Reveries (2018) - full transcript

- [Drifter] Reverie, noun,

a state of being pleasantly
lost in one's thoughts,

a daydream,

an instrumental piece suggesting
a dreamy or musing state,

a fanciful or impractical idea.

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] I've seen so much.

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] I need to record it all.

- [Drifter] The place
between day and night.

The place between awake and dreaming



(chiming music)
(hypnotic music)

(stomach rumbling)

(lozenge fizzing)

- [Drifter] The place
between awake and dreaming.

- [Drifter] I've seen so much.

(hypnotic music)
(whooshing)

- [Drifter] I sit back, let go of control.

(airplane engine humming)

- [Drifter] Something else controls me.

(typewriter crackling)

- [Drifter] As the darkness
seeps into the room.

- [Drifter] And the inspiration
seeps through my veins.

- [Drifter] I record my thoughts,

- [Drifter] My memories.



- My.
(phone rings)

(phone buzzing)

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] My

- [Both Drifters] Reveries,

- Reveries.
- Reveries.

Reveries.
- Reveries.

(soft percussion music)

Well, it's true.

Yep, I called it.

I guess I was right.

As predicted a few years ago,

3D printing has become
a huge part of my life

and I use it every day.

- [Drifter] I've seen
six dolphins in my life,

four in the ocean, two I
don't want to talk about.

- [Drifter] I don't want
to talk about those.

(gentle music)

I think it's cool

when people get married to
someone they met in high school.

I think it's important to find
your soul mate in high school

within the boundaries drawn
by the school district.

- [Drifter] Within the boundaries.

I played college football
third string quarterback.

Now, while I may not have been the best,

I did hold the record for
throwing the biggest football.

I had to make that thing myself
and sneak it into the game.

Almost got me suspended, but
boy were people surprised

when they saw its soaring overhead.

- [Both Drifters] Soaring overhead.

- [Drifter] Such a big ball

coming from such a little arm.

- [Drifter] Such a little arm.

I got my ass beat with one
of those rubber food dividers

at the grocery store check out.

To this day, I can't
stand in a checkout line

without thinking of that time

one of those rubber food dividers made

- [Both Drifters] Quick work of my ass.

- [Drifter] It made quick work

- [Drifter] Of my ass.

- [Drifter] Electric car?

Sure.

Call me when they've
invented an electric guy.

- [Drifter] Who is that guy?

(hypnotic music)

Whenever a group photograph is taken,

I'm always the one that says
cool, let's take another.

Nobody smile this time.

- [Drifter] Nobody smile this time.

For the last decade,

I've maintained the practice
of eating one book every month.

I'm not well-read,

but when someone brings up
a classic book they love

and talks about how much it means to them,

I can think to myself, I've

- [Both Drifters] Eaten that book.

- [Drifter] I saw an
Elliott Smith impersonator

busking in the town square.

I put a couple dollars into his hat

and he stabbed himself in the heart

and died before realizing his

- [Both Drifters] Full creative potential.

- [Drifter] My little brother was born,

putting himself in a headlock.

- Ouch!
- And to his credit,

he didn't tap out until he was four.

- [Drifter] I was vaping
inside the Guggenheim Museum

until security mustered up
the plums to throw me out.

The guards greased me up

and slid me down for
spirals into the gift shop,

where I sent a postcard to my dad

telling him how well
things were going for me.

- [Drifter] Hi dad.

- [Drifter] Take that dad.

- [Drifter] I've mustered
up the plums dad.

- [Drifter] You gonna throw me out dad?

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] I've had a Tom
Petty song stuck in my head

for the last 18 years.

- Which one?
- I don't know.

It's not on any of his albums

and no one else has ever heard it before,

but I know it's him.

He's got that voice.

- [Drifter] That

- [Both Drifters] Voice.

- [Drifter] I enter a deep euphoric state

during acupuncture and
I don't return until

- [Both Drifters] Tiny treasures

- [Drifter] From my
subconscious fill up my basket.

- [Drifter] Little tiny treasures.

- My little
- Memory basket.

- [Drifter] I have a little
memory basket, hop inside.

(hypnotic music)

- [Subconscious] Welcome.

- [Drifter] Hello, where are we?

- [Subconscious] We're
in your subconscious.

- [Drifter] Who are you.

- [Subconscious] I'm
the keeper of memories,

every memory you have are
on these shelves waiting.

Go ahead and look around.

- [Drifter] Each box has its own memory?

- [Subconscious] Every little
box has one little memory

neatly stored away for
when the time is right.

- [Drifter] Right for what?

- [Drifter] And all these
memories belong to us?

- [Drifter] Right for what?

- [Subconscious] Every single one of them.

- [Drifter] How about that
turquoise one up there,

I'd like to have a look at that one.

- [Subconscious] Touch any of
them, they are your memories.

Take a look.

(water trickling)

- [Drifter] This one is warm to the touch.

- [Subconscious] Yes, that's
a very healthy memory.

- [Drifter] Thank you
for showing this to me.

- [Subconscious] Yes, but be warned,

don't look too long or
else you'll use them up.

- [Drifter] Use them up?

- [Drifter] We'll put these back then.

I'd like to keep this
one for a very long time.

- [Subconscious] All right!

Well, it's best that you go now.

I'm tired.

Sweet dreams boys.

(whooshing)
(gentle music)

- [Drifter] One time I dived
so deep into a swimming pool

that I came up in the middle of the ocean

and I was two years older.

- [Drifter] Did you see any dolphins?

- [Drifter] I saw four.

- [Drifter] I make most of my money

uploading tickle videos to the dark web.

Three times a week I strap myself down

and an Ultimate Frisbee team
comes over to my apartment

and they have free rein on my body.

These guys pretty much go

- [Both Drifters] Hog wild.

- [Drifter] And the videos are distributed

all over the world.

Poland, Japan, Argentina,

so that shameful men can do
God knows what to the images.

- [Drifter] God knows.

- [Drifter] What?

(gentle music)

(eagle cooing)

- [Drifter] I love the way
the eagle cries when it's

- [Both Drifters] Soaring overhead.

- [Drifter] But I hate the
way it grunts when it's

- [Both Drifters] Crawling underneath.

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] Angela, my ex,
bear doll at a moth story slam.

I had no idea she was on the bill.

I didn't know she was gonna
be slamming that night.

And there I was sitting
right in the second row.

She detailed all my
shortcomings in the relationship

and had the audience in absolute stitches.

The embarrassment was so overwhelming

that I began to sink down into
my seat deeper and deeper,

like quicksand.

But before she noticed me, I
had ripped through the cushion

and was now a puddle on the
floor spilling into the aisle.

And when Angela walked offstage,

she slipped on me and fell hard.

So I guess I had the last laugh.

Sure I may have been an unsatisfactory

shape-shifting boyfriend,

but at least I haven't been
in a coma for 13 months.

- [Drifter] Nice.

- [Drifter] Nice.

A coma for 13 months.

- [Both Drifters] Nice.

- [Drifter] The love of my life.

- [Both Drifters] Nice.

- [Drifter] Ever since

I got hit in the head with a softball,

- [Both Drifters] I don't dream.

- [Drifter] When I sleep,

I'm basically just lying there

- [Both Drifters] Waiting.

- Waiting.
- Waiting.

- Waiting.
(cymbal crashing)

- [Drifter] Waiting.

(matchstick flicks)

(cigarette crackling)

(whooshing)

(cigarette crackling)

(breath gushing)

(gentle music)

(stardust sparkling)
(footsteps pattering)

- [Open Mic Poet] Who are these guys?

Drifters, nomads?

No wonder.

(breath howling)

I saw them sharing a cigarette
in front of Cafe Barracuda.

I asked if they were poets,
artists, philosophers.

They said yes, they're
are all of those things.

(bell tolling)

(gentle music)

I always see them around coffee shops.

They never have laptops.

I think they're like 40.

They just showed up one day.

I'd be surprised if they
were any younger than 40.

I've never seen before.

One of them might have a daughter.

Are they homeless?

They might even be 50.

I feel like I've seen them before,

but then again, I feel like
I've seen all of this before.

I feel like I've seen,

(overlapping) I feel like
I've seen all of this before.

I feel like I've seen all of this before.

(whooshing)

- [Drifter] Oh, we should
go to this party huh?

- [Drifter] Yeah, let's
check out this party.

- [Drifter] Yeah, we
should go into this party.

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] I love a good party.

- Seems like a cool party.
- Out of the way.

Move, coming through.

- [Drifter] Who am I?

I went to a party the other night,

I go to a lot of parties, who doesn't,

and I really needed to cut loose.

I wanted to party,
party, I wanted to party.

But how do I know if I'm partying.

I wanted to wake up the next morning,

be able to confidently say that
yes, yes, I indeed partied.

But is partying an action you can do

or is partying a state of mind?

I don't know.

Either way for about a half an hour,

I was avoiding conversation
over at the snack table,

just stacking meats and
cheeses on crackers,

whispering over and over to myself.

I'm partying.

I'm partying.

I'm partying.

- [Drifter] He's partying.

- [Drifter] I'm partying.

- [Drifter] He's partying.

- [Drifter] I'm partying.

- [Drifter] He's partying.

Oh hey, what's up man?

- Oh hey, nice to see you.
- Hey, this is a cool place.

- [Drifter] Oh, I really
like the decorations.

- [Drifter] I love what they've
done with all the shadows

and stuff.
- Let me take your coat.

- [Drifter] Oh cool, thank you.

Let me take your hand.

- [Drifter] Oh, that feels good.

Hey, you're looking good.

- [Drifter] Right.

Hey, thanks so I had
just showered last night.

- [Drifter] I like your new jacket.

- [Drifter] Cool,

I like the way you've been talking lately.

- I like your new shoes.
- Thanks man.

They are just big enough.

- [Drifter] Oh is that a dog over there?

I remember one of those, I've
seen one of those before.

- [Drifter] Yeah, I love
the way the whole vibe

of this place is really--
- Everyone's looking

so incredible tonight.
- Hey, did you see Stacey?

- [Drifter] Oh, I love how she's looking.

- [Drifter] Yeah, have
you heard about Mark?

- [Drifter] He got that big promotion.

- [Drifter] Yeah, finally,
he's been working for it.

We're having a conversation.

- [Drifter] Do you need a
drink, can I get you a drink?

- [Drifter] Yeah thanks, I'll
have a little refill here.

- [Drifter] I would love to
fill up your glass for ya.

- [Drifter] Thanks.

It always puts me in the mood.

We're having a conversation.

- [Drifter] Well, I'll
see you later, I gotta go.

I'm late for my intervention.

- [Drifter] Yeah, you know I
think I'll take off as well.

I'm getting that urge
again, that urge for the

- [Both Drifters] Open road.

- Open road.
(breath gushing)

- You guys were really cool back there.

You should stick around.

Seriously, the open mic scene

could really use a couple guys like you.

(background dance music)

Wait, where are you going?

You're just getting something
out of your car, right?

(car alarm beeping)

You're not actually getting in that thing?

(car doors close)

You're just testing if
the doors work, huh?

Maybe you're a little cold.

(car revving)

Just making sure the
ignition is working right?

Come on.

You guys ready to leave?

Not when you could stay
here and rule the city.

(car engine roaring off)

Those guys are 40.

(gentle music)

- [Man On Radio] This
is Miles Davis radio,

the only radio station that
plays exclusively Miles Davis.

(radio crackling)

(smooth jazz music)

- [Man On Radio] You're
listening to John Coltrane Radio,

where we only play songs by John Coltrane.

(radio crackling)
(smooth jazz music)

- [Man On Radio] Coming
up on the top of the hour

here on Miles Davis Radio

and we're gonna be playing
a new song by Miles Davis

just as soon as this last
song by Miles Davis wraps up.

(radio crackling)
(smooth jazz music)

- [Man On Radio] This
is John Coltrane radio.

The request line is open.

We just ask that you request
songs by John Coltrane.

(radio crackling)
(smooth jazz music)

(radio crackling)

(creepy music)

(moves into gentle music)

- [Drifter] There is an
unmarked single lane highway

that's a straight shot to the coast.

It's not on any map.

Sad lonely men search for it

when they're dissatisfied
with their marriage,

or when they bring great
shame on their families.

- [Drifter] Or both.

- [Drifter] The road ends with a ramp

that launches you out into the ocean,

just beyond the break of
the continental shelf.

Most of the men in my life
have driven that road.

- [Drifter] I've driven that road.

The fire alarm had been ringing for days,

but no one could find the fire.

The whole town was looking everywhere,

checking basements,
looking under furniture,

turning over rocks, no one
could find a single flame.

But the alarm kept ringing

so we knew there had
to be a fire somewhere.

The starting cornerback for
the high school football team

suggested that maybe it
had moved to another town

and then that year's graduating class

volunteered to rent a bus

and drive around looking for the fire

as their senior project.

After they left, we never
heard from them again.

But over the years we would
hear rumors of a small town

that had sprung up somewhere in Nebraska,

with no curfew and a prom every weekend.

And fast food restaurants
do unusually well there.

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] The cornerback
tipped them off.

When I'm house-sitting,

over time I get comfortable
in my surroundings.

I begin to wear the clothing of the owner.

I settle into their furniture and cutlery.

Then I begin to mimic and
adopt their mannerisms,

their speech patterns and cadence.

Then I take up their
values and belief systems.

Once I feel cozy in my new body,

I take their name as my own

and take over their lease as my home.

Last week I was Jeremy in Queens.

Now, my name is Tomas and
I live in Des Moines, Iowa.

Hi, I'm Tomas.

Welcome to Des Moines, Iowa.
(gentle music)

- [Drifter] I went on a
date with a girl to a bar.

The bar was empty.

There was a piano in the corner

and she sat down to play.

For a minute or so,

I thought she was playing
a very complicated song,

but soon it dawned on me

that she was just testing
every note in random order.

But by then it was too late.

I had already started singing along.

So I just had to go with it.

- [Drifter] Go with it.

After submitting multiple times,

I was finally cast in a reality show

that took place in Burbank, California.

The show was called Familiar
Faces and the premise

was that a team of plastic surgeons

made my face as grotesque and
unrecognizable as possible

and then handed me off to a
different team of surgeons

that had to return my face
to its natural-born look

using only a five-by-seven,

of my senior portrait to guide them.

The show was called Familiar Faces

and it shot in Burbank, California.

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] They made quick work

- [Drifter] of my face.

(gentle music)

- [Drifter] Our backyard
was on a really big hill

in such a way that
whenever we had a barbecue,

my dad was always up there
on that hill by himself,

looking down on us as he grilled.

Every so often, someone would
make the trek up the hill

to get some hamburgers
for the rest of the party.

- I'm partying.
- But for the most part

my dad just stood up there by himself

looking down on us and smiling.

Sometimes, after all the guests were gone,

we'd clean up and go inside,

and only later that night realize

he was still up there on that hill,

just grilling away, smiling.

- [Drifter] Hi dad.

Hey Dad.
(gentle guitar music)

I've met many gurus in my life.

The last time I saw a guru they
had just finished a seminar

and drove off in a flashy Corvette.

You'd think a car like that

isn't a very guru-ey thing to show off,

but that's why I like that guru.

They were a little corrupt
and not afraid to show it.

All gurus are a little corrupt,

so it's nice when they
just don't care anymore.

Do you know a guru?
- I know a guru.

- You know a guru?
- I grew up with a guru.

- Well who's the guru?
- My dad was a guru,

I guess.
(gentle guitar music)

One year my dad became a local celebrity

after he yelled so loud
his teeth shot out.

- [Drifter] Shot out.

- [Drifter] After that
everyone wanted his help,

or his advice, or just
to be seen with him.

"Here comes Chuck yelling,
he'll know what to do,"

they'd say or, "hey Chuck, you're loud.

"Help us move this crate."

It reached its peak
when the Mayor asked him

to speak at the high school graduation.

And the big deal was that he
was going to do the whole thing

without a microphone.

Everyone was really excited,
except Mark Shapiro's dad,

he owned a really great microphone.

(gentle guitar music)

- [Drifter] I was in some
diner off the county highway

and I remember the
pancakes, they were fluffy

and the syrup, the syrup
was golden and sticky,

just how I liked it.

So I dug in.

The warmth filled my body and spirit,

and I thought all this for under $5?

What a steal, what a life?

And I looked up smiling,
but my booth was empty,

just me, all alone, nobody to
share even this moment with.

And I had no place to go, no one to call.

So I turned out my pockets for change

and ordered another short stack.

And while I waited,

I stared at the display
poster for choking victims

and how if you were choking,

the diagram explained that
a friend or a loved one

would come to your aid
to help you and hold you,

and I was alone in the booth
when my pancakes arrived.

So I smothered them in golden
syrup, took the utensils

and began to eat fast,

dangerously fast.
(gentle guitar music)

- [Drifter] He made quick work

- [Drifter] Of this short stack.

- [Drifter] Yeah.

You eat at a lot of diners
when you're on the open road

and you meet a lot of people.

- [Drifter] I've met so many
cool people on the open road.

I've met people from all over the country

and one time, I met people
from all over the world.

- [Drifter] Another thing
about life on the open road

is the nights.

Nights on the open road are darker.

You sleep deeper.

Your dreams

get weirder.

- [Drifter] Gather round.

Nightfall is comin'.

The insects will be out soon.

(crickets chirping and coyote cooing)

(fire crackling)

(foreboding music)

(drifter gulping loudly)

- One year at summer camp

we lit a huge bonfire in the fire pit

and a snake came crawling out of the fire

just out of nowhere.

It came crawling out of the fire

and slithered right over to Sean Bensinger

and bit his ankle.

And the next week his voice got deeper

and he lost his baby fat.

And then a couple days after that,

he had little patches
of stubble on his face.

And a couple days after that,

he started looking really
serious and worried all the time.

And then finally,

and by now looking
really fully like a man,

he walked into the mess hall
one afternoon in a full suit

and told us all he had to go
take care of some business

and left.

Later that day, Vince
McGuire was down by the lake

and he saw that same snake from the fire

and he killed it with a rock.

And then the next day,

they announced a late
arrival for the summer

and it was a new boy that
looked, not completely,

but very much like Sean Bensinger.

And we all just went with it.

- [Drifter] Go with it.

- [Drifter] Years later,
I was riding on the train

and I saw a man who
wasn't afraid of anything.

You could feel it in the
air when you were near him.

He was wearing a crisp dark suit,

the tie loosened and
the top button undone,

as if relaxing after a long
day at an important job.

He sat big and straight,

one long arm extended casually
down the back of the seat,

claiming his territory.

He looked around slowly

and thoughtfully at
everyone else on the train.

You could just feel it
in the air around him

that this man wasn't afraid of anything.

If someone gave him a
funny look, he smirked,

friendly but patronizing at the same time,

as if to say we're all
just having fun here

why don't you join us?

Every so often he'd look over
his shoulder out the window

and laugh a little to
himself enjoying a joke

that only someone who's not
afraid of anything could enjoy.

I was sitting near him taking all this in

when he suddenly leaned towards me and,

as if knowing what I'd been thinking said,

"But maybe I wish I was
afraid of something,

"because I also don't care about anything.

"And maybe you don't
know what you care about

"until you know what
you're really afraid of."

And then, seemingly
all at the same moment,

everyone on the train realized

that a small steady stream of water

was running out of each of his ears,

two tiny rivers of tears,
as if two leaks had sprung

on either side of his head,

a lifetime of tears
running out of each ear,

down the backs of his jaw,

flooding into his
shirt-collar on either side.

And from there, who knows where it went.

And he just sat there smirking at us,

acting like that wasn't the case.

And at the next stop
everyone got off the train,

not just our car, but all the cars.

Everyone got off except that man

and no one new got on the train.

We all stood on the platform
and watched him ride off alone

looking out the window
at us smirking peacefully

enjoying the silence.

Nice.

- [Both Drifters] Nice.

(foreboding music)
(clock ticking)

(breathing sharply)

(clock ticking)
(gentle guitar music)

- I've been having
trouble sleeping lately.

I can't sleep.

I'm avoiding the wrist ticklers.

A lot of folks don't believe
in the wrist ticklers,

or even know of them but I do.

I've spotted dozens of those
little guys over the years.

Wrist ticklers are a sneaky people

who shrink each other down
using a shrinking device.

They sneak under the cracks
in your door and window,

crawl up in your bed,

pull out small feathers from your pillow

and tickle your wrists ever so slightly.

You won't wake up, but
you'll toss and turn

and never know about these sly intruders,

the wrist ticklers.
(foreboding music)

After many sleepless nights
I knew something was off.

I could feel the bending of reality,

fiction and nonfiction were aligned,

indistinguishable for a brief time.

I eventually discovered

that the written word was
affecting reality in real time.

A scribble on a notepad
became natural law.

In other words, I was the
author of my own reality.

Simple pleasures were easy.

I could write on the table
was a cup of hot cocoa

and there it appeared,

or I could write my body
experienced a substantial orgasm

and the pen would drop out
of my hand in celebration.

Unfortunately, this secret was spreading.

And out my window, the sky lit
up with a barrage of colors

and events too many ideas to contain

because, of course not all
written commands were pleasant.

The world was going mad with
experiments, power and greed.

Anyone with a pen anywhere

could anonymously will
destruction on their enemies

at a moment's notice.

A written command of
a revenge would begin,

but then being quickly canceled out

by the next written phrase that disagreed.

After all,

reality could only honor
the latest contradiction.

And with the freedom of internal desires

exposing some of our darkest wishes,

these writings could have destroyed us all

quickly and mercilessly.

That is, if it wasn't for a
small collective of writers

in San Francisco, who worked in shifts

staggering their written phrases
to end in rapid succession

like an endless flip book, a
metronome of incredible pace

that simply repeated, let
there be peace on earth,

let there be peace on earth.

- Let there be peace on earth.
- Let there be peace on earth

- Let there be peace on earth.
- Let there be peace on earth

- [Drifter] Let there be peace on earth.

- [Drifter] And I haven't
seen the wrist tickler since.

Nice.

- [Both Drifters] Nice.

- [Drifter] Back in the city,

- [Drifter] I feel like I've
seen all of this before.

(twangy music)

- [Drifter] Sometimes
you look in the mirror

to see who you are.

- [Drifter] But sometimes
you look in the mirror

to see what you could have become.

- [Both Drifters] We're
looking into the mirror.

(drifter gulping loudly)
(foreboding music)

(gulping loudly)

(drum beating)
(foreboding music)

(slurping and gulping loudly)

(foreboding music)
(drum beating)

(cigarette crackling)

(breath gushing)

(drum beating)
(chiming)

(electric crackling)

(creepy music)

(slurping and gulping)
(cigarette crackling)

(breath gushing)

(electric crackling)
(man slurping)

(man gulping)
(breath gushing)

(men slurping)
(electric cracking)

(breath gushing)

(foreboding music)

- [Drifter] There are
many roads you can travel,

many paths to wander.

- [Drifter] If you travel long enough,

you eventually end up
back in the same place.

- [Drifter] I feel like
I've seen all this before.

- [Drifter] I feel like
I've seen all this before.

- [All] I feel like I've
seen all this before.

(guitar strings twanging)

- [Drifter] Wow, it all makes sense now.

- [Drifter] Now I understand.

- [Drifter] I had a rough day.

I just found out that
nobody else's eyes can zoom.

My eyes zoom.

I'm able to zoom in and out with my eyes,

in and out.
- In and out.

- [Drifter] In and out like a barn owl.

- [Drifter] Zoom zoom.

(twangy music)

My shirt's been tucked in for two years,

and I can't get it out.

I think it might be caught on something,

or maybe I'm just getting

- [Both Drifters] Older.

- [Drifter] Just getting older.

(twangy music)

I hear a lot of rumors.

I actually heard that
on the show Survivor,

if you create some
drama within your tribe,

a producer will sneak out of the jungle

and reward you with a Snickers bar.

That's why there's so much drama.

(twangy music)

- [Drifter] Once every seven years,

all the dogs in my neighborhood sync up

and bark at the exact same time.

And there's always a big
celebration planned around it.

Everyone in the neighborhood shows up.

We all come together as one,
losing ourselves in the party.

- [Drifter] I'm partying.

- [Drifter] At the party,
we forget about everything,

except that one big bark.
- One big bark.

- [Drifter] And then the next day

the dogs go back to barking individually

and everyone in the neighborhood

goes back to doing their own thing.

And we all wait quietly
for the next seven years

until the dogs sync up again.

(twangy music)

- [Drifter] I like to sit in
crowded movie theaters alone.

I wait for that moment
right after a preview ends,

you know, when it goes full silent.

And that's when I shout
nope, not gonna see that one.

(twangy music)

- [Drifter] Well, the X-rays came back

and it turns out I haven't
had lungs for a while now.

The doctors are trying to figure
out where all the air goes

when I breathe in.

They think it might be ending up

in a small town in Nebraska,
that's been having some

- [Both Drifters] Weird weather this year.

(twangy music)

- [Drifter] I was having trouble

finding a publisher for my zine,

so I did some soul-searching.

I took long introspective walks.

I ran some numbers and
ultimately decided to go ahead

and self-publish.
- Self-publish.

- [Drifter] I self-published my zine.

- [Drifter] I had to
repeat the second grade

and also the eighth grade,

because I could never fully
wrap my head around birds

and I still don't know
if I totally get it.

I understand how they go up,
but how do they go forward?

- [Drifter] I don't know.

Maybe they flap those
little feathers in the back.

(twangy music)

I saw a tourist taking a
picture of a tumbleweed.

So what I did was I took
a picture of the tourist

taking a picture of the
tumbleweed and it looked cool.

The photo said a lot.

And I got excited and lightheaded

and sat down on the
ground smirking to myself

about her how creative
and spontaneous I was.

- [Drifter] So spontaneous.

My uncle Kelly went
bald on top of his head

and he was pretty pissed off

until he discovered that he
had a second face up there.

And that face was much
younger and handsomer

than his first face.

So he just looked down all
the time and went with it.

- [Drifter] Go with it.

My book club was turning
into an excuse club.

My social life was crumbling,

so I took it upon myself
to draft up some bylaws

for the club and one night I went around

to each member's house

and I nailed them to their front door,

- [Both Drifters] Martin Luther style.

- [Drifter] And sure
enough, the next month

the club was bustling at full attendance

and the analysis was
thorough and engaging.

- [Drifter] I've eaten that book.

I'm trying to teach myself how
to be able to look at a word

and not read it,

because I find that it's impossible to do.

And they don't tell you that
when you're learning to read.

They don't warn you that
once you learn this,

you can't take it back.

- [Drifter] You can't take that back.

(hypnotic music)

♪ Devil's trying to stop me ♪

♪ The Devil is trying to stop me ♪

♪ The Devil is trying to stop me ♪

♪ Why he did that, ♪

♪ Why he did that, oh, why did that ♪

♪ Why he did that, oh ♪

♪ God, Devil, which one will I choose ♪

♪ Which one will I choose ♪

♪ The Devil is trying to stop me ♪

(hypnotic music)

- [Both Drifters] Who was that guy?

- [Drifter] I think he's probably like 40.

In high school, some students

took a religious release
period right before lunch

to attend Chapel or seminary,

and they would spend a quick
45 minutes praying to their God

before hitting the cafeteria
to lay waste to a Cobb salad.

I took a release period as well,

but for the socially awkward.

It was mandatory for select students

and we were trained from a young age

how to avoid embarrassing situations,

how to talk to a girl,

how to behave on a group email thread

and, most importantly,
what to do with your hands.

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] Well, I've got some bad news.

Turns out I've been doing
yoga wrong this whole time.

And now I've only got
three months to live.

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] When I was 17,

I was kidnapped and put in a steel room.

I was placed behind a drafting table

and was forced to design airport carpets,

10 patterns an hour, 20 patterns an hour.

A couple the famous patterns
are actually my originals.

When I eventually grew insane,

the patterns were used
in casinos, wall-to-wall,

pattern after pattern.

And looking back,

although those sick
twisted men ruined my life,

they managed to help produce
some of my greatest work

and unlock my

- [Both Drifters] Full creative potential.

(hypnotic music)

- [Drifter] I used to think
I could speak Spanish,

but now

I don't know what that was.

(hypnotic music)

(static crackling)

- Reveries.
- Reveries reveries, reveries.

- [Drifter] Reveries.

(hypnotic music)

(airplane engine humming)
(hypnotic music)