Santa Claws (1996) - full transcript
A B-horror movie actress is stalked by a deranged fan bent on claiming her for himself.
(dramatic music)
(mysterious music)
- [Marilyn] Joe, stop, Wayne is bound to wake up soon.
- [Joe] He's out like a light.
I put two capsules in his hot chocolate.
- Two, aren't those pills dangerous?
- They're just sleeping pills.
- [Marilyn] But you can overdose on them.
- [Joe] I take two when I wanna sleep the night through.
They never hurt me any.
- [Marilyn] But Wayne's only 14.
- Come on, Marilyn, it's Christmas.
I can't think of any better way to celebrate.
- [Marilyn] Okay, Santa.
- [Joe] Bet you never made it with Santa before.
(mysterious music)
- (gasps) Wayne, put that down!
- Calm down, son!
I love your mother as, as much as your father did!
- You can never compare to my father.
- I'm as sorry as you are that he's dead!
- I deserve a chance to be happy, Wayne, and so do you.
- [Joe] No!
(gun firing) (Joe grunts)
(gun firing) (Marilyn screaming)
(mysterious music)
(suspenseful music)
- A rinky dink .22?
People insist on keeping these things in their homes.
So she keeps it in the drawer loaded, right?
Kid gets hold of it, pow, pow, pow.
Merry Christmas, Mommy.
Merry Christmas, Uncle Joe.
- That was the kid's uncle?
- His father died three years ago,
and apparently the boy, Wayne, never got over it.
Hates anybody taking Daddy's place with Mommy.
- Oedipus complex.
- That's what the shrinks will say, suckers.
You know, like sticking a label on it
gives him an excuse for his piss-poor behavior.
So he'll do some time in juvenile detention.
They'll have to let him go when he's 18,
He'll be back blowing people away.
- [Cop] Same old story.
(mellow music)
♪ I'll be spending Christmas by myself ♪
♪ If you won't come back to stay ♪
♪ I'll be doing all the things we did ♪
♪ As if you never went away
♪ I'll see children throwing snowballs in the park ♪
♪ I might throw a snow ball too ♪
♪ I might fake a laugh
♪ In memory how I laugh when I'm with you ♪
♪ I'll go shopping
♪ I'll buy presents for the kids ♪
♪ For your mom and sister too
♪ They'll get something nice from me ♪
♪ And I guess they'll get something from you ♪
♪ Since it's Christmas
♪ Do you think about me now
♪ Do you dream of me the way I dream of you ♪
♪ Can you forgive me
♪ And come back so we can start anew ♪
♪ I'll be spending Christmas by myself ♪
♪ If you won't come back to stay ♪
♪ I'll be doing all the things we did ♪
♪ As if you never went away
♪ Oh, oh, Merry Christmas
♪ Merry Christmas and all my love to you, oh, oh, ah ♪
(lively music)
- [Cameraman] Right to the camera.
Right to the camera.
I love it.
(lively music)
I love it.
Looking good.
Bring the reflector in.
The camera's your lover.
That's great, Laura, that's great.
- [Reporter] Would you mind holding this right here.
- Oh, no, no, not at all, here, how's that, sure.
- Thank you.
This is Diane Heller, Channel 9 Showbiz News,
and I'm talking with Bruce Brunswick,
publisher of Girly Magazines,
and producer of what is commonly called T and A videos.
Not politically correct,
and entirely too risky for us to show you
any of the newest video being shot here today
under the unlikely title, "Scream Queen Christmas".
- Well, whether you realize it or not, Diane,
there's a huge market for the stuff we do.
And it's all good, harmless fun.
"Scream Queens Illustrated" is kinda like um,
Playboy come to the horror genre.
From the magazine then we branched out
into videos, and films, so forth.
- So you're getting rich off of this, this crap.
I mean that's what some people call it.
- (chuckles) Well, not exactly.
- Not exactly getting rich?
- Not exactly crap.
- Oh, what do you call it then?
- It's a tasteful presentation of horror movies,
horror movie makers, and horror movie starlets.
The girls have beautiful bodies,
and normal, healthy guys enjoying looking at them.
We're helping them launch and sustain their careers,
and they know it.
They're not just a bunch of brainless bimbos.
I'll prove it to you.
Raven, come here, honey.
- Hi.
- Diane Heller, meet Raven Quinn.
- Hi, how are you (giggles)?
- Raven's the star of our little production,
"Scream Queen Christmas".
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- Ah, incidentally, the term Scream Queen
was originally coined for Raven.
Tell the folks out in TV land
what your college degree is in, honey.
- I have a masters in zoology.
- You're a zoologist?
- Yes, well, my husband, Eric, he's a glamor photographer.
- Shoots a lot of our nude portfolios.
- Right, well, he talked me into posing
before we were married (giggles).
And then um, I just had such a huge fan following,
the movie offers started flowing in and here I am.
- [Bruce] And she can act, not just look good.
- By showing as much skin as possible?
- Hey, look, a lot of people like looking at skin.
- That's right.
- Especially if it's wrapped around
the right kind of package.
♪ Scream Queen, your looks can mesmerize ♪
♪ Scream Queen, of you I fantasize ♪
♪ Scream Queen, a terror so sublime ♪
♪ Scream Queen, scare my pants off anytime ♪
(heavy metal music)
(suspenseful music)
- Oh, what a Christmas gift.
(suspenseful music)
This is gonna be the best Christmas ever.
(suspenseful music)
Now you're officially mine, Raven.
I'm your, I'm your biggest fan?
(suspenseful music)
Merry Christmas, Raven.
(suspenseful music)
- [Raven] Hi, Laura.
- Hi, Raven.
What's your scene you're shooting today.
- I'm actually not shooting a scene today.
I just came in to sign a contract.
- You don't seem like yourself today at all.
- I know, I just had a fight with Eric.
He left on Saturday for photo shoot in Akron.
Says he's not gonna come home.
He's gonna file for a divorce.
- Ouch, sorry to hear that.
Do your kids know?
- No, I haven't figured out a way
to tell them yet, you know?
Guess I'm kinda hoping I won't have to.
- [Man] Laura Britton, wanted on the set.
- Great Christmas present, huh?
- [Man] Laura Britton, you're on.
Camera's ready to roll.
- Well, I gotta get back on the set.
(suspenseful music)
- Good luck.
(suspenseful music)
(Raven sighs)
(suspenseful music)
I'm so pleased to have such a strong
supportive fan like you, Wayne.
I had no idea that you had so many
souvenirs of me and my movies.
- I just loved you in your last movie, "The Hooded Claw".
I, I even got some props from the movie.
(suspenseful music)
Nobody loves you as much as I do, Raven.
- I believe you, Wayne, I do.
I believe you.
(suspenseful music)
Wayne, I'm so pleased.
(lips smack) (exhales deeply)
I'm so pleased, Wayne.
(suspenseful music)
(knocking on door)
- [Savanah] Mommy!
- [Angela] Mommy!
- [Mom] Come on in, close the door.
It's cold outside.
- What're you kids doing?
- You wanna come in for some coffee
while they get their hats and coats on?
- No, thanks, we gotta get going.
Get your coats ready.
Say goodbye to Grandma.
- Eric phoned from Akron awhile ago.
He wasn't too happy that you weren't
watching Savannah and Angela herself.
Not that we mind, but (scoffs).
- What's wrong, he doesn't trust them
with his own mother and sister?
- Well, sure he trusts us.
He just doesn't think that we oughta be doing your job.
He makes no bones about it, Raven, and we agree.
Now that you're the mother of two darling children,
you really oughta look for a more dignified line of work.
- Well, it's the same line of work that he's in.
Besides he's the one who got me into it in the first place.
- Yes, but he's on the other end of the camera.
He doesn't go around showing himself.
The kids aren't gonna open some sleazy magazine,
and find him in there stark naked.
- Why don't you kids play outside, okay?
- I'll be there one minute.
Do you got your dolls?
I'll be right out, okay, honey?
You said he called.
Did he leave a number?
- Oh, you must really be on the outs,
if you don't even know where he's staying.
- Did he leave a number or not?
- It's by the phone.
He's staying at the same motel
where he's doing that fantasy girl shoot.
(suspenseful music)
You oughta know better than to bother him when he's working.
- Now he said he can't take any calls till after six.
(suspenseful music)
- Hi extension 1602, please.
(suspenseful music)
Eric, hi, honey.
I hope I'm not bothering you.
Hello?
Must've been disconnected.
- (laughing) I don't think so, dear.
He must have hung up.
- He really hates being interrupted while he's working.
He told us not to even give you the phone number.
We know there's something wrong between you two,
so don't even try to pretend otherwise.
- All couples argue,
and there's nothing wrong between us that can't be fixed,
especially if his loving mother,
and adoring sister would learn to butt out!
- [Mrs. Quinn] Bad news.
- Kids!
(girls laughing and chattering)
Savanah, Angela, come on.
Let's go, girls.
Here, take Fluffy, come on!
- [Savanah] You and Grandma weren't fighting.
- Hey, we weren't fighting, okay?
Everything's all right.
Now, come on.
We're gonna go and put some Christmas decorations up,
and get ready for Santa Claus, all right?
(girls cheering)
- [Angela] Santa.
- Get in the car, buckle up.
Good girls.
You in there?
(suspenseful music)
- There, that should take care of that.
Alright, are you ready to get started?
Okay.
(suspenseful music)
(Eric gasps)
- Eric, what's the matter?
I thought we were really getting some good stuff here.
- Yeah, yeah, we were, but ah--
- Who was that on the phone?
- It was, ah, nobody, no, it was my wife.
Soon to be my ex-wife.
- Maybe she just doesn't appreciate you.
- Yeah, well, maybe, but ah, nevermind that now.
Let's get into what we're doing, okay?
- Okay.
- Come on, we can get it back.
Now, show me what you got.
Come on, Debbie.
That's it, baby, come on.
Beautiful, give me those eyes.
Give me those big brown eyes.
Oh yeah, sweetheart.
That's, oh yeah.
Like a goddess.
Come on, make love to the camera, sweetheart.
Oh, you're beautiful.
Damn, you're heating me up now.
That's it.
Come on, baby, let loose now.
Don't hold back on me, girl.
Hey.
(mysterious music)
Yeah.
Yeah, oh.
(mysterious music)
(suspenseful music)
- [Wayne] Hey, look what I got!
- Wayne, we were at Grandmas!
- Oh boy, we don't have those for Christmas!
- Mommy, may we?
- Wayne, you're gonna spoil them.
- (chuckles) I know, I shouldn't have.
It's just a little inexpensive, early gift.
- Yeah, I should say it's early.
It's only one day until the Christmas vacation.
- Then it's one day until their Christmas vacation present.
All right, Raven?
- [Girls] All right, Mommy, all right?
- [Raven] All right, all right.
- [Girls] Yay, thank you, thank you!
- Wait a second, girls!
Don't you need these to get in.
So just hold your horses or your reindeer or whatever!
Wayne, do you wanna come in?
We're having some leftovers,
and you can help us decorate the tree later.
- [Wayne] I, I'd love to.
- I really need to relax.
I just had a huge fight with Eric's mother and sister.
- Hey, are you on Venus or what?
- (chuckles) I'm right here.
- [Debbie] Mm.
- What would you think if I told you ah,
you're the first one?
- (giggles) Come on, I'm not gonna believe that.
You're a virgin, married with two children?
- No, I mean other than my wife.
You're the first one since I've been married.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna believe that either.
- Well, it's true.
Listen, I've been in this business for 10 years,
and I've never, ever slept with the talent.
I've always wanted to stay married.
- What makes you think your wife was so faithful?
- (scoffs) Yeah, maybe you're right.
- No maybes about it.
You were a true blue sap.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- You can take that to the bank.
(lips smacking)
(Eric and Debbie grunt)
I'm gonna do you a big favor, Eric.
I'm gonna make you forget about your wife,
about your kids, and about your job.
And the only thing on your mind from now on is gonna be me.
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly
♪ Fa la la la la, la la, la la
♪ Don we now our gay apparel
♪ Fa la la la la, la la, la la
(all laughing)
♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪
♪ Fa la la la la, la la, la la
(girls laughing)
- Very good, now let's--
- One more carol, Mom?
- No.
- Please, Mommy?
- No, that was one more.
Now, you promised.
Kiss Wayne, give him a big hug and go to bed.
- (grunts) Goodnight.
- [Angela] Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Be a good girl.
- (grunts) Goodnight.
- [Raven] Goodnight, honey.
- [Savanah] Goodnight.
- See you in the morning, don't fight.
(mysterious music)
I guess after with the fight I had with my in-laws today,
they're not gonna wanna watch my kids anymore.
I'll have to put them in daycare.
- I'm sure they'd still wanna watch
Angela and Savanah, wouldn't they?
- Well, I don't know.
I mean, they really don't like me.
They were very much against Eric
marrying me in the first place.
They consider my movies
about a half a step above porno films.
- What about him?
Don't they realize that he makes a living
photographing not only you,
but lots of other beautiful women in the nude.
- Yeah, I know,
but you see, that's okay if he does it,
but it's not okay if he marries one of these types of girls.
See, I think they love the idea
that we may be getting divorced.
I just have to be careful
they don't turn my own kids against me.
- You know, now that school is out for the holidays,
I have two weeks vacation from my teacher's aid job.
I'd be more than willing to babysit for you,
if you need me to.
- Aren't you sick of being around kids, Wayne?
I mean, it's a nice offer, but--
- I, I like your children.
There'd be no trouble at all.
They're not like the rowdies
I have to deal with down at school.
- Well, you know I do have a dinner appointment
with my producer tomorrow night.
If you wanna give it a shot, you can.
- Sure, sure, I'd love to.
You know, what is this
"Scream Queen Christmas" you're doing?
What's it all about?
- Well, it's, it's a 60 minute video.
It's not a feature film.
And it's basically an excuse for a bunch of horny guys
to watch a bunch of naked women (laughing).
It has about zero plots.
It's about this magical snowman,
and he casts a spell on this group of guys,
and they all wake up in the morning on Christmas,
and they have the girl of their dreams under the tree.
So I play one of the girls.
I pop out of this Christmas package,
and I'm in this sexy little outfit.
- And then you--
- Get naked, of course.
That's what they wanna see.
- Doesn't that, doesn't that bother you?
- No, why should it?
- I mean, thinking of what all those guys are doing
while they're watching you.
- Well, I don't think about that.
It's a lot of fun for me,
and I make a lot of money at it.
- How about the guys on the set?
Don't they get turned on watching you?
Like, like, like that producer friend of yours
that you're going out with tonight.
- Wayne, you know you're starting to sound like my husband,
and I don't appreciate it.
Let's just drop the subject, okay?
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
I guess I was being a little nosy.
Sometimes I can't help it.
You're my friend and I worry about you.
- I don't know.
I just (sighs), I guess I just got used to it
more and more as time went on, you know?
Just got used to the business.
I enjoy being called a Scream Queen now, you know?
I never would've dreamt I'd be doing this for a living.
- Do you ever miss your old career?
I mean, do you ever think you'll go back to zoology?
- I don't know.
You know, I must have the weirdest resume
in the whole world.
Raven Quinn, zoologist, actress,
Scream Queen, wife, and mother.
- [Wayne] Hmm.
- And my husband thinks I'm failing miserably
at the last two.
- I think you're a wonderful mother, Raven.
I'd love to have you as my wife and raise my children.
- You know I'm actually very strange, don't you?
I have a very dark side.
You know when we were about 10 years old,
all the other girls were playing hopscotch,
and jump rope, and all this stuff,
and I was out looking for road kill
for dead rabbits, and possums,
and (laughs) anything that I could like take home,
and, and, and rip open, and figure out, you know?
Well, I think it was very natural,
because as a little girl,
I just wanted to find out what makes
living things live, you know?
Even if it meant that I had to open up dead ones.
Do you think that's weird, Wayne?
- No, no, do you think I'm weird?
- Yeah, really weird (laughs).
I'm just kidding.
Come on, what's wrong with you?
I'm just, Wayne, Wayne, come back to me.
I was just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
(suspenseful music)
- How, how come you're home early today?
Are they finished with filming the movie,
"Scream Queen Christmas"?
- Well, actually they're,
I think they're shooting with ah, Laura tonight.
- Laura who?
- Laura Britton.
- You and her did that, that "Hooded Claw" thing together.
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- She got clawed to death.
- Mm hmm, that's right.
You know when I wasn't acting in the that film,
I helped him with the special effects.
We put so much blood on Laura,
she stuck to the floor (laughing).
Blood is really sticky.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- It's that sticky?
- Yeah, I mean all it is,
it's, it's corn syrup with red food coloring.
That's all it is.
- You know, you know, I, I heard
real blood's really sticky too.
- Really, I wouldn't know.
First, I, I get rid of your husband, and then we,
then you say you wanna go with that sleazeball producer,
that Bruce Brunswick character?
Don't you realize all he wants is to get in your pants?
Oh, oh sure, I'll babysit your kids while he lays you!
What kind of fool do you take me for, Raven?
(mysterious music)
Don't try and treat me like you treat your husband.
I won't stand for it!
Nobody loves you as much as I do, Raven.
(mysterious music)
If you reject my true and honest love,
then you'll get what's coming to you.
(mysterious music)
Do you hear me?
Do you hear me?
Huh, do you hear me?
Do you hear me (screaming)?
All right, Raven.
(heavy metal music)
♪ When I first saw her at the midnight movie show ♪
♪ A haunting beauty out of Edgar Allan Poe ♪
♪ Her lifeless form lies still enveloped by a shroud ♪
♪ I fell in love with her
♪ She makes me shout out loud
- [Cameraman] Hey, rub the little bear.
Yes, cozy up with the bear, good.
Put the bear to bed.
All right, that's a cut.
- [Bruce] Wow, what a scene.
- That's the best handheld stuff I've ever done.
- Oh boy.
- You want me to do it one more time?
- What do you think, Bruce?
- Oh, ho, ho, it worked for me.
- That's a wrap then.
(suspenseful music)
- [Don] See ya, Bruce.
- Oh, goodnight, Don, good weekend, huh?
- [Don] Yeah.
(suspenseful music)
- Bruce, stop fooling around.
Bruce (screaming loudly)!
(Wayne breathing heavily) (Laura gasping)
- [Wayne] You'll never take Raven's place.
Do you understand me?
You'll never take her place.
(suspenseful music)
(knocking on door)
- Yeah?
(knocking on door)
- [Man] I forgot my light meter!
(suspenseful music)
- [Bruce] Who is it?
- [Man] I forgot my light meter!
(suspenseful music)
- Oh, well, come on in and get it, man.
- [Wayne] I am the Hooded Claw!
- Hey, what is, what is this, some kind of joke?
- [Wayne] You produced "The Hooded Claw" Brucey.
- Very funny, ha, ha!
- [Wayne] Now it's time for the sequel,
and I'm going to star in it!
- There's not gonna be any sequel, guy.
Now, get out there and do your Christmas shopping, go on!
La la la, and all that jazz, you know.
(door thuds)
What, what, hey, what're doing?
(Wayne laughing maniacally)
(Wayne and Bruce grunting) (suspenseful music)
- Bruce, wait, where you going?
I haven't auditioned yet!
(heavy metal music)
Ho, ho ho!
(gun firing)
You can't kill me!
You created me and I can never die!
You've been a bad boy, a very bad boy (screams).
(Wayne and Bruce growling)
(claw thudding) (both grunting)
(Bruce moaning)
(heavy metal music)
(Wayne panting)
Oh, Raven, Raven.
You should've saw the look
on that sleazeball producer of yours face.
He shot me here and here, and I just kept coming.
He couldn't believe it.
It reminded me, it reminded me of my Uncle Joe.
(exhales deeply)
It reminded me of Uncle Joe when I shot him.
(mysterious music)
I love you, Raven.
I'll never let anyone, anyone harm you.
(suspenseful music)
- [Raven] Hey Wayne, what's up?
- Hi, Raven, do you still need me to babysit tonight?
Are you still going on that dinner date
with that producer guy?
- First of all, Wayne, it's not a date.
I'm still trying to get back together with my husband, Eric.
And I think the whole thing's been postponed,
unless I hear otherwise.
- From Eric?
- No, from the producer, Bruce Brunswick.
But no one's heard from him
since he did that shoot with Laura Britton.
It's like they both disappeared.
- Maybe they eloped.
- No, I don't think so (giggles).
Bruce isn't the type.
I mean maybe Laura, but not Bruce.
- Well, well, love makes people do strange things, Raven.
- Yeah, well, this is entirely too strange.
Even the police think so.
They've questioned all of us
that have been shooting with Bruce.
They haven't come up with any leads though.
Unless they're not telling us.
- Well, what about the shoot?
Has it been scrapped?
- Oh, no, no, no, the director's gonna be doing
both his and Bruce's job.
- I wish you all the best of luck.
I'd hate for anything awful to have happened.
- Oh, thanks.
You have to do some Christmas shopping or something.
- Actually, I have to drop a couple of things off
that I've already gift wrapped.
(lively country music)
♪ My momma tried to raise right ♪
♪ She taught me how to pray
♪ She told me how the son of God was born on Christmas day ♪
♪ But I grew up and left my folks ♪
♪ And forgot their homespun ways ♪
♪ I started treating Christmas like just another day ♪
♪ But there's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ There's always a brand new start ♪
♪ There's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ If you feel it in your heart
♪ I took to singing country songs ♪
♪ That brought me wealth and fame ♪
♪ I love pretty women and fancy cars ♪
♪ And things too bad to name
♪ Sometimes in the middle of the night ♪
♪ I wake up feeling sad
♪ I didn't have the comfort of God ♪
♪ That the folks back home still have ♪
♪ But there's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ There's always a brand new start ♪
♪ There's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ You can feel it in your heart ♪
♪ When Momma laid dying
♪ She said to me, my son you brought me shame ♪
♪ If there's something missing in your life ♪
♪ You've only yourself to blame ♪
♪ She didn't make it through the night ♪
♪ I felt her slip away
♪ She left me holding the empty life ♪
♪ Of a man too proud to pray
♪ He'll be here this Christmas
♪ Since Momma passed away
♪ Papa's health ain't lookin' good ♪
♪ He'll be joinin' her any day
♪ But I made some changes in my life ♪
♪ I've become a better man
♪ The grace of God got through to me ♪
♪ In Momma's dying hand
♪ Yes, there's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ There's always a brand new start ♪
♪ There's always a brand new Christmas ♪
♪ When Jesus is in your heart
(lively country music)
- Beautiful, beautiful.
That's it, sweetheart.
You know what now?
Let's ah, let's lose the broom.
- Okay.
- [Eric] And ah.
- And?
- Let's do away with the hat too.
- Hat gone.
- Yeah, okay.
Now show the camera what you've got.
That's it, let's see those eyes.
Big brown eyes.
Let's ah, lose the cape.
Let's bring it down here and ah,
set you up for a shot I can get up on top and.
Similar to what we did yesterday.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Okay.
Let's get you down.
Down here.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
That's it, baby.
Come on now.
Seduce me now.
That's it, beautiful, beautiful.
(telephone ringing)
(Eric sighs)
(telephone ringing)
Yeah?
Oh, good morning, Raven.
I don't know how long it's gonna take.
You know how these things go.
It'll be over when it's over.
- The kids miss you.
I miss you too.
You know, I'm willing to make some compromises.
We could stay together for the sake of the kids.
- For the kid's sake is no reason
for two people to stay together.
- Well, okay then, for our sake.
I mean, we still love each other, right?
You can't deny that.
- I don't know.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Something in my life has to change.
Maybe my whole life has to change.
- Eric, you sound really confused.
What is it that you're not telling me?
Are you seeing someone else?
- No.
No.
- Well, neither am I.
Eric, I want you back.
I want to be with you.
I want us to be a family again.
- What have you told the kids?
- Nothing, I just told them
that you're out doing a shoot somewhere.
I bought most of the stuff that they wanted from Santa.
I really hope that you're gonna be home
to see them open it up.
- Yeah, well ah, I'll be there for that.
- Eric, have you seen a lawyer yet?
- No, not yet.
- (sighs) Take care, okay, bye.
- Goodbye.
- My, my, isn't married life great?
- Why the hell don't you mind your own business?
(Debbie scoffs)
- I'm the only one you need, Raven.
When will you ever realize that?
You're in a business where there,
where there are no real friends,
no true lovers, male or female, just exploiters.
They only want you for your body.
They don't care about your mind!
They don't love you the way I do.
Don't treat me like my mother did, Raven.
Do you hear me?
Don't try and replace me with somebody else.
I was only 10 when Daddy died of pneumonia,
and mommy said I was gonna be her big man now.
It was gonna be her and I
against the rest of the world forever (chuckles).
They didn't think I'd catch them.
They didn't think I'd catch them and make them pay.
(gun firing)
- [Joe] No (grunts)!
(Marilyn screaming) (Joe grunting)
(gun firing)
- I did catch them.
And what I did wasn't even wrong, was it, Mother?
Now you rot in hell, Mother (fist thuds)!
(mysterious music)
- Ready?
(girls squealing joyfully)
- Let's go, let's go.
Let's go, Casey.
Let's go to the car.
Good boy, come on.
(all giggling)
♪ I'll be spending Christmas by myself ♪
- [Savanah] It's Wayne.
Hi, Wayne, wanna come walk the dog with us?
Please, will you please come?
- [Wayne] Sure, I, I'd love to.
- [Raven] Come on, let's go, Casey.
- [Wayne] Casey, you're such a good boy.
♪ All the things we do
- [Wayne] Maybe you should take advantage
of my babysitting offer,
even though you're not meeting with your producer.
You haven't heard from him, have you?
- [Raven] No, I wish I had.
- [Wayne] Well, maybe you could use
some time off by yourself.
- [Raven] Well, I suppose I could finish up
some more of my shopping.
- Fine, it's a deal.
You could even take off this afternoon if you want to.
Get an early start, you know?
I'm gonna do you a favor, Raven.
And you might not think so now,
but in time you'll love me for it.
I'm gonna help you with your bad judgment.
I'm gonna get rid of some of your bad, bad companions.
(suspenseful music)
(Wayne laughing maniacally)
See, I have Brucey's keys and his production notebook.
I can get in the studio anytime I want.
I have all of his numbers and addresses,
and I'm making a list and I'm checking it twice,
just like Santa.
And I'm gonna decide who's naughty and who's nice.
And when I decide,
some people are in for a whole lotta trouble,
whole lotta trouble.
- Al, this is just like all the other videos
you've done for us before.
- Okay.
- You're gonna get the girl of your dreams for Christmas.
- Do I get to sample the goodies?
- Don't you wish?
- Hey, you' re a stand-in for the customer,
so that he can believe
he's getting the girl of his dreams, okay?
- And end up on the cutting room floor as usual.
- Of course.
You ready, Mary Jane?
- Ready.
- [Producer] Okay, let's go.
(heavy metal music)
(kettle whistling)
(suspenseful music)
- Savanah, what do you want for Christmas?
- I really want a magic set for Christmas.
I'm really, really excited for Christmas to come.
What do you want?
- I really want rollerblades and maybe a puzzle or a game.
♪ Joy to the world
♪ The Lord has come
♪ Let earth receive her King
(Savanah gasps)
- [All] Hot chocolate.
- One for Angela.
- Thank you.
- Be careful, it's very hot.
And one for Savannah, and ooh, ooh, I almost forgot.
(Wayne humming)
I got a surprise for you.
I made them just for you guys.
- (gasps) Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Go ahead, take one.
Take one, one for me.
And we'll leave one for your mommy.
Well, you can't have hot chocolate without marshmallows.
I just love hot chocolate and marshmallows.
- Oh boy.
- Thank you.
- Mommy never lets us have chocolate chip cookies
with hot chocolate.
- She says she doesn't want us to turn into chocoholics.
She says chocolate has too much caffeine in it,
and it'll make us not sleep good.
- Oh, I think this will make you sleep like a log.
(heavy metal music)
(suspenseful music)
Hmm, 'twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
(heavy metal music)
(bell ringing)
- Hi.
I really, I love your suit.
Where'd you get it?
- [Santa] At the novelty store around the corner.
- Hey, red really looks good on you.
- [Santa] Get lost, buster.
Buy your own suit and find your own corner.
This is my corner.
Traffic's good here.
Find your own corner or I'll black both of your eyes!
You hearing me?
(bell ringing) (suspenseful music)
(heavy metal music)
(suspenseful music)
- [Clerk] Hi.
- Hi.
- [Clerk] Can I help you?
- Yeah.
How much?
- [Clerk] $60.
- That's perfect, I'll take it.
- [Clerk] That's all right.
- It sure is cold.
- [Clerk] Very cold.
- Do, do you think it will fit?
- It fit very well.
(light jazz music)
(apple crunching)
(light jazz music)
- Hi, kitty, here.
You hungry, kitty?
Aw, Misty, what?
(cat meowing)
(mellow music)
Kitty, where are you going?
(cat meowing)
What?
Come here.
(cat meows)
Oh, I know.
Hi, did you miss me, huh?
(answer machine beeps)
- [Ted] Hello, Mary Jane, this is Ted.
I guess you're still on the set.
I just called to say I love you.
Isn't that a song title or something (chuckles)?
It's Stevie Wonder I think.
Anyway, I'll call later.
Don't forget our date Saturday night.
(answering machine beeps)
- [Mom] Mary Jane, this is Mom.
Are you there?
I guess not.
Give me a call.
Let me know if you're coming
for dinner on Sunday, you and Ted.
Bye, honey.
(answering machine beeps)
(mellow music)
(knocking on door)
- Damn, that can't be Ted.
(knocking on door)
- Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
(Mary Jane giggles)
I'm here for the Ryan party!
- No, there's no party here.
I wish there was though.
- Isn't this the Ryan's residence?
I must've got the wrong directions!
You know where the Ryan's live?
- Nope, sorry, Santa.
- Oh, their boy's gonna be so upset
if I don't make it to the party on time!
Do you think Santa can use the phone?
I have the phone number!
I just have to get directions!
- I don't usually let anyone in when I'm here alone.
- Ah, ho, ho, ho, it's Santa Claus!
Surely you make exceptions for Santa!
- Well, I guess.
- Thank you, you're a real doll.
Hi, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
- You can use that phone right there.
- Actually, I have something better to use.
I'm not gonna hurt you!
I'm not gonna hurt you!
Listen to me!
Listen to me, Raven!
Raven, I'm not gonna hurt you!
I'm not gonna hurt you!
Would you just listen to me?
Listen, listen, Raven!
I will never hurt you!
I'll never hurt you, Raven.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
(suspenseful music)
You're not Raven.
You're not Raven.
(suspenseful music)
(Wayne moans)
Why, why, why!
You can't do that to Santa Claus!
(Wayne panting) (Mary Jane whimpering)
You can't never do that to Santa!
(Wayne inhaling deeply)
Ah!
(Wayne exhales slowly)
How did everything go?
- Hi, it was good.
I got a lot of stuff done, thanks to you, Wayne.
- [Wayne] Really?
- You know, I feel bad.
I mean, you sure you don't mind looking after the kids?
I mean a guy like yourself should be on a date or something.
- No, not, not at all.
I'd rather be helping you.
- That's nice.
- When you need my help anyway I can.
I mean, that's what friends are for.
- Did Savanah and Angela behave themselves tonight?
- Oh yeah, I made them some hot chocolate,
and I tired them out playing old maid.
They actually fell asleep right here on the couch.
I had to carry them to bed.
- Wow, you mean they went to bed early?
- Yeah.
- Wonders will never cease.
You must have the magic touch there, Wayne.
(suspenseful music)
- Hey, I thought we still had another day of shooting?
(mellow music)
What's the matter?
You just kept telling me what great stuff we were getting.
Or was that just a line to get in my pants?
- We got a lot of great stuff.
You were great stuff, but it's over.
- [Debbie] The shooting or us?
- Both, look, you were great,
but you can console yourself with the fact
that you're gonna get a great layout out of this.
- You're going back to her, aren't you?
- Well, I don't know how it's gonna turn out,
but you can be damn sure I'm gonna give it another shot.
- Ha, back to the wifey, the little kiddies,
home for the holidays and all that cornball crap, huh?
- Look, I already checked out.
I paid the bill.
Just make sure you leave the key at the desk when you leave.
(Debbie smacks lips)
- Mommy, tell us again about that guy
at the horror conviction in Baltimore.
- [Angela] Yeah, Mommy, yeah.
- What guy?
- You know, the goofy guy
who said he'd stop a bullet for you.
- Well, honey, fans at conventions get a little crazy.
I was standing in the lobby of a hotel,
and this fan comes up to me.
I was having a drink and he started getting so crazy.
He asked me to sign his baseball cap.
(girls laughing)
He asked me to send his T-shirts.
He even asked me to sign his beer bottle.
- Then what did he say, Mommy?
- Then he told me he would do anything in the world for me.
And I tried to calm him down.
I said, "Listen, mister, I'm just like anyone else.
"I'm just a regular person like you."
And he wouldn't hear it.
He kept telling me over and over and over again
how, how he would stop a bullet for me.
- Does that mean he'd die for you?
- Yeah, that's what he was trying to say,
but you know, he was just drunk, honey.
He didn't mean what he was saying.
He was just excited about being around a celebrity.
- But you're not a celebrity.
You're just Mommy.
- I know, honey, but to the people who like horror movies,
I am a celebrity.
Whether you know it or not,
your mommy has fans all over the world.
- But what if they could see now in blue jeans,
and with your hands in dirty dishwater?
- Well, I don't think they'd believe it.
It'd ruin their fantasies.
- But Daddy knows you do dishes,
and he still likes you, doesn't he?
- Yeah, and I still like him.
- When's Daddy coming home?
- I think he'll be home in a couple of days, honey.
Now, listen, Mommy has to go the movie studio tonight,
but Wayne's gonna come over and babysit, okay?
- [girls] Yay!
- So you're gonna be good for him, right?
- [Girls] Yeah!
- Good, I'll bring you home something nice.
(spray can rattling)
(Wayne whistling) (spray can hissing)
- Raven, what are you doing?
You can't improve upon perfection.
- Oh, thank you.
That's why you're my favorite director.
- Oh ho, yeah, I believe that.
Listen, ah, yesterday we shot the guy, okay?
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- Reacting to the fact that you weren't there
for his Christmas present.
- Right, mm hmm.
- Okay, I need a shot of you--
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- [Al] Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.
- Striking a pose.
Instead of coming out of a box,
we're gonna shoot it another way.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yep.
- Okay.
- I'm just gonna pop and appear and that's it.
- Yeah, it's, you're going to love it.
- Okay.
- It's gonna be a lot different
than the coming out of the box type of thing, okay?
- Right, okay, good, good.
- Look, I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Raven.
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- We're gonna lock the camera on the tripod,
and we'll shoot the set without you on it, okay?
- Right.
- Then we'll have you pop in with that pose.
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- You know, just a, yeah, you know?
- [Both] Something sexy.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, mm hmm.
- Okay.
- No problem.
- And then we'll take it into the editing suite.
- [Raven] Mm hmm.
- And we'll do the ah, sudden appearance of you
with a lot of splash and sparkles, okay?
- Great, mm hmm.
- And it'll look wonderful.
- Excellent, let's do it.
- Okay, wait till I get set here.
- Okay, just start with the pose.
Al, could you just take this?
Thanks so much.
Great, okay.
- Okay, are you ready?
- Okay, you ready?
Ah, okay, and.
- Action.
- Ta-da!
- Great, I love it.
(suspenseful music) (Wayne whistling)
(suspenseful music)
(Casey barking)
(Casey whimpering)
- Casey, hey boy!
(Casey whimpering)
Come here!
(suspenseful music)
Hey, boy, you happy to see me, boy?
Because I might be sleeping with you tonight.
Come here, boy.
(suspenseful music)
Hey, kids, I'm home.
(suspenseful music)
Angela, Angela, honey, wake up.
Savannah, hey, wake up, sleepyhead.
(suspenseful music)
What the hell?
Raven, Raven!
(heavy metal music)
♪ When I first saw her at the midnight movie show ♪
♪ A haunting beauty out of Edgar Allan Poe ♪
♪ Her lifeless form lie still enveloped by a shroud ♪
♪ I fell in love with her
♪ She makes me shout out loud
(heavy metal music)
♪ Next thing I saw her do about scared me half to death ♪
♪ She said I promise that I had to catch my breath ♪
♪ She looked right at me
♪ And she gave a little smile
♪ Two tiny fangs appeared and then her eyes went white ♪
- Girls, girls, Angela.
Angela, wake up, honey.
Savanah, Savanah, wake up.
(suspenseful music)
(telephone ringing)
- Hello?
Eric, what's wrong?
You sound so upset.
- Yeah, Mom, I just got in and Raven's not here.
Yeah, well, the kids look like they've been drugged.
I can't even wake them up.
Do you have any idea why she'd leave them like this?
- We haven't heard from her for a week and a half.
She never asks us to babysit anymore,
but I got to worrying and I called over there today,
and your next door neighbor, that Wayne fellow,
answered the phone and said he was babysitting,
and that the kids were fine.
- Well, where the hell is he?
- I don't know.
Are you sure he's not still there?
Maybe he's upstairs asleep,
or ah, maybe ran next door for something.
- Mom, nobody's here.
I'm the only one here.
I never trusted that little punk anyway.
If he was supposed to be babysitting, then he drugged them.
He doped them up.
Please, can you and Peggy get over here right away?
- Oh, certainly, son.
You know we're always here for you,
even though your wife acts like she doesn't appreciate us,
and like we're always in the way.
- Oh, Mom, please.
Just come over here now.
(suspenseful music)
Come on, Wayne.
Be home, you jerk.
(suspenseful music)
♪ Two tiny fangs appeared and then her eyes went white ♪
♪ Scream Queen, your looks can mesmerize ♪
♪ Scream Queen, of you I fantasize ♪
♪ Scream Queen, a terror so sublime ♪
♪ Scream Queen, you scare my pants off anytime ♪
(heavy metal music)
(suspenseful music)
(knocking on door)
- Wayne!
(knocking on door)
Wayne!
(knocking on door)
Are you home, Wayne?
(knocking on door)
(suspenseful music)
(heavy metal music)
♪ I sat there mesmerized with popcorn and a Coke ♪
♪ I know it's make believe
♪ It's just a scary joke
♪ And yet I'd like to be with her up on the screen ♪
♪ I'd drive my wooden stake and make her wanna scream ♪
(suspenseful music)
(heavy metal music)
(car engine humming)
(suspenseful music)
- I'll never forgive myself if those kids are hurt.
How are the kids?
- Mom.
- Is Raven back yet?
- Well, the kids seem to be okay.
They're just sound asleep.
I called Dr. Branstetter.
He's on his way over here,
but, but I haven't heard from Raven,
and that, that freak, Wayne, seems to have vanished too.
- Well, do you suppose they could've run off together?
- She'd never do that.
No matter what else she is, she isn't evil.
She's just selfish.
She'd never do anything to hurt those children.
- Then where the hell is she?
- She might be at the film studio
where they make the silly Scream Queen videos.
That's where she was last time we babysat.
♪ Scream Queen, you're all that I desire ♪
♪ Scream Queen, you set me on fire ♪
♪ Scream Queen, a terror so sublime ♪
♪ Scream Queen, scare my pants off anytime ♪
(heavy metal music)
- Why don't you phone the studio first?
- Because if she's there and I think she is,
I don't want her to know I'm coming.
I'm gonna catch her by surprise,
and find out for myself exactly what's going on.
And if that Wayne's there.
- Oh, watch out for that one.
I've never trusted him.
He's sly and sneaky like a cat.
Be careful, son!
- They seem to be okay.
I think they're just sleeping.
(suspenseful music)
♪ Scream Queen, you're all that I desire ♪
♪ Scream Queen, you set me on fire ♪
♪ Scream Queen, a terror so sublime ♪
♪ Scream Queen, scare my pants off anytime ♪
(heavy metal music)
- Ooh, Merry Christmas (lips smacking).
- Mm, cut, cut.
(Raven laughing)
That was great.
I love that ending there.
- Did it work?
- Yeah, yeah, it was great.
- Great.
- Okay, that's a wrap.
Just ah, clean everything up and let's get outta here.
- [Man] Roll up those cables!
Roll them up.
Get them out of the way.
- So, you gonna need me tomorrow?
- Ah, I think your straps undone.
- (laughs) Thanks (giggles).
- Okay, ah, no, I think we got everything.
- [Man] Hey, give me the reflector.
I'll put it in the case, Al.
- Ah, thank you.
- You're welcome, it's a pleasure to work with you.
- It's a pleasure to work with you too, until then.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- [Man] Just pull those cables out of the way.
We don't want anybody tripping on them.
(suspenseful music)
(Wayne humming) (suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(Wayne growling) (woman screaming)
(suspenseful music)
(Wayne grunting) (woman gasping)
- I'm glad we're just about done here.
I got some shopping to do.
- Yeah, I know.
I gotta go buy a Barbie doll for my kid.
(doorbell ringing)
Oh, let me go see who the hell that is.
Yeah, can I help you?
- Yeah, I'm Eric Quinn.
Is my wife here?
- Ah yeah, she's upstairs.
I need to see some ID first.
All right, that's cool.
She's up in the dressing room.
You know where it is?
- Yeah, I'm not just, Raven, the Scream Queen's husband.
I'm Eric Quinn, the photographer.
I'm practically on staff here for Christ's sake.
- [Man] Hey, I'm just doing my job, man.
(man gasping)
- And I'm just doing my job, man.
(man gasping)
- [Eric] Raven!
- Eric, I thought you were in Akron?
- Yeah, yeah, and you thought
your next door neighbor, Wayne,
was watching the kids too.
What else did you think, Raven?
- What are you talking about, Eric?
Wayne is babysitting the kids, isn't he?
- Wayne drugged the kids and he's disappeared!
God only knows what's going on here!
- Well, who's watching the kids.
- Well, my mother and sister over,
and Dr. Branstetter's on his way,
but I hope to God everything's okay.
I wanna know what the hell's going on here, Raven.
And you've got some explaining to do.
- I just, I have to just get changed, Eric.
My car's in the parking lot.
- Leave your car here.
You come home with me.
We have some things to straighten out,
before we can decide on where we're gonna go from here.
- [Wayne] Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
- Who the hell is this?
(Wayne laughing maniacally)
Who is it?
- [Raven] Is anyone there?
(Wayne laughing maniacally)
- [Wayne] Ho, ho, ho, Raven (laughing maniacally)!
- Wayne, is that you?
- I'm not Wayne.
I'm Santa Claws!
- Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, stop.
Think about what you're doing.
- Santa Claws knows what you want for Christmas, Raven!
To get rid of that cheating husband of yours,
and I'm here to make your wish come true (laughing)!
- Wayne, I can help you!
- [Wayne] You wanna put Wayne away
like his mother wanted to do!
- No, no, Wayne, stop!
- [Wayne] Wayne doesn't need your help!
He needs your love, Raven!
Wayne loves you, Raven!
When will you realize that?
That's why he killed that sleazeball producer!
He did it all for you!
- You're insane!
(Wayne growling) (Raven screams)
- No, no, no!
(heavy metal music) (men grunting)
Stop!
Stop it, stop it!
You, ugh!
(heavy metal music) (men grunting)
Stop it, no, no, no!
No, no!
(Raven grunts)
(heavy metal music)
(Wayne mumbling) (heavy metal music)
- [Wayne] Seasons greetings!
Santa Claws is coming to town!
(heavy metal music)
(Eric grunts)
(heavy metal music)
You can't do that to Santa, Raven!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
(suspenseful music)
(door thuds) (Eric grunts)
- [Raven] Oh, God!
Oh, my God!
- [Wayne] Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas, Eric!
(Raven grunting and gasping)
Raven, you can't hide from Santa Claws!
Raven, you're turning me into the Scrooge.
- Please, don't, I'm begging you.
Please don't do this (crying).
I'm your friend!
Wayne, please, please!
You gotta call the cops and turn yourself in!
- [Wayne] You know, Wayne's mother used to always tell him
to turn himself in, you see,
so if you're gonna turn on Wayne,
then Santa Claws is gonna have to kill you.
- [Raven] No (crying), no!
- Wayne, leave my wife alone!
- That's what you always did, isn't it, Eric?
You always left her alone, taking pictures of naked women!
- No, no!
No, no, no!
(men grunting and growling) (heavy metal music)
Don't!
Don't!
(Raven screams)
(men grunting and growling) (heavy metal music)
(Wayne screaming loudly)
(suspenseful music)
- I love you, Raven!
(suspenseful music)
(Raven crying)
(suspenseful music)
- [Eric] Hold on!
- Who wants to go to Grandma's?
- [Girls] Me!
- Let's go!
- [Angela] Mommy, I can't get off!
- There you go.
- [Angela] Mommy, look what I can do!
- Wow, very good.
You okay, honey?
- [Eric] This is gonna be the best Christmas ever.
(mellow music)
- [Raven] Don't go too far ahead, girls!
- [Savanah] Okay!
- Okay, here you go.
This is yours.
Come on, here you go over here.
- Give her the, give her the, the small one.
- Okay, here you go.
- Yeah, open that one first, open that first.
- Here, honey.
- I got this one.
A unicorn puzzle!
Wanna help me put it together?
- Okay, give me one.
- Here's yours.
- You wanna try it on?
- [Savanah] Yeah.
- Mommy, look what I got!
- Ooh, that's a Scream Queen jacket.
(Eric and Raven laughing)
- She's beautiful (laughing)!
- Daddy, what're you doing?
Let me see it on you.
Help her with it, Eric.
- [Eric] Let's see here.
- There you go.
Let me straighten it out.
- Wow, Daddy!
- [Eric] Perfect.
- [Angela] Fits perfect, Mommy.
- [Eric] What do you think, hon?
- [Raven] Very nice.
So what do you think?
Do you like it?
Will you wear it to school?
- [Angela] Yeah, I will!
- [Raven] Yeah?
♪ Buy presents for the kids
♪ For your mom and sister too
♪ They'll get something nice from me ♪
♪ Guess they'll get something from you ♪
♪ Since it's Christmas
♪ Do you think about me now
♪ Do you dream of me
♪ The way I dream of you
♪ Can you forgive me
♪ And come back so we can start anew ♪
♪ I'll be spending Christmas by myself ♪
♪ If you won't come back to stay ♪
♪ I'll be doing all the things we did ♪
♪ As if you never went away
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Oh, Merry Christmas
♪ All my love to you
♪ Merry Christmas
♪ Christmas, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Merry Christmas and all my love to you ♪