Rattenkönig (2015) - full transcript

Fearing the anger of his boss Erik, the mad shorty Rene tries to keep a low profile at a campground near Lake Constance where he has to deal with small-town bureaucracy and bizarre campground residents.

Auto shop Koenigs Tiger

Hey Dennis it's me

Hey dude, you're back already, or what?

You got a minute?

Is Erik around?

Yes, he is here, already asked
for you. Should I go get him?

Listen to me really quick, it's important.


I'm totally screwed!

The bloody French ripped me off!

Stuff, cash, van, it’s
all gone, the whole shebang

Now I'm stuck and completely fucked

They even took my cell phone.
Rotten gypsies, damn rats!


And where are you now, in France or...

I'm in a dump somewhere close to the border

Meh. Right out in the sticks



I won't get off cheaply

You got that?


You're my cousin. You're
the only one I can still trust

You've got to help me!

Ya .. Eh.. I...


Dennis, Yes or No?

Yes or No, Dennis?

Of course I'll help...
- Will you help me Yes or No?

Of course I'll help you

I've got that shoe box

Go to my place, in the
kitchen, right next to the sink

there's some scrap paper and empty bottles

behind that, at the wall, there's a shelf

there's a shoe box on it

Understood, shoe box...

Send that one by mail!

Send express! Someway it's fast

What kind of shoes?

There are no fucking shoes in it, you
dumb-ass! Damn, try using your brain!

At least I should know what kind of shoes

I don't want to accidentally
grab some sandals and...

then they are the wrong slippers

Do I look like a damn hippie,
who wears sandals or what?

There's just a single shoe box!

I don't know what kind of
shoes are in it, doesn't matter


Whatever, sandals or not.
All my money is in that box and no shoes!

If you aren't sure open it and look into it

Then you'll know whether It's the right box

I understand. Now I understand

And where should I send it to?

I can do It during lunch break, but I need to
know where I have to send it to, to what address

To what address, dude?

Lake Constance

I'm heading off to Lake Constance!

Lake Constance, what do
you want at Lake Constance?

I used to know a chick, Barbara I think

Ok Barbara, and what's Barbara's address?

First I have to get there
and figure out where she lives

And then I'll let you know where to send it

I haven't seen her in a while
I have to figure everything out first

Then I'll call you and
tell you where to send it

But now get yourself to
my place and grab that box

Ok, and how do you get
to the Lake Constance?

I'll manage that!




How much is it to rent a trailer?

You were already looking in the right spot!

You'll find all you need on those signs

I'd like to think you are able to read

Or maybe not...



58â,¬ or what?

Plus 150â,¬ deposit cash up front

Can I make a call somewhere?

Yes absolutely there is a phone,
but just for registered guests and staff

So. How long do you wanna stay?

A couple of days
- A couple of days. So two?

A couple of days - A couple of
days, that means two days to me

I don't know yet!

You just said you want
to stay "a couple" of days

"A couple" means two to me

A couple, two people

A couple of beers, two beers

A couple of days, two days

So I'll get 150â,¬ deposit and your ID

So that's the reason I came here.
I wanted to speak with you about something

Oh, you want to talk
with me about something?

- Yes

That's the reason I’m here. I had...

I'm in an uncomfortable situation.
I just arrived last night...

got robbed. All my documents are gone

My wallet is gone. So I
came here to ask you...

If you could stay for free

No. Of course not!

Of course not! How could I even think


I just thought about if I could...

I wanted to ask you if I could
have a packet sent to this address?

- What?

No. Absolutely no way
- What no?

No. No means no!

That is forbidden and I tell you why.
Specific example:

Somebody has a bomb sent to them

And the bomb explodes
while I'm opening the packet

Then I'll have stumpy arms!

How should I do my job then?

Look at this: Calculator!

Tell me, are you kidding me, or what?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Is this your campsite?

This is my campsite, since 2008

You know what...

I suggest you... to
sign into the guest book

Then you can have your super
very important packet sent to a friend

In your best handwriting!


In your best handwriting.
I have to be able to read it

Cursive, please!

Adolf Hitler

Very funny!

Give me my pen back!

Which pen?

The pen I just gave to you

I don't have your pen

Oh... then... you know what...
keep the stupid pen and get out!

Oh, goodness!


Fuck you! Son of a bitch!

Auto shop Königs Tiger

Dennis it's me

What's the situation, are you
at Lake Constance already?

Yes I am, but I still have to
figure out about the damn address

I just wanted to rent a trailer at the campsite.
It didn't work cause I was short on money

And I have to deal with a square...

Wait a second...? You are on
a campsite... In a trailer, dude?

How mangy is that?

How mangy is that? What
else should I do in my situation?

Whatever... you could mug somebody.
That's never been a big deal for you

Do I look like a damn criminal walking
across the campsite, robbing old people?

If something happens I'll get arrested,
they send me to Düsseldorf and then...

What about Erik, did he say something?

Erik is kind of nervous already.
He tried to call you a few times and...

the customer didn't
give any response as well

Of course, because they
ripped me off, I told you that!

So you've got an address for me?
- Give me your cell phone number

015... 01755379896


Thank you, dude! Thank you!

You're welcome

I also have a private
trailer you could rent

So this is the trailer. I
lived here myself before

Back then I was working at the kiosk, but
then I started working at the laundromat

And then I bought a new
one. So I just live next door

And what about the garden
goblins... there's quite a lot!

And what's the bar for?

I'd feel a bit like being in jail

That’s because of the robber
bands. They are around here

Robber bands?

Mhm. At night, they put little tubes...

through the windows.
And then they turn on the gas

And as soon as everybody
is numbed, they rob them

That's why

Did it happen to you, too?


I'm Ellen, by the way

Hi, I'm Rene
- Hi

So how much would it be...

in total, with everything included...
all inclusive or whatever it's called...

If I rented the trailer?


- Mhm

Yes... Well I mean...

Don't you wanna see the inside?


- Ok!

Pure luxury camping

So I still have that...

I... got robbed yesterday...

When I arrived

They took my bag, my money...

I, of course, called home
straight away, and told my friend

He'll send me a packet
with the most needed things

So, .. would it be a big deal if I
gave you the money tomorrow?

So as it's off the books,
that's not a problem at all

Ehm... If you do me a favor

Which is?

Come along

So, .. in this tree...

there is a murder of crows,
making noise all the time

So, not right now, I don't know why

Normally they're always there

And it's so annoying

And I don't wanna have them blown away

And I hate scarecrows

That's why I thought
about taking that gnome...

and putting it on the
rooftop and then nail it down

So he can scare the crows
away, like a scarecrow, you know?


This one or what?


And that shall work?

Yes, of course

Why don't you poison them or
cut down the fucking tree then?

I think the crows won’t give
a shit if there is a goblin or not

The problem is, that I can't put it on the
rooftop because its weight is about 100kg (200lbs)


That's why I wanted to ask...
I already nailed it down on the board

So you just have to put it on the rooftop

Okay... then I'll put it up there for you

No problem

Damn this fucking goblin is heavy

I could have told you before...
I'm not the typical craftsman

So will you put it up there or not?

Thank you!

No problem

Oh .. here are the keys

If you need anything else, I'm always
at the laundromat from 9am til 5pm

In case you are looking for me... I usually have my
break from 12 pm to 1pm, but I have my lunch with me

So you'll always find me there

You’re from here right?


Do you know a women named Barbara?

Barbara is her name, red hair...

I think her parents were the
former owners of this campsite...

So, this packet from my buddy...
Could I address it to you in a pinch?


Auto shop Königs Tiger

Did you find the box?

- Did you find the box?

Did you find the box?


Well okay good

Did you see Erik, did he say something?

Erik is mad as hell.
He wants to fuck you up

He's going to give you a
grilling and feed you to the dogs

I think if you came here instantly, you could
have talked to him about it, but now it's through

Dennis don't be that naive. What do you
think would have happened if I came back?

If I came back, he would have
knocked all of my teeth out, Dennis

Watch your language! If he finds out that I'm in
touch with you I can also get myself new chompers!

So, where should I send the shoe box to?

No idea

There is nobody I can talk to
normally. I don't know where I ended up

There are just tractors and crappy farmers

So where are you? Still at the campsite?

Yeah. It's called Andy's Campsite

I'll check that out and
call you again later


I'm ready. Are you coming?

Oh yeah baby. Your drumstick is on his way!

Good morning

Is the gnome still up there?

Last time I checked, he
was still on the rooftop

Listen I...
- Are the crows gone?

I don't think so, they were
really loud this morning

Listen I... still have the problem
I told you about yesterday

I have nobody, no address
where I can have the packet sent to

Then everything...
- Hey, everything fit for fun?

Hey Baby

I bought a little bit for a BBQ tonight

Pork neck from Andy's
dirty dancing and a video

Drinking a little bit of red
wine. Just the two of us

For a little bit of pleasure time

It's time to live in harmony!

Who's he by the way?

He's renting my old trailer

Our old trailer!

No, honey. It's my old trailer
we are not together anymore

Is he also wearing my slippers or what?

They aren't your slippers, honey!

My name is Rudi!

Caution, bather! I saw you
throwing your butts on our beach


That's the first warning of
three, then you are banned!

Calm down Rudi
- So you are the campsite sheriff or what?

Can you come around Rudi, somebody pushed
over the trash cans at the petting farm again

I am!


Do you have a Euro for a chubby hubby?

Later we'll have a nice party together

My baby belongs to me!

What moron is that?

So listen...

this is my address. You
can have your packet sent to it

I can also nail a few more
goblins on the rooftop, if you want

Hi this is Dennis, you
can leave a voicemail

Dennis it's me. Why is your
cell phone turned off now?

Whatever! When you listen to
this then send me the packet to...

Ellen Conzelmann

Ellen Conzelmann

Seehafenstraße 14

88045 Friedrichshafen

Dennis... I rely on you!


What's you problem wanker?


Your schnapps, Mr.

Your Hefeweizen, Horst

Thank you
- Cheers

Thank you

Poor boy, why are you so angry?


I asked you: why are you so angry?

I'm not angry

So I have to believe you then

Sorry. No smoking!

Do you have a telephone?

Hi this is Dennis, you can leave...

Hey boy, I think you have to vent

That would be good for you!

I can tell you something: Way back, my father
told me I have to assume our carpentry business

But really I didn't want to. I would've
rather done something with cars, like tuning

But that's how life goes. Now I've been doing
it for so many years, seething with anger

I was crazy angry, but it wasn't worth it

But what can you do? My
father passed away meanwhile

That means I have to do it by myself now

So did you get me?

You always have to do your own thing!

No matter what's happening, you
always have to do your own thing!

Got it?


- Hi

What happened to you?


It doesn't look like that

I wanted to surprise Rudi

But I just caught him, screwing
Nicolette from the petting farm

A Pony?


She's working there

Probably it's always her, pushing
the trash cans over on purpose

So he has to come around

So screw that spaz!

You are a beautiful girl

I don't know...

Well, where I'm from, the
sluts have names like Nicolette

Or Vanessa, or whatever


You're such a dork!

Would you like to smoke a bit of
weed? I've got some in... your trailer

I don't need weed

But maybe you'd benefit from good company

Where can you get that shit from?

That's from France

From a dumb-ass

You drove to France especially for that?

Do I look 16 or what?

Kind of, but not exactly

Did you find your friend?

Who? Do you mean Barbara?
- Yes

Kind of, yes

Really, around here?

Well, I'm not quite sure about that one


What the heck! That was a former
friend of my youth I just met here...

while we were staying for
vacation... when I was 15 or 16 years old

Honestly I just remember
that she's got red hair... or had

Maybe she's got a Mohawk
or anything else meanwhile

Or she's got cancer and lost all of 'em

And you met her here on the campsite?

The folks owned...

I don't even know if it was that
one, but they owned a campsite

Your parents?

No, Barbara's parents

And that's where you've been?


She was my...

She was my first screw

It's not nice to say it like that

Sometimes it's good to
be straight... occasionally

Maybe there was also a little bit of love


Good morning!

Who are you all?

Tcha. How are we all?

Get that broad away!


Got a nice place to hide, Rene

A little gypsy caravan and a hippie slut

To each their own

I've taken the liberty
of taking your savings

As a down payment of what you owe me

Possibly it's a single
payment. I don't know yet

Could be that you can't get anything
straight in your head anymore when we're done

Take a look at Dennis

He was lucky, he's just missing a few teeth

I was worried

I was worried!

I wasn't able to get you, you didn't call
me. Seemed like you lost your cell phone

So I came by

Ta-dah! Here I am!

Wanna say something?

It wasn't ideal

What? Say it again!

It wasn't ideal

Oh okay... I see... not ideal!

So, do you know what a rat king is?

No? Nothing? Ok

Never mind! Almost no one knows it. So...

If several rats are intertwined,
knotted or stuck together...

then it's called a rat king

Because one of the
single rats isn't survivable

It's just a part of the
whole disgusting lump

You gross me out

You gross me out so much!

You don't want me to go "talk"
to your doll instead, do you?

So just shut the fuck up! Ok?

You, ratty Rene, are
that small awkward rat!

And I am the whole thing, I
am the head, I am the rat king!

And do you think...

I'll let you screw me over?

I would never go back on you, Erik!

You would say anything now

You would say anything now. Just shitty petty
ratty words of a shitty petty ratty Rene!

I'll ask you now: What
would you do if you were me?

How can you bear that?

Back to the question

Please keep her out of
it. It's just our business!

And she's your business

Cling together, swing together!

Hey, what's happening?

Release my wife!

I wanna see your visitor
passes immediately!

This is private property!

OK. Banned!



And you are?

I'm Rudi


I can also call the cops

You can also leave well enough alone

Can you put the knife away?

Banned, Rudi!


So, ratty Rene!

Where were we?

I'm sorry!

So, we're done with the statements

It could be that you also have to come to the
police station. But we'll wait for the report first

I'll bring my ID then...

We'll handle that

Bloody robber band!

The campers have to come
up with an idea about that

They already had to mount
bars around their trailers

Right Ellen? And without any success!

We never had something
like this in the old days

It always took all sorts.
But nothing like that, for sure

The past years they used the daze gas

Now they hold a knife to
people's throats. Great, awesome!


It was the act of nature!
Nature judges everything!

I don't want to croak like that, for sure

They are also just humans

But they are really a bunch of scumbags

Rudi, I think it's time for you
to go to the ambulance again!

Look at you! You are
close to going out like a light!

That's what I call battered!

That's how people are these days

Just money and rush in their minds

So we can be happy to be the normal ones!

There's only one thing left...

Ellen, would you mind making me a coffee?

Hey girls! You had some party yesterday?

Tonight we're gonna party hard!

Did I actually show you my radio?

Quite big!

And quite hard!

Dig in! See ya!