Saint Bernard (2013) - full transcript
A classical musical conductor unravels into the abyss of insanity.
Okay, stand by.
Three, two, one, jump.
Oh man.
It didn't used to be this way.
Life used to be simple and pure.
I just had it in me.
I heard rhythms and beats
and everything everywhere.
And I could feel them.
And I learned to control them.
- That's pretty good son.
Yeah, that's good Bernard, yeah.
Hands.
Hair.
That's good Bernard, good.
Hands.
Hair.
Hands.
Yeah.
Hands.
And hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's pretty good son.
Good, that's good Bernard.
That's good.
And
after that some would say
my behavior became stranger and stranger.
- Come on son.
- Bernard.
Bernard please start.
- Come on Bernard.
- Are you kidding me?
What the?
- Bernard what have you been thinking?
You area a disgrace.
Do you know your actions will
follow you the rest of your life?
- Did you hear what she said?
- Bernard are you listening to me?
- You call yourself a conductor?
Bernard.
Did you hear her?
Your parents are here to see you perform.
- Bernard are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm fine.
- I'll get the car.
You gotta be--
- Jack.
Jack.
Jack what's wrong?
- Hey asshole.
Get out of the road!
- Brothers and sisters
the Lord wants me to
be financially stable.
- Bless you.
- So I can continue to
be of service to you.
There--
- Bless you.
- Therefor it is important
that you keep me in business.
- Here you go.
- Oh Elizabeth thank you.
I love the dress today, it
looks beautiful, thank you.
Jonathan, looking good my friend.
Oh thank you.
Son would you like to
contribute to the Lord today?
- Oh, no, thank you very much though.
- Looks to me that you have
an awful lot of something in that bag.
- This is all I have.
It's all I ever need really.
- What is that?
- This is my saint, Saint Bernard.
- Well it is clear that you
have a whole lot to offer.
Ow.
No, no, stop, stop, stop.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, ow!
Hey, no, no.
Hey, hey.
Stop, ow.
Stop.
Oh god.
Oh please, oh my god.
Stop it.
What are you doing?
Stop it.
Stop it.
Hey!
No more.
Stop it.
Get the fuck off.
- Four score and seven fucking years ago.
- Please help me.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
What are you doing?
No, no!
No, no, no.
Please let me go!
No!
3 Smiling faces through the
ages animated innocently &
J Ever waiting, turning the pages slow
J Desperation ups the stakes
J Onto the table holding aces
3 Never pays while ever romancing gold §
& Under the skin I crawl &
J But under the wheels I fall &
& Under the skin I crawl &
What do you want?
- Hey.
I need help.
This is a police station right?
Yeah.
- Well I need police help.
Please.
Oh Christ.
It's open, don't steal anything.
- What the fuck?
- Follow me.
Oh shit.
What's in the bag?
- It's my faith.
Oh god damn it.
Shit.
The chief will see you now.
- Might want to step back.
His oxygen tube.
You're standing on it.
- Oh my god.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't, I mean...
I mean--
- Shut the fuck up.
Step over citizen.
That's right, right there, get on there.
- I need help.
- Hold on.
Pay up.
That's it, come on, come on dig.
One more.
- I've come to turn myself in.
I'm being followed.
- Is anybody else there?
- Well they're not there now.
I am being followed.
- OK, don't worry.
Round and round and round she goes.
Where she stops none of
your fucking business.
Mashit, the survivor.
Mashit, bring me the survivor.
Survivor.
Come on Mashit, bring it over here.
There you go.
About time.
Oh yes.
- Sir.
I need help.
Are you listening to me?
Sir?
Sir could you please look at me?
I need help.
They're following me.
Sir?
I know it's here some place.
- Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
- Sir can you please--
- Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
I Toby command you to be guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
I Toby command you to be guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
- Why?
Why?
- Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Why?
Why?
Why?
- All I propose is a nice hard act
of intimacy that nobody has to know about.
No strings attached.
Just think about it.
It would be ecstatic.
- Ecstatic.
Ecstatic.
- Oh boy oh boy.
- Boy oh boy.
Ecstatic.
Wait.
Static boy.
Static boy?
Static boy?
Static boy.
Static boy!
Static boy.
Static boy!
Hi static boy.
- Oh no you don't.
Come back here.
Oh my...
He's amazing.
He's perfect.
Not so fast my shit soaked friend.
Look my children.
He's one of us.
We could just be one big
happy, no.
No you don't.
Hold on lover.
One thing you need to know about me.
I always keep my socks on.
- Mom?
- Hang on Miss.
- That's Miss Roadkill to you lover.
- Now, just easy, give him back.
He belongs to me.
- But he belongs with me.
- You stupid bitch.
Do you know what this is
gonna do to my driving record.
Not again.
God damn it.
What a waste of time.
It's all your fault.
- Please.
My leg is--
- Me, me, me.
Always whining, always bitching.
One hand on your fucking cellphone,
the other on some ugly lipstick.
Bitch.
Screwing with my livelihood.
I'll show her.
Ruining my license.
This'll wake you up.
Fucking bitch.
Won't be walking in
traffic anymore will you?
- Thank god, I thought he'd never leave.
So now I am like you
my children.
J Hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah &
- They're coming, they're coming!
- Right here.
- Yes, yes.
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
- Naughty naughty.
What did you want to be?
What did you want to be?
Exactly.
You can.
Come closer.
Now what you need is a little more...
A little more time.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Hm, that should do it.
Now be gone.
- Yahoo!
Out.
- Well, well.
Hello Bernard.
- Uncle Ed?
It can't be.
- Welcome home Bernard.
Welcome home.
Like spray painting
sand on a crowded beach.
It may look good, won't last.
Nobody notices.
Nobody notices.
I do.
I notice.
I'm glad to see you too.
Yeah, I'm glad to see you.
Oh I missed you too.
Yeah I did.
Yeah, go ahead.
You look great.
Progress stumbles, technology leaps.
Aw, aw.
- I'm so confused.
- Aw.
- You'll always be my favorite.
Down on your knees.
Yes.
They didn't tell you, huh?
Hands, hair, hands.
What are you stupid?
- I don't understand.
I don't understand.
- Hands, hair.
- Stop.
- Hands, hair.
Huh, huh?
They didn't tell you huh?
- Ow.
- Hands, hair.
Hands.
What are you stupid, are you, huh?
Huh, huh?
Hands.
You started it.
I didn't tell you that huh?
Where's the baton?
- Okay, stop.
- Where's the baton?
You stop talking.
Oh.
Yeah Bernard.
The baton.
- What is?
What's happening?
- Bring on the deity.
Yeah.
- Look, an angel.
Stop it.
What are you?
Why, why?
Get away from me.
Three, two, one, jump.
Oh man.
It didn't used to be this way.
Life used to be simple and pure.
I just had it in me.
I heard rhythms and beats
and everything everywhere.
And I could feel them.
And I learned to control them.
- That's pretty good son.
Yeah, that's good Bernard, yeah.
Hands.
Hair.
That's good Bernard, good.
Hands.
Hair.
Hands.
Yeah.
Hands.
And hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's pretty good son.
Good, that's good Bernard.
That's good.
And
after that some would say
my behavior became stranger and stranger.
- Come on son.
- Bernard.
Bernard please start.
- Come on Bernard.
- Are you kidding me?
What the?
- Bernard what have you been thinking?
You area a disgrace.
Do you know your actions will
follow you the rest of your life?
- Did you hear what she said?
- Bernard are you listening to me?
- You call yourself a conductor?
Bernard.
Did you hear her?
Your parents are here to see you perform.
- Bernard are you okay?
- Yeah.
I'm fine.
- I'll get the car.
You gotta be--
- Jack.
Jack.
Jack what's wrong?
- Hey asshole.
Get out of the road!
- Brothers and sisters
the Lord wants me to
be financially stable.
- Bless you.
- So I can continue to
be of service to you.
There--
- Bless you.
- Therefor it is important
that you keep me in business.
- Here you go.
- Oh Elizabeth thank you.
I love the dress today, it
looks beautiful, thank you.
Jonathan, looking good my friend.
Oh thank you.
Son would you like to
contribute to the Lord today?
- Oh, no, thank you very much though.
- Looks to me that you have
an awful lot of something in that bag.
- This is all I have.
It's all I ever need really.
- What is that?
- This is my saint, Saint Bernard.
- Well it is clear that you
have a whole lot to offer.
Ow.
No, no, stop, stop, stop.
Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, ow!
Hey, no, no.
Hey, hey.
Stop, ow.
Stop.
Oh god.
Oh please, oh my god.
Stop it.
What are you doing?
Stop it.
Stop it.
Hey!
No more.
Stop it.
Get the fuck off.
- Four score and seven fucking years ago.
- Please help me.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
What are you doing?
No, no!
No, no, no.
Please let me go!
No!
3 Smiling faces through the
ages animated innocently &
J Ever waiting, turning the pages slow
J Desperation ups the stakes
J Onto the table holding aces
3 Never pays while ever romancing gold §
& Under the skin I crawl &
J But under the wheels I fall &
& Under the skin I crawl &
What do you want?
- Hey.
I need help.
This is a police station right?
Yeah.
- Well I need police help.
Please.
Oh Christ.
It's open, don't steal anything.
- What the fuck?
- Follow me.
Oh shit.
What's in the bag?
- It's my faith.
Oh god damn it.
Shit.
The chief will see you now.
- Might want to step back.
His oxygen tube.
You're standing on it.
- Oh my god.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't, I mean...
I mean--
- Shut the fuck up.
Step over citizen.
That's right, right there, get on there.
- I need help.
- Hold on.
Pay up.
That's it, come on, come on dig.
One more.
- I've come to turn myself in.
I'm being followed.
- Is anybody else there?
- Well they're not there now.
I am being followed.
- OK, don't worry.
Round and round and round she goes.
Where she stops none of
your fucking business.
Mashit, the survivor.
Mashit, bring me the survivor.
Survivor.
Come on Mashit, bring it over here.
There you go.
About time.
Oh yes.
- Sir.
I need help.
Are you listening to me?
Sir?
Sir could you please look at me?
I need help.
They're following me.
Sir?
I know it's here some place.
- Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
- Sir can you please--
- Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
I Toby command you to be guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
I Toby command you to be guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
- Why?
Why?
- Guilty.
Guilty.
Guilty.
Why?
Why?
Why?
- All I propose is a nice hard act
of intimacy that nobody has to know about.
No strings attached.
Just think about it.
It would be ecstatic.
- Ecstatic.
Ecstatic.
- Oh boy oh boy.
- Boy oh boy.
Ecstatic.
Wait.
Static boy.
Static boy?
Static boy?
Static boy.
Static boy!
Static boy.
Static boy!
Hi static boy.
- Oh no you don't.
Come back here.
Oh my...
He's amazing.
He's perfect.
Not so fast my shit soaked friend.
Look my children.
He's one of us.
We could just be one big
happy, no.
No you don't.
Hold on lover.
One thing you need to know about me.
I always keep my socks on.
- Mom?
- Hang on Miss.
- That's Miss Roadkill to you lover.
- Now, just easy, give him back.
He belongs to me.
- But he belongs with me.
- You stupid bitch.
Do you know what this is
gonna do to my driving record.
Not again.
God damn it.
What a waste of time.
It's all your fault.
- Please.
My leg is--
- Me, me, me.
Always whining, always bitching.
One hand on your fucking cellphone,
the other on some ugly lipstick.
Bitch.
Screwing with my livelihood.
I'll show her.
Ruining my license.
This'll wake you up.
Fucking bitch.
Won't be walking in
traffic anymore will you?
- Thank god, I thought he'd never leave.
So now I am like you
my children.
J Hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
J Hallelujah &
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah &
- They're coming, they're coming!
- Right here.
- Yes, yes.
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
- Naughty naughty.
What did you want to be?
What did you want to be?
Exactly.
You can.
Come closer.
Now what you need is a little more...
A little more time.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,
tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.
Hm, that should do it.
Now be gone.
- Yahoo!
Out.
- Well, well.
Hello Bernard.
- Uncle Ed?
It can't be.
- Welcome home Bernard.
Welcome home.
Like spray painting
sand on a crowded beach.
It may look good, won't last.
Nobody notices.
Nobody notices.
I do.
I notice.
I'm glad to see you too.
Yeah, I'm glad to see you.
Oh I missed you too.
Yeah I did.
Yeah, go ahead.
You look great.
Progress stumbles, technology leaps.
Aw, aw.
- I'm so confused.
- Aw.
- You'll always be my favorite.
Down on your knees.
Yes.
They didn't tell you, huh?
Hands, hair, hands.
What are you stupid?
- I don't understand.
I don't understand.
- Hands, hair.
- Stop.
- Hands, hair.
Huh, huh?
They didn't tell you huh?
- Ow.
- Hands, hair.
Hands.
What are you stupid, are you, huh?
Huh, huh?
Hands.
You started it.
I didn't tell you that huh?
Where's the baton?
- Okay, stop.
- Where's the baton?
You stop talking.
Oh.
Yeah Bernard.
The baton.
- What is?
What's happening?
- Bring on the deity.
Yeah.
- Look, an angel.
Stop it.
What are you?
Why, why?
Get away from me.