RSC Live: The Merry Wives of Windsor (2018) - full transcript
-It sits John Falstaff not all me. He is ready to sit without money and decides to gather his pension by the wives of two rich men to decorate.
- Mr Shakespeare?
- Who is it?
- Mr Shakespeare? You there, sir?
- What do you want?
There's a letter for you, sir
>From the Queen
Thank you
Ow!
To my countryman and subject,
Mr William Shakespeare
My admiration of your work for the stage
is well known, sir
And for many an evening do I owe you
for excellent entertainment
But news that you are to present a new play
concerning King Henry the Fifth...
...without any appearance
by that excellent rogue Sir John Falstaff...
...does, I must confess, much perplex me
I therefore request and require that
you pen a new play...
...concerning the Knight Falstaff himself,
for a Royal entertainment...
...and that performance of said play
shall take place two weeks from today
Oh, my God!
And hereby signed,
Her Royal Majesty, Elizabeth
Queen of England... and Ireland...
and France...
...and Defender of the Faith
Oh dear... right
Act 1...
Oh yes, that's very good
Sir Hugh, persuade me not.
I will make a Star Chamber matter of it
If he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs...
...he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
esquire, Justice of the Peace
- And a gentleman born, Master Parson
- Ay, cousin Slender
If Sir John Falstaff have committed
disparagements unto you...
...I am of the Church...
...and will be glad to do my benevolence...
...to make atonements and compromises
between you
The Council shall hear it, it is a riot
It is not meet the Council hear a riot.
There is no fear of God in a riot
Ha! O' my life, if I were young again,
the sword should end it
It is petter that friends is the sword,
and end it
- What?
- Now...
...there is another device in my brain...
...which peradventure
brings good discretions with it
There is Anne Page, which is daughter
to Mister George Page...
...which is pretty virginity
Mistress Anne Page?
She has brown hair,
and speaks small like a woman
It is that very person, and seven hundred
pounds of moneys, and gold and silver...
...is her grandsire upon his death's-bed,
God deliver to a joyful resurrections...
...has left her, when she is able
to overtake twenty-one years old
It were a good motion
to leave our pribbles and prabbles...
...and desire a marriage between
Master Abraham Slender and Mistress Anne Page
Did her grandsire leave her
seven hundred pounds?
Ay, and her father is make her
a better penny
I know the young gentlewoman.
She has good gifts
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities
is good gifts
Well, let us see honest Mister Page
Is Falstaff there?
The knight, Sir John Falstaff, is there
And, I beseech you,
be ruled by your well-willers
I will beat the door for Mister Page
- Boyo! God bless your house here
- Who's there?
Here is God's blessing, and your friend,
and Justice Shallow...
...and here, young Master Slender
I am glad to see your worships well
Mister Page, I am glad to see you
- Is Sir John Falstaff here?
- Sir, he is within
- He hath wronged me, Mister Page
- Ah, sir, he doth in some sort confess it
If it be confessed, it is not redressed.
Is not that so, Mister Page?
He hath wronged me. Indeed he hath,
at a word, he hath, believe me
Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged
Here comes Sir John
Now Mister Shallow,
you'll complain of me to the Queen's Council?
Knight, you have beaten my men,
killed my deer, and broke open my lodge
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
This shall be answered
I will answer it straight
I have done all this.
That is now answered
The Council shall know this
'Twere better for you if it were known in
council. You'll be laughed at
Master Slender, I broke your head.
What matter have you against me?
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your coney-catching rascals
They carried me to the tavern, made me drunk,
and afterwards they picked my pocket
- You Banbury cheese!
- Ay, it is no matter
- How now, Mephistophiles!
- Ay, it is no matter
Slice, I say, slice! That's my humour
Where's Simple, my man?
Can you tell, cousin?
Peace, peace, I pray you
I will make a brief of it in my notebook...
...and afterwards, will work upon the cause
with as great discreetly as I can
- Pistol!
- He hears with ears
"He hears with ears"?
What phrase is this, why, it is affectations
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
Ay, by these garms, did he,
of seven groats in mill-sixpences...
...and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me
two shilling and two pence apiece
Is this true, Pistol?
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial. Froth and scum, thou liest
- By this ring, then, 'twas he
- Nym?
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours.
Do not run the beadle's humour on me
By these loafers, then, she had it
For though I cannot remember what I did
when you made me drunk...
...yet I am not altogether an ass
Bardolph?
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences
It is his "five senses".
Fie, what the ignorance is!
And being completely fap, sir,
was as they say cashiered...
...and so the conclusions past the careers
Ah-ha! You spake in Latin then, too
But 'tis no matter, for I'll ne'er be drunk
whilst I live again...
...but in honest, civil, godly company
And if I be drunk, I shall be drunk with
those that have the fear of God...
...and not with drunken knaves
That is a virtuous mind. Sir John, good worts
Good worts, good cabbage
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen
You hear it
Ah, gentlemen!
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in
O heaven! This is Mistress Anne Page
How now, Mistress Ford!
Mistress Ford,
by my troth, you are very well met
By your leave, good mistress
Come, gentlemen,
we have a hot venison pasty to dinner
Venison. I knew it!
Indeed gentlemen,
and I hope we shall drink down all unkindness
I had rather than forty shillings
I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here
How now, Simple!
I must wait upon myself, now, must I?
Have you not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it
to Alice Shortcake a fortnight last?
Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you.
A word with you, coz
- There is, as 'twere, a tender...
- What?
A kind of offer...
...about to be made by Sir Hugh here.
Do you understand me?
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable
If it be so, I will do that that is reason
Nay, but understand me
So I do, sir
Master Slender, I will description
the matter to you...
...if you be capacity of it
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says
But that is not the question.
The question is concerning your marriage
- Ay, there's the point, sir
- Ay, marry, is it, the very point of it
To Mistress Anne Page
If it be so, I will marry her
upon any reasonable demands
- But can you affection the woman?
- Can you love the maid?
I hope, sir, that I will do as it shall
become one that does reason
God's Lords and Ladies!
Cousin Abraham Slender, will you,
upon good dowry, marry Anne Page?
I will marry her, sir, at your request
But if there be no great love
in the beginning...
...yet heaven may decrease it
upon better acquaintance...
...when we are married
and have more occasion to know one another
I hope, upon familiarity
will grow more contempt
But if you say "Marry her", I will marry her.
That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely
Dissolutely? The word is "resolutely"
I think my cousin meant well
Here comes fair Mistress Anne
Mistress Anne,
would I were young for your sake
The dinner is on the table.
My father desires your company
I will wait upon him, fair Mistress Anne
God's blessed will,
I will not be absence at the grace
Go Sirrah, go wait upon my cousin
Will it please you to come in, sir?
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily.
I am very well
The dinner attends you, sir
I am not a-hungry, I thank you
I may not go in without you.
They will not sit till you come
I' faith, I'll eat nothing.
I thank you as much as though I did
- I pray you, sir, walk in
- I had rather stay here, I thank you
I bruised my shin the other day playing
at sword and dagger with a master of fence
Why does your dog growl so?
Come, gentle Master Slender.
Come, we stay for you
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir.
Come, come
I pray you, Mistress Anne, lead the way
Simple! Go your ways, look you,
and ask of Doctor Caius' house
There dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse...
...or his dry nurse, his cook,
or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer
Well, sir
Give her this letter
For it is a woman that altogether
is acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page
And the letter is to desire
and require her...
...to solicit your master, Abraham Slender's,
desires to Mistress Anne Page
Pray you, be gone
I will make an end of my dinner,
there's pippins and cheese to come
Mine Hostess of the Garter!
What sayest thou, bully-rook?
Speak scholarly and wisely
Truly, good Hostess,
I must turn away some of my followers
Then discard, bully Hercules.
Let them wag. Trot, trot
I sit at ten pounds a week
And you live like an Emperor,
a Caesar, a Keisar, a Vizier
All right
I will entertain Bardolph.
She shall draw, she shall tap
Said I well, bully Hector?
- Do so, good mine Hostess
- I have spoke
- Bardolph!
- Yes, Sir John
Let me see thee froth and lime
I am at a word, follow
- What?
- Bardolph, follow her
A tapster is a good trade
Bardolph, wilt thou the spigot wield?
It is a life that I have desired.
I will thrive
Well, she was gotten in drink.
Is not the humour conceited?
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels
There is no remedy.
I must cony-catch. I must shift
- Young ravens must have food
- I love not the humour of bread and cheese
Which of you knows Ford of this town?
I ken him. He is of substance good
- My honest lads, I will tell you what I am
about - Two yards or more
No quips now, Pistol.
Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about
But I am now about no waste,
I am about thrift
Briefly...
...I do mean to make love to Ford's wife
I spy entertainment in her
She discourses, she carves,
she gives the leer of invitation
I can construe her action,
which is in plain English...
..."I am Sir John Falstaff's"
He hath studied her well,
and translated her will...
...out of honesty into English
Will that humour pass?
The report goes, she holds all the rule
of her husband's purse
He hath a legion of angels
- "To her, boy," say I
- The humour rises, it's good
Humour me those angels
I have writ me here a letter to her.
And here another to Page's wife...
...who even yesterday
gave me good eyes too...
...examined my parts
with most judicious oeillades
Sometimes the beam of her view
gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors
with such a greedy intention...
...that the appetite of her eye
did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass
She bears the purse too
They shall be my East and West Indies,
all gold and bounty...
...and I will trade to them both
Go there, bear thou this letter
to Mistress Page...
...and thou this, to Mistress Ford
We will thrive, lads, we will thrive!
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
and by my side wear steel?
Lucifer take all!
I will run no base humour.
You take the letter, I will keep my reputation
- And I mine honour
- Thine honour!
I have been content, sirs,
you should lay my countenance to pawn
I am damned in hell for swearing my friends,
you were good and tall fellows
And when Mistress Bridget
lost the handle of her fan...
...I took't upon mine honour
thou hadst it not
- Didst not we share?
- Hadst you not fifteen pence?
Reason, you rogues, reason.
Thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul gratis?
At a word, hang no more about me
You would not bear a letter for me,
you rogues?
Hence, avaunt!
Vanish like hailstones, go!
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof,
seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age
French thrift, you rogues
You boy, be you my page
- What's your name?
- Robin
- Robin, bear you these letters tightly
- Yes, Sir John
Let vultures gripe thy guts,
base Phrygian Turk!
Why, now the world's mine oyster,
which I with sword shall open
I have ideas
which would be humours of revenge
- Revenge?
- Ay
- With wit or steel?
- With... both... the humours, I
I will impart the humour of his love to Page
And I to Ford shall eke unfold...
...how Falstaff, varlet vile...
...Ford's dove will prove,
his gold will hold, and his soft bed defile
I will incense Page to deal with poison
For the revolt of mine is dangerous.
That is my true humour
Thou art the Mars of malcontents
- Really?
- I second thee, troop on
John Rugby!
I prithee, go to the casement...
...and see if you can see my master,
Doctor Caius, coming
If he do, i' faith, and find any body
in the house, he will be horn mad
I'll go watch
Go
And we'll have a posset for it
soon at night, in faith
An honest, willing, kind fellow,
as ever servant come in house withal
And, I warrant you,
no tell-tale nor no breed-bate
His worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer
He is something peevish that way, but...
...nobody but has his fault
But let that pass
Peter Simple, you say your name is?
Ay, for want of a better
- And Master Slender's your master?
- Ay
- A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
- Ay, forsooth
He's as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head
I do remember him
Does he not hold up his head,
as it were, and strut in his gait?
Yes, indeed, does he
Well, heaven send Anne Page
no worse fortune
Tell Mister Parson Evans
I'll do what I can for your master
- Anne's a good girl, and I...
- Out, alas! Here comes my master
We shall all be shent!
Run in here, good young man.
Go in this closet
He will not stay long
What is you sing? I do not like these toys
Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe!
Ma foi, il fait fort chaud
Je m'en vais à la cour, la grande affaire
Oh là là. Quelle catastrophe, ce Brexit
Pray you, fetch me in my closet the...
...la boîte verte...
The box, the green box
Do you intend what I speak?
The green box
Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you
I'm glad he went not in himself
Is it this one, sir?
Mais oui, mette-le dans mon sac, in my bag
Dépêche, quickly. Quickly, Quickly
Where is that knave John Rugby?
- John Rugby! John!
- Here, sir
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby
Come, follow my heels to the court
Ah ma foi, qu'ai-j'oublié!
There is some simples in my closet...
...that I will not for the world
I shall leave behind
Ay me, he'll find the young man in there
Merci beaucoup
O diable, diable! What is in my closet?
Villain!
Voleur! Scélérat! Larron!
- Rugby, my rapier!
- Good master, be content
- Wherefore should I be content?
- The young man is an honest man
What shall the honest man do in my closet?
There is no honest man
that shall come in my closet
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic
Hear the truth of it
He comes of an errand to me
from Parson Hugh
Errand? What errand?
- He would desire...
- Peace, I pray you
Peace in your mouth
Speak your tale
He will desire this honest gentlewoman,
your maid...
...to speak a good word
to Mistress Anne Page...
...for my master, Master Slender,
in the way of marriage
This is all, indeed
But I would ne'er have done it
Sir Hugh send you?
Baille-moi du papier, Rugby
Prepare me some paper
You, wait little while
I am glad he is so quiet
If he'd been thoroughly moved,
you should have heard him so loud
But listen, I'll do you your master
what good I can
But the thing is, the French doctor,
my master, well, I...
My master, well, I call him my master,
for I keep his house
I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour...
...dress meat and drink, make the beds
and do all myself...
...but he, my master, is in love
with Mistress Anne Page himself
But notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind
You jackanape,
you give this letter to Sir Hugh
By gar, it is a challenge
I will cut his throat in the park
And I will teach a scurvy jackanape priest
to meddle
You may be gone.
It is not good you tarry here
By gar, I will cut all his two couilles...
..."bollocks"
By gar, he will not have a ball left
to throw for his dog
Alas, he speaks but for his friend
It's no matter for that
Do not you tell me that.
I shall have Anne Page for myself
By gar, I will kill the priest
And I have assigned mine Hostess of the
Garter to decide where we meet...
...to measure our weapons
By gar, I will myself have Anne Page
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be
well
We must give folk leave to prate
Rugby, come to the court with me
By gar, if I do not have Anne Page,
I shall turn your head out of my doors
Follow my heels, Rugby
You shall have An... fool's head of your own
- Who's there?
- What ho
Oh Master Fenton! Come in, I pray you
How now, good woman, how dost thou?
The better that it pleases
your good worship to ask
What news?
How does pretty Mistress Anne?
In truth, and she is pretty, and honest,
and gentle, and she is your friend
I can tell you that,
and I praise heaven for it
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou?
Shall I not lose my suit?
Master Fenton,
I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you
- Have not your worship a wart above your
eye? - Yes, marry, have I. What of that?
Well, thereby hangs a tale
Good faith, she is such a one. But, I detest,
an honest maid as ever broke bread
We had an hour's talk of that wart
Indeed, she's much given to allicholy
and musing for you
Well, I shall see her today.
Hold, there's money for thee
Let me have thy voice in my behalf.
If thou seest her before me, commend me
Will I? I'faith, that I will
And I will tell your worship more of the wart
the next time we have confidence...
...and of other wooers
- Well, farewell. I am in great haste now
- Farewell to your worship
Truly, an honest gentleman
But Anne loves him not,
for I know Anne's mind for that
Never a woman in Windsor
knows more of Anne's mind than I do
Out upon't, what have I forgot?
What, have I scaped love-letters
in the holiday-time of my beauty...
...and am I now a subject for them?
Let me see
"Ask me no reason why I love you"
"For though Love use Reason
for his confessor..."
"...he admits him not for his counsellor"
"You are not young..."
"...no more am I.
Go to then, there's sympathy"
"You are merry, so am I.
Ha, ha, then there's more sympathy"
"You love drink, and so do I.
Would you desire better sympathy?"
"Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,
at least, if the love of soldier can suffice..."
"...that I love thee"
"I will not say, pity me, 'tis not
a soldier-like phrase. But I say, love me"
"By me, thine own true knight,
By day or night, or any kind of light"
"With all his might for thee to fight..."
"...John Falstaff"
John Falstaff? O wicked world!
A man that is well-nigh
worn to pieces with age...
...showing himself a young gallant!
And what an unweighed behaviour...
...hath this Flemish drunkard
picked out of my conversation...
...that he dares in this manner assay me?
Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!
What did I say to him?
I was then frugal of my mirth,
heaven forgive me
Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament
for the putting down of men
How shall I be revenged on him?
For revenged I will be,
as sure as his guts are made of puddings
Mistress Page! Meg!
Alice! You look very ill
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that,
I have to show to the contrary
- Oh Meg, give me some counsel
- What's the matter?
If it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour
Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour.
What is it?
Dispense with trifles, what is it?
If I would but go to hell
for an eternal moment or so...
...I could be knighted
- What?
- Here, read, read
Perceive how I might be knighted
I shall think the worse of fat men...
...as long as I have an eye
to make difference of men's liking
How shall I be revenged on him?
I think the best way
were to entertain him with hope...
...until the wicked fire of lust
have melted him in his own grease
Did you ever hear the like?
Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs
Here's the twin-brother to thy letter
I warrant he hath
a thousand of these letters...
...writ with blank space for different names
Sure, more, and he will print them,
out of doubt
For he cares not what he puts into the press,
when he would put us two
I will find you twenty lascivious turtles
ere one chaste man
Why, this is the very same,
the very hand, the very words
- What doth he think of us?
- Nay, I know not
Sure, unless he know some strain in me,
that I know not myself...
...he would never have boarded me
in this fury
"Boarding" call you it?
I'll be sure to keep him above deck
So will I
If he come under my hatches,
I'll never to sea again
Let's be revenged on him
I will consent to act any villany against
him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty
That my husband saw this letter!
It would give eternal food to his jealousy
My husband's as far from jealousy
as I am from giving him cause
You are the happier woman
Let's consult together
against this greasy knight
Come, come
- Nay, I hope it be not so
- And this is true
I love not the humour of lying
- He loves your wife
- Yes, Sir John affects thy wife
Why, sir, my wife is not young
He loves your wife.
There's the short and the long
He woos both high and low, both rich and poor
both young and old...
...one with another, he loves them all
Loves my wife!
My name is Nym
And Falstaff loves your wife
With liver burning hot
Take heed, have open eye,
for thieves do foot by night
Take heed, ere summer comes
or cuckoo-birds do sing
Adieu
Believe it, Page, he speaks sense
Farewell
I will find out this
"The humour of it," quoth he!
Here's a fellow frights English out of his wits
- I will seek out Falstaff
- I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue
- If I do find it, well
- I will not believe him
'Twas a good sensible fellow, well
You heard what this knave told me,
did you not?
- Yeah, and you heard what the other told me?
- Do you think there's truth in 'em?
Hang 'em, slaves! These that accuse him
in his intent towards our wives...
...are a yoke of his discarded men.
Very rogues, now they be out of service
- Were they his men?
- Marry, were they
I like it never the better for that.
Does he lie at the Garter?
Ay, marry, does he
If he should intend this voyage
towards my wife, I shall turn her loose to him
And what he gets more of her
than sharp words, let it lie on my head
I do not misdoubt my wife,
but I would be loath to turn 'em together
A man may be too confident
- Whither go you, George?
- How now, Meg
How now, sweet Frank
Why art thou melancholy?
I melancholy! I am not melancholy.
Get you in, go
Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head.
Will you go in, Meg?
Have with you.
You'll come to dinner, George
Look who comes yonder
She shall be our messenger
to this paltry knight
Aye, I thought on her. She'll fit it
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
Ay, forsooth.
And how does good Mistress Anne?
Go in with us and see.
We'll have an hour's talk with you
- Bully-rook!
- I follow, mine Hostess, I follow
Look where my ranting Hostess
of the Garter comes
There is either liquor in her pate
or money in her purse...
...when she looks so merrily
- How now, bully-rook!
- How now, mine Hostess
Good day, good Mister Page!
Mister Page, will you go with us?
- We have sport in hand
- Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him
Sir, there is a fray to be fought
between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest...
...and Caius the French doctor
Good mine Hostess of the Garter,
a word with you
What sayest thou?
Will you go with us to behold it?
My merry Hostess...
My merry Hostess...
My merry Hostess
hath appointed them contrary places
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be
I have heard the Frenchman
hath good skill in his rapier
Ah Mister Page, I have seen the time,
with my long sword...
...I would have made four tall fellows
skip like rats
You mean my knight, my guest Sir John?
I do! And I'll give you a bottle
of burnt sack to give me recourse to him...
...and tell him my name is Brook,
only for a jest
My hand, bully
Thou shalt have egress and regress.
Said I well?
And thy name shall be Brook
He is a merry knight. Will you go with us?
- Come come, mine Hostess
- Boys, boys, let us wag
Though Page be a secure fool,
he stands so firmly on his wife's frailty...
...yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily
She was in Falstaff's company
at Page's house...
...and what they made there, I know not
Well, I will look further into it.
And I'll have a disguise to sound Falstaff
If I find her honest, I lose not my labour
If she be otherwise...
...'tis labour well bestowed
Sir...
...there's a woman would speak with you
- Let her approach
Cheers
- Give your worship good morrow
- Good morrow, good wife
- Not so, an't please your worship
- Good maid, then
I'll be sworn, as my mother was,
the first hour I was born
I do believe the swearer
What with me?
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
Two thousand, fair lady,
and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing
There is one Mistress Ford, sir
I pray, come a little nearer this ways
- I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius
- Well, on. Mistress Ford, you say
Your worship says very true
I pray your worship,
come a little nearer this ways
- Bardolph... thingamajig...
- Robin!
Get thee hence
Well now
Mistress Ford. What of her?
Why, sir, she's a good creature
Lord, Lord! Your worship's a wanton
Heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray
Mistress Ford. Come, Mistress Ford
Marry, this is the short and the long of it
You have brought her into
such a canaries as 'tis wonderful
The best courtier of them all could never
have brought her to such a canaries
Yet, there has been knights, and lords...
...and gentlemen, with their coaches,
I warrant you
Coach after coach...
...letter after letter, gift after gift,
smelling so sweetly all musk
And so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and
gold, that would have won any woman's heart
And, I warrant you,
they could never get an eye-wink of her
They could never get her so much as
sip on a cup with the proudest of them all
And which is more, there has been earls,
but, I warrant you, all is one with her
But what says she to me?
Be brief, my good she-Mercury
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times
And she gives you to notify that her husband
will be absence from his house...
...between five and six this evening
- Five and six?
- Ay, truly
And then you may come and see the picture,
she says, that you wot of
Mister Ford, her husband, will be from home
Alas! the sweet woman
leads an ill life with him
He's a very jealousy man
She leads a very frampold life with him,
good heart
Five and six.
Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her
Why, you say well.
But I have another messenger to your worship
Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too
And let me tell you in your ear...
...she is as fartuous a civil modest wife
as any in these parts
And she bade me tell you
that her husband is seldom from home
But she hopes there will come a time
La! I never knew any two women
so dote upon a man
In truth, I think you have charms
Charms? No, not I, I assure you
Setting the attractions
of my good parts aside...
...I have no other charms
- Blessings on your heart for it!
- But, I pray thee, tell me this
Has Ford's wife and Page's wife...
...acquainted each other how they love me?
That were a jest indeed!
They would not have so little grace, I hope.
That were a trick indeed
But Mistress Page desires
that you send her your servant Robin
Her husband has a marvellous infection
for the boy
And then he may come and go between you both
that you may know one another's mind
Why, I will.
Robin, go along with this woman
Fare thee well, commend me to them both.
I am yet thy debtor
This news distracts me!
Well, go thy ways old Jack
I'll make more of thy old body
than I have done
Wilt thou yet look after me?
Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer?
Good body...
...I thank thee
Sir John
Sir John, there's one Mister Brook without...
...would fain speak with you,
and be acquainted with you
And hath sent your worship
a morning's draught of sack
Brook is his name?
- Ay, sir
- Call him in
Such Brooks are welcome to me,
that o'erflow such liquor
- Bless you, sir
- And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
Bardolph, give us leave
Sir, I am a gentleman.
The name is Brook, Yakov Brook
Good Mister Yakov Brook,
I desire more acquaintance of you
Good Sir John, I sue for yours.
And I have a bag of money here troubles me
If you will help to bear it, Sir John,
take all or half, for easing me of the carriage
Sir, I know not how I may deserve
to be your porter
I will tell you
There is a gentlewoman in this town.
Her husband's name...
- ...is Ford
- Well, sir
I have long loved her
And, I protest to you,
bestowed much on her
Not only bought many presents to give her...
...but have also given to others to know
what she would wish to be given
Briefly, I have pursued her
as love hath pursued me...
...which hath been on the wing
of all occasions. But..
...whatsoever I have merited, reward,
I am sure, I have received none
Unless experience be a jewel
that hath taught me to say this...
Love like a shadow flies
when substance love pursues
Pursuing that it flies,
and flying what pursues
Have you received no promise
of satisfaction at her hands?
- Never
- Have you importuned her to such an end?
- Never!
- To what purpose then have you...
...unfolded this to me?
When I have told you that,
I have told you all
Some say,
that though she appear honest to me...
...yet in other places,
she enlarges her mirth so far...
...that there is shrewd construction
made of her
Now, Sir John,
here is the heart of my purpose
You are a gentleman of excellent breeding...
...great standing, admirable discourse,
respected in your place and person
- O, sir!
- Believe it, sir, for you know it
There is money
Take some
Only give me so much of your time
in exchange of it...
...as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty
of this Ford's wife
Use your art of wooing
Vooing?
Wooing. Win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may
Would it apply well
to the vehemency of your affection...
...that I should win what you would enjoy?
Understand my drift
She dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour...
...that the wantonness of my soul
dares not present itself
She is too bright to be looked against
But, could I could come to her
with any detection in my hand...
...my desires had evidence and argument
to commend themselves
What say you to it, Sir John?
Mister Brook, I will first make bold
with your money
Next, give me your hand.
And last, as I am a gentleman...
...you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife
Want no money, Sir John.
You shall want none
Want no Mistress Ford, Mister Brook,
you shall want none
I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment
Even as you came in to me,
her assistant or go-between parted from me
I say I shall be with her
between five and six
For at that time the jealous rascally knave
her husband will be forth
Come to me at night.
You shall know how I speed
- Do you know Ford, Sir John?
- I know him not
But they say he hath masses of money...
...for the which his wife
seems to me well-favoured
I will use her as the key
of her cuckoldy husband's coffers
I would you knew him, sir,
that you might avoid him if you saw him
Hang him, vulgar salt-butter rogue!
I will stare him out of his wits,
I will awe him with my cudgel
Thou, Mister Brook, shalt know
I will predominate over this peasant...
...and thou shalt lie with his wife
Ford's a knave,
and I will aggravate his style
Thou, Mister Brook, shall know him
for a knave and cuckold
Come to me soon at night
What a damned Epicurean rascal is this!
My heart is ready to crack with impatience
Who says this is improvident jealousy?
My wife hath sent to him.
The hour is fixed, the match is made
Would any man have thought this?
See the hell of having a false woman
My bed is to be be abused...
...my coffers ransacked,
my reputation gnawn at
And I shall not only receive this villanous
wrong, but shall be called abominable names...
...and by him that does me this wrong
Cuckold! Half-wit!
Cuckold!
The devil himself hath not such names
Page is an ass, a secure ass
He will trust his wife,
he will not be jealous
I will rather trust a Fleming
with my butter...
...Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese...
...or an Irishman with my whisky bottle...
...than my wife with herself
Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises
And what they think in their hearts,
they may effect
God be praised for my jealousy!
Five o'clock the hour
I will prevent this, detect my wife...
...be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page
I will about it. Better three hours too soon
than a minute too late
Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!
- Jack Rugby
- Sir?
What is the clock, Jack?
'Tis past the hour, sir,
that Sir Hugh promised to meet
By gar, he has save his soul
that he has not come...
He has pray his Bible well
that he is not come
By gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come
He is wise, sir.
He knew that you would kill him, if he came
By gar, the doornail is no dead
so as I will kill him
It's good English, no?
Here. Take the rapier,
I will show you how I will kill him
- Alas, sir, I cannot fence
- Villainy, take the rapier
Hold on, here's company
What be all you, one, two, three, four,
come for?
- To see thee fight
- To see thee foin
- To see thee here, to see thee there
- To see thy punto, thy stock
- Where is he?
- Is he dead?
What say you?
Is he dead, my bully, is he dead?
By gar, he is the coward Jack priest
of the world
He dare not show his face
Well, thou art a Hector of Greece, my boy
Pray witness that we have stay
for six or seven hours for him
For two or three hours for him
and he is not come
He is the wiser man, Doctor
He is a curer of souls,
and you a curer of bodies
If you should fight, you go against
the hair of your profession
Is it not true, Mister Page?
Mister Shallow, you have yourself
once been a great fighter
Ah! Indeed, Mister Page,
though I now be of the peace...
...if I see a sword out, my finger itches
So we are justices and doctors
and churchmen...
...we have some salt of our youth in us,
Mister Page
- We are the sons of women, Mister Page
- 'Tis true, Mister Shallow
Pardon, croissant,
voulez-vous coucher avec le cassoulet?
Pardon.
A word, Monsewer Mock-water
Mock-water? What is that?
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is...
- ...valour, bully.
- Valour!
By gar, then, I have as much mock-water
as the Englishman
And the Welshman
Scurvy jack-dog priest!
I will cut off his ears
No. but... His ears...
He will clapper-claw thee, bully
Clapper claw? What is that?
- That is, he will make thee amends
- Amends!
By gar, I do look he shall clapper-claw me,
for, by gar, I will have it
And I will provoke him to it, or let him wag
- I thank you for that
- And, moreover, bully...
But first, Mister Shallow, and Mister Page,
and you young Mister Slender...
...go you through the town to Frog Lane
- Sir Hugh is there, is he?
- He is there
See what humour he is in...
...and I will bring the Doctor about
the back way
- Will it do well?
- We will do it
- Adieu, Doctor Caius
- Adieu
Adieu, adieu.
By gar, I will kill the priest...
...for he speak for the jackanape Slender
to Anne Page
Yeah, let him die, yeah.
But come, Doctor...
...first, sheathe thy impatience,
pour cold water on thy choler
And go through the streets with me
to Frog Lane
I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page
is a-feasting...
...and thou shalt woo her
- Said I well?
- By gar, I thank you for that
By gar, I love you
I will procure you the good guest
for your pub
My patients.
The earl, the knight, the count...
- The count...?
- The countess...
- The gentlewomen
- That is well said. Let us wag, then
Follow my heels, Jack Rugby
Pray you now, Simple,
good Master Slender's serving-man...
...which way have you looked for Mister
Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward,
every way but the town way
I most vehemently desire you,
you will also look that way
I will, sir
Bless my soul, how full of cholers I am...
...and trembling of mind
I'll knog his urinals
about his knave's costard...
,,,when I have good opportunities for it
Bless my soul!
Iesu mawr, Diawi bach, Coc oen
Guide me, O thou great Redeemer...
...pilgrim through this barren land
I am weak...
Mercy on me!
I have a great disposition to cry
...but thou art mighty...
...hold me with thy powerful hand
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven...
...feed me now and ever more...
A heavenly choir of Welsh angels
Marvellous. I tell you what...
Why don't we all sing the last line
all together?
Let's give it a go
And give it some good Welsh welly
Ready? And...
- Feed me now...
- ...and ever more
Stop, stop, stop
That's hopeless!
"Welsh welly" not "English porridge"!
Let's try it again.
Think Cardiff Arms Park
Ready, and...
Feed me now and ever more
Yonder he is coming this way, Sir Hugh
He's welcome
What weapons is he?
And here comes my master, Master Slender,
and two other gentlemen, this way
- How now, Mister Parson
- Save you, good Sir Hugh
God bless you from his mercy sake, all of you
We are come to you to do a good office,
good Sir Hugh
Very well, what is it?
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman,
who, like you...
...having received wrong by some person...
...is at most odds with his own gravity
and patience as ever you saw
In all my years, I never heard a man
of his place, gravity and learning...
...so at odds with his own reputation
- What is he?
- I think you know him
He is Mister Doctor Caius,
the famous French physician
Bless my soul and his passion of my heart!
I had as lief you would tell me
of a mess of porridge
- Why?
- He's a knave
A cowardly knave as you would be desires
to have acquaintance with
- And he's the man should fight with him
- It appears so by his weapons
Keep them asunder, here he comes.
He's coming now!
Disarm them!
Let them keep their limbs whole
and rather hack our English language
Wherefore will you not meet with me?
- What?
- Put 'em down
By gar, you are a coward
I'll knog your urinals
about your knave's costard...
...for missing your meetings and appointments
Jack Rugby,
have I not stay for him to kill him?
Mine Hostess of the Garter,
have I not stay at the place you did appoint?
As I am a Christian soul now, look you,
this is the place appointed
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul...
...French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
Ah, that's very good, excellent
Peace, I say!
And hear me, your Hostess of the Garter
Oh, am I politic? Am I subtle?
Am I a Machiavel?
- Shall I lose my doctor?
- A-no!
He gives me the potions and the motions
Shall I lose my parson,
my priest, Master Hugh?
No!
He gives me the proverbs and the... no-verbs
Give me your hand, terrestrial, so
Not you!
Give me your hand, celestial, so
Boys...
...I have deceived you both
I have directed you to the wrong places
Your hearts are mighty, your skin is whole...
...and let us end it in a vat of good wine
Follow, lads of peace, follow
Trust me, a mad Hostess.
Follow, gentlemen, follow
I pray you, let me speak a word in your ears
Do I perceive that she has
made the fool of both of us?
Yes, she has made us a laughing stock
Come, I desire you, that...
...we may be friends
By gar...
...with all my heart
By gar, she has deceive me too.
She promised to bring me where is Anne Page
Well, I will smite her noddles. Let us go
- Noddles? What is that?
- I will teach thee
Jack Rugby, you go home. I will come anon
Now, I pray you, follow
Nay, keep your way, young gallant
You were wont to be a follower,
but now you are a leader
Whether had you lead mine eyes,
or eye your master's heels?
I had rather go before you like a man
than follow him like a boy
You are a flattering one.
Now I see you'll be a courtier
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
To see your wife, sir. Is she at home?
Ay, and idle for want of company
I think, if your husbands were dead,
you two would marry
Be sure of that, yes. Two other husbands
Where had you this pretty weather-cock?
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is
my husband had him of
- What do you call your master's name,
sirrah? - Sir John Falstaff
Sir John Falstaff?
That's it, I can never hit on his name
- Is your wife home, sir?
- Indeed she is
Then by your leave, sir,
I am sick till I see her
Has Page any brains?
Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking?
Sure, his senses sleep.
He hath no use of 'em
Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile
as easy as a cannon will shoot twelve score
He encourages his wife's urges,
he gives her folly motion and advantage
And now she's going to my wife,
and Falstaff's boy with her
Good plots, they are laid
And Falstaff's boy with her!
And our revolted wives
share damnation together
Well...
I will take Falstaff...
...then torment my wife...
Pluck the borrowed veil of modesty
from the so-seeming Mistress Page...
...divulge Page himself
for a secure and wilful cuckold
And at these proceedings,
all my neighbours shall applaud
The clock gives me my cue,
and my assurance bids me search
There I shall find Falstaff
I shall be rather praised for this
than mocked
For it is as positive as the earth is firm...
...that Falstaff is there. I will go
A good knot! Gentlemen, Mistress Hostess
I have good cheer at home,
and I pray you all go with me
- I must excuse myself, Mister Ford
- And so must I, sir
We have appointed to meet
with Mistress Anne...
...and I would not break with her
for more money than I'll speak of
We have lingered about a match
between Anne Page and my cousin Slender...
...and this day we shall have our answer
I hope I have your good will, father Page?
You have, son Slender. I stand wholly for you
But my wife, Master Doctor,
is for you altogether
Oui, by gar, and the maid is love me.
My Mistress Quickly tell me so much
What say you to young Master Fenton?
He capers, he dances...
...he has the eyes of youth...
...he writes verses, he speaks holiday
He smells... April and May
He will carry it, he will carry it,
'tis in his buttons
- He will carry it
- Not by my consent, I promise you
The gentleman is of too high a region
No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
with the finger of my substance
If he take her, let him take her simply
The wealth I have waits on my consent,
and my consent goes not that way
I beseech you heartily,
some of you go home with me to dinner
Besides your cheer, you shall have sport.
I will show you a monster
Master Doctor, you shall come.
So shall you, Mister Page, and you, Sir Hugh
Well, fare you well
You shall come, Mistress Hostess
Oh, no, my hearts
I must back to my honest knight
Sir Falstaff...
...and drink some canary with him
I think I shall drink pipe wine first with
him. I'll make him dance
- Will you go, gentles?
- Have with you to see this monster
- What, Jan! What, Radek!
- Quickly, quickly! Is the wheelie bin...?
- I warrant. What, Radek, I say!
- Come, come, come
- Here, put it over there
- Give your men the charge, we must be brief
Marry, as I told you before,
Jan and Radek ...
...be ready here hard by in the pool-house
- In the pool-house
And when I suddenly call you,
come forth...
- Come forth
- ...and without any pause or staggering...
- ...take the bin out of the house.
- Out the house
That done, wheel with it in all haste
down the lane
- Down the lane
- And there empty it...
...in the muddy ditch by the ford,
close by the canal
- You will do it?
- I have told them over and over
They lack no direction
Yeah, we do it
Good
Be gone and come when you are called
Here comes young Robin
How now, my little fledgling.
What news with you?
My master, Sir John, is come in
at your back door, Mistress Ford...
...and requests your company
You little Jack-a-Lent,
have you been true to us?
Ay, I'll be sworn.
My master knows not of your being here
Thou art a good boy.
This secrecy of thine will be a tailor to thee...
...and shall make thee a new doublet and hose
- I'll go hide me
- Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone
Oh, and...
Mistress Page, remember you your cue
I warrant thee, if I do not act, hiss me
Right, then
We'll use this gross watery pumpian
We'll teach him to know turtles from jays
Ah! Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?
Why, now let me die,
for I have lived long enough
This is the pinnacle of my ambition
- O this blessed hour!
- O sweet Sir John!
Mistress Ford, I cannot lie.
Now shall I sin in my wish
I would thy husband were dead
I'll speak it before the best lord
I... One moment...
I would make thee my lady
I your lady, Sir John!
Alas, I should be a pitiful lady
O let the court of France show me
such another
I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond
And thou hast the right arched beauty
of the brow...
...that would become a ship tiara...
...a tiara valiant
or any tiara of the Venetian style
A plain sunhat, Sir John
My brows become nothing else,
nor that well neither
By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so
Thou wouldst make an absolute courtier
And the firm fixture of thy foot
would give an excellent motion...
...to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale
I see what thou mightst be
Come, thou canst not hide it
Believe me, there is no such thing in me
What made me love thee?
Let that persuade thee
there's something extraordinary in thee
Come, I cannot lie
and say thou art this and that...
...like a many of those lisping hawthorn-buds
that call themselves men. I cannot
But I love thee
I love thee, and none but thee,
and thou deservest it
Do not betray me, Sir John.
I fear you love Mistress Page
No! Mistress Page is as hateful to me
as the reek of a lime-kiln
Oi!
Well, heaven knows how I love you...
...and you shall one day find it
And I'll deserve it
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford!
Here's Mistress Page at the door,
sweating and blowing and looking wildly...
...and would needs speak with you immediately
She shall not see me.
I will ensconce me
- Under here
- Under there?
Under there
Pray you, do so. She's a very tattling woman
Quick, quick, quick!
- We've not much time, sir
- This may take me a couple of moments
I'm down
Right
Lower it! Here we go.
How now! What's the matter?
O Alice Ford what have you done?
You're shamed, you're overthrown,
you're undone for ever!
What mean you? What's the matter?
O well-a-day, Alice!
Having an honest man to your husband,
to give him such cause of suspicion!
- What cause of suspicion?
- What cause of suspicion?
Out upon you! How am I mistook in you!
Why, alas, what's the matter?
Why, woman! Your husband's coming hither,
with all the officers of the county
To search for a gentleman that he says
is here now in the house...
...by your consent,
to take an ill advantage of his absence
- You are undone
- 'Tis not so, I hope
Pray heaven 'tis not so,
that you have such a man here!
But 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
with half the town at his heels...
...to search for such a one.
I come before to tell you
If you know yourself clear,
why, I am glad of it
But if you have a friend here convey,
convey him out
Don't just stand there,
call all your senses to you
Defend your reputation,
or bid farewell to your good life for ever
What shall I do?
There is a gentleman, my dear friend
And I fear not mine own shame
so much as his peril
For shame! For shame!
Your husband's here at hand
Bethink you of some conveyance,
you cannot hide him in the house
O, how you have deceived me
Oh look, there is a wheelie bin
If he be of any reasonable stature,
he may creep in here, throw stuff upon him...
...and send him by your two men
to the ditch by the canal
He's too big to go in there.
What shall I do?
Let me see it, let me see it!
Help me!
One, two, three, heave!
Please, please. Just...
...let me see it
I'll in, I'll in.
Follow your friend's counsel, I'll in
What, Sir John Falstaff! Is it you, knight?
I love thee and none but thee
Help me away. Let me creep in here
Get a run up
Jan, Radek!
Here, sir
Leg!
Oh no, oh no
Oh, what have I sat in?
Help cover your master, boy
You dissembling knight!
Come quickly.
Take this to the tipping-ditch by the canal
Don't dawdle. Quickly, go
Get thee hence, my little eyas-musket!
Pray you, come near.
If I suspect without cause...
...why then make sport at me.
Then let me be your jest, I deserve it
How now! Whither bear you this?
Canal
- Tipping ditch
- Canal
Why, what have you to do
whither they bear the rubbish?
Rubbish!
I wish I could rid myself
of more than rubbish
Go on then, get out!
Gentlemen, here, here, here be my keys
Ascend my chambers. Search, seek, find out
I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox
Good Mister Ford, be contented.
You wrong yourself too much
True, Mister Page
In, gentlemen. You shall see sport anon
Follow me, gentlemen!
This is very fantastical
humours and jealousies
By gar, 'tis not the fashion of France
It is not jealous in France
Nay, follow, gentlemen.
See the results of his search
Is there not a double excellency in this?
I know not which pleases me better,
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John
What a shaking was he in when your husband
asked what was in the wheelie bin
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff's being here
For I never saw him
so gross in his jealousy till now
I will lay a plot to try that,
and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff
Shall we send that foolish carrion,
Mistress Quickly, to him again...
...to excuse his throwing into the canal?
And give him another hope,
to betray him to another punishment?
We will do it. Let him be sent for again
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave
bragged of that he could not compass
Heard you that?
- You use me well, Mister Ford, do you?
- Ay, I do so
Heaven make you better than your thoughts
Amen
- You do yourself mighty wrong, Mister Ford
- Ay, ay. I must bear it
If there be anybody in the house,
and in the chambers...
...and in the coffers,
and in the cupboards...
...heaven forgive my sins
at the Day of Judgement
By gar, and I too. There is no bodies
Fie, fie, Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests
this imagination?
I would not have your distemper in this kind
for all the world
- 'Tis my fault, Page. I suffer for it
- You suffer for a bad conscience
Your wife is as honest a woman
as I will desire among five thousand...
...and five hundred too
By gar, I see she is an honest woman
Well, I promised you a dinner.
I pray you, pardon me
I will henceforth let you know
why I have done this
Wife, Mistress Page
I pray you, pardon me
I pray heartily, pardon me
Let's go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we'll mock him
I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast
After, we'll a-golfing together.
Shall it be so?
Anything. Pray you, go in
If there be one,
I shall make two in the company
And if there be one or two,
I shall make the third
- Bardolph, I say
- Yes, Sir John
Go fetch me a pint of warm sack
- Put a toast in't
- Yes, Sir John
Have I lived to be carried
in a wheelie bin...
...like a barrow of butcher's offal...
...and to be thrown into a canal?
Well, if I be served such another trick,
I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered...
...and give them to a dog
for a new-year's gift
The rogues slighted me into the filthy water
with as little remorse...
...as they would have drowned
a blind bitch's puppies, fifteen in the litter
And you may know by my size
that I have a kind of...
...alacrity in sinking
If the bottom were as deep as hell,
I should down
I had been drowned,
but that the shore was shelvy and shallow
Drowning is a death that I abhor,
for the water swells a man
And what a thing should I have been
when I had been swelled!
Here's your sack, sir
And there's Mistress Quickly, sir
- Shall I admit her?
- Call her in
Come in, woman
By your leave
I cry you mercy.
Give your worship good e'en
- Go, fetch me another pint of sack
- With egg, sir?
Simple of itself, I'll no pullet sperm
in my brewage
Marry, sir, I come to your worship
from Mistress Ford
Mistress Ford!
I have had ford enough
I was thrown into the ford
I had my belly full of ford
Alas the day!
Good heart, this was not her fault
She does so take on with those men
They mistook their erection
So did I mine...
...to build upon a foolish woman's promise
Well, she laments, sir, for it,
would yearn your heart to see it
But now, her husband goes
tomorrow morning a-golfing
And she desires you once more
to come to her at her house
I must carry her word quickly
She'll make you amends, I warrant you
Well, I will visit her. Tell her so...
...and bid her think what a man is.
Let her consider his frailty...
...and then judge of my merit
I will tell her
- Tomorrow evening, sayest thou?
- Tomorrow morning, sir
- Well be gone. I will not miss her
- Peace be with you, sir
Here's your sack, sir
- And there's Mister Brook, sir
- Admit him not
My garments!
Comb over, comb over!
Let him approach
Bless you, sir
Now, Mister Brook, you come to know
what hath passed...
...between me and Ford's wife?
That, indeed, Sir John, is my business
Mister Brook, I will not lie to you
I was at her house
the hour she appointed me
- And how fared you, sir?
- Very ill-favoredly, Mister Brook
How so? Did she change her determination?
No, Mister Brook
For no sooner had we embraced,
kissed, protested...
...and, as it were,
spoke the prologue of our comedy...
...but the sneaking cuckold her husband...
...dwelling in a continual hysteria
of jealousy and distemper...
...comes me in that instant, and at his heels
a rabble of his companions...
...to search his house for his wife's love
- What, while you were there?
- While I was there
And did he search for you,
and could not find you?
You shall hear
As good luck would have it, comes in one
Mistress Page...
...gives intelligence of Ford's approach...
...and, in her invention,
they conveyed me into a wheelie bin
- A wheelie bin?
- By the Lord, a wheelie bin
Oh Mister Brook, what I have suffered
to bring this woman to evil for your good
A wheelie bin so rammed me in
with foul matter...
...that there was the rankest compound
of villanous smell that ever offended nostril
- And how long lay you there?
- You shall hear
Being thus crammed in the wheelie bin...
...a couple of Ford's knaves were called
forth by their mistress to convey me out
But they met the jealous knave,
their master, coming in...
...who asked them once or twice,
what they had in their wheelie bin
I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave
should have searched it
But fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold,
held his hand
Well, on went he for a search,
and away went I for foul dregs
A man of my kidney.
think of that, Mister Brook...
...that am as subject to heat as butter,
stopped in with stinking swill and scrapings
Think of that, Mister Brook!
It was a miracle I scaped suffocation
And in the height of this bath, when I was
more than half stewed in my own grease...
...to be thrown into a canal, and cooled...
...glowing hot, into that surge,
like a horse-shoe
Think of that, hissing hot
Think of that, Mister Brook
In good sadness, I am sorry
that for my sake you have suffered all this
My suit then is desperate.
You'll undertake her no more?
Not so, Mister Brook
I will be thrown into Etna
ere I leave her thus
Her husband is tomorrow a-golfing
I have received from her
another embassy of meeting in the fore-noon
Come to me at your convenient leisure
in the afternoon...
...and you shall know how I speed
And the conclusion shall be crowned
with your enjoying her
You shall have her, Mister Brook.
Mister Brook, you shall cuckold Ford
Your bath is ready, sir
Thank you, my little red-breasted thingamajig
Adieu
Robin...
Is this a vision?
Is this a dream? Do I sleep?
Ford, awake!
Awake, Ford!
There's a hole made in your best coat
This is to be married!
Well, I will now take the lecher
He will be at my house, he cannot 'scape me
'Tis impossible he should
He cannot creep into a ha'penny purse,
nor into a pepper-box
But, lest the devil that guides him
should aid him...
...I'll search impossible places
Though what I am I cannot avoid...
...yet to be what I would not
shall not make me tame
If I have horns to make one mad...
...let the proverb go with me
I'll be horn-mad
Oh. My. God
I see I cannot get thy father's love
Therefore no more turn me to him,
sweet Anne
He doth object I am too great of birth
and that, my state being stung
by my expense...
...I seek to heal it only by his wealth
And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
that I should love thee but as a property
- Maybe he tells you true
- No, heaven so speed me in my time to come
Albeit, I will confess thy father's wealth...
...was the first motive
that I woo'd thee, Anne
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
than stamps...
...or gold, or sums in sealed bags
And 'tis the very riches of thyself
which now I aim at
Gentle Master Fenton,
yet seek my father's love. Still seek it, sir
If opportunity and humblest suit
cannot attain it, why, then...
Hark you, hither!
Mistress Quickly, break their talk.
My kinsman shall speak for himself
Hark ye, Anne
Master Slender would speak a word with you
I come to him.
This is my father's choice
And how does good Master Fenton?
Pray you, a word with you
To her, coz
I'm afeard
Mistress Anne
My cousin loves you
Ay, that I do,
as I love any woman in Windsor
- He will maintain you like a gentlewoman
- Ay, that I will
He will make you
a hundred and fifty pounds a year
Good Mister Shallow, let him woo for himself
I thank you for it.
I thank you for that good comfort
Coz, I'll leave you
- Now, Master Slender
- Now, good Mistress Anne
What is your will?
My will?
'Od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
indeed! I ne'er made my will yet
I thank heaven, I'm not such
a sickly creature, I give heaven praise
I mean, Master Slender,
what would you with me?
Truly, for mine own part,
I would little or nothing with you
But your father and my cousin
have made motions
If it be my luck, so.
If not, happy man be his dole!
They can tell you how things go better
than I can
You may ask your father, here he comes
Now, son Slender. Love him, daughter Anne
Why, how now! What does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir,
thus still to haunt my manor
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of
Nay, Mister Page, be not impatient
- Good Master Fenton, come not to my child
- She is no match for you
Sir, will you hear me?
No...
...good Master Fenton
Come, Shallow. Come, son Slender, in
Knowing my mind,
you wrong me, Master Fenton
Speak to Mistress Page
Good Mistress Page,
for that I love your daughter...
...in such a righteous fashion as I do...
Perchance, against all checks,
rebukes and manners...
...I must advance the colours of my love...
...and not retire.
Let me have your good will
Good mother, do not marry me
to yond fool, Master Slender
I mean it not.
I seek you a better husband
That's my master, Master Doctor
I had rather be buried alive in the earth
and bowled to death with turnips
Come, trouble not yourself
Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your enemy, nor friend
My daughter will I question
how she loves you...
...and as I find her, so am I affected
Till then, fare you well, sir
She must needs go in,
her father will be angry
Come on
Farewell, gentle mistress
Farewell, Anne
This is my doing, Master Fenton
"I will not be your enemy", this is my doing
I thank thee, and I pray thee,
once tonight give my sweet Anne this ring
Here's for thy pains
Now heaven send thee good fortune
A kind heart he hath
A woman would run through
fire and water for such a kind heart
Mistress Ford...
...your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance
I see you are obsequious in your love,
and I profess requital to a hair's breadth
Not only, Mistress Ford,
in the simple office of love...
...but in all the accoutrement,
complement and ceremony of it
- But are you sure of your husband now?
- He's a-golfing, sweet Sir John
What, ho, Alice Ford! What, ho!
Step into the... Under the...
Behind the barbecue!
How now, sweetheart!
- Who's at home besides yourself?
- Why, no one
- Indeed?
- No, certainly
Speak louder
Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here
- Why?
- Why, woman...
...your husband is in his old lunes again
He so takes on yonder with my husband...
...so rails against all married mankind,
so curses all Eve's daughters...
...of what complexion soever,
and so buffets himself on the forehead...
...that any madness I ever yet beheld...
...seemed but tameness, civility and patience
to this distemper he is in now
I am so glad the fat knight is not here
- Why, does he talk of him?
- Of none but him
Swears he was carried out, the last time
he searched for him, in a wheelie bin
Protests to my husband he is here now...
...and hath drawn him
and the rest of their company...
...from their sport,
to make another experiment of his suspicion
But I am glad the knight is not here.
Now your husband will see his own foolery
- How near is he, Mistress Page?
- Hard by, at street end. He will be here anon
I am undone! The knight is here!
Why then, you are utterly shamed,
and he's but a dead man
What a woman are you!
Away with him, away with him!
Which way should he go?
How should I bestow him?
Shall I put him in the wheelie bin again?
No, I'll come no more in the wheelie bin!
May I not go out ere he come?
Alas, three of Mister Ford's brothers...
...watch the doors with pistols,
that none shall issue forth
Otherwise you might slip away ere he came
- What shall I do? Where shall I go?
- I know not, there is no hiding you
I'll go out then
If you go out in your own semblance,
you die, Sir John
- Unless...
- Unless...
- Unless?
- Unless you go out disguised
- How might we disguise him?
- Alas the day, I know not
There's no woman's gown big enough,
otherwise he might so escape
Good hearts, devise something.
Any extremity rather than a mischief
My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentwood,
has a gown above
On my word, it will serve him,
she's as big as he is. Run up, Sir John
We'll come dress you straight.
Put on the gown the while
My husband cannot abide
the fat woman of Brentwood
He swears she's a witch
Forbade her my house and hath threatened
to beat her if he finds her here
Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel,
and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!
- But is my husband coming?
- He is
Right...
I'll appoint my men to wheel the bin again...
...to meet him at the door with it,
as they did last time...
...whilst you go dress Falstaff
like the witch of Brentwood
I will, dishonest varlet!
We cannot misuse him enough
Jan! Radek! Jan!
We'll leave a proof,
by that which we will do...
...wives may be merry, and yet honest too
Go, sirs, to the bin again
Your master is hard at door.
If he bid you open it, obey him
Stop, villains! Somebody call my wife.
O now shall the devil be shamed
What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!
- This is mad as a mad dog
- Come hither, Mistress Ford
Mistress Ford, the honest woman...
...the modest wife, the virtuous creature,
that hath the jealous fool to her husband
I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?
Heaven be my witness you do,
if you suspect me in any dishonesty
Well said, brazen-face! Hold it out
Come forth, sirrah
- This passes!
- Are you not ashamed? Morbleu!
- I shall find you anon
- 'Tis unreasonable, come away
- Empty the bin, I say!
- Why, man, why?
By my fidelity, this is not well, Mister
Ford, this wrongs--
Mister Page, as I am a man...
...there was one conveyed from my house
yesterday in this bin
Why may not he be there again?
In my house I am sure he is
My intelligence is true,
my jealousy is reasonable
Here is no man
Nom de dieu!
Mister Ford, you must pray, and not follow
the imaginations of your own heart
This is jealousies. The coals thereof
are fiery coals and a vehement flame
- He's not here I seek for
- No, nor nowhere else but in your brain
Help to search my house this one time
If I find not what I seek,
for ever let me be your table-sport
Satisfy me once more.
Once more search with me
What, ho, Mistress Page!
Come you and the old woman down
- My husband will come into the chamber
- Old woman! What old woman's that?
It is my maid, Elena Popescu, her aunt,
the fat woman of Brentwood
The fat woman of Brentwood!
- The witch!
- She's a witch?
You witch, you hag, you come down, I say!
Nay, good, sweet husband!
Good gentlemen,
let him not harass the old woman
Come, give me your hand Mother Popescu
- Popescu? I'll Popescu you!
- No, Mister Ford
Ford?
- Where is she?
- Have we killed her?
Elle a disparu, la sorcière
- Oh my god!
- Hang her, witch!
By yea and no, I think the woman is a witch
I like it not when a woman
has such hair upon her chest
Now, gentlemen, I beseech you, follow me.
See but the issue of my jealousy
- What?
- Falstaff is here
If I cry out thus upon no trail,
never trust me when I cry again
Let's obey his humour a little further.
Follow, gentlemen
He beat him most pitifully
Nay, by the mass, that he did not.
Methought he beat him most unpitifully
What think you?
May we, with the warrant of womanhood...
...and the witness of a good conscience...
...pursue him with any further revenge?
The spirit of wantonness is, sure,
scared out of him
He will never, I think, attempt us again
Get off
Shall we tell our husbands
how we have served him?
By all means, yes, if it be but to scrape
the figures out of your husband's brains
I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed
But if the unvirtuous fat knight
shall be any further afflicted...
- ...we two will still be the ministers
- We will
Come, to the forge with it then, shape it.
I would not have things cool
Forsooth, I would my master had
Mistress Anne...
...or I would Master Slender had her
Or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her
I will do what I can for them all three...
...for so I have promised,
and I'll be as good as my word
But speciously for Master Fenton
But now, I must of another errand
to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses
What a beast am I to slack it!
I don't believe it!
And did he send you both
these letters at an instant?
Within a quarter of an hour
Pardon me, wife
Henceforth do what thou wilt
I rather will suspect the sun with cold
than thee with wantonness
Now doth thy honour stand,
in him that was late an heretic...
...as firm as faith
'Tis well, 'tis well
All right, all right!
No more
But let our plot go forward
Let our wives yet once again,
to make us public sport...
...meet with this old fat fellow,
where we may take him and disgrace him for it
How shall he come to us?
They've sent him word
they'll meet him in the square at midnight
You say he's been thrown in the canal
and has been grievously beaten as a witch
Methinks there should be terrors in him
that he should not come
Methinks his flesh is punished...
...he shall have no desires
Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,
we have devised the way to bring him there
There is an old tale goes that Herne the
hunter, sometime a keeper here about the town...
...doth some midsummer eves,
at still midnight...
...walk round the square,
with great ragged horns
And there he cries and shakes a chain
in a most hideous and dreadful manner
Yeah, and there want not many that do fear
in deep of night to walk by that place
Boo!
- But what of this?
- Marry, this is our device
That Falstaff at that place
shall meet with us...
...disguised like Herne
with huge horns on his head
Well, let it not be doubted
but that he'll come, and in this shape
But when you have brought him thither,
what shall be done with him? What is your plot?
That likewise have we thought upon, and thus
Anne Page, my daughter, you my husband...
...nay, all of you...
Sir Hugh, the good Doctor, Mister Shallow...
when he's out of A&E...
All the fat Knight's discarded men,
our Hostess and the girl...
you'll dress like ghosts and spirits
and upon a sudden as Falstaff...
...she and I, are newly met,
look you rush out with some diffused cry
Upon your sight,
we two in great amazedness will fly
Then do you encircle him about...
...and ask him why that hour
he dares to walk the town in such a shape
And till he tell the truth,
then let you all torment him with your flares
The truth being known,
we'll then present ourselves...
...dis-horn the spirit,
and mock him till the dawn
Brilliant
We must be practised
and prepared well to this
- I shall assemble all the group
- That will be excellent. I'll go and buy us vizards
And I'll to him again in name of Brook
He'll tell us all his purpose.
I'm sure he'll come
Fear not you that
Go get us properties and tricking
for our company
Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures
and very honest knaveries
I have a thought that in this time...
...shall Master Slender steal my Anne away
and marry her tonight
Now must I to the Doctor
He hath my good will,
for none but he shall marry with Anne Page
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot
And, he, my husband, best of all affects
The Doctor is well moneyed,
and his friends potent at court
He, none but he, shall have her
Hit it!
Oh, if it should come to the ear of the
court, how I have been transformed
And how my transformation
hath been cudgelled...
...they would melt me out of my fat,
drop by drop...
...and liquor fishermen's boots with me
I warrant they would whip me
with their fine wits...
...till I were as crest-fallen
as a dried pear
Well, if my wind were but long enough
to say my prayers...
...I would repent
Can I help you, Madam?
No, thank you so much
I'm just about to retire to my boudoir
Oh, you are awful
But I like you
Oh, you look lovely
- Where is Falstaff?
- Nay I know not
But there's a woman, a fat woman,
just gone into his chamber
A fat woman?
The knight might be robbed
I'll call
Bully knight! Bully Sir John! Art thou there?
Speak from thy lungs military
- 'Tis thine Hostess calls
- How now, mine Hostess!
Let thy fat woman come out, bully,
my chambers are honourable
There was, mine Hostess...
...an old wise woman
even now with me, but she's gone
- A wise woman?
- Ay, mine Hostess
One that hath taught me more
than ever I learned before in my life
Bardolph! Robin!
Now, whence come you?
>From the two parties, forsooth
The devil take one party
and his dam the other!
I have suffered more for their sakes...
...more than the villanous inconstancy
of man's disposition is able to bear
And have not they suffered?
Yes, I warrant you, speciously one of them
Mistress Ford, good heart,
is beaten black and blue
What tellest thou me of black and blue?
I was, myself, beaten into all the colours
of the rainbow
And but that my
admirable dexterity of wit...
...my counterfeiting the action
of an old woman, delivered me...
...I was like to be set in the stocks,
in the common stocks, by a constable...
...for the old witch of Brentwood
Sir, let me speak, and you shall hear
how things go, and, I warrant, to your content
Here is a letter will say somewhat
Good hearts,
what ado is here to bring you together!
Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well,
that you are so crossed
Yes...
'Tis all set, and I will do what I can
to get you a pair of horns
This is the third time,
I hope good luck lies in odd numbers
Away. Time wears.
Hold up your head and mince
Bless you, sir
How now, Mister Brook! Mister Brook,
the matter will be known to-night, or never
Be you in the square about midnight,
and you shall see wonders
Went you not to her yesterday, sir,
as you told me you had appointed?
I went to her, Mister Brook, as you see,
like a poor old man
But I came from her, Mister Brook,
like a poor old woman
That same knave Ford, her husband...
...hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in
him, Mister Brook, that ever governed frenzy
I'll tell you all, Mister Brook.
I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford...
...on whom tonight I will be revenged...
...and I will deliver his wife
into your hands
Strange things afoot, Mister Brook!
Strange things afoot
How now, good Mistress Hostess
Talk not to me, Master Fenton,
my mind is heavy
Yet hear me speak, assist me in my purpose
And, as I am a gentleman,
I'll give thee one hundred pounds in gold
I will hear thee, Master Fenton
- Oh, I like your glasses
- Yes
>From time to time I have acquainted you
with the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page...
...who mutually hath answered my affection,
even to my wish
I have a letter from her of such contents
as you will wonder at, the mirth whereof...
...so mingled with my matter, that neither
singly can be manifested, without the show of both
Fat Falstaff hath a great scene.
The image of the jest I'll show you here at large
Hark, good Hostess
This midnight in the square,
just 'twixt twelve and one...
...must my sweet Anne present a ghostly scene
The purpose why, is here. In which disguise,
while other jests are something rank on foot...
...her father hath commanded her
to slip away with Slender...
...and with him away, immediately to marry
She hath consented
Now, mistress, her mother, ever strong
against that match and firm for Doctor Caius...
...hath appointed that he shall likewise
shuffle her away...
...while other sports
are tasking of their minds
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
straight marry her
To this her mother's plot she seemingly
obedient likewise hath made promise to the Doctor
Now, thus it rests.
Her father means she shall be all in white
And in that shade, when Slender sees his time
to take her by the hand and bid her go...
...she shall go with him
Her mother hath intended,
the better to denote her to the Doctor...
...for they must all be masked
and vizarded...
...that quaint in green she shall be loose
enrobed...
...and when the Doctor spies
his vantage ripe...
...to pinch her by the hand, and, on that
token, the maid hath given consent to go with him
Which means she to deceive, father or mother?
Both, my good Hostess, to go along with me
Now, thus it rests...
Oh no! Put 'em back on
...that you'll procure the vicar...
...to stay for me at church
'twixt twelve and one
And, in the lawful name of marrying,
to give our hearts united ceremony
Well, husband your device, I'll to the vicar
Bring you the maid,
you shall not lack a priest
So shall I evermore be bound to thee.
Besides, I'll make thee a present recompense
Cousin, cousin!
It's me
Right we'll couch far off
till we see the others all are come
- Remember, son Slender, my daughter
- Ay, forsooth
I have spoke with her and we have
a code-word how to know one another
I come to her in white and cry "mum"...
...and she cries "budget".
And by that we know one another
"Mum"? "Budget"?
What need you that?
The white will decipher her well enough
- It hath struck ten
- Heaven prosper our sport
No man means evil but the devil,
and we shall know him by his horns
Come, gentlemen, let's away
- Good Doctor, my daughter is in green
- Green
When you see your time,
take her by the hand...
...away with her to the deanery,
and dispatch it quickly
I know what I have to do
Go before us into the square,
we two must go together
- Adieu
- Fare you well, sir
My husband will not rejoice so much
at the abuse of Falstaff...
...as he will chafe
at the Doctor's marrying my daughter
But 'tis no matter. Better a little chiding
than a great deal of heartbreak
Where is Anne now and her troop of ghosts,
and the Welsh phantom Hugh?
They are gone to couch themselves
around the square, with obscured lights
Which, at the very instant of
Falstaff's and our meeting...
...they will at once display to the night
That cannot choose but amaze him
If he be not amazed, he will be mocked.
If he be amazed, he will every way be mocked
We'll betray him finely
Against such lewdsters and their lechery,
those that betray them do no treachery
- The hour draws on. To the square!
- Tally ho
The church bell hath struck twelve,
the minute draws on
Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!
Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull
for thy Europa
Love set on thy horns
O powerful love, that, in some respects
makes a beast a man
In some other...
...a man a beast
For me, I am here a rutting stag
And I think the fattest in the forest
Send me a cool rut-time, Jove,
or who can blame me to piss my tallow?
But who comes here? My doe?
Sir John! Art thou there?
My deer? My male deer?
My doe with the black scut!
Let the sky rain potatoes...
...let it thunder
to the tune of Greensleeves...
Hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes...
...let there come a tempest of provocation
I will shelter me here
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart
Divide me like a bribed buck,
each a haunch...
...and my horns I bequeath your husbands
Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience,
he makes restitution
Am I a woodman, ha?
Speak I like Herne the hunter?
As I am a true spirit, welcome!
- Alas, what noise?
- Heaven forgive our sins
- What should this be?
- Away, away!
I think the devil will not have me damned...
...lest the oil that's in me
should set hell on fire
He would never else cross me thus
Spirits, black, grey, green, and white...
...you moonshine revellers
and shades of night
You orphan heirs of fixed destiny...
...attend your office and your quality
These are ghosts!
And he that speaks to them must die
I'll wink and crouch.
No man their works must eye
But, stay, I smell a man of middle-earth
Vile worm,
thou wast o'erlooked even in thy birth
With trial-fire touch me his lower-end
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
and turn him to no pain
But if he start,
it is the flesh of a corrupted heart
- A trial, come
- Come, will this wood take fire?
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire
Run!
Pray you, hold up the jest no higher
Now, good Sir John,
how like you Windsor wives?
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?
Mister Brook,
Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave
Here are his horns, Mister Brook
And, Mister Brook...
...he hath enjoyed nothing
of Ford's, except...
...his wheelie bin, his cudgel,
and this hour upon that stone
Sweet Sir John, we have had ill luck,
we could never meet
I will never take you for my love again...
...but I will always count you my deer
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass
And these are not spirits
I was three or four times
in the thought they were not
And yet the guiltiness of my mind,
the sudden surprise of my powers...
...drove the grossness of this foppery...
...into a received belief,
in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason
See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent...
...when 'tis upon ill employment
Sir John Falstaff, serve God,
leave your desires...
...and spirits will not haunt you
- Well said, Sir Hugh
- And leave your jealousies too, I pray you
I will never mistrust my wife again
till thou art able to woo her in good English
English? Dim gwerth rhech dafad!
He's Welsh...
Sir John Falstaff,
you are given to fornications...
...and taverns and sack and wine
and metheglins...
...and drinkings and swearings
and starings and pribbles...
...and prabbles
Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too?
To stand at the taunt of one
that make fritters of English?
Well, I am your theme.
You have the start of me
I am dejected
I am not able to answer this Welsh flannel
Use me as you will
Marry, sir, let that you have suffered
be biting affliction enough
Yet be cheerful, knight
Thou shalt drink a posset
tonight at my house...
...where I will desire thee to laugh at my
wife, who now laughs at thee
Tell her...
Master Slender hath married her daughter
Doctors doubt that
Whoa ho, father Page
Son, how now! How now, son!
Have you dispatched?
- Dispatched! There's a word for it!
- For what, son?
I came yonder to the church
to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's...
...Simple, my serving man
If it hadn't been in the church,
I would have swinged you
- Upon my life, then, you took the wrong
- What need you tell me that?
I think so, when I took a boy for a girl.
For this apparel I might have married him
This is your own folly!
Did not I tell you how you should know
my daughter by her garments?
I came to her in white, cried "mum"...
...and she cried "budget",
as Anne and I had appointed
And yet it was not Anne, but... him
Good George, be not angry
I knew of your purpose
and turned my daughter into green
And, indeed, she is now with the Doctor
at the deanery, and there married
Where is Mistress Page?
By gar, I am cozened
I have married un garçon, it is not Anne Page
By gar, I am cozened
Why, took you her in green?
Oui, by gar!
It's not an 'er, it's an 'im
It's a Nym
My name is Nym
And we are married
This is strange. Who hath the right Anne?
My heart misgives me.
Here comes Master Fenton
How do you, Master Fenton!
Pardon, good father!
Good my mother, pardon!
Now, good mistress, how chance you went not
with Master Slender?
- Why went you not with the Doctor, maid?
- You do afright her. Hear the truth of it
You would have married her most shamefully...
...where there was no proportion held in love
The truth is, she and I,
long since contracted...
...are now so sure that nothing
can dissolve us
The offence is holy that she hath committed
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
of disobedience, or unduteous title...
...since therein she doth evitate and shun
a thousand irreligious cursed hours...
...that forced marriage
would have brought upon her
Stand not afraid, here is no remedy
In love the heavens themselves
do guide the state
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate
I am glad, though you have ta'en
a special stand to strike at me...
...that your arrows have glanced
When night-dogs run,
all sorts of deer are chased
Out!
What cannot be eschewed must be embraced
Fenton!
Heaven give thee joy
And I will muse no further neither
Good Master Fenton.
Heaven grant you many, many merry days
Good husband, let us every one go home...
...and laugh this sport o'er a country fire
- Sir John and all
- Let it be so, Sir John
To Mister Brook you yet shall hold
your word...
...for he tonight shall lie
with Mistress Ford
- Who is it?
- Mr Shakespeare? You there, sir?
- What do you want?
There's a letter for you, sir
>From the Queen
Thank you
Ow!
To my countryman and subject,
Mr William Shakespeare
My admiration of your work for the stage
is well known, sir
And for many an evening do I owe you
for excellent entertainment
But news that you are to present a new play
concerning King Henry the Fifth...
...without any appearance
by that excellent rogue Sir John Falstaff...
...does, I must confess, much perplex me
I therefore request and require that
you pen a new play...
...concerning the Knight Falstaff himself,
for a Royal entertainment...
...and that performance of said play
shall take place two weeks from today
Oh, my God!
And hereby signed,
Her Royal Majesty, Elizabeth
Queen of England... and Ireland...
and France...
...and Defender of the Faith
Oh dear... right
Act 1...
Oh yes, that's very good
Sir Hugh, persuade me not.
I will make a Star Chamber matter of it
If he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs...
...he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
esquire, Justice of the Peace
- And a gentleman born, Master Parson
- Ay, cousin Slender
If Sir John Falstaff have committed
disparagements unto you...
...I am of the Church...
...and will be glad to do my benevolence...
...to make atonements and compromises
between you
The Council shall hear it, it is a riot
It is not meet the Council hear a riot.
There is no fear of God in a riot
Ha! O' my life, if I were young again,
the sword should end it
It is petter that friends is the sword,
and end it
- What?
- Now...
...there is another device in my brain...
...which peradventure
brings good discretions with it
There is Anne Page, which is daughter
to Mister George Page...
...which is pretty virginity
Mistress Anne Page?
She has brown hair,
and speaks small like a woman
It is that very person, and seven hundred
pounds of moneys, and gold and silver...
...is her grandsire upon his death's-bed,
God deliver to a joyful resurrections...
...has left her, when she is able
to overtake twenty-one years old
It were a good motion
to leave our pribbles and prabbles...
...and desire a marriage between
Master Abraham Slender and Mistress Anne Page
Did her grandsire leave her
seven hundred pounds?
Ay, and her father is make her
a better penny
I know the young gentlewoman.
She has good gifts
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities
is good gifts
Well, let us see honest Mister Page
Is Falstaff there?
The knight, Sir John Falstaff, is there
And, I beseech you,
be ruled by your well-willers
I will beat the door for Mister Page
- Boyo! God bless your house here
- Who's there?
Here is God's blessing, and your friend,
and Justice Shallow...
...and here, young Master Slender
I am glad to see your worships well
Mister Page, I am glad to see you
- Is Sir John Falstaff here?
- Sir, he is within
- He hath wronged me, Mister Page
- Ah, sir, he doth in some sort confess it
If it be confessed, it is not redressed.
Is not that so, Mister Page?
He hath wronged me. Indeed he hath,
at a word, he hath, believe me
Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged
Here comes Sir John
Now Mister Shallow,
you'll complain of me to the Queen's Council?
Knight, you have beaten my men,
killed my deer, and broke open my lodge
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
This shall be answered
I will answer it straight
I have done all this.
That is now answered
The Council shall know this
'Twere better for you if it were known in
council. You'll be laughed at
Master Slender, I broke your head.
What matter have you against me?
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you, and against your coney-catching rascals
They carried me to the tavern, made me drunk,
and afterwards they picked my pocket
- You Banbury cheese!
- Ay, it is no matter
- How now, Mephistophiles!
- Ay, it is no matter
Slice, I say, slice! That's my humour
Where's Simple, my man?
Can you tell, cousin?
Peace, peace, I pray you
I will make a brief of it in my notebook...
...and afterwards, will work upon the cause
with as great discreetly as I can
- Pistol!
- He hears with ears
"He hears with ears"?
What phrase is this, why, it is affectations
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
Ay, by these garms, did he,
of seven groats in mill-sixpences...
...and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me
two shilling and two pence apiece
Is this true, Pistol?
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial. Froth and scum, thou liest
- By this ring, then, 'twas he
- Nym?
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours.
Do not run the beadle's humour on me
By these loafers, then, she had it
For though I cannot remember what I did
when you made me drunk...
...yet I am not altogether an ass
Bardolph?
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences
It is his "five senses".
Fie, what the ignorance is!
And being completely fap, sir,
was as they say cashiered...
...and so the conclusions past the careers
Ah-ha! You spake in Latin then, too
But 'tis no matter, for I'll ne'er be drunk
whilst I live again...
...but in honest, civil, godly company
And if I be drunk, I shall be drunk with
those that have the fear of God...
...and not with drunken knaves
That is a virtuous mind. Sir John, good worts
Good worts, good cabbage
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen
You hear it
Ah, gentlemen!
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in
O heaven! This is Mistress Anne Page
How now, Mistress Ford!
Mistress Ford,
by my troth, you are very well met
By your leave, good mistress
Come, gentlemen,
we have a hot venison pasty to dinner
Venison. I knew it!
Indeed gentlemen,
and I hope we shall drink down all unkindness
I had rather than forty shillings
I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here
How now, Simple!
I must wait upon myself, now, must I?
Have you not the Book of Riddles
about you, have you?
Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it
to Alice Shortcake a fortnight last?
Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you.
A word with you, coz
- There is, as 'twere, a tender...
- What?
A kind of offer...
...about to be made by Sir Hugh here.
Do you understand me?
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable
If it be so, I will do that that is reason
Nay, but understand me
So I do, sir
Master Slender, I will description
the matter to you...
...if you be capacity of it
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says
But that is not the question.
The question is concerning your marriage
- Ay, there's the point, sir
- Ay, marry, is it, the very point of it
To Mistress Anne Page
If it be so, I will marry her
upon any reasonable demands
- But can you affection the woman?
- Can you love the maid?
I hope, sir, that I will do as it shall
become one that does reason
God's Lords and Ladies!
Cousin Abraham Slender, will you,
upon good dowry, marry Anne Page?
I will marry her, sir, at your request
But if there be no great love
in the beginning...
...yet heaven may decrease it
upon better acquaintance...
...when we are married
and have more occasion to know one another
I hope, upon familiarity
will grow more contempt
But if you say "Marry her", I will marry her.
That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely
Dissolutely? The word is "resolutely"
I think my cousin meant well
Here comes fair Mistress Anne
Mistress Anne,
would I were young for your sake
The dinner is on the table.
My father desires your company
I will wait upon him, fair Mistress Anne
God's blessed will,
I will not be absence at the grace
Go Sirrah, go wait upon my cousin
Will it please you to come in, sir?
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily.
I am very well
The dinner attends you, sir
I am not a-hungry, I thank you
I may not go in without you.
They will not sit till you come
I' faith, I'll eat nothing.
I thank you as much as though I did
- I pray you, sir, walk in
- I had rather stay here, I thank you
I bruised my shin the other day playing
at sword and dagger with a master of fence
Why does your dog growl so?
Come, gentle Master Slender.
Come, we stay for you
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir.
Come, come
I pray you, Mistress Anne, lead the way
Simple! Go your ways, look you,
and ask of Doctor Caius' house
There dwells one Mistress Quickly,
which is in the manner of his nurse...
...or his dry nurse, his cook,
or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer
Well, sir
Give her this letter
For it is a woman that altogether
is acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page
And the letter is to desire
and require her...
...to solicit your master, Abraham Slender's,
desires to Mistress Anne Page
Pray you, be gone
I will make an end of my dinner,
there's pippins and cheese to come
Mine Hostess of the Garter!
What sayest thou, bully-rook?
Speak scholarly and wisely
Truly, good Hostess,
I must turn away some of my followers
Then discard, bully Hercules.
Let them wag. Trot, trot
I sit at ten pounds a week
And you live like an Emperor,
a Caesar, a Keisar, a Vizier
All right
I will entertain Bardolph.
She shall draw, she shall tap
Said I well, bully Hector?
- Do so, good mine Hostess
- I have spoke
- Bardolph!
- Yes, Sir John
Let me see thee froth and lime
I am at a word, follow
- What?
- Bardolph, follow her
A tapster is a good trade
Bardolph, wilt thou the spigot wield?
It is a life that I have desired.
I will thrive
Well, she was gotten in drink.
Is not the humour conceited?
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels
There is no remedy.
I must cony-catch. I must shift
- Young ravens must have food
- I love not the humour of bread and cheese
Which of you knows Ford of this town?
I ken him. He is of substance good
- My honest lads, I will tell you what I am
about - Two yards or more
No quips now, Pistol.
Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about
But I am now about no waste,
I am about thrift
Briefly...
...I do mean to make love to Ford's wife
I spy entertainment in her
She discourses, she carves,
she gives the leer of invitation
I can construe her action,
which is in plain English...
..."I am Sir John Falstaff's"
He hath studied her well,
and translated her will...
...out of honesty into English
Will that humour pass?
The report goes, she holds all the rule
of her husband's purse
He hath a legion of angels
- "To her, boy," say I
- The humour rises, it's good
Humour me those angels
I have writ me here a letter to her.
And here another to Page's wife...
...who even yesterday
gave me good eyes too...
...examined my parts
with most judicious oeillades
Sometimes the beam of her view
gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors
with such a greedy intention...
...that the appetite of her eye
did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass
She bears the purse too
They shall be my East and West Indies,
all gold and bounty...
...and I will trade to them both
Go there, bear thou this letter
to Mistress Page...
...and thou this, to Mistress Ford
We will thrive, lads, we will thrive!
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
and by my side wear steel?
Lucifer take all!
I will run no base humour.
You take the letter, I will keep my reputation
- And I mine honour
- Thine honour!
I have been content, sirs,
you should lay my countenance to pawn
I am damned in hell for swearing my friends,
you were good and tall fellows
And when Mistress Bridget
lost the handle of her fan...
...I took't upon mine honour
thou hadst it not
- Didst not we share?
- Hadst you not fifteen pence?
Reason, you rogues, reason.
Thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul gratis?
At a word, hang no more about me
You would not bear a letter for me,
you rogues?
Hence, avaunt!
Vanish like hailstones, go!
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof,
seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age
French thrift, you rogues
You boy, be you my page
- What's your name?
- Robin
- Robin, bear you these letters tightly
- Yes, Sir John
Let vultures gripe thy guts,
base Phrygian Turk!
Why, now the world's mine oyster,
which I with sword shall open
I have ideas
which would be humours of revenge
- Revenge?
- Ay
- With wit or steel?
- With... both... the humours, I
I will impart the humour of his love to Page
And I to Ford shall eke unfold...
...how Falstaff, varlet vile...
...Ford's dove will prove,
his gold will hold, and his soft bed defile
I will incense Page to deal with poison
For the revolt of mine is dangerous.
That is my true humour
Thou art the Mars of malcontents
- Really?
- I second thee, troop on
John Rugby!
I prithee, go to the casement...
...and see if you can see my master,
Doctor Caius, coming
If he do, i' faith, and find any body
in the house, he will be horn mad
I'll go watch
Go
And we'll have a posset for it
soon at night, in faith
An honest, willing, kind fellow,
as ever servant come in house withal
And, I warrant you,
no tell-tale nor no breed-bate
His worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer
He is something peevish that way, but...
...nobody but has his fault
But let that pass
Peter Simple, you say your name is?
Ay, for want of a better
- And Master Slender's your master?
- Ay
- A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
- Ay, forsooth
He's as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head
I do remember him
Does he not hold up his head,
as it were, and strut in his gait?
Yes, indeed, does he
Well, heaven send Anne Page
no worse fortune
Tell Mister Parson Evans
I'll do what I can for your master
- Anne's a good girl, and I...
- Out, alas! Here comes my master
We shall all be shent!
Run in here, good young man.
Go in this closet
He will not stay long
What is you sing? I do not like these toys
Fe, fe, fe, fe, fe!
Ma foi, il fait fort chaud
Je m'en vais à la cour, la grande affaire
Oh là là. Quelle catastrophe, ce Brexit
Pray you, fetch me in my closet the...
...la boîte verte...
The box, the green box
Do you intend what I speak?
The green box
Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you
I'm glad he went not in himself
Is it this one, sir?
Mais oui, mette-le dans mon sac, in my bag
Dépêche, quickly. Quickly, Quickly
Where is that knave John Rugby?
- John Rugby! John!
- Here, sir
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby
Come, follow my heels to the court
Ah ma foi, qu'ai-j'oublié!
There is some simples in my closet...
...that I will not for the world
I shall leave behind
Ay me, he'll find the young man in there
Merci beaucoup
O diable, diable! What is in my closet?
Villain!
Voleur! Scélérat! Larron!
- Rugby, my rapier!
- Good master, be content
- Wherefore should I be content?
- The young man is an honest man
What shall the honest man do in my closet?
There is no honest man
that shall come in my closet
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic
Hear the truth of it
He comes of an errand to me
from Parson Hugh
Errand? What errand?
- He would desire...
- Peace, I pray you
Peace in your mouth
Speak your tale
He will desire this honest gentlewoman,
your maid...
...to speak a good word
to Mistress Anne Page...
...for my master, Master Slender,
in the way of marriage
This is all, indeed
But I would ne'er have done it
Sir Hugh send you?
Baille-moi du papier, Rugby
Prepare me some paper
You, wait little while
I am glad he is so quiet
If he'd been thoroughly moved,
you should have heard him so loud
But listen, I'll do you your master
what good I can
But the thing is, the French doctor,
my master, well, I...
My master, well, I call him my master,
for I keep his house
I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour...
...dress meat and drink, make the beds
and do all myself...
...but he, my master, is in love
with Mistress Anne Page himself
But notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind
You jackanape,
you give this letter to Sir Hugh
By gar, it is a challenge
I will cut his throat in the park
And I will teach a scurvy jackanape priest
to meddle
You may be gone.
It is not good you tarry here
By gar, I will cut all his two couilles...
..."bollocks"
By gar, he will not have a ball left
to throw for his dog
Alas, he speaks but for his friend
It's no matter for that
Do not you tell me that.
I shall have Anne Page for myself
By gar, I will kill the priest
And I have assigned mine Hostess of the
Garter to decide where we meet...
...to measure our weapons
By gar, I will myself have Anne Page
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be
well
We must give folk leave to prate
Rugby, come to the court with me
By gar, if I do not have Anne Page,
I shall turn your head out of my doors
Follow my heels, Rugby
You shall have An... fool's head of your own
- Who's there?
- What ho
Oh Master Fenton! Come in, I pray you
How now, good woman, how dost thou?
The better that it pleases
your good worship to ask
What news?
How does pretty Mistress Anne?
In truth, and she is pretty, and honest,
and gentle, and she is your friend
I can tell you that,
and I praise heaven for it
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou?
Shall I not lose my suit?
Master Fenton,
I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you
- Have not your worship a wart above your
eye? - Yes, marry, have I. What of that?
Well, thereby hangs a tale
Good faith, she is such a one. But, I detest,
an honest maid as ever broke bread
We had an hour's talk of that wart
Indeed, she's much given to allicholy
and musing for you
Well, I shall see her today.
Hold, there's money for thee
Let me have thy voice in my behalf.
If thou seest her before me, commend me
Will I? I'faith, that I will
And I will tell your worship more of the wart
the next time we have confidence...
...and of other wooers
- Well, farewell. I am in great haste now
- Farewell to your worship
Truly, an honest gentleman
But Anne loves him not,
for I know Anne's mind for that
Never a woman in Windsor
knows more of Anne's mind than I do
Out upon't, what have I forgot?
What, have I scaped love-letters
in the holiday-time of my beauty...
...and am I now a subject for them?
Let me see
"Ask me no reason why I love you"
"For though Love use Reason
for his confessor..."
"...he admits him not for his counsellor"
"You are not young..."
"...no more am I.
Go to then, there's sympathy"
"You are merry, so am I.
Ha, ha, then there's more sympathy"
"You love drink, and so do I.
Would you desire better sympathy?"
"Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,
at least, if the love of soldier can suffice..."
"...that I love thee"
"I will not say, pity me, 'tis not
a soldier-like phrase. But I say, love me"
"By me, thine own true knight,
By day or night, or any kind of light"
"With all his might for thee to fight..."
"...John Falstaff"
John Falstaff? O wicked world!
A man that is well-nigh
worn to pieces with age...
...showing himself a young gallant!
And what an unweighed behaviour...
...hath this Flemish drunkard
picked out of my conversation...
...that he dares in this manner assay me?
Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!
What did I say to him?
I was then frugal of my mirth,
heaven forgive me
Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament
for the putting down of men
How shall I be revenged on him?
For revenged I will be,
as sure as his guts are made of puddings
Mistress Page! Meg!
Alice! You look very ill
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that,
I have to show to the contrary
- Oh Meg, give me some counsel
- What's the matter?
If it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour
Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour.
What is it?
Dispense with trifles, what is it?
If I would but go to hell
for an eternal moment or so...
...I could be knighted
- What?
- Here, read, read
Perceive how I might be knighted
I shall think the worse of fat men...
...as long as I have an eye
to make difference of men's liking
How shall I be revenged on him?
I think the best way
were to entertain him with hope...
...until the wicked fire of lust
have melted him in his own grease
Did you ever hear the like?
Letter for letter, but that the name of
Page and Ford differs
Here's the twin-brother to thy letter
I warrant he hath
a thousand of these letters...
...writ with blank space for different names
Sure, more, and he will print them,
out of doubt
For he cares not what he puts into the press,
when he would put us two
I will find you twenty lascivious turtles
ere one chaste man
Why, this is the very same,
the very hand, the very words
- What doth he think of us?
- Nay, I know not
Sure, unless he know some strain in me,
that I know not myself...
...he would never have boarded me
in this fury
"Boarding" call you it?
I'll be sure to keep him above deck
So will I
If he come under my hatches,
I'll never to sea again
Let's be revenged on him
I will consent to act any villany against
him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty
That my husband saw this letter!
It would give eternal food to his jealousy
My husband's as far from jealousy
as I am from giving him cause
You are the happier woman
Let's consult together
against this greasy knight
Come, come
- Nay, I hope it be not so
- And this is true
I love not the humour of lying
- He loves your wife
- Yes, Sir John affects thy wife
Why, sir, my wife is not young
He loves your wife.
There's the short and the long
He woos both high and low, both rich and poor
both young and old...
...one with another, he loves them all
Loves my wife!
My name is Nym
And Falstaff loves your wife
With liver burning hot
Take heed, have open eye,
for thieves do foot by night
Take heed, ere summer comes
or cuckoo-birds do sing
Adieu
Believe it, Page, he speaks sense
Farewell
I will find out this
"The humour of it," quoth he!
Here's a fellow frights English out of his wits
- I will seek out Falstaff
- I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue
- If I do find it, well
- I will not believe him
'Twas a good sensible fellow, well
You heard what this knave told me,
did you not?
- Yeah, and you heard what the other told me?
- Do you think there's truth in 'em?
Hang 'em, slaves! These that accuse him
in his intent towards our wives...
...are a yoke of his discarded men.
Very rogues, now they be out of service
- Were they his men?
- Marry, were they
I like it never the better for that.
Does he lie at the Garter?
Ay, marry, does he
If he should intend this voyage
towards my wife, I shall turn her loose to him
And what he gets more of her
than sharp words, let it lie on my head
I do not misdoubt my wife,
but I would be loath to turn 'em together
A man may be too confident
- Whither go you, George?
- How now, Meg
How now, sweet Frank
Why art thou melancholy?
I melancholy! I am not melancholy.
Get you in, go
Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head.
Will you go in, Meg?
Have with you.
You'll come to dinner, George
Look who comes yonder
She shall be our messenger
to this paltry knight
Aye, I thought on her. She'll fit it
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
Ay, forsooth.
And how does good Mistress Anne?
Go in with us and see.
We'll have an hour's talk with you
- Bully-rook!
- I follow, mine Hostess, I follow
Look where my ranting Hostess
of the Garter comes
There is either liquor in her pate
or money in her purse...
...when she looks so merrily
- How now, bully-rook!
- How now, mine Hostess
Good day, good Mister Page!
Mister Page, will you go with us?
- We have sport in hand
- Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him
Sir, there is a fray to be fought
between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest...
...and Caius the French doctor
Good mine Hostess of the Garter,
a word with you
What sayest thou?
Will you go with us to behold it?
My merry Hostess...
My merry Hostess...
My merry Hostess
hath appointed them contrary places
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be
I have heard the Frenchman
hath good skill in his rapier
Ah Mister Page, I have seen the time,
with my long sword...
...I would have made four tall fellows
skip like rats
You mean my knight, my guest Sir John?
I do! And I'll give you a bottle
of burnt sack to give me recourse to him...
...and tell him my name is Brook,
only for a jest
My hand, bully
Thou shalt have egress and regress.
Said I well?
And thy name shall be Brook
He is a merry knight. Will you go with us?
- Come come, mine Hostess
- Boys, boys, let us wag
Though Page be a secure fool,
he stands so firmly on his wife's frailty...
...yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily
She was in Falstaff's company
at Page's house...
...and what they made there, I know not
Well, I will look further into it.
And I'll have a disguise to sound Falstaff
If I find her honest, I lose not my labour
If she be otherwise...
...'tis labour well bestowed
Sir...
...there's a woman would speak with you
- Let her approach
Cheers
- Give your worship good morrow
- Good morrow, good wife
- Not so, an't please your worship
- Good maid, then
I'll be sworn, as my mother was,
the first hour I was born
I do believe the swearer
What with me?
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
Two thousand, fair lady,
and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing
There is one Mistress Ford, sir
I pray, come a little nearer this ways
- I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius
- Well, on. Mistress Ford, you say
Your worship says very true
I pray your worship,
come a little nearer this ways
- Bardolph... thingamajig...
- Robin!
Get thee hence
Well now
Mistress Ford. What of her?
Why, sir, she's a good creature
Lord, Lord! Your worship's a wanton
Heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray
Mistress Ford. Come, Mistress Ford
Marry, this is the short and the long of it
You have brought her into
such a canaries as 'tis wonderful
The best courtier of them all could never
have brought her to such a canaries
Yet, there has been knights, and lords...
...and gentlemen, with their coaches,
I warrant you
Coach after coach...
...letter after letter, gift after gift,
smelling so sweetly all musk
And so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and
gold, that would have won any woman's heart
And, I warrant you,
they could never get an eye-wink of her
They could never get her so much as
sip on a cup with the proudest of them all
And which is more, there has been earls,
but, I warrant you, all is one with her
But what says she to me?
Be brief, my good she-Mercury
Marry, she hath received your letter,
for the which she thanks you a thousand times
And she gives you to notify that her husband
will be absence from his house...
...between five and six this evening
- Five and six?
- Ay, truly
And then you may come and see the picture,
she says, that you wot of
Mister Ford, her husband, will be from home
Alas! the sweet woman
leads an ill life with him
He's a very jealousy man
She leads a very frampold life with him,
good heart
Five and six.
Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her
Why, you say well.
But I have another messenger to your worship
Mistress Page
hath her hearty commendations to you too
And let me tell you in your ear...
...she is as fartuous a civil modest wife
as any in these parts
And she bade me tell you
that her husband is seldom from home
But she hopes there will come a time
La! I never knew any two women
so dote upon a man
In truth, I think you have charms
Charms? No, not I, I assure you
Setting the attractions
of my good parts aside...
...I have no other charms
- Blessings on your heart for it!
- But, I pray thee, tell me this
Has Ford's wife and Page's wife...
...acquainted each other how they love me?
That were a jest indeed!
They would not have so little grace, I hope.
That were a trick indeed
But Mistress Page desires
that you send her your servant Robin
Her husband has a marvellous infection
for the boy
And then he may come and go between you both
that you may know one another's mind
Why, I will.
Robin, go along with this woman
Fare thee well, commend me to them both.
I am yet thy debtor
This news distracts me!
Well, go thy ways old Jack
I'll make more of thy old body
than I have done
Wilt thou yet look after me?
Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer?
Good body...
...I thank thee
Sir John
Sir John, there's one Mister Brook without...
...would fain speak with you,
and be acquainted with you
And hath sent your worship
a morning's draught of sack
Brook is his name?
- Ay, sir
- Call him in
Such Brooks are welcome to me,
that o'erflow such liquor
- Bless you, sir
- And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
Bardolph, give us leave
Sir, I am a gentleman.
The name is Brook, Yakov Brook
Good Mister Yakov Brook,
I desire more acquaintance of you
Good Sir John, I sue for yours.
And I have a bag of money here troubles me
If you will help to bear it, Sir John,
take all or half, for easing me of the carriage
Sir, I know not how I may deserve
to be your porter
I will tell you
There is a gentlewoman in this town.
Her husband's name...
- ...is Ford
- Well, sir
I have long loved her
And, I protest to you,
bestowed much on her
Not only bought many presents to give her...
...but have also given to others to know
what she would wish to be given
Briefly, I have pursued her
as love hath pursued me...
...which hath been on the wing
of all occasions. But..
...whatsoever I have merited, reward,
I am sure, I have received none
Unless experience be a jewel
that hath taught me to say this...
Love like a shadow flies
when substance love pursues
Pursuing that it flies,
and flying what pursues
Have you received no promise
of satisfaction at her hands?
- Never
- Have you importuned her to such an end?
- Never!
- To what purpose then have you...
...unfolded this to me?
When I have told you that,
I have told you all
Some say,
that though she appear honest to me...
...yet in other places,
she enlarges her mirth so far...
...that there is shrewd construction
made of her
Now, Sir John,
here is the heart of my purpose
You are a gentleman of excellent breeding...
...great standing, admirable discourse,
respected in your place and person
- O, sir!
- Believe it, sir, for you know it
There is money
Take some
Only give me so much of your time
in exchange of it...
...as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty
of this Ford's wife
Use your art of wooing
Vooing?
Wooing. Win her to consent to you.
If any man may, you may
Would it apply well
to the vehemency of your affection...
...that I should win what you would enjoy?
Understand my drift
She dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour...
...that the wantonness of my soul
dares not present itself
She is too bright to be looked against
But, could I could come to her
with any detection in my hand...
...my desires had evidence and argument
to commend themselves
What say you to it, Sir John?
Mister Brook, I will first make bold
with your money
Next, give me your hand.
And last, as I am a gentleman...
...you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife
Want no money, Sir John.
You shall want none
Want no Mistress Ford, Mister Brook,
you shall want none
I shall be with her, I may tell you,
by her own appointment
Even as you came in to me,
her assistant or go-between parted from me
I say I shall be with her
between five and six
For at that time the jealous rascally knave
her husband will be forth
Come to me at night.
You shall know how I speed
- Do you know Ford, Sir John?
- I know him not
But they say he hath masses of money...
...for the which his wife
seems to me well-favoured
I will use her as the key
of her cuckoldy husband's coffers
I would you knew him, sir,
that you might avoid him if you saw him
Hang him, vulgar salt-butter rogue!
I will stare him out of his wits,
I will awe him with my cudgel
Thou, Mister Brook, shalt know
I will predominate over this peasant...
...and thou shalt lie with his wife
Ford's a knave,
and I will aggravate his style
Thou, Mister Brook, shall know him
for a knave and cuckold
Come to me soon at night
What a damned Epicurean rascal is this!
My heart is ready to crack with impatience
Who says this is improvident jealousy?
My wife hath sent to him.
The hour is fixed, the match is made
Would any man have thought this?
See the hell of having a false woman
My bed is to be be abused...
...my coffers ransacked,
my reputation gnawn at
And I shall not only receive this villanous
wrong, but shall be called abominable names...
...and by him that does me this wrong
Cuckold! Half-wit!
Cuckold!
The devil himself hath not such names
Page is an ass, a secure ass
He will trust his wife,
he will not be jealous
I will rather trust a Fleming
with my butter...
...Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese...
...or an Irishman with my whisky bottle...
...than my wife with herself
Then she plots, then she ruminates,
then she devises
And what they think in their hearts,
they may effect
God be praised for my jealousy!
Five o'clock the hour
I will prevent this, detect my wife...
...be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page
I will about it. Better three hours too soon
than a minute too late
Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!
- Jack Rugby
- Sir?
What is the clock, Jack?
'Tis past the hour, sir,
that Sir Hugh promised to meet
By gar, he has save his soul
that he has not come...
He has pray his Bible well
that he is not come
By gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come
He is wise, sir.
He knew that you would kill him, if he came
By gar, the doornail is no dead
so as I will kill him
It's good English, no?
Here. Take the rapier,
I will show you how I will kill him
- Alas, sir, I cannot fence
- Villainy, take the rapier
Hold on, here's company
What be all you, one, two, three, four,
come for?
- To see thee fight
- To see thee foin
- To see thee here, to see thee there
- To see thy punto, thy stock
- Where is he?
- Is he dead?
What say you?
Is he dead, my bully, is he dead?
By gar, he is the coward Jack priest
of the world
He dare not show his face
Well, thou art a Hector of Greece, my boy
Pray witness that we have stay
for six or seven hours for him
For two or three hours for him
and he is not come
He is the wiser man, Doctor
He is a curer of souls,
and you a curer of bodies
If you should fight, you go against
the hair of your profession
Is it not true, Mister Page?
Mister Shallow, you have yourself
once been a great fighter
Ah! Indeed, Mister Page,
though I now be of the peace...
...if I see a sword out, my finger itches
So we are justices and doctors
and churchmen...
...we have some salt of our youth in us,
Mister Page
- We are the sons of women, Mister Page
- 'Tis true, Mister Shallow
Pardon, croissant,
voulez-vous coucher avec le cassoulet?
Pardon.
A word, Monsewer Mock-water
Mock-water? What is that?
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is...
- ...valour, bully.
- Valour!
By gar, then, I have as much mock-water
as the Englishman
And the Welshman
Scurvy jack-dog priest!
I will cut off his ears
No. but... His ears...
He will clapper-claw thee, bully
Clapper claw? What is that?
- That is, he will make thee amends
- Amends!
By gar, I do look he shall clapper-claw me,
for, by gar, I will have it
And I will provoke him to it, or let him wag
- I thank you for that
- And, moreover, bully...
But first, Mister Shallow, and Mister Page,
and you young Mister Slender...
...go you through the town to Frog Lane
- Sir Hugh is there, is he?
- He is there
See what humour he is in...
...and I will bring the Doctor about
the back way
- Will it do well?
- We will do it
- Adieu, Doctor Caius
- Adieu
Adieu, adieu.
By gar, I will kill the priest...
...for he speak for the jackanape Slender
to Anne Page
Yeah, let him die, yeah.
But come, Doctor...
...first, sheathe thy impatience,
pour cold water on thy choler
And go through the streets with me
to Frog Lane
I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page
is a-feasting...
...and thou shalt woo her
- Said I well?
- By gar, I thank you for that
By gar, I love you
I will procure you the good guest
for your pub
My patients.
The earl, the knight, the count...
- The count...?
- The countess...
- The gentlewomen
- That is well said. Let us wag, then
Follow my heels, Jack Rugby
Pray you now, Simple,
good Master Slender's serving-man...
...which way have you looked for Mister
Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward,
every way but the town way
I most vehemently desire you,
you will also look that way
I will, sir
Bless my soul, how full of cholers I am...
...and trembling of mind
I'll knog his urinals
about his knave's costard...
,,,when I have good opportunities for it
Bless my soul!
Iesu mawr, Diawi bach, Coc oen
Guide me, O thou great Redeemer...
...pilgrim through this barren land
I am weak...
Mercy on me!
I have a great disposition to cry
...but thou art mighty...
...hold me with thy powerful hand
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven...
...feed me now and ever more...
A heavenly choir of Welsh angels
Marvellous. I tell you what...
Why don't we all sing the last line
all together?
Let's give it a go
And give it some good Welsh welly
Ready? And...
- Feed me now...
- ...and ever more
Stop, stop, stop
That's hopeless!
"Welsh welly" not "English porridge"!
Let's try it again.
Think Cardiff Arms Park
Ready, and...
Feed me now and ever more
Yonder he is coming this way, Sir Hugh
He's welcome
What weapons is he?
And here comes my master, Master Slender,
and two other gentlemen, this way
- How now, Mister Parson
- Save you, good Sir Hugh
God bless you from his mercy sake, all of you
We are come to you to do a good office,
good Sir Hugh
Very well, what is it?
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman,
who, like you...
...having received wrong by some person...
...is at most odds with his own gravity
and patience as ever you saw
In all my years, I never heard a man
of his place, gravity and learning...
...so at odds with his own reputation
- What is he?
- I think you know him
He is Mister Doctor Caius,
the famous French physician
Bless my soul and his passion of my heart!
I had as lief you would tell me
of a mess of porridge
- Why?
- He's a knave
A cowardly knave as you would be desires
to have acquaintance with
- And he's the man should fight with him
- It appears so by his weapons
Keep them asunder, here he comes.
He's coming now!
Disarm them!
Let them keep their limbs whole
and rather hack our English language
Wherefore will you not meet with me?
- What?
- Put 'em down
By gar, you are a coward
I'll knog your urinals
about your knave's costard...
...for missing your meetings and appointments
Jack Rugby,
have I not stay for him to kill him?
Mine Hostess of the Garter,
have I not stay at the place you did appoint?
As I am a Christian soul now, look you,
this is the place appointed
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul...
...French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
Ah, that's very good, excellent
Peace, I say!
And hear me, your Hostess of the Garter
Oh, am I politic? Am I subtle?
Am I a Machiavel?
- Shall I lose my doctor?
- A-no!
He gives me the potions and the motions
Shall I lose my parson,
my priest, Master Hugh?
No!
He gives me the proverbs and the... no-verbs
Give me your hand, terrestrial, so
Not you!
Give me your hand, celestial, so
Boys...
...I have deceived you both
I have directed you to the wrong places
Your hearts are mighty, your skin is whole...
...and let us end it in a vat of good wine
Follow, lads of peace, follow
Trust me, a mad Hostess.
Follow, gentlemen, follow
I pray you, let me speak a word in your ears
Do I perceive that she has
made the fool of both of us?
Yes, she has made us a laughing stock
Come, I desire you, that...
...we may be friends
By gar...
...with all my heart
By gar, she has deceive me too.
She promised to bring me where is Anne Page
Well, I will smite her noddles. Let us go
- Noddles? What is that?
- I will teach thee
Jack Rugby, you go home. I will come anon
Now, I pray you, follow
Nay, keep your way, young gallant
You were wont to be a follower,
but now you are a leader
Whether had you lead mine eyes,
or eye your master's heels?
I had rather go before you like a man
than follow him like a boy
You are a flattering one.
Now I see you'll be a courtier
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
To see your wife, sir. Is she at home?
Ay, and idle for want of company
I think, if your husbands were dead,
you two would marry
Be sure of that, yes. Two other husbands
Where had you this pretty weather-cock?
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is
my husband had him of
- What do you call your master's name,
sirrah? - Sir John Falstaff
Sir John Falstaff?
That's it, I can never hit on his name
- Is your wife home, sir?
- Indeed she is
Then by your leave, sir,
I am sick till I see her
Has Page any brains?
Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking?
Sure, his senses sleep.
He hath no use of 'em
Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile
as easy as a cannon will shoot twelve score
He encourages his wife's urges,
he gives her folly motion and advantage
And now she's going to my wife,
and Falstaff's boy with her
Good plots, they are laid
And Falstaff's boy with her!
And our revolted wives
share damnation together
Well...
I will take Falstaff...
...then torment my wife...
Pluck the borrowed veil of modesty
from the so-seeming Mistress Page...
...divulge Page himself
for a secure and wilful cuckold
And at these proceedings,
all my neighbours shall applaud
The clock gives me my cue,
and my assurance bids me search
There I shall find Falstaff
I shall be rather praised for this
than mocked
For it is as positive as the earth is firm...
...that Falstaff is there. I will go
A good knot! Gentlemen, Mistress Hostess
I have good cheer at home,
and I pray you all go with me
- I must excuse myself, Mister Ford
- And so must I, sir
We have appointed to meet
with Mistress Anne...
...and I would not break with her
for more money than I'll speak of
We have lingered about a match
between Anne Page and my cousin Slender...
...and this day we shall have our answer
I hope I have your good will, father Page?
You have, son Slender. I stand wholly for you
But my wife, Master Doctor,
is for you altogether
Oui, by gar, and the maid is love me.
My Mistress Quickly tell me so much
What say you to young Master Fenton?
He capers, he dances...
...he has the eyes of youth...
...he writes verses, he speaks holiday
He smells... April and May
He will carry it, he will carry it,
'tis in his buttons
- He will carry it
- Not by my consent, I promise you
The gentleman is of too high a region
No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
with the finger of my substance
If he take her, let him take her simply
The wealth I have waits on my consent,
and my consent goes not that way
I beseech you heartily,
some of you go home with me to dinner
Besides your cheer, you shall have sport.
I will show you a monster
Master Doctor, you shall come.
So shall you, Mister Page, and you, Sir Hugh
Well, fare you well
You shall come, Mistress Hostess
Oh, no, my hearts
I must back to my honest knight
Sir Falstaff...
...and drink some canary with him
I think I shall drink pipe wine first with
him. I'll make him dance
- Will you go, gentles?
- Have with you to see this monster
- What, Jan! What, Radek!
- Quickly, quickly! Is the wheelie bin...?
- I warrant. What, Radek, I say!
- Come, come, come
- Here, put it over there
- Give your men the charge, we must be brief
Marry, as I told you before,
Jan and Radek ...
...be ready here hard by in the pool-house
- In the pool-house
And when I suddenly call you,
come forth...
- Come forth
- ...and without any pause or staggering...
- ...take the bin out of the house.
- Out the house
That done, wheel with it in all haste
down the lane
- Down the lane
- And there empty it...
...in the muddy ditch by the ford,
close by the canal
- You will do it?
- I have told them over and over
They lack no direction
Yeah, we do it
Good
Be gone and come when you are called
Here comes young Robin
How now, my little fledgling.
What news with you?
My master, Sir John, is come in
at your back door, Mistress Ford...
...and requests your company
You little Jack-a-Lent,
have you been true to us?
Ay, I'll be sworn.
My master knows not of your being here
Thou art a good boy.
This secrecy of thine will be a tailor to thee...
...and shall make thee a new doublet and hose
- I'll go hide me
- Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone
Oh, and...
Mistress Page, remember you your cue
I warrant thee, if I do not act, hiss me
Right, then
We'll use this gross watery pumpian
We'll teach him to know turtles from jays
Ah! Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?
Why, now let me die,
for I have lived long enough
This is the pinnacle of my ambition
- O this blessed hour!
- O sweet Sir John!
Mistress Ford, I cannot lie.
Now shall I sin in my wish
I would thy husband were dead
I'll speak it before the best lord
I... One moment...
I would make thee my lady
I your lady, Sir John!
Alas, I should be a pitiful lady
O let the court of France show me
such another
I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond
And thou hast the right arched beauty
of the brow...
...that would become a ship tiara...
...a tiara valiant
or any tiara of the Venetian style
A plain sunhat, Sir John
My brows become nothing else,
nor that well neither
By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so
Thou wouldst make an absolute courtier
And the firm fixture of thy foot
would give an excellent motion...
...to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale
I see what thou mightst be
Come, thou canst not hide it
Believe me, there is no such thing in me
What made me love thee?
Let that persuade thee
there's something extraordinary in thee
Come, I cannot lie
and say thou art this and that...
...like a many of those lisping hawthorn-buds
that call themselves men. I cannot
But I love thee
I love thee, and none but thee,
and thou deservest it
Do not betray me, Sir John.
I fear you love Mistress Page
No! Mistress Page is as hateful to me
as the reek of a lime-kiln
Oi!
Well, heaven knows how I love you...
...and you shall one day find it
And I'll deserve it
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford!
Here's Mistress Page at the door,
sweating and blowing and looking wildly...
...and would needs speak with you immediately
She shall not see me.
I will ensconce me
- Under here
- Under there?
Under there
Pray you, do so. She's a very tattling woman
Quick, quick, quick!
- We've not much time, sir
- This may take me a couple of moments
I'm down
Right
Lower it! Here we go.
How now! What's the matter?
O Alice Ford what have you done?
You're shamed, you're overthrown,
you're undone for ever!
What mean you? What's the matter?
O well-a-day, Alice!
Having an honest man to your husband,
to give him such cause of suspicion!
- What cause of suspicion?
- What cause of suspicion?
Out upon you! How am I mistook in you!
Why, alas, what's the matter?
Why, woman! Your husband's coming hither,
with all the officers of the county
To search for a gentleman that he says
is here now in the house...
...by your consent,
to take an ill advantage of his absence
- You are undone
- 'Tis not so, I hope
Pray heaven 'tis not so,
that you have such a man here!
But 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
with half the town at his heels...
...to search for such a one.
I come before to tell you
If you know yourself clear,
why, I am glad of it
But if you have a friend here convey,
convey him out
Don't just stand there,
call all your senses to you
Defend your reputation,
or bid farewell to your good life for ever
What shall I do?
There is a gentleman, my dear friend
And I fear not mine own shame
so much as his peril
For shame! For shame!
Your husband's here at hand
Bethink you of some conveyance,
you cannot hide him in the house
O, how you have deceived me
Oh look, there is a wheelie bin
If he be of any reasonable stature,
he may creep in here, throw stuff upon him...
...and send him by your two men
to the ditch by the canal
He's too big to go in there.
What shall I do?
Let me see it, let me see it!
Help me!
One, two, three, heave!
Please, please. Just...
...let me see it
I'll in, I'll in.
Follow your friend's counsel, I'll in
What, Sir John Falstaff! Is it you, knight?
I love thee and none but thee
Help me away. Let me creep in here
Get a run up
Jan, Radek!
Here, sir
Leg!
Oh no, oh no
Oh, what have I sat in?
Help cover your master, boy
You dissembling knight!
Come quickly.
Take this to the tipping-ditch by the canal
Don't dawdle. Quickly, go
Get thee hence, my little eyas-musket!
Pray you, come near.
If I suspect without cause...
...why then make sport at me.
Then let me be your jest, I deserve it
How now! Whither bear you this?
Canal
- Tipping ditch
- Canal
Why, what have you to do
whither they bear the rubbish?
Rubbish!
I wish I could rid myself
of more than rubbish
Go on then, get out!
Gentlemen, here, here, here be my keys
Ascend my chambers. Search, seek, find out
I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox
Good Mister Ford, be contented.
You wrong yourself too much
True, Mister Page
In, gentlemen. You shall see sport anon
Follow me, gentlemen!
This is very fantastical
humours and jealousies
By gar, 'tis not the fashion of France
It is not jealous in France
Nay, follow, gentlemen.
See the results of his search
Is there not a double excellency in this?
I know not which pleases me better,
that my husband is deceived, or Sir John
What a shaking was he in when your husband
asked what was in the wheelie bin
I think my husband hath some special
suspicion of Falstaff's being here
For I never saw him
so gross in his jealousy till now
I will lay a plot to try that,
and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff
Shall we send that foolish carrion,
Mistress Quickly, to him again...
...to excuse his throwing into the canal?
And give him another hope,
to betray him to another punishment?
We will do it. Let him be sent for again
I cannot find him. Maybe the knave
bragged of that he could not compass
Heard you that?
- You use me well, Mister Ford, do you?
- Ay, I do so
Heaven make you better than your thoughts
Amen
- You do yourself mighty wrong, Mister Ford
- Ay, ay. I must bear it
If there be anybody in the house,
and in the chambers...
...and in the coffers,
and in the cupboards...
...heaven forgive my sins
at the Day of Judgement
By gar, and I too. There is no bodies
Fie, fie, Ford, are you not ashamed?
What spirit, what devil suggests
this imagination?
I would not have your distemper in this kind
for all the world
- 'Tis my fault, Page. I suffer for it
- You suffer for a bad conscience
Your wife is as honest a woman
as I will desire among five thousand...
...and five hundred too
By gar, I see she is an honest woman
Well, I promised you a dinner.
I pray you, pardon me
I will henceforth let you know
why I have done this
Wife, Mistress Page
I pray you, pardon me
I pray heartily, pardon me
Let's go in, gentlemen.
But, trust me, we'll mock him
I do invite you tomorrow morning
to my house to breakfast
After, we'll a-golfing together.
Shall it be so?
Anything. Pray you, go in
If there be one,
I shall make two in the company
And if there be one or two,
I shall make the third
- Bardolph, I say
- Yes, Sir John
Go fetch me a pint of warm sack
- Put a toast in't
- Yes, Sir John
Have I lived to be carried
in a wheelie bin...
...like a barrow of butcher's offal...
...and to be thrown into a canal?
Well, if I be served such another trick,
I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered...
...and give them to a dog
for a new-year's gift
The rogues slighted me into the filthy water
with as little remorse...
...as they would have drowned
a blind bitch's puppies, fifteen in the litter
And you may know by my size
that I have a kind of...
...alacrity in sinking
If the bottom were as deep as hell,
I should down
I had been drowned,
but that the shore was shelvy and shallow
Drowning is a death that I abhor,
for the water swells a man
And what a thing should I have been
when I had been swelled!
Here's your sack, sir
And there's Mistress Quickly, sir
- Shall I admit her?
- Call her in
Come in, woman
By your leave
I cry you mercy.
Give your worship good e'en
- Go, fetch me another pint of sack
- With egg, sir?
Simple of itself, I'll no pullet sperm
in my brewage
Marry, sir, I come to your worship
from Mistress Ford
Mistress Ford!
I have had ford enough
I was thrown into the ford
I had my belly full of ford
Alas the day!
Good heart, this was not her fault
She does so take on with those men
They mistook their erection
So did I mine...
...to build upon a foolish woman's promise
Well, she laments, sir, for it,
would yearn your heart to see it
But now, her husband goes
tomorrow morning a-golfing
And she desires you once more
to come to her at her house
I must carry her word quickly
She'll make you amends, I warrant you
Well, I will visit her. Tell her so...
...and bid her think what a man is.
Let her consider his frailty...
...and then judge of my merit
I will tell her
- Tomorrow evening, sayest thou?
- Tomorrow morning, sir
- Well be gone. I will not miss her
- Peace be with you, sir
Here's your sack, sir
- And there's Mister Brook, sir
- Admit him not
My garments!
Comb over, comb over!
Let him approach
Bless you, sir
Now, Mister Brook, you come to know
what hath passed...
...between me and Ford's wife?
That, indeed, Sir John, is my business
Mister Brook, I will not lie to you
I was at her house
the hour she appointed me
- And how fared you, sir?
- Very ill-favoredly, Mister Brook
How so? Did she change her determination?
No, Mister Brook
For no sooner had we embraced,
kissed, protested...
...and, as it were,
spoke the prologue of our comedy...
...but the sneaking cuckold her husband...
...dwelling in a continual hysteria
of jealousy and distemper...
...comes me in that instant, and at his heels
a rabble of his companions...
...to search his house for his wife's love
- What, while you were there?
- While I was there
And did he search for you,
and could not find you?
You shall hear
As good luck would have it, comes in one
Mistress Page...
...gives intelligence of Ford's approach...
...and, in her invention,
they conveyed me into a wheelie bin
- A wheelie bin?
- By the Lord, a wheelie bin
Oh Mister Brook, what I have suffered
to bring this woman to evil for your good
A wheelie bin so rammed me in
with foul matter...
...that there was the rankest compound
of villanous smell that ever offended nostril
- And how long lay you there?
- You shall hear
Being thus crammed in the wheelie bin...
...a couple of Ford's knaves were called
forth by their mistress to convey me out
But they met the jealous knave,
their master, coming in...
...who asked them once or twice,
what they had in their wheelie bin
I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave
should have searched it
But fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold,
held his hand
Well, on went he for a search,
and away went I for foul dregs
A man of my kidney.
think of that, Mister Brook...
...that am as subject to heat as butter,
stopped in with stinking swill and scrapings
Think of that, Mister Brook!
It was a miracle I scaped suffocation
And in the height of this bath, when I was
more than half stewed in my own grease...
...to be thrown into a canal, and cooled...
...glowing hot, into that surge,
like a horse-shoe
Think of that, hissing hot
Think of that, Mister Brook
In good sadness, I am sorry
that for my sake you have suffered all this
My suit then is desperate.
You'll undertake her no more?
Not so, Mister Brook
I will be thrown into Etna
ere I leave her thus
Her husband is tomorrow a-golfing
I have received from her
another embassy of meeting in the fore-noon
Come to me at your convenient leisure
in the afternoon...
...and you shall know how I speed
And the conclusion shall be crowned
with your enjoying her
You shall have her, Mister Brook.
Mister Brook, you shall cuckold Ford
Your bath is ready, sir
Thank you, my little red-breasted thingamajig
Adieu
Robin...
Is this a vision?
Is this a dream? Do I sleep?
Ford, awake!
Awake, Ford!
There's a hole made in your best coat
This is to be married!
Well, I will now take the lecher
He will be at my house, he cannot 'scape me
'Tis impossible he should
He cannot creep into a ha'penny purse,
nor into a pepper-box
But, lest the devil that guides him
should aid him...
...I'll search impossible places
Though what I am I cannot avoid...
...yet to be what I would not
shall not make me tame
If I have horns to make one mad...
...let the proverb go with me
I'll be horn-mad
Oh. My. God
I see I cannot get thy father's love
Therefore no more turn me to him,
sweet Anne
He doth object I am too great of birth
and that, my state being stung
by my expense...
...I seek to heal it only by his wealth
And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
that I should love thee but as a property
- Maybe he tells you true
- No, heaven so speed me in my time to come
Albeit, I will confess thy father's wealth...
...was the first motive
that I woo'd thee, Anne
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
than stamps...
...or gold, or sums in sealed bags
And 'tis the very riches of thyself
which now I aim at
Gentle Master Fenton,
yet seek my father's love. Still seek it, sir
If opportunity and humblest suit
cannot attain it, why, then...
Hark you, hither!
Mistress Quickly, break their talk.
My kinsman shall speak for himself
Hark ye, Anne
Master Slender would speak a word with you
I come to him.
This is my father's choice
And how does good Master Fenton?
Pray you, a word with you
To her, coz
I'm afeard
Mistress Anne
My cousin loves you
Ay, that I do,
as I love any woman in Windsor
- He will maintain you like a gentlewoman
- Ay, that I will
He will make you
a hundred and fifty pounds a year
Good Mister Shallow, let him woo for himself
I thank you for it.
I thank you for that good comfort
Coz, I'll leave you
- Now, Master Slender
- Now, good Mistress Anne
What is your will?
My will?
'Od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
indeed! I ne'er made my will yet
I thank heaven, I'm not such
a sickly creature, I give heaven praise
I mean, Master Slender,
what would you with me?
Truly, for mine own part,
I would little or nothing with you
But your father and my cousin
have made motions
If it be my luck, so.
If not, happy man be his dole!
They can tell you how things go better
than I can
You may ask your father, here he comes
Now, son Slender. Love him, daughter Anne
Why, how now! What does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir,
thus still to haunt my manor
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of
Nay, Mister Page, be not impatient
- Good Master Fenton, come not to my child
- She is no match for you
Sir, will you hear me?
No...
...good Master Fenton
Come, Shallow. Come, son Slender, in
Knowing my mind,
you wrong me, Master Fenton
Speak to Mistress Page
Good Mistress Page,
for that I love your daughter...
...in such a righteous fashion as I do...
Perchance, against all checks,
rebukes and manners...
...I must advance the colours of my love...
...and not retire.
Let me have your good will
Good mother, do not marry me
to yond fool, Master Slender
I mean it not.
I seek you a better husband
That's my master, Master Doctor
I had rather be buried alive in the earth
and bowled to death with turnips
Come, trouble not yourself
Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your enemy, nor friend
My daughter will I question
how she loves you...
...and as I find her, so am I affected
Till then, fare you well, sir
She must needs go in,
her father will be angry
Come on
Farewell, gentle mistress
Farewell, Anne
This is my doing, Master Fenton
"I will not be your enemy", this is my doing
I thank thee, and I pray thee,
once tonight give my sweet Anne this ring
Here's for thy pains
Now heaven send thee good fortune
A kind heart he hath
A woman would run through
fire and water for such a kind heart
Mistress Ford...
...your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance
I see you are obsequious in your love,
and I profess requital to a hair's breadth
Not only, Mistress Ford,
in the simple office of love...
...but in all the accoutrement,
complement and ceremony of it
- But are you sure of your husband now?
- He's a-golfing, sweet Sir John
What, ho, Alice Ford! What, ho!
Step into the... Under the...
Behind the barbecue!
How now, sweetheart!
- Who's at home besides yourself?
- Why, no one
- Indeed?
- No, certainly
Speak louder
Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here
- Why?
- Why, woman...
...your husband is in his old lunes again
He so takes on yonder with my husband...
...so rails against all married mankind,
so curses all Eve's daughters...
...of what complexion soever,
and so buffets himself on the forehead...
...that any madness I ever yet beheld...
...seemed but tameness, civility and patience
to this distemper he is in now
I am so glad the fat knight is not here
- Why, does he talk of him?
- Of none but him
Swears he was carried out, the last time
he searched for him, in a wheelie bin
Protests to my husband he is here now...
...and hath drawn him
and the rest of their company...
...from their sport,
to make another experiment of his suspicion
But I am glad the knight is not here.
Now your husband will see his own foolery
- How near is he, Mistress Page?
- Hard by, at street end. He will be here anon
I am undone! The knight is here!
Why then, you are utterly shamed,
and he's but a dead man
What a woman are you!
Away with him, away with him!
Which way should he go?
How should I bestow him?
Shall I put him in the wheelie bin again?
No, I'll come no more in the wheelie bin!
May I not go out ere he come?
Alas, three of Mister Ford's brothers...
...watch the doors with pistols,
that none shall issue forth
Otherwise you might slip away ere he came
- What shall I do? Where shall I go?
- I know not, there is no hiding you
I'll go out then
If you go out in your own semblance,
you die, Sir John
- Unless...
- Unless...
- Unless?
- Unless you go out disguised
- How might we disguise him?
- Alas the day, I know not
There's no woman's gown big enough,
otherwise he might so escape
Good hearts, devise something.
Any extremity rather than a mischief
My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentwood,
has a gown above
On my word, it will serve him,
she's as big as he is. Run up, Sir John
We'll come dress you straight.
Put on the gown the while
My husband cannot abide
the fat woman of Brentwood
He swears she's a witch
Forbade her my house and hath threatened
to beat her if he finds her here
Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel,
and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!
- But is my husband coming?
- He is
Right...
I'll appoint my men to wheel the bin again...
...to meet him at the door with it,
as they did last time...
...whilst you go dress Falstaff
like the witch of Brentwood
I will, dishonest varlet!
We cannot misuse him enough
Jan! Radek! Jan!
We'll leave a proof,
by that which we will do...
...wives may be merry, and yet honest too
Go, sirs, to the bin again
Your master is hard at door.
If he bid you open it, obey him
Stop, villains! Somebody call my wife.
O now shall the devil be shamed
What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!
- This is mad as a mad dog
- Come hither, Mistress Ford
Mistress Ford, the honest woman...
...the modest wife, the virtuous creature,
that hath the jealous fool to her husband
I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?
Heaven be my witness you do,
if you suspect me in any dishonesty
Well said, brazen-face! Hold it out
Come forth, sirrah
- This passes!
- Are you not ashamed? Morbleu!
- I shall find you anon
- 'Tis unreasonable, come away
- Empty the bin, I say!
- Why, man, why?
By my fidelity, this is not well, Mister
Ford, this wrongs--
Mister Page, as I am a man...
...there was one conveyed from my house
yesterday in this bin
Why may not he be there again?
In my house I am sure he is
My intelligence is true,
my jealousy is reasonable
Here is no man
Nom de dieu!
Mister Ford, you must pray, and not follow
the imaginations of your own heart
This is jealousies. The coals thereof
are fiery coals and a vehement flame
- He's not here I seek for
- No, nor nowhere else but in your brain
Help to search my house this one time
If I find not what I seek,
for ever let me be your table-sport
Satisfy me once more.
Once more search with me
What, ho, Mistress Page!
Come you and the old woman down
- My husband will come into the chamber
- Old woman! What old woman's that?
It is my maid, Elena Popescu, her aunt,
the fat woman of Brentwood
The fat woman of Brentwood!
- The witch!
- She's a witch?
You witch, you hag, you come down, I say!
Nay, good, sweet husband!
Good gentlemen,
let him not harass the old woman
Come, give me your hand Mother Popescu
- Popescu? I'll Popescu you!
- No, Mister Ford
Ford?
- Where is she?
- Have we killed her?
Elle a disparu, la sorcière
- Oh my god!
- Hang her, witch!
By yea and no, I think the woman is a witch
I like it not when a woman
has such hair upon her chest
Now, gentlemen, I beseech you, follow me.
See but the issue of my jealousy
- What?
- Falstaff is here
If I cry out thus upon no trail,
never trust me when I cry again
Let's obey his humour a little further.
Follow, gentlemen
He beat him most pitifully
Nay, by the mass, that he did not.
Methought he beat him most unpitifully
What think you?
May we, with the warrant of womanhood...
...and the witness of a good conscience...
...pursue him with any further revenge?
The spirit of wantonness is, sure,
scared out of him
He will never, I think, attempt us again
Get off
Shall we tell our husbands
how we have served him?
By all means, yes, if it be but to scrape
the figures out of your husband's brains
I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed
But if the unvirtuous fat knight
shall be any further afflicted...
- ...we two will still be the ministers
- We will
Come, to the forge with it then, shape it.
I would not have things cool
Forsooth, I would my master had
Mistress Anne...
...or I would Master Slender had her
Or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her
I will do what I can for them all three...
...for so I have promised,
and I'll be as good as my word
But speciously for Master Fenton
But now, I must of another errand
to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses
What a beast am I to slack it!
I don't believe it!
And did he send you both
these letters at an instant?
Within a quarter of an hour
Pardon me, wife
Henceforth do what thou wilt
I rather will suspect the sun with cold
than thee with wantonness
Now doth thy honour stand,
in him that was late an heretic...
...as firm as faith
'Tis well, 'tis well
All right, all right!
No more
But let our plot go forward
Let our wives yet once again,
to make us public sport...
...meet with this old fat fellow,
where we may take him and disgrace him for it
How shall he come to us?
They've sent him word
they'll meet him in the square at midnight
You say he's been thrown in the canal
and has been grievously beaten as a witch
Methinks there should be terrors in him
that he should not come
Methinks his flesh is punished...
...he shall have no desires
Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,
we have devised the way to bring him there
There is an old tale goes that Herne the
hunter, sometime a keeper here about the town...
...doth some midsummer eves,
at still midnight...
...walk round the square,
with great ragged horns
And there he cries and shakes a chain
in a most hideous and dreadful manner
Yeah, and there want not many that do fear
in deep of night to walk by that place
Boo!
- But what of this?
- Marry, this is our device
That Falstaff at that place
shall meet with us...
...disguised like Herne
with huge horns on his head
Well, let it not be doubted
but that he'll come, and in this shape
But when you have brought him thither,
what shall be done with him? What is your plot?
That likewise have we thought upon, and thus
Anne Page, my daughter, you my husband...
...nay, all of you...
Sir Hugh, the good Doctor, Mister Shallow...
when he's out of A&E...
All the fat Knight's discarded men,
our Hostess and the girl...
you'll dress like ghosts and spirits
and upon a sudden as Falstaff...
...she and I, are newly met,
look you rush out with some diffused cry
Upon your sight,
we two in great amazedness will fly
Then do you encircle him about...
...and ask him why that hour
he dares to walk the town in such a shape
And till he tell the truth,
then let you all torment him with your flares
The truth being known,
we'll then present ourselves...
...dis-horn the spirit,
and mock him till the dawn
Brilliant
We must be practised
and prepared well to this
- I shall assemble all the group
- That will be excellent. I'll go and buy us vizards
And I'll to him again in name of Brook
He'll tell us all his purpose.
I'm sure he'll come
Fear not you that
Go get us properties and tricking
for our company
Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures
and very honest knaveries
I have a thought that in this time...
...shall Master Slender steal my Anne away
and marry her tonight
Now must I to the Doctor
He hath my good will,
for none but he shall marry with Anne Page
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot
And, he, my husband, best of all affects
The Doctor is well moneyed,
and his friends potent at court
He, none but he, shall have her
Hit it!
Oh, if it should come to the ear of the
court, how I have been transformed
And how my transformation
hath been cudgelled...
...they would melt me out of my fat,
drop by drop...
...and liquor fishermen's boots with me
I warrant they would whip me
with their fine wits...
...till I were as crest-fallen
as a dried pear
Well, if my wind were but long enough
to say my prayers...
...I would repent
Can I help you, Madam?
No, thank you so much
I'm just about to retire to my boudoir
Oh, you are awful
But I like you
Oh, you look lovely
- Where is Falstaff?
- Nay I know not
But there's a woman, a fat woman,
just gone into his chamber
A fat woman?
The knight might be robbed
I'll call
Bully knight! Bully Sir John! Art thou there?
Speak from thy lungs military
- 'Tis thine Hostess calls
- How now, mine Hostess!
Let thy fat woman come out, bully,
my chambers are honourable
There was, mine Hostess...
...an old wise woman
even now with me, but she's gone
- A wise woman?
- Ay, mine Hostess
One that hath taught me more
than ever I learned before in my life
Bardolph! Robin!
Now, whence come you?
>From the two parties, forsooth
The devil take one party
and his dam the other!
I have suffered more for their sakes...
...more than the villanous inconstancy
of man's disposition is able to bear
And have not they suffered?
Yes, I warrant you, speciously one of them
Mistress Ford, good heart,
is beaten black and blue
What tellest thou me of black and blue?
I was, myself, beaten into all the colours
of the rainbow
And but that my
admirable dexterity of wit...
...my counterfeiting the action
of an old woman, delivered me...
...I was like to be set in the stocks,
in the common stocks, by a constable...
...for the old witch of Brentwood
Sir, let me speak, and you shall hear
how things go, and, I warrant, to your content
Here is a letter will say somewhat
Good hearts,
what ado is here to bring you together!
Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well,
that you are so crossed
Yes...
'Tis all set, and I will do what I can
to get you a pair of horns
This is the third time,
I hope good luck lies in odd numbers
Away. Time wears.
Hold up your head and mince
Bless you, sir
How now, Mister Brook! Mister Brook,
the matter will be known to-night, or never
Be you in the square about midnight,
and you shall see wonders
Went you not to her yesterday, sir,
as you told me you had appointed?
I went to her, Mister Brook, as you see,
like a poor old man
But I came from her, Mister Brook,
like a poor old woman
That same knave Ford, her husband...
...hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in
him, Mister Brook, that ever governed frenzy
I'll tell you all, Mister Brook.
I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford...
...on whom tonight I will be revenged...
...and I will deliver his wife
into your hands
Strange things afoot, Mister Brook!
Strange things afoot
How now, good Mistress Hostess
Talk not to me, Master Fenton,
my mind is heavy
Yet hear me speak, assist me in my purpose
And, as I am a gentleman,
I'll give thee one hundred pounds in gold
I will hear thee, Master Fenton
- Oh, I like your glasses
- Yes
>From time to time I have acquainted you
with the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page...
...who mutually hath answered my affection,
even to my wish
I have a letter from her of such contents
as you will wonder at, the mirth whereof...
...so mingled with my matter, that neither
singly can be manifested, without the show of both
Fat Falstaff hath a great scene.
The image of the jest I'll show you here at large
Hark, good Hostess
This midnight in the square,
just 'twixt twelve and one...
...must my sweet Anne present a ghostly scene
The purpose why, is here. In which disguise,
while other jests are something rank on foot...
...her father hath commanded her
to slip away with Slender...
...and with him away, immediately to marry
She hath consented
Now, mistress, her mother, ever strong
against that match and firm for Doctor Caius...
...hath appointed that he shall likewise
shuffle her away...
...while other sports
are tasking of their minds
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
straight marry her
To this her mother's plot she seemingly
obedient likewise hath made promise to the Doctor
Now, thus it rests.
Her father means she shall be all in white
And in that shade, when Slender sees his time
to take her by the hand and bid her go...
...she shall go with him
Her mother hath intended,
the better to denote her to the Doctor...
...for they must all be masked
and vizarded...
...that quaint in green she shall be loose
enrobed...
...and when the Doctor spies
his vantage ripe...
...to pinch her by the hand, and, on that
token, the maid hath given consent to go with him
Which means she to deceive, father or mother?
Both, my good Hostess, to go along with me
Now, thus it rests...
Oh no! Put 'em back on
...that you'll procure the vicar...
...to stay for me at church
'twixt twelve and one
And, in the lawful name of marrying,
to give our hearts united ceremony
Well, husband your device, I'll to the vicar
Bring you the maid,
you shall not lack a priest
So shall I evermore be bound to thee.
Besides, I'll make thee a present recompense
Cousin, cousin!
It's me
Right we'll couch far off
till we see the others all are come
- Remember, son Slender, my daughter
- Ay, forsooth
I have spoke with her and we have
a code-word how to know one another
I come to her in white and cry "mum"...
...and she cries "budget".
And by that we know one another
"Mum"? "Budget"?
What need you that?
The white will decipher her well enough
- It hath struck ten
- Heaven prosper our sport
No man means evil but the devil,
and we shall know him by his horns
Come, gentlemen, let's away
- Good Doctor, my daughter is in green
- Green
When you see your time,
take her by the hand...
...away with her to the deanery,
and dispatch it quickly
I know what I have to do
Go before us into the square,
we two must go together
- Adieu
- Fare you well, sir
My husband will not rejoice so much
at the abuse of Falstaff...
...as he will chafe
at the Doctor's marrying my daughter
But 'tis no matter. Better a little chiding
than a great deal of heartbreak
Where is Anne now and her troop of ghosts,
and the Welsh phantom Hugh?
They are gone to couch themselves
around the square, with obscured lights
Which, at the very instant of
Falstaff's and our meeting...
...they will at once display to the night
That cannot choose but amaze him
If he be not amazed, he will be mocked.
If he be amazed, he will every way be mocked
We'll betray him finely
Against such lewdsters and their lechery,
those that betray them do no treachery
- The hour draws on. To the square!
- Tally ho
The church bell hath struck twelve,
the minute draws on
Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!
Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull
for thy Europa
Love set on thy horns
O powerful love, that, in some respects
makes a beast a man
In some other...
...a man a beast
For me, I am here a rutting stag
And I think the fattest in the forest
Send me a cool rut-time, Jove,
or who can blame me to piss my tallow?
But who comes here? My doe?
Sir John! Art thou there?
My deer? My male deer?
My doe with the black scut!
Let the sky rain potatoes...
...let it thunder
to the tune of Greensleeves...
Hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes...
...let there come a tempest of provocation
I will shelter me here
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart
Divide me like a bribed buck,
each a haunch...
...and my horns I bequeath your husbands
Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience,
he makes restitution
Am I a woodman, ha?
Speak I like Herne the hunter?
As I am a true spirit, welcome!
- Alas, what noise?
- Heaven forgive our sins
- What should this be?
- Away, away!
I think the devil will not have me damned...
...lest the oil that's in me
should set hell on fire
He would never else cross me thus
Spirits, black, grey, green, and white...
...you moonshine revellers
and shades of night
You orphan heirs of fixed destiny...
...attend your office and your quality
These are ghosts!
And he that speaks to them must die
I'll wink and crouch.
No man their works must eye
But, stay, I smell a man of middle-earth
Vile worm,
thou wast o'erlooked even in thy birth
With trial-fire touch me his lower-end
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
and turn him to no pain
But if he start,
it is the flesh of a corrupted heart
- A trial, come
- Come, will this wood take fire?
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with desire
Run!
Pray you, hold up the jest no higher
Now, good Sir John,
how like you Windsor wives?
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?
Mister Brook,
Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave
Here are his horns, Mister Brook
And, Mister Brook...
...he hath enjoyed nothing
of Ford's, except...
...his wheelie bin, his cudgel,
and this hour upon that stone
Sweet Sir John, we have had ill luck,
we could never meet
I will never take you for my love again...
...but I will always count you my deer
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass
And these are not spirits
I was three or four times
in the thought they were not
And yet the guiltiness of my mind,
the sudden surprise of my powers...
...drove the grossness of this foppery...
...into a received belief,
in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason
See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent...
...when 'tis upon ill employment
Sir John Falstaff, serve God,
leave your desires...
...and spirits will not haunt you
- Well said, Sir Hugh
- And leave your jealousies too, I pray you
I will never mistrust my wife again
till thou art able to woo her in good English
English? Dim gwerth rhech dafad!
He's Welsh...
Sir John Falstaff,
you are given to fornications...
...and taverns and sack and wine
and metheglins...
...and drinkings and swearings
and starings and pribbles...
...and prabbles
Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too?
To stand at the taunt of one
that make fritters of English?
Well, I am your theme.
You have the start of me
I am dejected
I am not able to answer this Welsh flannel
Use me as you will
Marry, sir, let that you have suffered
be biting affliction enough
Yet be cheerful, knight
Thou shalt drink a posset
tonight at my house...
...where I will desire thee to laugh at my
wife, who now laughs at thee
Tell her...
Master Slender hath married her daughter
Doctors doubt that
Whoa ho, father Page
Son, how now! How now, son!
Have you dispatched?
- Dispatched! There's a word for it!
- For what, son?
I came yonder to the church
to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's...
...Simple, my serving man
If it hadn't been in the church,
I would have swinged you
- Upon my life, then, you took the wrong
- What need you tell me that?
I think so, when I took a boy for a girl.
For this apparel I might have married him
This is your own folly!
Did not I tell you how you should know
my daughter by her garments?
I came to her in white, cried "mum"...
...and she cried "budget",
as Anne and I had appointed
And yet it was not Anne, but... him
Good George, be not angry
I knew of your purpose
and turned my daughter into green
And, indeed, she is now with the Doctor
at the deanery, and there married
Where is Mistress Page?
By gar, I am cozened
I have married un garçon, it is not Anne Page
By gar, I am cozened
Why, took you her in green?
Oui, by gar!
It's not an 'er, it's an 'im
It's a Nym
My name is Nym
And we are married
This is strange. Who hath the right Anne?
My heart misgives me.
Here comes Master Fenton
How do you, Master Fenton!
Pardon, good father!
Good my mother, pardon!
Now, good mistress, how chance you went not
with Master Slender?
- Why went you not with the Doctor, maid?
- You do afright her. Hear the truth of it
You would have married her most shamefully...
...where there was no proportion held in love
The truth is, she and I,
long since contracted...
...are now so sure that nothing
can dissolve us
The offence is holy that she hath committed
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
of disobedience, or unduteous title...
...since therein she doth evitate and shun
a thousand irreligious cursed hours...
...that forced marriage
would have brought upon her
Stand not afraid, here is no remedy
In love the heavens themselves
do guide the state
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate
I am glad, though you have ta'en
a special stand to strike at me...
...that your arrows have glanced
When night-dogs run,
all sorts of deer are chased
Out!
What cannot be eschewed must be embraced
Fenton!
Heaven give thee joy
And I will muse no further neither
Good Master Fenton.
Heaven grant you many, many merry days
Good husband, let us every one go home...
...and laugh this sport o'er a country fire
- Sir John and all
- Let it be so, Sir John
To Mister Brook you yet shall hold
your word...
...for he tonight shall lie
with Mistress Ford