Red Nose Day Actually (2017) - full transcript
After 13 years, the cast of Love Actually reunite to pick up from where they are now.
Red Nose Day Actually!
MUSIC: God Only Knows by The Beach Boys.
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you. ♪
DOORBELL RINGS.
I'll get it.
Who is it?
He's not going to believe that, it's March.
They're raising money for Red Nose Day.
Oh, not again.
Give them a quid and tell
them to bugger off.
MUSIC: Silent Night.
Oh, that's a nice idea.
Yes, thank you, we're very happy.
How are you?
Do you like the beard?
I don't like it either!
JO WHILEY ON RADIO: And tomorrow
is Red Nose Day and we hope everyone
will be giving a little cash
to this great cause.
Maybe even our Prime Minister
himself, back in Number Ten
after five years away.
Here's a little song
to loosen your loose change.
MUSIC: Hotline Bling by Drake.
♪ Yeah. ♪
♪ You used to call me on my cell phone. ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love. ♪
♪ Call me on my cell phone. ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love. ♪
♪ And I know when that hotline bling. ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing. ♪
♪ I know when that hotline bling. ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing. ♪
♪ Ever since I left the city. ♪
♪ You got a reputation for yourself now. ♪
♪ Everybody knows and I feel left out... ♪
Whoa!
♪ Ever since I left the city... ♪
Ah!
Ow.
That really hurts.
It's very undignified.
♪ You started wearing ♪
♪ less and goin' out more. ♪
♪ Glasses of champagne ♪
♪ out on the dance floor. ♪
♪ Hangin' with some girls ♪
♪ I've never seen before. ♪
Oh, Lord.
How many times have I told you
not to dance down the stairs?
Once or twice, once or twice.
Was it Hotline Bling again?
Yes, I'm afraid it was.
When I hear that hotline bling,
that can only mean one thing.
I assume that cup of tea is for me.
No.
You've changed.
I haven't.
I'll make you one.
Come on.
Come on.
I liked it best when you worked for me.
You work for me, really.
Tell the truth.
I work for the nation...
So, Billy Mack, welcome
back to the airwaves.
Billy, you have released a charity
single, and it's a cover version
of the ZZ Top classic
Gimme All Your Lovin'.
Yes, except we've changed
the word "lovin"' to "money".
But seriously, Red Nose Day,
a wonderful charity supporting children.
You must like kids.
No, the truth is, I like the kids
who buy my records.
I can't stand the other ones.
Even you must have noted
how short and selfish they are.
Billy, why a charity record?
Well, come on, Mikey!
It must be pretty obvious.
I've got an autobiography coming
out and I need a bit of publicity.
Ah, yes, the book.
It's called Macknificent.
Yeah.
Are you proud of it?
I've no idea.
I haven't read it, have you?
Yes.
Poor bugger.
What's it like?
It's pretty good, actually.
Oh, W!
That's a relief.
Billy, I see you haven't got
your manager with you today.
Tell me, has he finally left you
after you being so rude about him?
Not really, Mike.
He was a big man, with a big heart.
Big heart attack.
Big coffin.
It's a big hole in my life.
Wow.
Thank you for that, Billy.
For what?
Well, for giving an honest
answer to a question.
That never happens here at Radio Watford.
Ask me anything you like,
I'll tell you the truth.
OK, I probably asked you this
last time you were here,
but best shag you ever had?
Ooh, that's a tough one.
I mean, look.
It's definitely one of the Kardashians.
But which one, Mike?
Which one?
Excuse me?
Yes, young sir.
Are you looking for anything in particular?
How much is a red nose?
£1.
OK, I'll take one.
Lovely.
Would you like it giftwrapped?
All right.
Excellent.
Let me see.
Could we be quite quick?
Yes, certainly, sir.
It'll be ready in the jiffiest of jiffies.
Oh, I don't need a bag.
Oh, this isn't a bag, sir.
This is so much more than just a bag.
Do you remember the first time I drove you?
Of course!
Yes.
I remember looking at you
and thinking "What a handsome man.
That kind of face never gets old".
Yes.
How right you were.
I wished you could speak Portuguese
so I could tell you how I felt.
OK.
Well, I got most of that.
There was something about central
heating, wasn't there?
And roast potatoes, am I right?
Yes, darling.
By the way, very attractive
turtleneck today.
Oh, yes, thank you.
They're right back in fashion.
Or not.
OK.
Here, here, pull in.
In, in, come on.
Hop in.
I passed my exam!
Oh, excellent.
How was your clay?
Strap in.
All right, off we go.
I got picked for the team!
He said my hat's stupid.
My hat's not stupid, is it?
It's a little bit stupid.
That's great!
Yes!
That is great.
Can we have rice with it this time, though?
I'm getting a little tired of stir-fry.
Why not?
And of course, the yoghurt-coated raisins.
Come on!
Almost there.
Almost?!
Dad?
Sam!
What the hell are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in New York!
I know, I thought I'd give
you a surprise visit.
The surprise is, you have
to pay for my flight.
That's OK. My God, you've grown.
No, I'm just wearing high-heeled trainers.
Oh, yeah, so you are.
Come on, sit down, sit down.
How are things?
Good, good.
Now, listen, mister.
I'm worried. You haven't been in touch.
I know, I'm sorry. I've just
had a lot on my mind.
What is it?
Work tough?
Money?
I can help you with money, you know.
I'm loaded.
No.
No, it's, um...
Well, it's more of a love thing, actually.
Oh, here we go again.
What age are you now, 14, 15?
I'm 26.
Exactly.
You should have had this
sorted out ages ago.
As far as I remember,
the only person you've ever
genuinely been in love with
was that cute wee girl,
the singer at school.
You were 12, remember?
Hmm.
That's what's been on my mind.
Joanna!
We met up in New York and, er,
well, that's why we're here.
Sir.
I was wondering if I could ask
for your son's hand in marriage.
Please?
Really?
All you want for Christmas
is this stringbean?
Yeah.
I'll think about it.
Dad?
Come here!
So, is that a yes?
I'm... thinking about it.
Morning.
Good morning.
Yes?
Robert.
Prime Minister, what happened to your arm?
I fell down the stairs
while dancing to Hotline Bling.
I believe it happened
to Palmerston as well.
Any serious questions?
Bernard.
Yes, Prime Minister, when you
came to power the first time,
you were very optimistic.
You said that the power
of good could finally win,
that love actually was all around.
14 years later, do you
still feel as upbeat?
Well, um, interesting.
Obviously, times for many people
have got harder and people
are nervous and fearful.
And it's not just in politics
that things are tough.
Usain Bolt has run his last Olympics.
The Harry Potter films have finished.
Piers Morgan's still alive.
LAUGHTER.
But, let's look at the other
side of the coin.
Metallica's new album
is an absolute cracker.
And on a deeper level, I'm optimistic.
Wherever you see tragedy,
you see bravery too.
Wherever you see ordinary people in need,
you see extraordinary ordinary
people come to their aid.
Today's Red Nose Day, and people
are giving their hard-earned cash
to people who they'll never
meet, but whose pain and fear
they feel and want to fight.
So it's not just romantic
love which is all around.
Most people still, every day,
everywhere, have enough love
in their heart to help
human beings in trouble.
Good's going to win.
I'm actually sure of it.
Yes, next question?
Keir?
Prime Minister, what do
you think is the best
Christmas film ever made?
Well, don't be stupid.
Everyone knows it's Elf.
Yeah, Tommy?
MUSIC: God Only Knows by The Beach Boys.
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you. ♪
DOORBELL RINGS.
I'll get it.
Who is it?
He's not going to believe that, it's March.
They're raising money for Red Nose Day.
Oh, not again.
Give them a quid and tell
them to bugger off.
MUSIC: Silent Night.
Oh, that's a nice idea.
Yes, thank you, we're very happy.
How are you?
Do you like the beard?
I don't like it either!
JO WHILEY ON RADIO: And tomorrow
is Red Nose Day and we hope everyone
will be giving a little cash
to this great cause.
Maybe even our Prime Minister
himself, back in Number Ten
after five years away.
Here's a little song
to loosen your loose change.
MUSIC: Hotline Bling by Drake.
♪ Yeah. ♪
♪ You used to call me on my cell phone. ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love. ♪
♪ Call me on my cell phone. ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love. ♪
♪ And I know when that hotline bling. ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing. ♪
♪ I know when that hotline bling. ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing. ♪
♪ Ever since I left the city. ♪
♪ You got a reputation for yourself now. ♪
♪ Everybody knows and I feel left out... ♪
Whoa!
♪ Ever since I left the city... ♪
Ah!
Ow.
That really hurts.
It's very undignified.
♪ You started wearing ♪
♪ less and goin' out more. ♪
♪ Glasses of champagne ♪
♪ out on the dance floor. ♪
♪ Hangin' with some girls ♪
♪ I've never seen before. ♪
Oh, Lord.
How many times have I told you
not to dance down the stairs?
Once or twice, once or twice.
Was it Hotline Bling again?
Yes, I'm afraid it was.
When I hear that hotline bling,
that can only mean one thing.
I assume that cup of tea is for me.
No.
You've changed.
I haven't.
I'll make you one.
Come on.
Come on.
I liked it best when you worked for me.
You work for me, really.
Tell the truth.
I work for the nation...
So, Billy Mack, welcome
back to the airwaves.
Billy, you have released a charity
single, and it's a cover version
of the ZZ Top classic
Gimme All Your Lovin'.
Yes, except we've changed
the word "lovin"' to "money".
But seriously, Red Nose Day,
a wonderful charity supporting children.
You must like kids.
No, the truth is, I like the kids
who buy my records.
I can't stand the other ones.
Even you must have noted
how short and selfish they are.
Billy, why a charity record?
Well, come on, Mikey!
It must be pretty obvious.
I've got an autobiography coming
out and I need a bit of publicity.
Ah, yes, the book.
It's called Macknificent.
Yeah.
Are you proud of it?
I've no idea.
I haven't read it, have you?
Yes.
Poor bugger.
What's it like?
It's pretty good, actually.
Oh, W!
That's a relief.
Billy, I see you haven't got
your manager with you today.
Tell me, has he finally left you
after you being so rude about him?
Not really, Mike.
He was a big man, with a big heart.
Big heart attack.
Big coffin.
It's a big hole in my life.
Wow.
Thank you for that, Billy.
For what?
Well, for giving an honest
answer to a question.
That never happens here at Radio Watford.
Ask me anything you like,
I'll tell you the truth.
OK, I probably asked you this
last time you were here,
but best shag you ever had?
Ooh, that's a tough one.
I mean, look.
It's definitely one of the Kardashians.
But which one, Mike?
Which one?
Excuse me?
Yes, young sir.
Are you looking for anything in particular?
How much is a red nose?
£1.
OK, I'll take one.
Lovely.
Would you like it giftwrapped?
All right.
Excellent.
Let me see.
Could we be quite quick?
Yes, certainly, sir.
It'll be ready in the jiffiest of jiffies.
Oh, I don't need a bag.
Oh, this isn't a bag, sir.
This is so much more than just a bag.
Do you remember the first time I drove you?
Of course!
Yes.
I remember looking at you
and thinking "What a handsome man.
That kind of face never gets old".
Yes.
How right you were.
I wished you could speak Portuguese
so I could tell you how I felt.
OK.
Well, I got most of that.
There was something about central
heating, wasn't there?
And roast potatoes, am I right?
Yes, darling.
By the way, very attractive
turtleneck today.
Oh, yes, thank you.
They're right back in fashion.
Or not.
OK.
Here, here, pull in.
In, in, come on.
Hop in.
I passed my exam!
Oh, excellent.
How was your clay?
Strap in.
All right, off we go.
I got picked for the team!
He said my hat's stupid.
My hat's not stupid, is it?
It's a little bit stupid.
That's great!
Yes!
That is great.
Can we have rice with it this time, though?
I'm getting a little tired of stir-fry.
Why not?
And of course, the yoghurt-coated raisins.
Come on!
Almost there.
Almost?!
Dad?
Sam!
What the hell are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in New York!
I know, I thought I'd give
you a surprise visit.
The surprise is, you have
to pay for my flight.
That's OK. My God, you've grown.
No, I'm just wearing high-heeled trainers.
Oh, yeah, so you are.
Come on, sit down, sit down.
How are things?
Good, good.
Now, listen, mister.
I'm worried. You haven't been in touch.
I know, I'm sorry. I've just
had a lot on my mind.
What is it?
Work tough?
Money?
I can help you with money, you know.
I'm loaded.
No.
No, it's, um...
Well, it's more of a love thing, actually.
Oh, here we go again.
What age are you now, 14, 15?
I'm 26.
Exactly.
You should have had this
sorted out ages ago.
As far as I remember,
the only person you've ever
genuinely been in love with
was that cute wee girl,
the singer at school.
You were 12, remember?
Hmm.
That's what's been on my mind.
Joanna!
We met up in New York and, er,
well, that's why we're here.
Sir.
I was wondering if I could ask
for your son's hand in marriage.
Please?
Really?
All you want for Christmas
is this stringbean?
Yeah.
I'll think about it.
Dad?
Come here!
So, is that a yes?
I'm... thinking about it.
Morning.
Good morning.
Yes?
Robert.
Prime Minister, what happened to your arm?
I fell down the stairs
while dancing to Hotline Bling.
I believe it happened
to Palmerston as well.
Any serious questions?
Bernard.
Yes, Prime Minister, when you
came to power the first time,
you were very optimistic.
You said that the power
of good could finally win,
that love actually was all around.
14 years later, do you
still feel as upbeat?
Well, um, interesting.
Obviously, times for many people
have got harder and people
are nervous and fearful.
And it's not just in politics
that things are tough.
Usain Bolt has run his last Olympics.
The Harry Potter films have finished.
Piers Morgan's still alive.
LAUGHTER.
But, let's look at the other
side of the coin.
Metallica's new album
is an absolute cracker.
And on a deeper level, I'm optimistic.
Wherever you see tragedy,
you see bravery too.
Wherever you see ordinary people in need,
you see extraordinary ordinary
people come to their aid.
Today's Red Nose Day, and people
are giving their hard-earned cash
to people who they'll never
meet, but whose pain and fear
they feel and want to fight.
So it's not just romantic
love which is all around.
Most people still, every day,
everywhere, have enough love
in their heart to help
human beings in trouble.
Good's going to win.
I'm actually sure of it.
Yes, next question?
Keir?
Prime Minister, what do
you think is the best
Christmas film ever made?
Well, don't be stupid.
Everyone knows it's Elf.
Yeah, Tommy?