Rewind (2019) - full transcript

- Hello, I'm Sasha Neulinger,
the host of "Shit Diaries,"

and today our lovely
guest will be...

Excuse me, what are you doing?

What are you doing, Bekah?

I don't wanna curse
to my parents.

I don't wanna be
mean to my parents.

And I don't wanna
hate my parents.

You know how you
have a nightmare

and you wish you could go back

and change what happened
in the nightmare?

- Look at me.
- I'm sorry



I did something bad, okay?

In the moment, when the footage
actually was being filmed,

I hated life.

I know vaguely how
I got to this place,

but there are pieces
that are missing.

It's a puzzle made from my life

and I feel like I have to
put that puzzle back together

if I'm ever going
to really move on.

The real Sasha,

the four-year-old Sasha,
is coming back.

Late in my pregnancy

I started having
a medical problem

so I found myself a month
earlier than expected

in the hospital being monitored



and we came to this moment
where there was no choice,

but to have the child.

I've called my husband
and asked him to come

because we're
gonna have the baby

and he's not there, and
my parents come down,

my sister comes in.

I've got family around me.

There are people there,
but still no Henry.

Everybody's wondering,
is Henry okay?

Hours and hours and hours
and hours are passing

and finally Henry
showed up, and turns out

Henry had gone to
buy a video camera.

We're rolling.

Hi, hello,
you're making a face,

what's the matter?

The camera immediately
became a wall

between Henry and the family.

Does he
look like his mom?

- It was something that
became intrusive to me

because it was constant
and it felt to me

like I lost my husband.

My husband disappeared
into this lens.

Jacqui, are you walking away?

What's the matter, honey?
Why don't you come here?

I would like to see you.
- She's over there.

- You know I'm
not in this video.

She's
not in this video.

- Henry, turn it around.

- Is it?
- Oh.

- He is laying here now.

- There you go.
- Very good.

- Well this is...
- Jacqui, what's the matter?

Nothing,
this is your time.

Grandpa, what
does it mean for you

to have a great-grandchild?

- Heaven.
- Happy?

- That's the only way
I can express, heaven.

That's
right, that's right.

What did you feel the
first time you ever saw him,

how did you feel?

- I nearly fainted.

Look at that.

It's wonderful.

This is the world's
most documented family.

Coming
from both sides.

Hello, hello.

Hello?

Then bring it.

Oh I'm sorry.

Well yes and no.

♪ Happy birthday to you

- Here he is.

- Daddy, it's all
finished now, of the tape.

Now, take the tape out.

You want no me to
take your picture anymore?

- No.
- Why?

- I just don't want you to.

What do
you want me to do?

- Why do you have
all of this footage?

- Yeah, you know what, it's
just stuff I've accumulated

over the years
and I got into it.

And I don't know some of the
people that are in these films

because some of them aren't
marked, but to me I felt like

these were people's lives.

Somebody took the time to record

what they were in their lives.

Their happy moments.

That's what home movies were.

It wasn't, you didn't
film things that were bad.

You took out the movie camera

'cause there was a celebration,

because there was a trip,
because there was a party

and that, every time
I videotaped you guys

it was all that,
except in the background

stuff was going on and now when
I look at them, I see that.

Right here, you
want to come up and get it?

- Commercial, a little x-rated,

let's, mixed company, let's go.

Henry and Larry,

they played off each
other really well,

but it was almost like
a performance piece.

- We've always been
hooked as brothers.

Larry was
Sasha's godfather.

That was Henry's choice.

It was his brother.

I don't think that Howard
was pleased about it.

My brother
Howard was the first born.

My brother Larry was
born five years later

and then I was born 1955.

There was no question in my mind

that my brother Howard
was my mother's favorite.

He was this budding opera star.

I would go to see him in
operas and we would all go

and Howard would get
written up in the newspaper

and his picture taken.

Wow, that voice and his demeanor

and his like, strength
of character on stage.

He was a dramatic and
he was very strong

and he had this
deep baritone voice.

He was like somebody
to be reckoned with.

- Henry's the first
Jewish man I ever dated.

My parents had always said

you're gonna marry a Jewish man.

He was living in Maine.

He was creating programming
for PBS up there.

I was living in Philadelphia.

I was a graphic designer.

I loved
her creativity,

her intellectual capacity.

We could have these really
interesting discussions

about anything.

- We moved into it
really rather fast.

- Let's hear it for the chef.

Jacqui was born on
Thursday, July 20th, 1961,

and in the headlines,
NASA put man in space,

commander Alan Shepard Junior
makes suborbital flight.

What was the
time like for you then?

Was it a happy time?

There was
just so much happening.

We built this organic
garden in the back

and we were growing our own food

and I mean it was really nice.

It felt like it was just
this amazing, big playground

where everybody could be happy.

We were renovating that house.

We were starting
a business successfully.

The fabric of life,

there was a lot
that was beautiful.

It was early.

Before Sasha was
born, we wanted to find a place

where there were good schools

and some greenery around
our house, some open space.

In the 1800s
they had built a railroad

and the railroad would go out

to what were the
Philadelphia suburbs.

- People wouldn't go near
this house that we saw

because it was
kind of overgrown

and you looked in the window,
it hadn't been painted

or anything done in 30 years.

And Jacqui and I looked at
it and we saw through that.

We saw what the potential was.

Have you heard

about.

Yeah.

Suddenly
we found ourselves

kind of like the meeting house,

the meeting place
for the family.

♪ I love you

♪ Words wouldn't
come in an easy way ♪

We had
this beautiful home,

and this yard, and this porch.

It was bliss.

It was like, and everything
was like a fairy tale.

How are you?

Can you tell us
who we have there?

Who is that?

- Rebekah.

Rebekah,
and who is Rebekah?

- Rebekah.

And who is she?

- Rebekah Anne.

Is it your sister?

- Bekah was born shortly after

we moved into the
house in Rosemont

and Sasha was really delighted.

He was so joyful to
have a little sister.

He couldn't wait to come home
from play dates or day care

and run to find her
and run to be with her.

♪ Don't cry, don't
cry, don't cry ♪

It's all gone.

Sasha was an
extraordinary child.

He was very interactive,
he was very present.

- Yeah.

- We love you.

- You love me.
- I love you very much.

- And my daddy does.
- Yes he does.

There was a time early on,

Sasha was a very little boy,
and he said to me one morning,

he said, "Mom, I chose
you to be my mother

"because you're the person
who can help me become

"the person that
I'm supposed to be."

And I'm looking at
him and thinking,

wow, what does he mean?

He was a little kid.

Then he paused and he
said, "And I had to wait

"a really long time for you
because you weren't ready."

♪ Miss America

He was an
unusual child, very intense,

very focused and very joyful.

Sasha,
you're on TV now.

- Can I see? Can I see?

I would like to see.

Scoot back.

Ready?

Swing.

There was a
tremendous change in Sasha

between kindergarten
and first grade.

In kindergarten they
called me into school

and told me that they've done
some standardized testing

and that Sasha had scored at
an extraordinary high level.

The teacher said that he
clearly was gonna need

special support because
of his incredible gifts.

By the following year, Sasha
was increasingly struggling

being able to read or write.

He was quickly moved
into a support system

for kids that were
not keeping up.

Sasha didn't want to
go to school anymore.

He started to have episodes
where he would seem withdrawn.

All right, let me
see your real mask now, Sasha.

What about your real face?

Here it comes.

- Those trains are really doing
some damage work out there

come from city to city.

Yeah, what do
you think they're doing?

What do you think
they're carrying?

- I think they're carrying
lots of stuff serious.

Medicines.

- So why, when the
first thing happened,

why didn't you come
to me and tell me?

Certainly you felt safe and
you felt that I loved you

and you knew that I
would protect you.

- I didn't.

- I mean you can see it.

- Me right there in that
moment, I had never been abused.

After I was abused
and I walked downstairs

with my abuser

after it had all happened,
the first thing was

you offered him food
and gave him a hug.

But we
didn't know what he did.

- I didn't, I was
just a little kid.

Dad, get the video camera.

What do
you think I'm doing?

He started asking for the camera
as he got older more often

than me just showing
up with the camera.

He started to see
that the video camera

wasn't just something that
you recorded happy times,

but it was a tool.

- And do a close action,

make it look like
I'm really far up.

Climbing up
the mountain, oh my God!

"Dad, take the camera and
I wanna say something."

Come here a minute.

- Let me tell you where
I want him to be buried.

- Tell us what we're doing.
- Look, right here.

We're having a funeral
for my guinea pig.

Why can't we open it up and see?

I'm not gonna remember
him like that.

We don't
wanna open up.

- It's my guinea pig.

I know,
but it's not good

for you to look at him
now, okay, trust me.

- It's all right, dad.
- Trust me.

- It's all right.
- It's three against one.

- Yes, Sasha.
- How about we

all shut our eyes

because I want him
to be like in there,

not with the box 'cause he
needs to like take the plants

and the veins up with him.

- Yeah.
- In other words,

he doesn't think he
should be in a box,

he should be planted
in the earth?

- Yeah.
- And go back to the earth

like naturally?

- Yeah, why do you wanna
bury someone in a box.

- I order you to put
him back in the earth.

The earth is
- The box is--

how he was made.

The earth, Mother Earth.

- A box is like

a thousand times smaller.
- I just feel like

that's really good for him.

Tell me why,
explain that to me.

- I order him to be
buried without the box.

The freedom to be
feeling the plants.

Here's the box.

- Shall we take him
out and put him in?

He was a great guinea pig.

Justin, son of Sasha.

♪ I can't get no satisfaction

♪ But I try, try, try

- It was across there.

It was so huge

and grown with the
leaves to the ground.

I don't know whether
it is still alive,

it's been a lot of years.

- Did you,

did you pick the tree
or did I pick it?

- I think you went
over to play in it.

You were at day care

and I came to pick you
up one day from day care

and we went home

and I gave you a bath
and I put you in the tub

and you started crying the
minute you hit the water

and what you said was,
"There's swords in my penis."

And there was an
abrasion on your penis.

So I called the pediatrician

and I took you
right to the office.

You wouldn't say anything.

All you would say was,
"Another boy pinched me."

I said to him,

"Is there any chance
that there's an adult

that is acting
inappropriately with Sasha?"

He said, "You don't
wanna open that door."

- This is the doctor saying?

- The doctor said to me.

He said, "If you open this
door and we report this,

"they're gonna, they're
gonna come to your house.

"They're gonna remove your
husband from the house.

"This is gonna become public.

"It's gonna be terrible
for your family.

"You don't wanna
open this door."

- Is this it?
- Yeah.

It's not a willow,
but a weeping something.

I think it's a weeping cherry.

- Why did we come to this tree?

- You were becoming increasingly

dangerous to yourself.

Like, we'd be driving and
you would open the door

and try and jump out.

You were expressing
that something was awful

and you didn't want
to continue living.

So that's why we came here.

It was completely free from
any possible connection

to what might have happened.

I said, "You know that good
people do good things?"

and you said, "Yeah,"

and I said, "And you know

"that bad people
can do bad things."

And you said, "Yeah."

and I said, "Well, sometimes
bad people do good things."

and you kinda looked
at me and I said,

"And sometimes good
people do bad things."

And you looked at me and said,
"Are you gonna kill me now?"

Okay.

What's your name?

- Hey, get to the movie!

But I'm not normal.

You're not normal?

- Yeah.
- Why?

- Because my name
is Squeegee Luigi

'cause I go like this.

- Sasha, do you wanna go to...?
- Bekah,

get out of the movie!

- Do you wanna go to the dog?

- I'm in a movie theater.

Go get the dog.

Hey!

- Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry I did
something bad, okay?!

- I can make you
a cup of espresso.

- Yeah, sure.

- You want espresso?
- Sure.

- I can even do a latte.

- Actually I'm really
into soy lattes right now.

- Oh my God, really?
- Uh-huh.

- Well, I'm not
politically correct.

I don't use soy.

- It's not about politics.

- I know.
- It's about

not wanting dairy.

- I have a soy latte.

- You got the judgment...
- Free range milk.

- On the soy latte people?
- No, no, no.

If you're gonna have coffee,

have it with some
cream for God sakes.

- So how are you?

- Well, let's see,

it's like this whole
revisiting all of this

has kinda displaced me,
and it's kind of like,

it's been a struggle to keep
track of where I am today

and having to revisit the past,
so that we can talk about it...

it's caused me some
depression and some anger.

I start to feel
like it reminds me.

I feel like I'm slipping back.

When I think about my mother,
I was sort of tolerated

more than loved.

My mother was
inaccessible emotionally.

She compensated by
being very gregarious.

- Do they know how to make love?

♪ In the army now, woo

And it rubs off.

- You know it works both ways.

But when there
weren't people around.

- Are you not
talking about that?

- All I can remember is my
mother berating my father

every single day of his life.

She ridiculed him,
emasculated him,

and he just stood there
and took it.

My father hated confrontation.

My mother, she avoided
anything emotional.

'Cause I lived in an
environment of judgment and pain

I became a very angry child

and I manifested that way in
becoming kind of like a joker.

Trying to make people
laugh all the time.

Did you ever see

two nuts like that in your life?

- And I think it was because

I could make people laugh
and I could be somebody else.

He's filming.

Oh my. Henry, Henry.

- We're being watched by other
people across the way too.

And just let us.

Dad, give
me another funny face.

So I might have
to make a small adjustment

to the drop, a touch
painful on reentry.

Funny face.

Take off your glasses and
let me see your eyes roll.

- Oh come on, Sasha.

- Finger, come on!

Any
boast, by chance?

- Come on, the string.

- I don't wanna
do the string now.

I wanna watch the TV with Bekah.

Why don't you go shoot
something that's interesting

instead of me?

I got a call at the office

from a therapist he
was seeing at the time

and Jacqui said you have to
come over here right now.

This was important.

I remember walking
into that office

and he never made
contact, eye contact.

Dr. Vogelson, I went
to shake his hand.

He kinda acted
like, it was weird.

It's like wouldn't you
like look at somebody

that comes into your office

and at least acknowledge
they're, you know?

So he was acting
very strange to me.

I said, okay, whatever.

Sat down and then, of course,
he proceeded to tell me

that you said some things
and that they implied

that something happened to
you by someone in the family.

- Sexually?

- Something sexually
happened to him.

He's been abused sexually
and you're the prime suspect

at this time.

He kept looking at
me very strangely.

"I suggest that you
have an attorney.

I suggest that you have
a lie detector test."

It was like he--

He says, "My job is
to protect your son"

and he threatened to say if
they thought I was a threat

that they would have me
removed from the house.

I was shit because I
was the prime suspect.

- I'm a spoiled brat.

I'm a bitch.

I suck.

I am a--
- Loser.

- Loser.

I remember being in my
bedroom watching the ink

kind of spill into the
fabric as I was writing.

- And you came down into the
kitchen with those as a mask

over your head.

You wore this part
more like around your,

under your mouth and this
came up over your head.

Yeah, like that.

- Oh my God.

- Yep.

- Oh my God.
- But you were little

and it covered your eyes then

and I asked you to take
it off and you wouldn't

and you got a knife

and you were threatening
to kill yourself.

I remember Stewart was like,
come on, dude, take it off.

Come on, and he was
like really pushing you

to not do this.

- My nephew Stewart,
Larry's second son,

he was discharged
from the Air Force

and he wanted to go back
and live with his parents.

Well, his mom had remarried
and his step-father said,

"No, you can't come back here.

"When I was 18 I was
thrown out of the house.

"You're a man now,
you're not coming home."

So Stewart came to live
with us for a few months

and he helped me
around the house.

He was very happy
to watch the kids.

- I was outside having a
softball catch for a while.

Yeah.

- Is that everything?

- That, these are my
complete medical records.

- Of our time.

- Of your treatment with me.

- Okay.
- Or our encounters.

- Our encounters.

10 years of encounters.

- When I first saw Sasha

he was a cute little boy

whose parents were
confused and desperate

and the boy himself was
spewing vituperation, anger.

Whatever the problem was
that you were having,

it was very deep

and you weren't saying a lot.

A child often is not
able to express in words

what sort of dysfunction
they're experiencing.

They usually show it
in their behavior.

It's really helpful to ask
the child to draw pictures.

- I did not get any attention

and there's, I don't even know
what these creatures are.

They're like angry dogs maybe.

- Anything on the back?

- Let's see.

This is a picture of how
I felt when I wanted to

jump out of the window.

So Bekah, Mom and Dad are
together and I'm alone.

It's not that I didn't get love,

it's that I didn't feel lovable.

Oh!

- We left Dr. Lustig's
place, one afternoon,

we got into the car, you
were both in the back seat

and Bekah started crying
and I turned around

and she was screaming and
you were grabbing her chest

and I said, "Stop that,
what are you doing?"

And you said, "I'm
doing a titty twister."

And Bekah was hysterical
crying at that point.

You said, "Bekah has a
private club with Stewart

"and if I were you, I'd
wanna know what was going on

"in that private club."

That was all that you said,
and you didn't touch her again

the whole way home.

So we sit down and
I said to Bekah,

"Sasha said that you have a
private club with Stewart."

And she said, "Yep."

And I said, "Okay, what
happens in the club?"

She said, "I can't say it."

She was so little, Sasha.

And I said, "Could you draw it?"

And she said, "Yep."

So I got her a piece
of paper and a pen.

- I was just coming
down the stairs

and I remember my brother
kind of came around the corner

and I locked eyes with him
and I was just terrified

and at that moment
I knew that he knew.

No words were exchanged.

While the abuse would happen,
it would, for the most part,

be in his room in the attic

and there was this
picture of a cat.

I would just look
at this picture.

I would feel everything
that was happening,

him touching me, penetrating
me, making me touch him,

but I would still just
be lost in that picture.

I wasn't even present,
I wasn't there.

My mind wasn't there.

Someone turned the lights out.

You know, it was scary
for me to draw that picture

and tell her, but
at the same time,

I felt like in a way
death would be better

than having to endure that.

I don't think I've
ever said that.

Ever in my life,
not even to Doc.

But it's the truth.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

This is what I imagined

my sister was going through.

This is what I, these are
the images I saw in my mind.

The only reason I felt
comfortable starting

to even talk about what
was happening to me

was because I felt
obligated to tell my parents

or hint to my parents what
was happening to my sister.

I knew that Bekah was the most
beautiful person in the world

and if he was doing that to her,

then maybe what he
was doing is wrong

and also, I don't want him
to do it to her anymore.

He had the
courage to talk to my mom

about what was happening.

Not exactly what was going on,

but kind of beat around the bush

and said you should
talk to Bekah.

And I just remember after that,

everything just
kind of exploded.

In the
confines of this office,

which he regarded as safe,

he began to tell me
what had happened.

- And this is it, July '98.

This is the drawing.

This is the drawing,
this is the drawing

that revealed...
- Larry.

- Larry.

Holy shit.

- Is that your candle?

Cameraman, cameraman.

Photographs events
whenever he can.

- "If you tell, I'll kill you"

and there's someone hanging
from a noose peeing blood,

a woman on spikes and
a devil in flames.

10/7/'99.

Uncle Howie in hell.

This drawing.

The Thanksgiving where
Howard pinched my penis.

I overheard
my parents yelling

and my mom said
something along the lines

of like, "How could you let
them come into our house?

"Your brothers.

"How could you let this happen?"

And I knew that Sasha
was being abused as well

by more people than I was.

"How could you let
this happen" meant

how could you let these
people into our house

that would abuse our children?

- If I could.

We have
all this here.

This is the introduction

to the what's wrong
with Henry video,

starring Henry Nevison
as him frigging self.

- Myself, not not myself

because I have to be me
if I'm gonna play my--

Of course it's himself.

But sometimes I'm not myself
when I'm normally myself.

♪ You're never the person
you think you're not ♪

♪ I'm never the
person you know I am ♪

♪ I'm not the person
who know you are ♪

♪ We're always the people
we know we're not ♪

Errors be with them.

Now, Stewart?

Okay,
that's all we need.

Okay, thank you.

- Hi there, I'm here
to see Detective Ohrin.

Elevator, second floor.

Terry breaking.

Okay.

It's not like--

- October 29th, 1998,

your parents came into
the police station.

They laid out this
general timeline

and I just sat there
like, oh boy, oh geez.

This is gonna be a mess.

You know?

Realistically.

Okay, you have all
this information.

Now what do you do?

We have Larry, we have
Stewart and we have Howard.

Howard was in New York City.

That would create its
own set of problems.

He's a cantor in
Temple Emanu-El.

It's the largest
synagogue in the world.

Every mover and shaker
in New York is there.

It's a high profile place.

The guy sang for the pope.

He's well respected, and to
lock up somebody like that,

you have to start getting
all your ducks in a row.

Stewart, Stewart was MIA.

He was somewhere, but
nobody knew where he was.

He was around the area.

I would get to him.

Larry, I knew where Larry was.

He lived about an hour away.

So I went up to see him.

- What are you doing?
- Who's that?

- I'll say, who in
the world are you?

- Just showed up cold on a whim.

He could have slammed
the door in my face.

We talked to him
and confronted him

with the issues
about abusing you

and he was adamant
that this didn't happen.

No, you got the wrong guy

and he said, "Give me
a polygraph examination.

"I wanna take a polygraph exam."

He doesn't do too well
so we just tell him

he really didn't do
too well and it's time

to maybe clear the air,

and his lips started quivering

and he basically told the truth.

He confessed.

It was like a burden was
lifted off his shoulders.

- Wow.

- I'm Lawrence Nevison
from BBC Broadcasting.

I'm here, I'm
feeling rather well.

- The television
would be running

and every Sunday night
my parents would go out

and my brother would
be home babysitting me

and he would put
a blanket over me

and the blanket would
kinda come up to about here

and then he'd pull my pants down

and then he'd put my
penis in his mouth.

I have to say that obviously
it was somewhat pleasurable,

but at the same time
very strange and awkward

and then it got to a point
where I didn't want him

to do it to me anymore
and he'd get angry.

Of course, I didn't
know it at the time,

but no wonder because my
brother Howard brutalized him

and I don't know how many times
raped him his entire life.

I remember kinda looking
up, wanting it to end

and

just feeling so dirty.

- He called it
the lollipop game.

- Yes.

- Sounds like they both did
the same parallel things.

- They did the same
things because, yeah,

'cause Larry was gentle,
but I felt so dirty,

so disgusting and so confused.

- What he did was
his distorted idea

of expressing his love for me.

We really had this
loving relationship

even though I was
also afraid of him.

But Howard, on the
other hand, to me,

I don't even think
it was sexual.

I think for Howard it was
just an act of dominance.

"I will make you know
that I am the boss."

They're older.

Here it snows.
- It's just the snow.

- Would you please stay tuned

if you possibly can stand it.

I can't any longer,
but I've got to be here

'cause it's my job.

You people, you can get up

and you can change
the bloody station.

I can't, I'm stuck here with
all these insane individuals

and I've got to do this
and I'm foaming at the mouth

and I've got to compose myself.

- I remember Dr. Lustig
put us on speakerphone

and dialed Dad's phone.

Dad answered and you told
him that Howard had hurt you

and there was this long pause

and what Dad said was,
"Well, I know it's true

"because he did it to
me when I was a kid."

That was the first time that
your father made any reference

or disclosed that he had
been a victim of abuse

or that any abuse had
occurred in his family.

In all of this,
before we were married,

the years of our marriage,
therapy sessions,

and your increasing
awful trouble

and Dr. Vogelson's theories
that Dad was abusing you.

In all of this,
you becoming suicidal

and staying that way for a
significant period of time,

Dad never shared with me
that there was any history

of any kind of sexual
abuse in his family

or that he had been abused
at the hands of his brothers

who had been frequent visitors
with open arms to our home

and who had had access to
you, and I was furious.

I was furious with him.

- There's something on it.

There's something
on it, on the drive.

You want caffeine or decaf?

You want caffeine or decaf?

I just wanted to
crawl into a deep hole

because the guilt.

For a while I was suicidal,

but

I couldn't check out

because I love my kids too much

and I couldn't hurt them again.

- Larry, he confessed

and this sort of got
the balling rolling.

That started the whole show.

Six days later we end
up tracking Stewart.

- Like this, I have none.

No imperfections.
- You can't.

- That's great, that's great.
- Now move here, Ted.

- Now we charged
Larry early February.

We charged Stewart
the end of February.

He had 16 counts, two
felonies, two misdemeanors,

but 16 different offenses.

- At each moment you think
you've hit this milestone

where you think,
okay, now it's just,

we gotta run
through the process,

but soon we can get
on with our lives.

Not the way it works.

It was this endless process
of having to appear,

going into the
police department.

The children have been
interviewed by Detective Ohrin,

by third party doctors,
by Children and Youth

and by the DAs themselves,

by various DAs in
the sex crimes unit.

What that does to the victim
is throw them right back

into the place where they
were when they started.

Larry's trial was
relatively swift.

There was the confession.

The confession was allowed
and I remember the anguish

of Larry's wife.

She finds herself with
her husband in handcuffs

being taken away
for 17 to 22 years.

- Let me out, let me out.

I've got to get out.

I can't get through
the prison wall.

I can't get anything to eat.

- Stewart was scheduled
to go on trial

November of that year.

He saw what his father
had received back in July,

and said, "Huh, I'm
gonna take a plea."

I think at that time, he
admitted being abused by Larry.

He did like a one and a
half years or two years

and he had to go to
a half-way house.

There were rules
set for probation.

I think he violated them,
I think they put him back in

for I don't know how long.

- Child sexual abuse
is the vile gift

that keeps on giving
and we know that Larry

had received it from Howard

and we know that
Stewart had received it

from his father Larry.

The big question is,

did anyone give
the gift to Howard?

Let's go, Howie.

- It was never revealed
in their household

or certainly his younger
brothers, Larry and Henry,

knew nothing about it.

- Can't hear the rhythm.

That Billy
goat has no milk

and I'm on a straight account.
- Go and answer the baby.

- You know, successful
conviction of Stewart,

Howard's the only one left and
Howard's just sitting there.

Right.

It was two years

from the time that
Larry and Stewart

were convicted until Uncle
Howard's preliminary hearing.

Why?

Because the nature of his
abuse of Sasha is different

than those of Larry and Stewart.

Much more violent.

- There was something

about you being upstairs
in the bedroom with Howard

when everybody else
was downstairs

that just felt off to me,

and I went up the stairs

and I approached the
door to your bedroom

and it was closed, and
I knocked on the door

and I said, "Hey,
what's going on?

"How's everybody, what
are you doing in there?"

And Howard said, "Oh,
we're good, we're playing.

"We're having
uncle, nephew time."

And

I walked away.

- Why didn't you open the door?

- Howard's voice,
the tone of his voice,

the ease with which he responded

felt very normal to me.

- In my room the door was
closed, he laid me on the floor,

pulled my pants down,
he was on top of me

in a push-up position.

What he stuck up my
butt was wet, it hurt.

He was taking it up
and putting it back in.

He got off, pulled up my pants,

pulled my pants back up,
then he pulled up his pants

and said, "Tell anyone
and I'll kill you."

You know,
I really believed

that it was only
a matter of time

before Howard would crawl
through my bedroom window

and kill me.

- Sasha was frightened to death

of having to face Uncle Howard

and testify publicly that
Uncle Howard had violated him.

- If that mocking
bird don't sing.

Mama's gonna buy
me a mocking bing.

- A what?
- A what?

- What's a mocking bing?

- A diamond ring.
- A diamond ring.

Sasha, don't
do that shit, okay?

Please, I have no
patience for that.

- What do you think?

Am I too hot?
- Sasha, please.

- Am I too hot for ya?

- Look what I made it into.
- Quiet!

Smile.

Bekah?

Come on, you're on tape.

You're on live TV.

- She doesn't feel like
smiling right now, Sasha.

- What happened?
- She's upset.

About what?

You mean I did something bad?

What are you doing?

I was sad
'cause I didn't know

why he was hurting me.

I didn't know what
I had done wrong,

but I wasn't angry
because I knew

that he was just having a
really hard time like I was,

but I was dealing
with it differently.

- We were in big trouble.

His behavior became scary.

- Just turn off the thing!

- He was completely
unpredictable

and completely uncontrollable.

- So Jacqui had to stop working.

We had to do everything
to keep Sasha alive,

not destroying himself.

We went from being
very prominent

to having to close our doors.

And then, of course, eventually
it destroyed our marriage.

The kids were primarily
at Jacqui's house.

They weren't living with me,

but it was a very,
very difficult time.

Go, Sash.

Go, Sasha.

All right, Sasha!

Yeah, Sash.

Get up.

Is that a face
that's gonna win a game?

- Yeah.

This is
your chance, Sasha.

There you go.

Everybody's
name will be announced.

- Uh-oh.

Awesome,
you're on fire tonight.

- I'm feeling it, I'm
feeling it so much.

- It's awesome, man.
- Thank you.

It's just so cool
to play for my dad.

You don't have to,
if you don't want to.

It's not...

You do whatever you need to do.

- Well, I want to because I
want to really share with you

what I felt.

What are you gonna do, Howie?

I called him Howie.

What are you gonna do, Howie?

- How old were you, Dad?
- What?

How old were you?

- Probably no more
than six or seven.

And I'm like, I'm leaning
over the tub like this naked,

butt naked, my shirt's still on,

and I'm like wondering
does he want me to throw up

or what is it that
he wants me to do?

It was such a searing pain.

I literally saw stars.

People say I saw stars
because there was so much.

I did, I saw them and
I focused on the tiles

that are still there now.

And I prayed that that
pain would leave me

as soon as it possibly could.

I prayed that that
pain would go away.

How could you, on your watch,
let this happen, again,

to your own children?

In your home.

It's that question

that's taken me a really
long time to answer to myself,

let alone explain
it to someone else.

Let alone someone giving
you the opportunity

to even answer that question

because many times people
didn't want to ask me why,

they just looked at
me and wondered, how?

To me, what they did to me
was some sort of anomaly.

No one told me, Henry,
that's child sexual abuse

and you suffer from PTSD.

- Did you even know what the
term child sexual abuse was?

- No, no one--

Look, if I knew that
what they did to me

was an indication of something
that could be repeated,

they would not have been
within a mile of you guys

and they wouldn't
have been in my life.

A year after I was born

my father had a nearly fatal
heart attack and couldn't work,

so my mother had
to go out to work

in a sweat shop making sweaters
and my father stayed home

and he became Mr. Mom.

So my father had a much
greater influence over me

than my mother did.

My father was a much
more giving, emotional,

compassionate, generous person.

My two brothers, of course,
were under my mother's rule.

My father worked a lot of hours.

He had a grocery store
and a butcher shop.

So it was a big
change when my father

became my primary caregiver.

I know in my heart that
the reason why I turned out

differently than
both of my brothers

was because of my father.

My father taught me
different things

than my mother would
have taught me.

My father taught me about love.

- Your father did his
self-appointed task very well.

He just didn't consider

that he might have
to protect his kids

from a person
other than himself.

- What was the main
sticking point?

What was the main reason
why we weren't ready

to go after Howard?

- I know there was the
concern about your fear

and your ability
to stand up to that

and our ability to get
the appropriate conviction

based upon your ability
to come into court.

I talked to your mom and
what she shared with me

was, over a number
of conversations,

you needed this to heal.

- You and me together are
still gonna see much more

good, beautiful stuff.

Don't give up on me yet.

- We had decided to proceed.

In February, we had
approved the arrest.

Detective Ohrin went to New York
to arrest Howard Nevison.

- Went to Howard's
condo about 4:30,

took him back to
their police station.

He ended up calling the head
DA in Manhattan at the time

on his cellphone.

His name was Morgenthau.

He was a prosecutor
in Manhattan forever.

People had told me the
"Law and Order" show

was based on him.

- The district attorney
from Manhattan at the time,

Robert Morgenthau, had allowed
Howard to not go through

the normal process for arrest.

So instead of bringing him
back to Montgomery County,

they were going to go through
extradition proceedings

up in New York.

And that was really the
first window that I had

into the kind of power
that this individual held.

That is the powerful voice

of Howard Nevison.

Cantor Nevison is seen
here helping to celebrate

the high holidays at the
largest Reform Jewish temple

in the United States.

As a cantor, he's
been a central figure

in the Manhattan temple
leading Jewish congregants,

young and old, in song.

Nevison is accused

of sexually molesting a
boy between 1993 and 1997

when the boy was
only seven years old.

Nevison's brother Lawrence,
and Lawrence's son Stewart

are already in jail for
molesting the same child.

The victim's own father

and his Uncle
Lawrence tell police

they were also
violently sodomized

by Howard Nevison when
they were young boys.

Howard
Nevison posted bail and is free

until his preliminary hearing.

- What's the turning point then?

At what point did I decide,
hey, you know what,

I can do this, I
can face Howard?

- The person who had
the greatest respect

in the Neulinger family was
your maternal great-grandfather.

The one who took the
family out of Europe.

So what do you think
about your great-grandson?

- My zayde?
- Your zayde.

I wanted to have
Joseph protect you.

You're able to get
a skullcap of his.

- You mean a yarmulke?
- Yarmulke.

So you had your
zayde's yarmulke.

- I had already changed my name.

- Your name had
already been changed.

- I didn't wanna share a
name with my abusers anymore

and that's why letting
go of the Nevison name

was so important to me.

You see there's no more boys
to carry on the name Neulinger

and I'm gonna take your name.

My name is going to be
Sasha Joseph Neulinger.

My dad changed it
with official law.

That's right, he did.

- My name is now
Sasha Joseph Neulinger.

- And why the Joseph?

- Because I love you.
- Because you love me?

He said the
Neulingers are always so loving

and kind and it would
be an honor for him

to continue this
name, and especially

that he loves you so much.

- It's unbelievable when
you tell that to somebody.

We already
filed it with the attorney.

- And right before you were
to testify against Howard,

we did this prayer
here in the office.

- Praised be thou,
oh Lord our God,

king of the universe,
who has kept us in life

and has sustained us
and privileged us

to reach this season of justice.

- We had practiced

that whenever you were
feeling unsure of yourself,

at least with regard to
testifying against Howard,

you could put on his yarmulke.

And he would be
able to protect you.

- Three years ago the
district attorney's office

arrested and prosecuted
the real perpetrators.

This child has put different
faces and different names

on these kinds of allegations.

- They tried every which
way to confuse you.

You testified for about
an hour and a half,

and then the defense
attorney, one of them said,

"Well, this person
that abused you

"looked like your Uncle Howard."

And you said to the effect
of no, that was Uncle Howard.

He said, "Well, the
person that abused you,

"was he heavier than
your Uncle Howard?"

You go, "No, that
was my Uncle Howard."

"Well, was he skinnier?"

You said, "No, that
was my Uncle Howard."

You said something
along the line of,

look, after this went
on for a few minutes,

"Look, if my mother gains
or loses 100 pounds,

"I know it's my
mother, all right?

"This is the guy that
did those things to me.

"That's him, that's
my Uncle Howard.

"He did those things to me."

Well, I'm looking at the gallery

and everybody, like to a man,
is going, "Holy shit, man,

"this kid is solid."

It was truth.

- He testified I think
better than anyone else could

about how devastating
it was, how frightening

and unpleasant and scary it was.

The acts committed against
him were truly disgusting

and have indelibly
affected his life.

- Do you have anything to
say in your own defense, sir?

- Anything to say, sir?
- No.

- The judge is allowing Howard
Nevison to return to New York

while he awaits trial.

He is out of jail
under a $250,000 bond.

His next court date, June 13th.

- So Philadelphia
Inquirer article

the day after the
preliminary hearing.

It's incredible.

"Mid-way through his testimony

"he pulled out a white
black-rimmed yarmulke,

"as if he'd forgotten it
whilst sitting during services

"and placed it on his
curly brown hair."

And then he continued
and he hurt Uncle Howard.

That took two years.

I still have

my yarmulke in the drawer.

Incredible courage

from that little boy.

- It's my grandpa's backyard.

Hi, this is the day
of my bar mitzvah.

I'm still in my
pajamas, but who cares?

Anyway, you know.

Today I become a Jewish man.

I just, I am so happy
to be surrounded

by people that love me.

I mean, it's like I have
this huge wall of people

that I love and that love me,

but I'm gonna see
you guys today.

Adios, see you at
the bar mitzvah.

- Rumble.
- Come on,

let's hear it for
Sasha, come on.

We need you out of your seats.

Everybody up, come on,
let's hear it for him.

♪ Be aggressive,
B-E aggressive ♪

♪ Hit it

♪ Y'all ready for this?

♪ I like to move it, move it

- Come on, let's hear
it for the man here.

♪ I like to move it, move it

- He did a great job today.

♪ I like to move it, move it

♪ I like to move it, move it

♪ I like to move it, move it

♪ Give it up

- How's everyone tonight?

I'm happy, I'm really happy.

My mom said that after the
preliminary hearing with Howard

she noticed a difference in me.

- Of course, you won.

- Well, I hadn't won,
'cause he wasn't convicted

of anything.
- It doesn't matter.

How do you mean I won?

- You testified about
what that man did to you

in front of him,
quite capably,

and whatever happened
subsequent to that

was the responsibility
of the judicial system.

It had nothing to do with Sasha.

Temple Emanu-El
issued this statement today

saying the cantor has
been a faithful servant

to our congregation
for 23 years,

and never in all of
that time has there been

any suggestion of improper
behavior on his part.

We continue to
presume Cantor Nevison

innocent until proven otherwise.

- All right, so
that's 2002 though

and it's 2006 by
the time we finally...

Then there's four more years.

- What happened?
- There's four more years.

- Four years of your life
disappeared, what happened?

- You came to law
enforcement at a time

when the way that we
handled cases like this

was that a child
would be interviewed

by many different people.

So the first report comes
in and there might be

a responding police officer

who has some
communication with you,

and there might be a social
worker and a detective

and a prosecutor and the
people at the hospital

who you talk to, both a
social worker and a nurse

and a doctor, and at the
end of this whole process,

I mean, there were dozens,
dozens of different statements

being attributed to you,
some of which probably

didn't even reflect
what you said to anybody

at a different time.

- Recollecting the same
story for the 47,000th time

in this series of endless
people that you have to talk to

and maybe the shade of the color

of the shirt that you were
wearing that day four years ago

is recollected as a
different shade of blue

and then the defense
attorney's gonna jump in

and say, "See, this is
not a viable witness."

- Howard's two attorneys,
they filed motions,

since you and I spoke
a lot over the years,

that somehow I coerced
you into your statement.

They filed motions that
you were hypnotized

by the psychiatrist.

It got to the point where
playing youth hockey

you had a concussion so there
was some motion they filed

that basically that because of
the injury you were confused.

- The lawyers in this case

represented the
defendant very zealously.

But what that zealous
representation revealed

is that it was just gonna be
an all-out war against you.

- A letter was sent out

to the members of the Temple
Emanu-El up in New York City,

so they had
a fundraiser for Howard

and they were asking
the congregants

to provide money to
his defense fund.

When you have two attorneys

that have an unlimited
supply of funds,

they can file a lot of motions.

- It delayed the
process over years.

Drew it out to a point that
it was absolutely unnecessary

and caused additional harm.

- Ultimately we got through
all of those motions

and got to the place
where we were actually

getting ready to go to trial.

So there was one felony charge
and four misdemeanor charges

against Howard Nevison and
it was with that framework

where we had a trial date
set and we were ready to go

that the defense
attorney approached me

about trying to resolve
it and a possible plea.

The most significant
penalty would have come

from the one felony charge,

punishable by up to
20 years in prison.

The proposal that was
suggested by the defense was

a plea to they're five
different misdemeanors

and not to the felony.

They always want to
plead to the misdemeanors

if they're gonna plea.

In fact, I've probably
rejected it more times

than I can even think of
as I'm sitting here.

- Did you do what
he said you did?

- Speak to my lawyer.
- Is he lying?

- But in this case,
it was different.

For me, it was one
of those decisions

I wanted to leave to Sasha,
so that he could figure out

what the next step of
his life was gonna be.

Sasha's first reaction was
nope, we're gonna go to trial.

It's all or nothing.

And it was a couple days later
I got a call back from Jacqui

saying they talked about it
and they thought about it

and they wanted to move
forward with a plea.

- I made the decision to
accept the plea bargain

because I didn't
want to go to trial

with the possibility that
he'd get off completely clean,

completely clean and have a
chance to hurt other people

and I also wanted to move
forward with my life.

I remember...
- The doors.

- These doors.

- So our final day in court
was the sentencing hearing.

It was September 19th of 2006.

Hearing
appeals could go on for years,

the victim's family
earlier agreed to a deal

dropping felony charges
with Nevison pleading guilty

to lesser misdemeanor counts.

For the family, that was enough.

But before the cantor could
return to New York today,

the judge directed him
to first take a tour

of the county prison.

The apparent reason

behind the unusual court
ordered field trip,

to make clear to the
65-year-old convicted molester

that should he get
in trouble again,

prison is where he
will likely end up.

- Probation of 12 years
and I'm gonna make sure

you get a tour of the prison
before you leave today

to show you what it
would have been like,

and I was like, what?

I felt the same like
punch in the gut,

like this case, the abuse
suffered by the children

by three different
people, it was actually

on three different levels.

Larry's level to Sasha was here.

Stewart's level to Sasha
and Rebekah was up here.

Okay, right about here.

Howard's abuse to
Sasha was here.

So you're talking
extreme, middle, low level

for the purposes of this.

The punishment dictated
at the end of it

was just the opposite.

Howard got this.

Stewart got this

and Larry got this.

Was it fair?

Fuck no.

- This is our courtroom
and you came up here

to this witness stand.

- Sasha, you've been
living with this case

for a long time, haven't you,

and that's you asking
me the questions.

- That is.

- Sasha, you've been
living with this case

for a long time, haven't you?

Yes.

How old are you today?

I'm 16, but I'll be 17 tomorrow.

As we bring this entire
episode in your life to a close,

do you have any
thoughts or words?

I do.

And then you said,
keep your voice up.

There was a time in my life

when I didn't have
trouble smiling.

I trusted everyone,
especially my family.

But at the age of three,
I lost my trust and happiness

because of one man
who betrayed me.

I was so scared and tormented
by what my Uncle Howard

was doing to me that I
repeatedly tried to kill myself,

but I have so much
to live for now

because I didn't take
the easy way out.

I fought the beast and I won.

I won because I spoke when
he swore he'd kill me.

Uncle Howard, as a cantor
in the Jewish religion,

you should know
that what you did

does not sit very well with God.

And as we approach the season
of our Jewish high holidays,

I hope you ask God to
have mercy on your soul.

- Is he laughing?

I don't think so.

- Oh.

♪ Nothing is hoid,
but the son of a boy ♪

♪ La, da, da, da de

♪ La, la, la de

- So what do you
think looking back?

Did you say what
you wanted to say?

- I said what I wanted to say

and at the same
time, I look back

and I still see that I was
an angry person about it.

I was very angry

and revisiting this story
again for the purpose

of making a film has been
challenging at times,

but this is
happening everywhere.

I really hope that children
don't have to go through

what I went through, but
there are a lot of children

that are going through that.

So let's stop.

Let's do what we
can to prevent it.

Let's talk about it.

I'm motivated because I realize,

I realize how incredibly
lucky and blessed I am

to have my whole life
ahead of me, you know?

He didn't destroy it.

It's done, man, it's amazing.

It's cool to be in
there all by myself

and just say thank you, goodbye.

Moving on.

- Good.
- Feels good.

- All right.

- Let's, uh, peace out of here.

Can I grab something?

Thanks.

I got the camera.

He'll be right back?

Yes, he should be here.

- Now, what you do,
save the tape.

Wait for, there's
gonna probably be

a small ceremonial type thing.

Oh, there's
more video cassettes.

- So in other words, you're
just wasting this on?

You know it takes time
to watch these too

after they're
photographed, you know?

I'd like you to
speak with an English accent.

I can't do that.

I implorably refuse.

Shocked, I shocked.

- Look at that.

- He shan't do that.
- Thank you.

- This was taken with him

and there I am here.

He put his hands
on my shoulders.

He said, "God has kissed
your vocal chords."

- So this is our team room.

This is where the team will
come and watch the interview.

- The interviewer, the child.
- Yes.

- And that's the close-up.
- Yes.

- That's the shot of
where the child's sitting?

Yep, that's it.

- One person does the interview.

Ideally one time and everybody
who has a part of that

can go and watch.

So the police can go,
the prosecutors can go,

the social workers can go.

We can have medical and
mental health people on site

and everybody that needs to
know for their profession

what happened, can
go listen and watch

and they don't have
to re-interview

and re-traumatize the
child over and over again.

The things that we do
here at Mission Kids

came out of what you
lived that we felt,

in this county,
you shouldn't have had to live.

So it's better for kids now
because of what you endured.

- The thing is every
word's important,

every single word is important.

- Stop it.
- Tatala darling.

- Tatala darling.

- Darling, how are you.
- Darling, how have you been?

- It's been so long.

What can be done to help
present day survivors

while working to create
awareness and resources

to help protect future
generations of children?

As a survivor

I know what a place like Dallas
CAC would have done for me.