S.O.S.: Women to the Sea (2014) - full transcript

Recently divorced Adriana tries to get revenge on the woman who took her husband away from her by going on a European cruze along with them.

Which one? Lace or linen?

God, how does she do that?

How do I translate this?

Umbrella position?
Umbrella style?

Does it exist?

but with that tiny shaft...

By the end of this year,
I'll be there.

I mean living in America,
not in a porn video.

This is not my thing,
Dona Adriana.

People say we
can get better pay in America.

But you'll help me today,

Lace. Out!

People, be quiet, please!
Get ready to...

You stay.

You... stay.

Come on, what is that?

you're killing me, man!

Hey, buddy. Really?

You don't look like
a volleyball player.

You're too old, too fat.
It's all wrong.

-Thanks for coming anyway.
-Background maybe?

As an extra? Let me think.
Okay. Go to the other side!

Move, move!
Sweat some pounds off!

Stop yelling in my ear,
damn it!

I'm working.

But I sent you the photos
of all the women we have!

You didn't like any of them?
How come, Giorgio?

More [sensualità]?

Okay, okay, I understand.

Sensuality. I understand.


I'm producing a commercial
for this Italian,

but he's such
a pain in the ass!

He didn't like any of the photos
I sent him! He's so annoying!

What did I say?
Giorgio, what is it?

Oh, hi, sis. Sorry.

Luiza, you must be here
to welcome the guests,

all those people
from his office...

I'm heading out
to pick him up at the airport.


I'm almost done with
the "gluteus-free" bruschetta.


-Repeat after me: gluten.

Oh my God, I'm late.

That I got right.

Oh, my God, it's burning!

-You didn't need to pick me up.
-Come on, Edu!

My husband gets an international
award in Architecture,

and your loving wife,
who adores you,

wouldn't be here
when you arrived?

We must celebrate...

Wow, that's amazing...

You haven't said a word.
How was it?

It was great.

Has something happened
on this trip?

I know.
It was your boss.

-Am I right?
-He wasn't even there.

So that's it. I didn't go
because you didn't want me to.

I should have gone.

Eduardo, we've been together
for 10 years now,

and I know when something
is bothering you.

Tell me. I'm your partner.
What happened?

I was wondering
what are we supposed to do

when two people
strike a sort of...

continuing dialogue...

And how rules change
in the middle of the game.

This sounds like
a Gilberto Gil's interview.

Don't be like that.
I want to see you happy.

-Make you happy.
-I want a divorce.

Son of a bitch!


-What happened?
-The airplane crashed?

I got it. You want
to pull his tonsils off.


To spend my whole life
with him!

I get it, I get it.

That's why
I brought you this book.

It's a self-help book.
It's helping a lot of people...

Like Adriana, Luciana,

her mother and daughter...


I'm glad
you are so happy to see me.

Oh, sweetie...

Sugar water.

I know. No, no...

I know...

-You know!
-I know...

10 years with that man...

Calm down, Sis.

You crazy!

-You are crazy...
-And you are hysterical.

-Go away!
-Stop! Sorry.

It hurt me
more than it hurt you.

Leave me alone! No! No!

I've got some good news
and some bad news for you.

I'm taking
a three-week vacation

to be with you.

What is the good news?

I don't want it!

Here is the bad news.

"Beatriz Weber and architect
Eduardo Amaral Filho

make out
during the award night.

The couple embarks on a cruise
to Italy on the seventh."

The new darling
of the soap opera world

embarks today with awarded
architect Eduardo Amaral

on a cruise to Italy.

-I'd better go catch some waves.
-Okay. See you.

What is this, Adriana?
Look at you!

-Sis, I got a sign.
-That you're going crazy?

My husband is going on a trip
with that slut to Italy.

I know.

-This was my dream.
-Past tense.

-Mine and his.
-But it's not anymore!

It's over. Wake up.

And, when you wake up,
comb your hair,

brush your teeth,
take a shower!

I spent 10 years of my life
translating porn

when I could be writing
my book.

-Now that he's well off...
-You see?

Then, out of the blue,
I open a magazine

and there he is,
with that slut!

-Bitch! Whore!
-Lower your voice.

That Beatriz Weber.

Get over it! Move on!
Go work on your book!

-What book?

Get real, Luiza.
They hated my book.

Who said that?

I've got an e-mail
from the publisher today.

-They hated it.
-Let me see that.



They hated it.

No, they even ask you
to send new material.

They left the door open.

Luiza, please help me.
Help me save my marriage.

I have nothing else
to lose.

Help me get Eduardo back.
Come with me on the cruise.

You're out of your mind.

Luiza, you took
a 3-week vacation to help me!

To help
you forget that jerk.

two weeks stuck on a ship...

-With 1.500 men.
-I'll do it because I love you.

Keep your eyes open.
Keep your eyes open.

Keep it close.
If you need anything, call me.

-I mean it.

-Could you keep an eye on this?

Could you hold this?
Just for a minute.

I have to pee! I'll just...

I don't think
she'll make it in time.

Great shape... Have you ever
thought of becoming an actor?

I hope
we don't bump into them.

Call me. Let's go out
for coffee. Or some juice.

Or a bath...
I'm kidding. I mean sea bathing.

I hope we...
I can't believe it!

Are you okay?
Are you okay?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to drop your...

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Turn this thing off.

You've closed it
on my hand...

Luiza! Goddamn it!

-Good morning.
-How are you today?

I'm fine.
Give me your passport

My secretary is bringing mine.
Look for her.

We want two tickets...
Separate cabins, okay?

I have my ID on me,
if you need it.

That's crazy...

That's crazy.


-We want separate cabins.
-I've already told her that.

We work with Beatriz Weber.

She's also on the cruise.

Our cabins must be close to hers
or on the same floor.

Whatever you have.

-I'll see what I can do.
-Sure, please.

-Dialinda? What happened?
-Please, take me with you...

My passport is here.
I want to go to America.

-We're going to Italy!
-I can get a bus from there.

Dialinda, I can't, sweetie.

Thank you for everything,
but I can't.



Just a second,
it's right...

to the MSC Orchestra.

Excuse me.

Where are they?

Don't kill me, please!

-Here you are, finally!
-What are you doing here?

I'm really worried
about you, okay?

Please take this book with you.
It might help.

-Celebrities are reading it.
-"SOS - Saving the Dream"?

My God, what is that?

Please, just one second!
It's a transparent piano.

-Shut up! You have to go.
-Sure, just a minute.

I just wanted to say
I'm worried about...

What is it?

I can't believe it!

Oh my God, I'm at sea!

My hair is flying!

-What now?
-I'll buy another ticket.

you've got to get a grip.

-Sure, sure!
-...your life vests…

The ship is sinking!
The guy just said that!

Didn't you hear it?
I can't swim nor float...

It's going to be
a long trip...

The trip of our lives!

Are you happy? Really happy?
Not happier than me.

-Stop it...
-Excuse me.

You need to put on the vests
for the drill.

-Live vests? Okay.
-You too. Please?

-I have to put this on?
-Yes. Everybody does.

I'll take care of it,

I'm so late!
Here is my savior!

-Where's the handsome older guy?
-He went back home.

-He went...

Oh, I see...

Can you hold it
just for a minute?

Luiza, I'm beginning to think
this was a huge mistake.

-Maybe I shouldn't have...
-You want to give up now?

You are always telling me

there're other fish
in the sea...

that I should get real...

Kid, if you do that again,
I'll throw you into the ocean!

Without the vest!

Never mind...

My God, it's so complicated!
I guess we have to pull this...


From where I stand, the sea
is full of pink dolphins...

Stop it. Or I'll do
the same to you.

I never thought Eduardo
was the cheating kind.

All men
are the cheating kind.

This way.

-Look! Look!

It's Eduardo's suitcase!

Are you sure?

-This way, come. Is it far?
-No, darling.

They're coming!

I saw it on the internet...

-It won't open!
-Nor mine!

Let's swap!

-Babe, do you mind carrying me?

I'm tired.
One, two, three.

It's not working, damn it!

-Are you saying I'm fat?
-Of course not. You're hot...


It's no use, Sis.
Come! It's no use.

We have some shopping to do.
We have nothing to wear.

-It's too white.
-It's beautiful. Look!

A dress... Let me see...

This is how
you'll get your husband back?

This one is beautiful!
Give your arm.

This is gorgeous.

-What about this?
-I like it.

Wait. I won't get back at him
by maxing out his credit card.

Sweetie, if you don't do it now,
who do you think will?

The other woman.

Go ahead.

Where is the fun of being
on a cruise with 1.500 men

if they can't see me?

Eduardo can't find out
we are here.

I love it!

I'm dressed up,
I'm sexy, I'm rich...

-Let's eat in the cabin.

No, no, no.
Why would you do that?

Let's eat here,
have some fresh air.

Dialinda, that's enough.

-Look, guys. Up there.

What does she have
that I don't?

Not cellulite.

-It's a compliment.
-To whom?

To her.

Well, I guess she's pretty.

Nice body.

Classy, isn't she?

-What about her hair?
-It's gorgeous.

It's so straight.
It's really, really straight.

beauty alone is not enough

if the person
has no substance.

I agree with you.
It makes no sense.

So what if she is trilingual
and has an Actors Studio degree?

Okay, she's got an Emmy
for Best Newcomer Actress.

-It doesn't qualify anybody.

What if she has a foundation
or something like that

and fights for the preservation
of the Amazon Forest?

Men don't like
perfect women.

-I agree.
-They really don't.

And I read on that book
I was telling you about

that we are what we did
with what others made of us.

What does it have
to do with anything?

I think it's beautiful.

I'll take a shower
and try to cool off.

That's what I need,
a shower.

Have you lost your mind?

"Words have creative power."
It's in the book too.

-Let's have fun!

Wait, Adriana!

-What is it?
-Stop it, calm down.

You are a whirl of sadness
in a sea of happiness.

What happiness?

If you are bored,
you can play tennis.

If you are hungry,
you can eat.

If you're sick,
you take medicine.

-If you are thirsty...
-Drinks are not included.

As if life were happy,

is not a Hollywood musical,

where everybody dances
wherever and whenever.

It is not!

What about a kuduro class?

it's not that difficult.

Never mind, she's just not
in the mood for dancing.

Okay, okay.

-Lu! Dia, Dia!

I know what to do!

Eduardo hates women
who make a scene in public!

Great idea.

No, I didn't get it.

Are you crazy?

Thank you. I'm sorry.

I'd better get going.

Why don't you use the door?

Dona Adriana, come!
We don't have much time!

My friend
is waiting for me.

Excuse me.

Way to go, Sis!

A pirate is after me!

Look, I have a wooden leg!

Come on, open the door...

I think the champagne
is beginning to...

Put me down, okay?

-Oh, my God!

-My computer!
-What is this?

Oh, my God!

Calm down, Beatriz!

Oh, my God!
They stole everything!

They stole
all my beautiful clothes!

Do you know how
much I paid for this cruise?

Nothing. Your company did.
I want to go home.

I want to get off this ship
right now! Tell them to stop!

My beauty creams!
Oh, no! All my makeup!

What kind of people
they have on board?

People like
Dona Adriana, Dona Luiza...

An actress never walks
around without makeup,

never smiles
without imported gloss.

I can't face life
without mascara!

Come on. Really?

According to
your insurance plan,

you have a credit in the amount
of € 10,000 for lost baggage.

-€ 10,000?

Honey, look. Where are
the shorts you've picked?


The same pattern!
That's so cute! We'll take them.

We must thank the people
who stole our things.

Look at these! All brand new,
the best quality...

What a lucky woman!

-Do you speak Italian?
-And sing in it too.

Hell! I shouldn't have embarked
on this silly quest.

Sis, keep your cool.
That was just a rehearsal.

What number?

Number 17.

Lucky in money and love!
Amazing! Come on!

My God,
Beatriz is so classy...

-I mean, you are more beautiful.
-Don't push it, Dialinda.

Look how happy
those two are!

I hate it!

-Last bet and last drink.
-It's enough, Beatriz.

Just one more!

-What is that?

It's an extra dose
of happiness...

Thank you.

I've bet everything, babe.

Now we wait.


I can't drink hard liquor.

-It's not hard.
-Shut up!


Come on...
This can't be happening.

-I'll take them all!
-Thank you! Bye!

-Your champagne!
-It's all yours! Good night!

Thank you!


What are you doing?
Beatriz Weber gave it to me!

I'm a huge... fan!

You are bipolar!
You are bipolar!

Are you nuts?

Being an old lady killer
is all I needed.

But you drank...

I'm okay,
everything is under control.

I'm feeling great!

Let him go!

Keep an eye
on your husbands,

or Beatriz Weber
will come and chomp!

Let me go! I love it!

I love you!

Another one!
Exactly the same!


-Me too.
-No, no. You need water!

Where is your bag?
Where is your bag?

It's my little friend!
My glittery friend!

You are really fired up.

Don't tease me...
Hey! Stop teasing me...

With you, I know I'm safe.

Damn it!

Take a look at Adriana...

Is everything fine?

Hold on a minute!


What's up with you,
Dona Adriana?

I think I got a cold.

-Did you make out with that guy?
-Are you crazy? What guy?

You don't remember

Don't worry. This is no cold,
this is a hangover.

Caused by the "extra dose
of happiness" you took.

I remember
coming to my room...

-By yourself?
-Of course!

Then there's nothing
interesting to remember.

The bed shook so much.
It was so funny.

-I did that.
-Stop it! It's the ship!

-Let's have lunch.
-No, honey.

I ate too much at breakfast.
Not now.

-Do you mind if I go to the spa?
-I don't want to eat alone...

-Stop whining.
-I'm not.

-Come on, darling...
-Then give me a peck.

I just put lipstick on.
Eskimo kiss.

I won't be long.
Stop whining.

Don't be long.
I'll be in our cabin.

Don't eat too much.


Thank you. Dudico!

Thank you.

Hello, darling!

Oh, my God,
that's so sad!

-Thank God you are here.
-Give me a kiss.

You know...
I have realized

this trip makes no sense
without you by my side.

I never want to be apart
from my little parrot.

Oh, my God! Neither do I,
my cutest little parakeet.

-I have something for you.
-You do?

No, Beatriz!
Don't do that!

It's not that!

I've bought you something.
A gift.

-A gift?

What gift?
You've bought me a gift?

Where is it?

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-No, no, please.

I'm so sorry!

-What wine would you recommend?
-I'll bring something special.

It's not
what you're thinking.

Are you staying there?

Could you move back
a little bit? Thank you.



So... it's the fourth time
we bump into each other.

When was the third?

You don't remember anything
about last night?

-You are a very good dancer.
-Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
This is so embarrassing!

-My name is Andre.
-I'm Adriana.

What do you do, Adriana?

Exotic dancer?

I'm a writer.

That's cool.

Great, thanks.

Have I read something
you've written?

If you are one of the publishers
that rejected my book, maybe.

Not even close.
I'm a fashion designer.

Oh, of course!

Take a sip.

Thank you,
but I don't drink at lunch time.

-Just have a toast with me.


André, look...
Tell me something.

You, being the sensitive
man you are...

Do you think I'm ugly?

-Let me see.
-Tell me.

No, you are hot!

André... André...

do you think I am annoying?

You are a lot of fun!
Especially when you drink.

Sm... Smell here.

-Smell my armpit...
-What? Are you crazy?

-Tell me if I smell bad.
-No, you don't.

Adriana, hey!
What is your problem?


My husband
left me for a slutty bitch.

Why, André? Why did my husband
left me for a slutty bitch?

Hey, hey, hey. 58.

It's you.

-A blond guy?
-No! Dark skin!

-Dark skin?


Thank you.

I had I great time.

-What happened?
-You scared me!

-Tell us, how was it?
-It went well.

-Did you talk?
-A lot.

About what?

About art, books,
music, life... Life!

Have you been drinking?

Are you two back again?
Tell us!

What do you mean?
He didn't even see me.

That witch room's decoration
showed up.

-Eduardo didn't see you?
-So who were you talking to?

-My BFF. O André.
-Oh, come on, that's not right!

That's not right!

Are we supposed
to stay locked in here

while you are out there,
making friends?

Talk, you drunk, talk!

You may tone down
the disguises.

All right.

-Now you're talking.
-All right.

I want the morning
to kiss my body.

-I want to get a tan.

Okay, I will...

I'll find myself a boyfriend,
a handsome guy with blue eyes.

-Great, but mind your plurals.

Plurals. You add an "s"
at the end of the words.

Watch out, or people
will realize you are a scammer.

-Watch out. Good luck.
-Good luck.

I can't talk right now.
I'm at sea.

In Ibiza.

Please, a [drinks].

Pardon me.

It's just that my eyes
can't stop looking at you.

Then tell your eyes
they can keep on looking.

I don't speak your language
very well,

but I see you master it.

My [dears],
you have no [ideas].

-What a delicious swimming pool.
-Yeah, delicious...

What is that? You're checking
her out in front of me?

I thought
she looked familiar.

-Her ass looked familiar?
-Beatriz, please...

Was she flirting with you?
Is that it?

Please, don't make a scene.

-Wait here.

Excuse me, darling.


Enjoying the sun, right?

Look, I'll get right
to the point.

Were you flirting
with my husband?

I was flirting with you.

With me?

Yes, with you.

Okay, then...

Well, sorry.

Have a nice tan.


I haven't introduced myself.

My name is Charles.

Nice to [meets] you,

My name is Dialinda.

I'm French,
my family is French.

I'm a sales representative
for an Italian jeweler's.

What about you?
What do you do for [livings]?

I hold
an influential position

in the food industry.

Very interesting.
[Tells] me more.

Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go!

What about some fresh air?

Of course. Why [nots]?

Would you like some help?

Eduardo, listen to me.

From today on,
no pasta for us.

But you've only
gained two pounds!

Two pounds in real life
are like 20 on TV,

and a thousand comments
in gossip blogs.

You have no idea.

Why the long face?

I want to be skinny for you,
my little parakeet.

Yes, I do.

We are looking for a place
where we could eat some fruit.

Right upstairs,
by the swimming pool.

-Okay, thank you.

-Bye! Let's have some fruit.
-Beatriz, for God's sake...

Edu, stop it! Stop it!

-I want an ice cream.
-Don't you want to help me?

Of course I do.

-Eat this piece of fruit.
-I don't need to lose weight!

A small piece of banana.

It's delicious.
I love banana.

Come on, have some.
Come on.

-So sweet...
-What about a banana split?

No, no. Banana, the fruit.

Have some fruit.

Good job!

The gym is great!

Their equipment
is so [high-techs], isn't it?

I love it.

I gather
you are enjoying the cruise.

Of [courses].
I've never been on one.

I mean, on this ship.

My dear,
I'm having a very good time,

but, unfortunately,
I must be going now.

I'm here on business.


-Will I see you again?
-Of [courses].

Sorry, I'm running late.


-No, it's not me!
-Dialinda! Dialinda!

What's going on, Eduardo?

Dialinda! Dialinda!




Come on!

Why don't they have
normal keys?

Dona Luiza, open up!
Dona Luiza!


It's a small sea, isn't it?

Can you tell me
what's going on?

What? Poor people can't have
a vacation anymore?

Tell me why
you were running from me.

I was not running from...
I was not running.

-Spit it out, Dialinda!

-What are you doing here?
-Having a good time.

Luiza, you can't fool me.
What are you hiding from?

Well, Dialinda...
we've been caught.

We have to tell the truth.
I'll tell you. Come in.

Damn it!
I'm going to kill him!

You mean,
you are a lesbian couple?

Chic lesbians.

-Having fun on a cruise?

Prove it.

Seriously? You want us
to prove it to you?


-You are so silly!

It's okay.
No problem at all.

Come here, Di.
Let's prove it to him, then?

Okay, babe?


-I have no problem with that.

I have no prejudice against it.
Please, don't think I...

It's just that
it's such a coincidence

that you are on the same cruise
as myself and Beatriz...

-Yeah, it's a small world.
-Tell me about it.

-Isn't it?
-Tell me about it!

Eduardo, my love,
this is for you.

Don't speak.

Don't speak.


I know this might look like
a stupid payback,

but it's much more
than that.

I just wanted to show you
who this woman really is.

And who are [you]?

I just wanted
to open your eyes...

-What are you doing?
-I've seen it in the movies.

The other side, idiot.

Why did you do it?
To prove you love me?

Do you know what love is?

For 10 years,
I've given up my happiness...

I never asked you
to be unhappy!

If you were,
it was your decision!

Actually, you have
a talent for unhappiness!

Don't blame me
for your failures!

I'm not unhappy!

Do you think I didn't know
about her past?

-You think it's normal?
-Who are you to judge?

-You translate porn!
-It's completely different.

Why? Because nobody sees you
behind your literary nastiness?

-I know I'm talented.
-And Beatriz is too!


But she has already proved
to everybody she is talented!

-That woman has blinded you.
-She's opened my eyes.

-You are blind.
-You know what?

You should look up to her.

You piece of shit!
You piece of shit!

I love Beatriz,

and we are getting married.


It was you?

It was all you, Adriana?

Why did she do that?

Please, let's go.

Only spiteful people act
like that. Lovesick people.



Hello, my dears? What about
a [lambaxé] dance class?


It's not my thing,
but you are a great kisser.

In a few minutes,
we'll begin disembarkation

at Civitavecchia, port of Rome.

Sis, open the door!

let's set Rome on fire!

I'm not in the mood.

And since when
do you need to be in the mood

to visit a new place?

Just because
you're jealous?

If she's not in the mood,
too bad. Let's go.


what are your plans?

Dona Luiza, I'm sorry, but now
is every woman for herself.

-Who's that?

He's the leading man
of my life.

See you, Dona Luiza.
Good luck.

Wanna talk?

I know
what you're thinking.

That I'm that kind
of miserable woman

who can't stand
other people's happiness.

Who, after being dumped,

keeps wandering
on the deck of the ship,

like Kate Winslet,
in [Titanic].

You can say it. That's what
you're thinking, right?

What a vivid imagination!

No wonder you are a writer.

And, as far as I know,

in [Titanic],
the ship sinks, not the girl.

But I can understand
how you feel.

Picture, picture, picture,
picture, picture!

I admit it, I like it!

-I do like it!

I love rough guys!

I love to be grabbed
and ravaged.

One time he took me
to a deserted waterfall.

He said, "On your knees."

I obeyed, loving it.
"On your knees!"

I felt my body melt.

Then he grabbed me
by the hair, like this...

He said: "Crawl."
Oh, my God!

I said "okay".
When I began to crawl...

Neptune, that was fast...

[Fuego?] A light?

[Fuego?] Yes, I have fire...
a lot of fire...

Oh, you mean a lighter...

No, no, no...

Stupid me.

I quit smoking.

-Great. It's not good for you.
-No, it's bad...

Thank you.



No, no, no!

It's crazy.

I've spent my life translating
other people's pleasure,

but I had orgasms
only with one man.

-What's up with that?
-It's really crazy.

What can I do
if I'm a one-man woman?

He is a lucky man.

You were so great that
you made me forget everything.

I'm not feeling well.

-Are you pregnant?
-Of course not!

This must be some kind
of curse...


-You are not gay?
-No, I'm not.

Why would you think that?

Your body,
your skin, your hair?

You smell good,
you have style...

You have cute feet!
Do you know what it means?

That I'm not a pig?

What about the vibrator?

It was not a vibrator,
it was a massager.

-But you are a fashion designer.
-And you are prejudiced!

-You translate porn movies.
-You kissed that handsome guy!

Thanks, people tell me
I look like my father.

Oh, my God!
You are not gay!

Oh, my God, I'm going to die!
This is so embarrassing!

I thought
I was opening up to my gay BFF!

Actually, I have exposed
myself completely to you!

You have no right
not to be gay!

It's nasty of you
not to be gay!


-Beatriz Weber?

Will you give us
your autograph?

Of course. It's a pleasure.

How long have you been
on the ship?

Oh, my God! That's awful!

-What's wrong, Beatriz?
-You saw...

-Let's get out of here!
-Are you nuts?

-Are you messing with my wife?
-Stop it!

Your mother
can't protect you from me!

-Come on!
-So embarrassing! Damn it!

Do you think
we should call Dona Adriana?

-That'll take long to heal.
-But I told her the book...

What's up, girls?

How do I look?

-I'd do you.
-She's a great kisser.

-Why are you holding your head?
-I have a bit of a headache.

What a coincidence!

Are you Luiza?

-It's a pleasure. André.
-Pleasure is all mine, André...

He's gay.

-See you later.
-But it's about to start.

It's proven.

There is a God.

We are happy to announce

"The Night of Talent"!

We have on board
a soap opera star.

She will grace us
with her beautiful voice.

The stage is yours.

I haven't really
thought this through.

Suck a banana!

I'd like to sing a song

the spirit of friendship.

To help me out,

I'd like to call on stage
someone very special.

A friend. Adriana!
Where are you, darling?

Dri, come up here!

Light on the audience,

where are you, dear?

Oh, there she is!
Come on up here!

Dri, come on up!

Come, dear! Please, a round
of applause to encourage her.

Come on up, dear.

-I don't speak Italian.
-Let's sing together.

[Maestro], music, please!

I can't sing

Thank you.

Now it's your turn,
my friend.

I don't speak Italian
I'm screwed

I'm screwed

I'm screwed

Having to face
this burnt bruschetta

It makes me mad
it makes me mad

She stole my husband
away from me

You should drop dead
you should drop dead

You are such a cow
with three fake breasts

I'll crack your head
I'll crack your head

Everybody now, come on!

Fake, snake
what a dreadful woman you are

Come back here!

What a pain in the neck
you will never be a star

Fornicate here, fornicate there
she found a new schmuck

A big unpeeled banana
that's what she likes to suck

Kill them, sis!

A round of applause,

Listen, all these women
want to see el cantante?

They all want to see Franco.

That was the most hilarious
thing ever.

-You were awesome.

-The audience was smitten.
-Don't push it.

You have a lot of charisma...
a kind of magnetism...

You are amazing.

I have
to tell you something.

May another couple
sit with you?

-No, man. Come on!
-It's okay.

Let him do it.
It's no problem. It'll be fine.

Here, please.

I can't believe it.
That's all I needed.

-Let's go to another restaurant.
-Babe, no way. Of course not.

I mean...
why would I leave?

Hold on, hold on.

Hi, hi.

it's a life or death situation.

I can't lose this job,

No, you won't lose your job.
I'll be quick.

I have three small children...
If you could help me...

-Of course. Here you are.
-Thank you.

Adriana, I think
you did very well tonight.

I'm glad.

You are a great improviser.

You could be an actress

since you are
a failure as a writer.

Please, Beatriz.

This wine
has a wonderful bouquet.

Where did you two meet?

-We met at the harbor.
-At the harbor.

-So you're very recent friends.
-For now.

What do you mean, for now?

Oh, I'm sorry!

When I am nervous,
I get clumsy.

Plus the ship's movement.

I'm sorry.

Are you apologizing
to this woman?

What's your problem?
Lack of confidence?

You know, Eduardo came the very
first time we slept together,

which had never happened
in the 10 years you were married.

You know how I know that?
Because he told me.

Are you going to let her
get away with this?

As long as you don't jump,
it's okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry...

Help me, please!
[Signore] Franco!

The poor woman
is not feeling well.

Thank you so much!

I don't know what it means,
but I love the sound of it.

Sure, sure!

He has a thing
for asphyxiation...

I love it! Come...

-I'm going to call a doctor.


What Beatriz said
last night...

You didn't believe it,
did you?

It doesn't make
any difference.

I forgive you.

All this drama
you've created here...

I know you did it
because you love me.

Do you think I owe
you an apology?

For pouring
all my happiness on you,

for believing you were the man
you never were?

Do you think I owe you
an apology

for loving you more
than I loved myself?

Should I also apologize

for blaming you
for my failures?

You are the one
who has to forgive me.

You made me believe
that our unhappy life together

was my only option.

Adriana, you talk
as if we have never...

-I know I owe a lot to you.
-Yes. Yes, you do.

But I don't owe you a thing,
not even forgiveness.

Thanks for
10 years of mistakes.

Now I'm ready...

to be happy
for the next 50 years.

-Put some clothes on!
-This is not happening!

You can't get
into my cabin,

take your clothes off
and get into my bathtub!

"You only know your destiny
when you get there.

But... There where?
I don't get it.

"You only know your destiny
when you get there."

I found you.

Were you looking for me?

-Wait, I'm coming over.
-No, no.

I'm coming over.

There you were,
apologizing to Adriana.

She was the one who should
be apologizing to me.

But you wanted to make nice
with the ex!

Give me a break, Beatriz!
I won't hear it anymore!

I was apologizing
for something you did!

-What are you doing?
-It's not your business.

Eduardo! What...

Don't slam the door
on my face!

Open the door!

You are crazy...

I have always been.

But I think
I'm finally happy.


-I love "foro".
-"Foro"? What do you mean?

-Oh, [forró]!

I'm so relaxed...

Eduardo, open the door.

Open it, Eduardo!

You weakling!



Don't call me a clown!

Don't do anything
you'll regret later...

If regret could kill...

What did you say?

Forget it.


I need to tell you something.

No, later...


Tell me something:
am I that unattractive to you?

It's not that.

Oh, I see,
you don't like women.

Yes, I do.

But I'm married,
I have a...


You aren't married,
are you?

No, not at all.


Tell me.

-What planet are you from?

Exactly. Italians are
the sleaziest men in the world.

And the most romantic.

I love my wife.



The thing is
I don't believe in love.

At least, until now.

If you walk out that door,
I'll never forgive you!


Eduardo, stay...


["Amore mio..."]

"André and Anita invite
you to their wedding..."

Their wedding?

You are getting married!

What are you doing here,

The head of the kitchen
is looking for you!

The ship is anchoring
and breakfast is running late!

Lower your voice...

-Don't get fresh with me!

What was he talking about?

You work in the kitchen?
Is this your "food business"?

I can explain...

Then you'd better speak
in English!

I can't believe
I fell for that!

-I'm your last hurrah, right?
-No, you're much more than that!

you are not only that.

I took this trip
to think things through.

I thought you were different.

-No, no! Don't touch me!


-Dona Adriana...



Get lost, damn it!

I can't believe it.



Open the door.

Adriana, open the door!

Adriana, open up, please!

I was trying to tell you!
Open the door!

[Amore! Amore!

Don't get lost, Dialinda.

No, I made a note
on the map.

You did?

-I'm so dispirited...
-Come on, Adriana... Really?

Are you staying
in this room the whole day?

Please... Wait. I'll have
to work here in Venice.

Oh, no! No battery!

-Adriana, may I...
-It's in my bag.

Dialinda, get it for me,

Come with me.

Sis, listen to me.
I love you.

-Be well.

-Call your cell if you need me.


Luiza, welcome!

There is a God...

-Come again?
-Yes, I'll come...

Hey, hey, hey!

-Come back here! Come on!
-No, no...

You've got to dance
with us!

Come on, dance a little.

I want
to show you something.

It's about
the photos you sent me.

I said sexy,
not beautiful women.

Look here.

A salmon can be beautiful,
but not sexy.

To the female salmon,
who knows?

I'm looking a bold woman's
kind of sexuality.

Yes, bold.

Someone who knows
how to pleasure a man.


today is your lucky day.

-Oh, yeah?

What about this woman?

Wow! She's perfect!
Absolutely perfect!

I have finally found
your sexy woman!


That's my story.
And life brought me here.

Now tell me, Dona Sonia,
what should I do?

These experiences
will make you grow.

Life surprises us
in unexpected ways.

This is such
a beautiful place!

Ten years ago,

I lost my son and my husband

in a boat accident.

Since then, that's what I do...

I go from sea to sea,

from place to place,

stupidly hoping
to find them.

That's why I'm always playing
and dancing.

I celebrate every minute,

because that's what
they used to do.

Not me.

I was always complaining
about life.

life gave me a punch in the face.

Enough with this sadness!
Enough! It's in the past.

-Let's change the subject.

But that taught me a lesson:

is the greatest miracle!

Whatever way
it presents itself.

You know, Dona Sonia,
I like that.

-You do?
-I like that.

Then learn one thing:

life can't be defined.

That's true.

After all,

what would be of the poet

without sadness
to elevate the soul?


Excuse me.
I want to be alone.


-I want to be alone.
-Please, forgive me.

Forgive you...

-Dialinda, come back here.
-Stop saying my name!

I'm going to kick your ass
back to Recife!

You lying bastard!

Dialinda, stop this charade!
You can't scam a scammer.

Your little act has more
holes than Swiss Cheese.

Show me some respect,

Why fake an English accent
and waste my time,

you fake lord!

Waste your time?

Dialinda, when I saw you
for the first time,

I fell
head over heels for you.

It didn't matter
if you were rich or poor,

a celebrity, whatever.

I just wanted
to be close to you.

-Oh, Charles...

-Charles Desnilson?


That's a tough one.

I don't know what to say,

Don't say anything.
Kiss me.

Kiss you?

No way.

Hey, come here...

Thank you. Thank you.

I grew up
dreaming of writing a book,

but, before that,
I had to grow up, mature,

and even learn
how to be happy.

This is the first
anti-self-help book there is.

I don't defend
the right to be unhappy.

Being unhappy is very easy
actually, right?

I defend
the readers' right

to find a way to solve
their problems without formulas.

You can't define life,

Happiness is no obligation.

It's only an option.

That's it.
I hope you like it.

She is my sister.

She is my sister.
Are you familiar with her work?

-No, not at all.
-My sister is such a hottie...

Eduardo? Hi!

I'm so happy for you.

Thank you, really.

-Thank you.

Thanks for coming.

-And Beatriz, how's she?
-She's great, filming in Europe.

With Giorgio.

Thank you, Eduardo.


Will you sign it for me?


-Excuse me, just one minute.

-Adriana, listen to me...

Are you going to let him go,
just like that?

I don't have anything
to do with Eduardo anymore.

I'm not talking about Eduardo.
I'm talking about André.

He's just left.

-He has just left.
-What? What? What?

No... No, no, no! André!

I can't believe it!
I can't believe it!

-Oh, no! My God!

He saw you hugging Eduardo
and left.

He got it all wrong!
It was nothing like that!

I'm desperate to talk
to that man!

Oh, my God!

I had so much to tell him!
Oh, Luiza...

What did you want
to tell him?

I wanted to tell him that
I think about him every day,

that I feel fulfilled
in my work.

That I'm happy again

and ready to fall in love
a thousand times if necessary.

I wanted to tell him
how important he was

and still is to me.

You won't need to tell him
that anymore.

Why are you saying that?


It wasn't you in the cab?

No, it was not me.

What about your fiancée?

She's in Italy.
At least, I think she is.

Models travel so much.
Especially when they are single.

So you really think
there's no recipe for happiness?

Yes. I've realized happiness
is not about a recipe.

it's about the good old
trial and error method.

Wanna try it with me?

I still can't say
that I have found happiness?

You can't?

But nobody'll ever take the
joy of looking for it from me.

You fell hard for the guy.

I'm crazy in love.
That Italian ruined my life.

-Wrong. Look what I have here.
-Oh, come on! No way!

Give me some credit! I want
to read something for you.

"Absence makes
the heart go fonder."

-No, wait!

What does it even mean?

That you should wait for him
for the rest of your days.

Because you will never [meets]
men like him.

I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry.
-It's okay.

Okay, I'll never meet
another man like him.

But [better] than him,
who knows?

-It's the book you told me about?
-Yeah. It's crap. Throw it away.