Real Life (1979) - full transcript

[ Crowd Murmuring ]

[ Tapping ]

HELLO....
AND WELCOME.

I'M COUNCILMAN EDMUND HARRIS
OF THE FIFTH DISTRICT.

[ Applauding ]

I'M SURE SOME OF YOU KNOW
WE'RE GATHERED HERE
THIS AFTERNOON...

TO DEDICATE THE BEGINNING
OF A YEAR LONG PROJECT:

TO MAKE A MOVIE
RIGHT HERE IN PHOENIX
AND THE OUTLYING AREAS,

AND MUCH OF IT
IN OUR OWN FIFTH DISTRICT.

[ Applause ]

THE FIFTH DISTRICT IS
THE HOME OF OUR GOOD FRIENDS,
THE YEAGER FAMILY:



WARREN, JEANETTE,
CUTE LITTLE LISA AND ERIC.

AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE
THE STARS OF THIS UNUSUAL MOVIE.

[ Murmuring ]
WAIT A MINUTE.

ALL OF US IN THIS ROOM ARE
GOING TO HAVE AN IMPORTANT PART
IN THE PICTURE TOO.

MY WIFE TELLS ME
I'M NOT HANDSOME ENOUGH...

TO BE IN THE MOVIES.

BUT OUR GUEST OF HONOR
HERE TODAY SAYS THAT'S BALONEY.

HE'S THE GENTLEMAN
BEHIND THE WHOLE THING.

QUITE A GENTLEMAN
HE IS.

WHY, HE'S MADE ME
LAUGH ON...

"THE TONIGHT SHOW,"
THE LATE ED SULLIVAN.

AND I KNOW YOU'VE SEEN
HIS SHORT FILMS ON NBC's
"GOOD NIGHT SATURDAY."

A LOT OF YOU HAVE SEEN HIM ON
YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS, I'M SURE.

AND IF YOU LIKE THE FOOD
WE HAD TODAY,
YOU HAVE HIM TO THANK.



SO WOULD YOU PLEASE WELCOME
WITH A BIG PHOENIX APPLAUSE,

ALL THE WAY FROM
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA,

MR. ALBERT BROOKS !

THANK YOU,
COUNCILMAN HARRIS.

PLEASE TELL THE MAYOR
I WISH HIM A SPEEDY RECOVERY.

I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
SOME EXPRESSIONS OF SHOCK
OR DISBELIEF,

OR WHATEVER IT WAS
YOU WERE DOING,

WHEN THE COUNCILMAN MENTIONED
THAT THE YEAGERS...

WERE GOING TO BE THE STARS
OF A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

MANY OF YOU KNOW WARREN YEAGER
IS A FINE VETERINARIAN...

AND NOT
A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR.

BUT THAT'S EXACTLY
THE POINT.

WE'RE GATHERED HERE
THIS AFTERNOON TO FILM
WARREN AND HIS FAMILY,

AND YOU FOLKS
AND OURSELVES AS WELL,

BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING A MOVIE
ABOUT REALITY.

I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL HAD
THE EXPERIENCE OF COMING OUT
OF A MOTION PICTURE THEATER...

AND SAYING TO YOURSELVES,
"I'VE HAD MORE INTERESTING
THINGS HAPPEN TO ME...

"THAN HAPPENED TO THOSE
CHARACTERS IN THAT PICTURE.

MY LIFE IS
MUCH MORE INTERESTING."

YOU KNOW SOMETHING ?
YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE MOST HILARIOUS COMEDY,

THE MOST GRIPPING DRAMA,

THE MOST
SUSPENSEFUL DISASTERS,

THEY DON'T HAPPEN
ON THE MOVIE SCREEN.

THEY HAPPEN IN MY BACKYARD
AND YOURS.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SO, PLEASE, JUST REMEMBER
TWO SIMPLE WORDS...

AND EVERYTHING
WILL BE PERFECT.

BE YOURSELVES.

IF YOU SEE OUR CAMERAMAN
FOLLOWING WARREN OR JEANETTE,
OR ONE OF THE CHILDREN...

INTO YOUR HOMES, OFFICES,
CLEANING ESTABLISHMENTS
OR GAS STATIONS,

DON'T TRY TO DO
ANYTHING SPECIAL.

IT'S TEMPTING TO SHOW OFF
FOR THE CAMERA. I KNOW.
I MAKE MY LIVING THAT WAY.

BUT IN THIS CASE,
WE DON'T WANT A SHOW.

LET ME CORRECT MYSELF.

WE WANT THE GREATEST
SHOW OF ALL: LIFE !

HEY, YOU'RE GREAT !
YOU'RE GREAT !

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A B-A-L-L HERE.
I GUARANTEE YOU.

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TERMED
THIS PROJECT AN EXPERIMENT,
AND I CAN'T DISAGREE.

WHAT EXPERIMENT
WOULD BE COMPLETE...

WITHOUT THE SCIENTISTS,
HMM ?

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
TWO OF THE FINEST...

PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSULTANTS
THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

AND I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET
THE IMPRESSION WE'RE BUYING
EITHER OF THESE GENTLEMEN.

[ Laughing ]

ACTUALLY, THE ONE
ON THE END IS RENTED,

AND THE GENTLEMAN SITTING
NEXT TO HIM IS LEASED.
[ Laughter ]

NO, I'M KIDDING.

THE GENTLEMAN ON THE END--
WHAT CAN I SAY ?

HE'S FROM ONE OF THE MOST
PRESTIGIOUS INSTITUTES
WE HAVE IN THIS COUNTRY.

FROM BOULDER, COLORADO,
FROM THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

WOULD YOU WELCOME
DR. HOWARD HILL.

[ Applauding ]

AND THE GENTLEMAN
SITTING NEXT TO HIM--

WHAT CAN I SAY ?
YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN HIM
ON SOME TELEVISION SHOWS.

A WELL-KNOWN AUTHOR.
HE'S WRITTEN BOOKS.

FROM THE UNIVERSITY
OF MINNESOTA,

PLEASE GIVE A NICE WELCOME
TO DR. TED CLEARY.

[ Applauding ]

A LOT OF YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT
TED DIDN'T STAND UP.

ACTUALLY, HE IS STANDING.
ISN'T THAT GREAT ?
HE EATS VERY LITTLE.

[ Laughter ]

YOU FOLKS LOVE TO LAUGH,
DON'T YOU ?

WELL, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE
IN THE WORLD, I'D LOVE TO GET
INTO SOME HUMOR WITH YOU,

BUT WE REALLY DON'T
HAVE THE TIME.

WE'RE MEETING THE YEAGERS
AT THE AIRPORT
IN LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR.

SO BEFORE YOURS TRULY
HAS TO SKIDADDLE OUT OF HERE,

I'D LIKE, IF I COULD,
TO SHARE MY SENTIMENTS I HAVE...

ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY
WITH YOU, IF I MIGHT.

MORT !

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
THE MAN AT THE PIANO,
MR. MORT LINDSAY...

FROM
"THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW."

AND AS MUCH OF HIS ORCHESTRA AS
WE COULD AFFORD TO BRING DOWN.

MORT, IF YOU WILL.
♪♪ [ Piano ]

IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING
I JOTTED DOWN ON THE PLANE
COMING IN YESTERDAY,

SPECIALLY FROM ME TO YOU.

♪ WHEN AN
IRRESISTIBLE TOWN ♪

♪ SUCH AS YOU ♪

♪ MEETS A YOUNG, HONEST GUY
LIKE MYSELF ♪

♪ NO ONE CAN DOUBT
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT ♪

♪ IT'S FATE ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S GOTTA GIVE
GIVE ME ALL YOU'VE GOT ♪

♪ DON'T MAKE ME WAIT ♪
HOW ARE YOU ?

♪ FOLKS LIKE YOU ♪

♪ ARE WHAT THEY CALL
NUMBER ONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU LIVE
IN THE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ VALLEY OF THE SUN ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT WEATHER THAT'S
SUNNY AND CLEAR, HERE ♪

♪ WE'RE GONNA HAVE
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
ONE HECK OF A YEAR ♪

♪ BE YOURSELVES ♪

♪ AND TELL ME WHO EACH
OF YOU ARE ♪

WHO ARE YOU ?
WHAT DO YOU DO ?
PAUL LOWELL, LOWELL REALTY.

THANKS VERY MUCH FOR THE HOUSE.
YOU GOT ME MY HOUSE.

WHO ARE YOU ?
DONNA STANLEY, STANLEY'S
GIFT SHOP AT THE AIRPORT.

THANKS FOR THAT LITTLE
PLASTIC CACTUS. YES.

AND WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M JACK FROM CINCINNATI.

YOU LIVE DOWN HERE ?
JUST VISITING ?

NO, I CAME DOWN
TO WATCH YOU WORK.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?
GOD BLESS YOU.

♪ I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL
BUT WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME ♪

♪ OR THE CORD, LORD ♪

♪ GOT TO MOVE, GOT TO GET
THIS FILM ON ITS WAY ♪

♪ SEE YOU SOON ♪

♪ HOPE YOU LIKE
THE EXPENSIVE BUFFET ♪

TWO GRAND !

♪ I'LL JUST SAY
A BIG THANK YOU ANDCIAO ♪

WOW !

♪ SOMEONE'S GOTTA LEAVE
SOMEONE'S GOTTA LEAVE
IT'S GOTTA BE NOW ♪♪

THANK YOU.

GOD BLESS YOU !
YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE !

THANK YOU !

♪♪ [ Whistling ]

♪♪♪

♪♪ [ Whistling Continues ]

[ Birds Chirping ]

HELLO.

SO MANY OF US GO THROUGH LIFE
DOING ONE THING AND DREAMING
OF DOING SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.

I'M FORTUNATE TO HAVE
THAT JOB, BUT QUITE FRANKLY,

IF I'D STUDIED HARDER
OR BEEN GRADED MORE FAIRLY,

I WOULD HAVE BEEN A SCIENTIST
OR A DOCTOR OF SOME KIND.

WELL, THE FULFILLMENT OF THAT
DREAM FINALLY HAPPENED FOR ME...

WHEN I ARRIVED HERE
AT THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

A FEW MILES SOUTHWEST
OF BOULDER, COLORADO.

I KNEW FROM THE INCEPTION
OF THIS MOTION PICTURE...

THAT WITHOUT SCIENTIFIC GUIDANCE
FROM A NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED
RESEARCH ORGANIZATION,

VERY FEW PEOPLE
WOULD TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

HOWEVER,
WITH THAT GUIDANCE...

WE NOT ONLY HAD A CHANCE
AT WINNING AN OSCAR,

BUT POSSIBLY
A NOBEL PRIZE TOO.

OOH !
IT GIVES ME THE CHILLS.

LET'S GO INSIDE.

COME ON.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE RESPONDED
TO THE ADVERTISEMENTS...

SCIENTIFICALLY PLACED
BY THE INSTITUTE.

THEY FILLED OUT PRELIMINARY
QUESTIONNAIRES IN THE PRIVACY
OF THEIR OWN HOMES.

THEN, THE 210 BEST FAMILIES
WERE
INVITED HERE FOR FINAL TESTING.

THESE TESTS IN BOULDER
WERE DESIGNED TO CHOOSE
THE ONE FAMILY UNIT...

THAT COULD BEST REFLECT
DAY-TO-DAY LIVING
IN CONTEMPORARY AMERICA,

AND AT THE SAME TIME...

HOLD A MOTION PICTURE AUDIENCE
COMPLETELY SPELLBOUND.

DURING THE TIME
THEY STAYED HERE,

THE 210 FAMILIES UNDERWENT
MORE THAN 145 SEPARATE TESTS,

TOTALING MORE THAN
2,500 TEST HOURS.

IF THESE TESTS COULD BE
CONVERTED INTO EGGS,

IT WOULD BE ENOUGH TO FEED
A CITY THE SIZE OF ST. LOUIS
FOR MORE THAN TWO YEARS...

ON A TWO-EGG-PER-PERSON
PER WEEK BASIS.

SOUND COMPLICATED ?
IT WAS, AND VERY EXPENSIVE.

HOWEVER, EVEN THOUGH
WE WERE PAYING FOR THIS,
FOR TOP SECURITY REASONS...

THE INSTITUTE ALLOWED US
TO FILM JUST A SMALL PORTION...

OF A FEW OF THE TESTS.

HONEY, I COMPLETELY
BELIEVE THAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
TEST 40, ONE OF THREE
ROLE REVERSAL EXERCISES.

THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE:
BE SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR FAMILY.

THIS TEST WAS INVALUABLE,
NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE
INSIGHTS
IT GAVE INTO RELATIONSHIPS,

BUT BECAUSE IT SINGLE-HANDEDLY
DISCOURAGED 23 FAMILIES
FROM FURTHER PARTICIPATION,

SAVING US MORE THAN $90,000
IN WASTED TESTING COSTS.

I WANNA GO OUT AND PLAY.
NO ! YOU HEARD WHAT
YOUR MOTHER SAID.

YOU HAVE TO STAY IN,
DO YOUR HOMEWORK
AND BE QUIET ALL DAY.

BUT I WANNA GO OUT
AND PLAY.
NO !

WELL, I WANT TO.
I SAID NO !

I SAID YES.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
I'M THE BOSS.

NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET
A BEATING.

I DON'T WANNA DO THAT.
OKAY, OKAY. HAROLD, STOP IT !

DON'T CALL ME HAROLD,
CALL ME "DAD" !
DON'T YOU HIT ME, YOU LITTLE--

[ Shouts ]
DAMN YOU !

[ Brooks ]
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.

THANK YOU. FOLKS ?

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THIS WAS TEST 72,
ONE OF 15 TESTS...

UTILIZING STATE-OF-THE-ART
COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY.

THIS MAN...

WAS FEEDING ALL OF
HIS FACIAL FEATURES INTO THIS--

THE GRAPHICON 8,000.

THIS AMAZING COMPUTER
WOULD ACTUALLY SHOW...

WHAT EACH FAMILY MEMBER'S FACE
WOULD PHOTOGRAPH LIKE...

FROM EVERY CONCEIVABLE ANGLE...

AND THEN GIVE US
A DIGITAL READOUT
OF THEIR SCREEN PRESENCE.

[ Buzzing ]

OKAY, IT SHOULD BE SIMPLE.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
TEST 141, KNOWN SIMPLY
AS THE DRIVING TEST.

SINCE MUCH OF ANYBODY'S LIFE
TAKES PLACE IN A CAR,

WE WANTED TO MAKE SURE OUR
FAMILY WASN'T GOING TO KILL US.

DUMMIES, ACTING AS CAMERAMEN,
WERE PLACED...

IN ONE OF THE 200 CARS IN THE
INSTITUTE'S MOBILE TEST FLEET.

WHEN I TELL YOU TO START,
PUT THE CAR IN REVERSE,

BACK IT UP TO
THAT SIMULATED GARAGE.
GO ?

IN REVERSE AND BACK
IN THERE. OKAY, FINE.

[ Horn Honks ]

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT IT BACK
IN THE SIMULATED GARAGE.

WHAT SIMULATED GARAGE ?
OKAY.

WHILE THE TESTING CONTINUED,

GROUND RULES FOR THE PROJECT
WERE SLOWLY BEING DEVELOPED.

MOST IMPORTANT WAS
THE UNUSUAL AGREEMENT...

THAT ONLY THE STUDIO
AND A FEW OF THE DOCTORS
AT THE INSTITUTE...

WOULD ACTUALLY BE ALLOWED TO SEE
THE FILM AS IT WAS BEING SHOT.

THE REST OF US WOULD HAVE
TO WAIT UNTIL THE YEAR WAS OVER.

THIS WAS DONE TO REDUCE
POSSIBLE CONFUSION...

AND TO HEIGHTEN
THE REALITY.

BUT, TO REALLY HEIGHTEN
THE REALITY,

WE NEEDED A WHOLE NEW GENERATION
OF MOTION PICTURE EQUIPMENT--

EQUIPMENT THAT COULD STAY
OUT OF OUR FAMILY'S WAY.

TWO SYSTEMS WERE CHOSEN.
FIRST, FROM JAPAN,

SPECIAL HEAT-SENSING
WALL CAMERAS LIKE THIS.

THESE WOULD BE INSTALLED
WHEREVER FEASIBLE.

THESE AMAZING DEVICES
ACTUALLY USED BODY HEAT...

TO FOCUS IN
ON THE NEAREST PERSON.

QUIET, EFFICIENT,
EXPENSIVE.

AND THEN, TO CAPTURE
WHAT THOSE COULDN'T,

A STARTLING BREAKTHROUGH
IN TECHNOLOGY.

THE SMALLEST, MOST VERSATILE
MOTION PICTURE CAMERA EVER MADE.

FROM HOLLAND,
THE ENTANOUR 226-XL.

THE ETANOUR IS ACTUALLY WORN
OVER THE HEAD.

THE CAMERA IS CONTROLLED
BY USING BODY MOVEMENT,

AND BY OPERATING THIS
HUMAN EYE-LIKE LENS SYSTEM.

[ Whirring ]

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING ?

AND IT CAN HEAR
LIKE A HUMAN TOO...

WITH THESE SPECIAL
OMNI-DIRECTIONAL MICROPHONES...

LOCATED EXACTLY WHERE
WE HAVE OUR EARS.

THE ETANOUR NEEDS
NO SPECIAL LIGHTING.

AND IT USES NO FILM.

YES, ALL PICTURE
AND SOUND INFORMATION...

IS RECORDED DIGITALLY ON
THESE INTEGRATED CIRCUIT CHIPS,

SOME NO LARGER THAN
A CHILD'S FINGERNAIL.

WHEN THESE CHIPS
ARE FILLED TO CAPACITY,

THEY WILL BE REMOVED FROM
THIS HOUSING, AND THEN
MAILED BACK TO THE INSTITUTE,

WHERE THEY'RE DECODED
AND THEN TRANSFERRED TO FILM
AS WE KNOW IT.

ONLY SIX OF THESE CAMERAS
WERE EVER MADE.

ONLY FIVE OF THEM
EVER WORKED.

WE HAD FOUR OF THOSE.

AFTER SIX WEEKS OF TESTING,

THE FAMILIES HAD BEEN
NARROWED DOWN TO TWO:

THE ANDREW FELTONS
FROM GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN,

AND THE WARREN YEAGERS
FROM PHOENIX, ARIZONA.

USING THE SOPHISTICATED
EQUIPMENT AND THE INSTITUTE'S
DIRECT-MAIL FACILITY,

THE OTHER HUNDREDS OF FAMILIES
WERE NOTIFIED...

THAT THEY WERE UNSUITABLE.

SINCE THESE TWO FINALISTS
HAD NEVER MET BEFORE,

EACH FAMILY SERVED AS
A MATCHING SET OF STRANGERS
FOR THE OTHER.

THEY WERE GIVEN
ONLY ONE INSTRUCTION FOR
THE HOUR-LONG ENCOUNTER:

BE YOURSELVES.

YOU'RE WITH T.W.A. ?
NO, AMERICAN.

OH, UH-HUH.

YOU GET TO FLY FOR FREE,
DON'T YOU ?
WE HAVE TO PAY TAX.

HOW MUCH IS THE TAX
TO EUROPE ?

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY.

ARE THERE A MAXIMUM AMOUNT
OF TRIPS YOU CAN TAKE ?
OH, YES.

SOUNDS GREAT.
OH, YES.

TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK,
WE COULD FIND NO DIFFERENCE.

OUR RESEARCH WAS SO THOROUGH,
THE COMPUTERS ACTUALLY
COUGHED UP TWO PERFECT FAMILIES.

IF I WERE A LIAR,
I COULD TELL YOU WE CHOSE
ONE OVER THE OTHER...

FOR COMPLICATED
PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS.

BUT I'M A COMEDIAN,
NOT A LIAR.

I CAN AFFORD THE LUXURY
OF HONESTY.

THE FELTONS LIVED
IN WISCONSIN.

THE YEAGERS LIVED
IN ARIZONA.

YOU SPEND THE WINTER
IN WISCONSIN.

[ All Laughing ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]
PHOENIX !

POPULATION:
ALMOST ONE MILLION PEOPLE.

THE FASTEST GROWING METROPOLIS
WEST OF THE MISSISSIPPI.

THE YEAGERS LIVED HERE,

IN ONE OF THE NEWER SECTIONS
OF TOWN, PART OF
THE FIFTH DISTRICT.

THEIR HOUSE WAS LOCATED
AT THE END OF A CUL-DE-SAC...

CALLED
VIEW CREST HEIGHTS DRIVE.

WARREN YEAGER WORKED HERE AT
THE ARIZONA VETERINARY CLINIC,

ONE OF THE FINEST
VETERINARY HOSPITALS
IN THE NEW SOUTHWEST.

THE CHILDREN ATTENDED SCHOOL
AT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
GRAMMAR SCHOOL,

ABOUT TWO MILES
FROM THE FAMILY'S HOME.

I WAS FORTUNATE
TO PURCHASE THE HOUSE...

DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET
FROM THE YEAGERS.

IT WAS THE FIRST HOUSE I HAD
EVER OWNED, AND I MUST SAY,

I WAS PROUD.

THAT'S IT.

THIS MAN, HOWEVER,
WOULD NOT STOP SHAKING MY HAND.

THE YEAGERS WERE SENT ON
A TWO-WEEK, ALL-EXPENSE-PAID
TRIP TO HAWAII...

SO I COULD GET SETTLED IN
WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM.

I KNEW THE HOUSE HAD
TO BE FURNISHED WITH GREAT
CARE.

[ Horn Honking ]

WE'RE HERE !

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THE LIVING ROOM WAS DONE
IN A NEO-MEDITERRANEAN STYLE.

THE PLAYROOM WAS DONE
CONTEMPORARY, WITH A FUN TOUCH.

LET'S PUT IT OUTSIDE.

AND THE SLEEPING AREA--

WELL, WITH THIS ROUND BED
AND LARGE SCREEN TV,

LET'S JUST SAY IF THERE WERE
ANY SINGLE GIRLS IN PHOENIX,
I'D FIND THEM.

THE REST OF THE CREW STAYED
HERE
AT THE TRAVEL LODGE,

A NICE PLACE.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE CREW,
FOR AT THIS VERY MOMENT...

A 707 WAS LANDING
NONSTOP FROM HAWAII...

WITH OUR STARS ABOARD.

IT'S NOT DEGRADING.
WHAT'S DEGRADING ABOUT
BEING INTRODUCED ?

WERE YOU DEGRADED ?
THERE'S SUCH A THING
AS PROFESSIONAL DIGNITY.

WHY WERE YOU SINGING ? YOU WERE
JUST SUPPOSED TO INFORM THEM OF
THE BEGINNING OF THE PROJECT.

I DID INFORM 'EM. WHAT'S
SO BAD ABOUT MAKING THEM HAPPY ?
THEY LOVED THE SONG.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, HOWARD,
BUT I DIDN'T GO TO GRADUATE
SCHOOL FOR FIVE YEARS...

TO BE INTRODUCED
AS A PART OF AN ACT.
AN ACT !

HOWARD, YOU'VE SEEN ME WORK.
THAT'S NOT MY ACT, TED.
AN ACT'S A DETAILED THING.

FIRST YOU'VE GOT A SET OPENING,
THEN YOU'VE GOT A THREE,
FOUR MINUTE HUNK.

YOU FOLLOW THAT WITH
A TEN MINUTE HUNK.
[ Warren ] MR. BROOKS. ALBERT.

SOMEONE KNOWS ME IN PHOENIX.
HI. HOW ARE YOU ? IT'S WARREN.
WE'RE IN BAGGAGE !

WE MISSED THE PLANE.
GREAT, GOOD. WE'RE COMING !

I GOT MIXED UP MYSELF.
I THOUGHT THE PLANE--
HEY ! HELLO !

WE MISSED YOU !
HE BARELY KNOWS ME.

WELCOME HOME ! ALOHA !
LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT THIS.
REAL ORCHIDS.

HELLO, MRS. YEAGER.
AND YOU. LOOK AT THIS.
COME HERE.

LOOK AT THAT. OKAY !
DO WE KNOW EVERYBODY ?

THESE ARE THE ETANOURS.
I THINK YOU READ
THE LITERATURE ON THEM.

THESE ARE MY TWO
PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSULTANTS.

THEY'RE GONNA BE WITH US
FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR, MAKING
SURE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

DID YOU MEET HOWARD
AT THE INSTITUTE ?
I DON'T THINK SO.

DR. HOWARD HILL.
HE'S FROM THE INSTITUTE.

THIS GENTLEMAN IS GONNA BE
WITH US THE ENTIRE YEAR ?
YES, HE IS.

I WON'T BE DEGRADING.
I'LL DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME.

I'M DR. TED CLEARY.
I'M NOT A CONSULTANT,
I'M MORE OF AN OBSERVER.

I'M WRITING A SERIES OF ARTICLES
ON THIS PROJECT FOR THE
JOURNAL OF AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY.

[ Brooks ]
HE'S A WELL-KNOWN AUTHOR.
WRITTEN LOTS OF BOOKS.

YOU KNOW WHO'S GOING TO PUBLISH
THE ARTICLES HE'S WRITING ?
DID YOU TELL HIM ?

- I DID TELL HIM.
-THE JOURNAL OF
AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY.

MAYBE THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS
SCIENTIFIC JOURNAL IN THE WORLD.
I SWEAR TO GOD.

YOU KNOW WHO READS
THESE THINGS ? JONAS SALK,
BUCKMINSTER FULLER,

WILLIAM BUCKLEY,
EVERY SCIENTIST LIVING.

THEY GO TO THE MAILBOX,
THEY GET IT LIKE MAGAZINES.

WE'RE ALL GONNA BE ON
JONAS SALK'S COFFEE TABLE.

ALL RIGHT !
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ?
HE LOVES IT.

ONE LAST THING,
THEN I'M STAYING OUT
OF YOUR LIVES.

LIMO BACK TO THE HOUSE.
JUST A SPECIAL TREAT.

COME ON,
LET'S GO TO THE LIMO !
I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WE WENT TO MAUI.
JEANETTE DIDN'T WANT TO GO,
BUT I TOLD HER--

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ?
GET THIS LUGGAGE MYSELF ?

EXCUSE ME ONE MOMENT.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, REALLY.

I'M SORRY.
I'M A LITTLE EXCITED.
YOU'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF IT.

COME ON !
COME ON !
OKAY !

WE GOT THE WHOLE CREW
WAITIN' !
OKAY. COME ON, HONEY.

[ Applauding ]

MR. THEODORE CLEARY !
ALL RIGHT, THERE HE IS !

THE YEAGERS !

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.
LOOK, IT'S YOUR PARENTS.

WE FLEW 'EM IN
FROM TUCSON.

HOW ARE YOU ?
OH, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

ISN'T THIS PERFECT ?

OKAY, VERY QUICKLY.
OH, THAT'S-- LOVE REUNIONS.

VERY QUICKLY, FOLKS.
WE WANT TO MEET YOUR CREW.
WE LINED 'EM ALL UP.

WE'LL DO IT JUST LIKE
THEY MEET ROYALTY.

NOW, DR. AND MRS. YEAGER,
ERIC, LISA.
WE'LL GO DOWN THE LINE.

THIS IS WARDROBE.
TRUCKER. CAMERAMAN.

FIRST A.D.
SECOND A.D.
WHAT'S AN A.D. ?

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR.
WE'LL GET TO IT IN A SECOND.
ANOTHER TRUCKER.

WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE'S NAMES ?
NOT IMPORTANT.
LET ME GET THROUGH THE LIST.

- WARDROBE. SCRIPT.
- SCRIPT ? IS THERE A SCRIPT ?

NO, THEY'RE ALL PART
OF THE PACKAGE.

CAMERAMAN. ANOTHER CAMERAMAN.
GRIP. GRIP.
HOW DO YOU DO ? HELLO.

THIS IS A TRUCKER. THIS IS
A GOPHER, THIS IS A GOPHER--
WHERE ? WHERE ?

NO, ERIC,
THESE PEOPLE HERE.
IT'S A TERM, OKAY ?

PUBLICITY.
THIS IS A TRUCKER, DRIVER
AND A TRUCKER. OKAY ?

THERE'S A FEW OTHER PEOPLE.
THEY'RE NOT HERE RIGHT NOW.

OF COURSE, THANKS
TO MODERN TECHNOLOGY,

THESE PEOPLE REALLY
AREN'T NEEDED, BUT THE UNION
MAKES US TAKE 'EM.

SO, FOLKS, WE'LL SEE YOU
AT THE PREMIERE, HUH ?

HAVE A NICE TIME
IN PHOENIX !
ENJOY YOUR STAY.

THANKS FOR COMING.
GET GOOD TANS.
NICE TO SEE YA.

SEE YA AGAIN.
NICE TO SEE YA.

HAVE A GOOD STAY.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR.

NICE TO SEE YA.
OKAY ?

SO, WHAT CAN I TELL YOU ?
WELCOME HOME.

YOU WANNA FILM SOMETHING OF US
COMING OUT OF THE CAR ?

YOU KIND OF LOOK TIRED.
WHY DON'T YOU GO IN YOUR HOUSE ?

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME,
ALL RIGHT ?

I WANT TO GO OVER THE RULES,
BUT WE CAN DO THAT
AND THE FILMING SCHEDULE LATER.

YOU SURE ?
HE JUST SAID SO,
DIDN'T HE ?

OKAY ? SO BREAK A LEG !
BE YOURSELVES !

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THOSE LEIS KEEP.
PUT 'EM IN THE FREEZER.
OKAY. THANK YOU.

HAVE A GOOD TIME NOW.
BE YOURSELVES !
THEY LOOK GREAT.

THEY'RE GREAT.
THEY'RE GREAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THEY WERE GREAT.
WHAT A FAMILY.

THE LONG TRIP FROM HAWAII
DID LEAVE THEM A BIT FATIGUED,
HOWEVER.

ESPECIALLY MRS. YEAGER,
WHO THOUGHT SHE HAD
A SLIGHT FEVER.

ALTHOUGH DR. YEAGER SAID
IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT
TO FILM THEM UNPACKING,

I THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE
TO GIVE THEM AN HOUR
BY THEMSELVES...

TO RELAX AND
GET READY FOR DINNER.

I TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO
FINISH ANTIQUING MY END TABLE.

"CONTINUOUS MOTION
FOR OLDEST EFFECT."

THE HOUR PASSED VERY QUICKLY.

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT,
WE WERE READY TO JOIN THEM...

FOR THEIR FIRST SUPPER.

EAT YOUR PIZZA, HONEY.
GOOD PIZZA.

HONEY, DO YOU THINK
IT'S SAFE...

FOR YOU TO BE EATING WITH
YOUR HEATING PAD IN YOUR LAP ?

I HAVE TERRIBLE CRAMPS,
I AM BLEEDING PROFUSELY...

AND I WANT TO VOMIT
ON THE TABLE.

[ Laughs ]
[ Jeanette ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I JUST WANNA LET THEM KNOW
THIS IS NOT THE WAY...

WE USUALLY TALK,
ESPECIALLY AT THE DINNER TABLE.

OKAY. WHY DON'T WE--
WHY DON'T WE JUST, UH,

PRETEND THAT WE JUST SAT DOWN,
AND WE CAN START OVER, OKAY ?

GREAT PIZZA, HUH, KIDS ?
KIDS ?

I HATE IT.
YOU HATE IT.
[ Laughs ]

OH ! ERIC.
GODDAMN IT, ERIC !

WATCH YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY.
THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF LANGUAGE
WE USE AT THE DINNER TABLE.

SINCE WHEN HAVE WE HAD ALL THESE
RULES AT THE DINNER TABLE ?

- LISA, DON'T USE MY GOOD
LINEN NAPKIN TO WIPE THAT UP !
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO USE ?

-THERE ARE NO OTHER NAPKINS
IN THE HOUSE.
-THERE ARE NAPKINS IN THE HOUSE.

HONEY, YOUR MOTHER'S
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

IF YOU GET SMART WITH HER AGAIN,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUNISH YOU.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, HONEY ?

I HATE IT IN HERE !
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT HERE.

IF YOU DIDN'T,
THERE'D BE PLENTY MORE FOOD
FOR THE REST OF US.

DON'T START MAKING HER
FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THE FOOD.

GOD, YOU MAKE ME SICK.

BECAUSE I STICK UP
FOR YOU ?

ERIC, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST LEAVE THE TOWEL ?

WANNA TAKE YOUR PIZZA
INTO YOUR ROOM ?

TAKE YOUR PIZZA INTO YOUR ROOM
AND WATCH SOME TV.

OKAY ?
OKAY.

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO FINISH
HIS DINNER IN THE OTHER ROOM ?

I THOUGHT HE COULD HAVE
MORE FUN EATING THERE.

OH, HE CAN'T HAVE FUN HERE ?

IT'S HARD TO HAVE FUN
WHEN YOU HAVE TO LISTEN
TO YOUR MOTHER...

WHINING ABOUT HER TERRIBLE
MENSTRUAL CRAMPS EVERY DAY.

I MEAN, EVERY DAY.
I AGREE.

AND IT IS ALSO NOT MUCH FUN TO
HAVE AN I.U.D. STUCK IN YOU...

TO PREVENT, AS YOU PUT IT,
MORE MOUTHS TO FEED.

[ Chuckles ]
I-- LOOK,
I NEVER SAID THAT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAID.
I AM HAVING THIS COIL
TAKEN OUT MONDAY.

AND FROM NOW ON, IF YOU WANT
SAFE SEX, YOU CAN HAVE IT
WITH ONE OF YOUR ANIMALS !

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MEAN
ANYTHING BY THAT,

SO I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING,
I'M JUST, UH--

YOU'RE JUST UPSET,
THE WAY EVERYBODY GETS.

[ Door Slams Shut ]

WHAT A GREAT DAY, HUH ?

SOUNDS REAL EXCITING
OVER THERE, DOESN'T IT ?

YOU BEEN OUT SPYING
ON THE NEIGHBORHOOD ?
I'M NOT SPYING ON ANYBODY.

I LIVE HERE.
I'M ALLOWED TO WALK
UP AND DOWN THE STREET.

WHAT'D YOU THINK, HOWARD ?
REAL GOOD ACTION FOR DAY ONE.

REAL GOOD.
WELL, TENSION, NOT ACTION.

TENSION IS ACTION.
DON'T YOU EVER GO TO PLAYS ?

WHAT'D YOU THINK, TED ?
SOME GOOD INSIGHTS FOR YOU ?

IF I WERE RUNNING
THIS PROJECT,

THOSE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN
SOME REST TONIGHT AND DAY ONE
WOULD'VE BEEN TOMORROW.

WE ALL PRETTY MUCH AGREED
AT THE MEETING THAT WHEN
THEY GOT OFF THE PLANE,

THAT WAS THE BEGINNING.
ABSOLUTELY !

WE ALL PRETTY MUCH AGREED,
BUT I DISAGREED.

LOOK, IT'S DONE.
IT'S ON FILM.

I THINK WE GOTTA
KEEP REMEMBERING,
WHATEVER WE DO IS FINE,

IT'S PERFECT,
IT'S THE MOVIE.

OH, GREAT.
IT MAY BE FINE AND PERFECT,

BUT THAT ADDED TENSION
IS MAKING YOUR LEADING MAN
COME OFF VERY UNSYMPATHETIC.

WHAT ?
THAT'S ONLY
MY OBSERVATION.

NO, HE'S VERY SYMPATHETIC.

IF YOU DON'T LOOK AT IT
FROM THE DRAMATIC POINT,
YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT.

HERE'S A GUY.
HE'S GOT A WIFE, TWO KIDS.

HE'S THREATENED
BY SOCIETY.
OH, COME ON NOW !

NO ! ON ONE HAND, HE DOESN'T
WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
HIS PARENTS MADE.

ON THE OTHER HAND,
HE'S NOT SO SURE HIS PARENTS
MADE MISTAKES. HE'S TORN.

MAYBE HE LIKES HIMSELF,
MAYBE HE DOESN'T.

JESUS, I THINK IT'S A HELL
OF A COMPLEX CHARACTER.

DON'T YOU THINK SO, HOWARD ?
HE'S COMPLEX.

HE'S FINE.
JUST RELAX.
I AM RELAXED !

I DON'T LIKE MY LEADING MAN
BEING CALLED UNSYMPATHETIC ON
THE BASIS OF 4 MINUTES OF FILM.

[ Chuckles ]
HE'S GOOD, HUH ?
HE'S GOOD.

HE WAS GOOD AT THE AIRPORT.
HE WAS GOOD !
YEAH.

ON ONE HAND HE LIKES HIMSELF,
ON THE OTHER HAND HE DOESN'T.

HONEY ?

HONEY,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?

THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU
VERY MUCH RIGHT NOW.

CRAMPS IS A BAD BEGINNING FOR
YOUR MOVIE, SO I'M GONNA SPEND
THE WEEKEND AT BONNIE'S.

IT'S OUR MOVIE.
IT WAS OUR DECISION.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE.

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN ?
THE CHILDREN KNOW.

I'M SURE THEY COULD FILM
YOUR BETTER MOMENTS.

DON'T MAKE ME GET
IN AN ARGUMENT.

THERE'S NO ARGUMENT.
AFTER ALL, THEY'RE PAYING
FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

HONEY, YOU WANTED THIS
AS MUCH AS I DID.

YOU'LL BENEFIT FROM IT
TOO.

WARREN, WILL YOU PLEASE--

[ Car Door Closes,
Motor Revving ]

LATCH ONTO JEANETTE !

HELLO, MRS. YEAGER !
WHERE YOU GOING ?

LISTEN, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO GO
BE ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

I THINK I NEED
TO BE ALONE NOW.
CAN WE COME WITH YOU ?

NO, I REALLY WANT
TO BE ALONE.

WELL--
JUST BY MYSELF.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THIS THING LATER BECAUSE
THIS WASN'T IN THE RULES.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.
WOULD YOU TAKE THE LITTLE CAR ?

WE'RE GONNA DRIVE TO WORK
WITH WARREN. WE'D LIKE
TO USE THE STATION WAGON.

IT'S JUST HARD TO FIT BOTH...
CAMERAS IN THERE.

COULD ONE PERSON
COME WITH YOU ?
NO.

ONE ? THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.
PLEASE ?

I NEED TO BE BY MYSELF.
OKAY. I UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S A LOT OF ROOM
IN HERE IF WE JUST-- ONE--

[ Engine Revving ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

IF YOU'D LIKE TO GO BEYOND
THE ORIGINAL YEAR...

TO MAKE UP THESE DAYS,
IT'S OKAY.

NO, I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND.

THERE'S NO MAKING UP DAYS.

THIS IS THE REALITY.
THIS IS IT.

SHE LEFT.
THAT'S REAL.

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS--
EVEN US NOW--

IT'S ALL--
IT'S ALL THE REALITY.

VERY GOOD.
SHE CAME OUT ANGRY LIKE THAT.

GOT RIGHT IN THE CAR.
YOU FOLLOWED HER.
ALL VERY GOOD STUFF.

VERY, VERY GOOD.
REALLY.

I SHOULD JUST GO ON
LIVING AS USUAL ?
MM-HMM. THAT'S IT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
YOU'RE VERY GOOD.

THANKS.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
WARREN YEAGER TRIED TO CARRY ON
AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED,

BUT IT WAS OBVIOUS
HE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE
OF HIS WIFE'S ABSENCE.

♪♪ [ Radio: Rock ]

HONEY ?

HONEY, THE MUSIC GOES
RIGHT INTO MY BEDROOM.
[ Radio Clicks Off ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

I'M FANTASIZING.
DON'T FANTASIZE.

I'M A BIG
MOTION PICTURE STAR.

THESE ARE MY CAMERAS.

THAT'S MY DIRECTOR.

AND YOU ARE MY LOVER.
OKAY.

KISS ME,
MY BEAUTIFUL LOVER.

TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS
AND KISS ME.

TAKE OFF THE DRESS.
IT'S YOUR
CONFIRMATION DRESS.

HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN APART.
LISTEN TO WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.

TAKE AND KISS ME LIKE
YOU'VE NEVER KISSED ME BEFORE.

HONEY, COME ON.
YOU'RE GONNA GET HIT.
NOW GET OUT OF THIS DRESS.

I CAN STAY IN THIS DRESS.
MOTHER SAID I COULD.
I'LL BET SHE DID.

SHE DID ! ASK HER,
IF SHE EVER COMES BACK.
OKAY, COME ON. THAT'S IT.

WHERE'S ERIC ?
HE'S PLAYING
WITH THE CREW.

- HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO.
DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM THAT ?
- NO, I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.

OKAY, DON'T GET SMART
WITH ME !

[ Sighs ]
CEREAL ON THE FLOOR.

I'LL JUST MAKE BREAKFAST NOW.
I'LL MAKE SOME EGGS.

PUT THIS BACK.
I'LL MAKE EGGS.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
ON SUNDAY,
MRS. YEAGER CALLED ME...

AND SAID SHE WOULD BE
COMING HOME THAT EVENING,

BUT ASKED IF SHE COULD
SEE ME FIRST PRIVATELY...

AT THE DESERT PLAZA
SHOPPING CENTER.

SO HE SAYS,
"YOU THINK THAT'S BAD,
HER SISTER'S TWICE AS FAT."

[ Laughing ]

AH. OVER HERE.

THE INSTITUTE AND I AGREED
THAT PRIVATE MEETINGS
WITH ANY FAMILY MEMBERS...

SHOULD BE DISCOURAGED,
BUT THIS DID SOUND IMPORTANT.

I WAS HOPING
WE COULD BE ALONE.

THIS IS ALONE.
THIS IS ALONE
AS I EVER GET.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND ?
OH, IT WAS OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME
THAT TIME.

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT
THE MOVIE IS TO YOU.

I'M SORRY. I KNOW
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, IT'S IMPORTANT.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT.

BUT IT'S A DECISION,
AND I MADE IT.
IT WAS A LOVING DECISION.

OH, GOD, NO. NO LOVE.

IT'S JUST A DECISION.
I'M MAKING 'EM ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'S UP ?
WHY'D YOU WANT TO MEET ME ?

I WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT I LIKE YOU,

AND THAT THIS MOVIE DOES MEAN
AS MUCH TO ME AS IT DOES
TO EVERYBODY ELSE.

I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT ANYTHING.
OH, NO, NO.
NOTHING CAN HURT IT.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY PART
OF THIS FILM.
IT IS WHAT IT IS.

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE IN A MOVIE,
IN A MOVIE, IN A MOVIE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

WELL, YOU WERE VERY SWEET,

AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING
FOR YOU IN RETURN.

OH, DON'T.
NO, REALLY, I WANT TO.

I MADE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH MY GYNECOLOGIST...

FOR A QUARTER TO 10:00
TOMORROW MORNING.

AND IF YOU WANT TO,
YOU AND THE CREW
CAN FEEL FREE TO JOIN ME.

FILM THE GYNECOLOGIST ?

MRS. YEAGER !
I CAN'T BE-- OH, BOY !

OH, YES ! GREAT !
THERE'S ONE SMALL PROBLEM.

I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYTHING
THAT'LL EMBARRASS YOU.
I SWEAR.

I COULDN'T USE IT ANYWAY.
I'M LOCKED INTO A P.G.

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT.
NO, IT'S WARREN. I--

I HAVEN'T TOLD WARREN
THAT YOU'RE GOING WITH ME,

AND I DON'T THINK
THAT ANYONE SHOULD TELL HIM.

SEE, THIS THING
IS SO NEW TO HIM,

AND HE'S VERY NERVOUS
AND EDGY.

I'M SURE THAT IN A MONTH OR TWO
IT WOULD BE FINE, YOU KNOW.

BUT RIGHT NOW
HE'S A LITTLE UPSET AND--

SINCE IT WASN'T PLANNED--

I JUST-- I THINK
HE WOULD SAY NO...

AND WE WOULD JUST GET
INTO ANOTHER ARGUMENT.

[ Crying ]
AND I'M REAL TIRED
OF ARGUING WITH HIM.

OOH, LOOK--

GO HOME.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

HE JUST DOESN'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
AT ALL ANYMORE.

[ Crying ]

MRS. YEAGER, LET ME
ASK YOU A QUESTION.

DO YOU THINK HE COMES OFF
UNSYMPATHETIC ?
MM-HMM.

NO. NO, REALLY.
SEE IF YOU CAN DETACH
YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE.

LOOK AT IT FROM
THE DRAMATIC POINT.

HERE'S A GUY.
HE'S GOT A WIFE, TWO KIDS.

HE'S THREATENED, YOU KNOW ?
THREATENED BY SOCIETY.

ON ONE HAND HE'S GOT
THE PARENTAL THING,

ON THE OTHER HAND HE'S GOT
THE PRESSURES OF HIS WORK.

AN AUDIENCE HAS GOT TO HAVE
SYMPATHY FOR A GUY LIKE THIS.

HE'S A VERY COMPLEX GUY.
PEOPLE HAVE SYMPATHY
FOR A GUY WHO'S COMPLEX.

DON'T YOU THINK SO ?
THINK ABOUT IT.
HE IS COMPLEX, ISN'T HE ?

YOU'RE SUCH A SENSITIVE MAN.
OH, NO, NO.

IT'S JUST A THEORY.
I'M NOT, NO.

WELL, I WANT YOU TO MEET ME
OUTSIDE MY DOCTOR'S BUILDING...

AT A QUARTER TO 10:00
TOMORROW MORNING.
OKAY.

OKAY ?
OKAY.

I'M GONNA GO HOME NOW.
OKAY.

YOU GAVE ME
THE STRENGTH.

THANKS.

OH. [ Spits ]
I--

I DIDN'T GIVE YOU--
I GAVE YOU NOTHING,
MRS. YEAGER.

NO, NO, I GAVE YOU NOTHING.
DON'T THINK I'M ANYTHING BETTER
THAN WHAT YOU HAVE.

YOU THINK I'VE GOT
THIS CHARISMA,
BUT I DON'T !

I REALLY DON'T, MRS. YEAGER.
IT'S JUST--

I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF IT,
BUT IT JUST SITS ON THE SURFACE.
IT DOESN'T RUN DEEP.

NO KISSING.
DEEPER THAN YOU THINK.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.
MRS. YEAGER, IT'S BEEN
MEASURED.
IT DOESN'T RUN DEEP.

NO KISSING HERE.
I'M A SHALLOWFELLOW.
LOOK. SHALLOW, SHALLOW.

REALLY ! SHALLOW !

SHE DIDN'T KNOW.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ?

I DIDN'T CALL THIS.
I DIDN'T DO IT.

LET ME JUST...
GO OUT OF FRAME THIS WAY.

ALL RIGHT.

DURING THE EXAMINATION,
BASICALLY GET HER EXPRESSIONS.

JUST VERY NICE. NO--
WE'RE NOT GONNA SHOOT ANYTHING--

JUST PERFECT.
JUST LIKE THIS, HUH ?
I TRUST YOU.

NO, DON'T. NO TRUST.
NO, HONESTLY. SHALLOW.

NO. JUST A DECISION.
THESE ARE JUST DECISIONS.
[ Nurse ] MRS. YEAGER ?

THE DOCTOR
WILL SEE YOU NOW.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

TASTEFUL. TASTE.
JUST REMEMBER.

UH, EXCUSE ME.
I DON'T THINK THE DOCTOR
WOULD LIKE...

ANYONE OTHER THAN THE PATIENT
IN THE EXAMINING ROOM.

OH, THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.
SEE ?

WE'RE FILMING HER LIFE,
AND WE HAVE HER PERMISSION.

SOMEONE FROM MY CREW
WAS HERE THIS MORNING
AND GOT A RELEASE.

NO, NOT TODAY.
YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN.

I DON'T THINK I'M MISTAKEN.
I'LL CHECK.

MARGARET, BE WITH YOU
IN A FEW MINUTES.

MRS. YEAGER,
HOW YOU FEELING ?
MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE THESE ?
THESE ARE CAMERAS.

OH, NO.
OH, GODDAMN IT !

WHAT'S GOING ON ?
I WAS CLEARED !
COME ON, GET OUT OF HERE !

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
THIS IS A BIG
MOTION PICTURE.

I'M ALBERT BROOKS.
I DON'T CARE WHO
THE HELL YOU ARE !

TALK TO MY LAWYERS.
I WAS CLEARED. GET OUT. OUT !

DR. RENNERT,
THESE PEOPLE ARE WITH ME.
THEY'RE FILMING MY LIFE.

I'M SORRY, BUT I'VE HAD
SOME BAD EXPERIENCES
WITH THE60 MINUTES PEOPLE.

NO, WE'RE NOT NEWS.
WE'RE NOT DIGGING.
I DON'T EVEN ASK QUESTIONS.

I'M JUST FILMING HER,
AND RIGHT NOW
YOU'RE IN THEIR LIFE.

THEY'RE INMY LIFE !
MRS. YEAGER, I'M GETTING ANGRY.

MY BLOOD PRESSURE'S
STARTING TO SOAR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ?
YOU WANT THEM IN HERE ? FINE.
THEY CAN TAKE OUT YOUR I.U.D.

TWO THORAZINE.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.
THIS ISN'T A STUDENT FILM.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT ?
LOOK. HUH ?

THERE'S FOUR OF US HERE,
OKAY ?

HE WANTS AN ABORTION.
ALL RIGHT ?

TWO. MAKE IT TWO.

I'LL TAKE A HYSTERECTOMY.
SHE'LL HAVE THE SAME.

HOW ABOUT THIS FOR PARKING ?
YOU THINK $500 MIGHT DO IT ?

I JUST WANNA FILM HER LIFE.
PLEASE, DON'T MAKE TROUBLE.

YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME $500
TO FILM AN EXAMINATION ?

OH, MY GOD !
MAXWELL RENNERT.

THE BABY BROKER !
OH, GODDAMN IT !

GET OUT OF HERE !
I DON'T NEED THIS !
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT !

DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT
INCREDIBLE THING MIKE WALLACE
DID ON THIS MAN ?

SOLD CHILDREN.
THEY WERE LIKE BABY
SLAVE AUCTIONS.

ONE OF THE BEST THINGS
ON 60 MINUTESI'VE EVER SEEN !

MIKE WALLACE SENT ME
A LETTER OF APOLOGY.
I'LL BET. LET'S SEE IT.

IT'S OUT BEING PERMA-PLAQUED.
YOU GET OUT OF HERE, GODDAMN IT.

GO ON, GET OUT.
GO ON, OUT. YOU, GET OUT.
JUST A MINUTE.

[ Brooks ]
THIS GUY'S NUTS !
I WANT THIS !

[ Rennert ]
LOOK AT ME. MY HANDS
ARE SHAKIN' LIKE A 90-YEAR-OLD.

[ Snoring ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Ringing ]
[ Mumbles ]

[ Brooks Coughing ]
HELLO ?

HI. DID I WAKE YOU ?

OH.

I FELL ASLEEP FOR A MINUTE.
I'M UP THOUGH.

HOW ARE YOU ?
HOW YOU FEELING ?
NOT TOO WELL.

LISTEN, MRS. YEAGER.
I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.

MAYBE SOMEBODY IN THE CREW CAN
HELP YOU FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I'M NOT--

THAT'S OKAY.
OH, OKAY.

HEY, IT'S A NICE
SUNNY DAY OUT, HUH ?

IS THERE ANYPLACE TO GO
HORSEBACK RIDING AROUND HERE ?

MY GRANDMOTHER HAD
A STROKE THIS MORNING.
OH, MY GOD !

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

HOW OLD IS SHE ?
EIGHTY-ONE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY OLD.
I MEAN--

THAT'S ALMOST 90.
DID YOU TELL WARREN ?

NO, NOT YET.

OH, MRS. YEAGER,
YOU DIDN'T CALL ME FIRST !
YEAH.

DON'T DO THAT.
SHARE THIS WITH HIM.

[ Jeanette ]
I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY.
I JUST--

AW, SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

[ Jeanette ]
I HADN'T CALLED
IN ABOUT THREE MONTHS.

OH ! HONEY !

I JUST--
[ Sobbing ]

HI.

[ Sobbing Continues ]
GOTTA GO !

YOU CRY IT THROUGH,
MRS. YEAGER. BE ALONE.
SHARE IT WITH HER HUSBAND.

SHE CALLED ME.
WHAT ARE YOU WRITING ?
JUST SOME NOTES.

TED, SHE CALLED ME.
WHAT KIND OF NOTES ?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EFFORT
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING
TO STAY OUT OF THEIR LIVES ?

TED, SHE CALLED ME.

TED DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

TED ! TED !
[ Chuckles ]

TED !

TED, LOOK,
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING HERE.

IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK,
AND SHE SEEMS TO BE RELYING
ON YOU QUITE A BIT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL
HER HUSBAND ?

ASK HER THAT. I'M NOT
THE INDIAN RUBBER MAN.

MY ARM DIDN'T SLITHER
ACROSS THE STREET,
DIAL HER PHONE...

AND THEN
SNAP BACK IN.

IS THEJOURNAL GONNA PRINT
I'M INTERFERING BECAUSE
I TOOK A CALL ?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEJOURNAL'S GONNA PRINT.

TED, WE'VE GOT
TO LIGHTEN UP HERE.

HER GRANDMOTHER
HAD A STROKE.
MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, I'M WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE
UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE--

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S PHOENIX AND YOU'RE...

THE ONLY--

WELL, YOU KNOW.
THERE'S NOT A, A LOT OF--

IT'S PHOENIX.
THERE'S--

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY ? Y-YOU'RE, YOU'RE--

YOU'RE THE ONLY--

ALBERT, YOU HAVE MORE TROUBLE
DEALING WITH A BLACK PERSON...

THAN ANY WHITE MAN
I HAVE EVER MET.

[ Sighs ]
I BEG YOUR PARDON ?

HEY, BLACK MEETS WHITE.
TED, I'M NOT TRYING
TO DO ANYTHING.

I'M JUST TRYING TO TUNE IN
ON YOUR PARTICULAR LEVEL
OF ANXIETY.

THAT'S ALL.
BOOGIE ! BOOGIE ! BOO !

TED, STOP DISTORTING--
NO, I'M NOT BLACK,
NOR DO I CLAIM TO BE.

YES, THERE'S FEARS,
MISUNDERSTANDINGS, AND ALL
THAT OTHER MUMBO-JUMBO,

BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS PROJECT.

I KNOW MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE
THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE GONNA
TAKE OVER THE EARTH, OKAY ?

YOU'RE STRONGER, FASTER.
YOU USE HEAT BETTER.

YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE
NEXT CENTURY WRAPPED UP.

I KNOW ABOUT AFRICA.
IT'S SEETHING. BOOM !
THERE IT GOES.

BUT IT SHOULDN'T STAND
IN THE WAY OF THIS FILM.

WE'RE WORKING AS A TEAM.

WE SHOULD PUT ALL THAT
OTHER STUFF ON THE BACK BURNER.

OH, YEAH ! WE CAN PUT ALL "DAT"
ON THE BACK BURNER !

LET ME GO IN THE KITCHEN
AND CHECK ON THE BURNER NOW.

SEE--
[ Laughing ]

I FIND THAT INSULTING, TED.
I FIND THAT INSULTING.

I NEVER SAID YOU TALKED
LIKE THAT. THAT'S WHY
PEOPLE LIKE JONAS SALK...

THINK COMEDIANS
ARE JERKS.

FINE, HE'S WRITING THAT DOWN.
I'LL WRITE IT TOO.

"I NEVER SAID THAT."

GET THAT DOWN ON PAPER.
GET A PERMANENT RECORD OF THAT.

DATE THIS.
NOW IT'S ALL PERMANENT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID !
YOU SAID THIS WOULD BE MY SCENE.

- LISA, WE DON'T HAVE
THE TIME. I'M SORRY.
- ALBERT !

I'VE GOTTA GO.
LARRY, IN HERE.
LET'S GO.

SHE'S ONLY GETTING
CONFIRMED ONCE.
HONEY, IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

[ Brooks ]
GOOD LUCK !
WAIT FOR THE GUY.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HE'S IN.
LET'S GO.

BYE, BYE.
IT'S REALLY NOT NICE
TO BREAK A PROMISE.

WAIT A SECOND.
HONESTLY, THIS IS SUNDAY.
I DON'T HAVE TWO CREWS.

BUT MY DRESS !
I'M FILMING YOUR DRESS.

GET A GOOD SHOT
OF HER DRESS.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.

IF YOU HAVE TIME,
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED
COME BY THE CHURCH.

[ Warren ]
WE WILL !
BYE, BYE.

YOU LIAR !
BYE.

[ Warren ]
BYE, BYE.

I FEEL BAD
ABOUT LETTING HER DOWN.

DON'T WORRY. SHE'S FINE.
YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

IF YOU PULL OVER FOR A SECOND--
I CAN GET ANOTHER CREW.
I'LL MAKE A CALL.

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD,
REALLY.

YOU HAVEN'T HAD AN EMERGENCY
SINCE WE'VE BEEN HERE.

I HAVEN'T HAD AN EMERGENCY
IN SIX MONTHS.
REALLY ?

THIS IS EXCITING.
YES, IT IS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.
EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
APPARENTLY, A BEAUTIFUL OLD
SHOW HORSE HAD A HEART
ATTACK...

IN THE MIDDLE OF A PARADE
IN DOWNTOWN PHOENIX.

WITHOUT AN IMMEDIATE
AND DELICATE BYPASS OPERATION,
THE HORSE WOULDN'T MAKE IT.

ALTHOUGH YEAGER HAD PERFORMED
THIS KIND OF SURGERY
ONLY ONCE BEFORE,

HE EXPRESSED CONFIDENCE, AND
PUT THE HORSE'S OWNER AT EASE.

[ Motor Whirring ]

AT 11:30,
PREPARATION FOR SURGERY BEGAN.

TAKE IT UP.

[ Whirring Continues ]

OKAY.

[ Murmuring ]

[ Whirring Continues ]

[ Whirring Stops ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THINGS PROCEEDED SMOOTHLY.

AT 11:38 THE HORSE WAS HOOKED
UP
TO THE ARTIFICIAL RESPIRATOR.

[ Breathing Sound ]

[ Ticking ]

THE TIME WAS DRAWING NEAR.

AT 11:41...

YEAGER AND HIS ASSISTANTS
HAD FINISHED THEIR PREPARATION.

WE WERE READY.

YOU COULD FEEL THE EXCITEMENT
IN THE AIR AS YEAGER ORDERED...

THE FINAL DOSAGE
OF ANESTHETIC.

OKAY, LET'S GIVE HIM
TWO AND A HALF PERCENT
HALOTHANE...

AND THEN GIVE ME
CAPILLARY REFILL TIME PLEASE.

[ Breathing Sound Continues ]

[ Hissing ]

[ Nurse ]
TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.

UH, REFILL TIME:
ONE SECOND.

GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY.

LET'S GO OVER
OUR FINAL CHECKLIST,
AND WE'RE READY.

RESPIRATION ?

SIX.
GOOD.

LET ME SEE. BLOOD PRESSURE ?
WHAT WAS THE BLOOD PRESSURE
EARLIER ?

ONE-TEN OVER 60.

WHAT DO WE HAVE NOW ?

ONE HUNDRED OVER 52.

THAT'S PERFECT.
OKAY, LET ME SEE. UH--

CHECK PUPIL DILATION.

GOOD. OKAY.

COLOR'S GOOD.

LET'S CHECK HIS PULSE.

OKAY. THIS IS
DRESSED PROPERLY.

PULSE IS 44.
GOOD. E.K.G. ?

NORMAL.
OKAY.

UH, LET'S GIVE HIM
THE ANESTHETIC,
AND WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

TWO AND A HALF PERCENT
HALOTHANE.

YOU WANT ANOTHER
TWO AND A HALF PERCENT ?
DR. YEAGER ?

WHAT ?
TWO AND A HALF PERCENT ?

YES.

[ Hissing ]

DR. YEAGER, THAT'S
FIVE PERCENT HALOTHANE.
FIVE ?

NO, NO, NO.
I SAID TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.

I HEARD YOU
ORDER IT TWICE.
OH, NO. OH, NO.

- I COULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.
TWO AND A HALF PERCENT.
- YOU SAID IT TWICE.

NO, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

THAT'S TOO MUCH.
[ Male Assistant ]
YOU ORDERED IT.

I DID ? ARE YOU SURE ?
YES, I'M SURE.
WE GOT IT ON THE FILM.

OH, MY GOD !

[ Distorted Ticking ]
WAIT ! DON'T PANIC.

DON'T PANIC.
DO SOMETHING.

[ Quickened Respiration,
Deflation ]

[ Respiration,
Deflation Stop ]

WE HAVE NO PULSE.

TWO AND A HALF AND
TWO AND A HALF MAKES FIVE.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THE OPERATION WAS OVER AT
11:45,

WELL AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.

OH, NO.

DR. YEAGER TOOK A SHORT BREAK,

AND THEN ASKED IF HE COULD
SEE ME ALONE IN HIS OFFICE.

OF COURSE I OBLIGED.

QUITE AN ORDEAL, HUH ?
YES, IT WAS.

ALBERT, I KNOW
WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT,

AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
BE ASKING YOU THIS.

BUT I'D BE RATHER EMBARRASSED
IF WHAT JUST WENT ON IN THERE...

WERE INCLUDED IN THIS MOVIE.

IT'S NOT GONNA DO ME
ANY GOOD AT ALL PERSONALLY.

PEOPLE IN PHOENIX
ARE GONNA SEE THIS MOVIE.

I THINK YOU'RE
OVERREACTING.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING,
BUT I THINK IT SHOWED YOU
IN A VERY GOOD LIGHT.

IT WAS VERY INTERESTING.
I APPRECIATE THAT.

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE
TO CONTINUE TO WORK HERE
AFTER THIS FILM COMES OUT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I OWNED AN
ANIMAL AND I SAW ME LOSING THAT
HORSE, WHETHER I WOULD TRUST ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?
YEAH, BUT I WOULDN'T
WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU SEE, PEOPLE GO TO DOCTORS
FOR PERSONAL REASONS,

AND YOU GAVE OFF
SOMETHING VERY GOOD IN THERE.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DID
EVERYTHING YOU COULD.

YOU JUST DIDN'T KNOW.
YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES.

I DON'T KNOW PEOPLE ARE
ALL THAT UNDERSTANDING WHEN
IT COMES TO THEIR OWN PETS.

I THINK THEY ARE.
I'VE HAD PEOPLE
COME TO ME...

BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE BOTCHED UP
A BROKEN LEG ON A DOG,
FOR EXAMPLE, AND IT--

NO, I THINK PEOPLE
ARE VERY UNDERSTANDING.

THEY'VE BEEN VERY BITTER
ABOUT WHOMEVER
THEY'VE BEEN TO BEFORE.

THIS IS THE WORST
POSSIBLE ADVERTISING
A PERSON LIKE ME COULD HAVE.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT ?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT NOW.
IT'S ON MY MIND NOW.

FORGET IT NOW.
AS FAR AS YOU'RE
CONCERNED NOW, IT'S OUT.

YOU COULDN'T JUST SIGN
SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT,
COULD YOU ?

MMM, NO.
I MEAN, I COULD, BUT THEN
IT'S GONNA BE ON MY MIND.

[ Knocks ]
HELLO ?

NO ONE'S IN HERE.
[ Dog Barking ]

DR. YEAGER ?
[ Barking ]

WHAT THE HELL'S
GOIN' ON HERE ?
[ Barking ]

HELLO ?
ANYBODY HOME ?

COULD YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME
SOME KIND OF ASSURANCE...

THAT THIS WON'T BE
THE ONLY TIME IN THE MOVIE
YOU'LL SEE ME WORKING ?

CAN YOU SHOW ME SAVING
ALL THOSE CATS AND DOGS ?

COME ON, WILL YA ?
REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING:

"TO ERR IS HUMAN;
TO FILM DIVINE."

NO, IT WAS VERY GOOD.

[ Knocking ]

WHAT HAPPENED ?
WE LOST HER.

YOU LOST HER ?
I'M SORRY.

HOW COULD YOU LOSE HER ?
I'M REALLY SORRY.

DON'T YOU HAVE PEOPLE HERE
WHO STAY WITH THE ANIMALS ?

LET'S GET THE DAMN HELL
OUT OF HERE AND FIND HER.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING
OF WHAT WAS TO BE A BAD TIME...

IN THE YEAGERS' LIVES.

ON WEDNESDAY MRS. YEAGER
WAS INFORMED...

THAT HER GRANDMOTHER
PASSED AWAY FROM THE STROKE.

THE FUNERAL TOOK PLACE
TWO DAYS LATER,

AND WE WERE GRACIOUSLY ALLOWED
TO FILM IT.

THROUGH JESUS CHRIST,
OUR LORD. AMEN.

"JESUS SAID, 'I AM
THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE.

'HE THAT BELIEVETH IN ME,
THOUGH HE WERE DEAD--'"

I HATE TO KEEP HARPING
ON THIS, BUT I CAN'T
CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE.

I'VE NEVER KILLED AN ANIMAL
THAT SIZE.

THIS ISN'T THE PLACE.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

HONEY, THIS IS THE PLACE.
I'M UPSET, YOU'RE UPSET.

- WHAT IF HE USES THAT SCENE ?
- [ Clears Throat ]

COULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT
THAT MOVIE FOR ONE MINUTE ?
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
LOOK UP THERE.
THAT'S MY GRANDMOTHER.

I REALIZE THAT,
BUT WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WHEN
THE KIDS GO TO SCHOOL...

AND THEIR FRIENDS SAY,
"HEY, DID YOUR DAD
REALLY KILL THAT HORSE" ?

WHAT ARE THE KIDS GONNA SAY ?
WHAT ARE THE KIDS
GONNA TELL THEIR FRIENDS ?

IF I COULD HAVE
YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

- I'M SURE YOU'LL FEEL BETTER
AFTER THIS IS OVER.
- [ Mouthing Response ]

LET US PRAY.
ALMIGHTY GOD--

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THINGS GOT WORSE.
THE FOLLOWING WEEK WAS...

ONE OF THE MOST DEPRESSING
PERIODS I HAD EXPERIENCED
SINCE EARLY CHILDHOOD.

THE ENTIRE FAMILY
WAS NOW GRIEF STRICKEN.

SHE WITH HER GRANDMOTHER,

HE WITH THE GRANDMOTHER
AND THE ANIMAL.

DAY AFTER DAY
WAS THE SAME.

LIFELESS.

DR. YEAGER WOULD SLEEP
SOMETIMES
FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.

AS A FILMMAKER I WAS
FRUSTRATED.
I WANTED TO HELP.

[ Radio News,
Indistinct ]
DR. YEAGER ?

[ Radio Newsman ]
AN EXHIBITION OF PAINTINGS
BY NAVAJO CHILDREN...

WILL BE ON DISPLAY
THROUGHOUT THE MONTH.

DR. YEAGER ?

[ Phone Ringing ]

HELLO ?

JEANETTE ?
IT'S ALBERT.

HI.
WELL, I KNOW
THAT YOU TWO...

HAVE BEEN VERY DEPRESSED,
AND, UH--

WELL, I'VE BEEN
AVOIDING YOU.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
AWARE OF IT, BUT I HAVE
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS...

'CAUSE I DIDN'T THINK
WE SHOULD BE GETTING INVOLVED.

AND NOW I'M BEGINNING
TO THINK...

THAT IF I CAN HELP YOU,
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP
EVERYBODY ELSE.

SO, UH--
WHAT AM I TRYING TO SAY ?
YOU WANNA HAVE DINNER WITH ME ?

A SNACK ?
YOU WANNA--

DINNER ?
WELL, I MEAN, LOOK.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SCENE
WE HAD AT THE SHOPPING CENTER.
IT WAS A GOOD SCENE.

IT WAS NICE ACTION.
AND WE TALKED.

THAT'S MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
IS DOING RIGHT NOW, SO--

I MEAN, MAYBE--
I DON'T KNOW. COME ON OVER.

ALBERT, I FEEL BADLY
ABOUT THAT DAY.

I'M STILL A LITTLE EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THAT.

- I THINK THAT WHAT
YOU SAID THERE WAS RIGHT.
- WHAT DID I SAY ?

YOU SAID ABOUT
YOU NOT BEING ANY BETTER
THAN WHAT I ALREADY HAVE.

- I SAID THAT ?
- I THINK YOU WERE RIGHT.

COME ON, GET SERIOUS.

I HAVE TO MAKE THIS WORK
OR I'M NOT GONNA HAVE
ANY RESPECT FOR MYSELF.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
- I SEE. OKAY.

AW, ALBERT, THIS HAS
NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

IT'S BETWEEN
WARREN AND ME.

YOU HATE ME THEN, NOW,
RIGHT ?

NO, NO.
[ Chuckles ]

I THINK YOU'RE VERY NICE.
NICE. OKAY. YOU DO
WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

JUST TALK, THOUGH.
WORK IT OUT WITH LANGUAGE.
IT HELPS.

I'M NOT D.W. GRIFFITH.
I'M GONNA GET IN BIG TROUBLE
IF THERE'S NO DIALOGUE.

WE WILL.
OKAY. PROMISE ?

IT'S GOING TO GET BETTER.
GREAT.

[ Brooks Narrating ]
IT DIDN'T.

THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY,
JEANETTE
INVITED SOME FRIENDS OVER...

FOR A BARBECUE.

SHE SET THE TABLE,
HE SET THE MOOD.

I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I HAD DECIDED
THAT WAS IT !

THESE PEOPLE
HAD BEEN DEPRESSED...

LONG ENOUGH.
[ Doorbell Ringing]

[ Brooks ]
HELLO ?
[ Knocking ]

♪ OOH, IT'S A LOVELY DAY
TODAY ♪

♪ IT'S A CHEERY KIND OF DAY ♪
WHERE ARE THE KIDS ?

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' ?
♪ OH, LET'S PLAY
ALL THE DAY ♪

WHERE ARE THE KIDS ?
THEY WENT TO SCHOOL.
LISA HAD A TEST.

♪ OH, LISA HAD A TEST ♪
WHERE'S ERIC ?

WENT WITH LISA.
OOH.

WELL, LOOK, THIS WAS JUST
A VERY SERIOUS ATTEMPT
TO CHEER EVERYBODY UP.

BUT I NEEDED THE KIDS.
IT WAS REALLY FOR THEM.

I'LL COME BACK
WHEN THEY'RE HOME.
ALBERT, PLEASE COME IN.

WE'RE JUST TALKING HERE.
PLEASE COME IN.
BUT I DID THIS--

I'LL COME BACK
WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME.
I UNDERSTAND. PLEASE COME IN.

NO, COME ON.
I GOTTA SHOWER.
LET ME SHOWER.

ALBERT, PLEASE.
OKAY, WE'LL COME IN.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. HI.

- HI.
- NO, I GOTTA GO HOME.
COME ON.

PLEASE. I'D REALLY
APPRECIATE IT. PLEASE.

JUST SIT DOWN FOR A MOMENT.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
OKAY.

HOW ARE YOU ?

YOU WANT A CUP
OF COFFEE ?
NO, NO.

HI.

WELL, I'M SURE
YOU KNOW THAT...

WE'RE UPSET.

WHAT, ARE YOU
KIDDING ME ?

THAT'S WHY I RENTED
THIS WHOLE OUTFIT.
"YOU DIDN'T RENT ME."

BUNNY, WE'RE TALKING
SERIOUSLY NOW.
ALBERT, WAIT.

[ Warren ]
NOW, I DON'T KNOW
TOO MUCH ABOUT IT,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

OH, NO !

DON'T ACT LIKE THAT.
COME ON.

THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO
IS JUST TO RELAX.

SEE, WHEN YOU FEEL THIS WAY,
YOU CLAM UP.

THAT'S NO GOOD.
[ Crunching Sound ]

I UNDERSTAND
THERE'S BEEN
A COUPLE OF DEATHS.

SO WHAT ?

LOOK. I HAVEN'T
GOTTEN USED TO THIS
WHOLE PROCESS MYSELF.

[ Crunching Sound ]
I CRIED THE OTHER NIGHT.

ABOUT WHAT ?
I DON'T
REMEMBER.

SEE ? I'M MIXED UP TOO.
I JUST DON'T CLAM UP.

[ Crunching Sound ]
LOOK.

THERE'S A BIG MEETING
COMING UP AT THE END
OF THIS MONTH.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE
INSTITUTE AND THE PEOPLE
FROM THE STUDIO.

THE ONE WE'RE NOT
INVITED TO ?

"I CAN'T GO EITHER."
THAT'S RIGHT, HE CAN'T.

WHY DON'T I SEE IF
I CAN CALL IT EARLIER ?

MAYBE TOMORROW OR WEDNESDAY
IF THEY CAN GET DOWN HERE.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO TELL YOU,
BUT THESE PEOPLE DO.

THEY'RE SCIENTISTS.
THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS.

IF YOU'D LISTEN TO ME,
THOUGH, I THINK
YOU'D FEEL BETTER.

JUST GET IT OUT.
DON'T INTERNALIZE.

TALK TO ANYBODY, A NEIGHBOR.
TALK TO AN ANIMAL.

REALLY,
WARREN.

TRUST ME.

[ Indistinct ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]
WE CALLED THE MEETING
FOR WEDNESDAY.

THESE MONTHLY FEEDBACK
AND INPUT SESSIONS WERE CRUCIAL
TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS PROJECT.

FOR THE INSTITUTE,
THIS WAS THE TIME TO PROVIDE
ANALYSIS AND GUIDANCE,

BASED ON THE FOOTAGE
THEY WERE VIEWING.

FOR THE STUDIO,
THIS WAS THE TIME TO
DISCUSS FINANCIAL MATTERS,

PERSONNEL PROBLEMS,
AND OTHER CINEMATIC DETAILS.

THIS WAS DR. JEREMY NOLAND,
PROJECT COORDINATOR
FOR THE INSTITUTE,

AN AMBITIOUS MAN.

DR. ANN KRAMER,
A GOOD PSYCHOLOGIST,
GENERALLY A NICE PERSON.

I THINK SHE LIKED ME.

DR. HILL WAS THERE,
DR. CLEARY,

AND MARTIN BRAND,
THE STUDIO EXECUTIVE
IN CHARGE OF THIS PICTURE.

BRAND TOOK THIS PROJECT OVER
FROM A YOUNGER MAN
WHO WAS FIRED.

MARTIN WAS USED TO
THE OLD HOLLYWOOD...

WITH ITS BIG STARS
AND LAVISH SETS.

HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WE WERE DOING HERE.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY
HE FELT IT WAS UNNECESSARY
TO ACTUALLY COME TO PHOENIX.

SO, WE'VE TAKEN VOICEPRINTS
FROM DAY 12 TO DAY 18,

COMPARED THEM AGAINST THE PRINTS
OF THESE SAME PEOPLE FROM
THE FIRST WEEK OF THE PROJECT,

AND NO MATTER WHICH WAY
WE COMPUTED THEM,
THEY CAME OUT THE SAME.

NOW, THESE PEOPLE ARE DEFINITELY
OPERATING DIFFERENTLY NOW
THAN WHEN FILMING STARTED.

THERE ARE CHANGES IN ALL
FOUR VOICEPRINT PATTERNS,

AND THE EXTENT OF THESE CHANGES
IS CONFIRMED BY CHANGES
IN BODY TEMPERATURE,

AS REVEALED BY THE INFRARED
ANALYSIS OF THE FILM.

NOW, EACH OF US MAY HAVE
A DIFFERENT EXPLANATION
FOR WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,

BUT IT'S UNDENIABLE THAT
YOU'VE STRONGLY ALTERED
THE REALITY YOU'RE FILMING.

IN MY OPINION,
YOU'RE GETTING
A FALSE REALITY HERE,

AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA
DO ABOUT IT.

ME ? WAIT A SECOND.

I-I'D LIKE TO GET BACK
TO SOMETHING ANN SAID
A LITTLE EARLIER.

YOU SAID YOU THINK I LOOK
HEAVIER NOW THAN WHEN
THE FILMING STARTED.

WHERE WOULD THAT BE ?
IN THE CHEEKS ?
NO, NO.

I SAID THAT IN SOME
OF THE LATER FOOTAGE,
YOU LOOK SOMEWHAT FATIGUED.

OH, I SEE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
NOT FAT, FATIGUED.

I'VE BEEN UP A LOT.
FATIGUED IS OKAY,
BUT HEAVY'S ANOTHER THING.

'CAUSE I EAT RAW VEGETABLES.
THERE'S NO REASON I SHOULD--
MR. BROOKS.

YES ? OKAY.
YOU LOOK
FINE.

NOW I'D LIKE,
IF WE COULD,
TO GO TO DAY FOUR.

I BELIEVE THAT'S,
UH, SCENE 31.

[ Sighs ]

NOW HERE'S SOME FOOTAGE
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU.

LIGHTS.
WHAT ?

WHAT DID
YOU SAY ?
LIGHTS.

OH, NO. SEE, THIS IS MY HOME.
IT'S NOT A PROJECTION ROOM.

IF YOU'D SAY, "WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TURN THE LIGHTS OFF ?"
I'D SAY, "SURE."

"LIGHTS," HE SAYS.
MAN LIVES IN THE KITCHEN ?

UH--

NOW, WE'VE BLOWN UP
WHAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU,

AND I'M GONNA KEEP REPEATING IT,
BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO CATCH
THE FIRST TIME.

IN FACT, THE COMPUTER
DIDN'T CATCH IT
TILL THE SECOND RUN.

[ Noland ]
WHEN WE STARTED FILMING
WARREN YEAGER,

HE WAS DRINKING COFFEE WITH HIS
RIGHT HAND ONLY, NO ASSISTANCE
AT ALL FROM HIS LEFT HAND--

AS DISTINCTIVE A TRAIT
AS HANDWRITING.

NOW WATCH AGAIN.
RIGHT HAND ONLY.

THAT'S IT.

NOW, ON DAY 13,

HE STARTS DRINKING COFFEE
WITH BOTH HIS HANDS.

NOW WATCH THE DECISION.
THERE ! NOW WATCH AGAIN.

[ Brooks ]
WHAT ?

[ Noland ]
WATCH THE DECISION. THERE !

SEE ? HE'S MUCH LESS RELYING
ON HIS ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE.

[ Brooks ]
OH, COME ON !

[ Kramer ]
YES, IT'S CONCEIVABLE
THAT WITHIN TWO MONTHS...

HE WILL HAVE SHIFTED THE CUP
ENTIRELY TO HIS LEFT HAND,

AND HIS RIGHT HAND
WILL REMAIN UNUSED
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE GESTURE.

[ Noland ]
MM-HMM. TOTAL CHANGE
IN BODY LANGUAGE.

LIGHTS.

VERY INTERESTING.
I HADN'T NOTICED IT AT ALL.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
I MEAN, THIS CUP
COULD'VE BEEN HOT.

NOPE. THE INFRARED
ANALYSIS OF THE FILM...

SHOWS NO DIFFERENCE
IN THE EFFECTIVE
TEMPERATURE OF THE DISH.

[ Brand ]
ALBERT, MAY I INTERRUPT
FOR ONE MINUTE, PLEASE ?

PEOPLE AREN'T GONNA WALK OUT
OF A THEATER SAYING,
"I DON'T LIKE THAT GUY,

THE GUY WHO HOLDS
THE CUP WITH ONE HAND,
WITH TWO HANDS."

ABSOLUTELY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THEY DO HAVE
A GOOD CHANCE OF SAYING.

"WHERE THE HELL IS PAUL NEWMAN ?
WHERE'S REDFORD ?
WHERE'S NICHOLSON ?"

JESUS.
BELIEVE ME, THEY PREFER
NICHOLSON WITH THE CUP...

THAN THE CUP
WITH THE OTHER GUY.

ALBERT, SO YOU KEEP YEAGER IN,
BUT YOU GOTTA GET SOMEBODY
IN THE MOVIE, FOR CHRIST'S
SAKE.

YOU MAYBE OUGHTA ADD
A NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR,
OR A BOSS, OR A CLEANING LADY,

SOMEBODY WITH A NAME,
SOMEBODY WHO'D DRAW
SOME PEOPLE.

YOU'VE GOT ROCK FRIENDS.

WOULD IT BE SO BAD TO
HAVE NEIL DIAMOND SITTING IN
A MEETING LIKE THIS ? SCHMUCK !

YOU'LL MAKE A HELL OF A LOT
MOREMONEY WITH NEIL DIAMOND IN
THERE THAN WITH THE GUY WITH THE
CUP !

COULD WE GET BACK ON THE TRACK ?
I NEED SOMEONE TO GET
THAT CUP FOR ME.

STOP WITH THE CUP !
REALLY, I CAN'T
HEAR THIS ANYMORE.

I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

EXPLAIN TO ME
IN ENGLISH, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT.

QUITE SIMPLY, THE FILMING HAS
TRIGGERED A DRASTIC EMOTIONAL
CHANGE IN THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES.

THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT, AND YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.

AND THAT'S BAD ?
I DON'T LIVE IN A WORLD
OF GOOD AND BAD.

I DON'T TALK
THAT LANGUAGE.

I THINK WE'RE BUILDING
A LOT OF CONCLUSIONS ON
A LITTLE BIT OF EVIDENCE.

MAYBE WHAT THESE PEOPLE
ARE GOING THROUGH IS GROWTH.
MAYBE IT'S INEVITABLE.

AND HEALTHY.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
HOWARD'S RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME. I WOULD LIKE
TO HEAR FROM DR. CLEARY.

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I THINK ?
YES, PLEASE.

OKAY.

ONE, WE GET OUT OF
THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES.
WE MUST GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

- OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
- I'M NOT THROUGH.

WE GO AWAY AT NIGHT.
WE FILM ONLY WHEN SCHEDULED.

WE GIVE THEM SOME PRIVACY
AND STABILITY...

SO THAT WHEN THEY WAKE UP
IN THE MORNING, THEY DON'T THINK
THAT THEY'RE ON A MOVIE SET !

A MOVIE SET. MARTIN,
TELL HIM HOW DIFFERENT
THIS IS FROM A MOVIE SET.

ON A MOVIE SET, YOU GOT
ACTORS THAT ARE WELL-KNOWN.

IF THEY GIVE YOU TROUBLE,
YOU CALL THEIR AGENTS AND YOU
PUT SOME HEAT UNDER THEIR ASS.

THANKS.
LOOK, TED, THERE'S NO REASON
TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

I SPENT A LOT IN PURCHASING IT,
AND A LOT IN DECORATING IT.
IT'S UNNECESSARY.

IT IS VERY NECESSARY.
IT'S NOT NECESSARY.

YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS
TO GET WALLPAPER ?
HOW DIFFICULT IS IT ?

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT !
THIS IS PHOENIX !

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE'S
LIVES, AND YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT YOUR DAMN WALLPAPER !

YOU KNOW YOU SPEND
80% OF YOUR LIFE
LOOKING AT WALLS ?

GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE.
[ Arguing ]

I WENT TO L.A.
FOR THAT WALLPAPER !

-THE REASON--
- WAIT A MINUTE. MAY I--

MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION THAT
MIGHT BREAK THIS LOGJAM ?
WHO INVITED YOU IN THE BEDROOM ?

MR. BROOKS,
PLEASE ?
WHAT ?

THE INSTITUTE HAS A CENTER
UP IN THE FOOTHILLS...

THAT'S USED FOR ENCOUNTER
AND THERAPY SESSIONS, MAINLY
FOR OUR EXECUTIVES AND CLIENTS.

BUT I THINK WE SHOULD
CONSIDER TAKING THE YEAGERS
UP THERE FOR A WEEKEND.

I THINK THEY'LL
OPEN UP AGAIN.

OH, YES.
YOU MEAN LIKE ECHELON ?
LIKE HOT TUBS ?

NATURE TRAILS,
MASSAGE.
ABSOLUTELY !

SEE ? THAT'S SOMETHIN'
I CAN USE ! GREAT.

THANK YOU.
ARE YOU CRAZY ? YOU WANNA FLY
ALL THESE PEOPLE TO COLORADO ?

- WHAT ?
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST
PUT 'EM ALL ON DRUGS ?

GIVE THEM PSYCHIATRISTS.
ENROLL THEM ALL IN PRIVATE
SCHOOLS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

[ Brand ]
JUST A MINUTE !
WE GOT A BUDGET !

REMEMBER THE COSTS,
DR. CLEARSON.
PLEASE REMEMBER THE COSTS.

OH, YEAH.
COSTS.

YOU SPEND A HALF A MILLION
DOLLARS ON RESEARCH.

I DON'T THINK YOU'VE SPENT
A DIME FINDING A QUALIFIED
PERSON TO HEAD THIS PROJECT.

YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE
AT THE CONTROLS OF A 747...

WHO'S NEVER EVEN FLOWN
AS A PASSENGER.

THAT WAS
AIRPORT '76.

TED, I THINK I'VE
LOGGED MORE MILES...

THAN YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE
UNIVERSITY PUT TOGETHER.

- YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
- I'M NOT MISSING THE POINT.

I'M A MILLION-MILER.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?
I'LL SHOW YOU MY PIN.

I CAN GET INTO
ANY V.I.P. LOUNGE
IN THIS COUNTRY, TED.

I KNOCK ON THE DOOR,
I TELL 'EM MY NAME, GIVE 'EM THE
PIN NUMBER, SIT IN THE LOUNGE.

I CAN DRINK COFFEE AND EAT
THEIRDOUGHNUTS, AND I DON'T
EVEN HAVE TO BE FLYING ANYWHERE.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW
WHO CAN DO THAT, HUH ?

HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN GO DOWN
TO AN AIRPORT LOUNGE AND SAY,
"LET ME IN, I JUST WANNA SIT" ?

I CAN DO THAT, TED,
IN O'HARE AIRPORT.

I'VE TAKEN A DATE THERE
AFTER A MOVIE.

JUST SAT AND HAD COFFEE
IN THE LOUNGE, AND I WASN'T
EVEN FLYING ANYWHERE !

MISSING
YOUR POINT !
ALBERT, ALBERT.

TED, COME ON.
I-I FEEL WHAT WE
NEED NOW IS A BREAK.

I'M STARVING.
CAN WE EAT ?
GREAT IDEA.

I KNOW A GREAT
MEXICAN-LIKE RESTAURANT.
I'LL TREAT, OKAY ?

WE'RE JUST GETTI''
ALL COOPED UP HERE.

ALL RIGHT, ALBERT,
I'M GONNA HANG UP NOW.
OKAY, MARTIN.

I WANNA LEAVE YOU
WITH TWO WORDS.
YEAH ?

JAMES CAAN.
IS THAT REAL ENOUGH
FOR YOU ?

THAT'S GREAT.
BYE-BYE.

COME ON, TED.
ALBERT,
ALBERT.

CAN I SPEAK TO
YOU A SECOND ?
COME ON, LET'S GO EAT.

COULD YOU SIT DOWN
FOR A MINUTE ?

SURE.

MY ASSOCIATION WITH
THIS PROJECT HAS ENDED.

I'M LEAVING PHOENIX
AS SOON AS I CAN.

WHY ? 'CAUSE WE JUST
HAD A LITTLE TIFF ?

COME ON, TED.
COME OUT AND EAT.
YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

NO,YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.
EATING DOESN'T
DO THAT FOR ME.

WE'RE NOT THE SAME PERSON.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
DISAGREE WITH YOU.

I THINK WE'RE
VERY MUCH ALIKE.

SEE, THAT'S WHY
WE CAN GET INTO
THESE KIND OF DEBATES.

I THINK YOU'D BE
SURPRISED AT HOW MUCH
ALIKE WE REALLY ARE.

I'D BE MORE THAN SURPRISED.
I'D BE SUICIDAL.

GOOD LUCK
TO YOU.

TED, MAY I ASK
A PERSONAL QUESTION ?

DON'T YOU LIKE
THE ACCOMMODATIONS ?
DO YOU WANT A SUITE ?

REALLY, SOMETIMES
TWO ROOMS CAN MAKE
A BIG DIFFERENCE.

YOU READ IN ONE
AND SLEEP IN THE OTHER.

I KNOW WHAT A SINGLE CAN DO.
IT CAN GET DEPRESSING.
I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.

YOU AMAZE ME,
TRULY.
WELL, THANK YOU.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
THEJOURNAL OF
AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY?

IT'S JUST POSSIBLE
IF YOU LEAVE NOW,

THEJOURNAL MAY NOT
BE THRILLED WITH
A HALF-ASSED JOB.

THE JOURNAL OF
AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY ?
ARE YOU KIDDING ?

THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE,
NOT BUFFOONERY.

YOU TAKE CARE,
YOU HEAR ?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE, TED ?

WAIT A MINUTE, TED !
COME BACK !

IF THEIR FIELD IS SCIENCE,
WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS ?

LOOK, TED !
THIS IS SCIENCE !

WHAT IS THE INSTITUTE ?
DRY CEREAL, TED ?

COME BACK !
SCIENCE ! LOOK !

IT'S ALL SCIENCE !

TED, COME BACK !

TED ?

I WAS UPSET...

BY DR. CLEARY'S
SUDDEN DEPARTURE.

ALL RIGHT !

[ Brooks ]
BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE
A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME HELP.
LARRY, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT FILMING THAT.

I THINK THE PRESSURE
OF THE JOURNALWAS JUST
TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE.

YEAH, PUT IT
IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

GIVEN A LITTLE TIME AND HELP
FROM HIS WIFE AND FAMILY,

DR. YEAGER STARTED
TO COME OUT OF HIS SHELL.

I WAS GRATEFUL,
AND I WANTED HIM TO KNOW IT.

WAIT. LARRY, WE'RE GONNA
NEED SOME HELP, OKAY ?
WE'LL GET HELP IN A SECOND.

I FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT TAKING IT.
NO, DON'T FEEL GUILTY.

SOMEONE GAVE IT TO ME.
I CAN'T USE IT. WHAT AM
I GONNA DO, THROW IT AWAY ?

WHY CAN'T YOU USE IT ?
IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE,
VERY EXPENSIVE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.
WHY DON'T YOU USE IT ?
WELL, IT'S JUST--

I'M IN THE BUSINESS, YOU KNOW ?
AND IT'S TOO BIG FOR ME.

IT JUST MAKES ME INSECURE
TO SEE A TV THAT BIG.

BUT YOU CAN GET
ANYTHING ON IT.
OH, YEAH, FOOTBALL.

YOU LIKE FOOTBALL ?
THE BALL COMES RIGHT
INTO YOUR ROOM, HUH ?

YOU LIKE TO GO TO
THE FOOTBALL GAMES ?
YES, I DO.

OPEN UP FOR ME.
SEASON TICKETS.

YOU'LL DO GOOD.
YOU'LL LOVE THIS THING.
I LOVE IT.

IT'S VERY EXPENSIVE.
I KNOW. THANK YOU.
THANKS A MILLION.

OKAY, OKAY.
HELP. WE NEED HELP.

[ Bird Chirping ]

[ Brooks Narrating ]
WELL, THE STORM HAD PASSED.

BY THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY,
MY FILMMAKING DREAM
HAD COME TRUE.

I HAD A HAPPY FAMILY,
A BEAUTIFUL CITY...

AND A CHANCE TO SHOW THE FRENCH
WHAT A MONTAGE WAS ALL ABOUT.

AND THEN,
SOMETHING HAPPENED.

STILL MOVING AT
A LEISURELY PACE,
THE YEAGERS WERE SHOCKED...

WHEN THEY PICKED UP THE SUNDAY
EDITION OF THE ARIZONA
REPUBLIC,

DATED FEBRUARY 19th.

ON PAGE ONE OF PART "B"...

WAS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF
FIVE ARTICLES FROM A NEW BOOK.

THE BOOK WAS CALLED
NIGHTMARE IN THE DESERT.

ITS AUTHOR,
DR. THEODORE CLEARY.

APPARENTLY, CLEARY TOOK
HIS NOTES FROM THE JOURNAL...

AND DECIDED TO MAKE
THE FAST BUCK.

STRINGING TOGETHER A BUNCH
OF FAMILIAR CATCHPHRASES...

LIKE "MIND CONTROL"
AND "PSYCHOLOGICAL RAPE,"

HE WROTE ONE OF
THOSE QUICKIE BOOKS,

THE KIND YOU PEDDLE
TO THE PUBLISHERS WHO
MISSED OUT ON WATERGATE.

HOWARD, PLEASE DON'T
COME INTO MY HOUSE
AND READ CRAP, OKAY ?

IF YOU WANT TO DO IT,
STAY AT THE HOTEL.

ALBERT, YOU OUGHTA
READ THIS, REALLY.

ASK ANY GREAT ENTERTAINER.
THEY DON'T READ BAD REVIEWS.

"OUT OF SIGHT,
OUT OF MIND."
JOLSON SAID IT.

HE, UH--
HE SAYS YOU'RE DANGEROUS.

THEY CALLED
BABE RUTH
DANGEROUS, HMM ?

HE ALSO SAYS
YOU'RE PARANOID.

THEY CALLED
BABE RUTH
PARANOID, TOO.

I'M MAKING A SPECIAL
BREAKFAST. IF YOU WANT
TO EAT IT, NO READING.

[ Telephone Rings ]

HELLO ?
[ Woman ]
HI. DID YOU READ IT ?

HI, MITZ.
I'M READING IT NOW.

WHAT DO THEY MEAN,
YOU'RE LIKE PRISONERS OF WAR ?
I DON'T KNOW YET.

I WANNA FINISH READING.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE ?

[ Doorbell Rings ]
I'LL GET IT.

NO, HONEY.
NO, I-I'LL GET IT.

[ Doorbell ]

YES ?
MR. YEAGER ?

DR. YEAGER.
I'M SORRY.

JIM SANDERS,
CHANNEL 5 NEWS.
CAN WE COME IN ?

W-WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?
IT'S KIND OF
WINDY OUT THERE.

DO YOU MIND IF WE COME
IN FOR JUST A MINUTE ?
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.
HEY, YOU'RE FROM TV,
CHANNEL 12 !

YOU'RE CLOSE. CHANNEL 5.
IS THAT YOUR GIRL ?

YEAH. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE
OF BREAKFAST.

OH, WELL, LISTEN.
I DON'T WANNA INTERRUPT.
YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

IT'S JUST, WE'RE
FOLLOWING UP ON THAT STORY
IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING.

YOU KNOW,
THE ONE ABOUT THE-THE
"BIZARRE PHOENIX FAMILY."

IT LOOKS LIKE WE GOT
A NATIONAL NEWS STORY
RIGHT IN OUR BACKYARD HERE,

AND, WELL, I-I WONDERED
IF WE COULD FILM YOU GUYS
HAVING BREAKFAST MAYBE.

WOULD THAT BE OKAY ?
WELL, THEY'RE
ALREADY DOING IT.

OH, UH--
WHAT'S THAT THING ?

IT'S A CAMERA.
OH, YEAH ?
LOOK AT THAT.

I WONDER HOW WE CAN WORK
THAT INTO THE STORY.
UH, EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

I WANNA MAKE A QUICK CALL.
W-WOULD YOU JUST EXCUSE ME ?

OH, YEAH, SURE.
HEY, LISTEN.
ONE THING.

IN THE PAPER, IT-IT KIND OF
IMPLIES THERE'S A SORT OF
BRAINWASHING GOING ON HERE.

- WOULD YOU COMMENT ON THAT ?
- EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND.

CAN I TAKE THAT
TO MEAN YES ?

[ Dialing Phone Number ]

HELLO ?
ALBERT ?
WARREN.

HI.
UH, COULD YOU COME
OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY ?

LET ME EAT FIRST, BABE.
NO, PLEASE
DON'T EAT FIRST.

THERE'S A WHOLE NEWS CREW
HERE FROM CHANNEL 12.
CHANNEL 5.

WHAT ?
[ Hangs Up ]
CHANNEL 5.

ALBERT ?
ALBERT ?

[ Hangs Up ]
NO, NO.
COME ON.

THE FELLA YOU WANNA SEE
WILL BE RIGHT OVER.

OH, YEAH.
THIS IS, UH,
TED CLEARY, HUH ?

NO. ALBERT BROOKS.
RIGHT.

[ Sanders ] HE'S WHAT ?
[ Warren ]
HOW DO YOU MEAN ?

I'M TRYIN' TO GET ALL THE
POSITIONS STRAIGHT. THERE WERE
SO MANY NAMES IN THAT ARTICLE.

I-I CAN'T TELL WHO
WAS WHO, FRANKLY.

MAY I HELP YOU ?
YEAH.
YOU'RE AL, RIGHT ?

I'M ALBERT, YES.
HEY, GREAT.
CHANNEL 5 NEWS, AL.

LISTEN, UH, WE'RE DOIN'
SOME FOLLOW-UP ON THAT STORY
IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING.

UH-HUH.
DR. YEAGER WAS
TELLIN' ME...

THAT YOU'RE FILMING
HIM AND HIS FAMILY
HAVING BREAKFAST.

UH-HUH.
I THOUGHT MAYBE
WHEN YOU'RE DONE,

IF YOU COULD GET THEM
TO PUT ON ANOTHER QUICK LITTLE
BREAKFAST THING FOR US TO FILM,

IT'D REALLY
HELP US OUT.
I BEG YOUR PARDON ?

I DON'T SAY THIS
ON EVERY STORY
I GO OUT ON,

BUT THIS THING FEELS BIG,
IT REALLY FEELS GOOD,

AND EVERYBODY IN TOWN'S
GONNA BE ON IT.

BUT SINCE WE'RE THE FIRST
ONES HERE, I THOUGHT WE
COULD GET SOMETHING SPECIAL.

FEELS BIG, HUH ?
FEELS GOOD ?
OH, YEAH. YEAH.

GET OUT OF HERE !
YOU'RE TRESPASSING !
HEY, LEO !

GET FILM ON THIS GUY !
GET NOTHING ON THIS !
YOU'RE TRESPASSING !

YOU'RE TRESPASSING !
THIS IS A MOVIE SET !
WAIT A MINUTE !

THIS IS A NEWS STORY !
NO, IT'S A MOVIE !
THIS IS COPYRIGHTED !

GET OUT OF HERE !
ON YOUR COPYRIGHT,
SOMEBODY'S LYING !

HUM A FEW BARS
AND FIGURE IT OUT !

JUST MOVE !
ALL RIGHT !
I WANT FILM ON THIS GUY.

NO, YOU DON'T !
GET OUT OF HERE !

I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THIS THING STARTED OUT TO BE
SOME KIND OF A PUFF PIECE.

UH-HUH.
NOW YOU GOT ME
A LITTLE BIT PISSED OFF.

I'M GONNA GET OUTTA HERE,
AND I'M GONNA COME BACK HERE
WITH A COURT ORDER !

COURT ORDER ?
THAT'S RIGHT,
A COURT ORDER !

I'LL GET THE BIGGEST LAWYER
IN THIS COUNTRY DOWN
TO THIS JERKWATER BURG !

YOU'LL SEE A JURY OF YOUR PEERS
TURN AGAINST YOU SO FAST,
YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU !

OH, YEAH ? MR. CLEARY,
YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.
IT'S MR. BROOKS !

AND DON'T THREATEN ME !
I WORK MUCH BETTER
OUT OF PRESSURE !

GET OUT !

IT'S FINE. GO BACK.
HAVE A GOOD BREAKFAST.

I'LL BE ACROSS THE STREET.
I'LL TAKE A SHOWER.

[ Brooks ]
THE SHOWER DIDN'T HELP.

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Man ]
MR. YEAGER !

[ Brooks Narrating ]
THE MEDIA STAYED AWAY
FROM THE YEAGERS' HOUSE.

HOWEVER, OFF THEIR PROPERTY
THEY WERE FAIR GAME.

IT STARTED
ON MONDAY AFTERNOON.

WHILE COMING HOME FROM LUNCH,
DR. AND MRS. YEAGER ENCOUNTERED
A "LIVE EYE" TRUCK.

I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU.
IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
COME ON.

PEOPLE ARE AWFUL
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

PLEASE.
EXCUSE US.

COME ON, TALK TO US.
DR. YEAGER !

[ Horn Honking ]
MRS. YEAGER !

[ Brooks ]
TUESDAY AFTERNOON.

WAIT, MRS. YEAGER !
ARE THEY HURTING YOU ?

WHILE RETURNING
FROM A SHOPPING SPREE,

MRS. YEAGER
AND THE CHILDREN
WERE ACCOSTED.

LISA, ERIC.
WE HAVE A LOT OF
VIEWERS OUT THERE--

YOU WOULD THINK THE NEWS
WOULD HAVE SOMETHING BETTER
TO DO IN A CITY THIS SIZE.

I HAVE NO COMMENT
AT THIS TIME.
PLEASE, MRS. YEAGER.

WAIT JUST A MOMENT.
HOW ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN ?
HOW ARE THEY HOLDING UP ?

EVERYTHING IS
JUST FINE. PLEASE.
HOW OLD ARE YOUR CHILDREN ?

DR. YEAGER, CAN WE GET
A COUPLE OF WORDS WITH--

CAN YOU TAKE JUST A SECOND ?
DOCTOR ? DOCTOR ?

WHAT ARE THEY DOIN' TO YOU ?
ARE THEY TRYIN' TO HURT YOU
AND YOUR FAMILY ?

LOOK OVER HERE,
DR. YEAGER.
ARE THEY HURTING YOU ?

CAN YOU GIVE US
A MINUTE ?
GIVE ME A SMILE.

DR. AND MRS. YEAGER.
NO COMMENT.
NO COMMENT.

WHY DID YOU COME TO SEE
THIS PARTICULAR FILM ?
PLEASE, PLEASE.

CAN YOU TELL ME THIS ?
NO COMMENT
ON THE FILM ?

NO COMMENT.
WILL YOU STAY TO SEE
THE SECOND FEATURE ?

KIDS, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
DR. YEAGER,
OVER HERE !

WERE YOU FORCED
TO SEE THIS MOVIE ?
OVER HERE !

AS YOU KNOW, ALBERT, SOME
MEMBERS OF THE INSTITUTE--

[ Brooks ] AN EMERGENCY MEETING
WAS CALLED FOR 6:00 P.M.
ON SATURDAY THE 25th.

IT WAS REQUESTED BY THE HEAD
OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR,

DR. ISAAC STEVEN HAYWARD.

...ENTIRELY A NEW FIELD,
THE PSYCHOLOGICAL--

AND APPROVED
BY MARTIN BRAND,

WHO CONSIDERED THIS MEETING
IMPORTANT ENOUGH
TO CALL FROM CATALINA,

INTERRUPTING THE FIRST VACATION
HE'D HAD IN OVER A WEEK.

ALBERT, WE'RE
KNOWN IN EUROPE--

AS I SAT ACROSS THE TABLE
FROM THIS MAN,

I WAS SLOWLY LOSING MY RESPECT
FOR HIGHER EDUCATION.

ALSO, HE WORE
FAR TOO MUCH COLOGNE.

WHEN YOU HAVE A REPUTATION
IN AS DIFFICULT A FIELD AS THIS,
YOU'VE GOT TO MAINTAIN IT.

AND YOU THINK
SOMETHING'S GOING ON HERE...

THAT'S PREVENTING YOU FROM
MAINTAINING YOUR REPUTATION ?

I HAVE
NO OPINION.
PFFT !

BUT WE'VE DONE
A GREAT MANY TESTS
IN THE LAST FIVE DAYS--

EVERYTHING FROM
PUBLIC OPINION SURVEYS TO
URINALYSES OF OUR OWN STAFF.

FINE. WHAT DO
THE TESTS TELL YOU ?

THEY INDICATE TO US
THAT OUR EFFORTS HERE...

HAVE COME TO THE END
OF THEIR USEFUL LIFE.

ANYTHING BEYOND THIS POINT
WOULD BE SEVERELY
COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

I SEE.

NOW IT'S BECOMING CLEAR.

THE INSTITUTE GETS
A LITTLE HEAT, AND BOOM !

THEY NOT ONLY LEAVE THE KITCHEN,
THEY TAKE THE WHOLE
KITCHEN WITH THEM !

LET'S CONSIDER
THE FAMILY
FOR A MOMENT.

OH, WHAT'D YOU DO ?
RUN URINE TESTS ON THEM TOO ?

WE DID A SERIES ON THEM, YES.

THANKS, HOWIE.
HOPE YOU DIDN'T GET
YOUR LITTLE HANDS WET.

[ Brand ]
COME ON ! JESUS CHRIST !

LOOK. THESE PEOPLE ARE
VERY CLOSE TO COMPLETE
PERSONALITY DISINTEGRATION.

OH, DON'T
MAKE ME LAUGH.

I DON'T REMEMBER A TIME IN MY
LIFE WHEN I HAVEN'T BEEN CLOSE
TO PERSONALITY DISINTEGRATION.

AND HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW
WHAT THESE PEOPLE
ARE FEELING, ANYWAY ?

FROM YOUR MICKEY MOUSE TESTS ?
DON'T BLAME THE TESTS
FOR WHAT THEY TELL US.

OH, I DON'T BLAME 'EM.
THEY'RE GREAT.
WHY DON'T WE DO MORE, HUH ?

I BET YOU'D LIKE IT,
WOULDN'T YOU, NOLAND ?

WANNA GET THAT CUP AGAIN ?
I'LL GET YOU LOTS OF CUPS.

MAYBE A HUNDRED CUPS !
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT YOU PEOPLE.

YOU'RE GREAT WITH CUPS,
BUT WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE
ARE BALLS !

I THINK IF YOU ASK ANY MAGICIAN,
HE'LL TELL YOU THAT CUPS WITHOUT
BALLS DOESN'T MEAN JACK SHIT !

[ Brand ]
ALBERT, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

LOOK, LET'S NOT ARGUE.
SAY THE FAMILY'S FINE.

SAY THE FAMILY'S PERFECT.
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU
FOR A MINUTE.

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU FAILED, THAT'S WHAT YOU
DID. YOU SCHMUCK, YOU FAILED.

YOU STARTED OUT WITH THIS
ARTSY-CRAFTSY REALITY CRAP,
AND WHAT DID YOU END UP WITH ?

THE NEWS !
THE GODDAMN NEWS !
PEOPLE GET THAT FOR FREE.

YOU THINK SOMEBODY'S
GONNA HIRE A BABY-SITTER,

TAKE A TAXICAB,
GO ALL THE WAY
THE HELL DOWNTOWN,

GO UP TO THE BOX OFFICE,
SHELL OUT FOUR BUCKS...

AND SAY, "HERE ! HERE !
HERE'S MY FOUR DOLLARS !

WHAT TIME DOES
THE NEWS GO ON" ?

"HERE. HERE'S
MY FOUR DOLLARS."

IS MONEY YOUR
ENTIRE LIFE, MARTIN ?

MONEY ! MONEY !
LET'S TALK ABOUT
HUMAN BEINGS FOR A MINUTE !

ACROSS THE STREET
ARE FOUR PEOPLE.

THESE PEOPLE HAD A DREAM.
THEY TOOK ON A PROJECT.

IT WAS NEW,
IT WAS EXCITING,

AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
A WHOLE YEAR, NOT TWO MONTHS !

NOW, I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS.
I'M USED TO MY COMMITMENTS
BEING DUMPED ON.

BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE ORDINARY
PEOPLE WITH ORDINARY FEELINGS.

DO YOU WANNA GO ACROSS
THE STREET AND TELL THEM ?

NO ! YOU WON'T EVEN
COME DOWN HERE !

DO YOU WANNA TAKE THAT
RESPONSIBILITY ? NO !
JUST A MINUTE.

I THINK THEY KNOW MORE THAN
YOU GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR.
[ Doorbell ]

OH, LOOK WHO'S TALKING.
THE PEE HOARDER.
[ Doorbell ]

SOMEONE SHOULD
ANSWER THE DOOR.

WHY ? WHY NOT TAKE
A URINALYSIS OF IT ?

THEN WE'LL KNOW WHO IT IS
WITHOUT GOING THERE.
ISN'T THAT A GREAT IDEA ?

COME ON, NOLAND !
MORE DATA ! MORE DATA !

WE NEED MORE DATA.
COME ON, DR. CUP !
MORE DATA !

MORE DATA, HUH ?
GET SOME DATA FOR ME !
MORE DATA !

MORE DATA ! MORE DATA !
WE NEED MORE, MORE.

HI. WHAT A BREATH
OF FRESH AIR.

PLEASE, COME IN.

HERE ARE YOUR TESTS,
YOUR LIVING TESTS.

DR. AND MRS. YEAGER, I'M IN
THE COMMUNICATIONS BUSINESS,

AND IT'S MY JOB
TO GET THROUGH TO THESE PEOPLE,

BUT I DON'T THINK
I'M DOING VERY GOOD AT IT.

I DON'T THINK THEY
UNDERSTAND THE MEANING
OF THE WORD "COMMITMENT,"

THE WORD
"DEDICATION."

MAYBE YOU CAN
EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

- WE WANNA STOP.
- WHAT ?

THIS IS OVER.
NO.

LOOK, I DON'T WANNA
GET INTO ANY MORE OF YOUR
INTELLECTUAL ARGUMENTS.

THIS IS RUINING OUR LIVES.
THIS IS NOT WHAT
WE BARGAINED FOR.

THERE WAS NO BARGAINING.
YOU APPLIED,
WE ACCEPTED.

ALBERT, THE CHILDREN ARE
AFRAID TO GO TO SCHOOL.
THAT'S NORMAL, TRUST ME.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU THINK IS NORMAL.

WE NO LONGER WANNA BE
INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT.
THAT'S FINAL. THAT'S IT.

THIS WAS THE WHOLE
FAMILY'S DECISION.
OH, I'LL BET IT WAS.

I'M SURE LITTLE ERIC
GOT A FULL VOTE, HUH ?
WE'RE NOT GONNA DISCUSS THIS.

OKAY, NO DISCUSSION.
JUST A FEW FACTS
AND LOOSE ENDS, HUH ?

$25,000. THAT'S MORE THAN
HALF YOUR MONEY WAS DUE ON
THE COMPLETION OF THIS PICTURE.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE END,
AND I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GO WITHOUT THE BOAT...

AND THE TRAILER YOU'VE BEEN
TALKING ABOUT FOR A COUPLE
OF MONTHS, AND LISA'S BRACES.

I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT TEETH.
SHE MAY LOOK ALL RIGHT NOW.

IN THREE YEARS SHE'LL
BE AN ELEPHANT GIRL.

THESE COME RIGHT
DOWN TO HER WAIST.

AND ALSO, IF SOMETHING,
GOD FORBID,
REALLY BAD HAPPENS,

YOU HAVE NO INSURANCE,
YOU'RE NOT IN THE
SCREEN ACTORS GUILD,

YOU HAVE NO COVERAGE,
YOU'LL GET NO BENEFITS.
STOP IT !

WITH WHAT THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH,
WE COULD JUST PAY THEM
AND FORGET ABOUT IT.

OKAY, WE'LL FORGET ABOUT IT.
GO AHEAD, TAKE THE MONEY.

GO AHEAD. I'M GONNA
GET THE FAMILY THAT I
WANTED TO CHOOSE ANYWAY.

- WHAT WAS THEIR NAME,
THE ONE I WANTED ?
- THE FELTONS.

THE FELTONS, WISCONSIN !
THAT'S THE HEART
OF THIS COUNTRY.

HERE'S WHAT I SAY.
WE ALL TAKE A WEEK OFF.
I'LL GET A HIGH COLONIC.

THEN WE'LL COME BACK
WITH A NEW FAMILY,
A BIGGER INSTITUTE--

[ Brand ]
AND ANOTHER STUDIO !

WE'RE NOT SPENDING ANOTHER
DIME ON THIS PICTURE !

YOU'RE NUTS TO WANNA
DO THIS AGAIN.

- DON'T CALL ME NUTS !
YOU'RE NUTS !
- YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !
YOU'RE NUTS !
YOU'RE NUTS !

YOU'RE NUTS !
YOU'RE NUTS !
OH, YOU SCHMUCK.

[ Both ] YOU'RE NUTS !
[ Brand ]
I'M HANGIN' UP !

[ Brooks ]
YOU'RE NUTS !
[ Dial Tone ]

NO, NO, NO ! WAIT !
PLEASE, WAIT !
OH, WAIT, WAIT !

LET'S THINK ABOUT ME
FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

0DR. YEAGER, ANIMALS
DON'T GO TO MOVIES.

YOU THINK 6,000 DOGS
ARE GONNA COME OUT
OF RADIO CITY GOING,

"HMM, I DIDN'T LIKE
THE VET SO MUCH" ?

NO, NO. I HAVE TO
DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE
JOHN SIMON AND REX REED.

HAVE YOU EVER
MET THESE PEOPLE ?
THEY'RE KILLERS.

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA SEE ?
JANUARY AND FEBRUARY
IN PHOENIX ?

YOU THINK THAT'S
GONNA DO IT FOR ME ?

I GOT NOTHIN' ON YOU.
I GOT NO BIRTHDAYS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY HOLIDAYS.
I GOT NOTHING.

WHERE AM I
GONNA BE JULY 4th ?
SITTING ALONE IN L.A. ?

NO. I WANNA BE HERE
WITH YOU, FILMING YOU.

WHERE AM I
GONNA BE HALLOWEEN ?
SITTING ALONE ? NO.

I WANNA FOLLOW LISA AROUND
IN HER CUTE LITTLE COSTUME.

WHAT ABOUT THANKSGIVING ?
I WANNA SEE YOU EAT THE HAM.

I WANNA WATCH YOU
CARVE UP THE HAM.

AND CHRISTMAS ?
OH, PLEASE.

I WANNA BE HERE
FOR CHRISTMAS !

I WANT THAT
12-FOOT TREE...

WITH THE ANGEL HAIR
AND THE POPCORN BALLS !

[ Warren ]
ALBERT.
PLEASE !

ALBERT, ALBERT,
PLEASE.
PLEASE !

PLEASE, ALBERT.
I'M FINE.

[ Sobbing ]

FOLKS, WE'RE GOING
TO NEED YOUR SIGNATURES
ON SOME DISCLAIMERS,

AND SOME, UH,
STATEMENTS ON FILM.

JUST A FEW
SHORT SECONDS.

[ Door Opens ]

ALBERT ?
ALBERT, HERE.

WHAT IS IT ?
VALIUM.

THANKS. WHAT AM I GONNA
WASH IT DOWN WITH ?
URINE, HOWARD ?

GO ON, ALBERT, TAKE IT.
IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU.

GOOD. THANKS FOR BEING
SO CONSIDERATE. YOU WERE
A BIG HELP AT THE TABLE.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
THE DISCLAIMERS ?

JUST GO GET THE
DISCLAIMERS FROM THEM.
OKAY.

OH, MY GOD.

MR. BROOKS ?

HOW DID THIS
HAPPEN ?
ARE YOU OKAY ?

- I PUT SOME COFFEE ON.
- THANK YOU.

FOLKS, UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
WE'LL JUST HAVE YOU SIGN THESE.

THESE ARE SOME STANDARD FORMS
RELATING TO LIMITATIONS
OF LIABILITY.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE
YOUR CLIENTS SIGN MUCH
THE SAME THING, DOCTOR.

AND WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT,
I'LL ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS...

AND GET YOUR ANSWERS
ON FILM.

THIS WOULD NORMALLY BE DONE
AT THE END OF THE PROJECT--
WHICH THIS IS.

WHAT A SAD DAY.
I'M A BIG JERK.

I RUINED THEIR LIFE.

HOW DID I DO IT ?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

I'M A FAILURE.
I'M A FAILURE.

YOU'RE NOT
A FAILURE.

YES, I AM.

I'M A FAILURE.

HOW DID IT HAPPEN ?
I HAD GOOD INTENTIONS.

HEY, IT CAN'T
BE THAT BAD.
LOOK.

YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
HIS KIDS CAN'T GO TO SCHOOL.

THEY'RE ALL SCREWED UP.

THEY'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
WHY DO I EVEN MAKE MOVIES ?

I HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE MOVIES.
I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED
TO DO THIS.

"DID ANY REPRESENTATIVE OF
THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE
OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR...

"AT ANY TIME INTERFERE
WITH THE NORMAL CONDUCT
OF YOUR BUSINESS...

OR FAMILY LIFE ?"

OH, KEEPING IN MIND...

THAT MR. BROOKS IS NOT CONNECTED
WITH THE INSTITUTE.

- OH, NO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT
I GOTTA GO DO NOW ?

I GOTTA GO PUT THIS ON,
AND GO DOWN TO A CHILDREN'S
HOSPITAL AND MAKE KIDS LAUGH.

I CAN'T DO IT.
HOSPITAL ?

OH, IT'S A BENEFIT.
I COMMITTED TO IT WEEKS AGO,
BUT I CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T BE THE HAPPY CLOWN.
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY TO 'EM ?

"HELLO, KIDS. MY MOVIE
JUST GOT SCREWED UP,
BUT THAT'S OKAY.

GET WELL, 'CAUSE SOMEDAY
YOU'LL GO OUT AND HAVE
SOME JERK FILM YOU."

WHY DID I PICK REALITY ?
WHY DID I PICK THAT
OUT OF ALL THE SUBJECTS ?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
WHAT WAS I DOING ?

I'M A STUPID,
STUPID JERK.

"WERE YOU COERCED
IN ANY WAY...

TO PARTICIPATE
IN THIS PROJECT ?"
NO.

MAYBE I'M OVERREACTING.
STOP ME IF I DO IT.

I OVERREACT A LOT.
IT'S GOOD, HUH ?
IT'S GOOD ?

YEAH.
I SHOULDN'T BE HARD ON MYSELF.
WE GOT GOOD SCENES HERE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
HEY, IT'S A GOOD MOVIE.
WE GOT NICE THINGS.

WE GOT ANIMALS, WE GOT KIDS,
WE GOT SUNNY DAYS.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ?
SO IT ENDED EIGHT MONTHS EARLY.

LIKE AN ABORTION.
IT'S AN ABORTION.

THIS THING'S AN ABORTION.
I'M INVOLVED IN AN ABORTION.
OH, GOD, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.

"YOU SUFFERED NO FINANCIAL
OR MONETARY DAMAGE
AS A RESULT OF ANY DEALINGS...

WITH REPRESENTATIVES
OF THE INSTITUTE ?"
NO.

"NOR DID YOU ASSUME ANY
FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS...

"WHICH MIGHT RESULT
IN ANY CLAIMS AGAINST
THE INSTITUTE...

BY THIRD PARTIES ?"
NO, NO.

I MEAN, THEY WERE GONNA
GIVE ME A YEAR. THEY WERE
GONNA GIVE ME A WHOLE YEAR.

I WAS GONNA DO SOMETHIN' NICE.
I WAS GONNA END
WITH NEW YEAR'S !

UP ! UP !
THE BEGINNING ! NEW !

SOMETHIN' SO AUDIENCES
CAN GO HOME AND SMILE.
BUT THIS ?

"WOULD THIS EXPERIENCE
PREJUDICE YOU AGAINST
PARTICIPATING IN...

ANOTHER TYPE OF AUDIENCE
OR MARKETING RESEARCH
AT SOME FUTURE DATE ?"

I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, NOT A LIVE-IN.
NOT A LIVE-IN, NO.

I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D SAY THIS.
THE STUDIO IS RIGHT.

THE AUDIENCE LOVES FAKE.
THEY CRAVE FAKE.

REALITY SUCKS.

I CAN DO FAKE.
I'M CAPABLE.

I JUST WON'T GET A CHANCE.
I WON'T EVER BE ABLE
TO WORK AGAIN.

COME ON,
TAKE IT EASY.
OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

WE CAN END THIS MOVIE FAKE.
WE CAN END IT BIG.

WE CAN END IT UP.
WE CAN SEND
THE PEOPLE HOME HAPPY.

MR. BROOKS !
WHAT ?
WHAT ?

THERE'S NO LAW THAT SAYS,
WHAT, "START REAL,
CAN'T END FAKE" ?

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO ?
PUT ME IN MOVIE JAIL ?
IT'S A FAKE JAIL. COME ON.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST MOVIE
EVER MADE ? COME ON.

WE'LL TAKE, WE'LL BORROW.
THAT'S THE MEANING OF ART.

YOU BORROW A LITTLE, A LITTLE,
A LITTLE, PUT IT TOGETHER--
IT'S SOMETHING NEW.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST MOVIE ?
STAR WARS. HOW DID IT END ?
SIR ?

-YOU OKAY ?
-ZOOM ! THEY BLEW UP A PLANET !

THEY BLEW UP A PLANET !
FANTASTIC ! WE CAN DO THAT !
HOW DID THEY DO IT ?

WHAT'S THE TRICK ?
HOW DID THEY DO IT ?
HMM.

COME ON !
HELP ME !

"HAS YOUR ASSOCIATION
WITH THE INSTITUTE...

BENEFITTED YOUR LIFE
IN ANY WAY ?"

I'D LIKE TO THINK
ABOUT THAT A LITTLE.

WHAT'S THE SECOND
BIGGEST FILM ?
HMM.

JAWS. ALL RIGHT, JAWS.
OOH, THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

THIS IS A GOOD IDEA !
I CAN SAVE THIS PICTURE !

JAWS.
OH, MY GOD, PETE.

THERE IS A GIGANTIC FISH
DOWN AT THE ZOO. I REMEMBER
WHEN WE WERE DOWN THERE FILMING.

THE ZOOKEEPER'S A FAN OF MINE
'CAUSE I GAVE HIM AN AUTOGRAPH.
HE'LL LET US IN TONIGHT.

I CAN GET THE FAMILY DOWN THERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

WE'LL HAVE THIS CONFRONTATION--
GIGANTIC FISH, FAMILY.

THEY'LL MEET.
I'LL PUT MUSIC BEHIND IT.

♪ DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO
DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO ♪

I'M MENTALLY ILL.
I'M GOIN' NUTS.

OH, GOD.
WHAT AM I
GONNA DO ?

WHAT'S THE THIRD
BIGGEST FILM ?
GONE WITH THE WIND.

OH, TIMELESS,
TIMELESS FILM.
BEAUTIFUL FILM.

HOW DID IT END ?
I DIDN'T SEE IT.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT ?
YOU DIDN'T SEE
GONE WITH THE WIND ?

ONLY THE BIGGEST
FILM EVER MADE.
YOU DIDN'T SEE IT ?

MY GOD, IT WAS
SPECTACULAR, PETE.
YOU OUGHTA GO SEE IT.

YOU'RE IN THIS BUSINESS.
THEY ONLY BURN DOWN
THE CITY OF ATLANTA.

A GIGANTIC FIRE.
I MEAN--

♪♪ [ Theme From
Gone With The Wind Begins ]

[ Breathlessly ]
I MEAN--

- MR. BROOKS ?
- OH !

MR. BROOKS ?

"HAD YOU HEARD OF
THE INSTITUTE BEFORE
THE PROJECT BEGAN ?"

NO.

"WHICH OF THE TESTS
DID YOU ENJOY THE MOST ?"

I ENJOYED WORKING
WITH THE COMPUTERS.

I WOULDN'T SAY
THAT IENJOYED
ANY OF THE TESTING.

IS IT THE COFFEE
BURNING ?

NO, THAT SMELLS
A LITTLE LIKE TOAST.

YOU DIDN'T
PUT ANYTHING--

EXCUSE ME FOR
A SECOND, PLEASE.

ALBERT, WHAT--
TRUST ME !

ALBERT !
ALBERT,
MY GOD !

[ Jeanette ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ?
LOOK AT THAT !

THE KIDS !
YEAH, THE KIDS !
SAVE THE KIDS !

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY !
THIS FAMILY IS SO BEAUTIFUL !

ALBERT, STOP !
ARE YOU CRAZY ?
CRAZY ?

GET OUT !
GO AHEAD, GET OUTTA HERE !
WAS DAVID O. SELZNICK CRAZY ?

[ Pete ]
ALBERT !
OH, MY GOD !

OH, MY GOD, PETE !
PETE !

OH, MY GOD !
COME HERE !
[ Panicked Shouting ]

ARE YOU OKAY ?
LOOK !

CAN YOU SEE IT ?
CAN YOU SEE IT ?

ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL ?
FOCUS FOR ME, BABY !
[ Coughing ]

[ Pete ] I CAN'T SEE !
OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL !
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL !

I CAN'T
SEE !
IT'S BEAUTIFUL !

GOD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL !
[ Jeanette ]
DARLING, RUN !

ALBERT, FOR GOD'S
SAKE, GET OUT !

SAVE THEM ! SAVE THEM !
OH, LOOK AT 'EM GO !

OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING !
THIS IS A MILLION TIMES
BETTER THAN A BIG FISH !

OH, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL !
WE DID IT, PETE !

WE DID IT !
WE DID IT !
I CAN'T SEE !

I CAN'T
SEE !
WE DID IT !

LOOK AT IT, BABE !

IT'S THE MOST SPECTACULAR ENDING
ANYBODY COULD'VE EVER HAD !

HUMOR ! PATHOS !
TRAGEDY !

AND IT'S REAL !
IT'S REAL !

THEIR HOUSE
IS REALLY BURNING !

♪♪ [ Theme From
Gone With The Wind Ends ]

[ Siren Blaring ]