why.
Now he wants the Orphanage.
And he'll get it, too.
Shut up! He will not.
Sounds like
a very naughty boy.
Oh!
Oh ho ho, thank you!
What's the matter, Santa?
Don't you like chocolate chip?
I don't think so.
I mean, are these good
for you with all the fat and...
Santa, don't you remember
you love cookies?
Oh, yeah!
Mrs. Claus has to hide them
from him.. Otherwise,
he blows up like a blimp. Ooh!
Mm.
Here, have some milk.
Is this low-fat?
Okay, everybody, let's set
the table and wash.
It's jerk chicken night!
Yay! Whoo!
Okay, everybody, let's march.
Let's march.
And the guy says...
One of Santa's Helpers,
and this guy's got a nose ring
the size of a donut,
you know what I'm saying?
Oh!
Hey, hey, I'm talking
jelly-filled here!
So Santa decides to give them
both an aerial tour
of the North Pole. Whee!
Hey, uh, Santa, uh,
do you have a place
to stay tonight?
Leslie, can we
keep him, please?
Elizabeth, he's not a dog.
Ruff ruff! What about me?
All right, all right,
but they're not going to be able
to stay for long, Elizabeth.
Christmas is only three days
away, and Santa's going
to be very busy.
Yay! Thank you, Leslie.
Yeah, well, we're pretty much
closed down, anyways.
See, we found a home
for all of the kids
that we could.
We're the leftovers.
Santa, you take any one
of those empty rooms, okay?
I think it's time
that I put the kids to bed.
Good night.
Good night.
Thanks for dinner.
For later.
Good night, Santa.
Come on, Elizabeth.
Good night.
Ahem.
Santa! Hello!
Santa! Big Red!
Shall we?
Nice jammies.
Uh, I'm sorry about
the pajamas, Santa,
but that's all we had.
They're gonna patch up
your Santa outfit,
and we're gonna have them
both ready by tomorrow.
Good night.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
You look great.
You look like a leftover
from last year's
Christmas play.
Eee! Look at you.
You look ridiculous.
At least mine
doesn't have a tail.
Am I a sheep?
Am I a bunny?
Which one of these two things?
Don't worry!
You're Santa.
Give it a rest, will ya?
Thank you.
Nighty-night.
Good night, Santa.
Just the way I like it.
You know...
Good morning, Santa!
I saved you a seat over..
Santa! You forgot your, uh...
Uh... Uh...
You know, th-this is
a-a very funny story.
Santa?
Uh, Mrs. Claus says it
tickles, so I just wear it
for deliveries.
Ha ha! There it is.
Oh, hey, Santa, look.
Read the front page.
Yeah, you're quite a hero,
Santa.
You know, Santa, I can't help
thinking I know you
from somewhere.. I-I mean,
other than the mall.
Delicious this way.
Mm! Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Oh, you'll have to try it.
Oh! That's the end of it.
Sorry. Try the crunch berries.
They're even better. Fantastic.
Guess I'll just recycle this.
Recycling, Kids.
It's just the right thing to do.
He's right.
Welcome, Lenny, to the United
Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
For $100 gazillion,
please place your stolen
thumbprint on the scanner.
Thank you for doing business
with us, and have a nice life
in South America.
Let me give you a hand.
I... Always try and help people
out as much as I can.
Well, thank you.
Hey, I'll wash, you dry.
So, what are you
gonna do now?
Well, what do you think
Santa would do?
Well, I think Santa
would do nice things,
like helping people,
spreading Christmas Spirit..
You know, following
all the Santa Rules.
Santa Rules?
Of course! You know!
Oh, I get it.
It's a test!
Okay, it's like this.
There's are things
you always do,
and things you never do.
But it's just that some people
only follow those rules
around Christmastime.
You always help someone
less fortunate than you.
You never turn your back
on someone in need.
When in doubt, help out.
And act the way you do
at Christmas all year round.
Hmm. Santa Rules.
I like that.
Bye, Santa.
I fixed up your suit,
Mr. Claus.
It's pretty ripped up.
I even made a few improvements.
Improvements?
Yeah. I gave it a more
continental look.
Wow!
I shortened the sleeves
to freedom of movement,
I gave it a V-neck,
and a utility belt
for Super Santa!
Wow!
Do you like that?
This is great, Sarah.
Thanks.
Where'd you learn to do this?
Mega Man #96!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Cool duds, eh?
Wait a minute,
where are my threads?
Keep your pants on, Q-Tip.
I'm getting there. Jeez.
Excuse me.
Psst.
No problem.
I'll get it.
Good morning.
I'm Helen Chu with News 8.
We heard that the, uh,
Santa with muscles lives here
and we wanted to do
a big feature on him.
Is he available?
Uh, well, meet you
in the courtyard in, uh,
just a moment.
By the way, how much do we
get paid for this?
Good morning, Lakeville.
We've all heard the song
"Santa Claus is coming to town."
Well, Santa isn't coming.
He's already here
at the Lakeville Church
of the Light Orphanage.
This Santa With Muscles
not only foiled a robbery
at the Lakeville Mall yesterday,
but he also thwarted vandals
here at the Mission.
Santa Claus, may we have
a word, please?
We're live on Channel 8.
Welcome to Lakeville, Santa.
So, tell us..
How did you get here?
Uh...
Uh...
Um, well, uh...
Rooster.
Uh, sleigh?
Reindeer!
The reindeer brought me here.
Of course, but, Santa,
you look so much more healthy
than you did last year.
Tell us what's your secret.
Uh...
I love... To eat a lot
of reindeer meat.
Doh!
Just kidding, Helen.
Um, I just.. I try to laugh
a lot every day. Heh!
Ho ho ho.
There's a new Santa in town,
and I know if you've been
naughty or nice...
So be nice!
Uh, S-Santa,
thank you very much,
but, uh, we.. We got
a schedule to keep,
and, gosh, you know
how busy we are.
Back to you, Helen.
Ho ho ho!
I'm Helen Chu, reporting
from Lakeville Orphanage.
Now back to you in the studio.
Yes, thank you, Santa,
for putting the Orphanage
on the map!
Let me ask you something,
Dr. Blight.
Does he remind you of anyone?
Something about him
seems familiar.
Of course. I saw him
last year at this time.
And the year before that.
You know what I'm
talking about!
Aah!
I just can't put my finger
on it yet, but I will.
Yes!
Ho ho ho ho ho! Ooh!
Welcome, Mr. Thorne,
to the United Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
Place your thumb on the scanner
for fingerprint identification.
You betcha!
Oh, Leonard, you are a genius!
I'm sorry, that is
your right thumb.
Please place your left thumb
on the scanner.
Hey, will you give me a sec?
How ya doin'?
Mr. Frost requests
your presence.
No problemo.
I'll just, uh..
Now, Lenny.
Now's good.
Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Easy with the jacket!
Into the van, Elf Boy.
Whoa!
Ooh!
What do you think
you're doing?
Mr. Frost! Pleasure
to see you, Sir.
I was just working
on repaying that loan.
You're making trouble
for me, you little worm.
The last thing I need is anyone
drumming up support
for that Orphanage.
I want that Santa With Muscles
outta there.
Am I coming in clearly?!
We have a very good
connection, Sir.
I understand every word.
No more talk!
In the North Pole.
I just want him gone.
Dump him.
Well, Mr. C., time for us
to push on.
What about your scooter?
Oh, it's, uh, better now.
Isn't that the darndest thing?
Besides, can't have you
spending all your Christmas
Cheer in one place.
Have to spread it around,
you know?
Hop on. Good Santa.
Attaboy.
I'm not leaving.
What?
They still need me here.
I'm dead.
♪ For all of time
♪ Angel Baby
♪ You're so fine
♪ Angel Baby
♪ Mine for all of time
♪ Angel Baby ♪
I remember that song.
I know it's not the kind
of song I'm supposed
to sing here, but I think
my mom sang it to me.
If I sing it just right,
I might be able to wake up
the fairies in the window.
Fairies?
Leslie says the church
has magic windows.
People use to come
from all over to see them work.
Nobody comes anymore, though.
I used to think
that when they lit up,
it meant my mom was listening.
Does Santa have a mommy
and daddy?
I must, but...
I-I don't remember.
I don't remember
my parents, either.
Itchy?
Why not take it off?
You don't mind?
Even if you don't have
a beard, you'd still
be Santa, right?
Let's try that song again.
Do you know it?
Start me off.
♪ I'll always remember
♪ The time I spent with you
♪ November, December
♪ April, May, and June
♪ You were my Angel Baby
♪ You're so fine
♪ Angel Baby
♪ Mine for all of time
♪ All time ♪
Wow!
Oh, look.
Ho ho ho!
Ha ha!
Hey, Santa, could you
give me a hand here?
Ho ho ho. Very funny.
I gotcha.
Very funny.
Come help us!
No, we're not
gonna stop...
I'm proud of you, Son.
You finally made something
of yourself, after all.
Hey!
What happened?
Where did it come from?
It's our statue head.
Oh, I bet you it was...
No! Come on..
Please don't.
They're not after you.
Never turn your back
on someone in need.
A friend of mine once
told me that.
Keep the milk
and cookies warm.
Sarah, come on.
I thought it was Christmas,
not Halloween.
Why don't you go Trick-Or-Treat
somewhere else, Doctor?
Certainly, Santa.
After you.
Shouldn't you
be back in the North Pole
around now?
I strongly suggest that you
return to your next of kin.
This is my family.
Very well.
Oh, what the heck.
I'll wing it.
Patient: Santa Claus.
Complaint: Mm...
Blurry vision.
Reflexes...
Jeez!
Beautiful thing.
Do you have the keys?
Patient suffers
from bad tummy aches...
Ooh!
And splitting headaches.
Take one of these
in the morning.
And get plenty of bed rest.
Whoo! Yes!
Santa!
Whoo-hoo!
Way to go! Way to go!
You know, I was gonna help
You but the, uh, door
kind of stuck.
Wow, the way you give him
that.. Ba-bing! Ba-bing!
Come on. Come on.
You know, maybe the man
is right.
Maybe it's time you,
uh, did head back home.
Yeah. Tomorrow's Christmas.
Don't you have to go back
to the North Pole?
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not gonna let anyone
steal our Christmas.
Hey, Guys, where's Taylor?
Oh, yeah.
Huh?
Uh, yeah...
Taylor!
Come on out of there
wherever you are.
Taylor!
Taylor!
Taylor!
Taylor, this isn't funny.
We're not kidding.
I think I know where he is.
Well, Mr. C.
How we supposed to get
over this, fly on one
of your reindeer, hmm?
Aah!
Was that necessary?
Okay, okay.
Shut up. Let's go.
Aw, boy. I hope you
appreciate the risk
I'm taking here.
Just remember, when Christmas
Day rolls around, I expect
a little something extra..
You didn't square
the denominator!
If you quantify that data,
you'll see..
You're wrong.
It'll never work.
But I found
the formula for pain!
What are you trying to do,
smother me?
I have a very delicate
metabolism, you know!
Okay.
Sir, you could leave
the mansion from time to time.
It'd made things a lot easier.
Germs have been hovering
around me my whole life!
No, no, no!
I don't want to...
This is naughty.
But he's even worse.
That doesn't make it right.
I was only trying to be
like you, protecting all of us.
I did what I had to
in self-defense, Taylor.
I'm only tough
when I have to be.
Is that a Santa Rule?
It's my rule. Come on.
Look. Something's going on.
Not by video.
I'm going to be involved
this time.
We're here already,
so let's at least check it out.
Lenny, go with Taylor
back to the bikes.
I'll take a look.
Aw, come on.
That's the most sense
I heard anybody make all night.
Come on, Kid.
Did I ever tell you about
the time Santa and I fought
those two guys at the mall?
Forget about it,
my little friend.
Stop!
I'm trying to take
your blood pressure.
Well, then, take it!
A little thing
we call a phobia.
Oh, you presume...
That's in your head!
It's in your head, Sir.
Are you listening to me?
Now that I own
all of Lakeville,
I can begin excavation
immediately.
I've been waiting
a long time for this.
I want what is due me,
and I want it now.
Yes, but, Sir,
aren't you forgetting
one minor detail?
I want that Orphanage cleared
before the last Christmas
Turkey is sliced.
Do you understand me, Doctor?
Sir, your blood pressure.
So, what's under
the Orphanage?
Water and power lines.
Telephone cables.
Sewer.
Rats. Big, ugly rats.
The clubhouse.
Clubhouse?
Oh, the old catacombs
underneath the church.
Yeah, the kids use it
as a clubhouse.
And there's a big vault
door down there.
A vault.
Now, Kids, we're gonna find out
what Frost wants.
Clayton, what's in that vault
down there?
I don't know. I don't think
it's been open in all the years
I've been here.
We know the combination.
Well, some of it.
Yeah, it's gross and creepy,
just like now.
Oh, shut up.
Here we go.
Be careful.
Watch your step.
It's very dark.
Kids, don't get
too far ahead.
Scary.
Look at those spider webs!
So, how far did you get
with the combination.
Not that far.
Three numbers.
I'll show you.
This one's eight.
The second number is...
24. Next.
And the third one is...
16.
That's as far as we've gotten.
Eight, 24, 16.
That's right.
What is he doing?
h, my god!
Whoa whoa whoa!
Oh, my god!
Looks okay. I'll lead.
Slow down.
It's beautiful.
Wow.
Clayton...
It's everywhere!
This has been underneath us
the whole time.
These are what must make
the church windows glow.
These are the fairies?
Unbelievable.
It's warm.
Oh, put that down, Honey.
You don't know where it's been.
Mom!
Mom! Mom!
Hey, Guys, I know
what these are.
These are Piezoelectric
Crystals.. I read about them
in my geology book.
They're Quartz Crystals
with natural electricity
in them. Vibrations make them
put out power.
They must be worth millions!
Electricity?
Taylor, put that down.
Okay.
Oh!
Told you so.
Everybody out,
and watch your feet!
You don't want to step
on one of those.
Watch your feet!
You coming?
In a minute.
I just want to figure out
how I opened the vault.
Hey...
You're Santa Claus.
Come on, let's go.
Then Dr. Blight was right.
Why am I not at the North Pole,
then, and how to all the kids
in the world get
their presents tomorrow?
I don't think you want
to ask too many questions.
It only makes trouble.
You're not... Buying
the Santa thing, are you?
All right, you want the truth?
The truth is...
You see this?
You were wearing this
when I found you.
How'd you get blood on you?
I don't know.
I don't ask.
You ask too many questions,
maybe you find out you're
a wanted criminal or something.
Look, I don't have
all the answers,
but those kids,
they need Santa Claus
right now.
Just be Santa.
We'll figure out the rest
later, all right?
Thanks.
Hey, that's
what I'm here for.
Just give me
a couple more minutes.
They're all yours.
See you upstairs?
Thank you.
You got it.
Yo, this is Lenny.
Hello, Lenny.
I'll pay you the money
somehow, Mr. Frost,
but please, I don't
think it's right.
I just.. I just can't.
When I want your opinion,
I'll have it surgically removed.
Mr. Frost, they're keeping
pretty close tabs on me.
Then you'll have
to be sneaky.
You're very good at that,
so listen to me,
you pollutant.
Okay.
Hey! The lights are out.
Aah!
What is it? What happened?
He's.. He's in there,
and he's... Oh!
I believe she's trying
to say it's me.
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
Think you're
funny, don't you?
You!
Where did you..
But I thought that..
You guys okay?
Yeah!
You know, I have
a Christmas Wish, Santa.
Get out of my life!
Damn!
Ho ho ho.
Afraid of heights, Santa?
I can cure that.
Cure this!
Santa, you slay me.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Oh oh ohhhh!
All right!
There, I got my Christmas Wish!
Oh! The picture's
still not big enough.
Oh, man.
What a dream.
Santa Claus...
What a bonehead.
Happy Christmas, Mr. Thorne.
Did we have a good sleep?
What happened?
I was hoping you could
Tell me, Sir.
A gentleman...
Waste disposal engineer,
in fact, he caught sight
of you in his dumpster
and, recognizing you
from your products,
he fetched you back here...
Wearing that.
I was... Santa Claus.
Leslie! The kids!
Oh...
Operator, connect me
with the Lakeville Orphanage.
Hello?
Leslie, it's me, uh, Santa.
What do you want?
Huh?
What do you mean?
Are you and the kids okay?
I remember Dr. Blight
was there and Elizabeth
screamed, and..
And I think I fell
off the roof.
I'm sorry I left you
and the kids.
You're so full of it.
Just leave us alone.
Why don't you just
disappear forever?
That takes care
of Santa the clown.
Assemble the team.
We're taking the Orphanage now.
And the question everyone
is asking is "Where's Santa?"
Lakeville's own Santa
With Muscles has not
been spotted since he
foiled a purse-snatching
yesterday.
It's been wildly speculated
that he's returned
to the North Pole.
Back to you in the studio
and Merry Christmas.
I'm not surprised.
There's no such thing
as Santa.
Hey, little one.
Maybe he did go back
to the North Pole.
Hello, Twinkle Toes.
I could use some help
in the kitchen.
Who is that?
It's okay!
I don't know!
Oh, no!
Aah! Aah!
It's all right, I'm here.
Wait till Santa hears
about this!
He'll kick your butt
to New Year's!
Oh!
Yeah!
The field is sterilized, Sir.
Merry Christmas to all.
Gentlemen, bring the children.
What do you want with us?
With you, nothing.
I want what's in your vault,
What's under this
whole neighborhood.
You just happen
to be in the way.
Then let us go.
Who's going to do
my mining?
Why, you son of a!!!
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
There are children present.
Children...
Hello, Children.
I'd like you to do a favor
for your Uncle Ebner.
I'd like you to open that vault.
We can't.
We don't know anything.
We're just kids.
You help out
your Uncle Ebner,
and I'll give you
some Christmas cookies,
candy canes, and plum pudding.
Yuck.
Plum pudding?
I tried.
Prepare them for mining!
No!
Lenny!
Oh, by the way, Lenny,
I want to thank you
for letting us in.
I'm sure it was quite
a sacrifice for you.
Lenny? I thought
you were a real elf!
Take them away!
Oh, my god.
Benedict Arnold.
I-I..
Can't believe you, traitor!
You can open it, can't you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Aah!
Aah!
Thanks, Pierre.
Mon Dieu, I never seen
the boss like this.
He loves to hit me.
Yeah.
Santa, it's Lenny.
Lenny! How are you?
I tried to call, but..
Forget it, Big Guy.
There's no time.
Mr. Frost is trying
to take over the Orphanage
with his goon squad.
He's got his pet scientists
everywhere.
He's trying to get in the vault,
and when he does,
he's gonna use the kids
to mine the crystals.
I don't know how long
it's gonna be before..
Ow ow ow.
How's my favorite patient?
Remind me to prescribe
something for that
pounding headache you must have
after that nasty fall!
Remind me to introduce you
to my two little friends,
lefty and righty.
Oh, save it, Santa.
These long-distance phone calls
from the North Pole must be
getting pretty expensive,
so I'll be brief.
Step one foot onto this property
and I'll use your friends
in my next experiment.
Until next year, Santa.
Gentlemen, we have a mission.
Yes.
Aah!
Mm-hmm.
Tuck in that trowel.
Very good, Sir.
Pierre, put a shine
on that garlic press,
and clean up that lug wrench.
Okay, mount up.
Shotgun!
I got...
All right, men.
Let's go spread
a little Christmas Cheer.
Tell Mr. Frost five minutes!
Do you realize how fast
you were going?
Oh, no. No.
Tougher. Tougher. Tougher.
Hey!
Turkey Breath, do you realize
how fast you were going?
The terrorists.
Control!!!
We have company, Sir.
Just one?
No problem.
Hmm. More unexpected guests?
We'll just have to handle it
Blake's Way. Pierre?
The first course, please.
Let 'em try some
of Blake's Way salad oil.
No cholesterol.
Only three calories per serving!
And it goes down smooth.
What the???
How 'bout some Blake's Way
Protein Powder
for our little friends?
I was at Desert Storm,
you know!
I'm bad!
I'm a heartbreaker!
I'm a troublemaker!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
That'll teach you
to mess with Thomas P. Hinkley.
Is surrender an option, Sir?
What do you think, Chas?
Blake's Rule 20, Sir,
is never surrender.
No!
Which one of you turkeys
is responsible for this?
Not me.
See you, suckers! Ha ha ha!
You take it.
Jumpstart.
Chas, go to
the back entrance.
I'm gonna find the children
and get the adults upstairs.
What are you doing?
Waving to Santa.
Hi, Santa!
Uhh!
Get him!
You guys okay?
Yeah.
You're not really
Santa Claus, are you?
No, I'm not.
I just thought I was
for a while.
My name is Blake Thorne.
You're not Santa.
You're better.
We have an operation
to carry out.
You guys with me?
Yeah, of course!
Where are the others?
The science geeks
took them upstairs.
Okay, let's try to find them
and let's stay together.
Okay.
Your weapon, Monsieur.
Thanks.
See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!
Hey! Hey! Whoa!
No, no! Aah!
Yeah, come on!
Aah!
Oh, whoa.
Aah!
Let's go find Leslie.
Ho ho ho!
Hey, where'd Blake go?
Hello, Santa.
I'm afraid I've been
terribly, terribly naughty.
No problemo.
I haven't had a good workout
in a week.
In case you haven't noticed,
the odds have changed.
Wah!
You wouldn't hit a woman.
Would you?
He wouldn't...
But I would.
Aah! Aah!
Ouch.
Lenny, great to see you.
Thanks.
No. Thank you,
Mr. Thorne.
It's all there.
Well, except for
a couple of bucks.
Lenny!
You're not gonna hug me
or nothing, are you?
Let's go find Leslie
and Clayton, come on.
All right.
Well, all you had to do
was knock.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
I am now.
I'm Blake Thorne.
Good to meet ya.
Let's go.
I've got to find
The children.
Uh, Blake, Blake.
I'd like to talk to you
a minute.
Have a seat.
Yeah. Have a seat.
Hey, you lied to her.
Blake Thorne? What's the matter.
Blake Tarachefski
doesn't fit on the bottle?
How did you...?
Isn't it coming back
to you yet, Son?
You grew up here! Look.
Is that me?
There's more.
You see the boy sitting
right next to you?
He was your best friend.
Ebner Frost.
Aw! Do I have to do
everything myself?
Huh? Do I?
"Yes, you do, Percy."
"Why?" "'Cause you surround
yourself with nincompoops
like me." Gah! Wretched.
Mother said there'd be
nights like this.
Nights like this!
Hi!
Just couldn't stay away
from me, huh?
That's okay, I..
I have that effect on women.
So much has gone on.
I'm so confused.
Well, don't fret.
It just so happens
I'm a specialist in...
Matters
of the heart, too.
Oh, are you really, Doctor?
Well, maybe you can give me
some advice.
Why, Leslie.
You certainly are
a different person
when you're away
from those homeless
little losers, aren't you?
Listen, you pig!
Nobody! Talks! About!
My! Kids! That! Way!
Whoa!
Yeah! Yes!
Hey, that's not funny!
Great job!
Now we've gotta get outta here.
What about Blake?
We're a team!
Taylor! Let's go!
Come on! Aah!
Come back here,
you little brats!
I can't let you do
this, Ebby.
Ebby?
What's wrong?
Haven't heard that
since we were kids?
Blake!
Blake Tarachefski.
So, you're the one
who's been causing all my pain?
Maybe I have, but I'm gonna
put a stop to all of this.
Oh, you're going
to stop me?
You got it.
I got it!
Aah!
Oh! It's beautiful!
(Gibbering)
Oh, whoa! Whoa!
Yeehaw!
These are good folks, Ebby.
Leave 'em alone.
You got a problem with me,
let's take it outside.
Would you shut up already?
Don't flatter yourself.
This is about money!
Lots of money.
What happened, Ebby?
You used to be a good kid.
Spare me the lecture.
While you're off spending
mommy and daddy's millions,
I was rotting away
in this place.
I had to cheat and steal
to claw my way out of here!
While you're up in a mansion
in a hill.
Why don't you go back
to your weight room
and your tanning booth!
Well, you know what?
Being Santa opened my eyes.
I didn't like what I saw.
Oh! Uhh!
Sarah! Elizabeth! Taylor!
I was the one
that should've been adopted.
It's my turn!
Well, now it's my turn
to set you straight.
Leslie!
Too late!
We're not kids anymore.
Come on.
Die! Die!
Well, we can't just sit here!
Come on! Stay here!
I-I could do that.
Ha!
Ooh ooh! Yeah!
Uh...
What's happening?
Rapid vibrations are causing
an energy build-up.
English, please.
It's.. It's..
It's gonna blow!
Let's get out of here!
Let's go!
Come on!
Come on, Frost!
Let it go!
Move it!
Oh, come on, Guys.
Move, move, move!
Come on.
Get over here.
Go on, move it.
Push it.
Don't look back.
Come on, Frost.
(Gibbering)
Come on, Frost.
Cool.
No!
All right!
Everyone freeze!
Good.
Uh, Ma'am, please...
Are we rolling?
Hi, Helen Chu with News 8.
Officer, please tell us
how you finally apprehended
Ebner Frost and his gang.
Well, it wasn't easy, Helen.
May I call you Helen?
Got one more here.
It took exhaustive
investigative reporting.
Excuse me, Helen Chu,
News 8. Can you tell us
who did this to you?
Go away!
I just want to ask
a few questions, Sir.
I guess he'll have a chance
to De-Frost himself!
I'll get you, Santa.
Gonna get you, Santa.
I'm gonna get!!!
Hi, excuse me.
Helen Chu of News 8.
Just a couple of questions...
Ew! Ugh!
Were you responsible
for the explosion earlier?
Are you responsible...
Oh! Ick!
Oh, my sense of smell!
You can't do this!
It's inhuman!
It's unethical!
It.. It.. It stinks in here!
I'm not through
with you, Blake.
I'm just get start..
Merry Christmas, Ebner!
Well, you did an amazing job
cleaning all that up,
but where we gonna go now?
I think I know
a place that's available.
Hey, watch it!
I'm tanning!
I'm tanning here!
Hey!
Slow down, boy!
Duck, duck, goose!
Blake, is it time?
Yes! Come on, Guys!
Come on!
All right!
What are you looking at?
Move out of there.
That's my trash!
Lemme see, lemme see!
Wow! A Christmas Miracle.
I do believe in you.
Blake.
Ho ho ho!
Yeah!
how are you?
I'm not doing so well.
There's this really,
really bad man
named Ebner Frost
who lives up on the hill.
He's got these weird people
working for him,
and I think they're gonna
do something really bad
this Christmas.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
I don't want anything
for me this Christmas,
Santa, but things have been
kind of hard for my friends
and the people in my town.
Mr. Frost and his men
have been real bullies
to everyone in Lakeville.
That's where I live.
We used to be a happy town,
but now people are moving away
'cause Mr. Frost has been
so mean to them.
And now he's trying
to take our Orphanage
away from us
and nobody can stop him!
It might not be much,
but it's the only home
we know.
I know you're really busy
this time of year,
but I just thought
that since you're going
to be in the neighborhood
anyway, maybe you could
stop by a little early
this year and help us.
If Rudolph or your other
reindeer aren't ready,
you could take a car
or a bike or..
Hey, you,
come back here!
That's
our Christmas Tree!
Hey, come back here!
I'm afraid that,
with the way things are going,
this might be
the last Christmas I spend
with my friends.
I know it's only a few days
until Christmas,
but please hurry.
Yours truly,
Elizabeth Bentley Walsh.
P.S., I hope you're
really out there, Santa.
Never stop to smell
the roses!
Aaaaah!
Aah!
Ha ha.
Free omelet.
Very nice.
Aah!
Time.
Four minutes...
23 seconds.
Robe.
How did I do?
Oh, great!
Wonderful, Boss!
Tremendous. Magnificent!
You're the best.
Weasels.
If you guys are bucking
for a Christmas bonus,
forget it.
4:23? You call that exercise?
Better cut down
on my cholesterol.
Yes, Sir.
Oh... Make a note, Chas.
My picture on the can
isn't big enough.
And have then make me
more tan.
Yes? Of course.
Straightaway.
You guests have arrived, Sir.
Figures. Business always
calls when you're having fun.
Hmm. That should be
another one of Blake's Rules.
Make a note, Chas.
Make it rule number...
What number are we up to now?
385.
Right. Make it 386..
"Never mix business
with pleasure."
Ooh, I'm hot today!
Better write that one
down, Chas.
The rules are important, Guys.
What would we have
without Blake's Rules, anyway?
Fun.
Chaos, Mr. Thorne.
We would have chaos.
Pierre, rule number 105.
Yes, Sir! "Never give
an inch, especially when
you can take one."
Franco, 91?
"Never lend a hand.
You might need it later."
Which reminds me, Sir...
One of those nonprofit
organizations called inquiring
about a Christmas Fundraiser
they want to hold here
at the mansion.
After all, it is Christmas.
Haven't you learned anything?
If you give them a taste,
they want more.
If you want to do them a favor,
send them some of those
carbohydrate bars
that aren't selling anyway,
and Chas, don't forget..
To write it off, Sir.
Good man, Chas.
Okay, Guys, let's go kick
some paintball butt.
Let's roll!
We're outta here!
Guys, let's hit it!
All right!
I'm gonna get him!
Watch out!
Blake, come on!
They are gonna be history.
Of course before
the time limit runs out,
but you still have to get
the other team's flag.
That about covers it. Ready?
Ready?
Never trust the enemy, Captain.
Hey, that's not fair!
Get him!
Too rich and too quick.
Boop boop boop boop.
Boop boop boop boop ehhhnk!
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo ehhhnk!
Gotcha.
Aah!
Sheriff! I mean, Dispatch!
We got massive guns
out here on 43.
It must be Militia
or terrorists!
Send everything you got!
I'm rolling! Come on, Baby!
Hey, why don't you
just pull over?
Rule number 20..
"Never Surrender."
Besides, this is fun.
Give me your paint gun.
Sorry.
Idiot.
Hey. Hey!
Watch it! Watch it!
We'll lose them in Lakeville.
There's a million places
to hide.
I grew up there.
Do we have any news
on Mr. Claus?
No, but I got a midget
in a clown suit.
Great.
Rule number 21:
"When in doubt, get out."
Later.
Santa! Santa!
Santa! Santa! Santa!
No, don't worry about it.
I raise you one king.
How's it looking out there?
Pretty bad?
Uh-huh. Yeah. No, no problem.
It's no problem.
I just ran into a streak
of bad luck, that's all.
I'll have the money for you
today, I promise. Uh...
Listen up. I've got 50 bucks
for the first elf
that brings me Santa Claus.
We can do that, huh?
It appears my luck
may have just changed.
I'll call you.
Receive payment from Lenny
today, or cause
mass hemorrhaging.
Hi! I'm Dr. Blight,
Mr. Frost's personal physician.
Mr. Frost will be with you
in just a moment.
Comfortable?
Get me out of here!
Get me down!
Anything I can get you?
Coffee, tea, aspirin?
Eh...
Good. Enjoy!
Hey, what are you doing?
Let me down!
Mr. Rapini, I'm Ebner Frost.
I'm so glad you could make it.
I do hope we can reach
an agreement on the sale
of your shoe store.
I'm not selling
my shoe store!
Get me out of here!
Where are you going?
No! Don't leave me!
Chump.
How unfortunate.
Well, since you're going
to be hanging around
a while, let me introduce you
to my staff of scientists.
Don't be disturbed by the fact
they've been kicked out
of some of the finest
universities in the world.
They've always just been
a little ahead of their time...
And the law.
Allow me to introduce you
to the world-renowned
geologist, Mr. Flint.
Nice to meet ya.
You are going to make
such an interesting fossil.
Canadian chemist,
Mr. Vial.
Some find the scent
of methane gas offensive,
but I like to think of it
as nature's perfume.
The electrifyingly
beautiful Ms. Watt.
Ah! Spring!
I'll give you all a chance
to get acquainted.
Did we look that way?
I don't know where he went.
I can't believe it.
Come on! Let's try over here.
Man!
Oh, excuse me, Santa.
You haven't seen some crazy guy
in army fatigues come through
here, have you?
Well, no, Officer,
nothing like that.
Well, uh, keep your eyes peeled
and Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho.
Now, we know this joker
is around here...
Idiots.
How do we find this guy?
We gotta just throw a cover
over this thing
and smoke him out.
Santa, I thought
I missed you!
Yeah. If you hurry,
you still can.
Do you have a minute?
Fax me, you little brat.
That's weird.
Th-that's him. Freeze!
Let's get him!
All right, where'd he go,
up the chimney?
I think he's up
in the air conditioning ducts.
The ducts! Did you see
the size of that guy?
I think he went
underneath the floors.
The floor?
This is a cement floor!
Think, Barn!
Oh, and your idea was better?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Somewhere.
He can't just disappear.
I'm not gonna be the one
to tell the Chief
we lost Santa.
No. I'm not gonna let
this guy get away
with Santa fraud.
Come on!
Morons.
Ho ho no!
Another drunk Mall Santa.
Well, you'll do.
You're a big one, aren't you?
Oh!
Ho ho!
Merry Christmas!
Very Merry Christmas!
I'm rich!
And Mr. Frost won't
pulverize me.
And a snappy dresser, too.
Why, don't mind if I do.
Oh, answer to my prayers!
Thank you!
Thank you, Mr. Uh!!!
Blake Thorne?
Richest man... In ten states?
Blake Thorne?
Yeah!
Whoo! I'm rich!
I'm richer than rich!
I'm too rich!
Visa, Mastercard.
American Express!
A-whoo, a-whoo, a-whoo, a-whoo.
Merry Christmas to all...
And to all good night!
Who are you?
Lenny. How ya doing?
I work here.
Doing the elf thing, you know?
Y-you okay?
I think so. Uh...
I was going to, uh...
To the North Pole!
Am I right?
You know, the kids
are waiting for you.
I'll take you there.
We'd better hurry.
Otherwise, you're gonna be
really late, Mr. Uh..
Mr. Uh.. you know, I didn't
catch your name.
You okay?
I really don't remember.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Uh...
Santa!
What?
You're Santa Claus. Santa!
No. Yes!
No. Yes!
No. Yes! Hello!
Look at you.
Come here. Come here.
Look! Who else would you be?
You got the little hat,
you got the beard,
you got the gloves.
Hey, see? It's Christmastime.
Come here to spread a little
of that holiday cheer.
Come on, Man.
Uh, uh, I mean, Sir.
We have a lot work to do.
Santa? Are you sure?
Hey, who's the one
who got hit on the head, huh?
Oh!
Ooh, uh, sorry
about that, Chief.
Let's go. I'll explain it
to you on the way.
Work with me.
Here we go.
Nice and easy.
Oh oh oh!
Ah! All right, I got ya.
Santa! Santa! Santa!
Losers, Santa.
Santa, losers.
Aw, man!
Oh, gee!
Okay, Big Guy.
Now, you're on.
Now, remember to smile,
say "Ho ho ho" a lot,
and most importantly,
promise them anything.
It's showtime.
Watch your head!
Low ceiling coming out.
They love you.
Well, it's about time.
Elf, take Santa to his throne!
You're on.
Santa, his first name.
Who are you?
David. You knew that.
You been good this year?
Yeah, sort of.
And, uh, what's your name,
little girl?
Susan. And I want
a Magic Mary Townhouse
with a swimming pool,
cars, and a horse stable.
And a new makeup set
and a CD Walkman
because my best friend
Kathy has one.
And a new Barbie doll.
And...
Smile.
Smile.
You look beautiful today,
little girl.
What can Santa get you
for Christmas?
Um... Um, you know,
one of those.
Oh, a golf ball.
No.
Uh, pocketknife.
No.
Electric razor?
No.
Hmm.
Smile.
Let go!
I was here first!
No, you weren't!
Santa! Get off me!
Get the money. Go. Bye.
Welcome, Mr. Thorne,
to the United Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
Place your thumb on the scanner
for fingerprint identification.
Doh! No! No!
I'm sorry, the user's
thumbprint does not match
Mr. Blake Thorne.
I hate progress. No no no!
How you doing?
Little problem with the...
Would you hurry up?
My mom could've done this..
Give me a hand, Genius.
This thing's heavy.
Hello. Afternoon, Ladies.
Crap!
Move, you tool.
Hurry up.
Now, pick up as much as you can.
What are you doing?
We're Santa's Little Helpers,
and we're gonna take this money
to the Orphanage for him.
Beat it, Kid.
You are not!
We are too!
Get lost before we tell Santa
you're a bad little girl.
Santa!!!
You be good.
Santa'll be right back.
Okay.
Someone's been very naughty.
What are you gonna do
about it, Santa?
Give me a lump of coal?
Watch out!
Santa, watch out!
How about two lumps?
Look, Santa's beating
some guy up!
Yay, Santa!
Watch out, he's got
a candy cane!
Ow!
You see, Kids?
It pays to be nice.
Anybody want to help
Santa clean up?
Yeah!
That was very nice.
And he could be very helpful.
Hey, hey, hey!
Good work, Boss.
I knew you had it in you.
You know, I was gonna help you,
but I, uh, you know.
Anyway, hey.
If you could just come over here
for just a minute, there's
something I'd like to show you.
The Mission.
They need help, Lenny.
We should go.
Yeah, yeah, we, uh,
we, uh, we should go there...
Someday. But first..
We should go there.
We should go right now.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Got something nice for you.
Come on, Santa.
Go home!
Don't you have parents?
You know,
you're absolutely right.
The Mission could be kind of
like your local office.
L-let's get outta here.
If I'm Santa,
where's my sleigh?
It's getting new brakes,
and Rudolph's got
this stomach thing.
I got something better.
Let's ride!
Bye, Santa!
Oh, did you see that?
Ahem. Here's the file
on the Rapini sale, Sir.
Did you...
Get these disinfected?
Do you have any idea
how many germs can fester
on a piece of paper?
I've a feeling this Rapini
fellow's not going to sell.
I'll sell!
I'll sell! I'll sell!
I'll sell! I'll sell!
I knew we could work things
out in an amicable manner.
Oh, and remember to be out
by Christmas.
Thank you.
Yes! Blight?
Now our plans
are almost complete.
I still have one last headache.
The Orphanage.
Round up the troops
and see if we can convince
our little friends to adopt
a new attitude.
"Adopt!" That's a good one, Sir.
Ahem. I'll just get the spray.
You sure this scooter's
gonna make it to the Orphanage?
Doctor's note:
Never let Flint drive.
Good afternoon, Leslie.
What do you want?
Oh, we just dropped by
to see how your relocation
plans are going.
Any way we can be of help?
You're so full of it.
Just leave us alone.
Why don't you just
disappear forever?
We'll be around
if you need us.
Please, don't hesitate
to call me.
In your dreams.
Come inside, children.
Wow!
What are you staring at?
Get back to work.
What's going on?
Where is he going?
Get the heck outta here!
Where do you get off
coming to our homeless shelter?
Be careful, Clay!
You better stop there,
or you're gonna have to..
Come and get it!
Don't! Oh!
Why aren't we moving?
Arrrh!
Wow!
Merry Christmas, Santa!
It's, uh...
Santa! Cool!
Yeah. Let's go!
Santa!
Wow, that was awesome!
How'd you do that?
See, I told you Santa
would answer my letter!
Looks like we owe you
a debt, Mr., uh...
Ahem.
Uh, I guess you can
call me Santa.
Well, the least
we can do is offer you dinner.
Do you have time?
Yeah!
Sure. They can't start
Christmas without me.
Can they?
Santa, you saved
my life, Man.
I was a goner, Man.
Santa, sit next to me!
Here. I bet you had
a long trip.
Thank you, um...
Elizabeth.
I wrote you the letter.
I guess you get
a lot of letters.
Uh, I think so.
Wait right there!
I'll be right back.
You have to cut Elizabeth
some slack.. She still
believes in that stuff.
She also believes
in the Tooth Fairy
and the Easter Bunny.
My name is Sarah,
and that's Taylor.
Hey, Kid, how's it going?
Lenny's my name.
Hello, Santa.
I'm Leslie Morgan.
I run this place...
Or at least I try to, anyway.
Thank you for what you did.
That was a very stupid thing
you did out there, Santa,
but I'm glad you did.
Hey, if had been 20 years
younger, I'd have done
the same myself!
Hey, look here.
Leslie, she may run this place,
but I'm the one who keeps it
in one piece.
Clayton is the name.
Well, thanks, everybody.
I'm really glad to be here.
I'm really not sure why...
But I saw the sign at the mall
and for some reason I thought
I might be needed here.
Who were those guys, anyway?
The scientists?
Oh, they work for Mr. Frost.
He's been clearing out
the whole neighborhood,
and no one knows why.
Now he wants the Orphanage.
And he'll get it, too.
Shut up! He will not.
Sounds like
a very naughty boy.
Oh!
Oh ho ho, thank you!
What's the matter, Santa?
Don't you like chocolate chip?
I don't think so.
I mean, are these good
for you with all the fat and...
Santa, don't you remember
you love cookies?
Oh, yeah!
Mrs. Claus has to hide them
from him.. Otherwise,
he blows up like a blimp. Ooh!
Mm.
Here, have some milk.
Is this low-fat?
Okay, everybody, let's set
the table and wash.
It's jerk chicken night!
Yay! Whoo!
Okay, everybody, let's march.
Let's march.
And the guy says...
One of Santa's Helpers,
and this guy's got a nose ring
the size of a donut,
you know what I'm saying?
Oh!
Hey, hey, I'm talking
jelly-filled here!
So Santa decides to give them
both an aerial tour
of the North Pole. Whee!
Hey, uh, Santa, uh,
do you have a place
to stay tonight?
Leslie, can we
keep him, please?
Elizabeth, he's not a dog.
Ruff ruff! What about me?
All right, all right,
but they're not going to be able
to stay for long, Elizabeth.
Christmas is only three days
away, and Santa's going
to be very busy.
Yay! Thank you, Leslie.
Yeah, well, we're pretty much
closed down, anyways.
See, we found a home
for all of the kids
that we could.
We're the leftovers.
Santa, you take any one
of those empty rooms, okay?
I think it's time
that I put the kids to bed.
Good night.
Good night.
Thanks for dinner.
For later.
Good night, Santa.
Come on, Elizabeth.
Good night.
Ahem.
Santa! Hello!
Santa! Big Red!
Shall we?
Nice jammies.
Uh, I'm sorry about
the pajamas, Santa,
but that's all we had.
They're gonna patch up
your Santa outfit,
and we're gonna have them
both ready by tomorrow.
Good night.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
You look great.
You look like a leftover
from last year's
Christmas play.
Eee! Look at you.
You look ridiculous.
At least mine
doesn't have a tail.
Am I a sheep?
Am I a bunny?
Which one of these two things?
Don't worry!
You're Santa.
Give it a rest, will ya?
Thank you.
Nighty-night.
Good night, Santa.
Just the way I like it.
You know...
Good morning, Santa!
I saved you a seat over..
Santa! You forgot your, uh...
Uh... Uh...
You know, th-this is
a-a very funny story.
Santa?
Uh, Mrs. Claus says it
tickles, so I just wear it
for deliveries.
Ha ha! There it is.
Oh, hey, Santa, look.
Read the front page.
Yeah, you're quite a hero,
Santa.
You know, Santa, I can't help
thinking I know you
from somewhere.. I-I mean,
other than the mall.
Delicious this way.
Mm! Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Oh, you'll have to try it.
Oh! That's the end of it.
Sorry. Try the crunch berries.
They're even better. Fantastic.
Guess I'll just recycle this.
Recycling, Kids.
It's just the right thing to do.
He's right.
Welcome, Lenny, to the United
Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
For $100 gazillion,
please place your stolen
thumbprint on the scanner.
Thank you for doing business
with us, and have a nice life
in South America.
Let me give you a hand.
I... Always try and help people
out as much as I can.
Well, thank you.
Hey, I'll wash, you dry.
So, what are you
gonna do now?
Well, what do you think
Santa would do?
Well, I think Santa
would do nice things,
like helping people,
spreading Christmas Spirit..
You know, following
all the Santa Rules.
Santa Rules?
Of course! You know!
Oh, I get it.
It's a test!
Okay, it's like this.
There's are things
you always do,
and things you never do.
But it's just that some people
only follow those rules
around Christmastime.
You always help someone
less fortunate than you.
You never turn your back
on someone in need.
When in doubt, help out.
And act the way you do
at Christmas all year round.
Hmm. Santa Rules.
I like that.
Bye, Santa.
I fixed up your suit,
Mr. Claus.
It's pretty ripped up.
I even made a few improvements.
Improvements?
Yeah. I gave it a more
continental look.
Wow!
I shortened the sleeves
to freedom of movement,
I gave it a V-neck,
and a utility belt
for Super Santa!
Wow!
Do you like that?
This is great, Sarah.
Thanks.
Where'd you learn to do this?
Mega Man #96!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Cool duds, eh?
Wait a minute,
where are my threads?
Keep your pants on, Q-Tip.
I'm getting there. Jeez.
Excuse me.
Psst.
No problem.
I'll get it.
Good morning.
I'm Helen Chu with News 8.
We heard that the, uh,
Santa with muscles lives here
and we wanted to do
a big feature on him.
Is he available?
Uh, well, meet you
in the courtyard in, uh,
just a moment.
By the way, how much do we
get paid for this?
Good morning, Lakeville.
We've all heard the song
"Santa Claus is coming to town."
Well, Santa isn't coming.
He's already here
at the Lakeville Church
of the Light Orphanage.
This Santa With Muscles
not only foiled a robbery
at the Lakeville Mall yesterday,
but he also thwarted vandals
here at the Mission.
Santa Claus, may we have
a word, please?
We're live on Channel 8.
Welcome to Lakeville, Santa.
So, tell us..
How did you get here?
Uh...
Uh...
Um, well, uh...
Rooster.
Uh, sleigh?
Reindeer!
The reindeer brought me here.
Of course, but, Santa,
you look so much more healthy
than you did last year.
Tell us what's your secret.
Uh...
I love... To eat a lot
of reindeer meat.
Doh!
Just kidding, Helen.
Um, I just.. I try to laugh
a lot every day. Heh!
Ho ho ho.
There's a new Santa in town,
and I know if you've been
naughty or nice...
So be nice!
Uh, S-Santa,
thank you very much,
but, uh, we.. We got
a schedule to keep,
and, gosh, you know
how busy we are.
Back to you, Helen.
Ho ho ho!
I'm Helen Chu, reporting
from Lakeville Orphanage.
Now back to you in the studio.
Yes, thank you, Santa,
for putting the Orphanage
on the map!
Let me ask you something,
Dr. Blight.
Does he remind you of anyone?
Something about him
seems familiar.
Of course. I saw him
last year at this time.
And the year before that.
You know what I'm
talking about!
Aah!
I just can't put my finger
on it yet, but I will.
Yes!
Ho ho ho ho ho! Ooh!
Welcome, Mr. Thorne,
to the United Banking System's
Print-Secure Teller.
Place your thumb on the scanner
for fingerprint identification.
You betcha!
Oh, Leonard, you are a genius!
I'm sorry, that is
your right thumb.
Please place your left thumb
on the scanner.
Hey, will you give me a sec?
How ya doin'?
Mr. Frost requests
your presence.
No problemo.
I'll just, uh..
Now, Lenny.
Now's good.
Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Easy with the jacket!
Into the van, Elf Boy.
Whoa!
Ooh!
What do you think
you're doing?
Mr. Frost! Pleasure
to see you, Sir.
I was just working
on repaying that loan.
You're making trouble
for me, you little worm.
The last thing I need is anyone
drumming up support
for that Orphanage.
I want that Santa With Muscles
outta there.
Am I coming in clearly?!
We have a very good
connection, Sir.
I understand every word.
No more talk!
In the North Pole.
I just want him gone.
Dump him.
Well, Mr. C., time for us
to push on.
What about your scooter?
Oh, it's, uh, better now.
Isn't that the darndest thing?
Besides, can't have you
spending all your Christmas
Cheer in one place.
Have to spread it around,
you know?
Hop on. Good Santa.
Attaboy.
I'm not leaving.
What?
They still need me here.
I'm dead.
♪ For all of time
♪ Angel Baby
♪ You're so fine
♪ Angel Baby
♪ Mine for all of time
♪ Angel Baby ♪
I remember that song.
I know it's not the kind
of song I'm supposed
to sing here, but I think
my mom sang it to me.
If I sing it just right,
I might be able to wake up
the fairies in the window.
Fairies?
Leslie says the church
has magic windows.
People use to come
from all over to see them work.
Nobody comes anymore, though.
I used to think
that when they lit up,
it meant my mom was listening.
Does Santa have a mommy
and daddy?
I must, but...
I-I don't remember.
I don't remember
my parents, either.
Itchy?
Why not take it off?
You don't mind?
Even if you don't have
a beard, you'd still
be Santa, right?
Let's try that song again.
Do you know it?
Start me off.
♪ I'll always remember
♪ The time I spent with you
♪ November, December
♪ April, May, and June
♪ You were my Angel Baby
♪ You're so fine
♪ Angel Baby
♪ Mine for all of time
♪ All time ♪
Wow!
Oh, look.
Ho ho ho!
Ha ha!
Hey, Santa, could you
give me a hand here?
Ho ho ho. Very funny.
I gotcha.
Very funny.
Come help us!
No, we're not
gonna stop...
I'm proud of you, Son.
You finally made something
of yourself, after all.
Hey!
What happened?
Where did it come from?
It's our statue head.
Oh, I bet you it was...
No! Come on..
Please don't.
They're not after you.
Never turn your back
on someone in need.
A friend of mine once
told me that.
Keep the milk
and cookies warm.
Sarah, come on.
I thought it was Christmas,
not Halloween.
Why don't you go Trick-Or-Treat
somewhere else, Doctor?
Certainly, Santa.
After you.
Shouldn't you
be back in the North Pole
around now?
I strongly suggest that you
return to your next of kin.
This is my family.
Very well.
Oh, what the heck.
I'll wing it.
Patient: Santa Claus.
Complaint: Mm...
Blurry vision.
Reflexes...
Jeez!
Beautiful thing.
Do you have the keys?
Patient suffers
from bad tummy aches...
Ooh!
And splitting headaches.
Take one of these
in the morning.
And get plenty of bed rest.
Whoo! Yes!
Santa!
Whoo-hoo!
Way to go! Way to go!
You know, I was gonna help
You but the, uh, door
kind of stuck.
Wow, the way you give him
that.. Ba-bing! Ba-bing!
Come on. Come on.
You know, maybe the man
is right.
Maybe it's time you,
uh, did head back home.
Yeah. Tomorrow's Christmas.
Don't you have to go back
to the North Pole?
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not gonna let anyone
steal our Christmas.
Hey, Guys, where's Taylor?
Oh, yeah.
Huh?
Uh, yeah...
Taylor!
Come on out of there
wherever you are.
Taylor!
Taylor!
Taylor!
Taylor, this isn't funny.
We're not kidding.
I think I know where he is.
Well, Mr. C.
How we supposed to get
over this, fly on one
of your reindeer, hmm?
Aah!
Was that necessary?
Okay, okay.
Shut up. Let's go.
Aw, boy. I hope you
appreciate the risk
I'm taking here.
Just remember, when Christmas
Day rolls around, I expect
a little something extra..
You didn't square
the denominator!
If you quantify that data,
you'll see..
You're wrong.
It'll never work.
But I found
the formula for pain!
What are you trying to do,
smother me?
I have a very delicate
metabolism, you know!
Okay.
Sir, you could leave
the mansion from time to time.
It'd made things a lot easier.
Germs have been hovering
around me my whole life!
No, no, no!
I don't want to...
This is naughty.
But he's even worse.
That doesn't make it right.
I was only trying to be
like you, protecting all of us.
I did what I had to
in self-defense, Taylor.
I'm only tough
when I have to be.
Is that a Santa Rule?
It's my rule. Come on.
Look. Something's going on.
Not by video.
I'm going to be involved
this time.
We're here already,
so let's at least check it out.
Lenny, go with Taylor
back to the bikes.
I'll take a look.
Aw, come on.
That's the most sense
I heard anybody make all night.
Come on, Kid.
Did I ever tell you about
the time Santa and I fought
those two guys at the mall?
Forget about it,
my little friend.
Stop!
I'm trying to take
your blood pressure.
Well, then, take it!
A little thing
we call a phobia.
Oh, you presume...
That's in your head!
It's in your head, Sir.
Are you listening to me?
Now that I own
all of Lakeville,
I can begin excavation
immediately.
I've been waiting
a long time for this.
I want what is due me,
and I want it now.
Yes, but, Sir,
aren't you forgetting
one minor detail?
I want that Orphanage cleared
before the last Christmas
Turkey is sliced.
Do you understand me, Doctor?
Sir, your blood pressure.
So, what's under
the Orphanage?
Water and power lines.
Telephone cables.
Sewer.
Rats. Big, ugly rats.
The clubhouse.
Clubhouse?
Oh, the old catacombs
underneath the church.
Yeah, the kids use it
as a clubhouse.
And there's a big vault
door down there.
A vault.
Now, Kids, we're gonna find out
what Frost wants.
Clayton, what's in that vault
down there?
I don't know. I don't think
it's been open in all the years
I've been here.
We know the combination.
Well, some of it.
Yeah, it's gross and creepy,
just like now.
Oh, shut up.
Here we go.
Be careful.
Watch your step.
It's very dark.
Kids, don't get
too far ahead.
Scary.
Look at those spider webs!
So, how far did you get
with the combination.
Not that far.
Three numbers.
I'll show you.
This one's eight.
The second number is...
24. Next.
And the third one is...
16.
That's as far as we've gotten.
Eight, 24, 16.
That's right.
What is he doing?
h, my god!
Whoa whoa whoa!
Oh, my god!
Looks okay. I'll lead.
Slow down.
It's beautiful.
Wow.
Clayton...
It's everywhere!
This has been underneath us
the whole time.
These are what must make
the church windows glow.
These are the fairies?
Unbelievable.
It's warm.
Oh, put that down, Honey.
You don't know where it's been.
Mom!
Mom! Mom!
Hey, Guys, I know
what these are.
These are Piezoelectric
Crystals.. I read about them
in my geology book.
They're Quartz Crystals
with natural electricity
in them. Vibrations make them
put out power.
They must be worth millions!
Electricity?
Taylor, put that down.
Okay.
Oh!
Told you so.
Everybody out,
and watch your feet!
You don't want to step
on one of those.
Watch your feet!
You coming?
In a minute.
I just want to figure out
how I opened the vault.
Hey...
You're Santa Claus.
Come on, let's go.
Then Dr. Blight was right.
Why am I not at the North Pole,
then, and how to all the kids
in the world get
their presents tomorrow?
I don't think you want
to ask too many questions.
It only makes trouble.
You're not... Buying
the Santa thing, are you?
All right, you want the truth?
The truth is...
You see this?
You were wearing this
when I found you.
How'd you get blood on you?
I don't know.
I don't ask.
You ask too many questions,
maybe you find out you're
a wanted criminal or something.
Look, I don't have
all the answers,
but those kids,
they need Santa Claus
right now.
Just be Santa.
We'll figure out the rest
later, all right?
Thanks.
Hey, that's
what I'm here for.
Just give me
a couple more minutes.
They're all yours.
See you upstairs?
Thank you.
You got it.
Yo, this is Lenny.
Hello, Lenny.
I'll pay you the money
somehow, Mr. Frost,
but please, I don't
think it's right.
I just.. I just can't.
When I want your opinion,
I'll have it surgically removed.
Mr. Frost, they're keeping
pretty close tabs on me.
Then you'll have
to be sneaky.
You're very good at that,
so listen to me,
you pollutant.
Okay.
Hey! The lights are out.
Aah!
What is it? What happened?
He's.. He's in there,
and he's... Oh!
I believe she's trying
to say it's me.
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
Think you're
funny, don't you?
You!
Where did you..
But I thought that..
You guys okay?
Yeah!
You know, I have
a Christmas Wish, Santa.
Get out of my life!
Damn!
Ho ho ho.
Afraid of heights, Santa?
I can cure that.
Cure this!
Santa, you slay me.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Ho ho ho.
Oh oh ohhhh!
All right!
There, I got my Christmas Wish!
Oh! The picture's
still not big enough.
Oh, man.
What a dream.
Santa Claus...
What a bonehead.
Happy Christmas, Mr. Thorne.
Did we have a good sleep?
What happened?
I was hoping you could
Tell me, Sir.
A gentleman...
Waste disposal engineer,
in fact, he caught sight
of you in his dumpster
and, recognizing you
from your products,
he fetched you back here...
Wearing that.
I was... Santa Claus.
Leslie! The kids!
Oh...
Operator, connect me
with the Lakeville Orphanage.
Hello?
Leslie, it's me, uh, Santa.
What do you want?
Huh?
What do you mean?
Are you and the kids okay?
I remember Dr. Blight
was there and Elizabeth
screamed, and..
And I think I fell
off the roof.
I'm sorry I left you
and the kids.
You're so full of it.
Just leave us alone.
Why don't you just
disappear forever?
That takes care
of Santa the clown.
Assemble the team.
We're taking the Orphanage now.
And the question everyone
is asking is "Where's Santa?"
Lakeville's own Santa
With Muscles has not
been spotted since he
foiled a purse-snatching
yesterday.
It's been wildly speculated
that he's returned
to the North Pole.
Back to you in the studio
and Merry Christmas.
I'm not surprised.
There's no such thing
as Santa.
Hey, little one.
Maybe he did go back
to the North Pole.
Hello, Twinkle Toes.
I could use some help
in the kitchen.
Who is that?
It's okay!
I don't know!
Oh, no!
Aah! Aah!
It's all right, I'm here.
Wait till Santa hears
about this!
He'll kick your butt
to New Year's!
Oh!
Yeah!
The field is sterilized, Sir.
Merry Christmas to all.
Gentlemen, bring the children.
What do you want with us?
With you, nothing.
I want what's in your vault,
What's under this
whole neighborhood.
You just happen
to be in the way.
Then let us go.
Who's going to do
my mining?
Why, you son of a!!!
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
There are children present.
Children...
Hello, Children.
I'd like you to do a favor
for your Uncle Ebner.
I'd like you to open that vault.
We can't.
We don't know anything.
We're just kids.
You help out
your Uncle Ebner,
and I'll give you
some Christmas cookies,
candy canes, and plum pudding.
Yuck.
Plum pudding?
I tried.
Prepare them for mining!
No!
Lenny!
Oh, by the way, Lenny,
I want to thank you
for letting us in.
I'm sure it was quite
a sacrifice for you.
Lenny? I thought
you were a real elf!
Take them away!
Oh, my god.
Benedict Arnold.
I-I..
Can't believe you, traitor!
You can open it, can't you?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Aah!
Aah!
Thanks, Pierre.
Mon Dieu, I never seen
the boss like this.
He loves to hit me.
Yeah.
Santa, it's Lenny.
Lenny! How are you?
I tried to call, but..
Forget it, Big Guy.
There's no time.
Mr. Frost is trying
to take over the Orphanage
with his goon squad.
He's got his pet scientists
everywhere.
He's trying to get in the vault,
and when he does,
he's gonna use the kids
to mine the crystals.
I don't know how long
it's gonna be before..
Ow ow ow.
How's my favorite patient?
Remind me to prescribe
something for that
pounding headache you must have
after that nasty fall!
Remind me to introduce you
to my two little friends,
lefty and righty.
Oh, save it, Santa.
These long-distance phone calls
from the North Pole must be
getting pretty expensive,
so I'll be brief.
Step one foot onto this property
and I'll use your friends
in my next experiment.
Until next year, Santa.
Gentlemen, we have a mission.
Yes.
Aah!
Mm-hmm.
Tuck in that trowel.
Very good, Sir.
Pierre, put a shine
on that garlic press,
and clean up that lug wrench.
Okay, mount up.
Shotgun!
I got...
All right, men.
Let's go spread
a little Christmas Cheer.
Tell Mr. Frost five minutes!
Do you realize how fast
you were going?
Oh, no. No.
Tougher. Tougher. Tougher.
Hey!
Turkey Breath, do you realize
how fast you were going?
The terrorists.
Control!!!
We have company, Sir.
Just one?
No problem.
Hmm. More unexpected guests?
We'll just have to handle it
Blake's Way. Pierre?
The first course, please.
Let 'em try some
of Blake's Way salad oil.
No cholesterol.
Only three calories per serving!
And it goes down smooth.
What the???
How 'bout some Blake's Way
Protein Powder
for our little friends?
I was at Desert Storm,
you know!
I'm bad!
I'm a heartbreaker!
I'm a troublemaker!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
That'll teach you
to mess with Thomas P. Hinkley.
Is surrender an option, Sir?
What do you think, Chas?
Blake's Rule 20, Sir,
is never surrender.
No!
Which one of you turkeys
is responsible for this?
Not me.
See you, suckers! Ha ha ha!
You take it.
Jumpstart.
Chas, go to
the back entrance.
I'm gonna find the children
and get the adults upstairs.
What are you doing?
Waving to Santa.
Hi, Santa!
Uhh!
Get him!
You guys okay?
Yeah.
You're not really
Santa Claus, are you?
No, I'm not.
I just thought I was
for a while.
My name is Blake Thorne.
You're not Santa.
You're better.
We have an operation
to carry out.
You guys with me?
Yeah, of course!
Where are the others?
The science geeks
took them upstairs.
Okay, let's try to find them
and let's stay together.
Okay.
Your weapon, Monsieur.
Thanks.
See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!
Hey! Hey! Whoa!
No, no! Aah!
Yeah, come on!
Aah!
Oh, whoa.
Aah!
Let's go find Leslie.
Ho ho ho!
Hey, where'd Blake go?
Hello, Santa.
I'm afraid I've been
terribly, terribly naughty.
No problemo.
I haven't had a good workout
in a week.
In case you haven't noticed,
the odds have changed.
Wah!
You wouldn't hit a woman.
Would you?
He wouldn't...
But I would.
Aah! Aah!
Ouch.
Lenny, great to see you.
Thanks.
No. Thank you,
Mr. Thorne.
It's all there.
Well, except for
a couple of bucks.
Lenny!
You're not gonna hug me
or nothing, are you?
Let's go find Leslie
and Clayton, come on.
All right.
Well, all you had to do
was knock.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
I am now.
I'm Blake Thorne.
Good to meet ya.
Let's go.
I've got to find
The children.
Uh, Blake, Blake.
I'd like to talk to you
a minute.
Have a seat.
Yeah. Have a seat.
Hey, you lied to her.
Blake Thorne? What's the matter.
Blake Tarachefski
doesn't fit on the bottle?
How did you...?
Isn't it coming back
to you yet, Son?
You grew up here! Look.
Is that me?
There's more.
You see the boy sitting
right next to you?
He was your best friend.
Ebner Frost.
Aw! Do I have to do
everything myself?
Huh? Do I?
"Yes, you do, Percy."
"Why?" "'Cause you surround
yourself with nincompoops
like me." Gah! Wretched.
Mother said there'd be
nights like this.
Nights like this!
Hi!
Just couldn't stay away
from me, huh?
That's okay, I..
I have that effect on women.
So much has gone on.
I'm so confused.
Well, don't fret.
It just so happens
I'm a specialist in...
Matters
of the heart, too.
Oh, are you really, Doctor?
Well, maybe you can give me
some advice.
Why, Leslie.
You certainly are
a different person
when you're away
from those homeless
little losers, aren't you?
Listen, you pig!
Nobody! Talks! About!
My! Kids! That! Way!
Whoa!
Yeah! Yes!
Hey, that's not funny!
Great job!
Now we've gotta get outta here.
What about Blake?
We're a team!
Taylor! Let's go!
Come on! Aah!
Come back here,
you little brats!
I can't let you do
this, Ebby.
Ebby?
What's wrong?
Haven't heard that
since we were kids?
Blake!
Blake Tarachefski.
So, you're the one
who's been causing all my pain?
Maybe I have, but I'm gonna
put a stop to all of this.
Oh, you're going
to stop me?
You got it.
I got it!
Aah!
Oh! It's beautiful!
(Gibbering)
Oh, whoa! Whoa!
Yeehaw!
These are good folks, Ebby.
Leave 'em alone.
You got a problem with me,
let's take it outside.
Would you shut up already?
Don't flatter yourself.
This is about money!
Lots of money.
What happened, Ebby?
You used to be a good kid.
Spare me the lecture.
While you're off spending
mommy and daddy's millions,
I was rotting away
in this place.
I had to cheat and steal
to claw my way out of here!
While you're up in a mansion
in a hill.
Why don't you go back
to your weight room
and your tanning booth!
Well, you know what?
Being Santa opened my eyes.
I didn't like what I saw.
Oh! Uhh!
Sarah! Elizabeth! Taylor!
I was the one
that should've been adopted.
It's my turn!
Well, now it's my turn
to set you straight.
Leslie!
Too late!
We're not kids anymore.
Come on.
Die! Die!
Well, we can't just sit here!
Come on! Stay here!
I-I could do that.
Ha!
Ooh ooh! Yeah!
Uh...
What's happening?
Rapid vibrations are causing
an energy build-up.
English, please.
It's.. It's..
It's gonna blow!
Let's get out of here!
Let's go!
Come on!
Come on, Frost!
Let it go!
Move it!
Oh, come on, Guys.
Move, move, move!
Come on.
Get over here.
Go on, move it.
Push it.
Don't look back.
Come on, Frost.
(Gibbering)
Come on, Frost.
Cool.
No!
All right!
Everyone freeze!
Good.
Uh, Ma'am, please...
Are we rolling?
Hi, Helen Chu with News 8.
Officer, please tell us
how you finally apprehended
Ebner Frost and his gang.
Well, it wasn't easy, Helen.
May I call you Helen?
Got one more here.
It took exhaustive
investigative reporting.
Excuse me, Helen Chu,
News 8. Can you tell us
who did this to you?
Go away!
I just want to ask
a few questions, Sir.
I guess he'll have a chance
to De-Frost himself!
I'll get you, Santa.
Gonna get you, Santa.
I'm gonna get!!!
Hi, excuse me.
Helen Chu of News 8.
Just a couple of questions...
Ew! Ugh!
Were you responsible
for the explosion earlier?
Are you responsible...
Oh! Ick!
Oh, my sense of smell!
You can't do this!
It's inhuman!
It's unethical!
It.. It.. It stinks in here!
I'm not through
with you, Blake.
I'm just get start..
Merry Christmas, Ebner!
Well, you did an amazing job
cleaning all that up,
but where we gonna go now?
I think I know
a place that's available.
Hey, watch it!
I'm tanning!
I'm tanning here!
Hey!
Slow down, boy!
Duck, duck, goose!
Blake, is it time?
Yes! Come on, Guys!
Come on!
All right!
What are you looking at?
Move out of there.
That's my trash!
Lemme see, lemme see!
Wow! A Christmas Miracle.
I do believe in you.
Blake.
Ho ho ho!
Yeah!