Safe House (1998) - full transcript

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

A FORMER NAVY MAN TURNED
RELUCTANT POLITICIAN...

ZACKY FARMS
ON THE LABEL...

IN OTHER
POLITICAL NEWS...

[RING]

FROM THE POLITICAL PACK
ON THE LONG CAMPAIGN TRAIL
TO THE WHITE HOUSE...

YES?

10:30. YES, I KNOW.

[SNORING]

...IN WHAT PROMISES
TO BE A HEATED RACE--

[SNORING STOPS]



LOOKS LIKE THE ADMIRAL'S
AHEAD IN THE POLLS.

I BET HE'S HAPPY.

THE ERA FOR POLITICALLY
EXPEDIENT STATE DECISIONS

IS GONE.

THE TIME FOR
DIFFICULT CHOICES IS NOW.

WE NEED TO BRING
THIS COUNTRY BACK FROM
THE BRINK OF DISASTER

AND RETURN IT TO THE STATUS
OF WORLD LEADERSHIP.

[APPLAUSE]

TOGETHER, WE CAN DO IT.

TERESA,
YOU THINK MICHELMORE
WILL MAKE PRESIDENT?

I DON'T KNOW
FROM POLITICS, MR. MACE.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK
SENORA MICHELLE?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

OH, I'VE GOT 2 COUPONS
THERE FOR CAPTAIN CRUNCH.



YOU WANT ONE
FOR LITTLE JAVI?

HMM, OK.

HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT.
THE L.A.P.D. HAS NO MOTIVE
OR LEADS AT THE MOMENT,

BUT BELIEVES
THE EXECUTION-STYLE MURDER

WAS A PROFESSIONAL HIT.

THE VICTIM,
JAMES L. POOLER,

WAS A LOCAL
REAL ESTATE EXECUTIVE.

THE ASSAILANT STRUCK
THE 48-YEAR-OLD BROKER

WHILE ENTERING
HIS UNDERGROUND
PARKING STRUCTURE.

IT APPEARS TO BE A CASE
OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY,

SINCE MR. POOLER
DID NOT APPEAR TO HAVE

ANY TIES TO ORGANIZED CRIME
OR DRUG TRAFFICKING.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]
WELCOME.

[BEEPING]

WARNING: THE FAILSAFE
AUTOMATIC DEFAULT MECHANISM

IS ENGAGED.

SYSTEM LAUNCH.
SYSTEM OVERRIDE.

PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD.

SYSTEM LAUNCH WILL TRIGGER
AT 0900 HOURS

UNLESS AUTOMATIC ARMED
DEFAULT IS OVERRIDDEN.

THANK YOU.

SYSTEM DISARMED.

DISARM. ABORT LAUNCH.

TV: FROM HEALTHY SNACKS
TO GREAT-TASTING
SIDE DISHES.

FROM RECIPE STARTERS
TO HOME FAMILY MEALS.

[TV CONTINUES]

...HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
A DELICIOUSLY EASY WAY

TO MAKE SURE YOUR FAMILY
HAS THE VERY BEST.

IN THE FINANCIAL
NEWS DAY,

WARREN STRUGGLED
THROUGH ANOTHER
BLUE MONDAY

AS THE STOCK MARKET--

DAY 162. PREPARATIONS
CONTINUE AS PLANNED.

MICHELMORE HYSTERIA IS
SPREADING LIKE A BAD FLU.

HE STILL LEADS
IN THE POLLS.

HE SEEMS TO BE THE SHORT
ODDS-ON FAVORITE.

THE IDEA OF THAT MAN LIVING
AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE

GIVES ME THE CREEPS.

H.L. MENKEN WAS RIGHT--

NO ONE EVER WENT BROKE
UNDERESTIMATING THE TASTE

OR THE BRAINS
OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

PERIMETER BREACH ALERT
IN ZONE 6.

REPEAT: PERIMETER
BREACH ALERT IN ZONE 6.

[BEEPING]

INTRUDER DETECTED
IN LAUNDRY AREA...

ZONE 2.

ZONE 2.

LOOKING FOR ME?

I'LL TAKE THAT.

AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

[TERESA SHOUTING]

AAH!

AAH! AAH!

SHOOT HIM! AAH!

BACK OFF, MAN!

AAH! AAH! AAH!

BACK OFF!

AAH! AAH!

NO! NO!

PUT THE FUCKING
GUN DOWN!

TEFLON-COATED
DEVASTATORS--

THEY'LL GO THROUGH HER
AND YOU LIKE BUTTER.

62 SECONDS AND A DEAD MAID.

NOT GOOD, STUART.
NOT GOOD AT ALL.

OH, MY FUCKING BACK!

[TERESA SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

[IMITATING HUMPHREY BOGART]
SEEMS THINGS HAVE TAKEN
A TURN FOR THE WORSE, SEE?

THE COPPERS ARE HERE.

WHAT?

IT'S BOGIE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

[WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH]

NO!

HE ALMOST GAVE ME
A HEART ATTACK,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO WAIT
FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!

TERESA, PLEASE!

[TERESA SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

DAD?

DAD?

DAD?

HI.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN DRESSED?

I TOLD YOU,
WE HAVE A 10:30.

WE DO? WITH WHO?

DR. SIMON.

DR. SIMON?

OF COURSE. DR. SIMON.

YOU HAVE NO LIFE.
AM I RIGHT?

I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT
HIS EXCUSE IS.

WHAT'S YOURS?

ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

IT'S De NIRO.

I'M READY.

[ENGINE STARTS]

THERESA QUIT.

THERE'S AN R.V. PARKED
OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

I HEARD YOU.

WELL, THIS HAS GOT
TO STOP, DAD.

YOU CAN'T KEEP TYING MAIDS
TO WATER HEATERS,

HOLDING THEM AT GUNPOINT,
THROWING THEM INTO THE POOL.

WE'RE LUCKY NOBODY'S
PRESSED CHARGES.

WHAT DO I NEED
WITH A HOUSEMAID-- KEEPER?

THEY'RE NOTHING BUT
A SECURITY HEADACHE, ANYWAY.

MR. SOWELL,
YOUR DAUGHTER TELLS ME

YOU DON'T GET OUT
OF THE HOUSE MUCH.

IT'S NOT SAFE.

YET YOU CAME HERE.

ONLY UNDER DURESS.

DURESS?

THREAT OF A MENTAL
COMPETENCY HEARING.

I SEE.

SO, HOW LONG
HAVE YOU WORKED FOR
THE TELEPHONE COMPANY?

DOCTOR, LET'S...

CLEAR UP ANY POTENTIAL
MISUNDERSTANDING HERE.

NO MATTER WHAT
MY DAUGHTER HAS TOLD YOU,

I AM NO DELUDED AGORAPHOBIC
OR CRAZY PSYCHOTIC.

I KNOW EXACTLY
WHOSE END IS UP.

YOU THINK I ENJOY
GOING AROUND LAYING

ON THE FLOOR
OF MY DAUGHTER'S 4 BY 4

LOOKING LIKE A MEMBER
OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE?

I DON'T DO THIS FOR FUN!

I DO THIS
AS A MATTER OF SECURITY.

SECURITY?

FAIR ENOUGH.

SO, HOW'S
YOUR CONCENTRATION?

YOUR MEMORY?

FINE. HOW'S YOURS?

SO NO PROBLEMS
REMEMBERING, SAY,

WHAT YOU HAD
FOR BREAKFAST?

I HAD AN OMELET.

I'M ASSUMING
YOUR FATHER IS BRITISH?

THAT'S CORRECT.

HE WAS BORN IN THE U.K.,
BUT HE MET MY MOTHER HERE

IN THE UNITED STATES.

I SEE.

SO YOUR FATHER WAS AN AGENT
WITH MILITARY INTELLIGENCE?

IS THAT WHAT HE TOLD YOU?

HE WAS A P.R. MAN
FOR THE UNITED STATES
INFORMATION SERVICE.

HE HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE MILITARY.

HE SEEMS QUITE
CONVINCED OTHERWISE.

YEAH, WELL,
HE ALSO THINKS

HE WAS A GOVERNMENT
CONTRACT KILLER

AND THAT THOMAS MICHELMORE
WANTS HIM DEAD.

THAT HE DIDN'T TELL ME.

USUALLY, PARANOIA ASSOCIATED
WITH A DISEASE

IS MUCH MORE GENERIC.

MOST PATIENTS THINK
THAT PEOPLE

ARE STEALING THINGS
FROM THEM,

NOT TRYING
TO KILL THEM.

BUT YOUR FATHER'S CASE,
THAT'S A DIFFERENT DEAL.

SEE, MOST OF HIS SYMPTOMS
ARE CONSISTENT

WITH EARLY ALZHEIMER'S--
AGITATION, IRRITABILITY,

EARLY LANGUAGE IMPAIRMENT,
SHORT TERM MEMORY DEFICIT,

BUT HIS PET SCANS--
HIS PET SCANS SHOW

HIS GLUCOSE METABOLISM
IS NOT AS REDUCED

AS HIS BEHAVIOR
MIGHT INDICATE.

SO, FRANKLY, ASIDE
FROM ELEVATED CHOLESTEROL

AND BLOOD PRESSURE,
HE'S AS HEALTHY AS A HORSE.

COGNITIVELY
AND BEHAVIORALLY, OF COURSE.

HIS CAPACITY FOR SELF CARE
MAY BE ANOTHER STORY.

WITH EXTREME PARANOIA
SO EARLY ON IN THE DISEASE,

HE COULD GO FAST.

[THUD]

YOU'RE TAKING
THE SAME ROUTE HOME!

I KNOW, DAD. I'M SURE
WE WEREN'T FOLLOWED.

BULLSHIT!
YOU CAN'T BE SURE
OF ANYTHING.

THEY LOOK FOR PATTERNS.

SOMETIMES THEY HAVE TEAMS OF
10, 15 CARS TAILING SOMEONE.

DAD, DOESN'T IT
STRIKE YOU AS STRANGE

THAT MOM AND I NEVER KNEW
YOU WERE IN THE C.I.A.?

D.I.A., D.I.A.!

DEFENSE INTELLIGENCE AGENCY!

I WAS UNDER DEEP COVER.

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

"HI, HONEY, I'M HOME!

"MAN, WHAT A KILLER DAY
AT THE OFFICE.

I SHOT 2 TERRORISTS
AND A COMMIE SPY!"

YOU KNOW, DR. SIMON
WANTS TO TAKE YOU OFF

OF THE FLUOXETINE
AND THIORIDAZINE.

HE THINKS THEY MAY BE
CAUSING YOUR...

CONFUSION.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S CAUSING
MY CONFUSION?

YOU ARE.

YOU TAKE ME TO ONE DOCTOR
WHO PUTS ME ON FLUOXETINE.

YOU TAKE ME TO ANOTHER ONE
WHO TAKES ME OFF IT.

ONE WANTS ME ON THYRITE--

WHATEVER THE HELL
IT'S CALLED,

THE OTHER ONE SAYS
IT'S MAKING ME AGITATED.

I'M NOT AGITATED!

I AM NOT SENILE!

AND I AM MOST DEFINITELY
NOT CRAZY!

HE SAID IF HE BECOMES
TOO MUCH TO HANDLE,

WE MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER
A LOCKED FACILITY.

DON'T YOU THINK
THAT SEEMS EXTREME?

[MARC SIGHS]

DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL
NEVER TAKE HIM ALIVE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
YOUR DAD HERE.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED
IF HE'S ALREADY

MAIL ORDERED HIMSELF
A STINGER MISSILE BY NOW.

HE'D SOONER BLOW
HIS BRAINS OUT

THAN GO TO SOME REST HOME.

THAT'S WHAT
I TOLD DR. SIMON.

HE SAID WHAT WE REALLY NEED
AT THE VERY LEAST

IS A PROFESSIONAL
IN-HOME CAREGIVER.

FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK
THERE'S A PROFESSIONAL

IN THE WORLD THAT CAN
HANDLE YOUR FATHER.

SO, HOW ARE YOU
WITH EXTREME PERSONALITIES?

EXTREME PERSONALITIES?

UM, OH...

UH, EXTREME PERSONALITIES?

NO PROBLEM.

ACTUALLY, MY SPECIALTY
WAS GUIDANCE

AND DELIVERY SYSTEMS.

AND, UH--
BUT AFTER THE MASS LAYOFFS,

I FELT I NEEDED A MORE
DYNAMICALLY STABLE...VECTOR.

NEVER-- NEVER
AN ALZHEIMER'S PATIENT,

BUT I KNOW HOW TO GIVE A REAL
GOOD ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT,

AND THAT'S PROBABLY ALL
THAT BOY NEEDS OUT THERE.

WHAT-- WHAT'S HE
DOIN' OUT THERE?

TARGET PRACTICE.

YEAH, WELL, UH,
THAT COSTS EXTRA.

[GUNSHOTS]

THERAPY'S HAS BEEN
GOING VERY WELL, AND I
JUST THOUGHT WE COULD...

TALK ABOUT IT.

[GUNSHOT]

MY FATHER IS CHALLENGING.
I'M NOT GOING TO FOOL YOU.

I LIKE CHALLENGES.

MRS. ROSS, I'M GETTING
MY PhD IN BEHAVIORAL PSYCH

WITH AN EMPHASIS
IN GERONTOLOGY.

I'M SURE I CAN HANDLE HIM.

SO YOU NEED
A LIVE GUINEA PIG, HUH?

DAD!

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A LEGITIMATE
PRECAUTION.

ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE.

OH, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO
A VISUAL ON THIS.

THIS IS MY FATHER,
MACE SOWELL.

DAD, THIS IS ANDI TRAVERS.

WHAT KIND OF NAME
IS ANDI FOR A GIRL ANYWAY?

IT'S SHORT FOR ANDREA.

WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS MACE?

IT'S SHORT FOR
IN YOUR FACE!

I LIKE HIM.

WELL, I DON'T LIKE HER!

AND I'LL BE DAMNED
IF I'M GONNA SPEND

NEARLY 50 GRAND A YEAR
ON SOME TEENAGE BABYSITTER

WITH A POSTGRADUATE DEGREE.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS,

AND ANDI IS BETTER
THAN THE OTHER OPTION.

WHAT THE HELL
IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT OTHER OPTION?

WAIT A MINUTE...

YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY
THINKING OF PUTTING ME AWAY.

YOU--

HIM! I'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING.

BUT YOU,
MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD,

WOULD THREATEN TO TAKE
MY HOUSE AWAY FROM ME?

NOBODY IS THREATENING
ANYTHING, WE'RE JUST TRYING

TO LOOK OUT FOR
YOUR BEST INTEREST, DAD.

DON'T CALL ME DAD!

AND THE ONLY INTEREST
YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH

IS THE ONE
YOU'LL GET ON MY MONEY
AFTER YOU PUT ME AWAY!

WELL, NOBODY
IS PUTTING ME ANYWHERE!

I'M NOT SOME OLD...

PIECE OF FURNITURE!

AND THERE IS
NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!

[CHOPPING]

LISTEN TO ME.

THIS ISN'T YOU TALKING.

IT HASN'T BEEN YOU
IN MONTHS.

NOBODY WANTS TO HURT YOU.

THIS WOMAN
WILL LOOK AFTER YOU.

SHE'LL PROVIDE YOU
WITH COMPANIONSHIP.

SHE'S TRAINED FOR THIS.

DON'T YOU SEE
I AM DOING THIS

SO YOU CAN STAY
IN YOUR HOUSE?

YOU'VE GOT TO TRUST ME.

I CAN'T AFFORD
TO TRUST ANYBODY.

THE DOCTOR HAS HIM
ON HALOPERIDOL.

YEAH, I'M FAMILIAR
WITH IT.

IT'S AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC.

WHY ISN'T HE ON TACRINE?

HE WON'T GO TO THE DOCTOR

FOR THE WEEKLY MONITORING.

MMM.

LOOK, HE CAN SAY
ANYTHING HE LIKES,

BUT HE CANNOT FIRE YOU.

YOU RUN THE SHOW,

AND YOU KEEP ME POSTED.

ANDI, HE'S A GOOD MAN.
HE'S JUST HIGH-STRUNG.

DON'T LET HIM GET
UNDER YOUR SKIN.

I'M SURE WE'LL BE FINE.

SEE YOU FIRST THING
TOMORROW.

GOOD.

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE
IS A PROGRESSIVE,
DEGENERATIVE DISORDER

THAT ALTERS
THE BRAIN'S NEUROCHEMISTRY

AND CAUSES COGNITIVE
AND INTELLECTUAL ABNORMALITIES

THAT IMPAIR MEMORY,
ABSTRACT REASONING,

INSIGHT, AND JUDGMENT.

DISTURBANCES IN MOOD
AND EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS

ARE COMMON IN ABOUT
50% OF CASES.

EXAGGERATED OBSESSIVE
COMPULSIVE ATTENTION
TO PERSONAL HYGIENE

IS COMMON EARLY
IN THE ILLNESS, WHILE--

THE DISEASE,

WHICH AFFECTS AN ESTIMATED
4 MILLION PEOPLE

IN THE U.S. ALONE,

CAUSES OVER 100,000 DEATHS
EACH YEAR.

UP TO 5% OF ALL
ALZHEIMER'S VICTIMS

SHOW SYMPTOMS
OF THE DISEASE

BEFORE AGE 65.

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL
HOUSE, MR. SOWELL.

HOW LONG
HAVE YOU LIVED HERE?

YOUR DAUGHTER SHOWED ME
THE KITCHEN.

IT'S QUITE A SET-UP
YOU HAVE THERE.

IS COOKING A HOBBY?

WHAT KIND OF MUSIC
DO YOU LIKE?

[SALSA PLAYS LOUDLY
AND STOPS]

I LIKE YOUR ART.

YOU'VE GOT GREAT TASTE.

HMM. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
QUITE A COLLECTOR.

STILL AM.
I'M NOT DEAD YET.

YES, OF COURSE.

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE WEAPONS
OF DESTRUCTION?

A HOBBY.

A HOBBY? WELL...

IF THIS IS YOUR HOBBY,
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING,

KILL PEOPLE?

I GAVE THAT UP YEARS AGO.

I'M RETIRED NOW.

WELL, THAT'S
GOOD TO KNOW.

WELL, I'M GONNA DO
SOME FOOD SHOPPING,

MAKE US SOME LUNCH.
DO YOU WANT TO COME?

YOU DO REALIZE I AM
GONNA HAVE TO RUN A FULL
SECURITY PROFILE ON YOU?

I WOULDN'T EXPECT
ANYTHING LESS.

DON'T FORGET
THE BONUS BUY COUPONS.

THEY'RE ON THE COUNTER
BY THE FRIDGE.

WHAT'S THIS?

MUGWORT.

YOUR DAUGHTER TOLD ME
THAT YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE

AND CHOLESTEROL LEVELS
ARE OFF THE CHART,

SO WE'RE GONNA
CHANGE ALL THAT.

NEW LIFE, NEW FOOD.
FROM NOW ON,

WE'RE GONNA EAT MACROBIOTIC.

SEE, MACROBIOTICS
IS BASED ON THE NOTION

THAT YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

IT'S BASICALLY A WAY
OF BALANCING YOUR LIFE

AND THE THINGS YOU EAT
WITH NATURE.

EXCUSE. UH, AHEM...

EXCUSE ME? CAN I HELP
YOU FIND SOMETHING?

OH, NO, I GOT IT.

SEE, LOOK,
THERE ARE BASICALLY

2 DIFFERENT KINDS OF FOODS,

YIN AND YANG.

CHICKEN, MEAT, EGGS,
AND MAYONNAISE,

ALL EXTREMELY YANG,

GUARANTEED TO MUDDLE
YOUR THINKING

AND EVENTUALLY KILL YOU.

NOW, LOOK AT THIS STUFF.

SODA, ALCOHOL, CHOCOLATE,

ALL EXTREMELY YIN,
NO BETTER, ALL POISON.

YOU GIVE ME THAT!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND,
WOMAN?

THIS IS BELUGA!

$45 AN OUNCE!

NOW, LET'S GET
SOME GROUND RULES HERE.

YOU'RE THE MAID,
I'M THE MASTER.

YOUR JOB
IS TO CLEAN MY HOUSE,

COOK MY FOOD,
AND WASH MY SHORTS!

WHAT YOU'RE NOT HERE TO DO

IS TO TELL ME WHAT TO EAT,
WHAT TO DO,

AND WHEN TO DO IT!

IS THAT CLEAR?

THE WOMAN IS TRYING
TO POISON ME, I TELL YOU.

SHE'S THROWN AWAY
ALL MY FOOD!

IT'S HUMILIATING.

DAD, NO ONE
IS TRYING TO POISON YOU.

ANDI TOLD ME
SHE WAS GONNA PUT YOU
ON A LOW FAT DIET.

DR. SIMON SAID
YOUR CHOLESTEROL
WAS ALMOST 300.

DAD, PROMISE ME
YOU'LL BEHAVE YOURSELF

AND GIVE ANDI A CHANCE.

DAD?

I DON'T LIKE THIS.

I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO HAVE
AN OPEN MIND ABOUT THIS.

(sighs) COME ON,
GIVE IT A TRY.

STOP BEING SO CLOSED.

IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU.

[LOUD SLURPING]

[DEEP BELCH]

ONLY I KNOW
THE DISARM, UM...

Female voice:
ALL ZONES ACTIVATED.

THING-A-MA-JIG.
CODE?

RIGHT, AND
IT STAYS THAT WAY.

THIS IS THE PANIC BUTTON.

IF EVER YOU NEED TO USE IT,
THEN IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE.

DURING THE NIGHT,
STAY IN BED.

DON'T WANDER
AROUND THE HOUSE.

WHY?

BECAUSE...

YOU'RE PRETTY,

BUT YOU'RE NOT TRANSPARENT.

YOU SO MUCH AS BREAK WIND,

YOU'LL SET OFF
THE ENTIRE SYSTEM.

COMES ON AT 11:15,

GOES OFF WHEN I GET UP
IN THE MORNING.

WHAT IF I HAVE TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM?

HOLD IT.

TILL MORNING?

[SIGHS]

I'LL BYPASS THE BATHROOM
NEAR YOUR ROOM,

BUT THAT'S IT.

THANKS.

100, 93, 86, 79, 72,

65, 58, 51,

44, 37, 30,

23, 16, 9, 2.

HALOPERIDOL,
ONE MILLIGRAM.

LORAZEPAM, .5 MILLIGRAM.

CLASSIFIED FILE OPENED.

Woman on TV:
I'M GONNA GET YOUR SON,
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

Woman on TV: HE LOVES ME.
HE DOESN'T CARE FOR YOU.

DISARM ABORT LAUNCH.

Woman on TV:
NOT ONE PENNY!

I'LL CUT HIM OUT
OF MY LIFE!

DAMN!
IT'S STILL THERE!

Reporter on TV:
THE FORMER ENTERTAINMENT
INDUSTRY EXECUTIVES

ARE EXPECTED TO BE
ARRAIGNED NEXT WEEK.

Reporter on TV:
A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN
WAS KILLED TODAY,

THE RESULT OF
A PACKAGE BOMB-STYLE MURDER.

THE MAN, J. ROBERT McKIBBEN,

A HIGHLY DECORATED
VIETNAM VET

AND FORMER NAVY SEAL,

OWNED A SMALL SOFTWARE
COMPANY IN THE VALLEY.

Andi: MACE, IT'S TIME
TO GET DRESSED.

SHH.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
LET'S GET YOU DRESSED,

AND THEN WE CAN
PLAY TOGETHER, OK?

DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME
LIKE A 5-YEAR-OLD AGAIN!

THIS IS NOT A GAME!

THIS IS LIFE AND DEATH!

AND I WILL DRESS
WHEN I SEE FIT!

NOW GO GET THE MAIL.

THIS IS THE DEAL.

YOU GET DRESSED,
I'LL GET THE MAIL.

NO CLOTHES, NO MAIL.

NO, THIS IS THE DEAL:

I'LL GET MY OWN MAIL,

YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I NEED A FAVOR.

ALL RIGHT,
I GOT YOUR MAIL.

SHARPER IMAGE CATALOG,

YOUR FRONTGATE,

AND YOUR BRIGADE
QUARTERMASTERS.

SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

NO PROBLEM. SHE'S JUST
A PAIN IN THE ASS.

( imitating Jimmy Stewart )
WOW.

SHE SURE IS ONE HELLUVA
CUTE PAIN IN THE ASS.

I HADN'T NOTICED.

SHE SURE LOOKS MIGHTY FINE
IN THAT BLACK SPEEDO.

IT'S NAVY BLUE.

( normal voice )
WELL, I'VE GOT A COUPLE
OF PONDS TO SKIM.

IF YOU NEED ME,
GIVE ME A BEEP.

HEY, STU.

THANKS A LOT.

( imitating Jimmy Stewart )
AW, M-MACE, MACE,

I-I CAN'T TAKE THAT.

TAKE IT. COME ON,
GET OUTTA HERE.

( normal voice )
THANKS.

THERE'S A NEW WRINKLE
IN SECURITY.

ANDREA MARIE TRAVERS.

SHE COULD BE A SPY.

BORN 2/22/71.

SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER
971-84-4455.

DAUGHTER OF
NANCY AND ROBERT.

DAD, FORMER MARINE COLONEL,

MOTHER, PSYCHIATRIST.

B.S. IN CLERICAL--

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY
FROM RUTGERS.

DECENT RESUME,
NO CRIMINAL RECORD.

ONE MOVING VIOLATION
IN THE LAST 18 MONTHS.

I HAD TO AGREE
TO THE SITUATION

OR RISK
A COMPETENCY HEARING

AND SUBSEQUENT COMMITMENT.

ON THE SUBJECT OF SANITY,

THE ADMIRAL IS TO MAKE

A SCHEDULED CHAMPAGNE STOP--

CAMPAIGN STOP HERE IN L.A.
ON THE FOURTH

AT THE BONAVENTURE.

I'M TAKING
APPROPRIATE MEASURES.

OH, P.S.--

THE WOMAN'S COOKING STINKS!

MACE, LUNCH!

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

JESUS, MACE, YOU SCARED
THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

GO AWAY. I'M BUSY.

LOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO EAT.

COME ON, OPEN UP.
LET ME IN.

NO ONE ENTERS THIS ROOM
BUT ME, UNDERSTOOD?

FINE.

YOU'D BETTER NOT HAVE ONE
OF THESE THINGS IN MY SHOWER.

Female Voice:
SECURITY CAMERA, ZONE ONE.

SECURITY CAMERA,
ZONE FOUR.

I'M GONNA RUN SOME ERRANDS.

DO YOU WANT TO GET
SOME FRESH AIR?

NO!
I DIDN'T THINK SO.

WELL, YOUR FOOD'S HERE,
IN CASE YOU GET HUNGRY.

HOW 'BOUT TURNING OFF
THE FORT KNOX

SECURITY SYSTEM, GOLDFINGER?

Female Voice:
PERIMETER SECURITY
SYSTEM DISARMING.

OKAY, WELL, I'M LEAVING.

IF ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE,
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

DON'T FORGET
THE BONUS BUY COUPONS.

DAY 165. SECOND ENTRY.

AFTER AN EXTENSIVE
BACKGROUND CHECK,

IT APPEARS THAT
ANDREA TRAVERS

POSES NO SIGNIFICANT THREAT
TO THE OPERATION.

STILL, I INTEND
TO BE VIGILANT

AND KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

CLINTON, BUSH,
REAGAN, CARTER,

FORD, NIXON, JOHNSON,

KENNEDY, EISENHOWER, TRUMAN.

CLINTON, BUSH,
REAGAN, CARTER,

FORD...

CLINTON, BUSH,
REAGAN, CARTER,

FORD, NIXON,

JOHNSON,
KENNEDY, EISENHOWER,

TRUMAN.

CLINTON, BUSH,

REAGAN, CARTER,

FORD, NIXON, JOHNSON,

KENNEDY, EISENHOWER, TRUMAN.

[MOVIE FILM FLAPPING
ON TAKE-UP REEL]

THIS YOURS?

WHAT IS IT?

YOU KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

YOU WERE
IN MY ROOM YESTERDAY.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WHY WOULD I BE IN YOUR ROOM?

DON'T TRY
THE DEMENTIA SHTICK ON ME.

YOU HAVE REALLY
CROSSED THE LINE, MACE.

LISTEN, THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I PAID FOR IT,
AND I PAY A LOT FOR YOU.

I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT TO.

EVERYONE DESERVES
THEIR PRIVACY!

I RESPECT YOURS,
AND I'LL THANK YOU
TO RESPECT MINE.

IF I DID
GO INTO YOUR ROOM,

WHICH I AM NOT SAYING I DID,

MAYBE I HAD A REASON.

MAYBE IT WAS
A SECURITY CHECK.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DO BETTER
THAN THAT, J. EDGAR.

[ALARM RINGS]

MACE? COME BACK HERE.
I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

SECURITY BREACH ALERT.

REPEAT: SECURITY
BREACH ALERT.

INTRUDER DETECTED.

INTRUDER DETECTED.

MACE?

SECURITY CAMERA ONE.

SECURITY CAMERA 2.

SECURITY CAMERA 3.

SECURITY CAMERA 4.

INTRUDER DETECTED
ON ROOF ZONE 10.

[GASPS]

OK. CALM DOWN.
WE CAN WORK THIS OUT.

MACE? MACE, GIVE ME THE GUN.

Mace: STAY BACK.

[HELICOPTER BLADES TURNING]

MACE?

AAH!
AAH!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GLASS BREAKING]

AAH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO.

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
THAT YOU PLAYED THESE GAMES?

Mace and Stu: DRILLS.

WHATEVER. YOU CAN'T
JUST GO AROUND

PULLING A STUNT LIKE THIS.

SOMEONE MIGHT'VE
REALLY GOTTEN HURT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

OH, HI, HONEY.

[STU MOANING]

HOW ARE THINGS WITH ANDI?

GOOD.

[STU MOANING]

GOOD!

EVERYTHING IS GOOD!

DAD, WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, NOTHING.
NO PROBLEMS HERE.

NOPE, WE'RE ALL FINE.
HOW ARE YOU?

OH, WELL, SHE'S, UH,

SHE'S ALL TIED UP
AT THE MOMENT.

OH, MY GOD. DAD.

HI, MICHELLE.

OH, YEAH, IT'S FINE.
WE'RE GETTING ON JUST FINE.

OH, YEAH. BELIEVE ME,
IF WE HAD ANY PROBLEMS,
YOU'D KNOW ABOUT IT.

TRUST ME.

YEAH, REALLY. OK. SURE.

TAKE CARE. BYE.

YOU OWE ME. BIG.

SO, WHERE DID YOU LEARN
THIS WITCHCRAFT
COOKING OF YOURS?

IS THERE SOME
MACRO-CULINARY INSTITUTE,

OR IS IT PASSED ON
FROM GENERATION
TO GENERATION?

[CHUCKLES]

MACE, MACE, MACE, MACE.

THAT RAPIER WIT OF YOURS
IS SO CUTTING.

I KNOW THAT'S NOT
THE REAL YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW
THE FIRST THING ABOUT ME.

YOU HAVEN'T
GIVEN ME A CHANCE.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
AN EASY THING TO DO,
MY DEAR.

WHEN EVERYONE AROUND YOU
TAKES OVER YOUR LIFE,

QUESTIONS YOUR SANITY,
STARTS TREATING YOU
LIKE A KID AGAIN.

HOW WOULD YOU REACT?
OPEN ARMS?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

TELL YOU WHAT.

LET'S START OVER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF BANCHA?

NOT BAD.

FOR TWIGS, I SUPPOSE.

BUT IT'S NO CHATEAU MARGAUX
BLANC DE BLANCS '76.

WELL...

I GUESS A GLASS OF WINE
FROM TIME TO TIME
WON'T KILL YOU.

WELL...

IN THAT CASE,

I'M IN CHARGE OF DESSERT.

Andi: (moaning passionately)
OH, MY GOD!

OH! THIS IS OBSCENE!

MMM!

DON'T FIGHT IT.
JUST ENJOY IT.

OHH! I SHOULDN'T BE
DOING THIS, MACE.

IT'S WRONG.

NONSENSE.

IT'S 50% FAT FREE.

OHH!

WHERE THE HELL'D YOU
GET THIS, ANYWAY?

NO PLACE YOU SHOP.

BESIDES, THE LESS YOU KNOW,

THE SAFER YOU ARE.

[PLAYING LIGHT JAZZ]

YOU'RE A DANGEROUS MAN,
MACE SOWELL.

AH.

IN MY DAY, MAYBE.

NOW...

I'M JUST A HARMLESS OLD MAN.

BUT MORE TO THE POINT,

WHAT'S A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
LIKE YOURSELF

DOING AT HOME
ON A FRIDAY NIGHT,

EATING COOKIES AND CREAM
WITH SOME OLD GEEZER
LIKE ME?

YOU SHOULD BE OUT DANCING.

HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.

LET'S GO.

OH, YEAH. SURE.

A CROWDED DANCE FLOOR,
FLASHING LIGHTS, LOUD MUSIC.

PERFECT PLACE TO GET
A BLADE BETWEEN MY RIBS.

YOU WANT ME
TO DIE IN YOUR ARMS?

NO THANKS.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.

I'M OK.

YOU SHOULD BE OUT DANCING
ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS,

NOT BABY-SITTING
AN OLD GEEZER LIKE ME.

I SAID THAT ALREADY,
DIDN'T I?

SO, MACE, WHEN DID
YOU RETIRE FROM THE C.--

THE D.E.A.?

I NEVER
WORKED FOR THE D.E.A.

YOU DIDN'T?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S A RIDICULOUS IDEA.

ALL RIGHT,
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.

THE D.E.A. IS
THE DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENCY.

I WORKED FOR THE D.I.A.,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONE
CUTTING OUT PAPER DOLLS.

THE D.I.A. OF COURSE.

SHALL WE TRY
A LITTLE EXERCISE, PLEASE?

IT'S NUMBERS.

LET'S COUNT BACKWARDS
FROM 100 BY 7.

[SIGHS]

100, 93, 86, 79,

72, 65, 58, 51, 44--

THAT'S FINE. VERY GOOD.

NOW, SHALL WE
TRY SINGLE DIGITS?

OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

NEXT YOU'LL HAVE ME DOING
MY IMPERSONATION OF MR. ED.

JUST HUMOR ME.

THIS IS JUST A STANDARD TEST
OF CONCENTRATION, SO...

SINGLE DIGITS.

100, 99, 98, 97,

96, 95, 92, 93, 91.

DO I PASS OR DO YOU SEND ME
TO REMEDIAL SCHOOL?

SO, ARE YOU AND ANDI
GETTING ALONG OK, DAD?

NOT BAD.
SHE'S A GOOD KID.

COOKING BETTER?

SHE'S LEARNING.

WHERE'S YOUR CD CHANGER?

I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IN THE BACK.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.

THERE IS A DEVICE
UNDER YOUR SEAT.

IT LOOKS LIKE AN ELECTRONIC
DETONATION UNIT

THAT WILL BE ACTIVATED BY
THE REMOVAL OF YOUR WEIGHT.

DAD, PLEASE. NOT TODAY.

LISTEN TO ME, GODDAMN IT!

THERE'S ENOUGH C-4
UNDER YOUR SEAT

TO BLOW BOTH OF OUR ASSES
TO PACOIMA.

NOW I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

TAKE US HOME.
GET US OFF THE STREET.

DON'T MOVE!

DAD...

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

GRAB THE PERISCOPE,
SEE FOR YOURSELF.

OH, MY GOD.

TELL ME THIS IS ONE OF
YOUR STUPID STUNTS.

I CAN ASSURE YOU,
I DID NOT PUT THIS HERE.

NOW, STAY VERY STILL.

DON'T MOVE.

NOW, VERY CAREFULLY,
WITHOUT TOUCHING THE CLUB,

GET OUT OF THE CAR.

SHOULDN'T WE CALL
THE BOMB SQUAD OR SOMETHING?

BY THE TIME
THE POLICE GET HERE,

WE COULD BOTH BE SITTING
ON MRS. TOBIN'S ROOF
UP THE STREET.

GOOD. NOW GET
THE TOOLKIT OUT OF THE JAG,
AND THEN GET OUT OF HERE.

THIS IS CRAZY.
I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
MESS WITH THIS, DAD.

GO!

SORRY, STUEY,
CLOSE BUT NO FUCKING CIGAR.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU SAID--

I SAID...

I CAN ASSURE YOU
I DID NOT PUT THIS THERE.

I NEVER SAID IT WAS REAL.

THIS IS
UNBELIEVABLE, DAD!

I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

DO YOU?!

ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THIS

AND I'M GOING TO
HAVE YOU COMMITTED!

ONE SECOND THERE
AND, IN A FLASH,

I ACTUALLY BELIEVED HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I DID.

WHEN I SAW THAT BLACK BOX
UNDER MY SEAT,

I FELT TERRIBLE FOR
DOUBTING HIM ALL THIS TIME.

WELL, I THINK IT'S TIME
TO TALK TO STAN KRAVITZ

AND ASK WHAT WE NEED TO DO

TO GET POWER OF ATTORNEY
OR CONSERVATORSHIP,

FILE SOMETHING
WITH THE COURTS.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

HE COULD END UP
HURTING HIMSELF

AND EVERYBODY AROUND HIM,
INCLUDING YOU.

DR. SIMON SAID HE SHOULDN'T
BE PLAYING WITH THEM,

EVEN IF THEY ARE TOYS.

AND I DON'T WANT HIM PLAYING
ANY MORE WAR GAMES WITH STUART.

AFTER THIS BOMB SCARE,
I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH.

Reporter: DOCTORS SAY THAT
THEIR LATEST RESEARCH

SHOULD PROVIDE A NEW,
EFFECTIVE VACCINE,

AND THEY'RE HOPING TO BEGIN
HUMAN TRIALS WITHIN THE NEXT
SEVERAL MONTHS.

ON THE NATIONAL
POLITICAL SCENE,

AFTER SWEEPING THE BALLOTS
ON SUPER TUESDAY,

THOMAS MICHELMORE IS
HEADING FOR THE FINAL...

MACE?

CALIFORNIA AND TEXAS,
WHERE HE APPEARS TO BE GOING

TO CAPTURE THE REPUBLICAN
NOMINATION AT NEXT WEEK'S
CONVENTION.

THE OUTSPOKEN ADMIRAL...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MACE?

HELLO?

I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE
ARE THOSE THAT SAY

I'M NOT MUCH OF A BACKROOM
POLITICIAN.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WELL, I HOPE THAT'S TRUE.

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION,
IT'S BACKROOM POLITICS...

MACE?

THAT HAVE SEPARATED
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
FROM ITS GOVERNMENT.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED UP
IN HERE ALL DAY.

I'M FINE.

MACE.

NONE OF YOU UNDERSTANDS.

THE DRILLS ARE NOT A GAME.

I NEED THEM TO STAY SHARP.

WELL, TELL YOU WHAT.

HOW ABOUT IF YOU AND I
PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER

AND MAYBE WE CAN COME UP
WITH SOMETHING ELSE
TO KEEP YOU SHARP.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

IT WON'T BE
THE SAME THING.

[SIGHS]

YOU LIKE STRATEGIC GAMES.

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE
STRATEGIC GAME.

RIGHT, RIGHT. YOUR MOVE.

YES, SIR.

WELL, I COULD NAB
YOUR ROOK HERE.

BUT YOU'RE FAR TOO GOOD
NOT TO REALIZE THAT,

SO IT'S PROBABLY A DECOY.

HOWEVER, A ROOK
IS A GOOD KILL.

BUT YOU'D PROBABLY WANT
TO MAKE THE SACRIFICE JUICY

SO I'D TAKE THE BAIT.

IF I DID, YOU COULD PROBABLY
SET UP A DECENT ASSAULT,

BUT MINUS AN IMPORTANT
SOLDIER.

I DON'T THINK SO.

SOMETIMES THINGS ARE
WHAT THEY SEEM.

CHECK.

AHH.

CLEVER.

TELL YOU WHAT.

LET'S MAKE THIS INTERESTING.

IF YOU WIN, WE'LL DO
A LIMITED DRILL.

I SET THE PARAMETERS
AND I RUN IT.

IF I WIN, I GET
TO PICK THE NEXT GAME,

AND YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT.

HA HA HA HA.

MY DEAR, IF YOU WIN,

NOT ONLY CAN YOU PICK
THE NEXT GAME,

I WILL WASH YOUR UNDERWEAR
FOR A MONTH.

[WATER RUNNING]

THIS IS NOT
WHAT I CALL A GAME.

NO, IT'S CALLED
BEING HUMAN.

HUMAN BEINGS DON'T SPEND
THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCES

INSIDE THEIR HOMES
LIKE HERMITS.

IT'S UNNATURAL, IT'S UNHEALTHY,
AND IT'S ANTISOCIAL.

MACE, YOU PROMISED!

MACE!

IF YOU DON'T COOPERATE,
I SWEAR WE WILL NEVER
HAVE A DRILL AGAIN.

MACE!

I'M READY.

BUT I WANT YOU TO BE AWARE
OF THE FACT

THAT I KNOW YOU HUSTLED ME.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
TO HUSTLERS.

COME ON.
TELL YOU WHAT.

IF THE BULLETS START TO FLY,

YOU CAN USE ME AS
A HUMAN SHIELD. HOW'S THAT?

[AIRPLANE]

SEE? IT'S NOT SO BAD.

[BOOM BOOM]

OH, MACE, IT'S A SONIC BOOM!

OHH, SHIT.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE
HE HAD SOME OLD FRIENDS

WE COULD ARRANGE TO VISIT WITH,

OR MAYBE DEVELOP
SOME HOBBIES OR EXERCISE.

I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT
DANCE THERAPY.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT HELP.

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS
ARE GONNA KILL ALL MY LILIES!

FRIGGIN' PARASITIC RODENTS!

UH, MICHELLE, COULD I
CALL YOU RIGHT BACK?

I'VE GOT SOMETHING
ABOUT TO BOIL OVER.

OKAY, THANKS.

MACE.

MACE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PEST CONTROL!

I THOUGHT WE AGREED,
NO LIVE ROUNDS IN THE HOUSE.

THIS ISN'T THE HOUSE;
IT'S THE GARDEN.

GIVE ME THE GUN. NOW.

JESUS CHRIST.

WHAT ARE YOU,
A BRANCH DAVIDIAN?

WHERE THE HELL DID
ALL THESE COME FROM?

I MEAN, HE'S ALWAYS
BEEN A LITTLE ON THE EDGE,
BUT NOW HE'S GETTING SCARY.

I KNOW.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I LOVE HIM LIKE A FATHER.

MAYBE WE SHOULD COME UP
WITH NEW STUFF

FOR HIM TO DO, YOU KNOW?
KEEP HIM BUSY.

HE JUST SITS IN THERE
ALL DAY STARING AT US.

DAY 255. THINGS LOOK BAD.

MY OWN TEAM FEEL THAT I'VE

GONE OVER THE EDGE.

TO MAKE THINGS WORSE,

THE ADMIRAL IS POISED
TO TAKE THE PARTY NOMINATION.

DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME.

SINCE THE TERMINATION
OF POOLER, McKIBBEN,

LATIMER, AND WESSEL,

HE MUST BE CLOSE
TO MAKING HIS MOVE.

[WATER RUNNING]

IF HE TAKES NEW JERSEY
AND NEW MEXICO...

IT'S ALL OVER.

Computer:
ENTRY ERROR.

YOU HAVE ENTERED
AN INVALID PASSWORD.

YOU HAVE 2 TRIES LEFT
TO ENTER THE CORRECT PASSWORD.

WARNING: THE FAILSAFE

AUTOMATIC DEFAULT SYSTEM
IS ENGAGED.

SYSTEM LAUNCH WILL TRIGGER
AT 0900 HOURS

UNLESS AUTOMATIC ARM
DEFAULT IS OVERRIDDEN.

ENTRY ERROR.

YOU HAVE ONE TRY LEFT
TO ENTER THE CORRECT PASSWORD.

Computer: 10 SECONDS.

9, 8...

THANK YOU.

SYSTEM DISARMED.

DISARM ABORT LAUNCH.

COME TO PAPA!

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
A GOOD HAVANA.

AREN'T THESE STOGIES
ILLEGAL?

TOTALLY. BUT THAT ADDS
SOMETHING TO THE AROMA.

ALL RIGHT...

GENTLEMEN. BASEBALL.

NINES AND SEVENS ARE WILD.

SEVENS? NOBODY MAKES
SEVENS WILD.

WHO'S DEALING HERE,
YOU OR ME?

(mouths silently)

SO, STUART,
WHAT DO YOU SAY--

ARE YOU READY FOR
ANOTHER DRILL, PUNK?

[COUGHING]

WELL, MACE, WHY?
THIS IS FUN.

BESIDES, YOUR DAUGHTER
SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT
ANY MORE DRILLS.

I DON'T WANT
TO PUSH OUR LUCK.

SHE'S GOT A POINT.
WAIT A WHILE, YOU KNOW?

DO SOMETHING ELSE.

SO THAT'S IT.

YOU WORKED ALL THIS OUT
AMONG YOURSELVES.

MAYBE YOU WANT ME
TO BE "UNPEPPERED"!

MAYBE YOU'RE ALL IN
ON THIS TOGETHER!

THAT'S IT.

I AM OUTTA HERE!

YOU AND BOB ARE
GANGING UP ON ME!

MACE! COME BACK HERE!

WHO'S BOB?

HE CALLED ME BOB!

CLINTON, BUSH, REAGAN,

CARTER, FORD, NIXON...

CLINTON, REAGAN, BUSH...

CARTER, FORD...

CLINTON...

CLINTON...

[SOBS]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Michelmore on TV:
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Female Voice:
ELECTRICITY CUT.

JESUS CHRIST.

AAAAHHHH!

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

I'M SO SORRY, MACE.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS.

STU AND I THOUGHT
IT WOULD CHEER YOU UP.

IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. I DON'T
KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

IT PROVED A POINT.

I'M A DEAD MAN.

I CAN'T DEFEND MYSELF
ANYMORE.

(crying) I'M SCARED,
ANDI. I'M SCARED.

Dr. Simon: WE'VE BEEN
THROUGH THIS BEFORE, MACE.

IF I PUT YOU ON TACRINE,

I HAVE TO SEE YOU
EVERY OTHER WEEK.

WE HAVE TO MONITOR
YOUR LIVER ENZYMES.

PUT ME ON ANY PILL
YOU WANT. I'LL TAKE IT...

NO ARGUMENTS.

I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS.

I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

I DON'T WANT
TO MISLEAD YOU.

THIS MAY TEMPORARILY

INCREASE YOUR COGNITIVE
ABILITIES,

BUT IT'S NOT A MIRACLE CURE.

AT BEST,
IT MAY BUY US SOME TIME.

YOU ALSO SEEM
QUITE DEPRESSED.

I SHOULD
PUT YOU ON SERZONE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, I WANT YOU
TO TAKE THIS RELIGIOUSLY,

AND NO MORE DRILLS.

ANY SUDDEN STRESS COULD
CAUSE A TOTAL LOSS

OF YOUR PRESENT
FUNCTIONING ABILITIES.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

[BEEP]

[BEEP BEEP BEEP]

[GATE CLANKS]

LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

HA HA HA!

MACE!

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!

THANK YOU.

DICOT. ADD DICOT.

OHH, SHIT.

THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

YOU COOKED?

TEMPE? OH, IT'S BURNING!

BROWN RICE, MISO...

KOMBU!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
ACTUALLY MADE A MACRO MEAL.

THIS IS GREAT.

LET ME HELP.

HEY, HEY.

MY SHOW, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA TAKE CARE
OF THE ENTERTAINMENT, THEN.

Andi: COME ON.

Mace: I DON'T LIKE
THIS GAME.

I KNOW.
IT'S CALLED "TRUST."

UHH.

OOH. JUST A TREE.

ALMOST THERE.

OK.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

WELL, SINCE YOU WON'T
GO OUT TO A NIGHTCLUB AND DANCE,

I THOUGHT I'D BRING
THE NIGHTCLUB HERE.

YOU DO DANCE, DON'T YOU?

ASSUME THE POSITION,
MR. SOWELL.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU BOSS ME AROUND.

I HAD NO IDEA
YOU COULD DANCE SO WELL.

THIS ISN'T DANCING.

WHOO!

THIS IS DANCING!

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU SHOULD CUT DOWN
THOSE TREES.

SUCH A SPECTACULAR VIEW
AND IT'S ALL COVERED UP.

THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA.

I'D BE A SITTING DUCK

IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS
VEGETATION.

MIGHT AS WELL STAND OUT HERE
STARK NAKED

WITH A SIGN AROUND MY NECK

SAYING "HEY SNIPER,
SHOOT AT ME."

MACE, HOW MANY ATTEMPTS
HAVE BEEN MADE ON YOUR LIFE

IN THE LAST, LET'S SAY,
5 YEARS?

NONE, RIGHT?

SO WHOEVER WANTS YOU DEAD

HAS CERTAINLY TAKEN
THEIR SWEET TIME ABOUT IT.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

THEY DIDN'T HAVE
A REASON UNTIL RECENTLY.

OK, SO WHAT DOES

THE NEXT PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES

WANT WITH A TOUGH GUY
LIKE YOU LIQUIDATED?

HEY, DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

SOME THINGS ARE BETTER
LEFT UNSAID.

OH, COME ON, MACE.

I'VE BEEN A GOOD
LITTLE SOLDIER, HAVEN'T I?

HAVEN'T I EARNED A HIGHER
SECURITY CLEARANCE BY NOW?

SO DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT WHEN THOMAS MICHELMORE

WAS IN THE C.I.A.--

D.I.A.

D.I.A.--WHATEVER--

HE HAD A COUPLE SENATORS
KILLED

BECAUSE THEY THREATENED
TO SHRINK HIS BUDGET?

BELIEVE ME, MY DEAR,

IN THE NAME OF
NATIONAL SECURITY,

WE HAVE DONE FAR WORSE
FOR FAR LESS.

AND HOW, PRAY TELL,

ARE YOU INVOLVED
IN THIS FANTASTIC,

ALBEIT, HIGHLY IMAGINATIVE
SCENARIO?

'CAUSE I'M THE LAST
SURVIVING MEMBER

OF ADMIRAL MICHELMORE'S
PRIVATE NAVY.

OH, I SEE.

THE LAST BAG MAN.

I READ A LOT
OF SPY THRILLERS.

SO IF YOU'RE SUCH A THREAT,

THEN WHY HASN'T
HE MADE HIS MOVE YET?

BECAUSE I WAS THE ONLY
ONE SENSIBLE ENOUGH

TO TAKE OUT LIFE INSURANCE.

WELL, WHAT GOOD
IS THIS POLICY OF YOURS

IF YOU'RE GONNA
LIVE THE REMAINDER
OF YOUR DAYS IN FEAR?

I MEAN, THIS IS
A PRISON HERE.

IT'S THE BEST
I GOT, KID.

Announcer: HERE'S
LILLIAN ZACKY FOR ZACKY FARMS.

Lillian Zacky: WITH ALL
THE NEWS ABOUT RUSSIA LATELY,

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN
I MET A WOMAN IN THE MARKET

WHO JUST MOVED HERE
FROM MOSCOW.

SHE WAS AMAZED
AT THE AMERICAN...

[RADIO OFF]

SHH.

[WHISPERING]
Mace...Stop it.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU THOUGHT.

YOU DON'T GO AROUND
SHOOTING AT YOUR NEIGHBORS!

DIDN'T WE AGREE
NO GUNS WITH LIVE ROUNDS?!

IT'LL BE A MIRACLE
IF THE TOBINS DON'T
PRESS CHARGES.

YOU'VE RUINED THEIR
DAUGHTER'S BAT MITZVAH
AND FUCKED HER UP FOR LIFE!

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE
MARC AND MICHELLE.

YOU ALL THINK
I'M CRAZY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

WHEN YOU PULL
STUNTS LIKE THAT?!

YOU EXPECT ME TO CONDONE
THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR?

I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU CONDONE.

YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND.

HOW DARE YOU.

I'VE COVERED YOU MORE TIMES
THAN I CAN COUNT.

NO ONE HAS CARED FOR YOU
MORE THAN I HAVE.

IF IT WASN'T FOR ME,

YOUR FAMILY WOULD HAVE YOU
SITTING IN A VEGETABLE GARDEN

WITH THE REST
OF THE HARVEST.

I MAY BE SENILE,
BUT I'M NOT CRAZY.

I'M JUST GLAD
YOU WEREN'T HURT.

GO THROUGH THE HOUSE

AND TAKE ANYTHING THAT
EVEN LOOKS LIKE A WEAPON.

YOU MAY HAVE TO COOK
WITH PLASTIC CUTLERY...

Mace: YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

[INDISTINCT]

Mace: COURT HEARING?!

OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND
KEEPS GUNS IN THE BATHROOM?

YEAH, DAD,

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND?

Marc: GET OUT THE WAY.

Mace: NO. THIS ROOM
IS OUT OF BOUNDS!

Marc: DAD, GET OUT
OF THE WAY!

HOW DID YOU GET
ALL THIS STUFF?

YOU ARE SIGNING
MY DEATH WARRANT.

I HOPE YOU'RE
AWARE OF THAT.

I'M ONLY TRYING TO KEEP
YOU FROM KILLING YOURSELF

AND SOMEONE ELSE.

NO!
THIS IS 300 YEARS OLD.

NO WAY AM I ALLOWING YOU
TO TAKE IT.

DAD!

[BLADE SINGS]

DAD, PUT THAT THING DOWN
THIS INSTANT!

Stuart: THEY WON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'VE BEEN MOVED TO.

IT'LL BE SAFE.

I'LL STILL COME
AND VISIT YOU.

HERE.

THANKS.

MACE, YOU WANT SOME?

YOU OK?

[CACOPHONY
OF MEDIA VOICES]

...ON THE POLITICAL FRONT,

PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL
THOMAS MICHELMORE,

PRIOR TO LEAVING COLORADO
FOR A $1,000-A-PLATE

FUNDRAISER IN LOS ANGELES,

WAS ASKED ABOUT THE MEDIA'S
COMPARISON

TO DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER.

THE FORMAL ADMIRAL SMILED,
NOTING THAT,

AS COMPLIMENTARY AS
THE ASSOCIATION MIGHT BE,

HE WAS NO WAR HERO,
JUST A GOOD ADMINISTRATOR.

MICHELMORE'S POPULIST
"MR. INSIDE/OUTSIDE" PLATFORM

AND HIS REFRAIN OF BEING
A SKILLED MANAGER

AND COMMITTED
PUBLIC SERVANT...

I'VE GOT A SPECIAL
TREAT FOR YOU!

TAH-DAH!

BELUGA! $45 AN OUNCE.

OH, COME ON, MACE,
I EVEN CUT THE TOAST
JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT.

THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW.

EXCUSE ME?

"HUMANS DON'T SPEND
THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCES

"INSIDE THEIR HOMES
LIKE HERMITS.

"IT'S UNHEALTHY.
IT'S UNNATURAL.

IT'S ANTISOCIAL."

I WAS FINE.

I WASN'T BOTHERING ANYBODY.

SAFE IN MY LITTLE HOUSE.

BUT YOU COULDN'T LEAVE
WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

MISS MARY POPPINS
HAD TO TAKE ME

FOR FUCKING WALKS
IN THE HILLS!

WHY?! GODDAMN IT, WHY?!

HI.

YES?

UH, IT WON'T FIT
IN THE BOX.

LEAVE IT BY THE GATE.

CAN'T.
RETURN RECEIPT REQUESTED.

WHERE'S FRANK?

HIS WIFE'S HAVING A KID.
HE'S AT THE HOSPITAL.

MORNING.

UH, SIGN HERE, PLEASE.
LINE 22.

GOVERNMENT ISSUE.
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

I... USUALLY CARRY
A SPARE.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO
HAVE A PEN, DO YOU?

WAIT HERE.
I'LL BE BACK.

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!

I KNEW I HAD A BACKUP.

CALIFORNIA IS A LOCK,

AND THINGS HAVE TAKEN
A TURN FOR THE WORSE.

MICHELLE AND MARC HAVE FILED
A PETITION WITH THE COURT.

A COMPETENCY HEARING
IS DUE ANY DAY NOW.

GIVEN MY HISTORY
OF RECENT BEHAVIOR,

THIS COULD PRESENT
A MAJOR PROBLEM.

HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING
THE SERZONE?

IT'S NOT WORKING.
I'M GETTING WORSE.

OH, THAT'S
THE DEPRESSION WORSENING
YOUR COGNITIVE DEFICIT.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA
INCREASE THE SERZONE

AND SERTRALINE.

BUT THE TRUTH IS...

DURING THE PAST FEW WEEKS,

I'M NOT SURE HOW COMPETENT
I REALLY HAVE BEEN.

AFTER THAT SHOOTING
AT THE TOBINS,

MAYBE EVERYBODY IS RIGHT.

MAYBE I REALLY AM CRAZY.

DOCTOR,
WHEN I FIRST CAME HERE,

IT WAS TO HUMOR MY DAUGHTER,

AND THEN I SOON FOUND

THAT I HAD TO WORK MY ASS OFF
JUST TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.

BUT I ALWAYS KNEW
WHAT WAS WHAT:

REALITY VS. MAKE BELIEVE,

UP VS. DOWN...

BUT I LOOK IN THE MIRROR

AND I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

WHETHER I'M OUT
OF MY MIND OR NOT,

MICHELMORE CANNOT BE
ALLOWED TO TAKE OFFICE.

I CAN NO LONGER
TRUST ANYONE...

BUT I GOT A PLAN.

I GOT AN IDEA.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

I'M SO SORRY WE HAVE
TO GO THROUGH THIS.

ME, TOO.

THAT'S THE WRONG SETTING.

[BEEP BEEP]

ANDI!

ANDI!

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

NEVER TO GO INTO MY OFFICE!

WHAT WERE YOU DOING
LOOKING AT MY TAPES?

OH...

I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT YOU, MACE.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN YOURSELF
FOR DAYS

AND I--I JUST WANTED
TO HELP YOU.

BY SPYING ON ME?!

YOU'RE NO BETTER
THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

WHAT ABOUT "EVERYONE
DESERVES THEIR PRIVACY?

"I RESPECT YOURS.

I'LL THANK YOU
TO RESPECT MINE"?

YOU ALREADY THINK
I'M OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND.

YOU WANT MORE PROOF?!
MACE...

THOSE TAPES
ARE MY BUSINESS,
NOBODY ELSE'S!

MACE, LISTEN TO ME.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO DO ANYTHING STUPID.

I CARE FOR YOU.

I'M YOUR ONLY FRIEND.

BULLSHIT!

IT'S NOT BULLSHIT!

HAVEN'T I PROVEN
MY FRIENDSHIP TO YOU?

IF IT WERE UP TO ME,
I WOULDN'T LET THEM
SEND YOU AWAY.

I DIDN'T PUT YOU
IN THIS POSITION.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT FROM ME, MACE.

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

I REALLY SHOULD
CUT BACK THOSE TREES.

ANYTHING?

CLASSIFIED FILE OPENED.

ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH A DEAD-MAN SWITCH?

YEAH, ON A TRAIN?

IF THE ENGINEER TAKES
HIS FOOT OFF THE PEDAL,
THE TRAIN STOPS.

RIGHT.

IF MICHELMORE TAKES ME OUT,
THEN HIS CAMPAIGN TRAIN STOPS.

IF I'M NOT AROUND TO RESET
MY INTERNET E-MAIL SYSTEM

EVERY 24 HOURS,

IT AUTOMATICALLY FIRES OFF
MY LIFE STORY

AND THE ADMIRAL'S TO EVERY MAJOR
PRINT AND ELECTRONIC OUTLET

IN THE WESTERN WORLD.

CAN YOU SAY WASHINGTON POST?

OH, MY GOD.

NEW YORK TIMES,
WALL STREET JOURNAL?

THIS IS YOUR
LIFE INSURANCE POLICY.

I HAVE DOCUMENTED
EVERY DIRTY, UNDERHANDED
BLACK-BAG ASSIGNMENT

HIS TWISTED LITTLE MIND
HAS CONCOCTED

OVER 20 YEARS
AT NAVAL INTELLIGENCE.

SO, SEE? IF I STAY ALIVE,

HE STAYS OUT OF JAIL.

BUT DOES HE KNOW
YOU HAVE THIS?

HE KNOWS I HAVE SOMETHING,
JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT.

MACE, IF THIS IS TRUE,

WHAT STOPS THEM FROM JUST
UNPLUGGING THE POWER?

THE BEAUTY OF THIS
IS IT'S A PASSIVE SYSTEM.

THE DATA IS NOT HERE.

IT'S IN SOME INTERNET COMPUTER
IN NEBRASKA OR INDIANA.

BUT IF SOMEONE
CUTS ME OFF,

THERE IS NOTHING
TO STOP THESE FILES

FROM BEING SENT
ALL OVER THE WORLD...

AUTOMATICALLY.

ANDI,
PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.

IF MARC AND MICHELLE
PUT ME AWAY,

I'M OUT IN THE COLD.

DETENTE IS ONLY MEANINGFUL
IF ONE CAN COVER ONE'S ASS.

I NEED TO GET OUT
OF THE COUNTRY,

BUT I CAN ONLY DO IT
IF YOU HELP ME.

THIS IS INSANE, MACE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT
HALF A MILLION DOLLARS,
TAX-FREE.

I HAVE 2 MILLION
IN THE GRAND CAYMAN

AND A HOUSE
IN BRITISH VIRGIN GORDA
THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT.

NO WAY.

I CAN'T DO THIS. THEY'LL
BE AFTER ME FOR KIDNAPPING.

NOT IF I LEAVE FIRST,

GO TO SAN DIEGO, SOMEWHERE.

PERFECT. YOU SAY
THAT I RAN AWAY,

THEN YOU PICK ME UP,
AND WE CHARTER A JET AND...

MACE, I AM WAY OUT
OF MY DEPTH HERE.

THIS IS SCARY STUFF.

ANDI...

I NEED YOUR HELP.

I NEED YOUR SHARP MIND
BECAUSE MINE

IS QUICKLY BECOMING
DULLER THAN A BUTTER KNIFE.

HALF A MILLION DOLLARS,
KID. TAX-FREE.

THEY GET TO YOU
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND STUPID,

AND IN TIME, YOU START
TO THINK OF YOURSELF

AS A VITAL PART OF
THE GEOPOLITICAL ECOSYSTEM.

KILL A TERRORIST HERE,
POLITICAL DESPOT THERE.

SOON, YOU BELIEVE YOU'RE
DOING HUMANITY A FAVOR.

YOU'RE PREVENTING
GLOBAL WARS,

MASSIVE POLITICAL
INSTABILITY,

FAMINE, PAIN AND
SUFFERING FOR MILLIONS.

YOU'RE A HERO.

SO WHAT MADE YOU STOP?

AS YOU GET OLDER,
YOU DEVELOP A CONSCIENCE.

THINGS CHANGE.

YOU BEGIN TO
SERIOUSLY QUESTION

WHOSE SECURITY
YOU'RE PROTECTING.

[ALARM RINGS]

ANDI!

MORNING!

WHERE'S STUART?

STUART ASKED ME
TO COVER FOR HIM.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOLD IT A MOMENT.

DON'T YOU...

WORK FOR THE POST OFFICE?
NOT REALLY.

NO!

[GASPING LOUDLY]

[WATER RUNNING]

Man on TV: FROM HEALTHY SNACKS
TO GREAT-TASTING SIDE DISHES,

FROM RECIPE STARTERS TO...

Male computer voice: YOU HAVE
REACHED THE ONLINE SERVICE

OF THE NATIONAL CAYMAN BANK.

PLEASE ENTER
YOUR ACCESS CODE.

INVALID ENTRY.
ACCESS DENIED.

YOU HAVE ONE MORE ATTEMPT
BEFORE SYSTEM DISCONNECTS.

YOU SLEEP OK?

LIKE A ROCK.
HOW ABOUT YOU?

NOT SO GOOD.
I WAS UP MOST OF THE NIGHT.

WELL, WE'VE GOT A LOT
TO DO TODAY,

SO I'M GONNA GO
TO THE BANK

AND THEN I'M GOING TO GET US
SOME FOOD FOR THE ROAD.

YOU WANNA COME?

I THINK I'LL PASS.

OK.

HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS?

NO. I'M JUST
A LITTLE JITTERY.
I'LL BE FINE.

YOU BETTER LET ME
GET OUT OF HERE

SO I CAN PLAN
OUR GREAT ESCAPE.

I'LL BE READY.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Female computer voice:
TARGET DISTANCE--
ONE KILOMETER.

TARGET DISTANCE--
2 KILOMETERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
300 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
200 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
45 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
35 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
30 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
25 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
20 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
15 METERS.

TARGET DISTANCE--
25 METERS.

HI. OOH, WHAT A MORNING.
HOW WAS YOURS?

A REGULAR ADVENTURE.

YOU HUNGRY?

A LITTLE.

I'LL MAKE US SOME LUNCH
AFTER I TAKE A SHOWER.

I FEEL SO ICKY-STICKY.
IT'S SO HUMID OUT THERE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE
WEATHER WE HAD THIS MORNING?

IT WAS LIKE A MONSOON
OUT THERE.

I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO
GET RAIN IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

[SPEED DIALS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Man: YOU HAVE REACHED
THE AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEM
OF THE PENTAGON.

IF YOU ARE CALLING FROM
A TOUCH-TONE PHONE

AND KNOW THE EXTENSION
OF THE PARTY YOU WISH TO REACH,

PLEASE ENTER IT NOW.

PRESS ONE FOR
A DEPARTMENT DIRECTORY
OR STAY ON THE LINE--

LOOKING FOR THIS?

YOU ARE
SOME PIECE OF WORK.

OH, MY, YOU'RE GOOD.

I THOUGHT I WAS THE BEST,
BUT YOU'RE BETTER.

WELL, I'LL TAKE THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT

COMING FROM
THE GRAND MASTER HIMSELF.

I'LL HAVE THAT DEAD-MAN CODE
NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

SO, UH, WHAT'S YOUR RANK?

SORRY, COLONEL,
SOLDIERING IS YOUR M.O.

THAT OLD HONOR GOD, COUNTRY,
AND APPLE PIE BULLSHIT

CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR
IN THIS WORLD.

YOU'RE FREELANCE.

NEVER BEEN MUCH MOTIVATED
BY POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.

STRICTLY
A MATERIAL GIRL, HUH?

SO, UH, WHAT'S THE GOING RATE
FOR AN OLD D.O.D. LIKE ME?

MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY
MUST BE REALLY SHOT.

NO MORE GUNS, REMEMBER?

STEP ASIDE FROM
THE COUNTER, PLEASE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
I WASN'T READY FOR ALL THIS?

I DID SMOKE YOU OUT
WITH THE DEAD-MAN SWITCH.

WHO'S GONNA RESCUE YOU?

STUART, WITH ONE OF YOUR
STUPID LITTLE DRILLS?

THE CODE. NOW.

FUCK YOU.

I'M NOT GIVING YOU SHIT.

MACE, MACE, MACE.

I WAS REALLY HOPING IT WASN'T
GONNA GO DOWN LIKE THIS.

I WOULD HAVE THE CODE,
AND YOU, WELL...

YOU WOULD'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT
SOON ENOUGH, ANYWAY.

BUT YOU COULDN'T LEAVE
WELL ENOUGH ALONE, COULD YOU?

[WHISTLING]

(imitating Don Knotts)
ALL RIGHT, ANDY,

I THOUGHT WE SAID
NO MORE DRILLS.

THIS ISN'T A DRILL.

Female computer voice:
SYSTEM ARMED.

Male computer voice:
TEN... NINE... EIGHT...

Female computer voice:
WARNING. SYSTEM IS NOW ARMED.

FINAL LAUNCH SYSTEM ENGAGED.

ARE YOU SURE
YOU WISH TO PROCEED?

[BEEPING]

FIRING LAUNCH SEQUENCE
COMMENCED.

DATA TRANSMISSION COMMENCING.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

911 EMERGENCY.
OPERATOR 1016.

WHAT'S THE NATURE
OF YOUR EMERGENCY?

YES, THERE IS A DEAD WOMAN
IN MY KITCHEN.

UH, STAY ON THE LINE.
I'M CONNECTING YOU
TO POLICE DISPATCH.

DO NOT HANG UP, OK?

OK?

YES, THERE IS A DEAD WOMAN
IN MY KITCHEN.

[DISPATCH PHONE RINGS]

Woman: THIS IS THE L.A.P.D.

WE SHOW YOU'RE AT 15780
TERRACE HILL, CORRECT?

YES, THERE IS A DEAD WOMAN
IN MY KITCHEN.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIR?

SIR, YOUR NAME?

I DON'T KNOW.

IN WHAT CAN ONLY
BE DESCRIBED

AS THE MOST EXPLOSIVE
POLITICAL REVELATION

SINCE WATERGATE
AND THE IRAN-CONTRA SCANDAL,

PRESIDENTIAL SHOO-IN
ADMIRAL THOMAS MICHELMORE

IS NOW BEING LINKED TO GROSS
CRIMINAL MISCONDUCT

WHILE STILL IN CHARGE OF
THE NAVAL INTELLIGENCE
OPERATIONS

AT THE PENTAGON.

ALTHOUGH NOT OFFICIALLY
CHARGED AS OF YET,

THE FBI HAS LINKED
MICHELMORE TO THE DEATHS

OF SENATORS CARCANO, McHENRY,
AND CONGRESSMAN MARVIN HEISHA,

ALL MEMBERS OF
THE JOINT SELECT COMMITTEE
ON INTELLIGENCE.

MICHELMORE WAS NOT
AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT,

BUT A SPOKESMAN FOR
THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

SAYS FORMAL CHARGES
WILL BE IMMINENTLY FILED.

REPORTING FROM ATLANTA,
THIS IS STEVE MAZUR.