#Roxy (2018) - full transcript

♪ ♪

Subtitles by explosiveskull

[phone vibrates]

[Cyrus] Oh my God,
the pep rally.

♪ ♪

[school bell]

♪ ♪

[Deana] Yeah,
so I was like "no".

And she was like, "yeah".

And I was like, "uhm, no".

And then she said, "ya", so I
said, "no" and then she like



looked at my phone.
Tot's give me that look.

And she was like, "Yeah".

So guess what I said then?

- [Roxy] No?
- Yeah.

Anyway, if I see her on
Saturday I'm like totally

telling her, "no".
Are you gonna come?

To what?

Uhm, Kelsey's
super secret party?

Total rager.

Bonfire, on her granddad's farm
and like he's mostly deaf.

So he's like not going
to know that we're there.

You don't think that he's
going to notice a giant

bonfire in his field?

Ahh. #buzzkill.



I can't anyway.

I have a date with
The Mayor of Casterbridge.

OMG-ew.
What is he like, 40?

It's a book.

By Thomas Hardy.

OK. Uhm, can you read your Hardy
Boys book like another night?

Because I'm super worried about
you, like you're at risk of

completely screwing
up your social life.

Like can you start hanging
out with actual people, more?

♪ ♪

Yeah.

Maybe you're right.

[phone beeps] Unbelievable.
She just texted me again.

"NO".

All caps.

[Lee] Christian,
long time no see, man.

Welcome to Bergerac High.

- [Christian] Good to see you Lee.
- How's the old neighborhood?

Good. Same old.
I miss it already.

It's not so bad here.

I mean the jocks insufferable,
but apart from that.

You know I already tried out
for the football team, right?

Did I say all jocks?

I meant some jocks.

If you hate jocks much why
are you at a pep rally.

Covering it for
the school news site.

That and Cyrus says
something's going down,

so I would not miss
that for the world.

- Who?
- Cyrus Nollen.

Computer genius.
Notorious hacker.

You can't miss him.
He's got a giant...

Nose?

Don't say that.
He might be listening.

Seriously, nobody says a word...

Don't... It's like saying
Voldemort at Hogwarts,

it just isn't done.

One time Cyrus wiped a kids'
entire tablet because he was

scratching his nose too
much and he thought he

might be making fun of him.

- Harsh.
- That's nothing.

One time coach Harris called
him Schnauz in gym class.

Next week the tax bureau
audited him. Seized his car.

You don't even think the word...

[mouth's "nose"]

Come on, how big can it be?
You gotta pic?

No. No one does.

He refuses to let anyone
photograph him, ever.

No one's seen a clear picture
of him. He's like Bigfoot.

More like big nose.

I said don't see that.

[Bronwyn] Excuse me, AV club
coming through. Heavy machinery.

♪ ♪

What's that?

A personal project.

Just keep looking over there.

Ohh!

[laughter]

Whiner.

♪ ♪

Bronwyn. Quit fooling around.
We're running out of time.

I'm fine, thanks for asking.

Where have you,
where have you been?

Stayed up late prepping.
Almost done.

That's her.

Dude, that's the girl I was
texting you about. Who is she?

That is Roxy Rostand.

The good news is you have
excellent taste. The bad

news is, unless you're a dead
author, she's not interested.

Man, she's killing me.

Her locker is right
outside of my art class.

I tried to talk to her twice.

I got nothing.

♪ ♪

[beep]

I'll contact you from
the tech room, Bronwyn.

Right.
Just a second, Bronwyn.

I'm just going to check
the security camera view.

Alright, I pulled the files.
I'm all set here.

Done.
Try the remote test.

Alright. Attention all planets
to the solar federation.

We have assumed control.

I don't know why you
need this station too.

I'm perfectly capable
of handling this end.

Two words, Bronwyn.
Plausible deniability.

Can't get my favorite
cousin in trouble.

Right. I might get kicked
out of the AV club.

Devastating.

I'm getting the start signal.
Standby.

Go LX on my mark.

[Coach Harris] Okay. Okay,
I think, I think we're ready

to start now.
Can we settle in please?

People. People let's go!

People, move, let's go.
Can we settle in.

[Castillo] Hey!

Calm down!

Thank you Principal Castillo.

Bergerac High. Are you
ready to raise the roof!

[cheers]

Can we have a little
more enthusiasm!

[louder cheers]

[Coach Harris] We are going
to destroy Springfield High

on Friday.
Am I right?

[cheers]

Now it's time to introduce
to you, your Bergerac Bears!

Your starting
quarterback, Steve Guishe.

[cheers]

Steve I love you!

[Coach Harris] Yeah,
that's right, that's right.

Let's talk about your
running back for a second.

His name is Trevor Conroy.

[cheers]

And defensive
tackle, Mike Fluery.

[cheers]

[cheering dies down]

[Distorted voice] I thought
I told you not to come here.

[cheers]

Look, I know you're
failing English,

so I'll put it in simpler terms

[Distorted voice]
that you understand.

Get off the stage.

[crowd] Ohhhhh!!

Nolan, You stop
this right now, you little...

[squeaky voice]
If you don't stop this...

[laughter]

The school charter says you
can't play football unless you

pass English and yet-

[Distorted voice]
there you are. Care to explain?

[Mike] Bite me, Nolan.

[Cyrus] You know,
getting a tutor was a good idea,

but when that tutor gives
you her number, maybe don't send

her a picture of your junk.

[laughter]

[cheers]

[cheers]

[cheers]

Maybe this will help.
I've wrote a poem.

The rhyming word kind.

[laughter]

And there you stand.
You look amazed.

You reek of body spray
and cheese. I hardly think

you'll be in phase when I show
the crowd your knees.

[Crowd] Oohhhhh!!

The panic starts
to grip you, friend.

We can see it in your eyes,
cause when this poem finds

an end, we'll see much more
than just your this thighs.

[cheers]

Be careful, Mike of what you
send. I'm not some kind of Noob.

Cause when this
poem finds and end,

we'll see much more
than just your boob.

[cheers]

I can't believe you piece of
slime, the depths to which

you've sunk, and now we're
almost out of time so let's

all see your junk!

[cheers]

You get off the stage
and quit the football team by

the time I count to three.

You can't tell me
what to do, Bro.

One...

It's none of your business.

Two...

I swear, when I find you...

Three!

[cheers]

And that concludes
today's special announcements.

We now return you to your
regularly scheduled athletics

propaganda indoctrination.

Phew!

Okay. Alright.
Enough, enough. Very funny.

Very funny Bergerac High.

[crowd] Show us the pic.

- It's all very funny.
- [crowd] Show us the pic.

[Crowd] Show us the pic.
Show us the pic.

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

Oh! Hey.

Ahhh, I was looking for the...

paper towels.
Here they are.

Oh, I, I can explain all this.

No, you're right.
I can't.

That's cool.

Still got that thing?
I mean, It's pretty handy.

You never know when a
jungle will suddenly appear

in the suburbs.
It's kind of like Jumanji.

That's actually one of the
earliest films to use CGI and...

It can wait.

Help me out here.

I know you're not stupid.

You must have known you
were going to get caught.

Well I didn't think I was
going to get caught today.

Two months into the
school year and I'm looking at

five separate incidents.

Well, wait.

Mike sent a picture
of his junk to a student,

and I'm the one
who's in trouble?

I'll see him later.
Right now, you are my problem.

Actually I think your
problem is pep rallies.

I mean, who still has those?
You know what,

you weren't finished.
I, I apologize. Go ahead.

I like you, Cyrus.

But you gotta cut the crap.

Get serious.

MIT admissions
looks at this stuff.

You're one of the smartest
kids in this school

and you're throwing it
all away on stupid pranks!

Two weeks detention
in the computer lab.

I'm not going to suspend you,
because you need all the time

you can get to bring
your grades around.

Thank you.
I appreciate it.

Now you keep your no...
ahh, self clean.

[cell phone beep]

Cyrus.

Hope she's worth it.

Totally.

♪ ♪

Thought we'd try a little
amateur photography, huh Mister?

In my office.

[knocks]
Hey, hmmm.

[Steve] Hey Nolan.

You just cost me my
defensive tackle.

Well, maybe he should have
been a little more defensive

about showing his tackle.

Ha, ha.

Maybe next time you should
keep your nose [gasp]

out of other people's business.

[crowd gasp]
What was that?

You heard me. My dad created
half the software you steal.

So I don't sweat you and
your little hacker crap.

So next time, keep your
big fat nose [crowd gasp]

out of my business.

Is that it?

Yeah. That's it.

You had a great opportunity
to say some cool one.

Walk away like a bad ass and
all you got is big fat nose.

You got a problem with that?

Put a little effort in.

Something
like, yeah, animation.

If you don't lying Pinocchio,
you'll never become a real boy.

[laughter]

Or psychology.
Something Freudian.

Hey, sometimes a
nose is just a nose.

Yeah. Hilarious.

Anatomy. Something gross.

Not really nose
picking with you.

It's more like spelunking.

Comedy.

Is that a nose on your face or
are you just happy to see me.

Gardening.

You can have a part
time job as a sundial.

Parenting.

Hey, when you're dad got your
nose did he need two hands?

Movie quotes.

We're gonna need
a bigger Kleenex.

That's no nose,
that's a space station.

With a great nose comes
great responsibility.

But of course, you'd never
think of anything like that.

It's been said that integrity
is to be preferred to eloquence.

And you Steve,
seem to be short on both.

I understand, it's gotta be
hard to get oxygen to your brain

when your head is so
far up your daddy's ass.

[laughter]

Oops! Is that the time?
We gotta go, Cyrus.

You've been served.

So what's the bad news?

Two weeks detention
in the computer lab.

That's not so bad.

Yeah.
Except it was my last chance.

So I'll have to be more
careful when I get Steve back.

Or you could let it go.

You can't let him get
away with it, Bronwyn.

They'll walk all over you.

You need to chill
about the nose thing.

- No one cares but you, dude.
- Girls care.

No, we don't. We like a big
nose, we make assumptions.

- Assumptions?
- Assumptions.

Anyway this isn't about girls.

It's about a girl.

Oh, god.

We're just friends.

If you don't tell Roxy,
it'll never be anything

more than just friends.

Tell her?
Have you seen this thing.

Gets into a room ten minutes
before the rest of me does.

What's the worst
thing that can happen.

She'll laugh at me.

And?

And that's literally the
worst thing that could happen.

Look I can handle taunting
from idiots like Steve.

But, if I saw awkwardness or
revulsion or pity when she

looked at me, that
I couldn't handle.

You just ate two weeks
detention to get back at

a creep who sent her a dick pic.

And you did it while
reciting a poem.

I'm pretty sure she's
going to be receptive.

Yeah sure okay but...

She looked pretty
impressed when I saw her.

Really?

Yup. But hey, what do I know.

If you want to live the rest
of your life like you're in an

Adele song, that's
your business.

[cell phone ring
tone "Roxanne"]

Hello.

You are certifiable.

Who is this please?

[Roxy] You know very
well who this is, Sir.

I can't believe you did that.

I can't believe you
agree to tutor that guy.

Yeah, well...

He needed help.

You have to give people a chance
no matter who they are, right?

Oh well.
I'll try to remember that.

Anyway, that was amazing.
Thank you so much.

I hope you didn't get
into too much trouble.

No. Nothing I can't handle.

Good. I'm glad.

There's something
I want to tell you.

Okay.

Yeah, it's not really
an over-the-phone thing.

Coffee, tomorrow
morning at Rags?

7:30. My treat.

Ahh, 7:30 ahh yeah.
It's a date.

I mean, it's a date
that's acceptable, to me.

It works.
A date that works for me.

I'm free tomorrow.
Sounds good.

Okay, bye Cy.

Okay, ha, ha. Bye.

[Bronwyn] Well?

Coffee tomorrow
morning at Rags.

Cool. I'm working tomorrow.
Save you a table.

This isn't like our usual thing.
This is big.

She has something to
tell me, in person.

Because it's not an
over-the-phone thing.

Probably medical test results.

Okay. Joke if you must,
but this could be it.

This could actually be it!
Whoo!

[clears throat]

Sorry.

Ohh. Excuse me,
ahh, beautiful stranger.

Have you seen my mother?

[Gail] Ehm, Would you like
to discuss the phone call

I got today?

You look great.

Yeah, don't try
and butter me up.

You're just lucky I'm
running late for a date,

but we will discuss it.
Now, I need a zip.

Honestly, I don't know
what possesses you.

Why would you
disrupt a pep rally?

It's kind of a long story.

It always is.

Okay.

Here's $20 to order pizza.

Please order one this time.
You look like I don't feed you.

I know. It's the nose.

It naturally makes the
rest of me look smaller.

It's a very handsome nose.
Your grandfather...

Had the same one and I wish
he would have kept it.

I'll be back around 11:30.
Try not to hack into

the Pentagon or
anything while I'm out.

No promises.

I love you.

I love you too.
Say hi to Dave for me.

I will. Oh and he says thank
you for fixing his phone.

No problem.

Bye Sweetie.

Bye Mom.

♪ ♪

There he is.
The big day.

Looking sharp.
How are you feeling?

Great.
And by great, I mean terrified.

That's okay.
Fear is good.

It keeps you on your toes.
Come on.

I saved you a seat out back.

[groans]

Go get 'em Tiger.
Grrr.

Oh God.
This is happening.

- Yes it is.
- I feel sick.

Don't you dare wimp out on this.

What is she gonna say?

What what am I gonna say?
Tell me what to say.

Here. Write it down.

Uhm, you have to
tell her I'm sick.

No, uh.

I can make your
life a living hell.

I got up at 5:00 this morning
to serve coffee to hipsters.

See that guy over there.

He's been working on that
screenplay for two years.

He tells me about it everyday.

My life is already hell.

[taps paper]

Now write something.

Okay.

Okay, so how do I feel?

Hey Rox!

Hey Bronwyn.
What 'ch doin there?

Science project.

What can I get you?

Ah, Earl Grey tea please
and a vanilla latte for Cyrus.

Is he here yet?

Yeah he's ah-
he's out back.

$9.50 please.

There you go.

By the way, fishing wire
will work better for that.

Fishing wire.
Hmm, brilliant.

[drill whirring]

[Roxy] Ah oh, looks like didn't
finish his homework last night.

Oh yeah, hah,
just trying to think.

Ahh paper, thing.

Have a seat.

Thanks.

Is that mine?

Ahh, yeah, yeah.

So, what were you working on?

Ahh, top secret.

Oh yeah? Is it blueprints
for my epic blanket

you promised to make
me when we were eight?

I'm real busy, but it's
definitely on my to do list.

With a big bookshelf and lots
of cushions so we can read.

Remember? You promised.

I'll get right on it.

So ah, what, what couldn't
you tell me over the phone.

Well, I like someone.

Yeah.

Someone who I
think likes me too,

but is too shy to say anything.

Oh.

I can tell in his face that he
wants to tell me and he doesn't.

Hey, are you OK?
Your hand's shaking.

Oh ahh, It's just the coffee.
It's fine. Gone.

Umm, well he's super shy
and sweet and amazing.

Roxy, I...

And he's in your
chemistry class.

His name is Christian Newville.

Do you know him?

No.

No I don't.

Well he's new and beautiful.

There's just
something about him.

He looks so soulful and I
can't get him to talk to me.

And how do you know
he is not an idiot?

First of all,
he's is an artist.

I saw him painting when I
walked by our class and he's

really good.
Plus, I can see it in his eyes.

And that's enough to go on?

Okay, you've been reading way
too many Jane Austen novels.

Whoa! There's no such thing as
too many Jane Austen novels.

I still don't understand what
all this has to do with me.

Well, you're a guy.

Last time I checked, yeah.

And he's a guy and you're both
a little bit shy around girls.

How does that qualify
me to help you.

I don't have any classes
with him and you do, so I was

hoping you could introduce
yourself and tell him you're my

friend and get him to text me.
Please?

Do you want me to
pass him a note?

Do you like me,
Yes or no, check one.

You don't have to be mean.

Do I look like Tinder to you?

Okay, you know what, it's fine.
Just forget it.

Roxy, Roxy, wait.
Just wait a second.

I'm sorry, alright.

No, I'm-I'm sorry.
It was stupid thing to ask.

No.

If I see him, I'll ask him.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Thank you.

Okay, I have to go
cause I'm late for Lit,

but uhm, you're the best.
Love you.

Yeah, I love you too.

[Bronwyn] She looked happy.
That's got to be good news.

Or not.

I could use another
one of those.

Bronwyn, I just finished the
scene in the abattoir and it's-

well it's magnificent.

You should come and hear it.
Come, come.

If you ever loved me, you'd
shoot me in the face right now.

♪ ♪

[school bell rings]

[Lee] So, any luck with Roxy?

[Christian] No. I can't think
of anything to say to her.

Just as well. I mean, you don't
want to rush things, right?

You should invite her
to our ten-year reunion.

[flicks]

I don't know what's
gotten into you, man.

Like what's your problem?
You're a good looking guy.

Empirically.

It's just a rational fact,
like, take a look around.

You move to any girl here
and they'd be all over you.

Roxy's different.

No she's not.
She's a hot chick.

All hot chicks are the same.

They post a selfie on Facebook
with the caption "Just me" and

everyone and their dog tells
them how hot they are, but they

spell HAWT for some reason and
the hot chick just gobbles it up

like a kid with Halloween candy.

[laughs]

It's a crock, I mean they
say "OMG, so gorgeous."

She knows she's gorgeous.

She just want's
you to know that.

God help you if you post
something she doesn't like.

Then it's block, delete and
a Facebook status update,

now she rid yourself of
negative influences in her life.

It's pathetic.

Erica Anderson?

I'm in love with her.

Drives me crazy.

That's not the point.

The point is, you have a genetic
leg up on guys like me so just

go talk to her already.

I will. Soon.

Ohhh, ha, ha, ha.

Dude, how did this even start
between you and her anyway?

No one remembers.

I just know I'm
going to finish it.

Hey.

I know what will get
you to talk to Roxy.

Oh no.

Oh yes. Behold the power and
majesty of the dare book.

Look on my works ye
mighty and despair.

I can't believe you
still have that thing.

How does it work you ask?

Once a dare is recorded in the
book, a dare must be completed

or you'll be looked upon as
a coward for the rest of

your days. Your
honor is at stake.

I don't need the
dare book, okay.

I'll talk to her.

No. I've got something better.

Forget about Roxy.

I dare you to make a
nose joke to Cyrus.

Didn't you tell
me not to do that?

Of course I did.

That guy will ruin your life.

Nevertheless, the dare stands.
It's going in the book.

No. Forget it.

I'm writing down chicken.

Hey, I'm not a chicken, I'm
just not a complete jerk, okay.

Okay, I'll sweeten the deal.

You're so full of it, Liner.

No man.
Forget it.

I don't even know that guy.
I'm out.

I'll take it.

It's kind of a personal thing
between me and Christian.

Yeah. You put the money down.

So if Newville is too much
of a pussy, then I'll do it.

What are you gonna say?

Nothing. I'm going to punch
him in his big fat nose.

I said insult, not assault.

I think a punch to the face is
pretty insulting, don't you?

Now come on man. That guy
didn't do anything to you.

Just leave him alone.

I don't like his face.
I don't like his attitude

and I'm about to
adjust both for him.

Excuse me!

Cyrus, uhm,

I was wondering.

Can you smell my lunch from
there because, damn!

Ha, ha, ha.
Ohhh!

Sick burn, man. Awesome.

I'll see you at practice.

Who's your friend, Lee?

Him? It's more of an
acquaintance, really.

Dude!

I need a name.

Dude, don't tell my...

[Lee] Christian.
His name's Christian.

Dude!

Well Christian, You picked a
very bad day to be a smart ass.

Christian Newville?

Yeah?

[exhales]
Thank you, Cyrus.

And I actually don't even
really know him that well.

Shut up.
He, he totally knows me, okay.

Not nose like, nose.
That one was an accident.

Lee, beat it.

Look, I'm not like that, man.
I am so sorry.

Don't worry about it.
At least your joke was original.

Look, I'm a friend of Roxy's.

She asked me to talk to you.

Oh.

Ohh! Oh that's great!

Yeah. It's terrific.

She wants you to text her.

Yes!

Again, I am so sorry, man.

I just...

Stupid tax.

Oh, yeah okay.

What should I say to her.

What would you normally say?

Umm-

"Sup" I guess.

Does that always work for you?

Yeah. Pretty much.

Course it does.
Look at you.

Still, you're going to have
to aim a little higher.

I know. That's why I had
trouble talking to her

in the first place.

Just talk to her about art.

Discuss Michelangelo
or something.

The ninja turtle?

The artist?

Aren't you an artist?

I don't know, man.

I mean, I just like to paint.

Okay.

God if I looked like
you I wouldn't have

trouble talking to anyone.

If I was smart like you maybe I
could think of something to say.

Give me your phone for a second.

What are you going to do?

We are texting Roxy.

It's a Chekhov quote.
Trust me, she'll love it.

[cell phone beep]

It's Christian.

Please don't be an idiot,
please don't be an idiot.

Oh my God.
He just quoted Chekhov at me.

Hmm. Yeah.

Super hot.

[cell phone beep]
Oh! She texted back.

Boy, that was quick.

What'd she say?

Well as Miguel says, one of
the most telling things about a

person is how they say hello.

Who's Miguel?

No idea.

Even I can't keep up with her.

Oh, which reminds me.

She's big into
Russian lit right now.

You might want to read this.

Chekhov? Like the Star Trek guy?

Wouldn't mention
that if I were you.

Also brushing up on Dostoevsky
couldn't hurt and you'll need a

working knowledge of Bronte,
Emily Dickinson and Jane Austen.

I didn't know there'd
be a reading list.

Well, she's worth it, isn't she?

Oh, for sure, man. Yeah.

Then dust off the library card.
Be good to her.

Hey!

Thanks. A lot, man.

I mean, I really like her.

What are you-
No. Touching.

Personal space.

Eww!

Cyrus, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

I take it he texted you.

He did and he was eloquent and
sweet and not at all stupid,

so there.

And then he wrote this.

He wrote that?

I mean, yeah of course
obviously he wrote that.

Ehm, how did you get that.

I found it in my locker.

It's a love letter,
which is crazy, right?

I mean I hardly know the guy.

That is crazy.

Like, so crazy you probably
shouldn't date him.

At all.

Hey, I thought so too,
but on the other hand,

it is so beautiful.

Beautiful.

B-beautiful how?

Just listen to this.

"You're like a rose pressed
between the pages of an old

book of romantic poetry.

A startling beauty surround and
nourished by words of love."

You don't think that's cheesy?

No! It's beautiful and
heartfelt, you hater.

I just feel like he's
known me my whole life.

Like he just knows
the way I think.

Well they could have copied and
pasted that from the internet.

It's not unheard of.

Yes, but he mentions very
specific things about me.

Horoscopes seem very specific
to people who believe in them.

"When you wore your hair up last
week it was like a curtain was

pulled back to reveal the
real you, kind and radiant."

Hmm. Barf.

Hey! He's a genius and I
want you to acknowledge it.

Genius! That seems a bit much.

Yes! He's a genius. Say it!

Okay, oww! Psycho.

Fine. He's a genius.

There, was that so hard to say?

No.

Okay, see you Monday.

Wait. You're skipping
fourth period?

I'm leaving early.

We're going out to the coast
to see my aunt this weekend.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

♪ ♪

She's thanking
me for my letter.

What letter?
There's a letter?

Ahh, yeah.
I thought I'd help you out.

It's fine, here.
I'll answer it.

"You're welcome.

Currently stuck in chem class.

Not the chemistry I was
hoping for this weekend."

Take care and have fun.

Done.

[cell phone beep]

There see,
"You too" and three hearts.

How am I supposed to
do this all weekend?

Okay, here's something
I've been working on.

It will forward your
texts to me and I'll

respond to them for you.

Isn't this like
I'm lying to her?

Well you like her, right?

Yeah. I do, but...

Let's think of it like buying a
card that somebody else wrote.

The important part is that
the emotion is genuine.

I dunno man.

I mean it's really cool and
all, but why are you helping me?

I need to know what she'd say.

Ahh, it's just
interesting to me.

Like a social experiment.

Plus, she's happy and you're
happy, so it's a win-win.

[Castillo] All right class,
let's settle down.

Mr Chase is sick today, so
I'll be covering for him again.

Probably just a hangover.
I thought you should know

that since apparently
you're the reason the drinks.

So if all uf us can turn to
chapter seven for those of

you who wish to follow along.

Mr. Nolan!

Is that a phone I see?

Oh! Ahh, sorry Sir.

You will be.

Put it away.

Okay, we'll get your social
media up to scratch his weekend

and that'll be the end of it.

Nolan!

[kicks]

[Cyrus] What did you do?

I didn't do this.
It was Liner.

I mean the letter.

Oh, that.

You're welcome.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

Now Roxy thinks it
came from Christian.

But you told it
was from you, right?

Not exactly.

Why not?

I'm kind of helping him out.

Have you seen that dude?

He doesn't need your help.

Why would you do that.

Because I want her to be happy.

You don't want you to be happy?

If she's happy, I'm happy.

You know he gets the way
better end of the deal, right?

You get to do the work
and he gets to do-her.

That's a mental image
I was trying to avoid.

So why would
you help this guy?

Because, he can
be the me I can't.

He can be the me she deserves.

The one she wants.

Has it ever occurred
to you that you might

be the one she wants.

I'm not the one anyone wants.

Besides, now I can
at least be involved

on some level with
her romantically.

Even though she's holding him,

in a weird way she's
kind of holding me too.

And in another real-world
not delusional way,

she's not holding you.

At all.

It's better than nothing. I've
had 10 years of almost nothing.

I'll take what I can get.
[phone beeps]

If Cyrus helps a hot guy get
a girl, even though Cyrus is in

love with that girl,
will that end well for him?

[phone] Absolutely not.

See even she thinks
you're a dumb ass.

Thank you as always for
your sympathy and kind words.

You're welcome.

Dumb Ass.

Okay...

[maniacal laugh]

[laughter]

Are you alright?

Yup, I just need a minute.

Liner?

Uh huh.

Now are you going to
finish this thing or

am I going to have to?

Oh, I'm going to finish it.

Good.

Class starts in three minutes.

Okay, I'll just finish
up this heart attack

and I'll be right there.

Fair enough.

[snaps fingers]
Let's get to class.

♪ ♪

[Cyrus] Okay, so I've tweaked
your Twitter and Instagram.

Got you on Snapchat and
sepia toned the hell out

of everything. We also
cleared your Facebook page.

Won't that look suspicious?

Better.
It will look mysterious.

Really?

Yeah, you gotta play
the long game with Roxy.

She's old fashioned,
Needs to wooed.

Doesn't like to
rush into anything.

Plus, she doesn't need to
see your parade of ex's.

- Good call.
- Mmm Uh.

I also took the liberty
of signing you up for Skype.

She uses it to talk to
relatives back east.

Sweet! Thanks man.

Hey, I'm gonna check my email,
see if she wrote me.

Oh yeah. Ahh, she might have.

Because I dropped her a quick
line when I was on there.

Oh, let me see.

"Technology is a funny thing.

I feel closer to you
than I've ever been,

yet still so isolated."

What's that mean?

It's a poetic metaphor.
Don't worry about it.

[computer beeping]
Answer call.

Uhmm, yes.

No, no wait!

[laughing]

Hey, you're on my screen.
Awesome.

Yeah, I looked you up.
We got back early and I got

your email about feeling
isolated so, here I am.

Yeah.

Yeah, there you are. Hi.

Hi.

How was your trip?

It was good, but umm, I
was a little bit distracted.

Someone sent me a few texts.

Who?

Gee, I wonder?
No, seriously,

if you send me anymore, I'd
have to change my phone plan.

Hey, is everything okay?

You seem distracted.

Ah, ah, no.
Everything's fine.

Sorry about all those texts.

No. No, no, no, don't be sorry.

I loved everyone of them.

I mean sure if it was just
banal chit chat it might have

been annoying, but you always
seem to have something to say

and I really like that.

Well. At least I
didn't write, "Sup".

Exactly.

You know this is going to
sound really stupid because

I barely know you, but uhm-

I missed you.

Uhm.

It's not stupid.

It's not stupid.

I feel like I've
been missing you.

[Christian] I feel like
I've been missing you.

My whole life.

My whole life.

Oh wow.

I'm in trouble here.

You really are slick,
Christian Newville.

Aristotle said-

- Aris turle said...
- No! Aristotle!

Ah, No, Aris... Aristotle....

Aristotle said that running
from trouble is cowardice.

That guy said, "running
from trouble is cowardice."

[Roxy] I didn't
say I was running.

Well you must have been,

because you've been running
through my mind all day.

Cute.

Uhm, this has been fun, but I
actually have to jet because...

No ah, hey, I uhm.

I like your shoes.

You can't see my shoes.

I meant generally
as, as a rule.

Okay. I hope you don't
mind me saying, it's just-

you don't seem like the

kind of guy who would write
a love letter like that.

But ahh, sure.
I-I write them all the time.

Excuse me?

Well, I...

Who else have you
written them to.

I... No, no one.

Whoa, I can't see you anymore.

[Cyrus] Ahh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
camera issues I guess.

Well your voice
sounds really weird.

Ahh yeah, the connection
is just a little wonky.

I have an essay, so maybe...

Ahh, wait, before you go
just, just let me apologize.

I get a bit
flustered around you.

Well, that's very sweet.

You know, why don't
I just call you back.

No, no, no, I, I like
it better like this.

But I can't see you.

Exactly.

I'm tired of being judged
by what I look like.

Yeah. I guess I can
understand that.

People don't take
you seriously.

No.

And someone comes into my life

and suddenly it's very important
that I be taken seriously.

Why is that?

Because I'm serious about her.

That's a bold statement.

It's a bold feeling.

I'm not even sure the
statement does it justice.

What statement would?

It's your sonnet walking
in a world of prose.

A star that brings warmth and
light to everyone in our orbit.

I ventured into
being cheesy now.

No. I like cheese.

Cheese is good.
I love cheese.

Roxy, I feel like I've
been carrying a weight and word

by word the burden gets
lighter as I talk to you.

I'm so in love with you and
I, I know that seems quick,

but believe me my whole life
has been building up to this.

I believe you.

This is the moment that songs
and poems are about.

This moment between two
people over shitty speakers,

staring into a blank screen.

So, thank you for this.

Even if this is
all we ever have.

Because I'm never
gonna forget it.

You're like something
out of a dream.

Do I pass the test?

With flying colors.

Can I come over?

Shut up you idiot!

What?

Ahh, sorry.

I just felt like I was rushing
you so I told myself to shut up.

Hang on a sec.

Okay, what the hell!

What?

I told you, you got to
take it slow with her.

You just told her I love her.

I know what I'm doing.

So do I. I'm going over there.

No you're not.

Hey, it's gonna happen
one way or the other.

Fine.

I just, just let me
handle it, alright.

Alright. Alright.

Ask her if I should
bring condoms.

Or not. That's cool.

For the record,
I'm against this.

This is way too fast for her.

You can come over.
How soon can you get here.

Ah, I, I'm not
coming on too strong?

No, not at all.

Uhm, but you should know
my parents are here.

Good.

Good, I'd like to congratulate
them on their excellent work.

I also have some
tutoring to do.

Steve Guishe is coming over.

That guy?

Yeah, I know. He's a
Neanderthal with a $200 haircut.

Just um-give me five minutes.
I'll text you my address.

Be there when I open my window.

What about Steve?

Don't worry about him.

I have a super
hero on speed dial.

["Roxanne" ringtone]

[Cyrus] Ahh, hello, hello?

Hi. Where you?

Ahh, I'm in my house.

Where I always am.
Where else would I be?

I was on Skype, I thought
I heard your ring tone.

Yeah, yeah probably
just feed back.

What's up?

Christian is coming over.

Yes, yes, please continue to
regale me with your love life.

Steve Guishe is
also coming over.

You little Minx.

Eww. To study!

Anatomy?

Kay, just be serious.

I need you to delay Steve
for as long as you can.

How?

I don't know.
Do a computer thing?

Do a computer thing?

Okay, well I hadn't
really thought it through.

Evidently not.

It wouldn't be long,
I just want a few minutes

face-to-face with him.

Okay, what am I supposed
to do, stop time?

Because there's not
an app for that.

Please, please, please.

I think I'm falling for him.

Fine, I'll do
the computer thing.

You're the best.

Yeah, I'm heading
over there right now.

We're gonna study.
Study hard. Ha, ha.

Roxy.

♪ ♪

Ah, check you later bro

Oh Romeo, Romeo
wherefor art thou, Romeo.

Deny thy father and refuse
thy name or thou wilt not

be but sworn my love and
I will no longer be Capulet.

What?

Just come up.

♪ ♪

[giggles]

Hi.

Hi.

My parents are
still downstairs.

Right, yeah.
I remember.

Can we talk for a bit?

Yeah. Um, sure.

Okay.

Come here.

I've been dying to do this
ever since I first saw you.

I could get used to it.

You're going to have to.

So where did you find
that Chekhov quote?

Cyru... ahh clopedia.
The encyclopedia.

They still print those?

Wickedpedia?

Wikipedia.

Yeah, that.

Oh, well umm, you should
really try Chekhov sometime.

There's a melancholy
to his words.

It's a perfect metaphor
for the suburbs.

What are you
reading right now?

Oh, like a book?

Yeah, very much
like a book, you goof.

I've been real busy lately.

I did read a comic, though.

You like graphic novels?

Yeah.

I read Persepolis.
It's really great.

It's a bio about a young women
growing up in Iran after the

Islamic revolution.

This one had Archie in it.

Veronica is hot.

I think I hear my parents.

Uhm, you should go.

You should...
sorry.

You should go.

Oh okay.

So we're not gonna make out?

No. We're not.

Okay. That's cool.

♪ ♪

Hey.

Are you mad?

No.

You seem like you're mad.

I just thought you were
someone who shared my interests

and I guess I was wrong.

No, wait, I, I totally
like words and junk.

What if I wrote you a poem.

Okay.

I'm listening.

What?

Like right now?

Yeah. Right now. Impress me.

Your eyes are like the ocean.

Deep in blue.

With waves that
whisper, I love you.

I like your hair.

It smells so fruity.

But most of all

I'd like to hit that booty.

Just get out!

What? I-I don't understand.

I thought it was
headed that way.

Yeah, maybe if you
weren't being a total pig.

But, it rhymed though.
I just...

You just thought you'd come up
here for a couple minutes and

tell me what you'd
like to do to my booty?

Normal girls like that.

Oh, so I'm abnormal now.

Okay I didn't mean it like that.

Look, I don't know what
happened to the smart sweet guy

I just talked to, but apparently
that was somebody else.

No!

I, I mean, no, why
would you even...

Hey, I saw your shoes
and I really like 'em.

[knocks] [Dad] Honey,
Are you alright in there?

I'm fine. I'm just rehearsing
lines for drama class.

♪ ♪

Just go.

[crash]

Sorry, I didn't see you there.

You're about to get a free
nose job, you little shit.

[thump]

Oh, I get it. If I knew
you were pimping her out

I would have slipped
you some cash.

[slap]

[punch]

♪ ♪

[punch]

Hey! You two knock it off!

You! I do not
care who your dad is.

I do not want to see
you around here again.

And you...

I don't know who you are.

I'm Christian Newville, Sir.

Oh, very nice to meet you
Christian, now get the

hell off my lawn.

[Roxy] Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Ahh, your nose looks
really swollen, Cyrus.

Maybe we should be
getting you to a doctor.

He didn't hit my nose.

Oh.

So what did happen?

Well Steve's been
gunning for me for awhile.

He saw me on my
skateboard and jumped me.

Christian must have seen
and decided to help out.

Well, at least let me
get some ice for your, ahh,

your eye there.

Oh, oh, by the way,
while you're here, my laptop,

it's doing this weird
buzzing noise...

Dad! Dad, just...

OK.

Here.

Well you were right.
Christian is an idiot.

I'm sorry to hear that.

No, you're not.

You love being right.

I don't love it.

I'm just so damn good at.

[laughs]

Well Mr Right.

Thank you for
covering for me, again.

You're welcome.

I haven't got the faintest idea
why you put up with me somedays.

Me neither.

You're a gigantic
pain in the ass.

Ohh!

Hey.

Hey, how' that eye?

It's fine.

Trust me, there's
nothing he could do to my

face to make it worse.

Well it's a good thing
you pulled him off, too.

I was about to really
put the hurt on him.

Yeah, I could tell.

But seriously though, thanks.

No problem.

So, what's our next move?

There isn't one.

What?

I'm out.

No. We can't quit now.
We're so close.

And then you blew it.
Her shoes again?

I heard that girls like it when
you compliment their shoes!

Yeah, they like
it when you notice them,

not obsess over them.

I panicked!

You don't understand.

I'm crazy about her, man!

She's all I think about.

Trust me, I understand.

Answer's still, "No"

Hey, just help me get her back
and I won't ever bug you again.

It's not happening.

I'm not putting her
through that again.

That's my final word.

I understand.

Thanks anyway.

You're welcome.

When I tell this story
later, that went in.

♪ ♪

Um, I'll see you guys later.

Do exactly what I tell
you, when I tell you.

I promise.

I'm going to give you some
stuff to memorize later.

Memorize it to the comma.

I will dude, I will!

And no hugs.

I want to make it clear
that I'm not to be hugged.

That makes me sad
for you, but okay.

Your place, 7:30.
Bring Thai food.

I think better
with coconut rice.

You got it.

Christian.

Yeah.

Don't let her down again.

Dude.
What happened to your eye?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, I get it.
First rule of fight club, sure.

Yeah.

Come on, you can tell me about
it on the way to English.

I'm not going to English.

Again?

I'm working on a thing.

Is the thing you're working
on, not failing English,

cause that's the thing
I would highly recommend.

Take notes for me.
I'll catch up later.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[door bell]

♪ ♪

Every movie I've ever
seen says that these things

only happen in the rain.

Cute.

I don't know what
it is with you.

It's like you're two
different people.

I know.

I'm not always
articulate in person,

but there is nothing in that-

eloquent about how I feel.

I'll probably say
the wrong thing again,

but my heart will
always feel the same

and I hope that's enough.

Do you want a towel?

No.

I'm just gonna stand out
here until you forgive me.

Whatever it takes.

There comes a time when no
amount of big words can

do this feeling justice.

I've been hiding
behind another face.

But I'm realizing now that's
it's only three words.

Of all the words written, in all
the books, in all the world.

The only three words
that matter are,

"I love you."

And I always will.

♪ ♪

[cheering]

What's the object
of this game here?

The object of the game is to
re-establish the patriarchy and

identify alpha males in a
social setting such as school.

The object is to
support my boyfriend.

This is an important practice.

And there are college
scouts here so, shhhh.

Is that why you brought a book?

Why are we his sports club.

I mean, where's Lee?

Shouldn't he be here
supporting his buddy?

Ohh, Lee won't be going
anywhere for quite a while.

♪ ♪

[Cyrus] So what
did you do to his car?

Nothing.

That's the beauty of
it, I didn't have to.

He'll be worried
about it for days.

That is pure evil.

Psychological warfare
is just the best.

I've literally never
been prouder of you.

No!

Attack!

Good spotting, lads!

Way to do that thing, you did.

[whistle]

Hey, yah.

Hello my knight in
baby blue armor.

So did you get
lots of touchdowns.

I play defense.

Okay, so did you
get lots of defense?

Sure yeah, I guess.

You know it's a good
thing you're eloquent and

charming, because honestly
this bores the hell out of me.

You're bored?

But it's worth it for
someone that sends beautiful

texts all day.

I'm still texting you?

What do you mean?

Uh, no.
I was, was agreeing.

I am still texting you.

Yeah, sometimes 30 poems a day.

Want to go?

Yes.

Alright.

Wait up?

What if I wasn't eloquent?

But you are.

It's the thing I
love most about you.

All those other girls like
you because of how you look.

But I love you
because of how you are.

What if I had a weird
face or something?

Then I'd love him even more.

Have fun, defensing.
Oh, and if you look up

and see me reading a
book, don't be offended.

I still love you.
[kiss]

Hey ahh, Bronwyn
and I are heading out,

so I'll catch you later.

I'm such an idiot.

You referring to something
that happened in the field,

'cause I wasn't really
paying attention.

You love her.

Roxy.

You love her.

Well yeah, we've been
friends since we were kids,

but it's not like that.

Is that why you're still sending
her thirty text messages a day?

I'm helping you out.

No I've read what
you write to her.

I should have seen it.
It's as plain as the nose...

My God!
I always say the wrong thing.

No look, honestly I'd I don't...

She said she would love
me no matter how I looked.

What?

She loves you.

She just doesn't know it yet.

But you love her.

Yeah. I do, I mean,
but I want her

to love me for who I am
otherwise what's the point.

I mean I've been out here
busting my ass for the last

45 minutes and she doesn't care.
This is who I am.

This is what I do, while she
sits up there daydreaming about

the guy wrote her those texts.

You love her, don't you?

More than anything.

You got to tell her, man.

No, no. I can't.

If you love her, you'll
give her the choice.

Tell her.

[Bronwyn] Are we going or what?

I'll catch up.

Okay, we'll see...

Are you gonna tell her?

Holy shit!

I love football!

♪ ♪

I give up.

Oh hi.
You're running awfully late.

Car trouble?

I don't know. You tell me.

Well you seem to have gotten
here in one piece anyway.

I took a bus.

Did you know that the number
three goes all the way around

Molson Lake and through
Barretville before getting here.

Because it does.

Ah, number seven would
have brought you right

here in ten minutes.

That's not the point.

I just spent two hours wondering
if you cut my brake line.

Really?
Jeez, Lee I'm not a psycho.

Aren't you?

Look, I don't know how this
thing started or even why...

Seriously?
You have no idea.

No, I don't!

So we should go hang out and
make fun of roller skaters.

That doesn't sound familiar?

Oh.

Two hours in a rollercade.

No one to hear my
witty put downs.

It was humiliating.

Wait, was that a date?

There is literally no other
reason why I would set foot

in a rollercade.

I didn't know. I thought
it was like a hang out thing.

Your car is fine.

Good bye, Lee.

Oh no, wait.
I'm sorry, OK.

[beep]
Scram!

Thank God you decided to stay.

This is really boring.

Then why are you here?

It's cause all
those stupid texts.

They're so sweet
and beautiful and amazing.

Every time I get one I
just want to be near him.

He said that...

you said even if he was ugly
that you'd still like him.

Is that true?

Yeah. Of course.

What if he was like, grotesque?

He could look like
Quasimodo for all I care.

I have something to tell you.

Yeah?

Well, it's kinda hard.

Hey, it's me.

You can tell me anything.

Well Rox, the thing is...

[man] Playing the outside.

[crash]

[crowd] Oooohhhh!

[Coach] Back up, back up.

Christian!

Call 911.

Christian, can you hear me?

I can't move.

It's gonna be okay, son.

Help's on the way.

It's going to be okay.

[Cyrus] Christian.

Yes, Cyrus.

She picked you.

[Coach] Back up guys.
Give him some room.

It's going to be okay Christian.

♪ ♪

[Bronwyn] Okay, so what's the
situation at the hospital?

Is Christian gonna be okay?

Broken arm and
a sprained back.

Doctor says he'll be
back home in a week.

That's good, maybe Coach
Harris will stop muttering in

gym class about losing
all his defensemen, now.

Okay, so explain to me why, on
top of getting Roxy to fall in

love with another guy, you
didn't tell her the truth, even

though you were given an open
invitation by that other guy?

How could I?

And then to top it all off, you
lied about telling her to the

guy who told you to tell her
before he got carried off the

field in a stretcher?

You know when
you put it like that,

you make it sound pretty awful.

It is awful on every
conceivable level.

What else could it be?

I don't know. Noble?

You know, for someone who's
supposed to be super smart,

you're kinda stupid.

That's fair.

Well I'm glad
Christian is okay.

Yeah, yeah.
It could've been a lot worse.

He could've taken a
[pow] head shot!

Oh! How are you doing that?

Well, see this button here.

It let's me shoot things and
I press it when I see you.

I've been meaning to ask you.

Do you have any plans
to go into acting?

No, why?

I just though it you were, you
could use a little help with

your head shot! [pow]

Argh!

Get out of my respawn area,
you cherry picker.

All right, all right.

Ah haa!

[video game gun shots]

You're shooting
a garbage can.

Dammit! Where are you?

Look up.

Where? By the bridge?

Look at me. I'll draw
you a map of my location.

You know, I used to like
this game and now you've

sucked all the
fun out of it.

Do you want to play
something else?

No, I gotta go.

Daycare of Doom is playing
at the Republik tonight.

They play Thrash Metal on
Fisher Price instruments.

It's amazeballs.

Your parents know you're
going to a bar gig underage?

Yes, because I don't lie
to the people that I love.

[video game gun shot]
Head shot!

Ouch.

Mic drop.

I'll see you Monday.

Alright. See ya.

[text message beep]

[Roxy] He just
sent me this text.

[sniffs]

"I think we should break up.

It's for the best.

CU."

Letter C, letter U.

Did you talk to him at all?

I tried, but he
won't let me see him.

Told me to stay away.

- I'll go talk to him.
- No, just,

I always run to you to solve
my problems and it's not fair.

No, I'm sure that
if I talk to him...

Just talk just talk to me.

That's all I want right now.

Okay.

To be broken
up with like that,

especially after he
was was so articulate.

It just doesn't make any sense.

Love rarely does.

I just read too many
romantic stories.

I keep looking for
Heathcliff and Mr. Darcy.

My standards are just
too high, I guess.

I know a lot of people who
need to lower their standards.

You are not one of them.

Thank you.

I should-I have to study.
If I don't get into the same

college as my sister, my parents
will probably lose their minds.

Ah yeah, yeah.

Um I should get going anyway.

Okay.

You going to be okay?

No, but I will be.

Thank you.

Hey I was talking
to Bronwyn and-

if you need some help studying,
I'll be here.

I'll be fine I'll be fine.

I won't tell anyone.

I'm just, look, I
get it sorted out.

I'm a little behind,
but it's okay.

Okay well, I'm here
if you need me.

♪ ♪

What the hell!?

Whoa!

You're right, that-
that was rude.

How are you feeling?

Better.

The doctor said I
should be able...

Dude! What the hell!

I know you didn't tell her.

No. I told you not to
let her down, Christian.

I specifically said
those exact words.

Yeah, I know.
That's why did it.

She's never going
to be happy with me.

Dude seriously, I feel
nothing but relief right now.

Well, I mean
agonizing back pain too,

but they give me stuff for that.

Good stuff?

Awesome stuff.

At least let me
write the goodbye.

To give her some closure.

Sure. Yeah,
that would be great.

Alright. Take it easy, man.

Are you going to tell her?

It's complicated.

No, man.

It really isn't, but hey
you know, it's your call.

She's not going to
hear anything from me.

Alright.

Ahhh, awesome huggage Dude!

Ahh, yeah.
Tell anyone I hugged you

and I'll screw your
student loan for life.

I got it.
I'll see you around.

Tell her!

♪ ♪

[Cyrus] My dear Roxanne.

I'd like to apologies
for my abrupt goodbye.

I was working under the
ancient Greek ideal that

"Integrity is to be
preferred to eloquence."

I didn't realize how
that would hurt you.

I never meant to do that.

Roxy, you'll be graduating soon
and you'll go to some far off

university on your way
to a bright future.

I'm not even sure where I'll be
and I couldn't live with myself

if I knew that I held
you back in any way.

Seems that you and I were
a dream and now we're both

waking up, finding ourselves
on diverging paths.

Not meant to be.

As much as I need you I
need you to be happy more.

So it's with the heaviest
heart I must say goodbye.

Please respect this sacrifice
by not pursuing it further.

Pursue your dreams instead.

Inspire others with your
kindness and passion

the way you've inspired me.

And know that I'll always love
you, even if it's from afar.

I remain yours always.

Christian.

[school bell]

[Steve] Hey gorgeous.

I thought Tony Campbell
was supposed to be my

lab partner this week.

Yeah, I gave him a little
something for the switch.

Thought you might be lonely
now that Newville dumped you.

[Deanna] I'm lonely.

Okay well, if I must be
partnered with a caveman,

the least you can
do is light a fire.

I'll do whatever you want.

You know, I light
fires all the time.

My dad's got a
condo by the lake.

Huge fire pit.

You should come up this weekend.

You punched my best
friend in the face.

Yeah. Good times.

You know we can talk more
about that this weekend.

It's not happening.

I'm totally free this weekend.

Okay, just mix 200 mils of
this and 100 mils of that.

Ahmm, and I'll take notes.

So ahh, what has
Newville got that I don't?

Class, intelligence,
passion, eloquence.

More than just eloquence,
he has integrity

and sometimes integrity is
to be preferred to eloquence.

Yeah, he said that.

Christian?

No. Your buddy, Schnozz.

Cyrus said that?

Yeah. He says shit
like that all the time.

That's why he gets punched in
the face on people's lawns.

I am totally okay with
you punching people.

This is turning blue.

Is it supposed to turn blue?

Write down blue.

♪ ♪

[guys] Hey!

♪ ♪

[Mike] Hey!
Bad day to be you, Bro.

Let's move him.

Quick, quick, go, go, go.

[punch]

How are you feeling
now, Dick nose?

Beep, beep.

So, thought it would be funny

to get me kicked off the
football team, huh?

Embarrass me in front
of the whole school.

[coughing]

You kicking the shit out of me,

I still think it's funny.

So it must be pretty funny.

Pick him up.

Wait, wait, wait.
Before-

Before you commit
your latest atrocity I want

you to know something.

When I graduate I'm going
to find a software company

and you're going to go into your
vibrant career as a gas jockey.

And when that happens, I'm gonna
pull up in some stupid expensive

car and tell you to clean
the bugs off my windshield.

And you're gonna do it.

This is as good as your
life is ever going to get.

You greasy mouth
breathing troll.

Go on. Do it!

Do your worst!

[whack]

[Trevor] Oh shit.

I think you might
have killed him, Mike.

Hi Mrs. Nolan.

Oh hey Sweetie.
Cyrus isn't home yet,

but he should be soon.
Come on it.

Okay, thanks.

Ahh, ohh, I, I can't stay.
I have to study.

Uhm, I just loaned Cyrus some
of my notes and I was just

wondering if I could go
in and get them back.

Sure. Good luck finding
anything in that rat's nest.

Thank you so much.

♪ ♪

My dearest Roxanne.

First I must apologize
for my abrupt goodbye.

That jerk!!

Everything okay down there?

Yeah, I'm fine thank you.

Did you find what
you're looking for?

Yeah, I certainly did.
Thank you, goodnight.

Wait.

I have cookies.

OK.
Thank you.

Bye Sweetie.

Bye.

[cell phone vibrates]

Hello.

Yes this is she.

Oh.

Oh my god.

Is he okay?

Is he awake?
Is he conscious?

[hospital machine beeping]

Don't say anything.
It's okay.

You just rest.
I'm here now.

You scared the shit out of me
you jerk faced, weasel jerk.

Bronwyn, please.

Well he scared the
shit out of me.

Yes I know.
Go wait outside.

Stop scaring the shit out of me.

Bronwyn. He knows.

Go to the cafeteria.
I will meet you there.

If you die-

I will kill you.

Your cousin loves
you very much.

I can see that.

Do you need anything?

Yeah.

Who are you?

Oh, I'm kidding mom.

That was not funny.

The doctor says you
just need to rest.

You have a very bad concussion.

It's very important
that you stay in bed.

Can I have my laptop?

No, you can't.

Now your cousin and I have been
here since last night so we're

going to go, get a bite to eat,
but I'll be right back, okay.

What day is it?

Cyrus.

No, I actually don't
know what day it is.

- It's Friday, around 5:30.
- 5:30?

They brought
you in yesterday.

The police said they
wanted to talk to you,

but I told them
not until tomorrow.

Okay.

I'll be back soon.

My poor boy.

You really did scare
the shit out of us.

I know.
I'm sorry.

♪ ♪

You're late.

Oh! What happened to your face?

I was born with this nose.

No.

Oh, oh, ahh, ahh,
skateboard thing.

I told you that
thing will kill you.

This time you might be right.

I could use a coffee.

I already got you one.

Oh, yeah, good.

So, hows the Hemingway book?

Lots of moping and lunches
and bull fights I suppose?

Two people who are supposed to
love each other lying all the

time is not really
my cup of tea.

I don't want tea.

I want coffee.
I'm going to go get some.

Wait, Cyrus.

Oh. Coffee.
What did I order?

You didn't.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

All night study
session last night.

Ahh, tried to call you and tell
you I was going to be late.

Um, my phone has been
acting a little weird lately.

I haven't been getting messages.

Which is a pain you know,
because open communication

between friends is
really important.

Let me see.

Thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

You can just buy
me a cup of coffee.

Another one?

Hmm, Oh coffee, good.
That will help.

So what's new?

I saw Christian the other day.

He just pretended
I wasn't there.

You know I thought he
was the love of my life.

It was weird.

It felt like sometimes I
was two different people.

Those were some
heavy duty letters.

Yeah, you wouldn't think a
guy like him could write

so beautifully.

"You're like a rose pressed
between pages in an old

book of romantic poetry.

A startling beauty surrounded
and nourished by words of love."

How did you remember that.

He told me about it.

Yeah, but that
was word for word.

Three minutes ago you couldn't
remember you already had coffee.

Yeah, I'd love one.
Thank you.

Cyrus, what's going on?

I don't know.

Maybe it's in your settings.

Technology is a funny thing.

Feel closer to you
than I've ever been,

but still so isolated.

What was that?

Maybe it's in your settings?

Read this.

Okay.

Out loud.

"Pursue your dreams instead.

Inspire others with
kindness and generosity

the way you inspired me."

I know it was you.

Yes.
No, no, no.

Possibly.

The letters, the emails, the
messages, it was all you.

Why?

He loved you.

Who exactly did I love?

I thought you were
my best friend, Cyrus,

but apparently that doesn't
make me immune to your stupid

little pranks now does it?

That's not what happened.

Did he pay you? How much our
friendship worth, Cyrus?

Okay. Don't get
self-righteous with me.

You already were
in love with him.

You think you're so
above being shallow.

Yeah I want a man with, with
the great soul, but you better

have washboard
abs to go with it.

Oh!

You're just like every other
girl, you just have more

pretentious quotes in
your Pinterest page.

You manipulated me.

You believed it, because
you wanted to believe it.

No, I believed it because no
sane person would even think of

doing something like this.

You asked me to
talk him for you.

I just gave him a little nudge.

Yeah, I loved you.

Him. I loved him.

Whatever, that was
unbelievably cruel.

Okay, come off of it.

You live in this perfect
little bubble that everyone

who happens to be good
looking gets to live in.

And you have no idea how
the real world works.

Oh god. Please don't tell
me this is about your nose.

Let me tell you something
about your nose, Cyrus.

You love that nose.
It lets you get away with

the giant chip
that's on your shoulder.

I never meant to hurt you.

What did you mean to do?

I fixed your phone.

Remember that guy that sent
you a dick pic and I got him

kicked off the football team.

He remembers too.

Oh my god.

Am I in a coffee shop?
Because what does a guy

have to do to get a cup
of coffee around here.

Oh my god.
Oh my god! Okay.

Hey, just don't move, okay.
Just be...

Can someone call 911?

This is great.

I need to go, though.
Next Friday?

Oh my god.

♪ ♪

[Hospital machine beeping]

Hey.

Hey.

How are you feeling?

Well, I'm awake, so that's a
good start, I guess.

I'm glad.

I uhmm,

I have something
I need to tell you.

Okay.

You're not going
to see me for awhile.

Yeah, I know you, your parents
are going to look at colleges.

No, I mean after that.

For how long?

I don't know.

What, like forever?

I know I screwed up but,
if you can forgive me...

That's the problem, Cyrus,
is that I probably will.

And then you'll go back to
pulling stuff like this.

You should use your
talent to help people,

not manipulate them.

I know I...

I know it was over the line...

Just forget about
that whole disaster.

Look at you.

You almost died because of
a stunt you pulled for me.

I just don't think that
hanging around each other

is such a good idea.

I'm glad you're okay.

Can you do me a favor?

Anything.

Get your grades back up.

Go to a good school.

Just focus on
you for a while okay?

Have a good life, Cyrus.

I was trying to help.

Please stop calling me.

[crickets]

[typing]

[typing]

♪ ♪

[Lee] Hey.

So, what was so important you
couldn't tell me in a text.

You texted me.

Well...

we can't make
fun of these people.

They're skating for charity.

Well, I mean, if
we agree to make a sizable

donation to that charity.

Agreed.
Let's start with that guy.

I'm going to call him Mr. Jorts.

Agent Jorts.
Secret agent on wheels.

His arch enemy, Pot Hole.

You know what? Let me
take that bag cause I think

somebody left something
in the back yard for you.

Okay.

♪ ♪

[sigh]

Hi Roxy.

You know this is literally
the first time since I was

ten that I've allowed
a video or photo of me.

You've always seen past my
nose and it's time I did too.

I'm so sorry.

I will never lie to
you again, I swear.

Every once in a while I will go
to the skate park and see a guy

with his arm around a girl
and get this wave of romantic

feelings and think, why not me?

So I'll rush home and
change my shirt and check

myself in the mirror.

Tell myself today is
day that I'm gonna do it.

And then all I see is this.

I remember why I don't
allow a picture to be taken.

But this time I'm
not backing down.

So here goes.

I love you.

Yeah, yeah, I know,
you love me too.

We're good friends.

But I love you.

Love you in the Princess
Bride sense of the word.

In a "I would bring down
the stars and make a garden

for you to read in"
sense of the word.

Even if we never speak again,
I needed you to know that.

So enjoy your epic blanket fort.

You deserve it all, Roxy.

♪ ♪

[Bronwyn]
I'm offering you two sheep.

Two. For one stinking piece
of oar. Don't be a jerk.

You already have the
longest road. I'm not going to

give you oar so you can start
building cities, willie nilly.

Willie nilly? Really?
Is that something that

people who aren't in a
retirement home say?

Willie Nilly is
making a comeback.

Willie Nilly is going
to be the name of my band.

[phone text]

[Lee] Two sheep and a wheat.
Final offer.

[Bronwyn] No, forget it. You
get nothing. How's that, jerk.

Cyrus, how about you.
Two sheep for one oar?

A simple no would have
been fine, drama queen.

Wanna make out?

[water sprinkling]

I'm realizing now there are
only three words of all the

words written in all the
books in all the world.

The only words that
matter are "I love you."

Your words, Cyrus.

Not his.

You memorized that way
better than he did.

Took days.

You lied to me.

Deliberately
manipulated my feelings.

I know, I know.
I'm so sorry.

I just wanted you to be happy.

Well that guy
who wrote those texts,

I loved his soul,
his wit, his passion.

That was you.

Was it all a lie?

No.

No not at all.

I had to get it off my chest.

I thought even if I, even
if I wasn't the guy for you

that I could feel what it
would be like to be with you.

Even with this giant
thing on my face...

Cyrus. It's just a nose.

To you.

To me it was a wall.

A giant boulder blocking
the gateway to everything

that I ever wanted.

Which is?

You.

Just, just you.

It's always been you.

I want to hear you say it
in person. Don't make a joke.

Don't make an
excuse, just tell me.

Did you mean what you sent me?

Every word.

You must be freezing.

No.

That's not why I'm shivering.

♪ ♪

Oh, no, no.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.
You're my guy now.

Wooo yeah!

[laughter]

Oh my god!

All wet over again.

You're soaked!

- Okay.
- Okay.

[camera click]

[closing music]

Oww! Mother...

Jake...

Yeah?

Oops.

Aghhh!

Oh god!

Get out.

I, I, sorry.

I had a hair in my mouth.

So I'm all yeah right
and she's all like no.

So I put down the skirt I was
going to buy which was super

cute, BT dub and I text her
yeah, and she was like, uhm, no.

And I was like, uhm, yeah.

And then she says
no and I'm like...

[phone beep]
Hold on.

Oh, hell yeah.

♪ ♪

Kind of like Arnold,
"Shut up you idiot."

Aghhh.

Subtitles by explosiveskull