Rings on Her Fingers (1942) - full transcript
Susan Miller works behind the girdle counter in a department store and dreams about the beautiful clothes and glamour she can never hope to have. Enter May Worthington and Warren, a pair of con artists who pose as the mother and uncle of a pretty girl in order to separate millionaires from their money. They convince Susan she has an opportunity to fulfill all her dreams, and the trio heads for Palm Beach. Susan meets John Wheeler who says he is shopping for a sailboat. Believing that he is a millionaire, Warren and May sell him a boat that doesn't belong to them, and make off with his $15,000 life savings. Looking for greener pastures, they work themselves into the family of wealthy Tod Fenwick, who falls for Sue, posing as "Linda Worthington". But John shows up as a guest of Fenwick and he tells "Linda", not knowing she was part of the scam, that he has a detective after the fake captain that sold him the boat. John admits that he is not a millionaire but only a $65-a-week clerk. He asks her to marry him and, over the protests of May, she accepts. Tod, who has been away, wires Linda a marriage proposal which is intercepted by Warren, who accepts on her behalf via a return wire. He intends to blackmail her into marrying Tod and then blackmail the Fenwicks into dissolving the marriage. To get John's money back to him, which she has but can't tell him, Linda enlists the aid of Colonel Prentiss who runs a gambling house, and the machines are fixed so that John wins his money back. Linda and John go to the terminal to leave, but Tod shows up and she tries to keep him away from John, who knows her as Sue.
46s. WHERE ARE THEY?
MIDDLE.
HERE.
COME ON.
HELP ME, WILL YA?
YOU HAVEN'T GOT
WHAT I WANT,
AND I'M GIVING
A PARTY TONIGHT.
I WOULDN'T WANT
WHAT SHE'S GOT EITHER.
I THOUGHT I'D NEVER GET HER
OUT OF THAT LAST ONE.
I WAS ALL READY TO CALL
THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE
ASKING FOR A 38.
I COULD'VE
GOTTEN HER INTO IT,
BUT I WAS AFRAID HER
EYES WOULD POP OUT.
WELL, YOU KNOW
THE OLD SAYING, HONEY--
GRIN AND MAKE
THE BEST OF IT.
THE BEST OF WHAT?
THERE.
WELL, MAYBE THIS
WOULD PLEASE YOU
IN PLUM AND BROWN
DOESKIN.
HAVEN'T YOU SOMETHING
MORE COLORFUL?
SOMETHING WITH A ZEST?
OH, MY DEAR.
HERE ALL THE TIME.
PERFECT
WITH YOUR COSTUME
AND YOUR
BEAUTIFUL BRACELET.
JADE. SHANGHAI.
I KNEW IT.
YOU CAN ALWAYS
TELL THE REAL THING.
WON'T YOU SLIP
THEM ON?
I'M JUST LOOKING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'S ME
10 YEARS FROM NOW.
HELLO, MISS PURDY.
THAT'S ME 30 YEARS
FROM NOW,
TRYING TO MAKE
THE BEST OF IT.
OH, I WISH THEY'D JUST
THROW A SHOVEL FULL OF DIRT
IN MY FACE
AND GET IT OVER WITH.
KID, YOU REALLY
GOT THE DUMPS.
I GUESS WE WERE JUST BORN
ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF THE COUNTER, PEG.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.
ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT
AND YOU CAN'T HAVE, WHY--
THERE GOES PINK CHAMPAGNE.
I'D GIVE MY RIGHT ARM
TO STOW AWAY
IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS
AND GO PLACES.
COULD I WEAR THAT
WITH THOSE
RHINESTONE SLIPPERS,
AN EMERALD BUTTERFLY
IN MY HAIR,
AND THE MOST GORGEOUS
RINGS ON MY FINGERS.
OH, PARDON ME, MADAM.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY
A HOT ONE,
TOO HOT TO GET INTO
ONE OF THESE THINGS.
I HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING
FOR THIS EVENING.
SHALL WE SEND THEM,
MRS. WORTHINGTON?
OH, NO. JUST PUT
THEM HERE, CHILD.
MY CHAUFFEUR
WILL TAKE THEM.
YES, MRS. WORTHINGTON.
IS OUR MISS MILLER
TAKING CARE OF YOU?
THANK YOU.
THAT'S FINE.
WHAT SIZE WOULD YOU LIKE,
MRS. WORTHINGTON?
WELL, I'D LIKE A 28,
BUT I TAKE A 34.
WON'T YOU STEP
INTO OUR FITTING ROOM,
MRS. WORTHINGTON?
DAINTY MISS
IS OUR LATEST THING.
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW
YOU GOT IT ON.
YOU'RE QUITE
AN OPTIMIST, MY DEAR.
RIGHT IN THERE.
MRS. WORTHINGTON
IN THIS DEPARTMENT?
NOBODY BY THAT NAME
WORKING HERE.
OH, SHE'S A CUSTOMER.
OH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
PARDON ME.
RIGHT IN THERE.
IN THAT
FITTING ROOM, SIR.
NOW THANK YOU.
MAY?
WARREN?
YES, I--I HAVE NEWS
FOR YOU. DREADFUL NEWS.
I MIGHT EVEN SAY
FRIGHTFUL NEWS.
ABOUT THE PARTY?
MOSTLY ABOUT LILLIAN.
SHE IS NO MORE.
WHAT? SICK?
WITH LOVE.
I JUST PHONED HOME.
SHE GOT MARRIED
EARLY THIS MORNING
AND IS NOW EN ROUTE
TO A HONEYMOON NEST
IN THE CATSKILLS.
I KNEW
IT WAS COMING.
HOW DOES THIS LOOK?
I'LL TAKE IT.
I WON'T TRY IT ON.
I NEED A SLIP, TOO.
YES, MADAM. RIGHT AWAY.
OH, SORRY.
WELL, WE SHALL HAVE
TO MANAGE SOMEHOW.
WHO WAS THAT?
THE SALESGIRL, OF COURSE.
WHO'D YOU THINK IT WAS--
BRENDA FRAZIER?
THERE IS NOT
A NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCE.
NOW, WARREN, LET'S NOT
GO OFF THE DEEP END.
THERE IS A TRULY
BEAUTIFUL CREATURE.
HERE'S
JUST THE THING.
YOU MAY BE RIGHT.
OH, I'M SURE,
BUT I WOULDN'T THINK
TWICE ABOUT IT.
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T.
DID YOU FIND
WHAT YOU WANTED?
FOR MYSELF, YES.
BUT I MUST PICK UP
SOME THINGS FOR MY NIECE.
WE'RE HAVING A PARTY
TONIGHT.
SHE'LL BE COMING IN
AT THE LAST MOMENT,
AND I DON'T TRUST
THE CLOTHES SHE'S BRINGING.
SHE'S 17.
HA HA HA! YOU KNOW.
HOW EXTRAORDINARY.
I SHOULD SAY
THAT THIS YOUNG LADY
IS EXACTLY HER SIZE.
I'M A 14.
BUT EXACTLY.
NOW WE NEED
SOMETHING SUMMERY.
A PARTY GOWN.
DO YOU THINK SHE'D LIKE
THIS WISPY THING?
OH, SHE'D LOVE IT,
I'M SURE.
WE'LL ALSO NEED
HOSE AND SLIPPERS
AND, OH,
EVERYTHING UNDERNEATH.
I WISH I HAD
A NEPHEW INSTEAD.
IF SHE'S
THE EXACT SIZE,
WE CAN MEASURE
EVERYTHING ELSE ON HER.
SHE'S JUST RIGHT.
OH, I'M SURE
EVERYTHING WILL FIT,
BUT I KNOW SO LITTLE
ABOUT YOUNG GIRLS' THINGS.
COULDN'T MISS--
OH, OF COURSE,
MRS. WORTHINGTON.
WE'LL SEND MISS MILLER
ALONG WITH YOU
TO HELP OUT AND SEE THAT
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.
HOW NICE.
I HATE TO INTERFERE
WITH YOUR EVENING.
OH, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT,
QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GO GET THE LINGERIE.
OH, PEGGY, PINCH ME.
I'VE GOT MY CHANCE TO
PEEK AT WHAT IT'S LIKE
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE COUNTER.
IS THAT YOU, SUSIE?
WHERE YA BEEN
ALL NIGHT?
OH, PEGGY, I HAD
THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? I WAS
AT MRS. WORTHINGTON'S PARTY.
WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, I'LL TELL YOU
ALL ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING.
RIGHT NOW,
I JUST WANT TO DREAM.
MISS MILLER?
WHAT IS IT?
A MAN HERE
HAS AN ENVELOPE.
SAYS HE WANTS TO GIVE IT
TO YOU PERSONALLY.
GOOD MORNING.
MISS MILLER?
YES?
FROM MRS. WORTHINGTON.
THANK YOU.
A $100 BILL!
$100.
WHAT FOR?
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR.
MRS. MAYBELLE WORTHINGTON."
ISN'T THAT
WONDERFUL?
HEY, THIS ISN'T
MY BIRTHDAY.
HEY, MISTER!
OH, HE'S GONE.
I GOTTA GIVE IT BACK.
THIS ISN'T MY BIRTHDAY.
I'D MAKE IT MY BIRTHDAY.
LET ME JUST HOLD IT.
AIN'T IT SMOOTH?
I'M GOING RIGHT OVER
AND GIVE IT BACK.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU
OUGHT TO THINK IT OVER?
I DON'T THINK YOU OUGHT
TO RUSH RIGHT BACK WITH IT.
I DON'T SEE ANY REASON
WHY I SHOULDN'T.
OH, I CAN THINK
OF A HUNDRED REASONS!
TALLY-HO, TALLY-HO.
AH, THE ALL-AMERICAN BOY.
NOTHING LIKE
A BRISK CANTER
IN THE MORNING.
I FEEL WONDERFUL.
HOW DOES THE HORSE FEEL?
MR. CLAYTON
WENT ALONG.
WE HAD A MOST
SATISFACTORY BREAKFAST
AT THE HUNT CLUB.
WHAT KIPPERS!
BEG YOUR PARDON,
MADAM.
A MISS MILLER
WISHES TO SEE YOU.
GOOD MORNING,
GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING,
MRS. WORTHINGTON.
I DON'T LIKE
TO INTERRUPT--
OH, NONSENSE. IT'S
A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE.
WELL, I JUST DROPPED IN.
I CAN'T STAY VERY LONG.
WE'VE GOT
INVENTORY TODAY.
OH, WHAT FUN!
SUGAR?
2 PIECES, PLEASE.
YOU MEAN LUMPS,
DON'T YOU, DEAR?
IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU,
MRS. WORTHINGTON,
BUT IT ISN'T
MY BIRTHDAY.
IT ISN'T? OH, THAT'S
PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, DEAR.
YOU JUST KEEP IT
UNTIL IT IS.
IT'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
OH, I COULDN'T DO THAT.
WHY, YOU'VE ALREADY
BEEN TOO GENEROUS,
WHAT WITH THE SHOES
AND THE DRESS AND EVERYTHING.
YOU HARDLY EVEN KNOW ME.
KEEP IT, DEAR.
I'LL FEEL BADLY
IF YOU DON'T.
WELL, HAVE A SCONE.
YOU'LL FIND THEY'RE
EXCELLENT WITH BUTTER.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LITTLE FINGER OUT,
DEAR.
YOU TURNED A WAKE INTO
A FESTIVAL LAST NIGHT.
YOU MADE
ALL THE COLUMNS.
I DID? GEE!
NEVER "GEE," DARLING.
IT'S "HOW AMUSING"
IN THE BEST CIRCLES.
WELL, I'M NOT
IN THEM.
YOU MAY BE. WALK
ACROSS THE ROOM, DEAR.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WALK, WALK, WALK.
OH, COME, COME. YOU DID
BETTER THAN THAT LAST NIGHT.
SHOULDERS BACK.
DO YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL?
TRAVEL?
WELL, I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO.
WE'RE FOND OF
TRAVELING OURSELVES.
CHRISTMAS
IN BUENOS AIRES.
JANUARY IN FLORIDA.
AND WE LIKE
HUNTING, TOO.
SABLES
IN LAKE PLACID.
YACHTS
IN CALIFORNIA.
DIAMONDS
IN JOHANNESBURG.
I MAY BE
A LITTLE STUPID,
BUT I DON'T GET
ANY OF THIS.
YOU WILL, DEAR,
IF YOU FOLLOW
OUR INSTRUCTIONS.
KEEP ON WALKING, DEAR.
KEEP ON WALKING.
YOU MUST LEARN TO DO IT
WITH YOUR NOSE IN THE AIR
AS IF YOU SMELL
SOMETHING BURNING.
THERE ARE BOUND TO BE
A FEW ROUGH EDGES.
ALL THAT'S NEEDED IS
THE POLISH AND THE SETTING.
STOMACH IN, CHILD.
SAY, ARE YOU REALLY
MILLIONAIRES?
WHY?
WELL, THERE SEEMS TO BE
SOMETHING MISSING.
JUST THE MILLIONS,
AND THEY CAN'T RULE YOU OUT
FOR A TECHNICALITY.
YOU SEE, NATURE PLAYED
A LITTLE TRICK ON US.
WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
BORN WITH BLUE BLOOD.
SO WE HAVE DEVOTED
OUR ENTIRE LIFE
TO CORRECTING
THIS BIOLOGICAL ERROR.
BUT WHAT DO YOU DO
IF YOU'RE NOT--
WHAT ARE YOU?
WELL, WE'RE SORT OF
AN EXCESS PROFITS TAX.
TO CRITICIZE US
WOULD BE UN-AMERICAN.
WE ARE MERELY BEES
THAT TAKE
A LITTLE NECTAR
FROM THE FLOWERS
THAT HAVE SO MUCH,
AND YOU, TOO,
CAN HAVE SOME.
WELL, I'M GETTING
OUT OF HERE.
MY DEAR! MY DEAR!
WHAT HAVE WE SAID?
YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH.
I'VE GOT AN HONEST JOB,
AND I'M STICKING--
YOU DON'T THINK
FOR ONE MOMENT
THAT WE'D GO AROUND
DELIBERATELY
BREAKING LAWS?
WHY, YOU DON'T BELIEVE WE'D
ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING WRONG?
WELL, THEN, WHAT
DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
WHAT DOES THE WORLD
WANT FROM A ROSE?
MY DEAR,
IN THESE UGLY TIMES,
MERE BEAUTY ALONE
ACHIEVES A GREAT DEAL.
NOW YOUR ROLE IS
JUST TO BE BEAUTIFUL
AND UNOBTAINABLE.
NOTHING ELSE.
THE QUEEN BEE.
WHO'S THAT?
PAGING MR. WHEELER!
PAGING MR. WHEELER!
PAGING MR. WHEELER!
OH, I FEEL PALE
AND UNINTERESTING.
PALE? YOU LOOK LIKE
A CHOCOLATE SUNDAE.
I WISH OUR BANKROLL WERE
HALF AS HEALTHY AS YOU ARE.
OH, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL FIND SOMEBODY.
PAGING MR. WHEELER!
YOU ALWAYS DO.
NOT OUT HERE.
UNDRESSED, ALL MEN
LOOK ALIKE FINANCIALLY.
PAGING MR. WHEELER!
WHEELER.
OVER HERE, BOY.
THERE'S A NICE
YOUNG MAN.
HE'S VERY WHITE.
LOOKS AS IF HE'D BEEN
INSIDE MAKING MONEY.
YES, HE HAS THAT
WALL STREET TAN.
RIGHT HERE, SIR.
DON'T TOUCH IT.
DRY YOUR HANDS FIRST.
SOMETIMES YOU CAN
GET A SHOCK.
WHEN YOU'RE WET,
YOU'RE A GOOD CONDUCTOR.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
HELLO?
YES, PUT HIM ON.
MR. McKAY.
YES, I SAW YOUR BOAT
JUST NOW.
I SWAM OUT
AND TOOK A LOOK AT HER.
I'M AFRAID
IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.
I NEED A TOUGH,
SEAGOING YACHT.
YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?
SOMETHING WITH NICE
TRIM LINES.
WHAT'S THAT?
A KETCH, HUH?
THE AURORA?
SPRUCE MAST.
YES, I SEE HER.
I LIKE HER TOPSIDES.
GOOD SHEAR.
YES, NICE AND TRIM.
SMOOTH AND GRACEFUL.
WHAT'S THAT?
OH, SORRY, YES.
THE OVERHANG, YES.
IT'S JUST ABOUT RIGHT
FOR SPEED AND STABILITY.
HAS A SLENDER STERN,
HASN'T SHE?
WHAT ARE HER DIMENSIONS?
54-9 OVERALL.
14 TON.
SHE DOESN'T LOOK IT.
WHAT ABOUT HER ANKLES--
UH, ANCHOR--ANCHORS?
WHAT'S HER MAINMAST?
61 TRUCK TO KEELS.
LENGTH IN WATERLINE--38.
ALL RIGHT. FINE. I WILL.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
A PENCIL AND PAPER?
NO, THANKS.
I'LL REMEMBER THEM.
YOU WILL?
THANKS AGAIN
FOR SAVING MY LIFE.
OH, NOT AT ALL.
LIFESAVING'S
AN OLD TRADITION
AMONG US SAILORS.
OH, WE CAN'T BE
CALLED SAILORS
JUST YET, MOTHER.
YOU SEE, WE'RE BUYING
A BOAT, TOO.
YOU ARE? WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING FOR?
SCHOONER? KETCH?
CLASS-DESIGN SLOOP?
THAT'S WHY WE'LL NEVER
GET AROUND TO IT.
WE CAN'T TELL A JIB
FROM A GIBLET.
WELL, IF I CAN BE
OF ANY SERVICE,
MY NAME'S JOHN WHEELER.
WHEELER? DON'T WE
KNOW EACH OTHER
FROM SOMEPLACE?
YOU PROBABLY MET
AT THE DANCE LAST NIGHT.
OF COURSE!
I JUST CAME IN
THIS MORNING.
OH. WELL,
WE'RE THE WORTHINGTONS.
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW DO YOU DO?
WHEELER, WHEELER.
YOU AREN'T ONE
OF THE BEDFORD WHEELERS?
THEY WERE FOREVER GOING DOWN
TO THE SEA IN SHIPS.
NO. FINANCIAL FIELD,
NEW YORK.
OH, BANKING?
OH, MOSTLY TRUST FUNDS,
INVESTMENTS.
OH, HOW NICE.
I SUPPOSE THEY KEEP YOU
VERY BUSY, DON'T THEY?
NOT ANYMORE.
RETIRED?
WELL, FOR A WHILE,
ANYWAY.
WELL! WELL, IF WE'RE
GONNA SIT HERE
THINKING ABOUT
WHERE WE MET YOU,
WE'LL NEED
SOME NOURISHMENT.
WON'T YOU JOIN US?
THAT'S VERY KIND,
BUT AT THE MOMENT,
I WANT TO SWIM
OUT TO THAT MOORING
AND TAKE A LOOK
AT THAT KETCH
THEY'RE TRYING
TO SELL ME.
I WANT TO RECHECK
THE DIMENSIONS.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
SWIM OUT
WITH A TAPE MEASURE
IN YOUR MOUTH?
IT'S JUST
SIMPLE MATHEMATICS.
YOU SEE, WHEN YOU KNOW
THE HEIGHT OF THE MAST--
I'LL BE BORING YOU.
IT'S NOT BORING AT ALL.
IT'S AMAZING.
HOW DO YOU DO EVERYTHING
IN YOUR HEAD LIKE THAT?
YES, HOW DO YOU EVER?
WELL, IT'S JUST
THAT MATHEMATICS
HAS BEEN MY BUSINESS
FOR SO LONG,
IT'S BECOME
SORT OF A-B-C.
THAT'S AN ODD
COMBINATION,
MR. WHEELER.
A DRY THING LIKE
MATHEMATICS
AND A ROMANTIC THING
LIKE BOATS.
OH, THEY'RE
INSEPARABLE, REALLY.
WITHOUT MATHEMATICS,
YOU--YOU COULDN'T NAVIGATE.
COULD JUST HARDLY TAKE
THE HARBOR OUT OF THE BOAT.
WELL, I WANT TO GET OUT
TO THAT MOORING.
LINDA, WHY DON'T YOU
GO ALONG, DEAR?
THERE MIGHT BE
SOMETHING WE'D LIKE.
YES, YOU'RE
WELCOME TO.
ALL RIGHT.
I WANT TO WATCH THIS
MATHEMATICAL BUSINESS.
LINDA,
BE CAREFUL, DEAR.
DON'T OVEREXERT YOURSELF.
GO SLOWLY AT FIRST.
I'LL TAKE CARE
OF HER.
UH, MR. WARREN WORTHINGTON,
PLEASE.
WARREN, I THINK WE HAVE
JUST WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
HE WANTS A YACHT WITH LOTS
OF PRETTY SAILS.
SORT OF A ROMANTIC DOPE.
OH, AND ONE THING MORE.
DON'T TRY TO SHORTCHANGE HIM.
THIS ONE CAN COUNT.
I'M SO GLAD YOU
CAME, MR. WHEELER.
IT GIVES ONE SUCH
A SENSE OF SECURITY
HAVING A SEAFARING MAN
ALONG.
THIS CAPTAIN BEASLEY
MAY HAVE SOMETHING
WE'D LIKE.
THERE IT IS!
THE SCHEHERAZADE.
OH, IT'S RIGHT OUT
OF THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL,
MOTHER?
DON'T YOU THINK SO,
MR. WHEELER?
THERE MUST BE BETTER WORDS
THAN "WONDERFUL."
YOU SEE?
AND HE KNOWS BOATS.
OH, THIS WOULDN'T DO
FOR US AT ALL.
WHY, IT'S
A SAILBOAT.
OH, COME ON,
LET'S LOOK AT.
HER.
OH, HER.
I ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE WITH
THE SEX OF BOATS AND TRAINS.
HOWDY, HOWDY, HOWDY!
CAPTAIN BEASLEY?
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN
AND ALWAYS WILL BE.
WE'D LIKE TO LOOK
HER OVER, IF WE MAY.
WE'RE THE WORTHINGTONS--
OH, YES, YES.
AND MR. WHEELER.
OH, HOWDY.
WHY, YOU'RE ALL
MIGHTY WELCOME.
YOU KNOW, THINGS COULD
BE MORE SHIPSHAPE,
BUT THERE'S SO MUCH
TO KEEP ME HOPPING
AND I'VE ONLY GOT
ONE LEG TO DO IT ON.
SHE MAKES YOU WANT
TO GO TO SEA.
TO HARPOON WHALES
OR CATCH PIRATES.
HE COULD BUY
THE QUEEN MARY
IN THE LENGTH OF TIME
HE'S TAKING.
WELL, IT'S DONE.
WELL, HERE'S YOUR PAPERS
AND YOUR RECEIPT
FROM CONSOLIDATED,
CAPTAIN WHEELER.
OH, YOU NEEDN'T WORRY
ABOUT THE FEDERAL OK.
I'LL TAKE HER OVER
TO THE CUSTOMS HOUSE.
THANKS. SO I MADE OUT
A CASHIER'S CHECK
FOR 15,000 EVEN.
I MADE THE RECEIPT OUT
FOR THAT AMOUNT.
YOU'VE GOT
500 CHANGE COMING.
I'LL RUN OVER
TO CONSOLIDATED
AND GET YOUR CHANGE AND
BRING BACK MR. BLANCHARD.
HE HAS TO OK EVERYTHING.
OH, I WON'T BE A SECOND.
MY PUTT-PUTT'S HANDY.
OH, THERE'S SOME BEER
IN THE ICEBOX.
MAKE YOURSELVES TO HOME.
COME ON, MOTHER. LET'S HAVE
ANOTHER TRIP AROUND.
NO, THANK YOU, DEAR.
THIS IS
A BIG OCCASION.
MY FEET DON'T KNOW IT.
YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN
ABOUT TO BURST WITH JOY.
I AM.
HOW DOES IT FEEL
WHEN YOU GET SOMETHING
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED?
I DON'T KNOW IF
I CAN DESCRIBE IT.
IT'S--I DON'T KNOW--
IT'S LIKE SUNDAY.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
AND I'M GONNA FEEL
LIKE THAT 7 DAYS A WEEK.
FROM NOW ON, EVERY DAY'S
GONNA BE SUNDAY.
IT SOUNDS PRETTY NICE.
YOU KNOW,
I THINK WE'RE GONNA
GET A BREAK
IN THE WEATHER.
BY FRIDAY, WE MIGHT HAVE
A NICE LITTLE STORM
TO TRY HER OUT IN.
STORM? YOU WOULDN'T
GO OUT IN A STORM.
SURE. OH, THERE'S
NOTHING LIKE IT.
WAIT TILL
IT HAPPENS TO YOU.
THE WIND WHISTLING
IN THE RIGGINGS,
ALL HELL BREAKING
LOOSE IN THE SKY,
WAVES CRASHING DOWN.
YOU GOTTA FIGHT
TO KEEP FROM GOING
OVERBOARD.
YOU HANG ONTO THE WHEEL.
YOU CAN'T BREATHE,
YOU CAN'T SEE.
THE SALT BLINDS YOU.
THEN, FINALLY,
YOU LIMP HOME
BLACK AND BLUE AND
YOU ACHE ALL OVER.
I TELL YOU,
IT'S WONDERFUL.
WHAT'S ALL THIS MESS?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
AND YOU CLEAN UP
THOSE BEER BOTTLES.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS IS, LOVER'S LANE?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS MY SHIP.
THERE'S SOME MISTAKE.
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BOAT.
OH, A WISEACRE, HUH?
SHALL I CALL THE
POLICE, HARVEY?
SHALL I, HARVEY?
LOOK,
THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
WHO ARE THESE
LOUD PEOPLE?
CALL THE POLICE,
HARVEY.
CALL THE POLICE.
THIS IS ALL VERY SILLY.
MR. WHEELER
JUST BOUGHT THIS BOAT.
HE HAS THE PAPERS
IN HIS POCKET.
HE BOUGHT THIS BOAT?
FROM CAPTAIN BEASLEY
OF CONSOLIDATED.
I AM CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
THESE ARE A FAKE.
I'LL SHOW YOU
THE REAL PAPERS.
I'LL GET THE
PAPERS, HARVEY.
I'LL GET
THE PAPERS.
I OWN THIS SHIP, AND
YOU'VE BEEN SWINDLED,
YOUNG FELLOW.
SWINDLED?
YEAH.
SWINDLED?!
PHONY.
WHY, IT'S BARBAROUS.
WE STARTED TO BUY
THAT BOAT OURSELVES.
WHY DON'T YOU
TRY TO CATCH HIM
WHILE HE'S STILL
GOT THE MONEY?
CALM DOWN,
CALM DOWN.
HE OUGHT TO BE
EASY ENOUGH TO FIND.
HE'S A MAN WITH A LIMP.
SAM, GET THIS
DESCRIPTION.
IT'S HIS RIGHT LEG
THAT'S LAME.
OH, NO, IT'S
HIS LEFT, ISN'T IT?
NO, NO, IT'S HIS RIGHT.
REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS
WALKING AWAY FROM US?
YES, IT WAS. IT WAS WHEN
HE WAS COMING TOWARDS YOU
THAT IT WAS HIS LEFT.
SO HE LIMPS.
YES, AND HE'S VERY TALL.
ABOUT 6'3".
I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS
MUCH TALLER THAN YOU.
HE HAS BIG,
BLACK EYEBROWS.
SORT OF BROWNISH.
SLIGHTLY BALD AND--
ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT. NOW, SAM,
YOU SEND OUT
THIS DESCRIPTION--
HE'S A TALL
SHORT MAN
WITH A BALD
BUSHY HEAD OF HAIR.
HE HAS BROWN
BLACK EYEBROWS,
AND HE LIMPS
ON BOTH LEGS.
THANK YOU,
LADIES.
THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
YOU'LL DO YOUR BEST,
WON'T YOU, CAPTAIN?
OH, SURELY. THAT'S
WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
HMM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, WOULD YOU MIND
VERY MUCH, MR. WHEELER,
IF WE RAN ALONG?
IT'S PAST 5:00. UNCLE WARREN'S
PLANE GOT IN AT 4:00.
HE WON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US.
I'LL STAY IF I CAN BE
OF ANY HELP.
NO, THANKS. I'VE ALREADY
RUINED YOUR AFTERNOON.
I'M SORRY IT HAD TO
TURN OUT LIKE THIS.
IT WASN'T THE MONEY.
IT'S JUST THAT SHE
WAS SO LOVELY.
WELL, SHE'S NOT THE
ONLY BOAT IN THE WORLD.
COME ALONG, LINDA.
COULD I TELEPHONE YOU
TONIGHT AT THE HOTEL?
I WISH YOU WOULD.
WE MAY NOT
BE THERE, DEAR.
UNCLE WARREN MAY WANT
TO FLY TO FLORIDA.
YOU KNOW HOW HE IS.
WELL, IF WE'RE NOT
AT THE HOTEL,
WE'LL BE STAYING
ON HIS ISLAND.
WHEN YOU GET
ANOTHER BOAT, DROP IN.
THANKS.
WE'LL MEET AGAIN. WE'RE
IN AND OUT OF NEW YORK.
GOOD-BYE, MR. WHEELER.
WELL, I GUESS WE
WON'T SEE EACH OTHER
FOR A WHILE,
WILL WE?
NO, I GUESS WE WON'T.
I GUESS WE WON'T.
OH, I'M SORRY, I--
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I WOULDN'T
WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT I'M
IN THE HABIT OF--
I WOULDN'T THINK
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
THANKS.
WELL, GOOD-BYE,
MR. WHEELER.
GOOD-BYE,
MISS WORTHINGTON.
UH, NOW DON'T WORRY,
MR. WHEELER.
WE'LL FIND HIM FOR YOU.
NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.
I'LL FIND HIM MYSELF.
IF NOT TODAY, TOMORROW.
IF NOT TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK,
NEXT YEAR.
WHEN I DO, I'M GONNA TEAR HIM
INTO LITTLE STRIPS.
I WON'T LEAVE ENOUGH
FOR THE BIRDS TO CARRY AWAY.
I'LL FIND HIM,
I'LL FIND HIM.
A SAUCY YOUNG MISS
WAS SCHEHERAZAD-EE
WITH A YO-HO,
BLOW THE MAN DOWN
SHE'D DANCE ON HER LARBOARD
AND ROLL ON HER LEE
GIVE US SOME TIME
TO BLOW THE MAN DOWN
WERE YOU CORNY
AS POPEYE?
WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO GET TATTOOED.
WARREN,
YOU'RE SUCH A HAM.
SOMEDAY,
IT'LL BE YOUR UNDOING.
WHAT'S EATING
OUR LITTLE LORELEI?
I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY
WE MADE HIM WALK THE PLANK.
IT WAS TOO EASY.
LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY.
OH, THAT REMINDS ME.
WOULD YOU TAKE CARE
OF THESE PEPPERMINT
STICKS, PET?
JUST IN CASE? OHH.
NEVER GONE
THIS FAR BEFORE.
THIS WAS
JUST PLAIN STEALING.
C'EST LA VIE.
MR. FENWICK WILL
BE RIGHT IN, SIR.
HE WAS AT THE POOL.
THANK YOU, PAUL.
YES, SIR.
JOHNNY,
HOW ARE YOU, BOY?
FINE. GLAD TO SEE YOU.
YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT.
I PHONED YOUR HOUSE
IN TOWN FIRST.
WELL, YOU KNOW
CONNECTICUT'S
SOMETIMES
MUCH MORE RESTFUL,
AND I'M IN ONE OF MY
RESTFUL PHASES JUST NOW.
SAY, WHAT'S THIS I HEAR
ABOUT YOUR HAVING
GIVEN UP BUSINESS?
OH, IT WAS ONLY TEMPORARY.
YOU KNOW ABOUT CHICAGO,
DON'T YOU?
WHAT ABOUT CHICAGO?
YOU'RE FLYING.
THERE'S A BOARD MEETING
AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING,
AND YOU'RE PRESIDING.
OH, NO, I'M NOT.
YOU CAN'T GET
OUT OF THIS ONE.
CRIPPS SAYS
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
AW, CRIPPS!
IT'S YOUR FIRST BOARD MEETING
IN OVER A YEAR.
IT'S ONE TOO MANY.
PAUL, I'M FLYING
TO CHICAGO TONIGHT,
YES, ON
THE 8:30 PLANE.
WHY CAN'T
PAPER BOX FACTORIES
RUN THEMSELVES?
WE'VE EVERYTHING
READY FOR YOU.
YOU'D BETTER LOOK
AT THE TRANSFERS FIRST.
CRIPPS THINKS YOU SHOULD
LOAD UP ON WESTERN UTILITIES.
WE ARE.
AT 2%,
YOU'LL SOON HAVE ME
OWNING
HALF OF CALIFORNIA.
CRIPPS SAYS THAT'S WHERE
YOU WENT ON YOUR TRIP.
HOW WAS IT?
I WASN'T THERE
LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT.
I DON'T KNOW
THAT I'VE QUITE CAPTURED
THE BROWNS AND GREENS.
TREES ARE SO ELUSIVE.
MY, YOU PUT THINGS
SO BEAUTIFULLY, PHYLLIS.
IT LOOKS LIKE
A TOMATO SURPRISE.
HELLO.
HELLO, JOHN.
I CAN'T
BELIEVE MY EYES.
HA HA HA!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
MINE, EITHER.
THIS IS CERTAINLY
UNEXPECTED.
YOU ALL HAVE MET BEFORE?
HELLO.
HELLO.
MY GOODNESS,
THIS IS
A SURPRISE.
I HAD
NO IDEA...
...AND THEN HE SAID
TO THE CHORUS GIRL,
"EITHER YOU COME OUT,
CLOTHES OR NO CLOTHES,
OR I'LL COME IN AND--"
HA HA HA! YES?
AND THEN--THEN HE--
AND THEN HE JUMPED
RIGHT IN THE WATER.
MR. WHEELER'S
WITH PRIEST-WHITEHALL.
THEY HANDLE
ALL OF TOD'S BUSINESS.
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SAILING
AROUND THE HORN BY NOW.
NO, I HAD TO
CHANGE MY PLANS.
WARREN JUST TOLD
THE FUNNIEST STORY.
MAKE HIM ACT IT OUT
FOR YOU LIKE HE DID FOR ME,
AND AT THE END,
HE JUMPS RIGHT IN THE WATER!
LINDA, DEAR,
WILL YOU POUR?
YES, DEAR.
JAMES, WILL YOU TELL
MY SON WE'RE HAVING TEA?
THAT'S
VERY AMUSING, DEAR.
DARN SHAME ABOUT WARREN,
ALL ALONE UP IN HIS ROOM.
YES, NO TEA,
NO DINNER.
THE SUN WAS REALLY
TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
YES, HE'S SO FAIR.
NOW,
ISN'T THAT A PERFECT PITY?
I HAD PATE DE FOIS GRAS
ESPECIALLY FOR HIM.
PERHAPS I CAN
SEND SOME UP.
HE COULDN'T
TOUCH A THING.
ALL HE NEEDS
IS A GOOD, STIFF DRINK.
PAUL, TAKE HIM ONE
AND ASK HIM TO COME DOWN.
NO, THAT WOULD BE
BAD FOR HIM.
I'LL GO SEE
HOW UNCLE WARREN IS.
I'VE GOT TO POWDER
MY NOSE, ANYWAY.
WE'LL SEE HOW HE IS.
IF HE'S STILL
FEVERISH...
OH, HOT OR COLD,
BRING HIM DOWN.
A GOOD DRINK'LL FIX HIM
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, I MUST BE OFF.
GOING SO SOON, DARLING?
HOW LONG WILL YOU BE?
OH, ONLY A FEW DAYS.
GOOD-BYE, JOHN.
TAKE CARE OF ALL
THOSE LITTLE FIGURES.
THE OFFICE'LL KEEP IN
TOUCH WITH YOU BY PHONE.
LINDA?
LINDA, THIS ISN'T
A VERY GOOD TIME,
AND IT'S NOT
A VERY GOOD PLACE,
BUT YOU KNOW
HOW I FEEL.
PARDON ME,
WE'D BETTER HURRY, SIR,
OR I'M AFRAID
YOU'LL MISS YOUR PLANE.
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
DARLING,
BEFORE I GO, I...
YOU'VE GOT
A PRETTY GOOD IDEA
OF WHAT
I WANT TO SAY.
WILL YOU THINK
ABOUT IT, LINDA?
OH, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT IT LATER.
WE HAVEN'T
MUCH TIME, SIR.
WHAT DID HE WANT?
I'LL TELL YOU LATER.
WHO IS IT?
IT'S MAY.
ALL DURING DINNER,
I COULD FEEL THE HOT
BREATH OF THE POLICE
ON MY NECK.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT
OF HERE RIGHT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, IF WE CAN
MAKE A ROPE LADDER
OUT OF DENTAL FLOSS.
OLD ADDLEPATE HAS
HIS TONGUE HANGING OUT
FOR MORE OF YOUR
SPICY STORIES.
HE'LL BE UP HERE
ANY MINUTE
TO DRAG YOU DOWNSTAIRS
BODILY.
THINK OF SOMETHING.
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH?
OH, FORGET YOUR STOMACH.
LOOK, WHY DON'T
I GET MR. WHEELER
OUT OF THE WAY?
HE'S LEAVING ON THE 10:00.
WE ONLY HAVE TO
KEEP THEM APART FOR AN HOUR.
THAT'S IT!
KEEP HIM BUSY UNTIL TRAIN
TIME. THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
HOW WAS THAT
PATE DE FOIS GRAS?
OH...
DOESN'T THE NIGHT
AIR FEEL GOOD?
WELL,
HAVE YOU BEEN BUSY
SINCE YOU CAME BACK
TO TOWN?
YES, I HAVE.
I'VE ALSO BEEN TRYING
TO FIND OUR OLD FRIEND
CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
THEY HAVEN'T
CAUGHT HIM YET?
NO, BUT THEY WILL.
I HAVE PRIVATE DETECTIVES
WORKING ON IT.
THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
OH, LOOK.
ISN'T IT SWEET?
YES, AND A LITTLE SAD.
A FAMILY RELIC.
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
VERY NICE.
IN GRANDMA'S DAY,
WE COULD HAVE TAKEN
A MOONLIGHT RIDE.
WHY DON'T WE?
LOOK, THE OLD CANDLE'S
STILL THERE.
WAIT. LET'S SEE
IF IT'S STILL ALIVE.
AH, THINGS WERE SIMPLE
IN GRANDMA'S DAY.
PEOPLE DIDN'T HURRY
THROUGH LIFE.
THEY TOOK TIME
TO ENJOY IT.
NOBODY TRIED TO OWN
THE WHOLE WORLD.
THEY FOUND PLEASURE
IN THE LITTLE THINGS.
EVEN THE SONGS
WERE NICER.
PUT ON YOUR
OLD GRAY BONNET
WITH THE BLUE
RIBBONS ON IT
AND WE'LL HITCH
OLD DOBBIN TO THE SHAY
THROUGH THE FIELDS
OF CLOVER
WE WILL RIDE TO DOVER
ON OUR
GOLDEN WEDDING DAY
LOOK AT THE SONGS
WOMEN INSPIRE TODAY.
BEAT ME, DADDY,
8 TO THE BAR.
YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A QUESTION
I'VE BEEN WANTING
TO ASK YOU.
YES?
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK
OF SOMEONE
WHO PRETENDED TO BE
SOMETHING THEY WEREN'T?
WELL, IF THERE WAS
A GOOD REASON
FOR THE PRETENDING.
THAT STILL MAKES THIS SOMEONE
A PHONY, DOESN'T IT?
I GUESS IT DOES,
BUT YOU CAN'T REALLY
CONDEMN ANYONE
UNTIL YOU HEAR
THEIR SIDE OF IT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
AND YET, WHEN THE TIME
COMES TO EXPLAIN,
YOU CAN'T THINK
OF EVEN A SINGLE EXCUSE.
NO.
"SORRY" IS SUCH
A LITTLE WORD.
WELL, LITTLE AS IT IS,
I'M SAYING IT.
WHAT?
I'VE TRIED TO PUSH IN
WHERE I DON'T BELONG.
I'M NO MILLIONAIRE.
I'M A $65-A-WEEK
ACCOUNTANT.
I OWN 2 SUITS,
ONE WITH A HOLE IN THE SEAT,
AND A WATCH THAT'S SLOW.
THERE ARE 30 MILLION
OTHER GUYS EXACTLY LIKE ME.
WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?
FORGIVE YOU?
YOU'RE NOT MAD?
NO, I--BUT...
BUT THE YACHT
AND EVERYTHING...
OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.
IT'S A GAG.
$65 A WEEK, AND YOU
WANTED TO BUY A YACHT.
LOOK, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
THIS IS MY LIFE,
AND I'M NOT GONNA SPEND
THE BEST YEARS OF IT
IN A SWIVEL CHAIR.
PEOPLE TAKE THEIR MONEY
AND LOCK IT UP
IN SAFE DEPOSIT BOXES
AND DON'T USE IT.
THEY DO THE SAME THING
WITH THEIR LIVES.
NOT ME. I'M TAKING
TIME OUT TO LIVE.
YOU HAVEN'T ANY MONEY,
SO YOU'RE GOING TO
RETIRE AND BUY A YACHT.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
YES, IT DOES.
I COULD BE LIKE
THE OTHER FELLAS,
FIGHTING THEIR WAY
TO THE TOP
AND I'LL PROBABLY
HAVE A YACHT WHEN I'M 65,
BUT THEN I'LL BE TOO OLD
TO ENJOY IT.
I WANT IT NOW.
BUT WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR MONEY?
WHERE DID THAT
15,000 COME FROM?
YOU STOLE IT?
YES...FROM MY SALARY.
FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS,
I'VE BANKED HALF
OF EVERY CHECK
AND ALL
MY CHRISTMAS BONUSES.
AND YOU LOST
EVERY CENT?
THANKS TO CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
I HAD TO WIRE MY BOSS
COLLECT FOR BUS FARE BACK.
BUT ON $65 A WEEK.
HOW CAN YOU SAVE
THAT MUCH?
IT CAN BE DONE.
WHY, YOU DO
YOUR OWN LAUNDRY,
EAT IN ONE-ARM JOINTS,
NO MOVIES, NO CLOTHES.
I GUESS YOU WANTED TO GO
SAILING PRETTY BADLY.
OH, I'VE BEEN SAILING SHIPS
EVER SINCE I WAS
KNEE-HIGH TO A BOWSPRIT,
BUT THEY ALWAYS
BELONGED TO SOMEONE ELSE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
J.P. MORGAN JR.
I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU
EVENTUALLY,
AND SOMEHOW, I--I THOUGHT
THAT HAVING THE BOAT
WOULD SOLVE A LOT OF THINGS.
I COULD HAVE
MADE IT PAY, TOO.
HAULING CARGO UP AND DOWN
SOUTH AMERICA,
I HAD IT ALL WORKED OUT.
OH, WHAT'S THE USE
OF JUSTIFYING IT?
I WANTED YOU SO BADLY,
I'D HAVE PRETENDED ANYTHING.
WHAT AM I SAYING?
I CAN'T COMPETE WITH FELLAS
LIKE FENWICK.
WHOEVER HEARD OF
A MILK-WAGON HORSE
WINNING THE DERBY?
I HAVE...
TONIGHT.
YEAH.
WE SHOULDN'T BE
DOING THIS.
WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW EACH OTHER.
I KNOW, WE'RE CRAZY.
I GUESS WE ARE.
I FEEL WEAK
ALL OVER.
IT WAS
JUST LIKE THAT
WHEN YOU KISSED ME
IN CALIFORNIA,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS
SILLY TO FEEL THAT WAY
OVER A PERFECT
STRANGER.
IT WAS SORT OF
A SICKISH SENSATION?
YES, IT WAS AWFUL.
IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT
WITH ME, EXACTLY.
HOW DID
YOUR STOMACH FEEL?
HOLLOW.
MINE, TOO.
DOES IT FEEL HOLLOW NOW?
EVEN HOLLOWER.
THEN YOU MUST BE
IN LOVE, TOO.
IS THAT WHAT
IT'S LIKE?
THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE.
THEN I GUESS
I MUST BE IN LOVE.
I GUESS SO.
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
DID A GOOD JOB
KEEPING HIM BUSY.
WHERE'D YOU GO,
ANYWAY?
OH, WELL, NEVER MIND.
WHAT I'M DYING TO HEAR
IS HOW YOU'VE GOTTEN ON
WITH YOUNG FENWICK.
OH, MAY, I'M SO HAPPY.
HE PROPOSED.
HE DID?!
OH, DARLING!
LET ME BE THE FIRST
TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
THAT'S PROBABLY
MOTHER AND DAD.
COME IN.
READY?
HELLO,
MRS. WORTHINGTON.
I--I THOUGHT YOU WERE
ON THE 10:00 TRAIN.
WELL, MOTHER...
I GUESS THIS IS
A GOOD A TIME AS ANY.
I'M NO MILLIONAIRE.
I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.
I MAKE $65 A WEEK.
65 A...
I KNOW I DON'T
DESERVE HER.
I HAVE NOTHING TO
OFFER BUT MY LOVE,
BUT I'M GONNA TRY
TO MAKE HER HAPPY.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOUR DAUGHTER'S
HAND IN MARRIAGE.
WELL, THERE MUST--
THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.
NO, THERE ISN'T.
I TOLD YOU HE PROPOSED.
HE? HIM?
WILL YOU LEAVE HERE
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE,
YOU--YOU IMPOSTOR!
I'LL BE PACKED
IN JUST A MINUTE.
YOU LUNATIC!
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
IT MEANS THAT I'M
GOING AWAY WITH HIM
AND NOTHING THAT
YOU CAN DO OR SAY
WILL STOP ME.
HAVE YOU GONE
OUT OF YOUR MIND?
WHAT ABOUT TOD FENWICK?
YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON US
JUST AS WE'RE ABOUT
TO HIT THE JACKPOT.
WE'RE ALL SET
TO MAKE A COOL MILLION.
STRANGELY ENOUGH,
I'M NOT A BIT
INTERESTED.
I HAVE WHAT I WANT.
LISTEN, PETER PAN,
FACE FACTS.
IF THAT SHORT HAIRCUT
EVER FINDS OUT
YOU GYPPED HIM,
YOU'LL WIND UP IN JAIL
OR BACK IN
THE GIRDLE DEPARTMENT.
A SUCKER NEVER FORGIVES
OR FORGETS.
I'LL WORRY ABOUT THAT
WHEN THE TIME COMES.
NOW, BE A DEAR
AND HELP ME PACK.
WE'LL BE IN NEW YORK
IN 45 MINUTES.
THANK YOU.
WHAT'S THAT?
HOW TO SUPPORT A WIFE
AND GET A YACHT
ON $65 A WEEK.
SAVINGS: $31, FOOD, $15,
RENT, $15, MISCELLANEOUS, $4.00?
THAT'S FOR CLOTHES,
DOCTOR BILLS,
AND ANY LITTLE
EMERGENCIES
THAT COME UP,
AND IN 10 YEARS,
WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH
TO GET ANOTHER BOAT.
OH, I LEFT OUT $10
EVERY WEEK FOR ACME.
FOR WHO?
THAT'S
THE DETECTIVE AGENCY
I HIRED TO CATCH
THAT CROOK.
THAT'S A NECESSARY
EXPENSE.
IF THEY'D ONLY TRAP
THAT RAT WITH MY MONEY,
WE'D HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
YES, THAT WOULD
BE DANDY.
IT DOESN'T LOOK
SO GOOD NOW.
EXPECTING
A GIRL LIKE YOU
TO GIVE UP
EVERYTHING
AND SCRIMP AND SAVE
TO BUY A BOAT.
IT WAS ALL RIGHT
WHEN I WAS ALONE,
BUT NOW, IT'S NOT
THE SAME ANYMORE.
BUT I WANT IT
TO BE THE SAME.
I DON'T WANT
TO SPOIL ANYTHING.
BY RIGHTS,
WE SHOULD BE SAVING
TO BUY A HOUSE ON A HILL
WITH GINGHAM CURTAINS
AND KIDS RUNNIN' AROUND
PLAYING COWBOYS AND INDIANS.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST
BEING IMPRACTICAL.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
MAYBE YOUR MOTHER
WAS RIGHT.
YOU'RE GIVING UP
ALL THE SWEET THINGS
FOR THE BITTER:
DODGING TAXIS INSTEAD
OF RIDING IN THEM,
DRINKING COFFEE
OUT OF CHIPPED CUPS,
HAVING YOUR SHOES
RESOLED.
IT'S A WORLD
YOU NEVER KNEW.
YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING
TO SCARE ME, WOULD YOU?
OH, IF IT WASN'T
FOR THAT DIRTY SKUNK,
WE'D HAVE EVERYTHING
WE WANT TOMORROW.
WE CAN, ANYWAY.
I HAVE SOME MONEY OF MY OWN,
JUST 15,000.
I--I SAVED IT
OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE.
I WAS AFRAID YOU'D
DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
WHY SHOULDN'T
WE SHARE EVERYTHING?
AFTER ALL, IT'S REALLY
AS MUCH YOUR MONEY
AS IT IS MINE.
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY OUT.
IT'S PROBABLY YOUR
NIGHTCLUB SPENDING MONEY.
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE A HEADWAITER.
I'M NOT GONNA BE ONE OF
SOCIETY'S KEPT MEN.
NO, SIR, THERE'S SUCH
A THING AS SELF-RESPECT.
AND THERE'S SUCH A THING
AS PIG-HEADED STUBBORNNESS.
NOW, LISTEN,
I WON'T TOUCH A CENT
OF YOUR MONEY,
WE MIGHT AS WELL
FACE IT.
YOU'LL HAVE TO LIVE
ON MY SALARY.
YOU'VE GOT TO ANSWER
YES OR NO.
YES.
I'M GONNA EAT WHAT YOU EAT
AND LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE.
AT MRS. CLANCY'S
ROOMING HOUSE?
IF THAT'S WHERE YOU LIVE,
THAT'S WHERE I LIVE.
I'M GOING TO DO
ALL THE THINGS YOU DO.
I WANT TO BE
SO MUCH LIKE YOU
THAT WE WON'T BE 2 PEOPLE,
WE'LL BE ONE.
AND ONE CAN LIVE
CHEAPER THAN 2.
I'M SURE GLAD
YA GOT IT PATCHED UP,
BUT WHY DON'T YA
TAKE THE MONEY?
WHO IS IT?
A GENTLEMAN WHO'S
GOING TO TAKE HIS INTENDED
TO THE FINEST CHEAP
RESTAURANT IN TOWN...
IF SHE'LL PUT ON HER HAT
AND NOT TAKE TOO LONG.
WOULDN'T YOU RATHER
HAVE A HOME-COOKED MEAL,
AS THE SAYING GOES?
DON'T TELL ME
YOU CAN COOK, TOO.
YOU'RE REALLY
COOKING DINNER?
WITH MY OWN
LITTLE HANDS.
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
THE CHOPS MAY BE
THE SAME WAY.
SAY, I'VE REALLY GOT
A TRIPLE-THREAT WOMAN,
HAVEN'T I?
CLASS, BEAUTY,
NOW DOMESTICITY.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
ABOUT THIS.
I COULDN'T
VERY WELL GO AROUND
WEARING A NEON SIGN
ON MY BATHING SUIT.
I COOK, TOO.
I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T.
I'D HAVE BEEN
TRAMPLED IN THE RUSH.
OH, HELLO,
MR. KELLOGG.
HELLO.
COME ON IN HERE.
OH, DINNER. DON'T
LIKE TO INTERRUPT.
AW. THIS IS MR. KELLOGG
FROM ACME,
MY DETECTIVE AGENCY.
MISS WORTHINGTON.
HOW YA?
GOOD EVENING.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN,
MR. KELLOGG?
WHAT'S THAT NAME
AGAIN?
WORTHINGTON.
I ALWAYS LIKE TO
GET NAMES STRAIGHT.
YOU KNOW, NAMES
ARE MY BUSINESS.
WELL, MR. KELLOGG,
WHAT LUCK?
OH, A SLIPPERY BUNCH,
A VERY SLIPPERY BUNCH.
BUNCH?
BEEN AT IT
NIGHT AND DAY
AND FOR WHAT
WE'RE GETTIN',
THIS CASE IS COSTIN'
US 10 TIMES AS MUCH
AS YOU'RE PAYIN'.
YOU SAID "BUNCH."
THERE WERE OTHERS?
EXACTLY.
YOU WERE VICTIMIZED
BY NOT ONLY ONE MAN,
BUT BY A WHOLE RING
OF CROOKS.
I DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY
BUT THIS CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE WRONG.
A GANG OF THREE.
WHERE ARE THEY?
OH, KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON,
MR. WHEELER.
ROME WASN'T BUILT
IN A DAY.
I DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY ELSE,
DID YOU?
NO, BUT THERE
MIGHT HAVE BEEN,
FOR ALL WE KNOW.
WAS SHE PRESENT,
MISS WEATHERTON, HERE?
WORTHINGTON.
YES, SHE WAS.
WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE
TOLD ME THIS BEFORE.
WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING IS
CAN YOU CATCH 'EM, THESE PEOPLE?
CAN WE?
ACME NEVER SLEEPS.
I HOPE WE GET 'EM BEFORE
THEY SPEND ALL THE MONEY.
OH, REST EASY.
THIS TIME NEXT WEEK,
YOU'LL BE
SHAKIN' MY HAND
DOWN AT
THE POLICE STATION
AND PAYIN' ME
THAT REWARD.
REWARD?
I'M GIVING MR. KELLOGG
10% OF EVERYTHING HE RECOVERS.
YEAH,
AND WITH THAT DOUGH,
I'M BUILDIN' ME
A SUMMER HOME
WHERE I CAN
SHOOT DUCKS.
THERE'S A THRILL
FOR YA!
BANG! BANG!
PLOP IN THE WATER.
DEAD DUCK.
THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S NICE.
TALKIN' ABOUT MONEY
WHILE I'M HERE,
WE MIGHT AS WELL
KEEP THE ACCOUNT
UP TO DATE.
YOU WOULDN'T
RATHER WAIT TILL MONDAY?
I ALWAYS LIKE TO KEEP
RIGHT UP TO SNUFF.
DON'T WORRY,
MISS FURTHINGTON,
ANY MINUTE NOW,
WE'LL BE SNAPPIN'
THE BRACELETS ON 'EM.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
THANK YOU.
WELL, I'LL BE
CHECKIN' WITH YA.
NICE KID.
OH, HE MAY LOOK
A LITTLE DUMB,
BUT HE'S FROM
THE BEST AGENCY IN TOWN.
IF ANYBODY CAN CATCH THEM,
KELLOGG CAN.
DARLING,
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE FRYING EGGS
IN OUR OWN GALLEY,
AND IT CAN'T BE
ANY TOO SOON FOR ME.
YES, IT CAN'T BE ANY--
THE CHOPS!
I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S ONE DINNER
WHEN YOU'LL
BE COOKING FOR ME
FOR THE NEXT
200 YEARS?
MY INVITATION
STILL STANDS.
GET YOUR
UMBRELLA AND HAT,
AND I'LL
CHANGE MY TIE.
OH, DARLING,
BEFORE I FORGET,
WILL YOU DO AN ERRAND
FOR ME TOMORROW?
TO THE MOON AND BACK.
I'VE GOT SOME MONEY I'D
LIKE YOU TO DEPOSIT FOR ME.
SURE. WHAT BANK?
WELL, I CLOSED
MY OLD ACCOUNT.
THERE'S NO SENSE
IN OPENING A NEW ONE
UNDER MISS WORTHINGTON
WHEN I'M GOING TO BE
MRS. WHEELER SO SOON.
SO?
SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST DEPOSIT IT
IN YOURS FOR NOW.
MAKE IT SORT OF
A JOINT ACCOUNT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER!
DON'T PULL THAT
INNOCENT STUFF!
THERE YA GO,
PLOTTING AGAIN.
JOHN, I ONLY--
THAT'S A NICE TRICK.
TRYING TO SNEAK
YOUR SOCIETY MONEY TO ME
RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE
WHILE MY BACK IS TURNED.
I MERELY WANTED TO--
WE'VE BEEN
ALL THROUGH THIS!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
YOU MENTION MONEY AGAIN!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
IT'S NOTHING
TO GET UPSET ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM,
ANYWAY?
THERE, THERE, NOW--
I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR:
I WOULDN'T LET YOU
BUY ME A TRIP ON THE SUBWAY.
ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN
RUN ALONG BEHIND.
AM I FORGIVEN?
NO, NOT YET.
I WANT TO SULK FOR A WHILE.
IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE
A FACE LIKE THAT,
OUR QUARRELS WOULD LAST
A LOT LONGER.
WE'LL HAVE PLENTY
OF TIME TO FIGHT
AFTER WE'RE MARRIED.
RIGHT NOW, LET'S
GO OUT AND CELEBRATE
OUR ENGAGEMENT.
ALL RIGHT.
GO WASH YOUR FACE.
GO WASH YOUR FACE.
HELLO?
PUT HER ON.
HELLO, LINDA. WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME?
OH, COLONEL, I'M IN
A TERRIBLE HURRY.
I NEED A FAVOR. WILL YOU?
OH, YOU'RE AWFULLY SWEET.
IT'S THIS:
I HAVE $15,000 I WANT YOU
TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY.
OH, I'M SORRY, MY DEAR,
THIS MUST BE
A BAD CONNECTION.
FOR A MOMENT,
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU WANTED TO GIVE
SOMEBODY $15,000.
I SEE. DO YOU FEEL WELL?
OH, OF COURSE I PROMISE.
BUT I MUST SAY THIS IS
A LITTLE BIT OUT OF MY LINE.
YOU'RE A DARLING.
HIS NAME IS WHEELER,
AND HE'S GOT TO GET IT BACK
SO HE THINKS
HE'S WINNING IT,
YOU KNOW, A LUCKY STREAK?
OH, THIS IS
A NEW YORK FAIRY TALE.
WE'LL MAKE HISTORY--
GIVING MONEY AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, SEND IT
ROUND BY MESSENGER.
NOW, WHERE
DO YOU WANT TO START?
WELL, LET ME SEE.
IT'LL HAVE TO BE DONE
IN EASY STAGES.
HE'S A LITTLE CONSERVATIVE.
BETTER START AT NICK'S.
HEY, BUDDY!
YOU'RE IN LOW GEAR!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
THIS IS NO PLACE
TO CELEBRATE
OUR ENGAGEMENT.
IT'S THE CHEAPEST.
BUT NOT VERY ROMANTIC.
IF I ASKED FOR A WALTZ,
THEY'D KNIFE ME!
HOW ABOUT
SOME ROOT BEER?
IT WOULD BE JUST MY LUCK
TO MARRY A WOMAN WHO DRINKS.
I'LL WAIT
FOR YOU HERE.
ARE YOU NICK?
I'M CHICK.
NICK IS SICK.
DID THE COLONEL
PHONE?
OH, HELLO.
YEAH, EVERYTHING IS FIXED.
YA SURE YOU WANT HIM
TO WIN?
MAYBE I AIN'T HOID RIGHT.
YOU "HOID" RIGHT.
YOU MUST BE CRAZY, HUH?
THAT WOULD
BE TELLIN'.
THERE HE IS
WITH THE ROOT BEER.
YOU CAN'T SAY
I DIDN'T TRY.
YOU DID VERY WELL.
NOBODY EVER MAKES IT.
YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF MINE.
A PRIZE.
A RING!
NOW IT'S OFFICIAL.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT.
I DIDN'T WANT
TO SPEND TOO MUCH,
BUT I WANTED SOMETHING
THAT WAS NICE.
TIFFANY'S.
IT'S JUST WHAT
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
THE STONES AREN'T AS BIG
AS I'D HAVE LIKED,
BUT THE SETTING'S
PRETTY.
OH, I FEEL SO LUCKY.
SAY, LET'S PUT A NICKEL
IN ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
NO.
COME ON.
NO, WE CAN ONLY
SAVE OUR QUOTA
BARRING ACCIDENTS,
AND GAMBLING IS ONE
OF THOSE ACCIDENTS.
AW, ONE NICKEL.
TONIGHT'S OUR LUCKY NIGHT.
THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AS LUCK.
THESE THINGS
ARE A SIMPLE MATTER
OF MATHEMATICS,
UNLESS
THEY'RE FIXED,
IN WHICH CASE,
THEY NEVER PAY OFF.
BUT THERE IS
SUCH A THING AS LUCK.
DARLING,
IF THERE'S ONE THING
I THOROUGHLY
UNDERSTAND,
IT'S NUMBERS.
JUST APPLY THE LAW
OF PROBABILITIES.
WHY, THERE'S ONLY ONE
CHANCE IN 500,000
THAT A SLOT MACHINE
WILL PAY OFF.
WHY WASTE
THE NICKEL?
BUT THERE'S NEVER BEEN
A LAW PASSED AGAINST LUCK.
WHY, EVEN MR. EINSTEIN
MIGHT PUT A NICKEL IN
AND HIT THE JACKPOT.
IT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN
A HALF A MILLION TIMES.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SHOW YA.
YA SEE?
I TOLD YOU TONIGHT
WAS OUR LUCKY NIGHT.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T
PROVE ANYTHING.
IT'S JUST DUE TO
COME UP, THAT'S ALL.
IT PROVES YOU'RE LUCKY.
THAT'S SILLY.
LUCK.
HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
GIVE IN, MR. WHEELER.
WE'RE A LUCKY
COMBINATION.
SAY, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
IT'S A MATHEMATICAL
COINCIDENCE.
IT CAN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
HOW MANY MACHINES
DO YOU HAVE HERE?
35.
THE ODDS ARE
27 MILLION TO 3
THAT I WON'T HIT
ANOTHER JACKPOT.
WE GOT A PROFESSOR
HERE TONIGHT.
A BIG GENIUS.
SCIENCE LEAVES
NO ROOM FOR LUCK.
IT GOT IN SOMEHOW.
THIS IS FANTASTIC!
THEY'RE OUT OF ORDER!
IT'S A MECHANICAL FLUKE!
THEY'VE GONE HAYWIRE!
I'LL PROVE THAT THIS
IS MATHEMATICS
IF IT'S THE LAST THING
I EVER DO.
LUCK IS
THE MOST STUPID--
NOBODY WITH
ANY INTELLIGENCE...
BOY, IS HE...
7 THE WINNER.
COMING OUT.
7, THE WINNER!
DADDY! 4 IN A ROW!
I'M IN ON THIS.
LET IT RIDE?
YOU SAID IT!
7, THE WINNER!
COME ON, LUCKY!
I'M NOT. I TELL YOU,
IT'S JUST FREAKISH.
I CAN'T POSSIBLY
THROW ANOTHER 7.
11, THE WINNER!
LET IT RIDE!
8 IN A ROW!
WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT,
MR. WHEELER?!
I DON'T CALL IT
LUCK.
THERE ARE ONLY
12 SIDES TO DICE.
THAT'S ONLY 530
DIFFERENT POSSIBLE
COMBINATIONS.
JUST BECAUSE THE SAME
COMBINATION COMES UP
SEVERAL TIMES,
IT DOESN'T MEAN--
ALL RIGHT, BUT
IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE...
7, THE WINNER!
THOSE DICE ARE CROOKED!
NOW LET'S PLAY ROULETTE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE
ODDS ARE ON ROULETTE?
SILLY,
YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.
AW, COME ON,
JUST ONCE.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
THERE, NOW,
15's A GOOD NUMBER.
DARLING, DON'T DO THAT.
18, RED, EVEN.
WE WIN! NOW DO YOU
BELIEVE ME, DARLING?
PLACE
YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
23, RED.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
6, EVEN, BLACK.
I WIN.
YOU SEE?
I JUST CAN'T
FIGURE IT OUT.
WELL, MAYBE I CAN.
MAYBE I CAN.
IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GAVE DAME FORTUNE
A LITTLE CREDIT.
2 ODD IN A ROW, 3 EVEN.
IT'S DE MORGAN'S THEORY.
IN ANY NUMERICAL SERIES,
THE FREQUENCY WITH WHICH
ANY GIVEN NUMBER APPEARS
IS IN DIRECT RATIO
TO THE NUMBER OF POSSIBILITIES
AND THE FREQUENCY
OF RESULTS.
THAT'S WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON.
I TOLD YOU IT WAS MATHEMATICS.
WHATEVER IT IS,
KEEP GOING.
PLACE
YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
DARLING, I THINK
I'M WORKING ON A GREAT FORMULA.
I WANT TO TRY IT
ON THE NUMBERS.
ENJOYING YOURSELF, SIR?
OH, DARLING, I WANT YOU
TO KNOW COLONEL PRENTISS.
HE'S THE BOSS HERE.
HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
HOW DO YOU DO?
I CONGRATULATE YOU
ON RUNNING AN HONEST GAME,
OTHERWISE, MATHEMATICAL LAW
WOULDN'T WORK.
THANK YOU, SIR.
I'M GIVING YOU FAIR WARNING.
I'M GONNA BREAK THE PLACE.
I'M GRATEFUL
FOR THE TIP.
WHAT WERE THE LAST
WINNING NUMBERS?
17, 11, 5, SIR.
I'LL NEED SOME PAPER.
I'LL GET IT.
YOU KEEP PLAYING.
AND A PENCIL.
12.
OH, BILL, TAKE
THAT PAD AND PENCIL
TO THAT GENTLEMAN
IN THE GRAY SUIT.
YES, SIR.
2 SPECIALS, JACK.
YES, SIR.
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
NUMBER 15.
HE'S AWFULLY CUTE,
ISN'T HE,
SCRIBBLING DOWN
ALL THOSE NUMBERS?
JUST LIKE
A SCHOOLBOY.
I GATHER YOU RATHER
LIKE HIM.
I RATHER DO.
19.
AMUSING LAD, THAT.
HAS A SYSTEM, EH?
NUMBER 19.
19! IT'S 19!
MY NUMBER!
I KNEW IT WOULD BE.
I SAY, WARREN DOESN'T OBJECT
TO THIS WIPING THE SLATE CLEAN
BUSINESS, DOES HE?
I HOPE NO PART
OF THIS 15,000 IS HIS.
OH, NO. THIS WAS
A PRIVATE MATTER.
OH, THANK YOU.
I WANT TO TAKE
THIS TO HIM.
8 WINS. EVEN.
HERE.
I DID IT AGAIN.
I GOT IT LICKED.
THAT'S MIRACULOUS.
I JUST ALLOWED FOR THE FREQUENCY
DISTRIBUTION OF ERRORS.
I BELIEVE YOU,
DARLING.
COULD I CASH THESE IN,
PLEASE?
AW, NOT YET.
I BEAT ROULETTE,
AND I CAN GO ON BEATING IT.
KEEP GOING. MAYBE
YOU CAN WIN OUR BOAT.
AND 6 MONTHS' PROVISIONS.
CASH THESE IN
AT THE WINDOW.
SEEMS A SHAME TO QUIT NOW
WHEN YOU HAVEN'T FAR TO GO.
I FEEL DIZZY.
I CAN'T THINK ANYMORE.
WELL,
A NICE BIT OF LUCK.
I MUST BE A LITTLE DIZZY.
I HAVEN'T DONE
SO MUCH FIGURING
SINCE I SET UP
THE FENWICK TRUST FUND.
ROULETTE TAKES SUCH
INTENSE CONCENTRATION.
YOU GOTTA CONSIDER EACH
OF 37 DIFFERENT POSSIBILITIES.
YES, DEAR.
THAT'S GOOD LEMONADE,
ISN'T IT?
MOSTLY RUM, DEAR.
THERE YOU ARE. $14,103.
YOU'RE ONLY 900 AWAY
FROM YOUR BOAT.
COME ON,
LET'S TRY ONCE MORE.
RIGHT NOW, I COULDN'T ADD UP
2 AND 2. LET'S GO HOME.
ISN'T IT WONDERFUL
WINNING ALL THIS MONEY?
WONDERFUL? IT'S JUST
THE OLD SCIENTIFIC MIND
AT WORK.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
"WHEELER, MY BOY,
YOU HAVE MATHEMATICAL
SAGACITY."
YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT?
PATRICK HENRY.
NO.
IT WAS MY PROFESSOR.
YOU KNOW WHO THE TOP MAN
IN THE CLASS WAS?
THE PROFESSOR.
NO, ME.
I GUESS I PROVED
IT'S NOT LUCK, DIDN'T I?
JUST THE OLD SAGACITY.
I DON'T BET WILLY-NILLY.
YES, DEAR.
YOU CAN'T LOSE.
THEY'RE AT MY MERCY.
YES, DEAR.
I COULD WORK OUT A SYSTEM
AT ANYTHING. IT'S A CINCH.
WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE
ANY OLD FISH BARGE.
NO, DEAR.
WE'LL HAVE A 2O0-FOOTER
WITH TWIN DIESEL MOTORS
CHUGGING BACK AND FORTH.
CHUG-CHUG.
THANK YOU, SIR.
COME ON, DARLING.
IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME.
DON'T MENTION IT.
MORNING.
GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.
COME IN FOR JUST A MINUTE.
AW, IT'S TOO LATE.
I'LL TALK LOUD
AND WAKE EVERYBODY UP.
ALL RIGHT.
JUST FOR ONE MINUTE.
GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.
YOU BETTER
GET SOME SLEEP.
SLEEP.
SLEEP.
HELLO, PRIEST-WHITEHALL,
INCORPORATED?
CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANTS
AND INVESTMENT BROKERS?
WELL, THIS IS JOHN WHEELER.
YEAH, WAGE-SLAVE NUMBER 65.
I WON'T BE IN
THIS MORNING.
I WON'T EVER BE IN.
I'M QUITTING,
AND YOU'RE ALL FIRED.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I HAVE GREAT NEWS
FOR YOU.
TOD FENWICK
PROPOSED BY WIRE,
AND WE ACCEPTED
IN YOUR NAME.
THE WEDDING WILL BE
NEXT SUNDAY.
WELL, I HOPE THE THREE OF YOU
WILL BE VERY HAPPY.
I WILL, BECAUSE
I WON'T BE THERE.
OH, LINDA, DARLING,
BE SENSIBLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS MEANS TO WARREN.
WHY, TOD FENWICK IS
HIS BIGGEST CATCH.
IF YOU DON'T PLAY BALL
WITH WARREN,
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT HE'LL DO.
MAY, YOU'RE WASTING
YOUR TIME.
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES
WITH WARREN.
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE
STUBBORN ABOUT IT.
REMEMBER I WARNED YOU.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU,
BABY, ANYWAY.
THANKS, MAY.
OH, HELLO,
MR. KELLOGG.
YOUR MOTHER IS
A CHARMING LADY,
ISN'T SHE?
THAT SEEMS TO BE
THE GENERAL OPINION.
HOME FROM WORK YET?
OH, NO.
NO, HE ISN'T HOME
FROM WORK YET.
SOMETHING IMPORTANT?
WELL, I WANTED TO GET HIM
TO SIGN A WARRANT
FOR SOMEBODY'S ARREST,
MISS WORTHINGTON.
I BETTER HAVE A LOOK-SEE.
I TELL YOU, I JUST
LOOKED IN A MINUTE AGO.
UH, HE NEVER GETS HOME
TILL ABOUT 5:30.
IT'S ONLY 4:15 NOW.
WHY DON'T YOU COME
BACK IN AN HOUR?
I'LL WAIT.
WON'T YOU COME
IN HERE AND WAIT?
YEAH.
YEAH.
PLEASE SIT DOWN.
GOING SOMEWHERE?
OH, JUST MOVING
TO ANOTHER FLAT.
WELL, HOW HAVE
YOU BEEN?
EH, DIDN'T SLEEP
A WINK ALL NIGHT.
BEEN TRAILING
PEOPLE.
AW, THAT'S TOO BAD.
CAN I GET YOU
SOME HOT MILK?
NO, THAT WOULD
ONLY MAKE ME DOPEY.
YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE A NICE KID,
BUT IN MY BUSINESS
YOU CAN'T BE
SENTIMENTAL
AND GO
DUCK HUNTING, TOO.
IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.
FOLLOW THAT TAXI.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MISS WORTHINGTON.
WHERE MIGHT YOU BE
TIPTOEING TO?
We're
leaving, Mrs. Clancy.
YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY
FOR THE WHOLE WEEK.
Yes. This will take
care of us both.
THANKS.
YOU DIDN'T TAKE
ANY OF MY NICE DISHES,
DID YOU?
That's not
very funny.
WHAT ARE YOU
WHISPERING ABOUT?
I've got asthma.
Oh, no, don't go
in there.
WHY NOT?
It's still my room.
I've paid for
the whole week.
I still want
to use it.
LEAVE YOUR FORWARDING
ADDRESS DOWNSTAIRS.
HELLO, HONEY.
31. I DID IT AGAIN!
DARLING,
I JUST WON $225,000
IN THE LAST HALF HOUR.
JOHN, I THINK--
IMAGINE WHAT WE'LL DO
TO THE CHUKKA TONIGHT.
I'LL OWN THE PLACE
BY MORNING.
THE CHUKKA WILL BE
A LITTLE UNWIELDY
TO SAIL
TO SOUTH AMERICA.
COME ON, DARLING,
YOU HAVE TO GET READY.
WHAT'S THE HURRY?
HEY, I KNOW A BARKENTINE
WITH AN ALL-STEEL HULL
I CAN GET FOR 120,000.
DARLING, WE'RE
TAKING THE PLANE
TO CALIFORNIA TONIGHT.
WHAT?!
WE PLANNED IT ALL
LAST NIGHT.
WE DID?
I DON'T REMEMBER,
SWEETHEART.
DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING
ABOUT LAST NIGHT?
JUST THAT I WAS
THE HAPPIEST GUY
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
LAST NIGHT
AND RIGHT NOW.
GOOD MORNING,
MRS. WHEELER.
SAY, THAT'S GONNA
SOUND GOOD.
LINDA AND JOHN WHEELER.
I LIKE THAT.
THEY'RE REAL
OLD-FASHIONED NAMES.
SOUND LIKE A COUPLE
OF PILGRIMS.
DO WE HAVE TO GO
TONIGHT?
YOU PROMISED.
I'M ALL PACKED.
WHAT'S THE HURRY?
YOU DON'T SEEM
TO REALIZE, HONEY,
WHAT I'VE GOT.
I'M GRATEFUL FOR
WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE.
NO, YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND, BABY.
EVERY MAN HAS HIS MOMENT.
WELL, THIS IS MINE.
I'VE CERTAINLY WAITED
LONG ENOUGH FOR IT.
NOW'S NO TIME
TO WALK OUT.
WHY NOT? WE'VE GOT
ALL WE WANT.
WELL, WAIT
A COUPLE OF MONTHS.
I'LL BUY YOU THE STATE
OF RHODE ISLAND
AND PUT SAILS ON IT.
LOOK, DARLING,
SYSTEMS HAVE A WAY
OF ACTING LIKE
FOLDING BEDS.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET CAUGHT.
IT'S RAINING
$5.00 GOLD PIECES,
AND YOU WON'T LET ME
STOP AND PICK THEM UP.
LOOK,
YOU DON'T REALIZE
THERE MUST BE
50 OTHER PLACES
LIKE THE CHUKKA.
I'LL KNOCK THEM OVER
ONE BY ONE.
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GO TO CALIFORNIA.
WE'LL GO--
BUT WE'LL TAKE
HALF OF NEW YORK
ON THE PLANE WITH US.
JOHN, WE'RE LEAVING NOW.
YOU KNOW,
THAT'S FUNNY.
THAT SOUNDED
LIKE A COMMAND.
IT CERTAINLY DIDN'T
SOUND LIKE YOU.
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY DON'T
SOUND LIKE YOURSELF EITHER.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND
WHAT YOU WANT TO BE
WHEN YOU GROW UP.
WELL, NOW,
LOOK, LINDA.
I'M LOOKING AND I CAN
SEE VERY CLEARLY.
HALF OF NEW YORK,
RHODE ISLAND.
WHY, YOU SOUND LIKE
A REAL ESTATE AGENT.
WHAT BECAME OF ALL
THOSE ROSY DREAMS
ABOUT BLUE LAGOONS
AND GOLDEN SUNSETS?
NOW THAT YOU CAN HAVE THEM,
WHY, YOU WANT
TO SPEND YOUR TIME
IN SOMEBODY'S BACK ROOM
PLAYING ROULETTE
WITH A LOT OF CHISELERS.
YOU KNOW THAT'S
NOT WHAT I WANT.
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT?
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW
SO I CAN MAKE UP MINE.
I'VE MADE IT UP.
WHERE DO
WE GO FIRST?
OH, WELL...
FIRST WE EAT...
THEN WE'LL GO DO SOME
LAST-MINUTE SHOPPING.
NO, THAT'S NOT MINE.
THEN GO BUY THE TICKETS.
HAVE I GOT EVERYTHING?
SURE.
YOU KNOW, THE LAW
OF PROBABILITIES
HAS BEEN
AWFULLY GOOD TO ME.
OUT OF
130 MILLION PEOPLE
THAT YOU SHOULD
WIND UP ON MY DOORSTEP.
I HOPE YOU'LL ALWAYS
FEEL THAT WAY.
OH, I GOT TO PAY
MRS. CLANCY.
MRS. CLANCY!
I've already paid her.
YOU DID?
What's the matter?
Mrs. Clancy's
having a baby.
What?
She's a widow.
Well, live
and let live.
I DON'T SEE WHY
YOU DON'T WANT TO
TAKE A LATER PLANE.
YOU ACT AS THOUGH
IT WAS A MATTER
OF LIFE AND DEATH.
OH, IT'S JUST THAT
I WANT TO BE ON OUR WAY.
WE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE
TO GET TICKETS
THE LAST MINUTE.
OH, WE SHOULD.
WHY, THERE ARE
4 PLANES A DAY.
OH, WHILE
YOU'RE WAITING,
I'LL GO GET SOME THINGS
AT THE DRUGSTORE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ANYTHING YOU WANT?
YEAH, SHAVING CREAM
AND A KISS.
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY?
THEY'LL JUST THINK
WE'RE SAYING GOOD-BYE.
PAPER, MISTER?
PAPER!
PAPER! PAPER,
MISTER? PAPER!
LINDA!
DARLING!
PAPER, MISTER?
PAPER?
I'M SO HAPPY.
I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY EITHER.
I JUST TALKED
TO MOTHER FROM CHICAGO.
IT SEEMS THAT SUNDAY'S
A LITTLE SOON
FOR EVERYBODY,
BUT NOT FOR ME.
COME ON OVER HERE, TOD.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU.
WHAT, DARLING?
OH, I MUST EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO YOU, TOD.
LOOK, DEAR, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENTS.
I'LL TAKE CARE
OF EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR?
OH, I FORGOT
TO PHONE MOTHER.
YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE'LL PHONE HER LATER.
OH, NO, NO,
I MUST RIGHT NOW.
WELL!
HEY, IF YOU WANT
TO GO OUT,
USE THE DOOR
MARKED EXIT.
I--I--YOU!
QUICK, DRIVE
TO JERSEY CITY,
BUT I WON'T BE
WITH YOU.
HEY, WHAT KIND
OF A GAG IS THIS?
HERE'S $20.
DON'T LET ANYBODY
CATCH YOU!
FOR $20 NOT EVEN
MY WIFE'LL CATCH ME,
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
MY WIFE.
SEE THAT SECOND CAB?
DON'T LET IT
OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
JOHN, HELLO THERE.
TOD, HOW'D EVERYTHING
GO IN CHICAGO?
OH, FINE. WE'RE STARTING
ANOTHER FACTORY.
THAT'S GOOD.
I'VE GOT BETTER NEWS
THAN THAT, THOUGH.
I'M GONNA BE
MARRIED SUNDAY.
WHAT?!
YEAH.
CONGRATULATIONS,
TOD.
THAT'S REALLY
WONDERFUL NEWS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU
NEEDED ALL ALONG.
OH, THAT'S WHAT
EVERY MAN NEEDS.
SAY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE RETIRING AGAIN.
I'M GETTING MARRIED,
TOO.
NO.
YEAH.
WELL, OLD DAN CUPID
GOT US BOTH
AT THE SAME TIME, HUH?
LOOKS LIKE IT.
LOTS OF HAPPINESS,
FELLA.
SAME TO YOU.
SAY, MAYBE WE CAN
ALL GET TOGETHER SOON.
SURE. WE WON'T BE BACK
FOR QUITE A WHILE.
WHEN I DO I'LL GET
IN TOUCH WITH YOU.
DO THAT. THE GIRLS MIGHT
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
SAY, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
YOU KNOW THIS GIRL.
DO I? WHICH ONE?
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT YOU'RE
HOLDING UP THE LINE.
YOU BETTER GET YOUR TICKETS.
SO LONG. HAPPY HONEYMOON.
YEAH.
YES, SIR?
I'M SORRY. I WANT 2 ON
THE 7:00 TO CALIFORNIA.
THE 7:00's
ALL FILLED UP.
I CAN GIVE YOU
2 ON THE 10:00.
ALL RIGHT.
GET THE TICKETS?
YEAH, I GOT
2 ON THE 10:00.
THEY WERE ALL BOOKED UP
ON THE 7:00.
IT'S THE BEST
WE COULD DO, DARLING.
I JUST SAW TOD FENWICK.
YOU DID?
HE'S GETTING MARRIED, TOO.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO TELL HIM ABOUT YOU.
COME ON, LET'S FIND HIM.
HE'LL BE SURPRISED.
OH, WE'LL SEE HIM
WHEN WE COME BACK.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
OK, COME ON.
I'LL BUY YOU A NICE LITTLE
SUPPER AT THE CHUKKA
AND THEN AN HOUR OR TWO
OF THE WHEELER SYSTEM.
WE'LL FLY TO CALIFORNIA
ON A RAINBOW.
OH, I JUST REMEMBERED
A TERRIBLE,
TERRIBLE THING.
I FORGOT TO SAY
GOOD-BYE TO MOTHER.
I'VE GOT TO DO THAT.
OH, YES, WE SHOULD.
LET'S GO.
OH, NO, NO.
DOES SHE STILL FEEL
THE SAME ABOUT ME?
OH, NO, DARLING,
IT ISN'T THAT.
YES, IT IS THAT.
NOW I'M SORRY
WE DIDN'T CATCH THE 7:00.
HONEY, I'LL MEET YOU
AT THAT GATE AT 9:45.
OH, I'M AFRAID
TO LET YOU GO.
WHY?
SHE'LL TRY TO
TALK YOU OUT OF IT.
I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT.
DON'T WORRY, JOHN.
I'LL BE THERE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
IT'S A SECRET,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU.
IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
WILL YOU REMEMBER THAT?
I'LL TRY.
YOU TAKE CARE
OF THE LUGGAGE.
TOD.
OH, HERE YOU ARE.
COME ON, THIS WAY.
SAY, WHAT IS THIS THING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
WELL, TOD, YOU SEE,
IT'S ABOUT--
OH, TOD! LINDA!
HELLO, DARLING!
TOD, DARLING!
OH, THE TRAFFIC
WAS TERRIBLE.
WE JUST GOT HERE.
WELL, I SEE YOU GOT
HERE FIRST, LINDA.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING
FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS?
OH, NOW, THEODORE.
NEVER HAVING BEEN
A BRIDE YOURSELF,
YOU DON'T REALIZE
HOW MUCH THERE IS TO DO.
I HOPE YOUR HEADACHE'S
BETTER, LINDA.
YOU MADE A LIAR
OUT OF ME, LINDA.
I DIDN'T EXPECT
YOU HERE.
BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT
YOUR HEAD CLEARED UP.
DON'T BE. IT HASN'T.
WHAT'S THAT, PET?
I HAVEN'T ANY IDEA
OF GOING THROUGH
WITH THIS THING.
WELL, LET'S GO. I RESERVED
A TABLE AT THE TAVERN.
OH, HURRY UP,
UNCLE.
NO, NO. YOU FOLKS
RUN ALONG.
I HAVE SOME BUSINESS
TO ATTEND TO.
PLEASE JOIN US.
CAN'T IT WAIT?
OH, NO. I'M AFRAID
IT CAN'T WAIT.
THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN
PUTTING OFF MUCH TOO LONG.
I'LL JOIN YOU LATER.
GOOD-BYE.
GOOD NIGHT.
THEY'RE TOGETHER.
STAY WITH THAT CAB.
IS SOMETHING
BOTHERING YOU, DEAR?
OH, IT'S MY HEADACHE
AGAIN.
I MAY HAVE TO BE
EXCUSED, TOD.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, YOU'RE
GONNA SEE HISTORY MADE
IN THE NEXT 2 HOURS.
17.
THE BOY HAS $900
MORE COMING TO HIM.
WHEN HE WINS THAT,
STALL HIM.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
STALL HIM?
OH, LET HIM WIN 500,
LET HIM LOSE 2.
LET HIM WIN 3.
YOU KNOW.
THERE'S A GUY IN THE OFFICE
WANTS TO SEE YA, HARRY.
OH, THANK YOU.
11 IS THE WINNER, ODD.
WELL, WELL, THE OLD
WALRUS HIMSELF.
WITH A PAIN IN BOTH TUSKS,
THANKS TO YOU.
I WANT AN EXPLANATION OF THIS
LITTLE CONSPIRACY AGAINST ME.
CONSPIRACY? OH, YOU MEAN
LINDA AND THE BOY.
SHE TOLD ME THAT WAS
ENTIRELY HER AFFAIR.
GIVING AWAY $15,000
OF MY HARD-EARNED MONEY?!
BUT LINDA ASSURED ME
YOU HAD NO PART
IN THIS TRANSACTION,
OLD BOY.
MUST YOU BELIEVE
THE EVERY SYLLABLE
OF A LOVESICK
SHOP GIRL?
I CAN SEE WHY YOU WERE
CASHIERED FROM THE ARMY.
NOW, LET'S KEEP PERSONALITIES
OUT OF THIS.
AND WHATEVER THE SITUATION,
I'M IN HEARTY AGREEMENT
WITH WHAT SHE'S DOING.
WELL, WELL,
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
A SENTIMENTALIST,
PERHAPS.
SHE'S A GRAND GIRL.
GIVE HER A BREAK.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO.
AND WHAT'S MORE,
NEITHER CAN YOU.
YOU UPSET MY APPLECART,
AND I'LL UPSET YOURS.
I WANT MY 15,000 BACK.
WELL?
SOMEHOW, WARREN, YOU ALWAYS
BRING OUT THE HEEL IN ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
PERHAPS
IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW
WHERE SO MANY OF YOUR
BODIES ARE BURIED.
BE SURE THAT HE'S
THOROUGHLY DRY-CLEANED.
YES. GIVE THAT
TO JACK.
IT GIVES ME A COLD CHILL
TO THINK WHAT
THAT WILL DO TO HER.
NUMBER 8 WINS.
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
ALL BETS DOWN.
NUMBER 9, ODD.
WHAT?!
IT WAS NUMBER 9,
SIR.
YOU WERE
ON NUMBER 7.
WAS I? THAT'S FUNNY.
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME
IT'S HAPPENED, TOO.
JUST 2 NUMBERS OFF.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DID YOU SLIP UP SOMEWHERE?
OH, SURE. I'VE BEEN PUTTING
"X" IN THE WRONG PLACE.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
WELL, I'M GONNA
FOLLOW MY OWN HUNCH.
THAT'S IT. WELL, HERE'S
WHERE I WIN IT ALL BACK.
17.
HOLD YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
15 WINS.
BUT IT CAN'T BE.
IT CAN'T BE.
NUMBER 11 WINS.
I THOUGHT SO!
YOU DOUBLE-CROSSER!
I'M SORRY, LINDA.
AND YOU! YOU!
YOU KNOW, MY DEAR,
IT'S BECOMING
VERY OBVIOUS
THAT YOU'RE
A 10-CENT BABY
IN A MILLION-DOLLAR
BUSINESS.
I SHOULD'VE
EXPECTED THIS!
YOU'RE ALL STOMACH!
THERE ISN'T ANY ROOM
FOR A HEART.
NO NEED FOR
IMPERTINENCE.
IT'S REALLY
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
NUMBER 3.
STOP IT! STOP IT!
YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO ME.
YOU'RE THE ONLY HUMAN BEING
IN THIS ROOM.
IT'S HIS LIFE YOU'RE ROBBING
HIM OF--11 YEARS OF IT--
11 YEARS OF GOING WITHOUT
EVERYTHING, SAVING PENNIES,
GOING WITHOUT LIVING.
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM.
HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU.
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO HIM?
MIGHT I ASK HOW YOU
CAN DO THIS TO ME?
WALKING OUT WHEN, BY JUST
LENDING YOUR MERE PRESENCE,
I COULD HAVE ALL THE THINGS
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
OH, WARREN, YOU CAN GET
SOMEBODY ELSE.
WHEN LILLIAN LEFT,
YOU GOT ME.
BARGAIN BASEMENTS ARE FILLED
WITH LINDA WORTHINGTONS.
UNFORTUNATELY, DARLING,
TOD FENWICK'S
IN LOVE WITH YOU,
NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.
OH, WARREN, YOU CAN BE
SUCH A NICE GUY
WHEN YOU WANT TO BE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.
YOU'RE JUST SORE.
GIVE IT BACK TO HIM.
YOU DON'T NEED IT.
YOU'RE AFTER BIG MONEY.
WHY, 15,000 TO YOU IS ONLY...
CHICKEN FEED.
OF COURSE.
AND IF I GIVE IT
BACK, WHAT THEN?
YOU'LL PROMPTLY
RUN OFF WITH HIM.
AH, THERE'S THE RUB.
HE GETS YOU ALONG
WITH THE CHICKEN FEED,
AND YOU'RE
MY GOLDEN GOOSE.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
LET HIM LOSE EVERY CENT.
WE DON'T NEED THE MONEY.
WE CAN GO AWAY WITHOUT IT.
WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE'LL SAY
WHEN HE DISCOVERS YOU
STOLE HIS LIFE SAVINGS?
AND AFTER TONIGHT,
IT'LL LOOK
AS IF YOU DID IT TWICE.
YOU WON'T TELL HIM
ANYTHING.
YOU WOULDN'T DARE SHOW
YOUR FACE TO HIM.
YOU WOULDN'T RISK IT.
WHAT RISK?
I WAS AN INNOCENT, TOO.
NATURALLY I PUT
ALL THE BLAME ON YOU.
AND I HAVE WAYS
OF DOING THINGS.
HE WON'T BELIEVE YOU.
HE'LL BELIEVE THE CROUPIER,
WHOM, SHALL WE SAY,
YOU BRIBED TO SABOTAGE
HIS BRILLIANT SYSTEM.
I'LL SAY IT WAS A LIE.
A POOR BOOKKEEPER
WHO'S LOST $30,000
WILL BE IN NO MOOD
TO LISTEN TO THE LADY
WHO SO COLD-BLOODEDLY
GYPPED HIM.
HE WON'T BELIEVE IT.
HE WON'T BELIEVE IT.
GIVE HIM HIS MONEY BACK.
GLADLY. I'LL BE
ONLY TOO HAPPY
TO GIVE HIM
HIS LITTLE BOAT
IN EXCHANGE FOR
MY LITTLE PLACE
IN THE COUNTRY.
ISN'T THAT FAIR?
AM I ASKING SO MUCH?
YOU'RE RIDING
FOR A FALL, BABY.
WE'RE ONLY TRYING
TO SAVE YOU FROM IT.
HE WANTS A BOAT--
A SILLY,
IMPRACTICAL DREAM.
THAT'S WHAT HE
REALLY WANTS,
AND LET'S GIVE IT
TO HIM.
YOU'RE VERY CLEVER,
WARREN.
YOU'VE CLOSED UP
ALL THE EXITS.
HE WANTED SOMETHING MORE THAN
ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.
MAYBE IT WAS SILLY,
AND MAYBE IT WAS IMPRACTICAL,
BUT I TOOK IT AWAY FROM HIM,
AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT BACK
TO HIM.
GIVE HIM HIS MONEY!
HARRY, ATTEND TO IT.
GIVE THAT TO FRED.
LINDA.
LINDA, YOU KNOW
I HATE TO PLAY ROUGH,
BUT I'M AFRAID IF YOU'RE TO
MARRY MR. FENWICK ON SUNDAY,
MR. WHEELER WILL HAVE TO
LEAVE TOWN TONIGHT
WITHOUT YOU.
A LITTLE NOTE,
SHORT AND TO THE POINT,
WILL PROBABLY BE
THE QUICKEST, THE SIMPLEST.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
MAKE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
WELL, YOU MIGHT AS WELL
TAKE THE LAST OF IT.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME.
HOLD ALL BETS.
NUMBER 8 WINS.
I KNEW IT HAD TO
START WORKING SOMETIME.
"I WAS A FOOL TO THINK
IT COULD EVER WORK OUT.
"AT FIRST,
I HAD SILLY HOPES,
"BUT THERE ARE
SOME BARRIERS
"THAT ARE
INSURMOUNTABLE.
WE LIVE IN
DIFFERENT WORLDS."
YES. SHORT
AND TO THE POINT.
THIS OUGHT TO SEND HIM
ON HIS WAY.
NUMBER 6 WINS.
NUMBER 10 WINS.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE IT,
PROFESSOR?
16,000 EVEN.
LET IT RIDE.
YOU'LL BREAK THE PLACE.
NO, THAT'S ALL
I HAVE TIME FOR.
CAN I HAVE 16 BROWNS?
OH, LOOK, SIR.
I KNOW WHAT I'D DO.
WHAT?
WELL, 35 TIMES 1,000
ADDS UP
TO ANOTHER 35,000.
GO AHEAD,
GO AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT. JUST ONE MORE.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
PLACE YOUR BETS.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
PLEASE.
HOLD YOUR BETS.
NUMBER 5 WINS.
OH, TOO BAD. YOU LOSE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I ONLY NEEDED 15.
I'LL LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
I FOUND OUT SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT TONIGHT.
MY SYSTEM
ISN'T INFALLIBLE.
BESIDES,
I HAVE TO CATCH A PLANE.
CALLING MR. WHEELER.
FLIGHT 7.
YOUR PLANE IS READY.
MR. WHEELER.
YES?
FROM MISS WORTHINGTON.
CALLING MR. WHEELER.
CALLING MR. WHEELER.
YOUR PLANE IS READY.
MISS WORTHINGTON
GAVE THIS TO YOU?
YES, SIR.
IS THERE ANY MESSAGE?
WHAT?
IS THERE ANY MESSAGE, SIR?
NO. NO MESSAGE.
NO.
GOOD NIGHT, SIR.
CALLING MR. WHEELER.
YOUR PLANE IS READY,
MR. WHEELER.
MR. WHEELER!
MR. WHEELER!
HEY, MR. WHEELER!
JUST A MINUTE!
MR. WHEELER! HEY!
MR. WHEELER!
MR. WHEELER, HEY!
JUST A MINUTE. WHERE ARE
YOU GOING? WAIT A MINUTE!
MR. WHEELER. HEY.
GEE, I'M ALL OUT OF BREATH.
LUCKY I CAUGHT UP WITH YA. I'VE
BEEN FOLLOWING YOU HIGH AND LOW.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, I WAS ON MY WAY
TO JERSEY CITY,
AND SHE THREW ME OFF THE TRAIL,
BUT I FOUND HER.
MR. WHEELER, THE PLANE'S
ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.
NOW, LOOK, CAN'T YOU
HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?
ARE YOU DEAF?
I FOUND THE CROOKS.
MR. WHEELER,
THIS PLANE CAN'T WAIT.
YEAH, WELL, GOOD-BYE,
MISTER. YOU DID? WHERE?
LOOK. DID YOU EVER SEE
THAT GUY BEFORE?
CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
SURE, SURE, THAT'S HIM!
CAPTAIN, MY EYE!
HE'S THE RINGLEADER.
AND LOOK, DID YOU EVER SEE
THAT OLD TOMATO?
WELL, SURE.
THAT'S HER MOTHER.
THAT'S MISS WORTHINGTON'S
MOTHER.
HER MOTHER, MY FOOT.
SHE'S THAT FAT GUY'S
PARTNER.
PARTNER?
YEAH.
NO, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
I KNOW MRS. WORTHINGTON.
YOU DO, EH? WELL, HERE.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST.
IT'S LINDA.
LINDA, MY EYE.
LOOK. HER RIGHT NAME'S
MILLER, SUSIE MILLER.
SUSIE? NO. NO,
YOU'RE ALL MIXED UP.
NO, IT'S YOUR TOOTSIE,
ALL RIGHT.
THEY WERE ALL WORKIN'
IN CAHOOTS.
YOU MEAN SHE WAS IN IT?
WAS SHE IN IT?
THEY USED HER AS A DECOY,
AND YOU WAS ONLY ONE
OF THEIR DEAD DUCKS.
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY, ONLY 2 HOURS AGO,
I NEARLY HAD HER PINCHED,
BUT SHE TOOK A POWDER.
2 HOURS AGO?
"WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT
WORLDS."
CERTAINLY WAS A SLICK
LITTLE NUMBER.
AND THEY'VE HAD DOZENS
BEFORE HER. MARY, DOLORES--
YOU MEAN SHE ISN'T
A SOCIETY GIRL?
AW, SHE COMES
FROM BROOKLYN.
WENT TO PUBLIC SCHOOL
NUMBER 18,
FLUNKED IN ARITHMETIC
AND ALGEBRA,
QUIT SCHOOL, WENT TO WORK
AT STUYVESANT'S SELLIN' GIRDLES,
WAS PICKED UP
BY THESE 2 SOCIETY CROOKS
IN THE SPRING OF, UH...
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
LET'S CALL THE POLICE.
LET'S ARREST SOMEBODY.
WHERE ARE THEY?
TOGETHER,
PROBABLY.
SHE'LL GO AHEAD
AND WARN THEM.
THAT NIGHTCLUB'S
THEIR HANGOUT.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
NO. YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS.
I'LL HANDLE IT MY OWN WAY.
BE CAREFUL. THEY'RE
DANGEROUS PEOPLE.
YOU'RE LIABLE TO BE
SHOT DEAD OR SOMETHIN'.
OH, YEAH?
YEAH.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF 'EM.
WELL, THE PLANE IS OFF,
AND OUR MR. WHEELER
IS SAFELY ON HIS WAY.
LET'S DRINK TO THE END
OF OUR LITTLE FAMILY
QUARREL AND TO SUNDAY.
DRINK IT, KID.
GET STINKING.
YOU WON'T WAKE UP
UNTIL HE CARRIES YOU
OVER THE THRESHOLD.
IT'S A THRESHOLD FOR
ALL OF US, MY PET.
PUT 'EM UP.
DON'T ANYBODY REACH
FOR HIS GUN.
ONE FALSE MOVE,
AND I'LL BLOW YA ALL
TO KINGDOM COME.
JOHN.
SO WE MEET AGAIN,
CAPTAIN BEASLEY.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD
TO THIS FOR A LONG TIME.
THERE--THERE MUST BE
SOME MISTAKE, OLD BOY.
PUT 'EM UP.
HELLO, MOTHER. SO YOU
DIDN'T APPROVE OF ME, HUH?
DON'T MOVE. THE JIG IS UP.
I MAY LOOK DUMB, BUT I'VE BEEN
UP AGAINST YOUR TYPE BEFORE.
WELL, TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME.
JOHN, I--
ALL RIGHT, SO YOU
TOOK ME FOR A JOYRIDE.
ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU LET HER
ALONE. UNDERSTAND?
GET BEHIND ME.
BUT I--
GET BEHIND ME.
OPEN THE DOOR.
IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YA,
DON'T ANYBODY FOLLOW US.
YE GODS! HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN ANYTHING SO CORNY?
EXCUSE ME.
HEY, WHAT'S COOKIN'?
AH, SO YOU CAUGHT HER, EH?
YES, I CAUGHT HER.
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?
YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM.
THEY'RE STILL INSIDE.
RIGHT. BUT YOU BETTER
KEEP YOUR EYE ON HER.
SHE'S PRETTY SLIPPERY.
HERE. THIS'LL HOLD HER.
DON'T LET HER GET AWAY.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
MARRY YOU, OF COURSE.
BUT I'M AS GUILTY
AS THEY ARE. I--
I KNOW. I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE DOING.
COME ON. WE STILL GOT TIME
TO CATCH THE LAST PLANE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVEN'T GOT THE KEY.
WHAT DO WE NEED IT FOR?
SORRY, OFFICER.