Ramona and Beezus (2010) - full transcript

(children chattering)

RAMONA: My name's Ramona Q.
I'm nine and three months,

and no matter what my sister
Beezus tells you, I'm not a pest.

My dad says I just have an overactive
imagination, which does come in handy.

It makes the fun parts funner
and the scary parts scarier.

And frankly, it's good to scare
yourself once in a while,

'cause if you can't
be brave at recess,

how can you do it
when it really counts?

Okay, stay with me.
You can do it, Ramona.

(shrieking and laughing)

I'll never make it,
Howie. Whoa.



Owie, owie. (laughing)

RAMONA: That's my echo off
the canyon, canyon, canyon.

Don't psych yourself out,
Ramona. Just don't look down.

(gasping)

It's too far!

(echoing) Far! Far! Far!

(Ramona whimpering)

(gasping)

(bell ringing)

(screaming) Howie, help!

-Mrs. Meacham?
-(chalk squeaking)

Uh, Ramona's
kind of hung up.

(chairs screech)

-Help, please.
-(students laughing)



-(laughing continues)
-Quiet. Face front.

Ah! Help.

MRS. MEACHAM: Eyes forward.
Lock it down.

MRS. MEACHAM: Ramona Quimby,

get down from there.
This isn't a circus.

(students laughing)

(laughing louder)

HOWIE: You should have seen it
through a window. It was awesome.

You looked like a piñata.
Well, obviously without all the candy.

RAMONA: It made me really dizzy,
yet I wanna do it again.

-Race you home, mudball.
-(laughing)

-RAMONA: I won!
-HOWIE: See you tomorrow.

-Bye, Howie.
-WILLA JEAN: Excuse me.

(shrieks, grunts)

-Ramona.
-(giggling)

Be more careful
with Willa Jean.

-Huh?
-She's younger than you are.

-Ha-ha!
-(tricycle bell dings)

-Ow.
-Willa Jean, come to Grammy.

(gasps)

(groaning)

(groaning)

(babbling)

(laughs)

Mom, look it! I taught Roberta
how to stick out her tongue.

That's great, sweetie. Now I can
cancel the private tutor.

(giggles)

Next, can you teach her how
to change her own diaper?

Oh, could you set the table,
please, Ramona?

And add another plate for Aunt Bea.
She's coming by later for dessert.

-So, five altogether?
-Yep.

Um, I was about to do that.

Hmm. Being about
to do it and doing it.

(speaking French)

Mom! Beezus is acting
all French again.

(car alarm beeps)

Dad's home!

(giggles) Daddy!

Prepare for impact!

-(grunts)
-(laughing)

-DOROTHY: Hi, honey!
-Dad!

Hey! How are my
beautiful girls? Mwah!

-Did you crunch the numbers, Dad?
-You bet I did, Pickle.

-I crunched them good. Real good.
-(squeals)

-The whole darn day.
-(giggles)

I don't think you got
dirty enough today, Ramona.

Well, there's always tomorrow.

-Mwah!
-I'll let you two catch up.

There's my little girl. My
little bowling ball with legs.

-(cat shrieks)
-Sorry about that, Icky Sticky.

(giggles)
Dad, it's Picky Picky.

When are you ever gonna
learn his real name?

When he learns mine.

So, Beezus, suppose I told you that when
I pulled up in front of the house tonight,

I saw your old buddy Henry staring at it
like he left something important inside.

Henry Huggins? I haven't heard
that name in a while.

Isn't he the boy that used
to eat dirt in the backyard?

-Yeah.
-He doesn't do that anymore.

Ooh. If I didn't know better,
I'd say somebody has a crush.

-Ooh-ooh!
-Can we please talk about something else?

Nope.

There is that dance coming up.
Maybe he wants to ask you to it.

Well, if he's gonna ask
my girl to a dance,

he'd better have some moves.

Can the old dirt-eater do this?

Ooh-hoo, whoo-hoo!
(blowing, popping lips)

Oh, I hope not. Stop.

-Mom!
-(laughing)

ROBERT: What do we got here?
Note from the bank.

It could be loan papers
for the addition.

-Hope they don't expect us to pay it back.
-Well, banks are funny that way.

What do we got here? "To the
Parents of Beatrice Quimby."

Could this be
the latest report card?

"Beatrice Quimby gets in fights,

steals from the vending machines,
counterfeits hall passes."

-Wait. Let me see.
-"We recommend juvenile prison."

(laughs) All A's.

-We're so proud of you.
-♪ Proud of you ♪

-It's not funny.
-♪ We're so proud of you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

So, Ramona,

Beatrice has
her report card.

Doesn't that mean-- I don't
know-- you should have one too?

(scoffs) That old thing?

Yeah, that old thing.

Where would that old thing
happen to be?

-That's a good place for it.
-Yeah, wouldn't want it to spoil.

(chuckles)

Oh.

"Ramona is a bright
young student"--

That's my girl.
"...but lacks focus,

often daydreams,

disputes the need
to spell words correctly

and has very little respect
for the rules of grammar

or rules in general."

(giggles)

Oh.

Why would she
write this, Ramona?

Because... she's no fun.

-That is no excuse.
-But it's true.

She makes us all use the same
words from the same list.

And when I try to be original,
she just shoots me down.

Like when I invented
the word "terrifical."

She goes,
"Ramona, that's not a word."

And I say, "It's a lot
funner word to say."

She goes, "'Funner'
isn't a word either."

What kind
of teacher is that?

She can't tell kids
not to invent words.

She's not the president
of the world.

-(laughing)
-You butt out, Beezus.

Ramona, Mrs. Meacham
is your teacher.

-You need to listen to her.
-And she's not that bad.

I mean, she was fair with me
when I was your age.

Yeah, well--

Everybody loves Beezus,

-(bangs table)
-...and everybody hates me!

-(laughs)
-BEEZUS: Okay.

-Why are you laughing?
-We're not laughing, sweetie.

I'm gonna say a bad word.

-You are?
-Mm-hmm.

A really bad one.

Well, if you feel the need
to get one out of your system,

then go ahead.

-Guts!
-(meows)

-Guts, guts, guts!
-(Roberta coos)

-(snickering)
-(all laughing)

"G" word.

That's your idea of a bad word,
Ramona?

(coos)

(knocking)

-(doorknob rattles)
-(knocking)

Honey, I'm sorry we laughed.

-(squishing)
-Hey.

(knocking)

(squishing continues)

(grunts)

(door slams)

Oh, oh, oh.

(Roberta cooing)

What's she done? (gasps)

(laughs, grunts)

-Oh, guts!
-(laughs)

Hey, babe.
How's the air up there?

Hi, Aunt Bea.

Aw, you can do
better than that.

-Where's the love? Honk, honk.
-(laughs)

I thought I'd find you here.

That was a fine job
you did on the toothpaste.

You must have
a really strong grip.

Oh!

Let me see those calluses.

Oh, yeah.

All that time on the jungle gym
sure is paying off.

Did that one get bigger?
Tremendous. Trophy size.

You know,

I was a younger sister,
too, once, still am.

No matter how old I get,
I'll always be younger.

(chuckles)

It's no fair, Aunt Bea.

I never do anything
as good as Beezus.

-And Roberta, if she burps, it's adorable.
-Hmm.

Last week, she poured
applesauce on her head,

-and dad stopped to take pictures.
-Oh!

I mean, when it's my turn
to do stuff,

nobody even cares.

Well, it's impossible to compete
with pouring food on your head.

Why do we even bother?

You know what I bet?
I bet it would be nice

to have something
of your own for once.

Like my own room?

Maybe just something small...

you could always
have with you.

Go ahead. Open it.

(gasps)

I found that picture
the other day,

and I realized I was exactly your age,
so I wanted you to have it.

-That's you?
-(laughs) Yeah.

And look, there's room for another

if you wanna give
that little girl some company.

-Thank you, Aunt Bea.
-Mm-hmm.

I want you to know...

that you will always
have me around.

-Aw.
-BOTH: Whoo!

(laughing) You okay?

-(laughing)
-I gotcha.

Mmm. I gotcha.

(truck engine revving)

(rumbling)

-MAN: Bring it up!
-(gasps)

-Beezus, wake up!
-(music playing)

Beezus, come on.

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ I used to think
maybe you loved me ♪

♪ Now, baby, I'm sure ♪

-(gasps, laughs)
-To the right.

-♪ And I just can't wait till the day ♪
-Wow.

-♪ When you knock on my door ♪
-Check it out, man.

-(both laughing)
-♪ Now every time I go for the mailbox ♪

HOWIE: Ramona!

♪ Gotta hold myself down ♪

♪ 'Cause I just can't wait
till you write me ♪

(whispers) Okay. We're clear.

♪ You're coming around ♪

-(screams)
-♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

-Whoo-hoo!
-♪ Oh-oh ♪

-Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo!

♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

-Whoa!
-♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

-♪ And don't it feel good ♪
-(squawking)

(squawking)

(squawks)

MAN (on radio): Control tower,
we've reached 30,000 feet.

Ramona, you are clear
for airdrop.

Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo! (laughing)
-(buzzing)

(exhales)

(giggles, gasps)

(giggling)

Whoa! Whoo!

Whoa!

-(screams)
-♪ Walking on sunshine ♪

-This is the best day ever!
-Whoo-hoo!

Yeah. I wish we had
a hole in our house.

Hey, Ramona,
let's make a deal.

If you can settle down
for a few hours,

I'll see if dad
can take us out to dinner.

-(gasps)
-Really?

-Can we go to Macaroni Joe's?
-(whines)

There is an inch of dust
covering my whole kitchen.

-We can go anywhere.
-Yeah!

Whoo!

I'm having a hair crisis.

But it looks
the same as always.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

-(car alarm chirping)
-He's home!

-Dad.
-Hey.

Daddy!

-Boing!
-Ohh!

-(exhales)
-Did you crunch the numbers, dad?

Well, today they kind
of crunched me back.

But I got you
a little surprise.

Why don't you and Beez
go outside and share those...

and I'll talk to your mom
for a minute, okay?

-Let's go.
-Thank you.

(sighs)

(sighs)

-(parents speaking, indistinct)
-Something's wrong.

ROBERT: They let three people
go last week.

How can you tell?

'Cause they're whispering.

Did I do something wrong?

No.

Not this time.

But something tells me that
we're not going to Macaroni Joe's.

Hey, you got more red ones.

All right. Take a few more.

Remember how I
taught you to eat them.

-Bite the head off first?
-Yep.

It's more humane that way.

DOROTHY: You don't deserve
to be downsized.

(exhales)

"Downsized"?
What's that mean?

Well, um,

it means the storage company
was bought by a bigger one,

and a lot of people
were let go, including dad.

The good news is
I called Dr. Perry's office,

and she has some
part-time work for me again,

so that should tide us over
for a little while, at least.

ROBERT: Don't worry.
I will find a job.

But in the meantime,

I got a little extra time
to spend with my girls.

Right?

-Right?
-Right.

-Okay.
-Right.

You realize we're gonna
be poor now, right?

No, we're not.

-Are we?
-Have you seen how many bills they get?

It's insane. Everything costs
money, even water.

Well, Mom's gonna make money.

And Dad, he'll be with us.

That part's fun.

Well, get ready for another year
in hand-me-down heaven.

(sighs) Hey, lights out,
my lovelies.

Sweet dreams.

(wind whistling)

Beezus?

(wind whistling)

It's sort of scary
having a hole in the house,

don't you think?

-Beezus.
-Shh. I'm trying to sleep.

(wind whistling)

Beezus, did you hear
that growling?

It's probably just
your stomach, doofus.

Unless--

Unless it's something...

else.

Beezus, stop it.

-Like a ferocious, hungry--
-Stop!

slithering beast that feeds
on pests with bad report cards.

-Ah!
-(screams)

(laughing)
You're too easy.

Beezus, it's not funny.

I thought it was.
(chuckling)

Bring it up.

(tool whirring)

ROBERT: Okay, let me get a pen.
Let me write this down.

DOROTHY: Both girls get
carrots and sandwiches.

-Okay.
-Beezus wants hers in a Ziploc,

and Ramona insists on having tin foil.

She claims it affects the taste,

but I think she just likes
making sculptures with it.

What else? Ramona wants
a hard-boiled egg if we have any.

Think fast.

Please tell me you're
gonna remember all this.

Look at me--
fully domesticated.

(laughs) I've lined up Mrs.
Kemp to watch Roberta at noon.

All you have to do is go
nail this interview today.

How do I look?

-I'd give you the job.
-ROBERT: Really?

I'd take it.

(groans)

-Ew!
-Ew!

Ramona, did I ever show you
the proper way...

to crack a hard-boiled egg?

Mm-mmm.

Hmm-hmm.

-(blowing)
-(gasps)

You are so weird.

(laughing)

-A guy's gotta get his protein somehow.
-(laughs)

-(laughing)
-See, I got this stuff down.

Hey, Ramona, wait up!

-RAMONA: Bye, Dad!
-Bye-bye!

-(giggles)
-Nice doodles.

They're not doodles.
They're sketches.

My dad's extremely sketchy.

(snickers)

MRS. MEACHAM (clears throat):
Is everyone in their seats?

I'm about to round the corner.

And good morning.

I trust you all survived the weekend
with most of your limbs intact.

It's time we tackle
our class reports.

Tell us about something
special in your life...

using at least one word
from our vocabulary list.

This is my ballet tiara.

Ooh.

This is a saddle
for riding camels.

It's special to me because
I'm going to wear my tiara...

when I audition for the part
of the princess

in the Royal
Peanut Butter commercials.

And it's special because
my Uncle Hobart gave it to me.

I think I'd be
extraordinary in the role.

E-X-T-R-A-O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y.

And he travels
all over the world,

taking pictures of animals
in their natural habitat.

H-A-B-I-T-A-T.

Extraordinary.
That's when you take something...

ordinary...

-and give it a little extra.
-(students laugh)

-So, does anybody wanna sit on it?
-STUDENTS: Yeah!

-Okay, Ramona, let's hear it.
-Why, thank you, Mrs. Meacham.

(laughs)

-(students laughing)
-MRS. MEACHAM: Shh.

Mute button. Mute button.
What am I doing? I'm muting you.

Ramona, go on.

Well, the most
special thing in my life

is that some nice workmen
in blue helmets

-came to my house this week--
-MRS. MEACHAM: Shh.

-and chopped a great big hole in it.
-(students laughing)

But, but they did.

It was so big,
I could see all of Portland.

(students laughing)

I mean, Howie knows. Howie came
and jumped through the hole.

Um--

He did.

-(laughing)
-MRS. MEACHAM: That's enough now.

-I think the hole's in her head.
-(laughing)

-MRS. MEACHAM: Show's over, Ramona.
-BOY: She's such a liar.

-Mrs. Meacham, I'm not lying.
-Take your seat.

Go ahead. Take your seat.

The purpose of this exercise
is not to entertain us.

No embellishments, please.

Now, who would like
to go next? Hands?

You saw them chop
the hole in my house.

Actually, no.
They pried it with crowbars.

Technically, they pried it.

That's what I meant.

Now, Mrs. Meacham
thinks I'm a liar,

and she's gonna tell my mom and dad
I'm a big troublemaker tonight.

Well, you are sometimes.

I mean,
technically, you are.

Maybe you should technically
look for a new best friend.

-(gasps)
-Hey! How you doing there, chief?

Who's your girlfriend?

G-- I'm not
his girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.
She's Ramona, and she lives over there.

Ramona.

♪ Ramona and Howie
are sitting in a tree ♪

♪ They are K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪

Wait a second.

Ramona Quimby? Huh.

Hey, I'm Hobart.
I'm Howie's favorite uncle.

No? Oh. Sorry.

Yeah. We all
heard about it.

Oh, really?

Well, how's that beautiful
Aunt Beatrice of yours doing?

You be sure to tell her I'd
love to catch up, all right?

Hey, Howie, how'd
the saddle work out?

Did you get an "A"?

(door closes)

Dad? Does Aunt Bea really know
some weird guy named Hobart?

Hobart? That's a name I haven't
heard in quite a while.

Yeah, they were
high school sweethearts,

old Hobart and Bea.

Him? But he's
not even her type.

And what would
that type be?

Perfect.

Hmm.

Oh, I'm afraid to look.
Bills, bills, bills.

It never ends, Pickle.

Did you get the job today?

-Well, I didn't get this one.
-Oh.

'Cause I was thinking.
I've got the perfect job.

-What?
-You should be a fireman.

Oh. Yeah?

Yes. I mean, you would
save people's lives...

and climb
gigantic ladders.

And if it was
a night alarm,

you would get to put your fire suit on
over your pajamas.

-Whoa.
-It's true, Dad. I took a field trip.

Well, I want to work
in my pajamas,

but I think you're overestimating
my job skills a little bit.

I'm not that versatile.

-Dad.
-What?

I think you can
do anything. Don't you?

Well...

-(door opens)
-DOROTHY: Hi! I'm home!

-We need to be there by 5:00, honey.
-Oh.

You know, I've heard those
parent-teacher meetings

can be really boring.

They make your brain numb,
they're that boring.

-Nice try, Ramona. We're going.
-Yeah. Good one, Pickle.

Honey, I want to call the bank tomorrow
and cancel the loan.

-Bob, there's a gaping hole in the house.
-(meows)

I don't think
we have much choice.

ROBERT: We're in over our heads.
Let's wait till we're on our feet.

Beezus, what are
they talking about?

-We just have to finish it.
-(exhales)

Hey. And if we default?

I'd rather sell it than
let the bank take the house.

(echoing) Bank take the house.
Bank take the house.

-(rumbling)
-(gasps)

-(crane beeping)
-(gasps)

(screams)

(all gasp)

(horn honking)

(Ramona whimpering)

-(crying) Our house.
-(Picky Picky meows)

-Can we just talk about this later, Bob?
-Okay, fine.

-We're late.
-Mom, wait.

No more stalling.

We're meeting with Mrs. Meacham,
end of story.

-Hmm?
-Be good, lovelies.

-Mwah!
-And be good for Aunt Bea tonight.

We're off
to numb our brains.

Beezus, where's the bank
gonna take our house?

It's just an expression, genius.
They don't take it anywhere.

-Oh.
-They just sell it to someone else.

-What?
-(phone rings)

-I got it.
-(beeps)

-Hello. Oh, hi, Henry.
-Beezus, we can't move.

This is our house.
We belong here.

I-I don't want us to leave
Klickitat Street.

Ramona, I am on the phone.

(doorbell rings)

Aunt Bea!

-Can I, can I ask you something?
-Shh. Just a minute, babe.

What's wrong?

I just thought I recognized
someone out there.

Oh. You mean Hobart. Hmm.

Sounds like
you've met him.

He said he wants
to catch up with you.

(exhales) You're kidding.

-He said that to you?
-Mm-hmm.

Well, that's just--
That's just classic.

(horn honking)

Aunt Bea,
can I ask you something?

I think the bank's
gonna take our house.

-Aunt Bea?
-Huh?

-Are you listening?
-Hmm?

Oh. I'm sorry.

I just-- (exhales)
How do I put this?

Um, you know those
calluses on your hands?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. How the skin gets tough
to protect a spot that got hurt?

I have one of those on my heart
from a really long time ago.

And if he thinks he can just
come back here and start picking at it,

he is sadly mistaken.

RAMONA: I guess you're
the only one left to talk to.

I'm sorry for pulling your tail
when I was little...

and for trying to teach you
how to play catch...

and for dressing you up
as an astronaut.

-(purrs)
-I know you're really old,

so, I'm gonna
say this gently.

We're in a lot
of trouble, Picky Picky.

We need money.

And we might lose
our house.

-(purrs)
-But don't worry, okay?

I'm gonna help.

Nobody thinks I can,
but I can.

I can be extraordinary.

-(meows)
-I'm glad we agree.

Whoa.

(giggles) Whoo!

Whoo!

(flies buzzing)

Ramona, why is my desk
on the lawn?

It's a secret.

Okay, fine. I'll tell you.
I'm saving the house for Mom and Dad.

Is that Great Grandma's
crystal?

Ramona,
we never use that.

I know. We're gonna make
so much money today, Beezus.

Now, if you wanna
join the team,

I could always use a
hardworking sales associate.

Um, is that "delicious"?

-Mm-hmm!
-Ah.

Ooh! Customer!

Customer!

(gasps)

Ramona, please, please,
please, don't call him over--

Hey, Henry,
you look thirsty!

-Hi.
-Hi, Henry.

Hey, Beezus.

Hi. (laughs)

Selling lemonade?

Oh yeah.
Just helping out my little sister.

-(grunts)
-Like the uniform?

Well, the last time
I saw you in pajamas,

we were playing sheep
in the Christmas pageant.

But, yeah, it's
a good look for you.

Huh. Right. Yeah.

Baa! Baa!

But I think you spilled
something on your shirt there.

-Oh.
-(laughs) Gotcha.

(clears throat) Hello!
Delicious lemonade, anyone?

I-- Yeah, I'll have one.

-You will?
-Yeah.

Well, that'll be one dollar,
please. Exact change preferred.

Oh, Ramona,
Henry doesn't have to pay.

-Beezus, it's for the house.
-Uh, she meant "on the house."

No charge. Here.

-But, Beezus--
-Thank you.

-Beezus!
-Shh.

-(fly buzzing)
-Beezus!

-I said, shh.
-But, Beezus--

Beezus, that won't taste--

(whimpers) good.

Oh!

RAMONA: She's right.

No charge for that.

I wanna die!
Just let me die!

I hate my life!

-Beezus?
-No. Go away.

Get out. Get out.

But... what did I do
that was so bad?

You embarrassed me
in front of Henry.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear
you were actually trying to ruin my life.

You run around like a nutball.

You don't care
what anybody thinks.

And you even stuck me
with my stupid nickname.

But I was just
a baby then,

and I meant
to call you Beatrice.

It just came out... wrong.

Yeah, tell me about it.

How can I be normal
with a name like Beezus?

Who could ever love a girl
named Beezus?

Jesus?

Get out!

Mrs. Pitt, would you care
for a car wash today?

My car is
in the shop today, deary.

-Wash your car?
-Just washed it myself.

Please let me wash
your car, please!

(thuds)

Are you the pizza man?

No.

Hey, babe.

Hey.

How's business?

-I'm considering retirement.
-(squeaks)

(chuckles)

AUNT BEA: Ramona's
not a quitter.

(grunts) Mwah!

-(whistling)
-Is he still out there?

Doesn't he have anything better to do
than tinker with his precious Jeep?

Oh, look at him.

(scoffs) He thinks he can flash
those hazel eyes

and that smug little smile...

and just
reel me back in again.

-Reel you back in?
-Yeah.

-Like a sea bass.
-Ew.

-I know. Exactly.
-(wrench clicking)

Here's what we do.

We head straight
to the house,

looking confident
and radiant,

so Hobart gets a good look at everything
he missed out on, okay?

-Okay.
-I'm so glad I wore my good jeans.

-Ready to strut?
-I think so.

-Hmm.
-But what if he tries to talk to us?

-We ignore him.
-Got it.

Strut and ignore.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-mmm!

Keep up the good work.

-RAMONA: Mm-mmm-mmm.
-Mm-mmm.

-WILLA JEAN: Excuse me.
-Oh! (screams)

(giggles)

AUNT BEA: Good, Bea.
Real smooth.

How are you doing there,
Beatrice? There we go.

-You got a little--
-No.

You gotta watch out
for that cross traffic, ladies.

What's the rush?

We're ignoring you.

Now, why would you
wanna do that?

So nobody gets reeled in
like a sea bass.

-Oh! Like the fish?
-Mm-hmm.

Huh. Well, we'll make sure
that doesn't happen.

But it would be nice to find some time
to catch up with your Aunt Bea.

I think we just did.
Excuse us.

(Ramona clears throat)

Keep struttin', Aunt Bea.
You're doing good.

Hey, Ramona!

That Jeep of mine could sure use a wash,
don't you think?

The poor thing's been sitting
in the garage for 15 years now, Bea?

How much to hose her off?

Fifty dollars.

-Fifty d-- No. No, no, no.
-Mm-hmm.

No, I would never take advantage
of you like that, Ramona.

That Jeep
is my pride and joy.

Okay, I tell you what.
For you to wash it,

and a "delishus" custom
hand-wash at that,

I'm gonna have
to insist on, uh--

Oh, I don't know-- an even...

hundred bucks?

Really?

Yeah. Really.
Not a penny less.

One hundred dollars?

-Yeah.
-Whoo!

Oh, just, uh,
one little condition.

Bea gets to chat with me.

Yeah, we can sit inside,
like the old car washes.

-What do you say, Bea?
-(laughs)

Like I said,
it'd be nice to catch up.

(whispering)
Please, please, please.

How fast can you
wash his car?

-Milady.
-Huh. I'm regretting this already.

(chuckling)

-(laughing)
-Oh.

It's like time
stood still in here.

-I'd swear I was back in high school.
-Mm-hmm.

-The good old days. (chuckles)
-(laughs)

I wouldn't mind
going back for a while.

Maybe I could, you know,
figure out where I messed up.

Oh, ancient history.
I've moved on.

Yeah, I'll say.

RAMONA: Back off, Romeo.

-(giggles)
-I think she likes me.

Don't bet on it. (laughs)

Stay cool, Aunt Bea.

So, I'll be heading off
to Alaska in a few weeks.

After I get this thing up and running,
I am back on the road...

and out of your hair
for the next few years.

Well, my hair thanks you.

But it was inspired
of you,

bribing my niece just to talk
to me, Mr. Moneybags.

Well, a hundred bucks
is a bargain.

You know, between you and me,
I was willing to go much higher.

Oh, really? (laughs)
Times have changed.

This from the guy who bought me
a ring for my sweet 16...

straight from
a gum ball machine.

-Oh, yeah. That's right.
-I even had to lend you the quarter.

(sighs)

You know, let's face it.
I wanted that ring to be real.

You always knew
it was disposable.

Just you and me
in a nutshell.

Yeah.

Coming through. Ooh!

What do we have here? (gasps)

Oh, no!

-"You and Me Forever Mix"?
-Oh, Hobart!

Could these be the romantic stylings
of the young Beatrice?

Oh, don't play it. Oh, Hobart,
that's embarrassing.

-Please don't play it.
-Of course, I'm gonna play it.

-This is so embarrassing.
-(soft rock music plays)

Uh-uh.

Oh!

WOMAN (on tape):
♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪

♪ Do you feel
my heart beating ♪

-♪ Do you understand ♪
-♪ Do you understand ♪

WOMAN (on tape):
♪ Do you feel the same ♪

♪ Am I only dreaming ♪

♪ Is this burning an eter-- ♪

Howie, help!

She's getting
reeled in. Whoo!

-Howie!
-HOWIE: Ramona!

She's getting reeled in!

(gasps)

Oh, oh, oh!

AUNT BEA: Hobart, do something!
(screams)

-(whimpers)
-I'm afraid to look.

-(scoffs)
-ROBERT: No, no, no, no.

The surface was wet.
He tried hosing it off.

How do we get it off without damaging
the paint job underneath?

Okay. And if we bring it in,
how much?

Ballpark?

What is that, hundreds?

-Thousands?
-No. No. Try this guy.

(Robert sighs) Well, this
is gonna cost us a fortune.

ROBERT: Hello. I'd--
Yes, I'll hold.

I-- I'm so sorry.

It's all my fault.

-You're sorry?
-Mm-hmm.

Uh, I'm sorry, because now
that I'm looking at it from a distance,

I realize that I should
be thanking you.

I mean, look at it.
It's-- It's camouflaged.

And from what I hear,
the icy Alaskan terrain looks--

looks just like that.

So, I can just sneak right up
on those polar bears.

I don't even have to get out
of my Jeep. (chuckles)

Well, I'm-- I'm
glad you like it?

-I love it.
-ROBERT: Hey, Hobart, are you crazy?

-You're not gonna leave it like that.
-No, no, no. No, no.

I paid for something "delishus,"
and look what I got-- an Easter egg.

What do you think, Bea?

That a good look for me?

BEA: Hmm.

Sure.

It might even bring out
your sensitive side.

(mouths words)

ROBERT: Next time we clean
the neighbor's garage,

it's coming out of your allowance,
not mine, Picasso.

For your records, my dear.

Now I have less money
than I started with,

and I started with zero.

How about you focus on things
around the house instead?

Like being a good helper,
getting along with your sisters.

I can feed Roberta, Mommy.

Don't worry about a thing.
I'll do it.

Okay. Here's the peas
and a spoon. Work some magic.

ROBERT: That's my girl.

(cooing)

Ooh, look!

Here comes the...
intergalactic space lava.

Ramona, she's an infant.

She doesn't know what
intergalactic space lava is.

-I don't even know what that is.
-Oh, you butt out, Beez--

Uh, I mean, thank you
for your feedback.

I love feedback.

Love it.

-Any progress today?
-(clears throat)

Yeah. I, um-- I got
a couple of leads, but...

I don't know if I'm
executive material anymore.

Could be time
to try something else.

-Like what?
-Fireman! Fireman, fireman.

Fireman.

I don't know.

You know,
something creative.

Uh-- I used to be
a creative guy.

Yeah, well,

if you find a job that pays you
to be creative and have fun,

then maybe you can
give them my résumé too.

Guess what!
It's picture day tomorrow.

Oh! That's good.

Seeing your picture
always cheers me up.

Me, too.

Then I'll make sure it's
the best picture ever, ever.

It'll be... dazzling.

We expect nothing less.

Say "peas."

"Peas, please."

Mom, look.
I got Roberta to eat her peas.

Yummy peas.

-(Roberta giggles)
-(all laughing)

That is disgus--

I mean,

what a darling
little sister.

I wish there
were ten of you.

(all laughing)

MALE SINGERS (on TV):
♪ Royal ♪

♪ Peanut Butter ♪

"Royal Peanut Butter.

There's a bit of magic
in every jar."

Is that one of your favorites?
That's the racket we gotta get you into.

'Cause those TV kids
make millions.

Beezus, do you think I could
be in a commercial like that?

-(frog croaks)
-Sure. You'd make a great frog.

-Hey.
-Hold still. I'm almost done.

It's picture perfect, right?

Let's be realistic, Ramona.

This is a curling iron,
not a magic wand.

But all things considered, I'd
say you've never looked better.

(gasps) I love it!

Thanks, Beezus.

Ribbit!

MEN SINGING (on TV):
♪ Royal Peanut Butter ♪

How your mom kept things
running so smooth beats me.

Dad, since the room's
almost done,

have you decided
who's gonna get it for sure?

Why? You know somebody
who's interested?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, let me think about it,
'cause I like your persistence.

Yes. The answer's still no.

Okay.

-(giggles)
-(laughs)

Wow. You are definitely
dazzling, Pickle.

All right, go smile big
and make us proud.

Bye, Dad.

-Bye, Beezus. Bye, Roberta.
-(coos)

So, I'm gonna take this...

and stick it right in the mouth
to make it look like fire.

-(growls)
-(laughs)

Whoa. You look
fancy, Susan.

My mother helped me pick out
the perfect ensemble.

She's in real estate. So, she knows
a little something about presentation.

She could help you too, Ramona,
if you want a consultation.

My mom lets me pick out
my own clothes.

We can tell.

Excuse me.
What are you doing?

I'm loading my grape-a-pult.
Watch and learn.

And what was
the purpose of that?

The question is,
can anybody top it?

Have you ever seen the proper way
to crack a hard-boiled egg?

Take notes
if you want to, Susan.

-(gasps)
-(both gasp)

(children laughing)

-MAN: Say "cheese."
-(whines)

MAN: Next.

-Say "cheese."
-Better just smile then, nice and big.

MAN: Next.

-Say "cheese."
-Egg in her hair?

-(laughs)
-That's a new one.

-(camera shutter clicks)
-MAN: Next.

-Say "cheese."
-Cheese.

(camera shutter clicks)

How come you always
tell us to say "cheese"?

-Don't you get tired of "cheese"?
-As a matter of fact, I do.

-(laughs)
-Next.

Say... "peas."

Ew!

(Beezus laughs)

ROBERT: Just when you thought
it was safe to open the mail.

(laughing)

(laughing continues)

(sighs) I'm sorry about
that raw egg, kiddo.

I guess I really
messed that one up.

-I look like a troll.
-No, you don't.

Yeah, she totally does.
(laughs)

Hey. Maybe it's
not "terrifical."

But this is definitely a keeper.
This is going in my wallet.

-(dryer buzzes)
-(Picky Picky yowls)

Come on.
You wanna help me fold?

I'd just mess it up, Dad.
Admit it. I'm a nuisance.

-You are not a nuisance.
-Mrs. Meacham says I'm a nuisance.

-And she's a professional.
-You know what I think?

You just have so much energy,
sometimes it gets away from you.

I'm not saying
that energy's bad.

It's just you gotta learn
how to control it.

I mean, come on,
let's be honest here.

Two months ago, you couldn't trust me
with the laundry, and now?

-Doesn't that look good?
-Yeah.

Yeah. All right.
You just gotta try, kiddo.

We're both gonna
turn this around.

-Just keep trying, kiddo.
-(music playing)

-Okay.
-That's my girl!

♪ Let's get movin'
into action ♪

♪ Let's get movin'
into action ♪

♪ If your life's too slow
No satisfaction ♪

♪ Find something out there
There's an attraction ♪

♪ If you hesitate now
That's a subtraction ♪

♪ So let's get movin', boy
into action ♪

♪ Come on quick now
Keep it up ♪

-(music continues)
-Hey. Whoa! Let me help you there.

♪ Hop into my pickup truck ♪

-♪ Roll out to the ground ♪
-Hey.

♪ Get your gear, load it up ♪

-♪ Gonna hold it down ♪
-Morning doughnut.

♪ If you start with nothing
Gotta build it up ♪

♪ If you got a dream
you gotta follow it up ♪

-Whoa!
-Oh!

-♪ Let's get movin' into action ♪
-Who would like to put this up?

-And what does that spell?
-Delicious.

-Bye! I'll miss you guys!
-Bye, Ramona.

♪ Find something out there
There's an attraction ♪

-Whoo!
-♪ If you hesitate now ♪

♪ There's a subtraction ♪

Sweetie, you should come
and celebrate with us.

What am I celebrating?

ROBERT: Well, you've been
working so hard,

we thought you'd be kind of excited
about getting your own room.

-(screaming)
-(laughs)

(exhaling deeply)

WOMAN (on radio):T-minus three,
two, one, blastoff!

(indistinct radio chatter)

(music ends)

-BEEZUS: Ramona!
-(screams)

Stop making
so much noise. (laughs)

Sorry. I'm just enjoying
my new room.

Stop gloating.
It's not polite.

I'm not gloating.
I'm bouncing.

Well, if you want your junk,
you better go grab it now.

Anything left over
goes to Goodwill.

Remember me, Ramona?
Baa!

-Stop!
-Help me!

Give it back.

-Baa!
-Give it back.

-(gasps)
-So, what do you think?

-(fingers snap)
-(gasps)

Uh. That's far enough.

This is a no-pest zone.

Well, who needs you...
or your dumb teenager room?

-I like it by myself.
-Uh-huh. Sure, you do.

Yeah, when the lights go out,
and then you start thinking...

about all the noises
and the monsters,

and then you realize you didn't
check under your bed,

not carefully,

don't come knocking
on my door.

If you make it that far.

-(gasping)
-(owl hooting)

(wind whistling)

-(Picky Picky meows)
-BEEZUS'S VOICE: Slithering beast...

that feeds on pests with bad
report cards. (laughing)

(screams)

Picky Picky?

Ramona, come on.
Let's go. We're late.

Dad, what's another word
for "sick"?

Um, queasy? Nauseous?

Like really, really sick?

Oh. Bilious.

Dad, I feel bilious.

I don't think school's
a good call right now.

Oh. You're in a suit.
Do you have an interview?

Well, yeah, but I can
change it if we have to.

Are you queasy sick
or achy sick?

Well, I'm kind
of feeling better now.

You sure?

Okay, well, let's go.
We got, like, 60 seconds.

-Fast, like a fireman.
-(snapping fingers)

Fifty-nine, 58,

57-- Come on.

-Fifty-six, 55--
-(bell rings)

54--

-RAMONA: Bye, Dad!
-ROBERT: Bye!

Hey, Ramona!
You've gotta see this. Come on.

-What?
-Come on. Come on, come on, come on.

Here. Check this out.

(grunting)

-MRS. KEMP: Hobart!
-Yeah?

Mind where you're digging.

We've got sprinkler pipes
down there.

Oh, is that what
I keep hitting? (laughs)

Don't worry, Mom.
Relax. It's okay.

MRS. KEMP: Oh!

-HOBART: Good talk.
-HOWIE: What do you think he's doing?

(whispering) Maybe he's digging
a secret tunnel to Istanbul.

A spy network right through
your very own backyard.

Or maybe this house was built
on an old burial ground,

and I'm unlocking
an ancient curse.

(growling, grunting)

(screaming)

(giggling)

Open call? That means
anybody can audition, right?

Mm-hmm.

Ramona, they don't want just
anybody. They want a princess.

-A million dollars.
-MAN: Take out your instruments. Good.

All right. Grab a seat, kids.

Let's shake this rust out
and start jammin'.

One, two, three, four.

(music begins)

Yeah! Yeah,
you guys are tight!

♪ Don't worry ♪

♪ About a thing ♪

♪ 'Cause every little thing ♪

♪ Is gonna be all right ♪

♪ Don't worry ♪

♪ About a thing ♪

♪ 'Cause every little thing
is gonna be all right ♪

(squeals) Ramona!

Why did you do that?

I can't help it.
They're mesmerizing.

But you've been doing it
since kindergarten,

and it's getting old.

Look, I know things
must be rough at home,

but don't take it out
on my curls.

MAN: Okay. Hold on a second,
guys. That was good.

That was almost
the song.

So, um, guitars, quick rehearsal.
Everybody else, take five.

Ramona!

What was that about?
"Rough at home"?

Well, your dad lost his job,
didn't he?

Maybe.

Look, when people lose their jobs,

you know, they start fighting,

and then they get a divorce
and sell their houses.

It's textbook.
Look at the bright side, Ramona.

I mean, after my dad got laid
off, my mom sold her house,

got a real estate license,
so there's a plus.

And then my dad got a new car
and moved to Tacoma.

Tacoma?

Susan, I'm so sorry.

Well, now on my birthdays,
they both give me checks,

so it works out.

-(guitar music playing)
-(groans)

MAN: Okay.

Hey, Ramona? Would you mind
taking your seat again?

What are you doing
by the window there?

I was--

I was wondering,
where is Tacoma?

(gags)

-(cymbals clanging)
-(all groaning)

-(groans)
-(vomiting continues)

(kids muttering, groaning)

-Repulsive.
-Oh, boy.

All right.
You can all go to lunch now.

Ew!

Are you-- Ramona, why are you
wearing pajamas?

'Cause firemen
do it that way?

I see.

Well, pajamas under your clothes
and eggs in your hair.

You and your father are breaking
new ground together.

You get comfortable
in there.

(grunts)

(engine cranking)

Come on.

-(cranking continues)
-Oh!

Come on!

(grunting)
You're kidding me.

Try this one. Okay.
No, no. That's no good.

I think this one's
gonna be good.

How'd the interview go today,
Daddy?

Well, I had to cancel the
interview when the nurse called.

But there's
other jobs out there.

Hey, we're not gonna let
one bad day get us down.

Let's do somethin'...
really special.

Just me and you. What would you
like to do? Think big.

Well, you know that big bridge
we took when we went to Washington State?

Yeah.

I've always wanted
to stop in the middle...

and have one foot in Oregon
and one in Washington.

Hmm?

That way my legs have
dual citizenship.

(chuckles) I like it.

That's interesting.
Interesting notion.

Not practical
because the car's kaput,

but you're
on the right track.

I mean, it's bold, it's daring,
it's fairly inexpensive.

Come on. Give me--
What else?

We could draw it.

Oh! I've got an idea.

Let's me and you draw the
longest picture in the world.

What do you think?

(imitates brake squeal)

Okay.

I'm gonna draw our house,

and I'm gonna draw Howie's house...

and school and Mount Hood...

and everything else
as far as I can see.

-Daddy?
-Hmm?

I think you draw better
than anybody in the whole world.

Oh.
Well, thank you, Pickle.

You know, I studied art
back in the day, as they say.

What happened?

Did you get
a bad report card?

(chuckles) No.

Beezus came along.

Then I took the best job I could,
and before you know it,

I was a vice president.

-Then I came along?
-Yep. That's right.

And then Roberta.

But I wouldn't change a thing.
You girls make my life very colorful.

(chattering, laughing)

-Hi. Hey, Beezus.
-Hey.

-Wanna walk home?
-Sure.

Cool.

HENRY (laughing):
Oh, man.

When we were kids,
I thought your dad was, like,

the king of Klickitat Street.

Do you remember that gorilla
hunt in my backyard

when he made us set up the tents
and wait there all night

with bananas
and butterfly nets?

You ended up with mashed bananas
in your hair.

I had poison ivy
all over me.

But it was also--

The best time we had
that whole summer.

Hands down.

Yeah, well, he's not
as funny these days.

Why? What's going on?

He lost his job
a few weeks ago,

and he acts like he's not worried,
for our sake, but I can tell he is.

And he should be.

What if he doesn't get
something that he likes?

What if he has to settle
for something that he hates...

because of... us?

Beezus,
that's a big deal.

-Why didn't you tell me?
-I don't know.

I don't know. Sometimes...

things feel different between us.

Like it's not as easy to talk
to you as it used to be,

you know?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
A little.

It's not that I don't
want to talk to you--

No, no. I get you.

-It's just very different.
-Different.

Exactly.

Oh, gosh.

Um-- Yeah.

Thank you.

You should probably button that.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's good to know
some things never change.

(chattering)

Since my last report
had some holes in it--

(children laughing)

Mrs. Meacham
gave me a do-over.

So, may I present to you...

the longest picture
in the world.

(music playing)

♪ Come on
put your hand in mine ♪

♪ Gonna see all we can find ♪

♪ The rainbows grow
and the wild wind blows ♪

♪ We leave all threats
behind ♪

-♪ 'Cause I might have felt ♪
-Wow.

♪ The edge of the world ♪

-♪ Heaven rises ♪
-Ooh.

Excuse me, but what about the paintings
in those big churches in Europe?

I mean, aren't they longer?

Yeah, but that's Europe.

I mean, I'm talkin'
about the whole world.

Susan, you may save
your comments for later.

-Ramona, go ahead.
-♪ Maybe we can find ♪

♪ The edge of the world ♪

♪ La-la, la-la-la ♪

My dad made this with me.

He could have been an artist
when he was younger,

but he decided to be my dad.

And he's teaching me how to draw, too,
which means he's patient.

(children laughing)

-P-A-T-I-E-N-T?
-Mm-hmm.

But you really need to see it close up,
so come and enjoy the view.

♪ Dream a little dream with me
Singin' la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

Who can see themselves
in here?

♪ Maybe we can find
the edge of the world ♪

♪ Oh, maybe we can find
the edge of the world ♪

Uh, "Looking for
a princess in Portland"?

Branding.
They'll eat it up.

(laughing) Yeah?

Well, wait till
they see this.

Every princess needs
a little sparkle.

Here. Just mix this up.

DOROTHY: We have three little
girls. We have to be realistic.

ROBERT: I can't wait
another ten years of my life.

DOROTHY: It's not settling!

But what about the kids?
They've got school, we got the mortgage.

-ROBERT: Unbelievable.
-(clattering)

-(door slams)
-DOROTHY: Wait!

-(meows)
-Oh!

Okay there, Sticky Picky.

I know you're old and creaky, too,
but this is my bed tonight. Come on.

-Okay? Come on. Come on.
-(snaps fingers)

(whistles) Good man.

-Dad, it's Picky Picky.
-Hey.

Dad, are you and Mom
getting a divorce?

(chuckles) No.

This is like a time-out
for the night.

Come on. We'll both be happily
married in the morning.

-Mwah! Go to bed.
-Okay.

(grunts)

Dad, don't worry.

Things are gonna change
for us.

I have a plan.

Now I am worried.

-(laughing, squealing)
-Look, Mom! It's the ice cream man!

(laughing)

Hey. You sure this
is what you want?

Mm-hmm.

-Thanks for the ride, Mr. Kemp.
-No problem.

You know, you are allowed
to call me Hobart if you want.

No, thank you, Mr. Kemp.
This is strictly a business relationship.

-Okay.
-Wow! Good for you.

All right.

At least one of us is showing
a little restraint.

-Ha-ha.
-(Aunt Bea laughing)

-Break a leg, superstar.
-Okay.

WOMAN (on P.A.):
Next is Ruby Hirsch.

Hey, Susan.

Wow. You look great.

Hello, Ramona.

Susan! How could you be
a princess without your tiara?

-Hi, Mrs. Kushner.
-Hello, Ramona.

Okay. Let's go.
That looks beautiful.

(exhales)

-Excuse me! Aunt Bea, I need a tiara!
-(Bea laughing)

It takes a real man to be
able to drive around in this.

Oh, by the way,
I talked to my publisher.

He found me an apartment
in Anchorage.

Very spacious.
Got great views.

Room for two.

Well.

Maybe you can find a nice
polar bear to cuddle up with.

Eh, Alaska
could be fun, Bea.

I mean, it is still
the last great frontier.

You know that, right?

Mm-hmm.

Plus, it's only
a two-year commitment.

(laughing) Commitment was
never your thing.

Okay. Now, that's
just not fair.

Bea, you've gotta give me
a chance here. Come on.

I've been traveling the world
for over 10 years

trying to get you out of my head.

-And you know what?
-What?

It ain't workin'.

I didn't come here for this stupid Jeep.
I came here for you.

Come with me.

(squealing, laughing)

Next is-- whoa--

Ramona Quimby.

My goodness. That's quite
the tiara you have there.

I designed it
in the parking lot.

-(chuckles)
-So, tell me, why are you here today?

'Cause my dad says that
commercials are the racket to be in.

Hmm. Twirl.

Twirl.

-(screams)
-(girl gasps)

-(screams)
-(laughing)

Okay. Thank you, Ramona.

(groans)

-Don't move.
-(gasps)

A tiara made of burrs?

It would have worked, Dad,
until I fell into their stupid sandwich.

(groans)

-Sandwich?
-Ow!

-I won't even ask.
-Ow! You're doing it too fast!

'Cause I'm late, Ramona.
Very late.

Sorry.

(sighs)

How's it look?
Kinda trendy?

(gasps) Oh. Yes, well, that's
one way of putting it.

-(gasps)
-ROBERT: Listen up, ladies.

I got a two-hour drive
to get to this interview,

so I need you to be responsible
till your mom gets home.

You have her number at the office
if there's a problem,

but remember,
she's under a lot of stress,

so no fighting, okay?

Beezus, you're in charge.
Baby monitor.

How come she's
always in charge?

Um, have you seen
your hair lately?

-Imagine what you'd do to our house.
-Hey!

Just try to be good--
especially you.

Bye!

-(door closes)
-(laughing)

(chuckles) "Especially you."

(exhales)

(sizzling)

(water boiling)

Ramona, I don't think making dinner
is gonna distract Mom from your hair.

-It's worth a shot.
-(rings)

Quimby residence.
Oh, hi, Henry.

I'm not sure
if Beezus is available.

-Give it to me! Stop! Give it to me!
-She could be in the bathroom.

-Go away, you jerk!
-HENRY: Wait. What did you say?

-No, not you, Henry!
-Ow!

BEEZUS: You put him
on speaker, doofus!

-(kissing) I'm Beezus! I love Henry!
-Shut up!

-(both grunting)
-(chuckles)

Should I call back later?

-No! I want you!
-Huh?

I mean, I wanna talk to you right now,
so now is a good time!

-Okay.
-Get off!

-(alarm beeping)
-(gasps)

(gasping)
My hot dog soufflé!

(gasps, squealing)

Stop!

(alarm stops)

-(both screaming)
-Ramona!

-Ramona, move!
-(screaming)

Stop! Drop it!
Drop it!

-No!
-I said, drop it!

(whimpering)

You will never change,
will you?

For a moment there,
I actually thought that you were maturing,

but you will always
be a little pest!

(Roberta crying)

-I'll go get her.
-No! Just stop!

Stop touching everything!

Everything that you touch
you mess up,

including my love life.

You have a love life?

Just feed the cat
and leave me alone!

-(thud)
-(grunts)

HENRY (on speaker):
Uh, hello?

Okay. I'm gonna hang up now.

(dial tone)

Picky Picky?

It's dinnertime.

-(food rattling)
-Come on.

Let's talk.

Wake up.

Wake up, lazy bum.

(gasps)

-(bowl clattering)
-Beezus!

-(knocks)
-Beezus?

I thought he was asleep,
but he's not.

What now?

He's dead.

(sobs) Picky Picky's dead.

Don't worry. Mom will be home
soon. She'll know what to do.

No. Remember
what Dad said?

We can't make any trouble
for Mom now.

Okay.

He was a Quimby
before we were, Beezus.

Picky Picky,

I hope you have
nine lives.

And maybe tomorrow,

you can wake up
as somebody else's cat,

start a new life.

(sniffles) I really hope they
feed you melon rind sometimes.

I know you like that.

I think it's important...

that you know...

Dad was just pretending
to forget your name.

(chuckles, sobs)

He always knew it.

He really did love you.

We'll miss you,
Picky Picky.

(bell jingling)

(sobs)

(sniffles) It's okay.

DOROTHY: You girls had to handle
all this tonight by yourselves?

I'm sorry.

RAMONA:
We're okay, Mom.

How did I get so lucky to have
two brave girls like you?

Hmm? (kisses)

(car alarm chirps)

I'm home!

(exhales)
We have some news.

So do I. I got the job.

What?

Great position.

Start-up in eastern Oregon.

How do you girls
feel about that?

Wait. To live there?

Mm-hmm.

But what about the house?

We'll get a new one there.

What's your news?

Nothing.

Ramona?

Will you sleep in here
with me tonight?

I'm not ready
for a new school...

with all new kids.

Me neither.

But you'll do fine.

You don't always embarrass
yourself like I do.

You're the most prettiest,
perfect girl in high school,

and everybody loves you.

Ramona, those people don't know
who I am, really.

There's only one person in that
whole school who really knows me.

-Henry?
-Yeah.

And that took 15 years.

Who else is gonna wanna waste
15 years getting to know me?

I would.

Ramona,

I know that you think
being different is bad,

but it's not.

You don't worry about coloring
inside the lines, you know?

Huh?

You're your own person.

You don't care
what other people think.

It's brave
being how you are.

Oh.

Well...

sometimes I color
inside the lines.

It really depends
on the picture.

Yeah. (laughing)

MAN: All right.
So, how does this look?

MRS. KUSHNER: It's perfect.
Yeah, it's great.

Why does it have
to be Susan's mom?

She's supposed to be
a very good agent, sweetheart.

(man chattering)

-That's great. Ta-da!
-(laughing)

(squeaking)

Aren't you gonna help us, Ramona?
We only have a few hours to do this.

I don't wanna help
sell the house.

I wanted to save it.

MRS. KEMP: Are you gonna fill
these holes before you go?

Howie wants to do it.

Why don't you get your boyfriend
Hobart to help?

-He likes to dig.
-Isn't that the truth?

Now, he wants me
to go with him to Alaska.

Last night,
he sent roses.

Alaska? Did you say yes?

I mean, I was tempted,

but if I'm gonna uproot
my entire life,

I need some real sign
of commitment.

-I'm sorry, Bea.
-Oh, no. Don't be.

We had our fight, and now
he's running away again.

In the long run, I saved myself
a massive heartache...

and just replaced it
with a... small one.

Ramona, grab a hose
and help out, okay?

I know life stinks, but we still have to
make the yard look good.

Everything will be okay, babe.
Onwards and upwards.

(chuckles)

-Oh!
-(gasps)

(laughing)
Oh, I see! Very funny.

Who did that? Bea?
That's just adorable.

Classy, Bea. Very classy.

Now I gotta go inside
and change all my clothes.

Real nice.

-Bea.
-(gasps)

Ah!

That's for the roses,
sweetheart. They need water.

Oh! There it is!
Exhibit "A"!

The class clown
hasn't changed at all!

Oh, really?

-(grunting)
-(Ramona laughing)

Okay.
That's how it is, huh?

Howie!

Willa Jean! Mom!

-Ladies, I need backup!
-(rock music)

(shouting)

-BEA: I need backup!
-Okay. Come on.

-(shouting, screaming)
-♪ It could be 10:00 but then again ♪

♪ I can't remember half an hour
since a quarter to four ♪

I hope you get frostbite
in Alaska!

(music continues)

Be strong.
Be strong, Willa Jean.

(voice slowed down)
Be strong!

(screaming)

(cackling) Get 'em!

-Oh!
-Yeah! Now what? Now what?

Aunt Bea! (whispering)

♪ Should have known
Should have known again ♪

-AUNT BEA: Go, go, go!
-Hey, wait, wait, wait.

-Whoo!
-♪ Ah, ah, here it goes again ♪

I think we won.
I think we won!

-♪ It starts out easy Something simple ♪
-Give me some! Whoo-hoo!

Nice job, you guys.
You were animals! (shouting)

♪ Now through the lines
of the cheap venetian blinds ♪

Whoo-hoo!

Look who's crying now!

My pipes!
I told you, my pipes!

♪ Oh, here it goes again
Ah, here it goes ♪

(screaming, shouting)

-What's all the shouting about?
-Landscaping.

Oh!

What? Uh--

Hobart was right!
It's an ancient curse!

-♪ Here it goes again ♪
-(bubbling)

♪ Here it goes
Here it goes again ♪

Oh!

What?

(laughing)

I knew it was
around here somewhere!

Bea! Bea, come here.
Come here.

Come here, come here,
come here, come here.

Oh, Beatrice, I buried this baby
a long time ago,

and I figured I'd find it again
someday when I was ready.

I still wish that
I could go back and fix

all the stupid things I did
when we were younger.

I guess this is
as close as I can get.

You kept all this stuff?

Yeah.

That's my gum ball ring.

Bea, I don't want to go
anyplace else without you.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

(crying)

You will?

-(clapping)
-ROBERT: Whoo!

-(grunts) Guts!
-(giggles)

My head is spinning!

We must be crazy! We'll have to go
to the courthouse and make it official.

No, we ain't goin'
to no stinking courthouse.

If we're gonna do something crazy,
we're gonna do it with style.

We're gonna throw
a real wedding.

Honey, they want you
in Alaska in three days.

That's plenty of time.

Sure. But what about
a church or food

or, say,
a wedding dress?

You can use mine. You always
said you liked it.

-We can just alter it.
-Yeah! See? I like that idea.

There you go!

Hand-me-downs.
It never ends, Ramona.

Yeah. We get the word out,
we book a band,

boom--
we got a wedding!

People can bring their own food.
They can bring their own chairs.

All we need is a little love
and a few bridesmaids.

Oh! I've always wanted
to be a bridesmaid.

Ah! Well, that was easy.
Anybody else?

-Ramona? Ramona?
-What do you say?

Will you do us the honor?

Ramona?

Sea bass!

See what?

Oh, it's an inside joke.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You said you wouldn't
get reeled in.

You said I would always
have you around!

Hey, Ramona?
Get back here and apologize.

-Honey, please come talk to me.
-(door slams)

(grunts)

(chattering)

MRS. KUSHNER:
You have room for a piano.

Also, look at this
built-in desk. It's fabulous.

(chattering)

(children chattering, shouting)

Here.

-Ramona?
-Stuff that's to go around here, right?

HOWIE: Ramona!

(gasps)

(screams)

RAMONA: Help, anybody!

-Oh, Ramona!
-Whoa, whoa!

-Got you! I got you! Come on, honey.
-Okay. Hold on.

-BEA: We got you!
-(whimpers)

We saw your underpants.

-(boys laughing)
-MAN: Hey, enough.

Hey, enough.
Stop the teasing. Go outside.

Happens all the time.
Thank you.

Okay, Ramona, that's it.

These antics of yours
gotta stop right now.

You're making our lives
really difficult.

I thought I made it
colorful, Dad.

Not in the middle of our open house.

-Come on!
-(phone ringing)

You said you were gonna
be more responsible.

It's time to grow up.

Dad, can't you see
I'm trying?

-Well, you gotta try harder.
-BEEZUS: Dad?

Mrs. Meacham's on the phone.

-She needs to talk to you.
-Oh, great. What now?

Sweetie.

(grunts)

-Ramona, your father was just--
-Mom!

I'm nine years old. I think I can tell
when I'm not wanted.

-I just have to run away.
-(sighs)

Ramona, don't be silly.

-You're not gonna run away.
-No, I mean it.

Well, I'm sorry
to hear that.

How long
will you be gone?

I mean, just in case
people start asking.

Forever.

Well, in that case, I think you're
gonna need a bigger suitcase.

Okay. Now, I've added
your dad's old sweater.

I don't want you
to get cold at night.

I know it's a little big on you now,
but you'll eventually grow into it.

Oh, and do you plan
on brushing your teeth?

That's my girl.

I packed your toothbrush
and your toothpaste.

Okay?

Just promise me that you'll
brush your teeth every single night.

(zipper zipping)

There you go.

All righty. (grunts)

Don't forget to write.

WOMAN:
♪ I don't know what I want ♪

♪ So don't ask me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm still trying
to figure it out ♪

♪ Don't know
what's down this road ♪

-♪ I'm just walking ♪
-(grunts)

♪ Trying to see through
the rain coming down ♪

♪ Even though
I'm not the only one ♪

♪ Who feels the way I do ♪

♪ I'm alone ♪

♪ On my own ♪

♪ And that's all I know ♪

♪ I'll be strong ♪

♪ I'll be wrong ♪

-♪ Oh, but life goes on ♪
-(grunts)

-♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪
-(grunting)

♪ Trying to find a place
in this world ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just a girl
on a mission ♪

-♪ But I'm ready to fly ♪
-Huh?

♪ I'm alone ♪

-♪ On my own ♪
-(grunts)

♪ And that's all I know ♪

♪ Oh, I'll be strong ♪

♪ I'll be wrong ♪

-♪ Oh, but life goes on ♪
-Hmm?

♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪

♪ Trying to find a place
in this world ♪

(exhales)

♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪

♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

-♪ Oh, I'm just a girl ♪
-Daddy.

Gettin' on or not?

DOROTHY (on speaker): Ramona?

Sweetie? Ramona?

M-Mom?

-Ramona?
-Mom!

DOROTHY: Yes. Where are you?

RAMONA (on speaker):
Can you hear me? Mom?

Ramona, sweetie?

(gasps)

(sobs)

(Roberta cooing)

You made my bag
heavy on purpose.

Well, what else was I
supposed to do, huh?

I'd be just lost
without my Ramona.

I'm sorry.

I just thought you'd all be
better off without me.

You don't think we'd let you
get away that easy, do you?

You're a Quimby for life.

(laughs)

-(chuckles)
-Ah!

I hope nobody I know sees us
out here. We're so weird.

(Robert laughing)

(soft guitar rock music)

MAN:
♪ They say one day ♪

♪ You'll look out your door ♪

♪ And you'll find you're
right where you belong ♪

♪ And in that moment ♪

♪ You'll know love so sweet ♪

♪ And the feeling that
you've known it all along ♪

-♪ Like the sun ♪
-(tricycle bell dings)

♪ Breaking through clouds ♪

♪ Shining out loud ♪

♪ That's how I love you ♪

BEA:
In sickness and in health.

-For richer or for poorer.
-For richer or for poorer.

And I promise my love
to you.

And I promise my love
to you.

And I promise
my love to you.

♪ That's how I love you ♪

May I have the rings,
please?

-HOBART: Pull it off.
-(guests gasping)

(clattering)

-(chuckles)
-Well--

Don't panic, folks.
It's only plastic.

(guests murmuring)

(gasps)

Ramo--

Oh. Babe?

Ah. Look at you.

-(guests applauding)
-Nice work, Ramona.

-(chuckles)
-(stomps)

(guests laughing)

Hobart, that's--
That's n--

(laughs) That's-- That's real.

Yeah, and I still
owe you that quarter.

And I'm gonna spend the rest of
my life trying to pay it back.

(whispers) Thank you.

Hobart,
you may kiss the bride.

(guests applauding)

-(cheering)
-(whistling)

All right, Beatrice.

This song is dedicated
to you from Hobart. Hey, buddy.

Okay.

One, two. There we go.
That's good.

WOMAN:
♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪

♪ Do you feel
my heart beating ♪

♪ Do you understand ♪

Hey, Beezus,
I've been looking for you.

Oh, hi.

-Nice wedding, huh?
-Yeah.

Um--

Okay, listen.
Um, Beezus.

I know that you're moving,
and that's bad.

But in a way, it's
also good, because...

I would never have the guts
to say this if you weren't.

So...

I don't think of you
as a friend.

No, I mean--
No. That came out wrong.

I mean, I think about you,

-like, a lot, all the time.
-(giggles)

It's just--
Oh, no. You're laughing.

Why are you laughing?

Um-- No, I'm sorry.
I'm listening. I am. It's just--

You've got something
on your shirt.

Oh-- (chuckling)

♪ Come and ease the pain ♪

♪ But I don't want
to lose this feeling ♪

Gotcha.

(chuckles) Yeah.

(chuckling)

WOMAN:
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

Um, we should probably
go dance while we can...

'cause the band
has a curfew, so--

-Oh.
-Yeah, let's dance. Okay.

WOMAN: ♪ Everybody, everybody
wants to love ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
wants to be loved ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
wants to love ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
wants to be loved ♪

-♪ Oh-oh, oh ♪
-I think it's time for the

father-daughter dance.

♪ Oh-oh, oh ♪

You did a wonderful job
today, Pickle.

You were a perfect bridesmaid.
(grunts)

Thank you.

♪ Happy is the heart
that still feels pain ♪

-Dad?
-Yeah?

What were you and Mrs. Meacham
just talking about?

'Cause whatever I did wrong,
I probably didn't mean it.

Well, believe it or not,
we weren't talking about you at all.

Really?

Yeah, she was talking
about an opening...

for an art teacher
at your school, next term.

Remember when she called
the house the other day?

Well, she told me that

she passed that mural of ours
on to the principal,

who mentioned it
to the superintendent.

Long story short, it's crummy
pay, it's part-time.

I hear some of those kids
down at your school

can be a real handful.

Oh!

But I'm thinking
I'm gonna take it.

Oh, my gosh!
That's better than a fireman!

-(giggling)
-I know.

Mm-hmm!

-♪ Everybody feels the love ♪
-I owe it all to you, Ramona.

You told me
I could do anything.

It took me this long
to believe it.

You really did save us,
kiddo.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

-♪ Just let the love love, love ♪
-Whoo!

-Whoo! (giggles)
-♪ Begin ♪

-Whew!
-♪ Everybody, everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody wants
to be loved oh-oh, oh ♪

♪ Just let the love,
love, love begin ♪

-♪ Everybody, everybody wants to love ♪
-(laughs)

-♪ Everybody, everybody ♪
-Beezus!

-♪ Wants to be loved ♪
-Beezus!

We don't have
to move anymore!

♪ Just let the love, love,
love begin ♪

-Mmm. Mmm.
-(laughing)

-Mrs. Meacham!
-Yes.

-I don't have to move anymore.
-I know.

We'll be together
for the rest of the year.

I shall pace myself
accordingly.

Thanks for helping my dad.

I just passed along
the mural.

You're the one
who inspired it.

I may not be an art critic,
but I certainly know something

"terrifical" when I see it.

(laughing) Oh!

Go on, now.

-Shake your booty.
-(laughing) Okay.

-(cheering)
-♪ Everywhere I look I see the sun rise ♪

-Oh! Bye!
-♪ Sending paper planes into the sky ♪

-Oh, bye, Mom.
-♪ Hear the sound of bells ringing ♪

-I'll call you from Alaska.
-Okay.

Drive safely.

♪ It's all so clearly ♪

-♪ Coming to me ♪
-Wait! Don't go yet!

-♪ Oh ♪
-Don't go yet, Aunt Bea!

♪ Oh, oh ♪

So you can always
have me around.

Ramona,
you're extraordinary.

♪ If I could be
anything I wanted ♪

-Bye!
-♪ If I could be anything at all ♪

-Bye!
-We love you!

♪ I would be your lighthouse
in the distance ♪

♪ Helping you see ♪

♪ Your way back to me ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ You're pickin' me up
You're pickin' me up ♪

♪ You're pickin' me up
You're pickin' me up ♪

-♪ Oh, you're pickin' me up ♪
-♪ Pickin' me up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, you're pickin' me up ♪

♪ Mm, you're pickin' me up ♪

(pop music)

-VOCALIST: Hey!
-VOCALIST #2: Uh-huh.

Whoo!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪

MALE VOCALIST: This one
goes out to you and yours, worldwide.

♪ I say hey
I'll be gone today ♪

♪ But I'll be back
comin' round the way ♪

♪ It seems like
everywhere I go ♪

♪ The more I see
the less I know ♪

♪ But I know one thing ♪

-♪ That I love you ♪
-♪ Baby girl ♪

♪ I love you, I love you
I love you ♪

-It's true.
-♪ I say hey I'll be gone today ♪

-♪ But I'll be back comin' round the way ♪
-WOMAN: You call me?

♪ It seems like
everywhere I go ♪

♪ The more I see
the less I know ♪

♪ But I know one thing ♪

-♪ That I love you ♪
-♪ Baby girl ♪

-(whistling)
-♪ But I know one thing ♪

-♪ That I love you ♪
-(shutter clicks)

(pop music)

FEMALE SINGER:
♪ If time can tune in today ♪

♪ And we left
too many things to say ♪

♪ If we could turn it back ♪

♪ What would we want
to change ♪

♪ Now's the time
to take a chance ♪

♪ Come on
We gotta make a stand ♪

♪ What have we got to lose ♪

♪ The choice is in our hands ♪

♪ And we can find a way ♪

♪ To do anything
if we try to ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ 'Cause all we have
is here right now ♪

♪ Love like it's all ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪ The only chance
that we ever found ♪

♪ Believe
in what we feel inside ♪

♪ Believe
and it will never die ♪

♪ Don't ever let this life
pass us by ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ If there never
was a night or day ♪

♪ And memories
could fade away ♪

♪ Then there'd be
nothing left ♪

♪ But the dreams we made ♪

♪ And take a leap of faith
and hope you fly ♪

♪ Feel what it's like
to be alive ♪

♪ Give it all that we've got ♪

♪ And lay it all on the line ♪

♪ And we can find a way ♪

♪ To do anything ♪

♪ If we try to ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ 'Cause all we have
is here right now ♪

♪ Love like it's all ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪ The only chance
that we ever found ♪

♪ Believe in
what we feel inside ♪

♪ Believe
and it will never die ♪

♪ Don't ever let this life
pass us by ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ Be here by my side ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Just you and me ♪

♪ Nothing is impossible ♪

♪ Nothing is impossible ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ 'Cause all we have
is here right now ♪

♪ Love like it's all ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪ The only chance
that we ever found ♪

♪ Believe in
what we feel inside ♪

♪ Believe
and it will never die ♪

♪ Don't ever let this life
pass us by ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ 'Cause all we have
is here right now ♪

♪ Love like it's all ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪ The only chance
that we ever found ♪

♪ Believe in what
we feel inside ♪

♪ Believe
and it will never die ♪

♪ Don't ever let this life
pass us by ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ Live like there's no ♪

♪ Tomorrow ♪

♪ 'Cause all we have
is here right now ♪

♪ Love like it's all ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪ The only chance
that we ever found ♪

(fades, ends)