Real Life (1979) - full transcript

A pushy, narcissistic filmmaker persuades a Phoenix family to let him and his crew film their everyday lives, in the manner of the ground-breaking PBS series "An American Family". However, instead of remaining unobtrusive and letting the family be themselves, he can't keep himself from trying to control every facet of their lives "for the good of the show".

[ Crowd Murmuring ]

[ Tapping ]

HELLO....

AND WELCOME.

I'M COUNCILMAN EDMUND HARRIS

OF THE FIFTH DISTRICT.

[ Applauding ]

I'M SURE SOME OF YOU KNOW

WE'RE GATHERED HERE

THIS AFTERNOON...

TO DEDICATE THE BEGINNING

OF A YEAR LONG PROJECT:

TO MAKE A MOVIE

RIGHT HERE IN PHOENIX

AND THE OUTLYING AREAS,

AND MUCH OF IT

IN OUR OWN FIFTH DISTRICT.

[ Applause ]

THE FIFTH DISTRICT IS

THE HOME OF OUR GOOD FRIENDS,

THE YEAGER FAMILY:

WARREN, JEANETTE,

CUTE LITTLE LISA AND ERIC.

AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE

THE STARS OF THIS UNUSUAL MOVIE.

[ Murmuring ]

WAIT A MINUTE.

ALL OF US IN THIS ROOM ARE

GOING TO HAVE AN IMPORTANT PART

IN THE PICTURE TOO.

MY WIFE TELLS ME

I'M NOT HANDSOME ENOUGH...

TO BE IN THE MOVIES.

BUT OUR GUEST OF HONOR

HERE TODAY SAYS THAT'S BALONEY.

HE'S THE GENTLEMAN

BEHIND THE WHOLE THING.

QUITE A GENTLEMAN

HE IS.

WHY, HE'S MADE ME

LAUGH ON...

"THE TONIGHT SHOW,"

THE LATE ED SULLIVAN.

AND I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN

HIS SHORT FILMS ON NBC's

"GOOD NIGHT SATURDAY."

A LOT OF YOU HAVE SEEN HIM ON

YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS, I'M SURE.

AND IF YOU LIKE THE FOOD

WE HAD TODAY,

YOU HAVE HIM TO THANK.

SO WOULD YOU PLEASE WELCOME

WITH A BIG PHOENIX APPLAUSE,

ALL THE WAY FROM

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA,

MR. ALBERT BROOKS !

THANK YOU,

COUNCILMAN HARRIS.

PLEASE TELL THE MAYOR

I WISH HIM A SPEEDY RECOVERY.

I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING

SOME EXPRESSIONS OF SHOCK

OR DISBELIEF,

OR WHATEVER IT WAS

YOU WERE DOING,

WHEN THE COUNCILMAN MENTIONED

THAT THE YEAGERS...

WERE GOING TO BE THE STARS

OF A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

MANY OF YOU KNOW WARREN YEAGER

IS A FINE VETERINARIAN...

AND NOT

A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR.

BUT THAT'S EXACTLY

THE POINT.

WE'RE GATHERED HERE

THIS AFTERNOON TO FILM

WARREN AND HIS FAMILY,

AND YOU FOLKS

AND OURSELVES AS WELL,

BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING A MOVIE

ABOUT REALITY.

I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL HAD

THE EXPERIENCE OF COMING OUT

OF A MOTION PICTURE THEATER...

AND SAYING TO YOURSELVES,

"I'VE HAD MORE INTERESTING

THINGS HAPPEN TO ME...

"THAN HAPPENED TO THOSE

CHARACTERS IN THAT PICTURE.

MY LIFE IS

MUCH MORE INTERESTING."

YOU KNOW SOMETHING ?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE MOST HILARIOUS COMEDY,

THE MOST GRIPPING DRAMA,

THE MOST

SUSPENSEFUL DISASTERS,

THEY DON'T HAPPEN

ON THE MOVIE SCREEN.

THEY HAPPEN IN MY BACKYARD

AND YOURS.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SO, PLEASE, JUST REMEMBER

TWO SIMPLE WORDS...

AND EVERYTHING

WILL BE PERFECT.

BE YOURSELVES.

IF YOU SEE OUR CAMERAMAN

FOLLOWING WARREN OR JEANETTE,

OR ONE OF THE CHILDREN...

INTO YOUR HOMES, OFFICES,

CLEANING ESTABLISHMENTS

OR GAS STATIONS,

DON'T TRY TO DO

ANYTHING SPECIAL.

IT'S TEMPTING TO SHOW OFF

FOR THE CAMERA. I KNOW.

I MAKE MY LIVING THAT WAY.

BUT IN THIS CASE,

WE DON'T WANT A SHOW.

LET ME CORRECT MYSELF.

WE WANT THE GREATEST

SHOW OF ALL: LIFE !

HEY, YOU'RE GREAT !

YOU'RE GREAT !

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A B-A-L-L HERE.

I GUARANTEE YOU.

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TERMED

THIS PROJECT AN EXPERIMENT,

AND I CAN'T DISAGREE.

WHAT EXPERIMENT

WOULD BE COMPLETE...

WITHOUT THE SCIENTISTS,

HMM ?

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE

TWO OF THE FINEST...

PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSULTANTS

THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

AND I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET

THE IMPRESSION WE'RE BUYING

EITHER OF THESE GENTLEMEN.

[ Laughing ]

ACTUALLY, THE ONE

ON THE END IS RENTED,

AND THE GENTLEMAN SITTING

NEXT TO HIM IS LEASED.

[ Laughter ]

NO, I'M KIDDING.

THE GENTLEMAN ON THE END--

WHAT CAN I SAY ?

HE'S FROM ONE OF THE MOST

PRESTIGIOUS INSTITUTES

WE HAVE IN THIS COUNTRY.

FROM BOULDER, COLORADO,

FROM THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE

OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

WOULD YOU WELCOME

DR. HOWARD HILL.

[ Applauding ]

AND THE GENTLEMAN

SITTING NEXT TO HIM--

WHAT CAN I SAY ?

YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN HIM

ON SOME TELEVISION SHOWS.

A WELL-KNOWN AUTHOR.

HE'S WRITTEN BOOKS.

FROM THE UNIVERSITY

OF MINNESOTA,

PLEASE GIVE A NICE WELCOME

TO DR. TED CLEARY.

[ Applauding ]

A LOT OF YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT

TED DIDN'T STAND UP.

ACTUALLY, HE IS STANDING.

ISN'T THAT GREAT ?

HE EATS VERY LITTLE.

[ Laughter ]

YOU FOLKS LOVE TO LAUGH,

DON'T YOU ?

WELL, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE

IN THE WORLD, I'D LOVE TO GET

INTO SOME HUMOR WITH YOU,

BUT WE REALLY DON'T

HAVE THE TIME.

WE'RE MEETING THE YEAGERS

AT THE AIRPORT

IN LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR.

SO BEFORE YOURS TRULY

HAS TO SKIDADDLE OUT OF HERE,

I'D LIKE, IF I COULD,

TO SHARE MY SENTIMENTS I HAVE...

ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY

WITH YOU, IF I MIGHT.

MORT !

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,

THE MAN AT THE PIANO,

MR. MORT LINDSAY...

FROM

"THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW."

AND AS MUCH OF HIS ORCHESTRA AS

WE COULD AFFORD TO BRING DOWN.

MORT, IF YOU WILL.

♪♪ [ Piano ]

IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING

I JOTTED DOWN ON THE PLANE

COMING IN YESTERDAY,

SPECIALLY FROM ME TO YOU.

♪ WHEN AN

IRRESISTIBLE TOWN ♪

♪ SUCH AS YOU ♪

♪ MEETS A YOUNG, HONEST GUY

LIKE MYSELF ♪

♪ NO ONE CAN DOUBT

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT ♪

♪ IT'S FATE ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE

GIVE ME ALL YOU'VE GOT ♪

♪ DON'T MAKE ME WAIT ♪

HOW ARE YOU ?

♪ FOLKS LIKE YOU ♪

♪ ARE WHAT THEY CALL

NUMBER ONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU LIVE

IN THE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ VALLEY OF THE SUN ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT WEATHER THAT'S

SUNNY AND CLEAR, HERE ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA HAVE

WE'RE GONNA HAVE

ONE HECK OF A YEAR ♪

♪ BE YOURSELVES ♪

♪ AND TELL ME WHO EACH

OF YOU ARE ♪

WHO ARE YOU ?

WHAT DO YOU DO ?

PAUL LOWELL, LOWELL REALTY.

THANKS VERY MUCH FOR THE HOUSE.

YOU GOT ME MY HOUSE.

WHO ARE YOU ?

DONNA STANLEY, STANLEY'S

GIFT SHOP AT THE AIRPORT.

THANKS FOR THAT LITTLE

PLASTIC CACTUS. YES.

AND WHO ARE YOU ?

I'M JACK FROM CINCINNATI.

YOU LIVE DOWN HERE ?

JUST VISITING ?

NO, I CAME DOWN

TO WATCH YOU WORK.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?

GOD BLESS YOU.

♪ I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL

BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME ♪

♪ OR THE CORD, LORD ♪

♪ GOT TO MOVE, GOT TO GET

THIS FILM ON ITS WAY ♪

♪ SEE YOU SOON ♪

♪ HOPE YOU LIKE

THE EXPENSIVE BUFFET ♪

TWO GRAND !

♪ I'LL JUST SAY

A BIG THANK YOU ANDCIAO ♪

WOW !

♪ SOMEONE'S GOTTA LEAVE

SOMEONE'S GOTTA LEAVE

IT'S GOTTA BE NOW ♪♪

THANK YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU !

YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE !

THANK YOU !

♪♪ [ Whistling ]

♪♪♪

♪♪ [ Whistling Continues ]

[ Birds Chirping ]

HELLO.

SO MANY OF US GO THROUGH LIFE

DOING ONE THING AND DREAMING

OF DOING SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.

I'M FORTUNATE TO HAVE

THAT JOB, BUT QUITE FRANKLY,

IF I'D STUDIED HARDER

OR BEEN GRADED MORE FAIRLY,

I WOULD HAVE BEEN A SCIENTIST

OR A DOCTOR OF SOME KIND.

WELL, THE FULFILLMENT OF THAT

DREAM FINALLY HAPPENED FOR ME...

WHEN I ARRIVED HERE

AT THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE

OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

A FEW MILES SOUTHWEST

OF BOULDER, COLORADO.

I KNEW FROM THE INCEPTION

OF THIS MOTION PICTURE...

THAT WITHOUT SCIENTIFIC GUIDANCE

FROM A NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED

RESEARCH ORGANIZATION,

VERY FEW PEOPLE

WOULD TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

HOWEVER,

WITH THAT GUIDANCE...

WE NOT ONLY HAD A CHANCE

AT WINNING AN OSCAR,

BUT POSSIBLY

A NOBEL PRIZE TOO.

OOH !

IT GIVES ME THE CHILLS.

LET'S GO INSIDE.

COME ON.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RESPONDED

TO THE ADVERTISEMENTS...

SCIENTIFICALLY PLACED

BY THE INSTITUTE.

THEY FILLED OUT PRELIMINARY

QUESTIONNAIRES IN THE PRIVACY

OF THEIR OWN HOMES.

THEN, THE 210 BEST FAMILIES

WERE

INVITED HERE FOR FINAL TESTING.

THESE TESTS IN BOULDER

WERE DESIGNED TO CHOOSE

THE ONE FAMILY UNIT...

THAT COULD BEST REFLECT

DAY-TO-DAY LIVING

IN CONTEMPORARY AMERICA,

AND AT THE SAME TIME...

HOLD A MOTION PICTURE AUDIENCE

COMPLETELY SPELLBOUND.

DURING THE TIME

THEY STAYED HERE,

THE 210 FAMILIES UNDERWENT

MORE THAN 145 SEPARATE TESTS,

TOTALING MORE THAN

2,500 TEST HOURS.

IF THESE TESTS COULD BE

CONVERTED INTO EGGS,

IT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO FEED

A CITY THE SIZE OF ST. LOUIS

FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS...

ON A TWO-EGG-PER-PERSON

PER WEEK BASIS.

SOUND COMPLICATED ?

IT WAS, AND VERY EXPENSIVE.

HOWEVER, EVEN THOUGH

WE WERE PAYING FOR THIS,

FOR TOP SECURITY REASONS...

THE INSTITUTE ALLOWED US

TO FILM JUST A SMALL PORTION...

OF A FEW OF THE TESTS.

HONEY, I COMPLETELY

BELIEVE THAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

TEST 40, ONE OF THREE

ROLE REVERSAL EXERCISES.

THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE:

BE SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR FAMILY.

THIS TEST WAS INVALUABLE,

NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE

INSIGHTS

IT GAVE INTO RELATIONSHIPS,

BUT BECAUSE IT SINGLE-HANDEDLY

DISCOURAGED 23 FAMILIES

FROM FURTHER PARTICIPATION,

SAVING US MORE THAN $90,000

IN WASTED TESTING COSTS.

I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.

NO ! YOU HEARD WHAT

YOUR MOTHER SAID.

YOU HAVE TO STAY IN,

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

AND BE QUIET ALL DAY.

BUT I WANNA GO OUT

AND PLAY.

NO !

WELL, I WANT TO.

I SAID NO !

I SAID YES.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.

I'M THE BOSS.

NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET

A BEATING.

I DON'T WANNA DO THAT.

OKAY, OKAY. HAROLD, STOP IT !

DON'T CALL ME HAROLD,

CALL ME "DAD" !

DON'T YOU HIT ME, YOU LITTLE--

[ Shouts ]

DAMN YOU !

[ Brooks ]

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU, FOLKS.

THANK YOU. FOLKS ?

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THIS WAS TEST 72,

ONE OF 15 TESTS...

UTILIZING STATE-OF-THE-ART

COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY.

THIS MAN...

WAS FEEDING ALL OF

HIS FACIAL FEATURES INTO THIS--

THE GRAPHICON 8,000.

THIS AMAZING COMPUTER

WOULD ACTUALLY SHOW...

WHAT EACH FAMILY MEMBER'S FACE

WOULD PHOTOGRAPH LIKE...

FROM EVERY CONCEIVABLE ANGLE...

AND THEN GIVE US

A DIGITAL READOUT

OF THEIR SCREEN PRESENCE.

[ Buzzing ]

OKAY, IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

TEST 141, KNOWN SIMPLY

AS THE DRIVING TEST.

SINCE MUCH OF ANYBODY'S LIFE

TAKES PLACE IN A CAR,

WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE OUR

FAMILY WASN'T GOING TO KILL US.

DUMMIES, ACTING AS CAMERAMEN,

WERE PLACED...

IN ONE OF THE 200 CARS IN THE

INSTITUTE'S MOBILE TEST FLEET.

WHEN I TELL YOU TO START,

PUT THE CAR IN REVERSE,

BACK IT UP TO

THAT SIMULATED GARAGE.

GO ?

IN REVERSE AND BACK

IN THERE. OKAY, FINE.

[ Horn Honks ]

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT BACK

IN THE SIMULATED GARAGE.

WHAT SIMULATED GARAGE ?

OKAY.

WHILE THE TESTING CONTINUED,

GROUND RULES FOR THE PROJECT

WERE SLOWLY BEING DEVELOPED.

MOST IMPORTANT WAS

THE UNUSUAL AGREEMENT...

THAT ONLY THE STUDIO

AND A FEW OF THE DOCTORS

AT THE INSTITUTE...

WOULD ACTUALLY BE ALLOWED TO SEE

THE FILM AS IT WAS BEING SHOT.

THE REST OF US WOULD HAVE

TO WAIT UNTIL THE YEAR WAS OVER.

THIS WAS DONE TO REDUCE

POSSIBLE CONFUSION...

AND TO HEIGHTEN

THE REALITY.

BUT, TO REALLY HEIGHTEN

THE REALITY,

WE NEEDED A WHOLE NEW GENERATION

OF MOTION PICTURE EQUIPMENT--

EQUIPMENT THAT COULD STAY

OUT OF OUR FAMILY'S WAY.

TWO SYSTEMS WERE CHOSEN.

FIRST, FROM JAPAN,

SPECIAL HEAT-SENSING

WALL CAMERAS LIKE THIS.

THESE WOULD BE INSTALLED

WHEREVER FEASIBLE.

THESE AMAZING DEVICES

ACTUALLY USED BODY HEAT...

TO FOCUS IN

ON THE NEAREST PERSON.

QUIET, EFFICIENT,

EXPENSIVE.

AND THEN, TO CAPTURE

WHAT THOSE COULDN'T,

A STARTLING BREAKTHROUGH

IN TECHNOLOGY.

THE SMALLEST, MOST VERSATILE

MOTION PICTURE CAMERA EVER MADE.

FROM HOLLAND,

THE ENTANOUR 226-XL.

THE ETANOUR IS ACTUALLY WORN

OVER THE HEAD.

THE CAMERA IS CONTROLLED

BY USING BODY MOVEMENT,

AND BY OPERATING THIS

HUMAN EYE-LIKE LENS SYSTEM.

[ Whirring ]

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?

AND IT CAN HEAR

LIKE A HUMAN TOO...

WITH THESE SPECIAL

OMNI-DIRECTIONAL MICROPHONES...

LOCATED EXACTLY WHERE

WE HAVE OUR EARS.

THE ETANOUR NEEDS

NO SPECIAL LIGHTING.

AND IT USES NO FILM.

YES, ALL PICTURE

AND SOUND INFORMATION...

IS RECORDED DIGITALLY ON

THESE INTEGRATED CIRCUIT CHIPS,

SOME NO LARGER THAN

A CHILD'S FINGERNAIL.

WHEN THESE CHIPS

ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY,

THEY WILL BE REMOVED FROM

THIS HOUSING, AND THEN

MAILED BACK TO THE INSTITUTE,

WHERE THEY'RE DECODED

AND THEN TRANSFERRED TO FILM

AS WE KNOW IT.

ONLY SIX OF THESE CAMERAS

WERE EVER MADE.

ONLY FIVE OF THEM

EVER WORKED.

WE HAD FOUR OF THOSE.

AFTER SIX WEEKS OF TESTING,

THE FAMILIES HAD BEEN

NARROWED DOWN TO TWO:

THE ANDREW FELTONS

FROM GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN,

AND THE WARREN YEAGERS

FROM PHOENIX, ARIZONA.

USING THE SOPHISTICATED

EQUIPMENT AND THE INSTITUTE'S

DIRECT-MAIL FACILITY,

THE OTHER HUNDREDS OF FAMILIES

WERE NOTIFIED...

THAT THEY WERE UNSUITABLE.

SINCE THESE TWO FINALISTS

HAD NEVER MET BEFORE,

EACH FAMILY SERVED AS

A MATCHING SET OF STRANGERS

FOR THE OTHER.

THEY WERE GIVEN

ONLY ONE INSTRUCTION FOR

THE HOUR-LONG ENCOUNTER:

BE YOURSELVES.

YOU'RE WITH T.W.A. ?

NO, AMERICAN.

OH, UH-HUH.

YOU GET TO FLY FOR FREE,

DON'T YOU ?

WE HAVE TO PAY TAX.

HOW MUCH IS THE TAX

TO EUROPE ?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.

ARE THERE A MAXIMUM AMOUNT

OF TRIPS YOU CAN TAKE ?

OH, YES.

SOUNDS GREAT.

OH, YES.

TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK,

WE COULD FIND NO DIFFERENCE.

OUR RESEARCH WAS SO THOROUGH,

THE COMPUTERS ACTUALLY

COUGHED UP TWO PERFECT FAMILIES.

IF I WERE A LIAR,

I COULD TELL YOU WE CHOSE

ONE OVER THE OTHER...

FOR COMPLICATED

PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS.

BUT I'M A COMEDIAN,

NOT A LIAR.

I CAN AFFORD THE LUXURY

OF HONESTY.

THE FELTONS LIVED

IN WISCONSIN.

THE YEAGERS LIVED

IN ARIZONA.

YOU SPEND THE WINTER

IN WISCONSIN.

[ All Laughing ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]

PHOENIX !

POPULATION:

ALMOST ONE MILLION PEOPLE.

THE FASTEST GROWING METROPOLIS

WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI.

THE YEAGERS LIVED HERE,

IN ONE OF THE NEWER SECTIONS

OF TOWN, PART OF

THE FIFTH DISTRICT.

THEIR HOUSE WAS LOCATED

AT THE END OF A CUL-DE-SAC...

CALLED

VIEW CREST HEIGHTS DRIVE.

WARREN YEAGER WORKED HERE AT

THE ARIZONA VETERINARY CLINIC,

ONE OF THE FINEST

VETERINARY HOSPITALS

IN THE NEW SOUTHWEST.

THE CHILDREN ATTENDED SCHOOL

AT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

GRAMMAR SCHOOL,

ABOUT TWO MILES

FROM THE FAMILY'S HOME.

I WAS FORTUNATE

TO PURCHASE THE HOUSE...

DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET

FROM THE YEAGERS.

IT WAS THE FIRST HOUSE I HAD

EVER OWNED, AND I MUST SAY,

I WAS PROUD.

THAT'S IT.

THIS MAN, HOWEVER,

WOULD NOT STOP SHAKING MY HAND.

THE YEAGERS WERE SENT ON

A TWO-WEEK, ALL-EXPENSE-PAID

TRIP TO HAWAII...

SO I COULD GET SETTLED IN

WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM.

I KNEW THE HOUSE HAD

TO BE FURNISHED WITH GREAT

CARE.

[ Horn Honking ]

WE'RE HERE !

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THE LIVING ROOM WAS DONE

IN A NEO-MEDITERRANEAN STYLE.

THE PLAYROOM WAS DONE

CONTEMPORARY, WITH A FUN TOUCH.

LET'S PUT IT OUTSIDE.

AND THE SLEEPING AREA--

WELL, WITH THIS ROUND BED

AND LARGE SCREEN TV,

LET'S JUST SAY IF THERE WERE

ANY SINGLE GIRLS IN PHOENIX,

I'D FIND THEM.

THE REST OF THE CREW STAYED

HERE

AT THE TRAVEL LODGE,

A NICE PLACE.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE CREW,

FOR AT THIS VERY MOMENT...

A 707 WAS LANDING

NONSTOP FROM HAWAII...

WITH OUR STARS ABOARD.

IT'S NOT DEGRADING.

WHAT'S DEGRADING ABOUT

BEING INTRODUCED ?

WERE YOU DEGRADED ?

THERE'S SUCH A THING

AS PROFESSIONAL DIGNITY.

WHY WERE YOU SINGING ? YOU WERE

JUST SUPPOSED TO INFORM THEM OF

THE BEGINNING OF THE PROJECT.

I DID INFORM 'EM. WHAT'S

SO BAD ABOUT MAKING THEM HAPPY ?

THEY LOVED THE SONG.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, HOWARD,

BUT I DIDN'T GO TO GRADUATE

SCHOOL FOR FIVE YEARS...

TO BE INTRODUCED

AS A PART OF AN ACT.

AN ACT !

HOWARD, YOU'VE SEEN ME WORK.

THAT'S NOT MY ACT, TED.

AN ACT'S A DETAILED THING.

FIRST YOU'VE GOT A SET OPENING,

THEN YOU'VE GOT A THREE,

FOUR MINUTE HUNK.

YOU FOLLOW THAT WITH

A TEN MINUTE HUNK.

[ Warren ] MR. BROOKS. ALBERT.

SOMEONE KNOWS ME IN PHOENIX.

HI. HOW ARE YOU ? IT'S WARREN.

WE'RE IN BAGGAGE !

WE MISSED THE PLANE.

GREAT, GOOD. WE'RE COMING !

I GOT MIXED UP MYSELF.

I THOUGHT THE PLANE--

HEY ! HELLO !

WE MISSED YOU !

HE BARELY KNOWS ME.

WELCOME HOME ! ALOHA !

LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT THIS.

REAL ORCHIDS.

HELLO, MRS. YEAGER.

AND YOU. LOOK AT THIS.

COME HERE.

LOOK AT THAT. OKAY !

DO WE KNOW EVERYBODY ?

THESE ARE THE ETANOURS.

I THINK YOU READ

THE LITERATURE ON THEM.

THESE ARE MY TWO

PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSULTANTS.

THEY'RE GONNA BE WITH US

FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR, MAKING

SURE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

DID YOU MEET HOWARD

AT THE INSTITUTE ?

I DON'T THINK SO.

DR. HOWARD HILL.

HE'S FROM THE INSTITUTE.

THIS GENTLEMAN IS GONNA BE

WITH US THE ENTIRE YEAR ?

YES, HE IS.

I WON'T BE DEGRADING.

I'LL DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME.

I'M DR. TED CLEARY.

I'M NOT A CONSULTANT,

I'M MORE OF AN OBSERVER.

I'M WRITING A SERIES OF ARTICLES

ON THIS PROJECT FOR THE

JOURNAL OF AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY.

[ Brooks ]

HE'S A WELL-KNOWN AUTHOR.

WRITTEN LOTS OF BOOKS.

YOU KNOW WHO'S GOING TO PUBLISH

THE ARTICLES HE'S WRITING ?

DID YOU TELL HIM ?

- I DID TELL HIM.

-THE JOURNAL OF

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY.

MAYBE THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS

SCIENTIFIC JOURNAL IN THE WORLD.

I SWEAR TO GOD.

YOU KNOW WHO READS

THESE THINGS ? JONAS SALK,

BUCKMINSTER FULLER,

WILLIAM BUCKLEY,

EVERY SCIENTIST LIVING.

THEY GO TO THE MAILBOX,

THEY GET IT LIKE MAGAZINES.

WE'RE ALL GONNA BE ON

JONAS SALK'S COFFEE TABLE.

ALL RIGHT !

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ?

HE LOVES IT.

ONE LAST THING,

THEN I'M STAYING OUT

OF YOUR LIVES.

LIMO BACK TO THE HOUSE.

JUST A SPECIAL TREAT.

COME ON,

LET'S GO TO THE LIMO !

I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WE WENT TO MAUI.

JEANETTE DIDN'T WANT TO GO,

BUT I TOLD HER--

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ?

GET THIS LUGGAGE MYSELF ?

EXCUSE ME ONE MOMENT.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, REALLY.

I'M SORRY.

I'M A LITTLE EXCITED.

YOU'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF IT.

COME ON !

COME ON !

OKAY !

WE GOT THE WHOLE CREW

WAITIN' !

OKAY. COME ON, HONEY.

[ Applauding ]

MR. THEODORE CLEARY !

ALL RIGHT, THERE HE IS !

THE YEAGERS !

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

LOOK, IT'S YOUR PARENTS.

WE FLEW 'EM IN

FROM TUCSON.

HOW ARE YOU ?

OH, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

ISN'T THIS PERFECT ?

OKAY, VERY QUICKLY.

OH, THAT'S-- LOVE REUNIONS.

VERY QUICKLY, FOLKS.

WE WANT TO MEET YOUR CREW.

WE LINED 'EM ALL UP.

WE'LL DO IT JUST LIKE

THEY MEET ROYALTY.

NOW, DR. AND MRS. YEAGER,

ERIC, LISA.

WE'LL GO DOWN THE LINE.

THIS IS WARDROBE.

TRUCKER. CAMERAMAN.

FIRST A.D.

SECOND A.D.

WHAT'S AN A.D. ?

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR.

WE'LL GET TO IT IN A SECOND.

ANOTHER TRUCKER.

WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE'S NAMES ?

NOT IMPORTANT.

LET ME GET THROUGH THE LIST.

- WARDROBE. SCRIPT.

- SCRIPT ? IS THERE A SCRIPT ?

NO, THEY'RE ALL PART

OF THE PACKAGE.

CAMERAMAN. ANOTHER CAMERAMAN.

GRIP. GRIP.

HOW DO YOU DO ? HELLO.

THIS IS A TRUCKER. THIS IS

A GOPHER, THIS IS A GOPHER--

WHERE ? WHERE ?

NO, ERIC,

THESE PEOPLE HERE.

IT'S A TERM, OKAY ?

PUBLICITY.

THIS IS A TRUCKER, DRIVER

AND A TRUCKER. OKAY ?

THERE'S A FEW OTHER PEOPLE.

THEY'RE NOT HERE RIGHT NOW.

OF COURSE, THANKS

TO MODERN TECHNOLOGY,

THESE PEOPLE REALLY

AREN'T NEEDED, BUT THE UNION

MAKES US TAKE 'EM.

SO, FOLKS, WE'LL SEE YOU

AT THE PREMIERE, HUH ?

HAVE A NICE TIME

IN PHOENIX !

ENJOY YOUR STAY.

THANKS FOR COMING.

GET GOOD TANS.

NICE TO SEE YA.

SEE YA AGAIN.

NICE TO SEE YA.

HAVE A GOOD STAY.

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.

NICE TO SEE YA.

OKAY ?

SO, WHAT CAN I TELL YOU ?

WELCOME HOME.

YOU WANNA FILM SOMETHING OF US

COMING OUT OF THE CAR ?

YOU KIND OF LOOK TIRED.

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN YOUR HOUSE ?

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME,

ALL RIGHT ?

I WANT TO GO OVER THE RULES,

BUT WE CAN DO THAT

AND THE FILMING SCHEDULE LATER.

YOU SURE ?

HE JUST SAID SO,

DIDN'T HE ?

OKAY ? SO BREAK A LEG !

BE YOURSELVES !

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THOSE LEIS KEEP.

PUT 'EM IN THE FREEZER.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

HAVE A GOOD TIME NOW.

BE YOURSELVES !

THEY LOOK GREAT.

THEY'RE GREAT.

THEY'RE GREAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THEY WERE GREAT.

WHAT A FAMILY.

THE LONG TRIP FROM HAWAII

DID LEAVE THEM A BIT FATIGUED,

HOWEVER.

ESPECIALLY MRS. YEAGER,

WHO THOUGHT SHE HAD

A SLIGHT FEVER.

ALTHOUGH DR. YEAGER SAID

IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT

TO FILM THEM UNPACKING,

I THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE

TO GIVE THEM AN HOUR

BY THEMSELVES...

TO RELAX AND

GET READY FOR DINNER.

I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO

FINISH ANTIQUING MY END TABLE.

"CONTINUOUS MOTION

FOR OLDEST EFFECT."

THE HOUR PASSED VERY QUICKLY.

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT,

WE WERE READY TO JOIN THEM...

FOR THEIR FIRST SUPPER.

EAT YOUR PIZZA, HONEY.

GOOD PIZZA.

HONEY, DO YOU THINK

IT'S SAFE...

FOR YOU TO BE EATING WITH

YOUR HEATING PAD IN YOUR LAP ?

I HAVE TERRIBLE CRAMPS,

I AM BLEEDING PROFUSELY...

AND I WANT TO VOMIT

ON THE TABLE.

[ Laughs ]

[ Jeanette ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I JUST WANNA LET THEM KNOW

THIS IS NOT THE WAY...

WE USUALLY TALK,

ESPECIALLY AT THE DINNER TABLE.

OKAY. WHY DON'T WE--

WHY DON'T WE JUST, UH,

PRETEND THAT WE JUST SAT DOWN,

AND WE CAN START OVER, OKAY ?

GREAT PIZZA, HUH, KIDS ?

KIDS ?

I HATE IT.

YOU HATE IT.

[ Laughs ]

OH ! ERIC.

GODDAMN IT, ERIC !

WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY.

THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF LANGUAGE

WE USE AT THE DINNER TABLE.

SINCE WHEN HAVE WE HAD ALL THESE

RULES AT THE DINNER TABLE ?

- LISA, DON'T USE MY GOOD

LINEN NAPKIN TO WIPE THAT UP !

- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO USE ?

-THERE ARE NO OTHER NAPKINS

IN THE HOUSE.

-THERE ARE NAPKINS IN THE HOUSE.

HONEY, YOUR MOTHER'S

VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

IF YOU GET SMART WITH HER AGAIN,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUNISH YOU.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND, HONEY ?

I HATE IT IN HERE !

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT HERE.

IF YOU DIDN'T,

THERE'D BE PLENTY MORE FOOD

FOR THE REST OF US.

DON'T START MAKING HER

FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THE FOOD.

GOD, YOU MAKE ME SICK.

BECAUSE I STICK UP

FOR YOU ?

ERIC, WHY DON'T YOU

JUST LEAVE THE TOWEL ?

WANNA TAKE YOUR PIZZA

INTO YOUR ROOM ?

TAKE YOUR PIZZA INTO YOUR ROOM

AND WATCH SOME TV.

OKAY ?

OKAY.

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO FINISH

HIS DINNER IN THE OTHER ROOM ?

I THOUGHT HE COULD HAVE

MORE FUN EATING THERE.

OH, HE CAN'T HAVE FUN HERE ?

IT'S HARD TO HAVE FUN

WHEN YOU HAVE TO LISTEN

TO YOUR MOTHER...

WHINING ABOUT HER TERRIBLE

MENSTRUAL CRAMPS EVERY DAY.

I MEAN, EVERY DAY.

I AGREE.

AND IT IS ALSO NOT MUCH FUN TO

HAVE AN I.U.D. STUCK IN YOU...

TO PREVENT, AS YOU PUT IT,

MORE MOUTHS TO FEED.

[ Chuckles ]

I-- LOOK,

I NEVER SAID THAT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAID.

I AM HAVING THIS COIL

TAKEN OUT MONDAY.

AND FROM NOW ON, IF YOU WANT

SAFE SEX, YOU CAN HAVE IT

WITH ONE OF YOUR ANIMALS !

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MEAN

ANYTHING BY THAT,

SO I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING,

I'M JUST, UH--

YOU'RE JUST UPSET,

THE WAY EVERYBODY GETS.

[ Door Slams Shut ]

WHAT A GREAT DAY, HUH ?

SOUNDS REAL EXCITING

OVER THERE, DOESN'T IT ?

YOU BEEN OUT SPYING

ON THE NEIGHBORHOOD ?

I'M NOT SPYING ON ANYBODY.

I LIVE HERE.

I'M ALLOWED TO WALK

UP AND DOWN THE STREET.

WHAT'D YOU THINK, HOWARD ?

REAL GOOD ACTION FOR DAY ONE.

REAL GOOD.

WELL, TENSION, NOT ACTION.

TENSION IS ACTION.

DON'T YOU EVER GO TO PLAYS ?

WHAT'D YOU THINK, TED ?

SOME GOOD INSIGHTS FOR YOU ?

IF I WERE RUNNING

THIS PROJECT,

THOSE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN

SOME REST TONIGHT AND DAY ONE

WOULD'VE BEEN TOMORROW.

WE ALL PRETTY MUCH AGREED

AT THE MEETING THAT WHEN

THEY GOT OFF THE PLANE,

THAT WAS THE BEGINNING.

ABSOLUTELY !

WE ALL PRETTY MUCH AGREED,

BUT I DISAGREED.

LOOK, IT'S DONE.

IT'S ON FILM.

I THINK WE GOTTA

KEEP REMEMBERING,

WHATEVER WE DO IS FINE,

IT'S PERFECT,

IT'S THE MOVIE.

OH, GREAT.

IT MAY BE FINE AND PERFECT,

BUT THAT ADDED TENSION

IS MAKING YOUR LEADING MAN

COME OFF VERY UNSYMPATHETIC.

WHAT ?

THAT'S ONLY

MY OBSERVATION.

NO, HE'S VERY SYMPATHETIC.

IF YOU DON'T LOOK AT IT

FROM THE DRAMATIC POINT,

YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT.

HERE'S A GUY.

HE'S GOT A WIFE, TWO KIDS.

HE'S THREATENED

BY SOCIETY.

OH, COME ON NOW !

NO ! ON ONE HAND, HE DOESN'T

WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES

HIS PARENTS MADE.

ON THE OTHER HAND,

HE'S NOT SO SURE HIS PARENTS

MADE MISTAKES. HE'S TORN.

MAYBE HE LIKES HIMSELF,

MAYBE HE DOESN'T.

JESUS, I THINK IT'S A HELL

OF A COMPLEX CHARACTER.

DON'T YOU THINK SO, HOWARD ?

HE'S COMPLEX.

HE'S FINE.

JUST RELAX.

I AM RELAXED !

I DON'T LIKE MY LEADING MAN

BEING CALLED UNSYMPATHETIC ON

THE BASIS OF 4 MINUTES OF FILM.

[ Chuckles ]

HE'S GOOD, HUH ?

HE'S GOOD.

HE WAS GOOD AT THE AIRPORT.

HE WAS GOOD !

YEAH.

ON ONE HAND HE LIKES HIMSELF,

ON THE OTHER HAND HE DOESN'T.

HONEY ?

HONEY,

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?

THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU

VERY MUCH RIGHT NOW.

CRAMPS IS A BAD BEGINNING FOR

YOUR MOVIE, SO I'M GONNA SPEND

THE WEEKEND AT BONNIE'S.

IT'S OUR MOVIE.

IT WAS OUR DECISION.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE.

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN ?

THE CHILDREN KNOW.

I'M SURE THEY COULD FILM

YOUR BETTER MOMENTS.

DON'T MAKE ME GET

IN AN ARGUMENT.

THERE'S NO ARGUMENT.

AFTER ALL, THEY'RE PAYING

FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

HONEY, YOU WANTED THIS

AS MUCH AS I DID.

YOU'LL BENEFIT FROM IT

TOO.

WARREN, WILL YOU PLEASE--

[ Car Door Closes,

Motor Revving ]

LATCH ONTO JEANETTE !

HELLO, MRS. YEAGER !

WHERE YOU GOING ?

LISTEN, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO GO

BE ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

I THINK I NEED

TO BE ALONE NOW.

CAN WE COME WITH YOU ?

NO, I REALLY WANT

TO BE ALONE.

WELL--

JUST BY MYSELF.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL

WITH THIS THING LATER BECAUSE

THIS WASN'T IN THE RULES.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.

WOULD YOU TAKE THE LITTLE CAR ?

WE'RE GONNA DRIVE TO WORK

WITH WARREN. WE'D LIKE

TO USE THE STATION WAGON.

IT'S JUST HARD TO FIT BOTH...

CAMERAS IN THERE.

COULD ONE PERSON

COME WITH YOU ?

NO.

ONE ? THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

GO AHEAD.

PLEASE ?

I NEED TO BE BY MYSELF.

OKAY. I UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S A LOT OF ROOM

IN HERE IF WE JUST-- ONE--

[ Engine Revving ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

IF YOU'D LIKE TO GO BEYOND

THE ORIGINAL YEAR...

TO MAKE UP THESE DAYS,

IT'S OKAY.

NO, I DON'T THINK

YOU UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S NO MAKING UP DAYS.

THIS IS THE REALITY.

THIS IS IT.

SHE LEFT.

THAT'S REAL.

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS--

EVEN US NOW--

IT'S ALL--

IT'S ALL THE REALITY.

VERY GOOD.

SHE CAME OUT ANGRY LIKE THAT.

GOT RIGHT IN THE CAR.

YOU FOLLOWED HER.

ALL VERY GOOD STUFF.

VERY, VERY GOOD.

REALLY.

I SHOULD JUST GO ON

LIVING AS USUAL ?

MM-HMM. THAT'S IT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU'RE VERY GOOD.

THANKS.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

WARREN YEAGER TRIED TO CARRY ON

AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED,

BUT IT WAS OBVIOUS

HE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE

OF HIS WIFE'S ABSENCE.

♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]

HONEY ?

HONEY, THE MUSIC GOES

RIGHT INTO MY BEDROOM.

[ Radio Clicks Off ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I'M FANTASIZING.

DON'T FANTASIZE.

I'M A BIG

MOTION PICTURE STAR.

THESE ARE MY CAMERAS.

THAT'S MY DIRECTOR.

AND YOU ARE MY LOVER.

OKAY.

KISS ME,

MY BEAUTIFUL LOVER.

TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS

AND KISS ME.

TAKE OFF THE DRESS.

IT'S YOUR

CONFIRMATION DRESS.

HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN APART.

LISTEN TO WHAT

YOU'RE SAYING.

TAKE AND KISS ME LIKE

YOU'VE NEVER KISSED ME BEFORE.

HONEY, COME ON.

YOU'RE GONNA GET HIT.

NOW GET OUT OF THIS DRESS.

I CAN STAY IN THIS DRESS.

MOTHER SAID I COULD.

I'LL BET SHE DID.

SHE DID ! ASK HER,

IF SHE EVER COMES BACK.

OKAY, COME ON. THAT'S IT.

WHERE'S ERIC ?

HE'S PLAYING

WITH THE CREW.

- HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO.

DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM THAT ?

- NO, I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.

OKAY, DON'T GET SMART

WITH ME !

[ Sighs ]

CEREAL ON THE FLOOR.

I'LL JUST MAKE BREAKFAST NOW.

I'LL MAKE SOME EGGS.

PUT THIS BACK.

I'LL MAKE EGGS.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

ON SUNDAY,

MRS. YEAGER CALLED ME...

AND SAID SHE WOULD BE

COMING HOME THAT EVENING,

BUT ASKED IF SHE COULD

SEE ME FIRST PRIVATELY...

AT THE DESERT PLAZA

SHOPPING CENTER.

SO HE SAYS,

"YOU THINK THAT'S BAD,

HER SISTER'S TWICE AS FAT."

[ Laughing ]

AH. OVER HERE.

THE INSTITUTE AND I AGREED

THAT PRIVATE MEETINGS

WITH ANY FAMILY MEMBERS...

SHOULD BE DISCOURAGED,

BUT THIS DID SOUND IMPORTANT.

I WAS HOPING

WE COULD BE ALONE.

THIS IS ALONE.

THIS IS ALONE

AS I EVER GET.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND ?

OH, IT WAS OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME

THAT TIME.

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT

THE MOVIE IS TO YOU.

I'M SORRY. I KNOW

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, IT'S IMPORTANT.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT.

BUT IT'S A DECISION,

AND I MADE IT.

IT WAS A LOVING DECISION.

OH, GOD, NO. NO LOVE.

IT'S JUST A DECISION.

I'M MAKING 'EM ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'S UP ?

WHY'D YOU WANT TO MEET ME ?

I WANTED TO TELL YOU

THAT I LIKE YOU,

AND THAT THIS MOVIE DOES MEAN

AS MUCH TO ME AS IT DOES

TO EVERYBODY ELSE.

I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT ANYTHING.

OH, NO, NO.

NOTHING CAN HURT IT.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART

OF THIS FILM.

IT IS WHAT IT IS.

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE IN A MOVIE,

IN A MOVIE, IN A MOVIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

WELL, YOU WERE VERY SWEET,

AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING

FOR YOU IN RETURN.

OH, DON'T.

NO, REALLY, I WANT TO.

I MADE AN APPOINTMENT

WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST...

FOR A QUARTER TO 10:00

TOMORROW MORNING.

AND IF YOU WANT TO,

YOU AND THE CREW

CAN FEEL FREE TO JOIN ME.

FILM THE GYNECOLOGIST ?

MRS. YEAGER !

I CAN'T BE-- OH, BOY !

OH, YES ! GREAT !

THERE'S ONE SMALL PROBLEM.

I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYTHING

THAT'LL EMBARRASS YOU.

I SWEAR.

I COULDN'T USE IT ANYWAY.

I'M LOCKED INTO A P.G.

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING

LIKE THAT.

NO, IT'S WARREN. I--

I HAVEN'T TOLD WARREN

THAT YOU'RE GOING WITH ME,

AND I DON'T THINK

THAT ANYONE SHOULD TELL HIM.

SEE, THIS THING

IS SO NEW TO HIM,

AND HE'S VERY NERVOUS

AND EDGY.

I'M SURE THAT IN A MONTH OR TWO

IT WOULD BE FINE, YOU KNOW.

BUT RIGHT NOW

HE'S A LITTLE UPSET AND--

SINCE IT WASN'T PLANNED--

I JUST-- I THINK

HE WOULD SAY NO...

AND WE WOULD JUST GET

INTO ANOTHER ARGUMENT.

[ Crying ]

AND I'M REAL TIRED

OF ARGUING WITH HIM.

OOH, LOOK--

GO HOME.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT'S HAPPENING.

HE JUST DOESN'T SEEM

TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING

AT ALL ANYMORE.

[ Crying ]

MRS. YEAGER, LET ME

ASK YOU A QUESTION.

DO YOU THINK HE COMES OFF

UNSYMPATHETIC ?

MM-HMM.

NO. NO, REALLY.

SEE IF YOU CAN DETACH

YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE.

LOOK AT IT FROM

THE DRAMATIC POINT.

HERE'S A GUY.

HE'S GOT A WIFE, TWO KIDS.

HE'S THREATENED, YOU KNOW ?

THREATENED BY SOCIETY.

ON ONE HAND HE'S GOT

THE PARENTAL THING,

ON THE OTHER HAND HE'S GOT

THE PRESSURES OF HIS WORK.

AN AUDIENCE HAS GOT TO HAVE

SYMPATHY FOR A GUY LIKE THIS.

HE'S A VERY COMPLEX GUY.

PEOPLE HAVE SYMPATHY

FOR A GUY WHO'S COMPLEX.

DON'T YOU THINK SO ?

THINK ABOUT IT.

HE IS COMPLEX, ISN'T HE ?

YOU'RE SUCH A SENSITIVE MAN.

OH, NO, NO.

IT'S JUST A THEORY.

I'M NOT, NO.

WELL, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME

OUTSIDE MY DOCTOR'S BUILDING...

AT A QUARTER TO 10:00

TOMORROW MORNING.

OKAY.

OKAY ?

OKAY.

I'M GONNA GO HOME NOW.

OKAY.

YOU GAVE ME

THE STRENGTH.

THANKS.

OH. [ Spits ]

I--

I DIDN'T GIVE YOU--

I GAVE YOU NOTHING,

MRS. YEAGER.

NO, NO, I GAVE YOU NOTHING.

DON'T THINK I'M ANYTHING BETTER

THAN WHAT YOU HAVE.

YOU THINK I'VE GOT

THIS CHARISMA,

BUT I DON'T !

I REALLY DON'T, MRS. YEAGER.

IT'S JUST--

I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF IT,

BUT IT JUST SITS ON THE SURFACE.

IT DOESN'T RUN DEEP.

NO KISSING.

DEEPER THAN YOU THINK.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

MRS. YEAGER, IT'S BEEN

MEASURED.

IT DOESN'T RUN DEEP.

NO KISSING HERE.

I'M A SHALLOWFELLOW.

LOOK. SHALLOW, SHALLOW.

REALLY ! SHALLOW !

SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?

I DIDN'T CALL THIS.

I DIDN'T DO IT.

LET ME JUST...

GO OUT OF FRAME THIS WAY.

ALL RIGHT.

DURING THE EXAMINATION,

BASICALLY GET HER EXPRESSIONS.

JUST VERY NICE. NO--

WE'RE NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYTHING--

JUST PERFECT.

JUST LIKE THIS, HUH ?

I TRUST YOU.

NO, DON'T. NO TRUST.

NO, HONESTLY. SHALLOW.

NO. JUST A DECISION.

THESE ARE JUST DECISIONS.

[ Nurse ] MRS. YEAGER ?

THE DOCTOR

WILL SEE YOU NOW.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

TASTEFUL. TASTE.

JUST REMEMBER.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

I DON'T THINK THE DOCTOR

WOULD LIKE...

ANYONE OTHER THAN THE PATIENT

IN THE EXAMINING ROOM.

OH, THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

SEE ?

WE'RE FILMING HER LIFE,

AND WE HAVE HER PERMISSION.

SOMEONE FROM MY CREW

WAS HERE THIS MORNING

AND GOT A RELEASE.

NO, NOT TODAY.

YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.

I DON'T THINK I'M MISTAKEN.

I'LL CHECK.

MARGARET, BE WITH YOU

IN A FEW MINUTES.

MRS. YEAGER,

HOW YOU FEELING ?

MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE THESE ?

THESE ARE CAMERAS.

OH, NO.

OH, GODDAMN IT !

WHAT'S GOING ON ?

I WAS CLEARED !

COME ON, GET OUT OF HERE !

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

THIS IS A BIG

MOTION PICTURE.

I'M ALBERT BROOKS.

I DON'T CARE WHO

THE HELL YOU ARE !

TALK TO MY LAWYERS.

I WAS CLEARED. GET OUT. OUT !

DR. RENNERT,

THESE PEOPLE ARE WITH ME.

THEY'RE FILMING MY LIFE.

I'M SORRY, BUT I'VE HAD

SOME BAD EXPERIENCES

WITH THE60 MINUTES PEOPLE.

NO, WE'RE NOT NEWS.

WE'RE NOT DIGGING.

I DON'T EVEN ASK QUESTIONS.

I'M JUST FILMING HER,

AND RIGHT NOW

YOU'RE IN THEIR LIFE.

THEY'RE INMY LIFE !

MRS. YEAGER, I'M GETTING ANGRY.

MY BLOOD PRESSURE'S

STARTING TO SOAR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ?

YOU WANT THEM IN HERE ? FINE.

THEY CAN TAKE OUT YOUR I.U.D.

TWO THORAZINE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

THIS ISN'T A STUDENT FILM.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT ?

LOOK. HUH ?

THERE'S FOUR OF US HERE,

OKAY ?

HE WANTS AN ABORTION.

ALL RIGHT ?

TWO. MAKE IT TWO.

I'LL TAKE A HYSTERECTOMY.

SHE'LL HAVE THE SAME.

HOW ABOUT THIS FOR PARKING ?

YOU THINK $500 MIGHT DO IT ?

I JUST WANNA FILM HER LIFE.

PLEASE, DON'T MAKE TROUBLE.

YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME $500

TO FILM AN EXAMINATION ?

OH, MY GOD !

MAXWELL RENNERT.

THE BABY BROKER !

OH, GODDAMN IT !

GET OUT OF HERE !

I DON'T NEED THIS !

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT !

DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT

INCREDIBLE THING MIKE WALLACE

DID ON THIS MAN ?

SOLD CHILDREN.

THEY WERE LIKE BABY

SLAVE AUCTIONS.

ONE OF THE BEST THINGS

ON 60 MINUTESI'VE EVER SEEN !

MIKE WALLACE SENT ME

A LETTER OF APOLOGY.

I'LL BET. LET'S SEE IT.

IT'S OUT BEING PERMA-PLAQUED.

YOU GET OUT OF HERE, GODDAMN IT.

GO ON, GET OUT.

GO ON, OUT. YOU, GET OUT.

JUST A MINUTE.

[ Brooks ]

THIS GUY'S NUTS !

I WANT THIS !

[ Rennert ]

LOOK AT ME. MY HANDS

ARE SHAKIN' LIKE A 90-YEAR-OLD.

[ Snoring ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Mumbles ]

[ Brooks Coughing ]

HELLO ?

HI. DID I WAKE YOU ?

OH.

I FELL ASLEEP FOR A MINUTE.

I'M UP THOUGH.

HOW ARE YOU ?

HOW YOU FEELING ?

NOT TOO WELL.

LISTEN, MRS. YEAGER.

I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.

MAYBE SOMEBODY IN THE CREW CAN

HELP YOU FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

NO, THAT'S OKAY.

I'M NOT--

THAT'S OKAY.

OH, OKAY.

HEY, IT'S A NICE

SUNNY DAY OUT, HUH ?

IS THERE ANYPLACE TO GO

HORSEBACK RIDING AROUND HERE ?

MY GRANDMOTHER HAD

A STROKE THIS MORNING.

OH, MY GOD !

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

HOW OLD IS SHE ?

EIGHTY-ONE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY OLD.

I MEAN--

THAT'S ALMOST 90.

DID YOU TELL WARREN ?

NO, NOT YET.

OH, MRS. YEAGER,

YOU DIDN'T CALL ME FIRST !

YEAH.

DON'T DO THAT.

SHARE THIS WITH HIM.

[ Jeanette ]

I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY.

I JUST--

AW, SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

[ Jeanette ]

I HADN'T CALLED

IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS.

OH ! HONEY !

I JUST--

[ Sobbing ]

HI.

[ Sobbing Continues ]

GOTTA GO !

YOU CRY IT THROUGH,

MRS. YEAGER. BE ALONE.

SHARE IT WITH HER HUSBAND.

SHE CALLED ME.

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING ?

JUST SOME NOTES.

TED, SHE CALLED ME.

WHAT KIND OF NOTES ?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EFFORT

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING

TO STAY OUT OF THEIR LIVES ?

TED, SHE CALLED ME.

TED DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

TED ! TED !

[ Chuckles ]

TED !

TED, LOOK,

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING HERE.

IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK,

AND SHE SEEMS TO BE RELYING

ON YOU QUITE A BIT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL

HER HUSBAND ?

ASK HER THAT. I'M NOT

THE INDIAN RUBBER MAN.

MY ARM DIDN'T SLITHER

ACROSS THE STREET,

DIAL HER PHONE...

AND THEN

SNAP BACK IN.

IS THEJOURNAL GONNA PRINT

I'M INTERFERING BECAUSE

I TOOK A CALL ?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT

THEJOURNAL'S GONNA PRINT.

TED, WE'VE GOT

TO LIGHTEN UP HERE.

HER GRANDMOTHER

HAD A STROKE.

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, I'M WONDERING

IF MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE

UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE--

WELL, YOU KNOW,

IT'S PHOENIX AND YOU'RE...

THE ONLY--

WELL, YOU KNOW.

THERE'S NOT A, A LOT OF--

IT'S PHOENIX.

THERE'S--

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING

TO SAY ? Y-YOU'RE, YOU'RE--

YOU'RE THE ONLY--

ALBERT, YOU HAVE MORE TROUBLE

DEALING WITH A BLACK PERSON...

THAN ANY WHITE MAN

I HAVE EVER MET.

[ Sighs ]

I BEG YOUR PARDON ?

HEY, BLACK MEETS WHITE.

TED, I'M NOT TRYING

TO DO ANYTHING.

I'M JUST TRYING TO TUNE IN

ON YOUR PARTICULAR LEVEL

OF ANXIETY.

THAT'S ALL.

BOOGIE ! BOOGIE ! BOO !

TED, STOP DISTORTING--

NO, I'M NOT BLACK,

NOR DO I CLAIM TO BE.

YES, THERE'S FEARS,

MISUNDERSTANDINGS, AND ALL

THAT OTHER MUMBO-JUMBO,

BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE NOTHING

TO DO WITH THIS PROJECT.

I KNOW MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE

THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE GONNA

TAKE OVER THE EARTH, OKAY ?

YOU'RE STRONGER, FASTER.

YOU USE HEAT BETTER.

YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE

NEXT CENTURY WRAPPED UP.

I KNOW ABOUT AFRICA.

IT'S SEETHING. BOOM !

THERE IT GOES.

BUT IT SHOULDN'T STAND

IN THE WAY OF THIS FILM.

WE'RE WORKING AS A TEAM.

WE SHOULD PUT ALL THAT

OTHER STUFF ON THE BACK BURNER.

OH, YEAH ! WE CAN PUT ALL "DAT"

ON THE BACK BURNER !

LET ME GO IN THE KITCHEN

AND CHECK ON THE BURNER NOW.

SEE--

[ Laughing ]

I FIND THAT INSULTING, TED.

I FIND THAT INSULTING.

I NEVER SAID YOU TALKED

LIKE THAT. THAT'S WHY

PEOPLE LIKE JONAS SALK...

THINK COMEDIANS

ARE JERKS.

FINE, HE'S WRITING THAT DOWN.

I'LL WRITE IT TOO.

"I NEVER SAID THAT."

GET THAT DOWN ON PAPER.

GET A PERMANENT RECORD OF THAT.

DATE THIS.

NOW IT'S ALL PERMANENT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID !

YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE MY SCENE.

- LISA, WE DON'T HAVE

THE TIME. I'M SORRY.

- ALBERT !

I'VE GOTTA GO.

LARRY, IN HERE.

LET'S GO.

SHE'S ONLY GETTING

CONFIRMED ONCE.

HONEY, IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

[ Brooks ]

GOOD LUCK !

WAIT FOR THE GUY.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HE'S IN.

LET'S GO.

BYE, BYE.

IT'S REALLY NOT NICE

TO BREAK A PROMISE.

WAIT A SECOND.

HONESTLY, THIS IS SUNDAY.

I DON'T HAVE TWO CREWS.

BUT MY DRESS !

I'M FILMING YOUR DRESS.

GET A GOOD SHOT

OF HER DRESS.

THIS ISN'T FAIR.

IF YOU HAVE TIME,

WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED

COME BY THE CHURCH.

[ Warren ]

WE WILL !

BYE, BYE.

YOU LIAR !

BYE.

[ Warren ]

BYE, BYE.

I FEEL BAD

ABOUT LETTING HER DOWN.

DON'T WORRY. SHE'S FINE.

YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

IF YOU PULL OVER FOR A SECOND--

I CAN GET ANOTHER CREW.

I'LL MAKE A CALL.

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD,

REALLY.

YOU HAVEN'T HAD AN EMERGENCY

SINCE WE'VE BEEN HERE.

I HAVEN'T HAD AN EMERGENCY

IN SIX MONTHS.

REALLY ?

THIS IS EXCITING.

YES, IT IS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

APPARENTLY, A BEAUTIFUL OLD

SHOW HORSE HAD A HEART

ATTACK...

IN THE MIDDLE OF A PARADE

IN DOWNTOWN PHOENIX.

WITHOUT AN IMMEDIATE

AND DELICATE BYPASS OPERATION,

THE HORSE WOULDN'T MAKE IT.

ALTHOUGH YEAGER HAD PERFORMED

THIS KIND OF SURGERY

ONLY ONCE BEFORE,

HE EXPRESSED CONFIDENCE, AND

PUT THE HORSE'S OWNER AT EASE.

[ Motor Whirring ]

AT 11:30,

PREPARATION FOR SURGERY BEGAN.

TAKE IT UP.

[ Whirring Continues ]

OKAY.

[ Murmuring ]

[ Whirring Continues ]

[ Whirring Stops ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THINGS PROCEEDED SMOOTHLY.

AT 11:38 THE HORSE WAS HOOKED

UP

TO THE ARTIFICIAL RESPIRATOR.

[ Breathing Sound ]

[ Ticking ]

THE TIME WAS DRAWING NEAR.

AT 11:41...

YEAGER AND HIS ASSISTANTS

HAD FINISHED THEIR PREPARATION.

WE WERE READY.

YOU COULD FEEL THE EXCITEMENT

IN THE AIR AS YEAGER ORDERED...

THE FINAL DOSAGE

OF ANESTHETIC.

OKAY, LET'S GIVE HIM

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT

HALOTHANE...

AND THEN GIVE ME

CAPILLARY REFILL TIME PLEASE.

[ Breathing Sound Continues ]

[ Hissing ]

[ Nurse ]

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.

UH, REFILL TIME:

ONE SECOND.

GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

OKAY.

LET'S GO OVER

OUR FINAL CHECKLIST,

AND WE'RE READY.

RESPIRATION ?

SIX.

GOOD.

LET ME SEE. BLOOD PRESSURE ?

WHAT WAS THE BLOOD PRESSURE

EARLIER ?

ONE-TEN OVER 60.

WHAT DO WE HAVE NOW ?

ONE HUNDRED OVER 52.

THAT'S PERFECT.

OKAY, LET ME SEE. UH--

CHECK PUPIL DILATION.

GOOD. OKAY.

COLOR'S GOOD.

LET'S CHECK HIS PULSE.

OKAY. THIS IS

DRESSED PROPERLY.

PULSE IS 44.

GOOD. E.K.G. ?

NORMAL.

OKAY.

UH, LET'S GIVE HIM

THE ANESTHETIC,

AND WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT

HALOTHANE.

YOU WANT ANOTHER

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT ?

DR. YEAGER ?

WHAT ?

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT ?

YES.

[ Hissing ]

DR. YEAGER, THAT'S

FIVE PERCENT HALOTHANE.

FIVE ?

NO, NO, NO.

I SAID TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.

I HEARD YOU

ORDER IT TWICE.

OH, NO. OH, NO.

- I COULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.

- YOU SAID IT TWICE.

NO, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

THAT'S TOO MUCH.

[ Male Assistant ]

YOU ORDERED IT.

I DID ? ARE YOU SURE ?

YES, I'M SURE.

WE GOT IT ON THE FILM.

OH, MY GOD !

[ Distorted Ticking ]

WAIT ! DON'T PANIC.

DON'T PANIC.

DO SOMETHING.

[ Quickened Respiration,

Deflation ]

[ Respiration,

Deflation Stop ]

WE HAVE NO PULSE.

TWO AND A HALF AND

TWO AND A HALF MAKES FIVE.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THE OPERATION WAS OVER AT

11:45,

WELL AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.

OH, NO.

DR. YEAGER TOOK A SHORT BREAK,

AND THEN ASKED IF HE COULD

SEE ME ALONE IN HIS OFFICE.

OF COURSE I OBLIGED.

QUITE AN ORDEAL, HUH ?

YES, IT WAS.

ALBERT, I KNOW

WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT,

AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T

BE ASKING YOU THIS.

BUT I'D BE RATHER EMBARRASSED

IF WHAT JUST WENT ON IN THERE...

WERE INCLUDED IN THIS MOVIE.

IT'S NOT GONNA DO ME

ANY GOOD AT ALL PERSONALLY.

PEOPLE IN PHOENIX

ARE GONNA SEE THIS MOVIE.

I THINK YOU'RE

OVERREACTING.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING,

BUT I THINK IT SHOWED YOU

IN A VERY GOOD LIGHT.

IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE

TO CONTINUE TO WORK HERE

AFTER THIS FILM COMES OUT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I OWNED AN

ANIMAL AND I SAW ME LOSING THAT

HORSE, WHETHER I WOULD TRUST ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?

YEAH, BUT I WOULDN'T

WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU SEE, PEOPLE GO TO DOCTORS

FOR PERSONAL REASONS,

AND YOU GAVE OFF

SOMETHING VERY GOOD IN THERE.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DID

EVERYTHING YOU COULD.

YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.

I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE ARE

ALL THAT UNDERSTANDING WHEN

IT COMES TO THEIR OWN PETS.

I THINK THEY ARE.

I'VE HAD PEOPLE

COME TO ME...

BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE BOTCHED UP

A BROKEN LEG ON A DOG,

FOR EXAMPLE, AND IT--

NO, I THINK PEOPLE

ARE VERY UNDERSTANDING.

THEY'VE BEEN VERY BITTER

ABOUT WHOMEVER

THEY'VE BEEN TO BEFORE.

THIS IS THE WORST

POSSIBLE ADVERTISING

A PERSON LIKE ME COULD HAVE.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT NOW.

IT'S ON MY MIND NOW.

FORGET IT NOW.

AS FAR AS YOU'RE

CONCERNED NOW, IT'S OUT.

YOU COULDN'T JUST SIGN

SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT,

COULD YOU ?

MMM, NO.

I MEAN, I COULD, BUT THEN

IT'S GONNA BE ON MY MIND.

[ Knocks ]

HELLO ?

NO ONE'S IN HERE.

[ Dog Barking ]

DR. YEAGER ?

[ Barking ]

WHAT THE HELL'S

GOIN' ON HERE ?

[ Barking ]

HELLO ?

ANYBODY HOME ?

COULD YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME

SOME KIND OF ASSURANCE...

THAT THIS WON'T BE

THE ONLY TIME IN THE MOVIE

YOU'LL SEE ME WORKING ?

CAN YOU SHOW ME SAVING

ALL THOSE CATS AND DOGS ?

COME ON, WILL YA ?

REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING:

"TO ERR IS HUMAN;

TO FILM DIVINE."

NO, IT WAS VERY GOOD.

[ Knocking ]

WHAT HAPPENED ?

WE LOST HER.

YOU LOST HER ?

I'M SORRY.

HOW COULD YOU LOSE HER ?

I'M REALLY SORRY.

DON'T YOU HAVE PEOPLE HERE

WHO STAY WITH THE ANIMALS ?

LET'S GET THE DAMN HELL

OUT OF HERE AND FIND HER.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING

OF WHAT WAS TO BE A BAD TIME...

IN THE YEAGERS' LIVES.

ON WEDNESDAY MRS. YEAGER

WAS INFORMED...

THAT HER GRANDMOTHER

PASSED AWAY FROM THE STROKE.

THE FUNERAL TOOK PLACE

TWO DAYS LATER,

AND WE WERE GRACIOUSLY ALLOWED

TO FILM IT.

THROUGH JESUS CHRIST,

OUR LORD. AMEN.

"JESUS SAID, 'I AM

THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE.

'HE THAT BELIEVETH IN ME,

THOUGH HE WERE DEAD--'"

I HATE TO KEEP HARPING

ON THIS, BUT I CAN'T

CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE.

I'VE NEVER KILLED AN ANIMAL

THAT SIZE.

THIS ISN'T THE PLACE.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

HONEY, THIS IS THE PLACE.

I'M UPSET, YOU'RE UPSET.

- WHAT IF HE USES THAT SCENE ?

- [ Clears Throat ]

COULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT

THAT MOVIE FOR ONE MINUTE ?

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

LOOK UP THERE.

THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER.

I REALIZE THAT,

BUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WHEN

THE KIDS GO TO SCHOOL...

AND THEIR FRIENDS SAY,

"HEY, DID YOUR DAD

REALLY KILL THAT HORSE" ?

WHAT ARE THE KIDS GONNA SAY ?

WHAT ARE THE KIDS

GONNA TELL THEIR FRIENDS ?

IF I COULD HAVE

YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

- I'M SURE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

AFTER THIS IS OVER.

- [ Mouthing Response ]

LET US PRAY.

ALMIGHTY GOD--

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THINGS GOT WORSE.

THE FOLLOWING WEEK WAS...

ONE OF THE MOST DEPRESSING

PERIODS I HAD EXPERIENCED

SINCE EARLY CHILDHOOD.

THE ENTIRE FAMILY

WAS NOW GRIEF STRICKEN.

SHE WITH HER GRANDMOTHER,

HE WITH THE GRANDMOTHER

AND THE ANIMAL.

DAY AFTER DAY

WAS THE SAME.

LIFELESS.

DR. YEAGER WOULD SLEEP

SOMETIMES

FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.

AS A FILMMAKER I WAS

FRUSTRATED.

I WANTED TO HELP.

[ Radio News,

Indistinct ]

DR. YEAGER ?

[ Radio Newsman ]

AN EXHIBITION OF PAINTINGS

BY NAVAJO CHILDREN...

WILL BE ON DISPLAY

THROUGHOUT THE MONTH.

DR. YEAGER ?

[ Phone Ringing ]

HELLO ?

JEANETTE ?

IT'S ALBERT.

HI.

WELL, I KNOW

THAT YOU TWO...

HAVE BEEN VERY DEPRESSED,

AND, UH--

WELL, I'VE BEEN

AVOIDING YOU.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE

AWARE OF IT, BUT I HAVE

FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS...

'CAUSE I DIDN'T THINK

WE SHOULD BE GETTING INVOLVED.

AND NOW I'M BEGINNING

TO THINK...

THAT IF I CAN HELP YOU,

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP

EVERYBODY ELSE.

SO, UH--

WHAT AM I TRYING TO SAY ?

YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME ?

A SNACK ?

YOU WANNA--

DINNER ?

WELL, I MEAN, LOOK.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SCENE

WE HAD AT THE SHOPPING CENTER.

IT WAS A GOOD SCENE.

IT WAS NICE ACTION.

AND WE TALKED.

THAT'S MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE

IS DOING RIGHT NOW, SO--

I MEAN, MAYBE--

I DON'T KNOW. COME ON OVER.

ALBERT, I FEEL BADLY

ABOUT THAT DAY.

I'M STILL A LITTLE EMBARRASSED

ABOUT THAT.

- I THINK THAT WHAT

YOU SAID THERE WAS RIGHT.

- WHAT DID I SAY ?

YOU SAID ABOUT

YOU NOT BEING ANY BETTER

THAN WHAT I ALREADY HAVE.

- I SAID THAT ?

- I THINK YOU WERE RIGHT.

COME ON, GET SERIOUS.

I HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK

OR I'M NOT GONNA HAVE

ANY RESPECT FOR MYSELF.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

- I SEE. OKAY.

AW, ALBERT, THIS HAS

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

IT'S BETWEEN

WARREN AND ME.

YOU HATE ME THEN, NOW,

RIGHT ?

NO, NO.

[ Chuckles ]

I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE.

NICE. OKAY. YOU DO

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

JUST TALK, THOUGH.

WORK IT OUT WITH LANGUAGE.

IT HELPS.

I'M NOT D.W. GRIFFITH.

I'M GONNA GET IN BIG TROUBLE

IF THERE'S NO DIALOGUE.

WE WILL.

OKAY. PROMISE ?

IT'S GOING TO GET BETTER.

GREAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]

IT DIDN'T.

THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY,

JEANETTE

INVITED SOME FRIENDS OVER...

FOR A BARBECUE.

SHE SET THE TABLE,

HE SET THE MOOD.

I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I HAD DECIDED

THAT WAS IT !

THESE PEOPLE

HAD BEEN DEPRESSED...

LONG ENOUGH.

[ Doorbell Ringing]

[ Brooks ]

HELLO ?

[ Knocking ]

♪ OOH, IT'S A LOVELY DAY

TODAY ♪

♪ IT'S A CHEERY KIND OF DAY ♪

WHERE ARE THE KIDS ?

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' ?

♪ OH, LET'S PLAY

ALL THE DAY ♪

WHERE ARE THE KIDS ?

THEY WENT TO SCHOOL.

LISA HAD A TEST.

♪ OH, LISA HAD A TEST ♪

WHERE'S ERIC ?

WENT WITH LISA.

OOH.

WELL, LOOK, THIS WAS JUST

A VERY SERIOUS ATTEMPT

TO CHEER EVERYBODY UP.

BUT I NEEDED THE KIDS.

IT WAS REALLY FOR THEM.

I'LL COME BACK

WHEN THEY'RE HOME.

ALBERT, PLEASE COME IN.

WE'RE JUST TALKING HERE.

PLEASE COME IN.

BUT I DID THIS--

I'LL COME BACK

WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME.

I UNDERSTAND. PLEASE COME IN.

NO, COME ON.

I GOTTA SHOWER.

LET ME SHOWER.

ALBERT, PLEASE.

OKAY, WE'LL COME IN.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. HI.

- HI.

- NO, I GOTTA GO HOME.

COME ON.

PLEASE. I'D REALLY

APPRECIATE IT. PLEASE.

JUST SIT DOWN FOR A MOMENT.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

OKAY.

HOW ARE YOU ?

YOU WANT A CUP

OF COFFEE ?

NO, NO.

HI.

WELL, I'M SURE

YOU KNOW THAT...

WE'RE UPSET.

WHAT, ARE YOU

KIDDING ME ?

THAT'S WHY I RENTED

THIS WHOLE OUTFIT.

"YOU DIDN'T RENT ME."

BUNNY, WE'RE TALKING

SERIOUSLY NOW.

ALBERT, WAIT.

[ Warren ]

NOW, I DON'T KNOW

TOO MUCH ABOUT IT,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING

A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

OH, NO !

DON'T ACT LIKE THAT.

COME ON.

THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO

IS JUST TO RELAX.

SEE, WHEN YOU FEEL THIS WAY,

YOU CLAM UP.

THAT'S NO GOOD.

[ Crunching Sound ]

I UNDERSTAND

THERE'S BEEN

A COUPLE OF DEATHS.

SO WHAT ?

LOOK. I HAVEN'T

GOTTEN USED TO THIS

WHOLE PROCESS MYSELF.

[ Crunching Sound ]

I CRIED THE OTHER NIGHT.

ABOUT WHAT ?

I DON'T

REMEMBER.

SEE ? I'M MIXED UP TOO.

I JUST DON'T CLAM UP.

[ Crunching Sound ]

LOOK.

THERE'S A BIG MEETING

COMING UP AT THE END

OF THIS MONTH.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE

INSTITUTE AND THE PEOPLE

FROM THE STUDIO.

THE ONE WE'RE NOT

INVITED TO ?

"I CAN'T GO EITHER."

THAT'S RIGHT, HE CAN'T.

WHY DON'T I SEE IF

I CAN CALL IT EARLIER ?

MAYBE TOMORROW OR WEDNESDAY

IF THEY CAN GET DOWN HERE.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY

WHAT TO TELL YOU,

BUT THESE PEOPLE DO.

THEY'RE SCIENTISTS.

THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS.

IF YOU'D LISTEN TO ME,

THOUGH, I THINK

YOU'D FEEL BETTER.

JUST GET IT OUT.

DON'T INTERNALIZE.

TALK TO ANYBODY, A NEIGHBOR.

TALK TO AN ANIMAL.

REALLY,

WARREN.

TRUST ME.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]

WE CALLED THE MEETING

FOR WEDNESDAY.

THESE MONTHLY FEEDBACK

AND INPUT SESSIONS WERE CRUCIAL

TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS PROJECT.

FOR THE INSTITUTE,

THIS WAS THE TIME TO PROVIDE

ANALYSIS AND GUIDANCE,

BASED ON THE FOOTAGE

THEY WERE VIEWING.

FOR THE STUDIO,

THIS WAS THE TIME TO

DISCUSS FINANCIAL MATTERS,

PERSONNEL PROBLEMS,

AND OTHER CINEMATIC DETAILS.

THIS WAS DR. JEREMY NOLAND,

PROJECT COORDINATOR

FOR THE INSTITUTE,

AN AMBITIOUS MAN.

DR. ANN KRAMER,

A GOOD PSYCHOLOGIST,

GENERALLY A NICE PERSON.

I THINK SHE LIKED ME.

DR. HILL WAS THERE,

DR. CLEARY,

AND MARTIN BRAND,

THE STUDIO EXECUTIVE

IN CHARGE OF THIS PICTURE.

BRAND TOOK THIS PROJECT OVER

FROM A YOUNGER MAN

WHO WAS FIRED.

MARTIN WAS USED TO

THE OLD HOLLYWOOD...

WITH ITS BIG STARS

AND LAVISH SETS.

HE DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT WE WERE DOING HERE.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY

HE FELT IT WAS UNNECESSARY

TO ACTUALLY COME TO PHOENIX.

SO, WE'VE TAKEN VOICEPRINTS

FROM DAY 12 TO DAY 18,

COMPARED THEM AGAINST THE PRINTS

OF THESE SAME PEOPLE FROM

THE FIRST WEEK OF THE PROJECT,

AND NO MATTER WHICH WAY

WE COMPUTED THEM,

THEY CAME OUT THE SAME.

NOW, THESE PEOPLE ARE DEFINITELY

OPERATING DIFFERENTLY NOW

THAN WHEN FILMING STARTED.

THERE ARE CHANGES IN ALL

FOUR VOICEPRINT PATTERNS,

AND THE EXTENT OF THESE CHANGES

IS CONFIRMED BY CHANGES

IN BODY TEMPERATURE,

AS REVEALED BY THE INFRARED

ANALYSIS OF THE FILM.

NOW, EACH OF US MAY HAVE

A DIFFERENT EXPLANATION

FOR WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,

BUT IT'S UNDENIABLE THAT

YOU'VE STRONGLY ALTERED

THE REALITY YOU'RE FILMING.

IN MY OPINION,

YOU'RE GETTING

A FALSE REALITY HERE,

AND I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA

DO ABOUT IT.

ME ? WAIT A SECOND.

I-I'D LIKE TO GET BACK

TO SOMETHING ANN SAID

A LITTLE EARLIER.

YOU SAID YOU THINK I LOOK

HEAVIER NOW THAN WHEN

THE FILMING STARTED.

WHERE WOULD THAT BE ?

IN THE CHEEKS ?

NO, NO.

I SAID THAT IN SOME

OF THE LATER FOOTAGE,

YOU LOOK SOMEWHAT FATIGUED.

OH, I SEE.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

NOT FAT, FATIGUED.

I'VE BEEN UP A LOT.

FATIGUED IS OKAY,

BUT HEAVY'S ANOTHER THING.

'CAUSE I EAT RAW VEGETABLES.

THERE'S NO REASON I SHOULD--

MR. BROOKS.

YES ? OKAY.

YOU LOOK

FINE.

NOW I'D LIKE,

IF WE COULD,

TO GO TO DAY FOUR.

I BELIEVE THAT'S,

UH, SCENE 31.

[ Sighs ]

NOW HERE'S SOME FOOTAGE

I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU.

LIGHTS.

WHAT ?

WHAT DID

YOU SAY ?

LIGHTS.

OH, NO. SEE, THIS IS MY HOME.

IT'S NOT A PROJECTION ROOM.

IF YOU'D SAY, "WOULD YOU LIKE

TO TURN THE LIGHTS OFF ?"

I'D SAY, "SURE."

"LIGHTS," HE SAYS.

MAN LIVES IN THE KITCHEN ?

UH--

NOW, WE'VE BLOWN UP

WHAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU,

AND I'M GONNA KEEP REPEATING IT,

BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO CATCH

THE FIRST TIME.

IN FACT, THE COMPUTER

DIDN'T CATCH IT

TILL THE SECOND RUN.

[ Noland ]

WHEN WE STARTED FILMING

WARREN YEAGER,

HE WAS DRINKING COFFEE WITH HIS

RIGHT HAND ONLY, NO ASSISTANCE

AT ALL FROM HIS LEFT HAND--

AS DISTINCTIVE A TRAIT

AS HANDWRITING.

NOW WATCH AGAIN.

RIGHT HAND ONLY.

THAT'S IT.

NOW, ON DAY 13,

HE STARTS DRINKING COFFEE

WITH BOTH HIS HANDS.

NOW WATCH THE DECISION.

THERE ! NOW WATCH AGAIN.

[ Brooks ]

WHAT ?

[ Noland ]

WATCH THE DECISION. THERE !

SEE ? HE'S MUCH LESS RELYING

ON HIS ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE.

[ Brooks ]

OH, COME ON !

[ Kramer ]

YES, IT'S CONCEIVABLE

THAT WITHIN TWO MONTHS...

HE WILL HAVE SHIFTED THE CUP

ENTIRELY TO HIS LEFT HAND,

AND HIS RIGHT HAND

WILL REMAIN UNUSED

THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE GESTURE.

[ Noland ]

MM-HMM. TOTAL CHANGE

IN BODY LANGUAGE.

LIGHTS.

VERY INTERESTING.

I HADN'T NOTICED IT AT ALL.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.

I MEAN, THIS CUP

COULD'VE BEEN HOT.

NOPE. THE INFRARED

ANALYSIS OF THE FILM...

SHOWS NO DIFFERENCE

IN THE EFFECTIVE

TEMPERATURE OF THE DISH.

[ Brand ]

ALBERT, MAY I INTERRUPT

FOR ONE MINUTE, PLEASE ?

PEOPLE AREN'T GONNA WALK OUT

OF A THEATER SAYING,

"I DON'T LIKE THAT GUY,

THE GUY WHO HOLDS

THE CUP WITH ONE HAND,

WITH TWO HANDS."

ABSOLUTELY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THEY DO HAVE

A GOOD CHANCE OF SAYING.

"WHERE THE HELL IS PAUL NEWMAN ?

WHERE'S REDFORD ?

WHERE'S NICHOLSON ?"

JESUS.

BELIEVE ME, THEY PREFER

NICHOLSON WITH THE CUP...

THAN THE CUP

WITH THE OTHER GUY.

ALBERT, SO YOU KEEP YEAGER IN,

BUT YOU GOTTA GET SOMEBODY

IN THE MOVIE, FOR CHRIST'S

SAKE.

YOU MAYBE OUGHTA ADD

A NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR,

OR A BOSS, OR A CLEANING LADY,

SOMEBODY WITH A NAME,

SOMEBODY WHO'D DRAW

SOME PEOPLE.

YOU'VE GOT ROCK FRIENDS.

WOULD IT BE SO BAD TO

HAVE NEIL DIAMOND SITTING IN

A MEETING LIKE THIS ? SCHMUCK !

YOU'LL MAKE A HELL OF A LOT

MOREMONEY WITH NEIL DIAMOND IN

THERE THAN WITH THE GUY WITH THE

CUP !

COULD WE GET BACK ON THE TRACK ?

I NEED SOMEONE TO GET

THAT CUP FOR ME.

STOP WITH THE CUP !

REALLY, I CAN'T

HEAR THIS ANYMORE.

I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

EXPLAIN TO ME

IN ENGLISH, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT.

QUITE SIMPLY, THE FILMING HAS

TRIGGERED A DRASTIC EMOTIONAL

CHANGE IN THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES.

THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO

DEAL WITH IT, AND YOU DON'T

KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.

AND THAT'S BAD ?

I DON'T LIVE IN A WORLD

OF GOOD AND BAD.

I DON'T TALK

THAT LANGUAGE.

I THINK WE'RE BUILDING

A LOT OF CONCLUSIONS ON

A LITTLE BIT OF EVIDENCE.

MAYBE WHAT THESE PEOPLE

ARE GOING THROUGH IS GROWTH.

MAYBE IT'S INEVITABLE.

AND HEALTHY.

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

HOWARD'S RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME. I WOULD LIKE

TO HEAR FROM DR. CLEARY.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW

WHAT I THINK ?

YES, PLEASE.

OKAY.

ONE, WE GET OUT OF

THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES.

WE MUST GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

- OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

- I'M NOT THROUGH.

WE GO AWAY AT NIGHT.

WE FILM ONLY WHEN SCHEDULED.

WE GIVE THEM SOME PRIVACY

AND STABILITY...

SO THAT WHEN THEY WAKE UP

IN THE MORNING, THEY DON'T THINK

THAT THEY'RE ON A MOVIE SET !

A MOVIE SET. MARTIN,

TELL HIM HOW DIFFERENT

THIS IS FROM A MOVIE SET.

ON A MOVIE SET, YOU GOT

ACTORS THAT ARE WELL-KNOWN.

IF THEY GIVE YOU TROUBLE,

YOU CALL THEIR AGENTS AND YOU

PUT SOME HEAT UNDER THEIR ASS.

THANKS.

LOOK, TED, THERE'S NO REASON

TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

I SPENT A LOT IN PURCHASING IT,

AND A LOT IN DECORATING IT.

IT'S UNNECESSARY.

IT IS VERY NECESSARY.

IT'S NOT NECESSARY.

YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS

TO GET WALLPAPER ?

HOW DIFFICULT IS IT ?

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT !

THIS IS PHOENIX !

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE'S

LIVES, AND YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT YOUR DAMN WALLPAPER !

YOU KNOW YOU SPEND

80% OF YOUR LIFE

LOOKING AT WALLS ?

GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE.

[ Arguing ]

I WENT TO L.A.

FOR THAT WALLPAPER !

-THE REASON--

- WAIT A MINUTE. MAY I--

MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION THAT

MIGHT BREAK THIS LOGJAM ?

WHO INVITED YOU IN THE BEDROOM ?

MR. BROOKS,

PLEASE ?

WHAT ?

THE INSTITUTE HAS A CENTER

UP IN THE FOOTHILLS...

THAT'S USED FOR ENCOUNTER

AND THERAPY SESSIONS, MAINLY

FOR OUR EXECUTIVES AND CLIENTS.

BUT I THINK WE SHOULD

CONSIDER TAKING THE YEAGERS

UP THERE FOR A WEEKEND.

I THINK THEY'LL

OPEN UP AGAIN.

OH, YES.

YOU MEAN LIKE ECHELON ?

LIKE HOT TUBS ?

NATURE TRAILS,

MASSAGE.

ABSOLUTELY !

SEE ? THAT'S SOMETHIN'

I CAN USE ! GREAT.

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU CRAZY ? YOU WANNA FLY

ALL THESE PEOPLE TO COLORADO ?

- WHAT ?

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST

PUT 'EM ALL ON DRUGS ?

GIVE THEM PSYCHIATRISTS.

ENROLL THEM ALL IN PRIVATE

SCHOOLS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

[ Brand ]

JUST A MINUTE !

WE GOT A BUDGET !

REMEMBER THE COSTS,

DR. CLEARSON.

PLEASE REMEMBER THE COSTS.

OH, YEAH.

COSTS.

YOU SPEND A HALF A MILLION

DOLLARS ON RESEARCH.

I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SPENT

A DIME FINDING A QUALIFIED

PERSON TO HEAD THIS PROJECT.

YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE

AT THE CONTROLS OF A 747...

WHO'S NEVER EVEN FLOWN

AS A PASSENGER.

THAT WAS

AIRPORT '76.

TED, I THINK I'VE

LOGGED MORE MILES...

THAN YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE

UNIVERSITY PUT TOGETHER.

- YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

- I'M NOT MISSING THE POINT.

I'M A MILLION-MILER.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?

I'LL SHOW YOU MY PIN.

I CAN GET INTO

ANY V.I.P. LOUNGE

IN THIS COUNTRY, TED.

I KNOCK ON THE DOOR,

I TELL 'EM MY NAME, GIVE 'EM THE

PIN NUMBER, SIT IN THE LOUNGE.

I CAN DRINK COFFEE AND EAT

THEIRDOUGHNUTS, AND I DON'T

EVEN HAVE TO BE FLYING ANYWHERE.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW

WHO CAN DO THAT, HUH ?

HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN GO DOWN

TO AN AIRPORT LOUNGE AND SAY,

"LET ME IN, I JUST WANNA SIT" ?

I CAN DO THAT, TED,

IN O'HARE AIRPORT.

I'VE TAKEN A DATE THERE

AFTER A MOVIE.

JUST SAT AND HAD COFFEE

IN THE LOUNGE, AND I WASN'T

EVEN FLYING ANYWHERE !

MISSING

YOUR POINT !

ALBERT, ALBERT.

TED, COME ON.

I-I FEEL WHAT WE

NEED NOW IS A BREAK.

I'M STARVING.

CAN WE EAT ?

GREAT IDEA.

I KNOW A GREAT

MEXICAN-LIKE RESTAURANT.

I'LL TREAT, OKAY ?

WE'RE JUST GETTI''

ALL COOPED UP HERE.

ALL RIGHT, ALBERT,

I'M GONNA HANG UP NOW.

OKAY, MARTIN.

I WANNA LEAVE YOU

WITH TWO WORDS.

YEAH ?

JAMES CAAN.

IS THAT REAL ENOUGH

FOR YOU ?

THAT'S GREAT.

BYE-BYE.

COME ON, TED.

ALBERT,

ALBERT.

CAN I SPEAK TO

YOU A SECOND ?

COME ON, LET'S GO EAT.

COULD YOU SIT DOWN

FOR A MINUTE ?

SURE.

MY ASSOCIATION WITH

THIS PROJECT HAS ENDED.

I'M LEAVING PHOENIX

AS SOON AS I CAN.

WHY ? 'CAUSE WE JUST

HAD A LITTLE TIFF ?

COME ON, TED.

COME OUT AND EAT.

YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

NO,YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

EATING DOESN'T

DO THAT FOR ME.

WE'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO

DISAGREE WITH YOU.

I THINK WE'RE

VERY MUCH ALIKE.

SEE, THAT'S WHY

WE CAN GET INTO

THESE KIND OF DEBATES.

I THINK YOU'D BE

SURPRISED AT HOW MUCH

ALIKE WE REALLY ARE.

I'D BE MORE THAN SURPRISED.

I'D BE SUICIDAL.

GOOD LUCK

TO YOU.

TED, MAY I ASK

A PERSONAL QUESTION ?

DON'T YOU LIKE

THE ACCOMMODATIONS ?

DO YOU WANT A SUITE ?

REALLY, SOMETIMES

TWO ROOMS CAN MAKE

A BIG DIFFERENCE.

YOU READ IN ONE

AND SLEEP IN THE OTHER.

I KNOW WHAT A SINGLE CAN DO.

IT CAN GET DEPRESSING.

I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.

YOU AMAZE ME,

TRULY.

WELL, THANK YOU.

BUT WHAT ABOUT

THEJOURNAL OF

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY?

IT'S JUST POSSIBLE

IF YOU LEAVE NOW,

THEJOURNAL MAY NOT

BE THRILLED WITH

A HALF-ASSED JOB.

THE JOURNAL OF

AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY ?

ARE YOU KIDDING ?

THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE,

NOT BUFFOONERY.

YOU TAKE CARE,

YOU HEAR ?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE, TED ?

WAIT A MINUTE, TED !

COME BACK !

IF THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE,

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS ?

LOOK, TED !

THIS IS SCIENCE !

WHAT IS THE INSTITUTE ?

DRY CEREAL, TED ?

COME BACK !

SCIENCE ! LOOK !

IT'S ALL SCIENCE !

TED, COME BACK !

TED ?

I WAS UPSET...

BY DR. CLEARY'S

SUDDEN DEPARTURE.

ALL RIGHT !

[ Brooks ]

BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE

A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME HELP.

LARRY, DON'T WORRY

ABOUT FILMING THAT.

I THINK THE PRESSURE

OF THE JOURNALWAS JUST

TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE.

YEAH, PUT IT

IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

GIVEN A LITTLE TIME AND HELP

FROM HIS WIFE AND FAMILY,

DR. YEAGER STARTED

TO COME OUT OF HIS SHELL.

I WAS GRATEFUL,

AND I WANTED HIM TO KNOW IT.

WAIT. LARRY, WE'RE GONNA

NEED SOME HELP, OKAY ?

WE'LL GET HELP IN A SECOND.

I FEEL GUILTY

ABOUT TAKING IT.

NO, DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

SOMEONE GAVE IT TO ME.

I CAN'T USE IT. WHAT AM

I GONNA DO, THROW IT AWAY ?

WHY CAN'T YOU USE IT ?

IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE,

VERY EXPENSIVE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU USE IT ?

WELL, IT'S JUST--

I'M IN THE BUSINESS, YOU KNOW ?

AND IT'S TOO BIG FOR ME.

IT JUST MAKES ME INSECURE

TO SEE A TV THAT BIG.

BUT YOU CAN GET

ANYTHING ON IT.

OH, YEAH, FOOTBALL.

YOU LIKE FOOTBALL ?

THE BALL COMES RIGHT

INTO YOUR ROOM, HUH ?

YOU LIKE TO GO TO

THE FOOTBALL GAMES ?

YES, I DO.

OPEN UP FOR ME.

SEASON TICKETS.

YOU'LL DO GOOD.

YOU'LL LOVE THIS THING.

I LOVE IT.

IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE.

I KNOW. THANK YOU.

THANKS A MILLION.

OKAY, OKAY.

HELP. WE NEED HELP.

[ Bird Chirping ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]

WELL, THE STORM HAD PASSED.

BY THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY,

MY FILMMAKING DREAM

HAD COME TRUE.

I HAD A HAPPY FAMILY,

A BEAUTIFUL CITY...

AND A CHANCE TO SHOW THE FRENCH

WHAT A MONTAGE WAS ALL ABOUT.

AND THEN,

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

STILL MOVING AT

A LEISURELY PACE,

THE YEAGERS WERE SHOCKED...

WHEN THEY PICKED UP THE SUNDAY

EDITION OF THE ARIZONA

REPUBLIC,

DATED FEBRUARY 19th.

ON PAGE ONE OF PART "B"...

WAS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF

FIVE ARTICLES FROM A NEW BOOK.

THE BOOK WAS CALLED

NIGHTMARE IN THE DESERT.

ITS AUTHOR,

DR. THEODORE CLEARY.

APPARENTLY, CLEARY TOOK

HIS NOTES FROM THE JOURNAL...

AND DECIDED TO MAKE

THE FAST BUCK.

STRINGING TOGETHER A BUNCH

OF FAMILIAR CATCHPHRASES...

LIKE "MIND CONTROL"

AND "PSYCHOLOGICAL RAPE,"

HE WROTE ONE OF

THOSE QUICKIE BOOKS,

THE KIND YOU PEDDLE

TO THE PUBLISHERS WHO

MISSED OUT ON WATERGATE.

HOWARD, PLEASE DON'T

COME INTO MY HOUSE

AND READ CRAP, OKAY ?

IF YOU WANT TO DO IT,

STAY AT THE HOTEL.

ALBERT, YOU OUGHTA

READ THIS, REALLY.

ASK ANY GREAT ENTERTAINER.

THEY DON'T READ BAD REVIEWS.

"OUT OF SIGHT,

OUT OF MIND."

JOLSON SAID IT.

HE, UH--

HE SAYS YOU'RE DANGEROUS.

THEY CALLED

BABE RUTH

DANGEROUS, HMM ?

HE ALSO SAYS

YOU'RE PARANOID.

THEY CALLED

BABE RUTH

PARANOID, TOO.

I'M MAKING A SPECIAL

BREAKFAST. IF YOU WANT

TO EAT IT, NO READING.

[ Telephone Rings ]

HELLO ?

[ Woman ]

HI. DID YOU READ IT ?

HI, MITZ.

I'M READING IT NOW.

WHAT DO THEY MEAN,

YOU'RE LIKE PRISONERS OF WAR ?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

I WANNA FINISH READING.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE ?

[ Doorbell Rings ]

I'LL GET IT.

NO, HONEY.

NO, I-I'LL GET IT.

[ Doorbell ]

YES ?

MR. YEAGER ?

DR. YEAGER.

I'M SORRY.

JIM SANDERS,

CHANNEL 5 NEWS.

CAN WE COME IN ?

W-WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

IT'S KIND OF

WINDY OUT THERE.

DO YOU MIND IF WE COME

IN FOR JUST A MINUTE ?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU'RE FROM TV,

CHANNEL 12 !

YOU'RE CLOSE. CHANNEL 5.

IS THAT YOUR GIRL ?

YEAH. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE

OF BREAKFAST.

OH, WELL, LISTEN.

I DON'T WANNA INTERRUPT.

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

IT'S JUST, WE'RE

FOLLOWING UP ON THAT STORY

IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING.

YOU KNOW,

THE ONE ABOUT THE-THE

"BIZARRE PHOENIX FAMILY."

IT LOOKS LIKE WE GOT

A NATIONAL NEWS STORY

RIGHT IN OUR BACKYARD HERE,

AND, WELL, I-I WONDERED

IF WE COULD FILM YOU GUYS

HAVING BREAKFAST MAYBE.

WOULD THAT BE OKAY ?

WELL, THEY'RE

ALREADY DOING IT.

OH, UH--

WHAT'S THAT THING ?

IT'S A CAMERA.

OH, YEAH ?

LOOK AT THAT.

I WONDER HOW WE CAN WORK

THAT INTO THE STORY.

UH, EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

I WANNA MAKE A QUICK CALL.

W-WOULD YOU JUST EXCUSE ME ?

OH, YEAH, SURE.

HEY, LISTEN.

ONE THING.

IN THE PAPER, IT-IT KIND OF

IMPLIES THERE'S A SORT OF

BRAINWASHING GOING ON HERE.

- WOULD YOU COMMENT ON THAT ?

- EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND.

CAN I TAKE THAT

TO MEAN YES ?

[ Dialing Phone Number ]

HELLO ?

ALBERT ?

WARREN.

HI.

UH, COULD YOU COME

OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY ?

LET ME EAT FIRST, BABE.

NO, PLEASE

DON'T EAT FIRST.

THERE'S A WHOLE NEWS CREW

HERE FROM CHANNEL 12.

CHANNEL 5.

WHAT ?

[ Hangs Up ]

CHANNEL 5.

ALBERT ?

ALBERT ?

[ Hangs Up ]

NO, NO.

COME ON.

THE FELLA YOU WANNA SEE

WILL BE RIGHT OVER.

OH, YEAH.

THIS IS, UH,

TED CLEARY, HUH ?

NO. ALBERT BROOKS.

RIGHT.

[ Sanders ] HE'S WHAT ?

[ Warren ]

HOW DO YOU MEAN ?

I'M TRYIN' TO GET ALL THE

POSITIONS STRAIGHT. THERE WERE

SO MANY NAMES IN THAT ARTICLE.

I-I CAN'T TELL WHO

WAS WHO, FRANKLY.

MAY I HELP YOU ?

YEAH.

YOU'RE AL, RIGHT ?

I'M ALBERT, YES.

HEY, GREAT.

CHANNEL 5 NEWS, AL.

LISTEN, UH, WE'RE DOIN'

SOME FOLLOW-UP ON THAT STORY

IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING.

UH-HUH.

DR. YEAGER WAS

TELLIN' ME...

THAT YOU'RE FILMING

HIM AND HIS FAMILY

HAVING BREAKFAST.

UH-HUH.

I THOUGHT MAYBE

WHEN YOU'RE DONE,

IF YOU COULD GET THEM

TO PUT ON ANOTHER QUICK LITTLE

BREAKFAST THING FOR US TO FILM,

IT'D REALLY

HELP US OUT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON ?

I DON'T SAY THIS

ON EVERY STORY

I GO OUT ON,

BUT THIS THING FEELS BIG,

IT REALLY FEELS GOOD,

AND EVERYBODY IN TOWN'S

GONNA BE ON IT.

BUT SINCE WE'RE THE FIRST

ONES HERE, I THOUGHT WE

COULD GET SOMETHING SPECIAL.

FEELS BIG, HUH ?

FEELS GOOD ?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

GET OUT OF HERE !

YOU'RE TRESPASSING !

HEY, LEO !

GET FILM ON THIS GUY !

GET NOTHING ON THIS !

YOU'RE TRESPASSING !

YOU'RE TRESPASSING !

THIS IS A MOVIE SET !

WAIT A MINUTE !

THIS IS A NEWS STORY !

NO, IT'S A MOVIE !

THIS IS COPYRIGHTED !

GET OUT OF HERE !

ON YOUR COPYRIGHT,

SOMEBODY'S LYING !

HUM A FEW BARS

AND FIGURE IT OUT !

JUST MOVE !

ALL RIGHT !

I WANT FILM ON THIS GUY.

NO, YOU DON'T !

GET OUT OF HERE !

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THIS THING STARTED OUT TO BE

SOME KIND OF A PUFF PIECE.

UH-HUH.

NOW YOU GOT ME

A LITTLE BIT PISSED OFF.

I'M GONNA GET OUTTA HERE,

AND I'M GONNA COME BACK HERE

WITH A COURT ORDER !

COURT ORDER ?

THAT'S RIGHT,

A COURT ORDER !

I'LL GET THE BIGGEST LAWYER

IN THIS COUNTRY DOWN

TO THIS JERKWATER BURG !

YOU'LL SEE A JURY OF YOUR PEERS

TURN AGAINST YOU SO FAST,

YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU !

OH, YEAH ? MR. CLEARY,

YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.

IT'S MR. BROOKS !

AND DON'T THREATEN ME !

I WORK MUCH BETTER

OUT OF PRESSURE !

GET OUT !

IT'S FINE. GO BACK.

HAVE A GOOD BREAKFAST.

I'LL BE ACROSS THE STREET.

I'LL TAKE A SHOWER.

[ Brooks ]

THE SHOWER DIDN'T HELP.

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Man ]

MR. YEAGER !

[ Brooks Narrating ]

THE MEDIA STAYED AWAY

FROM THE YEAGERS' HOUSE.

HOWEVER, OFF THEIR PROPERTY

THEY WERE FAIR GAME.

IT STARTED

ON MONDAY AFTERNOON.

WHILE COMING HOME FROM LUNCH,

DR. AND MRS. YEAGER ENCOUNTERED

A "LIVE EYE" TRUCK.

I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

COME ON.

PEOPLE ARE AWFUL

WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

PLEASE.

EXCUSE US.

COME ON, TALK TO US.

DR. YEAGER !

[ Horn Honking ]

MRS. YEAGER !

[ Brooks ]

TUESDAY AFTERNOON.

WAIT, MRS. YEAGER !

ARE THEY HURTING YOU ?

WHILE RETURNING

FROM A SHOPPING SPREE,

MRS. YEAGER

AND THE CHILDREN

WERE ACCOSTED.

LISA, ERIC.

WE HAVE A LOT OF

VIEWERS OUT THERE--

YOU WOULD THINK THE NEWS

WOULD HAVE SOMETHING BETTER

TO DO IN A CITY THIS SIZE.

I HAVE NO COMMENT

AT THIS TIME.

PLEASE, MRS. YEAGER.

WAIT JUST A MOMENT.

HOW ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN ?

HOW ARE THEY HOLDING UP ?

EVERYTHING IS

JUST FINE. PLEASE.

HOW OLD ARE YOUR CHILDREN ?

DR. YEAGER, CAN WE GET

A COUPLE OF WORDS WITH--

CAN YOU TAKE JUST A SECOND ?

DOCTOR ? DOCTOR ?

WHAT ARE THEY DOIN' TO YOU ?

ARE THEY TRYIN' TO HURT YOU

AND YOUR FAMILY ?

LOOK OVER HERE,

DR. YEAGER.

ARE THEY HURTING YOU ?

CAN YOU GIVE US

A MINUTE ?

GIVE ME A SMILE.

DR. AND MRS. YEAGER.

NO COMMENT.

NO COMMENT.

WHY DID YOU COME TO SEE

THIS PARTICULAR FILM ?

PLEASE, PLEASE.

CAN YOU TELL ME THIS ?

NO COMMENT

ON THE FILM ?

NO COMMENT.

WILL YOU STAY TO SEE

THE SECOND FEATURE ?

KIDS, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

DR. YEAGER,

OVER HERE !

WERE YOU FORCED

TO SEE THIS MOVIE ?

OVER HERE !

AS YOU KNOW, ALBERT, SOME

MEMBERS OF THE INSTITUTE--

[ Brooks ] AN EMERGENCY MEETING

WAS CALLED FOR 6:00 P.M.

ON SATURDAY THE 25th.

IT WAS REQUESTED BY THE HEAD

OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE

OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

DR. ISAAC STEVEN HAYWARD.

...ENTIRELY A NEW FIELD,

THE PSYCHOLOGICAL--

AND APPROVED

BY MARTIN BRAND,

WHO CONSIDERED THIS MEETING

IMPORTANT ENOUGH

TO CALL FROM CATALINA,

INTERRUPTING THE FIRST VACATION

HE'D HAD IN OVER A WEEK.

ALBERT, WE'RE

KNOWN IN EUROPE--

AS I SAT ACROSS THE TABLE

FROM THIS MAN,

I WAS SLOWLY LOSING MY RESPECT

FOR HIGHER EDUCATION.

ALSO, HE WORE

FAR TOO MUCH COLOGNE.

WHEN YOU HAVE A REPUTATION

IN AS DIFFICULT A FIELD AS THIS,

YOU'VE GOT TO MAINTAIN IT.

AND YOU THINK

SOMETHING'S GOING ON HERE...

THAT'S PREVENTING YOU FROM

MAINTAINING YOUR REPUTATION ?

I HAVE

NO OPINION.

PFFT !

BUT WE'VE DONE

A GREAT MANY TESTS

IN THE LAST FIVE DAYS--

EVERYTHING FROM

PUBLIC OPINION SURVEYS TO

URINALYSES OF OUR OWN STAFF.

FINE. WHAT DO

THE TESTS TELL YOU ?

THEY INDICATE TO US

THAT OUR EFFORTS HERE...

HAVE COME TO THE END

OF THEIR USEFUL LIFE.

ANYTHING BEYOND THIS POINT

WOULD BE SEVERELY

COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

I SEE.

NOW IT'S BECOMING CLEAR.

THE INSTITUTE GETS

A LITTLE HEAT, AND BOOM !

THEY NOT ONLY LEAVE THE KITCHEN,

THEY TAKE THE WHOLE

KITCHEN WITH THEM !

LET'S CONSIDER

THE FAMILY

FOR A MOMENT.

OH, WHAT'D YOU DO ?

RUN URINE TESTS ON THEM TOO ?

WE DID A SERIES ON THEM, YES.

THANKS, HOWIE.

HOPE YOU DIDN'T GET

YOUR LITTLE HANDS WET.

[ Brand ]

COME ON ! JESUS CHRIST !

LOOK. THESE PEOPLE ARE

VERY CLOSE TO COMPLETE

PERSONALITY DISINTEGRATION.

OH, DON'T

MAKE ME LAUGH.

I DON'T REMEMBER A TIME IN MY

LIFE WHEN I HAVEN'T BEEN CLOSE

TO PERSONALITY DISINTEGRATION.

AND HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW

WHAT THESE PEOPLE

ARE FEELING, ANYWAY ?

FROM YOUR MICKEY MOUSE TESTS ?

DON'T BLAME THE TESTS

FOR WHAT THEY TELL US.

OH, I DON'T BLAME 'EM.

THEY'RE GREAT.

WHY DON'T WE DO MORE, HUH ?

I BET YOU'D LIKE IT,

WOULDN'T YOU, NOLAND ?

WANNA GET THAT CUP AGAIN ?

I'LL GET YOU LOTS OF CUPS.

MAYBE A HUNDRED CUPS !

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING

ABOUT YOU PEOPLE.

YOU'RE GREAT WITH CUPS,

BUT WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE

ARE BALLS !

I THINK IF YOU ASK ANY MAGICIAN,

HE'LL TELL YOU THAT CUPS WITHOUT

BALLS DOESN'T MEAN JACK SHIT !

[ Brand ]

ALBERT, WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

LOOK, LET'S NOT ARGUE.

SAY THE FAMILY'S FINE.

SAY THE FAMILY'S PERFECT.

LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU

FOR A MINUTE.

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU FAILED, THAT'S WHAT YOU

DID. YOU SCHMUCK, YOU FAILED.

YOU STARTED OUT WITH THIS

ARTSY-CRAFTSY REALITY CRAP,

AND WHAT DID YOU END UP WITH ?

THE NEWS !

THE GODDAMN NEWS !

PEOPLE GET THAT FOR FREE.

YOU THINK SOMEBODY'S

GONNA HIRE A BABY-SITTER,

TAKE A TAXICAB,

GO ALL THE WAY

THE HELL DOWNTOWN,

GO UP TO THE BOX OFFICE,

SHELL OUT FOUR BUCKS...

AND SAY, "HERE ! HERE !

HERE'S MY FOUR DOLLARS !

WHAT TIME DOES

THE NEWS GO ON" ?

"HERE. HERE'S

MY FOUR DOLLARS."

IS MONEY YOUR

ENTIRE LIFE, MARTIN ?

MONEY ! MONEY !

LET'S TALK ABOUT

HUMAN BEINGS FOR A MINUTE !

ACROSS THE STREET

ARE FOUR PEOPLE.

THESE PEOPLE HAD A DREAM.

THEY TOOK ON A PROJECT.

IT WAS NEW,

IT WAS EXCITING,

AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO

A WHOLE YEAR, NOT TWO MONTHS !

NOW, I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.

I'M USED TO MY COMMITMENTS

BEING DUMPED ON.

BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE ORDINARY

PEOPLE WITH ORDINARY FEELINGS.

DO YOU WANNA GO ACROSS

THE STREET AND TELL THEM ?

NO ! YOU WON'T EVEN

COME DOWN HERE !

DO YOU WANNA TAKE THAT

RESPONSIBILITY ? NO !

JUST A MINUTE.

I THINK THEY KNOW MORE THAN

YOU GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR.

[ Doorbell ]

OH, LOOK WHO'S TALKING.

THE PEE HOARDER.

[ Doorbell ]

SOMEONE SHOULD

ANSWER THE DOOR.

WHY ? WHY NOT TAKE

A URINALYSIS OF IT ?

THEN WE'LL KNOW WHO IT IS

WITHOUT GOING THERE.

ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA ?

COME ON, NOLAND !

MORE DATA ! MORE DATA !

WE NEED MORE DATA.

COME ON, DR. CUP !

MORE DATA !

MORE DATA, HUH ?

GET SOME DATA FOR ME !

MORE DATA !

MORE DATA ! MORE DATA !

WE NEED MORE, MORE.

HI. WHAT A BREATH

OF FRESH AIR.

PLEASE, COME IN.

HERE ARE YOUR TESTS,

YOUR LIVING TESTS.

DR. AND MRS. YEAGER, I'M IN

THE COMMUNICATIONS BUSINESS,

AND IT'S MY JOB

TO GET THROUGH TO THESE PEOPLE,

BUT I DON'T THINK

I'M DOING VERY GOOD AT IT.

I DON'T THINK THEY

UNDERSTAND THE MEANING

OF THE WORD "COMMITMENT,"

THE WORD

"DEDICATION."

MAYBE YOU CAN

EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

- WE WANNA STOP.

- WHAT ?

THIS IS OVER.

NO.

LOOK, I DON'T WANNA

GET INTO ANY MORE OF YOUR

INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENTS.

THIS IS RUINING OUR LIVES.

THIS IS NOT WHAT

WE BARGAINED FOR.

THERE WAS NO BARGAINING.

YOU APPLIED,

WE ACCEPTED.

ALBERT, THE CHILDREN ARE

AFRAID TO GO TO SCHOOL.

THAT'S NORMAL, TRUST ME.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE

WHAT YOU THINK IS NORMAL.

WE NO LONGER WANNA BE

INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT.

THAT'S FINAL. THAT'S IT.

THIS WAS THE WHOLE

FAMILY'S DECISION.

OH, I'LL BET IT WAS.

I'M SURE LITTLE ERIC

GOT A FULL VOTE, HUH ?

WE'RE NOT GONNA DISCUSS THIS.

OKAY, NO DISCUSSION.

JUST A FEW FACTS

AND LOOSE ENDS, HUH ?

$25,000. THAT'S MORE THAN

HALF YOUR MONEY WAS DUE ON

THE COMPLETION OF THIS PICTURE.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE END,

AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE

TO GO WITHOUT THE BOAT...

AND THE TRAILER YOU'VE BEEN

TALKING ABOUT FOR A COUPLE

OF MONTHS, AND LISA'S BRACES.

I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT TEETH.

SHE MAY LOOK ALL RIGHT NOW.

IN THREE YEARS SHE'LL

BE AN ELEPHANT GIRL.

THESE COME RIGHT

DOWN TO HER WAIST.

AND ALSO, IF SOMETHING,

GOD FORBID,

REALLY BAD HAPPENS,

YOU HAVE NO INSURANCE,

YOU'RE NOT IN THE

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD,

YOU HAVE NO COVERAGE,

YOU'LL GET NO BENEFITS.

STOP IT !

WITH WHAT THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH,

WE COULD JUST PAY THEM

AND FORGET ABOUT IT.

OKAY, WE'LL FORGET ABOUT IT.

GO AHEAD, TAKE THE MONEY.

GO AHEAD. I'M GONNA

GET THE FAMILY THAT I

WANTED TO CHOOSE ANYWAY.

- WHAT WAS THEIR NAME,

THE ONE I WANTED ?

- THE FELTONS.

THE FELTONS, WISCONSIN !

THAT'S THE HEART

OF THIS COUNTRY.

HERE'S WHAT I SAY.

WE ALL TAKE A WEEK OFF.

I'LL GET A HIGH COLONIC.

THEN WE'LL COME BACK

WITH A NEW FAMILY,

A BIGGER INSTITUTE--

[ Brand ]

AND ANOTHER STUDIO !

WE'RE NOT SPENDING ANOTHER

DIME ON THIS PICTURE !

YOU'RE NUTS TO WANNA

DO THIS AGAIN.

- DON'T CALL ME NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

- YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !

OH, YOU SCHMUCK.

[ Both ] YOU'RE NUTS !

[ Brand ]

I'M HANGIN' UP !

[ Brooks ]

YOU'RE NUTS !

[ Dial Tone ]

NO, NO, NO ! WAIT !

PLEASE, WAIT !

OH, WAIT, WAIT !

LET'S THINK ABOUT ME

FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

0DR. YEAGER, ANIMALS

DON'T GO TO MOVIES.

YOU THINK 6,000 DOGS

ARE GONNA COME OUT

OF RADIO CITY GOING,

"HMM, I DIDN'T LIKE

THE VET SO MUCH" ?

NO, NO. I HAVE TO

DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE

JOHN SIMON AND REX REED.

HAVE YOU EVER

MET THESE PEOPLE ?

THEY'RE KILLERS.

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA SEE ?

JANUARY AND FEBRUARY

IN PHOENIX ?

YOU THINK THAT'S

GONNA DO IT FOR ME ?

I GOT NOTHIN' ON YOU.

I GOT NO BIRTHDAYS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY HOLIDAYS.

I GOT NOTHING.

WHERE AM I

GONNA BE JULY 4th ?

SITTING ALONE IN L.A. ?

NO. I WANNA BE HERE

WITH YOU, FILMING YOU.

WHERE AM I

GONNA BE HALLOWEEN ?

SITTING ALONE ? NO.

I WANNA FOLLOW LISA AROUND

IN HER CUTE LITTLE COSTUME.

WHAT ABOUT THANKSGIVING ?

I WANNA SEE YOU EAT THE HAM.

I WANNA WATCH YOU

CARVE UP THE HAM.

AND CHRISTMAS ?

OH, PLEASE.

I WANNA BE HERE

FOR CHRISTMAS !

I WANT THAT

12-FOOT TREE...

WITH THE ANGEL HAIR

AND THE POPCORN BALLS !

[ Warren ]

ALBERT.

PLEASE !

ALBERT, ALBERT,

PLEASE.

PLEASE !

PLEASE, ALBERT.

I'M FINE.

[ Sobbing ]

FOLKS, WE'RE GOING

TO NEED YOUR SIGNATURES

ON SOME DISCLAIMERS,

AND SOME, UH,

STATEMENTS ON FILM.

JUST A FEW

SHORT SECONDS.

[ Door Opens ]

ALBERT ?

ALBERT, HERE.

WHAT IS IT ?

VALIUM.

THANKS. WHAT AM I GONNA

WASH IT DOWN WITH ?

URINE, HOWARD ?

GO ON, ALBERT, TAKE IT.

IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU.

GOOD. THANKS FOR BEING

SO CONSIDERATE. YOU WERE

A BIG HELP AT THE TABLE.

WHY DON'T YOU GET

THE DISCLAIMERS ?

JUST GO GET THE

DISCLAIMERS FROM THEM.

OKAY.

OH, MY GOD.

MR. BROOKS ?

HOW DID THIS

HAPPEN ?

ARE YOU OKAY ?

- I PUT SOME COFFEE ON.

- THANK YOU.

FOLKS, UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND,

WE'LL JUST HAVE YOU SIGN THESE.

THESE ARE SOME STANDARD FORMS

RELATING TO LIMITATIONS

OF LIABILITY.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE

YOUR CLIENTS SIGN MUCH

THE SAME THING, DOCTOR.

AND WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT,

I'LL ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS...

AND GET YOUR ANSWERS

ON FILM.

THIS WOULD NORMALLY BE DONE

AT THE END OF THE PROJECT--

WHICH THIS IS.

WHAT A SAD DAY.

I'M A BIG JERK.

I RUINED THEIR LIFE.

HOW DID I DO IT ?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

I'M A FAILURE.

I'M A FAILURE.

YOU'RE NOT

A FAILURE.

YES, I AM.

I'M A FAILURE.

HOW DID IT HAPPEN ?

I HAD GOOD INTENTIONS.

HEY, IT CAN'T

BE THAT BAD.

LOOK.

YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.

HIS KIDS CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL.

THEY'RE ALL SCREWED UP.

THEY'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

WHY DO I EVEN MAKE MOVIES ?

I HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE MOVIES.

I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED

TO DO THIS.

"DID ANY REPRESENTATIVE OF

THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE

OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR...

"AT ANY TIME INTERFERE

WITH THE NORMAL CONDUCT

OF YOUR BUSINESS...

OR FAMILY LIFE ?"

OH, KEEPING IN MIND...

THAT MR. BROOKS IS NOT CONNECTED

WITH THE INSTITUTE.

- OH, NO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT

I GOTTA GO DO NOW ?

I GOTTA GO PUT THIS ON,

AND GO DOWN TO A CHILDREN'S

HOSPITAL AND MAKE KIDS LAUGH.

I CAN'T DO IT.

HOSPITAL ?

OH, IT'S A BENEFIT.

I COMMITTED TO IT WEEKS AGO,

BUT I CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T BE THE HAPPY CLOWN.

WHAT AM I GONNA SAY TO 'EM ?

"HELLO, KIDS. MY MOVIE

JUST GOT SCREWED UP,

BUT THAT'S OKAY.

GET WELL, 'CAUSE SOMEDAY

YOU'LL GO OUT AND HAVE

SOME JERK FILM YOU."

WHY DID I PICK REALITY ?

WHY DID I PICK THAT

OUT OF ALL THE SUBJECTS ?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WHAT WAS I DOING ?

I'M A STUPID,

STUPID JERK.

"WERE YOU COERCED

IN ANY WAY...

TO PARTICIPATE

IN THIS PROJECT ?"

NO.

MAYBE I'M OVERREACTING.

STOP ME IF I DO IT.

I OVERREACT A LOT.

IT'S GOOD, HUH ?

IT'S GOOD ?

YEAH.

I SHOULDN'T BE HARD ON MYSELF.

WE GOT GOOD SCENES HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

HEY, IT'S A GOOD MOVIE.

WE GOT NICE THINGS.

WE GOT ANIMALS, WE GOT KIDS,

WE GOT SUNNY DAYS.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ?

SO IT ENDED EIGHT MONTHS EARLY.

LIKE AN ABORTION.

IT'S AN ABORTION.

THIS THING'S AN ABORTION.

I'M INVOLVED IN AN ABORTION.

OH, GOD, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

"YOU SUFFERED NO FINANCIAL

OR MONETARY DAMAGE

AS A RESULT OF ANY DEALINGS...

WITH REPRESENTATIVES

OF THE INSTITUTE ?"

NO.

"NOR DID YOU ASSUME ANY

FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS...

"WHICH MIGHT RESULT

IN ANY CLAIMS AGAINST

THE INSTITUTE...

BY THIRD PARTIES ?"

NO, NO.

I MEAN, THEY WERE GONNA

GIVE ME A YEAR. THEY WERE

GONNA GIVE ME A WHOLE YEAR.

I WAS GONNA DO SOMETHIN' NICE.

I WAS GONNA END

WITH NEW YEAR'S !

UP ! UP !

THE BEGINNING ! NEW !

SOMETHIN' SO AUDIENCES

CAN GO HOME AND SMILE.

BUT THIS ?

"WOULD THIS EXPERIENCE

PREJUDICE YOU AGAINST

PARTICIPATING IN...

ANOTHER TYPE OF AUDIENCE

OR MARKETING RESEARCH

AT SOME FUTURE DATE ?"

I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, NOT A LIVE-IN.

NOT A LIVE-IN, NO.

I NEVER THOUGHT

I'D SAY THIS.

THE STUDIO IS RIGHT.

THE AUDIENCE LOVES FAKE.

THEY CRAVE FAKE.

REALITY SUCKS.

I CAN DO FAKE.

I'M CAPABLE.

I JUST WON'T GET A CHANCE.

I WON'T EVER BE ABLE

TO WORK AGAIN.

COME ON,

TAKE IT EASY.

OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

WE CAN END THIS MOVIE FAKE.

WE CAN END IT BIG.

WE CAN END IT UP.

WE CAN SEND

THE PEOPLE HOME HAPPY.

MR. BROOKS !

WHAT ?

WHAT ?

THERE'S NO LAW THAT SAYS,

WHAT, "START REAL,

CAN'T END FAKE" ?

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO ?

PUT ME IN MOVIE JAIL ?

IT'S A FAKE JAIL. COME ON.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST MOVIE

EVER MADE ? COME ON.

WE'LL TAKE, WE'LL BORROW.

THAT'S THE MEANING OF ART.

YOU BORROW A LITTLE, A LITTLE,

A LITTLE, PUT IT TOGETHER--

IT'S SOMETHING NEW.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST MOVIE ?

STAR WARS. HOW DID IT END ?

SIR ?

-YOU OKAY ?

-ZOOM ! THEY BLEW UP A PLANET !

THEY BLEW UP A PLANET !

FANTASTIC ! WE CAN DO THAT !

HOW DID THEY DO IT ?

WHAT'S THE TRICK ?

HOW DID THEY DO IT ?

HMM.

COME ON !

HELP ME !

"HAS YOUR ASSOCIATION

WITH THE INSTITUTE...

BENEFITTED YOUR LIFE

IN ANY WAY ?"

I'D LIKE TO THINK

ABOUT THAT A LITTLE.

WHAT'S THE SECOND

BIGGEST FILM ?

HMM.

JAWS. ALL RIGHT, JAWS.

OOH, THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

THIS IS A GOOD IDEA !

I CAN SAVE THIS PICTURE !

JAWS.

OH, MY GOD, PETE.

THERE IS A GIGANTIC FISH

DOWN AT THE ZOO. I REMEMBER

WHEN WE WERE DOWN THERE FILMING.

THE ZOOKEEPER'S A FAN OF MINE

'CAUSE I GAVE HIM AN AUTOGRAPH.

HE'LL LET US IN TONIGHT.

I CAN GET THE FAMILY DOWN THERE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

WE'LL HAVE THIS CONFRONTATION--

GIGANTIC FISH, FAMILY.

THEY'LL MEET.

I'LL PUT MUSIC BEHIND IT.

♪ DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO

DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO ♪

I'M MENTALLY ILL.

I'M GOIN' NUTS.

OH, GOD.

WHAT AM I

GONNA DO ?

WHAT'S THE THIRD

BIGGEST FILM ?

GONE WITH THE WIND.

OH, TIMELESS,

TIMELESS FILM.

BEAUTIFUL FILM.

HOW DID IT END ?

I DIDN'T SEE IT.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT ?

YOU DIDN'T SEE

GONE WITH THE WIND ?

ONLY THE BIGGEST

FILM EVER MADE.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT ?

MY GOD, IT WAS

SPECTACULAR, PETE.

YOU OUGHTA GO SEE IT.

YOU'RE IN THIS BUSINESS.

THEY ONLY BURN DOWN

THE CITY OF ATLANTA.

A GIGANTIC FIRE.

I MEAN--

♪♪ [ Theme From

Gone With The Wind Begins ]

[ Breathlessly ]

I MEAN--

- MR. BROOKS ?

- OH !

MR. BROOKS ?

"HAD YOU HEARD OF

THE INSTITUTE BEFORE

THE PROJECT BEGAN ?"

NO.

"WHICH OF THE TESTS

DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST ?"

I ENJOYED WORKING

WITH THE COMPUTERS.

I WOULDN'T SAY

THAT IENJOYED

ANY OF THE TESTING.

IS IT THE COFFEE

BURNING ?

NO, THAT SMELLS

A LITTLE LIKE TOAST.

YOU DIDN'T

PUT ANYTHING--

EXCUSE ME FOR

A SECOND, PLEASE.

ALBERT, WHAT--

TRUST ME !

ALBERT !

ALBERT,

MY GOD !

[ Jeanette ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ?

LOOK AT THAT !

THE KIDS !

YEAH, THE KIDS !

SAVE THE KIDS !

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY !

THIS FAMILY IS SO BEAUTIFUL !

ALBERT, STOP !

ARE YOU CRAZY ?

CRAZY ?

GET OUT !

GO AHEAD, GET OUTTA HERE !

WAS DAVID O. SELZNICK CRAZY ?

[ Pete ]

ALBERT !

OH, MY GOD !

OH, MY GOD, PETE !

PETE !

OH, MY GOD !

COME HERE !

[ Panicked Shouting ]

ARE YOU OKAY ?

LOOK !

CAN YOU SEE IT ?

CAN YOU SEE IT ?

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ?

FOCUS FOR ME, BABY !

[ Coughing ]

[ Pete ] I CAN'T SEE !

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL !

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL !

I CAN'T

SEE !

IT'S BEAUTIFUL !

GOD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL !

[ Jeanette ]

DARLING, RUN !

ALBERT, FOR GOD'S

SAKE, GET OUT !

SAVE THEM ! SAVE THEM !

OH, LOOK AT 'EM GO !

OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING !

THIS IS A MILLION TIMES

BETTER THAN A BIG FISH !

OH, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL !

WE DID IT, PETE !

WE DID IT !

WE DID IT !

I CAN'T SEE !

I CAN'T

SEE !

WE DID IT !

LOOK AT IT, BABE !

IT'S THE MOST SPECTACULAR ENDING

ANYBODY COULD'VE EVER HAD !

HUMOR ! PATHOS !

TRAGEDY !

AND IT'S REAL !

IT'S REAL !

THEIR HOUSE

IS REALLY BURNING !

♪♪ [ Theme From

Gone With The Wind Ends ]

[ Siren Blaring ]