Rites of Passage (2012) - full transcript
Nathan an anthropology student is disappointed that the modern world neglects an ancient chumash ritual known as the rites of passage ceremony that involves steps needed for becoming a man according to chumash legends. Nathan convinces his profesor Nash a pedofilic university teacher who openly pursues sexual attraction with his female students to take their class on a field trip for the weekend to his family's old ranch which was once the site of ancient chumash indian rituals and countless rites of passage ceremonies. Nash agrees and the 2 of them take their class including Nathan's crush Dani who is a traumatized half chumash and half british female neglected by her parents for being a failure who is hungry for attention and is known for being a party animal and trainwreck. Unbeknownst to them the family ranch isn't abandoned and is the home of 2 drug addicted lunatics: Benny a lonely, delusional and awkward social incept who is addicted to a hallucination drug used in the rites of passage ceremony who wants to be part of an imaginary indian tribe in a far away place but to do so he must join them in death with a bride and Delgado a crazed drug dealer with a shotgun who hallucinates a talking stuffed monkey on his shotgun and is out for revenge against Dani for killing his wife and sun during a drunk driving incident that has traumatized her. Benny while hallucinating attempts to kidnap one of Nathan's class mates in order to make her his bride but is stopped by a man who was with her and is driven of. Benny goes to a party where he is bullied and laughed at by the college students until Nathan arrives and beggs him to stay. Penelope a girl at the party attempts to seduce and pursuade Benny into giving her a ride home but she is instead kidnapped and taken by Benny to his family porch to be his wife. The next morning Benny attempts to perform a marriage ceremony with Penelope but stops upon hearing the students arrive at the ranch and Penelope manages to break out of her restraints in order to try and escape. Penelope is chased by Benny through a field while screaming for help but the students can't hear her in their cars and she is accidentally killed while running and Benny cries for her not to leave without him. Nathan while attempting to calm his classmates down and stop them from having sex is hit on by an invited girl only for her to be called of by her friend who tells her that Nathan likes the new girl Dani. Dani overhears this and seemingly waites for his confession but he gets shy and embarrassed then leaves and she seems sad and disappointed. Benny arrives and attempts to pursuade Nathan into leaving with his friends as he doesn't want them there and Nathan doesn't have their father's permission but stops upon seeing Dani. Benny notices Dani's beauty and chumash heritege and attempts to talk to her but she leaves upon being creeped out by the way he looks at her. While the class is on the beach Benny spies on Dani having set his sights on her as his next bride and plans to kidnap her. While scooping her from a cliff above the beach he is caught by one of the students and the 2 of them as well as her boyfriend and Delgado eventually get into a fight which results in the boyfriend being killed and the girl names squarl to be injured by a falling roof. Delgado and Benny believing both students to be dead attempt to hide their tracks by hiding their bodies and Delgado decides to hunt down and kill the rest of class while Benny repairs restraints used on Penelope to keep Dani trapped so he can marry her in a cooler. Delagdo breaks all of their phones so they can't call for help and begins killing them while the proffesor is wounded by a bear trap set by Delgado for intruders. Delgado while hunting holds conversations with his imaginary stuffed monkey who tries to reason with his seemingly absent sense of morality. Delagdo realizes while talking to Benny that the girl (Dani) who killed his family is also one of the kids who arrived and she becomes his main target out of revenge. Benny continues to stalk Dani while she is with Nathan and temporarily others and having a panic attack. Dani notices Benny and he tries to enter the house for her but is held back by her and Nathan but eventually corners them. Benny manages to kidnap Dani after she attempted to escape by chloroforming her as well as giving her some of the hallucination drug he drinks and spirits her away from Nathan who screams that he will kill him. Benny carries Dani on his shoulder to the desired wedding location and she is forced into a marriage ceremony with him while tied up and hallucinating. Nathan realizes Benny's plan and where he took Dani but runs into Delgado outside the cooler and gets into a confirmation with him. Benny hears them fighting outside and attempts to save his brother but Delgado gains the upper hand against them both but his attention is directed to Dani upon realizing where she is. Delgado attempts to kill her by shooting her with his shotgun but Benny get between them and is shot instead. Before dying Benny hallucinates Dani telling him she loves him and that they will be together forever and ever and ever but he is later rejected by the tribe for not having Dani with him. Nathan manages to kill Delgado by beating him to death after he was distracted by Benny's death. He seemingly mourns Benny and frees Dani from her restraints but she is hallucinating and having a panic attack so she takes Delgado's gun and points at him before attempting to kill herself out of guilt but he convinces her to stop and they embrace. Dani and Nash are taken to a hospital but before he leaves Nash tells Nathan that he has passed the test and become a man thanks to the rites of passage ceremony. At the end of the film Delgado is seemingly revived and runs of into the distance and the film ends.
Bitch was going the wrong way
on the 101.
Going the wrong way on the 101.
She blew a 2.3!
Walked away without a scratch.
I'm gonna kill
that Chumash bitch.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Here come
the Delta Gamma whorepedoes.
- Look at those skirts.
- They're so beautiful.
Seriously.
Brought your books?
Alright, let's settle down, people. We got
a lot to go over before the midterm.
OK.
This is a Chumash Indian shaman.
He believed he was a shape-shifter.
He would drink jimson weed tea, which
was made from the root of this flower.
That shit's fucked up.
Well, that'll get you fucked up.
Then they would hallucinate.
The shaman believed
he would shape-shift into a werebear.
Which is
the great California grizzly.
Rrahh!
Shh!
Alright, Dani.
What's going on?
You got a problem back there?
We're talking about your heritage.
I'm only half Chumash.
My mom's British.
Look.
What happened to your people
was tragic, OK? It was criminal.
Those the Spanish didn't kill
with torture and disease,
they finished off
with guns and bigotry.
Doug.
Doug.
Doug, I got to go.
Are you sure?
No.
No, I got to go.
Yeah, I have class.
Yeah?
Yeah, I have class.
Hey, my family's coming in on Sunday.
They're driving down.
Going to have lunch on State Street.
You want to come with us?
We'll have mimosas.
You won't get carded.
Uh... your parents?
Yeah. Is that weird?
It's a little serious, Doug.
Um... Come on. Well, I'll call you later
and we'll figure it out. Uh-huh?
Alright, go.
Alright.
Hey, Nathan. Come on in, man.
That was
a great paper you wrote.
Oh, you wanted to see me about
your assignment. What's going on?
Yeah. Um...
Well, my father, see,
he owns this property.
It's just south of campus. Um...
Well, get to the point.
What's up?
It's a Chumash burial site.
The Anderson Rose Ranch?
Yeah.
That's your family?
Jesus!
They never let anyone
dig up there.
Yeah, well, um...
So I was thinking of re-creating
a brush hut ceremony this weekend.
You know, for the assignment.
I'd enjoy participating in that.
Consider that approved.
Grandmother Momoy,
I've come to beg for your roots.
I promise to do you no harm.
I need to borrow your magic
for tonight.
Cooking up
your funny tea there, Benny?
I would appreciate it if you would confine
yourself to the greenhouse I gave you.
And stay out of my business.
'The Quicksand Effect of Depression:
'A Strategy for True Freedom'.
To hell with this self-help crap,
when I was confused, confused.
Confused. Confused.
I am the shaman.
I am the bear.
May Grandmother Momoy take me
to the faraway place.
What? Stop it!
Get away! Ugh!
Hello! Don't you see me here?
Is everything alright?
No, this guy's just riding my ass!
What are you looking at, freak?
Come on, get out of here!
Did you know that guy?
No.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Crazy how fast
this coverage came in, huh?
Yeah, it was gorgeous earlier.
You know, you never told me
what it's like getting shot.
Knocks the wind out of you.
But, hey, you know,
it got me discharged.
Otherwise...
I'd still be over there.
You know, all throughout history,
most cultures have what they call a...
rite of passage ceremony,
turning boys into men.
I mean, you fought a war.
I guess mine is shotgunning beers,
trying to get laid
and failing miserably at it.
Sometimes I just feel like...
I'm always gonna be stuck,
you know?
Never knowing what I'm made of.
Nathan, what I think you want...
it's not all
it's cracked up to be.
Want the gak or not?
You little fucking tease.
Are you fucking for real?
Fucking trying to
set me up, you little...
Relax. Back the fuck away
from the gate.
Where you going, Benny?
To see my fiancée.
Fiancée?
You?
Where is my Ritalin?
Mojo!
You're always in my purse.
Where's my Ritalin?
What?
Ritalin!
What are you on about?
I took two.
You must have taken the rest.
Really?
You guys, come on.
Those things aren't fucking candy.
Alright, now, just chill out, OK?
I have engineering midterms. Big deal.
“Discuss the elegy in its various forms
and the poet's place in society
“through a comparison of Khalil Gibran,
Percy Shelley or John Milton”?
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck! Oh, fuck!
I can't catch my breath.
I can't breathe. No, I can't.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
She's having a panic attack.
I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating!
No, let me go!
I can't...
Alright, what do we do?
Get her Xanax. Nathan, her Xanax.
Call an ambulance! Call an...
- I got it, I got it, I got it.
- Calm down. Calm down.
It's OK.
- Here, here, here.
- Has this happened before?
Just relax.
There's nothing to see here!
You don't have to be embarrassed, Dani.
I mean, it happens to a lot of people.
Listen.
I've only been living with you guys for a
few weeks and y'all treat me like family.
Oh, well, welcome, baby.
Hey, Dani, uh, about before,
giving you a bit of space, I had to do it.
Why don't I spark you up
a little smokey-smoke?
Oh, come on!
Wasted! Let's rage!
Oh, yeah!
Fire up the vacuum cleaner!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Take that shit.
Make that blower your bitch, boy.
Man up, son!
Get it! Get it! You will do this!
You will take it to the face!
- Fucking bong of the gods!
- You got to hold it!
Whoa!
Not gonna hurt.
Watch. Watch. Watch this.
It's not gonna hurt, alright?
He's like a mutant.
Ready for it, my little Moose?
Always and forever.
Oh, hey!
Hey.
Nah, go ahead.
Penelope.
Oh!
Always wanted to fuck a Penelope.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
We're getting naked, right?
Deal's a deal, right?
Yeah.
Dude, what the fuck?
Buddy! God, does anyone know how
to fucking maintain their alcohol here?
“I would rather
see my kids die today
“still believing in God
“than have them grow up
under communism. ”
You're drooling, bro.
I know - it's crazy to think
that a girl like that
would ever want to
miss out on all this here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't discredit these guns, buddy.
Come on, knock that shit off.
You got to visualise it.
You know, you got to see it like it's...
like it's already happened.
Alright...
That was weak, though. That was weak.
Somebody wants attention.
Dani's a hot mess.
Who the fuck is this creeper?
He looks like Superman
discovering heat vision.
Dude! Go turn your crazy-ass stare
on somebody else.
Shit! Creeper, what are you on?
Look at this bastard here.
What a weirdo.
Babe. Holy fuck.
You know what I think he needs?
More cowbell.
Cowbell.
I think he needs more cowbell.
Benny?
Stranded!
Guys, stop!
This is my brother, you guys.
Party-killer's your fucking bro?
Stop drawing on his face, dude.
It's not cool, man.
Well, dude, he's tripping balls, man.
He's totally high!
Come on.
Benny!
Come on! Moose,
leave him alone, dude.
Benny, what are you doing here, man?
What's going on?
Benny, look at me.
What are you doing here?
My bride and I must pass together
through the western gate.
Beyond that
is a bridge we must cross.
There are many obstacles to trick us...
Stop it! Stop!
From getting to the faraway place.
That creeper dude, he's whacked.
He's whacked.
Did you drink it again?
Benny, look at me. Did you drink it?
He's high on jimson weed tea, guys.
Just leave him alone, alright?
He's fucking whacked.
It's a Chumash thing. Leave him alone.
Going home.
Benny. Just hang out
for a second. Benny!
Great.
OK, go get him.
Does he have any more of that?
Benny, come on. Wait.
Just hang out, OK?
You can't go off like this
right now. Benny. OK?
We both know it's time.
There's nothing left for me here.
Benny. Come on, man.
No, I mean...
Get this shit off your face.
Whoa!
I love you, Nathan.
I love you.
But all of this...
None of it's real.
OK, Benny. I actually
agree with you there.
Just come back inside
for a second. Look at me.
I promise I won't let anybody
do anything to you again.
Oh!
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
You're not gonna drive. Right? Look
at me. You're not gonna drive, right?
I'm not gonna drive.
Ooh! Yeah.
Hey, Mojo.
That's the spot right there.
How you doing tonight?
Oh! I'm alright. You, uh...
Looking really good.
I've got a girlfriend.
Are you sure about that?
Mm-hm. It's serious and all.
You should get off me now.
Go on, off you go.
Yeah. Lovely girl.
Couple of months
we've been together.
She loves me.
Great.
How the fuck am I supposed
to get home from here?
Nathan's brother.
Hm.
Hey, Benny. How about
giving a girl a ride home, huh?
You don't mind, do you?
I'm just over the highway,
right near Carrillo.
I love you.
You know who you look like?
The lead singer of Weezer.
Benny?
Benny!
Fuck.
What the hell?
Fuck.
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
Please. Please. I'm so cold.
I have to go to the bathroom.
How long have you been here?
What?
You don't remember?
I did this to you?
Yeah, well...
Please let me go.
You were...
you were so high.
It's not your fault, OK?
You don't need to do this.
Please just...
My arms are so... Please.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I promise I won't tell anybody.
Why... Why are you stopping?
Why are you stop...
I swear to God, I won't tell a soul.
Do you really?
Yes.
- I don't want any trouble. I'm sorry.
- This is all a big mistake.
The last thing I ever want to do
is hurt anybody, anybody.
This is between you and me.
OK, I won't... I won't tell anybody.
You're a good guy.
You are. I know that.
You don't mean it. Just...
Ple-please let me go.
Please.
Please.
Please. Please let me go.
Please. I won't tell anybody.
I won't tell anybody.
I love you. You're perfect.
Are you starting to feel good, baby?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
You're such a sweet guy.
I get so many rude and gross guys on
here, and I just cut 'em off but not you.
I love it when you're online.
“I can be myself with you. ”
You know, it's odd,
but I kind of like that I can't see you.
Makes me leave it all
to my imagination.
“Turn around.
I want to see you doggie. ”
You just want to see my dolphin.
Yeah. That's right.
I'm thinking about
getting more work done on it.
What do you think?
Dani!
Are you OK?
Here.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry.
Come on, let's just
get back to bed, huh?
Alright, let's go, people!
Rise and shine!
Let's go! It's a beautiful day!
Get up!
You got one life to live,
everybody!
Whoa! OK.
Gee!
Does nobody knock in this country?
Working the morning bone, huh?
Is that your webcam princess?
She's cute.
You know, Mojo, I'm thinking.
We should find you a real girl.
Are you, um...
you seriously still standing there, huh?
Do you want to
get the fuck out, maybe?
Are you crying?
Fuck off. Alright?
Fuck off!
That feels nice.
Don't stop.
My mom used to do that
when I was little.
Before she and my dad started
telling me I'm such a big disappointment.
Guess I proved them right, huh?
No.
So, listen, I just wanted to...
Well, I just wanted to tell you.
Dani rages hard.
I mean, too fun, too fast.
And I know you like her and all. I just
don't know if that's the... best fit.
You'd think she would have stopped,
you know, after the accident. I mean...
People died.
Yeah.
When are we going?
Let's go already!
Ha! Whoo!
What the fuck was up
with your creeper brother last night?
“My bride and I must pass together
through the western gate. ”
Like anybody would get
within 50 feet of that pervert.
OK, alright, guys.
Look, Benny is a good guy. He really is.
And he's really smart.
He used to be a Wall Street trader.
He just snapped under the pressure
one day and...
'Snapped' is right.
And walks into the office naked
with feathers and face paint
and they fired him.
Wow.
Then he invents this story
about a fiancée and how she left him.
I asked him.
I was like, “What fiancée? ”
And he looked at me
like I was crazy.
You know, he's just...
he's never recovered from that.
I'm really afraid he might...
kill himself.
Now I'm doomed.
My whole life is forfeit.
I can't let you go now.
If I do, you'll certainly
go to the police.
Police...
You look...
Native American Indian.
Are you, by chance?
Here.
Does that feel better?
My father closed this Rose Ranch
years ago. We're the only ones here.
Except Delgado, but he...
won't bother us.
He ran a hardware store.
I took him in after he lost his wife and
kid a year ago. Now he's just a mess.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You are so...
beautiful.
You will find me to be
a very loving and caring husband.
Shh, shh!
The cops are out there!
Just sit still. Just sit still.
Read some Charlie Brown.
Shh! Shh! Fuck!
Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
Another night.
Calm down!
Don't tell me to calm down!
You don't hear 'em? Come on,
I fucking hear 'em! They're out there.
Stop listening to your brain!
It's Radio K-Fuck!
You dust buzzard! You know where
your own best thinking gets you?
I fucking hear 'em, Pancho!
Stay out of your head!
Listen to me. I ride shotgun.
I got your back. Nothing good
ever comes from between your ears.
Stop smoking gak
and get to work!
Put the gun down!
There's no cops.
Everything's OK.
You'll be fine!
How long you been out here, huh?
Hey, don't point that at me, Delgado.
And quit cooking without
a hazmat suit. It gets in your pores.
Jesus Christ, Benny! How many times
I tell you? Don't come up here!
You want to lose your leg?
What the hell is that?
Is that a bear trap? When the hell
did I say you could booby-trap the place?
No! No way.
I don't like people
sneaking up on me, Benny.
I'm moving on.
You can have the ranch, at least
until my dad figures I'm gone.
When are you coming back?
I'm not.
Hey, hey.
That's bullshit, man. Huh?
I ain't finished my cook yet.
Think I want people sneaking up here
asking for your sorry ass? No.
You are staying, pal.
You really want to
take this dance with me? Huh?
Into the tunnel of light.
You are one
creepy motherfucker, Benny.
You got some kind of death wish
or something.
Grandmother Momoy,
make this brew strong enough
to take my bride and I
to the faraway place forever.
I haven't even asked my brother
if it's cool yet.
Come on. He'll be fine when he sees
who the naughty professor brought.
Oh, Grandmother Momoy.
Let me behold your magic light.
As the sun fades into beyond
on this final day and night...
final day and night.
Penelope.
We try our hardest for life.
It braces down.
I brought you something I made
especially for our wedding.
These are Olivella shell beads.
Today's the beginning
of the Acorn Festival.
The Chumash will all be celebrating
when we get to the faraway place.
OK, OK!
I'm so... I'm so thirsty, Benny.
Shh! I brought you something
very special to drink.
No, no.
Untie me.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I don't want to go on myself.
Shh. I'm gonna make
all your suffering go away.
No more pain. No more fear. We'll be
done with all that forever.
What are you talking about?
What's happening?
I don't want to
go anywhere with you.
Hey!
Get in!
Loser!
Get in the car!
Make your pain go away.
Stop it! Stop it.
I can't waste anymore.
Fuck you!
Fuck!
Wait!
Wolf man it. Eat the bullet.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Guys, guys! No open containers.
I'm still on probation. Shit! Hart!
I'm sorry.
It all happened so fast.
Wait!
Help! Help!
Hey, big man.
Yo.
Do up these windows, man. Let's
hotbox this motherfucker right now.
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help!
Wait! Help!
Whoa. Uh-uh.
What?
Did I not just stay up all night
writing your fucking paper?
If he gets caught with this shit in his
piss, he fucking loses his scholarship.
Help! Wait!
No!
No!
Penelope.
Oh...
No, no, don't leave me! No, don't
go without me! Don't leave me alone!
This wasn't the way
it's supposed to happen!
Let's go! Move the fuck out the way!
This place is sick, Nathan!
Oh, my God! This is awesome.
It's unreal.
- Gonna be a good weekend.
- This is amazing!
Wow. This is amazing.
So beautiful. Unreal.
It's not so bad.
Look at this place.
Hey, Nathan.
Is that where they found everything?
Yeah. It's a Chumash burial site.
My grandfather,
he made the bulldozers stop.
Told everybody,
“Just leave it alone. ”
And that brush hut,
me and my brother built it.
I thought maybe we'd have
the ceremony over there tonight.
Nice. This place is incredible.
A lot of history here.
So that's where they're buried?
Nathan, you don't mind
that I brought my roommates, do you?
Hi. I'm Roxanne.
Hi.
Look at him.
Hi. I'm Carly.
Hi. Hi.
- Nathan doesn't mind at all.
- Yeah, no.
OK, guys, listen up. Listen up!
No beer spills,
no bong water, no sex stains...
Let's do this!
No! Moose!
No, no, no, no!
My bedroom, guys. This is my bed.
Oh, yeah! You want to watch?
Guys, seriously. Out, man.
This is not happening in my bedroom.
Get out!
Look, you get out!
Come on, baby. Come on.
Are you gonna come in or go out? 'Bye.
I am not playing around! Oh, great.
Get out!
How the hell do you
already have your shirt off? Really?
Is this your bedroom, Nathan?
Who's gonna share with you?
Oh, Nathan likes
the Indian girl.
You probably want her
to share with you, right?
Good luck with that, buddy.
The hell, Nathan? This is not OK.
You cannot just show up like this!
I'm here for a class project and I have
just as much right as you do.
Not true. I have Father's permission!
You can't have strangers over here.
And he's entrusted me
with overseeing this place,
and, besides, I'm dealing with
some really heavy shit right now!
Why are you freaking out so much?
Why is your hair all wet?
You been crying, Benny?
You need to go, Nathan.
Is that blood on your shoes?
It was a raccoon. They're pests.
OK, just pack up your college friends
and get out of here, before I have to...
That's Dani.
Hi.
Olivella shell beads.
Chumash. You're Chumash.
My father's a direct descendant.
His ancestors
were Santa Rosa islanders.
My mother's British.
Were they part of the 1824 revolt
against those missionaries
and those fucking conquistadors?
You know Chumash women
had to practise abortion
'cause of what
those Spanish bastards did to 'em?
Have you
relearned your language?
Why are you
looking at me like that?
Yuck.
Calm down, calm down.
It's just a bunch of fucking kids.
Just think about
something else. Uh...
Charlie Brown, yeah. It's just...
A guy trapped in his own insecurities,
veiled homosexuality.
He's a lovable loser
with endless determination and hope.
If it'd been me,
I certainly would have fucked Lucy.
I guess Charlie was too busy
sucking Linus's dick, huh?
You really think it's a good idea
to fuck your therapist?
You see this'?
What is this'?
Probably a raccoon.
Then where's the fucking raccoon, huh?
Raccoons don't bury their own dead.
This looks like it came
from a raccoon?
Hey, guys.
Whoo!
Fuck you!
Yeah, I got a lot of stuff. Whatever.
She's perfect.
Careful, babe.
Oh, shit. I, uh, forgot my book.
I'll be back.
- OK.
- Coming through, Professor!
J' Smash it, bash it, roll it on the floor
J' Wrap it around the bedpost,
roll it in the door... J'
Excuse me.
That's my car you're leaning on.
Who are you?
I'm here with my students.
Students?
Yeah, we're on a field trip. Do you mind?
Field trip?
Hey, man, that's my book.
You took my book out of the car?
What kind of field trip?
Look, man,
can I just get my book back?
Ain't gonna do you any good.
Those kids, they all got books.
They don't give a fuck about anything.
This is private property.
Stop listening to your head!
Go back and cook the gak!
Leave them alone!
Hey, boys. We're going au naturel.
Tonight's gonna be legendary.
Go long!
Hi, sexy! Get in the water,
you motherfucker!
Get in here.
Get in here, Professor!
Rough night?
Little bit.
You know, your ancestors
played grab-ass in this very same surf.
You're amazing.
Turn around.
I want to see you doggie.
I'm thinking about getting
more work done on my dolphin.
What do you think?
- Where the hell's the...
- I will splash you.
Life isn't fucking perfect.
Hey. You OK?
Thought you were gonna have
more work done on your dolphin.
Am I anything like
you imagined me?
Sandee?
Mojo.
No shit!
Hey, babe.
Wait, this is your
fucking webcam porno princess?
What's he talking about, Tammy?
I'm an idiot.
What is it exactly you do
on the internet?
Chill out. It's no big deal.
We're paying our way through school.
Sure beats working at Starbucks.
Wait. You guys are doing porn
out of our room? Not on my bed, right?
I keep my Bible
underneath that pillow.
So wait a minute. You're...
So you're streaming live internet porn
through the Delta Gamma house?
Sandee. I shouldn't
have said anything. I'm...
Sandee?
That your porn name or...
it's not actual sex. We do it
into our laptops. It's not a big deal.
And you're the little pervert
that's jerking to these girls?
- Alright, you know, leave Mojo alone.
- Hey! Hey!
Nobody came to see Mojo
catch heat for stroking it
to slutshername and the
Delta Gamma whorepedoes over here.
Eat my pussy,
you midget twinklet chunky angle.
What the fuck is a twink? You
stupid hooker Barbie sorority skanks.
They're fucking dumb!
I'm done. This is so stupid.
Squirrel... Be nice, alright?
Fuck that!
So, what's next, Sandee?
Do some lap dancing
at the Spearmint Rhino?
Put up some escort ads
on Craigslist? What?
I'm not spending the weekend
with these stupid whores.
Guys! Just come on, stop.
What would Jesus do?
Jesus wouldn't have you biting each
other's titties in the ocean over there.
So you can sleep with your students,
but yet you condemn me?
You're of age, OK?
Socrates slept
with his students.
Oh, Jesus.
Except they were all boys.
Stop fucking looking
at my man's penis, then.
Who gives a fuck
if I'm creating a porn empire?
OK, I'm kicking ass
in business and marketing.
And the last time that I checked, you
couldn't even treat me to a day at Akara
on your salary.
Que pasa? Pretty great, huh?
Jesus-fucking-Christ!
I'm out of here.
Could you please not use
the Lord's name in vain?
Fuck the Lord, bitch!
She's going to hell.
Now I got to deal with this. This is cool.
What happened?
Look, guys, we can...
Squirrel, come on. Come back.
Who brought these stupid skanks?
Walk your fat ass out of here!
Squirrel!
I'm not mad about my bed!
Hurry up, Moose!
I'm fucking trying!
If you come back,
I'll let you use the bed again.
Hey. Hey!
What are you doing behind there?
Why are you lurking
behind the bushes? Hey! Why...
What, are you retarded?
I'm talking to...
Don't you fucking
walk away from me! Hey!
Hey!
I know you. I... I know...
I fucking know you.
You're the creeper from the party,
aren't you? Were you spying on us?
- Were you spying on us down there?
- I... I... This is...
Nathan is my brother.
This is my property.
You're the weirdo
who lives in the bungalow.
I heard about you and
your imaginary fiancées. Mm-hm.
What did you just say?
You heard me, weirdo!
Were you spying on
those sorority skanks down there? Huh?
Pervy man
looking for his bride, huh?
I... I was watching birds.
Like fucking hell you were.
Just cop to your pervy-ass shit.
Were you... were you peeving
on the guys?
Oh, shit! You're a fucking queer puff,
aren't you? You're a fucking queer.
You like to touch yourself and look at
little boys, you fucking down-low...
You be quiet!
Hey, asshole!
That's my girl you're talking to.
Babe! Babe!
He's the fucking creeper from the party.
I caught him with his hands in his pants.
I did not have my hands in my pants!
I was birdwatching!
- Like hell you were.
- Birdwatching?! You liar!
- Shut up.
- Paedophile!
Shut up.
Don't you do it.
No, no. You know what will happen.
No, no, we don't need trouble.
Pancho tell you.
You go back, you cook.
You know what happen.
You listen to Pancho.
Shut the fuck up!
You listen to Pancho! Listen!
Shh! Shut up!
Leave these kids alone!
Don't be a fool!
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
I love you.
You're my friend.
Hey, dickless.
My boyfriend's gonna fuck you up!
No, I got it
Get him, babe. Get...
Who the fuck is that? What is that,
your fucking gay uncle over there?
No. No, no, no, no, no. Go away.
No, no, Delgado. They're not real!
Fuck!
Look pretty real to me, Benny.
Let me guess, huh?
Uncle Delgado pitches
and you catch.
Huh? Right? You fucking used to
touch him when you were little, huh?
You fucking turned him, didn't you?
This family's fucked, babe.
Better shut that cunt up
or I'm gonna fuck-start her head.
What the fuck did you just say to me?
Watch your fucking mouth.
What the fuck did you
just say to me? Get his ass!
Please, don't do anything.
Pound his ass!
You're gonna wish you never...
Babe, I got this! Settle down! Fuck!
Alright, she's got a big mouth,
but she's not fucking kidding.
He's gonna fuck you in the ass...
Babe! Babe!
Fucking injured my face, you fucking...
No, no! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Fucking face!
Put him down!
Fucking asshole!
Fucking creep!
Arggh! Stop! Stop! Arggh!
Get up, Benny!
Baby! Moose!
Baby, wake up.
Are you OK?
Fuck! Wake up!
Fuck are you on, dude?
Moose! My God! Wake up!
Great! What are you gonna do,
shoot us? Good idea, fucktard.
There's only eight more of us
coming up the path.
That really just happen?
What are we gonna do now?
- Everybody's just pissed off.
- Mojo, you alright?
I can't believe her mouth.
Damn, Moose and Squirrel
are booking out.
Moose! Hey!
Everything happens for a reason, OK?
Can we just go back
to having fun?
Yeah, that depends on
Nathan's internet connection.
Alright, Doug, enough. OK?
If you keep this up, I'm leaving.
Then leave.
'Cause I actually had
feelings for you, Tammy.
You never told me
about any of this shit.
OK.
Oh!
OK, Benny, they're dead. I'll clean up
my cook, we get the fuck out of here.
No.
Suit yourself.
I've got a wedding to prepare.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm OK.
I do remember the first time
I noticed that I had leg hair.
Take me for a ride.
I'm just leaving.
Where are we going?
What would Tammy or Sandee
say about that?
She's just my roommate.
She's not really my friend.
Oh, really?
You're not friends?
You ever been with
a redhead before?
No, I haven't.
Professor!
You're not leaving, are you?
I actually was leaving, yeah.
Come on. It's not even dark yet.
I mean, everybody's leaving.
Oh, wow. This is priceless.
You are Professor-fucking-Nash.
Right? You're not gonna leave
because of my stoner friend.
That's not why I'm leaving.
Look, hang out.
Look, Professor.
It'd really mean a lot to me if you stayed.
You see that face?
Come on, Professor.
Alright. Let's do this ceremony.
I'll find you later.
Alright, let's do it. Ready?
Go talk to her.
I'm gonna.
Take her for a walk.
You know, it's sunset.
Girls eat that shit up.
Damn!
I got voice-mail again.
Fuck me.
I gotta tear all this shit down.
Do it while you can. Come on.
Come on, D.
You can talk
while you take it all down.
Play it smart.
Hey. Don't you agree?
'Snoopy, Come Home'
lacks the clarity and focus
that made 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown'
so endearing?
Oh, no.
No, no, stop looking at us.
Don't... don't go there.
Tear us down. Rip us up.
It does you no good! Let it go!
Shut up.
Shut up!
I don't want to hear you anymore!
You understand?
I don't want to hear anything.
I want to feel nothing!
Nothing!
Don't go there!
It's bad juju.
I'm gonna kill every last one
of those college motherfuckers.
Hey, 'Party Harty'.
What's your magic number?
Going on about?
What's your magic number, huh?
Oh, you want to play that game?
You want to?
I want tequila.
Sure you want to get into that so soon?
If you're not wasted, the day is.
Wow, there's a nihilistic T-shirt
waiting to happen.
Well, my magic number is O.
I'm still a virgin, and I'm proud of it.
I can fix that.
You and your technical virgin thing is
such shit. Fingers and tongues count.
They so do not count, OK?
Do you count anal?
How about
anything under six inches?
You got a ticket last weekend for giving
road head, so you can't start judging me.
- It was awesome.
- Alright, enough!
- She's a virgin. Respect your friend.
- Thank you.
Those little fuckers!
Yeah.
- Look what I got.
- Boom!
Boom.
Go up and start the ceremony or what?
Nathan. That jimson weed?
Yeah. Gonna do this right, aren't we?
Yep. Game time.
I even have a real ceremonial
Chumash bowl we dug up right here.
Not on my watch, man. I can't
let my students drink jimson weed.
Sorry, man.
Nathan, I've known kids who OD'd
and fucking died on that shit.
It's toxic.
Look, there's no way to figure out
what's a fatal dose or what's...
Professor, I know what I'm doing.
It's too risky, man.
What if we just take a little bit?
Why don't we go with what we know?
Few of these bad boys here,
go up to that brush hut, clambake it...
We gotta have the tea! I mean, this is
the whole problem with our society.
We've done away with...
with all ritual, with all ceremony.
I mean, we just do whatever
we want now, on our own, whenever.
Do you even know
what that stuff can do?
The Chumash stopped using
jimson weed because it kills.
Fucking technology!
Cell phones, you little fuckers!
Huh! There you are, Steve Jobs.
You ain't talking
to anybody, kids. Nobody!
You know what? Hey.
The ceremony, it's... it's still important.
There must be
some herbal tea up there.
Let's make the best of what we've got.
We're here. I'm sorry, man.
Fuck it. Fuck it.
The girl.
The girl, the girl, the girl!
Where's the girl?
Fucking skunk, man!
That stinks!
Oh, my God, you stink.
It's not funny, you stoner A-hole!
Come on, come on.
We'll get you cleaned up. I'm sorry.
That thing totally got me!
They're pests. I'm sorry.
I effing hate this place!
We'll clean you up.
I smell so disgusting!
You don't even know!
I'm gonna smell like this forever.
No, it comes off.
I smell terrible!
I smell absolutely...
Yeah, it's...
This is the worst smell, like, ever!
Oh, my God, it's disgusting!
Need any help?
I've been skunked!
I've been skunked!
Oh!
There's some antibacterial soap
under the sink, if you need it.
I'm gonna smell like this forever.
I should have stayed at a hotel!
I knew it. I shouldn't have come here.
I don't even know why! I smell so...
Oh, my mom won't let me in the house
smelling like this.
I don't like skunks.
I don't like skunks.
I'm sorry for saying this,
but, Jesus, why did you make skunks?
They smell so bad!
Carly?
Tea's ready.
You almost done?
Carly, is everything alright?
There's a loofah in there too,
if it helps, to get it off.
You almost done?
OK, well. I'll just meet you
back out there, OK? I'm gonna go.
This is sage.
They used the smoke
to purify each other.
Pure is boring.
All set.
So how's Carly doing?
Uh... think she's
a little pissed off.
My gosh, my hair still reeks!
My God! My God!
Oh, my God! Go away!
I think I did that with my mind.
The spirit
of Grandmother Momoy awaits.
Professor, you're the elder.
Elder.
Ah! Jesus, Nathan.
What kind of tea is this?
Just tea.
Just tea, guys. I swear.
That is bitter.
What is that?
We were out of herbal tea,
so it's Lipton's.
Need a refill on that.
Oh!
Goddamnit, Mojo!
So sorry, mate. I didn't see it.
Now I have to brew a whole 'nother pot!
No, no, I'll go make another pot.
No, it's alright.
Just get the old tequila worm
up your bum, everyone's high as a kite.
Mescal has the worm,
not tequila, you dumb-ass.
- It's very funny, alright?
- Nathan. It's alright.
Don't worry.
Can use the tequila.
Good substitute.
Shaman don't drink tequila.
They do tonight.
Easy there, killer. Come on.
I beamed it out there
and, boom, she just hit the glass.
Only thing you're doing
is fucking up!
Shit.
Mr...
Professor, you...
Jesus, look at him.
Look at the state of him.
He's fucking mashed.
You're high as a kite,
Professor!
Here, Roxanne.
You have it.
She's fucking mashed too. Look at her.
What the fuck are you two smoking?
Come on!
You're my buddy, Nathan.
You are.
Guess all this worked out
pretty well, huh?
Yeah.
Too bad Moose and Squirrel took off.
Yeah, their loss.
Think I should go for it?
NATHAN; Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
Come on! Come on!
Die already, bitch!
Die already!
Bitch!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
She's not the girl!
Least you tried to stop me, huh, Benny?
You and your fucking death wish!
No, no, no, no!
Come on!
No!
Huh? Take a look!
Delgado, stop! Stop!
Look at her fucking face!
She's done.
Come on, die. Die! Die!
Oh, she's done.
Delgado! Stop! Stop!
Oh, you didn't have to do that!
Now for the rest of 'em.
- Nice night for a walk.
- You want to go for a walk?
Yeah, let's go.
Let's go.
Rrahh!
It's lighter that way.
Yeah. It's dark.
Where you going, pal?
OK.
Whiny little bitch!
He's my brother!
And not the Chumash girl!
There's a Chumash girl?
Dani. She's my fiancée.
Dani? Chumash Dani?
From the fucking university.
That bitch who killed my wife and son?
I don't know
anything about that.
Fear not.
I will fear not.
On, shit!
Hell of a surprise.
Yeah. Did you think it was a werebear?
Arggh! It is her.
Oh, no! Don't!
You promised me you wouldn't go after
her. You promised not to revenge me.
I didn't go after anybody, Pancho.
That bitch came to me.
What is a werebear?
I don't know. You said it.
You OK'?
No!
No!
What the fuck is going on?
Are you OK?
Oh, my God!
OK?
Nathan, you stupid ass.
You gave them jimson weed?
No, no, I didn't! It was...
I gave 'em tea. It was regular tea.
Stop lying! Look at them.
They're all geeked up on jimson weed.
- It was tea, I swear! I wouldn't do that.
- They're the only ones that had it.
We have to get 'em to hospital now!
You're OK. You're OK. Come on.
OK.
Come on. Get up. You got it. You're OK.
There you go.
Where's Nash?
Guys, where's Nash?
Professor!
Nash!
Professor!
Professor!
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Tammy, hey. Um...
I don't want to lie to you. I'm
shitting it. Please don't laugh at me.
I just don't...
Come on, Mojo. We have to go in.
Why don't we just...
It's scary!
Yeah.
Mm-hm.
Maybe I'll get lucky.
Alright.
Just for a little bit.
Let's go. Let's get her inside.
We'll go back for Nash.
Look at me. Look at me.
There you go.
You're gonna be OK.
It's OK.
Dude, get a phone.
Who the hell took the phone?
Oh, crap.
I always keep my iPhone right here.
And my keys.
Who the hell took my keys?
Oh, my gosh. C-Carly!
Carly!
Guys! Guys, get in here.
Carly?
Look at her head.
Carly. Oh, she hit her head. Hart!
Are you OK?
Shit.
There it is.
Oh, shit.
Who did this to her?
Oh, my God.
Is she breathing, Hart?
No.
I don't know.
I don't know these people!
Did you give her the tea?
No, I told you I wouldn't do that!
I can't find a pulse.
Call an ambulance. Do it now!
Get these bugs off of me!
Get these bugs off of me!
Nobody's got a damn phone?
Dump out all the packs!
My cell's in the front pocket
of my book bag. Get it!
Get these bugs off of me!
There's nothing here.
I can't find anything!
Get these bugs off of me!
Where is it? Hart!
It's not in here, man! It's not in here!
Where's all the phones?
Where are all the phones?!
Somebody must have taken them.
Who would do that?
Do you see any goddamn phones?
Get these off of me! Get 'em off of me!
There's nothing on you!
Get 'em off of me!
Guys! Hey, take her to the bathroom
and make her puke!
How the hell am I supposed to do that?
Stick your fingers down her throat.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Look!
You were drugged...
Guys, come help me. Get her up.
Look, help me get her up.
Let's go. I'm taking these two straight
to the emergency. Grab Roxanne.
Don't you get it? There's no phones
and there's no car keys!
Somebody took all of them!
- It's OK. No, there's nothing...
- Get 'em off!
- I'm sorry.
- Get these bugs off of me!
This is a really stupid idea.
Proper explorers.
Fucking London dungeons...
What's that?
Shit!
It was small!
It wasn't! Look at the fucking size of it!
You're such a baby.
It was fucking massive.
You're being ridic... Give me the light.
No, it's mine.
Give it to me. I...
You know, I...
It's kind of embarrassing, but...
What?
I've never been
in a real relationship.
Open your mouth, Roxanne.
Come on, open it up.
Here you go.
Drink it. Drink it.
Here we go. Get it all up. Come on.
Good, good. Get it all out.
Is this your brother's sick idea of a joke?
I don't know who's doing this!
Keep drinking. There you go. It's OK.
Oh, Jesus!
God!
Just get a little in the toilet.
I'm going for help.
Keep flushing out her system
with fresh water.
Don't you dare leave us.
Just stay put.
Do not leave this cottage, no
matter what. I'm coming back with help.
OK? I promise.
Fuck! She's seizing.
Come on, Roxanne. Come on!
Roxanne, it's OK.
Roxanne!
Come on!
It's OK.
I can't breathe! I'm suffocating!
Dani. No, stay with me, Dani.
Dani, it's all in your head.
You're having a panic attack.
Please, Dani, I need you.
I need you here right now. Please.
Can't breathe.
It's all in your head, OK?
Just breathe. I need you, Dani.
Can't breathe.
Can't breathe.
Listen to me.
It... it's OK.
It's OK. It's all in your head, OK?
You're having a panic attack.
OK? It's all in your head, OK?
You're not having a panic...
it's OK. You can breathe.
You can breathe. OK?
You're fine. I need you right now, OK?
I need you with me right now, OK?
OK.
OK, just breathe. Breathe.
OK? It's all in your head.
It's all in your head.
OK. You're gonna be OK.
OK. Alright.
Over here. This way.
Oh, shit.
It's Moose's car.
Moose's car.
Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
Oh my God!
Shh!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
What the fuck's going on?
Oh, my God!
Go!
Here, here, here, here. Shh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
You're fine now, OK'? It's alright.
Is that someone knocking?
Oh, my God! Squirrel!
Help me! Help me... help me get her up!
OK, OK.
Ow!
Watch her head, watch her head.
Come on. It's OK.
It's gonna be OK.
What happened? What happened?
Oh, my God!
Squirrel!
Oh, fuck.
What happened?
Where's Moose?
Who did this to you?
Creeper.
I fucking see you!
Benny! Benny. He's standing right there.
Are you sure?
Yeah, he went that way.
Come on!
Let me in, Nathan.
Like hell! What happened to Squirrel?
Tell me what happened to Squirrel!
Nothing! Don't worry about that!
Come on. It's very important!
You're in danger!
Lock the door. Do not let him in.
Calm down.
Where's he...
Front door! Front door!
Coming...
Go, go!
Come on, Nathan! Let me in!
I gotta save Dani!
Calm down, Benny!
Get lost, you freak!
Patio, patio!
Come on, come on, get up.
OK.
Get up. Get up. Come on!
Come on, man!
We don't have time to discuss this!
And I'm dealing with
an extremely complex situation!
You're on fucking jimson weed, Benny!
You're fucking high again!
Who took care of you
when Mom ran off?
How many times did I protect you from
Father? Who's protecting you right now?
You call this protecting me?
You need to chill the fuck out, man!
Benny, don't you do it! Benny!
Nathan! Nathan!
Come here! Come here!
Come on.
Come on, man! Come on!
Benny, calm down! Benny!
Come on, Nathan!
Shh, Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Mojo, you have to go. Mojo, go!
You are dead, Chumash bitch.
Come on, Nathan! Come on, man!
Benny, shut the fuck up!
Dani! Open up!
Dani! Dani!
Have to get you ready for the ceremony
before Delgado comes! Come on!
You need to get that shit
out of your system, Benny!
Come on, man! Come on!
Come on!
It's OK. It's gonna be OK.
Oh, God!
It's gonna be OK, alright?
OK.
You dickless creeper.
So help me God,
I'm gonna fuck you up.
You like to ass-fuck, perv?
Gonna strap on a 12-inch crinkly dick
and I'm gonna...
plough you raw,
you fucking asswipe.
Gonna rip you apart.
You like that?
OW!
Give her to me! Give her to me!
Benny!
Give her to me!
Calm the fuck down, Benny!
Go. Out the window.
I need her!
Just run. Run, OK?
Dani!
Dani!
Benny, you son of a bitch!
I'll fucking kill you!
Shh, shh. Shh. Dani.
Shh. Oh.
No, stay with me.
Stay with me.
God, look at you.
You're so perfect.
Take your tea.
Go on. Drink it down
so we can be together forever.
Dani.
Dani, you'll find me to be
a very loving and caring husband.
Nathan!
Benny!
“Tonight I take a wife.
“We will lose ourselves together
on the trail in the faraway place. ”
Son of a bitch, Benny!
Where would you do it?
Where would you go?
OK. Need someplace...
Need someplace private.
The cooler.
Come here, college boy!
Fuck!
I live here!
What do you want from me?
What's your major at the University
of Casual Sex and Beer, college boy?
How many bong hits can you huff?
You and that Chumash bitch
are disease-riddled vermin!
Hey, look.
You tell me where she is
and I'll let you leave, huh?
Everyone's here for the ceremony.
Soon you will be joined
in the forever.
She blew a 2.3.
Walked away without a scratch.
How many fucking Jell-O shots
does it take to blow a 2.3, huh?
Bitch was going the wrong way
on the 101.
Shit!
Shit!
Huh? Where is she?
Tell me where she is!
Come on!
Delgado!
That where you're keeping her?
Come on!
Come on, Nathan.
Get out of here. Go!
I am so sick of you
getting your freak on, Benny!
Oh, God.
Hey!
Who the fuck are you?
Shit!
Fucked up, as usual.
Fucking bitch.
She's my wife!
I love you, Benny.
You saved me.
We will be together forever.
Forever and ever and ever.
Ever... ever... ever.
I'm so happy.
Happy.
You must wait.
This trail is not meant for those
who stand in their shadow.
Please. Please, don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone!
Please! Don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone.
Please. Don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone.
You finally got your wish.
Hart. Hart!
Hart!
Man up.
Kill that motherfucker.
Adios, sweetheart.
Fuck! Fuck!
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
Dani! Dani!
Dani, wake up.
Dani, wake up!
Come on, I'll get you help. Come on.
Stay with me, Dani. Stay with me.
Dani!
Dani! Dani! Dani, look...
There's so many cars!
There's so many cars!
Look at me. It's not real, OK?
You're hallucinating!
Alright, it's not real. Dani!
Dani, look at me!
There's so many cars!
Make them stop!
No!
No, please! Make them stop!
Dani...
Stop! Get back!
Get away from me!
OK.
Get away from me, Nathan!
You can't help me.
No one can help me now.
Give me the gun.
Get away!
Get away from me!
I want you to put the gun down now.
This isn't you.
This is me!
I'm a killer!
You're gonna calm down.
You're gonna hand me the gun now.
I killed them, Nathan.
I murdered them.
It was an accident, Dani.
I don't want to be here anymore.
You put the gun down right now, OK?
I don't want to be here anymore.
Take that gun away from you right now.
I don't want to be here any...
I don't want this anymore.
I know.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm right here with you, OK?
I don't want this anymore.
I don't want this anymore.
I know. I know.
It's OK. It's OK, OK?
We're gonna get you help, OK?
It's OK.
I got you.
I'm sorry.
I got you.
It was an accident.
I'm sorry.
I got you, OK?
Open your eyes, Dani.
That's good.
You're gonna be OK, alright?
Everything's gonna be OK.
We got her back.
Let's get her out of here now.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Stay with me.
You did good, Nathan.
Look at me. You did good.
You know that thing you wanted?
Rites of passage?
You have it now.
Alright, guys. We got to load and go.
Get up, you idiot!
Rise and shine.
on the 101.
Going the wrong way on the 101.
She blew a 2.3!
Walked away without a scratch.
I'm gonna kill
that Chumash bitch.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Here come
the Delta Gamma whorepedoes.
- Look at those skirts.
- They're so beautiful.
Seriously.
Brought your books?
Alright, let's settle down, people. We got
a lot to go over before the midterm.
OK.
This is a Chumash Indian shaman.
He believed he was a shape-shifter.
He would drink jimson weed tea, which
was made from the root of this flower.
That shit's fucked up.
Well, that'll get you fucked up.
Then they would hallucinate.
The shaman believed
he would shape-shift into a werebear.
Which is
the great California grizzly.
Rrahh!
Shh!
Alright, Dani.
What's going on?
You got a problem back there?
We're talking about your heritage.
I'm only half Chumash.
My mom's British.
Look.
What happened to your people
was tragic, OK? It was criminal.
Those the Spanish didn't kill
with torture and disease,
they finished off
with guns and bigotry.
Doug.
Doug.
Doug, I got to go.
Are you sure?
No.
No, I got to go.
Yeah, I have class.
Yeah?
Yeah, I have class.
Hey, my family's coming in on Sunday.
They're driving down.
Going to have lunch on State Street.
You want to come with us?
We'll have mimosas.
You won't get carded.
Uh... your parents?
Yeah. Is that weird?
It's a little serious, Doug.
Um... Come on. Well, I'll call you later
and we'll figure it out. Uh-huh?
Alright, go.
Alright.
Hey, Nathan. Come on in, man.
That was
a great paper you wrote.
Oh, you wanted to see me about
your assignment. What's going on?
Yeah. Um...
Well, my father, see,
he owns this property.
It's just south of campus. Um...
Well, get to the point.
What's up?
It's a Chumash burial site.
The Anderson Rose Ranch?
Yeah.
That's your family?
Jesus!
They never let anyone
dig up there.
Yeah, well, um...
So I was thinking of re-creating
a brush hut ceremony this weekend.
You know, for the assignment.
I'd enjoy participating in that.
Consider that approved.
Grandmother Momoy,
I've come to beg for your roots.
I promise to do you no harm.
I need to borrow your magic
for tonight.
Cooking up
your funny tea there, Benny?
I would appreciate it if you would confine
yourself to the greenhouse I gave you.
And stay out of my business.
'The Quicksand Effect of Depression:
'A Strategy for True Freedom'.
To hell with this self-help crap,
when I was confused, confused.
Confused. Confused.
I am the shaman.
I am the bear.
May Grandmother Momoy take me
to the faraway place.
What? Stop it!
Get away! Ugh!
Hello! Don't you see me here?
Is everything alright?
No, this guy's just riding my ass!
What are you looking at, freak?
Come on, get out of here!
Did you know that guy?
No.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Crazy how fast
this coverage came in, huh?
Yeah, it was gorgeous earlier.
You know, you never told me
what it's like getting shot.
Knocks the wind out of you.
But, hey, you know,
it got me discharged.
Otherwise...
I'd still be over there.
You know, all throughout history,
most cultures have what they call a...
rite of passage ceremony,
turning boys into men.
I mean, you fought a war.
I guess mine is shotgunning beers,
trying to get laid
and failing miserably at it.
Sometimes I just feel like...
I'm always gonna be stuck,
you know?
Never knowing what I'm made of.
Nathan, what I think you want...
it's not all
it's cracked up to be.
Want the gak or not?
You little fucking tease.
Are you fucking for real?
Fucking trying to
set me up, you little...
Relax. Back the fuck away
from the gate.
Where you going, Benny?
To see my fiancée.
Fiancée?
You?
Where is my Ritalin?
Mojo!
You're always in my purse.
Where's my Ritalin?
What?
Ritalin!
What are you on about?
I took two.
You must have taken the rest.
Really?
You guys, come on.
Those things aren't fucking candy.
Alright, now, just chill out, OK?
I have engineering midterms. Big deal.
“Discuss the elegy in its various forms
and the poet's place in society
“through a comparison of Khalil Gibran,
Percy Shelley or John Milton”?
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck! Oh, fuck!
I can't catch my breath.
I can't breathe. No, I can't.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
She's having a panic attack.
I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating!
No, let me go!
I can't...
Alright, what do we do?
Get her Xanax. Nathan, her Xanax.
Call an ambulance! Call an...
- I got it, I got it, I got it.
- Calm down. Calm down.
It's OK.
- Here, here, here.
- Has this happened before?
Just relax.
There's nothing to see here!
You don't have to be embarrassed, Dani.
I mean, it happens to a lot of people.
Listen.
I've only been living with you guys for a
few weeks and y'all treat me like family.
Oh, well, welcome, baby.
Hey, Dani, uh, about before,
giving you a bit of space, I had to do it.
Why don't I spark you up
a little smokey-smoke?
Oh, come on!
Wasted! Let's rage!
Oh, yeah!
Fire up the vacuum cleaner!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Take that shit.
Make that blower your bitch, boy.
Man up, son!
Get it! Get it! You will do this!
You will take it to the face!
- Fucking bong of the gods!
- You got to hold it!
Whoa!
Not gonna hurt.
Watch. Watch. Watch this.
It's not gonna hurt, alright?
He's like a mutant.
Ready for it, my little Moose?
Always and forever.
Oh, hey!
Hey.
Nah, go ahead.
Penelope.
Oh!
Always wanted to fuck a Penelope.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
We're getting naked, right?
Deal's a deal, right?
Yeah.
Dude, what the fuck?
Buddy! God, does anyone know how
to fucking maintain their alcohol here?
“I would rather
see my kids die today
“still believing in God
“than have them grow up
under communism. ”
You're drooling, bro.
I know - it's crazy to think
that a girl like that
would ever want to
miss out on all this here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't discredit these guns, buddy.
Come on, knock that shit off.
You got to visualise it.
You know, you got to see it like it's...
like it's already happened.
Alright...
That was weak, though. That was weak.
Somebody wants attention.
Dani's a hot mess.
Who the fuck is this creeper?
He looks like Superman
discovering heat vision.
Dude! Go turn your crazy-ass stare
on somebody else.
Shit! Creeper, what are you on?
Look at this bastard here.
What a weirdo.
Babe. Holy fuck.
You know what I think he needs?
More cowbell.
Cowbell.
I think he needs more cowbell.
Benny?
Stranded!
Guys, stop!
This is my brother, you guys.
Party-killer's your fucking bro?
Stop drawing on his face, dude.
It's not cool, man.
Well, dude, he's tripping balls, man.
He's totally high!
Come on.
Benny!
Come on! Moose,
leave him alone, dude.
Benny, what are you doing here, man?
What's going on?
Benny, look at me.
What are you doing here?
My bride and I must pass together
through the western gate.
Beyond that
is a bridge we must cross.
There are many obstacles to trick us...
Stop it! Stop!
From getting to the faraway place.
That creeper dude, he's whacked.
He's whacked.
Did you drink it again?
Benny, look at me. Did you drink it?
He's high on jimson weed tea, guys.
Just leave him alone, alright?
He's fucking whacked.
It's a Chumash thing. Leave him alone.
Going home.
Benny. Just hang out
for a second. Benny!
Great.
OK, go get him.
Does he have any more of that?
Benny, come on. Wait.
Just hang out, OK?
You can't go off like this
right now. Benny. OK?
We both know it's time.
There's nothing left for me here.
Benny. Come on, man.
No, I mean...
Get this shit off your face.
Whoa!
I love you, Nathan.
I love you.
But all of this...
None of it's real.
OK, Benny. I actually
agree with you there.
Just come back inside
for a second. Look at me.
I promise I won't let anybody
do anything to you again.
Oh!
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
You're not gonna drive. Right? Look
at me. You're not gonna drive, right?
I'm not gonna drive.
Ooh! Yeah.
Hey, Mojo.
That's the spot right there.
How you doing tonight?
Oh! I'm alright. You, uh...
Looking really good.
I've got a girlfriend.
Are you sure about that?
Mm-hm. It's serious and all.
You should get off me now.
Go on, off you go.
Yeah. Lovely girl.
Couple of months
we've been together.
She loves me.
Great.
How the fuck am I supposed
to get home from here?
Nathan's brother.
Hm.
Hey, Benny. How about
giving a girl a ride home, huh?
You don't mind, do you?
I'm just over the highway,
right near Carrillo.
I love you.
You know who you look like?
The lead singer of Weezer.
Benny?
Benny!
Fuck.
What the hell?
Fuck.
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
Please. Please. I'm so cold.
I have to go to the bathroom.
How long have you been here?
What?
You don't remember?
I did this to you?
Yeah, well...
Please let me go.
You were...
you were so high.
It's not your fault, OK?
You don't need to do this.
Please just...
My arms are so... Please.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I promise I won't tell anybody.
Why... Why are you stopping?
Why are you stop...
I swear to God, I won't tell a soul.
Do you really?
Yes.
- I don't want any trouble. I'm sorry.
- This is all a big mistake.
The last thing I ever want to do
is hurt anybody, anybody.
This is between you and me.
OK, I won't... I won't tell anybody.
You're a good guy.
You are. I know that.
You don't mean it. Just...
Ple-please let me go.
Please.
Please.
Please. Please let me go.
Please. I won't tell anybody.
I won't tell anybody.
I love you. You're perfect.
Are you starting to feel good, baby?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah.
You're such a sweet guy.
I get so many rude and gross guys on
here, and I just cut 'em off but not you.
I love it when you're online.
“I can be myself with you. ”
You know, it's odd,
but I kind of like that I can't see you.
Makes me leave it all
to my imagination.
“Turn around.
I want to see you doggie. ”
You just want to see my dolphin.
Yeah. That's right.
I'm thinking about
getting more work done on it.
What do you think?
Dani!
Are you OK?
Here.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry.
Come on, let's just
get back to bed, huh?
Alright, let's go, people!
Rise and shine!
Let's go! It's a beautiful day!
Get up!
You got one life to live,
everybody!
Whoa! OK.
Gee!
Does nobody knock in this country?
Working the morning bone, huh?
Is that your webcam princess?
She's cute.
You know, Mojo, I'm thinking.
We should find you a real girl.
Are you, um...
you seriously still standing there, huh?
Do you want to
get the fuck out, maybe?
Are you crying?
Fuck off. Alright?
Fuck off!
That feels nice.
Don't stop.
My mom used to do that
when I was little.
Before she and my dad started
telling me I'm such a big disappointment.
Guess I proved them right, huh?
No.
So, listen, I just wanted to...
Well, I just wanted to tell you.
Dani rages hard.
I mean, too fun, too fast.
And I know you like her and all. I just
don't know if that's the... best fit.
You'd think she would have stopped,
you know, after the accident. I mean...
People died.
Yeah.
When are we going?
Let's go already!
Ha! Whoo!
What the fuck was up
with your creeper brother last night?
“My bride and I must pass together
through the western gate. ”
Like anybody would get
within 50 feet of that pervert.
OK, alright, guys.
Look, Benny is a good guy. He really is.
And he's really smart.
He used to be a Wall Street trader.
He just snapped under the pressure
one day and...
'Snapped' is right.
And walks into the office naked
with feathers and face paint
and they fired him.
Wow.
Then he invents this story
about a fiancée and how she left him.
I asked him.
I was like, “What fiancée? ”
And he looked at me
like I was crazy.
You know, he's just...
he's never recovered from that.
I'm really afraid he might...
kill himself.
Now I'm doomed.
My whole life is forfeit.
I can't let you go now.
If I do, you'll certainly
go to the police.
Police...
You look...
Native American Indian.
Are you, by chance?
Here.
Does that feel better?
My father closed this Rose Ranch
years ago. We're the only ones here.
Except Delgado, but he...
won't bother us.
He ran a hardware store.
I took him in after he lost his wife and
kid a year ago. Now he's just a mess.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You are so...
beautiful.
You will find me to be
a very loving and caring husband.
Shh, shh!
The cops are out there!
Just sit still. Just sit still.
Read some Charlie Brown.
Shh! Shh! Fuck!
Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
Another night.
Calm down!
Don't tell me to calm down!
You don't hear 'em? Come on,
I fucking hear 'em! They're out there.
Stop listening to your brain!
It's Radio K-Fuck!
You dust buzzard! You know where
your own best thinking gets you?
I fucking hear 'em, Pancho!
Stay out of your head!
Listen to me. I ride shotgun.
I got your back. Nothing good
ever comes from between your ears.
Stop smoking gak
and get to work!
Put the gun down!
There's no cops.
Everything's OK.
You'll be fine!
How long you been out here, huh?
Hey, don't point that at me, Delgado.
And quit cooking without
a hazmat suit. It gets in your pores.
Jesus Christ, Benny! How many times
I tell you? Don't come up here!
You want to lose your leg?
What the hell is that?
Is that a bear trap? When the hell
did I say you could booby-trap the place?
No! No way.
I don't like people
sneaking up on me, Benny.
I'm moving on.
You can have the ranch, at least
until my dad figures I'm gone.
When are you coming back?
I'm not.
Hey, hey.
That's bullshit, man. Huh?
I ain't finished my cook yet.
Think I want people sneaking up here
asking for your sorry ass? No.
You are staying, pal.
You really want to
take this dance with me? Huh?
Into the tunnel of light.
You are one
creepy motherfucker, Benny.
You got some kind of death wish
or something.
Grandmother Momoy,
make this brew strong enough
to take my bride and I
to the faraway place forever.
I haven't even asked my brother
if it's cool yet.
Come on. He'll be fine when he sees
who the naughty professor brought.
Oh, Grandmother Momoy.
Let me behold your magic light.
As the sun fades into beyond
on this final day and night...
final day and night.
Penelope.
We try our hardest for life.
It braces down.
I brought you something I made
especially for our wedding.
These are Olivella shell beads.
Today's the beginning
of the Acorn Festival.
The Chumash will all be celebrating
when we get to the faraway place.
OK, OK!
I'm so... I'm so thirsty, Benny.
Shh! I brought you something
very special to drink.
No, no.
Untie me.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I don't want to go on myself.
Shh. I'm gonna make
all your suffering go away.
No more pain. No more fear. We'll be
done with all that forever.
What are you talking about?
What's happening?
I don't want to
go anywhere with you.
Hey!
Get in!
Loser!
Get in the car!
Make your pain go away.
Stop it! Stop it.
I can't waste anymore.
Fuck you!
Fuck!
Wait!
Wolf man it. Eat the bullet.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Guys, guys! No open containers.
I'm still on probation. Shit! Hart!
I'm sorry.
It all happened so fast.
Wait!
Help! Help!
Hey, big man.
Yo.
Do up these windows, man. Let's
hotbox this motherfucker right now.
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help!
Wait! Help!
Whoa. Uh-uh.
What?
Did I not just stay up all night
writing your fucking paper?
If he gets caught with this shit in his
piss, he fucking loses his scholarship.
Help! Wait!
No!
No!
Penelope.
Oh...
No, no, don't leave me! No, don't
go without me! Don't leave me alone!
This wasn't the way
it's supposed to happen!
Let's go! Move the fuck out the way!
This place is sick, Nathan!
Oh, my God! This is awesome.
It's unreal.
- Gonna be a good weekend.
- This is amazing!
Wow. This is amazing.
So beautiful. Unreal.
It's not so bad.
Look at this place.
Hey, Nathan.
Is that where they found everything?
Yeah. It's a Chumash burial site.
My grandfather,
he made the bulldozers stop.
Told everybody,
“Just leave it alone. ”
And that brush hut,
me and my brother built it.
I thought maybe we'd have
the ceremony over there tonight.
Nice. This place is incredible.
A lot of history here.
So that's where they're buried?
Nathan, you don't mind
that I brought my roommates, do you?
Hi. I'm Roxanne.
Hi.
Look at him.
Hi. I'm Carly.
Hi. Hi.
- Nathan doesn't mind at all.
- Yeah, no.
OK, guys, listen up. Listen up!
No beer spills,
no bong water, no sex stains...
Let's do this!
No! Moose!
No, no, no, no!
My bedroom, guys. This is my bed.
Oh, yeah! You want to watch?
Guys, seriously. Out, man.
This is not happening in my bedroom.
Get out!
Look, you get out!
Come on, baby. Come on.
Are you gonna come in or go out? 'Bye.
I am not playing around! Oh, great.
Get out!
How the hell do you
already have your shirt off? Really?
Is this your bedroom, Nathan?
Who's gonna share with you?
Oh, Nathan likes
the Indian girl.
You probably want her
to share with you, right?
Good luck with that, buddy.
The hell, Nathan? This is not OK.
You cannot just show up like this!
I'm here for a class project and I have
just as much right as you do.
Not true. I have Father's permission!
You can't have strangers over here.
And he's entrusted me
with overseeing this place,
and, besides, I'm dealing with
some really heavy shit right now!
Why are you freaking out so much?
Why is your hair all wet?
You been crying, Benny?
You need to go, Nathan.
Is that blood on your shoes?
It was a raccoon. They're pests.
OK, just pack up your college friends
and get out of here, before I have to...
That's Dani.
Hi.
Olivella shell beads.
Chumash. You're Chumash.
My father's a direct descendant.
His ancestors
were Santa Rosa islanders.
My mother's British.
Were they part of the 1824 revolt
against those missionaries
and those fucking conquistadors?
You know Chumash women
had to practise abortion
'cause of what
those Spanish bastards did to 'em?
Have you
relearned your language?
Why are you
looking at me like that?
Yuck.
Calm down, calm down.
It's just a bunch of fucking kids.
Just think about
something else. Uh...
Charlie Brown, yeah. It's just...
A guy trapped in his own insecurities,
veiled homosexuality.
He's a lovable loser
with endless determination and hope.
If it'd been me,
I certainly would have fucked Lucy.
I guess Charlie was too busy
sucking Linus's dick, huh?
You really think it's a good idea
to fuck your therapist?
You see this'?
What is this'?
Probably a raccoon.
Then where's the fucking raccoon, huh?
Raccoons don't bury their own dead.
This looks like it came
from a raccoon?
Hey, guys.
Whoo!
Fuck you!
Yeah, I got a lot of stuff. Whatever.
She's perfect.
Careful, babe.
Oh, shit. I, uh, forgot my book.
I'll be back.
- OK.
- Coming through, Professor!
J' Smash it, bash it, roll it on the floor
J' Wrap it around the bedpost,
roll it in the door... J'
Excuse me.
That's my car you're leaning on.
Who are you?
I'm here with my students.
Students?
Yeah, we're on a field trip. Do you mind?
Field trip?
Hey, man, that's my book.
You took my book out of the car?
What kind of field trip?
Look, man,
can I just get my book back?
Ain't gonna do you any good.
Those kids, they all got books.
They don't give a fuck about anything.
This is private property.
Stop listening to your head!
Go back and cook the gak!
Leave them alone!
Hey, boys. We're going au naturel.
Tonight's gonna be legendary.
Go long!
Hi, sexy! Get in the water,
you motherfucker!
Get in here.
Get in here, Professor!
Rough night?
Little bit.
You know, your ancestors
played grab-ass in this very same surf.
You're amazing.
Turn around.
I want to see you doggie.
I'm thinking about getting
more work done on my dolphin.
What do you think?
- Where the hell's the...
- I will splash you.
Life isn't fucking perfect.
Hey. You OK?
Thought you were gonna have
more work done on your dolphin.
Am I anything like
you imagined me?
Sandee?
Mojo.
No shit!
Hey, babe.
Wait, this is your
fucking webcam porno princess?
What's he talking about, Tammy?
I'm an idiot.
What is it exactly you do
on the internet?
Chill out. It's no big deal.
We're paying our way through school.
Sure beats working at Starbucks.
Wait. You guys are doing porn
out of our room? Not on my bed, right?
I keep my Bible
underneath that pillow.
So wait a minute. You're...
So you're streaming live internet porn
through the Delta Gamma house?
Sandee. I shouldn't
have said anything. I'm...
Sandee?
That your porn name or...
it's not actual sex. We do it
into our laptops. It's not a big deal.
And you're the little pervert
that's jerking to these girls?
- Alright, you know, leave Mojo alone.
- Hey! Hey!
Nobody came to see Mojo
catch heat for stroking it
to slutshername and the
Delta Gamma whorepedoes over here.
Eat my pussy,
you midget twinklet chunky angle.
What the fuck is a twink? You
stupid hooker Barbie sorority skanks.
They're fucking dumb!
I'm done. This is so stupid.
Squirrel... Be nice, alright?
Fuck that!
So, what's next, Sandee?
Do some lap dancing
at the Spearmint Rhino?
Put up some escort ads
on Craigslist? What?
I'm not spending the weekend
with these stupid whores.
Guys! Just come on, stop.
What would Jesus do?
Jesus wouldn't have you biting each
other's titties in the ocean over there.
So you can sleep with your students,
but yet you condemn me?
You're of age, OK?
Socrates slept
with his students.
Oh, Jesus.
Except they were all boys.
Stop fucking looking
at my man's penis, then.
Who gives a fuck
if I'm creating a porn empire?
OK, I'm kicking ass
in business and marketing.
And the last time that I checked, you
couldn't even treat me to a day at Akara
on your salary.
Que pasa? Pretty great, huh?
Jesus-fucking-Christ!
I'm out of here.
Could you please not use
the Lord's name in vain?
Fuck the Lord, bitch!
She's going to hell.
Now I got to deal with this. This is cool.
What happened?
Look, guys, we can...
Squirrel, come on. Come back.
Who brought these stupid skanks?
Walk your fat ass out of here!
Squirrel!
I'm not mad about my bed!
Hurry up, Moose!
I'm fucking trying!
If you come back,
I'll let you use the bed again.
Hey. Hey!
What are you doing behind there?
Why are you lurking
behind the bushes? Hey! Why...
What, are you retarded?
I'm talking to...
Don't you fucking
walk away from me! Hey!
Hey!
I know you. I... I know...
I fucking know you.
You're the creeper from the party,
aren't you? Were you spying on us?
- Were you spying on us down there?
- I... I... This is...
Nathan is my brother.
This is my property.
You're the weirdo
who lives in the bungalow.
I heard about you and
your imaginary fiancées. Mm-hm.
What did you just say?
You heard me, weirdo!
Were you spying on
those sorority skanks down there? Huh?
Pervy man
looking for his bride, huh?
I... I was watching birds.
Like fucking hell you were.
Just cop to your pervy-ass shit.
Were you... were you peeving
on the guys?
Oh, shit! You're a fucking queer puff,
aren't you? You're a fucking queer.
You like to touch yourself and look at
little boys, you fucking down-low...
You be quiet!
Hey, asshole!
That's my girl you're talking to.
Babe! Babe!
He's the fucking creeper from the party.
I caught him with his hands in his pants.
I did not have my hands in my pants!
I was birdwatching!
- Like hell you were.
- Birdwatching?! You liar!
- Shut up.
- Paedophile!
Shut up.
Don't you do it.
No, no. You know what will happen.
No, no, we don't need trouble.
Pancho tell you.
You go back, you cook.
You know what happen.
You listen to Pancho.
Shut the fuck up!
You listen to Pancho! Listen!
Shh! Shut up!
Leave these kids alone!
Don't be a fool!
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
I love you.
You're my friend.
Hey, dickless.
My boyfriend's gonna fuck you up!
No, I got it
Get him, babe. Get...
Who the fuck is that? What is that,
your fucking gay uncle over there?
No. No, no, no, no, no. Go away.
No, no, Delgado. They're not real!
Fuck!
Look pretty real to me, Benny.
Let me guess, huh?
Uncle Delgado pitches
and you catch.
Huh? Right? You fucking used to
touch him when you were little, huh?
You fucking turned him, didn't you?
This family's fucked, babe.
Better shut that cunt up
or I'm gonna fuck-start her head.
What the fuck did you just say to me?
Watch your fucking mouth.
What the fuck did you
just say to me? Get his ass!
Please, don't do anything.
Pound his ass!
You're gonna wish you never...
Babe, I got this! Settle down! Fuck!
Alright, she's got a big mouth,
but she's not fucking kidding.
He's gonna fuck you in the ass...
Babe! Babe!
Fucking injured my face, you fucking...
No, no! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Fucking face!
Put him down!
Fucking asshole!
Fucking creep!
Arggh! Stop! Stop! Arggh!
Get up, Benny!
Baby! Moose!
Baby, wake up.
Are you OK?
Fuck! Wake up!
Fuck are you on, dude?
Moose! My God! Wake up!
Great! What are you gonna do,
shoot us? Good idea, fucktard.
There's only eight more of us
coming up the path.
That really just happen?
What are we gonna do now?
- Everybody's just pissed off.
- Mojo, you alright?
I can't believe her mouth.
Damn, Moose and Squirrel
are booking out.
Moose! Hey!
Everything happens for a reason, OK?
Can we just go back
to having fun?
Yeah, that depends on
Nathan's internet connection.
Alright, Doug, enough. OK?
If you keep this up, I'm leaving.
Then leave.
'Cause I actually had
feelings for you, Tammy.
You never told me
about any of this shit.
OK.
Oh!
OK, Benny, they're dead. I'll clean up
my cook, we get the fuck out of here.
No.
Suit yourself.
I've got a wedding to prepare.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm OK.
I do remember the first time
I noticed that I had leg hair.
Take me for a ride.
I'm just leaving.
Where are we going?
What would Tammy or Sandee
say about that?
She's just my roommate.
She's not really my friend.
Oh, really?
You're not friends?
You ever been with
a redhead before?
No, I haven't.
Professor!
You're not leaving, are you?
I actually was leaving, yeah.
Come on. It's not even dark yet.
I mean, everybody's leaving.
Oh, wow. This is priceless.
You are Professor-fucking-Nash.
Right? You're not gonna leave
because of my stoner friend.
That's not why I'm leaving.
Look, hang out.
Look, Professor.
It'd really mean a lot to me if you stayed.
You see that face?
Come on, Professor.
Alright. Let's do this ceremony.
I'll find you later.
Alright, let's do it. Ready?
Go talk to her.
I'm gonna.
Take her for a walk.
You know, it's sunset.
Girls eat that shit up.
Damn!
I got voice-mail again.
Fuck me.
I gotta tear all this shit down.
Do it while you can. Come on.
Come on, D.
You can talk
while you take it all down.
Play it smart.
Hey. Don't you agree?
'Snoopy, Come Home'
lacks the clarity and focus
that made 'A Boy Named Charlie Brown'
so endearing?
Oh, no.
No, no, stop looking at us.
Don't... don't go there.
Tear us down. Rip us up.
It does you no good! Let it go!
Shut up.
Shut up!
I don't want to hear you anymore!
You understand?
I don't want to hear anything.
I want to feel nothing!
Nothing!
Don't go there!
It's bad juju.
I'm gonna kill every last one
of those college motherfuckers.
Hey, 'Party Harty'.
What's your magic number?
Going on about?
What's your magic number, huh?
Oh, you want to play that game?
You want to?
I want tequila.
Sure you want to get into that so soon?
If you're not wasted, the day is.
Wow, there's a nihilistic T-shirt
waiting to happen.
Well, my magic number is O.
I'm still a virgin, and I'm proud of it.
I can fix that.
You and your technical virgin thing is
such shit. Fingers and tongues count.
They so do not count, OK?
Do you count anal?
How about
anything under six inches?
You got a ticket last weekend for giving
road head, so you can't start judging me.
- It was awesome.
- Alright, enough!
- She's a virgin. Respect your friend.
- Thank you.
Those little fuckers!
Yeah.
- Look what I got.
- Boom!
Boom.
Go up and start the ceremony or what?
Nathan. That jimson weed?
Yeah. Gonna do this right, aren't we?
Yep. Game time.
I even have a real ceremonial
Chumash bowl we dug up right here.
Not on my watch, man. I can't
let my students drink jimson weed.
Sorry, man.
Nathan, I've known kids who OD'd
and fucking died on that shit.
It's toxic.
Look, there's no way to figure out
what's a fatal dose or what's...
Professor, I know what I'm doing.
It's too risky, man.
What if we just take a little bit?
Why don't we go with what we know?
Few of these bad boys here,
go up to that brush hut, clambake it...
We gotta have the tea! I mean, this is
the whole problem with our society.
We've done away with...
with all ritual, with all ceremony.
I mean, we just do whatever
we want now, on our own, whenever.
Do you even know
what that stuff can do?
The Chumash stopped using
jimson weed because it kills.
Fucking technology!
Cell phones, you little fuckers!
Huh! There you are, Steve Jobs.
You ain't talking
to anybody, kids. Nobody!
You know what? Hey.
The ceremony, it's... it's still important.
There must be
some herbal tea up there.
Let's make the best of what we've got.
We're here. I'm sorry, man.
Fuck it. Fuck it.
The girl.
The girl, the girl, the girl!
Where's the girl?
Fucking skunk, man!
That stinks!
Oh, my God, you stink.
It's not funny, you stoner A-hole!
Come on, come on.
We'll get you cleaned up. I'm sorry.
That thing totally got me!
They're pests. I'm sorry.
I effing hate this place!
We'll clean you up.
I smell so disgusting!
You don't even know!
I'm gonna smell like this forever.
No, it comes off.
I smell terrible!
I smell absolutely...
Yeah, it's...
This is the worst smell, like, ever!
Oh, my God, it's disgusting!
Need any help?
I've been skunked!
I've been skunked!
Oh!
There's some antibacterial soap
under the sink, if you need it.
I'm gonna smell like this forever.
I should have stayed at a hotel!
I knew it. I shouldn't have come here.
I don't even know why! I smell so...
Oh, my mom won't let me in the house
smelling like this.
I don't like skunks.
I don't like skunks.
I'm sorry for saying this,
but, Jesus, why did you make skunks?
They smell so bad!
Carly?
Tea's ready.
You almost done?
Carly, is everything alright?
There's a loofah in there too,
if it helps, to get it off.
You almost done?
OK, well. I'll just meet you
back out there, OK? I'm gonna go.
This is sage.
They used the smoke
to purify each other.
Pure is boring.
All set.
So how's Carly doing?
Uh... think she's
a little pissed off.
My gosh, my hair still reeks!
My God! My God!
Oh, my God! Go away!
I think I did that with my mind.
The spirit
of Grandmother Momoy awaits.
Professor, you're the elder.
Elder.
Ah! Jesus, Nathan.
What kind of tea is this?
Just tea.
Just tea, guys. I swear.
That is bitter.
What is that?
We were out of herbal tea,
so it's Lipton's.
Need a refill on that.
Oh!
Goddamnit, Mojo!
So sorry, mate. I didn't see it.
Now I have to brew a whole 'nother pot!
No, no, I'll go make another pot.
No, it's alright.
Just get the old tequila worm
up your bum, everyone's high as a kite.
Mescal has the worm,
not tequila, you dumb-ass.
- It's very funny, alright?
- Nathan. It's alright.
Don't worry.
Can use the tequila.
Good substitute.
Shaman don't drink tequila.
They do tonight.
Easy there, killer. Come on.
I beamed it out there
and, boom, she just hit the glass.
Only thing you're doing
is fucking up!
Shit.
Mr...
Professor, you...
Jesus, look at him.
Look at the state of him.
He's fucking mashed.
You're high as a kite,
Professor!
Here, Roxanne.
You have it.
She's fucking mashed too. Look at her.
What the fuck are you two smoking?
Come on!
You're my buddy, Nathan.
You are.
Guess all this worked out
pretty well, huh?
Yeah.
Too bad Moose and Squirrel took off.
Yeah, their loss.
Think I should go for it?
NATHAN; Hi.
Hey.
Hey.
Come on! Come on!
Die already, bitch!
Die already!
Bitch!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
She's not the girl!
Least you tried to stop me, huh, Benny?
You and your fucking death wish!
No, no, no, no!
Come on!
No!
Huh? Take a look!
Delgado, stop! Stop!
Look at her fucking face!
She's done.
Come on, die. Die! Die!
Oh, she's done.
Delgado! Stop! Stop!
Oh, you didn't have to do that!
Now for the rest of 'em.
- Nice night for a walk.
- You want to go for a walk?
Yeah, let's go.
Let's go.
Rrahh!
It's lighter that way.
Yeah. It's dark.
Where you going, pal?
OK.
Whiny little bitch!
He's my brother!
And not the Chumash girl!
There's a Chumash girl?
Dani. She's my fiancée.
Dani? Chumash Dani?
From the fucking university.
That bitch who killed my wife and son?
I don't know
anything about that.
Fear not.
I will fear not.
On, shit!
Hell of a surprise.
Yeah. Did you think it was a werebear?
Arggh! It is her.
Oh, no! Don't!
You promised me you wouldn't go after
her. You promised not to revenge me.
I didn't go after anybody, Pancho.
That bitch came to me.
What is a werebear?
I don't know. You said it.
You OK'?
No!
No!
What the fuck is going on?
Are you OK?
Oh, my God!
OK?
Nathan, you stupid ass.
You gave them jimson weed?
No, no, I didn't! It was...
I gave 'em tea. It was regular tea.
Stop lying! Look at them.
They're all geeked up on jimson weed.
- It was tea, I swear! I wouldn't do that.
- They're the only ones that had it.
We have to get 'em to hospital now!
You're OK. You're OK. Come on.
OK.
Come on. Get up. You got it. You're OK.
There you go.
Where's Nash?
Guys, where's Nash?
Professor!
Nash!
Professor!
Professor!
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Tammy, hey. Um...
I don't want to lie to you. I'm
shitting it. Please don't laugh at me.
I just don't...
Come on, Mojo. We have to go in.
Why don't we just...
It's scary!
Yeah.
Mm-hm.
Maybe I'll get lucky.
Alright.
Just for a little bit.
Let's go. Let's get her inside.
We'll go back for Nash.
Look at me. Look at me.
There you go.
You're gonna be OK.
It's OK.
Dude, get a phone.
Who the hell took the phone?
Oh, crap.
I always keep my iPhone right here.
And my keys.
Who the hell took my keys?
Oh, my gosh. C-Carly!
Carly!
Guys! Guys, get in here.
Carly?
Look at her head.
Carly. Oh, she hit her head. Hart!
Are you OK?
Shit.
There it is.
Oh, shit.
Who did this to her?
Oh, my God.
Is she breathing, Hart?
No.
I don't know.
I don't know these people!
Did you give her the tea?
No, I told you I wouldn't do that!
I can't find a pulse.
Call an ambulance. Do it now!
Get these bugs off of me!
Get these bugs off of me!
Nobody's got a damn phone?
Dump out all the packs!
My cell's in the front pocket
of my book bag. Get it!
Get these bugs off of me!
There's nothing here.
I can't find anything!
Get these bugs off of me!
Where is it? Hart!
It's not in here, man! It's not in here!
Where's all the phones?
Where are all the phones?!
Somebody must have taken them.
Who would do that?
Do you see any goddamn phones?
Get these off of me! Get 'em off of me!
There's nothing on you!
Get 'em off of me!
Guys! Hey, take her to the bathroom
and make her puke!
How the hell am I supposed to do that?
Stick your fingers down her throat.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Look!
You were drugged...
Guys, come help me. Get her up.
Look, help me get her up.
Let's go. I'm taking these two straight
to the emergency. Grab Roxanne.
Don't you get it? There's no phones
and there's no car keys!
Somebody took all of them!
- It's OK. No, there's nothing...
- Get 'em off!
- I'm sorry.
- Get these bugs off of me!
This is a really stupid idea.
Proper explorers.
Fucking London dungeons...
What's that?
Shit!
It was small!
It wasn't! Look at the fucking size of it!
You're such a baby.
It was fucking massive.
You're being ridic... Give me the light.
No, it's mine.
Give it to me. I...
You know, I...
It's kind of embarrassing, but...
What?
I've never been
in a real relationship.
Open your mouth, Roxanne.
Come on, open it up.
Here you go.
Drink it. Drink it.
Here we go. Get it all up. Come on.
Good, good. Get it all out.
Is this your brother's sick idea of a joke?
I don't know who's doing this!
Keep drinking. There you go. It's OK.
Oh, Jesus!
God!
Just get a little in the toilet.
I'm going for help.
Keep flushing out her system
with fresh water.
Don't you dare leave us.
Just stay put.
Do not leave this cottage, no
matter what. I'm coming back with help.
OK? I promise.
Fuck! She's seizing.
Come on, Roxanne. Come on!
Roxanne, it's OK.
Roxanne!
Come on!
It's OK.
I can't breathe! I'm suffocating!
Dani. No, stay with me, Dani.
Dani, it's all in your head.
You're having a panic attack.
Please, Dani, I need you.
I need you here right now. Please.
Can't breathe.
It's all in your head, OK?
Just breathe. I need you, Dani.
Can't breathe.
Can't breathe.
Listen to me.
It... it's OK.
It's OK. It's all in your head, OK?
You're having a panic attack.
OK? It's all in your head, OK?
You're not having a panic...
it's OK. You can breathe.
You can breathe. OK?
You're fine. I need you right now, OK?
I need you with me right now, OK?
OK.
OK, just breathe. Breathe.
OK? It's all in your head.
It's all in your head.
OK. You're gonna be OK.
OK. Alright.
Over here. This way.
Oh, shit.
It's Moose's car.
Moose's car.
Fuck!
Oh, fuck!
Oh my God!
Shh!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
What the fuck's going on?
Oh, my God!
Go!
Here, here, here, here. Shh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
You're fine now, OK'? It's alright.
Is that someone knocking?
Oh, my God! Squirrel!
Help me! Help me... help me get her up!
OK, OK.
Ow!
Watch her head, watch her head.
Come on. It's OK.
It's gonna be OK.
What happened? What happened?
Oh, my God!
Squirrel!
Oh, fuck.
What happened?
Where's Moose?
Who did this to you?
Creeper.
I fucking see you!
Benny! Benny. He's standing right there.
Are you sure?
Yeah, he went that way.
Come on!
Let me in, Nathan.
Like hell! What happened to Squirrel?
Tell me what happened to Squirrel!
Nothing! Don't worry about that!
Come on. It's very important!
You're in danger!
Lock the door. Do not let him in.
Calm down.
Where's he...
Front door! Front door!
Coming...
Go, go!
Come on, Nathan! Let me in!
I gotta save Dani!
Calm down, Benny!
Get lost, you freak!
Patio, patio!
Come on, come on, get up.
OK.
Get up. Get up. Come on!
Come on, man!
We don't have time to discuss this!
And I'm dealing with
an extremely complex situation!
You're on fucking jimson weed, Benny!
You're fucking high again!
Who took care of you
when Mom ran off?
How many times did I protect you from
Father? Who's protecting you right now?
You call this protecting me?
You need to chill the fuck out, man!
Benny, don't you do it! Benny!
Nathan! Nathan!
Come here! Come here!
Come on.
Come on, man! Come on!
Benny, calm down! Benny!
Come on, Nathan!
Shh, Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Mojo, you have to go. Mojo, go!
You are dead, Chumash bitch.
Come on, Nathan! Come on, man!
Benny, shut the fuck up!
Dani! Open up!
Dani! Dani!
Have to get you ready for the ceremony
before Delgado comes! Come on!
You need to get that shit
out of your system, Benny!
Come on, man! Come on!
Come on!
It's OK. It's gonna be OK.
Oh, God!
It's gonna be OK, alright?
OK.
You dickless creeper.
So help me God,
I'm gonna fuck you up.
You like to ass-fuck, perv?
Gonna strap on a 12-inch crinkly dick
and I'm gonna...
plough you raw,
you fucking asswipe.
Gonna rip you apart.
You like that?
OW!
Give her to me! Give her to me!
Benny!
Give her to me!
Calm the fuck down, Benny!
Go. Out the window.
I need her!
Just run. Run, OK?
Dani!
Dani!
Benny, you son of a bitch!
I'll fucking kill you!
Shh, shh. Shh. Dani.
Shh. Oh.
No, stay with me.
Stay with me.
God, look at you.
You're so perfect.
Take your tea.
Go on. Drink it down
so we can be together forever.
Dani.
Dani, you'll find me to be
a very loving and caring husband.
Nathan!
Benny!
“Tonight I take a wife.
“We will lose ourselves together
on the trail in the faraway place. ”
Son of a bitch, Benny!
Where would you do it?
Where would you go?
OK. Need someplace...
Need someplace private.
The cooler.
Come here, college boy!
Fuck!
I live here!
What do you want from me?
What's your major at the University
of Casual Sex and Beer, college boy?
How many bong hits can you huff?
You and that Chumash bitch
are disease-riddled vermin!
Hey, look.
You tell me where she is
and I'll let you leave, huh?
Everyone's here for the ceremony.
Soon you will be joined
in the forever.
She blew a 2.3.
Walked away without a scratch.
How many fucking Jell-O shots
does it take to blow a 2.3, huh?
Bitch was going the wrong way
on the 101.
Shit!
Shit!
Huh? Where is she?
Tell me where she is!
Come on!
Delgado!
That where you're keeping her?
Come on!
Come on, Nathan.
Get out of here. Go!
I am so sick of you
getting your freak on, Benny!
Oh, God.
Hey!
Who the fuck are you?
Shit!
Fucked up, as usual.
Fucking bitch.
She's my wife!
I love you, Benny.
You saved me.
We will be together forever.
Forever and ever and ever.
Ever... ever... ever.
I'm so happy.
Happy.
You must wait.
This trail is not meant for those
who stand in their shadow.
Please. Please, don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone!
Please! Don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone.
Please. Don't leave me alone.
I don't want to be alone.
You finally got your wish.
Hart. Hart!
Hart!
Man up.
Kill that motherfucker.
Adios, sweetheart.
Fuck! Fuck!
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
Dani! Dani!
Dani, wake up.
Dani, wake up!
Come on, I'll get you help. Come on.
Stay with me, Dani. Stay with me.
Dani!
Dani! Dani! Dani, look...
There's so many cars!
There's so many cars!
Look at me. It's not real, OK?
You're hallucinating!
Alright, it's not real. Dani!
Dani, look at me!
There's so many cars!
Make them stop!
No!
No, please! Make them stop!
Dani...
Stop! Get back!
Get away from me!
OK.
Get away from me, Nathan!
You can't help me.
No one can help me now.
Give me the gun.
Get away!
Get away from me!
I want you to put the gun down now.
This isn't you.
This is me!
I'm a killer!
You're gonna calm down.
You're gonna hand me the gun now.
I killed them, Nathan.
I murdered them.
It was an accident, Dani.
I don't want to be here anymore.
You put the gun down right now, OK?
I don't want to be here anymore.
Take that gun away from you right now.
I don't want to be here any...
I don't want this anymore.
I know.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm right here with you, OK?
I don't want this anymore.
I don't want this anymore.
I know. I know.
It's OK. It's OK, OK?
We're gonna get you help, OK?
It's OK.
I got you.
I'm sorry.
I got you.
It was an accident.
I'm sorry.
I got you, OK?
Open your eyes, Dani.
That's good.
You're gonna be OK, alright?
Everything's gonna be OK.
We got her back.
Let's get her out of here now.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Stay with me.
You did good, Nathan.
Look at me. You did good.
You know that thing you wanted?
Rites of passage?
You have it now.
Alright, guys. We got to load and go.
Get up, you idiot!
Rise and shine.