Ritter, Dene, Voss (1987) - full transcript

Bath too hot
it's always the same with him

BEFORE LUNCH

difficulties of interpretation

apathy

catafalquism he accuses us of

Did you tell him
that Doctor Frege is the only possible one

No I have to proceed carefully

Proceed gently Fraulein Worringer
the director said

The follow-up physician Doctor Frege

Between Steinhof and here
he hardly said a word hardly a word

Not even about Schopenhauer



No

And his Germanophobia

Not a word about the Germans

And his sore throat

Better
he's not coughing any more

Not a word about Frege

I don't feel like kicking the bucket
to save my brother

that's what I told the director

It's an instinct for self-preservation
to take my brother home

is what I said

I can't come to Steinhof every day
after all I'm not well myself

He looked at me uncomprehendingly

Do what you think is right he said

but don't forget that your brother
is extremely vulnerable



extremely vulnerable

Pointless to think about the inadmissible

While you only visited him once a week
I went to Steinhof every day

Day in day out

Destruction

self-destruction philosophical

that's what he said

threw his salami sandwich
into the toilet bowl

in front of my very eyes

Schopenhauer and washing his hands

Talked again about his log cabin
in Sognefjord

going on about Norway in his room
all the time

I didn't know
how to get him off the subject

and only the day before the word
Germanophobia all the time

The Norwegian quirk

Paid three million in two years

because we have no medical insurance

Catafalquism

You ought to have left him in peace
have left him in Steinhof

But it's only a trial

Which always ends in disaster

Tell me where are the sugar cubes?

In the left-hand drawer

Got himself completely snowed in
at Sils Maria

Burned all his Christmas presents

scornful laughter

shortage of breath afraid he was dying

Once again afraid of cancer of the tongue

Cancer of the tongue is not hereditary

Yes it is

How long has father been dead

Twenty years

He had the most beautiful death
that I can imagine

without the slightest pain
he went to sleep like a child

Only two days before
we had been to the opera

Turandot

Henry James conceived us
not our parents

that's what he said

Smothered in luxury
always just barely got away

You or I
to this very day

that will never change

I let him finish talking

Treatise on Logic Part One
Treatise on Logic Part Two

finally transcribed I said

all along the avenue
and back again

without contradicting

I said he should sit in the back seat
he didn't object at all

got in all by himself
the pills worked immediately

He wanted to go along Hill Road
we stopped at the Fischer House

he asked to get out
we got out

we took a short walk
he seemed quite calm

he looked down at the city
wanted to know where our house was

he couldn't find it at once
that annoyed him

There it is I said

that made him doubly annoyed
that I had found it before he had

I hadn't changed he said

And neither had you
sisters are the problem he said

thanked me for my transcribing

then I saw that he had no socks on

shoes on his bare feet

thanked me a second time for my typing

it was us father had loved he said
for him he only had hatred

suddenly he recited
his favourite sentence

the Schopenhauer sentence
quite calmly without the least agitation

I'd arranged
I said

for us to be alone
when he got home

just us siblings

no servants
no maid

We really only need the small kitchen
nobody but ourselves

To take a bath by myself
he said

without being stared at
by a keeper

He wanted to go for a stroll
we walked a little way into the woods

I said I had been to the cemetery

the family grave was neglected

the birch tree
had split the slab on the tomb

he was fascinated

that I should describe the grave to him
and how I did it

We simply have to take
our chances

One day you'll walk in the park with him
I'll do it the next day

I was against it
I'm still against it

I would never have taken him out
at least not right now

Now or never
I thought

Now he's agreed

You're totally absorbed in Ludwig
organised your whole life around him

With his consent
do bear that in mind

he wanted to come home now

I wouldn't have brought him home
not now of all times

Now you're back on stage
playing that blind woman

you know it's ridiculous

Precisely because
I'm returning to the stage

Self-realisation
what a disgusting word

this odious word crops up everywhere
self-realisation

there's nothing more repellent
there's nothing more stupid

it doesn't mean anything
the word self-realisation

but they all parrot it

doesn't matter who you are
you are after all realised

you are yourself

there isn't a more absurd word
or a more repellent one

than self-realization

and everyone uses it continuously

The phrase function of truth
is another example

I hate those words
all those terms

He said we were intelligent siblings

Perhaps you'll go with him
to Doctor Frege's

tomorrow afternoon

He only says what he's thought out

There always has to be fresh milk
in the house

that's important

I'll walk with him in the park every day
I said to the director

and I will be punctilious about his pills

Be careful
not to leave him on his own

when he cuts his toenails
the director said

always hang his coats up
so that the lining can't be seen

You must take your time with him

When he expounds his logic to you
you must listen to him

you must keep quiet
no comments you understand

no contradiction
as if we didn't know him better than that

and don't say
that you haven't understood

just as you mustn't say
that you have understood

What a repellent person that director is

polish his glasses
without his knowing

he said
and be sure to do it every day

because he doesn't polish them and thinks
he's bound to go blind

he's afraid of blindness
and of cancer of the tongue

I can reassure you cancer of the tongue
is not hereditary

For gentlemen like your brother
he said

coarse cotton underwear
is the right choice

don't ever give him silk underwear
believe me

common coarse cotton underwear
is best for him

That loud repellent director's voice
I hated it from the beginning

but we have to put up with these people
give useful hints of course

no matter how loathsome these people are

You would be well advised
to rub your brother down

at least once a week
with a Turkish towel

for six or seven minutes

and play part of the Eroica
while you're doing it

Beethoven means something very special
to your brother as you know

and do you know
what else he said quite expressly

don't ever give your brother
the impression that you are watching him

but don't ever let him out of your sight

It's not a bad idea
to have guests now and then

invite some people I should think

parties are good for him

To stay in London
and suffocate in London

for years he threatened us with that

I saved myself

I said to myself
it's my life not his

and what if he had suffocated in London

or in Cambridge

or in Norway in his log cabin

You went to bring him back
not me

The continent will be the death of me

that's what he wrote so often
on his postcards

A person who does not write manuscripts
but only superscriptions

lifelong logic

Nothing but blackmail
that's what he's always used against us

I saved myself
you became his slave

To stay in London
and to suffocate in London

and then the Norwegian blackmail

the so-called log cabin
designed against himself

Summer clothing fetishism
that's what he accused me of

spoiled my dancing lessons

when I read Goethe
he boxed my ears

he spied on me in town
called me a liar every chance he got

You've always hated him

That's always been your calumny

You've resented his every phrase

You've always hated his way of thinking

no matter what he did
you hated it

His hatred of children
has always scared me

I wonder

if he deliberately didn't wear socks

or whether he forgot to put them on

do you know what else the director said

I know you hate it
when your brother uses suspenders

please let him keep his suspenders

The doctors always think of everything

The whole time he said
Well-Tempered Clavier

while I was signing the release

I wonder whether Doctor Frege
is the right doctor

but he's the only one we have

To stay in London
and suffocate in London

On Sunday he wants to go
to the Musikverein

to the philharmonic concert

do you know what they are playing

Beethoven probably

and Schoenberg
and Webern

are you coming along

No
I hate those concerts

for years
it's been the same pieces

the same conductors
the same people

But with Ludwig
it will be quite different

The director says
these concerts are indispensable

therapeutic matinees so to speak

we can't let him go by himself

Why don't you come once at least

You haven't been to the Musikverein
in such a long time

We'll sit in Row Eight
our subscription seats

I'm bored by those matinees

But that is music
that can be heard over and over again

Not by me it isn't
it has all been heard

ultimately it's all been heard
and all been seen

That's your megalomania

Leave me in peace

I'm setting the table

and you sit reading the paper
as though it's not your business

Now you have your philosopher brother
in the house

and need to cope with him somehow

He's your brother as well

Yes but I didn't take him out of Steinhof

But we had both
discussed everything together

But you decided
to take him out of Steinhof

at your own risk

But don't you want him
home as well

he's your brother too

Yes

If we are here
together for him

after all it's not the first time
we've tried

There was nothing he wanted more

than to go to the Musikverein
on Sunday

Beethoven
Brahms

that Schoenberg always the same
that boring Webern

What there's too much of in Beethoven
there's too little of in Webern

I beg you
spare me the philharmonic concerts

why don't you two
take Doctor Frege with you

While I was drawing a bath for him

he twice said cryogenics philosophical

he wanted to make a note of it
so I ran to fetch his notepad

but when I got back
he screamed at me

that he had never said
cryogenics philosophical

and had not asked for his notepad either

he insisted
that I stay in the bathroom

until he was completely naked

I was to tell him that he was ugly

you're not ugly

you're beautiful
I said

and it wasn't a lie of course
of course he really is beautiful

The keepers always enjoy looking at me

the doctors too
he said

bunch of perverts

they enjoy beating me too
and I enjoy being beaten by them

and my fellow patients he said
enjoy looking at me too

and they enjoy beating me

But I never beat them
I never hit back he said

Naked Ludwig is a welcome sight he said
and immersed himself in the tub

I finally had to say three times
that he was ugly

after he had stood up quite straight
in front of me

and I had to say it with a straight face

and I did say it with a straight face

and it really wasn't a laughing matter

Why three times

I don't know

three times I had to say
you are ugly

I said it although I didn't want to
and while I did he touched

What

Oh you always bring me to the point
where I admit everything

Pervert

And you

Your brother's prick
driving you almost to distraction

isn't that it

You provoke him
into acting like that

you are both bogged down
in your infantilism

but that's your problem
and his problem

A postcard posted in the year
twenty-one

that's to say three years after
the end of World War I

posted in Linz

arrived in Vienna yesterday

It's the bath water

you run the bath water very hot
and that drives him crazy

and you take advantage of him
that's what it is

you do it on purpose

Gas explosion in the Third District

two housewives dead
mutilated beyond recognition

Our breakfasts
haven't changed in twenty years

not in thirty years

the same thing
on the same bread for thirty years

and drinking the same tea
with it

don't you think we should
do away with ourselves

for this reason alone

Two actresses from the Josefstadt Theatre
doing away with themselves

wouldn't that be a headline

Played the viola
you did that too

I played the piano you the viola
because Uncle Friedrich played the viola

Had to

I heated it up

Of course what else

Heated it up yourself at any rate

For twenty years
you've been transcribing his manuscripts

I'm convinced that one day
they will even be printed

they'll be published by a major house

Logic I
Logic II

with the assistance of my sister etcetera

Without you after all
there would be no manuscript by him

he thinks it out
and you type it

put it in order
even the spelling

you transcribe it

without you there wouldn't be a Ludwig
any more

nothing of his
that's to your credit

one day he calls it art

then again
philosophy

or he calls it nonsense

and when he dictates to you
he despises you

but you're happy enough to type it
you are completely absorbed in his dictation

Our brother is a genius
not a fool

one day they'll be working on him
at all the universities in America

everywhere even though
he calls everything he's written nonsense

not senseless nonsense

The Steinhof sojourns
are his summer vacations

instead of going to Sils Maria with us
he goes to Steinhof

instead of going to Lucerne with us
he goes to Steinhof

Not even a Christmas with us

our holiday hater

sings in the choir at Steinhof
on Christmas Eve

in his institutional clothes

father told him

he wouldn't be any good
even in the acting business

that was the most scathing indictment

When people ask about his relatives

he says my sisters are actresses
at the Josefstadt

not without talent

my father died of cancer of the
tongue

The acting business

that's all that was left for us
nothing more

I never wanted a profession
and you

I don't know

You had stage presence

Yes perhaps

In comedies
and tragedies

Just because our uncle
was a theatre manager

The daughters of Worringer
the industrial tycoon

fled to their theatre manager uncle
out of boredom

had had enough of life
ended up in the Josefstadt Theatre

If you say so

He always called you the gifted one

the one for whom there was hope

I was always the untalented one
for whom there was no hope

Because he loved us our uncle

Genteel daughters of genteel ladies
in insipid plays

with background music

And because our brother hated it
we joined the theatre

that was a decisive factor

because our brother hated the theatre

and because our parents hated the theatre

hatred of the theatre
was the greatest in our family

Perhaps

And Ludwig took the philosophical route

suicidal

a lone-wolf suicidal

Logic I
Logic II

written alternately in London and Norway

typed up by his sister

his eccentric magnum opus

by his older sister of course

The precision instrument
as he calls you

that's what you've been for twenty years

If you play the piano
you cannot type

that was my good fortune

but typing and playing the viola
that's all right

It's always your unhappiness
which speaks out

And in your case it's just your happiness

I want to set the table for him
just as he loves it

just as mother used to set it
just as father loved it

Geometrimania

even on the dining table

exercises in submissiveness

After all it's only a try

The eighteenth
or the nineteenth

Anna cooking would be better of course
but we would have had to put up with her

this way we're alone
undisturbed

just the three of us the first time
for a long while

The first evening is the most
difficult of all

No candles

he hates candles on the table
hatred of illumination

He always liked clear soups

With his shoes on his bare feet
and reciting the Schopenhauer sentence

and three times you had to say
that he was ugly

Again and again the word antipathy
while walking back to the car with him

Ludwig is a fanatic about cleanliness

pathological naturally
like our father

but father didn't carry it to such extremes

and father didn't end up in Steinhof

Worringer the industrial tycoon

who used to wash his hands
thirty times a day

and nobody knew about it

except us

Transcribed the so-called dualism chapter
last night

not a wink

only wondering
how shall I bring him home

on the phone with the director twice

And don't forget
two tablets thrice a day not three twice

already enough to drive me crazy

the way the director continually said
intelligent man

Your philosopher brother
is over the worst he said

but remember
that he'll be vulnerable all his life

In Zurich it was nice

do you remember

free and easy

He only dictates what he's thought out

Our anti-Kant

It answers a need in him
to dictate to me

it's all therapeutic the director said

That's the death penalty
I pronounce on you

said Ludwig my dictating to you

or at least and in any case
a life sentence

even worse
always on the brink of insanity

never going over the brink
but always on the brink of insanity

if we leave that border region
we are dead

Going to Rome now

you don't need me

you are the really important person
in his life not me

I'm just a burden
I'm the one who makes him nervous

I can't even cook
I can't even heat things up

Everything still
the way our parents furnished it

nothing's been changed
since our parents died

I would have cleared everything out
everything

but you objected
now you're almost suffocating here

But you could have gone away

to Rome for example
or to Amsterdam

I wouldn't have put any obstacles
in your path

but then you'd forfeit your contract

Didn't go away
that's it

but not for Ludwig's sake like you

because I couldn't
because you've always paralysed me

kept me chained up
and not because of the Josefstadt either

I kept you chained

You are completely independent

you've always been free to do
what you liked

but you didn't want to go away

You blame me you've always blamed me
for chaining you to this house

but you could have gone at any time
wherever you liked

True

I often said go
you didn't go

I was never interested in men
but you were

and yet you stayed

Not for Ludwig's sake

Ludwig Ludwig

I'm here for Ludwig
but not you

you stayed
because you didn't want to take risks

because of the Josefstadt
that's the truth

Your truth

My truth

Ludwig means everything to me you said
Now he's back in your gilded cage

And you

My favourite brother
my favourite philosopher you said

My favourite brother
my favourite philosopher

Your anti-Kant

You've never done more
than put up with Ludwig

never really looked after him
but then you are the younger sister

Why are you always talking about Rome
and Paris

and you don't go

I've only ever known you to lie in bed
eating what Anna has cooked

reading the paper
and forever disappointed in love

After mother's death you started talking
the way she talked

to this day
adopted her way of walking

you even tug at your hair
like mother

and you have the same way of saying
supper

and you sit there and say nothing
just like mother

and you say Ludwig like her

every time you say Ludwig
I hear mother saying Ludwig

To Rome

next week

or to Normandy

or the Shakespeare at the Josefstadt
after all

as long as it gets me out of here

And in a just a few days
you'll be back

that's your misfortune you know

You're quite right there
you're my clairvoyant

You have always directed everything
to your misfortune

Your brother is right
you attract your misfortune

Some attract it
some repel it

I always felt you two
were going behind my back

In our elementary school
you were five years ahead of me

my whole life

but we have unhappiness
both of us

you have yours

I have mine

you cook
when you have no alternative

I read the papers

newspaper addiction
for which you blame me

I never blame you for anything

myself yes
but not you

To Budapest with Ludwig
without saying a word

I didn't blame you

to The Magic Flute with Ludwig
all behind my back

no blame from me

I always swallowed it all
as they say

I was always watching everything

you've straightened everything out

I don't know
who suffered more

Disease is a sacred process

religion he said

you think I don't see
what you are to him

We shall never find a way out of
our errors

Bought five shirts
the most expensive

took them to Steinhof
and he didn't wear a single one

gave them all away

after all
it's my money too

our money

Refractoriness

he explained it to me
the last time I visited him

snow falling outside the window
he said then he was going blind rapidly

complained as usual that there were bugs

that the door to the terrace was stuck
that the windows wouldn't close

I'll phone that Doctor Frege

Seven hundred schillings for ten minutes
there's doctors for you

we ask them to suggest a way to help

but they make no suggestions
they don't help

But Doctor Frege
has known him longest

an experienced doctor
as far as Ludwig is concerned

He looks for sympathy
but he offends everybody

he antagonises everybody

Indifference to philosophy on your part
he got back to that again

the stupid sister
that's what you are

I'm the officious one
witless both of us

He needs me

I'm the one he depends on
not on you

but you're the one he loves

Me
it's you he loves

you
the useful one

I'm the useless one
whom he hates

You're the one he's always favoured

first favoured
then loved

you are the one closest to him

Cutlery china
everything has to be perfect

he sees everything

and we're afraid he might see something
that he shouldn't

Even as a child
a horror of dirty cutlery

Always a fresh napkin
and most demanding when it came to food

A fresh shirt three times a day

Fresh bed linen every other day

Our parents
invested everything in him

he was their child

what were we

We were conceived by
Henry James

we were not their children

That's what father always said
in his need to inflict pain

and Ludwig says it too

father thought just the way Ludwig does

One was the industrial tycoon
the other the philosophical tycoon

Oh nonsense

Ludwig is so infirm
and so frail

That's what you think
that's how you see him

because that's how you want to see Ludwig
that's how you have to see him

these people appear so infirm
but they're stronger than anyone

But I know but I can see
how helpless he is

He has you in his power
totally

Ludwig is a brute
that's the truth

and you know it too

a thug with philosophical intentions

but you can't admit that to yourself
that would screw up your whole concept

Never before
have so many Italians come to Vienna

inundating the city

Everything Austrian
fascinates the Italians

Austrian history
Austrian art

everything Austrian

If not for Ludwig we wouldn't
be here at all

we wouldn't be here any longer

everything would have been sold

you perhaps would be in Rome

who knows where I would be

Ludwig holds us together

He ruined us long ago
he annihilated us

But you don't even believe that yourself
you won't tell him to his face

and anyway it's a lie

Insofar as truth
is also just a lie

everything is a lie according to Ludwig
a lie and a falsehood

Ludwig is your property and vice versa
Ludwig owns you

and I am condemned
to keep looking at this depravity

Oh how everything gets on my nerves
in this place

You really are the most ruthless
person

unscrupulously ruthless

But Rome would be just as unbearable

Because we've already seen everything

Where does our brother get the right
to possess us

The Josefstadt is my salvation

I will act again

it doesn't matter what I play

Whatever you can do
I can do too

Turn one's back on the theatre

that was just insincere posturing
for the sake of a philosophical thug

We must be on our guard
against him

he's intent on
ruining us completely

for years
for decades he's worked his destruction

We are the ones who need help
not him

we are the victims
not him

it's ourselves we must help
not him

Our mental cripple
is destroying us

has almost succeeded in destroying us
that's his triumph his doing

You're getting worked up

when sober reflection alone
is appropriate

you've plunged headlong
into your Ludwig complex

he said that didn't he
not you

Even if he did say it
you do have a Ludwig complex

If only you could finally realise

that this cul-de-sac
is the only possible existence for us

but you're not ready to do that
you are still too young

To have swallowed
the logician's bait

that's what's so repellent

A soothing atmosphere

secure and warm

that's what our father always said

Ludwig has often repeated
that phrase

mocking father

that phrase has become so absurd
with the passage of time

By and by
this house has become a hell for us

The Worringer hell

that's how Ludwig himself has often
referred to it

But really can't you see

we have in fact turned this house
into a Worringer hell

and not even innocently

we have consciously made this house
into this Worringer hell

you just won't admit
who is the devil in that hell

After the soup a slice of melon
I don't think that's wrong

I don't think that's wrong

perhaps you should refrain
from drinking wine

if he sees
that you're drinking wine

All right
I'll restrain myself

but just this once
just this one first time

It would be better
if Anna were here

you'll spend the whole time
running between kitchen and dining room

he's always hated that

housewives running
from dining room to kitchen

maddening

You've never liked me

even as a very small child
you hated me

He likes clear soup
he hates so-called thick soup

At first our parents
spoon-fed him

then we did

it's sickening
the way you constantly spoon-feed him

It was always said that he was
our little weakling

until he turned into that monster

the little helpless child turned into
that megalomaniac

that philosopher

Beware of the weak
our father always used to say

for they are in fact the strong

the weak rule us
not the strong

the so-called rules us
not the actual the real the factual

We are constantly shying away
from everything

he doesn't shy away from anything

he only cares about thinking

but who's to say
that his thinking amounts to anything

perhaps what he thinks is all mere
nonsense

perhaps he's always thought nonsense
since he really is mad after all

since in fact he calls Steinhof
his real home

My Ludwig you say

and you think
my Ludwig my philosopher

when in reality he is only your fool
your favourite fool

the brother as the favourite fool

as the favourite perversity

There's nothing to say to that

That's your strong suit
what you have in common with Ludwig

to say nothing
when everything should be said

not to respond
when everything is asked

You two will soon smother me completely
with your hypocrisy

You stir the soup
thinking about how best to torture me

while our brother
amuses himself at our stupidity

he philosophises
in order to destroy me

you stir the soup
for the same reason

For thirty years
the same argument

Just the way our father
used to argue with our uncle

but then it wasn't about Ludwig
but about the factory

it was just as odious

I imagined this evening would be
so beautiful

After months for the first time
to be dining again together with Ludwig

just the three of us
undisturbed

Sibling affection
a threesome

You have always planned
everything in your head

and tried with all your power
to put plans into action

without regard for others

You took Ludwig out of the institution
you sent Anna away

you decided who sat where
at this table

it's always you that's done everything

And Ludwig doesn't even know

that he owes everything he is
to you

You decided to take up the typewriter

I the piano
as a second artistic activity

Developed a taste for it
that's it

You transcribe what he has thought out

At the very height of craziness
you type out what he has thought

and I play the piano while you do it

improvising philosophically so to speak
at the piano

I took four pairs of shoes to Steinhof
in two weeks

and he gave them all away

Humanitarian megalomania

You're against anything and everything
that's your misfortune

But our brother
is our genius

domiciled to be sure in Steinhof

but matter for discussion
at English universities

achieved the status of a topic
for dissertations in philosophy

Refuge in the theatre
didn't do us any good

playacting nothing more

Utensils
that's what he calls us

you who protect him
screen him so to speak

a utensil

and he abuses us

you
who type up his thinking

who reproduce him so sedulously

sacrifices her nights
for his thoughts

Bought five shirts for him

and then I meet all those people
wearing them

The director had Ludwig's hat on
while he was talking to me

your brother you know
presented me with his hat

then I had to put it on
a bet you know

I bet your brother
that I would keep his hat on my head

while you were in my office

I cannot tell you what the stakes were

but as you can see

I am in the process
of winning the bet

Don't think madam
said the director

that I am crazy

of course everyone says
all directors of madhouses are crazy

directors are crazier than the patients
entrusted to their care

people say that
because it's what they like to hear

No no a bet
nothing more

Furthermore the director said

your brother has completed
the Kierkegaard chapter

which he'd been working on
for eight months

Steinhof the philosopher's retreat
he said

several times

Steinhof the philosopher's retreat

Your brother will be very famous one day
and then people will say

here in Steinhof
is where his work was born

and we hope that then they will also say
that here in Steinhof he completed it

That odious voice you know it very well

My hand shook as I signed

It's your responsibility of course
the director said

Suddenly Ludwig was there
and said

you've won the bet director

Ludwig took the hat off the director's head
and put it on

This hat
is much too small for me said Ludwig

took the hat off again
and put it back on the director's head

You've won the bet
my respects to you Ludwig said

then he wrote out a cheque

and put that cheque
in the director's coat pocket

And then what happened

Nothing
I said come along Ludwig

let's go
let's leave this place quickly

The director accompanied me
out of the door

Ludwig had gone on ahead

And then

people were standing around everywhere
because it was visiting hours you know

and he blew kisses to them

then he put his hand in his coat pocket
to fetch a bundle of hundred schilling bills

and started waving it about

suddenly distributing the whole bundle
bill by bill among the people

Patients and visitors fighting
over the hundred schilling bills

And you did nothing to stop him

No

I wanted to take him out of the institution
without a struggle

he was quite calm

now and again someone would call to him

by his first name
Ludwig

and time and again he would blow kisses
to them all

Dualism that's what it is

he exclaimed several times

catafalquism
militarism

he got wrapped up in these words

then suddenly he embraced me and said

how happy I am
that you are here

You went to fetch him
not me

he can't accuse me
of fetching him away

Wasn't that
what you were after

in wanting me to come along with you
to fetch him

a sort of complicity

when he realises it was a mistake
to take him out at this juncture

Complicity
that's what you wanted

that's why you suggested this morning
that I should come with you to fetch him

no no I didn't fetch him
you fetched him

Why do you always assume
only the worst

Whatever I do

has in your eyes
an ulterior motive

your life is one long need
to be suspicious

You do nothing
without a reason

The older one is always responsible
that's it

you've used that against me
for ever

No no
Ludwig got into the car quite calmly

the director was still bowing

when we were already
more than a hundred metres away

Was he sure he had packed everything

and taken everything with him
I asked Ludwig

by then we were already driving
along Hill Road

yes he said
everything

What sort of part
is the blind woman

a big part

Only one short appearance
two sentences that's all

And you subject yourself to that

After all I haven't acted
for four years

but this interests me
fascinates me

and besides it won't wear me out
completely

Two sentences
spoken by a blind woman

I'm not worried
about playing a big part

I could have if I'd wanted to
no no two sentences

but how

You were always ambitious

on the stage
you never took chances

Every chance my dear every chance

Yes every chance

The many walk-on parts
I've played

when I could have played
the very biggest

It's not a question of how long
an actor is on the stage

it's merely a question of how

two or three minutes of brilliant theatre

Of course of course

Our views
were always not only different

always opposed

You always only wanted to play big parts
I never did

The difference is
that because of Ludwig

I didn't act for four years
not like you

because I didn't get a big part

I could have played a big part
at any time

Ludwig made it impossible

In any event
a sacrifice to Ludwig

As you see it

Your talent is the greater of the two

your talent is the opposite of mine

You're a born histrionic

I don't mean that in a pejorative sense
on the contrary

you're an actress through and through

I have to give my all every time

everything comes easily to you

because to the genius
everything comes easily

The genius
An actor is never a genius

interpreters are not geniuses
least of all actors

And nothing I've ever done
has come easily

that's where you're wrong

I know that I can be good
for only three minutes

and so I only appear for three minutes

I was never ambitious to do
a whole play a so-called big part

But you also played big parts well

even the ones where you're on all the time

it didn't matter what
it was always good

no one could have acted those parts
like you

no question of that

Whatever is going on inside my sister
I wonder

to make her so unhappy

she has everything
everything a person can have

and is unhappy

I'm not really an actress at all

I just wanted to be among people
that was the reason

possibly I did have a modest talent for it
an urge to play-act probably

you've always had that too
but not professionally

anything professional
has always put me off

only because I didn't want to isolate myself
that's the truth

just to be allowed to attend rehearsals
when I was in acting school

was my salvation you know

not actual interest in the art of acting

No certainly not

To be together with people of our own age

And of course the fact
that our uncle had shares in the Josefstadt

and was also manager of the theatre
played a part

without him I would not
have taken up acting later on

They need a girl in the Shakespeare
you're it my child

that was all
the rest is history

You're quite a different case

a real actress

quite consciously
with the highest aspirations

You are much better than I am you know

but in the end
fortune was always on my side

that's what it is nothing else
specious good fortune

Our rivalry in the theatre
I never took it seriously

when you acted well
I was always pleased

It's time
he'll come

Ludwig

LUNCH

Walking tall

do you know what that means

all the time till now I couldn't

suddenly walking tall again

According to regulations

She brought me the wrong paper

and made it impossible
for me to write down chapter six

everything lost
finished

I had told her the paper
on which I wrote Logic I

but she wasn't listening

Flying the kite in Glossop
do you remember

the time in England

a nice time

Then he went to England
and studied mathematics

said the director

Of course I heard everything
that he said

it isn't the Norwegian problem

it's the Cambridge problem
said the director

Time and again from a wealthy family
he said

and volunteered for the army

Then mathematics got the upper hand

for what is philosophy if not mathematics

mathematics on the brink

Once I drew him the propeller blade
that I had constructed

on a piece of official stationery

he was astonished

I don't want a single room I said
please not a single room

and then wouldn't you know
a single room

a single room if you please

It isn't the log cabin problem he said
it's the Cambridge problem

The rich simply have
the most difficulties of any

he said that

Our sister confided to him
that at eighteen

I slept with our mother

She said it without any trace
of embarrassment

that amused the director

I would not have said that

tattle-tale

He first experimented
with kites and balloons

and then he turned to propulsion motors
she said

she thought that I was in my room

all the time I was in the director's office
waiting for her

she had no way of knowing

She and the director were discussing
a trip to Madrid she wants to take

on her own

If you had paid attention
to what I was saying

everything would not now be lost to me
I said to her

you have destroyed everything of mine

I can't make any notes on this paper

Irritation ensued

she left me at once

I saw how she hated me

she hated everything as she went away

she even persecuted my fellow sufferers
with her hatred

I did not read the newspapers
which she had brought along for me

I distributed them

I should not have done that

they all started dancing beside themselves
with the fun of the papers

She thinks she types
without making any mistakes

she makes nothing but mistakes

and yet there is nothing easier
than typing from a neat manuscript

She says she's returning to the stage

she's going to act again

Yes

A comedy isn't it

Sisters actresses

theatre birds
stage twitter

My idea was

to go further
than all the others

beyond all the others

We are chained to oddities

Do you understand me
to oddities

and suffocate in monotony

Do you remember Glossop

Yes of course

How little has happened to us since then

For heaven's sake

Ludwig says
that you brought him the wrong paper

and that made him lose a lot of time

How long has it been
since Glossop

Twenty-two years
I know exactly

my greatest disappointment

Speak for yourself
I was happy in Glossop

I read a biography of Mozart

I was in bed the whole time
with a sore throat

while you and Ludwig
were experimenting with the kite

My kite experiment

my definitive discovery

But I discovered something quite different
from what I thought I had

Years later I knew

that in Glossop I had discovered
something quite different

I had a decisive share
in that discovery

Of course

I was terribly ill

You didn't want to go to Glossop

you got ill in Glossop
because you didn't want to go

a fever on the very first day

Glossop had a decisive influence on me

Yes you regenerated yourselves in Glossop

But I love
biographies of artists

that was my advantage

My sore throat was only half as bad
with Mozart there

She's playing a blind woman

short role

on stage for two perhaps three minutes
perhaps she'll taste blood

I'm sure
it will do her good

A good thing we never completely broke
our connections with theatre people

I've always cultivated contacts
with theatre people

but I'm not ready to take
just any part

but even if we don't perform
we must keep in shape

I work at my art every day you understand

Two artists for sisters

I don't know
has that brought me good luck or bad

more bad luck than good
certainly more bad luck

My Ludwig
the way he thinks

our egoist

Wouldn't you like another slice of melon

She brought me five shirts
and I gave them all away

of course that annoyed her

but it's my money after all

The philosopher gives his thoughts away
it is his thinking after all

In Skjolden I thought
I can't go on

The director said
that was my Norwegian problem

the log cabin idyll

In the evening before going to bed
we have inspection

and the doctor insists
that we answer our names

He says good night
then we say good night

the light is put out automatically

Put out automatically

Not bad food
in the institution

Everyone may eat as much as he wants

the problem is
I have no one to converse with in the night

they all sleep soundly

The nights in Steinhof are absolutely quiet

Now you're at home
and you can do what you want

Now everything
connected with Steinhof is over

forget it

would you like to hear some music

No

I've bought a new Ninth

Yes

Walking tall

do you know what that means

The afternoon walk
will do you good

or whatever you like

Perhaps you want to read
make some music perhaps

or we'll invite company

What company

Company
people

Who would you like to see

Perhaps it's better if we don't
invite people right away

perhaps it's best if you simply sleep
as long as you want

Rest
rest rest rest

Or do you want to dictate to me
in the afternoon

I spent the whole night with you
with the chapter on dualism

to be quite honest
I don't understand any of it

Is the front gate locked

Of course

There's a draft
be sure to close the kitchen door

there is a draft isn't there
I'm so susceptible to drafts

She's the one who's sick

not you
she's one who's sick

It's good that you're here
we were suffocating each other

Our sister suffers
from paranoia

between you and me

she tyrannises Anna

daft about cleanliness

not a moment's peace

paces up and down in her room

rushes into mine and asks
whether I have an earache too

I ask her why I should have an earache

she says because I have an earache
a terrible earache

I can't sleep all night

because she's running up and down
in her room

When I go into her room
she'll be sitting in front of her jewel box

shoves her bed with her own hands
first into one corner then the other

Two water-diviners were there

they kept putting your bed
into a different place

now it's back in the place
where it always was

she thinks she's alone
brushes your clothes for hours on end

while I'm there all the time
watching her

she opens all the drawers in your room

takes everything out
wipes down all the drawers

when I went into her room
last week

she had your dress trousers on

frightened to death
she said she didn't know

what had made her
put on your dress trousers

Meat

She sits at the window naked
and spoons up her yoghurt

as she listens to the Schumann
piano concerto

I don't want any more meat

I don't know
what she'll do in Madrid

she's never said anything
relating to Madrid

She has a cactus
in her room

a thirty-year-old cactus

Please close the door

Ludwig looks well

like he's just back
from vacation

He does

He doesn't look a bit
like a philosopher

But what does a philosopher
look like

Like you
since you are a philosopher

Philosopher philosopher
anti-artist

Just come back from vacation

While we sweltered in this humidity
almost suffocating

our Ludwig was on vacation

I got the right paper for you

A thousand sheets
a whole packet

on your desk

I brushed your clothes
pressed your trousers

everything freshly laundered
No more Steinhof smell

No more Steinhof smell

And if it rains in the afternoon
then it is most pleasant

not to have the feeling
that you have to do anything

Read a bit
when the sky darkens

draw the curtains
read

I can't bother with that
when there's so much to do

and everything falls to me
more or less

A matinee
which was always our salvation as children

is now out of the question

afternoon tea at Aunt Margaret's

how easy it was then
to escape from despair

a cup of cocoa
and the map on the floor

that's no longer enough

Soon it won't even be enough
to take a biography to bed with you

Music is very often a salvation

You're right

but soon we'll not even bear
listening to music

when suddenly and then for ever
our ears hate music

because we misuse it

in order to survive so to speak

Thinking is quite undisturbed
by that

however much we misuse it
it is always possible

after a while
everything begins to get on our nerves

not thinking

the person who thinks
can grow old with impunity

Or have a crazy idea
all your life

a single crazy idea

Listening reading looking
that's all nothing

compared with this one single crazy idea

but that is my problem

A mathematical solution naturally solved
absolutely mathematically

How miserable I feel sometimes

just like a dying man

then suddenly everything's all right again

because I think
I shall overcome everything just by thinking

not by being thoughtful
by thinking

I didn't intend
to come here

My sisters are my destroyers

they annihilate me
that's what I always tell myself

I said to the director
when my sister comes

tell her
that I don't want to go home

if I go home
it will be the death of me

family means death

and I have no friends

if I disregard the fact
that my fellow patients are my friends

But she was relentless

I didn't want to run the risk
of quarreling with her

lack of comprehension is the one bond
between myself and my sisters

that's what I thought

you do understand me don't you

you've always understood me better
than your sister

she has always only understood herself

But I shall only stay home
for a very short time

I said to the director

Two three days
I'd be dead on the fourth you know

There was a swallow
in the kitchen

hurt itself on the window

That Anna only makes a mess

I pay her the highest wages
and she only makes a mess

nothing is in its proper place
everything's dirty

the tragedy is
that we are at the mercy of these people

they exploit us blackmail us
slander us into the bargain

they drag us down into the dirt
wherever they can

treachery from below
is vile

Father was right

Write a letter to Ireland
this afternoon

it's long overdue

I'll write and tell them
not to come

what do they want here
we haven't seen them for twenty years

and just now of all times

I never could stand
our Irish relatives

a very polite letter of refusal

the afternoon will be ideal for that

I said to the director

that I knew
how to deal with a philosopher

gently I said
at which he laughed

Laughed

I'll start acting again in the autumn

Shakespeare

that's the plan

My sisters are actresses
I told the director

when I saw him for the first time

be careful

they're stinking rich
and are actresses

That was all I needed I said
for my sisters to be slaves of the theatre

not without talent I said
but I hate the theatre

there is nothing I find more odious

but the fact is

that we have to make the best
of what we find the most odious

Don't think I'm going to
commit suicide

which is what my relatives are afraid of

it's an idea of course

but I demand a natural death
whatever that may be

I shan't do away with myself
never fear

So even during my first stay
they let me keep my suspenders

As you see
I said to the director this very morning

I have not done away with myself

You've known me these twenty years

and to this day I haven't done away
with myself

Death after all comes to us of itself
when we want it I said to the director

we don't have to force it

Here's a lovely piece of meat Ludwig

perhaps you still have room

We have our terminal disease

and know
that we shall die of it

we can hasten this process of dying

hold it up drag it out
if we want to

but of course we know

that all that is just a matter
of a short space of time

and we say to ourselves

at least let us pursue this thought
a bit further

throw that one away

write this line down
complete the chapter

that's what gives us our greatest pleasure

that's why we go on existing

for no other reason

for except that we think

and cling to what we think
as far as we can

nothing is of interest to us anymore

I mean my thinking
and I

We certainly didn't go to England
for a pleasure trip

but because we wanted to invigorate
our thinking

to replace something stale
with something completely new

I didn't go to Cambridge
to get my English Ph.D.

not for such a trifle

but because I saw a chance there

of thinking further
than I had been able to up to that point

All ties to relatives etcetera broken off
for that purpose alone

We cannot think
when we are tied to people and their needs

That does not mean
that people do not interest us

on the contrary

all we've done was directed at them
with the greatest intensity

we have to free ourselves from them

Always sought simplicity

but never found it

nothing but the process of our dying
which makes us possible

We strive our whole lives just
for two or three pages of immortal writing

we want no more
but it is the highest goal all the same

The director did not understand
what I said

the director's way of thinking
isn't my way of thinking

he isn't willing
to think my thinking

although it would be possible
for him to think my thinking

But I only have the director in
Steinhof

the patients are complete dullards

that's what's so fascinating

that they are such complete dullards

At last walking tall again

do you two know what that means

It's only when we are sick
that we are happy

I thought
that everything would be different

but you haven't altered it

Everything will be different I thought

Cling to everything
that's characteristic of you

It can only be a short visit

What are you saying

Only a short visit

The inferiority of life
we become quite conscious of it

when we return to a house like this
which we have left forever

We're going back

we're going back

don't you understand

It's all right to let my sister think
that I'm going back home

I have no intention
so I said to the director

of turning my back on Steinhof

this is my home
nowhere else I said

My room is always at my disposal

I've got used to Steinhof

I shall die in Steinhof
not here

there is nothing more repellent
than dying in one's parents' house

you two may do that
it suits you

it doesn't suit me

For one moment I thought
it would be nice

just for a moment

We are always searching for the right path
and are always on it already

Perhaps I am crazy

it's possible

Made it specially for you Ludwig
your favourite gravy

For heaven's sake leave him in peace

I put myself out
but it's not appreciated

You know it's nothing more
than a process of atrophy

irresistible existence
to escape from boredom

but success is impossible

boredom

which is interrupted only
by fear of death

being irrevocably alone
I thought

but it was no use

crawled away to a hole in Norway

for the sake of an inadmissibility

cooped up in a wooden hut

with an idea

without success

destroyed everything in the end

years of chastisement

years of discipline

everything burned in a single moment

In Norway too
they refused me entrance to the inn

one glance sufficed to turn me away

I thought
anyone as undemanding as myself

cannot gain admittance

We have millions in our trouser pocket
and cannot do anything with them

Thinking things over is not stimulating
but nauseating

that's what's bad about it

but it only has value
when it's nauseating

nauseating people

valuable people

We have tried everything

and at the end
we are always left on our own

Desserts were always
your forte

Veal beef pork

always ended up
in a disaster of frying oil and batter

Mother couldn't cook
she detested the kitchen

But since you're helping out
with the cooking and

She only heated the food up

heated the food up
it's not half bad

I didn't want Anna to be here
when you came home

Came home came home

This isn't my home

When we submit to surgery

our lives can under certain circumstances
be lengthened

but I don't want that

Probability is something I hate

We really do
enter into a contract

but we break it

every contract has to be broken

When we've signed a contract
we have to break it

Contracts are fatal

Either we don't sign one

or if we have signed one
it has to be broken by us

the whole of humanity
is held together by contracts

and is suffocated by those contracts

This was the moment I feared

when I should have to
take exactly the same place

that I sat in all through my childhood
and most of my youth

opposite my father

I always hated him

I wished him dead

his death had no effect on my hatred

All odious people

from whom we have everything

There is no reason
to resume contact with the dead again

Those who spawned us
have ill rewarded us

for being their children

We are after all
not the product of their minds

It's true isn't it

it's nothing more than calculated mockery

The dining room

the source of every calamity

Father mother children
nothing but players in hell

everything of any value
always drowned in soups and sauces

whenever I had a real thought
whenever I had a valuable thought

mother drowned it in her soup

whenever I had a real feeling
whenever I had a valuable feeling

she smothered it in her sauce

And father unscrupulously tolerated
what mother killed in me

that's why I hated this dining room
always hated it

from this place
from father's place

nothing but death sentences
were pronounced

your fate was no different

but I wasn't as crafty as you two

I always fell into the trap

with a more or less cool head

Our parents weren't ashamed
not even mother

although shame
should have been her duty

I really had to hate them
and hate them all my life

in order to save myself

first the English detour
then the Norwegian one

thought Cambridge University
was the answer

then thought the log cabin
in Sognefjord was

we give everything up
in order to gain everything

and at the end we are worth less
than at the beginning

To think we made music together

as though it had been
thousands of years ago

What about it
do you still play the viola now and then

No no

We give up almost everything

when we give up the instrument
which we have learned to play

Acting
is really a coarse art after all

playing an instrument
is an entirely different matter

when an actor speaks

I have the constant feeling
that the world is a vulgar place

it's quite different from the way I feel
when a viola player plays the viola

or even just the piano

if it's played well of course

Only a few weeks ago
I had an idea

of going back to Norway

but now I'm too weak for that

And besides that of course
I have no reason to go back to Norway

Why don't we just wait and see
what Doctor Frege says

Frege
what makes you think of Doctor Frege

I've made an appointment for you
for tomorrow afternoon

Nonsense

there's no point
in my going to Doctor Frege

the man is a fool
he's worse even than all the others

he drove our parents
into an early grave too

there are doctors
who only accelerate disease

Frege what a bungler

And you made an appointment for me
tomorrow afternoon

I'm not going

What do you say

your sister simply announces

that tomorrow afternoon
I am to see Doctor Frege

I'm not going to any more doctors

I'm not consulting any more doctors

Aren't you going to eat any more

Oh leave him in peace

it really isn't so wonderful
that we can't resist it

I'm sure it isn't
since you two have hardly eaten

I remember
last time Frege was here

and I was present
that archbishop was also here

those people suit each other

a man like Frege
ruthless obtuse

and a man like that archbishop
devious through and through

Those Freges etcetera
are horrible people

who we constantly run from

but who catch up with us
time and time again

at first it's our parents
then it's our teachers

then it's those Freges etcetera

You'd better beware of that Frege

of those doctors

and those medical superintendents

especially the specialists

All those people obfuscate

the areas in which we have less and less
freedom of movement

Always hated
always detested

art nouveau perversity

Norwegian concentration

English intensity

I'm not going to see Doctor Frege

How dare you make an appointment for me
with Doctor Frege

To go behind my back with Doctor Frege

Inability to concentrate

Can't I even get a glass of water
in this house

Frege that murderous Frege

No doctor please

please no doctor

they've all spelt nothing but misfortune
for me

I want to kick the bucket on my own
without doctors

Your post-prandial
states of exhaustion

Not Frege

Frege no

The director thought
the first few days would be the hardest

You ought to lie down after meals

I've made a wonderful dessert

all by myself
not Anna I did it

cream puffs
your favourite dessert

Cream puffs fresh from the oven

Everything will be running smoothly soon

it all takes time

Of course you're exhausted

But I'm not exhausted

what do you mean exhausted

a state of excitement

isn't exhaustion at all

The name Frege
ought not to have been mentioned

That Frege

I spoke to the director
I said

what sort of doctor is best for my brother
in his present condition

Frege said the director
my colleague Frege of course

No doctor

least of all Frege

Incompetent people

The director too is incompetent

they charge exorbitant sums
and are totally incompetent

Grandmother
wasn't it

Embroidered this

Of course
by grandmother

all our beautiful tablecloths
were embroidered by our grandmother

during summer vacations

During summer vacations

they were always embroidering

and reading biographies of musicians
weren't they

No no
self-control is everything

never lose your self-control

we hate everything that's embroidered

even if grandmother embroidered it

Some embroider and others philosophise
their way through life

but they are all hiding behind an absurdity
and of course a lack of taste

Cream puffs fresh from the oven
that you are so fond of

Cream puffs
that I am so fond of

Ludwig
who's fond of cream puffs

who's fonder of cream puffs
than of anything else

The whole time I was in Steinhof
I thought of nothing but those cream puffs

It's like the inside of a tomb here

we're really already buried

a delicious tomb
in which cream puffs are served

the typical cream puff aroma

that's right
isn't it

they are freshly made for us
so we'll finish them up

The highest art is the art of baking

When we eat them for the first time
yes

but then
they grow more and more insipid

and finally we end up hating them

and then we hate nothing more
than cream puffs

even if we are continually told
that we are fonder of cream puffs

than of anything else

You expect me to eat these cream puffs

yes perhaps I'll even eat a cream puff

perhaps

the devil says

eat the cream puff
which your sister has baked

the devil says so

the devil says so
and Ludwig eats it

Ludwig is eating the cream puff
that his sister has baked

the older sister baked it
the younger sister served it

and now they are both waiting
to see me eat their cream puff

That-which-is-put-before-us

If we take into account that
with all those cream puffs

with all those soups and sauces

we have become old and ugly
and dull-witted and worthless

then it's completely logical
for us to eat these cream puffs too

every cream puff
that is ever put on the table in front of us

We wolf it down this cream puff
that our sister has baked

we open our mouth wide
and stick the cream puff in

and choke it down

You see

how I'm choking down
your cream puff

such a nauseating cream puff

such a revolting cream puff

my favourite dessert
you see

And now for the second cream puff

the favourite dessert

my favourite dessert

that my sister has always made for me

My favourite dessert

my favourite dessert

My favourite dessert

Go away

go away you

don't touch me

An etude my child

so that I don't lose my touch

only an etude

I keep wondering
how late it is

To lend meaning to life

To lend meaning to life

They get so upset those two

parasites

histrionics

perversity

AFTER LUNCH

You heard right
fifty-one percent

with that
fifty-one percent

our father bought our way into
dramatic art

looking to the future so to speak

Father really had a genius for business

and he knew what was essential for us

It was just you
he didn't know what to do with

all his life he didn't

With this fifty-one percent

we still decide
when to perform and when not

whether in a Shakespeare
or not

Bought our way into dramatic art

that's a clever remark

That fifty-one percent
makes it possible for us

to employ our talent only
when we see fit

We do not allow ourselves to be cast
arbitrarily and shamelessly

or to be exploited unscrupulously
and wasted

The theatre manager
is dependent on us so to speak

not we on him

And if for years at a time
we don't feel like acting

we don't act

and if we do feel like it
we act Shakespeare etcetera

or a blind woman in an insipid play
on the stage for two minutes

The art of the theatre is independent

only when it owns fifty-one percent
of the shares

to be honest

I only feel the urge to act
every few years

but that's not to say
that I neglect my talent

even for a single day

for two months our sister
has rehearsed the blind woman

in front of the window

and since she has to dance
for one minute out of the two

she's taking dance lessons

where she's learning
how a blind woman dances

that's not nearly as easy as you think

we are probably the only ones

who prepare for their appearance
down to the last detail

We have the time
to intensify ourselves

The three of us
have never been compatible

too high-strung

too extraordinary

Siblings united in intelligence

in fact detested by everyone

or at least always objects of suspicion

Weirdness

that's what they've always accused us of

my spiritual Titanism

indubitably

the highest aspiration

longing for humanity

suicidal

all three

When we think
we can rest easy

we grow restless

Wealth bestowed by chance
which has made all the others incompetent

allow ourselves to be talked into things

delude ourselves
that we can be saved

longing for humanity

suicidal

Did everything wrong up till today

Twelfth of July

that was two days ago

So many errors accumulated

Here

you have that too

That's what we think about

all our lives

about nothing else
until we give up

because it makes no sense
can make no sense

Between you and me
I'm not going to Frege

I hate Frege

I hate doctors

but I hate that Doctor Frege
most of all

Those people are constantly burying us
in their garbage

see nothing think nothing

behave like murderers
and call themselves family doctors

Mother
was the malicious one

not father

mother is the culprit
not father

Went a little way with Schopenhauer
with Nietzsche

pernicious friendships

paper ties

book brothers

printed love affairs

In the end nothing
but nauseating

We enter books
as we enter taverns

hungry thirsty
starving my child

At first we are received with kindness

are waited on

but waited on worse and worse
waited on worse and still worse

and finally kicked out

or else we leave the taverns at once
of our own accord

because we can't put up with
the stench in them any longer

the badly cooked food

the miserably served food

but not of course
without paying a monstrous bill

We enter those philosophies
as we do open taverns

and sit down at once
at the regulars' table

and we are surprised
that we are not waited on at once

to our most complete satisfaction

We are thoroughly annoyed
not least by the odious people

who are throwing their weight around
with us in this tavern

We call for the landlord
but the landlord doesn't come

and even if at first
we were possibly enthusiastic

delighted possibly with the decor
of the tavern

we start to loathe it
after a very short time

we are badly seated
there's a draft

a noisome smell hangs in the air

instead of the delicate aroma of roast meat
which we had expected

We are served by small odious waiters
who have learned nothing

and run around in their dull-witted way
and finally bring everything to the table

except the things we ordered

The food is inedible
the drinks poisoned

and then
when we try to call the landlord to account

we are told the landlord
has been dead these many years

That's how we enter the great names

which promised us a philosophical repast

which always turns out to be inedible

We enter books as we do taverns
that's our misfortune

We end up avoiding all taverns

don't go into them any more

no matter how dazzling the sign outside
we walk past it

It turns out
that there are no tavern-owners left

only unscrupulous tenants

Mother
loved you two more than me

Father hated me

but I loved him

that's the truth

The youngest girl is always loved
the most

pampered
that's her death sentence

Autarchy

that's what father always
ended up saying

Have enough coal in the cellar
for the next three winters

I can still hear him saying it

and also
philosopher philosopher

he isn't even good enough to be
an actor

Crafty sisters

who were in the end much cleverer
than him

Head of an industrial tycoon
that's what his brother said of him

Uncle Friedrich

No Uncle Karl

The humorous fellow

as opposed to
the humorless one

Painters are dull-witted too

even when they are highly paid
and highly renowned

Uncle Friedrich
is depicted as the humorous one

Uncle Karl as the humorless

exactly the opposite is true

Painters simply have no eye

They all had their portraits painted

the fools

This is where it belongs
not there

It really is a perversity

hanging exactly opposite each other

thirty years these pictures
have been hanging on these walls

not once taken down

But now it's equally perverse
don't you agree

hanging opposite each other

badly painted

very badly painted

famous artists
but badly painted

wretchedly painted

Portrait fixation

ancestor worship

They have always made us suffer
these hideous pictures

The pictures are worth a fortune
millions

but they are hideous

sometimes they are more in fashion
sometimes less

but they are always worth millions

how hideous these pictures are

Wasn't mother
a beautiful woman

attractive

but in the picture she is repellent

father didn't brood
as he appears to in the picture

Those artists abuse everything
shamelessly

they will paint
one intolerable painting after another

A musical family
so it has always been said

it's not even hinted at
in any of these pictures

Have their portraits painted
that was the idea that kept haunting them

You haven't had your portraits
painted too

you didn't get taken in I hope
by a portrait-painting charlatan like that

Have you had your portraits painted
or not

You did have your portraits painted

you're shameless enough
to have had your portraits painted

by those anti-artists
who are springing up everywhere today

and who chum up to people

and demand millions
for their repellent daubs

You did have your portraits painted

And what if we did

That was all I needed

my sisters
having their portraits painted

in this period of anti-art

this epoch of dilettantism

where are those trumperies then
where are the trumperies

In the attic
are you satisfied now

In the attic

in the attic

do portraits belong in the attic

Portraits don't belong in the attic

you hid them in the attic
so that I shouldn't see them

to conceal them from me

all the time I've been away
they've probably been hanging on this wall

you took them down
and put them up in the attic before I came

just yesterday

just this morning

that's the truth

The pictures are badly painted

Of course the pictures are badly painted

portraits are always badly painted

unless they're by Goya

but Goya didn't paint you

Goya never painted in Vienna

never did Goya paint in Vienna

I want to see them

bring me the pictures

bring the pictures this instant

Bring the pictures

bring me the pictures
this instant

What are you waiting for
I said bring the pictures

bring me the pictures
which cost a fortune probably

Having their portraits painted

having their portraits painted
for a fortune

having their portraits painted
for so much money

Millions of children are starving in Africa
and you have your portraits painted

My sisters having their portraits painted

just as their parents did

Odious patronage

Bring me the pictures
I want to see the pictures

Empty walls I've always liked

empty walls

This gallery full of atrocities
has always turned my stomach

Hideous pictures

unartistic
insipid

Having their portraits painted
they've had their portraits painted

Art of painting
a base form of art

base to the core

Consorting with painters

With painters

they grow rich and wealthy
and consort with those painters

And then that riffraff sits about everywhere
fouling the air

painters' effluvium

artistic whitewash

This one perhaps

maybe
this

no
it's not art

not art no

Music yes
painting no

It's all very arty

in keeping with the times

You've had your portraits painted

portraits painted

But why don't you turn them round
do turn them round

if indeed we're dealing
with works of art here

probably
by a famous artist

The contemporary
has always repelled me

Show yourselves
what do you look like

how did your artist paint you

And then my sisters expect me
to forgive them for this tastelessness

I don't feel like doing that

nauseating mannerism

I won't ask what these atrocities cost

like one of those people
who drive in Rolls-Royces painted them

Having your portraits painted
and consorting with shamelessness itself

I don't think the pictures are so bad

Not so bad
you don't think they're so bad

You've never been able to relate
to painting

Not been able
never been able

And why did you hide
the pictures in the attic

surely not
because they are so magnificent

Hideous

and not even good likenesses
of you

and unartistic

A young artist
a very young painter

A friend of Doctor Frege

put him in touch with Frege

put him in touch with Frege

A young American

Whose grandparents
emigrated to America

from Germany

A talented artist

But this is a declaration of bankruptcy

a declaration of bankruptcy

A fortune
for a piece of vulgarity

In comparison even those trumperies
are works of art

I cannot even say
disfigured beyond recognition

for that would at least be something

It was only to help
a young artist that was all

Young artists cannot be helped

there is no greater folly
than helping young artists

helping artists at all
is folly

Let artists help themselves

above all let young artists
help themselves

that's precisely why young artists
come to nothing

because they are constantly being helped

help an artist
and you destroy him

above all help a young artist
and you destroy and annihilate him

that's the truth

There is nothing more repellent
than assuming the cloak of patronage

But what is said
is not heard

I have always loathed
patronage

Wealthy people

patrons
hypocrites

Visiting the brother in Steinhof

nothing but hypocrisy

going behind his back at home

having your portraits painted

having your portraits painted

then hanging up what was painted
and when your brother comes home

taking down what was hung from the walls
and hiding it in the attic

It was her idea

wasn't it

not yours

It was my idea

Doctor Frege

Doctor Frege
suggested it to you

Yes Doctor Frege

Doctor Frege Doctor Frege

Not enough
that he ruined your brother

he also makes arrangements for you
to have your portraits painted

But while those atrocities
entered the annals of art history long ago

these trumperies will not be entered
into the annals of art history

this era will not be entered
into the annals of art history

as a shameful blot of emptiness yes

as a catastrophe yes

as an artistic catastrophe

as a gigantic art crater

into which people will peer
a hundred years from now

and get nothing but a stench

nothing else
nothing else

Empty walls that's what I always said

my Norwegian log cabin
is quite empty too

no pictures nothing

Empty walls

But of course
it will have to be repainted

or freshly wallpapered

for fifty years not one fresh coat of paint
nothing wallpapered

this smell

That's what it looked like once

the wallpaper

Wasn't any better either

The new is still more hideous

it's time
something was changed here for once

The house belongs to us
not to the dead any more

Why aren't you two helping

help me for heaven's sake

Come on push for heaven's sake
push for heaven's sake

Half a metre to the left

half a metre

only half a metre

Only half a metre

perhaps

it's nailed down

Push
only half a metre

Push

Concentrate and push

Dreadful

No wonder

gently push very gently
that's what I said

not jerkily

steadily but not jerkily

The beautiful Herend plates

the beautiful Bohemian teapot
good lord

The most beautiful pieces all broken

The most beautiful pieces

Gently I said

steadily but gently

not jerkily

If only we could move the clock
just half a metre to the left

it would be of an improvement
but I'll do it on my own

Why do you want to move the clock

For as long as I can think
it has bothered me that the clock is there

Just half a metre to the left

just to try it perhaps

No
no good

no good

The clock probably doesn't belong
in the dining room at all

it's a dirty trick
having a clock in the dining room

What do you say
where shall we put the clock

but the clock must go

I can't bear the sight of the clock

Perhaps in the small drawing room
there is no clock in the small drawing room

Right

there isn't a clock
in the small drawing room

It will go well in there
in the small drawing room

In the small drawing room
you're right

that's where it belongs

it's insipid in the dining room

and besides it doesn't even keep time

it's half an hour fast
and it has to be wound up every other day

One day it will collapse
and kill you

But

I won't be around to see it

Whitewash is healthy

fresh whitewash

white fresh whitewash

Father suffered
from a hatred of wallpaper

Women are in favour of wallpaper
hate whitewash

women hate whitewash
that's been proven

There are those who hate wallpaper
and those who hate whitewash

without more ado we can divide humanity
into these two groups

into the group that hates wallpaper

and into the group
that hates whitewash

The string quartets

they have always calmed me

I am allowed to play them for myself

as often as I like
said the director

he was corruptible too

I put horrendous sums in his coat pocket

these people
will take any amount of money

I'm allowed to listen to the string quartets
I'm allowed to read

I'm allowed to occupy myself intellectually
as the director always says

Rich people live on bribery

Around eight I listen to the Eroica
conducted by Knappertsbusch

Twenty-seventh of May Eroica

twenty-eighth of May Eroica
twenty-ninth of May Eroica

thirtieth of May Eroica
thirty-first of May Eroica

first of June Eroica etcetera

Older sister
Logic One

transcribed like a good girl

Exact bookkeeping

extraordinarily exact bookkeeping

Older sister
tastelessly dressed as always

sits there for hours

doesn't say a word
doesn't understand anything

younger sister
never seen her on the stage

probably no talent exclamation mark
like the older one exclamation mark

but they keep getting another chance

because father bought fifty-one percent
of the shares in the theatre

in which they appear from time to time
parenthesis out of sheer boredom

pre-war shares

A sample

Our brooder our know-it-all
our charming note-taker

When I'm in London
I tell myself Norway is the place

when I'm in Norway
I tell myself London

then when I don't know how to go on
to Steinhof

But I have not been declared
legally incompetent

that should give you
something to think about

I'm the only one in Steinhof
not declared legally incompetent

I enjoy a fool's license little sister

It's possible

Possible you say
possible

I always think you are totally
without talent

and then time and again

that you are the most talented of all
on the stage

She's so easily hurt
your sister

a trifle
and she's insulted

upset
anyway

we don't do people any harm
and they are angry with us

she's probably doing the dishes
ironing

She took a lot of trouble
to make things nice for you

she wanted to make your return
more pleasant

More pleasant make things nice
female stupidities

I said
I'm going home for just a few days

only a few days I said

what's it like here
I wanted to see

but it's just as I imagined

And also because I was looking for a book
a particular copy of Schopenhauer

but I can't find it
a lot of books missing

God knows what's become of the books

I want to talk to her
but she's in a hurry

Whispering with the director
behind my back

about Frege
to deliver me up to that man

who calls himself a family doctor

We go to him
because our bladder hurts

and he looks into our ears

we say we have a pain in our right knee
he taps our chest

and we have no medical insurance
so we spend a fortune on these people

enormous consumption of specialists

medicine is a perverse preservation
of monuments

As it's now in fashion again
to cut your hair short

I'm letting mine grow

I don't follow fashion
fashion is something I've always hated

the two of you follow fashion

A world which constantly
confuses cause and effect

Suffer from megalomania

that's right

trusted Schopenhauer
trusted Nietzsche

never trusted myself

time and time again I was suddenly
abandoned by everybody

Next I wrote polished my shoes
at half past two in the morning

Histrionics

Calumny

World of entertainment

Your sister
suffers from paranoia

a fetish for dishes

porcelain disease

Make things nice

by putting cream puffs
on the table in front of me

but doesn't want to listen
to what I'm saying

despises my inmost being but insists
that I eat her cream puffs

As you can see I do eat them
with disgust

Not going to Doctor Frege

Frege's to blame
for my being sick in the first place

Am I sick

I am sick

I am not sick

I tell your sister
I want to go to a concert

she takes out a season's subscription

I tell her I want a cream puff
and she regales me with dozens of them

I say I want to be left in peace
and she keeps asking if I want peace

If we made one mistake
we made thousands

if we fell in the brook once
we always fall in the brook

if we told one lie
we've always lied

Whatever we do and whatever we say
it's multiplied in the most diabolical fashion

But she transcribes my manuscripts
carefully

I must grant her that

But I'm very stingy with my praise

if we praise someone
we are immediately exploited

if we say something complimentary
we immediately pay the price

An earthquake to be sure
would have devastating consequences

but the old houses
don't collapse as we know

look at San Francisco
look at San Francisco

I wish this country
would disappear one day

or better still

some night all of a sudden
in an earthquake

this odious fatherland
off the face of the earth

Then again I think
we haven't got a better one

Here

you see
where I burned myself

a burn wound

not unintentionally

I held the candle
under my hand

until
it was half burnt through

and here on my neck I still have the marks
of my strangulation attempt

What have we here
asked the resident

in his sly manner

A strangulation attempt last night
I replied

at which he laughed out loud

Then why on earth didn't you hang yourself
properly

said the resident

Do you think I'm crazy
I replied

I'm not going to hang myself
you must know that

a strangulation attempt doesn't mean
that I intend to hang myself

no no I said

as you know

everything

concerning me

bogs down in the attempt

at which the resident
laughed out loud again

There's a thousand schilling bill
I said to him and now be off

he took the thousand schilling bill
and went

The residents are corruptible

and the residents' assistants
are most easily corrupted

It's only because I feed them
thousand schilling bills

that I'm still alive

Steinhof is an institution of
corruption

Those who haven't got any money
don't survive long

that's the truth

they hate every new arrival

they look forward to mine

Worringer's coming
runs like wildfire through Steinhof

it resounds through the whole
institution

Worringer the millionaire is coming
that's what they say

then all those white coats rush in
and bow and scrape

and let me feed them

If I were to say
they should wipe my behind

as I want it done
of course as I want it done

they would fight for the privilege

In return I let them abuse me
by calling me a philosopher

which they have long
grown accustomed to doing

And what have we got here

I bought you some new underpants

Freshly laundered and ironed

But these are wonderful cotton underpants

I wonder if they'll fit

They're your size

My size

My size you say
my size

My size

my size
maybe they are my size

But aren't they too soft
I hate soft underpants

I've always hated them

all my life
I had underpants which were too soft

You always wore silk underpants

Because my mother
had got it into her head

and I had got into the habit
and never anything but silk underpants

Very common coarse cotton underpants

They are

From Switzerland

Swiss cotton underpants

so-called Alpine cotton underpants

The dependable Mont Blanc underpants

Mont Blanc underpants
of course

the dependable Mont Blanc underpants

they really do fit

if I had my way I put them on at once
may I

No no

not here
not now

not here
for heaven's sake not in the dining room

here
no

But why not

If he wants to
why not put them on here and now

Fabulous

the dependable Mont Blanc underpants

Go on put them on here
why not

No you can't do that

That's simply preposterous

why shouldn't he put on
his underpants now

Not while I'm here
you can't do that

give them to me
be sensible

Why bring the underpants in now
if he's not permitted to put them on

Not permitted to
not permitted to permission denied

You're not permitted to
you heard didn't you

You have no shame

Silly idiot

She loves you

unhappily

now as always
she hasn't changed

she found out
you liked long coarse cotton underpants

immediately she bought
a pile of these long coarse underpants

Why didn't you put on
the underpants

you should have taken off your trousers
and put on your underpants

Oh you disgust me both of you

You should have put on the underpants
this false hypocritical modesty

From the day she was born
hypocritical

What do you think she's doing now

She's burying her face
in the underpants

which you held in your hands

Brings your underpants into the
dining room

then stops you
from putting them on

Where did you burn yourself

Where show me
I want to have another look show me

A big hole

With the candle you say
burned your own hand

Probably in the middle of the night

Did it hurt very much

But you didn't manage
to burn it right through

that would have been a triumph
to have burned right through your own hand

In complete secrecy

Are you mad
you'll break my neck

Shall we drink
black coffee

Yes of course
right Ludwig

Did you take a close look at her

Just as I told you

She buried her face
in your underpants

That's part of the therapy
isn't it

As long as father was alive
we weren't allowed to play the Eroica

Besides he hated Knappertsbusch
he loved Furtwangler

The Viennese all have
a Beethoven complex

a Schubert complex
or a Beethoven complex

they're all infected with it

in the wealthy suburbs
they're all infected

We are all wealthy suburbanites

wealthy suburbanites
that's what we are Ludwig

wealthy suburbanites

Now she's gone and fallen over
the silly idiot

stay here

Have you hurt yourself
Good lord you're bleeding

come here

Lost my footing

Indeed

Everything's driving me crazy

You're just too hard on yourself

Pity about the coffee

Oh never mind
it's a pity about the china

Grandmother's lovely china

It had to be grandmother's Bohemian china

Nervousness is an affliction

Probably a change in the weather

trouble brewing
probably

The things we like
are all of a sudden strewn on the floor

grandmother's lovely china

A fatality mechanism

I'm not going to Frege
not to Frege

Sisters underlined in red

infantilism
excessive infantilism

The century of uncertainty

Total stultification
at the turn of the millennium

Congregation of hypocrites

Chronic despondency

The director said
that a time would come

when even in Steinhof
there would be no more pea soup

Richesse oblige

don't forget that

Half a metre to the right

First clear it out
then push it

The clock must go

fought for a hundred years against illiteracy
and achieved nothing

If we publish it
then we'll be dead

Always preferred cotton

They didn't give me my doctorate
in Cambridge

they were all against me

although I wanted the doctorate

I always said that I didn't want it

and yet I wanted it

I said I didn't want it

it was a farce
and yet I wanted it

Wasn't given
to me

We're going astray with Schopenhauer

Great need for geometry

great need for coffee

no need for company

I asked for size five
they didn't have it

I had to wait three days

everybody wants
this cotton underwear nowadays

As we've got such a lot of china
it doesn't matter

True

A lot of sugar please

- Where is the sugar
- I'll get it

Do you still own the Norwegian log cabin

I thought
you'd sold it

And when are you going back to Norway

I don't know

Let's see you had to climb up a cliff
even to get to it

you can't do that any more
you're much too weak

You are the only privileged person
in Steinhof

You can do anything you want there
almost anything

That's because you pay
seven thousand a day

they'll let you stay on in Steinhof
for years and years

For heaven's sake do sit down
you're a bundle of nerves

it's not Ludwig who is
it's you

Rainy afternoon in all likelihood

best thing is to spend it in bed

I'll do some ironing

There's nothing nicer
than a rainy afternoon in bed

Ritter, Dene, Voss, intelligent actors.

During my work on the play,

which I completed two years
after writing that note,

my thoughts dwelt mainly on my friend Paul

and on his uncle, Ludwig Wittgenstein.

Th. B. June 1984

Subtitles by: ausmanx