Santa Hunters (2014) - full transcript

Four children try to claim that Santa Claus is real.

Over the course
of human history,

there have been
questions... mysteries.

Our world is filled
with things we can't explain

and legends
we've never even seen.

Yet there is one legend more
fascinating than the rest...

a yuletide visitor
from the North.

He flies through
our skies undetected,

and travels the globe
on a magical sled.

We find presents beneath trees,

stockings filled
by an unseen hand.

He goes about his secret work

leaving not a single whisker
of evidence.

We never see him, but he knows

if we've been naughty or nice.

Without proof...
he is just a mystery.

Some dare question
his very existence...

until now.

Hey, wait up!

Alex, we got reindeer poo!

Frozen yogurt...
Dutch chocolate with...

nuts and raisins.

Definitely not reindeer poo.

Merry Christmas!

This is it, he's on the move.

You sure you're in focus?

Duh! Of course I'm in focus.

I know how to use a camera.

I'm not five.

You're eight. Exactly.

I'm Alex.

My sister Elizabeth
is behind the camera.

We're at Pinebrooke Middle School
gathering pre-holiday intelligence.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Come on, follow me.

Um, I don't have
proper authorization.

It's okay, it's for science.

Come on, come on.

Ew, what are those things?

How do you sit on those?


Principal Welch?


For reals?

My principal is Santa Claus?


Every kid knows Santa...

Jolly, wears red,
likes the carbs.

But aside from the Tim Allen
movies and seasonal TV specials,

what do we really know about our
plus-size visitor from the North?

I don't think anyone
has ever seen

the real Santa Claus
outside of Claymation.

He must be real.
I follow his blog.

My brother saw him once!

He said his farts
smell like candy canes!

I have doubts, serious doubts.

Yeah, I kind of look the other
way on Christmas Eve, you know?

Sure, he might commit
a B&E or two,

but, um, his heart's
in the right place.

Heard he got a makeover
back in the '90s...

Shaved the beard,
hit the gym, dyed the hair.

Now walks among us undetected.

He could be anyone.

Ho, ho, ho!



Oh, he's totally real.

We have evidence.
We have the pipe.

Santa's pipe,
the one you used to see

in all the pictures, we got it.

Uh-huh, it's true.

Santa's pipe is our family's
most cherished heirloom.

My uncle Charlie found it

sitting beside
the Christmas tree

on Christmas morning
a long time ago.

Uncle Charlie is totally the
coolest uncle that ever lived.



Back it up, back it up.

This baby is going to the moon.

Whoa. Oh! Charlie!

Everybody, run!

Scatter, scatter!

Run, run!

Trick or treat.


Don't use it on your brother.


There was this one Christmas,

Uncle Charlie gave me
the coolest gift ever.

Santa's pipe? For real?

Uncle Charlie,
you're giving me Santa's pipe?

Uh-huh, yeah, yeah.

I figured it was time to entrust
Santa's pipe to a true believer.

This is so awesome.

A genuine Santa Claus artifact.

It was the greatest
Christmas present I ever got.

I decided to share this incredible
evidence with the world.

In conclusion, this pipe
is irrefutable evidence...

That's not Santa's pipe!

It didn't go exactly as planned.

You can't handle the truth!

And that was just the beginning.

My life spiraled into a
nightmare of yuletide pranks.

Nonbelievers and Kringle deniers
ridiculed what I knew to be true...

That Santa Claus does exist.

I just have to prove it.

Hey, Christmas boy!
You're gonna regret this!

He knows what you're doing!

Be good for goodness sake.

That's when I decided
to put together... the team.

Okay, state your name
and expertise.

Uh, I'm Zoey.

I'm a puker.

Not my title...
just a nervous stomach.

Excuse me.

My expertise is coloring
and decoupage,

but I'm better at coloring.

I mean your Santa Hunter

Oh. Mainly, I hold the camera
and push a red button.

I also bake the cookies.

I'm Richard, Alex's favorite
cousin and deputy Santa Smasher.

It's "Santa Hunter."

Whatev, dude.

I'm skilled in ninjitsu,

and various forms
of improvisational camouflage.

Can't see me, huh? Can ya?

Uh, yeah, I can.

I'm the founder and president
of my middle school's

ghost hunting and
cryptozoological studies club.

I also happen to be
Alex's favorite cousin.

So, I borrowed some equipment
for winter break.

Night vision...
motion detectors...

a sound dish... a boat horn.

How about now?

Yeah, I still see you
over there.

What does that have to do
with scientific investigation?

It's a boat horn.

Sure, I have questions,

like why stuff candy
in smelly old socks?

What's that about? Gross.

You can't consume
that many cookies in one night

without incurring serious
digestive ramifications.


That's 7,630,000 cookie calories
in New Jersey alone,

and that doesn't even
count the milk.

That's not human. Do the math.

Maybe he steals the toys
like some Christmas Robin Hood.

If he's stealing, he should be exposed...
and squashed!




Only comes out at night,

lives forever,
commands flying animals.

Yep, totes vampire.

Just a theory.
It doesn't make him bad.

I don't judge.

He could be the sparkly kind,

or maybe he only sucks the blood

of bullies or vice principals
or hipsters.

Where's Richard, huh?


This Christmas,
all I want is one thing...

To know there's something
worth believing in...

and DNA evidence.

We are the "Santa Hunters."


Our whole family gets together
every Christmas.

This year,
the party is at our house.

Our mission... obtain irrefutable
video evidence of Santa.

There he is.

Merry Christmas. Merry
Christmas, sweetie. Love you.

A Claus encounter
of the third kind.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

Hey, Richard, you're really
rocking that bow tie.

I'd wear a tutu if it got
me a go-kart for Christmas.

Hey, a man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.

Men's underpants!

In my size.

All right, all right,
who's number 12?


Nothin' to see here.

Just, uh, hanging ornaments.

Wait! Who wants eggnog!


Sorry we're late. We almost
didn't make it with all the snow.


I didn't know
that you were bringing a friend.

More like hostage.

Yes, this is Natasha.

Nice to meet... Oh!

We're soul mates.

I mean, she really is
the whole package.

She's smart,
she's sophisticated,

eats pizza with a fork. Ah.

It's a serious relationship...
very, very grown-up. Mm-hmm.

Ooh! Even got a tattoo
of Natasha's favorite animal.


Yeah, I know.

That's exactly how she reacted.

But I figured everybody
loves unicorns, right?

Oh, sure, sure, of course.

You know what?
We are just glad you're here.

We're going to, uh, put you
in Elizabeth's room.

Ah, yeah. Hope you
don't mind bunk beds.


You know what?
No, no, no, we can't stay.

Um, Natasha booked a room at
the Pinebrooke Resort and Spa.

We're gonna be spending Christmas
Day getting couples waxed.


Wow. Well, the kids
will be disappointed.

Yeah, yeah, you know,
Natasha's not really

a big kids person.

She's violently allergic to
Christmas trees and... and kids.

She's from Moosplaskastan.

Yeah, it's Eastern Europe.

They got weird stuff over there.

Ooh, almost forgot.

Got a couple presents
for the kids.

Charlie... It's not much.

You know, I'm kind of
employment-challenged at the moment.

I had a couple of unfortunate
alarm clock malfunctions.

Turns out that doughnut shops
place a high priority

on waking up before...
Before noonish.

I like to... Oh, Charlie.

No, no, no, it's good.

Just had to sell my comic book
collection and my...

My vintage action
figures, but, um...

But, you know,
it's all part of the...

The Charlie reboot, Charlie 2.0.

Well, 2.0 or 1.0,
we're just glad you're here.


♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring
to you and your kin ♪

♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a happy New Year ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪♪

Where are you kids going?

Uh, we're going... caroling.

In the backyard?

Uh... For squirrels.


Oh, all right.

Come on, guys,
let's go to the tree house.

All right. Okay.

Zoey will be
on the second floor.

I'll be by the secondary tree
in the family room.

Elizabeth and Richard will be...

Okay, guys, who ate Richard?

I did it. I confess.

I ate myself...
for security reasons.

And I tasted good.

Zoey and I preset a few
strategic stationary cameras.



Once Santa's in the nest,

all exterior access
will be locked down.

We sealed the windows
earlier today.


Would you cut it out
with the toys, please?

It's a drone.
I'm a woman of science.

I don't play with toys.

All footage will be
wirelessly transmitted

back to the command center

and stored on a field-ready
digital video recorder

much like the one we have here.

It's the same one they used
on "Sasquatch Stalkers."

Are we gonna be much longer?

I have to wee-wee.

There's cameras in each
of the first-floor rooms,

the foyer, the chandelier,
and in the Christmas tree.

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho?

Isn't it too early
for a "ho, ho, ho"?

Um... uh, according to
the "Sleigh-Dar" Santa Chaser,

uh, he should be around
North Africa.

It's definitely not Santa.

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Alpine stations, people.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, man, the old tree house
is looking good.

Oh, uh, mom wants you kids
back in the house

because Grandpa's
about to break out

"'Twas the Night
Before Christmas."

Oh... wow, look at that.

You kids planning
a toy store heist?

No, we're just playing,
um, the, uh, Ginger Games.

Yeah, uh, gingerbread men
fight to the death.

Loser gets eaten.

Guys, we can tell Uncle Charlie.

He's one of us.

He's a true believer.

We're on a top-secret mission.

We're hunting San...


Oh, hey, snoopy-poopy!

You gotta come up here
and check out this tree house.

It is awesome.

I built this baby
with my own two hands.

I can fix that.

I am not coming up there!

It's time to go.

I feel an infection coming on.

Okay, give... give me a minute.

I'll come down, and we can...

We can talk about it, all right?

I miss you, milaya moya.

That's Moosplakastanian
for "my sweet."

Or maybe it's "my stink."

I'm not real strong
with the language.

Playtime's over!

Grown men don't play
in house in trees!

But, baby...

Come down here now

before disease-infested brats
breathe germs on you.

Wow, sounds like somebody
needs to be visited

by the Ghost of Christmas Past,
Present, and Future.

All right, I'm coming down.

I gotta...

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas, Uncle Charlie.

Coming, baby.

When out on the lawn
there rose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed
to see what was the matter.

Away to the window
I flew like a flash,

tore open the shutters,
and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast
of the new-fallen snow

gave the luster of midday
to objects below.

Merry, merry Christmas.
You guys drive very safe...


you kids must be all excited
about Santa coming.

Is that happening tonight?
What's Christmas?

I'm just really tired.

Well, off to bed.

Good night. Good night.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, guys.




Parent alert.

Come on, guys.

It's go time.

Let's do this.


Make sure you wear these
at all times.

It's got a wireless spy cam
affixed to the base.

The earpiece
is voice-controlled.

Make sure your body cams are on.

What is that?

It's my tiara cam.

It's functional...
and super cute.

Locked and loaded, chief.

30 rounds of
glow-in-the-dark paintballs.

Tag Santa with one of these

and he won't be able
to hide in the dark.

You're definitely gonna
shoot your eye out.

Wireless hard drive
is a 5-by-5, chief.

Everything as of right now is
being streamed and recorded.

All right, team,
hunting season starts now.

Dining room cam, nothing.

Tree cam, boring.

Kitchen cam, nothing.

Aquarium cam...
fish bubbles and fish poop.

And I've spun too much.

Living room's clear.

Slayer II in position.

You're not Slayer II.
We discussed this.

Roger that, boss man.


If he can be Roger,
I wanna be Ariel.

Nobody's gonna be Ariel
or Roger or Slayer II.

This is science, people...
Normal names, science.

Cut it out! Tyrant.

How can I make science
with all this dysfunction?

Launching drone.

Okay, we're clear, no UFOs.

I'm going to set her down
on the roof.

That explains his breath.

Whoa! Alex, I got something!

What? What is it?

A... A present.

Upstairs, laundry room.

It wasn't there before.

What? What are you waiting for?

You're the only one who
isn't guarding a perimeter.

You've gotta check it out.

What if it's a trap?

Zoey, man up.

You got this.




Zoey, what do you got?

A box... a big, weird,
creepy box with a bow.

I'm going in.


What's in the box, Zoey?
What's in the box?

You should've seen your face.

Ha, ha.

Ow! Ow!

Ow, that hurts!

You're lucky I don't wanna
wake the parents up,

or I'd really give you
something to scream about.

Zoey, stop killing Richard.


Get back here.

We got a bogey
on the second-floor hallway.

Go, go, go!



Code gray... I repeat, code gray.

Grandpa's headed right at you.

She's trapped.



This is gonna be bad.

Grandpa ate three bowls
of Aunt Carol's Christmas chili.

It's burning my eyes.

Ooh! Ooh.

I don't wanna die like this.

We gotta get her out of there.

We can't compromise the mission.

I don't think
I can ever hug Grandpa again.

Hang in there, soldier.
Be strong.

None of us signed up
for biological warfare.

Oh, my gosh!

That smells. That smells.
That smells. That smells.

That smells.

Zoey, talk to me. Talk to me.

That smells. That smells.
That smells.

I need to shower and bathe
and power-wash my eyeballs.

Ew! Now, the smell's on me!


That's sector three...

Outside window above the porch.

Visualize the gingerbread,

It's him. He's here.

We've got nothing
on surveillance.

He's coming up the stairs.

Look, he's in my room.


Time for...

Lobo cam, yeah.

Lobo cam inserted.

We've got movement.

It's in my bed.

Why does it have to be
in my bed?

Those sheets are 10,000
thread-count Egyptian cotton.

Stay on target.

Richard, recon.
Zoey, you're my eyes.


What are you?

Natasha! What is go...

What... No, no, no. It's a toy.

Honey hugs, it's a toy.

It's... Look.
It's... Look. It's just a...

It's just a nice little toy.

Look at that.

Who is behind this sick joke?

What's happening?
Talk to me. Zoey!

Mission compromised.
Fall back! Fall back!

What the figgy pudding
is going on out here?

You scared Natasha
halfway to Arbor Day.

Charlie, is that you?

Please don't bust us,
Uncle Charlie.

I can explain.

Uh, yeah, it's just us, Mom.

Uh, the roads were icy,
so we came back.

Safety first.

I heard screaming.

Yeah, that was, uh...
That was just Natasha.

Yeah, yeah, Grandpa
forgot to flush again.

Okay, glad you came back, honey.

All right. Night, Ma.

Thank you.

Look at what their
hijinks has done.

I'm breaking out in hives.

It's... it's okay, snoogy-woogy.

It's... it's okay. Calm down.

I'll handle the kids.

This is how you handle kids.

Everyone to bed.
You're grounded.

You can't ground us.

You don't have jurisdiction.

I'm an adult.
I have implied powers.

No food, one month.

Wanna make it two?
Okay, okay, hang on.

Hang on, snookums.

I'm sure the kids
have a good reason

for whatever it is
that they're doing.

We're conducting research.
Supernatural research.

Search and destroy.

We're on a Santa hunt.

A Santa hunt?


They're going...
Nuh, hm... Yeah, no.

You can't hunt Santa.
The man's unhuntable.

He's gone decades
without getting caught.

Ooh, he's probably rocking some,

you know, some stealth
technology or, like, a...

Like, a sled-cloaking device
that no one can see.

Santa is a sham.


You don't know what
you're talking about, lady.

Oh, ho, ho, I know exactly
what I am talking about, child.

When Natasha
was just a little girl,

she had one simple request
for Santa Claus...

A beautiful, pink princess doll.

Natasha was a good girl,
very good.

Did she get what she wanted?

I'm gonna guess...

No! No, of course not!

Natasha found another doll
under the tree instead...

Military Mike.

Awesome toy! Sweet!

No, not sweet! Unsweetened.

I was the laughingstock
of my village.

I blame this Santa Claus
for my shame.

He owes me.

Kids, it's late.

But, Uncle Charlie,
we've got a real shot at this.

You're the reason for this
mission in the first place.


Oh, yeah.
We've got an extra headset.

We could use another true
believer on the team.


Santa, you're not
gonna get away... Uh, no.

Look, you know what?
I am... I'm an adult, okay?

Charlie 2.0.

I'm just gonna...
All right, merry Christmas.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

You guys get all that?

Yeah, ow.

I never wanna end up
on Natasha's naughty list.

Maybe Uncle Charlie has a point.

Maybe we just can't hunt Santa.

I'm getting
a little tired anyways,

and we have a big day
ahead of us,

a day filled
with presents and food.

Yeah. And did I mention
it's all about the presents?

Well, presents and... candy.

Are you all forgetting the
whole purpose of this mission?

It's to prove
to people like that,

the nonbelievers,
that they're wrong.

It was a good try, Alex,
really good,

but it's time to shut it down

and take a long winter's nap.


Sorry, Alex.

Mission aborted.

Fine... go to bed.

Enjoy your dreams
of sugarplum fairies.

If I gotta go lone wolf...
I'll go lone wolf.

I'm gonna see
this thing through.

What's going on?

Christmas! It's happening.
It's happening!

He's here.

I don't hear any foot...

Come on, guys, let's go!


The cookies, they're gone!

Lock it down.
Lock it down now! Let's go!

Chimney secure.
Repeat, chimney secure.

Front door secure.

Backdoor secure.

Windows are still glued shut.

Hunters, we have
complete lockdown.

If he's here, he's trapped.

Whoa, whoa!

Zoey, talk to me.

We got a "Black Hawk Down"
sitch on the roof.

A what?
Vixen is eating my drone!

That's an expensive piece
of equipment,

and I don't have a gift receipt.

Hunters to battle stations.

This is real world, people,
not a drill.

Creature is stirring.
Repeat, creature is stirring.

Santa tracks.

Code red, people.

We've got him.

Checking the tree.

No gifts, stockings empty.

Looks like he hasn't been here.


What do you see, Santa One?

Santa One, do you copy?

Santa One, do you see
any more tracks?

Booyah! We got him.

You want backup?

Negative. Hold positions.

I don't wanna scare him off.

Careful, Slayer I...
In the wrong hands,

even a candy cane
can be a lethal weapon.

His footprints
led me the wrong way.

It's a trick!

A trick? Well, where is he?

Elizabeth... behind you.

I can't look. I can't breathe.

I might be having a heart attack

or a stroke or a heart a-stroke.

Please don't naughty-list me.

I'm a good girl,
I do Girl Scouts,

I like ponies, I bedazzle.

Oh... my... Go...

I think I just
swallowed my retainer.

Zoey, use your words.

The phenomenon's on the move.

At the fireplace.

No, wait. Richard,
he's headed your way.

Swarm, swarm!

I've got eyes on target, people.

He's so strangely beautiful.

I feel weird,

like I'm gonna laugh and cry
and tinkle all at once.

Before you do any of that,

tag him with a glow ball so
we can see him in the dark.

Copy that.

Slayer in pursuit.

Be advised,
Santa's got some wheels.

Oh... oh!

Whoa, the foyer!
Go through the dining room.

I'm jumping in.

I got this!

Uh-oh. Whoa, whoa.


Santa? Ooh.

He's fast for a fat man.

Like some Christmas super-ninja.

I'm pretty sure I tagged him
with a glow ball

right in the jingle bells.

How much more trouble
can we get into?

We still don't have
any usable evidence.

He's mine.

Alex, wait!


Wait, where's Alex?


I saw him.

It was Santa Claus. Duh.

I'm off to use water closet

when big man in red suit
runs right past me.

I hide under dirty laundry,
another humiliation.

What about Alex?

Where's Alex?

They went down
the laundry chute?

It's madness, no?

How does red-clad, plus-size
bowl full of jelly

fit down that laundry chute?

But he did.

They're in the basement.

Who's in the basement?

Alex. Hey, buddy. Are you here?

Whoo! Alex!

Hey, Alex?

No way!

The mother lode.

I've got point.


Ooh, oh, presents!

Let's stay on mission, people.

Yeah, you're right,
you're right, you're right.

You're right, you're right,
you're right.

Take that thing. Yeah.

Alex, buddy? Are you in there?

Alex? Aah!

Uncle Charlie? You okay?


It's Alex's backpack.

He's down there.
It's... it's deep.

It's, like, a pit.

But... but he's down there.

Zoey, what are you doing?

I'm getting my rescue on.

Elizabeth's too delicate,

and I'm Alex's favorite cousin.

Hold up, I'm Alex's
number-one cuz.

You wanna do this, then?

Uh... I'm cool with two.

Less work.



Grab the rope! Grab the rope!

Okay, oh, oh, ease her down.
Ease her down, Ease her down.


Yep, down here.

You did bring a rope, right?

All over it.

Hey, cuz, I'm pretty sure
a present for you

hit me in the ear earlier.

Oh, great.

What happened? Where's Santa?

Almost had him... all the
way down the laundry chute.

Then we hit
the basement floor... hard.

He got loose.

All I could find
was Santa's sack.

A lot of presents inside,
as you can see.

So, I might have peeked inside,

maybe a little too far inside.

And you fell in.

And I fell in... yep.

Here, grab my hand.

Pull her up. Pull her up.


It's incredible, like some
"Alice in Wonderland" thing.

It's like an endless warehouse
of Christmas presents down there.

Was there anything
for me in there?

Maybe a go-kart? I should look.

The sack, it's gone.

Where'd it go?

It's gone. It's gone!

He's got tools.
He's going for the chimney.

Let's go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

He's going for the roof.
He's headed for the sleigh.

Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

Oh, my golly goobers!

Let me see.

I... I... I got it.
I got the close-up!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!



Oh, boy! What's happening?

Um... Santa.

Santa! Santa!

Oh! Oh!

I think he went down
over there by the golf course.

Hunters, get your coats.

We're going on a recon mission.

It's go time.

I... I...

If Santa's dead, I'm totally
getting kicked out of Girl Scouts.

Well, I'm sure the trees
broke his fall.

And then, there's the snow,
and his bowl full of jelly

would probably absorb
most of the impact, so...

We're gonna need artillery,
the heavy stuff...

Tasers or rocket launchers.

No rocket launchers.
Get in the car, man.

What if he wants revenge?

Santa doesn't do revenge.

The dude makes a naughty list.

Making lists is, like,
Revenge 101.

I'm out.

Guys, Santa's out in the cold.

He might be hurt.

After all he's done for
kids, for us, we owe him.

But keep the cameras rolling
just in case.

You got the memory card ready?

Duh. All right, cool.

Natasha's coming.
I'm coming. I'm coming.

I had to put my face on
because of TV.

America, everything
is reality show.

You... you're coming?

Yes, Charlie.

I mean, this is
incredible, right?

I mean, I'm trying to keep it
together for the kids,

but when I saw
those flying reindeer...

I peed myself a little.

No, uh, metaphorically.

Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.

My lip gloss is freezing.

All right, seat belts.

Let's go get Santa!


Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!

All right, all right, all right.

Here's the entrance
to the golf course.

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.

All right, this is around
where he went down,

so he could be...

He could be anywhere.

Stupid flashlight.

Anybody have
any spare batteries?

Well, let me see.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

You know, I've been
meaning to tell you.

You know, I'm glad you're
the one taking care of this.

Why'd you give it to me?

You know, I thought a kid
should have it,

someone who could still believe
in the true magic of it all.


Guys, guys, I have a visual!

Come on, let's go!

It's... it's...

The mothership.


We found it!

Oh, ho, ho!

Nice car!

Now, this... whoa...

Is a classic.

I smell something.

Something good.


Look at this!

Charlie, we need pictures.

Video. Lots of our own video.

Oh, baby, the kids
got all sorts of videos.

It's all being uploaded
back at the...



Well, this is awkward.

Whoa, oh... oh!



Oh, I got him.
I got him. I got ya.



That was a mighty one.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.

He's shorter than in the movies.

So, are we really sure it's him?

The belt buckle.
Check out the belt buckle.

What fake Santa would have
that belt buckle?

Exactly. I think it's him.

There's no doubt.

It's him.

Uh, uh, uh, my name is, uh...


He knows.

Alex, right, Alex!

My name's Alex, right? Yeah.

And we're the Santa Hunters.

Aren't you a little old
to be Santa hunting?

Well, I'm a...
I'm an honorary member.

See, I'm a kid at heart.

I don't have
a uniform or anything.

It's just... just this.

I could use a hand.

Santa might've had a tad too many of Mrs.
Claus's snickerdoodles.

Finding it mighty hard
to bend over.

Ho, ho, ho, boy.

Oh... ah.

Oh, what happened?
Where'd it go?

Oh, no.

It's happening.

What's going on?
What's happening?

Great, now candy canes
are blowing up.

That's because
it's a Christmas candy cane.

I was afraid of this.

Me too.

What are we afraid of again?

Christmas's magic is weakening,

and I might be next.

Must have been what threw
the reindeer off course

and caused the crash.

See, everything that has
to do with Christmas,

well, it's in danger
of shattering,

much like your candy cane,
I'm afraid.

Uh, why is Christmas's
magic weakening?

Yeah. Why?

Well, because of you.

Us? What?

I'm afraid so.

You see, children aren't
actually supposed to see Santa.

It's part of
the Christmas rules.

That's why Santa has to
stay on the down-low.

Even if a few kids
get a glimpse of me,

well, Christmas' magic lessens.

And then, that happens.


In '72, two kids laid a
Polaroid trap for old Santa.

They only took one picture...

Blitzen's antlers... poof!

Now he wears prosthetics.

Just looks weird.

I'll help you, Santa, or is it
Kris Kringle? Whatever you want.

Yes, this one right here.

Grab that one, and...

Oh, well.

More of those.


Dudes, if this is what happens
from just seeing him...

What have I done?

Nothing yet, but we can't
let anybody see this video.

If it gets out, it would be...



Have you all gone snow-crazy?

You're the Santa Hunters, yes?


Big Kringle,
he's just sore loser.

He's probably lying.

Whoa, what the...
Did you see that?

Or not.

It doesn't matter.

No one has real video of Santa.

We can sell it. We'll be rich.

Plenty of people will pay for a
thousand Christmases, a million!

Natasha, baby, that...
That doesn't seem right.

Charlie, you can't
even keep a job,

and I am woman
of expensive taste.

We can finally get rid
of smelly car.

Smelly? My baby? The classic?

Classic is American
for "garbage."


Just... just ow.

We're not selling anything.


This wasn't about money.

And now it's up to us to help Santa.

Fine, have it your way.

We need to get back
to the house,

get the drive,
and erase all the footage.

Yeah, for sure.

But it will be mine.

Mush, you beasts!

She's going for the hard drive!


She stole my sleigh!

I can fix this!

Natasha, what are you doing?

Faster! You can't
steal Santa's sleigh!

This is stealing!
This is looting!

Go! Go! Go!

This is not your sleigh!

What is wrong
with these stupid reindeer?

Don't you fly?

This'll end Santa!

Good! Ha ha!

Who needs stupid Santa?

I can buy my own presents.

I will go back
to Moosplaskastan,

live like queen,
make villagers jealous.

I got a unicorn tattoo for you!

Baby... No, not the snowman!

Come on, baby, don't you...

Missed me!

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Come on, slow it down!

Aw, cookie crumbs.

We'll never beat her
back to the house on foot.

Come on, reindeer, fly.

That's right,
you dumb reindeer, fly!

The sidewalk! Mush, mush!

Slow down, slow down, slow down.

Natasha, we can make
this work, baby.

Slow down.

You can't steal a sleigh!


This is Santa's.
This is not your sleigh.

This is Santa's sleigh.
Give it back to Santa.

This is not yours.

I finally get the Christmas
I've always wanted!

Natasha's Christmas!

Mush! Mush!

Natasha! Faster!

Come on, baby, this is crazy!

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

How hard can it be?

Grandpa drives, and he
can't even zip up his pants.

Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!


What is wrong with you,
stupid reindeer?

What is wrong with you?

Fly! No!



Oh, this is what I need,
the fly button!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!


Don't try this at home, people.


That's why we wear
seat belts, people.

Don't tell Uncle Charlie
I executed

that entire chase
with the emergency brake on.

Come on, let's go!


The reindeer broke free!

There goes the reindeer
without the sleigh.

She must've pressed
the reindeer-release button.

This is bad. This is very bad.

Speaking of bad,
where's Natasha?


It's locked!

She locked us out.
Why would she lock us out?

It's cold out here! Not really.

You know what she's doing
up there, right?

If she gets her hands on the
command center's hard drive...

And shows the footage
to the world...

Christmas is ruined...


Ho, ho, no!

Okay, okay, okay, hold on.


Maybe I can hack into
the command center's network

from my laptop
and erase everything

remotely before
she downloads it.

The tree house!

We've gotta erase that footage!



Ooh, ooh.



I still can't believe it.

Is this really real?

Yes, it is real,

and that's causing
some real pain, my friend.

Guys, leave Santa alone.

Zoey, give me some good news.

It's too late.
Our files have been breached.

She's got everything.

Now what is she gonna do?

What was that?

The ladder!


Natasha! Baby, this is crazy.

It's Christmas Eve.
These kids should be in bed.

Look, just put up the ladder.
We'll all come down.

We can discuss this
over some hot cocoa.

I'll put some marshmallows
in there for you.

You like that.

Oh, it's too late
for marshmallows, Chuckles.

I have a lottery ticket to cash.

Oh, and I will be traveling
in your precious classic

for its very last ride.

Have a good life.

Well, it's hard to go
anywhere without the keys.

And you're not gonna get a ride.

It's Christmas, and it's a long
walk back to the city...

A lot of wear and tear
on those heels.


Okay, okay.

In the spirit of the Christmas,

we can do an exchange
of the gifts.

You throw down keys,
and I put up ladder.

Listen, kids, if you can
buy me some time,

I think I figured out
a way for us to get down

even without my magic.

Sure. Everybody,
Operation Arctic Thunder.

Snowballs, guys,
we're gonna throw snowballs.

- Oh.
- Come on, let's go!

What are you waiting for,

The car key, give it to me.

You heard the lady.
Give it to her.

Nice one, Richard! Ah... ah!

Not the face. Not the face! Hey!

Ankle-biting monsters!

I got your fancy coat too!

Nice one, Zoey.

I got her lip gloss.

I got your hair!

I got her shoes! Awesome!

Looks like Charlie 2.0
gets the last laugh.

Oh! No!

Uncle Charlie, really?

Thank you.

That's what you kids
might call an epic fail.

Don't worry, Santa's got this.

Santa might be down,
but he's never...



Oh! Uh-oh!

Oh! Santa!

I'm okay. Just my spleen.

He's okay. He's okay.

Um, a little help
with the ladder.

Go, come on, come on!

Let's go!

Alex, she's going
for the classic.

We'll never make it in time.

Zoey, go for drone.

Roger that, boss. Roger that.


Yeah! Get her! Get her!

Oh, you stupid,
evil, flying toy.


Ha ha! Oh.


The pretty ponies are dancing.

Isn't she beautiful
when she's sleeping?

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, yes, yeah.

Hm, well...

Hey! Guys,
there's some good news.

Whoa. We have the hard drive.

Whoo! Yeah!

But there's still some bad news.




It's getting worse.
Christmas is disappearing.

This is not good.

Oh, Santa.

Oh, I'm feeling weaker.

Oh, man,
I've destroyed Christmas.

You were just trying to share
Santa with everyone else.

What's wrong with that?

No, I was trying
to prove that I was right.

That's a total
naughty-list move.

I mean, you don't have
to prove anything.

Christmas is
what you make of it.

You don't need videos
or DNA evidence.

You just need a little...



Belief is not limited
by the impossible.

It's belief that makes
the impossible happen.

Belief, that's it!

The magic is believing.

Oh... Oh, boy.

Hold on. And I believe
we gotta get Santa here

back to doing what Santa
does best, all right?

It's getting late.

Hate to be O Tannen-bummer,

but we don't even have
reindeer for the sleigh.

Santa isn't going anywhere.

All right, come on.
We'll figure it out.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Huh, I don't reckon
that this thing

can, uh, fly without reindeer.

You reckon correctly.

But I remember back in the day

the elves built a fancy engine

just in case anything
happened to the reindeer,

like back in '62,
when Dasher brought back

a terrible case of diarrhea
and the whole team caught it.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, the mess.

You can't unsee
things like that.

Anyhoo, the fancy engine
needs a key,

which I lost in a blizzard
some years ago.

A key?

Yes, a funny-looking thing.

It was supposed to fit
right here.

Huh. I recognize that shape.

Me, too, but why?

The key, what did it look like?

Well, it was a curvy thing
about yay big.

No way.

Did it look anything like...


Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho... Oh, my key!

Oh, a key.

That pipe is your key?

Oh, a pipe, heavens no,
heavens no.

Common misconception.
Santa never smoked.

Oh, I can't believe
you found my key.


So, I am way behind,

and I could use
all the help I can get.

Oh, yeah, let's... Oh, yes, yes!

Come on, get in there.

This is crazy, even for me,
and I'm Santa Claus. Ho ho!

Tonight's been insane.

We met Santa, saw reindeer fly.

We're in Santa's sleigh.

I mean, nothing's impossible
as long as we believe.

Mm, it's not going.
Something's missing.

Christmas fuel.


Have you people
learned nothing tonight?

Believe, believe, believe.

Believe, believe, believe,
believe, believe.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

We're flying!

This sure beats looking
at reindeer butts, huh?

And this baby is a classic.

All right, everyone,
aim for the chimneys.

Christmas magic
will take care of the rest.

Here you go!

Santa, check it... sky hook.

Ho, ho!

You got skills to pay the bills.


We're almost back on schedule.

It's working.
The magic's coming back!

The more presents we deliver,
the stronger it gets.


Who wants to help Santa
land this thing?

I do, I do, I do!

Come on, let's go.

Come on over! Gotcha.

Ho, ho, home sweet home.

What did we just do?
Thank you, everyone.

I thought the turbulence over Australia
would surely be the end of us.

I didn't think
we were ever... Ohh...

What about Natasha?

We can fix this.


Merry Christmas, milaya moya.


Well, thank you for helping me
bring the magic back.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

I always believed,
and I always will.


Merry Christmas, Santa Hunters.

Oh, that reminds me.

I think it's time
for a name change.



I heard that dang bunny
is impossible to catch.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Bye! Good-bye.

Merry Christmas! Bye, Santa.

Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!

Good-bye, Santa!


I never got to ask him
what "ho, ho, ho" meant.

Alex, we forgot to give Santa

the hard drive with
all the footage on it.


Now what do we do?

Uh, I don't know. It's up to us.

I guess we could just smash it.


I never did have
a chance to use this.

Have at it.

Aw, yeah!

That's a $200 hard drive.

Come on.

Oh, blërg, it's Christmas.


Okay, go, go, go.

Hey, hey, kids!
Hey, it's Christmas.

That's weird.
Usually they're the ones

waking me up
on Christmas morning.

Well, go on up.
Go see what's up.

All right, thanks. Mm-hmm.

Hey, guys?

Come on, sleepyheads.


Santa came.


Elizabeth... time for presents.

Give 'em to charity.

You're letting in the cold.


Give us another hour...

or six.

The paint marks, they're gone.

The tree's back up.

Christmas is, like,
normal again.

Wonder what we got.

I hope coffee...

gallons and gallons of coffee.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh!

I've lost all ability to speak.

A new tiara.


And it matches my pajamas.

I've got to go find a mirror.

A new hard drive
with unlimited storage?

No way!

Merry Christmas, Alex.

Always believe.


So, I guess the tradition
continues, huh?

Oh, my gosh, this is awesome.

Hey, guys, come on!

You will not believe this.

The classic, it's...


How 'bout we give the cameras
a break this year?