Ricki and the Flash (2015) - full transcript

Yes, Mama!

I love you, Ricki!

Ricki! I love you, Ricki!

Thanks, everybody.
Thank you, my sweet Daniel.

I adore you.

Good evening, Tarzana!

- I owe 10?
- That was Tom Petty.

"American Girl" from 197...
What was it, Greg?

- '77.
- Yeah.

'77.

And, you know,
I am proud to be an American girl...



born in the best country in the world.

- I know you're proud too, Walt.
- Yes, ma'am.

Yes, sir. Too bad things aren't
being run very well these days.

Anyway, I'm Ricki Rendazzo...

and I'd like to take this minute
to introduce my band, the Flash.

We've been the house band here
at The Salt Well since 2008.

Yeah, that was the year
we elected you-know-who.

No offense, Billy.

Yeah, we joke around.
Anyway, speaking of Billy...

he's the man on keys.
The great Billy Lambert.

- And we got Buster Frye on bass.
- Buster.

Mr. Joey Sweeney on the drums.

Newly single, ladies.

- Call me, Joe.
- And finally...



my right hand man, Mr. Greg Sandoval...

- and his sweet Gibson SG.
- Yeah.

And, you know...

I've been told it's not good
to date someone in the band...

but honestly, I don't think
it's hurting our sound, right?

We're not really dating, Greg.

Excuse me, is that not
the correct terminology?

Are we hooking up
like my kid says, right?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, we've been spending
some time together, yeah.

I spend time with Buster.
I think you and I are different.

Shit, I hope so. Shit.

Okay, I think this is a conversation
for backstage.

So let's just round it up, okay?

We learned a tune
since our last gig at The Salt Well.

Because some of you have asked
for more of today's hits.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And we aim to please. Okay.

Here you go, Ricki.
Margarita for my queen.

- Thank you, darling.
- Yes, of course.

Hey, Danny, I'm sorry
I couldn't talk before the gig.

- Vocal rest.
- Oh, please.

Vocal rest? She thinks
this is Madison Square Garden.

- Hey, I...
- Great set, man.

- I take things seriously, that's all.
- I know. I love that about you.

I'm sorry that I...

Sorry about what I said onstage.
That was just some fun banter.

You know, the crowd loves that drama
and tension. Yeah?

- Good one.
- Thanks, boy.

That was just...

Anyway, that was what made
Fleetwood Mac really popular.

- Okay.
- Your purse is vibrating.

If she moved with me,
she wouldn't need that kind of thing.

It's probably my manager.
He's, like, 17.

- Three-one-seven.
- Where's that? Bufu, Egypt?

It's Indianapolis.

It's a telemarketer.

I once got an Old Navy credit card.
It haunts me to this day.

Our master barista Maxine
has delicious, dairy-free, premium...

- Good morning.
- Hey.

Good morning to you.

Hey.

It's ringing up. Okay.

That's the way it goes. One.

Okay, that's 447.74.

I guess that's why they call it
"total paycheck."

Well, that actually is truly
my total paycheck.

Four forty-seven, seventy-four.
That's about what I make in a week.

How about that?

And you'd like $150 cash back.

Yes, please.

Can an associate meet a customer
in frozen foods?

There you go. There's your receipt.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much, sir.

Have a good day.

- Let me know how you like those cookies.
- Yeah, right.

- Hey.
- You alienated the customer.

- I...
- I need you to satisfy...

and delight the customer.

Okay. I'm sorry, Troy.

No, it's okay. Just remember, gratitude.

- Cool. Thanks. Hi.
- Hi.

Thanks.

Come on.

- Hello.
- Linda?

You actually picked up.
I was expecting...

maybe you'd gotten, you know,
another new phone number.

I'm sorry. I don't have...

I can't figure out how to set up
the message box thing.

You know me.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

What's the problem, Pete?

It's Julie. Max left her.

Where'd he go?

"Where'd he go?"
He left her. He's divorcing her.

He met someone new.

How is Julie?

Well, that's really why I'm calling you.

She's not well.
She's absolutely unhinged.

She's been here at the house now
for a few days.

She hasn't changed her clothes,
she hasn't showered.

She's a wreck. I'm worried.

Okay.
How is your wife handling all this?

Maureen is in Seattle
visiting her father.

- He is failing.
- Oh, right.

He has Alzheimer's.

No, it's ALS.

Yeah, that's short
for Alzheimer's, right?

No, it's not.

Okay, so how can I help?

Well...

you could be there for your daughter.

Linda?

Oh, yeah.

Please have IDs and tickets ready
to view.

Belts and shoes off, please.

If you have a laptop,
please put it in a bin by itself.

Please take your keys, cell phones
and metal objects out of your pockets.

- Who are you dropping off?
- Ricki Rendazzo.

And you're here to see...?

The Brummels. Pete Brummel.

Can I see some ID?

- What?
- ID, ma'am.

Here you go.

Thank you.

This says "Linda."

Yeah, that's my given name, but Pete
knows that I prefer to go by Ricki...

- so I'm sure he'll probably...
- Here you are.

Linda Brummel.

I don't have any money.

Let me.

Here. I'll get those.

Hey, who is this?

Is this Ralphie?

No, that's Sigma.

Ralphie passed away a few years ago.

Excess bloat.

Well, then we're new to each other, huh?

How was your flight?

It was fine, but travel has really changed
since we took the kids to Disney World.

That was 1988.

Yeah. No, I just mean, you know...

I remember when flying was a treat.
People got dressed up even.

Now I see these young girls in the airport
in their jammy bottoms.

Yeah. Well, I can see
you still put in the effort.

Thanks, Pete.

This is some place.

This is like a mansion.

Thanks.
Yeah, well, double-height entry...

and Maureen had to have Palladian
windows, so we put those in.

Very classical.

Yeah. I feel like Jefferson
at Monticello.

I'll go tell Julie you're here.

Okay. I'll just have a look around.

Okay. Julie?

Oh, my God.

Look at this place.

My, my, my.

Man.

Julie's pretty tired.
But she's glad you're here...

and looks forward to seeing you
in the morning.

Wrong. No, no, no.

Julie is not looking forward to shit!

Hey, Ju-jee.

Nice of you to grace us
with your presence.

Couldn't make the wedding, but here
you are right in time for the divorce.

Okay. Nobody wanted me at that wedding.

Do you have a gig or do you always
dress like a hooker from Night Court?

Going through a separation,
it can be a crazy time.

I'm not crazy, Dad.
I've actually never felt such clarity.

Well, there's actually a book
called Crazy Time.

- Oh, shut up, Pete.
- Honey, listen.

This whole thing is not a big deal.

- I read something in Parade magazine.
- No big deal?

A lot of women your age...

- having starter marriages and...
- This was not a "starter" marriage, okay?

I was gonna marry Max,
stay with him, have kids...

and actually raise them to adulthood.

Oh, okay. Julie, just take it easy.

Why are you defending her?

- She is your Max.
- What?

- She walked out on you...
- Hey, no.

- ...just like Max walked out on me.
- But I was never unfaithful, Julie.

Ju-jee...

So...

- We'll try again in the morning.
- Yeah, of course.

I'll give you a ride to the hotel.

I... I'm so sorry.

I could hardly afford the plane ticket,
you know?

And...

- Well, you know, I lost my car.
- Yeah.

- I'm filing for chapter 11.
- I know.

So I just thought since you and Maureen
built this big, new house...

- that it wouldn't be a problem.
- It's not a problem, space-wise.

It's...

It's just...

I don't know, a boundary thing.

But it's fine.

Hope Maureen doesn't mind.

No, Mo's very chill.

I'm the one that tends to get worked up
about certain things.

Maybe Julie gets that from you.

The bathroom is en suite.

Okay.

So welcome.

Sigma, come.

Come.

I trained her myself.

Okay, well...

- Welcome.
- Okay.

Good night, Linda.

Good night, Pete.

Linda.

Linda.

I was a real bitch last night, huh?

Well, it was late.

My therapist has me on Effexor,
and we need to titrate down a little bit...

because it's made me volatile,
anorgasmic.

You're having orgasms?

Anorgasmic. "An" means "not."

- It's Latin.
- Oh, I...

Yeah, I know. I knew that.
I just didn't hear you.

- What time is it?
- It's almost 10.

Blowing up here, Mom.

Who's Greg?

He's the lead guitarist in The Flash.

The Flash?

My band, The Flash.

I sent you the Facebook page
a long time ago, remember?

Give me the phone.

- He calls you "babe."
- Yeah, that's an L.A. thing.

He also makes copious use
of the smiley face emoji.

As well as the cat
with the hearts for eyes.

- How long has Greg been getting it in?
- Hey, let's go to Krupke's.

I need a doughnut.

I don't have any money.

You have a credit card?

Yeah, but it's linked to Max's account.

Oh, that's not a problem.

Hop in.

You know, it's hard to find
a good cruller in California.

I guess you got to give up a lot
of special things to become a rock star.

Crullers were the least of it.

Yeah, Linda, that was the subtext.

Listen, honey, I came out here
because I wanted to help you.

I know you're in shock right now, right?

And I know you're probably feeling lost.

I tried to kill myself.

You... You...

Dad didn't mention that.

Really?

Three Fridays ago, Max told me that
he was in love with a girl named Nicole...

who works in traffic.

- Julie...
- I thought for a while about what to do...

and ultimately, I decided...

to take a bunch of sleeping pills.

I had them on hand
because I'm an insomniac.

Like me.

And millions of other Americans, yeah.

What are you doing?

I can't believe... I can't believe
you tried to kill yourself.

Julie, you... You're precious.

Listen, a lot of horrible things
have happened to me since you left.

- This is just the incident you know about.
- Don't.

Excuse me.

- Could you guys take this outside?
- What, are you listening in?

That is so Midwestern.

Excuse me.

Hey, you can't raise kids
in a bubble, man.

I can enjoy my time with my kid
when it's my weekend.

Your weekend? Maybe you should've
tried to stick it out with her mother...

instead of leaving
the second that your boner wilted.

Let's go, Journey. Come on.

Journey?

That's sweet.

I like that name.

Oh, you would.

It's a great band.

He lays this one
right down the center of the fairway.

You went to Krupke's. I was wondering
where you went. You bring one for me?

Nope.

She's eating.

Our child attempted suicide
and you didn't tell me?

I didn't... I didn't even find out
till the day after, okay?

And I was little more concerned
with Julie than Ricki.

- You should've called and told me.
- I did. That's why you're here.

I didn't realize that she was suicidal.

I thought she was just depressed
because of Max leaving.

Depressed? No, I could've managed that.

No, I'm...
Julie's always been a moody kid.

I wouldn't have even bothered
to call you.

Well, why not?

Because, Linda,
you don't really give a damn.

Yes, I do!

You shut me out of this family.

I shut you out?

- Yup.
- You came back here from California...

if you recall...

with a chip on your shoulder.
You were shut down.

- Well, I did come back.
- Well...

- You had moved on.
- I had to move on.

I wanted the kids to have a mother
who was there.

- It was my dream, man.
- And stupid me.

- I thought we were your dream.
- I can't have two dreams?

- No. In fact, Linda, you can't.
- Hey, you guys are fighting.

It's like the '80s all over again.

Too bad Adam and Josh aren't here
to relive the trauma.

- Oh, good grief.
- That's enough.

Speaking of Josh and Adam...

I let both the boys know
that you came into town.

Oh, g...

- Do they wanna see me?
- Josh does.

Adam doesn't.

In fact,
they're up for dinner this evening.

Josh is gonna bring his girlfriend, Emily.
They've gotten pretty close.

- Is Adam bringing anybody?
- I...

I don't think so.

Well, I'll have all my kids in one room.

- What a treat.
- Yeah.

It should be really enjoyable.

Hey, here's Ricki.

Oh, tell her we love her.

I gotta be careful with the L word.
She's gun shy.

Oh, you'll get there.

- Hey, babe.
- So my daughter, Julie...

she apparently...

She tried to kill herself
with sleeping pills.

Oh, man.

Yeah. Yeah.

How is she?

Oh, no, no, she's okay. She's okay.

- But...
- I don't know what to say.

I mean, you know my son, Derek,
freaked out on acid...

- but it was an accident.
- I blame myself.

No way.

Blame that punk that cheated on her.

You got on the plane to Indiana
to be by her side. You're a great mom.

I'm seeing my boys tonight.

Oh, that's great.

Enjoy it, okay?

I'm scared. I'm just...

- They're all grown up now.
- No.

No, you grow them, you know them.

They're the same kids whose diapers
you changed way back when.

Enjoy it.

- Oh, Mr. Brummel, it's nice to see you.
- Hi, Mabel. Nice to see you.

- Thanks for squeezing us in.
- Anytime.

- Your party is waiting. Yup, follow me.
- Oh, okay.

Five minutes late.

Yeah. So now we have to...

Here she comes.

Oh, boy.

Josh. Hey.

Hi, Mom.

Josh.

- This is my girlfriend, Emily.
- Hi.

It's a pleasure
to finally meet you, Linda.

- Yeah.
- Hey, hey. That's Ricki Rendazzo.

You're in the presence of greatness.
Don't forget.

Adam.

You look so handsome, sweetie.

Oh, thanks, Mom.

Why don't you take that seat?
We can flank them.

- Good to see you. Sorry we're late.
- Yeah, you are.

Nice to see you're so punctual.

It's okay.

Can I get you some drinks?
Would you like another martini?

Yeah. Why not? Keep them coming.

- I'll just have water.
- Me too, water.

With Scotch.

So...

How is Maureen's father doing?

Oh, not well at all.

No, the disease is progressing
more rapidly than they'd anticipated.

So you've met Maureen?

Yeah, of course.

Lots of times.

Mo's great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, she's...

Emily and I have been together
for almost two years.

- She's met the whole family.
- Yup.

- Yeah.
- Em, why aren't you wearing your ring?

Your engagement ring.

You two are engaged?

Yes.

- Yup.
- Yeah.

Josh got Emily
this conflict-free diamond.

He proposed at the lake.
We were all there.

It was beyond gay.

- It was lovely. It was lovely.
- I'm happy for you.

So happy for you, honey.

- Thank you.
- Why didn't you tell me?

Well, we wanted to keep things quiet
for a while...

so we could enjoy the news privately.

But Julie said everybody
was at the proposal.

Did this just happen?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- No. No, it was...

- No. It was July 4th.
- Yeah.

So that was months.

Months ago.

We all know you're going through
something, but you're cray-cray.

We were planning on telling you tonight
in person.

Because I hadn't met you and...

Why don't you be honest and tell Mom
that you don't want her at the wedding?

Would you be interested
in hearing our appetizer specials?

- Yes.
- No.

We're practically eloping, Mom.

Yeah, it's gonna be very small,
very green.

Not gonna be a big, formal wedding
like the one Julie had.

- Thanks for referencing that.
- Yeah, well, thanks for this.

I'm still having Ambien shits
from my suicide attempt.

- You wanna talk about my wedding?
- It's okay. Go ahead.

You know, it won't hurt my feelings
if you decide to elope.

Your dad and I eloped.

- It was great.
- Yes, it was.

Yeah. So, anyway,
this is wonderful, wonderful news.

- Thank you.
- Wonderful.

Hey, Adam, when are you gonna
settle down and get married?

Who wants some appetizers?

- Mom, I'm gay, as you know.
- You used to love the carpaccio.

And unfortunately...

many of my fellow gay men
still can't get married.

Well, I didn't mean to a man
necessarily.

- Who would I marry, then?
- Well, I thought you were bisexual.

That was my cover story in college,
like, 10 years ago.

I'm really sorry that you didn't stay
updated on my sexuality...

but then again, you didn't stay updated
on much of anything. Am I right?

Okay. Okay. Now that I know that you
decided to say you're completely gay...

- "Decided"? You are such a homophobe.
- I won't ask about it again.

This is what she does. She costumes
herself as this edgy rocker...

who's cooler than the other PTA moms...

when in fact,
she voted for George W. Bush twice.

I support our troops.

And I'm the one
with the questionable lifestyle.

Meanwhile, she's running around
calling herself Ricki.

Well, that's a name, not a lifestyle.

I was born gay.

I was born Ricki.

Touché.

This shit-show is making my day.

Is this whole thing a plea for attention
as per usual...

or are you actually a psychotic bitch?

Hey, don't you dare call your sister
psychotic.

Oh, my God, she's parenting.
Someone get a camera.

Just cool it. This...

Let's... Look.

It's a very rare occasion
that we all get together like this.

Your mother's here, right?

I mean, I know...
I know we've always had...

some, you know,
issues and personality conflicts...

- but what family hasn't?
- Yeah.

But we are a family, still.

You know, let's... We can put
all that crap behind us, can't we?

And just appreciate the proximity.

I mean, at this moment,
the Brummel family and family-to-be...

is proximal.

That's special in itself, isn't it?

Thank you.

I would get a bottle of champagne
for the whole table.

- No, but that's...
- But I just filed for bankruptcy.

Describe to me how it makes you...

- Well, doc...
- Well, doc...

And thank you for asking.

It's not that I feel unbreakable
or impenetrable.

- It's just...
- It's just...

What is it? Come on, Angelo.

This is a major breakthrough here.

There is a wonderful, old Italian joke
about a poor man...

You're still here?

Hey.

What are we gonna do today?

I have therapy at noon...

so I gotta go wash my dick...

or I'll get another lecture
in personal care.

Why don't you skip therapy?

Just today.

Call in sick.

I am sick.

That's why I'm in therapy.

I mean, how often am I here?

Never?

Honestly.

It's just a shampoo and trim.

You have really good hair.
You should, like, brush it.

She has my hair.

Not more than half an inch.
I can feel how much you're cutting.

Why are we so attached to our hair?

Someday you're gonna find a gray hair,
and I don't mean on your head.

No one wants to hear
about your steel wool, Mom.

I look like Nosferatu.

Oh, don't worry, they file them down.

That's 190 on the card
and you can add whatever tip.

Let's leave a nice, big one, shall we?

Hey.

Hey.

You look very nice.

Well... How?

I just made a suggestion, you know?

She listens to me.

I was a bit of a jerk yesterday.
I'm sorry about that.

The market had... The...

Things have been really stressful
at the company.

Yeah, well, you work very hard.
I admire that.

- You do?
- Yeah.

You used to call me
an uptight workaholic.

Yeah, honey.

I used to call you a lot of things.

But I changed, Pete.

I have.

I see that.

I mean, I've been trying to get her
to change her clothes for days.

Well, sometimes a girl
just needs her mother.

I guess so.

- Here we go. Taste it.
- They changed it a little.

No, no, it's the same taste.

- It's... Why would they change it?
- No. I don't know why.

- Holy shit.
- It's a recipe that has...

Oh, my God.

- What?
- Nicole from traffic. This is her car.

But you can't be sure.

No, I know.

She's got
these stupid stick figure thing...

Oh, baby.

Oh, she added Max. Oh, my God.

- Let's not vandalize the car. Come on.
- Let's just go home, all right?

Let's go home.

No, no, no, Julie.

Please, Julie. Julie, wait.

Why did you walk out
on my daughter that way?

- I made a mistake. Got married young.
- If you're too young to be married...

what makes you think that you're ready
to raise Kenzie and Krash?

It's Kash,
and how do you know my kids' names?

Everybody on Highway 70
knows your kids' names.

Lady, you weren't even at our wedding.

Julie hates you.

That may be.
I have to live with that every day.

You have to live
with the pain you caused.

- You're the reason she's crazy.
- Julie's not crazy.

Julie is grieving over a very short
marriage to a man who turns out...

That's enough. You two need to back off.

You. You know, it's one thing
to fall in love with somebody.

It's quite another to encourage him
to abandon his new wife...

and then slapping a sticker of him
on the back of your car next to the dog.

Hey, I love my dog, okay?

Yeah? Now you have two.

- My heart is dead and rotten.
- Don't say that.

No, a heart isn't something
that's like a steak, you know, that spoils.

A heart is like a Big Mac.

It just sits and sits and sits.

It gets older, yeah,
but it doesn't change.

What? You're saying that a Big Mac
never goes bad?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

- Interesting.
- It lives forever.

I saw it on 60 Minutes.

- That's disgusting.
- Well...

But I say... Yeah.

- Yeah, I...
- Everybody hitting the hay?

- Dad.
- Yeah?

It's not even 9 p.m.
I don't think that even Oma is in bed.

- Hey, Pete.
- Yeah?

Why is there pot in your freezer?

It was a...

A coworker gave it to me
for my migraines.

Which I still get from time to time.

And it's in the freezer
because I read...

that helps it maintain its potency.

Dad is very efficient,
even with his stash.

I haven't even tried it.

- What?
- No.

What? I mean, no migraines...

and I don't like to lose my cool.

Oh, okay.

Your what?

Okay.

You don't think I'm cool.
Fine. All right.

All right, then I got nothing to lose.

Oh, shit.

Whose song is that?

It's mine.

I wrote it.

- You wrote that?
- A long time ago.

Damn, Linda.

I still have your album.

You do not.

Yeah, I got a lot of stuff in the...

I got a Rubbermaid in the basement.

A Rubbermaid?

Rubbermaid is a very successful company.

Wow, Pete.

You have me in your Rubbermaid.

- Yeah, look at this.
- Oh, man.

God.

Joshy.

- Look at you.
- Fanny pack.

We were pretty damn cute as a family.

Silk Night Sky.

Here it is, my one and only album.

- Yup.
- Oh, my God.

Look.

- Do you think it would still fit me?
- Oh, yeah.

- Should I try it on?
- Yeah.

Okay, goodbye.

Hey, where are you going?

- Bathroom.
- Yeah.

Don't kill yourself in there.

- Pete! Oh, I can't believe it!
- I didn't say that.

- She didn't hear you.
- Can't believe I said that.

Oh, my God.

And you notice, it smells nice.

- It does.
- She's gotta be here.

Julie?

There she is.

- Come on, sit down.
- No.

You're tired.

- I'm not a bit tired.
- Out.

See?

You know that little thing
you gave me about Napoleon?

- No, what?
- By Robert G. Ingersoll?

- Yeah.
- Well, I'm not sure I get that.

Are you hungry?

Are you hungry?

You stay right there.

Arugula.

Nine-four-eight-eight-four.

You just know that
off the top of your...?

- Boom.
- Is it...?

Yes, you are absolutely right.

Of course I'm right.

I know all the PLU codes.

I ring stuff up all day long.

Go ahead, try me.
Anything, anything, anything.

- Bananas.
- Organic or regular?

Organic is nine-four-two-three-seven.

Yes.

You're like a memorizing genius.

Yes.

You know, they say, like...

all kids are screwed up now.

It's the air or the radio waves
or the... The peanuts.

Hey, remember that pediatrician,
the one...

What was his name?
Fa... Dr. Fa... Farling.

Fena... Fenamana. Fenan... Fenan.

The guy in Wheaton. What about him?

That doctor. Remember,
he said Joshy was hyperactive.

Turns out he was just drinking
too much pop.

- Pop, yeah.
- Right?

They know nothing.

Yeah, they know nothing.

We know nothing.

She's gonna be fine.

- She's gonna be fine.
- I don't know.

Oh, yeah, she is.

This is...

No.

- I'm eating that. I'm...
- It's bad for you.

I don't care.

Pete.

Yeah?

Are you okay?

Are you sick?

No.

Did you just...?

Just wanna touch me?

- Milk?
- Nine-four-oh-one-one.

- Oh, my God. This is very good.
- Yes.

It is so wrong.

- You all done?
- Yes.

- Should I sit...?
- Be my guest.

- Is who... I don't understand.
- Don't forget the crispy.

What?
Is my bacon not too crispy for you?

- Of course it is. Not.
- He means the French toast.

No, well, I'm not gonna burn it.
My goodness.

- Although, my great grandmother used...
- There she is.

Hi, Maureen.

Oh, hi. Hi, there.

Well, you're just in time for Maureen's
famous brioche French toast.

How's your dad?

I thought you were in Seattle.

Oh, yeah, well, thanks for asking.
Dad's plateaued at the moment...

and so they said I should come back
for the time being...

and I didn't wanna be away
from my family.

Mo... Mo makes the best breakfasts.

Oh, yes, that is all
I'm good for, right?

No, I didn't mean to say that.

So, anyway, I...

I thought I would just take
the red-eye back last night...

and I got in at 6 this morning.
I feel like a hot mess.

You don't look like a hot mess.

Linda, you're sweet.
Do you...? You want some coffee?

Mo makes, really, the best coffee.

Thought her French toast was the best.

Hard to decide what's best
when Mo's cooking.

Come on, Linda. Sit down.
Have some breakfast.

No, I'm good, thanks.
I'm not really hungry.

- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm good.

Okay, well, suit yourself.

By the way, you look good in my robe.

Keep it.

Okay.

I'm gonna go out
and make a little phone call.

Okay. Come on, you guys,
let's eat before it gets cold.

- Okay. Syrup?
- No, I have it.

- Can I start?
- After you.

Hi.

Can we talk?

I'm practically naked right now.

I have five sisters.
I've seen a naked lady before.

Well, I just had a brother.

Killed in Nam.

Oh, I didn't know.

So as you know,
we're really concerned about Miss Julie.

She's gonna be all right, you know?

- She's always been a fighter.
- Well, she's had to be.

Right now, we are working
with her doctor to stabilize her...

and she's on some meds
and she's been going to therapy as well.

I don't like her to miss a session.

I don't think one's that big a deal.

I also understand
you gave her some marijuana.

No. Pete did.

It's Pete's marijuana.

For his headaches.

Yeah, we did smoke some. It's a plant.

Okay.

I just think that maybe it's not great
for you to be here now.

You're always welcome in our home.

And I know Pete thought
it would do Julie some good to see you...

but I think what she needs right now
is normalcy.

Well, I got her out of those pajamas
and I got her hair done.

And I think she's doing a lot better
since I arrived.

Linda, hey, come on, please.

Please, don't be offended.
I'm just looking out for my kid.

Your kid?

Yeah, she's your kid too, of course.

But, Linda, come on.
Let's... Let's be real.

You haven't lived with her
since she was a little girl.

I was there
for the teen years and college.

She went to college in Milwaukee!

Yeah, and who do you think
drove her ass there?

Who do you think helped her
put together her dorm furniture?

Or paid her bail
when she got that DUI...

or went to the mother-daughter tea
at that God-awful white sorority, huh?

Who do you think
has been doing all the mom stuff?

Look, Linda, I respect you
as the woman who gave her life.

But after you went to L.A.,
Christmas visits didn't cut it.

There was a hole in this family
and I filled it.

No, no, no.

I tried to come out here to see them more,
but you always made it so difficult.

"Oh, this isn't a good time
because we're doing SAT prep."

Or, "Joshy has an away game."
Or... Yes, yes, you did.

You alienated my children from me,
Maureen. You poisoned the relationship!

Are you serious right now?

Yeah, I am. Yeah.

Really?

You know all those birthday and
Mother's Day gifts you got from the kids?

I paid for those.

I sent them. I'm the one who made sure
they didn't forget about you...

though they had reason to.

You should be kissing my feet right now.

Bullshit!

Well...

- I didn't want it to go like this.
- Well, that's how it's going.

Do you need help
paying for a flight back?

You wish.

Hey.

Pete's still in love with me.

I'm gonna let you have that.

- I couldn't find Julie.
- Oh, okay.

Shuttles aren't so bad.
It's like sharing a taxi.

Yeah, it's great.

Thanks for calling.

It was nice to see you.

Ultimately, I think it was good
that you came.

Yeah, it was a real...

Fly safely.

I have no control over that.

- No.
- Wait.

Okay. Later.

Yeah.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Thanks.
That was the amazing Edgar Winter.

And before that,
of course, The Rolling Stones.

Mick.

Yeah. Funny thing about Mick Jagger.

He's got seven children by four
different women. Do you believe that?

Get it, Mick!

Yeah. Yeah, busy guy, right?

Yes, ma'am.

Of course, he didn't raise those kids.
He's a rock star.

And more importantly,
he's not the mother.

Daddy can do whatever Daddy wants.

Daddy can go make love
with whoever he wants.

He can take risks.
He can get hooked on drugs.

He can leave and...

Who cares? Some people get hurt.

As long as you get some great songs
out of it.

Okay. Let's hear
some of those great songs right now.

Yeah.

Hey, by the way, though,
your kids will still respect...

and they'll love you
because you're the man.

- You know what I'm talking about, girls?
- Yeah.

But if you're a woman:

God forbid you should forget
one school concert or you...

Or a wedding or...

Or you forget to be the tooth fairy
one time because you had a gig.

Congratulations, you're a monster.

Okay, Ricki, I think that's enough.

You're scaring some guys here.
I felt my balls suck up into my body.

You didn't need them anyway, Greg.

Yes, I actually do, Linda.

What did...? Excuse me?

- What the hell are you doing?
- Let's keep it tight, people. Come on.

Oh, yeah.
You're right, you're right, Buster.

What do we got up next?

We got Pink.

- Pink.
- Pink.

Pink. Let's get this party started.

So?

I'm sorry.

It's been a difficult week.

It's been a difficult few years,
but I still love you.

I can't say that?
Do I ever get to say that?

- Do you love me?
- Of course, I love you. Of course, I do.

And I love Buster and I love Joey.

I don't mean do you love me like
Wendy loves the goddamn Lost Boys.

I mean, do you love me?

What is your interest in me?
What do you...? What? I don't get...

I'm old, I'm broke, I can't cook
a decent meal, I'm getting fat.

Why would you love a ruined person
who ruins other people, kids?

Is that it? You think because you screwed
up once, you don't get a second chance?

I cheated on my first wife...

with a stripper who was addicted
to codeine cough syrup.

My kids didn't forgive me.

They're still mad.

I get a calendar for Christmas.

Doesn't matter if your kids love you.
It's not their job to love you.

It's your job to love them.
That's why you were put here.

That's why you're their mom.
That's why I'm my kids' dad.

I love my kids so much.

Don't you?

Yeah.

So you wanna just be friends?

- More?
- More.

Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, this rules.

Sorry.

Credit or debit?

Debit.
Hundred dollars cash back, please.

Okay.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

Out of my way. Out of my way.

Okay.

I love you, baby.

Dear Ricki.

I'm sorry about some of the words
we exchanged during your visit.

It's a loaded topic and we haven't had
many chances to talk about it.

Please accept this olive branch...

and I hope we can try again
on better terms.

Enclosed, please find something I feel
you should've received a long time ago.

You're entitled to it.

Hope to see you on the big day.

Maureen.

"Emily Anne. Joshua Hendrix."

"In lieu of a gift, please make a donation
to one of the following charities."

Oh, my God. That's crazy.
Who gets married...

- and doesn't milk it for free stuff?
- My son.

There you go. Well, for my wedding,
I'm getting a waffle iron...

and a panini maker and...

- Hey, Joe.
- Hey, Joe.

"This invitation is embedded
with wildflower seeds...

and can be planted." That is bougie.

- I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
- Yes. Yes.

- You excited about the wedding, then?
- I'm not going.

What? You gotta go.

It won't be sexy without you.

If I show up there,
something terrible will happen.

You don't know these people.

They despise me.

Anyway...

They don't know anything
about any part of this situation.

Okay, I hear you.
But sometimes a boy needs his mama.

Even I need my mama sometimes
and she's literally Satan.

Thanks, Daniel, but I can't go.
I don't have the money.

Greg and I discussed it
and we just can't do it. We can't.

We don't have it.

Well, if I had it, I'd give it to you.
I would gladly tithe to the church of Ricki.

Testes, one, two.

- Get up there and sing.
- Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

Here we go.

One, two, one, two, three, four.

Come on, now.

Thanks, everybody.

- Where's your guitar?
- I don't know. I felt like playing this one.

What? You hate this guitar. The banana.

Come on.

What's going on?

- Where's your '68 Gibson?
- I sold it.

You sold it? Why?

Yo, Ricki! "Drift Away"!

Yes, baby.

Oh, my God!

Gorgeous.

Come on out, babe.

I look absurd.

I'm sure you look gorgeous.

I look like my mother.

Well, that's not possible.
Your mother's dead.

Oh, you look beautiful.

Come on, that is the most amazing blue.

Looks like Roger Daltrey's eyes
from Tommy.

- Thanks.
- Are you finished with these?

Yeah. Do you have anything black?

- Black?
- We'll take this one.

Okay. It looks nice.

How do you know these TSA scanners
aren't government mind control?

These days, nothing would surprise me.
See they made me take my toe ring off?

I can't believe that woman, Janet,
made me take the tequila out of my bag.

That was Cabo Wabo,
Sammy Hagar's recipe.

- Does he look like a terrorist to you?
- Told you, you can't bring liquids.

There goes my wedding present.

Oh, I can't do this.

Can't do what?

I can't go to this wedding.

Big mistake.

Gotta call Buster,
tell him we're heading back to L.A.

No way. Come on,
you're the mother of the groom.

There's no understudy, sweetheart.

I'm so scared.

- Hi, I'm Bodhi.
- Hey, Bodhi.

- Hi.
- Thank you for coming.

You can pick up your table number here.

These are bags for the birdseed toss.

Also, Emily and Josh request
that you turn off your cell phones.

Well, I would,
but the phone company beat me to it.

- We take these, right?
- Yes, that's for you.

Would you like a cocktail
before the ceremony?

What are these?

This one's called The Josh.
It's ginger beer and small batch whiskey.

And this one is The Emily.
It's kind of a playful take on a Kir Royal.

- For free?
- Yes.

- I probably shouldn't.
- I think me and my small batch whiskey...

are gonna go try and find
the little boy's room. You okay?

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah?

Linda.

- Linda.
- Oh, hi.

Oma.

How are you?

Oh, I like you, you know?

Even though you ran off on my son.

- I always liked you too, Oma.
- Between you and me...

I don't like Peter's new wife.

Peter and Maureen are happy.

Maybe now. It's only been a few weeks.

No, it's been many, many years.

I've been looking for you.
Why don't we go find our seat, okay?

Jeff. Will you show Oma to her seat?

Thanks. Jeff will take you.

- Take care.
- Hi, Oma.

Come on, let's go sit down.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi.

I'm very busy right now, so I...

Yeah, sure. Big... Huge day for you.

But we'll... Yeah.

Oma, are you comfortable?

- Thanks. Thank you.
- That's her.

That's Linda.

She's not even sitting with the family.

So here we are, gathered here.

This big tree over us
and the roots beneath us.

I can't think of a better place to do this
than out here in Mother Nature.

And now we can open
the wedding ceremony.

Go ahead.

Don't. Don't. Don't run away.

Walk on.

Mom. I'm so glad you're here.
I didn't know if you were gonna make it.

Yeah. Greg pawned his Gibson SG.

- Hi, Josh.
- Hey.

- Yeah.
- Well, we got your RSVPs so late.

We couldn't really move things around
with the hall...

so I hope you guys don't mind sitting
with Emily's cousins...

and, like, our harpist.

No, not at all.

We'd love to learn some harp licks.

Okay, bye.

Yeah, bye.

It really means a lot to me
that you came, Mom.

Hi, we're the Bremen Quintet.
Congratulations, Josh and Emily.

Bye.

- Congratulations.
- Hi.

So whatever table we're at,
that's the cool table...

- okay?
- Oh, yeah.

There's Adam.

He's a sharp dresser.

Come on, go say hi.

Come on.

Adam.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hey.

- Desmond, this is my mother, Linda.
- A pleasure.

- Hi.
- I see where Adam gets his cheekbones.

We are seeing each other.

Oh, that's... That's wonderful.

Thanks.

Adam, I'm so glad you met someone.

Particularly someone so handsome.

- This is Greg, my boyfriend.
- Adam.

- Hello.
- Desmond, hey.

Nice to meet you. Oh, groovy tie, Greg.

You're probably too young for this,
but have you heard of Bruce Lee?

Of course I've heard of Bruce Lee.
He's the man.

Yeah, you look just like him.

- Thanks.
- Not at all.

Not even a little.

You're not even Chinese.

Bruce Lee wasn't Chinese.
He was born in San Francisco.

Hope you have a nice time
and enjoy your vegan meal.

Thank you.

I'm a team member at Total Foods.

I love Total Foods.

All you boys do.

Okay, she has got to be
heavily medicated.

I like her.

Cut.

Yeah!

Here we go.

And how did you meet the groom?

Caesarean section.

Budapest, actually.

Yeah. It's gonna be, like,
I don't know...

- We need to... We need to go.
- Okay.

All right, folks.

Pete, it... It's time.

Your toast.

Well...

Good luck.

Well...

All right, speech.

Thanks.

Hello, everybody.

Yeah. Hi.

I'm...

I'm Rick... I'm Linda Brummel,
mother of the groom.

And I remember some of you
from years ago.

And it's nice to see...

Nice to see you again.

Yeah, at first I didn't know...

what to give Josh and Emily,
you know, as a gift.

Not only because
I don't have any money, but...

But also because there's so much
I haven't given them.

I was never a traditional mom, right?

So I won't be
a traditional mother-in-law.

I hope.

So I realized the only thing I have to give
Josh and Emily is the only thing I...

I have to give anyone.

I was never much of a housekeeper...

or a cook. Right?

But I am a musician, you know?

That's all I am.

And that's what I have to give,
so I would like to give all I have to my...

My son and his beautiful wife...

right now.

Boys, you can come out.

I wanna thank
my children's other mother...

for everything.

- Oh, God.
- What happened?

It's okay.

Josh, who are they?

I think that's The Flash.

I usually have a way cooler guitar.

This is a tune by Bruce Springsteen.

And this is for Josh and Emily.

One, two.

- I'm just gonna...
- No.

Well, I was...

Do something.

- I think we gotta go up there.
- What about our first dance?

- We'll do what we rehearsed.
- Not the right song.

- Not close.
- We'll be all right.

And it's too damn fast.

One more.