Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (2011) - full transcript

A visionary sheik believes his passion for the peaceful pastime of salmon fishing can enrich the lives of his people, and he dreams of bringing the sport to the not so fish-friendly desert. Willing to spare no expense, he instructs his representative to turn the dream into reality, an extraordinary feat that will require the involvement of Britain's leading fisheries expert who happens to think the project both absurd and unachievable. That is, until the Prime Minister's overzealous press secretary latches on to it as a 'good will' story. Now, this unlikely team will put it all on the line and embark on an upstream journey of faith and fish to prove the impossible, possible.

HARRIET: Dear Dr. Jones,

I act on behalf of a client

with access to very

substantial funds

who has indicated a desire

to sponsor a project

to introduce salmon

and the sport

of salmon fishing

into the Yemen.

I would like to seek a meeting

with you to identify

how this challenging project

might be initiated

and resourced.

I might add that

the Foreign and

Commonwealth Office

supports the project

as a symbol of

Anglo-Yemeni cooperation.

Yours sincerely,

Harriet Chetwode-Talbot, Ms.

Fitzharris & Price

Investment Consultants.

(PHONE RINGING)

Night. Have a good evening.

You, too.

Say hi to soldier boy.

We're just friends, you know.

We've only met

a couple of times.

Yeah, you tell me

that on Monday.

Shut up.

Hello.

Hi. It's great to see you.

Yes. Me, too. Sorry.

Yes?

Yes.

You, too.

(HARRIET LAUGHS)

No, "Yes" is a start,

that's fine.

Stop it, I'm so nervous.

Why are you nervous?

I don't know. I'm trying

to be very sophisticated

and grown-up.

Right. No, grown-up,

absolutely.

Mmm.

Quite right, yeah.

Harriet.

Yes?

Last one to the

restaurant pays.

What?

Oh, you bastard.

FRED: Dear Harriet

Chetwode-Talbot,

thank you for your e-mail.

As a fisheries specialist,

permit me a word or two

about salmon.

Migratory salmonoids

require cool, well-oxygenated

water in which to spawn.

In addition,

in the early stages of

the salmon’s life cycle,

a good supply of fly life

indigenous to the northern

European rivers

is necessary for

the juvenile salmon,

or parr, to survive.

Some considerable distance

from the Indian Ocean,

or indeed the Red Sea,

as I am sure you are aware...

(READING)

Fundamentally unfeasible.

Yes, yes.

(READING)

We therefore regret

that we are unable to help you

any further in this matter.

Yours, Alfred Jones, Doctor.

I've put duck liver pâté

in your sandwich.

Oh, that's lovely.

Righto. I'm off to bed.

Already?

Airport car's coming at 5:00.

Righto.

Um, I'll maybe have

another wee pass

at the, er, caddis fly paper.

You could read it

on the airplane.

Up to my ear

in reports, darling.

I'll read it when I'm back.

Right, then. Good night.

(HARRIET MOANS)

Oh, my God, I don't do this.

I don't do this.

No, I can tell.

I haven't done this

in a really long time.

Okay.

(EXHALES) I'm so shy.

Okay. No, I'll sleep

on the sofa.

No, I'm so shy.

Look, Harriet,

I mean it. I...

Shut up. (CHUCKLES)

You were saying.

You're shy.

(SIGHS) I am shy and quiet.

Like Hitler.

I'm serious.

Robert, I...

Don't do this

and then forget me.

I just don't wanna be

an army barracks joke

in the morning.

Please be nice to me.

Harriet, I'm serious, too.

I mean it.

So if you want me

to sleep on the sofa,

then I'll...

If you say, Captain Mayers,

one more time

you'll sleep on the sofa,

you'll bloody well

sleep on the sofa.

Captain Robert Mayers,

3-6-4-7-7-2.

(LAUGHING)

ROBERT: Oh!

(PHONE RINGING)

Maxwell. Better be good.

MAN: Mrs. Maxwell,

we have a situation.

What?

Code Red in Afghanistan.

Go to sleep.

(TURNS ON TV)

Oh.

Tell me that's not a mosque.

Oh, well, it is

a religious establishment...

Of course it's

a bloody mosque!

Well, of course...

PETER: What's up?

Go to sleep.

...make this

a joint operation.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The British have

absolutely nothing to do

with this whatsoever.

And I want every single man,

woman, child and goat

in Afghanistan to know that.

My God, I didn't think

we could make the war in

Afghanistan any less popular,

but, hey, even I can be wrong.

We'll have Vera Lynn

strapping on her suicide belt

in sympathy next.

Bravo, the bloody Marines.

Right, you lot.

We need a good news story

from the Middle East,

a big one.

And we need it now.

You've got an hour,

get on with it.

(CHATTER)

PATRICIA: Oh, good news, eh?

(PHONE CHIMES)

PATRICIA: New girl band,

Middle East tour.

Maybe. Maybe.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Touch my body

No, no... ♪

PATRICIA: Uh...

Okay, um...

Maybe not. No.

British trans-Arabian rally.

Hmm.

Oh, for God's sake.

Come on, come on.

Come up with something.

What's this?

A project to introduce

salmon fishing to the Yemen.

Salmon fishing.

Salmon fishing in the Yemen.

(TYPING)

Is that the best you

puffed-up Oxbridge-educated

moronic buffoons

can come up with?

(PHONE RINGING)

Yes? Oh, yes, Prime Minister.

Um, well, no,

I'm working on it right now.

I think, um, I may have

come up with something

that, er, you'll like.

PATRICIA: Salmon fishing.

Salmon fishing.

Are you dollies trying

to get me fired?

Oh, well, here we go.

Fish it is.

Morning.

Good morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Hello.

(FISHING LINE WINDING)

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

BETTY: Mrs. Maxwell

on line one, sir.

Busy.

She says it's urgent, sir.

(SIGHS)

Maxwell who?

The press officer

to the Prime Minister, sir.

Patricia.

Oh, they haven't

pensioned you off yet, then?

Listen, I got the heads-up

from the FCO about this

salmon fishing in the Yemen.

Fancy it?

Well, I, er...

We do.

Chasing a good news story

out of the Middle East.

Anglo-Yemeni relations

back on track.

Arab-Western cultural détente

through the ancient sport

of yanking poor sodding

fish out of rivers.

What do you reckon?

Well, it's a bit of

a long shot, to be honest.

Well, don't be honest.

Lunatic's an oil sheikh.

Got money pouring

out of his arse.

Good friend of the West.

Good friend of the Party, too,

so give it a go, eh, dolly?

Well, we'll certainly,

er, bend every sinew

to the job, Patricia.

I'll set up a working

party immediately.

PATRICIA: What?

MAN: Hey!

Don't you "working party" me,

you short-arsed

little pen-pusher.

I did not say

kick it into the long grass.

I said do it!

(DISCONNECTS CALL)

Yes, Patricia. Right...

...away.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

BETTY: Mr. Jones?

Morning, Mr. Jones.

Ah, good morning, Betty.

I trust you had

a nice weekend.

Yes, thank you, Mr. Jones.

Mr. Sugden would like a word.

Would he indeed?

What do you think of that?

Oh.

It's for the

caddis fly report.

Need something racy

for the cover.

Something to rev up

the YouTube generation.

I know it's not quite

what we would expect

from a scientific paper,

but we must keep up

with the times, Mrs. Burnside.

Mr. Sugden asked

to see you, Mr. Jones.

I'm not too sure

that I don't have a picture

of a caddis being eaten alive

by a spider somewhere.

There it is.

Oh, that's a beauty.

What do you think

about that for...

BERNARD: Good God.

Little too much, do you think?

No, not if you're making

a horror film.

Look, this e-mail

about the salmon thing.

Oh, yes. Did I miss

April Fools' Day or something?

Did you like my little swipe

at the Foreign and

Commonwealth Office wonks?

Yeah, well, I just

had another e-mail

from the FCO today.

Rattle their cage, did I?

Look, you wouldn't take

a meeting with her, would you?

This Chetwode-Talbot woman.

She represents this

Sheikh Muhammed bloke.

Why would I want to do that?

Why would I want to traipse

across London to discuss

that nonsense?

I've very important work

to do here, as you can

very well see.

Yeah, well, the FCO,

in their infinite W,

feel that a meeting

on this is important

business, too, Alfred.

Lord, the tendrils of this

busybody government.

(SIGHS) Dr. Jones,

as your Operational

Line Manager,

I am asking you

with extreme prejudice

to take a meeting

with Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.

Oh, I take it that's an order?

Take it how you wish.

Nazi.

Wanker. Morning.

Dr. Jones?

Er, Miss Chetwode-Talbot

is expecting me.

Yes, it's a bit of a mouthful.

Do call me Harriet.

Oh. Oh. Er, nice to meet you.

You, too.

Do you want to come with me?

Yes.

HARRIET: Do come in.

Please, sit down.

Yeah, anywhere you like.

Would you like tea or coffee?

No, thank you.

So...

(HARRIET CLEARS THROAT)

Fitzharris & Price, er,

represent the sheikh's assets

in this country,

including a number of estates

in Scotland.

Um, he's a very keen

fisherman, so he asked us

if we would...

Water.

Sorry?

Water, Miss Chetwode-Talbot.

H2O.

Do you want sparkling

or still?

Not for me, for the fish.

Fish require water.

You are familiar

with that concept?

Yes. I am, yes.

So, to save us both a lot

of time, let me keep this

brief and simple.

Here it's very cold.

lt rains a lot.

Mmm.

Here it's very hot.

lt doesn't rain a lot.

Do you see the difference?

Well, you're pointing to

Saudi Arabia, Dr. Jones,

not the Yemen.

You seem to be deliberately

missing the point.

With respect, er, not really.

You see, unlike Saudi Arabia,

parts of the Yemen

get up to 250 millimeters

of rainfall a month

in the wet season.

lt gets the edge

of the monsoon, you see.

And the dry season?

Well, interestingly,

recent oil explorations, uh,

have uncovered

a number of very large

freshwater aquifers,

which could sort of recharge

the wadi in the dry season

using a dam.

I'm sure they could.

So, when he's built his dam,

why don't you get back

to me then?

Completed,

couple of years ago.

Long-term plan is to irrigate

thousands of acres of desert.

Uh, we could grow watermelons,

maize, cotton.

Now you're going to tell me

it isn't hot in the Yemen,

too, aren't you?

Well,

in the mountainous areas,

the nighttime temperatures

get down to well

below 20 Celsius.

And, of course,

I defer to your expert

knowledge, Dr. Jones,

but I do believe

that Pacific salmon get

as far south as California.

Temperatures are not

too dissimilar there.

Water.

For the fish.

No, for me.

Of course.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Yes, Dr. Jones?

FRED: This is

plainly ridiculous.

There's just no way

that salmon can survive

in those sort of environments.

If your sheikh wants to pour

his money down the drain,

why doesn't he buy himself

a football club or something?

Look, Dr. Jones.

I don't really think

it's my place to explain

the sheikh's motivations.

But I will say this,

that of all of our

wealthy clients,

he is different.

I would go so far

as to describe him

as a visionary man.

A visionary?

Yes, I know,

it's not a very

fashionable word,

but if you decide to take

this project with us,

then you can

judge for yourself

when you meet him.

My line manager asked me

to come here

and take this meeting

to discuss your project

and that I have done.

I thank you for your time,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

I'll see myself out. Goodbye.

Oh.

Thank you.

(GIGGLING)

FRED: Did you get my e-mail?

Yes. What did it say?

Took the meeting.

Waste of time, as predicted.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'll get back to my work.

Uh, Dr. Jones.

What is this?

P45.

I'm sorry, I don't...

I don't understand.

Oh, well, a P45

is the official document

given to an employee

when his services

are no longer required

by his, or her, employer.

Yes, but, Bernard,

this has got my...

Or you can sign this letter

stating that you are delighted

to assign yourself,

exclusively,

to the Yemeni

salmon fishing project

with immediate effect.

It's up to you.

But, Bernard,

you know as well as I do

this thing is a bloody joke.

There's no way

you can get salmon

that far up a...

Just there.

This is blackmail, Sugden.

This is a bloody outrage.

Fitzharris & Price

will be paying your salary

while on secondment.

Almost double what it is now.

I'd say that's

a bloody outrage.

Double? Can I have time

to think about this?

Nope.

Can I borrow your pen?

No.

It's my special one

with the italic nib.

Hey.

(BANGS DESK)

(CLASSICAL QUINTET PLAYING)

Hold it, hold it. Hold it.

Brian, what...

What have you got

in bar seven?

(HUSHED) I should

have resigned.

You can't afford to resign.

Matter of principle.

I have a standing

in the scientific community,

Mary. A reputation.

You have a mortgage.

CONDUCTOR: Two, three, four.

FRED: Maybe I should resign.

(THUNDER)

We could have a baby.

Why not? You could stay

on at work and I could

bring up the nipper.

I could take him

to the park and to school.

I could take him fishing.

What do you think?

Hmm? They're really losing

the plot in Geneva.

One minute

they're buying euros,

the next minute

they can't ditch them

fast enough for dollars.

They're panicking,

and guess who they want

to bail them out.

I can't imagine.

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Say a command.

Shut up.

Say a command.

What were you shouting

about back there?

Nothing.

Say a command.

FRED: Oh, Mary. (PANTS)

Ooh. Oh, Lord.

Well, that should

do you for a while.

(GROANS)

FRED: Oh!

Thank you, Mary.

Good night.

Night, dear.

(RAIN POURING, FAINT THUNDER)

(PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Oh, Jesus.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Uh, good morning.

Yes, Staff.

I've gotta go.

Now?

Yeah. That was the call.

Sorry.

ls it Afghanistan?

It's somewhere sandy,

that's for sure.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'll go get some tea.

No, look...

No, it's all right,

Robert. It's...

No, no, come here.

Look, the last few weeks...

This is good.

Wonderful.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

I don't know how long

I'm gonna be.

Will you wait for me?

Now go get that tea.

Oh, you bastard. (LAUGHS)

FRED: Well, firstly,

we would need to trap

10,000 salmon

from the North Sea,

for the sake of argument,

get them to the Yemen alive,

don't ask me how,

where they would be deposited

in temperature

and oxygen-controlled holding

tanks built into a wadi

that would, hallelujah,

open during the rainy season,

allowing the salmon

to migrate upstream for,

say, 10 kilometers,

which would allow your sheikh

to hoick them out of the water

to his heart's content.

Of course,

until the dry season,

when they will all

die.

Well, unless we feed the wadi

all year round using the dam.

Of course. Stupid idiot man.

Why not use precious

water resources to support

one man's sport fishing?

So, now that we have

year-round water,

why not build some

gravel spawning grounds,

breed the world's first

Arabian salmon,

and teach the clever

fellows to migrate

to the lndian Ocean...

Wonderful, wonderful idea.

...singing, "Step we gaily,

here we go. Heel for heel

and toe for toe."

Rough cost?

Cost?

Cost.

Forty million. No, 45...

Fifty million.

Dollars?

Dollars.

Dollars.

Er, or pounds.

Pounds. Mmm-hmm.

At least.

So it's theoretically

possible?

Well, it's theoretically

possible in the same way

as a manned mission to Mars

is theoretically possible.

(SIGHS) It's very impressive,

Dr. Jones.

No, it's not.

It's nonsense. I...

Look, I just made it all up.

No, the drawing.

Real talent,

if I might say so.

Excellent start.

So I suppose we should

just crack on and get

things started now?

You can't hold me to this.

I mean, these are just

random ideas.

I mean, this is

a sort of joke.

Well, I'm sure you wouldn't

joke about a 50-million pound

project, Dr. Jones.

Not when you're

in charge of it.

Well, the sheikh is

so looking forward

to meeting you,

and he'll be back

in the next couple of weeks.

So, in the meantime,

is there anything else

that I can do for you?

Well, as a matter of fact,

there is.

Mmm-hmm.

Could you arrange a meeting

with the hydro-engineering

team from the

Three Gorges Dam?

Er, the one in China?

ls there another?

I...

British Oxygen Company.

A meeting with them as well.

And then, what are those

great big transport

aircraft called?

The big Russian military...

Antonovs.

Mmm.

Find out about renting

two of those,

one for the fish and one

to carry all the money

that we're going to need.

When that's done,

I'd be delighted

to start working.

Good day, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Good day, Dr. Jones.

(CHUCKLES)

(MAIRI'S WEDDING PLAYING)

♪ Step we gaily on we go

Heel for heel and toe for toe

♪ Arm in arm and on we go

All for Mairi's wedding

♪ Over hillways up and down

Myrtle green and bracken brown

(WHISTLING)

♪ Past the shieling

through the town

All for sake of Mairi ♪

Mary!

Up here.

Boy, did I put a hurricane

up that Chetwode-Talbot woman.

You would have laughed.

I told her I wanted

a meeting with the

Three Gorges Dam team from...

Where are you going?

Geneva. I told you.

You... You didn't say now.

Well, I am. Tomorrow.

Well, how long

are you going for?

Six weeks, to start with.

Six weeks?

There's no need to shout.

Six weeks, though, Mary.

This is a big chance for me.

I'll be heading up

the whole operation.

Well, you could say

"Congratulations."

Great.

Enough is enough.

It's job or marriage.

You've got to make a decision

and make it now, God damn it.

There are planes,

you know, Fred.

And I get

Sundays off. Mostly.

You can get

all your horrible old

fishing stuff out again.

Didn't even ask me.

Just went and did it.

I know. I'm sorry.

lt just suddenly seemed

like the right decision.

Maybe for both of us.

Fred, I don't want

to leave on bad terms.

No. No.

I'll open a bottle

of something fizzy. Okay?

NEWSREADER ON RADIO:

Reports are coming in

from Afghanistan

of a British soldier

killed while on duty

in Helmand Province.

An improvised explosive

device detonated

during a routine search

in a local village. This...

(CHANGES RADIO CHANNEL)

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

PATRICIA: The Minister

for Culture's been

photographed doing what?

Naked or clothed?

Boy or girl?

How old?

Oh, Jesus.

Well, at least she's legal.

Press statement from us

saying that we're a party

of policy not personality,

uh, concentrating

on the real issues

of getting this country

back on track in times

of economic hardship

and not tabloid

sensationalism, et cetera,

et cetera, et cetera.

Meanwhile, get the useless

arse on the front page

of every paper

apologizing for being born,

big spread in Hello!

with blonde forgiving

wife and cute kids.

If they're not cute,

find a horse or something.

Joshua! Hood.

(SUCKS TEETH)

Don't you suck your teeth

at me, young man.

I'm not one of your bitches

from the Baltimore low-rises.

You feel me?

I'm your fucking mother!

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Oh, got to go. Meeting.

Oh.

HARRIET: Dear Dr. Jones,

the sheikh has requested

your company at his estate

in Glen Tulloch

to discuss the salmon

project further.

Please advise which dates

would suit you best.

Many thanks,

Harriet Chetwode-Talbot,

Fitzharris & Price.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

BETTY: Mr. Sugden

would like to see you

in the canteen, sir.

Up his arse

with a meter ruler.

Thanks, Betty.

Which one is he?

Uh, over here.

Fred. (CLEARS THROAT)

Can I introduce

Patricia Maxwell?

She is the Prime Minister's

press officer.

Hello.

(PATRICIA SIGHS)

Fifty million from

Sheikh Muhammed thingammy.

It's the first-stage payment

on research development

for the salmon

fishing project.

The PM's keeping

a close eye on this one.

It's just what

we need right now,

a bit of Anglo-Arab news

that isn't about

things that explode.

I want to know,

is it a goer?

Goer? Well, look,

the complexities.

I mean, I barely know

even where to begin,

but, well, just for starters,

we would need

10,000 live salmon.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Oh. ls 10,000 salmon a lot?

Well, if they're to come

from British waters,

and I don't see where else

they're gonna come from.

I mean, you would

need the permission

of the Environment Agency.

Oh, that's your

job, Bernard.

Okay, so you get on

to the EA and get

this man his salmon. Hmm?

Miss Maxwell. Ms.

Mrs. Happily married.

Details in Who's Who.

Mrs. Maxwell,

there are two million

fishermen in the UK

who are, I would say,

unusually protective of...

How many?

Two million.

Two million?

Yes.

(GASPS) Bloody hell.

Two million out

there waving their

little rods around?

FRED: Uh-huh.

Are they the kind

that vote our way?

They vote for those that best

look after their fish,

in my experience.

I bet they do,

I bet they do.

Whoo! Right, so,

Prime Minister

on the front cover

of Fishy Weekly or whatever.

Best friend of

the British fisher folk.

Spearing a leaping salmon.

Oh, I like this. (CHUCKLES)

I like it a lot.

They do have magazines,

these people? They can read?

Aye, the Angling Times,

Trout and Salmon,

Coarse Fishing Monthly,

Bassmania.

Bassmania?

Marvelous.

(LAUGHING) Marvelous.

That's marvelous.

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

Ooh. Ooh.

This has just become

a priority project.

Anything I can do,

just give me a call.

Two million.

(MAKES WHOOSHING SOUND)

God, men, what a species.

I don't think she got

the right end

of the stick there.

Your call,

I think, Bernard.

Ten thousand native

Atlantic salmon on my desk

by Friday, please. Ta-ta.

Yeah, well, you'd just better

come through on this, Jones.

(TYPING)

It's been a long time

since I was back.

HARRIET: Oh, yes?

A long time.

You see?

ls that where he lives?

Yes.

He has many estates,

but this one's his favorite.

May I present Malcolm,

the butler.

Hello.

This is Dr. Jones.

Welcome to Glen Tulloch, sir.

His Excellency thought

you might like to avail

yourself of the fishing

while you're waiting.

Oh.

(MAN CHANTING IN ARABIC)

Thank you very much.

(MEN CHANTING IN ARABIC)

May I present

Sheikh Muhammed

bin Zaidi bani Tihama.

This is Dr. Jones.

It's a great pleasure

to meet you, Your Excellency.

To meet the creator

of the Woolly Jones,

the pleasure's all mine, sir.

Oh. That's very kind.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot,

do you realize that

for more than 10 years

I have fished with

a Woolly Jones?

Really? What's a Woolly Jones?

(CHUCKLES)

Dr. Jones invented

a famous fly.

Well, it's a sentimental habit

that some fly-tiers have

of calling a fly after...

Anyway, I don't approve

of that sort of thing

normally, but...

Woolly Jones.

It's a great name.

A bloody good fly,

that's for sure.

Please allow me

to show you a delightful lie

just around the corner.

Absolutely. Lead on.

You think I'm mad?

No, Your Excellency. I...

Of course you do.

I would question your judgment

if you did not.

Though I have judgment

enough to know

that under there lies a fish

much cleverer than I.

I'm a great admirer

of the British,

for many reasons,

but still there

are mysteries to me.

The rich are frightened

of the poor.

The poor are frightened

of the rich.

And even your politicians,

they try to sound like

the people on the EastEnders.

Ah.

A wonderful program,

but still.

Yes, the great

British class system.

SHEIKH: Indeed.

But fishermen,

I have noticed,

they don't care whether

I'm brown or white,

rich or poor,

wearing robes or waders.

All they care about

is the fish, the river

and the game we play.

For fishermen,

the only virtues are patience,

tolerance and humility.

I like this.

You are struck dumb

by my naivety, Dr. Alfred.

No, you're on.

What?

You're on.

(GRUNTING)

SHEIKH: This is a sign.

A sign?

A sign that

I should stop talking

bollocks and fish.

(FRED LAUGHING)

Come here.

Nicely done, sir.

Thank you.

Very nicely done.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Oh, hello, Dr. Jones.

ls that yours?

The dress.

Uh, yes.

Oh. This is not mine.

lt suits you very well.

Thank you.

They seem to know my size.

Mmm.

That not strike you

as a wee bit sinister?

The idea of the sheikh's

tailor tracking me

across London

with some kind of

satellite measuring device?

They asked me

for your size.

And I took a guess.

Oh.

Well, for future reference,

I have a 32-inch waist,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Right.

Not a 34.

No pies for me.

Note taken, sorry about that.

Thank you.

Ms. Harriet has told me

of your marvelous plan.

Plan? Well, not so much

of a plan, really,

it's, uh, more of

a feasibility study.

Theoretically possible,

you said, Dr. Jones.

Theoretically.

Indeed.

lt would be a miracle of God

if it were to happen.

I'm more of a

facts-and-figures man myself.

You're not a religious man?

No. No, I'm not.

SHEIKH: But you're

a fisherman, Dr. Jones.

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

How many hours

do you fish before

you catch something? Dozens?

Oh, gosh, hundreds

sometimes.

ls that a good

use of your time

for a facts-and-figures man?

But you persist in the wind

and the rain and the cold

with such poor

odds of success.

Why? Hmm?

Because you're a man

of faith, Dr. Alfred.

And in the end,

you are rewarded

for your faith and constancy

with a fish.

With due respect, uh,

fishing and religion

are hardly the same thing,

Your Excellency.

With equal respect,

I have to disagree.

A toast?

To faith.

And fish.

To faith and fish.

And science.

(ALL LAUGHING)

And science.

You're unhappy tonight,

Ms. Harriet?

No. (CHUCKLES)

I'm fine, really.

I have too many wives

not to know when a woman

is unhappy.

Though mine are not

so quiet about it.

Um...

Robert, he's

my boyfriend, has just

been posted to Afghanistan.

Uh, or somewhere.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

No, it's fine.

For how long?

Mmm. They don't really

tell us things like that.

How worrying.

I just try not

to think about it.

SHEIKH: And you

are married, Dr. Alfred?

Indeed.

lt is kind of her

to spare you.

Oh, my... My wife's actually

working abroad at the moment

in Geneva, so...

So you two have more in common

than one might suppose.

(HARRIET LAUGHS)

I have put my feet in it.

Please forgive me.

Perfect moment

to retire to bed.

Good night.

Good night.

Thank you

for a lovely evening.

You're welcome.

Dr. Alfred.

Your Excellency.

I know you have been

persuaded to help us,

but unless you do this

with an open heart,

I don't think anything

will come of it.

So, please, consider.

Of course.

I hope we meet again.

Dr. Jones.

Yes?

Well, I was just wondering

what you thought.

Well, the sheikh's English

has a certain tendency

towards the mystical,

don't you think?

But then,

doolally as this entire

enterprise clearly is,

I've had the most pleasant

day I can remember having

for quite a long time.

So, if the sheikh is paying,

as it were, on we go.

Great.

Good night,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Good night, Dr. Jones.

It's been a pleasure.

Yes.

Have you any idea

what an outcry there would be

if the Environment Agency

stripped British rivers

of 10,000 salmon

and shipped them off

to the effing Yemen?

Well, how many can you spare?

None!

Christ, Bernard!

Anglers, they're obsessive

crazies. Hmm?

You think Al Qaeda

are a threat,

think again, mate.

I've seen a fly fisherman

wade into a river

and try and drown a canoeist

just for passing by

in a Day-Glo jacket.

You haven't got a hope in hell

of getting these fish

from British rivers.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yes?

Dr. Jones. Hello.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

How nice.

Did we book a meeting?

No.

You know how you said

that you wanted a meeting

with the hydro-engineering

team from the

Three Gorges Dam?

Did I say that?

Yes.

That might have been

a little hasty.

They're outside.

Who?

The chief hydro-engineering

team from the

Three Gorges Dam.

Here?

I e-mailed them about

the flow rate calculus,

and I think there must have

been some kind of...

My Mandarin is very rusty.

Bloody hell.

We are able to control

the flow of water from

the upstream dam.

(TRANSLATES IN MANDARIN)

But we are...

(TRANSLATES)

Well, we're concerned

about the capability

of the sandstone walls.

(HARRIET TRANSLATES)

I mean, there's

the possibility also of

some flash-flood scenario.

(TRANSLATES IN MANDARIN)

FRED: Thank you very much.

My God, do you think

we got away with it?

Do you know, I think we did.

I'm so sorry, Dr. Jones.

No, please don't apologize.

I think we've just found

our engineers.

Yes.

I mean, should the project,

of course, get that far.

Your Mandarin was much better

than I expected.

HARRIET: Thank you.

Bernard Sugden,

Head of Department.

Hello.

Alfred not bothering you

too much, I hope?

No.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot

from Fitzharris & Price.

Hello.

Bet he doesn't even know

your first name, does he?

So, who were all those

little chippy-chappies, huh?

Those are the engineers

from the Three Gorges Dam.

What, the one in China?

ls there another?

Don't think

there's another one.

Would have appreciated

an introduction.

Bernard is the man

who's responsible

for acquiring our 10,000

native Atlantic salmon.

How's that coming along,

Bernard?

Don't you worry

about that, Fred.

It's, uh, all in hand.

Well, don't dilly-dally.

Our end is coming along.

We're bang on schedule,

in fact.

Yes. Mmm.

A debrief in the canteen,

or has Fred brought in

the famous sandwiches?

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot and I

are going out for lunch,

Bernard.

There's lots to discuss.

Clare, could you ask Betty

to bring my bag? Thank you.

CLARE: Certainly, Dr. Jones.

Are you sure

you won't have one?

At lunch time?

(SIGHS) Dr. Jones, I haven't

spoken a word of Mandarin

for about four years,

so I am celebrating

even if you're not.

I only drink alcohol

on the weekend.

And even then,

only after 7:00.

No exceptions?

None that I can think of.

Well, yeah. I got...

We got married on a Friday,

but I think it was,

as I recall, a bank holiday

in Northern Ireland,

so I allowed myself, I think,

a glass on a technicality.

That was an attempt at a joke,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, right.

Good one.

Do you really think

it's going extremely well?

What?

The project.

Oh, the project.

Well, it's utter nonsense,

of course,

naturally, the bagatelle

of a man with more money

than sense, but...

I haven't actually

found anything to say

that it couldn't work.

You know, theoretically,

of course.

ln theory. Well,

theoretically speaking,

in theory it...

We'll see, yes.

Of course.

Actually, these are

the companies that have

bid for the contract

to build the holding tanks

at the downstream end

of the wadi.

Shall we go through these?

Now?

Yes, we could go

through them now.

Well, we could work

and eat, no?

Yes, I... Yes,

all right, then.

This one's from...

Before that, cheers.

Cheers.

Very bad luck with water.

Some people think

it's bad luck.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

EWB...

Ooh, sorry. Excuse me.

Ooh, it's the barracks.

Oh, it's Robert.

Sorry.

Oh, no. Go on.

Hello.

Go ahead.

Hello?

Yes?

What?

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Are you all right,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot?

He's missing in action.

What does that mean?

Come upstairs

and we'll get you your...

No, I just need a minute.

Hello. My name's

Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.

Well, I only knew him

for three weeks,

but I am Robert's girlfriend.

Um, I was wondering

if you knew anything...

Of course. Yes.

Sorry, Mrs. Mayers.

Yes, I...

Yes, of course. Goodbye.

(PHONE RINGING)

(ANSWERING MACHINE)

You've reached

Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.

Leave a message

after the beep.

(BEEP)

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot,

it's Dr. Jones here.

Please forgive me

for calling you

on your home number.

I was at something

of a loss.

I realize that this

has not been an easy

week for you but, uh,

I was wondering when

you might be coming back

into the office.

I had a very

productive meeting

with the engineers

from British Oxygen Company

and, uh, well, there's

a lot of data coming in.

Really a considerable amount.

I'm sure I don't have to

remind you that we are

working to a deadline.

Time and tide, as I

am sure you are aware,

waits for no man.

Or woman.

Anyway, I look forward to

hearing from you at your

earliest convenience. Goodbye.

(KNOCKING)

Oh.

Can I come in?

Why?

Well, you might get cold.

Very nice.

What?

Your flat. Very pleasant.

Look, I'm not...

I'm not coming

into work, all right,

because I need

to stay here.

I need to be here

in case there's news.

So, actually,

anyone with a shred

of understanding,

or humanity,

or simple feeling,

who, frankly, wasn't suffering

from some kind of Asperger's,

would know that

the last thing that I need

is your bullying

little phone call

asking me to come into work

so that you can

update me on fish.

You want to fill

me in on fishing.

Well, Dr. Jones,

you can take your work

and you can shove it

up your unfeeling arse.

I didn't come here

to talk to you about work.

Then why are you here?

I made you a sandwich.

Why?

You're probably not

eating. Are you?

(SIGHS)

No. You see,

it's very important.

You, you must eat something.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Here.

(SOBBING)

I don't know what to do.

(SOBBING)

I don't know what

to do because...

I'm so sorry, Dr. Jones.

Call me, um, Fred.

Just call me Fred.

You're all right now?

Yeah.

You all right?

Sorry.

No, don't.

Oh, why don't I get a plate

and we... You can put this

on a plate.

Shall I do it?

No, it's okay.

I'll do it.

I'm so sorry about

what I said before.

That is just unforgivable.

The great thing about

people with Asperger's

is it's very difficult

to hurt their feelings.

So it's all right,

you can say whatever you like.

You don't have...

You know, I was upset.

And rightly so.

Look, I took the liberty of

buying a wee bottle of wine.

Now, I hope you don't mind.

I know it's not the weekend,

but this one goes

very well with duck.

I'm not very hungry.

Harriet, you've got

to try and eat...

ls it all right...

ls it all right for me

to call you Harriet?

(LAUGHING)

(SNIFFLES)

Um, my father is, um...

He's ex-Army,

so he's like very stiff

upper lip and don't make

a fuss about anything,

but I'm more of a gusher.

I think that's his word

for me, anyway.

My upper lip's never been

very stiff, I'm afraid.

But you still

have a boyfriend.

I mean, I don't know

a great deal about

such things, but...

Robert hasn't been listed

as being dead, has he?

No. But I just feel that

"missing in action" is

Army-speak for...

Dead? No.

No, as a civil servant,

I happen to know that

the Ministry of Defense

absolutely hate uncertainty

of any kind.

If he were dead,

they would simply say "dead."

Can you stop using

that word, please?

Oh, I beg your pardon.

It's okay.

They say that they'll call

when there's news.

But they don't,

so I guess there isn't.

Come to the Yemen.

We're leaving tomorrow,

just for a few days.

Geological studies,

engineering surveys.

No.

We even have a team

of archeologists

checking we're not

about to submerge

the Ark of the Covenant,

which would be unfortunate,

you know.

No, I can't leave

because there might

be news and...

Well, then, you'll fly back

on the sheikh's private jet

immediately.

(HARRIET LAUGHS)

Why would he do that?

Because I asked him to.

Your services are

very highly valued

by the sheikh,

and by me.

Uh, the project really can't

do without you.

(SIGHS) Oh,

who the hell cares?

Project? I mean, it's fishing.

You know, who the hell cares?

Well,

strangely enough, I do.

I mean, I know it's probably

just a terrible folly,

but, still, I can't help

sometimes imagining that this

crazy enterprise

might just come off.

You know, with a bit of luck

and with the right people.

And you,

you are most definitely,

most definitely

one of the most

rightest people

that I've had the good

fortune to come across.

If you'll forgive

the grammatical inadequacies

of that sentence.

HARRIET: Do you sometimes

think that maybe we're just

part of a lavish

practical joke?

FRED: What do you mean?

Salmon, here?

Mmm.

FRED: Yes, I'm beginning

to suppose that.

(GOATS BLEATING)

(MAN SHOUTING IN ARABIC)

(MEN PRAYING IN ARABIC)

I don't know anyone

that goes to church anymore.

Mmm. I don't think

I do, either.

On a Sunday,

we go to Target.

You know, this gravel here

is perfect for salmon

to lay their eggs in between.

Who'd have thought that here

in the middle of the Yemen,

perfect spawning grounds

for salmon?

(BOTH SIGHING)

(MEN CHATTING IN ARABIC)

Fred, look.

What?

FRED: Oh, yes.

HARRIET: Thank you.

FRED: Thank you.

Harriet, the water.

It's beautiful.

It's cold.

The water in

her well is cold.

Oh, my goodness.

It's really happening, Fred.

Oh, my goodness,

it really is.

(MAN SHOUTING IN ARABIC)

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

SHEIKH: Unbelievable.

These men, they say that

by bringing water, life,

to this desert,

I am bringing the Western

ways to our land.

They say I have

insulted God himself.

I say they are fools.

(SIGHS) A thousand apologies,

my friends.

Please, this is not

a way to introduce you

to our great enterprise.

Look.

ls it not, uh, magnificent?

It's beautiful.

Certainly is.

Bloody amazing.

(HARRIET CHUCKLES)

Hello.

Hello.

(INAUDIBLE)

For the last time, Sugden,

there is absolutely no way

I can get you these fish.

Tom, this comes

from the top.

The very top.

I don't care if God's

taken up fly fishing.

Now, I suggest

you make this work, Tom.

Is that a threat, Sugden?

These are difficult days, Tom.

Cuts. Cuts everywhere.

I don't know.

ls the Environment Agency

a frontline service?

Oh, that is a threat.

See it as an opportunity.

Well, then. (SIGHS)

An opportunity.

Hilary, get me Matthew Sweet

from Fly Fishing Monthly,

will you?

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

HARRIET: That's all

I've been told, and so I...

Okay. All right, then.

Well, please, please,

please call me when...

Okay. Bye.

I'm so sorry.

Did I wake you up?

No. No, no. Uh, news?

No. No, I was just, um,

leaving a message

on Robert's phone

which is ridiculous

because he hasn't

got his phone with him.

And I know that.

Just turning

into a madwoman.

No.

No, when things get

tricky in my life,

I talk to my fish.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I have a pond.

Talking to an answering

machine is no madder

than chatting to koi carp.

I just somehow wouldn't

associate you with having

a tricky life.

Well, it wouldn't do

to talk about your emotions

with a colleague,

would it, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot?

No, I think...

I think things are

beyond tricky, really.

They have been for some time.

Mary's in Geneva. I'm here.

The koi carp

are alone in Surrey.

We got married very young.

I'm sorry, I didn't...

I didn't really know

things were hard.

No, don't apologize.

There's always hope.

For me and for you.

Do you know,

I can't even remember

what he looks like.

Not exactly.

But I'm stuck and...

I can't move on.

Does that make any sense?

Yes. Totally.

I feel a bit like

I've been stuck for years.

Yes, but you can move on.

Well, in...

I suppose in theory.

You should be happy, Fred.

(HARRIET SIGHS)

I knew you'd have a pond.

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

The traitor has had

his chance.

You know what to do.

Do not fail us.

ANGUS ON TV: I think the idea

of taking Scottish salmon

to a foreign country

is absolutely absurd.

These fish have been

running these rivers for

tens of thousands of years.

I've fished the rivers

of Scotland all my life.

Yes, Prime Minister.

lt would appear that

the gentle fisher folk are not

so effing gentle after all.

...rape and pillage

of our national rivers...

PATRICIA: What,

ditch the whole thing?

No. No, no, no,

Prime Minister.

No, we must just find

the fish somewhere

bloody else. I mean...

Ooh!

Your turrets are blocking

my reception.

Well, I'm terribly sorry

about that, madam.

If you'd care

to follow me, please.

SHEIKH: Mrs. Maxwell.

(SIGHS) Pleasure to meet you.

It's an honor.

(GASPS) Ooh.

Happy birthday, Patricia.

Oh, yes, we could do

with a few more

like you in Cabinet.

Very good, Your Excellency.

I'm grateful, indeed,

that you could spare some time

for our little project.

Oh, yes. Well, we have gone

out on a bit of a limb

for you, Your Excellency,

but the Prime Minister

does love his fishing.

Really?

Yes. Rod's never out

of his hand.

Anyway, down to business.

The fish. The salmon.

We're not gonna get it

out of British waters.

There's a bloody big fuss

about it, as no doubt

you've heard.

Don't know what it is about

fishing. Anyway, no-goer.

Yes, but I thought...

However,

I have solved your problem.

PATRICIA: See? There must be

thousands in this one alone.

This guy's got four fish farms

up and down the coast.

Stocks all the Tesco's.

Right under your nose.

These fish were bred

for the dinner table.

It's barbaric.

They've never run

in their lives.

Neither have their forebears

for two generations.

Why would they run for us?

...tasting the difference

in these salmon...

FRED: We'd open the sluices

and they would just

drift off downstream

never to be seen again.

Well, get a couple of days

fishing out of it,

then just re-stock

or whatever the word is.

Seems to be no

shortage of them.

FARM WORKER: ...in transit

for the supermarkets.

SHEIKH: These fish

will never run.

They're just not right.

Not right? Well, a fish

is a fish is a fish, isn't it?

No. You see,

Mrs. Maxwell, I have a vision.

Tired, bloated pretenders

are not part of this vision.

Well, unfortunately,

Her Majesty's Government

also has a vision,

and that vision

is farmed fish or no fish.

Then I must thank you

for your precious time.

And decline.

No advisers, either.

Back at your desk

on Monday, Fred.

Well, in that case,

I resign.

PATRICIA:

Resignation accepted.

Thank you.

PATRICIA: Pleasure.

SHEIKH: So,

this leaves us with what?

FRED: Well, with no salmon.

We must have faith,

Dr. Alfred.

Well, that's a very

laudable sentiment,

Your Excellency,

but we're running out of time.

Can't catch faith

with a fishing rod.

HARRIET: Hello, Fred.

Sheikh Muhammed

bin Zaidi bani Tihama!

(ESSAD SHOUTS IN ARABIC)

(EXCLAIMS)

(GUNSHOT)

(MEN SHOUTING IN ARABIC)

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

I didn't think he looked

right, that man.

And he pulled out a gun!

Are you all right?

Yes.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you, Dr. Alfred.

Thank you very much.

Don't be silly.

Don't be silly.

lt was only a cast, really.

A very good cast.

An essential cast,

one might say.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Yes, I suppose

one might say that.

Here.

My God, Fred.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah. lt was very quick.

lt was over in a flash,

really.

How did you do that?

I did a right-handed

snake roll. Did I get him?

HARRIET: Yes,

it was extraordinary.

Are you all right?

Yes, thank you very much.

Please, continue your work

as if nothing had happened.

Of course, of course.

I owe you my life.

Oh, no. Please, come on.

Anyone would have...

This is not one of those

British metaphors, Dr. Alfred.

The debt will be repaid.

Bye, now.

Goodbye.

Bye.

In response to the Right

Honorable Member's question

of the 7th of last month,

the Ministry of Defense

can now confirm

that an engagement by

British Special Forces

against known terrorists

did occur on the 13th

of September.

The details of this operation

are classified.

However, I am

at liberty to say

that serious casualties

were incurred

by the British forces.

I deeply regret to inform

the House that there

were no survivors.

An internal investigation

is being carried out.

(HARRIET SOBBING)

(SOBBING)

Sorry to wake you up.

No, don't be.

It's just...

It's okay.

It's just...

I just never got the chance

to really know him.

Mary?

Fred? Oh, there you are.

I had no idea you were...

I got a day off and thought,

"Why not surprise him?"

I've got this wonderful

Swiss mountain Comté

from a little shop

round the corner in Geneva.

ls everything

all right, Fred?

Where's your suit

and tie? Day off?

I resigned.

Don't be ridiculous.

You've resigned?

What about your pension?

It's final salary.

Well, the government

pulled out of the

salmon fishing project

and we'd put a lot of time

and energy into it.

I didn't want

to walk away from that.

"We"?

Well, everyone involved.

I'm still being paid,

if that's what

you're worried about.

Fitzharris & Price

have been more than...

I might have known

she'd be involved.

If you're referring

to Harriet, we're working

on the project together.

Of course she's involved.

Harriet?

What do you mean

exactly by that, Mary?

I've seen her photograph

on the Fitzharris & Price

website.

You're making a fool

of yourself.

Now it's you

that's being ridiculous.

Oh, am I?

I'm not the one abandoning

a decent, highly respected job

for a joke fishing project

and a short-skirted

office girl.

She's not an office girl.

What is she,

then, Fred? Hey?

Just what is she?

She's a colleague.

She's a very talented

colleague and...

And?

And a friend!

She's just a friend!

Are you in love with her?

I've done nothing, Mary.

Uh, I have no expectations.

I didn't ask about

your expectations.

I asked if you were

in love with her.

This is a mid-life crisis.

It's textbook, it's pathetic.

I'm so sorry, Mary.

You'll be back, Fred.

Or you'll try.

Six months and you'll be

begging to be taken back in.

It's in your DNA.

You'd think a bloody scientist

would know that much!

(ECHOING) Six months

and you'll be begging

to be taken back in.

It's in your DNA.

FRED: We don't need

native river fish.

We'll be all right

with farmed salmon.

Oh.

I know. I don't much

like them, but...

Mmm.

Well, they will run.

I know it.

Oh, yes, Your Excellency.

Uh, despite our moral

and philosophical objections,

farmed salmon will run.

I'm absolutely sure of it.

You are tireless, Doctor.

You have uncovered

some new research?

A new paper, perhaps?

No, I just know it.

You just know it. I see.

Faith, Dr. Alfred.

Damn it. Yes,

all right, then, faith.

So?

They're alive.

(ALL SHOUTING)

CHARACTER ON TV:

Ow, that hurts!

(PHONE RINGS)

Sorry, sweetie.

MAN: Mrs. Maxwell?

What?

Amazing news.

One of the officers

presumed dead,

Captain Robert Mayers,

has been found alive.

Oh, good.

Yes, we're very pleased.

Yes, very good.

It's very good news

for the family.

And his girlfriend,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Wait. Wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.

Who else knows about this?

You're the first to know.

Right, keep it that way.

Total press embargo.

Do you understand?

Yes, Mrs. Maxwell.

That, uh,

salmon fishing thing.

ls that still happening?

As far as I'm aware.

lt is?

Yes.

Yemen?

Yes.

Perfect.

Oh, yes, this is all

coming together very nicely.

(INAUDIBLE)

(TYPING)

(PRAYING IN ARABIC)

SHEIKH: I intended to create

a small miracle.

Something to glorify God

and bring our tribes together.

Sometimes I wonder if

we haven't created something

that glorifies man.

lt is a very fine line.

Hubris, Dr. Alfred.

Hubris.

(CHUCKLES) It's nice here.

Beautiful.

You know, Fred, this project,

it saved me. I think.

You know, with everything

that happened.

So those farmed fish

had better run.

Oh, I believe they will.

You do?

Yes, I believe that it's in

the very core of their being

to head upstream

even if they never have,

even if the parent fish

never have.

Look at this.

Look at that.

Mary said something about me.

She said that I was

genetically programmed

to return to a dull

pedestrian life with her.

That it was in my DNA.

Do you think that you are?

No. No, I belong here.

I always have done.

Harriet.

Yes.

I was wondering

about you and me.

The theoretical possibility

in the same way

as a manned mission to Mars

is a theoretical possibility.

Obviously.

Or salmon fishing

in the Yemen.

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

I just need a little time.

Of course, of course.

All the time you want.

Thank you.

Mr. Foreign Secretary.

Brian Fleet.

The great fisherman.

The great... Well, it has been

a little while, to be honest.

A bit rusty, you know.

Some skills

are never forgotten.

Please, follow this

man to your tent.

I shall join you shortly.

What have you been saying?

Fishing's the last thing

anyone's gonna be

interested in, trust me.

Get ready for the photo op

of a lifetime, Sonny Jim.

N-S-R. No salmon required.

ls that, um, a Woolly Jones?

No, this is a new one

I've invented.

ls it?

Mmm-hmm.

What's it called?

This one is called

the Chetwode-Talbot Beauty.

That's very nice.

It's true.

You're not being funny?

No, I don't have

a sense of humor,

as you recall.

That is true.

Beautiful.

Yes, she is.

(HELICOPTER APPROACHING)

Here.

Thank you.

Don't you think

we should be doing

something, Fred? Preparing?

I am preparing.

HARRIET: Well,

for the whole thing, you know.

Everything's done, Harriet,

it's fine. Just relax.

Did you just...

Dr. Alfred Jones

just told me to relax.

(SIGHS) What is the

world coming to?

Oh, my God.

Harriet.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Right, Harriet and Robert...

(JOURNALISTS CLAMORING)

Right, okay.

Shut up, hacks.

No military stuff.

It's classified.

Anyway, I don't think

you'd understand it.

The only thing you need

to know is that this man,

Captain Mayers here,

is a war hero.

(JOURNALISTS EXCLAIM)

Human interest stuff

only. Sir.

Harriet, can you tell us

how it feels?

(STAMMERING)

lt feels like it's a...

It's a... It's a shock,

but it's wonderful.

Please can we have a kiss?

JOURNALISTS: Go on. Come on.

(JOURNALISTS EXCLAIMING)

I am sorry,

my friend.

No. No, it's, um...

It's a miracle.

Indeed.

Nevertheless, I'm sorry.

All right, gentlemen,

gentlemen, I think that's all.

A little privacy

for the couple, please.

I'd just like to say

that the British government

is proud to have played

a small but significant part

in this extraordinary reunion

of Harriet and Captain Mayers.

BRIAN: That's what

we're here for.

This is strange.

Mmm.

Bad strange?

No, good strange.

Do you mind if we don't...

No, of course not.

There's no rush.

Will you just hold me?

How did you get caught

up in this, H?

Salmon fishing out here?

It's ridiculous.

Well, you never know

with the sheikh.

Hmm.

I expect there will be

a six-star hotel and a golf

course before you know it.

That's not his style at all.

(ROBERT CHUCKLES)

Don't you believe it.

He's gotta make

his money back somehow.

They're no fools,

these Arabs.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

ROBERT: You don't sleep,

either?

No, not much.

Well...

At least there's no

bloody journos around

at this time, anyway.

You've been very good

to Harriet, Fred.

I appreciate it.

I love her.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, she's great.

She's really great.

No.

I love her.

Oh.

Does she love you?

I don't know now.

Yesterday, you weren't alive.

Well, I apologize for

not being dead in a ditch.

I don't think I can

accept your apology.

ls that a joke?

(SIGHS)

Yes, yes, sort of. I'm not...

I've never been

very good at jokes.

It's all right,

Robert. Really.

It's all right.

(SHEIKH SPEAKING ARABIC)

The day has arrived.

Before the dam,

this was a dry riverbed.

And now, as you all can see,

we have water.

And today, we hope

we shall discover

the one missing thing.

So, thank you,

one and all, for coming

as not one of you,

not even my dear self,

knows if this curious

experiment of mine

will actually work.

lt better had bloody work.

Doesn't matter if it

works or not, dolly.

All that matters is you.

Fishing on Sky tonight

with our war hero.

I haven't done this in years.

Oh, for God's sake.

There are

10,000 fish in there.

If you can't hook one of them,

you can just flip off

back to Transport.

My intention is to color

this desert in green.

Make an agricultural

industry for my people,

and the sons and daughters

of my people for generations

to come.

Right on cue.

SHEIKH: So here we are,

Muslims, Christians

and the odd heathen.

We are all gathered here

in an act of faith.

And why not?

And now, the moment

that we are all waiting for,

the fruits of all our efforts.

The moment of truth.

Open the sluices.

Where's it going?

It's going the wrong way.

It's heading downstream.

Wait a minute.

It's turned around.

Wait. Wait, wait.

HARRIET: Look,

they're going upstream.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, my God, they're running.

Fred, look.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Look!

(SQUEALS)

They're running, Fred!

They're running!

Oi, blondie. Come down here,

come on. Come down here now.

Look, we ought to get

a picture of him

with the sheikh.

It's working,

Your Excellency.

lt is.

They are running

upstream, look!

(SHEIKH LAUGHING)

Let's go fishing, Dr. Alfred.

Turn it on, dolly.

I need to get further out.

Oh, for God's sakes.

Come on, off you go!

Have you got that?

Yes, Mrs. Maxwell.

But can we get them

closer together?

God, I'll give it a go.

Robert, darling.

Can you come...

Can you turn around a bit?

I'm worried about

what he's doing with his rod.

(CHATTER)

Lovely. And, Brian,

just a nice smile,

that would be good.

Did you get that?

God, he's useless, isn't he?

More fun without waders,

Dr. Alfred.

Yes. (CHUCKLES)

I think I caught one,

Dr. Alfred.

It's a beauty,

Your Excellency.

(GRUNTING)

(WATER RUMBLING)

Look out behind you!

Your Excellency, behind you!

(EXCLAIMS)

(PANICKED SHOUTING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

SHEIKH: Step up.

(GROANS) No, you first!

I repay my debts, Dr. Alfred.

Okay. I'll pull

you up. After...

Okay.

(GRUNTING)

Here, Your Excellency,

hold on. Here, come on.

(MEN PRAYING SOFTLY)

FRED: We won't need

these anymore.

HARRIET: I just don't

understand who would do this.

Why would they do this?

SHEIKH: I know who.

And I know why.

Can't you find them?

Arrest them?

What for?

Justice.

I think these destroyers...

Bad men, certainly.

But I think perhaps

they have a point.

I expected people

to understand what

we were doing here.

I expected them to see

that it was really not

about fishing at all.

(SIGHS) ln the end,

I asked for too much.

Will you try again?

The question is

"Will we try again?"

This was ours.

Yes, I think maybe Robert

wants to go home.

So, I don't...

I don't know.

Does home call, Dr. Fred?

I don't really have

a home anymore.

There was a moment

when I had everything, but...

Well, now I don't know

what to do.

When the time comes,

you will know.

Well, until then.

Thank you.

Just gonna say

goodbye to Fred.

Are you sure?

Sorry?

Listen, Harriet.

When I was in the desert,

the only thing that kept me

going was the thought of you.

You don't owe

me anything.

I want you

to understand that.

(SIGHS)

So, um...

We're going.

I'm so sorry, Fred.

lt was an extraordinary idea.

lt almost worked, too.

I wasn't talking

about the project.

No, I'm not sure that I was.

I never meant to hurt

you like this.

It's not your fault.

I don't know what to do.

I can't help you there,

I'm afraid.

HARRIET:

Are you going to stay?

FRED: Stay for what?

There's nothing

here anymore.

Not you, not a single fish

left in the river.

Well, someone's gonna

have to make a move.

Good luck, Harriet.

Dr. Alfred, look!

(GASPS)

They're alive!

(EXCITED CHATTER)

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

I'm going to stay.

I want to start again.

I'll do it on

my own if I have to.

(STAMMERING) I'll start small,

though, this time.

A different approach.

Just a few fish to begin with.

Involve the local

community more.

Make it their project,

not ours. That's the way

to protect it.

Do you need an assistant,

Dr. Jones?

Well, I suppose I will.

I'm sure the sheikh

has somebody that...

An assistant?

A partner.

Yes, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

More than anything.

(WHERE YOU GO PLAYING)

♪ Over and under everywhere

you go

♪ You are my song, every note

I will follow

♪ Tell me your secrets, I'll

keep 'em close to my heart

♪ Every high, every low, oh no

power could take us apart

♪ Give me your story,

♪ I'll give you mine

♪ Don't care where we're going

anywhere you are will do

♪ Don't need nothing else as

long as I'm here with you

♪ Feeling your heartbeat,

holding the rhythm close

♪ Knowing you're happy changes

the entire scope

♪ Give me your story,

♪ I'll give you mine

♪ Don't care where we're going

anywhere you are will do

♪ Don't need nothing else as

long as I'm here with you

♪ Don't care where we're going

anywhere you are will do

♪ Don't need nothing else as

long as I'm here with you

♪ Don't care where we're going

anywhere you are will do

♪ Don't need nothing else as

long as I'm here with you

♪ Don't care where we're going

anywhere you are will do

♪ Don't need nothing else as

long as I'm here with you ♪