Roald Dahl's Danny the Champion of the World (1989) - full transcript
Somewhere in England, in the Autumn of 1955, a widowed father and his son live an idyllic life together. Only their gas station happens to sit on a piece of land that a local developer wants to buy. And when he won't take no for an answer, and sets government inspectors and social works onto Danny and his father, Danny and his father decide to get even with Hazell and his pheasant- shooting friends in a manner in keeping with their own family tradition.
(Flapping overhead)
(Gunfire)
(Whistle)
(Pheasants coo)
(Tyres screech)
A-ha.
Hmm.
- See you soon, William.
- (Man) Bye, Doc. See you soon.
Who? Oh, yes! Good, good.
- There, Danny, thank you.
- l checked the oil.
Oh, you've done it? That's good.
(Starts engine)
Well, it is!
Where's reverse?
(Tyres screech)
(Tyres screech)
You idiot! Why don't you watch -
Well done, Dan.
Seems like a bright lad.
- My name's...Hazell.
Correct. (Chuckles)
- Already famous round here, am l?
- Notorious.
That's what l like about the country.
Everybody knows everybody.
ls there somewhere more private
we could talk?
l'm not complaining. Business is business.
l've got one of the finest
pheasant shoots in England here.
All right, 2,500 -
but that's my top whack.
l don't know how to say it more clearly.
Come on, Dan, give me the grease gun.
How much do you make on this place? Eh?
Ten, maybe 12 quid a week,
if you're lucky?
l'm offering you a small fortune.
The opportunity of a lifetime.
What about the boy there? Shouldn't
you be thinking about his future?
Do you think we should sell, Danny?
- You see, we're happy here.
- l think l should warn you...
..l always get what l want,
one way or another.
No one can have everything they want.
We'll see about that.
Where the Big Friendly Giant
could hear things.
Oh, yes. Your mother always
loved stories about giants, too.
He could hear the tread of a ladybird
walking across a leaf.
as they scurried about
under the soil, gossiping.
You see, my love, there's
a whole world of sound around us
that we can't hear because our ears -
- Dad?
- What?
While we were fighting,
he was making money
out of everybody else's misery.
l suppose he is, sort of.
But l reckons as how you and l
are match enough for 'im.
(Birds twitter)
- Morning.
- Morning.
(Children chatter)
- lt's his bill for the tyre.
- OK.
- Danny?
- Yeah?
(Children talk and shout)
♪ ..we ought to ask
♪ Room to deny ourselves
♪ A road to bring us daily nearer God
♪ Only, O Lord, in Thy dear love
♪ Fit us for perfect rest above
♪ And help us this and every day
♪ Amen ♪
Boys and girls, you'll no doubt have
noticed a new face here this morning.
lt's my pleasure to introduce
Mr Lancaster.
Wha... What?
Erm...
He'll be taking the senior class.
(Reluctant clapping)
Erm... Did you not learn to knock
before entering a room, lad?
Thank you. l... Erm... l take a
wee nip now and again, understand?
Course.
Nobody knows.
Right, well, off you go, then.
- (Floor creaks)
- Boy!
- You're late.
- Sorry, sir.
Name?
Danny, sir.
Well... Smith.
it's a boy who attempts to sneak
and creep into my classroom
like a nasty little snake.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir.
l want to make one thing very clear.
l will not tolerate
any breaches of the school rules.
Punctuality.
Order.
Discipline.
And l know how to get it.
Some garage owners
top up with low-grade fuel
in their high-grade tanks.
No, it's not. A couple of your chaps
were here two weeks ago.
All right. There's a horrible new
master called Captain Lancaster.
(Man's voice on phone)
You let me worry about that.
- Putting you through.
- (Man) 489.
(Birds squawk)
Dad?
Dad?
(Sign creaks)
Dad? Where are you?
(William) Danny?
Where have you been? l thought
something terrible had happened.
Oh, sweetheart.
l shouldn't have done it. l didn't
think you'd wake up. You never do.
Done what, Dad?
Where have you been?
- l've been up to Hazell's woods.
- But that's miles! Why?
Why?
Do you know what poaching is?
You mean... catching things?
Well... lt's rather more than that.
lt's going out to the woods at night
and coming home
with a nice fat pheasant for the pot.
- But that's stealing.
- What?
How would you like a midnight feast?
And l will explain to you
the mysterious art of poaching.
(Sizzling)
Well, now, once upon a time...
Dad!
But that was ages ago.
No, not so long ago.
ln your grandfather's day.
And then, when things got better,
people continued poaching because...
Well, because...it's one of the most
exciting, difficult sports there is.
The pheasants belong to somebody,
don't they?
Legally, they belong to the person
whose land they're on at the time.
l hate organised shoots like Hazell's!
Do you know why he's got so many
pheasants? He buys them as chicks.
On the day of the shoot, an army
of beaters crashes through the wood
Poaching is quite a different matter.
And there's the added spice
Guns?
They wouldn't shoot you, would they?
Hazell's keepers might. ln the old
days they peppered your backside.
Your grandpa had a backside
like a pin-cushion.
Grandpa was a poacher?
He studied the art of poaching like...
like a scientist.
He discovered
one of the great secrets of poaching.
- No, Danny, it's a secret.
- Please!
Well...
Pass it on, so to speak.
(Echo) Pheasants love raisins...
(William) Now keep very still.
Don't let them see you.
Not as much as pheasants, though.
They adore them.
My old dad didn't stop there.
Watch that one.
(Chickens cluck)
Do anything you like to her.
She won't move.
That's the beauty of it. That's the poetry.
The Sticky Hat, my old dad used to call it.
lt's a landmark invention
in the history of poaching.
Hello, that sounds like business.
Come on.
(Engine rattles)
- (Engine backfires)
- Oh-oh.
Who's this?
Danny, l've got a job for you.
But not until l tip you the wink.
District Council Child Welfare
Department. This is Mr Parker.
- Housing.
- Good morning.
Now, Mr Smith...
- We've had a...
- A report.
- Living accommodation?
- Round the back.
- l'd be happy to show you round.
- l see.
l'm glad you're adopting
a responsible attitude.
(Chicken clucks)
A tin tub to wash in.
A hole in the ground to...
l do. ln this day and age, especially.
You didn't send Danny to school
until he was seven and a half.
Now, are you aware
of the legal requirement?
Yes, l'm perfectly well aware.
l taught Danny myself.
The law is quite clear. Attendance
at a school is compulsory.
Unless alternative instruction is provided
by a qualified teacher.
- l taught full-time before the war.
- Oh.
Well, did it never occur to you
that Danny might benefit
from the companionship of children
his own age?
(Sighs)
This is criminal damage.
l shall prosecute. l...
She sounded a bit rough.
Do you have trouble starting her?
Fuel pump's a bit wonky. l can fix it
but it really needs a new one.
l know l should have asked you first but...
He was all l had.
Fine-looking girl.
lf you'd like to try it.
Well, l'm convinced.
but if l were you, l'd hang on
to this bit of land of yours.
Say no more. Mum's the word, eh?
- Dad?
- Yes?
Not since your mother died.
l made a vow then
that l wouldn't go out poaching
until you were old enough to be left.
l'm old enough now.
You can go out whenever you like.
- Do you mean that?
- As long as you tell me.
Of course l will.
(Man's voice on phone)
So, what happened, then?
Yeah. Yes, l suppose
that could be arranged. Goodbye.
We'll see about that.
(William) Weasel, Danny.
You missed it. lt went down there.
A mother weasel will fight
to the death to protect her young.
Even against a fox
100 times bigger than her.
(Squealing)
Come on.
(Screeches)
(William) Barbaric.
- (Rabbit squeals)
- Ssh!
Come on, come on.
(Rabbit squeals)
Ssh... lt's a vile thing.
Just what you'd expect from Hazell.
Dad!
- Oh, no!
- Come on, Dan.
(Scales being played on instruments)
Come here.
Now, what did l say
about unpunctuality? Hm?
1 ,000 lines by tomorrow morning.
Now get to your place.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Danny.
Suppose l'd better get on with it.
l thought l might go out again tonight.
ls that all right?
l'll be back by nine. Don't wait up.
Lights out and bed at eight. Promise?
- You will be back?
- Of course l will.
Don't worry. They won't.
(William) l'll be back by nine. don't wait up.
(Engine starts)
(Gears crunch)
(Engine judders)
Come on! Lights!
(Engine stalls)
(Handbrake on)
(Police bell rings)
(Police bell rings)
(Bell fades)
(Bird squawks)
(Snapping sound)
He doesn't pay us fancy wages, does he?
(Second man) You're right.
Do you no good to hide your face!
We've got you now, my lad. (Laughs)
l've a pretty good idea
who we've got down there. Come on.
lf he could get out,
he'd have got out, wouldn't he?
l think l've broken my ankle.
l don't know how l can get out.
There's a tow rope in the Austin.
(♪ Lively jazz from inside)
(Hazell whistles)
- Oh!
- Are you all right?
(Owl hoots)
Give us your arm...
Pull, Dan. Come on!
Give it more acceleration.
lt's skidding.
Go on. Good boy.
Good, good. Keep going.
Woo-hoo!
- lt was that beggar from the garage.
- Course it was.
Yes, l want him. l don't care
how you get him, just get him!
100 quid apiece in it for you
when you do.
Yes. Well, they're...they're on their way.
You ought to take something for the pain.
- This'll do me.
- You can be too stoical, you know.
Oh, er...
Sorry, Dan, you didn't hear that.
lmagine. lt's disgraceful.
Utterly, utterly disgraceful!
- (Bicycle bell rings)
- A-ha.
Ooh... Do look nasty.
ls it broken?
Can you account
for your whereabouts last night?
The suspect replied
that he was at home all night.
That'll be your ambulance, Doctor.
(Mouths)
They'll just set the bone, plaster
him up, and he'll be as right as rain.
(Policeman) Right, l'll be off now, then.
(Thunder)
(Pouring rain outside)
(Thunder)
(Car horn)
A bit woozy.
- l got up at two.
- Got up at two?
l'm getting wet, Rabbetts!
- Look here, you listen to me!
- No, you listen to me!
What do you take me for?
l'm warning you, Smith.
You trespass again, you're gonna get shot.
You've got money
so you think you've got right to...
- Summons the beggar.
- No. l want to catch him red-handed.
- But he might not try it again.
- Course he will.
And when we get him, boys,
we'll see what he'll take
for this precious garage of his.
(Laughs)
Thank you very much.
Oh, no, no, no. No, honestly.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, honestly.
Straight away, too.
Go on, Dad.
(Whispers) Hey, Danny!
Stand up.
Smith.
Up.
Come out here, both of you.
(Creaking)
- (Loud crack)
- (Children gasp)
Smith, l haven't finished yet.
(Snoddy) Captain Lancaster!
l'd like a word with you,
immediately, if you please.
that l will not tolerate any form
of corporal punishment in my school.
l was perfectly within my rights.
The boys were cheating.
Ah, right.
The rest of you, sit down. Sit down.
Now then...
lf l catch you using the cane
ever again in my school
you'll be out on your ear.
ls that understood?
Ow! Damn this nut!
Try this one.
What's the matter with your hand?
Who did this?
- Who did this, Danny?
- Dad...
Was it Lancaster?
- He thought me and Sid were cheating.
- Cheating? You?
- To see Captain Lancaster.
- Please don't! Please!
lt'll make him think
before he lays a hand on a child again.
- l'll hate you if you do it!
- Danny...
The local bigwigs
and the toffs down from London.
- He'd never show his face again.
- lt's a fantastic idea!
(doctor's voice) And now, William,
this is to make you sleep.
Tea on?
lt's... lt's...absolutely...flabbergasting!
lf it works, it would make Danny
the all-time champion of the world.
l think it will require a little...a little planning.
Afternoon, Snoddy.
Would you be free tomorrow?
- How many have you got?
- l don't know. 20 or 30, l suppose.
We'll take the lot.
(William) This should just put them
to sleep for a day and a night.
Then we'll snuff them.
Easy as pie.
Let's have a go!
You should go to bed, my love.
l've got all tomorrow.
l'll close up for the day.
(Cockerel crows)
Come on, Dan, finish that up.
Come straight back after school.
lf we're not in the woods by sunset,
we'll be too late. Danny!
Go on. Off you go.
(Clip snaps shut)
We'll have to wake you up a bit,
won't we? Stay behind after the bell.
- But, sir, l've got to get home.
- You'll do as you're told, boy.
(Cheering)
Please, sir, l'll do any punishment -
l can't be late tonight.
At the double!
Come on, boy! Pick those feet up!
Hup hup hup hup hup!
(Clock chimes)
Smith!
Captain Lancaster!
What on earth are you doing, man?
l'm... He was...
Most disgusting shambles l've ever seen!
l'm resigning!
- Do you hear me? As of now!
- Oh, good.
(Men's voices in distance)
- Nah.
- What's that?
Ah-ah. This way, this way.
l'm not standing here all night
on the wages l get paid.
(Sighs)
(William whispers)
You all right, Danny?
Let's see your hand.
Maybe there's something
we haven't thought of.
- Give it time.
- What?
Give it time.
(Bird squawks)
(Thud)
Come on, Dan.
(Laughs)
That's the last.
l can hardly believe it! (Laughs)
Man, it's historic!
Oh, yes, l think it's... Er... Well... (Laughs)
What do you think we should do, Danny?
Well said, lad.
(William)
Danny, we've got to spread the good news.
OK, let's let it go.
- (Doctor) Oh...
- lt's a good one, Danny.
(William) This will let the village know.
- What does it mean?
- Means they did it. Got the lot.
- Harry Standon.
- Here.
(Laughs)
What the devil
does Hazell think this is? A wedding?
Punch at a shoot? (Laughs)
Good God!
- Ah! Morning, Hazell.
- Lord Claybury. Sir Charles.
- Expecting a record bag today.
- We'll try not to disappoint you.
Morning, Claybury.
- l'm impressed, Victor.
- How impressed?
Claybury, for instance. He'll go mad.
What about this plot here?
- Garage, smallholding, whatever it is.
- l've got it.
lt's the key to the whole thing,
or didn't the owner know?
All right, Victor.
l think l can persuade the board.
What's the best stand
for the first drive, Rabbetts?
- That'll be number four.
- Number four.
Listen. First drive's through Home Woods
to the house. Everybody know it?
Number seven.
Get up! Over there.
Get those birds up!
What's going on?
(All shout)
- Where are the birds?
- Don't know, sir.
There he is now, sir. Excuse me.
(Rabbetts) l can't understand it.
What's going on?
ls that all you have to offer us,
Hazell? One sparrow?
(All laugh)
(Doctor) l know...
(Car approaches)
- Nothing in the lower quarter.
- What do you mean, nothing?
(Doctor) Never enjoyed anything so much
in all my life.
(Pheasants squawk)
Oh, they're waking up!
They'll shoot us too if they see them.
Pheasants!
(Car horn)
(Crash)
Well, well, well. l've got you this time.
Arrest him? What for?
Don't pretend to be more of a fool
than you are. For stealing pheasants!
- There's enough evidence!
- Are you claiming these as yours?
You're not so sure about that?!
Well, whose bloody birds are they?
Language, sir! Please!
ln which case, er...
these be Mr Smith's birds.
What?
- Mr Smith.
- Yes?
My name is Charles Tallon.
Premier Building Corporation.
l didn't think you were.
l'm afraid the deal's off.
Something tells me you won't
be building your new town here.
- Blast you all!
- (Laughter)
(Pheasants squawk)
He was going to use
the whole of his estate for a new town.
Danny.
- Hazell would have forced me to sell.
- l rather think he would.
Oh, then it's three cheers for Danny!
- Hip hip...
- (All) Hooray!
(All sing)
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow...
♪ And so say all of us! ♪
(Cheering)
Well done!
(Gunfire)
(Whistle)
(Pheasants coo)
(Tyres screech)
A-ha.
Hmm.
- See you soon, William.
- (Man) Bye, Doc. See you soon.
Who? Oh, yes! Good, good.
- There, Danny, thank you.
- l checked the oil.
Oh, you've done it? That's good.
(Starts engine)
Well, it is!
Where's reverse?
(Tyres screech)
(Tyres screech)
You idiot! Why don't you watch -
Well done, Dan.
Seems like a bright lad.
- My name's...Hazell.
Correct. (Chuckles)
- Already famous round here, am l?
- Notorious.
That's what l like about the country.
Everybody knows everybody.
ls there somewhere more private
we could talk?
l'm not complaining. Business is business.
l've got one of the finest
pheasant shoots in England here.
All right, 2,500 -
but that's my top whack.
l don't know how to say it more clearly.
Come on, Dan, give me the grease gun.
How much do you make on this place? Eh?
Ten, maybe 12 quid a week,
if you're lucky?
l'm offering you a small fortune.
The opportunity of a lifetime.
What about the boy there? Shouldn't
you be thinking about his future?
Do you think we should sell, Danny?
- You see, we're happy here.
- l think l should warn you...
..l always get what l want,
one way or another.
No one can have everything they want.
We'll see about that.
Where the Big Friendly Giant
could hear things.
Oh, yes. Your mother always
loved stories about giants, too.
He could hear the tread of a ladybird
walking across a leaf.
as they scurried about
under the soil, gossiping.
You see, my love, there's
a whole world of sound around us
that we can't hear because our ears -
- Dad?
- What?
While we were fighting,
he was making money
out of everybody else's misery.
l suppose he is, sort of.
But l reckons as how you and l
are match enough for 'im.
(Birds twitter)
- Morning.
- Morning.
(Children chatter)
- lt's his bill for the tyre.
- OK.
- Danny?
- Yeah?
(Children talk and shout)
♪ ..we ought to ask
♪ Room to deny ourselves
♪ A road to bring us daily nearer God
♪ Only, O Lord, in Thy dear love
♪ Fit us for perfect rest above
♪ And help us this and every day
♪ Amen ♪
Boys and girls, you'll no doubt have
noticed a new face here this morning.
lt's my pleasure to introduce
Mr Lancaster.
Wha... What?
Erm...
He'll be taking the senior class.
(Reluctant clapping)
Erm... Did you not learn to knock
before entering a room, lad?
Thank you. l... Erm... l take a
wee nip now and again, understand?
Course.
Nobody knows.
Right, well, off you go, then.
- (Floor creaks)
- Boy!
- You're late.
- Sorry, sir.
Name?
Danny, sir.
Well... Smith.
it's a boy who attempts to sneak
and creep into my classroom
like a nasty little snake.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir.
l want to make one thing very clear.
l will not tolerate
any breaches of the school rules.
Punctuality.
Order.
Discipline.
And l know how to get it.
Some garage owners
top up with low-grade fuel
in their high-grade tanks.
No, it's not. A couple of your chaps
were here two weeks ago.
All right. There's a horrible new
master called Captain Lancaster.
(Man's voice on phone)
You let me worry about that.
- Putting you through.
- (Man) 489.
(Birds squawk)
Dad?
Dad?
(Sign creaks)
Dad? Where are you?
(William) Danny?
Where have you been? l thought
something terrible had happened.
Oh, sweetheart.
l shouldn't have done it. l didn't
think you'd wake up. You never do.
Done what, Dad?
Where have you been?
- l've been up to Hazell's woods.
- But that's miles! Why?
Why?
Do you know what poaching is?
You mean... catching things?
Well... lt's rather more than that.
lt's going out to the woods at night
and coming home
with a nice fat pheasant for the pot.
- But that's stealing.
- What?
How would you like a midnight feast?
And l will explain to you
the mysterious art of poaching.
(Sizzling)
Well, now, once upon a time...
Dad!
But that was ages ago.
No, not so long ago.
ln your grandfather's day.
And then, when things got better,
people continued poaching because...
Well, because...it's one of the most
exciting, difficult sports there is.
The pheasants belong to somebody,
don't they?
Legally, they belong to the person
whose land they're on at the time.
l hate organised shoots like Hazell's!
Do you know why he's got so many
pheasants? He buys them as chicks.
On the day of the shoot, an army
of beaters crashes through the wood
Poaching is quite a different matter.
And there's the added spice
Guns?
They wouldn't shoot you, would they?
Hazell's keepers might. ln the old
days they peppered your backside.
Your grandpa had a backside
like a pin-cushion.
Grandpa was a poacher?
He studied the art of poaching like...
like a scientist.
He discovered
one of the great secrets of poaching.
- No, Danny, it's a secret.
- Please!
Well...
Pass it on, so to speak.
(Echo) Pheasants love raisins...
(William) Now keep very still.
Don't let them see you.
Not as much as pheasants, though.
They adore them.
My old dad didn't stop there.
Watch that one.
(Chickens cluck)
Do anything you like to her.
She won't move.
That's the beauty of it. That's the poetry.
The Sticky Hat, my old dad used to call it.
lt's a landmark invention
in the history of poaching.
Hello, that sounds like business.
Come on.
(Engine rattles)
- (Engine backfires)
- Oh-oh.
Who's this?
Danny, l've got a job for you.
But not until l tip you the wink.
District Council Child Welfare
Department. This is Mr Parker.
- Housing.
- Good morning.
Now, Mr Smith...
- We've had a...
- A report.
- Living accommodation?
- Round the back.
- l'd be happy to show you round.
- l see.
l'm glad you're adopting
a responsible attitude.
(Chicken clucks)
A tin tub to wash in.
A hole in the ground to...
l do. ln this day and age, especially.
You didn't send Danny to school
until he was seven and a half.
Now, are you aware
of the legal requirement?
Yes, l'm perfectly well aware.
l taught Danny myself.
The law is quite clear. Attendance
at a school is compulsory.
Unless alternative instruction is provided
by a qualified teacher.
- l taught full-time before the war.
- Oh.
Well, did it never occur to you
that Danny might benefit
from the companionship of children
his own age?
(Sighs)
This is criminal damage.
l shall prosecute. l...
She sounded a bit rough.
Do you have trouble starting her?
Fuel pump's a bit wonky. l can fix it
but it really needs a new one.
l know l should have asked you first but...
He was all l had.
Fine-looking girl.
lf you'd like to try it.
Well, l'm convinced.
but if l were you, l'd hang on
to this bit of land of yours.
Say no more. Mum's the word, eh?
- Dad?
- Yes?
Not since your mother died.
l made a vow then
that l wouldn't go out poaching
until you were old enough to be left.
l'm old enough now.
You can go out whenever you like.
- Do you mean that?
- As long as you tell me.
Of course l will.
(Man's voice on phone)
So, what happened, then?
Yeah. Yes, l suppose
that could be arranged. Goodbye.
We'll see about that.
(William) Weasel, Danny.
You missed it. lt went down there.
A mother weasel will fight
to the death to protect her young.
Even against a fox
100 times bigger than her.
(Squealing)
Come on.
(Screeches)
(William) Barbaric.
- (Rabbit squeals)
- Ssh!
Come on, come on.
(Rabbit squeals)
Ssh... lt's a vile thing.
Just what you'd expect from Hazell.
Dad!
- Oh, no!
- Come on, Dan.
(Scales being played on instruments)
Come here.
Now, what did l say
about unpunctuality? Hm?
1 ,000 lines by tomorrow morning.
Now get to your place.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hi, Danny.
Suppose l'd better get on with it.
l thought l might go out again tonight.
ls that all right?
l'll be back by nine. Don't wait up.
Lights out and bed at eight. Promise?
- You will be back?
- Of course l will.
Don't worry. They won't.
(William) l'll be back by nine. don't wait up.
(Engine starts)
(Gears crunch)
(Engine judders)
Come on! Lights!
(Engine stalls)
(Handbrake on)
(Police bell rings)
(Police bell rings)
(Bell fades)
(Bird squawks)
(Snapping sound)
He doesn't pay us fancy wages, does he?
(Second man) You're right.
Do you no good to hide your face!
We've got you now, my lad. (Laughs)
l've a pretty good idea
who we've got down there. Come on.
lf he could get out,
he'd have got out, wouldn't he?
l think l've broken my ankle.
l don't know how l can get out.
There's a tow rope in the Austin.
(♪ Lively jazz from inside)
(Hazell whistles)
- Oh!
- Are you all right?
(Owl hoots)
Give us your arm...
Pull, Dan. Come on!
Give it more acceleration.
lt's skidding.
Go on. Good boy.
Good, good. Keep going.
Woo-hoo!
- lt was that beggar from the garage.
- Course it was.
Yes, l want him. l don't care
how you get him, just get him!
100 quid apiece in it for you
when you do.
Yes. Well, they're...they're on their way.
You ought to take something for the pain.
- This'll do me.
- You can be too stoical, you know.
Oh, er...
Sorry, Dan, you didn't hear that.
lmagine. lt's disgraceful.
Utterly, utterly disgraceful!
- (Bicycle bell rings)
- A-ha.
Ooh... Do look nasty.
ls it broken?
Can you account
for your whereabouts last night?
The suspect replied
that he was at home all night.
That'll be your ambulance, Doctor.
(Mouths)
They'll just set the bone, plaster
him up, and he'll be as right as rain.
(Policeman) Right, l'll be off now, then.
(Thunder)
(Pouring rain outside)
(Thunder)
(Car horn)
A bit woozy.
- l got up at two.
- Got up at two?
l'm getting wet, Rabbetts!
- Look here, you listen to me!
- No, you listen to me!
What do you take me for?
l'm warning you, Smith.
You trespass again, you're gonna get shot.
You've got money
so you think you've got right to...
- Summons the beggar.
- No. l want to catch him red-handed.
- But he might not try it again.
- Course he will.
And when we get him, boys,
we'll see what he'll take
for this precious garage of his.
(Laughs)
Thank you very much.
Oh, no, no, no. No, honestly.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, honestly.
Straight away, too.
Go on, Dad.
(Whispers) Hey, Danny!
Stand up.
Smith.
Up.
Come out here, both of you.
(Creaking)
- (Loud crack)
- (Children gasp)
Smith, l haven't finished yet.
(Snoddy) Captain Lancaster!
l'd like a word with you,
immediately, if you please.
that l will not tolerate any form
of corporal punishment in my school.
l was perfectly within my rights.
The boys were cheating.
Ah, right.
The rest of you, sit down. Sit down.
Now then...
lf l catch you using the cane
ever again in my school
you'll be out on your ear.
ls that understood?
Ow! Damn this nut!
Try this one.
What's the matter with your hand?
Who did this?
- Who did this, Danny?
- Dad...
Was it Lancaster?
- He thought me and Sid were cheating.
- Cheating? You?
- To see Captain Lancaster.
- Please don't! Please!
lt'll make him think
before he lays a hand on a child again.
- l'll hate you if you do it!
- Danny...
The local bigwigs
and the toffs down from London.
- He'd never show his face again.
- lt's a fantastic idea!
(doctor's voice) And now, William,
this is to make you sleep.
Tea on?
lt's... lt's...absolutely...flabbergasting!
lf it works, it would make Danny
the all-time champion of the world.
l think it will require a little...a little planning.
Afternoon, Snoddy.
Would you be free tomorrow?
- How many have you got?
- l don't know. 20 or 30, l suppose.
We'll take the lot.
(William) This should just put them
to sleep for a day and a night.
Then we'll snuff them.
Easy as pie.
Let's have a go!
You should go to bed, my love.
l've got all tomorrow.
l'll close up for the day.
(Cockerel crows)
Come on, Dan, finish that up.
Come straight back after school.
lf we're not in the woods by sunset,
we'll be too late. Danny!
Go on. Off you go.
(Clip snaps shut)
We'll have to wake you up a bit,
won't we? Stay behind after the bell.
- But, sir, l've got to get home.
- You'll do as you're told, boy.
(Cheering)
Please, sir, l'll do any punishment -
l can't be late tonight.
At the double!
Come on, boy! Pick those feet up!
Hup hup hup hup hup!
(Clock chimes)
Smith!
Captain Lancaster!
What on earth are you doing, man?
l'm... He was...
Most disgusting shambles l've ever seen!
l'm resigning!
- Do you hear me? As of now!
- Oh, good.
(Men's voices in distance)
- Nah.
- What's that?
Ah-ah. This way, this way.
l'm not standing here all night
on the wages l get paid.
(Sighs)
(William whispers)
You all right, Danny?
Let's see your hand.
Maybe there's something
we haven't thought of.
- Give it time.
- What?
Give it time.
(Bird squawks)
(Thud)
Come on, Dan.
(Laughs)
That's the last.
l can hardly believe it! (Laughs)
Man, it's historic!
Oh, yes, l think it's... Er... Well... (Laughs)
What do you think we should do, Danny?
Well said, lad.
(William)
Danny, we've got to spread the good news.
OK, let's let it go.
- (Doctor) Oh...
- lt's a good one, Danny.
(William) This will let the village know.
- What does it mean?
- Means they did it. Got the lot.
- Harry Standon.
- Here.
(Laughs)
What the devil
does Hazell think this is? A wedding?
Punch at a shoot? (Laughs)
Good God!
- Ah! Morning, Hazell.
- Lord Claybury. Sir Charles.
- Expecting a record bag today.
- We'll try not to disappoint you.
Morning, Claybury.
- l'm impressed, Victor.
- How impressed?
Claybury, for instance. He'll go mad.
What about this plot here?
- Garage, smallholding, whatever it is.
- l've got it.
lt's the key to the whole thing,
or didn't the owner know?
All right, Victor.
l think l can persuade the board.
What's the best stand
for the first drive, Rabbetts?
- That'll be number four.
- Number four.
Listen. First drive's through Home Woods
to the house. Everybody know it?
Number seven.
Get up! Over there.
Get those birds up!
What's going on?
(All shout)
- Where are the birds?
- Don't know, sir.
There he is now, sir. Excuse me.
(Rabbetts) l can't understand it.
What's going on?
ls that all you have to offer us,
Hazell? One sparrow?
(All laugh)
(Doctor) l know...
(Car approaches)
- Nothing in the lower quarter.
- What do you mean, nothing?
(Doctor) Never enjoyed anything so much
in all my life.
(Pheasants squawk)
Oh, they're waking up!
They'll shoot us too if they see them.
Pheasants!
(Car horn)
(Crash)
Well, well, well. l've got you this time.
Arrest him? What for?
Don't pretend to be more of a fool
than you are. For stealing pheasants!
- There's enough evidence!
- Are you claiming these as yours?
You're not so sure about that?!
Well, whose bloody birds are they?
Language, sir! Please!
ln which case, er...
these be Mr Smith's birds.
What?
- Mr Smith.
- Yes?
My name is Charles Tallon.
Premier Building Corporation.
l didn't think you were.
l'm afraid the deal's off.
Something tells me you won't
be building your new town here.
- Blast you all!
- (Laughter)
(Pheasants squawk)
He was going to use
the whole of his estate for a new town.
Danny.
- Hazell would have forced me to sell.
- l rather think he would.
Oh, then it's three cheers for Danny!
- Hip hip...
- (All) Hooray!
(All sing)
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow...
♪ And so say all of us! ♪
(Cheering)
Well done!