Record City (1977) - full transcript
Lighthearted comedy chronicling the exploits of the employees at a record store.
♪ Go down to record city
♪ record city usa
♪ you can dance to the beat
♪ tap your feet!
♪ Shake your blues away
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ youustump on bump Avenue
♪ truck on down turn right in a groove
♪ rock to the beat and
roll it to the west
♪ don't forget to bring
the money you love best
♪ bring em down to record city
♪ record city
♪usa
♪ jump to the beat &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ do wa diddy
♪ you've got the real good degrade
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ from Memphis to kalamazoo
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ California to the white house too
♪ woooo
♪ even the rhinestone cowboy
♪ who shake yippee kio ki aye
♪ I know he can dash
♪ the country and western!
♪ But sometimes he steals away
♪ to go down to record city
♪ record city usofa
♪ yo he can bang his feet &
♪ dance to the beat
♪ shake his blues away
johjt
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ come on down to record city &
♪ record city, usa
♪ you can dance.
Come on, Danny, hurry it up will ya?
Get those albums out on the front rack
before the weekend rush sets in.
Yes, sir, I'm hurrying.
Tell what you that that
crazy Gordon Kong holding
his damn talent contest here.
We're gonna have every
creep who wants to be
in show business coming over here.
But hot, I'll handle it.
See, I've never been afraid
to take responsibility
I mean that's how I got to be manager.
Get the door, will ya kid?
Show me a man who knows hot to sweat,
I'll show ya a winner.
Groovy foxes, ah.
Seen ya looking, especially that new chick
I put on the register, Lorraine.
You aint getting none of that Sonny boy,
that's all mine.
I'm gonna get her in my office and
bang the curl right outta
her hair.
Hey.
Where's that idiot security guard, Doyle?
I don't see him out front.
I think he went to grab a pizza.
I'll grab his pizza.
What's the crazy hold up
man, what's his name?
The chameleon, running through
this whole damn neighborhood
while the cops are
standing out in the street
just playing with themselves
and my security guard's out
there stuffing his fat face.
Hi Lorraine.
Hello, Danny.
Sidewalk's probably
just crawling with creeps
'cause Doyle ain't on duty.
Check it out.
Now.
Hi babe, what's happening?
I'm checking the receipts, Mr. Pierce.
I told ya to call me Eddie.
Sure missed a fabulous lunch today.
If you'd accepted my invitation
we'd a had a oh, nice little Martini first,
then some nice red wine, a little salad,
some clams, niceuicy stake.
Then she'd look at
your face and throw up.
Hey, up yours.
There's nobody's taking to you, ya beast,
get back to your register.
Register this.
All right Harold, we'll
just move along here.
Sounds like a fun place
here, a little noisy.
Oh no, you mustn't, you mustn't.
Party honey, party.
Come along they're dangerous, Harold.
See let's give it to em.
One, two, three, four. - Harold.
Oh Harold, oh my goodness.
- Is he all right?
- I knew that shirt was too
oh yes, he's all right, it always happens
when he eats Brussels sprouts.
Don't leave me now, Harold, we're going
to the track Saturday.
That sucker was dead
before he fell down. - Right on, sucker.
Don't I know you?
Oi, esus h. Christ.
Jesus Christ?
Jesus Christ, I know you.
Girl needs a guy with experience,
a stud with know how.
You know, I gave ya aob because I dig ya.
When I dig a woman, I want
her to dig me back, ya dig?
I did say thank you.
Hey, I don't wanna hear any thanks yous,
I wanna feel em, you understand?
Now, you better come and see me soon
in my office like, before tomorrow night.
Right?
Aye.
Hey, it's bad Eddie. - You ready, Eddie?
All right that's it, wino creep, come on,
get outta here. - You got five dollars
for a cup of coffee. -esus, what do
ya mean coffee, man, you
need some listerine.
Listerine that's terrific.
Yeah, sure, that's easy for you to say.
All right, that's it, Rex, I told you
to stay away from my store, you gutty fag.
Now you move off, or I'm gonna call
the fruit wagon and have
them throw your ass
inail with the rest of the fairies.
Promises, promises.
Aye. - Aye.
All right ugly hookers,
get away from the store.
Who you calling ugly, Turkey
yeah. - Come back here
and say that again.
Hey, what are you whores
doing over here anyway?
Gordon Kong invited us sucker.
Yeah, we gonna be in
his big talent contest.
Oh yeah, well I wouldn't plan
on winning anything, the
only prize for what you got
they give penicillin.
Even penicillin won't help you, sucker.
Yeah.
I tell ya, no wonder the
country's in the toilet.
The bums, the fags and the hookers,
they got all the rights.
I'll tell ya, kid, if things
keep going like this,
symbol of America won't
be the eagle anymore,
it'll be a big asshole.
Can you do that with
your mouth?
Excuse me, do you have Beethoven's 5th?
What for, you gonna drink it?
Eh?
I said what do you want it for?
Come again. - What do you want it for?
The record?
Record?
What record?
Beethoven's 5th.
Beethoven's dumb 5th.
Beethoven's 5th, yes, I like that,
have you got it?
Now, stick it in your ear.
That's right, you
didn't have it last year.
Aye, pokey, is that gorilla man
really gonna come here and
run his talent contest?
Yeah, I'm gonna be on it.
Oh yeah, what kinda talent you got?
I play my head.
Oh, I wasust getting a hamburger.
Na na na, you sound
like a garbage disposal
you fat lump of lard, don't you know
there's a dangerous hold-up
man walking the area?
Oh, you mean that grunt the cops call
the chameleon, the one with
all the disguises, boss?
You don't gotta worry about that bum.
Why not, you planning to eat him?
Now get your can over to the police station
and you tell the captain he promised me
a man on standby and don't you come back
until he sends somebody, now move it, fast.
Right, right, right boss, I'm going.
Whoa. - Hey!
Long time no see, baby.
How you you looking good?
How's tricks, eh? - Oh honey, theyust
keep right on turning.
Keep right on turning.
Always said you are a
little piece of leather
but you are well put together.
- He is well put together.
- If you look so nice
I'll pay you any price.
Stop honey. - I got a discount for you,
baby, like I said, if you
wanna piece of heaven,
try this on. - And you got it all
right here.
Hey, wiz, where do I
stick tongue? - Say what?
Say tongue, I never heard of it.
Ah, let me put that into
my affrotonic computer.
Tongue is a weird group
started by a weird cat
known as kinky Friedman.
He is a cw group with a
bunch of dudes known as
the the Texasewboys.
Their main hit and first album was known as
I'must a lasso from El Paso.
Hey wiz. - And here's Rupert.
Look what I found, isn't this exciting?
Hey man, what's so exciting
about a tape recorder?
Listen, Rupert, have you been playing
yankee doodle with your dandy?
I don't do that anymore.
Hey, Rupert, what's so special
about this tape machine?
It's Eddie's theme.
Every time he's making it
with the chicks, he plays it.
Here, listen.
Hey man, that's some
funky music where did you find that?
Behind the loading dock.
I wonder who
he made it with.
At the restaurant, she really digs him.
She always slips him extra
meat in his sukiyaki.
Yeah, I'll bet he slipped
her a piece of meat too.
Give me that, I got an idea, you guys.
Hey, wait a minute.
Cool it.
Hey, now that's a real hot item.
That's moving right up
on the charts and uh.
Hey listen, that's my balling music!
Some bastard's playing my theme.
Oh it is?
I thought it was another
old cassette player.
Except for that funky music on the inside.
And these dune stars pasted on the outside.
Now I wonder what they mean.
I know what they mean.
Every time Eddie scores,
he pastes another one
on the case.
Chill out, Rupert, now
give me the cassette!
Eddie, hey hey hey, oh.
Oh you guys, you guys are the lowest.
From now, you keep your damn hands off
my personal property. - Eddie!
You said you never played that unless.
Hey, shut up, moshi.
It was a mistake, really, I'm not making it
with anybody else, it wasust a mistake.
Tell her it was a mistake.
Really you know I'm faithful to you.
Would I lie to a working woman?
Edward.
I'll get you for this.
Boy, sure wish I was more like Eddie.
Say what?
- I said I sure wish.
- I heard what you said
Iust don't believe that you said it.
Well what I mean is, well
Eddie's so good with the chicks.
Yeah, but he's got no class.
Yeah, but did you see all the stars
on that cassette machine?
Think, I've never even scored once.
Oh, Rupert my friend.
Let's see if we cannot
help you with your problem.
Now we gotta find a woman for you
that knows where it's at,
you know what I mean?
I mean a woman like Rita.
Ah, Rita, she not only knows where it's at,
she knows where it used to be.
Eh, I want you to go over there
and shoot your best shot.
Hey, I'm nothing like Eddie.
Eddie's a dynamite talker.
Rupert, you are a college man.
I mean you got a lotta
interesting things to rap about.
Eh, now what did you study?
Tax accounting.
See, everybody wants to
know about that taxive.
Now listen, you go on over there
and you hit her with
some of that, you know?
Then kinda ease the
conversation on around to sex.
Hey, and then you are in, im.
I'm in, huh? - Yeah.
1'l do it.
Start out with taxes, ease around to sex?
What do you want?
Did you know that define benefits
may be used as a pension deduction
for corporations under the new tax law?
So what? - So you wanna make it
with me?
I don't think so.
It wouldn't be so good for your health.
Oh thank you.
It's no go.
She's got some kinda health problem.
Hey man, who's
the dude with the pipe?
I don't know, what do you think
he's smoking in it?
Hey, what you got there, macho?
Record. - Oh ee, honey,
you can ring your barrette all the time.
I will too. - We all say that.
Woo.
Oh god, let's do it to him. - Go for it.
That's loco, whats' wrong with you?
Eh, look out man, outta the way.
You stupid sidewalk
surfer son of a bitches.
I hope you fall and break your ass.
You think it's funny, eh, you
don't mess with the macho.
Hey, woo. - Get outta here.
I'll teach you to mess
with the macho, you punks.
See how funny it is when I drive
this car up your asses, eh?
You think it's funny, eh?
Who's faster,
come on, let's go.
He's coming,
man, he's following us.
Nah nah.
Where you gonna go now suckers?
Get away from me now. - Faster, faster.
Look out. - Woo.
What the hell are you
doing on the sidewalk?
- What you doing over here?
- Hey, come on, you mess.
- Get this car off the road.
- Lady, get it outta here.
Come on move your car,
get this goddamn thing
outta here, will you pleas?
Move your car.
Now get in there and don't come back again.
Get outta here, come on, get in the car.
And don't come back again!
Okay, suckers, I'll
get you one at a time!
Hey, you lost something.
Oh, Lorraine, Lorraine please,
may I speak with you forust a minute?
If I don't get this off my chest
I swear I will explode
like a rotten cantaloupe.
What is wrong, Rex, I've never seen you
so mad before. - It is that swine,
Eddie Pierce.
If I wasn't a pacifist, I'd
love to scratch his eyes out.
Do you know, he had the audacity
to humiliate me out front.
I mean, it was shameful.
Oh gee, Rex, that's terrible.
Eddie isn't very sensitive
about people, I guess.
Eddie, sensitive?
Ha, I've seen paid toilets
with more humanity.
But he won't get away with this,
I swear he won't.
He'll be sorry he trifled
with Rex Hayworth.
Oh, man, that was so far out.
The gorilla man's got the shout.
I dug it the most, and
talking about digging, baby,
dig this, you got the
urge to merge yourself
with show business, huh?
You sing, dance, play a musical instrument
orust plain entertain?
Well then, make yourself pretty
and boogie on down to record city
779 oh oh, Rockland boulevard,
because from 5pm tonight,
Friday till Saturday
when we pick a winner, the gorilla man's
gonna give one of you dudes or dudarinas
a chance to become the
amateur star of the future
in our radio marathon talent contest
right here on ever loving kaka.
Kaw kaw.
Now here's a little number
that's climbing the charts
right to your hearts.
So get down baby, this is for you.
You think anybody noticed me?
What you doing here, hitch?
I don't want nobody to find
out we know each other.
Oh you won't be so mad at me
when you see what I got us.
Look.
Put that thing away, now.
Put your hat on and listen to me.
You are gonna get us busted.
You're gonna get us busted before we even
have a chance to rip this place off.
Well when we gonna do it,
I'm tired of waiting, pokey.
Soon, now did I not
tell you that me taking
aob here would be the perfect set up?
It was gonna work out okay.
Well Iust heard the manager telling
the security guard to get a real cop
to track down this big
time criminal to come in.
Oh, hey, that means the coast is clear.
Hot damn, let's do it now.
No, no, no, no, no.
Now here's the plan.
You see, you're gonna go round back,
come out through the stock room, all right
and when I signal I'll start
distracting those checkout girls there
then you do your thing, you got it?
I got it.
Oh shit. - What's wrong?
Well when I put the gun down my pants
it went down all the way.
Get down, you never
gonna amount to nothing
you can't waving a gun
around in a crowded store.
Come on. - Oh, oh.
Well hello there mr and Mrs.
Welcome to record city.
Don't look at them, Harold.
They're sissies.
Idiot.
Ah, got it.
Put that thing away before
the whole store sees it.
Get out and come around back.
All right, you gonna be real proud of me.
Yeah. - Oh.
You coming in or what?
No, I'must waiting for my brother.
Okay, wait.
I can't play this record, miss.
Why not?
No hole.
Hey wiz,
can you take care of this please?
I certainly can.
May I help you miss
her record, it has no hole.
Oh, ah, that's for sure.
Probably happened at the factory.
Listen, you're gonna have to
take this to the manager,
now his office is right back there.
He handles all the holes around here.
Thank you.
Mm, mm.
Come on.
Moshi, darling, you've
gotta learn to trust me.
I would never be unfaithful
to you, I love you.
Yeah!
Just a minute.
Hi, the guy you front told
me to see you about my hole.
Uh, yeah.
I'll call you back later.
Now what was that, miss?
My record, it doesn't have a hole in it.
Well you certainly
came to the right place.
Now, where were we?
Hey, Lorraine, can I
talk to you a minute?
Uh, okay, Danny, but I'm busy.
Danny, I have to get back
to my register.
No, it won't take up
too much of your time,
Iust wanted to talk to ya.
You know like talk.
Yeah.
You look terrific.
Thanks, I have to ask you something
if you don't mind, if it's okay.
Go ahead and ask.
Excuse me sir, can you tell me
where I can find them talking book records.
Oh, they're in specialties, aisle two.
Oh, I'll take you.
Just tell me whee to go, I'll get there.
Go straight ahead to
the end of the counter
then turn right.
I'm blind not deaf.
Go right.
Sir, be careful.
Dammit, she said turn right didn't she?
I get tricked every time.
I'll get ya. - You wanted to ask
me something?
Yeah, Lorraine, would you,
sir, sir please be careful!
Are you gonna ask me or not?
I want to, but. - I'm waiting.
Ah, ah.
You all right?
Lorraine, Lorraine, you
really are gorgeous.
Lorraine, I wanna take you to a movie
and for a piece of pizza and
if you don't like pizza
we'll go for tacos or something.
Oh Danny, you really are a sweet person,
nice, but I want something more
than you can give me, thanks anyway.
Hey look Vivian, I respect you.
I admire you for your mind,
but I didn't touch you.
Yeah well, somebody sure did.
Yeah well it wasn't me,
because if I wanna chick
I don't have to cop a feel.
There you go, treating
women as sex objects again.
Hey man, I'm no chauvinist pig.
I think chicks are women.
Ask anybody.
Yeah, maybe so, but that
still doesn't give you
the right to manhandle my body.
Hey I like you Vivian,
I mean I even kinda
dig you sometimes, but I'd never touch you
unless you said it was cool.
Marty? - Yeah?
Hey shit.
Hey, what'd you do that for, man?
I said stay away from me!
You're crazy, Vivian,
I never touched you, man.
Oh yeah, well somebody did!
And it sure as hell wasn't Mozart!
Listen I, I understand that you're shy.
I don't usually act this way, but you see
I'm a cancer, hey right there, cancer?
I really feel this great big
giant magic between us.
Well you keep your magic away from me
and this place is too public.
No, no, you're wrong, you're wrong.
Look the shades are down,
the music's playing.
I'm a great dancer, nobody
can see or hear anything.
Told you this place
wasn't private enough.
Don't worry, I'll get
rid of whoever it is.
Then you'll have your private
and I'll have my private
and then we'll put our
privates together.
All right, ust a damn minute.
What the hell do you want?
I despise you. - So what?
So this.
He mooned Eddie in mid hump.
Hey come back, what about your hole?
Hi mosh, ust a customer
see, she didn't have a hole
in her record.
Hey man, Eddie makes us
look so good to himself.
I get he's so sexy, he's gonna shave off
his mustache, that's exactly
what he needs to do.
Oh Olga, sweetheart, how are you?
Hey, what do you think Rex, too much?
You know, I don't wanna look cheap.
Well I think the color
is absolutely super.
Especially with your hair.
But you know, I don't like what it does
to your cheek bones, you know, beauty
is all in the facial structure,
you know what I mean?
Now look.
See, see how my cheekbones
catch the light and shadow?
Mm hmm. - Subtle, huh?
Yeah, yeah, good looks should be subtle.
Hey, you know Rex, maybe I could use
just a touch of eye liner and some Rouge
to bring out they bones, eh?
Honey, I would not touch your bones.
'Course, nothing goes too
good with this outfit.
Yeah.
Oh god, I wish I had
something maroon and frilly.
I mean, that would
absolutely turn you around.
Hey look, what's that?
Oh, oh look at that.
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ I got a bunch of bananas
♪ to trade for funky piano
♪ I'll be your get down gorilla
♪ I bang your keys with the beat yeah
♪ see I trade my bananas
♪ for funky piano
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ gogogogoyeah
♪ get down get down
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ say look back, you
gonna want me around!
Jahj
♪ go-gorillaman
♪ go-gorillaman
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ go-go-gorilla
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ you look like you gon want me around
♪ yeah ah
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ I got a bunch of bananas
♪ to trade for funky piano
♪ I'll be the get down gorilla
♪ get down gorilla
♪ I bang the keys with ease
♪ one man discotheque
♪ it got to beat on my chest
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ gorillaman
♪ go go gorilla man
♪ gorilla
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Woo, that is so swell, the
gorilla man has gotta yell.
Ay, right on,
here I am you chicks and chiclets out there
in radio land, yeah, yours truly,
Gordon Kong, your gorilla man of song
coming to you from right here
at nitty gritty record city,
that groovy patter shop
where the heavy dudes stop.
Now let's hear a great big gorilla shout
oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh
'cause we gonna freak out
with my gigantic talent contest
ending with the prize
presentation tomorrow at noon
oh, right here, oh, do you like my arm?
I've been doubling up on my hormone shots.
Oh come on, engineer.
Now a heavy selection
from my music collection,
Dum dum dum dum.
Dum dum dum dum.
Dum dum.
Dum dum dum.
Dum dum dum dum.
Okay mister, this is a stick up.
Now don't try nothing stupid or yell
'cause I got a gun and I
aint afraid to use it.
Now you reach in that pocket
real slow with your left hand
and hand me that watch and that money.
I'll shoot buddy, now
you hand me the money.
You say something young fella.
I got a gun and I want your money.
What?
This is a stick up, for Christ's sakes,
this is a stick up!
Don't you understand
english, I want your cash,
I want your cash! - You want my ass?
Damn fairy.
Kids today.
Hey viv, what's the matter?
I warned you about treating
me like a sex object
you male chauvinist insect!
What are you talking about?
Next time, you'll think twice.
Vivian!
What'd you do that for, man?
Oh god, ah
calm down, pal, I got another plan.
No, pokey, no more plans.
If we gonna Rob this place, let's Rob it.
I'must gonna go out
there and I'm gonna say
give me all your money and then I'm gonna
run like hell, you want in or don't ya?
'Course I want in.
Now didn't I case the
place so we know what day
all the cash'd be here?
You bet your booties I want in.
Well then let's do it.
Whoa, wait a minute, sit down.
Now you cannot go out there with your face
all naked and exposed like that.
Hold on, I've got something.
Put this on first.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
That way nobody'll be able
to identify me.
Hey pokey, you one smart dude.
Yeah, it's all teamwork.
You're pretty good yourself there, pal.
You know it's real hard to see out of.
But it's better than getting
recognized, wish me luck.
Now give me all your oh, ah.
Oh, ah.
Is that you pokey, oh, ah.
Something's got me.
Pokey!
Pokey!
Mamal
on.
I gotta get me
a new partner.
You're gonna have to shape up
for the world of crime, boy.
Yeah yeah yeah, another
fabulous impression hey ya
from Gordon Kong, your gorilla man of song
I have now transformed myself into Dr.
Billy grits.
Play in the hips, a kaka,
put thy hands together
and ye shall feel the other hand.
They had it yeah yeah.
Now.
I know it's here somewhere,
it fell right down through here.
Find it, dummy, find it.
I'm looking, hey here it is.
Gorilla man, I am sending you.
Right this, sergeant coznowski.
I saved myself.
Hello mr Doyle! - Oh, hiya pokey.
Right through here.
Dear Betty, what a front.
It's gorilla man. - That was close.
Too close, erk.
Come on now, straighten up.
Sarge, sarge you wait right here,
I'll check the head, see nobody's in em.
Okay, sarge, all clear.
Ssh, ssh.
Thanks a lot, won't do any
good having me stake out
the toilet if everybody knows I'm here.
Oh yeah.
Where can I watch the sales floor
through the ventilator?
Oh, right here in the first head.
Look, you gotta stand on the toilet.
No problem.
Kinda slippery. - Yeah, well,
watch yourself.
Oh yeah, this is perfect.
If the chameleon tries to hit this place
I'll see him coming.
Uh, that chameleon,
he's quite a cookie, ay.
You got an mo on him?
I'll say.
He's knocked over more than a dozenoints
in the area already.
And every time he's in
a different disguise.
So we don't know what he looks like.
But we'll nail him. - Right.
Just hang up that sign I gave
ya, so I won't be disturbed.
Leave the rest to me.
Oh yeah, right sarge.
Oh ah, sarge, if you need any help
just holler, ah?
Oh if you get hungry, ust
give me a shout okay?
Oh thank you very much, you're very kind.
Ka ka, kaw kaw kaw.
Did you love it?
Did you love it?
It is time to get down
because this is Gordon Kong
Like I was saying, it is show time!
Show time.
Will you shut up?
Don't ever touch me
there again, you Turkey.
Oh yeah, kaw kaw kaw, it's time
for contestant numero uno.
None other than get down Gallagher, yeah!
Ta dal!
Ladies and gentleman it is now time
for a commercial word
this time I'm speaking.
To everyone in the audience
ladies and gentlemen, the
amazing mastajewel corporation
a subsidiary of fly by night industries
has the answer to your every kitchen need
in a single tool and don't you wanna know
how it works? - Yeah!
Well first, you get out an apple.
You place the apple
between the patented pan.
Then what do you do, gang?
You reach for the tool
that is not a slicer,
it's not a dicer, it's not
a chopper and a hopper.
What could I possible be?
Yes it is, sledgeomatic.
Hey!
Apple sauce it is.
That's it.
Smear your face with lipstick and eyeshadow
and eyeliner and all that other sticky crap
that's meant to attract men and make them
wanna grope you and all
the other helpless dolls
who give womanhood a bad name.
Watch out for little Dutch boys, Vivian,
they do nasty things to dykes.
Hey Rita, Rita, that's my shade.
Yeah yeah, persian love peach.
You know I've been looking all over for it.
Is that all you want out of life, Olga?
To be a sex object like Rita?
You bet your ass.
Women.
Now sledgeomatic will also teach
the dumbest dog to play dead.
It puts the cat out all night
keeps the neighbors kids
in their own damn yard
and it'll save you money.
Gets that last of toothpaste
slap outta the tube.
And hey kids, hollow it out, it makes
a hell of a hash pipe.
Hey thanks a lot, man, I couldn't have
done that by myself.
Ay no problem, Marty, no problem.
Hey uh, what the hell's wrong with Marty?
Looks like he's got a case
of the galloping clap.
Vivian kneed
him in his danger zone
because she thought he
was coming on to her.
Hey stud, I hear youust started
the matinee performance
of the nutcracker suite.
Yeah, it was bitching.
Vivian nailed ya, didn't she?
Yeah. - I'll tell ya look,
you let the old professor here
give you a few tips and
you'll score with her.
I mean you know me, I never miss.
Like you respect her mind.
Respect her mind. - That's right,
respect her mind, then when
she lets down her guard,
you reach over and you grab her.
Butter brain only kidding.
What's that, gotcha.
Jive ass.
Yeah, I'm gonna
reup, I swear to god.
Hey pokey, you missed all the action.
Well I had a perfectly
good reason for being here.
What?
Well I was psyching myself up in front
of this cut out of Gordon Kong to get ready
for the big contest, you
know I'm gonna be in it,
I'm gonna do Dixie, Dixie on my cheeks.
Kinda Dixie cheek.
Maybe you prefer a ballad?
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
ay, pokey man, you gotta take it easy
on them cheeks, you know a couple of bars
of that disco music'll
send you to the hospital.
He's gonna go on the gorilla contest
as the Isaac Hayes of cheek.
Well, better than you two are doing.
You're not even gonna give it a try.
I am so.
I thought I might do what I do best.
Which is, hey, dance.
Check it out.
Hold on to that, Rita.
Oh, chow chow, pow.
Cha cha.
Ohm mm mm.
Oh oh oh.
Uh-oh, boss.
Hello, mr Greenberg. - Hey Mr. g.
Good afternoon, Mr. Greenberg.
Look, the boss got no pants.
Dynamite.
Don't you know how to
knock first you asshole.
Oh, hold it, g, ust
check the lp shipments,
got my messages, I'll see ya later.
Eddie, Eddie, please don't go.
Look, you gotta help me,
I'm in terrible trouble.
Well sure chief, I mean whatever you say
but I mean what could be the trouble?
I mean a fine businessman
and terrific person
like yourself, what could be wrong?
I'll show you, look.
You were never in the service, were you?
These aren't my clothes, you stupid,
they're my wife's.
She has exquisite taste.
Never mind that, look, the
reason I'm dressed like this,
I was hiding in her closet, see.
They were looking for me so I put on
whatever I could to sneak out the window
but they're still after me.
Look, Eddie, I pay you
a nice salary, right?
Right? - And I give you a nice
night thigh alloy bonuses, don't 1?
Well right. - Well then please,
you gotta help me, you gotta help me.
Mr. Greenberg, Manny baby,
listen, this is Eddie,
you can count on me, my life is your life.
Oh that's good, god bless ya.
Hey, forget it, forget it.
Now who's after you?
They are.
We wanna talk with you
a minute, Greenberg.
Greenberg, hey I didn't know
that was Greenberg, I mean Iust came in
I thought it was father
o'Flaherty's office.
Came in for some bing Crosby albums,
ran into this old queen.
Out. - Sure you got it.
Listen, I don't know nothing,
I didn't see nothing,
I can't remember faces, you know?
Nice place you got here, Greenberg.
Oh it's nothing special,
business really stinks
but I'll get you your money, I swear Mr. f.
I'll get ya every penny of it.
I ain't worried, Greenberg.
I always get paid what's owed me.
In your case, 4200 clams
due tomorrow midnight.
See if somebody runs out on me,
Iust give em to Gucci.
Meet my main man.
Gucci yamashito.
He's halfapanese, half Italian.
So.
Don't let him hurt me,
I'll get ya the money
I swear I'll steal it, I'll borrow it,
I'll print it.
I'm sure you will, Greenberg.
You wouldn't wanna get Gucci mad at ya.
Show him gucc.
Midnight tomorrow, huh?
Ciao, baby.
Hello Goldie?
Hi sweetheart, it's me, Manny.
For god's sake would you forget about
your stupid nightgown!
Listen, theyust wrecked my office.
I mean they broke every stick of furniture
and they're gonna murder me if I don't
come up with the money.
Will you stop it andust hang up the phone
and bring me some clothes down here.
Stupid woman is more interested
in her nightgown than her own husband.
Who is it?
Oh my goodness, well
I'm so terribly sorry.
Well that was for Eddie.
Say Princess, you're adorable.
Hi rupe. - Ssh!
Hey man.
What you doingust standing here
watching that action?
Only thing you gonna get
hard is your eyeballs.
Yeah you're right, I'm gonna go over
and talk to her right away.
What do I say?
The tax idea, it didn't work too well.
Why don't you take the
straightforward approach?
Tell her that you wereust standing here
watching all the action
and got turned on by it.
And then youust go over there, Rupert,
and you go for it.
Lay it on her and go for it.
Right in, go for it.
Hi.
What do you want?
I wasust watching you fix your hose
and I have to admit it really turned me on.
It did huh?
Oh did I give you hot pants?
You sure did, Rita.
You're gonna have to do something
about these hot pants of mine.
1 will.
Listen, he's gonna
get down with ya now.
A man that really gets down around the town
let's move and groove, here's the dude
you're gonna dig the most, come on
clap your feet and stomp your hands,
kitty St. Louis!
Jd Mr. feel good
jd Mr. feel good
♪ mr feel good
♪ honey that's my name
♪ I make ya feel good
♪ get down that's NY name
jd Mr. feel good
♪ baby callon me
♪ I make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ up on the roof &
♪ I'm gonna climb, climb, climb&
♪ we'll prance and dance
♪ drink a little wine &
♪ climb through your chimney
♪ Iump slick, slick, slick
♪ they'll hear you screaming
in the hall honey
♪ please don't quit &
jd Mr. feel good
♪ baby call my name
♪ I make it real good
♪ get down that's my game
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ baby callon me
♪ make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ I hang the stockings girl &
♪ like one, two, three
♪ you curl your toes
♪ and Iust twiddle it &
♪ I pity the creature
♪ stirring up the house
♪ you be my pussy cat
♪ I'm gonna be the mouse
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ better call my name
♪ make it real good &
♪ get down, that's my name
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ I'm dynamite!
Jl love to rock and roll &
♪ I like to go all night &
jd Mr. feel good
jd Mr. feel real good
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ that's my name
♪ I make it real good
♪ getting down that's my game!
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ honey call on me
♪ make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ whoa!
Yeah!
Oh lay it on me.
Another change of ouffit.
When are you gonna learn, Rita,
there's more to life than
trying to impress men?
I think I've gotust
what you need, Vivian.
Here.
For you.
What am I supposed to do with these?
Stick em in your pants, honey.
I'm more woman than you'll ever be.
You hear me?
Marty! - Yeah, I didn't do
nothing to you, man.
Marty I didn't mean to scare ya.
You think I'm attractive don't ya?
I mean lots of guys say
I've got a super body.
Yeah, well, I ain't
grabbing nothing of yours,
you got that?
Wouldn't you like to kiss me, Marty?
Are you serious?
Here and now?
Here and now.
I'm a desirable woman, am I not?
Mama find nice dog dog
music for little popo boy.
Let's go over here, precious. - Marty?
Yeah viv?
Let me hold thisust for a second.
Oh man. ♪the time of day
♪ gone everything seems wrong'
all right Rupert, what is it?
Well, sir, I was watching
the way you make out
and I have to admit, I really
admire your technique.
Hey, listen baby, when
you got it you got it
I mean, you know I can't
take no credit for it.
Talent comes from god.
I'm sure you're right, sir, but
what about those of us who
aren't equally blessed?
Blessed.
Oh, you meant you've been striking out
and you want the old salt and the shag
to steer you right, right?
Anything you can tell me, sir,
would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, well now, first thing you do
is you throw this away.
Second thing you do is you
gotta loosen yourself up,
take your tie off, you look like
you've got a pole up your ass.
Come on, you gotta be sexy man.
Like me, like Eddie, sexy see, right.
Now, the third thing you gotta do is
if you want action you gotta stop thinking
and you gotta start letting
your body do the talking.
Okay, now I want you to lower youraw
just drop youraw, now make your eyes,
close em, close em, soft and sexy.
Now when you talk, you gotta make em think
that you're feeling them up
with every word, got it?
Okay, you say, hey baby cakes, I am a dream
you are a dream, together
let's have a crazy nightmare.
Oh baby, oh mama, it's gonna feel so good.
Try it baby, try it.
I am a dream, you are a dream.
Oh geez, your voice
is too high, lower it.
I am a dream, you are a dream, oh ah,
together let's have a nightmare ooh.
You really think this is gonna work?
Eh, sure babe, I mean
just don't take no crap.
Now youust try it, see what I mean, okay?
Eh, don't try to thank me.
Who knows, maybe some day we can exchange
some hot phone numbers ah, yeah.
Hey baby cakes, you are a dream,
so am I, let's have a nightmare,
feels so good, how about it, eh?
I know it's good to hire the handicapped
but this poor sucker's so
retarded, it is disgusting.
Manny, Manny, Manny.
You've got no guts.
My husband has the guts of a chicken.
A little threat on your life
and you go all to pieces.
Stand up and fight, Manny.
It's only money.
Oh sure, Goldie, money is only money
and death is only death and what they did
to the furniture they could do to my face.
Cluck cluck cluck.
You sound like chicken little.
So what happened to the forceful man
who swept me off my feet?
You weren't so namby pamby
when you stole me away
from Sheldon shecktor
the proctologist. - The proctologist.
Oh no, don't be afraid Manny.
Face the golden future now, darling.
It's all out waiting there
for you to take charge.
Girls, come on.
I'll take it, you reel it in.
Wait out here, I'll see
you inust a minute
I gotta get that.
Oh Harold, look, our kind of music.
Oh I wonder if they have that lovely song
mother Waldorf sang at our wedding.
What was the name of that?
Oh promise me, oh was it oh promise me, no
no cousin Milo yodeled that after he drank
the mosquito repellent, oh
I could have killed him
if he hadn't been a veteran.
Did she sing only a Rose?
I think it had something
to do with flowers.
Mother Waldorf always loved putting things
in the ground, roses and daffodils, Mr.
Waldorf.
Oh Harold, look, here it
is, our wedding serenade.
Pale hands I love beside the shalamar.
Oh. - Oh.
Doing the obligato and then when I went.
Harold, Harold what is
it, help somebody, help!
Somebody call the paramedics!
Don't worry lady, my
sister's a registered nurse.
Oh it was those Brussels sprouts.
Well I'll give him mouth
to mouth resuscitation.
Somebody else wanna do this?
I know what he needs.
I'llust bet you do.
Now you stay away from
my Harold, you hussy.
Oh Harold, Harold, don't
leave me, don't go.
We've got a lot to do.
All right, I wanna get that
damn Barry manilow record
that's kinky Friedman from tongue.
Rita, cover my register,
I'm gonna go meet him.
Lorraine, Lorraine!
Kinky, kinky Friedman!
Mr. Friedman, I have all your albums.
Oh yeah, well can I have one too.
Bring one up from my dressing room
and where some hip boots
and a little prayer shawl
all right, be good, I'll show
you where the rap album is,
baby, all right?
Gorilla man, yeah, we are moving on
to the bewitching hour
here with the first day
of Gordon Kong's marathon
amateur talent contest
on radio an television, kaka,
kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw.
♪ Not there when I need you
♪ right away
♪ god I need ya
♪ ohlivingon
♪ god I need ya forgive me
♪ oh my freedom for god
all right.
How about flies?
That'd be a good one, that's real cute.
Well looky here, far out, it'sohn Denver.
John, you had a sex change look like.
I tell ya, that mountain
altitude doing wonders
for your lungs, boy, real good.
Hey, we'll see ya boy, take it easy.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Psst Lorraine, I've been
waiting for this, sweetheart.
It's time we're alone.
Not now, Eddie, I don't think it's right.
Hey come on now, who
knows from right or wrong?
Come on, dal, don't you wanna find out
what life is all about?
Don't touch me there.
Just because I work for you
doesn't mean I'm yours.
Look, I'm a passionate man, sweetheart
but I can't wait forever, and I won't.
Next time, baby.
Bye Edward.
Hello?
I know you're over there.
I don't mean to talk to you this way but
well, whenever I look
at you and try to talk
I get all silly.
I don't think I could say
this to your face but
I think you're a real fox and oh dammit
I know I'm not a rock
star or anything much but
but I wanna make love to you.
Okay, but no kinky stuff.
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute,
we'll do it kinky, wait a minute.
We'll do it kinky, waitust a minute!
Do we have a big welcome please
for razzle p. Willy
Hey viv.
Yeah, what do you want, twerp?
Where's your women's lib now, huh viv?
Thank you, thank you, woo!
I love you, mwah!
- This isn't too comfortable.
- But it's the best we can do.
Oh baby, you
gotta do better than that.
You come out for some fresh air too?
Nah, Iust sort of wanted
to look at the stars.
I wouldn't wish upon a
star if I was you, Danny.
It doesn't work on people named Lorraine.
Hey I'm only kidding.
You're a nice guy and you'll find someone
who thinks so too.
Well why didn't she like me?
Lorraine? - Yeah.
She does.
But not the way you want.
So what, you keep on looking
and she'll do the same.
It'll work itself out, it always does.
Yeah, I'm such a nice guy and all.
Don't say it like it was so terrible.
Well I mean maybe it is.
Maybe it'sust the worst
thing that could ever
happen to anybody, it's
just to be plain nice.
Now listen,
if you've got the talent.
Well at least you could say excuse me.
You'd think he'd know how to
treat a lady, wouldn't ya?
He does, when he sees one.
Let's have
it for the hooker sisters.
♪ Here we are
♪ we're stepping out
♪ life's a heck
♪ let's sing and shout
♪ here we are
♪ on solid ground
♪ take your time and don't fall down
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ dancing, dancing dancing
to the speed of sound
♪ like to hear the sound
of my feet on the ground
♪ moving moving moving to
the beat of my heart
♪ ain't no use in stopping
once this feeling starts &
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ uh-huh
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ step, step, stepping on out.
Nice popo boy, mommy's gonna
take you home and buy you a steaky-wakey.
♪ Step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step
♪ step, stepping on out
♪ stepping out yeah!
Thank you very much, come back again.
Next please.
Give me all your money
and don't try anything,
I'm the chameleon.
Geez, it's the chameleon!
♪ Step, step, stepping on out.
♪ Step, step
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step I - come on, let's go.
Oh!
Ah. - Freeze and don't nobody
oh shit. - Give me that before
you hurt yourself.
Stay where you are!
What the hell's going on here?
I'll knock your ass!
Come on, ah!
♪ Step, stepping on out
♪ stepping out!
Oh. - You'll have a little
something to eat and everything
will look brighter, Manny.
All right, Goldie, maybe you're right,
I'll have a little bit of salami
but only a nibble.
Of course my darling.
Bonasera.
Still got no money?
You get one more warning.
You leave my Manny alone,
you warpedap, you.
Nobody screws with Goldie Greenberg
and another thing.
Manny!
Ah, so. - Ah so to you too.
Look, I know this great
littleapanese restaurant
just down the street, I
think we should go down
and check it out, don't you?
Oh.
He stole my gun.
I never did nothing to him.
Never mind the gun, we
don't need it no more.
We don't?
No, we've gotta Rob this
place scientific like.
Oh.
This box controls the
electricity for the entire store.
Now, I'm gonna go out and play my head
in the talent contest.
Oh yeah, I like that.
You like that, huh? - How do you do that?
1 do it since I was a kid, I kinda poke
I'll talk about that later
now, Kay, when you hear me finish,
I want you to cut the alarm wire
then pull the switch, now you got it?
Yeah, cut the, when you
finish, I cut the wire
pull the switch. - Good.
Hey pokey?
What now?
What happens when I cut the
wire and pull the switch?
Phew, boy this gonna be tough.
When you cut the wire, you
will silence the alarm.
When you pull the switch,
the lights will go out.
In the confusion, you go
out and Rob the place
take the money and be feet, now you got it?
Yeah, I got it, I've got
it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Good. - It's gonna be a piece
of cake. - Good.
Wait pokey.
- What do you want now?
- What are we gonna Rob?
Didn't that chameleon
fella take all the money?
No, no, no.
I told ya, Eddie said
he only got petty cash
which leaves he gravy
for you and me, right?
Gravy, right right.
Yes, thick brown rich gravy. - Gravy.
Gravy! - 1 got it!
When he does his number, I cut the wire
and pull the switch.
Oh, I love being a felon.
I guess it didn't work. - Yeah.
Shut the door, will ya?
Come here.
Think we're gonna have to
change your hairstyle.
Yeah, I think that'll fix ya up.
Get the door, will ya?
Kinky, I want ya to notice me.
Honey, I never noticed
a gal in my whole life.
Does it require some kind
of unusual position?
Well now I did take a course
in sexual yoga one time
but my teacher screwed
herself our of aob.
Yeehee, all right, myokes
have little wheels on em,
don't they, get get get, itterbug.
Hey pokey's a real talent.
Cut the wire, pull the switch.
Cut the wire, pull the switch.
Cut the wire?
Honey, plug this bugger
in for me, will ya please?
Kid, you're gonna be dynamite.
I had a hell of a good time,
thank ya very much.
Mr. Pierce?
Mr. Pierce?
You okay?
Mr. Pierce.
Take you out after work,
show you a good time.
What have you done, boy?
Break it up, I'm coming
home, mein shallal
goodnight, mama.
Darling, I think I love ya.
Oh pokey.
I don't think I'm cut out for this.
It's the Kong on the gong.
From the gorilla man of song, yeah.
Right here, kaka and it ain't gonna be long
before we find the lucky winner
in the gorilla man gigantic
talent contest, whoa
because right now, we're moving into
the gigantic second day, baby
and listen, listen, finalists,
are you steady ready?
Hey, take a break, kid.
Mr. Pierce, wow, you
look like you're in shock.
Yeah, hey, what a ya got in the bag
a midget hooker?
No, no, but I realized
where I went wrong.
It's so easy, I realized it
when I saw kinky Friedman
chats to women, it's so simple.
You'll see sir, this is
gonna me me irresistible.
Mmm.
♪ Cluck cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck &
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck &
Rita, you little bugger.
Rita, Rita, Rita stop running.
I want you to marry me.
Rita.
Rita, now wait a minute, hold on.
Listen to me, give me a chance.
No woman has ever done to me
what you done last night, I want you
to be my wife, you really fired my rocket.
I can still feel the tingle
hit it with a book, it'll quiet down.
Rita now wait a minute,
hold on, listen here.
I promise you, we won't smoke any dope,
we'll go completely organic.
We'll only smoke lettuce.
Hey look, we'll make some
beautiful music together.
I tell ya what, I get
on and you and you me.
I tell ya what.
Hi Lorraine, I've been
looking all over for you.
I can't remember why I've bene
looking all over for you.
Oh leave me alone.
Oh Eddie.
Gucc and I have taken a
lovely little apartment
in Beverly Hills.
We're going out to buy some furniture, but
before we go, I want to leave
you with this parting gift.
Sayonara. - Ciao baby.
Come on, Gucci.
I gotcha, I saw that transformation!
You're under arrest, Mr. chameleon.
Chameleon, where?
Officer, what?
Marty - yeah, Vivian,
you wanna try again?
Wow man you look bitching.
Marty, I'm sorry I called ya a twerp.
That's cool.
So be positive Manny.
I'm positive, I'm positive Mr.
F is gonna murder me,
that's what I'm positive oh,
why can't I get a break?
All I ask is one lousy break please.
Of course, darling.
Come on. - Sister, sister,
could you tell him I'm innocent?
Oh bless you my son, less you
excuse this freak, sister,
he's out of his gourd on devil weed.
Bless you.
Oh sister, begging your holy pardon
but one of your shoelaces is hanging out,
you might trip on it.
Oh my shoe.
Excuse me, you dropped your shotgun too.
My shotgun, bless you both.
The chameleon. - Where?
Stop, I'm the police!
Oh please god, give me
a break, it's all I ask,
one little shitty break.
Of course, Manny darling,
you'll get a break.
Wait, stop, stop him, stop!
The police!
Stop, stop, stop!
Holy, the money. - Manny, the money.
Thank you, thank you, I'll never go near
a ham sandwich, I won't
touch a chick or nothing.
Manny, Manny, will you
buy me a tennis court?
Oh you can have a racquet,
balls, everything oh.
It's mine.
Manny!
Come here.
Nobody move,
I've got my eye on this whole place.
Now back off, nice and easy.
Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
Nice and easy, come on.
Okay. - Come on, that's it.
That's it.
What's happening, Manny?
Manny!
Come back here, hey you.
Manny. - Hey, everybody let's run.
Stop him.
I'm through running.
I'm through running!
- What's happening?
- You'll never take me alive!
What's going on, Manny?
Manny, so tell me what's happening.
Hey.
Oh Danny, you were absolutely fearless.
No I wasn't Lorraine,
I'must plain old Danny
a nice guy, same as I've always been.
And if it wasn't good
enough for you before,
it's not good enough for you now.
But Danny, you saved my life.
I didn't know what you were
really like until you did that.
I'm not really like
that Lorraine, I'must,
I mean I was scared to death
when I clobbered that guy
and you might as well know it, I'm no hero.
I'must Danny, maybe
that's all I'll ever be.
Oh. - But if you wanna get
to know me for how I really am, well,
we could go for that pizza.
But if you're looking for
some Superman, well, so long.
Danny.
Yeah, yeah, we got the folk.
On the radio folks, and we have come up
with the cat who knows where it's at.
I mean hey team, take it from gorilla man,
Gordon Kong, let's hear it for contestant
numero uno, number one winner, wiz!
♪ Make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl, I'm gonna get your heart yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ I bet I'm gonna get what you got
♪ I'm on my way to your town
♪ your town usa
♪ never parade my loving now
♪ here's what you're gonna say
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
j; Make way
j; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl, I'm gonna get your heart!
♪Yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ I bet I never miss my Mark
♪ I know your med school's got you good
♪ but that don't bother me oh no
♪ when I come knocking on your door girl &
♪ you better be ready to go
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover &
♪ now check me out &
J; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ yeah yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl I'm gonna get your heart yeah
♪ make way for the lover girl &
♪ man I could get what you got
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on
♪ make way
♪ I'm a lover
♪ gonna stay all the way
♪ make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪oh
♪ make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on, discover
j; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ for the lover
♪ for the lover &
♪ for the lover, for the lover
♪ come on
j; Make way
♪ come on
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on down to record city &
♪ record city, usa
♪ you can dance to the beat
♪ pat your feet &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ youustump on bump Avenue
♪ truck on down to 90 degrees
♪ rock into the beat and
rolling to the west
♪ don't forget to think
of money you love best &
♪ bring it down to record city
♪ record city, usofa I!
♪ You can dance your feet
♪ jump to the beat &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ do ah diddy
♪ you find the real good degrade
♪ you can boogie mama
♪ boogie your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ from Memphis to kalamazoo
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ California to the white house too
js woo &
♪ even the rhinestone cowboy
♪ singing yippee kio kyae
♪ record city usa
♪ you can dance to the beat
♪ tap your feet!
♪ Shake your blues away
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ youustump on bump Avenue
♪ truck on down turn right in a groove
♪ rock to the beat and
roll it to the west
♪ don't forget to bring
the money you love best
♪ bring em down to record city
♪ record city
♪usa
♪ jump to the beat &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ do wa diddy
♪ you've got the real good degrade
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ from Memphis to kalamazoo
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ California to the white house too
♪ woooo
♪ even the rhinestone cowboy
♪ who shake yippee kio ki aye
♪ I know he can dash
♪ the country and western!
♪ But sometimes he steals away
♪ to go down to record city
♪ record city usofa
♪ yo he can bang his feet &
♪ dance to the beat
♪ shake his blues away
johjt
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ boogy
♪ boogy your way
♪ come on down to record city &
♪ record city, usa
♪ you can dance.
Come on, Danny, hurry it up will ya?
Get those albums out on the front rack
before the weekend rush sets in.
Yes, sir, I'm hurrying.
Tell what you that that
crazy Gordon Kong holding
his damn talent contest here.
We're gonna have every
creep who wants to be
in show business coming over here.
But hot, I'll handle it.
See, I've never been afraid
to take responsibility
I mean that's how I got to be manager.
Get the door, will ya kid?
Show me a man who knows hot to sweat,
I'll show ya a winner.
Groovy foxes, ah.
Seen ya looking, especially that new chick
I put on the register, Lorraine.
You aint getting none of that Sonny boy,
that's all mine.
I'm gonna get her in my office and
bang the curl right outta
her hair.
Hey.
Where's that idiot security guard, Doyle?
I don't see him out front.
I think he went to grab a pizza.
I'll grab his pizza.
What's the crazy hold up
man, what's his name?
The chameleon, running through
this whole damn neighborhood
while the cops are
standing out in the street
just playing with themselves
and my security guard's out
there stuffing his fat face.
Hi Lorraine.
Hello, Danny.
Sidewalk's probably
just crawling with creeps
'cause Doyle ain't on duty.
Check it out.
Now.
Hi babe, what's happening?
I'm checking the receipts, Mr. Pierce.
I told ya to call me Eddie.
Sure missed a fabulous lunch today.
If you'd accepted my invitation
we'd a had a oh, nice little Martini first,
then some nice red wine, a little salad,
some clams, niceuicy stake.
Then she'd look at
your face and throw up.
Hey, up yours.
There's nobody's taking to you, ya beast,
get back to your register.
Register this.
All right Harold, we'll
just move along here.
Sounds like a fun place
here, a little noisy.
Oh no, you mustn't, you mustn't.
Party honey, party.
Come along they're dangerous, Harold.
See let's give it to em.
One, two, three, four. - Harold.
Oh Harold, oh my goodness.
- Is he all right?
- I knew that shirt was too
oh yes, he's all right, it always happens
when he eats Brussels sprouts.
Don't leave me now, Harold, we're going
to the track Saturday.
That sucker was dead
before he fell down. - Right on, sucker.
Don't I know you?
Oi, esus h. Christ.
Jesus Christ?
Jesus Christ, I know you.
Girl needs a guy with experience,
a stud with know how.
You know, I gave ya aob because I dig ya.
When I dig a woman, I want
her to dig me back, ya dig?
I did say thank you.
Hey, I don't wanna hear any thanks yous,
I wanna feel em, you understand?
Now, you better come and see me soon
in my office like, before tomorrow night.
Right?
Aye.
Hey, it's bad Eddie. - You ready, Eddie?
All right that's it, wino creep, come on,
get outta here. - You got five dollars
for a cup of coffee. -esus, what do
ya mean coffee, man, you
need some listerine.
Listerine that's terrific.
Yeah, sure, that's easy for you to say.
All right, that's it, Rex, I told you
to stay away from my store, you gutty fag.
Now you move off, or I'm gonna call
the fruit wagon and have
them throw your ass
inail with the rest of the fairies.
Promises, promises.
Aye. - Aye.
All right ugly hookers,
get away from the store.
Who you calling ugly, Turkey
yeah. - Come back here
and say that again.
Hey, what are you whores
doing over here anyway?
Gordon Kong invited us sucker.
Yeah, we gonna be in
his big talent contest.
Oh yeah, well I wouldn't plan
on winning anything, the
only prize for what you got
they give penicillin.
Even penicillin won't help you, sucker.
Yeah.
I tell ya, no wonder the
country's in the toilet.
The bums, the fags and the hookers,
they got all the rights.
I'll tell ya, kid, if things
keep going like this,
symbol of America won't
be the eagle anymore,
it'll be a big asshole.
Can you do that with
your mouth?
Excuse me, do you have Beethoven's 5th?
What for, you gonna drink it?
Eh?
I said what do you want it for?
Come again. - What do you want it for?
The record?
Record?
What record?
Beethoven's 5th.
Beethoven's dumb 5th.
Beethoven's 5th, yes, I like that,
have you got it?
Now, stick it in your ear.
That's right, you
didn't have it last year.
Aye, pokey, is that gorilla man
really gonna come here and
run his talent contest?
Yeah, I'm gonna be on it.
Oh yeah, what kinda talent you got?
I play my head.
Oh, I wasust getting a hamburger.
Na na na, you sound
like a garbage disposal
you fat lump of lard, don't you know
there's a dangerous hold-up
man walking the area?
Oh, you mean that grunt the cops call
the chameleon, the one with
all the disguises, boss?
You don't gotta worry about that bum.
Why not, you planning to eat him?
Now get your can over to the police station
and you tell the captain he promised me
a man on standby and don't you come back
until he sends somebody, now move it, fast.
Right, right, right boss, I'm going.
Whoa. - Hey!
Long time no see, baby.
How you you looking good?
How's tricks, eh? - Oh honey, theyust
keep right on turning.
Keep right on turning.
Always said you are a
little piece of leather
but you are well put together.
- He is well put together.
- If you look so nice
I'll pay you any price.
Stop honey. - I got a discount for you,
baby, like I said, if you
wanna piece of heaven,
try this on. - And you got it all
right here.
Hey, wiz, where do I
stick tongue? - Say what?
Say tongue, I never heard of it.
Ah, let me put that into
my affrotonic computer.
Tongue is a weird group
started by a weird cat
known as kinky Friedman.
He is a cw group with a
bunch of dudes known as
the the Texasewboys.
Their main hit and first album was known as
I'must a lasso from El Paso.
Hey wiz. - And here's Rupert.
Look what I found, isn't this exciting?
Hey man, what's so exciting
about a tape recorder?
Listen, Rupert, have you been playing
yankee doodle with your dandy?
I don't do that anymore.
Hey, Rupert, what's so special
about this tape machine?
It's Eddie's theme.
Every time he's making it
with the chicks, he plays it.
Here, listen.
Hey man, that's some
funky music where did you find that?
Behind the loading dock.
I wonder who
he made it with.
At the restaurant, she really digs him.
She always slips him extra
meat in his sukiyaki.
Yeah, I'll bet he slipped
her a piece of meat too.
Give me that, I got an idea, you guys.
Hey, wait a minute.
Cool it.
Hey, now that's a real hot item.
That's moving right up
on the charts and uh.
Hey listen, that's my balling music!
Some bastard's playing my theme.
Oh it is?
I thought it was another
old cassette player.
Except for that funky music on the inside.
And these dune stars pasted on the outside.
Now I wonder what they mean.
I know what they mean.
Every time Eddie scores,
he pastes another one
on the case.
Chill out, Rupert, now
give me the cassette!
Eddie, hey hey hey, oh.
Oh you guys, you guys are the lowest.
From now, you keep your damn hands off
my personal property. - Eddie!
You said you never played that unless.
Hey, shut up, moshi.
It was a mistake, really, I'm not making it
with anybody else, it wasust a mistake.
Tell her it was a mistake.
Really you know I'm faithful to you.
Would I lie to a working woman?
Edward.
I'll get you for this.
Boy, sure wish I was more like Eddie.
Say what?
- I said I sure wish.
- I heard what you said
Iust don't believe that you said it.
Well what I mean is, well
Eddie's so good with the chicks.
Yeah, but he's got no class.
Yeah, but did you see all the stars
on that cassette machine?
Think, I've never even scored once.
Oh, Rupert my friend.
Let's see if we cannot
help you with your problem.
Now we gotta find a woman for you
that knows where it's at,
you know what I mean?
I mean a woman like Rita.
Ah, Rita, she not only knows where it's at,
she knows where it used to be.
Eh, I want you to go over there
and shoot your best shot.
Hey, I'm nothing like Eddie.
Eddie's a dynamite talker.
Rupert, you are a college man.
I mean you got a lotta
interesting things to rap about.
Eh, now what did you study?
Tax accounting.
See, everybody wants to
know about that taxive.
Now listen, you go on over there
and you hit her with
some of that, you know?
Then kinda ease the
conversation on around to sex.
Hey, and then you are in, im.
I'm in, huh? - Yeah.
1'l do it.
Start out with taxes, ease around to sex?
What do you want?
Did you know that define benefits
may be used as a pension deduction
for corporations under the new tax law?
So what? - So you wanna make it
with me?
I don't think so.
It wouldn't be so good for your health.
Oh thank you.
It's no go.
She's got some kinda health problem.
Hey man, who's
the dude with the pipe?
I don't know, what do you think
he's smoking in it?
Hey, what you got there, macho?
Record. - Oh ee, honey,
you can ring your barrette all the time.
I will too. - We all say that.
Woo.
Oh god, let's do it to him. - Go for it.
That's loco, whats' wrong with you?
Eh, look out man, outta the way.
You stupid sidewalk
surfer son of a bitches.
I hope you fall and break your ass.
You think it's funny, eh, you
don't mess with the macho.
Hey, woo. - Get outta here.
I'll teach you to mess
with the macho, you punks.
See how funny it is when I drive
this car up your asses, eh?
You think it's funny, eh?
Who's faster,
come on, let's go.
He's coming,
man, he's following us.
Nah nah.
Where you gonna go now suckers?
Get away from me now. - Faster, faster.
Look out. - Woo.
What the hell are you
doing on the sidewalk?
- What you doing over here?
- Hey, come on, you mess.
- Get this car off the road.
- Lady, get it outta here.
Come on move your car,
get this goddamn thing
outta here, will you pleas?
Move your car.
Now get in there and don't come back again.
Get outta here, come on, get in the car.
And don't come back again!
Okay, suckers, I'll
get you one at a time!
Hey, you lost something.
Oh, Lorraine, Lorraine please,
may I speak with you forust a minute?
If I don't get this off my chest
I swear I will explode
like a rotten cantaloupe.
What is wrong, Rex, I've never seen you
so mad before. - It is that swine,
Eddie Pierce.
If I wasn't a pacifist, I'd
love to scratch his eyes out.
Do you know, he had the audacity
to humiliate me out front.
I mean, it was shameful.
Oh gee, Rex, that's terrible.
Eddie isn't very sensitive
about people, I guess.
Eddie, sensitive?
Ha, I've seen paid toilets
with more humanity.
But he won't get away with this,
I swear he won't.
He'll be sorry he trifled
with Rex Hayworth.
Oh, man, that was so far out.
The gorilla man's got the shout.
I dug it the most, and
talking about digging, baby,
dig this, you got the
urge to merge yourself
with show business, huh?
You sing, dance, play a musical instrument
orust plain entertain?
Well then, make yourself pretty
and boogie on down to record city
779 oh oh, Rockland boulevard,
because from 5pm tonight,
Friday till Saturday
when we pick a winner, the gorilla man's
gonna give one of you dudes or dudarinas
a chance to become the
amateur star of the future
in our radio marathon talent contest
right here on ever loving kaka.
Kaw kaw.
Now here's a little number
that's climbing the charts
right to your hearts.
So get down baby, this is for you.
You think anybody noticed me?
What you doing here, hitch?
I don't want nobody to find
out we know each other.
Oh you won't be so mad at me
when you see what I got us.
Look.
Put that thing away, now.
Put your hat on and listen to me.
You are gonna get us busted.
You're gonna get us busted before we even
have a chance to rip this place off.
Well when we gonna do it,
I'm tired of waiting, pokey.
Soon, now did I not
tell you that me taking
aob here would be the perfect set up?
It was gonna work out okay.
Well Iust heard the manager telling
the security guard to get a real cop
to track down this big
time criminal to come in.
Oh, hey, that means the coast is clear.
Hot damn, let's do it now.
No, no, no, no, no.
Now here's the plan.
You see, you're gonna go round back,
come out through the stock room, all right
and when I signal I'll start
distracting those checkout girls there
then you do your thing, you got it?
I got it.
Oh shit. - What's wrong?
Well when I put the gun down my pants
it went down all the way.
Get down, you never
gonna amount to nothing
you can't waving a gun
around in a crowded store.
Come on. - Oh, oh.
Well hello there mr and Mrs.
Welcome to record city.
Don't look at them, Harold.
They're sissies.
Idiot.
Ah, got it.
Put that thing away before
the whole store sees it.
Get out and come around back.
All right, you gonna be real proud of me.
Yeah. - Oh.
You coming in or what?
No, I'must waiting for my brother.
Okay, wait.
I can't play this record, miss.
Why not?
No hole.
Hey wiz,
can you take care of this please?
I certainly can.
May I help you miss
her record, it has no hole.
Oh, ah, that's for sure.
Probably happened at the factory.
Listen, you're gonna have to
take this to the manager,
now his office is right back there.
He handles all the holes around here.
Thank you.
Mm, mm.
Come on.
Moshi, darling, you've
gotta learn to trust me.
I would never be unfaithful
to you, I love you.
Yeah!
Just a minute.
Hi, the guy you front told
me to see you about my hole.
Uh, yeah.
I'll call you back later.
Now what was that, miss?
My record, it doesn't have a hole in it.
Well you certainly
came to the right place.
Now, where were we?
Hey, Lorraine, can I
talk to you a minute?
Uh, okay, Danny, but I'm busy.
Danny, I have to get back
to my register.
No, it won't take up
too much of your time,
Iust wanted to talk to ya.
You know like talk.
Yeah.
You look terrific.
Thanks, I have to ask you something
if you don't mind, if it's okay.
Go ahead and ask.
Excuse me sir, can you tell me
where I can find them talking book records.
Oh, they're in specialties, aisle two.
Oh, I'll take you.
Just tell me whee to go, I'll get there.
Go straight ahead to
the end of the counter
then turn right.
I'm blind not deaf.
Go right.
Sir, be careful.
Dammit, she said turn right didn't she?
I get tricked every time.
I'll get ya. - You wanted to ask
me something?
Yeah, Lorraine, would you,
sir, sir please be careful!
Are you gonna ask me or not?
I want to, but. - I'm waiting.
Ah, ah.
You all right?
Lorraine, Lorraine, you
really are gorgeous.
Lorraine, I wanna take you to a movie
and for a piece of pizza and
if you don't like pizza
we'll go for tacos or something.
Oh Danny, you really are a sweet person,
nice, but I want something more
than you can give me, thanks anyway.
Hey look Vivian, I respect you.
I admire you for your mind,
but I didn't touch you.
Yeah well, somebody sure did.
Yeah well it wasn't me,
because if I wanna chick
I don't have to cop a feel.
There you go, treating
women as sex objects again.
Hey man, I'm no chauvinist pig.
I think chicks are women.
Ask anybody.
Yeah, maybe so, but that
still doesn't give you
the right to manhandle my body.
Hey I like you Vivian,
I mean I even kinda
dig you sometimes, but I'd never touch you
unless you said it was cool.
Marty? - Yeah?
Hey shit.
Hey, what'd you do that for, man?
I said stay away from me!
You're crazy, Vivian,
I never touched you, man.
Oh yeah, well somebody did!
And it sure as hell wasn't Mozart!
Listen I, I understand that you're shy.
I don't usually act this way, but you see
I'm a cancer, hey right there, cancer?
I really feel this great big
giant magic between us.
Well you keep your magic away from me
and this place is too public.
No, no, you're wrong, you're wrong.
Look the shades are down,
the music's playing.
I'm a great dancer, nobody
can see or hear anything.
Told you this place
wasn't private enough.
Don't worry, I'll get
rid of whoever it is.
Then you'll have your private
and I'll have my private
and then we'll put our
privates together.
All right, ust a damn minute.
What the hell do you want?
I despise you. - So what?
So this.
He mooned Eddie in mid hump.
Hey come back, what about your hole?
Hi mosh, ust a customer
see, she didn't have a hole
in her record.
Hey man, Eddie makes us
look so good to himself.
I get he's so sexy, he's gonna shave off
his mustache, that's exactly
what he needs to do.
Oh Olga, sweetheart, how are you?
Hey, what do you think Rex, too much?
You know, I don't wanna look cheap.
Well I think the color
is absolutely super.
Especially with your hair.
But you know, I don't like what it does
to your cheek bones, you know, beauty
is all in the facial structure,
you know what I mean?
Now look.
See, see how my cheekbones
catch the light and shadow?
Mm hmm. - Subtle, huh?
Yeah, yeah, good looks should be subtle.
Hey, you know Rex, maybe I could use
just a touch of eye liner and some Rouge
to bring out they bones, eh?
Honey, I would not touch your bones.
'Course, nothing goes too
good with this outfit.
Yeah.
Oh god, I wish I had
something maroon and frilly.
I mean, that would
absolutely turn you around.
Hey look, what's that?
Oh, oh look at that.
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ I got a bunch of bananas
♪ to trade for funky piano
♪ I'll be your get down gorilla
♪ I bang your keys with the beat yeah
♪ see I trade my bananas
♪ for funky piano
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ gogogogoyeah
♪ get down get down
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ say look back, you
gonna want me around!
Jahj
♪ go-gorillaman
♪ go-gorillaman
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ go-go-gorilla
♪ go go go gorilla
♪ you look like you gon want me around
♪ yeah ah
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ I got a bunch of bananas
♪ to trade for funky piano
♪ I'll be the get down gorilla
♪ get down gorilla
♪ I bang the keys with ease
♪ one man discotheque
♪ it got to beat on my chest
♪ I'm the gorilla man
♪ I come from Congo land
♪ gorillaman
♪ go go gorilla man
♪ gorilla
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Woo, that is so swell, the
gorilla man has gotta yell.
Ay, right on,
here I am you chicks and chiclets out there
in radio land, yeah, yours truly,
Gordon Kong, your gorilla man of song
coming to you from right here
at nitty gritty record city,
that groovy patter shop
where the heavy dudes stop.
Now let's hear a great big gorilla shout
oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh
'cause we gonna freak out
with my gigantic talent contest
ending with the prize
presentation tomorrow at noon
oh, right here, oh, do you like my arm?
I've been doubling up on my hormone shots.
Oh come on, engineer.
Now a heavy selection
from my music collection,
Dum dum dum dum.
Dum dum dum dum.
Dum dum.
Dum dum dum.
Dum dum dum dum.
Okay mister, this is a stick up.
Now don't try nothing stupid or yell
'cause I got a gun and I
aint afraid to use it.
Now you reach in that pocket
real slow with your left hand
and hand me that watch and that money.
I'll shoot buddy, now
you hand me the money.
You say something young fella.
I got a gun and I want your money.
What?
This is a stick up, for Christ's sakes,
this is a stick up!
Don't you understand
english, I want your cash,
I want your cash! - You want my ass?
Damn fairy.
Kids today.
Hey viv, what's the matter?
I warned you about treating
me like a sex object
you male chauvinist insect!
What are you talking about?
Next time, you'll think twice.
Vivian!
What'd you do that for, man?
Oh god, ah
calm down, pal, I got another plan.
No, pokey, no more plans.
If we gonna Rob this place, let's Rob it.
I'must gonna go out
there and I'm gonna say
give me all your money and then I'm gonna
run like hell, you want in or don't ya?
'Course I want in.
Now didn't I case the
place so we know what day
all the cash'd be here?
You bet your booties I want in.
Well then let's do it.
Whoa, wait a minute, sit down.
Now you cannot go out there with your face
all naked and exposed like that.
Hold on, I've got something.
Put this on first.
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
That way nobody'll be able
to identify me.
Hey pokey, you one smart dude.
Yeah, it's all teamwork.
You're pretty good yourself there, pal.
You know it's real hard to see out of.
But it's better than getting
recognized, wish me luck.
Now give me all your oh, ah.
Oh, ah.
Is that you pokey, oh, ah.
Something's got me.
Pokey!
Pokey!
Mamal
on.
I gotta get me
a new partner.
You're gonna have to shape up
for the world of crime, boy.
Yeah yeah yeah, another
fabulous impression hey ya
from Gordon Kong, your gorilla man of song
I have now transformed myself into Dr.
Billy grits.
Play in the hips, a kaka,
put thy hands together
and ye shall feel the other hand.
They had it yeah yeah.
Now.
I know it's here somewhere,
it fell right down through here.
Find it, dummy, find it.
I'm looking, hey here it is.
Gorilla man, I am sending you.
Right this, sergeant coznowski.
I saved myself.
Hello mr Doyle! - Oh, hiya pokey.
Right through here.
Dear Betty, what a front.
It's gorilla man. - That was close.
Too close, erk.
Come on now, straighten up.
Sarge, sarge you wait right here,
I'll check the head, see nobody's in em.
Okay, sarge, all clear.
Ssh, ssh.
Thanks a lot, won't do any
good having me stake out
the toilet if everybody knows I'm here.
Oh yeah.
Where can I watch the sales floor
through the ventilator?
Oh, right here in the first head.
Look, you gotta stand on the toilet.
No problem.
Kinda slippery. - Yeah, well,
watch yourself.
Oh yeah, this is perfect.
If the chameleon tries to hit this place
I'll see him coming.
Uh, that chameleon,
he's quite a cookie, ay.
You got an mo on him?
I'll say.
He's knocked over more than a dozenoints
in the area already.
And every time he's in
a different disguise.
So we don't know what he looks like.
But we'll nail him. - Right.
Just hang up that sign I gave
ya, so I won't be disturbed.
Leave the rest to me.
Oh yeah, right sarge.
Oh ah, sarge, if you need any help
just holler, ah?
Oh if you get hungry, ust
give me a shout okay?
Oh thank you very much, you're very kind.
Ka ka, kaw kaw kaw.
Did you love it?
Did you love it?
It is time to get down
because this is Gordon Kong
Like I was saying, it is show time!
Show time.
Will you shut up?
Don't ever touch me
there again, you Turkey.
Oh yeah, kaw kaw kaw, it's time
for contestant numero uno.
None other than get down Gallagher, yeah!
Ta dal!
Ladies and gentleman it is now time
for a commercial word
this time I'm speaking.
To everyone in the audience
ladies and gentlemen, the
amazing mastajewel corporation
a subsidiary of fly by night industries
has the answer to your every kitchen need
in a single tool and don't you wanna know
how it works? - Yeah!
Well first, you get out an apple.
You place the apple
between the patented pan.
Then what do you do, gang?
You reach for the tool
that is not a slicer,
it's not a dicer, it's not
a chopper and a hopper.
What could I possible be?
Yes it is, sledgeomatic.
Hey!
Apple sauce it is.
That's it.
Smear your face with lipstick and eyeshadow
and eyeliner and all that other sticky crap
that's meant to attract men and make them
wanna grope you and all
the other helpless dolls
who give womanhood a bad name.
Watch out for little Dutch boys, Vivian,
they do nasty things to dykes.
Hey Rita, Rita, that's my shade.
Yeah yeah, persian love peach.
You know I've been looking all over for it.
Is that all you want out of life, Olga?
To be a sex object like Rita?
You bet your ass.
Women.
Now sledgeomatic will also teach
the dumbest dog to play dead.
It puts the cat out all night
keeps the neighbors kids
in their own damn yard
and it'll save you money.
Gets that last of toothpaste
slap outta the tube.
And hey kids, hollow it out, it makes
a hell of a hash pipe.
Hey thanks a lot, man, I couldn't have
done that by myself.
Ay no problem, Marty, no problem.
Hey uh, what the hell's wrong with Marty?
Looks like he's got a case
of the galloping clap.
Vivian kneed
him in his danger zone
because she thought he
was coming on to her.
Hey stud, I hear youust started
the matinee performance
of the nutcracker suite.
Yeah, it was bitching.
Vivian nailed ya, didn't she?
Yeah. - I'll tell ya look,
you let the old professor here
give you a few tips and
you'll score with her.
I mean you know me, I never miss.
Like you respect her mind.
Respect her mind. - That's right,
respect her mind, then when
she lets down her guard,
you reach over and you grab her.
Butter brain only kidding.
What's that, gotcha.
Jive ass.
Yeah, I'm gonna
reup, I swear to god.
Hey pokey, you missed all the action.
Well I had a perfectly
good reason for being here.
What?
Well I was psyching myself up in front
of this cut out of Gordon Kong to get ready
for the big contest, you
know I'm gonna be in it,
I'm gonna do Dixie, Dixie on my cheeks.
Kinda Dixie cheek.
Maybe you prefer a ballad?
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
ay, pokey man, you gotta take it easy
on them cheeks, you know a couple of bars
of that disco music'll
send you to the hospital.
He's gonna go on the gorilla contest
as the Isaac Hayes of cheek.
Well, better than you two are doing.
You're not even gonna give it a try.
I am so.
I thought I might do what I do best.
Which is, hey, dance.
Check it out.
Hold on to that, Rita.
Oh, chow chow, pow.
Cha cha.
Ohm mm mm.
Oh oh oh.
Uh-oh, boss.
Hello, mr Greenberg. - Hey Mr. g.
Good afternoon, Mr. Greenberg.
Look, the boss got no pants.
Dynamite.
Don't you know how to
knock first you asshole.
Oh, hold it, g, ust
check the lp shipments,
got my messages, I'll see ya later.
Eddie, Eddie, please don't go.
Look, you gotta help me,
I'm in terrible trouble.
Well sure chief, I mean whatever you say
but I mean what could be the trouble?
I mean a fine businessman
and terrific person
like yourself, what could be wrong?
I'll show you, look.
You were never in the service, were you?
These aren't my clothes, you stupid,
they're my wife's.
She has exquisite taste.
Never mind that, look, the
reason I'm dressed like this,
I was hiding in her closet, see.
They were looking for me so I put on
whatever I could to sneak out the window
but they're still after me.
Look, Eddie, I pay you
a nice salary, right?
Right? - And I give you a nice
night thigh alloy bonuses, don't 1?
Well right. - Well then please,
you gotta help me, you gotta help me.
Mr. Greenberg, Manny baby,
listen, this is Eddie,
you can count on me, my life is your life.
Oh that's good, god bless ya.
Hey, forget it, forget it.
Now who's after you?
They are.
We wanna talk with you
a minute, Greenberg.
Greenberg, hey I didn't know
that was Greenberg, I mean Iust came in
I thought it was father
o'Flaherty's office.
Came in for some bing Crosby albums,
ran into this old queen.
Out. - Sure you got it.
Listen, I don't know nothing,
I didn't see nothing,
I can't remember faces, you know?
Nice place you got here, Greenberg.
Oh it's nothing special,
business really stinks
but I'll get you your money, I swear Mr. f.
I'll get ya every penny of it.
I ain't worried, Greenberg.
I always get paid what's owed me.
In your case, 4200 clams
due tomorrow midnight.
See if somebody runs out on me,
Iust give em to Gucci.
Meet my main man.
Gucci yamashito.
He's halfapanese, half Italian.
So.
Don't let him hurt me,
I'll get ya the money
I swear I'll steal it, I'll borrow it,
I'll print it.
I'm sure you will, Greenberg.
You wouldn't wanna get Gucci mad at ya.
Show him gucc.
Midnight tomorrow, huh?
Ciao, baby.
Hello Goldie?
Hi sweetheart, it's me, Manny.
For god's sake would you forget about
your stupid nightgown!
Listen, theyust wrecked my office.
I mean they broke every stick of furniture
and they're gonna murder me if I don't
come up with the money.
Will you stop it andust hang up the phone
and bring me some clothes down here.
Stupid woman is more interested
in her nightgown than her own husband.
Who is it?
Oh my goodness, well
I'm so terribly sorry.
Well that was for Eddie.
Say Princess, you're adorable.
Hi rupe. - Ssh!
Hey man.
What you doingust standing here
watching that action?
Only thing you gonna get
hard is your eyeballs.
Yeah you're right, I'm gonna go over
and talk to her right away.
What do I say?
The tax idea, it didn't work too well.
Why don't you take the
straightforward approach?
Tell her that you wereust standing here
watching all the action
and got turned on by it.
And then youust go over there, Rupert,
and you go for it.
Lay it on her and go for it.
Right in, go for it.
Hi.
What do you want?
I wasust watching you fix your hose
and I have to admit it really turned me on.
It did huh?
Oh did I give you hot pants?
You sure did, Rita.
You're gonna have to do something
about these hot pants of mine.
1 will.
Listen, he's gonna
get down with ya now.
A man that really gets down around the town
let's move and groove, here's the dude
you're gonna dig the most, come on
clap your feet and stomp your hands,
kitty St. Louis!
Jd Mr. feel good
jd Mr. feel good
♪ mr feel good
♪ honey that's my name
♪ I make ya feel good
♪ get down that's NY name
jd Mr. feel good
♪ baby callon me
♪ I make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ up on the roof &
♪ I'm gonna climb, climb, climb&
♪ we'll prance and dance
♪ drink a little wine &
♪ climb through your chimney
♪ Iump slick, slick, slick
♪ they'll hear you screaming
in the hall honey
♪ please don't quit &
jd Mr. feel good
♪ baby call my name
♪ I make it real good
♪ get down that's my game
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ baby callon me
♪ make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ I hang the stockings girl &
♪ like one, two, three
♪ you curl your toes
♪ and Iust twiddle it &
♪ I pity the creature
♪ stirring up the house
♪ you be my pussy cat
♪ I'm gonna be the mouse
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ better call my name
♪ make it real good &
♪ get down, that's my name
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ I'm dynamite!
Jl love to rock and roll &
♪ I like to go all night &
jd Mr. feel good
jd Mr. feel real good
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ that's my name
♪ I make it real good
♪ getting down that's my game!
♪ Mr. feel good
♪ honey call on me
♪ make it real good &
♪ satisfied, you're guaranteed
♪ whoa!
Yeah!
Oh lay it on me.
Another change of ouffit.
When are you gonna learn, Rita,
there's more to life than
trying to impress men?
I think I've gotust
what you need, Vivian.
Here.
For you.
What am I supposed to do with these?
Stick em in your pants, honey.
I'm more woman than you'll ever be.
You hear me?
Marty! - Yeah, I didn't do
nothing to you, man.
Marty I didn't mean to scare ya.
You think I'm attractive don't ya?
I mean lots of guys say
I've got a super body.
Yeah, well, I ain't
grabbing nothing of yours,
you got that?
Wouldn't you like to kiss me, Marty?
Are you serious?
Here and now?
Here and now.
I'm a desirable woman, am I not?
Mama find nice dog dog
music for little popo boy.
Let's go over here, precious. - Marty?
Yeah viv?
Let me hold thisust for a second.
Oh man. ♪the time of day
♪ gone everything seems wrong'
all right Rupert, what is it?
Well, sir, I was watching
the way you make out
and I have to admit, I really
admire your technique.
Hey, listen baby, when
you got it you got it
I mean, you know I can't
take no credit for it.
Talent comes from god.
I'm sure you're right, sir, but
what about those of us who
aren't equally blessed?
Blessed.
Oh, you meant you've been striking out
and you want the old salt and the shag
to steer you right, right?
Anything you can tell me, sir,
would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, well now, first thing you do
is you throw this away.
Second thing you do is you
gotta loosen yourself up,
take your tie off, you look like
you've got a pole up your ass.
Come on, you gotta be sexy man.
Like me, like Eddie, sexy see, right.
Now, the third thing you gotta do is
if you want action you gotta stop thinking
and you gotta start letting
your body do the talking.
Okay, now I want you to lower youraw
just drop youraw, now make your eyes,
close em, close em, soft and sexy.
Now when you talk, you gotta make em think
that you're feeling them up
with every word, got it?
Okay, you say, hey baby cakes, I am a dream
you are a dream, together
let's have a crazy nightmare.
Oh baby, oh mama, it's gonna feel so good.
Try it baby, try it.
I am a dream, you are a dream.
Oh geez, your voice
is too high, lower it.
I am a dream, you are a dream, oh ah,
together let's have a nightmare ooh.
You really think this is gonna work?
Eh, sure babe, I mean
just don't take no crap.
Now youust try it, see what I mean, okay?
Eh, don't try to thank me.
Who knows, maybe some day we can exchange
some hot phone numbers ah, yeah.
Hey baby cakes, you are a dream,
so am I, let's have a nightmare,
feels so good, how about it, eh?
I know it's good to hire the handicapped
but this poor sucker's so
retarded, it is disgusting.
Manny, Manny, Manny.
You've got no guts.
My husband has the guts of a chicken.
A little threat on your life
and you go all to pieces.
Stand up and fight, Manny.
It's only money.
Oh sure, Goldie, money is only money
and death is only death and what they did
to the furniture they could do to my face.
Cluck cluck cluck.
You sound like chicken little.
So what happened to the forceful man
who swept me off my feet?
You weren't so namby pamby
when you stole me away
from Sheldon shecktor
the proctologist. - The proctologist.
Oh no, don't be afraid Manny.
Face the golden future now, darling.
It's all out waiting there
for you to take charge.
Girls, come on.
I'll take it, you reel it in.
Wait out here, I'll see
you inust a minute
I gotta get that.
Oh Harold, look, our kind of music.
Oh I wonder if they have that lovely song
mother Waldorf sang at our wedding.
What was the name of that?
Oh promise me, oh was it oh promise me, no
no cousin Milo yodeled that after he drank
the mosquito repellent, oh
I could have killed him
if he hadn't been a veteran.
Did she sing only a Rose?
I think it had something
to do with flowers.
Mother Waldorf always loved putting things
in the ground, roses and daffodils, Mr.
Waldorf.
Oh Harold, look, here it
is, our wedding serenade.
Pale hands I love beside the shalamar.
Oh. - Oh.
Doing the obligato and then when I went.
Harold, Harold what is
it, help somebody, help!
Somebody call the paramedics!
Don't worry lady, my
sister's a registered nurse.
Oh it was those Brussels sprouts.
Well I'll give him mouth
to mouth resuscitation.
Somebody else wanna do this?
I know what he needs.
I'llust bet you do.
Now you stay away from
my Harold, you hussy.
Oh Harold, Harold, don't
leave me, don't go.
We've got a lot to do.
All right, I wanna get that
damn Barry manilow record
that's kinky Friedman from tongue.
Rita, cover my register,
I'm gonna go meet him.
Lorraine, Lorraine!
Kinky, kinky Friedman!
Mr. Friedman, I have all your albums.
Oh yeah, well can I have one too.
Bring one up from my dressing room
and where some hip boots
and a little prayer shawl
all right, be good, I'll show
you where the rap album is,
baby, all right?
Gorilla man, yeah, we are moving on
to the bewitching hour
here with the first day
of Gordon Kong's marathon
amateur talent contest
on radio an television, kaka,
kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw kaw.
♪ Not there when I need you
♪ right away
♪ god I need ya
♪ ohlivingon
♪ god I need ya forgive me
♪ oh my freedom for god
all right.
How about flies?
That'd be a good one, that's real cute.
Well looky here, far out, it'sohn Denver.
John, you had a sex change look like.
I tell ya, that mountain
altitude doing wonders
for your lungs, boy, real good.
Hey, we'll see ya boy, take it easy.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Psst Lorraine, I've been
waiting for this, sweetheart.
It's time we're alone.
Not now, Eddie, I don't think it's right.
Hey come on now, who
knows from right or wrong?
Come on, dal, don't you wanna find out
what life is all about?
Don't touch me there.
Just because I work for you
doesn't mean I'm yours.
Look, I'm a passionate man, sweetheart
but I can't wait forever, and I won't.
Next time, baby.
Bye Edward.
Hello?
I know you're over there.
I don't mean to talk to you this way but
well, whenever I look
at you and try to talk
I get all silly.
I don't think I could say
this to your face but
I think you're a real fox and oh dammit
I know I'm not a rock
star or anything much but
but I wanna make love to you.
Okay, but no kinky stuff.
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute,
we'll do it kinky, wait a minute.
We'll do it kinky, waitust a minute!
Do we have a big welcome please
for razzle p. Willy
Hey viv.
Yeah, what do you want, twerp?
Where's your women's lib now, huh viv?
Thank you, thank you, woo!
I love you, mwah!
- This isn't too comfortable.
- But it's the best we can do.
Oh baby, you
gotta do better than that.
You come out for some fresh air too?
Nah, Iust sort of wanted
to look at the stars.
I wouldn't wish upon a
star if I was you, Danny.
It doesn't work on people named Lorraine.
Hey I'm only kidding.
You're a nice guy and you'll find someone
who thinks so too.
Well why didn't she like me?
Lorraine? - Yeah.
She does.
But not the way you want.
So what, you keep on looking
and she'll do the same.
It'll work itself out, it always does.
Yeah, I'm such a nice guy and all.
Don't say it like it was so terrible.
Well I mean maybe it is.
Maybe it'sust the worst
thing that could ever
happen to anybody, it's
just to be plain nice.
Now listen,
if you've got the talent.
Well at least you could say excuse me.
You'd think he'd know how to
treat a lady, wouldn't ya?
He does, when he sees one.
Let's have
it for the hooker sisters.
♪ Here we are
♪ we're stepping out
♪ life's a heck
♪ let's sing and shout
♪ here we are
♪ on solid ground
♪ take your time and don't fall down
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ dancing, dancing dancing
to the speed of sound
♪ like to hear the sound
of my feet on the ground
♪ moving moving moving to
the beat of my heart
♪ ain't no use in stopping
once this feeling starts &
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ uh-huh
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ step, step, stepping on out.
Nice popo boy, mommy's gonna
take you home and buy you a steaky-wakey.
♪ Step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step
♪ step, stepping on out
♪ stepping out yeah!
Thank you very much, come back again.
Next please.
Give me all your money
and don't try anything,
I'm the chameleon.
Geez, it's the chameleon!
♪ Step, step, stepping on out.
♪ Step, step
♪ step, step, stepping on out
♪ step, step I - come on, let's go.
Oh!
Ah. - Freeze and don't nobody
oh shit. - Give me that before
you hurt yourself.
Stay where you are!
What the hell's going on here?
I'll knock your ass!
Come on, ah!
♪ Step, stepping on out
♪ stepping out!
Oh. - You'll have a little
something to eat and everything
will look brighter, Manny.
All right, Goldie, maybe you're right,
I'll have a little bit of salami
but only a nibble.
Of course my darling.
Bonasera.
Still got no money?
You get one more warning.
You leave my Manny alone,
you warpedap, you.
Nobody screws with Goldie Greenberg
and another thing.
Manny!
Ah, so. - Ah so to you too.
Look, I know this great
littleapanese restaurant
just down the street, I
think we should go down
and check it out, don't you?
Oh.
He stole my gun.
I never did nothing to him.
Never mind the gun, we
don't need it no more.
We don't?
No, we've gotta Rob this
place scientific like.
Oh.
This box controls the
electricity for the entire store.
Now, I'm gonna go out and play my head
in the talent contest.
Oh yeah, I like that.
You like that, huh? - How do you do that?
1 do it since I was a kid, I kinda poke
I'll talk about that later
now, Kay, when you hear me finish,
I want you to cut the alarm wire
then pull the switch, now you got it?
Yeah, cut the, when you
finish, I cut the wire
pull the switch. - Good.
Hey pokey?
What now?
What happens when I cut the
wire and pull the switch?
Phew, boy this gonna be tough.
When you cut the wire, you
will silence the alarm.
When you pull the switch,
the lights will go out.
In the confusion, you go
out and Rob the place
take the money and be feet, now you got it?
Yeah, I got it, I've got
it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Good. - It's gonna be a piece
of cake. - Good.
Wait pokey.
- What do you want now?
- What are we gonna Rob?
Didn't that chameleon
fella take all the money?
No, no, no.
I told ya, Eddie said
he only got petty cash
which leaves he gravy
for you and me, right?
Gravy, right right.
Yes, thick brown rich gravy. - Gravy.
Gravy! - 1 got it!
When he does his number, I cut the wire
and pull the switch.
Oh, I love being a felon.
I guess it didn't work. - Yeah.
Shut the door, will ya?
Come here.
Think we're gonna have to
change your hairstyle.
Yeah, I think that'll fix ya up.
Get the door, will ya?
Kinky, I want ya to notice me.
Honey, I never noticed
a gal in my whole life.
Does it require some kind
of unusual position?
Well now I did take a course
in sexual yoga one time
but my teacher screwed
herself our of aob.
Yeehee, all right, myokes
have little wheels on em,
don't they, get get get, itterbug.
Hey pokey's a real talent.
Cut the wire, pull the switch.
Cut the wire, pull the switch.
Cut the wire?
Honey, plug this bugger
in for me, will ya please?
Kid, you're gonna be dynamite.
I had a hell of a good time,
thank ya very much.
Mr. Pierce?
Mr. Pierce?
You okay?
Mr. Pierce.
Take you out after work,
show you a good time.
What have you done, boy?
Break it up, I'm coming
home, mein shallal
goodnight, mama.
Darling, I think I love ya.
Oh pokey.
I don't think I'm cut out for this.
It's the Kong on the gong.
From the gorilla man of song, yeah.
Right here, kaka and it ain't gonna be long
before we find the lucky winner
in the gorilla man gigantic
talent contest, whoa
because right now, we're moving into
the gigantic second day, baby
and listen, listen, finalists,
are you steady ready?
Hey, take a break, kid.
Mr. Pierce, wow, you
look like you're in shock.
Yeah, hey, what a ya got in the bag
a midget hooker?
No, no, but I realized
where I went wrong.
It's so easy, I realized it
when I saw kinky Friedman
chats to women, it's so simple.
You'll see sir, this is
gonna me me irresistible.
Mmm.
♪ Cluck cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck &
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck
♪ cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck &
Rita, you little bugger.
Rita, Rita, Rita stop running.
I want you to marry me.
Rita.
Rita, now wait a minute, hold on.
Listen to me, give me a chance.
No woman has ever done to me
what you done last night, I want you
to be my wife, you really fired my rocket.
I can still feel the tingle
hit it with a book, it'll quiet down.
Rita now wait a minute,
hold on, listen here.
I promise you, we won't smoke any dope,
we'll go completely organic.
We'll only smoke lettuce.
Hey look, we'll make some
beautiful music together.
I tell ya what, I get
on and you and you me.
I tell ya what.
Hi Lorraine, I've been
looking all over for you.
I can't remember why I've bene
looking all over for you.
Oh leave me alone.
Oh Eddie.
Gucc and I have taken a
lovely little apartment
in Beverly Hills.
We're going out to buy some furniture, but
before we go, I want to leave
you with this parting gift.
Sayonara. - Ciao baby.
Come on, Gucci.
I gotcha, I saw that transformation!
You're under arrest, Mr. chameleon.
Chameleon, where?
Officer, what?
Marty - yeah, Vivian,
you wanna try again?
Wow man you look bitching.
Marty, I'm sorry I called ya a twerp.
That's cool.
So be positive Manny.
I'm positive, I'm positive Mr.
F is gonna murder me,
that's what I'm positive oh,
why can't I get a break?
All I ask is one lousy break please.
Of course, darling.
Come on. - Sister, sister,
could you tell him I'm innocent?
Oh bless you my son, less you
excuse this freak, sister,
he's out of his gourd on devil weed.
Bless you.
Oh sister, begging your holy pardon
but one of your shoelaces is hanging out,
you might trip on it.
Oh my shoe.
Excuse me, you dropped your shotgun too.
My shotgun, bless you both.
The chameleon. - Where?
Stop, I'm the police!
Oh please god, give me
a break, it's all I ask,
one little shitty break.
Of course, Manny darling,
you'll get a break.
Wait, stop, stop him, stop!
The police!
Stop, stop, stop!
Holy, the money. - Manny, the money.
Thank you, thank you, I'll never go near
a ham sandwich, I won't
touch a chick or nothing.
Manny, Manny, will you
buy me a tennis court?
Oh you can have a racquet,
balls, everything oh.
It's mine.
Manny!
Come here.
Nobody move,
I've got my eye on this whole place.
Now back off, nice and easy.
Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
Nice and easy, come on.
Okay. - Come on, that's it.
That's it.
What's happening, Manny?
Manny!
Come back here, hey you.
Manny. - Hey, everybody let's run.
Stop him.
I'm through running.
I'm through running!
- What's happening?
- You'll never take me alive!
What's going on, Manny?
Manny, so tell me what's happening.
Hey.
Oh Danny, you were absolutely fearless.
No I wasn't Lorraine,
I'must plain old Danny
a nice guy, same as I've always been.
And if it wasn't good
enough for you before,
it's not good enough for you now.
But Danny, you saved my life.
I didn't know what you were
really like until you did that.
I'm not really like
that Lorraine, I'must,
I mean I was scared to death
when I clobbered that guy
and you might as well know it, I'm no hero.
I'must Danny, maybe
that's all I'll ever be.
Oh. - But if you wanna get
to know me for how I really am, well,
we could go for that pizza.
But if you're looking for
some Superman, well, so long.
Danny.
Yeah, yeah, we got the folk.
On the radio folks, and we have come up
with the cat who knows where it's at.
I mean hey team, take it from gorilla man,
Gordon Kong, let's hear it for contestant
numero uno, number one winner, wiz!
♪ Make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl, I'm gonna get your heart yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ I bet I'm gonna get what you got
♪ I'm on my way to your town
♪ your town usa
♪ never parade my loving now
♪ here's what you're gonna say
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
j; Make way
j; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl, I'm gonna get your heart!
♪Yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ I bet I never miss my Mark
♪ I know your med school's got you good
♪ but that don't bother me oh no
♪ when I come knocking on your door girl &
♪ you better be ready to go
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover
♪ make way for the lover &
♪ now check me out &
J; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ yeah yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ girl I'm gonna get your heart yeah
♪ make way for the lover girl &
♪ man I could get what you got
♪ yeah yeah yeah
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on
♪ make way
♪ I'm a lover
♪ gonna stay all the way
♪ make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪oh
♪ make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on, discover
j; Make way
♪ make way for the lover
♪ for the lover
♪ for the lover &
♪ for the lover, for the lover
♪ come on
j; Make way
♪ come on
♪ make way for the lover
♪ come on down to record city &
♪ record city, usa
♪ you can dance to the beat
♪ pat your feet &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ and the girls are always broody
♪ down at record city
♪ and you can boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ youustump on bump Avenue
♪ truck on down to 90 degrees
♪ rock into the beat and
rolling to the west
♪ don't forget to think
of money you love best &
♪ bring it down to record city
♪ record city, usofa I!
♪ You can dance your feet
♪ jump to the beat &
♪ shake your blues away
♪ do ah diddy
♪ you find the real good degrade
♪ you can boogie mama
♪ boogie your way
♪ boogie
♪ boogie your way
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ from Memphis to kalamazoo
♪ they like to shake that stuff &
♪ California to the white house too
js woo &
♪ even the rhinestone cowboy
♪ singing yippee kio kyae