Real Buddy (2014) - full transcript

REAL BUDDY - a dark Sci-Fi End-of-Days satire. After six and a half years in the toughest prison the near future has to offer, Morris the fraudster tries to survive his last day in jail. With his booty of five million Dollars hidden safely within the prison walls he cannot wait to get out and start a bright future. But first he must survive the constant threat of the world ending outside and the attempts of his fellow inmates inside to get his money. With his cell buddy at his side, he struggles to keep his secret and hopes the world is still there tomorrow.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(wheels creaking)

(soft music)

(soft orchestral theme)

(dramatic theme music)

- [Reporter] Breaking news from France,

in an emergency session
of the United Corporate

Security Council,
officials from the Big 12

global financial regions
gathered today to discuss

the heightened threat of a
global thermonuclear conflict.

After days of ongoing UCFC meetings,

scuffles broke out on the floor today,

when it was learned that Hong Kong

had finalized a secret deal with Colombia,

pledging portions of its
Australian mineral holdings

in exchange for Colombian territories,

and enables the country
to greatly increase

its nuclear potential.

Meanwhile in a public
statement Columbian officials

denied any intention to increase

that country's weapons potential.

And it's rumored that the Chinese

already have plans in place
to build missile silos

in the Columbian highlands,

targeting major cities across the US.

In New York, protestors filled the streets

in reaction to announcement
by Amtel CEO Hu

that the exit visa lottery
to the two polar safe zones

had been suspended until further notice.

Riots broke out shortly after,
when it was learned that

the lottery computers were
being heavily manipulated

by contract employees of the Amtel group

responsible for the system security.

Markets went reeling after
the latest revelations,

with investors dumping their Australian

and Central American holdings,
in favor of heavy investments

in the Falkland-Malvinas, and the makers

of home decontamination units.

Well, with tensions rising,
armies around the world

are being mobilized.

This after emergency
contractual controversies

with the world's biggest
mercenary suppliers

were successfully renegotiated.

After that settlement,
Russian corporate troops

immediately deployed to
the country's borders.

A gesture that put the Chinese
government into high alert,

pushing the nuclear
threat scale into the red,

with a current reading of 9.2.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(religious choral music)

(record scratching)

(man briefly vocalizing)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Let us pray.

We pray for our victims,
we pray for the innocent

bystanders, we pray for our guards,

we especially pray for our chaplain.

We even pray for the sick
mothers who put him in intensive.

You are rank with sin.

Your evil shall be made known.

You shall be as lambs to the slaughter.

And the Earth will be
drowned with your blood.

Your covetousness and greed,

your contempt for your fellow
man, it cannot be concealed.

It shall be scourged, and purged!

And paid for in searing pain!

The eye of the Lord is upon


The Lord sees and the Lord
knows, and if any sinner thinks

he can finish his sentence and
fuck off out of here tomorrow

without sharing a cent of his evil gains

The Lord shall have His revenge!

The almighty God shall
rip your eyeballs out

of their gloating sockets

and stuff 'em down your fucking throat!

You four-eyed freak!

You hear me?


Where is the fuckin' money, cunt?

- Are we skipping communion then, Father?



- That was my pen!

Shoot, shoot!

(loud smacking with crowd shouting)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(radio chattering)

(religious choral music)


(eerie electronic music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(soft music)

(door buzzing)

(door buzzing)

- Thanks.

- Protecting the prisoners is
all part of the job, Morris.

- You're a real buddy.

- You aren't out yet.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Computer] Block C
lock-down in five minutes.

Thank you.

- Ah!


You're dead, Morris, you'll
fuckin' burn, you hear me?

- Nathan?

- Eric?

What's my personal
manager still doing here?

You're supposed to be
at home with your family

this time of the day.

- I was looking for you, Nathan.

- Well, you found me.

- I thought I could have a word with you.

- What about?

- What about, all this Nathan,
all this crap happening

around us right now.

Don't you see what's going on?

♪ The black ball and one night ♪

(Morris humming "Not Fade Away")

♪ Love for real and not fade away ♪

♪ My love a-bigger than a cadillac ♪

(dramatic orchestral music)

- What do you want me to do?

Let everybody leave the building?

Even open the cells, let 'em all out?

What difference would it make?

Comes the big bang, we're done anyway,

don't you think, Eric?

- But the damn company's supposed

to do something about it.

They must have given you
some kind of protocol,

some sort of advice to
protect us, something.

- Oh, like the old duck and cover style,

crawling under a near table,
aluminum foil around the head

for protection against the radiation.

Seriously, they haven't, and they won't.

And you know why?

Because nothing is gonna
happen, Eric, that's why.

Think about it, who's supposed
to watch it on the network

once we're all dead, huh?

No one will be left to pay then.

They're not the type of people risking

a business opportunity
like that, don't you think?

If it's not for humanity,
it's for the money.

They just can't afford it after all.

- So you think this is what
I should tell me people?

They're supposed to have faith
in their employer's greed?

- You wanted my opinion, right?

They'll find a way out of
this, like they did last month,

and the month before,
and the one before that.

Eric, we have been put in
the situation several times.

I don't even pay attention to it any more.

They're just playing with each other.

Believe me, we'll be safe here, I promise.

Now stop worrying, and go
home to your family, please.

- Sure, that's what I'll do.

You're right, as always.

- Yes, I am.

- Hey, Nathan?
- Yeah?

- Thanks.

- No problem.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(computers beeping)

Don't overdo it, boys.

Don't overdo it, boys.

(tense theme music)

(newsreel theme music)

- Amtel News, is 24-hour
news, with Alfred Scorsese.

Welcome back, day 42 now
of first strike readiness.

At the top of the hour more
on that Malaysian acquisition

of long-range missiles,
but first let's go over

to Paris in France, where we now know that

the French government has
announced that it's targeting

the Falkland-Malvinas.

It's the first major
nuclear power to do so,

a big disappointment for the two million

or so visa applicants, hoping
for some type of safe haven

from any imminent global
thermonuclear eventuality.

Let's look at the Dow now.

The stock right now on
the Independent Republic

of the Falkland-Malvinas,
is down from 89 to just

five and one eighth!

Great news for real estate
prices in central Madagascar,

central Paraguay and also Yakustsk.

We'll get into that later,
but first let's take a look

at the forecast.

Let's go over to Terri,
Terri, what have you got?

- [Terri] Thanks Alfred.

On today's chart we've
still got an overkill factor

between 10 and 35 in almost
all industrialized zones

in the northern hemisphere.

Lowest is Ulan Bator with just four.

But take a look at this.

In the southern hemisphere
there's the Malvinas with two.

But today's big loser is
Brasilia with an increase

of just 15, after the CIS
has announced increased

deterrent targeting capacity
of the Brazilian capital.

Staying in South America, a
new report out today confirms

that this year's El Nino phenomenon

will have a big impact...
- Turn it off, Joe.

They'll never do it.

- [Joe] But the President.

- Even he's not that stupid.

- I just want to see it
on the TV if it starts.

- What, you think like the sports channel

bought the rights for a cable exclusive?

What exactly are you gonna see?

- [Joe] I don't know.

- Yeah, nothing, that's what.

Bright lights, loud bang, end
of transmission, big deal.

- Experts from the
postnuclear prognosis forum

also predict that changed ocean currents

will also guarantee total
extinction of marine life

in the eastern Pacific.

Nothing new there for
California, of course,

but a serious blow for any
prospects of long-term day

after survival prospects, from Mexico...

- I've done 6 1/2 years I've made it.

It's my last night
inside, now turn it off!

- No.

- Hey Steve, you heard
what's happening tomorrow?

You know who's finally getting out?

Taking it all with him?

- Yeah, like all of us, but I don't care,

and you shouldn't either.

We're on duty, so quit talking, will you?

- But it's kind of cool, right?

I mean, get that, he fooled everyone.

The cops, the lawyers, the prosecutors,

even the guys that got
him in the shower room

that night one year ago,
he never told anybody.


- The law brought him in
here, and the law allows him

to go out.

Now, shut up, will you?

- Of course, sir.

Forget about him at once, sir.

Forget about all that money,
and forget about our legs

getting bandy in here.

- [Announcer] A word from our sponsor!

100 years ago the Bikini
Atoll was nearly blown away.

But then the new Bikinis came alive.

Welcome to Amtel's Bikini Resort.

(uptempo jazz music)

Go surfing,


and diving.

(uptempo jazz music)

Party away till the end of days!

Amtel presents the new Bikini Atoll!

Where the sun smiles at you!

(dark orchestral music)

(computers beeping)

(tense theme music)

- [Computer] Your attention please.

Precautionary measure in progress.

Safety reboot complete.

All systems nominal.

Thank you for your patience.

- To all, safety reboot
has been completed.

We had a power failure.

Everyone please return to your duties.

The situation is under control.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(alarm sounding)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(muffled speaking)

- Do you copy, 609?

609, do you copy?

We have an alarm here.

Repeat, we do have an alarm here!

- It's probably just a practice run.

It happens all the time.

You don't need to get nervous.

- [Guard] And what if I
don't get an answer then?

- [Computer] A security advisory.

Caution, please wear
your assigned security

anti slip sandals at all
times during shower room use.

- Let me out of here, please!


- Ah!

(dramatic theme music)

- [Guard On radio] This is Post 160,

confirm your last message.

- They're locking the gates!

- Don't even think about it!

You've got your orders!

Hey, what are you doing?

You've got orders, I'm
gonna fucking report you!


Wait for me!

(ominous orchestral music)

(sirens blaring)

- Goddamn!

We're all gonna die!

Looks like you ain't getting
out of here after all, Morris.

- I don't fucking believe it!

I could have been out if,

they offered me immediate
parole if I told them

where the money was.

They said I need never go to jail!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Computer] All inmates are requested

to remain in their quarters, thank you.

(alarm wailing)

- [Automated Voice] Access denied.

- [Computer] Code invalid.

Please reenter code.

- [Automated Voice] Access denied.

Access denied.

Access denied, access denied.

- Open the door!

- [Automated Voice] Access denied.

Access denied.
- Open the door!

- [Computer] Please reenter code.

- [Automated Voice] Access denied.

(dark orchestral music)

(alarm blaring)

- Every idiot in here thought he could

torture me find out where the money was.

I've been punched!

I've been slashed, I've
been woken up times a night.

I've been stabbed with fucking pencils!

And much, much worse, and I made it!

I'm getting out!

This is not happening!

You don't understand at all, do you?

- Hey!

- [Computer] Access granted.

(door opening)

Attention, access to
gates one, two, three,

four, now closing.

- Ah!


- Let me through, open the door!

- Come on, help me out of here!

- [Computer] Step free of door, thank you.

Access denied.

Access denied, access denied.

(gun firing)

Access denied.

- You were some type of clerk, right?

- I was an accountant.

For Sotheby's, you've
heard of them, right?

Auctions, fine art.

Rembrandt, Picasso, Lady Di's dresses?

- And you swindled 'em?

- Bank error in my favor.

Some millionaire pervert
buying for Doris Day's wigs,

ended up getting in my account by mistake.

- A million?

- 2,503,400, including sales tax.

- You still got the money, right?

- I spent it.

- What?

(machine gun firing)

- Hey, stop shooting!

Stop shooting!

- Then come here and
open the goddamn door!

- [Automated Voice] Access denied.

- [Computer] Please step aside
from the door, thank you.

- Helena, she adored that rock.

Pressed her nose up
against that shop window.

And every day she'd say to me,
isn't that emerald beautiful?

- And did she ever say put the
sales assistant into a coma?

Or was that all your own idea?

- No, I buried it afterwards.

- Meet Mr. Masterstroke!

They found it immediately.

- No, no, they waited
for her to dig it out.

Withholding information,
handling stolen goods,

and complexity, or, complicity,
or fuck, I don't know.

She got six months for it and
didn't even get to keep it.


Can I ask you something?

How do you hide something
without the police finding it?

- All right, Dr. No, I'll tell.

But I gonna say this only once.

I'm gonna say it real
fast, because in a couple

of minutes we're both
gonna be megatoned to super

grade enriched windfall,
and before that happens

I would appreciate as
much fucking admiration

as your astonishingly limited intelligence

is capable of, OK?

(machine gun firing)

- [Computer] Please step free of door.

Thank you.

- If it's in a false bank
account, they can confiscate it

as soon as they track it down.

And if it's locked up in a
garage, or buried in the woods,

or stuffed up your granny's ass,

can you live with that risk?

Any day, it could get found.

It could get eaten by
rats, it could mold away

and you'd never even know.

- What do you do?

- You take it with you, Fu Manchu.

- Wait a minute.

They take everything off
of you before you get in.

- Except one thing.

- What?

Your glasses?

- Name that tune in one!

- What you got in there, boy?

Cut diamonds or something?

- Better than that.

What do they look like?

- Like shit.

- I mean, who do they remind you of?

- Somebody I know?

- Joe, these glasses
you're looking at here

were the personal property of Buddy Holly!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Buddy Holiday?

- Buddy Holly.

- You mean to tell me that
you got Buddy Holly's glasses?

- The genuine article,
bought 'em over the phone

at an auction at my very
own place of employment.

They cashed my deposit all
smooth and kosher, and incognito.

- I ain't that stupid, Morris.

You'd a had some papers or something,

like, this is an original
Buddy Holly glasses.

- Uh-huh, I burnt them.

- What?

- [Computer] Code invalid,
please reenter code.

(alarm buzzing)

Code invalid.

In, code, please put, invalid.

Code, reenter, valid.

Invalid, code in, in, code, in.


(lighthearted music)

Access granted.

(door opening)

(inmates knocking on cell doors)

Please step free of door.

Thank you.

- You got the original Buddy
Holly plane crash glasses.

- Yeah, and get this,
the wings disintegrated,

the fuselage is destroyed,
they're scraping

little bits Buddy up from the surface area

of several square miles, but
these glasses survived intact!

And they're covered in blood and brain

and little bits of skull splinters,

but apart from that, not a scratch.

When they tried to sell them back in '96,

there was a question of proof.

So they take them down to the lab,

and the rim around the edge of the lens

is full of like red blood
cells and organic matter,

and it's all indisputably,
100%, real Buddy!

One DNA fingerprint and
they're an instant resell.

Only I mustn't use chemical cleaners,

which is why they're a bit scummy.

- [Computer] Access denied.

Thank you.

(distant shouting)

- Know what, bang that
fucking door forever!

No one gives a damn for you guys!

You're not getting out, got it, never!

(gun firing)

(alarm buzzing)

- [Computer] Access granted.

Thank you.

(doors opening)

(ominous orchestral music)

(trigger clicking)

(ominous music)

- They're worth at least
twice as much today!

No way did I want a parole deal.

I had the money right on my nose.

Turned out the judge
was also into Doris Day.

The bastard gave me 6 1/2 years.

But I knew when I got
out I could pay myself

over five million for it.

Tax free!

- Can I see 'em?

- Could have been in
Rio by Tuesday evening!

- I just asked if I could see 'em.

- [Computer] Access granted, thank you.

(alarm buzzing)

(loud squishing)

(tense theme music)

- The first couple of years
I got serious migraines.

- Goddamn!

That was one short-sighted son of a bitch!

- They made me so dizzy I puked.

Give 'em back.

- I just want to see how they look.


I look like shit!

- I'll show you freedom!

(alarm blaring with distant knocking)

(dramatic theme music)

(device beeping)


I show them freedom!

(laughing maniacally)

(ominous orchestral music)

(machine gun firing)

- [Computer] On the network's
recreation program tonight,

The Love Boat at 2200 hours.

Thank you.

♪ You're gonna give your love to me ♪

♪ Love for real and not fade away ♪



- I'm getting really cross now Joe!

Give 'em back, Joe!

♪ Love for real and not fade away ♪

♪ I'm gonna show you how it's gonna be ♪

♪ Love for real and not fade away ♪

(Joe vocalizing)

(hissing door hydraulics)

- What are you doing here?

Thought you'd have left.

- Where to?

No one left a goddamn space
shuttle in the car park.

(tense theme music)

(dramatic orchestral music)


- Hey Hopkins, look at
me, what do I look like?

- Like shit.

- He took my glasses!

- A couple of minutes to
live and you're worried

about your glasses?

- Do I look like five million?

Do I look like I'm worth
five million dollars?

These are Buddy Holly's glasses.

The original plane crash glasses!

- Just give 'em back Joe, now!

♪ I'm just the devil in disguise ♪

- That is Elvis fuckwit, give 'em back!

- Let me have 'em, Joe.

How do I look?

- Like shit.


- You know, I'm just so fucking glad

you're about to become
radioactive stir fry.

- That's what you think, Buddy.

Let's go!

- Go where?

- Well, Rio wouldn't be bad for starters.

Perhaps via Sotheby's,
or was it Christie's?


I thought you said your
boy wouldn't do the alarm

before half past.

I nearly shit my pants, I
thought it was for real.

It's kind of mean gettin'
'em all stirred up

and everything, really.

- You bastards!

You mean there's no fucking bomb?

- Got it, fuckwit.

Let's go, I'm outta here!


Did what you said!

Found out where he had the money!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Hey, come back!

(static emitting)

- [Guard] He fooled everyone.

The cops, the lawyers, the prosecutors.

- [Eric] For all I know we
might be dead by tomorrow!

- [Nathan] We'll be safe here, I promise.

- [Vic] Your contempt for your fellow man,

it cannot be concealed!

- [Guard] He's done his time.

- [Joe] You still got the money, right?

- [Nathan] You aren't out yet.

- [Vic] Where is the fuckin' money?

- [Joe] How do you hide something without

the police finding it?

- [Morris] I was an accountant, Sotheby's.

You heard of them, right?

- [Pale Faced guard] You're
not getting out, got it?


Never, never!

- [Eric] Don't you see what's going on?

(ominous orchestral music)

(background shouting)

(static emitting)

- And Oslo, and we can now
confirm that the entire

West Coast is gone.

(static emitting)

- I just wanted out.

He said he'd walk me out in the panic!

Goddamn it!

(hydraulics hissing)

(alarm buzzing)

- [Morris] Hey, hey, Hopkins.

It doesn't matter!

You can keep 'em, you can keep 'em!

I don't care!

(Morris laughing)

Look, look at the sky!

(power failure sounding)

(thunder rumbling)

(wind rushing)

(dramatic theme music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(metal band music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

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