Recess: School's Out (2001) - full transcript

It's the most exciting time of year at Third Street Elementary-- the end of the School Year! But boredom quickly sets in for protagonist TJ Detweiler, as his friends (the other 5 protagonist children) are headed for Summer Camp. One day, while passing by the school on his bike, he notices a green glow coming from the school's auditorium. This is the work of the insidious ex-principal of Third Street, Phillium Benedict and his gang of ninjas and secret service look-alikes! Benedict is planning to get rid of Summer Vacation using his newly-acquired Tractor Beam, which he stole from the US Military Base in an effort to raise US Test Scores, and it's up to the Recess Gang to stop him! In the end, TJ and the gang, with the help from the other students, Principal Prickly, Ms. Finster and the other teachers, destroy the laser, Benedict and his henchmen are arrested, and the kids (TJ's buddies) decide to spend their Summer with TJ.

( Kazoos )

HEY,
HOW'S IT GOING, FRANK ?

NOT SO GOOD.
I CAN'T SEEM TO GET THIS
PHOTON CHANNELER WORKING.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER
FIGURE IT OUT.

THE COLONEL WANTS TO SHOW
THE SYSTEM TO THE TOP BRASS
NEXT MONTH. I KNOW, I KNOW.

( Men Shouting )

( Loud Bang )
WHAT WAS THAT ?

- WHAT'S THAT
SOUND OUT THERE ?
- ( Alarm Blaring )

IT'S A BREAK-IN !
ERASE THE ACCESS CODE !

X-Y-4--

( Gasps )



( Both Groan )

( Alarm Continues
Blaring, Stops )

ALL CLEAR.

NEATLY DONE, FERNLICK.

- IT'S, UH, FENWICK, SIR.
- OH.

- ARE THEY DEAD ?
- NO, SIR. MERELY UNCONSCIOUS.

GOOD, GOOD.
YOU KNOW HOW I HATE VIOLENCE.

MMM.
NICE SHINE.

UH, WHAT NEXT, SIR ?
WELL, OBVIOUSLY,
WE ESTABLISH OUR BASE.

- AND WHERE WILL THAT BE ?
- THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH
THEY'D LOOK.

A PLACE CALLED...
3rd STREET SCHOOL.

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL SALE,
BOYS AND GIRLS.

GET YOUR CELEBRATORY
CONTRABAND RIGHT HERE.

SHAVING CREAM,
T.P., GOOFY STRING, MAPS
OF THE TEACHERS' HOUSES.



I'LL TAKE ONE OF THEM MAPS,
HUSTLER KID.

HEY, DIGGERS,
LET'S PARTY.

CAN'T NOW. GOTTA FINISH
FILLING UP OUR HOLES
BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.

WON'T BE ABLE TO
DIG 'EM UP NEXT YEAR
IF WE DON'T FILL 'EM NOW.

( Spitting )
HEY ! BIG KIDS BURY ME !

OOPS.

I, KING BOB, IN MY
LAST OFFICIAL ACT BEFORE
ENTERING MIDDLE SCHOOL,

HEREBY ANOINT THIS BOY HERE
KING FREDDIE THE SECOND.

MAY YOU BOSS AROUND
ALL OF THE KIDS
WITH FAIRNESS.

THE KING HAS GRADUATED !
LONG LIVE THE KING !

- ( Cheering )
- ( "Hail to the Chief" )

ELBOW UP !
EYES FORWARD !

YOU CALL THAT
KAZOO PLAYING ?

AH, CEREMONY.
I'M, LIKE, MOVED,
ASHLEY A.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT
ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES,
ASHLEY Q.

THE ROYALS
HAVE SUCH STYLE.

KEEP 'EM COMIN' !
LET'S GO !

MS. FINSTER, THE KIDS
ARE PRACTICALLY MAD WITH
LAST-DAY-OF-SCHOOL FEVER !

OF COURSE THEY ARE, RANDALL.
THEY'RE ANIMALS
LIVING BY PURE INSTINCT.

I'VE GOT A LIST
OF INFRACTIONS
A MILE LONG:

THE DIGGERS
HIT A WATER MAIN,

THE KINDERGARTENERS
ARE FEASTING ON PASTE,
NEVER MIND, RANDALL.

HUSTLER KID IS, UH--
DID YOU SAY "NEVER MIND" ?

THAT'S RIGHT, RANDALL.
WHAT I'VE GOT HERE
IS BIGGER, MUCH BIGGER.

ALL THIS YEAR I'VE BEEN
HOLDING BACK ON THE ICE CREAM,

HIDING IT FROM ALL
THOSE LITTLE SAVAGES.

JUST LOOK AT IT, RANDALL.
I'M COUNTING 100,
MAYBE 200 CASES OF IT.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
WITH ALL THOSE ICE CREAMS ?

SELL 'EM BACK TO THE DISTRICT,
OF COURSE.

THINK OF ALL THE CHALK
AND ERASERS WE CAN GET.

BUT, MS. FINSTER,
I'VE GOT DIRT ON EVERYBODY.

WELL, EVERYBODY EXCEPT
DETWEILER AND HIS PALS.

COME TO THINK OF IT,
I HAVEN'T SEEN THOSE GUYS
ANYWHERE.

AH, FORGET ABOUT 'EM,
RANDALL.

THERE'S NOTHING T.J. DETWEILER
AND HIS HOOLIGAN FRIENDS
CAN DO TO STOP ME NOW.

WELL, THAT SHOULD DO IT.
THERE'S ENOUGH HERE
FOR EVERYONE.

GOOD.
THEN IT'S PARTY TIME.

KIDS OF THE PLAYGROUND !

I GIVE YOU ICE CREAM !

PULL !

( Cheering )

ICE CREAM !
CHOCO-POPS !
FUDGE BARS !

FUDGSICLE !

MY ICE CREAM !

STOP IT !
STOP IT, I SAY !

YOU LITTLE MONSTERS
ARE IN TROUBLE NOW !

JUST WAIT'LL PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS !
ATTENTION, STUDENTS !

- THIS IS
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY TALKING.
- OOH, THAT WAS FAST.

SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED
ICE CREAM ON THE PLAYGROUND.

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS.
THIS ICE CREAM SHOULD BE
EATEN IMMEDIATELY.

HUH ?

( Cheering )

IN ADDITION, I WANT YOU ALL
TO IGNORE MS. FINSTER,
NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS...

ABOUT ICE CREAM
OR ANYTHING ELSE.

- ( Cheering Continues )
- ( Muttering )
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

FURTHERMORE, I WANT TO
INFORM YOU ALL THAT I HAVE
A FAT, SAGGY BUTT...

WHICH I LIKE TO SCRATCH
EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR.

ALSO, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
TO ALL OF YOU...

FOR BEING SUCH A MEAN
PRINCIPAL, TAKING AWAY
HALL PASSES,

GIVING GUYS RECESS DETENTION,

REFUSING TO ACCEPT SICK NOTES
JUST 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE A GUY'S MOM'S SIGNATURE,

MAKING KIDS STAND AT THE WALL
FOR TEN WHOLE MINUTES,
WITH NO BREAK !

MAN, I FEEL ASHAMED OF MYSELF
FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE,
ROTTEN THINGS I'VE DONE.

AND NEXT YEAR,
I PROMISE TO--

WHY, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY, SIR,
WHAT A SURPRISE.

WHY DO YOU
DO THIS TO ME, DETWEILER ?
DO YOU ENJOY TORMENTING ME ?

- DO YOU HATE ME ?
- ON THE CONTRARY, SIR, I HAVE
THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR YOU.

DON'T BE SMART WITH ME, BOY.
ALL YEAR LONG YOU'VE BEEN
PUSHING ME, TESTING ME.

- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN, SIR.
- OH, REALLY ?

HOW ABOUT THE TIME
YOU CONVINCED THE F.B.I.
I WAS A CHINESE AGENT

AND GOT ME ARRESTED ?

YOU WERE GIVING US A SPEECH
ON PERSONAL HYGIENE.
YOU HAD TO BE STOPPED.

HOW ABOUT THE TIME YOU FORGED
MY SIGNATURE AND ORDERED
A MOTORBOAT FOR THE SCHOOL ?

IT WAS FOR THE
KINDERGARTENERS.

OWNING A BOAT'S ALWAYS BEEN
KIND OF A DREAM OF THEIRS.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF YOUR PRANKS.
THIS TIME I'M REALLY GONNA

THROW THE BOOK AT YOU.

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR,
YOU'D BETTER GET THROWING,
'CAUSE YOU'RE OUT OF TIME.

- HUH ?
- IT'S THE LAST DAY
OF SCHOOL, SIR.

I'VE ONLY GOT 20 MORE SECONDS
OF FOURTH GRADE LEFT. LOOK.

IN SOME WAYS, PEOPLE,
THIS DAY IS A BUMMER FOR ME.

BUT IN OTHER WAYS
IT'S THE ULTIMATE HIGH,

BECAUSE EVERY MILESTONE
THAT YOU KIDS PASS
IS ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS--

- UH, MISS GROTKE ?
- YES, SPINELLI ?

I DON'T MEAN
TO INTERRUPT, BUT--

OH, YES !
BE MY GUEST.

( Kids In Unison )
SIX, FIVE, FOUR,
THREE, TWO, ONE--

( Bell Rings )
( Cheering )

- WHOO !
- WHOO-HOO !

( Laughing )
YEAH !

( Together )
SCANDALOUS !

CALLING OUT AROUND THE WORLD
ARE YOU READY
FOR A BRAND-NEW BEAT

- SUMMER'S HERE
- YOU EAT PASTE !
YOU EAT PASTE !

AND THE TIME IS RIGHT
FOR DANCIN' IN THE STREET

( Stops )
HEY ! NO RUNNING
IN THE HALLS !

YEAH, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?
IT'S JUST THE END
OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.

( Together )
THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR ?
WHOO-HOO !

IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU WEAR

WHOO-HOO ! ( Laughing )
JUST AS LONG
AS YOU ARE THERE

GIRLS, WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH
THE REST OF THIS CORN
CHOWDER ?

( Sniffs )
AW, LEAVE IT IN THE KETTLE.
IT'LL KEEP TILL SEPTEMBER.

( All Laughing )
THEY'LL BE DANCING
DANCING IN THE STREET

THEY'RE DANCIN'
IN THE STREET
DANCING IN THE STREET

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR,
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.

YOU'D BETTER DO SOME
GROWING UP THIS SUMMER,
YOUNG MAN.

( Sighs )
I HATE MY JOB.

THERE'LL BE LAUGHIN'
SINGIN'

AND RECORDS PLAYIN'

DANCIN' IN THE STREET

LOOK AT THOSE HOOLIGANS.

ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S
A WONDERFUL EXPRESSION
OF FREEDOM AND JOY.

I'LL TELL YOU
A WONDERFUL EXPRESSION
OF FREEDOM AND JOY.

TWELVE WEEKS OF NOTHING BUT ME
AT THE WEST SIDE GOLF COURSE,
AND NO DETWEILER.

I SECOND THAT EMOTION,
SIR.

MAN, TEEJ,
THAT PRANK WAS SWEET.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
FINSTER'S FACE-- I THOUGHT
SHE WAS GONNA BLOW A GASKET.

THOSE LIMESICLES
WERE TASTY.

A TASTY BEGINNING
TO A TASTY SUMMER.

TWELVE WEEKS OF NOTHING
BUT RIDING BIKES,
HANGING OUT AT THE LAKE...

AND T.P.-ING
THE WEST SIDE GOLF COURSE.

SUMMER VACATION--
THE ULTIMATE RECESS.

YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GET TO BASEBALL CAMP.

BASEBALL CAMP ?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

ACTUALLY, TEEJ,
I'M GONNA BE OUT OF TOWN TOO.

BIG-TIME WRESTLING FEDERATION
HAS THIS TRAINING CAMP,

AND I GOTTA LEARN
SOME NEW MOVES IF
I'M EVER GONNA TURN PRO.

- BUT, SPINELLI--
- IT'S MILITARY CAMP FOR ME.

MY DAD SAYS I NEED TO
LEARN TO BE A LEADER.

I SHALL BE ATTENDING
THE MT. VAN BUREN SPACE CAMP.

- DON'T WANNA LET THOSE
SCIENCE GEEKS GET AHEAD OF ME.
- YOU'RE ALL GOING TO CAMP ?

- NOT ME.
- THANK GOODNESS.

THE YOUNG VOICES
TRAINING PROGRAM DOESN'T
LIKE THE WORD "CAMP."

THEY PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES
FOR ASPIRING SINGERS
TO TRAIN THEIR VOICES...

IN A RIGOROUS
YET SUPPORTIVE SETTING.

BUT SUMMER'S
GONNA BE RUINED.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?
PLAY BASEBALL BY MYSELF ?
WATCH RERUNS ? READ ?

SORRY, MAN, BUT WE GOTTA
THINK ABOUT OUR FUTURES.

YEAH, WE CAN'T WASTE
THE WHOLE SUMMER JUST
FOOLING AROUND LIKE KIDS.

- BUT WE ARE KIDS !
- ACTUALLY, AS OF THE
COMPLETION OF FOURTH GRADE,

WE ARE TECHNICALLY CONSIDERED
PRE-YOUNG ADULTS.

AND NEXT YEAR
WE WON'T EVEN BE "PRE."

BUT--
( Sighs )

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THE MOST
OF THE TIME WE'VE GOT LEFT.
WHEN DO YOU ALL LEAVE ?

FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING.
OH, MAN.

( Chattering )

WELL,
THERE'S MY BUS.

BETTER GET GOING.
YEAH, SAME HERE.

BYE, TEEJ.
TRY TO HAVE SOME FUN, OKAY ?

DON'T WORRY, BUDDY.
YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME
WITHOUT US.

I DON'T KNOW, VINCE.
ALL MY PLANS
WERE MADE FOR SIX.

DON'T TELL ME YOU ASHLEYS
ARE GOING TO BASEBALL CAMP.

EEEW !
AS IF !

CHEERLEADING CAMP
IS RIGHT ACROSS
THE LAKE. DUH !

I HOPE IT'S A BIG LAKE.

( Horn Honks )

AH, SPACE CAMP.

WONDER IF THEY'LL
LET US MAKE CRATERS.

HEY, HUSTLER KID,
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WRESTLED.

I DON'T.
I'M PRE-MANAGEMENT.

BESIDES, MY RESEARCH TELLS ME
THAT KIDS WHO WRESTLE

TRADE THE MOST FOR
CONTRABAND SNACKS.

WHICH REMINDS ME--
WANNA BUY A WINGER-DINGER ?

ALL RIGHT, ALL
THE KINDERGARTEN PERFORMERS
ON THE BUS FIRST.

( All Shouting )
ME VIKING !

ME VIKING !
ME VIKING ! ME VIKING !

BON VOYAGE...

( Adult Baritone )
T.J.

( Applause )

BIG KID SING GOOD.

YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH.

WELL, TEEJ,
THERE'S MY TRANSPORT.

WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ?
MILITARY CAMP'S GONNA BE
A BLAST !

GRISWALD, YOU MAGGOT,
GET YOUR FANNY
OVER HERE NOW !

THANKS, GUS,
BUT I THINK I'LL STICK IT OUT
AT HOME THIS SUMMER.

OKAY, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

HIYA, CAPTAIN BRAD !
I DON'T LIKE YOU, GRISWALD.
I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND !

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ?
YES, SIR ! NOT LOOKING
FOR FRIENDSHIP, SIR !

GOOD LUCK, GUS.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT.

MAN, THIS SUMMER'S
GONNA WHOMP.

ONE IS
THE LONELIEST NUMBER

THAT YOU'LL EVER DO

TWO CAN BE
AS BAD AS ONE

IT'S THE LONELIEST NUMBER
SINCE THE NUMBER ONE

( Bird Squawking )

NO IS
THE SADDEST EXPERIENCE

YOU'LL EVER KNOW

YES, IT'S
THE SADDEST EXPERIENCE

YOU'LL EVER KNOW

'CAUSE ONE
IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

THAT YOU'LL EVER DO

ONE IS
THE LONELIEST NUMBER

WHOA-OHH
WORSE THAN TWO

AND SO, THE SUMMER SEASON
OFFICIALLY BEGINS...

WITH KIDS
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
RUSHING OFF TO CAMP.

IN OTHER NEWS,
THE NATIONAL
NO RECESS MOVEMENT...

HAS HIT A SERIOUS
STUMBLING BLOCK...

WITH THE DISAPPEARANCE
OF ITS LEADER,

FORMER SECRETARY OF EDUCATION
PHILLIUM BENEDICT.

BENEDICT, FIRED BY THE
PRESIDENT TWO YEARS AGO
FOR HIS EXTREMIST VIEWS,

HAS RECENTLY BEEN--

NO RECESS ?
WHAT A BUNCH OF HOGWASH.

( Yawns )
MORNING, MOM.
MORNING, DAD.

ARE YOU JUST GETTING UP NOW ?
GEEZ, YOU'RE SLEEPING AWAY
YOUR WHOLE VACATION.

WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY
WITH YOUR FRIENDS ?

WHAT FRIENDS ?
THE ONES WHO ABANDONED ME
AND WENT TO CAMP ?

NOW, T.J.,
I KNOW THERE ARE OTHER BOYS
AROUND THIS SUMMER.

MRS. WEEN SAYS RANDALL
IS AVAILABLE. DO YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE A PLAY DATE ?

A PLAY DATE ?
BYE, MOM.
BYE, DAD.

BYE, T-JERK.

NOW, BECKY, BE NICE
TO YOUR LITTLE BROTHER.

HE'S FEELING S-A-D
RIGHT NOW.

I CAN SPELL, MOM.
WELL, UNLIKE SOME KIDS,
I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

MR. WALSH SAYS IF I CAN
MASTER THE VATMAN 2000,

I'LL BE ASSISTANT MANAGER
BY THE END OF THE SUMMER,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS--

I'LL GET TO DRIVE
THE FLOPPY BURGER TRUCK.

BOY, SHE'S SURE
AIMING FOR THE STARS.

AT LEAST SHE'S NOT
SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE,
MOPING ALL SUMMER.

GOING TO A PLAY DATE
WITH RANDALL.

MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I SUNK THIS LOW.

THIS IS
THE WORST SUMMER EVER.

( Loud Zap )

- WHAT THE HECK ?
- ( Loud Zap )

THAT'S WEIRD.
HEY, YOU !

GET AWAY FROM THAT FENCE !

HEY, DAD, WHAT DO THEY
USE THE SCHOOL FOR
DURING THE SUMMER ?

THEY LOCK IT UP.
IT'S EMPTY. WHY ?

TODAY, WHEN I WAS RIDING BY,
I SAW THIS SCARY GUY AND--

I'M SURE HE WAS JUST
CLEANING UP.

I THINK SOMETHING WEIRD'S
GOING ON IN THERE--
SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD.

( Sighs )
MRS. LA SALLE WAS RIGHT.

WE SHOULD'VE SENT HIM
TO SOME KIND OF CAMP.

9:32 A.M. UGLY BALD GUY
STILL GUARDING SCHOOL.

( Horn Honks )

STAGING AREA ONE.

GIVE ME A HAND
WITH THIS.
GOT IT.

9:32-AND-A-HALF A.M.
GROWNUPS WRONG.
SCHOOL'S NOT EMPTY.

( Loud Zap )

9:32 AND THREE QUARTERS.
GREEN GLOW IN WINDOW AGAIN.

I'M GOING IN
FOR A CLOSER LOOK.

( Loud Zap )

ALL RIGHT,
GO AHEAD AND ELEVATE IT.

( Gasps )

MOM ! MOM !

( Groans )
T.J. !
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?

THOSE GUYS AT THE SCHOOL,
THEY'RE DOING SOME KIND
OF EVIL EXPERIMENT !

THAT BONK ON THE HEAD
MUST'VE RATTLED
YOUR LITTLE BRAIN.

BUT, MOM--
YOU'RE FEVERISH.

YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE. I'LL GO
GET THE BABY THERMOMETER
AND THE PETROLEUM JELLY.

UH, DAD, DAD !

DAD !
WHAT IS IT, BOY ?

THOSE BAD GUYS HAVE A LASER
BEAM AND THEY'RE LIFTING
THIS SAFE--

T.J., DID YOU RUN INTO
THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR AGAIN ?

NO, BUT--
YEAH, BUT--
GAAAH !

COME BACK ! YOUR MOM'S GONNA
WANT TO TAKE YOUR
TEMPERATURE !

OKAY, KID,
WE GOT IT ALL IN THE REPORT.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF
THOSE MAD SCIENTISTS.

( Chuckles )
YEAH, NO ONE'S GONNA
LEVITATE ANY SAFE ON MY WATCH.

OOH, LOOK, ARTIE,
SOMEBODY'S LEVITATING
MY DOUGHNUT...

WITH A LASER BEAM !

( Laughing Continues )
GO HOME, KID !
GO HOME !

LAUGH AT ME, WILL YA ?

I'M GONNA BE A TAXPAYER
SOMEDAY !
( Man ) HAVE A GOOD ROUND.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY !

WAIT !

YEAH, YOU GUYS
DID IT RIGHT.

PSYCHOLOGY, LAW,
WASTE MANAGEMENT--
GOOD, SOLID CAREERS.

ME, I'M STUCK WITH A BUNCH
OF PAIN-IN-THE-NECK KIDS
ALL YEAR.

PETE, ARE YOU GONNA PUTT
OR GROUSE ALL DAY ?
OKAY, OKAY, HERE GOES.

( T.J. )
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY !
OHH !

YOU GOTTA COME QUICK !
IT'S AN EMERGENCY !

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T
MR. ICE CREAM FOR EVERYONE.

THIS IS THAT KID
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
THE "SAGGY BUTT" KID ?

HEY, HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
DOCTOR-PATIENT
CONFIDENTIALITY ?

SORRY.

SOMETHING WEIRD'S
GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL.

I SAW THESE MAD
SCIENTISTS AND--

YEAH, YEAH, VERY FUNNY.
I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANOTHER
ONE OF YOUR SO-CALLED JOKES.

HOW DUMB
DO YOU THINK I AM ?
IT'S NOT A JOKE, SIR.

THEY HAVE THIS LASER BEAM,
AND--

AW, PLEASE, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY,
YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME !
THE SCHOOL'S IN DANGER !

GIVE ME A BREAK,
DETWEILER.

COME ON.
GO WITH THE KID, PETE.

THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF ISSUE
YOU SHOULD BE AVOIDING.
( All Laughing )

ALL RIGHT, DETWEILER,
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

LOOKS FINE TO ME.
NOW CAN I GO BACK
TO MY GOLF GAME ?

JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET INSIDE.
YOU'LL SEE.

OH, THE THINGS I DO
FOR YOU KIDS.

SOMETIMES I THINK YOU WERE
PUT ON THIS EARTH JUST TO--

- AAAH !
- AAAH !

AAAH !

( Panting )
11:57 A.M.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
DEMATERIALIZED...

IN A HORRIFYING FIELD
OF ELECTRICITY.

THE COPS WON'T LISTEN.
MOM AND DAD WON'T LISTEN.

I GOTTA GET THE GUYS TOGETHER.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

LIKE, I AM SO THROUGH
WITH HIM, MELISSA.

HE ASKED ME IF I SPOKE FRENCH,
THEN WINKED AT ME.

BECKY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME !
I NEED A RIDE
UP TO CHESTERVILLE !

ARE YOU KIDDING ?
I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING
FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE DORK.

"OH, HOW I DREAM OF
THE MUSTACHE FUZZ
ON JIMMY'S SWEATY LIPS...

GLISTENING AS HE COOKS
IN THE LIGHT OF A DOZEN
HAMBURGER HEAT LAMPS."

HEY, THAT'S MY DIARY !
GIVE ME THAT !
AH-AH-AH. I'VE GOT COPIES.

EITHER YOU GIVE ME A RIDE,
OR THIS BABY HITS
THE INTERNET.

GET YOUR MOTOR RUNNIN'

HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY

THANKS FOR DRIVING ME,
BECKY.

YOU'RE THE SWEETEST
BIG SISTER
A KID COULD ASK FOR.

AND YOU ARE
THE ANNOYING PET MONKEY
I WISH I NEVER GOT !

HEY, I TRY TO KEEP THINGS
INTERESTING.

NEXT REST STOP, PULL IN.
I GOTTA TAKE CARE
OF BUSINESS.

GET THAT FRONT LEG UP,
BIGGLES.

YOU CALL THAT A PITCH,
HORNSBY ?

COME ON, LA SALLE !
THROW IT, DON'T AIM IT !

I KNOW, I KNOW !

MAN, I CAN PITCH JUST FINE
WHEN I'M WITH MY FRIENDS.

PSST ! PSST !

T.J., WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ?

YOU GOTTA COME BACK TO TOWN.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

WHAT ?
I CAN'T JUST LEAVE.

SOMETHING WEIRD
IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL.

- PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
GOT DEMATERIALIZED.
- DEMATERIALIZED ?

- T.J., YOU'RE CRAZY.
- AM I ?

MT. VAN BUREN ?
THAT'S 20 MILES AWAY.
I'M NOT TAKING YOU THERE.

"DEAR DIARY,
I DREAMED OF JIMMY AGAIN.

"HE WAS ROCKING ME
SO GENTLY,

JUST LIKE HE ROCKS THE GREASE
OFF A BASKET OF HOT AND STEAMY
ONION RINGS." ( Moans )

WHOA !
LET ME LOOK AT THAT.
JERKS.

HEY, YOU KIDS !
GET AWAY FROM THAT FAKE
MARTIAN LANDSCAPE !

- MISS DIRECTOR !
MISS DIRECTOR !
- WHAT IS IT NOW, GRETCHEN ?

I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE MOON
WITH THE 200-INCH TELESCOPE
AT THE OBSERVATORY,

AND I'VE DETECTED
SOME PECULIAR ECCENTRICITIES
IN ITS ORBIT.

GRETCHEN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TRY OUT ONE OF THESE NEAT
ANTIGRAVITY HARNESSES.

THE OTHER KIDS LOVE 'EM,

AND LOOK,
YOU CAN EVEN DO BACK FLIPS,
JUST LIKE REAL ASTRONAUTS.

BUT--

( Sighs )
WHY DO I BOTHER ?

BECAUSE YOU'RE DRIVEN
BY A PASSIONATE DESIRE
FOR KNOWLEDGE ?

T.J. ? VINCE ?
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE ?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS, BUT--

DEMATERIALIZED ?
JUST LIKE
OUT OF STAR TREK.

FASCINATING.

MI, MI, MI, MI, MI

MI, MI, MI, MI, MI
MI, MI, MI, MI, MI

MI, MI, MI, MI--
( Whispering )

ME ?

LOOK OUT, MARSHALS !
HERE COMES
THE FLYING PRESS !

( Grunts )

YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE
FOR A SOLDIER, GRISWALD !

YOU WILL NEVER BE A LEADER !
NOW, STAND AT ATTENTION
UNTIL I RETURN !

AND DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE !
DO YOU HEAR ME ?
NOT A MUSCLE !

THANKS A LOT, SIS.
YOU OWE ME GAS MONEY.

OKAY, TEEJ, WHAT'S THIS
BIG SECRET PLOT OF YOURS ?
FOLLOW ME.

LOOK AT THAT.

LET'S GET
MOVIN' OUT.

WHO ARE THOSE GUYS ?
PERHAPS
THEY'RE GOVERNMENT AGENTS.

OR GANGSTERS.
OR ALIENS.

ALIENS ?
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE ALIENS.

WELL, MAYBE
THEY'RE IN DISGUISE.

YEAH, IF YOU WERE AN ALIEN,
YOU WOULDN'T JUST WALK AROUND
IN YOUR LIZARD SKIN ALL DAY.

HMM.
GOOD POINT.

WHOEVER THEY ARE, WE NEED
TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

WE'LL GET THE REST LATER.
RIGHT.
I'LL CLOSE IT UP.

HURRY.

MAN,
THIS THING WEIGHS A TON.

THAT'S 'CAUSE
IT'S FULL OF MOON ROCKS
AND ALIEN EGGS.

HEY, IT'S JUST
A BUNCH OF PAPER.

WEATHER MAPS ? TEST SCORES ?
SOME STUFF WRITTEN
IN SWEDISH ?

- ACTUALLY, THAT'S NORWEGIAN.
- WHATEVER. IT'S ALL
JUST DUMB SCHOOL STUFF.

YOU GOT ME OUT OF BASEBALL
CAMP TO WATCH SOME GUYS
RESTOCK THE SUPPLY ROOM ?

NO ! SOMETHING'S
GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL !
I SWEAR !

TEEJ, I THINK YOU COOKED
THIS WHOLE THING UP

JUST 'CAUSE YOU WANTED
US BACK FROM CAMP.

WHAT ?
HEY, WE UNDERSTAND.

IT MUST BE
PRETTY BORING AROUND HERE
ALL SUMMER BY YOURSELF.

YOUR MIND SIMPLY
CREATED AN ADVENTURE BECAUSE
IT NEEDED SOME EXCITEMENT.

NO, IT REALLY HAPPENED.
I SAW PRICKLY DISAPPEAR.

WELL,
IF PRICKLY DISAPPEARED,

THEN WHO'S THAT ?

COME ON, GUYS.
LET'S GET BACK TO CAMP.
YEAH.

SEE YA IN A FEW WEEKS,
TEEJ.

NO, WAIT !
YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME !

I'M NOT MAKING IT UP !
I-- I--
( Metal Clanking )

AYE-YI-YI, YI-YI.
( All Gasp )

WHOA !
WHAT'S HAPPENING ?

( Sputtering )

OKAY, THAT RIGHT THERE ?
THAT WAS MESSED UP.

( T.J. )
MIKEY ?

MIKEY, YOU OKAY ?

W-WHERE AM I ?

YOU'RE IN T.J.'S
BACKYARD, MAN.

HOW'D YOU GUYS
GET ME HERE ?

HEY, THIS IS
KINDA COMFY.

YEAH, YEAH.
GET OUT OF THERE,
YOU BIG LUMMOX.

OKAY, TEEJ, YOU WERE RIGHT.
SOMETHING WEIRD IS
GOING ON IN THE SCHOOL.

AND PRICKLY
MUST BE IN ON IT.
I SAY WE GO TO THE POLICE.

I ALREADY WENT TO THE POLICE.
I WENT TO EVERYONE.
NOBODY'LL LISTEN.

WHAT WE NEED IS PROOF.
PROOF ? HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET PROOF ?

- I GOT A PLAN.
A STAKEOUT.
- A STAKEOUT ?

WE CAN STAY UP IN MY TREE
HOUSE AND WATCH THE
SCHOOL EVERY NIGHT

UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS.

LIKE ONE OF THEM
TV COP SHOWS.
SURE.

THE NEXT TIME
THOSE LASER GUYS MAKE A MOVE,
WE'LL CATCH 'EM RED-HANDED.

WE CAN TAKE PICTURES
WITH MY NIGHT-VISION
DIGITAL CAM.

THEN WE CALL IN THE FEDS
AND, BANG, WE GOT 'EM.

ONLY ONE PROBLEM--
WHAT ABOUT CAMP ?

OH, YEAH. IF MY DAD FINDS OUT
I'VE GONE AWOL, HE'LL THROW ME
IN THE BRIG TILL SEPTEMBER.

NOT TO WORRY.
I'LL GET BECKY TO DRIVE YOU
BACK TO CAMP IN THE MORNING.

THEN AT NIGHT
WE'LL PICK YOU UP AGAIN.

CAMPERS BY DAY,
SPIES BY NIGHT.

BUT WHAT IF
THE CAMP COUNSELORS
NOTICE WE'RE NOT THERE ?

LEAVE THAT TO ME.

CALL FOR YOU, SIR.
GIVE ME THAT.

CAPTAIN BRAD HERE.
BRADLEY.
THIS IS COLONEL O'MALLEY.

COLONEL O'MALLEY ?
YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER !

OH ! YES, SIR !
SORRY, SIR !

I HEAR YOU'VE GOT A SOLDIER
THERE NAMED GRISWALD.
GOOD MAN. ONE OF THE BEST.

H-HE IS ?
YOU HEARD ME !
HE'S OFFICER MATERIAL.

I'VE HAD MY EYES ON HIM
FOR YEARS.

NOW, PAY ATTENTION, BRADLEY.
I'VE GOT GRISWALD ON
SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT TONIGHT.

WHEN HE GETS BACK TO CAMP,
ACT LIKE NOTHING'S HAPPENED.
YES, SIR !

AND YOU'D BETTER START MAKING
HIS BED AND SPIT-SHINING
HIS SHOES AS WELL.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
CARRY ON.

OKAY, SPINELLI,
YOU'RE NEXT.

SOMEONE'S WRESTLING
MY LORD

KUMBAYAH

HEADS ARE SMASHING
MY LORD

( Phone Rings )
KUMBAYAH

SPEAK TO ME.

BONES ARE CRACKING
MY LORD
YEAH ? YEAH ?

I'LL COVER FOR YOU, SPINELLI,
BUT IT'S GONNA COST YOU.
KUMBAYAH

OH, LIKE, THAT IS SUCH
THE WRONG COLOR FOR VINCE.
PUT THE BLUE ONE ON.

ASHLEY A, YOU TOTALLY
KNOW HOW TO ACCESSORIZE.

( Boys Snoring )

( Whispering, Muttering )

INFRARED NIGHT VISION,
200-TO-1 ZOOM.

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU,
GRETCH. YOU CAN SEE THE WHOLE
SCHOOL WITH THIS THING.

YOU CAN MAKE LOTS OF HANDY
DEVICES OUT OF THE SPARE PARTS
IN A FAMILY'S GARAGE.

I ONCE FASHIONED
A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR...

OUT OF A BROKEN HAIR DRYER
AND A FOUR-SLICE TOASTER OVEN.

"TONIGHT,
THE MAGICAL MOMENT
ARRIVED.

"WE MET BEHIND
THE DRIVE-THRU MENU
AND KISSED PASSIONATELY...

AS THE SOUND
OF THE DEEP FAT FRYER
FADED INTO THE NIGHT."

MAN, I WISH I HAD
AN OLDER SISTER.

LAUGH IF YOU WILL.
I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS,
BUT I HAD TO WAIT TILL
MY MOM AND DAD FELL ASLEEP...

BEFORE I COULD SNEAK OUT
WITH... THE GOODIES.

ROAST BEEF
AND MASHED POTATOES !
MY FAVORITE !

MMM. MMM. MMM.

I ALSO MANAGED
TO SWIPE THIS.

ROCKY ROAD !
MY OTHER FAVORITE !

HEY, GIVE ME
SOME OF THAT.

EXCUSE ME, BUT AREN'T WE
SUPPOSED TO EAT DINNER
BEFOREDESSERT ?

GOOD ONE,
GRETCH.

YOU WERE RIGHT, TEEJ.
THIS IS THE LIFE.

HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS,
EATING ICE CREAM,
SPYING ON BAD GUYS.

IT'S THE ULTIMATE
KID EXPERIENCE.

TOO BAD
THESE DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

YEAH, THIS IS PROBABLY
THE LAST SUMMER...

WE'LL GET TO DO
STUFF LIKE THIS.

KINDA WHOMPS,
HUH ?

HEY, REMEMBER THAT SUMMER
AFTER SECOND GRADE...

WHEN WE WENT
DOWN TO THE POND EVERY DAY
TO CATCH MINNOWS ?

OR HOW ABOUT THAT SUMMER
WE ALL CARVED OUR INITIALS

IN THAT TREE IN THE
WILSONS' BACKYARD ?

AND SPINELLI
SPELLED HERS WRONG.

HEY, I WAS SEVEN.
AND S's ARE TRICKY.

( Gus Sobbing )

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM ?
THIS IS THE FIRST SUMMER
YOU'VE LIVED HERE.

I KNOW, AND I'LL NEVER
HAVE ANY OF THOSE MEMORIES.

( Whimpering )

KNOW WHAT I'LL
NEVER FORGET ?

THAT SONG
T.J.'S SISTER TAUGHT US...

THE FIRST SUMMER
AFTER KINDERGARTEN.

OH, YEAH.
BACK WHEN
SHE WAS NICE.

- HOW'D IT GO AGAIN ?
- ( Inhales Deeply )

( Adult Baritone )
JOHN JACOB

JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO

( All )
WHENEVER I GO OUT

THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT

THERE GOES JOHN JACOB
JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

( Tempo Quickens )
NA-NA-NA-NA
NA-NA-NA

JOHN JACOB
JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

HIS NAME
IS MY NAME TOO

WHENEVER I GO OUT
THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT

THERE GOES JOHN JACOB
JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

NA-NA-NA-NA
NA-NA-NA

( Whispering )
JOHN JACOB
JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

HIS NAME
IS MY NAME TOO

WHENEVER I GO OUT

THE PEOPLE
ALWAYS SHOUT

THERE GOES JOHN JACOB
JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT

( Fades )
NA-NA-NA-NA
NA-NA-NA

( Loud Zapping )

WELL, HERE WE ARE, SIR.
BUT IT'S JUST
AN OLD PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT ?

BECAUSE, MY ACADEMICALLY
CHALLENGED YOUNG FRIEND,

IT USED TO BE MINE.

10:41 A.M.

GANG BACK AT CAMP.
I'M GOIN' IN ALONE.

( Man )
MAN, OH, MAN.

I'VE HEARD OF
SIMPLE ASSIGNMENTS,
BUT THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.

YUCK.

HEY.

10:43 A.M. I FOUND
WHAT APPEAR TO BE...

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY'S
GOLF PANTS ?

FACT IS, YOU'RE GETTIN'
REAL GOOD AT THIS STUFF.

YEAH, YOU'RE A REGULAR
ROBERT DE NIRO.

HEY, I'M A MAN
OF MANY TALENTS.

- PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?
- BUT WASN'T MRS. PRICKLY
SUSPICIOUS ?

YOU KIDDIN' ?
IT WAS LIKE TAKING
CANDY FROM A BABY.

( Laughing Continues )

DOUBLE-KNIT POLYESTER.
THESE ARE PRICKLY'S ALL RIGHT.

BUT WHY WOULD THE BALD GUY
WANNA PRETEND TO BE
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?

AND WHERE'S THE REAL
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ANYWAY ?

WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE.

"HELP ME ?"

IT SOUNDS LIKE
A DESPERATE CRY
FOR HELP.

- THEN PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
MUST STILL BE IN THE SCHOOL.
- BEING HELD CAPTIVE !

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,
DON'T YOU, GUYS ?

WE GOTTA GO IN THERE
AND SAVE HIM.

- BIKES ?
- CHECK.
- WALKIE-TALKIE ?

- CHECK.
- ROPE WITH POINTY THING ?
- CHECK.

GOOD.
THEN LET'S GO.

I STILL SAY
THIS IS NUTS.

BREAKING OUTOF THE SCHOOL
I UNDERSTAND,
BUT BREAKING IN ?

OH, BOY !
MS. FINSTER'S GONNA LOVE THIS.

( Whistling )

( Groans )

( Grunting )

( Doorbell Rings )
DANG.

TEN MORE MINUTES,
AND THE PIZZA
WOULD'VE BEEN FREE.

( Sighs )
IT'S 9:00 AT NIGHT, RANDALL.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
- IT'S ABOUT T.J. DETWEILER.

RANDALL, I'M OFF DUTY
UNTIL LABOR DAY. HE'S
SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM NOW.

BUT HE'S GOT ALL HIS FRIENDS
TOGETHER, AND THEY'RE PLANNING
TO BREAK INTO THE SCHOOL !

A BREAK-IN, EH ?

NOT IF MURIEL P. FINSTER
HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

TOLD YOU,
MS. FINSTER.
( Chuckles )

I WONDER IF I CAN
GET 'EM TRIED AS ADULTS.
COME ON.

HOLD THE ROPE, BOY.

( Rope Creaking )
UH-OH.

( Snap )
AAAAH !

( Thud )
( Groans )

( Muffled )
MS. FINSTER, COULD YOU
PLEASE GET OFF OF ME ?

( Gretchen )
MY, THIS IS
SOMEWHAT CREEPY.

YEAH. I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN A EMPTY SCHOOL
AT NIGHT BEFORE.

HECK,
I'LL BET NO KID HAS.

I WONDER
WHERE THE ALIENS WENT.

THEY PROBABLY GO BACK
TO THE MOTHER SHIP
AT NIGHT.

QUICK.
IN HERE.

( Footsteps Passing )

HEY, THIS IS
OUR OLD ROOM.

I HOPE SOMEBODY'S
FEEDING THE GERBIL.

( Man Talking, Echoing )
SHH !
I HEAR SOMETHING !

I WANT THIS SYSTEM WORKING
NOW. DO YOU HEAR ME ? NOW !

WE'RE DOING OUR BEST, SIR.
WE'VE JUST RUN INTO A FEW
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.

IT'S COMING
FROM UP THERE.

LIKE WHAT ?
I THINK WHAT DR. LAZENBY
IS TRYING TO SAY--

OH, I KNOW WHAT
HE'S TRYING TO SAY.
HE'S TRYING TO--

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
- FINDING OUT WHAT'S WHAT.

( Men Continue Talking )

BINGO.

( Grunting )

I'M STUCK.
( Continues Grunting )

CURSE THESE
BODACIOUS HIPS OF MINE.

RANDALL,
RUN BACK TO MY PLACE
AND GET THE BUTTER.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO
YOU'RE TALKING TO, LARAMIE ?
IT'S LAZENBY--

THAT PHOTON CHANNELER
IS A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT,

LIKE A CARBURETOR
IN YOUR CAR !

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
A BRILLIANT THINKER.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT BRILLIANT THINKERS
ARE SUPPOSED TO DO ?

THEY'RE SUPPOSED
TO THINK !

WHOA, WHAT IS
ALL THIS STUFF ?

WELL, AGAINST THE FAR WALL
IS WHAT LOOKS TO BE
A PLUTONIUM TURBINE.

CLOSER AHEAD, YOU'LL OBSERVE
A GLOBAL ELECTRODE.

TO YOUR RIGHT
IS THE LASER DEVICE
WE SAW EARLIER,

AND OF COURSE,
THAT GLOWING ORB--
AN ELECTRON PULSE GENERATOR.

THE NERVE CENTER
OF THE SYSTEM.

SHH ! THE BAD GUYS
ARE TALKING.

- BUT, DR. BENEDICT, PLEASE--
- NO, LET ME MAKE THIS
CLEAR TO YOU, LAZENBY.

WE HAVE A THING CALLED
A WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY.

IF WE MISS
THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY,
THEN THE PROJECT FAILS.

AND IF
THE PROJECT FAILS,

THEN I GET VERY,
VERY... ANGRY !

TH-THEY MAY HAVE
A POINT, SIR.

IT SEEMS THE LOGISTICAL
PROBLEMS ARE A BIT MORE
COMPLICATED

THAN DR. STEINHEIMER THOUGHT.

YES, IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER
IF WE COULD MOVE THE LASER TO
A MORE APPROPRIATE LOCATION.

THIS OPERATION WILL BE
EXECUTED AS PLANNED
FROM RIGHT HERE !

HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR ?

- BUT, SIR--
- NO BUTS !

IT STARTED AT 3rd STREET.
IT IS GOING TO END
AT 3rd STREET.

DR. BENEDICT,
WE'RE READY FOR THE TEST.

COMING.

( Scientist )
LEVELS ARE GOOD.

- READY ?
- I'VE BEEN READY FOR DECADES.

- JUST DO IT.
- YES, SIR.

INITIATE
PHOTON CHANNELING.

PHOTON CHANNELING
INITIATED.

SET MAGNIFICATION
COORDINATES .073.

COORDINATES SET.

ENGAGE TRACTOR BEAM NOW.

( Continues Grunting )

( Loud Zapping )

WHAT ARE THOSE KIDS
UP TO IN THERE ?

( All Gasp )

A LITTLE MORE.
A LITTLE MORE.

HE'S SHOOTING
AT THE MOON.

I TOLD YOU THEY
WEREN'T ALIENS.

( Beam Sputtering )

( Turbine Winding Down )
DR. ROSENTHAL,
WHY DID THE BEAM SUDDENLY--

OH, WHAT'S THE TECHNICAL
WORD FOR IT ? STOP ?

W-WELL, UH, AS I BELIEVE
YOU WERE TOLD BEFORE--

"TOLD BEFORE" ?
( Chuckles )

DO YOU THINK I CARE
WHAT I WAS TOLD BEFORE ?
I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

"NEXT TIME."
ISN'T THAT CUTE.

ROSENTHAL,
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SAY YOU WERE A TEACHER--

OR EVEN BETTER, SAY,
THE PRINCIPAL OF A SCHOOL--

AND YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH
A NAUGHTY CHILD
WHO DIDN'T KNOW HIS PLACE,

WHO KEPT TELLING YOU
OVER AND OVER THAT HE'D
DO BETTER "NEXT TIME."

BUT HE NEVER DID.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

OH, NO. N-NOT DETENTION.
NOT DETENTION !

- TAKE HIM AWAY !
- NO, PLEASE ! I CAN FIX IT !

DON'T DO THIS TO ME-E-E !

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S
SECOND-IN-COMMAND ?

- UH, I AM, SIR.
- WELL, GOOD.
NOW YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

AND IF I WERE YOU, I'D MAKE
SURE I HAD THIS MACHINE
WORKING AT FULL POWER

BY TOMORROW MORNING.

DO I MAKE MYSELF
CLEAR ?
Y-YES, SIR.

OH, DEAR,
I GOT SPITTLE ON MY LAPEL.

MMM.

( Vince )
WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
UH-OH.

- WHAT IS IT ?
- I GOT THAT FEELING.

- HOLD IT IN, BIG GUY.
HOLD IT IN !
- I CAN'T !

( Loud Burp, Echoing )

WHAT WAS THAT ?

SOMEONE HAD BETTER
SAY "EXCUSE ME."

( All )
WHOA !

FENWICK, WHO LET CHILDREN
INTO THE SCHOOL ?

U-UH, N-NOT ME, SIR.

- WELL, GET THEM !
- RUN !

( Men Shouting )
THERE THEY ARE !

- ( All Gasp )
- HUH ?

GET OFF OUR PLANET,
ALIEN SCUM !

( Groans )

OVER THERE !

GET 'EM ! GET 'EM !
COME BACK HERE !

HUH ? WHOA !

( Grunts )

- HYAH !
- NINJAS !

- HYAH !
- GET 'EM !

NINJAS ! WHY'D THEY
HAVE TO BE NINJAS ?

( All Shouting )

THIS WAY ! HURRY !

GO ! GO !
LET'S GO ! HURRY UP !
GO ! GO ! HURRY UP !

- NOW YOU !
- BUT, TEEJ--
- GO !

- HAAAH !
- ( Gasps )

SAVE YOURSELVES !

T.J. !
T.J. !
IT WON'T BUDGE !

( Shouting Continues )

( Grunts )

WHAT THE J.P. MORGAN
IS GOING ON AROUND HERE ?

LET ME GO.
LET ME GO !

I'M WARNING YOU !
I'M A BLACK BELT
IN ORIGAMI !

WELL, WELL, WELL,
IF IT AIN'T THE LITTLE SNOOP.

- WHAT ? I AIN'T NO SNOOP.
- ( Tape Rewinding )

( T.J. On Tape )
9:32 A.M. UGLY BALD GUY
STILL GUARDING SCHOOL.

HEH-HEH. OOPS.

LET'S GO, SNOOP.
YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW.

OW ! OW !
WATCH THE JACKET !
IT'S COTTON !

( Muffled Shouting )

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY !
YOU'RE ALIVE !

OWW !
WOULD YOU BE CAREFUL !
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THESE
GUYS ARE DOING. THEY'VE GOT
THIS BIG LASER GUN AND--

- WHOA, WHO TOOK YOUR PANTS ?
- NEVER MIND, DETWEILER.
JUST UNTIE ME.

- THESE KNOTS ARE TIGHT.
- OF COURSE.

I'VE BEEN PULLING AT THEM
FOR THE LAST DAY AND A HALF.
THEY'VE CHAFFED MY WRIST.

- DON'T WORRY, SIR.
MY PALS'LL GET US OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE ?

YOU DON'T KNOW MY FRIENDS.
THEY'LL GET HELP.
YOU'LL SEE.

SO YOU'RE SAYING
YOU JUST ESCAPED FROM
A TROOP OF NINJA WARRIORS ?

- THAT'S RIGHT !
- AND THEY GOT A GIANT LASER
GUN IN THE SCHOOL AUDITORIUM ?

- PRECISELY !
- WHICH IS AIMED AT THE MOON ?

THANK HEAVENS
YOU UNDERSTAND !

( Grunts )
I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.

CAREFUL, DETWEILER.
THAT'S MY PUTTING HAND.

( Door Lock
Unlocking )

HELLO, PETE.
REMEMBER ME ?

WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T
PHILLIUM BENEDICT.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D
BE THE ONE BEHIND THIS.
YOU KNOW THIS GUY ?

AH, PETE AND I
ARE OLD PALS.

ALTHOUGH THE LAST TIME
WE SAW EACH OTHER, PETE
WAS THE ONE RUINING MYLIFE.

BY THE WAY, PETE, YOU LIKE
THIS SUIT ? IT'S ITALIAN.
RAW SILK. NICE, HUH ?

YOU ALWAYS WERE MORE
CONCERNED ABOUT APPEARANCES
THAN PEOPLE, PHIL.

OH, PETE, COME ON.
THERE'S NO NEED
TO BE RUDE.

NOT AFTER
I INSTRUCTED MY MEN TO TAKE
SUCH SPECIAL CARE OF YOU.

SPECIAL CARE ? THAT'S WHAT
YOU CALL GAGGING ME, TYING ME
UP AND TAKING AWAY MY PANTS ?

HAD TO. OTHERWISE, YOU
MIGHT RUN OFF AND BETRAY ME,
LIKE YOU DID THE LAST TIME.

BUT, HEY,
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.

AT LEAST
YOU'VE GOT COMPANY NOW.

LET THE BOY GO.
HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

( Sighs )
SAME OLD NOBLE PETE.

- ALWAYS STANDING UP
FOR THE RIGHTS OF CHILDREN.
- YOU ?

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
I CAN'T LET ANYBODY GO
RIGHT NOW.

YOU SEE, THIS EXPERIMENTAL,
UM, NIGHT SCHOOL THAT I'M
RUNNING IS KIND OF A SECRET.

I'M TRYING TO SHOW THAT MY...
( Chuckles ) ADULT STUDENTS
CAN BE TRAINED...

TO BE CAPABLE
AND PRODUCTIVE
MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.

WELL, IF YOU'RE JUST
RUNNING A NIGHT SCHOOL,

THEN WHAT'S THAT GIANT LASER
GUN DOING IN THE AUDITORIUM ?

WHAT A RUDE
AND BADLY DRESSED
LITTLE BOY YOU ARE.

YOU SHOULD TEACH YOUR PUPILS
A LITTLE RESPECT
FOR THEIR SUPERIORS, PETE.

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN THAT YOU'D
HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO TEACH THEM
ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULDN'T IT ?

GEEZ, HOW DO YOU
KNOW THAT JERK ?

WE WENT THROUGH
TEACHER TRAINING TOGETHER.

- YOU MEAN--
- THAT'S RIGHT, DETWEILER.

THAT MAN IS A ROGUE TEACHER.

( Prickly )
IT WAS BACK IN
THE SPRING OF '68.

A DIFFERENT AGE.
WE WERE ALL YOUNG, IDEALISTIC
AND READY TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

( Chattering )

( Rock )

OH ! HA HA HA.
PEACE, PETER.

HEY, MURIEL,
HAD A GROOVY TIME AT
THE DEAD CONCERT LAST NIGHT.

YOU GONNA BE
AT THE TEACH-IN SATURDAY ?

WE'RE GONNA PAINT
MY VOLKSWAGEN.

- WOULDN'T MISS IT
FOR THE WORLD.
- GROOVY.

YES, WE ALL THOUGHT
WE WERE PRETTY COOL.

BUT ONE GUY
WAS THE COOLEST OF US ALL.
( Vehicle Approaching )

PHILLIUM BENEDICT
WAS MY BEST FRIEND.

HE WAS SMART,
HE WAS HANDSOME.

HE HAD JUST
BEEN NAMED PRINCIPAL
OF 3rd STREET SCHOOL.

( All Giggling )

SO, PHILLIUM, HOW'S IT FEEL
BEING THE YOUNGEST PRINCIPAL
IN THE HISTORY OF THE STATE ?

COPACETIC, BABY.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY: YOUNG IS IN, MAN,
AND OLD IS OUT.

WAY OUT.

DO YOU LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG
HELMET, PETE ? IT DOES GO WITH
THE LEATHER JACKET, RIGHT ?

YOU ARE ONE GROOVY EDUCATOR,
PHIL.

COOL.
FOLLOW ME, MY MAN.

I WANNA SHOW YOU
MY NEW PRINCIPAL'S PAD.

WHOA !

PSYCHEDELIC PRINCIPALIA.

PULL UP A BAG, BRO.
I WANNA RAP.

LAY IT ON ME, MAN.
YOU SEE, PETE,
I BEEN THINKIN'.

WE'RE A NEW GENERATION
OF TEACHERS, RIGHT ?

IT'S TIME WE SHOOK THINGS UP
A LITTLE.

I HEAR YOU, BROTHER.
IN FACT, DIG THIS.

I WAS MEDITATING TO
THAT NEW RAVI SHANKAR ALBUM
LAST NIGHT...

WHEN I GOT
THIS RIGHTEOUS NOTION--

WHAT IF WE HOLD
ALL OUR CLASSES OUTSIDE,
ON THE PLAYGROUND ?

IMAGINE-- SCHOOL, RECESS.
NO BOUNDARIES.

HEY, BABY, THAT'S A HIP IDEA,
BUT I GOT A BETTER
THOUGHT HERE.

AS MY FIRST OFFICIAL ACT
AS PRINCIPAL,

I'VE DECIDED...
TO GET RID OF RECESS.

WHAT ? NO RECESS ?

BUT, PHIL, FOR A KID,
RECESS IS LIKE A MAJOR
PLAY-IN.

IT'S THE ONE TIME OF DAY
THEY HAVE ANY FREEDOM.

( Sighs )
LOOK, PETE,

THE '60s ARE OVER.

ALL THAT PEACE AND LOVE
AND FREEDOM STUFF, IT WAS
GREAT FOR PICKIN' UP CHICKS,

BUT IT'S NOT GONNA
HELP MY CAREER.

TO DO THAT, I GOTTA
MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP,

AND TO MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP,
I GOTTA KEEP KIDS IN CLASS
WHERE THEY BELONG.

THAT'S WHY, STARTING TOMORROW,
I AM TUNING OUT RECESS...

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

( Prickly )
NEEDLESS TO SAY,

PHILLIUM'S PLAN
DIDN'T GO OVER ALL THAT WELL.

( Shouting )

( Protester )
WHAT DO WE WANT ?
( Crowd ) RECESS !

WHEN DO WE WANT IT ?
NOW !

WHAT DO WE WANT ?
WHEN DO WE WANT IT ?
RECESS ! NOW !

BE COOL, PEOPLE, BE COOL.
YOU'RE BUMMING MY MELLOWNESS.

WE'LL BE COOL
WHEN YOU GIVE OUR KIDS
THEIR RECESS BACK.

HEY, BABY,
I'LL DO WHAT I WANT.

I'M PRINCIPAL OF THE SCHOOL,
AND THERE'S NOTHING ANYONE
CAN DO ABOUT IT. DIG ?

( Shouting Continues )

( Man )
IT'S NOT RIGHT !

PEOPLE, PEOPLE,
PLEASE CALM DOWN.
( Shouting Stops )

MR. PRICKLY HERE
HAS INFORMED ME OF THIS
"NO RECESS" PROPOSAL.

LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT
AS LONG AS I'M SUPERINTENDENT,

THIS RADICAL PLAN
WILL NEVER BE CARRIED OUT
IN THIS DISTRICT.

- ( Cheering )
- HEY, MAN,
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT !

OF COURSE I DO,
BENEDICT.

THAT'S WHY
I'M REPLACING YOU.
WHAT ?

- PRICKLY, FROM NOW ON,
YOU WILL BE PRINCIPAL.
- WHO, ME ?

OH, I SEE
WHAT'S GOING DOWN HERE.

YOU TRICKED ME,
WENT AROUND MY BACK TO THE MAN
TO GET MY JOB !

- NO, PHIL,
IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL.
- YEAH, RIGHT !

COME ON, MURIEL BABY,
LET'S BLOW THIS SCENE.

NO, PHIL, IT'S OVER.
I COULD NEVER BE WITH A MAN
WHO DOESN'T LOVE RECESS.

SO YOU'RE AGAINST ME TOO.

WELL, FINE.
I DON'T NEED YOU.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE !

AAAH !
PHIL !
YOU OKAY, MAN ?

DON'T TOUCH ME !

YOU TOOK MY CHICK.

YOU TOOK MY JOB.

WELL, ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN,
PETEY BOY,

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA PAY.

SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY,

YOU'RE GONNA PAY.

I NEVER SAW PHILLIUM AGAIN.

HE QUIT TEACHING,
WENT INTO POLITICS,

EVENTUALLY BECAME
SECRETARY OF EDUCATION--

UNTIL THE PRESIDENT
FIRED HIM FOR TRYING
TO GET RID OF RECESS AGAIN.

ONLY THIS TIME
IT WAS NATIONWIDE.

SO THAT GUY'S
SOME WEIRDO EX-TEACHER WHO
WANTS TO GET RID OF RECESS ?

- MM-HMM.
- OKAY.

NOW IT'S PERSONAL.

LET'S SEE-- WEATHER MAPS,
SOME STUFF IN NORWEGIAN,

A FARMER'S ALMANAC.

MUST BE SOMETHING IN HERE
THAT'LL EXPLAIN WHAT
THAT DR. BENEDICT IS DOING.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING
HE'S NOT DOING--

HAVING LUNCH TOMORROW AT 12:22
WITH HIS LITTLE GIRLFRIEND.

SPINELLI,
THAT'S THE MAN'S
PERSONAL DATE BOOK.

WELL, IT'S MINE NOW,

AND I GUESS MISS LUNA PERGUM
IS GONNA BE AT THE RESTAURANT
ALL BY HERSELF.

WHO DID YOU SAY ?
THE GIRL WHOSE NAME
IS IN HERE-- LUNA PERGUM.

MUST BE
SOME ITALIAN CHICK.

LUNAE PERIGEUM.
OF COURSE !

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?

LUNAE PERIGEUMIS NO LADY.
IT'S AN EVENT. LOOK.

ONCE A MONTH, THE MOON
REACHES THE POINT WHERE
IT'S CLOSEST TO THE EARTH--

LUNAR PERIGEE,
WHICH IN THIS CASE HAPPENS TO
BE 12:22 TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

MAYBE THAT'S WHEN THAT DOCTOR
GUY IS GONNA SHOOT HIS LASER
AT THE MOON AND BLOW IT UP.

CLOSE GUESS,
BUT I HAVE ANOTHER THEORY.

WHEN I WAS UP AT SPACE CAMP,
I OBSERVED SOME ABNORMALITIES
IN THE MOON'S POSITION.

I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT WAS CAUSING IT,
BUT NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

DR. BENEDICT'S DEVICE
IS NOT A LASER BEAM AT ALL.
IT'S A TRACTOR BEAM !

YOU MEAN HE'S GONNA PLOW
THE MOON'S SURFACE ?
WHATEVER WILL HE PLANT ?

NOT A TRACTOR, YOU GOOMBAH.
A TRACTOR BEAM.

LIKE FROM
A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE.

PRECISELY.

THEORETICALLY,
IF A POWERFUL TRACTOR BEAM...

WERE SHOT AT THE MOON
EXACTLY AT LUNAR PERIGEE,

IT COULD MOVE THE MOON
INTO ANOTHER ORBIT.

MOVE THE MOON ?
BUT WHY WOULD ANYBODY
WANT TO DO THAT ?

WHO KNOWS, VINCE ?
WHO KNOWS ?

( Banging On Metal )

HERE WE ARE, SIR.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE BEEN
CREEPING AROUND
IN THESE VENTS.

THEY'RE SCHOOL PROPERTY.

DANG !
THE LINE'S DEAD.

HEY, WHAT DID YOU DO
WITH THE WALKIE-TALKIE

YOU CONFISCATED
FROM ME LAST WEEK ?

TOP DRAWER, ON THE RIGHT.
JUST LOOK WHAT PHIL'S DONE
TO MY OFFICE.

I HAD IT ALL NICE AND CLEAN
FOR THE SUMMER.

PACKS OF GUM, YO-YOS,
MY OLD BASEBALL--

HEY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR THIS.

HERE IT IS--
MY WALKIE-TALKIE.

NOW ALL I GOTTA DO IS
CONTACT THE GUYS AND--

OH, NO.
WHAT IS IT,
DETWEILER ?

I TOLD 'EM
THAT GUY WAS A NUT.

( T.J. )
HELLO ! HELLO !
IS ANYBODY THERE ?

IT'S T.J. !
T.J., BUDDY, YOU'RE OKAY ?

YEAH, I'M FINE,
AND SO IS PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN,
BUT I THINK WE'VE FIGURED OUT
WHAT BENEDICT IS UP TO.

HE'S TRYING TO GET RID
OF SUMMER VACATION !

NO !

GUYS, DON'T FREAK OUT ON ME !
I GOT A PLAN ! ALL WE DO IS--

HEH-HEH.
WHY, MR. BALD GUY,
WHAT A SURPRISE.

T.J. ! T.J. !

IT'S DEAD !
THEY MUST'VE GOT HIM !

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ?

THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING WE CAN DO:

WE GOTTA GET HELP.

( Becky ) BOW-WOW !
WELCOME TO FLOPPY BURGER.

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER,
PLEASE ?

BECKY, THIS IS VINCE.
( Becky )
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?

IT'S NOT JUST VINCE,
IT'S ME, GRETCHEN, EVERYBODY.
WE GOT A PROBLEM !

I GOT A PROBLEM TOO--

SIX DWEEBY TEN-YEAR-OLDS
WHO WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE,
EVEN WHEN I'M AT WORK.

I AM A PROFESSIONAL !
SO WHATEVER YOUR LITTLE
PROBLEM IS, FORGET IT !

BUT IT'S ABOUT T.J.
HE'S IN TROUBLE,
AND HE NEEDS YOUR HELP.

( Becky )
WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE ?

AFTER STEALING MY DIARY,
THREATENING TO PUT IT
ON THE INTERNET...

AND MAKING ME DRIVE
ACROSS THE STATE THREE TIMES,
HE NEEDS MY HELP ?

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON
WHY I SHOULD HELP HIM.

'CAUSE HE'S YOUR LITTLE
BROTHER, AND HE NEEDS YOU.

PLEASE PULL FORWARD
TO THE SECOND
DRIVE-THRU WINDOW.

A CONFISCATED
WALKIE-TALKIE.

WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS ?
DO YOU ENJOY TORMENTING ME ?
DO YOU HATE ME ?

I DON'T HATE YOU, PHIL.
I JUST THINK YOU'RE INSANE.

( Chuckles )
INSANE.

WELL, THERE YOU GO AGAIN,
PETE.

INSULTING ME,
HURTING MY FEELINGS,
JUST LIKE 30 YEARS AGO.

ONLY THIS TIME, PETEY,
I'M READY.

YOU SEE, ALL THOSE YEARS,
NO MATTER HOW BIG I GOT,
NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL,

I ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT YOU.

HOW YOU EMBARRASSED ME !
HOW YOU HUMILIATED ME !

HOW YOU DESTROYED
MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH MURIEL FINSTER,

THE ONLY WOMAN
I EVER LOVED !

THAT PART STILL
GROSSES ME OUT, SIR.
SHH.

THIS TIME, PETE,
I'M GONNA HUMILIATE YOU.

I'M GONNA PROVE TO THE WORLD
THAT YOU WERE WRONG
AND I WAS RIGHT.

- ABOUT WHAT ?
- ABOUT RECESS !

ABOUT FREEDOM !
ABOUT TEST SCORES !

I'VE FOUND A WAY
TO PROVE MY THEORY.

I'M GONNA GET RID OF
THE BIGGEST RECESS OF
THEM ALL.

I AM GONNA GET RID
OF SUMMER VACATION.

- YOU FIEND !
- "FIEND." TRY TO HELP PEOPLE,
THAT'S THE THANKS YOU GET.

- IT'LL NEVER WORK, PHIL.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, PETE,
THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU SEE, ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS MODIFY THE MOON'S ORBIT
EVER SO SLIGHTLY,

AND TIDE LEVELS
ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD
RISE EIGHT FEET.

MOVE THE MOON OVER HERE,

AND THE CURRENTS
THAT WARM CALIFORNIA
SUDDENLY BECOME ICE-COLD.

SUMMER, AS WE KNOW IT,
WILL BECOME A THING
OF THE PAST.

AND WITHOUT SUMMER,

- ( Both Gasp )
- NO SUMMER VACATION.

- YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY
WITH THIS, BENEDICT.
- OH, YEAH ?

WELL, WHO'S GONNA STOP ME ?

WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE
MY LITTLE BROTHER...

ACTUALLY STUMBLED ON
A REAL, LIVE EVIL CONSPIRACY.

- THAT'S OUR THEODORE.
- YOU SHOULD SEE THE CRATES
OF SODA THEY LEFT BACK THERE.

AND BOXES OF MUSTARD
AND KETCHUP TOO.

MMM, TOMATO-EY.

HEY, THAT'S STUFF'S
THE PROPERTY OF
FLOPPY BURGER INTERNATIONAL.

QUIT YOUR GABBIN'
AND STEP ON IT.
WE NEED REINFORCEMENTS.

( Cheering, Shouting )

( Cheering, Shouting )

( Finster )
I'M TELLING YOU,
A TROOP OF NINJA WARRIORS...

IS USING 3rd STREET SCHOOL
AS A SECRET JUJITSU
TRAINING GROUND.

NINJA WARRIORS.
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
( Snickering )

JUJITSU
TRAINING GROUND ?

HEY, LADY,
AREN'T YOU FORGETTING
THE MAGIC LASER BEAM ?

- I'M SERIOUS !
- SO ARE WE.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA--
WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME,
GET SOME REST...

AND WE'LL MAKE
A PERSONAL CALL
TO JACKIE CHAN.

YEAH, HE'S THE PERFECT MAN
FOR A JOB LIKE THIS.

I'M TELLING YA,
SOMETHING IS GOING ON
IN THAT SCHOOL !

HELP ! HELP !
SOMEBODY GET US OUTTA HERE !

CALM DOWN, DETWEILER.
CALM DOWN ?

WE'RE LOCKED IN
A GIANT BIRDCAGE

WHILE A MADMAN'S TRYING TO
DESTROY SUMMER VACATION,

AND YOU WANT ME
TO CALM DOWN ?

- I UNDERSTAND, BUT I--
- HOW CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ?
YOU'RE JUST A GROWNUP.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT SUMMER VACATION ?

I'LL LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET,
DETWEILER.

EVERY ADULT YOU'VE EVER KNOWN
WAS A KID SOME TIME
IN HIS LIFE.

YOU THINK WE DON'T
REMEMBER SUMMER VACATION ?

RIDING BIKES BY THE CREEK ?
CATCHING POLLIWOGS IN A JAR ?
CAMPING OUT UNDER THE STARS ?

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

SOME DAYS I SIT IN MY OFFICE,
LOOKING OUT AT YOU KIDS
ON THE PLAYGROUND,

AND I THINK, "THEY DON'T KNOW
HOW GOOD THEY'VE GOT IT.

"IN A FEW YEARS,
THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE
GROWNUPS, LIKE ME,

AND ALL THOSE GOOD TIMES
WILL JUST BE MEMORIES
FOR THEM TOO."

SO GO AHEAD, PUT
A WHOOPEE CUSHION IN MY CHAIR,

COVER MY CARPET
WITH FAKE VOMIT,

MAKE FUN OF
MY BIG, SAGGY BUTT.

BUT DON'T YOU EVER
SAY I DON'T CARE
ABOUT SUMMER VACATION,

'CAUSE THOSE MEMORIES ARE
THE LAST PART OF CHILDHOOD
I'VE GOT LEFT.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY,
I HAD NO IDEA.

YEAH, WELL, NOW YOU DO.

- SO LET'S STOP
MESSING AROUND.
- HOW DID YOU GET THOSE KEYS ?

SWIPED 'EM
OFF PHILLIUM'S DESK
WHEN HE WASN'T LOOKING.

NOW COME ON.
WE'VE GOT A SUMMER
VACATION TO SAVE.

( All Chattering )

PEOPLE ! PEOPLE !
JUST QUIET DOWN FOR A MOMENT !

OH, MAN,
NOBODY'S LISTENING.

THEY'LL LISTEN TO ME,
ONCE I INTRODUCE THEM TO
MY GOOD FRIEND MADAM FIST.

COME ON, SPINELLI.
THAT'S YOUR ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING.

I DON'T SEE YOU COMING UP
WITH ANY GREAT IDEAS,
SPORTS BOY.

LISTEN TO THE TWO OF YOU.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING AT ALL.

( All Arguing )

( Gus )
QUIET !

WHAT WE NEED IS A LEADER.

A KID WITH
THE RIGHT TRAINING.

A KID WHO KNOWS STRATEGY
AND FIELD TACTICS.

A KID WHO COMMANDS RESPECT.

YEAH, BUT WHERE WE GONNA
FIND A KID LIKE THAT ?

LEAVE THAT TO ME.

( Chattering Continues )
( Gretchen Whistles )

PLEASE !
WE HAVE TO GET ORGANIZED.

AH, WHAT'S THE USE ?

IF WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE,

ALL THE FUN OF BEING A KID
IS, LIKE, TOTALLY RUINED
ANYWAY.

- IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S
BEEN TURNED RIGHT SIDE UP.
- ( All Agreeing )

NOT NECESSARILY. ALL WE
HAVE TO DO IS WORK TOGETHER
AND COME UP WITH A PLAN.

DETWEILER'S THE ONE WHO ALWAYS
COMES UP WITH THE PLANS.
LET'S FACE IT-- WE'RE DOOMED.

( All Agreeing )
( Spinelli )
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK !

KIDS OF THE PLAYGROUND, MEET
YOUR NEW COMMANDING OFFICER.

GRISWALD ? HE COULDN'T
LEAD A GLEE CLUB.

YOU FIND THAT FUNNY,
BRADLEY ?

WELL, I'M NOT HERE
TO MAKE JOKES !
I'M HERE TO MAKE HISTORY !

SO IF YOU WANNA LAUGH,
TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

BUT IF YOU WANNA SAVE THE
WORLD, THEN SUCK IN YOUR GUT
AND STAND AT ATTENTION.

NOW WHO'S WITH ME ?

( Kazoos Playing
"River Kwai March" )

( Screams )
SODA BOMB !
SODA BOMB !

( Gus )
VINCE, YOU AND THE ASHLEYS
WILL BE IN CHARGE OF UNIT "A."

I'LL TAKE UNIT "B."
SPINELLI, YOU GET
THE SPECIAL FORCES.

- SPECIAL FORCES ?
- THE KINDERGARTNERS.

I OWE YOU FOR THIS, GRISWALD.

NOW THERE'S ONE LAST
THING I NEED TO SAY.

- ( Talking Ceases )
- THIS MISSION IS BIGGER THAN
ANY ONE OF US KIDS.

BIGGER THAN T.J.
EVEN BIGGER THAN
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.

THIS, MY FRIENDS,
IS ABOUT THE FUTURE.

GEEZ, HE SOUNDS
LIKE T.J.
SHH. HE'S ON A ROLL.

YEARS FROM NOW WHEN KIDS
WHO AREN'T EVEN BORN YET
LOOK BACK ON THIS MOMENT,

THEY'LL SAY,
"THEY DID IT.

"THOSE KIDS SAVED
3rd STREET SCHOOL.

THEY SAVED SUMMER VACATION."

SO, BOYS AND GIRLS,

WE'RE GOIN' IN.

TWENTY-TWO MINUTES
TO PERIGEE, SIR.
VERY GOOD, FENWICK.

( Men Chattering
Indistinctly )

- HELLO, BOYS.
- HEY !

( Men Groaning )

( Punches Landing )

WHERE NOW ?
THE AUDITORIUM.

CHECK.

( Inhales )
NESSUN DORMA

( All )
HUH ?

NESSUN DORMA

( Man )
IS THAT A KID ?

- MA IL MIO MISTERO
E CHIUSO IN ME
- HEY, KID, GET OUT OF HERE !

AAH. ANDERSON, GET RID
OF THAT KID, WILL YA ?

IL NOME MIO
NESSUN SAPRA

( Anderson Screaming )
NO, NO

SMITHSON, UNDERHILL.
SIR.

SULLA TUA BOCA

( Men Screaming )
LO DIRO

QUANDO LA LUCE
HANKLIN, MORRISSEY,
GOODMAN, GET OVER HERE !

YES, SIR.
RIGHT AWAY, SIR.
ON THE DOUBLE.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU SURE THIS IS
GONNA WORK, DETWEILER ?

COME ON, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.
DON'T YOU EVER WATCH
OLD SPY MOVIES ?

THIS TRICK IS PURE GOLD.

UH, DR. BENEDICT WANTED
TO SPEAK TO US ABOUT
A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER.

HEY, YOU TWO
AREN'T GUARDS.

RUN !

I'M CALLED LITTLE
BUTTERCUP

ANDERSON,
MORRISSEY, UNDERHILL ?
WHERE IS EVERYBODY ?

AAH, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING
DONE RIGHT, YOU GOTTA
DO IT YOURSELF.

- POOR LITTLE BUTTERCUP
- ( Screams )

- SWEET LITTLE
BUTTERCUP, I
- ( All Shouting )

BOY, THESE SPACE-AGE
POWER SHOVELS SURE DO
A GREAT JOB.

QUICK, IN HERE.

THIS WAY !
THEY'RE INSIDE.

WE LOST 'EM.
NOW WHAT ?

AMMO.

( Both )
TENDER.

COMMENCE PHASE TWO.

READY ?

- HEY, GUARDS !
- HUH ?

( Grunting )
YOU LITTLE BRATS !

NOW !

INTRUDERS !
( Shouting )

( All Screaming )

SCANDALOUS !

( Shouting Indistinctly )

- NOW !
- HUH ?

BOMBARD, MEN !

GET 'EM.
( All Shouting )

( Screaming )

"LUNCH ROOM, FRONT OFFICE--"
HERE IT IS, "AUDITORIUM."

( Loud Hum Resonating )

UH, FENWICK,
WHY IS THE POWER OFF ?

UH, PERHAPS
WE BLEW A FUSE, SIR ?

WELL, GO FIX IT !

WE MUST RESTORE THE POWER.
QUICKLY, HERE.

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED ?
LET US OUT !

PLAN'S WORKING, GUS.

GOOD. NOW WE GOTTA
STOP THAT LASER BEAM
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, KID.
YOU BRATS ARE DONE FOR.

( T.J. )
HEY, BALDY !

SAY YOUR PRAYERS.
IT'S CHOWDER TIME.

( Screaming )

- BULL'S-EYE !
- T.J. !

I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD
COME BACK FOR US.

OOH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT.
SIX MINUTES TO PERIGEE !

QUICK. TO THE AUDITORIUM.
AND NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS !

EMERGENCY POWER SYSTEM
IS IN PLACE.

SWITCH ON THE GLOBAL
ELECTRODE. POWER
UP THE PHOTON CHANNELER.

ACTIVATE THE TRACTOR BEAM,
QUICKLY ! WE'VE ONLY GOT
FOUR MINUTES LEFT.

( Prickly )
YOU'VE GOT
NO MINUTES LEFT, PHIL.

THIS IS MY SCHOOL
AND I WANT IT BACK.

SORRY, PETE.

YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL I FINISH MAKING THE
WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

- NOW LET'S GET THIS SHOW
ON THE ROAD.
- DON'T DO IT, DR. BENEDICT !

( Chuckles )
DON'T DO IT ? YOU THINK
AFTER ALL THIS PLANNING,

ALL THIS WORK,
YOU CAN GET ME TO STOP JUST
BY SAYING, "DON'T DO IT" ?

- WHAT IF WE ADD "PLEASE" ?
- ( Sighs ) YOU KIDS
JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU ?

WELL, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS IN A
WAY YOUR LITTLE UNEDUCATED
BRAINS WILL UNDERSTAND.

THE AMERICAN PUBLIC THINK
TEST SCORES ARE TOO LOW.

BUT IF A PERSON, SAY ME,
COULD MAKE TEST SCORES GO UP,

WHY, EVERYBODY'D FEEL BETTER.

THEY MIGHT EVEN ELECT
THAT PERSON... PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.

NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHICH COUNTRIES HAVE
THE HIGHEST TEST SCORES ?

- UM, JAPAN ?
- GERMANY ?
- TIERRA DEL FUEGO ?

CANADA, ICELAND, NORWAY !

AND WHY ? BECAUSE IT'S SNOWING
UP THERE ALL THE TIME.

KIDS DON'T WASTE
THEIR SUMMERS PLAYING BALL.
THEY'RE INSIDE STUDYING.

AND THAT IS WHY I'M GETTING
RID OF SUMMER VACATION
ONCE AND FOR ALL.

YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, OLD MAN.
YOUR PLAN WILL NEVER WORK.

SURE, MAYBE YOUR CRAZY
LASER BEAM CAN MOVE THE MOON.

MAYBE IT CAN EVEN MAKE IT
SNOW ALL SUMMER.

MAYBE YOU CAN GET RID
OF LONG AFTERNOONS
PLAYING BASEBALL,

OR SUNNY DAYS DOWN BY THE LAKE
OR WARM NIGHTS CAMPING OUT
UNDER THE STARS.

BUT THAT WON'T STOP US.
WE'LL RIDE OUR BIKES
THROUGH THE SNOW.

WE'LL PLAY KICK BALL
IN THE SLUSH,
WE'LL CAMP OUT IN IGLOOS.

YOU MAY TAKE AWAY SUMMER,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE AWAY
SUMMER VACATION.

WELL, I CAN TRY.
DO IT... NOW !

YES, SIR.
BEGIN PHOTON CHANNELING.

PHOTON CHANNELING BEGUN.

SET MAGNIFICATION
COORDINATES .073.

- COORDINATES SET.
- ENGAGE TRACTOR BEAM.

- NO !
- ( Loud Bang )

HEY, TEACHER,
LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE !

- MS. FINSTER.
- MURIEL, IT'S YOU.

YOU'RE STILL A VISION
OF LOVELINESS.

YEAH ? AND YOU'RE STILL
A TWO-BIT, RECESS-HATING
PRETTY BOY.

THAT HURT, MURIEL.
BUT I'LL FORGIVE YOU IF
YOU'LL JUST COME BACK TO ME.

HA ! I'D RATHER EAT
PLAYGROUND DIRT.

THAT CAN BE ARRANGED,
MY DEAR.

NOT BEFORE I TAKE YOU DOWN.

TAKE ME DOWN ?
YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU AND WHAT ARMY ?

ME AND THIS ARMY.

THE TEACHERS !

( Shouting )

( Karate Shouts )

GET THEM !

NO, NO, NO, NO
NO, NO, NO, NO

NO, NO, NO, NO
NO, NO, NO, NO

NO, NO, NO, NO
NO, NO, NO, NO

NO, NO, NO, NO
NOBODY CAN DO THE
SHIMMY

LIKE I DO
NOBODY CAN DO THE
SHAKE

LIKE I DO
NOBODY CAN DO THE
BOOGALOO

LIKE I DO
NOBODY CAN DO THE
SHIMMY

( Continues )

( Screaming )

FIRE !

LET ME TELL YOU
NOBODY
NOBODY

NOBODY
NOBODY

NOBODY
NOBODY

- ( Gasps )
- DRINK SODA, NINJAS !

HALT !

FLYING PRESS !

- NICE FLYING PRESS, SPINELLI.
- THANKS. I'VE BEEN
WORKING ON IT.

NO, NO, NO, NO
NO, NO, NO, NO

YOU !

( Ms. Finster )
STOP RIGHT THERE, KOJAK.

IT'S GO TIME.

NOBODY CAN DO THE
SHAKE

LIKE I DO
NOBODY CAN DO THE
BOOGALOO

THANKS, MS. FINSTER.
JUST DOING MY JOB,
DETWEILER.

HURRY !
THERE'S STILL TIME.

FASTER, YOU IDIOT !
FASTER !

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, PHILLIUM.
THE SEMESTER'S OVER
FOR YOU, PAL.

NOT SO FAST, PETE.
YOU MIGHT FALL ASLEEP
AND MISS THE FESTIVITIES.

- HEY, PHILLIUM, THERE'S
A SPOT ON YOUR TIE.
- WHERE ?

( Ninja Screams )

- IT'S JAMMED.
- YOU'RE TOO LATE, PETE.

THIS TIME I WIN.

VINCE !

THE PHOTON CHANNELER.
AND FORGET WHAT THEY TOLD YOU.

AIM IT. DON'T THROW IT.

LOOK OUT !
SHE'S GONNA BLOW !
( All Screaming )

ALL MY PLANS,

MY HOPES AND DREAMS...

RUINED.

RUINED !

GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE SUIT,
YOU CLASSLESS FEEB !

I AM THE FORMER
SECRETARY OF EDUCATION.

YEAH, YEAH. AND I'M
THE FORMER PRINCESS OF
MOROCCO. GET IN THE CAR.

B-B-BUT IT'S ALL HIS FAULT.
I WAS ONLY FOLLOWING ORDERS.

I'LL TURN STATE'S EVIDENCE.

GEEZ, WHAT A SQUEALER.

COME ON, GROTKE.
I'LL TAKE YOU ON. MY BOXING
AGAINST YOUR MARTIAL ARTS.

EAST MEETS WEST.
WE'LL SEE WHO WINS.

I DON'T KNOW, MURIEL.
I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE IT
FOR SELF-DEFENSE.

WHAT AN EXCITING SUMMER.
T.J. SAVED THE WORLD...

AND BECKY MADE ASSISTANT
FRY CHEF AT FLOPPY BURGER.

COME ON, ELLIE.
THE REPORTERS WANNA TALK TO US
ABOUT HOW WE RAISED A HERO.

LISTEN, BECKY,
I HEARD ABOUT HOW YOU SAVED
MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING, AND...

WELL, HERE,
I THINK THIS IS YOURS.
MY DIARY ?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU REALIZE THIS MEANS YOU
DON'T HAVE ANY LEVERAGE
OVER ME ANYMORE ?

HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY ?
MAYBE I'M JUST GROWING UP.

GEE, YOU'RE AN ALL-RIGHT
LITTLE BROTHER AFTER ALL.

BUT, TEEJ, WHAT ABOUT THE
EXTRA COPIES YOU GOT STASHED
AWAY UP IN THE TREE HOUSE ?

OH, I WAS JUST BLUFFING
ABOUT THOSE.

SO, TEEJ, WE GOT TWO WEEKS
OF SUMMER VACATION LEFT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE DO 'EM UP RIGHT ?

BUT DON'T YOU GUYS
HAVE TO GET BACK TO CAMP,
WORK ON YOUR FUTURES AND ALL ?

WELL, WE'VE BEEN THINKIN'.

AND WE'VE DECIDED THERE'S
PLENTY OF TIME FOR PREPARING
FOR OUR FUTURES.

BUT ONLY A LITTLE TIME LEFT
FOR JUST BEING KIDS.

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE HEAD DOWN TO THE POND
AND SKIP SOME ROCKS ?

YOU GUYS GOT YOURSELVES
A DEAL.

OH, BOY ! MY FIRST
SUMMER VACATION MEMORIES.

UH, GUYS.

- I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU.
I FORGOT SOMETHING INSIDE.
- OKAY, BUT HURRY.

- PRINCIPAL PRICKLY ?
- HUH ?

OH, IT'S YOU, DETWEILER.

I WAS JUST, UM,
CLEANING UP THIS MESS
PHILLIUM LEFT.

GUY ALWAYS WAS
A PACK RAT.

LOOK AT THIS.
A NORWEGIAN WEATHER MAP
FROM 1956.

LISTEN, SIR, I NEVER REALLY
GOT A CHANCE TO THANK YOU
FOR ALL THE STUFF YOU DID.

YOU KNOW, QUITTING YOUR
GOLF GAME, TELLING BENEDICT
TO LET ME GO,

HELPING ME SAVE THE WORLD
AND JUNK.

OH, ACTUALLY, DETWEILER,
I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD
BE THANKING YOU.

- HUH ?
- YOU DID ME A BIG FAVOR BY
DRAGGING ME INTO THIS MESS.

SEE, I DIDN'T GET INTO
TEACHING FOR THE PROMOTIONS
OR THE PENSION PLANS...

OR SO I COULD GET
TO THE GOLF COURSE BY 3:45.

I-- I... DID IT 'CAUSE
I WANTED TO HELP YOU KIDS.
AND I'D FORGOTTEN THAT.

- TILL TODAY.
- ( Knocking On Window )

COME ON, TEEJ.
THE POND AWAITS.

I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND.
HEY, IT'S A GORGEOUS SUMMER
DAY AND YOUR PALS ARE WAITING.

GO HAVE SOME FUN
WHILE YOU CAN... TEEJ.

YOU GOT IT... PETE.

( Rock 'n' Roll )

BUT DON'T FORGET !
COME SEPTEMBER, YOU'RE MINE.

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN
THAT "SAGGY BUTT" COMMENT.

HEY, SEPTEMBER IS
A LONG WAY OFF.

LET THE SUNSHINE

LET THE SUNSHINE IN

THE SUNSHINE IN

LET THE SUNSHINE
WHOA, LET IT SHINE

LET THE SUNSHINE IN
COME ON

THE SUNSHINE IN
EVERYBODY JUST
SING ALONG

LET THE SUNSHINE
LET THE SUNSHINE IN

LET THE SUNSHINE IN
OPEN UP YOUR HEART
AND LET IN SHINE IN

THE SUNSHINE IN
WHEN YOU'RE ALONE

LET THE SUNSHINE

( T.J. )
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

DROP YOUR SILVER
IN MY TAMBOURINE

HELP A POOR MAN
BUILD A PRETTY DREAM

GIVE ME PENNIES
I'LL TAKE ANYTHING

NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY
( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

WATCH THE JINGLE JANGLE
START TO SHINE

REFLECTIONS OF THE MUSIC
THAT IS MINE

WHEN YOU TOSS A COIN
YOU'LL HEAR IT SING

NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY
( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

DROP A DIME
BEFORE I WALK AWAY

ANY SONG YOU WANT
I'LL GLADLY PLAY

MONEY FEEDS
MY MUSIC MACHINE

NOW LISTEN WHILE I PLAY
( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

LISTEN AND I'LL PLAY
( Echoing )

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

LISTEN AND I'LL PLAY
( Echoing )

OH, YEAH
MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

I'LL PLAY
MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

IF YOU LISTEN
I WILL PLAY

MY GREEN TAMBOURINE

( Woman Vocalizing )

CALLING OUT
AROUND THE WORLD

ARE YOU READY
FOR A BRAND-NEW BEAT

THE SUMMER'S NEAR
AND THE TIME IS RIGHT

FOR DANCING IN THE STREET

DANCING IN CHICAGO
DANCING IN THE STREET

DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS
DANCING IN THE STREET

IN NEW YORK CITY
DANCING IN THE STREET

ALL WE NEED IS MUSIC
SWEET MUSIC

THERE'LL BE MUSIC
EVERYWHERE

THERE'LL BE SWINGING
AND SWAYING

AND RECORDS PLAYING

DANCING IN THE STREET

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU WEAR

JUST AS LONG
AS YOU ARE THERE

SO, COME ON
EVERY BOY GRAB A GIRL

EVERYWHERE
AROUND THE WORLD

THERE'LL BE DANCING

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET

I SAID
WE'LL BE DANCING

WHOO !
DANCING IN THE STREET

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET

THIS IS AN INVITATION
ACROSS THE NATION

A CHANCE FOR KIDS
TO MEET

THEY'LL BE LAUGHING
AND SINGING
LAUGHING, SINGING

AND MUSIC SWINGING
WE'RE DANCING IN THE STREET

PHILADELPHIA, P.A.
DANCING IN THE STREET

BALTIMORE AND D.C. NOW
DANCING IN THE STREET

CAN'T FORGET
THE MOTOR CITY

BEEP-BEEP,
BEEP-BEEP WHOO !

ALL WE NEED IS MUSIC
OH, MUSIC

THERE'LL BE MUSIC
EVERYWHERE

THERE'LL BE SWINGING
AND SWAYING

AND RECORDS PLAYING

DANCING IN THE STREET

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU WEAR

JUST AS LONG
AS YOU ARE THERE

COME ON
EVERY BOY GRAB A GIRL

EVERYWHERE
AROUND THE WORLD

THERE'LL BE DANCING

ALL AROUND THE WORLD

EVERY BOY AND GIRL

DANCING IN THE STREET

FROM YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD
DOWN TO HOLLYWOOD
DANCING IN THE STREET

DANCING IN THE STREET
DANCING IN THE STREET

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET

WE'RE DANCING
IN THE STREET