Ramblin'Man (1979) - full transcript
Two down and out cowboys wind up in Nashville and are mistaken for detectives. They are hired by the sister of a missing singer. Failed pilot episode with lots of Nashville cameos. Campy comedy/mystery.
[music playing]
THEME SONG: I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose.
Honey, I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose,
running free.
The open road keeps calling me.
And my soul is restless and
my feet just can't be still.
I don't know where
I'm bound, but I know
I'm bound to ramble around.
And chase to this whole
life until I've had my fill.
Well, ain't no telling where
tomorrow's gonna find me.
Maybe riding some old boxcar
or sneaking out in the rain.
I might strike it
rich in California,
then lose it all on the east
coast in a loaded poker game.
[inaudible] It don't matter
where I go or what I'm, doing,
because I plan to go and do
it all before I'm through.
Well, I'm gonna drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
Lookout, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
MAN: I'm going to have
to open at $5, boy.
MAN 2: All right.
Go.
Cards.
Give me one of your
better cards, please, sir.
DEALER: Card?
Give me two.
Check.
One.
Dealer two.
I'll be $20.
Your $20.
$50 more.
Call.
Well-- well, I'm light
$50, but I'm good for it, OK?
You ain't got it, get out.
Will, give me $50.
Nope.
Give me $50, Will.
Now listen to me JD, please.
The bus fare to Hollywood
is $62.80 and that
don't leave no gambling money.
Will, give me $50.
You want to walk
to California?
JD: Give me $50, Will.
Come on.
JD calls and JD has
got a full house.
A straight flush?
Yeah, I guess I got lucky.
Threw two cards
to straight flush?
That happens
sometimes, mister.
What about that card
between your feet?
Didn't you like that one?
Yeah.
I wonder how that got there.
Anytime you feel like jumping
in here and helping me out.
Sure.
You're doing just fine.
JD: Will!
Well, I thought you were
just going to let him kill me.
Hold it right
there, young fella.
Well, I don't guess
you've had enough, have you?
All right.
Do you want us to go out
and call the local sheriff?
Save yourself a dime.
Take the big one first.
[gun shots]
Wanna go back in there?
For what?
I don't know, but
I reckon he will.
Now, that just doesn't seem
like the smart thing to do, JD.
You mean we're going to
let him get away with that?
I didn't say that.
Come on.
[laughter]
Did you see the
face on that cowboy
when you drew the gun on him?
Yeah.
Run all the way to California.
What's your count now?
OK.
Let her rip.
[horn honking]
That's my wrecker.
They're taking my wrecker.
Knock off!
Knocking on it.
Come on, yes!
Woo-hoo.
[laughter]
[laughter]
All units.
All units.
Listen here, this is
the sheriff talking.
Come in.
Come in, anybody.
Come on.
RADIO: Come in, anybody.
All units.
This is the sheriff talking.
Ready, boss.
Bubba, I got two
warthogs on Route four
heading for the old
McDaniel site in a wrecker.
You stop them, you hear me?
You want I should
book them for speeding?
Speeding?
They've done an aggravated
assault on a police officer,
stole a vehicle,
damaged property,
destroyed county equipment,
and attempted murder.
Now, you block them out on
that road, do you hear me?
Yes, sir.
[music playing]
[police siren]
[laughter]
Won't that thing
go any faster?
Well, it will if I
can get it in gear.
[police siren]
There they are.
I'm going to shove
them one at a time
up that wrecker's exhaust pipe.
[police siren]
Hey.
Is that a siren I hear?
That or an air raid.
You don't think they've
got a [inaudible] us, do you?
Oh, no.
Probably having an
attack of conscience.
Want to give us our money back.
[police siren]
Hold in on them.
Hey, I hope you've got a
plan, JD, because I'm plum
out of ways to save your butt.
Aw, this is my plan, son.
[police sirens]
That's not a plan, brother.
Hang on.
[train whistle]
[laughter]
WILL: You ain't
out of the Cs yet?
No.
You still plan on reading all
the books in the encyclopedia?
Mm-hmm.
Well, you're going to be 80,
bald, and toothless by the time
you get through.
Maybe but there won't
be a smarter 80, bald, and
toothless old goat in America.
Well Will, I ain't
putting down your learning,
but there's a lot me and you
got to do with our lives, son.
We still got
several years left
before we're staring at 80.
I know.
But I mean a million things.
Man, we've got to
bull dog some steers
at Madison Square Garden.
Drive us an 18-wheeler
from Maine to Alaska.
We're going on them shrimp
boats down in Mobile bay.
Pour some steel up in Ohio.
Drink all the beer and
love all the women.
It's going take
a long time, son.
And even when we get
our gut-full, see--
we'll find a lady that
looks like Venus de Milo,
cooks like Mama, and
then we'll settle down
and have young'uns a piece.
What do you think?
We do half of that,
we won't live to be 80.
Yeah, but what a way to go.
I love it.
Hey.
[train whistle]
Well, this ain't at all the
way we had it planned, is it?
I mean, we was going to
leave that ranch in Montana,
and we're going to travel
all over the country.
We're going to see all places
we've ain't never seen.
Did you know there
was more than one
queen of Egypt named Cleopatra?
And the famous one, she was
all set to marry one brother
and she went and
poisoned another brother.
First stop, Hollywood.
Plenty of work, a
lot of sunshine.
Oranges right off the trees.
All them pretty
legs walking around.
Man, that Cleopatra--
she got this Anthony
to commit suicide
by making believe
she already killed herself.
Now, we ain't going west.
We're heading east.
And neither one of us
got the foggiest notion
where we're going.
And for your information, Will
Eubanks, we got $18.60 between
us and a vagrancy charge.
And I'm cold and hungry.
My stomach feel
like a gas factory.
Get the light out of my eyes.
I just wanted
to see the tears.
JD, come alive.
Huh?
Where are we?
We are where you want
your ashes scattered
when the grim reaper takes you.
Are you funning me?
Oh.
We're at the one place
you know more about
than any cowboy living or dead.
Hot damn.
We're in Nashville, Tennessee.
Music city, USA.
WILL: Oh, here comes trouble.
Morning, fellas.
Morning.
You want I should knock
your heads here or take
you someplace else to do it?
Well Will, I guess this
is the end of my dream, son.
But you tried, and
least I'll go out happy.
You see, mister, I'm a sick man.
And all I wanted to do was see
Nashville before I passed on.
You look pretty healthy to me.
Well, it's one of them-- it's
one of them creeping diseases,
you see.
It don't even show up till it's
ready to kill you stone dead.
I mean, how long did the doc
give me, Will, old buddy?
Six weeks?
- Right about that.
I got a notion
you'll outlive me.
But I admire a man who can
tell a lie as big as that
without blinking.
Now, get.
Well sir, a sick and
dying man should salute you.
You are a mess, JD.
Do you know that?
Yeah, but I naturally
got to charming.
Charm will not fill your gut.
Now, we better find a
YMCA, dump our gear,
and start looking for a job.
That's a good idea, but
first we got to call Lonnie.
Lonnie who?
Don't remember Lonnie Grimes?
Two weeks ago, Kansas
City, chiefs and a Viking?
He was drunk for two days, JD.
He won't remember us.
His exact words were, "if
you get to town, call me."
He gave me his phone number.
There it is.
People are always
saying that, JD.
And hoping you'll forget it.
The trouble with
you, Will Eubanks,
is you ain't got no faith.
Now give me a dime.
Let's find a phone.
No.
No.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
JD (ON PHONE): Uh,
hello, Lonnie Grimes?
Yep.
Uh, Lonnie, this is JD Reed.
Remember, you met me
and my buddy, Will,
at a football game
a couple weeks ago?
And, uh, you told us if we're
ever in town to call you,
and here we are.
Oh, we got blind for two days.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad you
remembered us, Lonnie.
Oh listen, I'm sorry I'm
going to miss you guys.
I'm going to be out of
town for a couple of days.
I got an idea, PJ.
No, no, no, no.
It's JD.
JD and Will.
Right.
Why don't you guys stay at my
place while I'm out of town?
I got a sweet little
'Vette you can drive, too.
Oh, well, that's great Lonnie.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh and listen, do
me a favor, will you?
Pick me up a package
while I'm gone?
JD (ON PHONE): I'd be glad to.
Yeah.
Well, take this down now.
JD (ON PHONE): Wait.
I'm writing it down.
Uh-huh.
OK.
Yeah, I got it.
I got it.
Thank you, Lonnie.
Now, you make yourself at
home and have a real good time.
OK.
Bye.
He didn't remember us.
Wrong.
Wrong.
As a matter of fact, he said
we can stay at his digs.
He's leaving town
for a few days.
And not only that,
we can use this car.
What's the catch?
No catch, my boy.
That's called
southern hospitality.
Now, he wants us to run
a little errand for him,
and then we'll
get on over there.
Come on let's, go.
Get your bag.
[music playing]
Well, good life, here we come.
Here.
Hold on to that.
I'll get the cab.
Cab.
Come on, you old fart.
OK.
They picked up the package.
[music playing]
What are you thinking?
Well, I'm thinking a shot
of B12, and four dozen horses,
and I'll just come down
here and kill myself.
What we've got to do
is we've got to get us
a couple of bathing suits and--
Ooh.
Ooh-wee.
Would you look at this.
Hey, Chief.
Where's the piano player?
- Shoot.
- I ain't believe it.
Look at that couch.
It'll take you all week to
sit on that thing, Will.
Shoot.
Lonnie done got
him a play house.
That's what Lonnie got.
Look at that kitchen, Will.
Where's the bedroom?
I want to see the bedroom.
JD, look what I found.
JD: Hey, come here
and look what I found.
This guy ain't even
use this encyclopedia.
Well, he's used this bedroom.
Come in here and look.
Now, you talk about
eating high on a hog.
Get a load of this.
Wow.
What do you think?
Hey, and look at this here bath.
Come here.
Look at this bathtub.
Shoot.
Do you believe in that?
Woo.
I'll toss you for
who goes first.
Will, you can get the Dallas
Cowboys in that bathtub,
or their cheerleaders,
or both of them.
I wonder where the
diving board is.
[door bell]
[door knocking]
[music playing]
[laughter]
Hello?
Hello, anybody home?
JD: Get in the bathtub.
I'm so sorry.
I rang the doorbell, but
no one answered and--
and it was open so--
- No harm done, ma'am.
- No.
No harm done.
Make yourself at home.
What can we do for you, huh?
I want you to help
me find my sister.
I don't rightly
understand, ma'am.
Well, I got a wire
last week saying
that my sister Carla had died.
And then when I got here, well--
no one here seems to know
anything about Carla.
Not the police,
or the hospitals,
or even the funeral home.
I mean no one.
There now, ma'am.
Don't cry.
I'm sorry.
It's just that we were so close.
I'm only a couple of
years older than Carla
and after our folks passed
away we sort of brought
each other up, you know?
Do you have sisters?
I don't know, ma'am.
Well, I haven't given up hope.
I-- I guess it
could be somebody's
idea of a cruel joke.
She was just so
sweet and trusting
and-- oh, I worried about
her when she came down here
to Nashville all by herself.
And now I just don't
know what to do anymore.
Ma'am?
Uh, Miss?
Mrs. Mrs. Harper.
Kate Harper.
Well, we sure do feel
for you, Mrs. Harper.
Ain't that right, JD?
But why are you
telling us all this?
Well, because a
private investigator
is my only hope now.
That seems like a
reasonable idea, ma'am.
But I still don't
know what you're--
Lonnie Grimes?
What's he do for a living?
Oh.
Kate-- that's why
he's out of town.
He's a private investigator.
Ma'am, we just ain't the
people you think we are.
No, the phone book said you
specialize in missing persons.
JD, could you
explain it to her?
Ma'am, I just got to
get out of this frock.
I feel stupid.
Excuse me.
What?
Explain what?
Well, uh-- you see,
Will is a sensitive man,
and it tears him up kind
of bad-- the way he cries.
What he wanted me
to tell you was--
KATE: Oh, please.
You've just got to help me.
Look, I've got $1,000 with
me, but I could get some more.
$1,000? $1,000?
Well then, I'm going to
listen to what you got to say.
[music playing]
Is this your sister?
Yeah.
KATE: I was always what
you'd call the brainy type.
But-- well, Carla had that
angel face and a sweetness
that went with it.
Well, I'm afraid it takes
a little more than good looks
to make it in the
music business, huh?
I mean, even Dolly
Parton's got to have
a voice to go with her--
you know, her good looks.
Well, Carla had a voice.
She had a real good voice.
She was only here a few months
before she got a demo record,
and then she won
an amateur contest,
and did some club dates.
And well, there was even some
talk about a record contract.
Then came that telegram
from the Barnaby man.
Barnaby?
Who's Barnaby?
Oh, he's the man who runs
the Country Music wax museum.
That's where Carla
worked for a while
when she first got into town.
I called over there.
Talked to his wife.
She said he never
even sent a telegram.
She hung up on me.
I called back three times.
Three times she hung up on me.
But I can give
you another $1,000
just as soon as you find
out what happened to her.
Well, I'll tell you what.
We'll do everything
we can possibly do.
Now, you go back
to your hotel room
and you relax,
and we'll call you
if we come up with anything.
OK?
- OK.
- OK.
JD, um, you will hold onto
that picture, won't you?
It's the only one I got.
I sure will.
Now you take care now.
- OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
Thank you.
JD, come see this.
- What is it?
- Look at this.
Why would a fella
be doing the set
up like this in his bedroom?
Well-- the trouble with you,
Will Eubanks, is you've led
too sheltered a life.
Now get your clothes on.
We've got some work to do.
What kind of work?
Well, we're going to help
that poor girl find her sister.
Why should we?
That's why.
You shouldn't of told
her we're detective, JD.
It ain't honest.
What, a $1,000 and all we got
to do is find out what happened
and we get another $1,000?
But we ain't detectives.
Well, neither is
Jack or anybody else.
But I bet you they pay him
$100 a day to pretend they are.
JD, you're going to end
up filthy rich or in jail.
Look, we ask a
couple of questions.
We'll get a couple answers.
We find out what happens.
Miss Harper goes back
to New York happy.
Well, at least not
quite as unhappy.
Now, where's the car?
Wow.
I'm looking for Grimes.
Holy smoke, look at that.
Shoot.
Where are we going?
To the Wax Museum, my boy.
[music playing]
You tell everybody
we're detectives.
That's a lie.
It ain't no lie.
It's a fib.
There's a big difference.
Everybody fibs.
I don't if I can help it.
Well, you can't help
it, so come on now.
And don't worry.
Politicians fib all time,
and they run the country.
And that's George
Jones, and that's--
Will, that's-- that's him.
Howdy.
Are you the manager?
The manager?
No.
That ain't the manager.
That's the king of
country music, Will.
Now, Mr. Acuff--
- Yeah.
- My name is JD Reed--
- JD.
And this is my
friend, Will Eubanks.
And boy, I can't tell you
how tickled I am to see you.
This is a pleasure
meeting you, gentlemen.
Both of you.
Where do you think we ought
we to put this, Mr. Acuff?
Just lay it down on the
little bench there, darling.
That'll be all right.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'd like to talk to the manager.
What about?
About Carla Wade.
Is that the little blonde
that used to work with you?
Well, she's a lovely lady.
My husband's in his office.
He's right back though there.
Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, Will.
Mr. Acuff, could I
have your autograph?
Sure you can.
You've got a paper?
No, sir.
But you can just
write in my hat there.
Oh, I and write in the hat.
Sure.
I've written in them before.
Now you know I've
got one of your yo-yos?
You left it on the stage
in Pawnee, Oklahoma.
Pawnee, Oklahoma?
I won it from a
dude in a crap game.
Did you?
I turned down $40 for it.
- $40?
- I sure did.
Listen, if there's
anybody else out there
that wants a yo-yo
for $40, me and you
are going into business.
I'll get you a whole
truckload of them things.
All right.
So you got the deal.
I'm here to tell you, Carla
was one of the finest, sweetest
kids you'd ever hope to see.
Was?
I mean, when she
was here she was.
I suppose she still is.
Then how come you sent
that telegram to her sister?
What telegram?
I didn't even know
she had a sister.
JD, this Mr. Barnaby.
He remembers Carla.
Thinks a lot of her.
Hello, Mr. Barnaby.
So did Roy.
How did Carla come to leave?
She had it in the
head to be a star.
Had to be.
But while she worked here she
sold tickets, helped my wife
with the wax figures,
helped me with the books--
that sort of thing.
But Carla decided to
move along after she
made that demo record.
Now, did you have
a chance to hear it?
I hoped to tell you.
The fact of the matter is she
is such as treasure, my wife
and I set up a session for her.
Sort of like a
present, you know.
[music playing]
Here's a copy.
She was a pretty thing.
That morning she got
herself all decked out.
And she stood there
in that studio
just like an angel child.
[music playing]
[singing] Make it
through the night.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
MR. BARNABY
(VOICEOVER): You'd of
thought we'd given her a
million dollars instead
of that little bit
that session cost.
Oh, you angel.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Oh listen, if anything comes
of this, I owe it to all of you
two.
A week later, she
just up and quit.
Hadn't seen her since.
For a while, she'd
call me my wife.
And then we stopped hearing.
Do you have any idea
where we could find her?
No.
But if you do, you tell her
she's got friends that would
like to see her, you hear?
You mind if we hold on to it?
- It's yours.
- Thank you, Mr. Barnaby.
You've been a real help.
Thank you.
Well, I see he
gave you her demo.
Yes, ma'am.
Did he tell you what a sweet,
virginal little saint she was?
He seemed right fond of her.
Well, that's where
you're smarter than I was.
You could tell how he felt about
her right off, couldn't you?
I had to walk in on that
record session to find out.
She was a tramp--
that's what she was.
A two-faced, hypocritical
little tramp.
[music playing]
[singing] Make it
through the night.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
MRS. BARNABY
(VOICEOVER): A friend
of mine told me my
husband had put up
$1,000 for that demo session.
Baby doll, you were terrific.
I'm going to make you the
biggest star in this here town.
And I'm going to do
a few things for you,
too, you animal.
MRS. BARNABY; I came down
there too late to stop it,
but in time to catch them.
I fired her on the spot.
Ma'am, you ain't exactly
tell it like your husband.
My husband is a damn liar.
You know, Will, I don't
believe a word that woman said.
Do you believe her husband?
Well, no.
Not necessarily.
But Roy Acuff liked
her, and I'd believe him
if he said the world
was going end tomorrow.
[music playing]
[gun shots]
[car honking]
WILL: You see who's
place we tore up?
JD: Yeah.
Well, look at it this way.
We don't have to call the cops.
[music playing]
[music playing]
Lt. Blocker, we
ain't bums or nothing.
We're just a couple
of guys from Montana
who've dreamed all our life
about coming to this town.
About seeing all this
beautiful country and
these down-home friendly folks.
We love Nashville.
As a matter of fact,
I was telling Will--
Don't try conning me, mister.
You're talking to the wrong man.
I'm from Philadelphia.
I'm not from Nashville.
And the only reason I'm
here is because my girl
is married here, and I
don't like their husbands.
And I don't like country music.
And I don't like
southern accents.
Well, no offense.
I--
Or good old boys, or
grits, or moonshine.
But most of all, I don't like
concrete cowboys that drift
from town to town raising hell.
I'm going to lock you up.
Huh?
I don't think the law
will let you lock us up,
if you don't mind my saying so.
Listen, I know what the law
will or will not let me do.
You can show me the law we
just broke, OK, you lock us up.
But don't forget the
doctrine of culpability.
Hey, that sounds
like a good one.
Tell him what that means.
WILL: It relates to
a situation where
a person confronted by
overwhelming pressure
makes a choice
between two evils.
You mean, like should
we get ourselves shot
or should we run
into a wall, right?
That's right.
A man cannot be held
punishable should his
life or liberty be in jeopardy.
It's all there in the C's.
Civil, common, criminal law.
He's into C's now.
It's all this
pressure on his mind.
Get out of here, and
make sure I don't ever
see either one of you again.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
I don't know why you want to
go honky tonking, Will Eubanks,
but it's fine with me.
Let's [inaudible] this
picture again, will you?
All right.
And what do you see?
An awful pretty girl.
No, behind her.
The sign.
Alley Cat Amateur night, right?
Right.
And where are we?
We're in Fray's Alley.
What's that sign say?
Alley Cat Club.
Oh, right.
I'll make a detective
out of you yet.
Come on.
Oh, saw it, son.
Hey, well, Ray Stevens
is here tonight.
[applause]
[music playing]
[singing] Yeah,
they come down Main
Street drums a-flailing and
sirens a-wailing-- what a roar.
Bands are a-playing,
and flags are a-waving,
and the vanguards
and motorcycles go.
Clowns looked around
into the crowd
and pinching every pretty
girl who dares to smile.
It's a glorious mess.
Everybody wears a fez.
The parade stretches
out for a while.
It's a typical
American phenomenon
where all the members
have a fine old time.
It's the 43rd Annual Convention
of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
of the noble job, the Ali
Baba Temple of the Shrine.
[laughter]
Hello, operator?
Give me room 321, please.
Thank you.
Hello?
Noble Lumpkin?
This is the
illustrious potentate.
I said, it's the
illustrious potentate.
The illustrious-- Coy!
Dad blame it, this is Bubba.
[laughter]
Why ain't you at the parade?
What?
How's you'd get that thick
Harley up there in your room?
[laughter]
[singing] Well,
it was all erased
by the Ladies Auxiliary in
the downtown convention hall.
Cold roast beef, string beans,
mashed potatoes, and nine
boring speeches and all.
And all the tables looks fine
with the Mogen David wine
and chrysanthemums on each side.
And the Hahira leaders,
in their rented tuxedos
made the local hearts
swell with pride.
It's a typical
American phenomenon
where all the members
have a fine old time.
It's the 43rd Annual Convention
of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
or the Noble's Heart the Ali
Baba Temple of the Shrine.
Meanwhile back at the motel.
Hello, operator.
Room 320.
How'd you know?
Oh.
Hello, McCoy?
Where have you been?
[laughter]
No, you wasn't at the meeting.
Well, I found out that at
3 o'clock this morning, you
was out there in the
hotel swimming pool,
and you threw the looms
with a bunch of them
waitresses from the
cocktail lounge.
How is old Charlene going to
find out about this, McCoy?
Who's that talking in
the background, McCoy?
Hello, operator?
Operator?
Please cut out.
Room 321.
[applause]
He sings pretty good.
Oh boy, am I hungry.
Sings pretty good?
That was Ray Stevens,
the Ray Stevens.
Ray who?
Oh, will you do me a favor?
While you're in the C's, read
up on some country music,
would you?
You're embarrassing me.
Well, you better
pay less attention
to what you call it up there
and more attention the trouble
we're in.
Somebody tried to kill us.
Maybe.
Maybe somebody just mistook
us for somebody else.
Did you ever thing about that?
Yeah.
Or maybe somebody don't want
us to find out about Carla.
Well, now that's dumb.
Carla's dead.
Yeah, but how did she die?
Do you think she was murdered?
That's something we won't
know till we find out.
Right.
Oh.
Oh, Mr. Stevens, can I
have your autograph please?
Why, sure.
Glad to.
Here.
Who shall I make this out to?
Well, I'm JD, and this
is my friend Will here.
JD, Will.
How you doing?
How are you?
All right.
Ray, super show.
Hey.
Thanks, hon.
Great.
I appreciate you coming.
Oh, I planned to be here.
Barbara Mandrell, JD and Will.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, we're in a
heap of trouble here.
Why?
Well, Ms. Mandrell, I'm
going to have to go home,
and I'm going to have to
tell some friends of mine
that I spoke to you in person.
And when I do, one of them
is going to call me a liar.
And when he does, I'm going
to hit him in the mouth.
And it's going to be
the awful-est fight.
Then that's going to get
Will here in a fight.
He's just angling for
an autograph, ma'am,
to prove he knows you.
Let me give him one.
I certainly wouldn't want to
be responsible for any brawls.
Listen, I've got to go change.
Barbara, I'll see you
at your table later.
- OK, Ray.
- Nice meeting you guys.
Ray, great show.
Nice meeting you Ray.
You fellas here on a visit?
Well, no.
Actually, we are
private detectives.
Actually we're helping this
girl we know find her sister.
Any chance you seen her?
Will, this is
Barbara Mandrell.
She does not work
talent show, OK?
My buddy here is pretty
good at detecting
but he ain't from nothing
about country music.
Now me, I got every
record you ever made.
Hey, I've seen this
girl right in here.
There was an amateur
contest and she won it,
and the prize was appearing
one night with me.
Carol, I think was her name.
Carla.
Carla Wade.
Yeah.
The man that can
tell you about her
runs this Wax Museum down here.
Barnaby is his name.
Oh, no.
No, we've already talked to him.
He hadn't seen her
since she left-- what?
Three months ago.
Well, the night she
sang with me he was there.
She was good, too.
Not polished but a lot of
promise and a really nice girl.
He was giving her a hassle
back in the dressing room,
and the management had
the cops throw him out.
You know what the
argument was about, ma'am?
Well, as near as
I could make out,
he was really hopping
mad because she
was coming on to this
awful dude, Joe Hatcheck.
Looks like we ought to
talk to this Hatcheck guy.
Well, if you do,
you watch yourselves.
He smiles a lot,
but he's a killer.
He's mean.
He's into a lot of things
and most of them are crooked.
Like what, ma'am?
Well, for one
thing, I've heard
that he runs a floating
crap game where
nobody comes out a winner.
Oh, well now,
where would somebody
find that floating crap game?
Well, I don't know
anything about dice,
but my steel guitar player does.
In fact, he's into about three
months salary worth of dice,
and he lost it on
the Cumberland Queen.
[MUSIC - A TASTE OF HONEY,
"BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE"]
[singing] If you're thinking
you're too cool to boogie.
Oh boy, have I got news for you.
Everybody here
tonight to boogie.
Let me tell you.
The groove is going
to get you, too.
Hey, this is
going to be great.
Not for me, it ain't.
What's wrong?
I get seasick.
On a boat tied to the dock?
I get seasick in a bathtub.
Let's find Hatcheck
and get this over with.
[music playing]
[interposing voices]
[interposing voices]
Well, now I know what they
mean by a floating crap games.
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going to take this
money we've got left here,
and I'm going to go down
there and get in that game,
and turn this into a
small river bottom farm,
because dice is my long suit.
Last time I heard, poker
was your long suit, son.
I feel lucky tonight.
The lucky guy in that game is
the one that don't get his legs
broke.
Mr. Hatcheck?
This dude faded $500.
He hasn't got it.
He wants to leave
his marker with us.
I don't take markers.
Take his watch and his
rings, and throw him out.
[interposing voices]
Oh, you fellas are just
in town a couple of days
and you've already
located the action, huh?
To tell you the truth, action
ain't what we're looking for--
it's answers.
And so far, they've
been pretty hard to get.
I run a game, fella--
not an information desk.
Well, you knew Carla
Wade, and we want to find
out what happened to her.
Do you see how healthy I am?
Mm-hmm.
Well, it's not from jogging.
It's from minding
my own business.
This is our business.
Come on, pal.
I know every cop in this town.
You ain't no cop.
Well, let's just say
there's some dudes up
in New York City
got a big interest
in what happened to Carla, OK?
And they're dudes
with a lot of muscle.
You dig?
Look, I don't know
what happened to her.
But I'll tell you something,
whatever it is I hope it's bad.
She is no good, blood sucking--
look, all I know is
she got what she wanted
out of me and my contacts.
A few introductions, some club
dates, a couple commercials.
And I talked to
this friend of mine
who owed me a few favors
to let her hostess
the disk jockey convention.
And she meets Mr. Superstar.
Who's the superstar?
Do you got a problem
here, Mr. Hatcheck?
HATCHECK: No, that's all right.
These-- these fellas were sent
in by some heavy characters
from New York.
Well, they totally
looked out topside.
They were tourists from Montana.
You want to explain that?
Yeah.
Number one, what's
wrong with Montana?
Number two, me and my buddy
Will here visiting Opryland.
And my godfather in New York
sent us some orders, you dig?
Why don't you find out
what these folks really want
and drop them off
at the hospital?
JD?
Did you got them?
I'm here to help you out, son.
I'm glad my
insurance is paid up.
Hold it.
This is a bust.
Uh-oh.
That's the guy that
don't like cowboys.
Come on.
Hey, I wonder how the
police knew we was in trouble.
Maybe they heard it from
your godfather in New York.
[music playing]
Hey, Hatcheck.
He's stealing our car.
[explosion]
[music playing]
Morning.
You're just the
man we want to see.
We've got a serious complaint
we want to put on record.
I spent the last four hours
trying to find something to bid
on you two and make it stick.
But since you weren't in the
game, the DA won't charge you.
Well, that's only fair.
I'm warning you.
Either you two get
out of Nashville,
or I'm going to find a
way to have your hides.
Now, that's our
serious complaint.
You've been spending
a lot of energy
trying to pin something on us.
Yeah.
And we think your time would
be better spent on protecting
innocent citizens in Nashville.
We've been shot at,
beat up, somebody tries
to blow us up on the same day.
Heck, there's more violence
here than in the whole state
of Texas with New York
City and Detroit thrown in.
Let them out.
Out!
Get out!
- Thanks for the hospitality.
- Yeah.
And just be glad we
ain't taxpaying citizens.
First off, I'm
going to take me
one of them sexy bubble baths.
You do that while I
throw us up some eggs, OK?
If I didn't know
any better, I'd think
Lt. Blocker had been here.
Well, what they looking for?
Beats the hell out of me.
Hey, the package.
The one we picked up
for Lonnie Grimes.
Maybe.
- Well, did they get it?
- Nope.
I hid it good.
Shoot.
Will, you reckon we
ought to call the cops?
JD, that fight last night
must of scrambled your brain.
[phone ringing]
Phone.
Where's the phone?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, Lonnie.
Yeah, how you doing?
I'm calling you from Memphis.
I just wanted to
check on you boys
and make sure you're
enjoying yourselves.
Oh, we're enjoying ourselves.
Oh, by the way,
did you remember
to pick up that package for me?
Right.
Picked up the package.
Put away safe.
Good thing, too, Lonnie.
Because we come in here a
minute ago, and somebody
has just ransacked your place.
Now, don't worry
about it though.
We'll clean it up.
We'll take care of everything.
Yeah.
Well, we'll see you.
All right.
Well, he sends his best, Will.
What did he say about
his place getting tore up?
Not much.
You know, maybe in
his line of work,
his digs get tore
up all the time.
I don't know.
I wonder what's in
that package of his.
I don't know.
You want to look?
We're guests in his house.
It hardly seems the thing to do.
You know, I
could of asked him.
What you should
of asked him is what
a real detective does when
he's been worked over the way
we've been.
Well, Kojak will probably just
keep on sucking on his sucker.
Perry Mason would probably talk
to Della for a day and a half.
I said, real detective, JD.
Now, a real detective would
have given up the case
and shagged on out of here
before he got his head broke.
You know what's
bugging me, Will?
Now, we ask a few
questions about Carla,
and me and you are
darn near killed.
But now Kate's been asking
questions all over this town
before she ever got to us.
You're right.
That lady could be in
more trouble than we are.
We'd better go warn her.
Come on.
[music playing]
I mean, if we're going to
do it, let's do it right.
You ain't seen a couple
of hot shot detectives
go riding around on the bus.
Yeah.
Well, if I see any
hot shot detectives,
I'll tell them that.
[music playing]
Excuse me.
We called a little while
ago about Ms. Kate Harper.
Do you know if she
got our message?
No, sir.
She didn't.
I'll try her room for you.
Thank you.
Sorry, gentleman.
No answer.
Well, sir.
I guess since we're here, we
ought to mess around a while
until she comes in.
Ma'am.
Thank you.
Son, I could spend
a week right here.
Opryland.
Opryland.
Yeah.
The Opry is right
across the road.
Have you ever been to Opry?
No.
Boy, you'll love it.
I'll bet there's 50
stars within a half mile
of us right this minute.
And all of them just
panting, waiting for you to ask
them to sign an autograph.
Will, suppose-- now
just suppose they got her.
Who?
Kate.
She's just out.
You know, maybe
shopping or something.
Yeah or maybe she's laying
up there in a pool of blood.
Where are you going?
Up to Kate's room.
Do you mind?
Come on.
(WHISPERING) Here's the room.
OK.
(WHISPERING) There.
You satisfied?
No pool of blood.
(WHISPERING) Well, they
could of took the body away.
(WHISPERING) You've always
been a little daft, JD.
But now, you're just
plumb out of your gourd.
(WHISPERING) Well, why don't
we just go in there and look?
Ow.
Where did you learn that?
(WHISPERING) Watergate.
Watergate That starts
with a W. I thought
you were still in the C's.
We're already
breaking and entering.
I'm not going have
no part in digging
into somebody's
private belongings.
Well, we ain't
going to find out
any clues as to what happened to
her by just staring at the lid.
Nothing's happened to her
except maybe in your messed
up head.
Well, a detective has just got
to take chances where he works.
Get out of the way.
[music playing]
THEME SONG: I'm breaking
loose, running free.
The open road is calling me.
Well, my soul is restless, and
my feet just can't be still.
I don't know where
I'm bound, but I
know I'm bound to ramble around
and taste of this of old life
until I've had my fill.
Now, there ain't
no telling where
tomorrow's due to find me.
Maybe riding some old boxcar
or sleeping in the rain.
I might strike it
rich in California,
then loose it all on the east
coast in a loaded poker game.
Mama, it don't matter where
I go or what I'm doing.
Because I plan to go and do
it all before I'm through.
Well, I'm going to drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great big
piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
Well, I'm going to drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great big
piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
JD?
Did it ever enter that
knot head of yours
that we don't know what
the devil we're doing?
We are solving our case,
that's what we're doing.
Look here.
I found this in Kate's suitcase.
Now, she should have
given us this up front.
Because this is a song
and it was specially
written by Woody Stone.
And look what it
says right there.
"To my sweet Carla from
the one who loves you
more than life."
And that's Woody's
name right down there.
Woody who?
Woody is probably the
biggest, the most famous,
the most important country
star there ever was--
that's who Woody is.
And he was in love with Carla.
Well, I guess if we're
going to get this over,
we might as well just go
on up there and see him.
You don't just
go up and see him.
He's got agents, he's
got managers, bodyguards.
You could see the
president easier.
Look, we're just going
to go out to his place.
Ring the bell.
Will, would you just get
on reading your encyclopedia?
Because the truth
of the matter is you
are about 10 volumes away from
being more than plain dumb.
And until you get to the
D's, you probably ain't
going to know what dumb is.
Dumb?
I'll tell you what dumb is.
Dumb is ending up in Nashville
instead of Hollywood.
Dumb is pretending
we're detectives.
Dumb is driving somebody else's
car into a police station.
Dumb is spending
the night in a tank.
And dumb is looking for a pool
of blood where there ain't one.
That's what dumb is.
Well, I never
said I was perfect.
But hey, Will, I got an idea.
Go on.
No!
Well, it could get
us to see Woody Stone.
No!
Will, don't say no until
you hear what I got to say.
I don't want to
hear your argument.
I ain't going to
have no part of this.
Will you trust me?
I am just going to stay
here outside and wait
for the police to come.
And when they do, I'm going
to laugh fit to die when they
haul you off to Lt. Blocker.
Just trust me--
And when he hangs you by
your tongue from the city hall
flagpole, I'm going to
wait down below just
to claim your ornery body.
[car honking]
SALESMAN: Good day, sir.
Oh howdy, neighbor.
Is there something I
can do to assist you?
Well, no.
I reckon it is more of what
I can do to assist you,
my good man.
You see, I work for a gentleman
called Will Eubanks the Fourth.
Now, he's got four boys.
And when he buys
something for one of them,
well, he has to buy
it for all of them.
You know, give them all an oil
well a piece when he was born,
you know.
And so now Will wants
to buy all his boys
one of these here Excelsiors.
One each?
That's what he said.
Four Excaliburs-- no.
Actually, he wants give.
He wants one for himself.
But there's some things we
got to wig out here first.
Now, does this-- does this work?
Everything works.
Well, but Will ain't never had
him no custom made car before.
So JD said to me--
he says, you make
sure everything works
before you ever sign the check.
I understand that.
Remember, this is an Excalibur.
Right.
And that's what he
wants-- an Excalibur.
And I figure I can judge
this pretty good driving
it the next couple days.
Your references, sir?
The banks are closed
for the weekend.
Oh, the banks.
Yeah, the banks.
Old Wilbur got
four banks himself.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
Look, you hold off
detailing another car
until you get the paperwork OK.
I'll try this one out.
And when I come in Monday,
we'll sign the papers.
How's that?
SALESMAN: You will be
careful of her, sir?
Just like she was my own.
[car honking]
I'll give you this, JD.
You could start with a toothpick
and end up with a lumber yard.
[music playing]
Hey, my good man.
We're delivering this
car to Mr. Stone.
It's a present from his
band out in Montana.
OK.
Up the drive and park it.
Thank you, sir.
Fellas, I agreed to
see you because anybody
with the imagination to
bring that car up to my place
and convince my people
it's a gift for me--
well, they deserve
a little attention.
I told you he was a sport.
Didn't I tell you?
I'm sorry I can't help you.
This girl you're looking
for-- what's her name?
Carla Wade.
Yeah.
I don't know her.
And to my recollection,
I never did.
I've got some recording to
do in the studio out back.
You guys can find
your way out, huh?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
You betcha.
Sing it.
[singing] Every night I go
down to the same little joint.
Fill up my glass
till I've reached
a point past remembering.
OK.
Where'd you get the song?
It don't matter.
What matters is that
you wrote it for Carla.
Yeah, I did.
Want a drink?
- I'll pass.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What do you fellas
have to do with Carla?
WILL: She's dead.
We want to find out why.
Carla's dead?
You want to tell us about her?
Sure.
It doesn't make any difference
now that Carla's gone.
She was one of those
girls who thought
it was an honor to
be a hostess when
the celebrities came to town.
That's what she was doing at
the disk jockey's convention.
Ended up at my table.
Mr. Superstar.
Yeah, I guess.
For a while, that was
good enough for her--
Woody Stone's girlfriend.
I took her on the concert tours,
took her to recording studios,
took her to parties.
There was something in that
girl just wouldn't let her rest.
I mean, being with a star
wasn't quite like being a star.
But, uh, she had talent.
She had a pretty face
and a sensational body,
that's what she had.
And a voice as good
as a lot of big names.
But she didn't
understand the lyrics.
She didn't know what they meant.
She didn't-- she didn't
love the audience.
Well, she didn't love
anybody, I suppose.
Except this picture she had of
herself as a rich, famous star
that she was going to become.
So, uh, you chucked her out.
Oh, no.
I didn't.
I wish it had been that way.
I was just sitting down
for supper one night
and she came through the door.
I couldn't do it, honey.
I'm sorry.
You didn't even try, did you?
I asked them to do
an album with you.
I even promised them that
I'd write a couple of songs.
You asked them?
Why-- why didn't
you threaten them?
Look, you're they're
biggest star.
They'll do anything for you.
You sell millions
of records for them.
Honey, they're my friends.
They brought me along when
I was first starting out.
You don't want me
to make it, do you?
All you ever want me to be
is just your little playmate.
Now honey, you know
better than that.
You got to have patience.
It takes time.
Look, I know guy who's
got a club in Atlanta.
You could--
- I know.
I know.
And you have a friend who
has a club in Charlotte.
And you have a friend who
has a club in Knoxville.
And I have worked my buns
off in those dingy holes
three shows a night
for $400 a week.
But you know you don't
have to do it for money.
I'll give you anything you want.
Don't you understand?
All I want is an album.
That's all I've
ever asked you for.
That's all I've ever
asked you to do for me.
And what do you do about it?
Nothing.
All right.
No, there is not going
to be any more tomorrow.
Not with you.
I am sick to death of watching
these no-talent hicks make it
while I'm just sitting
around in your shadow.
And you want to
know something else?
I am sick to death of
sleeping in an old man's bed.
I'm getting out tonight--
right now.
And that's just what she did.
I never saw her again.
I heard that she--
well, never mind.
No, no, no.
Go on, please.
Well, I heard stuff I
didn't want to believe.
Believe what, sir?
That she met this
guy, Mr. Smooth.
You know, no good
written all over him.
Tattoos, all that.
He got her to work
at Peg's Place.
He did that all the time.
Did what?
Recruited girls
for Peg's Place.
You mean Peg's Place is a--
It's what we call
a good-time house.
It's off Murphy's railroad.
I can't believe it.
Well, I didn't
want to believe it,
so I finally just stopped
thinking about it.
And that's really all
I can tell you guys.
I'm sorry.
I appreciate you
laying her on the line.
Well, once she had the
goods on me about that song,
I didn't have much
choice, did I?
Well, good luck to you.
- Thanks.
- And goodbye.
Yes, thank you, sir.
Oh, and thank you.
Peterson.
Those two cowboys
are the wrong guys.
But they're the ones who--
I don't care.
You near killed wrong guys.
That means that whoever we're
after is out there someplace.
Follow those two.
Maybe they'll Lead
us to whatever
it is we're looking for.
[music playing]
LYRICS: Let me be your baby.
OK, partner.
Want to tell me
what's ailing you?
JD?
Well, we got to find out
what happened to that girl.
We found out a lot already.
Ain't' much of it good, either.
I mean, look at her eyes.
Go on and look at her eyes.
Now, she should be happy.
She just won a contest.
I mean, she smiling, but her
eyes are sad like she's hurting
inside or something, you know?
Well, that could be.
But after what those
people told us--
Now, Kate knew her
better than anybody.
Kate says she's a
decent, sweet girl.
Barnaby said she
she's a treasure.
Roy Acuff meets her one
time, he's crazy about her.
What about Mrs. Barnaby,
Hatcheck, and Woody Stone?
OK.
Mrs. Barnaby-- now, she's a
dried up old prune that don't
want a pretty girl around.
Now, Hatcheck's a warthog
if I've ever seen one.
I mean, Barbara Mandrell said
don't mess around with him.
You can't trust him.
I suppose you don't
believe Woody Stone either.
No, he's just like Hatcheck.
He wanted something from
her, she ain't gonna have it.
Chances are everything Woody
Stone told us is a lie.
Especially the part
about her going
to work over at Peg's Place.
Well, we'll soon find out.
You are a mess, JD.
We ain't getting
no place, Will.
So now we're just
going to nose around
and quit letting on
like we're detectives.
There's only one person
that mistook us for detectives
so far and that's you.
Great home, Peg.
A lot of class.
Well, thank you.
One thing I tell my
girls, girls, what
the customer expects is class.
And class is what
they're gonna get.
I send my girls to
department school.
They teach them to
behave like real ladies.
They just love me for it.
Oh, I can see they would.
Where are they?
Oh, well it's early yet.
They're still downtown.
Some of them are at
the hospital and some
at the Red Cross giving blood.
They're big on volunteer work.
But I think my Juliet
is around some place.
Look, what about Carla?
Carla Wade?
She doesn't work here anymore.
She quit just
before Thanksgiving.
My busiest time, the
ungrateful little--
but I'll see you're
both taken care of.
Juliet?
Juliet is a dear, sweet girl.
She looks on me like a mother.
Juliet, honey?
Would you mind coming
down here a minute?
What do you want?
I wanted you to meet
these two gentlemen.
Boys, this is Juliet.
I told you, Peg.
I ain't starting work till 8.
And I told you, honey.
You start when I tell you
or you're starting a cast.
Put 'em on, take 'em off.
Come right out in here,
boys, and have a seat.
Have a drink, and think about
what's in store for you.
Well, what'll it be?
Water.
Uh, about Carla?
Oh, forget about her.
If Carla's a five,
Juliet's a 10.
Here's your water.
Thank you, Miss Peg.
Did you know Carla's boyfriend?
He owes Will and me a
bunch of money, see.
She's got too many
boyfriends that you can count.
Well, the one we're interested
in is her regular boyfriend.
The one who's got a tattoo.
That creep?
Uh-huh.
Listen fellas, whatever
he owes you forget it.
And don't try leaning on him.
He's a hard case.
Did he do you dirty?
Well, we heard that he's the
one that brought Carla to you?
Brought her to me?
Nobody does that.
You know, I can't understand
why after she gets to the top
she'd give all this up anyway.
Well, most of them go
leave to get married,
so they can work for free
and wash diapers to boot.
But I never did
understand why Carla left.
Last time I talked her was
right here in this room.
Can I talk to you
for a minute, honey?
Oh, well, I'm--
Excuse us.
Your boyfriend's upstairs
chewing his nails.
Peg, um, do me a favor, OK?
Just-- just tell him I
haven't made up my mind yet.
Tell him I'll talk
to him tomorrow.
Listen honey, I don't
want to have no trouble.
Go up there and
get rid of him now.
And that was that.
That was the last I saw of her.
She just packed her
things and skedaddled.
Not even a thank you.
When did all this happen?
I can tell you exactly
because it was my birthday.
November the 20th.
Make yourself at home, fellers.
I heard you.
I heard you.
But I ain't going to do it.
You got to do it.
All right.
Well, promise me I don't
have to do anything
but dance or something.
Oh, you're a good talker.
You'll work it out.
Now, go to it, lover.
Have I really got to?
I've got to.
Come in.
Uh, excuse me, Ms. Peg.
Oh, well what can
I do for you, dear?
Well, it's like this.
Juliet is an awfully pretty
girl, but I've got this--
well, let's just say, I go
for more mature ladies, OK?
Especially if they're
as pretty as you.
And I was wondering if
you'll have a drink with me.
Just Just a drink, dear?
Well, I thought we'd
start with a drink.
Well, I don't usually
drink with my customers.
But I've got to admit, you
wake up my sleepy hormones.
You remind me of
my fourth husband.
Really?
He was a pistol.
A pistol?
He knew exactly what he wanted
and how to go about getting it.
Just the way you do.
Well now, why don't
you be my guest?
Where's you're friend?
Oh, well.
Will-- he ain't
as fussy as I am,
Peg, so he's upstairs availing
himself of the amenities.
[dial tone]
MAN (ON PHONE): Hello?
Hello?
Well, I finished my drink.
Now what did you have in mind?
Another drink.
Now, we don't buy
champagne by the glass.
We buy it by the bottle.
Well, it's $5 a shot.
Well, it's only money.
And that's one thing we
got plenty of, right?
You just bring out
another bottle of that.
Now, JD and I, we got to jump
in our Excalibur and leave,
but we'll be back.
Then you'll see how the
real big spenders operate.
You just keep the change.
Come on, JD.
I'll drive.
Oh, Ms. Peg.
If you should hear
from Carla's boyfriend,
you just tell him that we're
interested in seeing him.
We'd be much obliged, ma'am.
You're loco, that's
what's the matter with you.
Throwing money
around like you're
some kind of drunk sailor.
Stop running your mouth.
Dial this number.
Well, who is it?
That's Carla's number
one regular boyfriend.
About what he stole--
Dial the number, JD.
And shut up for a
change and listen.
Hello?
Hello?
Who is this?
That was Lonnie Grimes.
[music playing]
What makes you so sure
Grimes will show up anyway?
As soon as Peg tells him
how we've been splashing
money around he'll have to.
Why?
Because he'll
think it's his money.
What money?
Which-- you opened the package.
- I took a peak.
- All right.
Well, how much was in it?
I didn't count it.
Oh, come on.
Was there $10,000 in it?
More.
Well, $20,000?
$50,000?
More than $50,000?
$200,000.
Dollars?
Thereabouts.
Whoa, jeez.
I didn't know there was that
much money short of Fort Knox.
No wonder everybody
been trying to kill us.
Where'd you hide it?
Well, hi, there.
Hello.
It's nice to finally see you.
Well, it's good
to see you, Lonnie.
- JD, is it?
- Right.
You remember Will?
How's everything been going?
Just great.
Couldn't be better.
We're just surprised
to see you, that's all.
Oh, I'm just
passing through town.
I've got to get back
to my case in Memphis.
I thought I'd drop by
and get that package
you picked up for me.
What was in that
package, Lonnie?
Me and Will nearly got
killed over that thing.
OK.
I'm going to be
straight with you guys.
You level with me,
I'll level with you.
About what?
Well, you showed up here.
You told me you
were busted broke.
Just a few minutes ago, the
manager downstairs tells me
you're driving an Excalibur.
Well Lonnie, we was
broke when we got to town.
But see, we called
a banker and he sent
us some of our oil royalties.
Well, I'll be.
OK, Lonnie.
Since you're all for
leveling with one another,
I think it's your turn.
Yeah.
Why did you set us up?
Set you up?
What do you mean?
I must have missed something.
The only thing you
missed was getting
shot at, near blowed up.
Of course, I reckon that
didn't bother you seeing
as you had JD and me around.
Yeah.
A couple of yo-yos right into
town just fall in your lap.
You realize the leg work we
could've saved ourselves, JD?
We've been wandering
around six days from Sunday
trying to find Carla,
and all we had to do
was talk to her boyfriend here.
I underestimated you two.
Don't feel bad.
It happens all the time.
I did know Carla
but nothing heavy.
I met her on the rebound from
a fling with a big, big star.
Woody Stone.
She had it in her
head to make an album.
A client of mine was willing
to produce it if she'd
come up with the bucks.
And you told her how to do it.
Nobody had to
tell Carla anything.
She saw the only
way she was going
to make that kind of dough
was the way women have
made it for thousands of years.
I tried to talk her out of it.
I'll bet.
This is a small
town in a lot of ways.
Woody Stone found out
where Carla was working at
and went bananas.
He was waiting for her when
she came back to her apartment
one night.
I happened to call
about the album.
I knew she was in big
trouble right there.
I tore right over there.
WOODY: Carla, you can
come back with me now.
I want you to come back with me.
Carla?
CARLA: Woody, please.
Just get out of here.
I don't want you involved
when they find me.
WOODY: I am involved.
I love you.
Now--
CARLA: Woody, no!
[gun shot]
LONNIE: All I could think
of was that it would be
my word against Woody Stone's.
And guess how far
that would of got me?
He's close to being
a national monument.
I decided to clear out.
There didn't seem to be
anything else I could.
So go on.
What next?
I guess whoever cleaned up
the mess for Woody must have
been there all the time I was.
The next thing I
knew, he had hired
himself a professional
killer to knock me off.
That's why I left town.
Believe me, fellas.
I didn't realize you'd
get caught up in all this.
I guess your living
here and driving my car,
Woody's man must have
figured you was the ones
he's supposed to be after.
You really got the sharp
end of the stick, Lonnie.
Oh, you sure did.
I guess we owe you an apology.
Oh thanks, fellas.
What I need to do right
now is get that package
and get out of town.
That killer is
still on the loose,
and by now he knows
you're the wrong mark.
I'll get the package.
That Carla-- she was
something special, wasn't she?
Yeah, she was.
She must have been
like one of them
chameleons or something changing
colors all the time, you know?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Have you got it?
Have you got the money?
Yeah.
OK, look.
Let's just get
this over with, OK?
Put one of them on the line.
Hey, it's for you.
This is for you.
Thank you.
Hello?
Kate Harper.
This is Will.
Will, I-- I think I know
where Carla's body is.
You do?
Where?
Well, I wanted you
and JD to meet me there.
Do you think you could do that?
Sure can.
We'll meet you
there in 20 minutes.
You take care now.
Bye.
She says she knows
where Carla's body is.
Let's go.
You guys have
had enough trouble.
I'll come with you.
I'll follow in my car.
Oh, about your car--
Oh, I'm driving
a renter.
[music playing]
Do you believe all that
stuff Grimes been telling you?
My momma didn't
raise no idiots.
Well then how come you
give him all the money?
- It's a graveyard.
- Come on.
People hanging
out in graves here.
She said it was
around here someplace.
Well now, what was this about
your momma not raised no idiot?
Maybe just one.
It looks like we was expected.
I'm sorry about this, fellas.
I really am.
But you know too much for me to
be leaving you running around.
[gun shots]
You let them get away.
I don't care anymore.
I'm getting out of here.
Well, wait.
We don't have to.
I already took care of
Woody Stone's hired gun.
Now, all we have to do is
get rid of those two cowboys
and we're in the clear.
You get rid of them.
I'm splitting.
I'm getting as far away
from Nashville as I can.
And I'm going by myself.
What do you mean?
Just what I said.
You give me that.
I don't want to follow
me, do you hear me?
Lonnie, please.
Don't-- get out.
Lonnie?
Lonnie, please!
Howdy, Kate.
Wow.
Hey, don't-- get her--
what's good slapping.
I'm not-- Let's go, Carla.
[music playing]
Carla, I've been
listening to every word.
And all this time,
and I still can't
understand how you give it up.
I finally just had
to face the truth.
This town didn't want me.
Look, Nashville is
a town for insiders.
I was always going to be
on the outside looking in.
All these nobodies
with no talent.
Goony-looking girls
from the hills.
They were the ones who
were making it big.
I never would.
So after all
that, after Barnaby,
Hatcheck, Woody Stone,
and Peg's place,
you decided to cash it in?
I just decided to take what
I could, whatever I could,
and go somewhere
else and start over.
Maybe open a modeling school
or get a band together
and tour with it.
All of which takes
a lot of money, right?
Right.
And Lonnie had a way to get it.
It was his idea.
As soon as he
realized Woody Stone
would do anything
to get me back,
Lonnie came up with a plan.
Those things will kill you.
Sometimes I don't
care if it does.
Go on, Carla.
You were talking
about Lonnie's plan.
Well, it was simple really.
I just moved some of
my things out of here
and into a little apartment.
Then I called Woody and told
him I was going to kill myself.
Carla, you can
come back with me.
Now, I want you to come back.
Woody, please.
I don't want you here.
I don't want you involved
when the find me.
I am involved.
I am in love with you.
Woody, wait--
[interposing voices]
[gun shot]
The gun was
loaded with blanks.
Well after that, Lonnie
started blackmailing Woody
until Woody got sick
of paying and decided
to hire himself a killer.
That's when we came along.
Well, Woody didn't know
who the blackmailer was,
so he had the post
office staked out.
That's where he
picked up you two.
That's when I started to have
to pretend I was my own sister.
Look, it wasn't my idea.
You have to believe me.
I was just scared and desperate.
Makes sense to me.
Well, Lonnie's
got the money now.
He's got everything.
What he's got is a package
full of cut up newspaper.
Where's the money?
I got it safe.
And we're going to do our best
to straighten this out, Carla.
So why don't you go freshen up?
JD and I got some
planning to do.
You know, I knew the
first time I saw you
two that you were good people.
That's us, honey.
A couple of good
old, down home boys.
Good old, down home fool.
That's what you are, JD Reed.
What do you mean, being
taken advantage of?
She was in trying to get us
killed in the first place
for Pete's sake.
All right.
Well, where's the money?
I've been carrying it around
since the place got ransacked--
probably by Lonnie
Grimes, you know.
You've been walking around
with $200,000 in your boots?
I figured it's the
safest place for it.
Well Will Eubanks, you need
to be in an insane asylum.
OK, now.
Calm down.
I haven't got tied
up with you for--
Look, I said calm down.
OK.
Are you calm?
Yeah, I'm calm.
But I know a prayer to--
Just be still.
Calm?
Yes, I'm calm.
See the calm?
Look at the calm.
Now, listen.
Ever since we got here, folks
been trying to set us up.
We get an inch off being
killed five times over.
I'll tell you, JD, I'm
getting tired of it.
Well, that makes two of us.
There's three people
we got to take care of.
Lonny Grimes, Woody Stone,
and that gal in there.
And they do need
some taking care of.
That is for sure
and for certain.
There's some dead
bodies lying around,
but somebody is going to have
to do some paying for it.
Now, what we got
to do is set it up
so the right people
have to pay for it.
Oh.
You mean tie up the loose ends
like Buddy Ebsen and Jack Lore?
Right.
Great.
Well, how are you
going to do it?
I'll tell you how.
[phone ringing]
Yes?
Hi there, Mr. Stone.
Will Eubanks.
Remember me?
What do you want?
I understand you're
out some money.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about $200,000.
But if you don't want
it back, forget it.
Nice talking to you, sir.
Wait a minute.
You mean you can get
me the cash back?
Sure can.
What do I have to do?
Just go pick it up.
[phone ringing]
Carla?
No, Lonnie.
It's Will Eubanks.
You better never
turn your back, fella.
Because if it takes me 10 years,
I'm going to bury you both.
Oh, no.
Hold it down.
Don't work yourself into a fit.
We're willing to work
a trade with you.
Your money for our butts.
Where's the money?
All right, now
you take this down.
All right.
Go ahead.
You take care now.
Well, that about does it
I guess, except for the lady
back there.
You want to talk to her,
or do you want me to?
No, you handle it.
I've got another call to make.
[door knocking]
Come in.
Well, let's go, Carla.
You're going to turn
me in, aren't you?
Carla--
JD, look.
I have been used by every
person since I hit this town.
Please don't turn me in.
I deserve better than that.
I know you do.
I know you do.
And I promise you won't get
any more than you deserve.
You mean that, don't you?
Cross my heart.
Cross my heart, too.
You're too much.
Both of you.
Ain't that a fact.
[music playing]
LONNIE: I'll take that.
It's mine.
You're the creep that's
been blackmailing me.
Well, you're the creep that
hired the professional killer.
You're damn right, I did.
You try to get out of
here with this money--
No threats.
I got the gun, big star.
And if you spill
to the cops, I'll
tell them about your hit man.
What he did to Hatcheck--
that makes you an
accomplice to murder.
Put the gun on
the floor, Lonnie.
Carla?
You're alive?
Believe me, I'll use this.
I already killed
one man last night.
Now one more is not going
to make any difference.
Why don't you people
hold it right there?
JD: That's fine.
Hey, ain't we partners?
- I'm afraid so.
- All right.
Well, don't partners
make decisions together?
I guess.
Well, then why won't
you listen to my idea?
OK.
Let's talk about your idea.
Well, that's better.
But before we do,
I just want to tell
you I ain't going to stay
another sundown in Nashville.
Well, that's fine.
Let's go to New York.
What about Hollywood?
No, Hollywood's too far away.
Will, let's go to New York.
The rodeo is in New York.
We can make money.
If I wanted to
get my neck broke,
I'd of stayed on the ranch.
Well, how about Chicago?
How about Hollywood?
How about Kansas City?
I know this chick that
runs an escort service.
She'll put us both to work.
I ain't no gigolo, and I've
already been to Kansas City.
All right.
How about New Orleans?
You ain't never
been to New Orleans.
We can see the Mardi
Gras, eat them oysters.
The Mardi Gras is in February.
Let's go to Hollywood.
OK, OK, OK.
We'll go to Hollywood.
But first, let's stop fighting.
I can a job dealing.
You can get a job driving a cab.
Las Vegas ain't no place
to go when you're broke.
How about Detroit?
I ain't never built a car.
I'll tell you what, JD.
Let's just hop a freight west.
And wherever it takes us,
that's where we'll go.
OK.
I like that.
OK.
Now first thing we've got
to do is take this car back.
Well now, wait a minute.
I'm the one that
went to get the car.
The least you can do
it take the car back.
No.
You're a hard
man, Will Eubanks.
I try.
I'll tell you what,
we'll make a compromise.
You don't take it back
and I don't either.
Old JD's got a plan.
I don't want to hear about it.
JD: You're the best, Will.
You guys managed to do all
right in a mighty short time.
Well, some of us are
just born lucky, I guess.
Man, this is a car.
You know, when good
folks go to heaven,
this is what they're
got to be riding in.
- Is that freight pulling out?
- Right away.
Where's it headed?
West.
You want to look the
other way for a spell?
The next town might
not be so friendly.
You better keep it.
Now, get going.
Hey, I'll tell
you what you do.
Why don't you drive it
until it runs out of gas.
And then call the Excelsior
people, and tell them
we don't want it.
OK?
[music playing]
THEME SONG: I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose.
Honey, I'm breaking loose.
I'm breaking loose,
running free.
The open road keeps calling me.
And my soul is restless and
my feet just can't be still.
I don't know where
I'm bound, but I know
I'm bound to ramble around.
And chase to this whole
life until I've had my fill.
Well, ain't no telling where
tomorrow's gonna find me.
Maybe riding some old boxcar
or sneaking out in the rain.
I might strike it
rich in California,
then lose it all on the east
coast in a loaded poker game.
[inaudible] It don't matter
where I go or what I'm, doing,
because I plan to go and do
it all before I'm through.
Well, I'm gonna drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
Lookout, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
MAN: I'm going to have
to open at $5, boy.
MAN 2: All right.
Go.
Cards.
Give me one of your
better cards, please, sir.
DEALER: Card?
Give me two.
Check.
One.
Dealer two.
I'll be $20.
Your $20.
$50 more.
Call.
Well-- well, I'm light
$50, but I'm good for it, OK?
You ain't got it, get out.
Will, give me $50.
Nope.
Give me $50, Will.
Now listen to me JD, please.
The bus fare to Hollywood
is $62.80 and that
don't leave no gambling money.
Will, give me $50.
You want to walk
to California?
JD: Give me $50, Will.
Come on.
JD calls and JD has
got a full house.
A straight flush?
Yeah, I guess I got lucky.
Threw two cards
to straight flush?
That happens
sometimes, mister.
What about that card
between your feet?
Didn't you like that one?
Yeah.
I wonder how that got there.
Anytime you feel like jumping
in here and helping me out.
Sure.
You're doing just fine.
JD: Will!
Well, I thought you were
just going to let him kill me.
Hold it right
there, young fella.
Well, I don't guess
you've had enough, have you?
All right.
Do you want us to go out
and call the local sheriff?
Save yourself a dime.
Take the big one first.
[gun shots]
Wanna go back in there?
For what?
I don't know, but
I reckon he will.
Now, that just doesn't seem
like the smart thing to do, JD.
You mean we're going to
let him get away with that?
I didn't say that.
Come on.
[laughter]
Did you see the
face on that cowboy
when you drew the gun on him?
Yeah.
Run all the way to California.
What's your count now?
OK.
Let her rip.
[horn honking]
That's my wrecker.
They're taking my wrecker.
Knock off!
Knocking on it.
Come on, yes!
Woo-hoo.
[laughter]
[laughter]
All units.
All units.
Listen here, this is
the sheriff talking.
Come in.
Come in, anybody.
Come on.
RADIO: Come in, anybody.
All units.
This is the sheriff talking.
Ready, boss.
Bubba, I got two
warthogs on Route four
heading for the old
McDaniel site in a wrecker.
You stop them, you hear me?
You want I should
book them for speeding?
Speeding?
They've done an aggravated
assault on a police officer,
stole a vehicle,
damaged property,
destroyed county equipment,
and attempted murder.
Now, you block them out on
that road, do you hear me?
Yes, sir.
[music playing]
[police siren]
[laughter]
Won't that thing
go any faster?
Well, it will if I
can get it in gear.
[police siren]
There they are.
I'm going to shove
them one at a time
up that wrecker's exhaust pipe.
[police siren]
Hey.
Is that a siren I hear?
That or an air raid.
You don't think they've
got a [inaudible] us, do you?
Oh, no.
Probably having an
attack of conscience.
Want to give us our money back.
[police siren]
Hold in on them.
Hey, I hope you've got a
plan, JD, because I'm plum
out of ways to save your butt.
Aw, this is my plan, son.
[police sirens]
That's not a plan, brother.
Hang on.
[train whistle]
[laughter]
WILL: You ain't
out of the Cs yet?
No.
You still plan on reading all
the books in the encyclopedia?
Mm-hmm.
Well, you're going to be 80,
bald, and toothless by the time
you get through.
Maybe but there won't
be a smarter 80, bald, and
toothless old goat in America.
Well Will, I ain't
putting down your learning,
but there's a lot me and you
got to do with our lives, son.
We still got
several years left
before we're staring at 80.
I know.
But I mean a million things.
Man, we've got to
bull dog some steers
at Madison Square Garden.
Drive us an 18-wheeler
from Maine to Alaska.
We're going on them shrimp
boats down in Mobile bay.
Pour some steel up in Ohio.
Drink all the beer and
love all the women.
It's going take
a long time, son.
And even when we get
our gut-full, see--
we'll find a lady that
looks like Venus de Milo,
cooks like Mama, and
then we'll settle down
and have young'uns a piece.
What do you think?
We do half of that,
we won't live to be 80.
Yeah, but what a way to go.
I love it.
Hey.
[train whistle]
Well, this ain't at all the
way we had it planned, is it?
I mean, we was going to
leave that ranch in Montana,
and we're going to travel
all over the country.
We're going to see all places
we've ain't never seen.
Did you know there
was more than one
queen of Egypt named Cleopatra?
And the famous one, she was
all set to marry one brother
and she went and
poisoned another brother.
First stop, Hollywood.
Plenty of work, a
lot of sunshine.
Oranges right off the trees.
All them pretty
legs walking around.
Man, that Cleopatra--
she got this Anthony
to commit suicide
by making believe
she already killed herself.
Now, we ain't going west.
We're heading east.
And neither one of us
got the foggiest notion
where we're going.
And for your information, Will
Eubanks, we got $18.60 between
us and a vagrancy charge.
And I'm cold and hungry.
My stomach feel
like a gas factory.
Get the light out of my eyes.
I just wanted
to see the tears.
JD, come alive.
Huh?
Where are we?
We are where you want
your ashes scattered
when the grim reaper takes you.
Are you funning me?
Oh.
We're at the one place
you know more about
than any cowboy living or dead.
Hot damn.
We're in Nashville, Tennessee.
Music city, USA.
WILL: Oh, here comes trouble.
Morning, fellas.
Morning.
You want I should knock
your heads here or take
you someplace else to do it?
Well Will, I guess this
is the end of my dream, son.
But you tried, and
least I'll go out happy.
You see, mister, I'm a sick man.
And all I wanted to do was see
Nashville before I passed on.
You look pretty healthy to me.
Well, it's one of them-- it's
one of them creeping diseases,
you see.
It don't even show up till it's
ready to kill you stone dead.
I mean, how long did the doc
give me, Will, old buddy?
Six weeks?
- Right about that.
I got a notion
you'll outlive me.
But I admire a man who can
tell a lie as big as that
without blinking.
Now, get.
Well sir, a sick and
dying man should salute you.
You are a mess, JD.
Do you know that?
Yeah, but I naturally
got to charming.
Charm will not fill your gut.
Now, we better find a
YMCA, dump our gear,
and start looking for a job.
That's a good idea, but
first we got to call Lonnie.
Lonnie who?
Don't remember Lonnie Grimes?
Two weeks ago, Kansas
City, chiefs and a Viking?
He was drunk for two days, JD.
He won't remember us.
His exact words were, "if
you get to town, call me."
He gave me his phone number.
There it is.
People are always
saying that, JD.
And hoping you'll forget it.
The trouble with
you, Will Eubanks,
is you ain't got no faith.
Now give me a dime.
Let's find a phone.
No.
No.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
JD (ON PHONE): Uh,
hello, Lonnie Grimes?
Yep.
Uh, Lonnie, this is JD Reed.
Remember, you met me
and my buddy, Will,
at a football game
a couple weeks ago?
And, uh, you told us if we're
ever in town to call you,
and here we are.
Oh, we got blind for two days.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad you
remembered us, Lonnie.
Oh listen, I'm sorry I'm
going to miss you guys.
I'm going to be out of
town for a couple of days.
I got an idea, PJ.
No, no, no, no.
It's JD.
JD and Will.
Right.
Why don't you guys stay at my
place while I'm out of town?
I got a sweet little
'Vette you can drive, too.
Oh, well, that's great Lonnie.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh and listen, do
me a favor, will you?
Pick me up a package
while I'm gone?
JD (ON PHONE): I'd be glad to.
Yeah.
Well, take this down now.
JD (ON PHONE): Wait.
I'm writing it down.
Uh-huh.
OK.
Yeah, I got it.
I got it.
Thank you, Lonnie.
Now, you make yourself at
home and have a real good time.
OK.
Bye.
He didn't remember us.
Wrong.
Wrong.
As a matter of fact, he said
we can stay at his digs.
He's leaving town
for a few days.
And not only that,
we can use this car.
What's the catch?
No catch, my boy.
That's called
southern hospitality.
Now, he wants us to run
a little errand for him,
and then we'll
get on over there.
Come on let's, go.
Get your bag.
[music playing]
Well, good life, here we come.
Here.
Hold on to that.
I'll get the cab.
Cab.
Come on, you old fart.
OK.
They picked up the package.
[music playing]
What are you thinking?
Well, I'm thinking a shot
of B12, and four dozen horses,
and I'll just come down
here and kill myself.
What we've got to do
is we've got to get us
a couple of bathing suits and--
Ooh.
Ooh-wee.
Would you look at this.
Hey, Chief.
Where's the piano player?
- Shoot.
- I ain't believe it.
Look at that couch.
It'll take you all week to
sit on that thing, Will.
Shoot.
Lonnie done got
him a play house.
That's what Lonnie got.
Look at that kitchen, Will.
Where's the bedroom?
I want to see the bedroom.
JD, look what I found.
JD: Hey, come here
and look what I found.
This guy ain't even
use this encyclopedia.
Well, he's used this bedroom.
Come in here and look.
Now, you talk about
eating high on a hog.
Get a load of this.
Wow.
What do you think?
Hey, and look at this here bath.
Come here.
Look at this bathtub.
Shoot.
Do you believe in that?
Woo.
I'll toss you for
who goes first.
Will, you can get the Dallas
Cowboys in that bathtub,
or their cheerleaders,
or both of them.
I wonder where the
diving board is.
[door bell]
[door knocking]
[music playing]
[laughter]
Hello?
Hello, anybody home?
JD: Get in the bathtub.
I'm so sorry.
I rang the doorbell, but
no one answered and--
and it was open so--
- No harm done, ma'am.
- No.
No harm done.
Make yourself at home.
What can we do for you, huh?
I want you to help
me find my sister.
I don't rightly
understand, ma'am.
Well, I got a wire
last week saying
that my sister Carla had died.
And then when I got here, well--
no one here seems to know
anything about Carla.
Not the police,
or the hospitals,
or even the funeral home.
I mean no one.
There now, ma'am.
Don't cry.
I'm sorry.
It's just that we were so close.
I'm only a couple of
years older than Carla
and after our folks passed
away we sort of brought
each other up, you know?
Do you have sisters?
I don't know, ma'am.
Well, I haven't given up hope.
I-- I guess it
could be somebody's
idea of a cruel joke.
She was just so
sweet and trusting
and-- oh, I worried about
her when she came down here
to Nashville all by herself.
And now I just don't
know what to do anymore.
Ma'am?
Uh, Miss?
Mrs. Mrs. Harper.
Kate Harper.
Well, we sure do feel
for you, Mrs. Harper.
Ain't that right, JD?
But why are you
telling us all this?
Well, because a
private investigator
is my only hope now.
That seems like a
reasonable idea, ma'am.
But I still don't
know what you're--
Lonnie Grimes?
What's he do for a living?
Oh.
Kate-- that's why
he's out of town.
He's a private investigator.
Ma'am, we just ain't the
people you think we are.
No, the phone book said you
specialize in missing persons.
JD, could you
explain it to her?
Ma'am, I just got to
get out of this frock.
I feel stupid.
Excuse me.
What?
Explain what?
Well, uh-- you see,
Will is a sensitive man,
and it tears him up kind
of bad-- the way he cries.
What he wanted me
to tell you was--
KATE: Oh, please.
You've just got to help me.
Look, I've got $1,000 with
me, but I could get some more.
$1,000? $1,000?
Well then, I'm going to
listen to what you got to say.
[music playing]
Is this your sister?
Yeah.
KATE: I was always what
you'd call the brainy type.
But-- well, Carla had that
angel face and a sweetness
that went with it.
Well, I'm afraid it takes
a little more than good looks
to make it in the
music business, huh?
I mean, even Dolly
Parton's got to have
a voice to go with her--
you know, her good looks.
Well, Carla had a voice.
She had a real good voice.
She was only here a few months
before she got a demo record,
and then she won
an amateur contest,
and did some club dates.
And well, there was even some
talk about a record contract.
Then came that telegram
from the Barnaby man.
Barnaby?
Who's Barnaby?
Oh, he's the man who runs
the Country Music wax museum.
That's where Carla
worked for a while
when she first got into town.
I called over there.
Talked to his wife.
She said he never
even sent a telegram.
She hung up on me.
I called back three times.
Three times she hung up on me.
But I can give
you another $1,000
just as soon as you find
out what happened to her.
Well, I'll tell you what.
We'll do everything
we can possibly do.
Now, you go back
to your hotel room
and you relax,
and we'll call you
if we come up with anything.
OK?
- OK.
- OK.
JD, um, you will hold onto
that picture, won't you?
It's the only one I got.
I sure will.
Now you take care now.
- OK.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye bye.
Thank you.
JD, come see this.
- What is it?
- Look at this.
Why would a fella
be doing the set
up like this in his bedroom?
Well-- the trouble with you,
Will Eubanks, is you've led
too sheltered a life.
Now get your clothes on.
We've got some work to do.
What kind of work?
Well, we're going to help
that poor girl find her sister.
Why should we?
That's why.
You shouldn't of told
her we're detective, JD.
It ain't honest.
What, a $1,000 and all we got
to do is find out what happened
and we get another $1,000?
But we ain't detectives.
Well, neither is
Jack or anybody else.
But I bet you they pay him
$100 a day to pretend they are.
JD, you're going to end
up filthy rich or in jail.
Look, we ask a
couple of questions.
We'll get a couple answers.
We find out what happens.
Miss Harper goes back
to New York happy.
Well, at least not
quite as unhappy.
Now, where's the car?
Wow.
I'm looking for Grimes.
Holy smoke, look at that.
Shoot.
Where are we going?
To the Wax Museum, my boy.
[music playing]
You tell everybody
we're detectives.
That's a lie.
It ain't no lie.
It's a fib.
There's a big difference.
Everybody fibs.
I don't if I can help it.
Well, you can't help
it, so come on now.
And don't worry.
Politicians fib all time,
and they run the country.
And that's George
Jones, and that's--
Will, that's-- that's him.
Howdy.
Are you the manager?
The manager?
No.
That ain't the manager.
That's the king of
country music, Will.
Now, Mr. Acuff--
- Yeah.
- My name is JD Reed--
- JD.
And this is my
friend, Will Eubanks.
And boy, I can't tell you
how tickled I am to see you.
This is a pleasure
meeting you, gentlemen.
Both of you.
Where do you think we ought
we to put this, Mr. Acuff?
Just lay it down on the
little bench there, darling.
That'll be all right.
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'd like to talk to the manager.
What about?
About Carla Wade.
Is that the little blonde
that used to work with you?
Well, she's a lovely lady.
My husband's in his office.
He's right back though there.
Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, Will.
Mr. Acuff, could I
have your autograph?
Sure you can.
You've got a paper?
No, sir.
But you can just
write in my hat there.
Oh, I and write in the hat.
Sure.
I've written in them before.
Now you know I've
got one of your yo-yos?
You left it on the stage
in Pawnee, Oklahoma.
Pawnee, Oklahoma?
I won it from a
dude in a crap game.
Did you?
I turned down $40 for it.
- $40?
- I sure did.
Listen, if there's
anybody else out there
that wants a yo-yo
for $40, me and you
are going into business.
I'll get you a whole
truckload of them things.
All right.
So you got the deal.
I'm here to tell you, Carla
was one of the finest, sweetest
kids you'd ever hope to see.
Was?
I mean, when she
was here she was.
I suppose she still is.
Then how come you sent
that telegram to her sister?
What telegram?
I didn't even know
she had a sister.
JD, this Mr. Barnaby.
He remembers Carla.
Thinks a lot of her.
Hello, Mr. Barnaby.
So did Roy.
How did Carla come to leave?
She had it in the
head to be a star.
Had to be.
But while she worked here she
sold tickets, helped my wife
with the wax figures,
helped me with the books--
that sort of thing.
But Carla decided to
move along after she
made that demo record.
Now, did you have
a chance to hear it?
I hoped to tell you.
The fact of the matter is she
is such as treasure, my wife
and I set up a session for her.
Sort of like a
present, you know.
[music playing]
Here's a copy.
She was a pretty thing.
That morning she got
herself all decked out.
And she stood there
in that studio
just like an angel child.
[music playing]
[singing] Make it
through the night.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
MR. BARNABY
(VOICEOVER): You'd of
thought we'd given her a
million dollars instead
of that little bit
that session cost.
Oh, you angel.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Oh listen, if anything comes
of this, I owe it to all of you
two.
A week later, she
just up and quit.
Hadn't seen her since.
For a while, she'd
call me my wife.
And then we stopped hearing.
Do you have any idea
where we could find her?
No.
But if you do, you tell her
she's got friends that would
like to see her, you hear?
You mind if we hold on to it?
- It's yours.
- Thank you, Mr. Barnaby.
You've been a real help.
Thank you.
Well, I see he
gave you her demo.
Yes, ma'am.
Did he tell you what a sweet,
virginal little saint she was?
He seemed right fond of her.
Well, that's where
you're smarter than I was.
You could tell how he felt about
her right off, couldn't you?
I had to walk in on that
record session to find out.
She was a tramp--
that's what she was.
A two-faced, hypocritical
little tramp.
[music playing]
[singing] Make it
through the night.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
Let me be your baby.
Tell me it'll be all right.
MRS. BARNABY
(VOICEOVER): A friend
of mine told me my
husband had put up
$1,000 for that demo session.
Baby doll, you were terrific.
I'm going to make you the
biggest star in this here town.
And I'm going to do
a few things for you,
too, you animal.
MRS. BARNABY; I came down
there too late to stop it,
but in time to catch them.
I fired her on the spot.
Ma'am, you ain't exactly
tell it like your husband.
My husband is a damn liar.
You know, Will, I don't
believe a word that woman said.
Do you believe her husband?
Well, no.
Not necessarily.
But Roy Acuff liked
her, and I'd believe him
if he said the world
was going end tomorrow.
[music playing]
[gun shots]
[car honking]
WILL: You see who's
place we tore up?
JD: Yeah.
Well, look at it this way.
We don't have to call the cops.
[music playing]
[music playing]
Lt. Blocker, we
ain't bums or nothing.
We're just a couple
of guys from Montana
who've dreamed all our life
about coming to this town.
About seeing all this
beautiful country and
these down-home friendly folks.
We love Nashville.
As a matter of fact,
I was telling Will--
Don't try conning me, mister.
You're talking to the wrong man.
I'm from Philadelphia.
I'm not from Nashville.
And the only reason I'm
here is because my girl
is married here, and I
don't like their husbands.
And I don't like country music.
And I don't like
southern accents.
Well, no offense.
I--
Or good old boys, or
grits, or moonshine.
But most of all, I don't like
concrete cowboys that drift
from town to town raising hell.
I'm going to lock you up.
Huh?
I don't think the law
will let you lock us up,
if you don't mind my saying so.
Listen, I know what the law
will or will not let me do.
You can show me the law we
just broke, OK, you lock us up.
But don't forget the
doctrine of culpability.
Hey, that sounds
like a good one.
Tell him what that means.
WILL: It relates to
a situation where
a person confronted by
overwhelming pressure
makes a choice
between two evils.
You mean, like should
we get ourselves shot
or should we run
into a wall, right?
That's right.
A man cannot be held
punishable should his
life or liberty be in jeopardy.
It's all there in the C's.
Civil, common, criminal law.
He's into C's now.
It's all this
pressure on his mind.
Get out of here, and
make sure I don't ever
see either one of you again.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
I don't know why you want to
go honky tonking, Will Eubanks,
but it's fine with me.
Let's [inaudible] this
picture again, will you?
All right.
And what do you see?
An awful pretty girl.
No, behind her.
The sign.
Alley Cat Amateur night, right?
Right.
And where are we?
We're in Fray's Alley.
What's that sign say?
Alley Cat Club.
Oh, right.
I'll make a detective
out of you yet.
Come on.
Oh, saw it, son.
Hey, well, Ray Stevens
is here tonight.
[applause]
[music playing]
[singing] Yeah,
they come down Main
Street drums a-flailing and
sirens a-wailing-- what a roar.
Bands are a-playing,
and flags are a-waving,
and the vanguards
and motorcycles go.
Clowns looked around
into the crowd
and pinching every pretty
girl who dares to smile.
It's a glorious mess.
Everybody wears a fez.
The parade stretches
out for a while.
It's a typical
American phenomenon
where all the members
have a fine old time.
It's the 43rd Annual Convention
of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
of the noble job, the Ali
Baba Temple of the Shrine.
[laughter]
Hello, operator?
Give me room 321, please.
Thank you.
Hello?
Noble Lumpkin?
This is the
illustrious potentate.
I said, it's the
illustrious potentate.
The illustrious-- Coy!
Dad blame it, this is Bubba.
[laughter]
Why ain't you at the parade?
What?
How's you'd get that thick
Harley up there in your room?
[laughter]
[singing] Well,
it was all erased
by the Ladies Auxiliary in
the downtown convention hall.
Cold roast beef, string beans,
mashed potatoes, and nine
boring speeches and all.
And all the tables looks fine
with the Mogen David wine
and chrysanthemums on each side.
And the Hahira leaders,
in their rented tuxedos
made the local hearts
swell with pride.
It's a typical
American phenomenon
where all the members
have a fine old time.
It's the 43rd Annual Convention
of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
or the Noble's Heart the Ali
Baba Temple of the Shrine.
Meanwhile back at the motel.
Hello, operator.
Room 320.
How'd you know?
Oh.
Hello, McCoy?
Where have you been?
[laughter]
No, you wasn't at the meeting.
Well, I found out that at
3 o'clock this morning, you
was out there in the
hotel swimming pool,
and you threw the looms
with a bunch of them
waitresses from the
cocktail lounge.
How is old Charlene going to
find out about this, McCoy?
Who's that talking in
the background, McCoy?
Hello, operator?
Operator?
Please cut out.
Room 321.
[applause]
He sings pretty good.
Oh boy, am I hungry.
Sings pretty good?
That was Ray Stevens,
the Ray Stevens.
Ray who?
Oh, will you do me a favor?
While you're in the C's, read
up on some country music,
would you?
You're embarrassing me.
Well, you better
pay less attention
to what you call it up there
and more attention the trouble
we're in.
Somebody tried to kill us.
Maybe.
Maybe somebody just mistook
us for somebody else.
Did you ever thing about that?
Yeah.
Or maybe somebody don't want
us to find out about Carla.
Well, now that's dumb.
Carla's dead.
Yeah, but how did she die?
Do you think she was murdered?
That's something we won't
know till we find out.
Right.
Oh.
Oh, Mr. Stevens, can I
have your autograph please?
Why, sure.
Glad to.
Here.
Who shall I make this out to?
Well, I'm JD, and this
is my friend Will here.
JD, Will.
How you doing?
How are you?
All right.
Ray, super show.
Hey.
Thanks, hon.
Great.
I appreciate you coming.
Oh, I planned to be here.
Barbara Mandrell, JD and Will.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, we're in a
heap of trouble here.
Why?
Well, Ms. Mandrell, I'm
going to have to go home,
and I'm going to have to
tell some friends of mine
that I spoke to you in person.
And when I do, one of them
is going to call me a liar.
And when he does, I'm going
to hit him in the mouth.
And it's going to be
the awful-est fight.
Then that's going to get
Will here in a fight.
He's just angling for
an autograph, ma'am,
to prove he knows you.
Let me give him one.
I certainly wouldn't want to
be responsible for any brawls.
Listen, I've got to go change.
Barbara, I'll see you
at your table later.
- OK, Ray.
- Nice meeting you guys.
Ray, great show.
Nice meeting you Ray.
You fellas here on a visit?
Well, no.
Actually, we are
private detectives.
Actually we're helping this
girl we know find her sister.
Any chance you seen her?
Will, this is
Barbara Mandrell.
She does not work
talent show, OK?
My buddy here is pretty
good at detecting
but he ain't from nothing
about country music.
Now me, I got every
record you ever made.
Hey, I've seen this
girl right in here.
There was an amateur
contest and she won it,
and the prize was appearing
one night with me.
Carol, I think was her name.
Carla.
Carla Wade.
Yeah.
The man that can
tell you about her
runs this Wax Museum down here.
Barnaby is his name.
Oh, no.
No, we've already talked to him.
He hadn't seen her
since she left-- what?
Three months ago.
Well, the night she
sang with me he was there.
She was good, too.
Not polished but a lot of
promise and a really nice girl.
He was giving her a hassle
back in the dressing room,
and the management had
the cops throw him out.
You know what the
argument was about, ma'am?
Well, as near as
I could make out,
he was really hopping
mad because she
was coming on to this
awful dude, Joe Hatcheck.
Looks like we ought to
talk to this Hatcheck guy.
Well, if you do,
you watch yourselves.
He smiles a lot,
but he's a killer.
He's mean.
He's into a lot of things
and most of them are crooked.
Like what, ma'am?
Well, for one
thing, I've heard
that he runs a floating
crap game where
nobody comes out a winner.
Oh, well now,
where would somebody
find that floating crap game?
Well, I don't know
anything about dice,
but my steel guitar player does.
In fact, he's into about three
months salary worth of dice,
and he lost it on
the Cumberland Queen.
[MUSIC - A TASTE OF HONEY,
"BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE"]
[singing] If you're thinking
you're too cool to boogie.
Oh boy, have I got news for you.
Everybody here
tonight to boogie.
Let me tell you.
The groove is going
to get you, too.
Hey, this is
going to be great.
Not for me, it ain't.
What's wrong?
I get seasick.
On a boat tied to the dock?
I get seasick in a bathtub.
Let's find Hatcheck
and get this over with.
[music playing]
[interposing voices]
[interposing voices]
Well, now I know what they
mean by a floating crap games.
Where are you going?
Well, I'm going to take this
money we've got left here,
and I'm going to go down
there and get in that game,
and turn this into a
small river bottom farm,
because dice is my long suit.
Last time I heard, poker
was your long suit, son.
I feel lucky tonight.
The lucky guy in that game is
the one that don't get his legs
broke.
Mr. Hatcheck?
This dude faded $500.
He hasn't got it.
He wants to leave
his marker with us.
I don't take markers.
Take his watch and his
rings, and throw him out.
[interposing voices]
Oh, you fellas are just
in town a couple of days
and you've already
located the action, huh?
To tell you the truth, action
ain't what we're looking for--
it's answers.
And so far, they've
been pretty hard to get.
I run a game, fella--
not an information desk.
Well, you knew Carla
Wade, and we want to find
out what happened to her.
Do you see how healthy I am?
Mm-hmm.
Well, it's not from jogging.
It's from minding
my own business.
This is our business.
Come on, pal.
I know every cop in this town.
You ain't no cop.
Well, let's just say
there's some dudes up
in New York City
got a big interest
in what happened to Carla, OK?
And they're dudes
with a lot of muscle.
You dig?
Look, I don't know
what happened to her.
But I'll tell you something,
whatever it is I hope it's bad.
She is no good, blood sucking--
look, all I know is
she got what she wanted
out of me and my contacts.
A few introductions, some club
dates, a couple commercials.
And I talked to
this friend of mine
who owed me a few favors
to let her hostess
the disk jockey convention.
And she meets Mr. Superstar.
Who's the superstar?
Do you got a problem
here, Mr. Hatcheck?
HATCHECK: No, that's all right.
These-- these fellas were sent
in by some heavy characters
from New York.
Well, they totally
looked out topside.
They were tourists from Montana.
You want to explain that?
Yeah.
Number one, what's
wrong with Montana?
Number two, me and my buddy
Will here visiting Opryland.
And my godfather in New York
sent us some orders, you dig?
Why don't you find out
what these folks really want
and drop them off
at the hospital?
JD?
Did you got them?
I'm here to help you out, son.
I'm glad my
insurance is paid up.
Hold it.
This is a bust.
Uh-oh.
That's the guy that
don't like cowboys.
Come on.
Hey, I wonder how the
police knew we was in trouble.
Maybe they heard it from
your godfather in New York.
[music playing]
Hey, Hatcheck.
He's stealing our car.
[explosion]
[music playing]
Morning.
You're just the
man we want to see.
We've got a serious complaint
we want to put on record.
I spent the last four hours
trying to find something to bid
on you two and make it stick.
But since you weren't in the
game, the DA won't charge you.
Well, that's only fair.
I'm warning you.
Either you two get
out of Nashville,
or I'm going to find a
way to have your hides.
Now, that's our
serious complaint.
You've been spending
a lot of energy
trying to pin something on us.
Yeah.
And we think your time would
be better spent on protecting
innocent citizens in Nashville.
We've been shot at,
beat up, somebody tries
to blow us up on the same day.
Heck, there's more violence
here than in the whole state
of Texas with New York
City and Detroit thrown in.
Let them out.
Out!
Get out!
- Thanks for the hospitality.
- Yeah.
And just be glad we
ain't taxpaying citizens.
First off, I'm
going to take me
one of them sexy bubble baths.
You do that while I
throw us up some eggs, OK?
If I didn't know
any better, I'd think
Lt. Blocker had been here.
Well, what they looking for?
Beats the hell out of me.
Hey, the package.
The one we picked up
for Lonnie Grimes.
Maybe.
- Well, did they get it?
- Nope.
I hid it good.
Shoot.
Will, you reckon we
ought to call the cops?
JD, that fight last night
must of scrambled your brain.
[phone ringing]
Phone.
Where's the phone?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, Lonnie.
Yeah, how you doing?
I'm calling you from Memphis.
I just wanted to
check on you boys
and make sure you're
enjoying yourselves.
Oh, we're enjoying ourselves.
Oh, by the way,
did you remember
to pick up that package for me?
Right.
Picked up the package.
Put away safe.
Good thing, too, Lonnie.
Because we come in here a
minute ago, and somebody
has just ransacked your place.
Now, don't worry
about it though.
We'll clean it up.
We'll take care of everything.
Yeah.
Well, we'll see you.
All right.
Well, he sends his best, Will.
What did he say about
his place getting tore up?
Not much.
You know, maybe in
his line of work,
his digs get tore
up all the time.
I don't know.
I wonder what's in
that package of his.
I don't know.
You want to look?
We're guests in his house.
It hardly seems the thing to do.
You know, I
could of asked him.
What you should
of asked him is what
a real detective does when
he's been worked over the way
we've been.
Well, Kojak will probably just
keep on sucking on his sucker.
Perry Mason would probably talk
to Della for a day and a half.
I said, real detective, JD.
Now, a real detective would
have given up the case
and shagged on out of here
before he got his head broke.
You know what's
bugging me, Will?
Now, we ask a few
questions about Carla,
and me and you are
darn near killed.
But now Kate's been asking
questions all over this town
before she ever got to us.
You're right.
That lady could be in
more trouble than we are.
We'd better go warn her.
Come on.
[music playing]
I mean, if we're going to
do it, let's do it right.
You ain't seen a couple
of hot shot detectives
go riding around on the bus.
Yeah.
Well, if I see any
hot shot detectives,
I'll tell them that.
[music playing]
Excuse me.
We called a little while
ago about Ms. Kate Harper.
Do you know if she
got our message?
No, sir.
She didn't.
I'll try her room for you.
Thank you.
Sorry, gentleman.
No answer.
Well, sir.
I guess since we're here, we
ought to mess around a while
until she comes in.
Ma'am.
Thank you.
Son, I could spend
a week right here.
Opryland.
Opryland.
Yeah.
The Opry is right
across the road.
Have you ever been to Opry?
No.
Boy, you'll love it.
I'll bet there's 50
stars within a half mile
of us right this minute.
And all of them just
panting, waiting for you to ask
them to sign an autograph.
Will, suppose-- now
just suppose they got her.
Who?
Kate.
She's just out.
You know, maybe
shopping or something.
Yeah or maybe she's laying
up there in a pool of blood.
Where are you going?
Up to Kate's room.
Do you mind?
Come on.
(WHISPERING) Here's the room.
OK.
(WHISPERING) There.
You satisfied?
No pool of blood.
(WHISPERING) Well, they
could of took the body away.
(WHISPERING) You've always
been a little daft, JD.
But now, you're just
plumb out of your gourd.
(WHISPERING) Well, why don't
we just go in there and look?
Ow.
Where did you learn that?
(WHISPERING) Watergate.
Watergate That starts
with a W. I thought
you were still in the C's.
We're already
breaking and entering.
I'm not going have
no part in digging
into somebody's
private belongings.
Well, we ain't
going to find out
any clues as to what happened to
her by just staring at the lid.
Nothing's happened to her
except maybe in your messed
up head.
Well, a detective has just got
to take chances where he works.
Get out of the way.
[music playing]
THEME SONG: I'm breaking
loose, running free.
The open road is calling me.
Well, my soul is restless, and
my feet just can't be still.
I don't know where
I'm bound, but I
know I'm bound to ramble around
and taste of this of old life
until I've had my fill.
Now, there ain't
no telling where
tomorrow's due to find me.
Maybe riding some old boxcar
or sleeping in the rain.
I might strike it
rich in California,
then loose it all on the east
coast in a loaded poker game.
Mama, it don't matter where
I go or what I'm doing.
Because I plan to go and do
it all before I'm through.
Well, I'm going to drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great big
piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
Well, I'm going to drink all
the beer, love all the girls,
see a great big
piece of this world.
Look out, this cowboy's
breaking loose.
JD?
Did it ever enter that
knot head of yours
that we don't know what
the devil we're doing?
We are solving our case,
that's what we're doing.
Look here.
I found this in Kate's suitcase.
Now, she should have
given us this up front.
Because this is a song
and it was specially
written by Woody Stone.
And look what it
says right there.
"To my sweet Carla from
the one who loves you
more than life."
And that's Woody's
name right down there.
Woody who?
Woody is probably the
biggest, the most famous,
the most important country
star there ever was--
that's who Woody is.
And he was in love with Carla.
Well, I guess if we're
going to get this over,
we might as well just go
on up there and see him.
You don't just
go up and see him.
He's got agents, he's
got managers, bodyguards.
You could see the
president easier.
Look, we're just going
to go out to his place.
Ring the bell.
Will, would you just get
on reading your encyclopedia?
Because the truth
of the matter is you
are about 10 volumes away from
being more than plain dumb.
And until you get to the
D's, you probably ain't
going to know what dumb is.
Dumb?
I'll tell you what dumb is.
Dumb is ending up in Nashville
instead of Hollywood.
Dumb is pretending
we're detectives.
Dumb is driving somebody else's
car into a police station.
Dumb is spending
the night in a tank.
And dumb is looking for a pool
of blood where there ain't one.
That's what dumb is.
Well, I never
said I was perfect.
But hey, Will, I got an idea.
Go on.
No!
Well, it could get
us to see Woody Stone.
No!
Will, don't say no until
you hear what I got to say.
I don't want to
hear your argument.
I ain't going to
have no part of this.
Will you trust me?
I am just going to stay
here outside and wait
for the police to come.
And when they do, I'm going
to laugh fit to die when they
haul you off to Lt. Blocker.
Just trust me--
And when he hangs you by
your tongue from the city hall
flagpole, I'm going to
wait down below just
to claim your ornery body.
[car honking]
SALESMAN: Good day, sir.
Oh howdy, neighbor.
Is there something I
can do to assist you?
Well, no.
I reckon it is more of what
I can do to assist you,
my good man.
You see, I work for a gentleman
called Will Eubanks the Fourth.
Now, he's got four boys.
And when he buys
something for one of them,
well, he has to buy
it for all of them.
You know, give them all an oil
well a piece when he was born,
you know.
And so now Will wants
to buy all his boys
one of these here Excelsiors.
One each?
That's what he said.
Four Excaliburs-- no.
Actually, he wants give.
He wants one for himself.
But there's some things we
got to wig out here first.
Now, does this-- does this work?
Everything works.
Well, but Will ain't never had
him no custom made car before.
So JD said to me--
he says, you make
sure everything works
before you ever sign the check.
I understand that.
Remember, this is an Excalibur.
Right.
And that's what he
wants-- an Excalibur.
And I figure I can judge
this pretty good driving
it the next couple days.
Your references, sir?
The banks are closed
for the weekend.
Oh, the banks.
Yeah, the banks.
Old Wilbur got
four banks himself.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
Look, you hold off
detailing another car
until you get the paperwork OK.
I'll try this one out.
And when I come in Monday,
we'll sign the papers.
How's that?
SALESMAN: You will be
careful of her, sir?
Just like she was my own.
[car honking]
I'll give you this, JD.
You could start with a toothpick
and end up with a lumber yard.
[music playing]
Hey, my good man.
We're delivering this
car to Mr. Stone.
It's a present from his
band out in Montana.
OK.
Up the drive and park it.
Thank you, sir.
Fellas, I agreed to
see you because anybody
with the imagination to
bring that car up to my place
and convince my people
it's a gift for me--
well, they deserve
a little attention.
I told you he was a sport.
Didn't I tell you?
I'm sorry I can't help you.
This girl you're looking
for-- what's her name?
Carla Wade.
Yeah.
I don't know her.
And to my recollection,
I never did.
I've got some recording to
do in the studio out back.
You guys can find
your way out, huh?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
You betcha.
Sing it.
[singing] Every night I go
down to the same little joint.
Fill up my glass
till I've reached
a point past remembering.
OK.
Where'd you get the song?
It don't matter.
What matters is that
you wrote it for Carla.
Yeah, I did.
Want a drink?
- I'll pass.
Thank you.
Thank you.
What do you fellas
have to do with Carla?
WILL: She's dead.
We want to find out why.
Carla's dead?
You want to tell us about her?
Sure.
It doesn't make any difference
now that Carla's gone.
She was one of those
girls who thought
it was an honor to
be a hostess when
the celebrities came to town.
That's what she was doing at
the disk jockey's convention.
Ended up at my table.
Mr. Superstar.
Yeah, I guess.
For a while, that was
good enough for her--
Woody Stone's girlfriend.
I took her on the concert tours,
took her to recording studios,
took her to parties.
There was something in that
girl just wouldn't let her rest.
I mean, being with a star
wasn't quite like being a star.
But, uh, she had talent.
She had a pretty face
and a sensational body,
that's what she had.
And a voice as good
as a lot of big names.
But she didn't
understand the lyrics.
She didn't know what they meant.
She didn't-- she didn't
love the audience.
Well, she didn't love
anybody, I suppose.
Except this picture she had of
herself as a rich, famous star
that she was going to become.
So, uh, you chucked her out.
Oh, no.
I didn't.
I wish it had been that way.
I was just sitting down
for supper one night
and she came through the door.
I couldn't do it, honey.
I'm sorry.
You didn't even try, did you?
I asked them to do
an album with you.
I even promised them that
I'd write a couple of songs.
You asked them?
Why-- why didn't
you threaten them?
Look, you're they're
biggest star.
They'll do anything for you.
You sell millions
of records for them.
Honey, they're my friends.
They brought me along when
I was first starting out.
You don't want me
to make it, do you?
All you ever want me to be
is just your little playmate.
Now honey, you know
better than that.
You got to have patience.
It takes time.
Look, I know guy who's
got a club in Atlanta.
You could--
- I know.
I know.
And you have a friend who
has a club in Charlotte.
And you have a friend who
has a club in Knoxville.
And I have worked my buns
off in those dingy holes
three shows a night
for $400 a week.
But you know you don't
have to do it for money.
I'll give you anything you want.
Don't you understand?
All I want is an album.
That's all I've
ever asked you for.
That's all I've ever
asked you to do for me.
And what do you do about it?
Nothing.
All right.
No, there is not going
to be any more tomorrow.
Not with you.
I am sick to death of watching
these no-talent hicks make it
while I'm just sitting
around in your shadow.
And you want to
know something else?
I am sick to death of
sleeping in an old man's bed.
I'm getting out tonight--
right now.
And that's just what she did.
I never saw her again.
I heard that she--
well, never mind.
No, no, no.
Go on, please.
Well, I heard stuff I
didn't want to believe.
Believe what, sir?
That she met this
guy, Mr. Smooth.
You know, no good
written all over him.
Tattoos, all that.
He got her to work
at Peg's Place.
He did that all the time.
Did what?
Recruited girls
for Peg's Place.
You mean Peg's Place is a--
It's what we call
a good-time house.
It's off Murphy's railroad.
I can't believe it.
Well, I didn't
want to believe it,
so I finally just stopped
thinking about it.
And that's really all
I can tell you guys.
I'm sorry.
I appreciate you
laying her on the line.
Well, once she had the
goods on me about that song,
I didn't have much
choice, did I?
Well, good luck to you.
- Thanks.
- And goodbye.
Yes, thank you, sir.
Oh, and thank you.
Peterson.
Those two cowboys
are the wrong guys.
But they're the ones who--
I don't care.
You near killed wrong guys.
That means that whoever we're
after is out there someplace.
Follow those two.
Maybe they'll Lead
us to whatever
it is we're looking for.
[music playing]
LYRICS: Let me be your baby.
OK, partner.
Want to tell me
what's ailing you?
JD?
Well, we got to find out
what happened to that girl.
We found out a lot already.
Ain't' much of it good, either.
I mean, look at her eyes.
Go on and look at her eyes.
Now, she should be happy.
She just won a contest.
I mean, she smiling, but her
eyes are sad like she's hurting
inside or something, you know?
Well, that could be.
But after what those
people told us--
Now, Kate knew her
better than anybody.
Kate says she's a
decent, sweet girl.
Barnaby said she
she's a treasure.
Roy Acuff meets her one
time, he's crazy about her.
What about Mrs. Barnaby,
Hatcheck, and Woody Stone?
OK.
Mrs. Barnaby-- now, she's a
dried up old prune that don't
want a pretty girl around.
Now, Hatcheck's a warthog
if I've ever seen one.
I mean, Barbara Mandrell said
don't mess around with him.
You can't trust him.
I suppose you don't
believe Woody Stone either.
No, he's just like Hatcheck.
He wanted something from
her, she ain't gonna have it.
Chances are everything Woody
Stone told us is a lie.
Especially the part
about her going
to work over at Peg's Place.
Well, we'll soon find out.
You are a mess, JD.
We ain't getting
no place, Will.
So now we're just
going to nose around
and quit letting on
like we're detectives.
There's only one person
that mistook us for detectives
so far and that's you.
Great home, Peg.
A lot of class.
Well, thank you.
One thing I tell my
girls, girls, what
the customer expects is class.
And class is what
they're gonna get.
I send my girls to
department school.
They teach them to
behave like real ladies.
They just love me for it.
Oh, I can see they would.
Where are they?
Oh, well it's early yet.
They're still downtown.
Some of them are at
the hospital and some
at the Red Cross giving blood.
They're big on volunteer work.
But I think my Juliet
is around some place.
Look, what about Carla?
Carla Wade?
She doesn't work here anymore.
She quit just
before Thanksgiving.
My busiest time, the
ungrateful little--
but I'll see you're
both taken care of.
Juliet?
Juliet is a dear, sweet girl.
She looks on me like a mother.
Juliet, honey?
Would you mind coming
down here a minute?
What do you want?
I wanted you to meet
these two gentlemen.
Boys, this is Juliet.
I told you, Peg.
I ain't starting work till 8.
And I told you, honey.
You start when I tell you
or you're starting a cast.
Put 'em on, take 'em off.
Come right out in here,
boys, and have a seat.
Have a drink, and think about
what's in store for you.
Well, what'll it be?
Water.
Uh, about Carla?
Oh, forget about her.
If Carla's a five,
Juliet's a 10.
Here's your water.
Thank you, Miss Peg.
Did you know Carla's boyfriend?
He owes Will and me a
bunch of money, see.
She's got too many
boyfriends that you can count.
Well, the one we're interested
in is her regular boyfriend.
The one who's got a tattoo.
That creep?
Uh-huh.
Listen fellas, whatever
he owes you forget it.
And don't try leaning on him.
He's a hard case.
Did he do you dirty?
Well, we heard that he's the
one that brought Carla to you?
Brought her to me?
Nobody does that.
You know, I can't understand
why after she gets to the top
she'd give all this up anyway.
Well, most of them go
leave to get married,
so they can work for free
and wash diapers to boot.
But I never did
understand why Carla left.
Last time I talked her was
right here in this room.
Can I talk to you
for a minute, honey?
Oh, well, I'm--
Excuse us.
Your boyfriend's upstairs
chewing his nails.
Peg, um, do me a favor, OK?
Just-- just tell him I
haven't made up my mind yet.
Tell him I'll talk
to him tomorrow.
Listen honey, I don't
want to have no trouble.
Go up there and
get rid of him now.
And that was that.
That was the last I saw of her.
She just packed her
things and skedaddled.
Not even a thank you.
When did all this happen?
I can tell you exactly
because it was my birthday.
November the 20th.
Make yourself at home, fellers.
I heard you.
I heard you.
But I ain't going to do it.
You got to do it.
All right.
Well, promise me I don't
have to do anything
but dance or something.
Oh, you're a good talker.
You'll work it out.
Now, go to it, lover.
Have I really got to?
I've got to.
Come in.
Uh, excuse me, Ms. Peg.
Oh, well what can
I do for you, dear?
Well, it's like this.
Juliet is an awfully pretty
girl, but I've got this--
well, let's just say, I go
for more mature ladies, OK?
Especially if they're
as pretty as you.
And I was wondering if
you'll have a drink with me.
Just Just a drink, dear?
Well, I thought we'd
start with a drink.
Well, I don't usually
drink with my customers.
But I've got to admit, you
wake up my sleepy hormones.
You remind me of
my fourth husband.
Really?
He was a pistol.
A pistol?
He knew exactly what he wanted
and how to go about getting it.
Just the way you do.
Well now, why don't
you be my guest?
Where's you're friend?
Oh, well.
Will-- he ain't
as fussy as I am,
Peg, so he's upstairs availing
himself of the amenities.
[dial tone]
MAN (ON PHONE): Hello?
Hello?
Well, I finished my drink.
Now what did you have in mind?
Another drink.
Now, we don't buy
champagne by the glass.
We buy it by the bottle.
Well, it's $5 a shot.
Well, it's only money.
And that's one thing we
got plenty of, right?
You just bring out
another bottle of that.
Now, JD and I, we got to jump
in our Excalibur and leave,
but we'll be back.
Then you'll see how the
real big spenders operate.
You just keep the change.
Come on, JD.
I'll drive.
Oh, Ms. Peg.
If you should hear
from Carla's boyfriend,
you just tell him that we're
interested in seeing him.
We'd be much obliged, ma'am.
You're loco, that's
what's the matter with you.
Throwing money
around like you're
some kind of drunk sailor.
Stop running your mouth.
Dial this number.
Well, who is it?
That's Carla's number
one regular boyfriend.
About what he stole--
Dial the number, JD.
And shut up for a
change and listen.
Hello?
Hello?
Who is this?
That was Lonnie Grimes.
[music playing]
What makes you so sure
Grimes will show up anyway?
As soon as Peg tells him
how we've been splashing
money around he'll have to.
Why?
Because he'll
think it's his money.
What money?
Which-- you opened the package.
- I took a peak.
- All right.
Well, how much was in it?
I didn't count it.
Oh, come on.
Was there $10,000 in it?
More.
Well, $20,000?
$50,000?
More than $50,000?
$200,000.
Dollars?
Thereabouts.
Whoa, jeez.
I didn't know there was that
much money short of Fort Knox.
No wonder everybody
been trying to kill us.
Where'd you hide it?
Well, hi, there.
Hello.
It's nice to finally see you.
Well, it's good
to see you, Lonnie.
- JD, is it?
- Right.
You remember Will?
How's everything been going?
Just great.
Couldn't be better.
We're just surprised
to see you, that's all.
Oh, I'm just
passing through town.
I've got to get back
to my case in Memphis.
I thought I'd drop by
and get that package
you picked up for me.
What was in that
package, Lonnie?
Me and Will nearly got
killed over that thing.
OK.
I'm going to be
straight with you guys.
You level with me,
I'll level with you.
About what?
Well, you showed up here.
You told me you
were busted broke.
Just a few minutes ago, the
manager downstairs tells me
you're driving an Excalibur.
Well Lonnie, we was
broke when we got to town.
But see, we called
a banker and he sent
us some of our oil royalties.
Well, I'll be.
OK, Lonnie.
Since you're all for
leveling with one another,
I think it's your turn.
Yeah.
Why did you set us up?
Set you up?
What do you mean?
I must have missed something.
The only thing you
missed was getting
shot at, near blowed up.
Of course, I reckon that
didn't bother you seeing
as you had JD and me around.
Yeah.
A couple of yo-yos right into
town just fall in your lap.
You realize the leg work we
could've saved ourselves, JD?
We've been wandering
around six days from Sunday
trying to find Carla,
and all we had to do
was talk to her boyfriend here.
I underestimated you two.
Don't feel bad.
It happens all the time.
I did know Carla
but nothing heavy.
I met her on the rebound from
a fling with a big, big star.
Woody Stone.
She had it in her
head to make an album.
A client of mine was willing
to produce it if she'd
come up with the bucks.
And you told her how to do it.
Nobody had to
tell Carla anything.
She saw the only
way she was going
to make that kind of dough
was the way women have
made it for thousands of years.
I tried to talk her out of it.
I'll bet.
This is a small
town in a lot of ways.
Woody Stone found out
where Carla was working at
and went bananas.
He was waiting for her when
she came back to her apartment
one night.
I happened to call
about the album.
I knew she was in big
trouble right there.
I tore right over there.
WOODY: Carla, you can
come back with me now.
I want you to come back with me.
Carla?
CARLA: Woody, please.
Just get out of here.
I don't want you involved
when they find me.
WOODY: I am involved.
I love you.
Now--
CARLA: Woody, no!
[gun shot]
LONNIE: All I could think
of was that it would be
my word against Woody Stone's.
And guess how far
that would of got me?
He's close to being
a national monument.
I decided to clear out.
There didn't seem to be
anything else I could.
So go on.
What next?
I guess whoever cleaned up
the mess for Woody must have
been there all the time I was.
The next thing I
knew, he had hired
himself a professional
killer to knock me off.
That's why I left town.
Believe me, fellas.
I didn't realize you'd
get caught up in all this.
I guess your living
here and driving my car,
Woody's man must have
figured you was the ones
he's supposed to be after.
You really got the sharp
end of the stick, Lonnie.
Oh, you sure did.
I guess we owe you an apology.
Oh thanks, fellas.
What I need to do right
now is get that package
and get out of town.
That killer is
still on the loose,
and by now he knows
you're the wrong mark.
I'll get the package.
That Carla-- she was
something special, wasn't she?
Yeah, she was.
She must have been
like one of them
chameleons or something changing
colors all the time, you know?
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Have you got it?
Have you got the money?
Yeah.
OK, look.
Let's just get
this over with, OK?
Put one of them on the line.
Hey, it's for you.
This is for you.
Thank you.
Hello?
Kate Harper.
This is Will.
Will, I-- I think I know
where Carla's body is.
You do?
Where?
Well, I wanted you
and JD to meet me there.
Do you think you could do that?
Sure can.
We'll meet you
there in 20 minutes.
You take care now.
Bye.
She says she knows
where Carla's body is.
Let's go.
You guys have
had enough trouble.
I'll come with you.
I'll follow in my car.
Oh, about your car--
Oh, I'm driving
a renter.
[music playing]
Do you believe all that
stuff Grimes been telling you?
My momma didn't
raise no idiots.
Well then how come you
give him all the money?
- It's a graveyard.
- Come on.
People hanging
out in graves here.
She said it was
around here someplace.
Well now, what was this about
your momma not raised no idiot?
Maybe just one.
It looks like we was expected.
I'm sorry about this, fellas.
I really am.
But you know too much for me to
be leaving you running around.
[gun shots]
You let them get away.
I don't care anymore.
I'm getting out of here.
Well, wait.
We don't have to.
I already took care of
Woody Stone's hired gun.
Now, all we have to do is
get rid of those two cowboys
and we're in the clear.
You get rid of them.
I'm splitting.
I'm getting as far away
from Nashville as I can.
And I'm going by myself.
What do you mean?
Just what I said.
You give me that.
I don't want to follow
me, do you hear me?
Lonnie, please.
Don't-- get out.
Lonnie?
Lonnie, please!
Howdy, Kate.
Wow.
Hey, don't-- get her--
what's good slapping.
I'm not-- Let's go, Carla.
[music playing]
Carla, I've been
listening to every word.
And all this time,
and I still can't
understand how you give it up.
I finally just had
to face the truth.
This town didn't want me.
Look, Nashville is
a town for insiders.
I was always going to be
on the outside looking in.
All these nobodies
with no talent.
Goony-looking girls
from the hills.
They were the ones who
were making it big.
I never would.
So after all
that, after Barnaby,
Hatcheck, Woody Stone,
and Peg's place,
you decided to cash it in?
I just decided to take what
I could, whatever I could,
and go somewhere
else and start over.
Maybe open a modeling school
or get a band together
and tour with it.
All of which takes
a lot of money, right?
Right.
And Lonnie had a way to get it.
It was his idea.
As soon as he
realized Woody Stone
would do anything
to get me back,
Lonnie came up with a plan.
Those things will kill you.
Sometimes I don't
care if it does.
Go on, Carla.
You were talking
about Lonnie's plan.
Well, it was simple really.
I just moved some of
my things out of here
and into a little apartment.
Then I called Woody and told
him I was going to kill myself.
Carla, you can
come back with me.
Now, I want you to come back.
Woody, please.
I don't want you here.
I don't want you involved
when the find me.
I am involved.
I am in love with you.
Woody, wait--
[interposing voices]
[gun shot]
The gun was
loaded with blanks.
Well after that, Lonnie
started blackmailing Woody
until Woody got sick
of paying and decided
to hire himself a killer.
That's when we came along.
Well, Woody didn't know
who the blackmailer was,
so he had the post
office staked out.
That's where he
picked up you two.
That's when I started to have
to pretend I was my own sister.
Look, it wasn't my idea.
You have to believe me.
I was just scared and desperate.
Makes sense to me.
Well, Lonnie's
got the money now.
He's got everything.
What he's got is a package
full of cut up newspaper.
Where's the money?
I got it safe.
And we're going to do our best
to straighten this out, Carla.
So why don't you go freshen up?
JD and I got some
planning to do.
You know, I knew the
first time I saw you
two that you were good people.
That's us, honey.
A couple of good
old, down home boys.
Good old, down home fool.
That's what you are, JD Reed.
What do you mean, being
taken advantage of?
She was in trying to get us
killed in the first place
for Pete's sake.
All right.
Well, where's the money?
I've been carrying it around
since the place got ransacked--
probably by Lonnie
Grimes, you know.
You've been walking around
with $200,000 in your boots?
I figured it's the
safest place for it.
Well Will Eubanks, you need
to be in an insane asylum.
OK, now.
Calm down.
I haven't got tied
up with you for--
Look, I said calm down.
OK.
Are you calm?
Yeah, I'm calm.
But I know a prayer to--
Just be still.
Calm?
Yes, I'm calm.
See the calm?
Look at the calm.
Now, listen.
Ever since we got here, folks
been trying to set us up.
We get an inch off being
killed five times over.
I'll tell you, JD, I'm
getting tired of it.
Well, that makes two of us.
There's three people
we got to take care of.
Lonny Grimes, Woody Stone,
and that gal in there.
And they do need
some taking care of.
That is for sure
and for certain.
There's some dead
bodies lying around,
but somebody is going to have
to do some paying for it.
Now, what we got
to do is set it up
so the right people
have to pay for it.
Oh.
You mean tie up the loose ends
like Buddy Ebsen and Jack Lore?
Right.
Great.
Well, how are you
going to do it?
I'll tell you how.
[phone ringing]
Yes?
Hi there, Mr. Stone.
Will Eubanks.
Remember me?
What do you want?
I understand you're
out some money.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about $200,000.
But if you don't want
it back, forget it.
Nice talking to you, sir.
Wait a minute.
You mean you can get
me the cash back?
Sure can.
What do I have to do?
Just go pick it up.
[phone ringing]
Carla?
No, Lonnie.
It's Will Eubanks.
You better never
turn your back, fella.
Because if it takes me 10 years,
I'm going to bury you both.
Oh, no.
Hold it down.
Don't work yourself into a fit.
We're willing to work
a trade with you.
Your money for our butts.
Where's the money?
All right, now
you take this down.
All right.
Go ahead.
You take care now.
Well, that about does it
I guess, except for the lady
back there.
You want to talk to her,
or do you want me to?
No, you handle it.
I've got another call to make.
[door knocking]
Come in.
Well, let's go, Carla.
You're going to turn
me in, aren't you?
Carla--
JD, look.
I have been used by every
person since I hit this town.
Please don't turn me in.
I deserve better than that.
I know you do.
I know you do.
And I promise you won't get
any more than you deserve.
You mean that, don't you?
Cross my heart.
Cross my heart, too.
You're too much.
Both of you.
Ain't that a fact.
[music playing]
LONNIE: I'll take that.
It's mine.
You're the creep that's
been blackmailing me.
Well, you're the creep that
hired the professional killer.
You're damn right, I did.
You try to get out of
here with this money--
No threats.
I got the gun, big star.
And if you spill
to the cops, I'll
tell them about your hit man.
What he did to Hatcheck--
that makes you an
accomplice to murder.
Put the gun on
the floor, Lonnie.
Carla?
You're alive?
Believe me, I'll use this.
I already killed
one man last night.
Now one more is not going
to make any difference.
Why don't you people
hold it right there?
JD: That's fine.
Hey, ain't we partners?
- I'm afraid so.
- All right.
Well, don't partners
make decisions together?
I guess.
Well, then why won't
you listen to my idea?
OK.
Let's talk about your idea.
Well, that's better.
But before we do,
I just want to tell
you I ain't going to stay
another sundown in Nashville.
Well, that's fine.
Let's go to New York.
What about Hollywood?
No, Hollywood's too far away.
Will, let's go to New York.
The rodeo is in New York.
We can make money.
If I wanted to
get my neck broke,
I'd of stayed on the ranch.
Well, how about Chicago?
How about Hollywood?
How about Kansas City?
I know this chick that
runs an escort service.
She'll put us both to work.
I ain't no gigolo, and I've
already been to Kansas City.
All right.
How about New Orleans?
You ain't never
been to New Orleans.
We can see the Mardi
Gras, eat them oysters.
The Mardi Gras is in February.
Let's go to Hollywood.
OK, OK, OK.
We'll go to Hollywood.
But first, let's stop fighting.
I can a job dealing.
You can get a job driving a cab.
Las Vegas ain't no place
to go when you're broke.
How about Detroit?
I ain't never built a car.
I'll tell you what, JD.
Let's just hop a freight west.
And wherever it takes us,
that's where we'll go.
OK.
I like that.
OK.
Now first thing we've got
to do is take this car back.
Well now, wait a minute.
I'm the one that
went to get the car.
The least you can do
it take the car back.
No.
You're a hard
man, Will Eubanks.
I try.
I'll tell you what,
we'll make a compromise.
You don't take it back
and I don't either.
Old JD's got a plan.
I don't want to hear about it.
JD: You're the best, Will.
You guys managed to do all
right in a mighty short time.
Well, some of us are
just born lucky, I guess.
Man, this is a car.
You know, when good
folks go to heaven,
this is what they're
got to be riding in.
- Is that freight pulling out?
- Right away.
Where's it headed?
West.
You want to look the
other way for a spell?
The next town might
not be so friendly.
You better keep it.
Now, get going.
Hey, I'll tell
you what you do.
Why don't you drive it
until it runs out of gas.
And then call the Excelsior
people, and tell them
we don't want it.
OK?
[music playing]