Recess: All Growed Down (2003) - full transcript

TJ and the gang has their shares of memories as kindergarteners when the kindergarteners captures them

It was the best of times, it
was the whompernest of times.

It was just a regular school
day that started out quiet.

Harmless. Downright tender.

But tenderness
never lasts forever,

and before we knew it, that day
would take us to a place

none of us thought
we'd ever go again.

Lecture's over.

Oh, man. I can't believe
we had to sit for a whole hour

listening to Prickly
talk about foot hygiene.

And that was the grossest, most
disgusting video of all time.

It's OK, guys. We've got a whole
hour of recess to get over it.

I don't know, TJ. All that
foot talk kind of made me woozy.

I think I'd better
go see Nurse Kramer.

- Oh.
- Poor guy.

- He'll be OK.
- Indeed.

Beneath that quivering exterior
beats a heart of steal.

- So what'll it be? Kickball?
- Oh, yeah!

No! We gotta do something
that takes my mind off feet.

This would be an excellent time
to try out my new croquet set.

- Cro-what set?
- It's a British game,

very popular with
the upper classes. Shall we?

So we hit each other
with these hammers?

I think I'm gonna
like this game.

Oh, no. You use these mallets
to shoot wickets.

We just need to find
a large, empty field to play on.

That might be
a bit of a problem.

Oh, man,
there's no space anywhere.

It seems my dream of playing

the backyard game of kings
is not to be.

Hey, wait. What about
the old, abandoned playground?

Yeah! No-one ever goes there!

A brilliant idea!
My dream is restored!

Ah, here she is -
the old, abandoned playground.

Now this is more like it.
No one's gonna bug us back here.

Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

I forgot how eerie
this place was.

The terrible memories
are flooding back to me.

Don't tell me you're worried

because of
what happened last time.

They promised they
wouldn't come here.

I guess that's true.

Excuse me, but I understand
the key to croquet enjoyment

- is to start a croquet game.
- You got it. What do we do?

Everyone take a hoop, spread
out and put them in the ground.

Yeah. And Gretch? Spinelli?
Take it from me.

All you've gotta worry about is
getting your wickets stomped...

- Argh!
- Argh!


- Nothing to worry about, huh?
- He, he.

Big Kids, Big Kids, Big Kids.

Arr, arr. You are prisoner.
You come with us.

Hello there, small people.

Any of you hungry?
When I get out of here

I'm making
Kindergartener pancakes.

Quiet, Big Kid. You no
make pancakes. You in jail.

- But we didn't do anything!
- We're croquet enthusiasts.

This goes against every rule

of Big Kid/Kindergartener

Since the last incident,

the Old Playground has been
designated Big-Kid territory.

Captain Sticky, you're in charge
here. Tell them to let us go.

Captain Sticky
not in charge no more.

You're not?
I demand to know who is.

- Me am in charge!
- Whoa! Me get out of way!

- Me Chief Stinky.
- Never heard of you.

- Me new around here.
- That explains it.

Maybe where you come from,
Big Kids deserve to be tied up.

- But at this school we're nice.
- Big Kid tell lies.

- Not listen to Big Kid!
- What you talking about?

I don't care
if those guys listen, Stinky.

- They already know me.
- You play with Kindergarteners?

- As a matter of fact, I did.
- You trick Kindergarteners.

No. Listen, Stinky, and you'll
see. It was nothing like that.

It was beautiful, although
it started off pretty crumby.

Sort of like today.

Kirby Puckett is the greatest
outfielder that every lived.

You gotta be kidding me. Any of
these guys is twice as good.

- He's short. He's tubby.
- He's got an average of 318.

What about Babe Ruth?
Reggie Jackson? Willy Mays?

None of them
hold a candle to Kirby Puckett.

You wouldn't know talent
if it... Hey, wait a second.

- Don't change the subject.
- No, Teej. Look!

- Huh? What?
- The Old Playground?

I've heard about this place but
I thought it was just a myth.

It hasn't been used
since the seventies.

We shouldn't be here, man.
It really gives me the creeps.

Yeah. Let's... Argh!

- What the...
- Help! Get me down from here!

Oh, no! Kindergarteners!

But where are they coming from?

Get out of here, man!
Go! Save yourself!

Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!


- Argh!
- Vince! Are you OK?

TJ captured... Gotta help...

You'll be OK, man. You'll be OK.

We came through this clearing
and that's where we...

- He's gone!
- Poor TJ!

His baseball card.

Why did I leave him?
I should have stayed.

I should have done something.

You did what any kid
would have done.

Yeah. Ran and left your friend
hanging there.

Look, they've probably
taken him back to their pen.

We don't have much time.
Let's go.

The place is deserted.
They could be anywhere.

They've probably migrated
to their winter encampment.

But what have they done with TJ?

- Maybe they let him go.
- Maybe he fought his way out.

I'm afraid there's a possibility
of a far less pleasant scenario.

We've got to find him, you guys.

Wherever we have to go, however
long it takes, we must find him.

We're with you, Vince. Let's go.

I understand they use
every part of the tricycle.

The unthinkable has happened -

I am a prisoner
of the Kindergarteners.

Time passes slowly here.

Why they've taken me... What
they're going to do with me...

Who knows?

Even they can't seem to agree.

The one in the paper hat
seems to be their leader.

They call him Captain Sticky...
for obvious reasons.

- Big Kid.
- No. Me TJ.

- Big Kid!
- OK! Whatever you say.

- You food.
- Me? Food? No, not me!

Don't taste good.
Me taste bad. Yucky poo-poo.

- Food!
- Oh, you want to give me food!

You eat! You eat!

Uh... no, that's OK.
I'm not hungry.

- Grr!
- Maybe later?

I'm safe for now.
But I can't help wondering -

are they giving me food out of
some sort of twisted kindness,

or are they just
trying to fatten me up?



- They were here.
- Yeah, but it's dry.

The trail's cold.
They could be anywhere by now.

- We're not giving up.
- No-one said we were.

I may have said something.

But we're not. We're gonna find
TJ or we're gonna die trying.

I've lost
all track of time now.

So far the savages
have left me alone,

but I don't know
how much longer I can hold out.

They nabbed me before lunch
and if I don't eat soon,

it won't matter what they do.

I've got one job now -
staying alive.

Hmm! Nougat!

Can it be?
They're letting me go?

Well uh...
thanks for everything.

I guess I'll just be
hitting the old road.

On second thought, maybe
I'll just hang out for a while.

Nice yardsticks.

Finger-paints! Are you kidding?
That's for Kinder...


OK. So who has... got yellow?


- I didn't see nothing!
- We know they were here.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I... I... OK, OK, they were here!

It was terrible.
Me and the others

was hanging out
on the jungle gym

and suddenly
they was all around us.

We was lucky to get out alive.

- Was a fourth grader with them?
- I don't know.

I said was a fourth grader
with them?

I don't know! I didn't see!
I just ran, OK!

I just ran.

Let him go, Vince.
He didn't see anything.

But I'll tell you one thing,

if there was
a fourth grader with them,

I wouldn't hold out much hope.

I don't know what's going on.

A part of me knows that
what's happening is terrible.

And yet I... I...
I'm having fun!

Nap time.

- Nap!
- No, I'm too old for naps.


- Hey, this feels pretty nice.
- Nap good.

Yeah, yeah. Nap good.


We've looked everywhere, Vince.

Face it.
We're not gonna find him.

If the Kindergarteners still
have him, we may not want to.

We can't give up.
This is TJ we're talking about.

Guys! Guys! Look what I found!

A half-eaten lollipop,
and it's still wet.

- But that means...
- Right. They can't be far now.

- I knew it! Let's go.
- Wait!

- What is it?
- Can I have the lollipop?


There it is. Let's go.

- They're gone!
- We must have just missed them.

We were so close. So close!

- Hey, look! A Winger Dinger!
- Whoa!

Well, at least we've found them.

What are they going to do to us?

Who knows? Probably
the same thing they did to TJ.

Oh, heartless fiends!

- Oh, man, it's TJ!
- What have they done to him?

TJ? Is it really you?

TJ gone. I Big Kid now.

- He's become one of them.
- TJ, listen to me.

You're not one of them.
You're one of us.

No! I am Kindergartener!
I am Kindergartener!

No, you're not a Kindergartener.
You're TJ. And I'm Vince.

- Vi-ince.
- That's right, TJ,

and this is Spinelli, and that's
Mikey and Gretchen and Gus.

- You're one of us.
- No!

You're a fourth grader.
You don't like finger-painting.

You like kickball and
four square and Little League.

- Little League...
- And you love baseball. Look.

Kir-by Puck-ett.

Yes, TJ! Yes!

It'll be OK, man. It'll be OK.

Here. Let me tie them for you.

Shoes. Underpants.
I can't get used to this stuff.

Hey, man, it takes time.
You were out there for hours.

But soon you'll be
back to normal.

Whatever happened out there,
you can put it all behind you.

Yes. Your terrifying ordeal
is over.

No, you guys. You don't
understand. I... I liked it.

- You liked it?
- Imagine it, guys...

Kindergarteners eat and
drink whatever they want,

go wherever they want to go.
There's no rules.

When you paint,
you don't use a brush.

You stick your hands in
the paint and feel the colour.

And you take naps, guys.
Right in the middle of the day.

Do you have any idea
how refreshing that is?

But TJ, it's so primitive!

Primitive? Maybe so.
But I was free, you guys. Free.

There's a part of me
that wishes I could go back.

But TJ, you can't go back.

He's right.
Even they can't go back.

- What?
- Don't you see?

Their way of life
is coming to an end.

But this time next year,
they'll be first graders.

So, Chief Stinky, in a way,
I am a Kindergartener.

I'm one of you. And I can
vouch for my friends here.

They're A-OK.
So how's about you let us go?

No! Big Kid lie!
Big Kids are bad!

Pyjama Boy, watch Big Kids
while Stinky think up boom-boom.

- Boom-boom? What's that?
- Big Kids get punishment.

- Like what?
- Something bad. Big, big bad.

Now that Stinky's not watching,
Hector can let us go.

We'll make it look like
we conked you on the head.

- Big Kids stay right here.
- What's with you?

- I thought you were nice.
- I thought most of you were.

Have you pint-sized
delinquents gone made?

Emma, Zed, Spencer, Jake.

And yes, you too, little Hector.

You've forgotten
who your friends are.

I believe I shall remind you.

- Brain Girl keep quiet!
- I will not!

There was a day not so long ago

when we let you into our lives
when no-one else would have you.

That's right.
Is it all coming back now?

In case it's not,
allow me to elaborate.

It was going to be another
carefree day of Big Kid fun.

But then Miss Grotke appealed
to our amazing Big Kid instincts

for Big Kid generosity.

Pee Wee Pals.
An idea whose time has come.

For one week,
fourth-grade big trees

have an opportunity to interact
with the kindergarten saplings,

playing, sharing, learning
and caring, during recess.

Here to explain more

is the architect of the
Pee Wee Pals programme,

our own kindergarten teacher,
Mrs Klemperer.

They all just sit there quietly.
Waiting. It's beautiful.

- Mrs Klemperer?
- Huh? Oh, yeah. Um...

I came up with this
Pee Wee Pals thing

to help the little ones
prepare for the numbered grades.

And buy me a little
peace and quiet.

That's all fine,
but what's in it for us?

Good question.
Each of you will take away

a sense of responsibility,

a deeper understanding
of his/herself,

and a better idea
of how we really are all one.

And two tickets to Gonzo World
Water Park and Arcade.


Now, are there any volunteers?

Yes! They're eating it up
like fudge.

- This is Freddie.
- Hiya, Fred. Meet Tubby.

Tubby like Freddy.

Oh man, this is gonna be so
easy. Gonzo World, here we come.

Yeah. I can smell the cotton
candy and the chlorine now.

OK. Only six more left.

Kids, meet your Pee Wee Pals.





- Hector.
- Bee! Catch bee! Eat bee!

And Spencer.

Run away!

Get 'em!

Seems like they're off
to a copasetic start.

Let's observe from
a safe distance.

You mean like Cleveland?

Oh, man, this is a nightmare.

Remind me why we agreed to this.

- We're the saplings.
- I did it for Gonzo World.

I'm not even sure
it's worth that.

Not worth it? It's Gonzo World!
Have you seen the commercials?

They've got huge water slides
100 feet tall,

rock music piped in the pools,
six types of corn dogs,

and the Eviserator -
Flume of Doom.

You guys stay up here but I'm
getting a ticket to Gonzo World.

TJ's right. No munchkin's
keeping me from tasting

the spray of the world's
most outrageous water park.

I must admit I'm intrigued by
the physics of the Eviserator.

Corn dogs...

This is gonna be cake. We just
gotta keep asking ourselves,

"What's in it for me?"

So, kid, what do you do for fun?

- Spencer eat paper.
- I'm still full from breakfast.

How about marbles?
You ever play marbles?

- Marbles yummy?
- No. But fun? Forget about it.

Now then. This is a textbook.

- Bextook.
- It has few pictures

and a high percentage
of small print.

But it's packed with
the knowledge of human kind.

Isn't that exciting?

This is a ball. Here. Catch.

- Pretty flowers.
- I think I'm gonna spew.

- Smell! Smell!
- Knock it off, will you?

You wander around acting
all ga-ga over weeds

and the world's
gonna eat you alive.

- Yuck.
- Yeah. You gotta get tough.

I got it. Ever arm wrestle?

- Wessle?
- Lesson one. Your equipment.

You've got to like poetry.

"Tiger, tiger, burning bright
in the forest of the night."

OK. How about meditation?

Tai Chi?

Oh, Zed, you really know
how to bring a guy down.

No, no, no, Hector!
Stay off of there!

You'll cut yourself climbing
over the sharp points

and fall off and crack your head

and stagger into traffic
without looking

and then never live
to see first grade!

- Monkey bars!
- Wait, wait, wait!

Monkey bars are a death trap
in primary colours!

- Ooh! Candy!
- Not candy. Toys.

Take this big marble and knock
the smaller marbles out.

Watch and learn.
You watching, kid?

Spencer! No!

Who's responsible for this?

I demand an inquisition.
Nobody leaves the yard.

- Man in crown go boom!
- Let's get out of here.

Shouldn't we intervene
in some of these situations?

The big kids are
having a tough time.

That's all part of
the Pee Wee Pals philosophy.

- What time is it?
- Quarter after. Why?

Time for my medication. Aah.

- I can't find them, sir.
- Keep looking.

That marble stunt
was not good, Spencer.

We could have gotten hurt.

- Me want hat.
- Are you nuts? This hat is me!

It's who I am.
Nobody wears this hat but me.

Now what are
we gonna do for fun?

Too short for that.

Too stumpy for that.

Too fragile for that.


Ah, the swings.
Can't top a classic.

You know how to pump, kid?
It's 50 % legs, 50 % arms

and 50 % attitude.

Don't just sit there! Pump!

I doing it! I doing it!

Stabilise! You're breaking up!

Pah! Pah! You little weasel!

I was only ten swings away
from my all-time record!

She eat sand! She eat sand!

I'll get you for this,

Here's a tip.
Don't cross Swinger Girl.

Years of pumping have given her
wicked upper body strength.

What's the matter with you?

- I did all the running.
- Thirsty.

Kids. I wonder if the others
are having this much fun.

- Repeat after me. The rain...
- The rain...

- in Spain...
- in pain...

falls mainly in the temperate
zone south west of the Pyrenees.

Bloobee, bloobee,
bloo, bloo, bloo.

- Would you like to play a game?
- Game, game, game!

It's a very simple little
board game called... chess.

And he's out of there!
I mean, not too bad, rookie.

Try to get more loft. I like to
visualise shooting down a blimp.

Shoot the blimp!

No shame in losing, kid. What do
you say? Best eight out of 15?

I see a lion with shoes on.

Clown shoes.

Hector! Gotcha!

Hector, I told you
not to play over here.

Listen to Gus. He's pretty "with
it" when it comes to safety.

He taught us to contact
the electric company

to find out about cables
before starting any dig.


Safety Man!

Thirsty! Thirsty!

Hold up.

I got a hunch that that one's
booby-trapped. Let me see.

Hey, let me play!

Or I'll make up something
to tell Finster on you!

Man, that's a tasty way
to cool off.

What are you
babbling about, Detweiler?

The drinking fountain. Jinky
Soda's doing product testing.

They rigged it to dispense
black cherry lime cooler.

Outta my way!

Oh, man, that was classic.
Do I have an eye or what, kid?


You little rodent! Cut it out!

Get back here with
that punk kid, Detweiler!

That, if I'm not mistaked,
am checkmate.

Excellent use
of the Drake-Shiller offence.

Excellent fake-out, Jake.

That's your nickname!
Jake the Fake. Give me ten.

You have learned well, kid.

That's Cyndi to you, kid.

Wait a darn minute.
I want a rematch.

Cos that was way too fun!

Stay back, Safety Man. Danger!

Now you're getting it.
Beware doesn't mean be afraid.

It means be aware.

That looks like
a fish on a trike.

Yeah. And that one looks like

a double-decker bus
with a rabbit on top.

Winger Dinger?

- Should we call them in?
- No. Just a few more minutes.

Does the book indicate
we should let them play longer?

No, the book indicates
that Lieutenant Chapeau

is about to take Guinevere into
his well-muscled arms and...

- Gert!
- All right, all right.

This is so strange!
Good, but strange.

- My kids are almost behaving!
- We thought it'd be tough

but the little munchkins turned
out to be pretty cool after all.

- Hey, I think I'm one short.
- Where are TJ and his sapling?

- Psst! We're down here!
- TJ! What happened to you?

Oh, nothing. Except this little
monster almost got me killed.

I thought this would be easy -
watch a kid, go to Gonzo World.

Instead I get bruised,
splashed, kicked,

hunted, threatened, chased and
nearly beaten up three times.

This kid is... is... just like
me when I was in kindergarten.

- I had a blast!
- A blast! Yay, TJ!

Kid, you'll go far.
You just need the right breaks,

a special group of friends,

and of course,
the proper head gear.

Teej, are you N-U-T-S?
That's your hat!

It's OK. I'm gonna see
the little sapling tomorrow.

They're angels!
They're practically adults!

The peace! The quiet! I might
even be able to get them to nap!

Class, let's go inside.
It's time to put away our toys.

Ah! Ooh! Oh, my aching neck!

Well, guys, it turned out
to be a good recess after all.

Yeah. I got some exercise,
made a new pal,

and I'm going to Gonzo World.
There's no downside.

There he is!

Dang. I was hoping they wouldn't
recognise me. Gotta run.

OK. So now that
I think about it,

maybe we didn't want
anything to do with you at first

and maybe TJ did get into
a lot of trouble,

but we befriended you

It's only fair to expect the
same friendship from you now.

Sorry, Brain Girl,
but Chief Stinky scary.

Stinky huge, Stinky huge.

- So Big Kids bad.
- Boo, Big Kids!

This is unbelievable. Simply by
being large, loud and pungent,

Chief Stinky has them
completely intimidated.

They'll do anything for him
and nothing for us.

Maybe, Gretchen, but maybe not.

There's still one Kindergartener
I know will help us.

- Who's that?
- My friend Tubby, of course.

Tubby and I formed a friendship
that will overcome any obstacle.

Big Kid stop
talking about Tubby.

Why, look. Here Tubby is now.
Hello, Tubby.

- Tubby never met you.
- But of course you have.

Tubby not remember nothing.

Oh. Then I'd be happy
to remind you.

It was a day all other students

look forward to
with great anticipation.

But not me. For me, it had
always been a day of anguish.

That's enough, Trumpet Boy.
Students, loyal subjects,

it's time for the
25th Annual Kindergarten Derby.

- Kindergarten what?
- Derby, Gus.

Us Big Kids pick
a Kindergartener

to train and run
in the big race.

The Derby runs the little tykes

through the most demanding
course ever designed by a kid.

And the little goof ball
who wins

gets any wish he wants
granted by King Bob.

I love it.
It's pure competition.

- I don't love it.
- Don't start up with that.

The Kindergarten Derby
is the sport of kings.

And as king, I say...
I get first pick!

- You think we'll get lucky?
- It won't be luck.

I've developed a formula
based on body structure.

- What's your name, boy?
- Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert!

He even talks fast! I, King Bob,

- select the Kindergartener...
- No!

Stop. We can't treat these
Kindergarteners like cattle.

- We did it last year.
- Well, it was wrong last year,

and the year before that,
and back when we were small.

We need to end this inhumane
charade once and for all.

Anyway, as I was saying,
I pick Gilbert.

OK, rabble, pick your losers.

- Look at those cheekbones.
- We'll take him.

Hey, Mikey, come on.
Don't walk away.

Sorry. I cannot be
a party to this injustice.

He's bugging about what happened
when he ran in the Derby.

- What did happen?
- We swore never to speak of it.

We double gramma swore.


What are you doing,
little fella?

- Tubby training.
- Poor kid. I know how it is.

They're making you run.

Tubby want run.
Tubby win big Derby.

You want to win so King Bob
will grant you your wish.

Tubby no care about wish. Tubby
run to show he good runner.

Who's your sponsor?
Swinger Girl? The Ashleys?

Tubby no have sponsor.
No-one pick Tubby.

A life without disappointment
is a life not lived.

- Who you pick, giant man?
- Me? No-one.

I refuse to participate in the
debasement of Kindergarteners.

Race not in basement.
Race upstairs in playground.

Uh... never mind.

You pick Tubby!
Tubby run for you.

Sorry but it wouldn't be right.

Wait! You help Tubby train.
You be Tubby's big brother.

Tubby no have big brother.

I've always wanted a brother.

- But no. It's not right.
- Pretty please, big giant boy.

All right,
you've got yourself a trainer.

When I say go...

- He's not coming back, is he?
- No, sire.

Remember, winning isn't
important. Just finish.

On your mark, get set, go.

I'm exhausted. Let's break
for a Winger Dinger.

No! Tubby want more train.

He's as determined
as he is doomed.

- OK. Let's see your stuff.
- Can't. My stuff in my cubby.

No, I mean... Just go.

The kid's got some wheels!

Don't thank me, although this is
evidence that my formula works.

Ooh! Ladybug!

You and your lousy science.

Five minutes, 48 seconds.
Not bad at all.

Thanks. You think Tubby win?

Uh... Tubby finish.
How does that sound?

Five minutes, 45 seconds.
That's an improvement!

Isn't that wonderful, Tubby?

OK. Let's take five.

Tubby happy when he win big
race. Trophy look delicious.

Try not to think about winning.
Just concentrate on finishing.

No. Tubby really want to win.

Don't we all, Tubby.
Don't we all.

- Why Mikey sad?
- It's nothing.

I was just thinking
about something that happened.

Tell Tubby, big brother, then
Tubby be sad too, like Mikey.

Tubby, I told you,
I don't want to talk about it.

Tell Tubby, please.

Back when I was
a kindergartener, I... I...

I wasn't able
to finish the Derby, OK?

Mikey no finish Derby?

I'm the only kid in the history
of Third Street who didn't.

That kid's so big
he can't even run!

He's not just fat,
he's pigeon-toed fat!

I ran away. I just ran away.

Maybe big kids like us
weren't meant to run.

- Maybe we shouldn't even try.
- No! You wrong, giant boy!

We as good as anybody else. Me
run in race. Me finish for you.

Really? You'd do that for me?

That's what
a little brother's for.

No, Tubby!
Don't eat the wrapper!

OK. Stay loose. And remember,
visualise. Eye of the cheetah.

Hey, Mikey,
you picked a kid after all.

- Actually, he picked me.
- Come on. Race about to start.

Place your bets. Sorry, kid.
I don't take frozen desserts.

Hey, manzilla. Aren't you even
gonna, like, bet on your kid?

Actually, no. For, you see,
to us, winning is unimportant.

We run for the simple thrill
of competing,

the shared sense of unity
at the starting line,

the human potential expressed
in a thing as simple as a race.

Like bok-bok-bok, chicken!

Excuse me, Tubby. Wait here.

Hustler Kid,
I'd like to place a bet.

- Watcha got?
- A Winger Dinger.

Easy, big spender!
Don't break the bank!

Who can blame him for betting
small? His kid won't win.

He's husky. Pigeon-toed husky.

That's it! Here. I bet 37 Winger
Dinger's on my friend Tubby.

The 25th Annual Kindergarten
Derby is about to begin.

- Hustler Kid, close betting.
- Oh!

Hey, what's that kid wearing?

- None of your business.
- I hate those guys.

As always,
may the best little runt win.

- Sound Effects Boy?
- Ahem.

- Run! Run!
- Faster! Faster!

Just finish!
Just finish! Just finish!

- This is terrible!
- Those laces cost a fortune!

- He's pulling away.
- Of course he's pulling away.

It's part of my strategy.

- She's falling behind.
- It's all part of my strategy.

Slow and steady,
slow and steady.

Slow and steady.

They're coming to Clown Slalom!

They're approaching
the Valley of Distraction.

It's done in more than
one promising Kindergartener.

That's why I put
the blinders on him.

You're a genius,
your majesty. A true genius.

Gilbert getting tired.
Gilbert getting tired.

Cyndi beat Gilbert. Cyndi beat
Gilbert. Cyndi beat Gilbert...

Ooh, shiny! I rich! I rich!

The Valley of Distraction
got Cyndi!

Well, there's always next year.

- Isn't that Mikey's kid?
- He's catching up on Gilbert!

You're kidding!

If your kid passes Gilbert

he might win the race!

Winning isn't important.
I just want Tubby to finish.

No, Tubby!
Don't eat the wrapper!

No eat wrapper.
Tubby finish race.

Just finish, Tubby! Just finish!

- You dropped your betting slip.
- Let me see that.

He's got a 37 Winger-Dinger
ticket at 99-1!

It matters not. I only made this
bet to support my young charge.

That many Winger Dingers would
get you through high school!

Run, you little whomper!
Run to win! Win, win, win!

Giant boy say win, Tubby win.

- Whoa!
- Is that fat kid ours?

- No, we only own Gilbert.
- But the big one's catching up!

- Don't worry. Gilbert will win.
- You had better hope so.

- He's gonna do it!
- Run, Tubby, run!

Move it, you little brat,
or you're banished!

Wrong, brat! Wrong, brat!

You did it, Tubby! You didn't
only finish, you won! You won!

Tubby won it for giant kid. We
just as good. We just as good.

We uh... seem to have lost,
your highness.

I can see that! Well, might
as well get this over with.

Kids of the playground, I give
you the winner of the Derby.


By the power vested in me,
as set down in the constitution,

yadda, yadda, yadda,
I hereby grant you one wish.

Tubby wish... Tubby wish there
be no more Kindergarten Derby.

No more Kindergarten Derby?

But it's a playground tradition!

The tradition bad.
My big brother Mikey show me.

He act like Tubby is a person.

But all you other Big Kids
treat us like horses.

You make us run and
don't care what we want at all.

The bigger kids did it to us.

Just cos you treated bad,

don't mean you treat
little kids bad.

- That not make it right.
- Gee, I don't know.

All right, fine. The
Kindergarten Derby is no more.

So big brother Mikey.
Did Tubby do good?

No, little friend,
Tubby did great.

Now, Tubby,
I'm sure you remember that.

We formed a friendship
that will last forever.

Tubby? Tubby!

Tubby not know you.

But I thought
we would always be friends.

Don't take it personally.
He is your friend.

It's just dangerous
for him to admit it.

We tried sweet-talking them,
being their buddies. What else?

Chief Sticky is so oppressive

that he overpowers
their desire to help us.

There's gotta be some way
we can get out of this.


Chief Stinky talk now. Me have
decided on Big Kid punishment.


Sorry, guys,
but there is no way out of this.

We're getting a boom-boom.

Feeling fresh
and fit as a fiddle.

- Hi, Gus. Where have you been?
- In the nurse's office.

Prickly's foot-care lecture
made me dizzy.

It made me
feel like throwing up.

Say, have you seen
TJ and the guys?

They went that way
with Mikey's new croquet set.

Thanks, Corn Chip Girl.

According to my trusty watch,

I have 45 minutes left
of good old recess fun.

Hey, guys. Guys?

I guess they're not back here.
But hey...

Mikey's croquet set.

Something bad happened here.
Something very bad.

Argh! Grr! Grr!

- Hey, little fella!
- Big Kid! Big Kid!

Get 'im!

- What are you going to do?
- We take you prisoner.

Big Kid step on
Kindergartener land.

But the Old Playground
is Big Kid land.

Don't waste your breath. They're
ignoring playground treaties.

- Quiet, Red Hat Boy.
- Red Hat Boy? But that's TJ!

You know TJ!

What's going on? I thought
the Kindergarteners liked us.

It's all different now.

They've become little monsters.

- Did they miss their nap?
- Worse. Much worse.

There's been a major upheaval
in their social order.


Me Big Chief Stinky.
Me in charge now. You be quiet.

- Chief Stinky?
- He's new in school.

He intimidates the other tots
with his size and smell.

- Give me bug!
- My bug!

Give me bug! When me wake up,
Big Kids get punishment.

Mud pie massacre!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

A mud pie massacre?
I hate mud pie massacres!

- We gotta talk them out of it.
- They ain't listening.

We reminded them about
when we were their Pee Wee Pals.

And the time TJ
hung out with them.

And the time
I helped young Tubby.

Stinky doesn't care about that
and he's in charge now.

- We're gonna get massacred.
- Big kids be quiet!

- Chief Stinky take his nap.
- Hector! Not you, too!

It's me! Your buddy, Safety Man!

You no Safety Man no more.
You bad Big Kid.

- And me Pyjama Boy.
- Your name is Hector!

Please stop, Safety Man!
Not make Chief Stinky mad!

If Stinky mad,
Stinky knock Hector down!

You guys aren't happy. Someone's
gotta stand up to him.

That not true! That wrong!

I've got a story
that might change your mind.

Me sick of stories
about how Big Kids nice to us.

My story's not about that.
It's not even about you.

It's about me
when I was a Kindergartener.

Oh! Kindergartener Safety Man?

That's right. It all happened
four long years ago.

My family had just moved and
I was starting at a new school.

Well, soldier, this will be your
first day at a new kindergarten.

- I hope you're not nervous.
- Me not nervous.

New Kid Gus make lots
and lots of friends. Grr!

- Go get 'em, trooper.
- That's our Gus.

Hey, Big Kids. Me like your
school. Me happy to be here.

- Heads up!
- Got it! Coming back atcha!

- Hey! Good throw!
- He's cute.

For a five-year-old,
he's pretty cool.

Surprisingly cool!

Here we are.
Your new kindergarten room.

- Do you want us to walk you in?
- No, thanks.

- Me got it under control.
- That's the spirit.

- Gr! Ruff, ruff!
- I'll pick you up after class.


Oo, oo, ee, ee!
Ooga, ooga, ooga!

Me Gus! Me new!
Kindergarten, kindergarten, yay!

- Uh... me got right room?
- Oh, you have the right room.

This is the Kindergarten class.
Welcome to Third Street School.

You're telling me that Finster
was our kindergarten teacher?

- And that she was nice?
- And you were cool?

Your tale seems
a little farfetched -

you didn't even move
to our school till this year.

Are you sure? How many of you
remember kindergarten?

What Big Kid wants to remember
that he was... a Kindergartener?

I permanently erased it
from my brain.

All I remember
is the Kindergarten Derby.

That's what I thought.

I moved here for a while
in kindergarten.

- But Gus...
- Hey! Big Kids stop gabbing!

Tell more story. Hector
wondering what happened next.

Very well. It was my first day
at Third Street School.

Things were a little different
back then,

but not just with Miss Finster
and not just with me,

but with these guys, too.

"And little Geoffrey remembered
to thank Great Aunt Agnes

for the brand new
velvet play suit.

He sat quietly and ate
all of his kidney pie,

and he cleaned his room
extra thoroughly

in hopes that his next birthday
would be as special as this."

The end.
Ah, wasn't that a fun story?

- Now it's time for a snack.
- Yay! Woowoowoo!

Snack, snack, snack! Juice!

Your last kindergarten failed
to teach classroom etiquette.

That's all right. You'll learn.
Line up with your classmates.

Single file, children.

- Yes, Miss Finster.
- One snack a piece.

Take them outside.
Be sure to use a napkin.

Chew your snacks thoroughly
and dispose of your trash.

Don't worry. You'll fit in just
like all the other children.

Boy, I sure hope not.

Hi, kid. My name's Gus.
What's your name?



- Morning, girlies...
- Like, uh...

Hm. Very strange.

Feed me!

Very more stranger indeed.

Hi, Red Hat Boy. I'm Gus.
What's your name?

Uh... Theodore Jasper Detweiler.

Theodore Jasper?
I'll call you TJ.

TJ sounds more neater. And it's
two of the letters that I know.

TJ... Hey, I think I like that.

Nifty. Anyway, TJ,
I've got a question for you.

How come nobody in this class
acts like Kindergarteners?

You know...
Gr! Ooh! Me crazy! Yah!

- Please don't!
- It just don't make no sense!

I've been in three
kindergartens already.

I've never seen nothing
like this. Kids are scared.

What are you scared of?
Miss Finster?

Miss Finster likes quiet,
but that's not why we are.

- How come, then?
- Grr!

- It's Mikey! Run for your life!
- Run for my life?

That's crazy! Hi there, Mikey.
My name is Gus.

- I just moved...
- You give Mikey snack!


Hee, hee, hee.
Well done, Chief Mikey.

Now back to the palace.

- In you go, your highness.
- Grr!

Hey! Big boy!
You cannot take my snack! Hey!

Gus, you don't want to
tangle with Chief Mikey!

That's right. Behave yourself.

- Who are you?
- I am Wandall.

- Wandall?
- Not Wandall. Wandall.

Randall helps protect us from
Chief Mikey. Chief Mikey's mean.

- He sure is.
- Tell him about what you heard.

One time Chief Mikey sat on
a toddler, just for kicks!

Sat on a toddler!
That's just plan evil!

Yes, it is. Lucky for you,
I'm here to watch out for you.

Chief Mikey make me drive
his tricycle, guard his palace,

but I can keep him
from sitting on you.

Remember, Chief Mikey is
a dangerous, dangerous meanie.

But I can keep you safe. Do what
I say and everything will be OK.

Randall, you're the bestest
friend a kid could have.

I know. Now scat, all of you,
and behave yourselves.

If you don't, Chief Mikey will
pull your hair and kick you.

Keep quiet. I'll convince Chief
Mikey not to rip you to pieces.

Thanks, Randall. Come on, Gus.
Let's find a place to be quiet.

- Hang on there, TJ.
- Mikey will hear us!

- He'll smush us! Come on!
- No!

- What are you saying, Gus?
- Maybe I will get sitted on,

but kindergarten's supposed to
be a place where you get messy

and act like animals.

Growl! Oo, oo, aa, aa, aa!


This is the very last chance
we get to be like that!

There's no way I'm letting some
mean kid take that away from me.

I'm gonna tell Chief Mikey I'm
not putting up with meanness,

even if I do get sitted on.
Who's going with me?

- No.
- I don't know...

TJ? All right,
then I'll do it all on myself.

- Open up the door right now!
- Gr! You better go away!


I'm telling you, Mikey,
those kids hate you.

They talk about
how big and fat you are.

It's a good thing you've got me
or they'd get away with it.

You mind passing
one of those juice boxes?


Now it all makes sense. And
there's only one thing to do.

I'm going in.

That there is the most bravest
thing I ever seen anyone do.

- Ow! Ow!
- Mikey sat on New Boy's head!

Oh, no, he didn't.
Mikey wouldn't sit on no-one.

- Hey, Mikey, come on out.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow!

You can stop saying "ow".
Mikey's not even hurting you.

What are you talking about? He
sure was! Cos he's big and mean!

You all saw him steal
the New Boy's snack!

And yesterday before last
he took my jump rope!

He once kicked my pile of rocks.

So what do you say about that?

What do I say? I say it was
all a terrible misunderstanding.

Hey! Mikey gave me
a piggyback ride!

Enjoy, my little friend.

Randall told me you all made fun
of me, that you hated me.

That hurt my feelings
and made me very angry.

Hey, where did you get
the fancy voice?

This is my normal voice. Randall
told me to use that mean voice.

You really should
admit the truth, Randall.

- It'll make you feel better.
- Oh, all right. I did it.

I just had to convince Mikey
everyone was afraid of him,

that I was his only friend.

Snacks, lunches, power -
it could have all been mine.

I could have been king! I would
have ruled the playground!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha... Oh.
If my plan had only succeeded.

You've been
a very naughty little boy.

But I forgive you.

You don't gotta be
scared of Mikey no more.

Let's have
some kindergarten fun!


Me swing! Me swing!

Me go upsy-daisy down!

Pinned ya!
Hey, I'm pretty tough.

Yes, you are, Spinelli.
But I think I smashed your doll.

Mama! Feed me! I'm hungry!

Eugh. Feed yourself, girlie.
I'm fightin'.

All right.
Who else wants a piece of me?

Mud, when mixed with compounds
of different viscosities,

such as this peanut butter
and this jelly,

makes a truly superior goo.


You see, TJ? That's the way a
kindergarten oughta should be.

Are you crazy? This is bad.
This is very, very bad!

I'm telling!
Miss Finster! Miss Finster!

- Miss Finster, quick!
- What is it, Randall?

- The kids are out of control!
- My stars!

Children! Children!
Stop it this instant!

Remember your manners.
You must be quiet.

You must remain clean.
You must...

- Uh-oh.
- Why... Why...

But how... Who...

It was the new boy,
Miss Finster!

This all happened
because of him.

Oh, the new boy, you say.

Yes, ma'am.
He's been a very bad influence.

I never realised what
a helpful little boy you were.

Griswold, I knew from the moment
I saw you that you were trouble.

I tried being nice to you,
I tried being nice to you all,

but I see that approach
doesn't work.

So Griswold,
you're coming with me.

- Where to, ma'am?
- To the principal's office.

That's right, children.

When you don't sit quietly
and do nothing,

bad things happen.

Randall, keep an eye on these...
these... miscreants.

- With pleasure.
- You watch what happens to Gus

and you'll change your tune.
If I have anything to say,

Kindergarteners at this school

will never act
like savages again.

You heard. I'm in charge here.
Behave and keep it quiet.

Woe is me!
Our new friend Gus is doomed!

Well, Gus didn't give up on us,
so I'm not giving up on him.

I've found out what it's like
to be a real Kindergartener,

and I like it.

If it wasn't for Gus, we'd
all still be scared of Mikey.

We'd be quiet and polite,
and that's just wrong.

New Boy Gus was willing to get
himself in trouble for us.

I think I'd be a crumby boy if I
didn't do just as much for him.

- Who's gonna help me?
- I will.

- I will.
- Count me in.

Include me as well.

- Tender.
- Hey, I'm in charge here!

- You in big, big trouble.
- Like, no, you don't.

Come on, everybody.
We lock him in the palace.


- What now, Theodore?
- It's TJ, Vince.

And listen up.
Cos guys, I got a plan.

Just like I figured.
The Big Kids are all in class.

We'll slip in undefected.

- Is this Prickly's office?
- Gretchen?

Allow me to verify.

When Prickly gets here I'll see
we make an example of that boy.

Egad! Oh, one office over.

Bingo. He's all alone in there,
awaiting his fate.

- All right. Phase two. Vince?
- I got it, Teej.

- Mikey? Spinelli?
- Willing and able, TJ.

- Hey, are you OK?
- Whoa, I really am tough.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm bustin' you out.

- Principal, there you are.
- What's going on, Miss Finster?

- This better be important.
- I can't leave!

They're gonna expect me
to be sitting in that chair.

Don't you worry. There will be
someone sitting in that chair.

I'm telling you, sir, my entire
class is acting like savages.

It's all because of that sneaky
little hoodlum, Gus Griswold.

The new boy?
But that's impossible.

You have the most
well-mannered class ever.

One little child
couldn't change them.

Oh, just you wait
till you see him, sir.

Right here, sir. A sneaky,
brilliant junior criminal.

- What the...
- Mama, I made a mess.

Please change me.


You regalise we're all gonna
get in trouble for this.

That's OK, Gus. It's worth it.

I just made the best bunch of
friends a kid could ever have.

- You said it!
- And the rest is history.

I moved away again the next day,

but me and TJ and the guys did
become the best friends ever.

That beautiful story,
Safety Man.

Makes Hector happy.
Hector like to be happy.

But you can't be all that happy,
Hector. Not living like this.

It seems to me if anyone's
prisoners here, it's you guys.

Safety Man make good point.

So I say forget about
helping us Big Kids.

After we get massacred
we can wash up and leave.

But this is their kindergarten.
This is your home.

And those are your friends.
You've got to stand up for them.

- And stand up for yourself.
- You're right, Safety Man.

Tubby! Cyndi! Captain Sticky!
Hector love you!

- Hector make you happy again!
- Who wake up Chief Stinky?

Oh, no!

You, Pyjama Boy!
You wake up Chief Stinky!

Chief Stinky knock you over!

Waah! I scraped knee!

Teacher, teacher! Stinky need
kiss kiss on boom-boom! Waah!

Hey! Stinky not so tough!

- We're not scared no more!
- Yay!

Hector new chief!

Hector say let Big Kids go!

- I'm free!
- Thanks, Hector!

Hector thank Safety Man.
We be happy. We have fun.

We free!

Well, there they are, wild,
crazy and back to normal.

- It's perfectly terrifying.
- That's what I say.

Let's get out of here.

Gus, that was some
quick thinking in there.

- You faked 'em out, man!
- What an imagination!

- Me scared of Mikey?
- And me a frightening ogre?

Like I could have been some
wimpy guy who wasn't the leader!

Now I know you made
that story up! You're so funny!

- Great story.
- Uh... of course, guys.

- I made the whole thing up.
- Well, duh!

There's still a little recess
left. Let's have some fun.

Perhaps we can still salvage
my croquet set.

Miss Finster. There go TJ and
the gang. Shall I spy on them?

Yes. And keep an extra close eye
on Griswold, will you?

- Uh... yes, ma'am.
- Some day, Griswold.

Some day you'll slip up
and I'll get even.

Oh, yes. I'll get even.