Sam sap chue lam (1984) - full transcript

How would you define
a thirty-year-old virgin boy?

One can say...
a hose never used once in 30 years.

Let me put it this way.

The Feng Shui of our family is weird.

You see, it's prophesied that
if the men in our family got married

before reaching thirty years of age,

they would be cursed by their wives.

So ever since I've developed
sexual desire for women,

every time when I get close to a woman

there's bound to be some kind of trouble.

Such a horny kid!



So I can only keep male dogs as pets.

Where are we going?

For a walk.

Let's go to the movies tonight.

Hey, dare to steal my girl?

This is not the first time
I got beaten up.

So I made great efforts towards my studies

and eventually got into university.

To celebrate such a great moment,

I found a girl to celebrate.

When I was going
to give away my virginity,

Hong Kong had an total solar eclipse

for the first time in sixty years.

So I never had sex in my university life.



After four years,
I had pimples all over my face.

To celebrate my graduation
and to cure my pimples,

I decided to try again.

But I got smart this time,

I picked nighttime
and lit up some candles,

so I didn't have to worry about
any unexpected eclipse.

But I was in for a bigger surprise.

The first earthquake in Hong Kong
occurred that night.

Now I truly believe
what the fortune teller said,

I will get married
right after my 30th birthday

and have sex with my wife
from dusk till dawn.

I am 29 this year and I'm starting

to allow myself to get interested
in a certain girl.

Luckily, I am in Hong Kong.

The boys in Macau dare not look at me.

Do you know why they are so afraid of me?

Because I do makeup for dead people there.

Then I met another boy.

He insisted to visit the place
where I work.

So I took him there.

I do makeup for dead people here.
Jing Hu Funeral Parlor.

And he died right away.

My mom used to be a portrait painter.

But her drawing wasn't any good
and no one hired her.

She can only do makeup for dead people.

Since it's a well-paid job,

it was my part-time job at first,
and eventually became my full-time job.

Mom, if I don't move to Hong Kong,
I will never get married.

Want to get married so soon?

Yes.

Everyone in Macau knows us.

No one is going to marry me.

Don't worry,
I would be fine staying at cousin's place.

If too many people die and you need help,
I'll come back.

So I'm here in Hong Kong
learning bridal makeup.

Hey, listen,
the client and I'd like to know

as to why do you draw such a big navel
on the girl's body.

-I...
-Besides, why the navel is so dirty?

How would I know?
I just copy the real one.

Whose navel are you copying?

I'm copying his.

Can't tell if a navel is male, female,
pretty or ugly.

The doctor just makes a knot
and pushes it back in.

Can't you copy our company model's?

I tremble on seeing women.

You needn't copy all that dirt too!

His navel is indeed big and dirty.

Excuse me!

See if mine is clean enough!

Your ears used to be pretty dry.
How come they are oily now?

The water is boiling.

Get up.

Have your breakfast now.

Dad!

Which door did you just come through?

I don't remember.

The toilet door.

No wonder there's an awful smell.

Tell me why you suddenly want
to bring a lunch box to work?

Your food is delicious.

You seem a bit coquettish recently.

Dad, I'm almost thirty years old.

You have a girlfriend?

I want to get married at thirty.

Get married?

If not an eclipse or earthquake,
it might be a tsunami.

Don't live with me after you get married.

Women are trouble.

I am going to work.

If I could get married,
I'm not afraid of even a tornado.

Getting married?

What will I do if he won't live with me
after getting married?

Lunch time.

Hi, I owe you an apology.

Could I treat you to lunch?

I already have a lunch date.

By the way, thanks for reminding me.

My navel was really dirty.

Then clean it up. Bye-bye.

I...

Hi.

Miss, may I know your name, please?

Where do you live? Are you free?

Get up.

Have your breakfast.

I haven't asked you to come here.

I'm sorry.

She'll be here soon.

Please hold him.
I'll go get you a cup of tea.

Thank you.

What's the matter?

He seems to like you.

Come on.

The water is boiling,
please hold him for me.

Mommy, don't go...

Watch TV. Drink something.

Do you want to go to the toilet?

Please sit down.

Am I not sitting now?

What did you do in Macau?

Makeup job.

What kind of makeup job?

Makeup job for dead people, of course.
Could it be for living people?

Of course I do for living people
not the dead.

Those who do makeup
for the living and the dead...

I do makeup for people.

I find your eyes very strange.

When looking at you,
I get a feeling of peace and serenity.

Oh dear, I know he's going to find out.

News update.

At 8:00 this morning,
a building in Macau collapsed

causing 25 deaths and 12 injuries.

Rescue work is still continuing.

-Excuse me, I've got to go.
-Where to?

-Macau. My mom has a stomachache.
-How do you know?

When my mom has a stomachache,
I have it too.

Are you having a stomachache now?

I have a stomachache
and so does my mom. Bye.

Ah Ling, would you go out with me again?

My cousin looks really awful
after her death.

Please make her look nicer.

How did she die?

How come she looks like a man after dying?

She did look a bit boyish
when she was born.

Please make her look prettier,

so she can get married
more easily in heaven.

OK.

Thank you.

I did makeup for a young man yesterday.
He was handsome.

But a bit slim.

I think you better come back.

It's better to deal with dead people.

No, I can only help from time to time.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Soon he'll find out
that you do makeup for the dead.

Then you're likely to get hurt.

A fine young man might be scared to death,

if he found out what you do.

I swear I won't tell him this time.

Are you really in love?

Hey, why do you always want me to lie down
when we have a chat?

-I am used to it.
-"Used to it"?

Ah Ling, when you touch my face,

it feels very soothing.

So soothing I want to die.

Tell me about your family.

-I have one dad.
-Only one dad?

Do you have many?

No, I don't even have one.

How old are you?

I'll be 30 tomorrow.

You don't look like 30.

I... never do anything harmful to my body.

So I don't look like 30.

-So tomorrow is your birthday?
-Yes.

I'm so sorry.

Are you all right?

No earthquake?

No tsunami?

Now I can use my 30-year-old hose.

Take that!

Dad, I'm turning 30 tomorrow.

I want to get married next week.

Aren't you happy for me?

Don't you see I'm smiling?

Dad, I want to have my own family
after getting married.

Your own family?

My wife will cook meals for me
when I get back home.

The wife cooks?

When we are free,
we will travel around the world.

And in case we have a baby,
it'll be our family of three.

Wow!

I will spend all the savings
on my wife and kid.

You haven't got married yet,

and you start talking about you
and your wife.

The two of you,

and even talking about your kid.

So where's my place in your family?

Well, I did say about not living with you
after you got married.

You think I meant it?

I was just joking.

See, you don't even flush the toilet.

Who is going to marry you?

I had bought you a doll just last year.

You think you're a grown up, don't you?

You want me to be a kid forever?

Because of those dolls,
people laugh at me and say I'm a sissy.

What did you say?

I brought you up
by taking up a mother's duty.

I'm the one people laughed at.

I worked from home as a stockbroker

because I wanted to take care of you.

Now look at me,
I'm having heart problems now.

Get away!

I advised you not to have a girlfriend,

because I'm afraid
she'll be inimical to you.

This is our family Feng Shui.

Now you bloody fool is 30,
come up with strong wings

and you can fly away without your old man.

I'll tell your mom about this
in my dream tonight

and ask her to take your life.

You are cruel.
How can you say such a thing?

I never said I won't live with you.

Then why do you want your wife to cook?

I want her to cook for all of us.

Anyway, if you want me to live with you,
I don't mind that.

Of course, we'll live together.

I've got you wrong.
Let's continue the game. Sorry.

Has she promised you?

Not yet, but she will marry me.

Ah Ling, it's Yu Ting.

Don't forget our meeting tomorrow.

And my dad wants to meet you

and talk about our marriage.

Let's talk tomorrow.

I have got something to tell you.

There's something I haven't told you.

I want to propose to you.

I want to go to the restroom.

-What for?
-Wash my hands.

Wash hands?

Right...

I should give her some time,

so she can think about it carefully.

Child, sooner or later he'll find out
you do makeup for dead people,

and you'll get hurt.

He might be scared to death,

or simply go crazy.

And I don't know
what's going to happen to him.

You should spare him.

These are for you.

I won't get married.

Do I really want to get married?

Wouldn't I rather be alone?

Right, even if I want to get married,
I won't tell you.

I want to get married,
but I won't marry you.

What can you do about this?

Say,
even if I get old living a solitary life,

I won't get married.

What's the fuss?
It's not me dating my girlfriend.

Welcome.

Where's your girlfriend?

What happened? She had an accident?

I proposed, and she gave me three slaps.

Did she promise you after the slaps?

She left.

Gosh, you were slapped when you proposed.

Then you would be killed at the wedding.

Dad, have I really touched 30 yet?

You were born at noon.
You sure are 30 now.

Dad, I don't want to get married.

No, no, that's not a good idea.

If I were you,
I would not tell him the truth.

What's the big deal if he does find out?

But say, if he doesn't mind...
then it's OK, right?

However, if he does mind,
then you could get a divorce.

Then being married or not
wouldn't make a difference!

Sure there's a big difference.

It's between having a sex life
or no sex life.

What's so different about that?

Having a sex life,
your face will have a glow like mine.

Otherwise, it'll look like yours.

Your face is dull and dry.

Well, it's because
my skin is naturally dry.

It's just summer now
and your skin is so dry.

Come winter and I bet
your skin is gonna start cracking.

In my opinion, go on with marriage
without being afraid of divorce.

Didn't I divorce?
But I still have a happy life.

You should find your own happiness.

Even if it lasts a moment,
it's better than nothing.

About that thing.

I can't tell you much about it.
You should experience it yourself.

Dad!

It's been years since mom passed away
and you don't have any girlfriends.

What do you do if you have a sexual urge?

Me?

I just let it flow naturally.

What do you mean?

You see, those that want to stay, stay.

Those that want to leave, leave.

Most of them stay voluntarily.

Do you mean having wet dreams?

This is awful.

Dad, I've been suppressing myself
for 30 years.

Now you've reached 30.

You can let things work naturally.

So you are bringing it up again.

I've promised I'll never leave you.

Good boy.

OK, a birthday present from me.
Think you'll like it?

Sure, what is it?

-Who is it?
-Have you ordered a call girl?

Please come in.

Happy birthday, Mr. Alfred.
Your birthday present.

What?

-Which room?
-That one please.

Dad...

-Yes?
-You sure this ain't a mistake?

You want me to give my virginity
to someone like her?

You said you've been suppressing so hard.

-But I don't have to give it to her.
-So what...

You have to find your own happiness.
Don't give up so easily.

-Dad.
-What's the matter?

Since your birthday is coming soon,
take her as my present for you.

No, I can't do that.

Who among you both is coming?

I can't.

Dad...

-Go for it.
-I'm even worse.

Excuse me...

Oh, one is not enough?

Dad, dad.
You have to help me...

Take off your clothes, come on.

-Come here.
-What for?

-Come here, hurry up.
-What are you doing here?

The person outside is Ah Ling.
Take off your clothes, hurry.

You just tell her
I'm in my room, very sad.

Miss, who are you looking for?

Is Chiu Yu Ting here?

So you are Miss Li?

He's in his room, very happy.

No, very sad.

He's in his room,
very sad, because of you.

Please come in. Please.

He's in his room now.

It's over there, go inside.

-Do you really like me?
-Yes.

-So you don't mind what I do for a living?
-No, I don't.

So what do you do for a living?

Makeup jobs.

Then marry me.

OK.

Really?

Dad, I will get married.

Wait.

Are we gonna live together?

Of course.

Good boy.

What does your future mother-in-law
look like?

Just an ordinary woman.

Let's talk first, then I'll go.

I want to go to the casino.

OK, let's go.

What does your future father-in-law
look like?

Just an ordinary man.

I heard he has heart problems.

Mom, what's wrong with you?
This facial powder is for dead people.

Uncle, please come in.

Make yourself comfortable.

Have some tea please.

Miss, may I have your name?

Last name is Li.

Hi, Miss Li.

Uncle, you're wrong.
The last name of my late father was Li.

My mom's maiden last name is Zhang.

Miss Zhang!

Dad.

I don't intend
making money off my daughter.

But the only thing I want
is a simple wedding.

I don't want people to know about this.

Though our family is not rich,

I can afford to hold
a big banquet in Macau.

No, don't waste money.
I don't want any banquet in Macau.

My principle is not to waste money
on meaningless things.

OK, it's a deal.

Mom, we want to visit a friend.

Right, aunty,
we are going to visit a friend.

Dad, weren't you going to the casino?

The casino?

Can't believe you say out loud
such a decadent thing!

All my life I've hated speculation
and gambling.

Don't talk about these things.

We've traveled a long distance here
to discuss your marriage.

And now you just leave right after dinner.
It's not appropriate.

You leave,
I want to stay here for a while.

We are going now.

He keeps staring at me.
So let's keep at this.

Staring at me, so be it.

Is there something wrong with me?

No.

Please forgive me if this sounds too odd,

I find something mysterious in your eyes.

When you look at me like that,
I feel peaceful.

My husband told me the same thing.

Let me help you clean the table.

Few men remain a widower
after their wives die.

My son was spoiled.
He never left me for a moment.

Every time I met a girl
and brought her home to meet my son,

he cried when he saw the woman.

Then I would give up that woman.

But he cried every time he saw one.

That's why I've remained
a widower till now.

You haven't finished dinner yet?
Let me clean up.

Dad, let's go find a hotel.

What? You know I have arthritis.

And you still want me
to stay in an air-con hotel?

Dad, come here...

-What?
-Dad, what do you think?

-This place is quite nice, right?
-But it has air-con here too.

It's different here.

You don't look yourself.

No, I'm just feeling a bit hot.

I don't think it's a good idea
to stay here.

Mom, they...

They are still here?

They want to stay here tonight,
is that OK?

All right?

I'm going to prepare the room now.

It's too hot to sleep, isn't it?

The air-con just broke down.

Right, without air-con
one might get a heat stroke.

Don't come too close,
I'll bring you bad luck.

Me too.

My wife died after my son was born.

My husband died
before my daughter was born.

We both share the same bad luck.

We've been lonely for decades, it's...

Won't you find it odd

if I come to Macau next time?

Do you have a crush on me?

I... yes, a little bit.

This is not good for you.

A couple inimical to each other
like us is rare, huh?

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

You won't regret it, right?

No.

Kissing my hand is dangerous
and inauspicious.

-Congratulations!
-Thank you.

Go have a picture taken.

Over there.

What's wrong? Lift up your head.

I don't want people to recognize me.

Do you know the bride?

I don't.

Thanks.
Please lift up your head a bit more.

Cheers...

Please help yourself... please...

KINGDOMS CHANGE THROUGH TIME
BUT OUR LOVE IS EVERLASTING

-Have we met before?
-No.

-Where have we met?
-We haven't.

I think you're mistaken.

No matter what,
don't ever say you knew her.

Oh, yes, you are...

I forgot again.

Goodbye.

You've kissed both my hands.

Don't you regret this?

I'll never regret even if it kills me.

Your hands smell strange,
but the fragrance is nice!

Any earthquakes in Hong Kong recently?

I don't think so.

Then I am going to take a bath first.

Honey, our son is over 30 now

and he just got married.

I'm gonna give him this deed
and his birth certificate.

I'll go find myself a girlfriend.

You won't object, right?

Come here.

Can we start now?

I want to record such a solemn moment
for memory.

Do you want to publish your own album?

It will be buried with me when I'm dead.

Do I have to take my clothes off?

Wait, let me take some clothes off too.

Thirty years have just passed like that.

Thirty years?

Good gosh!

Ah Ting, wait...

Dad!

Dad, are you all right?

-Ah Ting...
-Dad!

-Something's wrong.
-What is it?

Since you were born in mainland China,

your birth year on record in Hong Kong
is one year earlier.

So you are not 30 yet.

It can't be.

What happened?

Ah Ting,
this woman will bring death to you.

What? Dad, are you sure about this?

-I am sure.
-Is it true?

It's true.

What happened?

I had told you I had worse luck than you
and you didn't believe me.

Honey, are you OK?

Hey, come on.

My marriage is not consummated
and Dad died.

If it was consummated,
then I would have died too.

Have some soup.

Don't be sad. People will die eventually.

We will die too. Have some soup.

Ginseng tea again.
I've been drinking this for days.

No, this is a potency soup.

Ah Ting, you have to restrain.

Honey, let's go to bed now.

Do you like my nightgown?

It's late, let's go to bed.

Honey, come on, let's sleep together.

Did you eat too many oyster's at dinner
to make you feel sick now?

No.

-Boiled shrimp?
-Tasty.

My ears are dirty inside.

Is it because I'm not attractive enough?

No, you look great.

Ah Ting, it's not the right time.

Oh, I have to go to work tomorrow,
let's sleep now.

Go ahead!

Because of his father death,

we didn't enjoy our wedding night yet.

So your husband is suppressing his desire
and is now temporarily impotent.

Ask him to come over and see me.
But sex is taboo to many Chinese.

They'd rather use some kind of oil.

What should I do?

You just tell him
every man has the same problem.

Try to give him more encouragement.

No matter how poor his performance is

just treat him as normal.
Don't laugh at him.

Do you know
that 44 women died in Thailand last year

because of this reason?

And if you want to prove his impotence,

it's quite easy. Follow me.

I'm tired.

So what do you do?

Just put it down.

Right? This makes you feel better.

So impotence too has the same theory.

Hence the saying,
there's no way to oppose gravity.

Your working ability is declining of late.

Mr. Zhao, you have a visitor.

-My dear.
-What's the matter?

Come over here.

I'm sorry, it's all my fault.

The doctor said temporary impotence
is very common in men.

-What are you talking about?
-Come on. Put your hands up.

-What for?
-Don't move.

-I can't do it.
-Come on.

I can't do it, I'm tired.

Feeling tired, right?

The doctor said that
in order to fight gravity,

temporary impotence is very normal.

Don't worry. I have to go now, bye.

Don't worry, I am impotent sometimes.

Now I know why your working ability
has been declining recently.

This is an important matter to women.

Don't worry, I'm impotent too.

Spend some money to buy a pump in Japan.

Just pump... six times

and you can definitely do it, understood?

I can't do it! Why can't I do it?

Who said I can't do it?

I can't, I can't, I can't?

-Who said I can't do it?
-Honey!

Come, come here.

I know you're tired. Have a cup of tea.

-Are you feeling hot?
-Yes.

Take off your clothes.

-Why?
-To make you feel comfortable.

Wow, you're so strong. I like it.
Come, sit down...

Let me give your legs a massage.

Put your legs here.
Take off your shoes.

Sit for a while.

I can't do it?

Why can't I? What's wrong with me?

-You can do it.
-I...

Kiss me and it'll be fine.

Why did you want me
to put my hands up back there?

It's all because of you.

Now every man in my office
has suddenly become impotent.

Tasty?

I can't?

I can't? You think I really can't.

-I'm just afraid that you will...
-What?

Nothing.

Potency soup again?

I can't do it?

I can't do what?

Honey, I know you can.

Who said I can't do it?

I can't!

I can't, I can't.

I can't, I can't do it now.

Hello?

Ah Ling, it's your aunty speaking.

How do you know my phone number?

Your mom told me

many people died
and business is good recently.

I want your help.

Bring your makeup powder along.

That's it.

What's the matter?

There's a makeup job.

It's you. What's up?

Sorry, I'm getting married.

I want to give you an invitation card.

Congratulations! Do I know the groom?

No, you don't.

He's quite handsome and good looking.

And I want your wife to do makeup for me.

OK.

I have to go.

How come you look so pale?

Is your house haunted?

I'll take care of myself.

-What's the matter?
-Nothing.

Please help yourself.

Cindy is upstairs, go meet her.

Mrs. Zhao.

Cindy asks you to do makeup for her.

No, I can't do it well.

-Please go and help.
-Please help her.

I really can't do a good job.

We'll be back soon.

She's upstairs.

I can't do it well.

That's OK.

Mrs. Zhao...

I want to look beautiful
before I get married

and leave a lasting impression
on my beloved.

OK, I'll try my best
to give him a lasting impression.

That's great, thanks.

Is my wife pretty?

Yes, sure.

Do I look pretty?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Hi, Grandma, I'm so happy.

Hey, do I look pretty?

What's wrong? What are you doing?

What happened? My face...

A dead person's face.

Mom! How come she makes me look like
a dead person?

You come with me.

I remember now.

Your wife did makeup for dead people
in Macau.

I did say I couldn't do a good job.

The newspaper said

the makeup artist for dead people
could make a lot of money. Is that true?

Sure, top ones can make a lot of money.

If I lose my job,
would you support me?

You want to make money?
It's better to be a bar girl. Eat now.

Let me get your clothes.

I'll take it.

-Hello?
-Ah Ling.

Mom.

Why don't you go to the funeral parlor

to help aunty Zhi?

I've told you I quit.

Just do it one more time.

It's she who brought us
into this line of work.

OK, this is the last time.

WORLD FUNERAL PARLOR

It's true, she does makeup
for dead people.

My wife will be inimical to me
if I got married at 30.

Why would she bring me death?

It's because
she does makeup for dead people.

What should I do?

Honey!

I've bought you a tie.

What's wrong?
Is there something wrong with me?

No, nothing's wrong with you.

But something's very wrong with me.

-Then let me help you, come here.
-No, thanks.

Why?
I know, you're lying to me, right?

Why a tie for me all of a sudden?

I've just done makeup for a bride
and made some money. So I got you a tie.

-Have you washed your hands?
-Why? See, smells good.

What's wrong with you? You're sweating.

What is it? You look weird.

Let me give you a massage.

I want to take a bath.

I want to take a bath.

Honey.

Honey.

Oh, my goodness!

Honey.

Honey!

Honey!

Honey!

You stepped on my foot.

Honey, honey, honey...

You get away!

Hey, I know you are sleeping right now.

Don't pretend you are not.

Hello, honey.

All evils go away.

Go away.

Twin ghosts in my home.

He must have found out
what you did for a living.

He's afraid of me.
I have to leave now.

Listen, if anything happens,

you can come back to your mom.

I'm back, don't scare me...

My mom has left.

Stay away from me.

Sit down, I won't come near you.

Let's talk honestly.

-You do makeup for dead people.
-That's right.

Actually I haven't reached 30 yet.

At school,
my father always failed in maths.

I don't mind that you've lied to me.

But if the men in our family

got married before 30,

their wives would bring death to them.

I didn't believe in this before.

But you are a makeup artist
for dead people.

So what do you want me to do?

Do you want me to leave?

Go to sleep. I know what to do.

Don't be afraid.

Take off the helmet
and make yourself comfortable.

I promise I won't touch you.

YUTING, TAKE CARE LILING

Have you seen my wife?

A ghost! Help...

Ah Ling, Ah Ling...

Do you want to see me?

The company wants you to take a rest.

I'm not tired. Why ask me to take a rest?

The company wants to dismiss you.

My wife has gone, I should have good luck.

Why am I fired?

I can do nothing about this?

I always wanted to see you
after you quit the job.

What difference does that make?

I will get a divorce sooner or later.

I can't get along with my husband.

Is that true?

I miss you so much.

You will get hurt if we have a date.

I just want you to hurt me.

I'm not doing it with my wife.
It should be OK, I guess!

Hey, are you all right?

Are you OK?

Wake up, are you OK?

Are you all right?

Talk to me.

I've never been like this,

passed out when I have an orgasm.

How come I feel pain
after having an orgasm?

Dad, you're so cruel.

You died without any warning.

Now nobody cooks for me.

When at last I did find a wife,

you said she would bring me death.

OK, she's gone now

and I go back to where I was,
or even worse.

Since I have married her already,

I have to find her back.

You have to look after me even if I died.

I am going to find her. I'm going now.

Let me drink some wine first, OK?

Don't touch my ass.

No, leave my ass alone.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Are you robbed?

No, raped.

What? You raped the person who robbed you?

No, I was raped.

Sir, a man is raped.

Am I the first one in history?

No way, there will be many.

Where were you raped?

Here.

Here?

How did she rape you?

There...

And then what happened?

Come here, go there.

"Come here, go there"?

Gosh, how should I write this down?

Sir.

How do you say Zhe Bian in English?

What about Na Bian?

OK, thanks.

Then it'd be "This" and "That..."

What do they look like?

How about "This"?

Don't be afraid.

I'll send you to the doctor
after finishing the report.

I don't want people seeing me.

I KNOW. ASK MASTER. A PLANNED
FAMILY IS A HAPPY FAMILY.

HONG KONG FAMILY PLANNING DEPARTMENT.

Is he coming here right now?

Oh, he's here now.

Contraceptive pills? OK, I understand.

How do you feel?
Don't worry, men are all immoral.

Please wait a moment.

Here, take the medicine first,
the doctor is coming.

You're going to have a slight fever
in ten minutes.

Your arms and legs will cramp a bit

and you'll be afraid of people
and feel like vomiting.

Your body hair will fall.

The most serious is
the uterus getting swollen.

Don't be afraid.

These are side effects
of the contraceptive pills.

I don't have a uterus.

I don't have a uterus, I only have "That."

In modern society,
rape happens all the time.

You should remain calm and relax.

Or maybe you should take this
as a sexy encounter.

And you are still a decent man.

Don't think your friends and society
will discriminate against you.

Be optimistic.
Consider nothing bad ever happened.

Doc, I'm going through
"Fear of people" right now.

I feel shameful.

It's normal for a female.

How about a male?

It's the same.

How about a male
who took contraceptive pills?

I'm sorry, we made a mistake.

Just wait for one or two days.

You'll be fine after its effect goes away.

Please don't tell the press about this.

Then what am I going to do?

Dear audience,
very sadly we present this report

of the first rare rape case
in our history.

The victim is a gentleman.
Here is where he lives.

This is what happened to him.

Yu Ting, it's Xiao Wen.

Don't come in.

Now I am the shame of all men.

No, lots of men are waiting
in that alley every night now.

And the boss asks you
to come back to work.

No. Leave me alone.

Go now, leave me alone.

I am leaving now.

Eat.

Ah Ting, open the door.

I have no integrity.

I lost my virginity. Please leave.

Are you sick?

I had contraceptive pills,
feel like puking every day.

My body hair keeps falling.
I don't know. Maybe

I'll turn into a sperm.

Open the door and let's talk.

No, I've lost my virginity.

Are you going to open or not?

Look at you now.

Can I sleep here?

I can't, I can't do it at night.

No, I can't do it, I can't.

I can't do it in the morning, no.

I can't, I can't do it in the morning, no.

I can't do it
when there's thunder and lightning.

I can't do it, I can't.

Let's find a day
when it's not too bright or too dark.

No thunder and lightning.
Then we shall do it again, OK?

I've had an awful first time.

It's hard for me to have a second time.

Maybe you should leave
a natural eunuch like me.

I can't do it. Forget it.

I can do it!

Hey, I can't see without my glasses,
I can't do it.

Congratulations!
You've regained your power.

Take care, Li Ling.

What am I going to do now?
What do I do now?

A makeup artist for dead people
can't get married.

Yu Ting, I don't deserve you.

Taxi, taxi.

Ling, Ah Ling!

You can't forget him,
but you don't want to let him know.

You'll die of this,
let me tell you.

I won't do makeup for you if you die.

Ah Ling...

Ah Ling, come home with me, please.

Ah Ling is afraid
she might scare you to death.

I'm not scared...

No matter
what kind of corpse is in front of me,

I won't be scared anymore.

On the contrary, since I have lost my job,
you can perhaps teach me how to do makeup.

So we can work together.

All jobs are equal.

If you like to do makeup for dead people,
I won't object.

If I don't like to do makeup
for dead people,

you shouldn't have any objection too.

I just want to stay forever with you.

I have to go now.

Ah Ling. Ah Ling.

Ah Ling, come home with me.

Ah Ling. Ah Ling.

Ah Ling, come home with me.

Ah Ling, I'll jump into the sea
if you don't say yes.

I really mean it, OK?

Ah Ting, Ah Ting...

I do makeup for dead people,
I don't deserve you.

I was raped, I too don't deserve you.

-I didn't abandon you.
-Neither did I.

Did you lose all the hair on your legs?

Nope, they grow nicely.

Are you still angry?