Ruben Brandt, Collector (2018) - full transcript

Four expert thieves attempt to steal every famous artwork that is haunting their mutual psychotherapist. A detective attempts to find out who the "Collector" is.

OCR'd, corrected and resynced
by explosiveskull


Help me! Help me!

My nightmares are getting
stronger and stronger.

Characters from famous paintings
continue to attack me.

This time, it was
Velázquez's Infanta Margarita,

and Frank Duveneck's Whistling Boy.

I haven't had a good night's
sleep in three weeks now.

We'll have low temperatures
of 20 degrees and highs near 27.

Mostly sunny and dry for the weekend.
Lowest relative humidity: 25 percent.

Breaking News!
Approximately 30 minutes ago

Paris Police announced
that the priceless

fan owned by Egyptian pharaoh Cleopatra
was stolen from the Louvre Museum.

Witnesses reported that a young
woman in black broke the glass case

containing the fan and then escaped by
doing a back flip out of the window,

and speeding off in a red Mercedes in the
direction of the Place de la Concorde.

Bonjour, Madame!


Well, Mademoiselle... you didn't come
to Paris to steal that fan, did you?

Non, détective Kowalski. I just
wanted to give you something to do.

Oh, Margaret,
this city is just so romantic!

Oh, George!

I wish we could stay in Paris forever.

How about another bottle of wine?

Waiter, please!


Mom, I'm old enough, I can
take care of myself...

Mademoiselle! You were sent
to steal the Regent Diamond!

Not bad for a Frenchman.

I'm not French.


Why the fan?

Because beauty shouldn't be locked away.

Some beauties must be locked away.

Well, then choose wisely, mon chéri!

No, no, no, no, no...! Don't...!


Polyart Clinic! May I help you?

Good afternoon, this is Mimi.
Could I speak to Dr. Brandt?

Mimi who?

Just Mimi.



I'll be straightforward, Doctor.

I have a problem that's
getting in the way of my work.

Narcolepsy? Tourettle's? ADHD?


Aha. So you're stealing
from your employer.

Not quite.

So, hanging around wasn't an option.

Are you sure?


Oh, great...

Hi, sweetie!

Cut the crap, huh?!
Where is my diamond?

Last time I checked, it was in the Louvre.

Well, the last time I checked, I
was paying you cash for it, huh?

Something came up.

A fan? Haha, Mimi... I would not
want to be in your shoes right now.

So, you see, I have to get
better, and quick.

I read in a magazine that you're
the best shrink to treat artistic souls.

I don't know about the best.

Well, it wasn't a very good magazine.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Hello ? You there ?

Yeah, Doc. I'll see you soon.

I don't wanna be Little Red
Riding Hood!

Come on! It's only a therapy. Yesterday
I was Little Red Riding Hood...

Thank you, Fernando!

Bye-Bye Joe, you are here because you
can't keep quiet in delicate situations.

Playing this role is exactly what you need.

Huh. Okay, Doc. I'll do it.

So, Bye-Bye Joe, you will be
Little Red Riding Hood.

Membrano Bruno, you will be the thunder,
the wind and the wolf.

Fernando, you will
be the bells, Granny and Luke, the hunter.

Okay, now you know your roles,
so let's start! We can hear Little Red

Riding Hood walking through the
forest: squish-squish-squish!

Aha... Squish-squish-squish!

Places everyone - and let's start!

A dark and stormy night.
A terrible wind roars.

The bells of the nearby church ring...

Little Red Riding Hood is walking
through the forest...

Somewhere in the distance
a wolf howls.

While in a cottage at the edge of
the forest, Granny is asleep...

The same forest is also home to
Luke, the hunter...

Thunder rumbles powerfully

Good evening, Mr. Barutanski!

Hi, Mortimer!

Four Kalashnikovs!

...Mike Kowalski, a private detective
from Washington DC., managed to save the

priceless fan by leaping into the river
Seine, where the thief had thrown it.

At the news conference, the Managing
Director of the Louvre Museum...

I know that guy! Kowalski... Huh...

Is he one of yours?

Nah, his father, Gerhard,
used to work for the Company.

We worked on
Subliminal Programming together,

which focused on experiments
with 16 mm film.

That was one hell of a project... a good
old fashioned rivalry with the Russians.

Hey, wait a second!

I knew it! That's exactly the same
forward jump with a backward somersault.

Hockey, I ran across an interesting girl.
I have to get to know her.

No way, can't be her...

But there's got to be...


Stunt double, Mimi. So, your name is Mimi.

Are you a member of the
Stuntmen's Association?

It's no good, Hockey.
Mimi isn't a joiner.


The same shirt again!


Is it my fault?
Did I raise you this way?

International broadcast,
same shirt as in November!

- You have the memory of an elephant.
- Don't humour me, young man!

Hey Mom, you want humour? Father's day
is coming up. Care to tell me something?

No. What are you getting at?

My father's identity?

Not again! We have already
discussed this, I don't want to go...

We haven't discussed anything,
you just keep silent!

Who was he, Rasputin?

No. It's not funny!

One suspect is out. 4 billion remain.

Mike, this issue is closed as far as I'm
concerned. Sorry for pestering you, but...

That's okay, mom.

Alright, son. I will talk to you tomorrow.
Take care!

Will do, mom.

It was his fault, Hockey.
He drew first blood.

Not a very good forgery.

Hey! I'm not a forgery!

What are you then, darling?

I'm the real thing, baby!

Bye-Bye Joe!

I know, I know. Statues don't speak.

Impressive, Doctor.

Art is the key to
the troubles of the mind.

Membrano Bruno is two-dimensional,
but he eats too much,

which is getting in the way
of his banking business.

Too many sausages!

Too many sausages...

He's trying to carve his craving
for food into stone to contain it.

"Possess your problems to conquer them.”

Hm, exactly!

I read it in a magazine.

Fernando is dealing
with his particular obsession

by creating variations
on a three-note melody.

What's his obsession?

The signature he leaves after
each successful security breach.

So, what about me, Doc? Ventriloquism?

Your compulsion to steal comes
from a deeper need.

You are missing something in your life.

I want you to paint it.

How can I paint it if I don't know
what it is?

Trust in the brush.
It will reveal all.

If you say so...

Come closer, Ruben!

Come closer!

If I frightened you, forgive me!

And come to Paris to see me sometime!

I've been waiting for you, Ruben!

Ruben, you said that everything started
after your father's funeral, a month ago.

Body to the ground, earth to earth,
ashes to ashes, and dust to dust...

I went back to his house.

I hadn't been to his lab in years.

All my childhood memories suddenly hit me.

Daddy, can I go outside and play
with the snails?

No, Ruben. Maybe later. This
time is our cartoon time.

But Daddy, please!

Ruben, men don't cry!

It was Rusalocka.
My favourite cartoon.

Ah, the Little Mermaid.

But for some reason I couldn't watch it.
I felt anxious and I had to escape.

Remember the Sea Witch?

Do you think she has any connection
to your next visit to Botticelli's Venus?

I don't want to talk about that.

Ruben, look at me!
If you don't let me help you,

you're going to kill yourself!
Or someone else...

When I entered the room...

she was already waiting for me...

...and I bet Doc's voice recorder
belonged to Sigmund Freud!

Get serious, guys!
Don't you want to help him?

But what can we do about it?

I feel like you already have a plan.

Yes. As a matter of fact, I do.
And it involves all of you.

But there's only one thing
that we're any good at.


Doc is a tipo simpatico.
But what's in it for us?

Don't you want to know if
your therapy is working?

Let's check it out!

Guys, cameras and alarm system are prepped.

Great stuff, Fernando, I'm impressed!

Don't forget, Joe! Statues don't speak.

Yeah, yeah, I got it, statues
don't speak, thanks...

And your mother is normal?

What do you mean “normal"?

Well, I-I mean... is she three-dimensional?

Yeah, she is three-dimensional.

Two tickets, please!



Okay, Sir.

Your French is really good.
Is your mother French?

I understand, yeah,
thanks, yeah, alright...

Oh George, he doesn't really look
like he's thinking that hard.


I reckon you look smarter than that.

I look smarter than that when I
look in the mirror in the morning!

I mean, he's all muscle, no brains...
so overrated, this statue!

Come on, let's get the hell out of here.

Mmmm... All fat, no brains.

Dear Visitors, in 10 minutes

Musée d'Orsay will be closed.
We hope you enjoyed your visit.

Please, be so kind as
to go to the nearest exit.

Right now.

Listen, man... I've been thinking.

If your mother is three-dimensional, then
what is your father like?

He is a one-dimensional guy.

What? He's... a dot?

What are you talking about,
Bye-Bye Joe?

He's not a dot, he's a line!
He's a tall guy.


Whoa... I wouldn't mind her in my dreams!

Breaking News!
Paris, Musée

d'Orsay: the famous masterpiece, Olympia
by Edouard Manet, has been stolen.

French authorities are still unsure how
the burglars entered the museum

or how they disabled the security cameras.

The museum has offered a 100
thousand euro reward

for information leading to the
apprehension of the robbers.


A long time ago Gerhard told me
that Napoleon III the moment

he saw the painting, personally
cut up Olympia with his sabre.

But I'm sure he took care
not to harm the cat...

Ciao, Mike!

Ciao, Marina!
What do you have for me?

Your mystery woman, Mimi...

She worked for three years at the
Viareggio Circus in Roma. Acrobat,

the best around. They kept her on,
even though she was a kleptomaniac.

That's why she took the fan!

And she left a year ago.

To put her illness to better use.

I'm sending you a copy of her

Thank you, Marina!
Great job.

I know. You owe me some serious dinner.

And dessert!

Such a ladies' man.

So that's Mimi!

And you went over last night's
security tapes, I presume?

Oui, the cameras were frozen.

Merci, Francois! I'd like to see
the archive tapes one month back!

Whoa, what's he doing?

Oh, he's bleeding.

Hm... Performance at?

Not now! I'm busy!

Not now!

Close your eyes, Doc!
We've got a surprise for you.



Bye-Bye Joe, give me a hand!

Wow, nice painting.

See, Doc? Possess your
problems to conquer them.

Good morning! One moment, please!


Hoppla, we're alive!

Oh, you are just in time, Ruben.

Gun fight! Gun fight!

Gun fight! Gun fight!

What are you waiting for? Draw!

Draw what?
I don't have a gun!

Oh, but you do...

...and not only one.


Draw your guns!

Gun fight! Gun fight!

Wake up, wake up, Monsieur Brandt!
It seems like you have a nightmare!

Where are we?

In an airplane, Monsieur Brandt.

We're flying to Arles.
That's where you've been sent.

It's time! We are over Arles now.

Hey! What are you doing?

Don't be afraid, Monsieur Brandt!
You've been sent to my address!

Are you crazy? Put me down!

These are the rules!

If the address is legible, the parcel
must be delivered, Monsieur Brandt.


What happened, Doc?
You look like a man who wants something.

Van Gogh's Postman and Warhol's
Double Elvis.



I need all 13 paintings that are
tormenting me.

If you're willing to help,

we should all move to my villa
on the island of Biševo.

It's in the Adriatic. The airport
in Rome isn't far away.

Sure, Doc. Let's have a party!

Peanut or le bonbon?

Both, my dear.

Sooner or later, everyone stops... smoking!

Wow, nice body!

Hey, look! I didn't know
Lenin was the Führer!

I thought it was the other guy!

... and he said: I don't wanna
be Little Red Riding Hood!

Our top story tonight:
the so-called Collector strikes again!

After Paris, Budapest, Rio, Florence,
St. Petersburg and Sidney,

the serial art robbers have hit
New York's Guggenheim Museum.

At present, the estimated value
of stolen masterpieces

has reached two billion dollars.

The Chicago-based Union Cartel
Insurance Company has raised the

reward for capturing the so-called
Collector to 20 million dollars.

Porca Miseria! 20 million! Hah.
For that kind of money,

we have to screw around with drugs
and the police for two years!

Ah well, it's my fault. I simply never
thought you could live off art.

My grandpa used to say: Vincenzo,
stick to drugs and prostitution, you know,

a man can make an honest living there.

Ah-ah! No more!
We should enter this fucking field of art!

Domestic violence in Hollywood films made
between the 1930's and the mid-eighties

was usually displayed as a show
of masculinity, or even romanticized.

Well known examples
of such films are “My Baby Left

Me," "Kiss Me Gently,"
"The Barber of Blitvia..."

Ah, we need more information.
Giuseppe, call Boris!

Yes, of course Giuseppe. I'll do my best.
But you know my price...

Come on, Doc!
You're exaggerating!

No, Mimi. I'm serious.
You're getting closer every day!

I feel it too!

So, Doc, what's the next job?

The Uffizi, Florence.

Breaking News! A few minutes after midnight,
thousands of tourists on the streets

of Florence, Italy, noticed strange strobe
lights coming from the Uffizi Gallery.

... made the police enter
the Uffizi Gallery

immediately, only to discover the
empty frame of Botticelli's Venus.

Someone erased last night's
security footage from the Uffizi.

However, I checked
through the archives...

... and look! Remember the guy who
went crazy in front of Olympia?

The performance artist?

One and the same!

Angelo, Diavolo! Sit!

So, if you slow down
the strobe light from the Uffizi,

it repeats a message in Morse code.

Eye, eye, eye.

Mhm... Like the three eyes
on the Musée d'Orsay!

Here we go! Yeah!

Whoa! Bloody hell!


Who attacked you?

The guy from Hopper's Nighthawks!

Well, let's go to Chicago!

Opa! Kowalski is already speaking!

If we don't crack this case soon,
we'll never see those paintings again.

Is this why we're paying you so much?

With all due respect, Mr. Graham,

we are dealing with a collector here,
and not a serial thief.

He's taking paintings which couldn't be sold.
Not even on the black market.

Mr. Kowalski, I've been in this business
for 45 years and I can tell you

that in 6 months someone will put Olympia
up for sale in South Blitvia!

No. Someone is building a collection.

As a collector myself,
I understand how they think.

Once the collection is complete,
he or she will stop.

You follow your instincts and
we will follow our experience.

We are raising the reward
to a 100 million dollars!

Chort poberi! A 100 million!
I must call Vincenzo.

Bye-Bye Joe, send it to Hotel Bellevue.


Ruben, Kowalski recognised me,
you can't come to Rome with us!

Ciao Marina! Did you hear?

Yes, I did. Hopper!

We can get the painting now!
Listen, tomorrow morning,

flight 87B from Chicago
will be landing in Rome,

7:15 your time. The picture

- is in a yellow tube with Mimi.
- Our Mimi? Is she the Collector?

She's connected. And she's not alone.

Okay, Mike. I'll organize a welcome party!

There are four of them.
The woman has the tube.

Step back!

The city of love

At this very moment,

they are opening the tube containing
the stolen Hopper, the Nighthawks.

Lieutenant, let me see the painting!

This is clearly the end of the
Collector's short-lived career.

Damn! What do we pay Boris for?

What an epic failure for the
Roman Police Department!

Boss, look!

Porca puttana! That's Mimi!

Instead of reclaiming a famous painting,
they get a cat and mouse poster.

Alright, Mimi! 2:0 for you!

Long time no see, Cooper.

I needed some solitude.
Took my yearly trip to the mountains.

Sometimes I wonder
why I come back at all.

Haha. For the booze?

Yeah. Reasonable assumption.

Who is the mysterious Collector?

Let's review now the entire
catalogue of stolen masterpieces...

Ah... Can't listen to this shit anymore.
Enjoy catching up, Cooper!









Keep the change, darling!

Oh! Thanks, Kris!

Generous, as always...

I know who the Collector is.

I will tell you the details in person!

So, please, meet me.
This evening my place, at 7:30.

124 Penn Street, South East.

Okay, Mr. Cooper. See you soon!

Hey Mike!

Ciao Marina!
Could you look up a name for me please?

John Cooper, 124 Penn Street, South East,
Washington D.C.

Wait, Cooper! What about our drink?

Gotta hurry!

Yeah, I overheard you! Come on!
Won't you help out an old friend?


Look, you don't want to do this alone, huh?

We'll split the money. Fifty-fifty.
Just tell me who the Collector is!

That's... It's not his fault.
I'd never betray my friends.


Now, if you'll excuse me.

Mr. Cooper!

Mr. Cooper!

Mr. Cooper!

Yesterday's Spy, Perfect Spy,
An American Spy... Enjoying Art?

Hey Mike!

Ciao Marina! Can you look up
another name for me please?

Gerhard Brandt, B - R - A - N - D - T,
former CIA Agent.

Just a second, Mike.

Hello ? You there?

Of course!

Okay, Gerhard Brandt,
born in Berlin, 1938, grew up

in East Berlin. Former Stasi colonel,
expert in psychotechnics.


Practical applications of psychology.

Like political propaganda?

Smart boy!
With help from the CIA, in 1967,

he moved with his wife Helga
and two-year-old son Ruben to Washington D.C.

What did he do for the CIA?

Experiments with subliminal
perception, for the Special

Activities Division, where
John Cooper worked too.

His wife died in a car accident in 1975.
And... here,

an obituary. He died of a
heart attack one month ago.

Last known address?

842 Bladensburg Road.

Thanks. Call the cops to Cooper's house.

Okay. What's the crime?


What's up, Kowalski? Let's go!

Ah, so you wanna play...

Bring it on!

Gun fight, gun fight, gun fight!

I don't want a gun fight, Tom is my friend!

Hey, hey, hey!

Andy Warhol's Elvis?

John, it's just a game.

Double Elvis among these kids.
Kid, kid, kid, kid... Double Elvis again!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 22,
23, 24, 25! Elvis again!

The Sea Witch from the Little Mermaid!

Sea Witch, Sea Witch, Sea Witch...
Botticelli's Venus?

1, 2, 3, 4... 22, 23, 24, 25...
Botticelli again!

Bremen Town Musicians!

Cat, cat, cat... and the Olympia!

Marina, you won't believe this!

The Collector's identity is hidden
in Gerhard's laboratory.

Oh my god!
What did you find?

Thanks for the information!

Mike! Mike!

Excuse me, Marina! What is going on?

I don't know. Mike is fighting
with someone. He'll call me when he is done.

Oh my goodness!

Hi Mikey, I just bought you a new shirt!

Mike ?

Mom? What does the name
Gerhard Brandt mean to you?

Mom? I asked you a question!

What does the name
Gerhard Brandt mean to you?

He was your father.

He was a scientist,
experimenting with the subconscious.

Did he use cartoons?

Only on your half brother, Ruben.

He... wanted to make him a great artist.
That's why Ruben had nightmares.

I, I had to leave your father...
to save your dreams...


Pierre-Auguste Renoir?

For fourty years,
I've been discovering

that the queen of all colours is
the colour black, Ruben.

You're different.
You're a painter, Pierre-Auguste.

I don't really like black.

- You'll learn to like it.
- I don't want to learn to like it.

Come, I'll teach you to throw
yourself into the blackness,

like a lemming in to the sea of Norway!

I don't want to throw myself
into the blackness!

Come freely, we'll jump together!
We'll disappear into the black!

I don't want to disappear into the black!

I'll talk you into it, Ruben.
Here, for a starter, have a bit of black!

The next painting is
Bazille's portrait of Renoir.

They got it! M-m-m-m-mimi is with them.
They're getting into a vintage Tatra.

I need Mimi at any cost!
The rest can die.

Watch out!


Giuseppe, tell Vincenzo not to
worry, we got this covered, okay?

Hey, hey! Here comes a little
birdy, come on here to daddy!

Turn, turn, turn...

Bloody hell!

Bloody hell!


Oh my god!

Watch out!

Joe, take the 'copter, the truck is mine!

Alright, alright, I got it!

Here we go!

Come on, Joe... come on...

How you doing?

Give it to me!
Give it to me baby!

Haha! You big banana head...

Have a nice day, mate!

I'm... I'm the pilot. I'm just a pilot.

Okay, okay, okay, I'll jump,
just let me take a parachute.

No problem, no problem, I'll
jump, I'll jump, I'll jump.

Boys, it's time to get down!

Alright, let's have a party!

Hey! We gonna smash into the overpass!

Bye-bye guys!

Watch out!

Here you go!

Oh, that won't be easy, baby!



County buggery fucktole bumshite!

Oh my god!

Hi, guys!

Ruben, I'm free!

I'm free!


Well, well, well.

Frank Duveneck's Whistling Boy was the 11th
and Bazille's Renoir the 12th.

The last one is Double Elvis. And the Double
Elvis is finally being put on display!

A Pop Art exhibition in Tokyo. Hockey,
the end of the game is very,

very near!

Thanks, Boris! Giuseppe, tell Filippo
to mobilize all the people!

Yes, boss!

Next robbery is Tokyo, Pop Art Exhibition.
Do you understand?

Yes, yes, yes,

I got it. The next robbery is in Tokyo,
at the Pop Art Exhibition.

Ah, Tokyo! Don't worry, Sir!
Everything is under control!


As far as I understood...
Take it easy,

Ninocka, take it easy...
I should go to Tokyo. I'll be there.

What do you mean
I don't understand?

I understand.
The next job will be in Tokyo. Right?

Not now, I'm busy!

Not now!

Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja. Tokyo. I'll be there.

Could you repeat it, please?
I didn't understand. Toronto?


Ah, Tokyo! I like being in Tokyo!
See you the day after tomorrow!

Places everyone - and let's start!

It's just so peaceful here, Margaret!
I love it!

George, sush! Be quiet, the performance
has already started! Look!

The taking of this painting is
part of the performance art piece.

In the future, everyone here will
be world famous for 15 minutes!

Oh my goodness! What... what is going on?

Sh! Miss, please! Just a little
respect for the performance artists!

Those were our 15 minutes of fame.
Thank you so much, Sayonara!

That is the Collector!
Get him!


Got it!

Pleased to meet ya'!

You son of a motherless goat!


What goes up, must come down!

The wheel spins, take a look around!

What a fascinating example of
interdisciplinary performance art! Bravo!

Here you go! Get some of that son!
Here we go! Easy there mate!

Easy there! Yeah!

Have some of this! Get some here!
Come on! Come and get it!



Would you like?


To take that shower now!

Oopsy daisy!

I got this covered!

Bloody hell!

Jesus! Oh my god!

Have some of this you bloody idiot!
Get some of this! Yeah!

That's it!

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you, thank you
so much! Cheers! It's been wonderful!

Have a lovely time, bye-bye! See you
next time! Good night! Sayonara!

OCR'd, corrected and resynced
by explosiveskull