Quiz Show (1994) - full transcript

SO THIS IS THE 300.

THE FORWARD LOOK.
1958 IS HERE TODAY.

THAT'S THE ERMINE WHITE.
SEVENTEEN COATS, HAND-SANDED.

I'M SURE IT'S THE 17th COAT THAT DOES
IT. POWER STEERING, POWER WINDOWS,

POWER BRAKES, POWER MIRRORS.

THE NEW AUTO-PILOT WILL MAKE
YOU VIRTUALLY SUPERFLUOUS.

I'M NOT SURE I NEED A CAR FOR
THAT. TORQUEFLITE TRANSMISSION.

THE STANDARD THAT
SETS THE STANDARD.

AND THE TOP OPERATES BY
JUST THE TOUCH OF A BUTTON.

I CAN FEEL THE WIND IN MY HAIR
ALREADY. YOU JUST OUT OF SCHOOL?

HARVARD LAW SCHOOL.
THAT DEGREE SELLS ITSELF.



DO YOU LIVE HERE IN WASHINGTON?

I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR
THE GOVERNMENT. OH.

NOT THAT IT'S PERMANENT. OH.

CARE TO GET BEHIND THE
WHEEL, MR. GOODMAN? GOODWIN.

OH.

JUST BE CAREFUL WITH THE CIGAR.

USED TO BE A MAN DROVE THE
CAR. NOW THE CAR DRIVES THE MAN.

GO ON. TURN IT OVER.

- HERE? IS IT, UH...
- GO ON. IT'S IN NEUTRAL.

[ Engine Humming ]

LISTEN TO THAT POWER.

THIS IS THE TOWN FOR IT. AND WITH
THE NEW BENDIX ELECTROJECTOR,

WE CAN RATE THIS HONEY UP TO...

390 HORSEPOWER.
CORRECT TO THE HOOF.



IF MY WIFE KNEW I WAS HERE,
SHE'D KILL ME. WHAT A WAY TO GO.

- YEAH.
- I SEE YOU'RE
ADMIRING THE SEATS.

THAT'S PIGSKIN AND CALFSKIN.

HAND RUBBED.

NICEST PIECE OF FURNITURE I OWN
WOULD BE IN THE GARAGE. TRY THE RADIO.

THE ONLY THING THAT SOUNDS
BETTER THAN THE ENGINE IS THE RADIO.

[ Beeping ]

THE RUSSIANS HAVE BEATEN
US INTO OUTER SPACE.

YOU ARE LISTENING TO
THE SOUND OF SPUTNIK,

A SATELLITE LAUNCHED
THIS MORNING VIA ROCKET,

IN ORBIT, RIGHT NOW,
DIRECTLY OVER OUR HEADS.

A SOUND THAT SAYS ALL
IS NOT WELL WITH AMERICA.

AMERICA DOESN'T OWN THE 300.

♪♪ [ "Mack The Knife" ]

♪ OH, THE SHARK, BABE ♪

♪ HAS SUCH TEETH, DEAR ♪

♪ AND HE SHOWS THEM ♪

♪ PEARLY WHITE ♪

♪ JUST A JACKKNIFE ♪

♪ HAS OLD MACHEATH, BABE ♪

♪ AND HE KEEPS IT OUT OF SIGHT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW WHEN
THAT SHARK BITES ♪

♪ WITH HIS TEETH, BABE ♪

♪ SCARLET BILLOWS ♪

♪ START TO SPREAD ♪

♪ FANCY GLOVES, OH ♪

♪ WEARS OLD MACHEATH, BABE ♪

♪ SO THERE'S NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER A TRACE OF RED ♪

♪ NOW ON THE SIDEWALK
UH-HUH, UH-HUH ♪

♪ OOH, SUNDAY MORNIN', UH-HUH ♪

♪ LIES A BODY ♪

- ♪ JUST OOZIN' LIFE ♪
- HI.

♪ AND SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN' ♪

♪ 'ROUND THE CORNER ♪

♪ COULD THAT SOMEONE ♪

♪ BE MACK THE KNIFE ♪

♪ NOW DID YA HEAR
ABOUT LOUIE MILLER ♪

♪ HE DISAPPEARED, BABE ♪

♪ AFTER DRAWIN' OUT ♪

♪ ALL HIS HARD-EARNED CASH ♪

♪ AND NOW MACHEATH SPENDS ♪

♪ JUST LIKE A SAILOR ♪

♪ COULD IT BE OUR BOY'S
DONE SOMETHIN' RASH ♪

♪ AH, JENNY DIVER ♪
[ Cheering ]

♪ HEY, SUKI TAWDRY ♪

♪ OOH, MISS LOTTE LENYA ♪

♪ AND OLD LUCY BROWN ♪

♪ OH, THE LINE FORMS ♪

♪ ON THE RIGHT, BABE ♪

♪ NOW THAT MACKIE'S ♪

♪ BACK IN TOWN ♪♪

WHAT'S THIS? GET THIS THING
OUT OF HERE. IT'S NOT MY STATION.

- YEAH, YEAH. LET'S GO.
- WE'RE STILL HOT ON THE RIGHT.
- WATCH IT.

♪♪

OH, IT'S VERY EXCITING.
YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER

SAID THAT... HEY, THOSE
ARE THE QUESTIONS.

AH, HE'S GOT THE
QUESTIONS THERE.

LIKE WALKING ON THE
BOTTOM OF THE SEA,

AS IF I HAD DROWNED LONG AGO.

- AS IF...
- FIVE MINUTES, MR. BARRY.

[ Woman ] WE'RE READY,
MR. BARRY. YOU READY, AMERICA?

- OH, THANKS, TIM.
- ALL RIGHT, ONE MINUTE.
- MOVE A LITTLE TO YOUR LEFT.

HEY, VIDEO, YOU DONE WITH
THE TEST PATTERNS? CAMERA ONE.

OKAY, CLEAR THE FLOOR, FOLKS.

MARTY, YOU'RE STILL VERY
HOT. LIGHT IT UP, LIGHTING.

- STAND BY. THIRTY SECONDS.
- GIVE ME HIS OPENING SHOTS,
PLEASE.

- THIRTY SECONDS TO AIR.
- I'M GETTING A GLARE
ON CAMERA ONE.

YOU THINK YOU CAN ADJUST THE BARN DOOR
ON JACK'S BACK LIGHT? YEAH, IF YOU CAN.

- TWENTY SECONDS.
- MY LIGHT OKAY? MY NOSE DOESN'T LOOK BIG?

YOU LOOK GREAT, JACK. LAST
WEEK I LOOKED LIKE A SUN DIAL.

- JACK, WE'RE ON COUNTDOWN.
- COMING TO AIR IN TEN,

- NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, - STAND BY,
TIMPANI. STAND BY, OPENING FILM.

- STAND BY, MUSIC. STAND BY, ANNOUNCER.
- SIX, FIVE,

AND FADE UP. ANNOUNCE.

GERITOL. AMERICA'S #1 TONIC.

GERITOL, THE FAST-ACTING,
HIGH-POTENCY TONIC...

THAT HELPS YOU
FEEL STRONGER FAST,

PRESENTS THE
EXCITING QUIZ PROGRAM...

TWENTY-ONE.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY NBC, THE
NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY,

BROADCASTING
NATIONALLY COAST TO COAST,

FROM NEW YORK TO LOS ANGELES,

FROM SEATTLE TO
ST. PETERSBURG...

VIA A VAST NETWORK OF AFFILIATES
CRISSCROSSING THE COUNTRY.

COMING UP NEXT, TWENTY-ONE,

STARRING MASTER OF
CEREMONIES JACK BARRY!

♪♪ TWO PLAYERS
RACING TO SCORE 21 POINTS,

EACH IN A SOUNDPROOF
TELEVISION STUDIO,

NOT KNOWING THE
OTHER ONE'S SCORE,

- WITH $500 RIDING
ON EACH POINT...
- DAMN IT!

AS THEY BOTH PLAY...

TWENTY-ONE!

♪♪

AND HERE'S YOUR
HOST, JACK BARRY!

[ Applause ]

GOOD EVENING. I'M JACK BARRY.

DUE TO A SERIES OF TIES, HERBERT STEMPEL,
OUR 29-YEAR-OLD EX-G.I. COLLEGE STUDENT,

MUST PLAY AT $3,000 A POINT,

WHICH MEANS THAT IN
A FEW BRIEF MINUTES,

HE CAN EITHER WIN AS MUCH AS $100,000,
THE MOST MONEY WON ON TELEVISION TO DATE,

OR LOSE EVERYTHING HE'S
WON IN THE LAST EIGHT WEEKS.

YOU NERVOUS? [ Chuckling ]

IT'S ONLY MONEY.

ISOLATED IN THEIR
SOUNDPROOF STUDIOS,

NEITHER PLAYER IS AWARE
OF THE OTHER'S SCORE.

I'VE BEEN ASSURED BY OUR
FRIENDS AT THE ENCYCLOPEDIA...

THAT THEY'VE CONCOCTED SOME
REAL BRAIN-BREAKERS THIS WEEK,

SO WE'LL FIND OUT IN
THE NEXT 30 MINUTES...

IF THE UNSTUMPABLE HERBERT
STEMPEL CAN BE STUMPED.

- COULD I HAVE
THE QUESTIONS, PLEASE?
- [ Drumroll ]

THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
REMEMBER, THE QUESTIONS

ON TWENTY-ONE ARE
SECURED EACH WEEK...

IN A MANHATTAN BANK VAULT
'TIL JUST BEFORE SHOW TIME.

SO RIGHT NOW, LET'S MEET HERBERT
STEMPEL AND HIS CHALLENGER AS GERITOL,

AMERICAN'S #1 TONIC,
PRESENTS TWENTY-ONE.

♪♪ [ Fanfare ]

WELCOME BACK TO
THE SHOW, GENTLEMEN.

MR. PELOUBET, A VERY
CORDIAL WELCOME TO YOU, SIR.

HOW ARE YOU, HERB? HOW'S
EVERYTHING IN QUEENS?

FINE, MR. BARRY. IT'S A NERVOUS
STRAIN IN THE FAMILY, I BET.

HOW'S YOUR WIFE
HOLDING OUT? SHE'S FINE,

THANK YOU. THANK YOU,
MR. BARRY, FOR ASKING.

AS YOU KNOW, HERB, THE
QUESTIONS ARE GRADED FOR

DIFFICULTY BY THE
ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA...

I MIGHT ADD THAT MY WIFE NO
LONGER SUFFERS FROM TIRED BLOOD,

NOW THAT I'VE GOT
HER ON GERITOL.

THAT'S FINE. GRADED
ON A SCALE FROM ONE...

I PERSONALLY VOUCH
THAT IT'S A FINE PRODUCT.

I'M SURE OUR SPONSOR WILL BE PLEASED TO
KNOW THAT. NOW, TO GET ON WITH THE SHOW...

I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO THANK GERITOL...

FOR GIVING A POOR EX-G.I.
THIS AMAZING OPPORTUNITY...

TO REALIZE HIS DREAM
OF A COLLEGE EDUCATION.

[ Faint Applause ]

NOW THERE'S A FACE FOR RADIO.

[ Barry ] DICK PELOUBET BACK AGAIN FROM
SUNNY MIAMI, FLORIDA, AND HERB STEMPEL.

- YEAH.
- STEMPEL IS GIVING ME
A HEADACHE.

- WELL, HE SELLS GERITOL.
- HAVE YOU SEEN THE RATINGS?

- WELL, THEY'VE EVENED OUT.
- I DON'T THINK HE WORKS ANYMORE.

STEMPEL IS AN UNDERDOG. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE
ROOT FOR THAT. IT'S A NEW YORK THING.

QUEENS IS NOT NEW YORK.

[ Dial Tone ] [ Barry ]
LET'S PLAY TWENTY-ONE.

♪♪

MR. KINTNER'S OFFICE, PLEASE.

[ Phone Ringing ] OFFICE OF THE
PRESIDENT. COULD YOU HOLD, PLEASE?

[ Ringing ]
MR. KINTNER'S OFFICE.

ONCE INSIDE THE ISOLATION BOOTH,
NEITHER PLAYER CAN SEE THE OTHER,

NOR CAN THEY HEAR
ANYTHING UNTIL I TURN THEIR

STUDIOS ON, WHICH I'M
GONNA DO RIGHT NOW.

[ Barry ] ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN?

- HE'S NOT HURTING SALES, IS HE?
- HE JUST DOESN'T THINK HE WORKS.

- WHY?
- LOOK, I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THE SPONSOR
WANTS A GUY ON TWENTY-ONE

WHO LOOKS LIKE
HE'D GET A TABLE AT 21.

YOU JUST TELL HIM I SAID
STEMPEL HAS AN EVERYMAN QUALITY.

YOU KNOW THAT WHOLE AMERICAN
DREAM THING? YOU, TOO, CAN BE RICH?

- IF THE RATINGS STAY HIGH.
- VERY FUNNY.

I'M JUST PASSING
IT ALONG, SIR. [ Click ]

EVERY SCHOOLBOY KNOWS ABOUT
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL REVERE.

FOR 11 POINTS, HOW MANY LANTERNS
WERE HUNG IN THE OLD NORTH CHURCH?

WHO RODE WITH PAUL REVERE?
WHO LENT HIM HIS HORSE?

WAS IT A MARE OR A STALLION?

AND WHAT WAS THE HORSE'S NAME?

STAND BY, JOE, ON
HERBIE. KILL THE AIR.

TOMMY, AIR OFF.

UH...

[ Muted Ring ] A LITTLE TIGHTER.
KELLY, PUT THE SIGN UP.

CONTROL BOOTH. UH,
YEAH, HOLD ON, SIR.

DAN, IT'S FOR YOU. IT'S KINTNER.

WOULD YOU MIND, MR. BARRY,
COULD I TAKE THE THIRD PART LAST?

[ Barry ] THAT'S FINE.

THE CODE WAS, UH, "ONE
IF BY LAND, TWO IF BY SEA."

THEREFORE, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE TWO
LANTERNS IN THE OLD NORTH CHURCH.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND THE SECOND
PART. WHO RODE WITH HIM?

- DAWES AND PRESCOTT.
- DAWES AND PRESCOTT.

[ Chattering ]

WHAT THESE BOOKS HAVE
CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN...

IS THAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
MEN AND WOMEN IS EXACTLY 38 PAGES.

- CAN I QUOTE YOU, MARK?
- NOT BEFORE I QUOTE ME.

HIS OWN QUOTES ARE
HIS GREATEST PLEASURE.

DID YOU HEAR THE MARKET DROPPED 30 POINTS
TODAY? THERE'S A RUMOR EISENHOWER DIED.

- HOW WOULD THEY TELL?
- OH, PLEASE, DON'T GET
DOROTHY STARTED ON POLITICS.

THERE'LL BE A RAID. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, DOROTHY. SORRY
I'M LATE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE OUT THERE.

YOU CAN'T GET A CAB WITHOUT
A DRAGNET. EISENHOWER DIED.

WHAT? PROFESSOR VAN DOREN, I
TOOK YOUR COURSE AT COLUMBIA...

"HAWTHORNE, ORIGINAL SIN
AND THE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE."

NIXON IS PRESIDENT? WELL, AS SILLY
AS IT SOUNDS, IT CHANGED MY LIFE.

WAS IT THE HAWTHORNE
OR THE SIN? PERHAPS YOU'D

LIKE TO MEET MY SON,
THE UNMARRIED VAN DOREN.

- OH, WHERE IS CHARLIE?
- YOU'RE RIGHT AGAIN, HERB.

YOU GOT THE FIRST TWO PARTS
CORRECT. JUST THREE MORE FOR 11 POINTS.

EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU THE SON?

I'M CHARLIE. PLEASURE.
ELIZABETH. THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE.

IT WAS A MARE, MR. BARRY.

HOW DID HE KNOW THAT?

- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
- WE'RE MAKING OUR GETAWAY,
CHARLIE, IF YOU WANT A RIDE.

HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED
ONE OF THESE QUIZ SHOWS, DAD?

THE $64,000 QUESTION
OR TWENTY-ONE?

FOR $64,000, I HOPE THEY
ASK YOU THE MEANING OF LIFE.

OKAY, HERB, FINALLY: NAME THE MAN
WHO LOANED PAUL REVERE HIS HORSE...

FOR THAT FATEFUL MIDNIGHT RIDE.

THE HORSE. WHO
LOANED HIM THE HORSE?

OKAY, HERB, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO ASK FOR YOUR ANSWER. YES, MR. BARRY.

[ Kintner ] LOOK, JUST
GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK
TO THESE AGENCY GUYS.

- SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME
TO DO, MR. KINTNER?
- YOU'RE A PRODUCER, DAN.

- PRODUCE.
- [ Barry ] WOULD YOU
LIKE MORE TIME, HERB?

RIGHT. [ Herb ] IF I MAY.

HERBIE'S DEAD.

LARKIN? DEACON JOHN LARKIN?

THAT'S CORRECT FOR 11 POINTS!

[ Applause ] [ Sighing ]

- ♪♪ [ Fanfare ]
- ALL RIGHT, HERB, TAKE A DEEP
BREATH AND RELAX, WILL YOU?

AND WE'LL GET BACK TO THE GAME
AFTER THIS WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.

NOW, FRIENDS, I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHAT KIND OF A DAY DID YOU HAVE TODAY?

DID YOU GREET THE SUNRISE WITH
PLENTY OF VIM, VIGOR AND VITALITY,

ONLY TO FEEL THE WIND GO OUT OF
YOUR SAILS JUST AFTER LUNCHTIME?

DO YOU FIND YOU'RE NOT HAVING
AS MUCH FUN AS YOU USED TO?

THIS BEATS THE SUBWAY,
HUH, MR. STEMPEL? YOU SAID IT.

HEY, DAVE! HEY, HERBIE!

[ Cheering ]

YOU WERE THE GREATEST
TONIGHT, HERBIE!

GREAT, HUH, BIG GUY?

- [ Woman ] HEY, THE
AUDIENCE REALLY LOVES YOU!
- HERBIE, YOU REMEMBER ME WHEN!

HERBIE! I REMEMBER YOU WHEN!

- HI, ELLEN.
- HEY, HERBIE,
WHAT COLOR WAS SHE?

YOU LOOKED SO GOOD
ON TV TONIGHT, HERBIE!

YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR 11 ON THE
MOVIES, HERBIE. YOU SHOULD WIN $100,000.

HEY, YOU WERE REALLY
COOKIN' TONIGHT, STEMPEL.

OF COURSE I WATCHED IT.
YOU DIDN'T GO TO THE SHOW?

THE GENIUS IS HOME.
THE RICH GENIUS IS HOME.

I WATCHED IT ON TELEVISION LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE. WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT...

YOU WERE GREAT TONIGHT, HERB.

COME ON. I WANNA
DANCE. DANCE WITH ME.

♪ LOOKING FOR THE LIGHT ♪ WOULD
YOU ASK HIM FOR ME, PLEASE, RIGHT NOW?

- ♪ OF A NEW LOVE ♪
- MOTHER WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU
ONLY WENT FOR 8 ON THE MOVIES.

BECAUSE MY REAL
EXPERTISE IS PAIN-IN-THE-ASS

IN-LAWS. NOW WOULD
YOU GET OFF THE PHONE?

I'M NOT GONNA START WITH THIS. TELL HIM
THAT EVERYBODY IS WATCHING THAT SHOW.

STEVE ALLEN IS GETTIN' A BUSY SIGNAL
BECAUSE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WON'T SHUT UP.

LOOK, MA, I GOT... I
GOTTA GO. YOU'RE UPSET,

AND I DON'T WANT TO
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD-BYE. CALL ME BEFORE
YOU GO TO BED. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? MY FATHER
PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS SUIT.

HE WORE IT TO HIS OWN
FUNERAL. YOU MAKE IT

SOUND LIKE IT WAS THE
SUIT THAT KILLED HIM.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHY
ENRIGHT MAKES ME WEAR THAT

SUIT? BECAUSE IT MAKES
ME LOOK LIKE A SCHMUCK.

YEAH, WELL, STOP ACTIN'
LIKE A SCHMUCK THEN.

YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? I GO OUT ON
THE STREET, AND EVERYBODY KNOWS ME.

ME. HERB STEMPEL. AND THEY LOVE ME
FOR THE SAME REASON THEY USED TO HATE ME.

BECAUSE I'M THE GUY
WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING.

YOU SHOULD WORSHIP THE GROUND I
WALK ON, WHAT MY FAMILY'S DONE FOR YOU.

YOU WANNA BE WORSHIPPED?
GO TO INDIA AND MOO.

WITHOUT MY FAMILY, YOU'D BE ON
THAT SHOW IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

THINGS ARE GONNA
CHANGE AROUND HERE, BOY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN,
EVERYTHING'S GONNA CHANGE?

YOU THINK I SHOULD
GET MY TEETH CAPPED?

WHAT'S GONNA CHANGE, HERBERT?

EVERYTHING'S GONNA CHANGE.

FOR US.

HEY, WHAT THE HELL
WERE YOU THINKING?

TOBY, THAT BOX IS
THE BIGGEST THING...

SINCE GUTENBERG INVENTED
THE PRINTING PRESS,

AND I'M THE BIGGEST THING ON IT.

WE DON'T NEED YOUR MOTHER
AND HER MONEY ANYMORE.

DON'T YOU WANNA TELL HER
WHERE TO GET OFF AFTER 28 YEARS?

NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE...

DANCE WITH ME?

♪ DANCING IN THE DARK ♪

♪ UNTIL THE TUNE ENDS ♪

♪ WE'RE DANCING IN THE DARK ♪

♪ AND IT SOON ENDS ♪

♪ WE'RE WALTZING ♪

♪ IN THE WONDER OF
WHY WE'RE HERE... ♪♪

BECAUSE OF A DISAGREEMENT
WITH HIS COMMANDING GENERAL,

ULYSSES S. GRANT WAS VIRTUALLY PLACED UNDER
ARREST FOR A BRIEF TIME EARLY IN 1862.

WHO WAS THE COMMANDING GENERAL
OF THE UNION ARMY AT THAT TIME?

OH, I KNOW THAT. UH, HALLECK.
GENERAL H.W. HALLECK.

THAT'S CORRECT. WHO
WAS SEBASTIAN CABOT...

- AND WHAT COUNTRY WAS HE
IN THE SERVICE OF?
- HEY, TERRY.

- [ Van Doren ] HE WAS,
UH, AN EXPLORER FROM SPAIN.
- THAT'S CORRECT.

- WHO FOUNDED THE FORMER
HUB OF THE BYZANTINE

EMPIRE, - WHO'S THAT
GUY IN THE CORNER?

CONSTANTINOPLE?
CONSTANTINE THE FIRST.

CHARLES VAN DOREN.

CHARLES VAN DOREN?
LIKE VAN DOREN VAN DOREN?

HE WANTS TO BE ON
TIC-TAC-DOUGH? I GUESS SO.

MERIWETHER LEWIS. THAT'S IT.

WHO WAS THE EDITOR
OF THE SOCIALIST PAPER...

OH, THIS IS THE GUY.
♪ THIS IS THE GUY ♪

♪ I GOT THE GUY I GOT THE GUY ♪

I GOT THE GUY!

- [ Door Opening ]
- I GOT THE GUY.

SO I TURNED TO ASTROPHYSICS,

BUT, OF COURSE, AS
YOU KNOW, ALL THE GREAT

PHYSICISTS WERE GREAT
BEFORE THE AGE OF 25.

[ Chuckling ] IT JUST
WASN'T IN THE CARDS.

SO I WENT TO PARIS AND WROTE
MY NOVEL ABOUT A PATRICIDE. WHAT?

A BOY WHO KILLS HIS FATHER.

M-MY DAD LIKED IT
QUITE A LOT, ACTUALLY,

ALTHOUGH YOU COULD FILL YANKEE STADIUM
WITH THE WORLD'S MEDIOCRE NOVELISTS.

AND YOUR FATHER
IS CARL VAN DOREN.

MY UNCLE. MY FATHER IS
MARK VAN DOREN, THE POET.

HE ALSO TEACHES... I-I MEAN, I ALSO
TEACH AT COLUMBIA. LITERATURE.

- SAME AS, UH, SAME AS DAD.
- OH, SAME AS DAD, HUH? THAT'S NICE.

COULD I ASK YOU A PERSONAL
QUESTION, PROFESSOR?

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT A PROFESSOR
YET. I'M JUST AN INSTRUCTOR.

HOW MUCH DO THEY PAY
INSTRUCTORS UP AT COLUMBIA?

- EIGHTY-SIX DOLLARS A WEEK.
- YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH
BOZO THE CLOWN MAKES?

WELL, WE... WE CAN'T
ALL BE BOZO THE CLOWN.

NO, NO, NOT TO QUESTION YOUR
CHOICE OF PROFESSION. NOT AT ALL.

I'M QUESTIONING THE VALUES OF A
SOCIETY THAT PAYS SOMEBODY LIKE YOU...

WHAT WAS IT? EIGHTY-SIX
DOLLARS A WEEK.

EIGHTY-SIX DOLLARS A WEEK. YOU PLAN
ON RAISING A FAMILY, RIGHT, PROFESSOR?

YES, I HOPE TO, VERY MUCH. CAN YOU IMAGINE
RAISING A FAMILY ON 86 DOLLARS A WEEK?

EIGHTY-SIX DOLLARS A
WEEK. AND MEANWHILE, LOOK

AT THE CRISIS OF
EDUCATION IN THIS COUNTRY.

W-WELL, YES, I-I AGREE.
IT'S A NATIONAL PROBLEM.

SO I UNDERSTAND YOU CAME DOWN
TO TRY OUT FOR TIC-TAC-DOUGH.

WELL, MY FRIENDS TELL ME I HAVE A GOOD MIND
FOR THIS SORT OF THING. THEY COAXED ME...

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO
BE ON TWENTY-ONE?

- TWENTY-ONE?
- DAN PRODUCES BOTH SHOWS.

YOU'RE YOUNG; YOU'RE CLEAN-CUT;
YOU'RE FROM A PROMINENT FAMILY.

KIDS WOULD RUN TO DO THEIR
HOMEWORK TO BE LIKE CHARLES VAN DOREN.

- WHAT ABOUT, UH,
HERBERT STEMPEL?
- WHAT ABOUT HIM?

HERB? OH, I LOVE HIM. PEOPLE
DON'T LIKE HIM. WELL, WE LOVE HERB.

KIDS DON'T LOOK UP TO HIM. IF YOU
WERE A KID, WOULD YOU WANT TO BE...

AN ANNOYING JEWISH GUY
WITH A SIDEWALL HAIRCUT?

- WELL, I WANTED
TO BE JOE DiMAGGIO.
- OH, YEAH? ME TOO.

ESPECIALLY AFTER HE SIGNED
FOR THE HUNDRED GRAND. YEAH, AL...

BUT YOU SEE, THAT'S WHAT THIS COUNTRY
NEEDS, IS AN INTELLECTUAL JOE DiMAGGIO,

WITH THE WOMEN AND
THE MONEY AND ALL OF IT,

BUT FROM HIS BRAIN
INSTEAD OF A BAT AND BALL.

DAN. I KNOW. YOU'RE
PROBABLY RIGHT.

YEAH, BOY. WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO HERE?

WELL, I COULD
TAKE A WHACK AT IT.

YEAH, SEE, THE PROBLEM, PROFESSOR, IS
THE OLD COLLEGE TRY AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

AND YOU'VE SEEN STEMPEL. [
Chuckling ] THE GUY'S UNBEATABLE.

I HAVE TO ADMIT TIC-TAC-DOUGH
SEEMED MORE FEASIBLE.

WHAT IF WE WERE TO
PUT YOU ON THE SHOW...

PUT YOU ON TWENTY-ONE AND
ASK YOU QUESTIONS THAT YOU KNOW.

SAY, THE QUESTIONS THAT HE ANSWERED
CORRECTLY ON THE TEST THIS MORNING.

- I-I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.
- JUST THINKIN' OUT LOUD.

I THOUGHT THE QUESTIONS
WERE IN A BANK VAULT.

- IN A WAY, THEY ARE.
- YOU WANNA WIN, DON'T YOU?

- WELL, I THINK I'D REALLY RATHER
TRY TO BEAT HIM HONESTLY.
- WHAT'S DISHONEST?

WHEN GREGORY PECK
PARACHUTES BEHIND ENEMY

LINES, DO YOU THINK THAT'S
REALLY GREGORY PECK?

THAT BOOK THAT EISENHOWER WROTE? A
GHOSTWRITER WROTE IT. NOBODY CARES.

IT'S NOT LIKE WE'D BE
GIVING YOU THE ANSWERS.

JUST 'CAUSE WE KNOW
YOU KNOW, YOU STILL KNOW.

RIGHT. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE
PUTTING ME ON THE SHOW, OR AL,

AND PRETENDING TO BE
SOME SORT OF INTELLECTUAL.

YOU HAVE PUT IN YEARS
OF STUDY AND ERUDITION.

I MEAN, I... I'M JUST TRYING TO IMAGINE
WHAT KANT WOULD MAKE OF THIS.

I DON'T THINK HE'D
HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT.

THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS COULD
MEAN FOR THE CAUSE OF EDUCATION.

FORTY MILLION PEOPLE WILL
WATCH YOU ON TWENTY-ONE.

IT'S NOT LIKE ANYBODY HAS
TO KNOW. JUST US THREE.

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.

I-I'D HAVE TO SAY NO.

JUST AN IDEA.

WAS THAT PART OF THE TEST?

SO WE'RE OKAY. YOU'RE
GONNA GIVE IT A TRY.

WELL, UH, I JUST WANT TO MAKE
SURE IT'LL BE, YOU KNOW, NOT...

THE WAY WE DISCUSSED IT BEFORE?

NO. SO PURE, IT
FLOATS. NOT AT ALL.

OKAY? SO WE'LL SEE
YOU MONDAY NIGHT THEN.

YOU'LL COME BY AND SEE
HOW THE SHOW WORKS. GREAT.

ALL RIGHT. AND WE'LL LOOK
FORWARD TO THAT. MONDAY NIGHT.

NICE MEETING YOU.
OKAY. GOOD-BYE.

TAKE CARE. BYE-BYE.

RESERVATIONS ARE AT
9:00. THANKS. ALL RIGHT.

BOYS. HI, JACK. HI, JACK.

- WHO'S THAT?
- THAT'S CHARLES VAN DOREN.

AS IN VAN DOREN VAN
DOREN? VAN DOREN. YES.

OH. HE WANTS TO BE
ON TIC-TAC-DOUGH.

NOW, WHY WOULD A GUY LIKE
THAT WANT TO BE ON A QUIZ SHOW?

RICHARD GOODWIN.
I'M AN INVESTIGATOR.

AN INVESTIGATOR. RICHARD GOODWIN WITH
THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT.

I'M CALLING BECAUSE THE RATE
SCHEDULES FOR THE BALTIMORE AND OHIO...

FOR THE FIRST FOUR
MONTHS OF 1954 SEEM TO BE

MISSING FROM THE
DOCUMENTS YOU JUST SENT ME.

OH, GO GET 'EM, DICKIE.
THEY'RE SWEATIN' NOW.

DO THEY KNOW YOU WERE FIRST IN
YOUR CLASS AT HARVARD LAW SCHOOL?

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M AN IDIOT. I WAS
FIRST IN MY CLASS AT HARVARD LAW SCHOOL.

THERE WE GO. WHAT HAVE YOU
GOT? FORTY-THREE SECONDS.

NOT BAD. RAILROAD REGULATION.

NOW THAT'S POLITICAL DYNAMITE HE'S
PLAYING WITH. OH, JUST AN OVERSIGHT.

[ Both ] WE'RE AN OVERSIGHT
COMMITTEE. RIGHT.

THE END OF NEXT WEEK.
THAT'LL BE JUST FINE.

AND I'LL SEND YOU A LITTLE
HELPFUL REMINDER, OKAY?

YOU'LL NOTICE IT 'CAUSE IT'LL LOOK
VERY MUCH LIKE A SUBPOENA. [ Men ] OHHH.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU KNOW, DICK, YOU STICK
WITH THIS... I DON'T KNOW.

TEN, FIFTEEN YEARS,
YOU COULD BRING THE

INTERSTATE COMMERCE
COMMISSION TO ITS KNEES.

OF COURSE, BY THEN, THERE
MAY NOT BE RAILROADS.

[ Laughing ] YOU'LL STILL BE
SITTIN' RIGHT THERE, TOO, ALEX.

HE'S SO SENSITIVE. TRUCE.

HERB, YOU GOT TEN POINTS.

THE CATEGORY IS "EXPLORERS."
HOW MANY YOU WANT TO TRY FOR?

[ Herb ] I'LL TRY FOR 11
POINTS, MR. BARRY. HELLO!

[ Barry ] GONNA GO ALL
THE WAY, HUH? ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA NAME FOUR SPOTS ON THE GLOBE.
YOU NAME THE EXPLORER WHO DISCOVERED THEM.

- FIRST: NEWFOUNDLAND.
- JOHN CABOT.

HI. I SEE YOU'RE REALLY CHURNING
OUT THE CHAPTERS TODAY.

GO AWAY. NO CIGAR
IN THE BEDROOM.

THAT'S CORRECT. THE
CAPE OF GOOD HOPE. OUT.

NO CIGAR IN THE BEDROOM. WE
ALLOW A TELEVISION IN THE BEDROOM,

BUT NO CIGAR IN THE BEDROOM.

THIS... [ Herb ]
BARTOLOMEU DIAS.

HE ORIGINALLY CALLED
IT... YOU'RE RIGHT, HERB.

SO TODAY, CHAIRMAN
CALLS ME ASIDE.

MY BIG BREAK, RIGHT?

HE ASKS ME TO WRITE
HIM A SPEECH TO DELIVER

TO THE KIWANIS CLUB OF
ARKADELPHIA, ARKANSAS.

YOU'RE GOOD AT THAT. GEE,
DO WE GET TO GO THERE?

YEAH. JUST LIKE TO KNOW
WHERE THE CHALLENGE IS.

YOU KNOW? I FEEL LIKE A RACE
HORSE WHOSE GATE WON'T OPEN.

YOU DIDN'T WANT
THE WALL STREET JOB.

YEAH, I KNOW. WELL,
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING.

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO CAME HOME
WITH THE CHRYSLER CATALOGUE.

GIVE ME THE NAME OF THE EXPLORER
WHO DISCOVERED MOZAMBIQUE.

- VASCO DA GAMA.
- VASCO DA GAMA.

- [ Herb ] WELL...
- MAYBE I SHOULD
GET ON A QUIZ SHOW.

AT LEAST I COULD GET
IN MY OWN BEDROOM.

IT'S JUST A JOB,
DICK. IT'S NOT SEX.

VASCO DA GAMA?

GREAT SHOW, HERBIE. TERRIFIC
SHOW. I REALLY THINK SO.

JACK, WASN'T HERB TERRIFIC
TONIGHT? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY, DAN?

- OH, HERB, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET NEXT
WEEK'S CHALLENGER, - [ Van Doren ] OKAY.

CHARLES VAN DOREN.

HELLO. I'M SCARED OF YOU.
BOY, OH, BOY, LET ME TELL YOU.

SCARED OF ME?

MORE WINE, HERB?
THANK YOU, DAN. WHY NOT?

YOU'VE EARNED IT.
HOW'S THAT STEAK?

NOTHING LIKE A
FINE PIECE OF MEAT.

YOU KNOW, HERB, IT'S A HELL OF A
THING. I'M LOOKIN' AT THE THING TODAY.

YOU KNOW, THE
TRENDEX RATING? YEAH?

WELL, IT'S THE DAMNDEST
THING, BUT YOU'VE PLATEAUED.

PLATEAUED? WH-WHAT
KIND OF WORD IS THAT?

WHAT, PLATEAUED? PLATEAUED.

PLATEAUED? UH, WELL,
IT'S LIKE, UH, YOU...

YOU MEAN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME
ANYMORE? NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT YOU PER SE.

IT'S JUST... NO, IT'S... MAYBE I
SHOULD GET MY TEETH CAPPED.

IT'S THE NATURE OF THE
SHOW. THEY'VE ALREADY

SEEN YOU WIN, AND THEY
WANT SOMETHING NEW.

SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU
THINK THEY WANT ME TO LOSE?

WELL, DON'T YOU
THINK THAT'S NATURAL?

JOE LOUIS WAS THE CHAMP FOR 12 YEARS.
NOBODY EVER WANTED JOE LOUIS TO LOSE.

- THINK ABOUT
THE CAUSE OF EDUCATION.
- THE CAUSE OF EDUCATION?

I WAITED 29 YEARS FOR
THIS. NOW I'M SUPPOSED

TO TAKE A DIVE FOR THE
CAUSE OF EDUCATION?

I DIDN'T SAY TAKE A DIVE. NOW
I'M ASKIN' YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

FINE. JUST LET ME
PLAY IT HONESTLY.

WILL YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN?

GIVE ME A NUMBER. GO
AHEAD. GIVE ME A NUMBER.

- EXCUSE ME, SIR. GIVE ME
A NUMBER, A-A RANDOM NUMBER.
- I DON'T KNOW. TWENTY-THREE?

BEETHOVEN WAS 23 WHEN HE
COMPOSED HIS FIRST PIANO SONATA.

IN 1923, JACK BENTLEY SET THE RECORD
FOR AVERAGE BY A PITCHER, BATTING .427.

THERE ARE 23 CHROMOSOMES
IN THE HUMAN EGG.

- HERB...
- ALSO, THE HUMAN SPERM.

TWENTY-THIRD PRESIDENT: BENJAMIN HARRISON.
ASIAN COUNTRIES ALONG THE 23RD PARALLEL...

LOOK, DON'T START BELIEVING
YOUR OWN BULLSHIT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THE NAME OF PAUL REVERE'S
HORSE IF HE TOOK A CRAP ON YOUR LAWN.

SHE. WHAT?

IT WAS A MARE, REMEMBER? LOOK,
YOU LOSE WHEN I TELL YOU TO LOSE.

BUT WHY NOW? IT'S
AN ARRANGEMENT.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN AN ARRANGEMENT.
BUT IF YOU TOLD ME TO LOSE BEFORE,

IF YOU TOLD ME TO LOSE RIGHT FROM
THE BEGINNING, THAT I'D UNDERSTAND.

THAT'D BE THE STORY OF MY
LIFE. BUT WHY NOW? WHAT DID I DO?

LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. IT'S NOT LIKE
TELEVISION IS GONNA GO AWAY, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE.
YOU MEAN LIKE A PANEL SHOW?

UH, CHECK. LOOK, I'M GONNA
DO WHAT I CAN DO, HERB.

BUT MEANWHILE, MAYBE YOU
COULD USE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU THE NAME OF
MY ANALYST. JUST SEND ME THE BILLS.

YOU KNOW, I COULD BE TERRIFIC ON ONE
OF THOSE PANEL SHOWS. HERE YOU GO, SIR.

WITTY, OFF-THE-CUFF. A
BILL CULLEN SORT OF THING.

NOW THE LAST CATEGORY IS MOVIES.

WE'RE GONNA ASK YOU WHAT WON THE
ACADEMY AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE IN 1955.

YOU DON'T KNOW IT. YOU
ANSWER ON THE WATERFRONT.

OH, NO. OH, NO.
DON'T... DON'T DO THAT.

NOT MARTY. I SAW
MARTY THREE TIMES.

THE BEST PICTURE FROM TWO
YEARS AGO AND I DON'T KNOW IT?

SOMEONE OF YOUR INTELLECT,
AND IT'S SUCH A SIMPLE QUESTION.

- DON'T YOU SEE
THE DRAMA OF THAT?
- DRAMA?

HERB, DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

PLEASE, LET ME LOSE ON A
PHYSICS QUESTION, NOT MARTY, DAN.

DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
IT'S TOO HUMILIATING.

FOR 70 GRAND, HERB, YOU
CAN AFFORD TO BE HUMILIATED.

WHO WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE
MAYFLOWER? CHRISTOPHER JONES.

WHAT YEAR? 1620.

HERE'S MR. MOTO!

[ Sports Announcer ] AND WE'LL
RETURN TO MR. MOTO AFTER THIS.

[ Announcer ] WILL HERBERT
STEMPEL BECOME THE FIRST MAN...

TO WIN OVER $100,000
ON TELEVISION?

NO, HERBERT STEMPEL IS NOT
GOING TO WIN OVER $100,000.

HERBERT STEMPEL IS
GOING TO TAKE A DIVE!

DAD, THE QUIZ IS TOMORROW. IF
YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO THE TV...

ALL RIGHT, BIG SHOT. SO
WHO BOUGHT MANHATTAN

ISLAND FROM THE
INDIANS? PETER MINUIT.

WHAT YEAR? 1626.

HOW MUCH? TWENTY-FOUR DOLLARS.

[ Announcer ] THIS
WEEK ON TWENTY-ONE.

NOW BACK TO OUR PROGRAM.
THIS WEEK ON TWENTY-ONE,

WATCH HERB STEMPEL BE
FED TO THE COLUMBIA LIONS.

WATCH CHARLES VAN DOREN EAT HIS
FIRST KOSHER MEAL ON TWENTY-ONE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED?

THE CHILD HAS TO LEARN. THE CHILD HAS TO
LEARN THE DEPTHS THAT HUMANITY CAN SINK TO.

THE TRIBES OF THE
IROQUOIS LEAGUE: MOHAWKS,

CAYUGAS, ONEIDAS... TWENTY-FOUR BUCKS
FOR MANHATTAN. FIRST THE INDIANS, THEN US.

- WHAT'S EATIN' YOU?
- YOU KNOW WHY THEY
CALL THEM INDIANS?

BECAUSE COLUMBUS THOUGHT HE
WAS IN INDIA. MOHAWKS, CAYUGAS...

THEY'RE INDIANS BECAUSE
SOME WHITE GUY GOT LOST.

YOU'RE GONNA GIVE HIM YOUR ULCER.
LET HIM GROW UP WITH HIS OWN ULCER.

- HE WOULDN'T
LET ME PRACTICE MY DRUMS.
- WHO WON BEST PICTURE FOR 1955?

MARTY. MARTY. THANK YOU.

- WELL, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- LESTER, DO ME A FAVOR.

GO IN YOUR BEDROOM, DO YOUR
HOMEWORK, ALL RIGHT? HEY, HEY!

WITH YOUR BOOKS.

HOMEWORK WITH YOUR BOOKS.

[ TV Announcer
Shouting Excitedly ]

THEY WANT ME TO
TAKE A DIVE. WHAT?

THEY'RE GOING TO ASK ME WHAT
WON THE BEST PICTURE FOR 1955,

AND I HAVE TO ANSWER
ON THE WATERFRONT.

THEY HAVE TO UTZ ME WITH A
QUESTION ANY CHILD KNOWS.

H-HOW CAN THEY DO THAT? I THOUGHT
THE QUESTIONS WERE IN A BANK VAULT.

THEY JUST PUT ME IN AN ISOLATION
BOOTH AND PUMP CYANIDE INTO IT.

HERBIE, THEY CAN'T DO THAT.

- HOW CAN THEY DO THAT?
- WELL, OBVIOUSLY, TOBY,

THIS PARTICULAR QUESTION
ISN'T IN THE BANK VAULT.

- WHY?
- HOW THE HELL
DO I KNOW WHY?

WELL, THEN THE HELL WITH
THEM. JUST ANSWER MARTY THEN.

I ALREADY AGREED.
WELL, SCREW THEM.

LET THEM ASK YOU A QUESTION YOU
REALLY DON'T KNOW. HA. GOOD LUCK.

YOU'RE HERBERT STEMPEL. WHAT
ARE THEY GONNA DO TO YOU? HUH?

[ TV Announcer ] JUDO CHOP INTO THE
THROAT. ONCE AGAIN, IT'S A JUDO CHOP.

YOU'RE RIGHT. WHAT
COULD THEY DO TO ME? YEAH.

SCREW 'EM. YEAH.

REMEMBER, CALL HIM
"JACK" AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.

JACK.

FIFTEEN SECONDS.

[ Low Voice ] GOOD
EVENING. I'M JACK BARRY.

[ Brightly ] GOOD
EVENING. I'M JACK BARRY.

[ Stage Manager ] FIVE. GOOD
EVENING. I'M JACK... BARRY.

WATCH YOUR HEADROOM.
COMING TO AIR IN TEN, NINE,

I'M JACK BARRY. EIGHT, SEVEN,

SIX, FIVE, STEADY, ONE.

FOUR, THREE... GOOD
EVENING. I'M JACK BARRY.

TWO, ONE. FADE UP. CUE UP.

GOOD EVENING. I'M JACK BARRY.

SO LET'S MEET OUR FIRST
TWO PLAYERS AS GERITOL,

AMERICA'S #1 TONIC,
PRESENTS: TWENTY-ONE.

FROM NEW YORK CITY,
MR. CHARLES VAN DOREN.

AND RETURNING WITH $69,500, FROM
QUEENS, NEW YORK, VAN DOREN?

MR. HERBERT STEMPEL.

THINK THAT'S HIS SON? [ Barry ]
ARE YOU RELATED IN ANY WAY...

TO MARK VAN DOREN OF COLUMBIA
UNIVERSITY, I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS SO.

- THE FAMOUS POET AND AUTHOR?
- YES, HE'S MY FATHER.

- HE IS YOUR FATHER.
- YES, BOTH HE AND MY UNCLE CARL
HAVE WON THE PULITZER PRIZE,

AND DOROTHY VAN DOREN, THE AUTHOR OF
THE RECENT THE COUNTRY WIFE, IS MY MOTHER.

- [ Barry ] OKAY, HERB, YOU KNOW
SOMETHING ABOUT MR. VAN DOREN.
- JOEY, PUNCH THE AUDIO A LITTLE.

YOU HAVE $69,500. DO YOU WANT TO
TAKE IT AND QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD...

OR RISK IT BY
PLAYING AGAINST HIM?

IT'S A TOUGH DECISION, I KNOW.

WHAT'LL IT BE?
I-I'LL TAKE A CHANCE.

YOU WILL TAKE A CHANCE. ALL
RIGHT, THEN, HERE WE GO, GENTLEMEN.

♪♪ YOU SURE HERBIE'S
ON BOARD WITH THIS?

CAN I TAKE THE THIRD PART LAST?

I GUESS... I GUESS THAT
ATAHUALPA WAS THE

LEADER OF THE INCAS AT
THE TIME OF THE CONQUEST.

- [ Barry ] CORRECT.
- WOULDN'T THAT BE
WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE?

- [ Barry ] THAT'S CORRECT.
- I'D LIKE TO TAKE
THE THIRD PART LAST.

HIS FOURTH WIFE
WAS ANNE OF CLEVES.

HE DIVORCED CATHERINE OF ARAGON.

- HE DIVORCED HER.
- HE BEHEADED ANNE BOLEYN.

- WELL, THEY ALL DIED.
- HERB STEMPEL LEADS
AT THIS POINT BY 18 TO 10.

HERB? YES, MR. BARRY?

THE CATEGORY IS "MOVIES." HOW
MANY POINTS YOU WANT TO TRY FOR?

I'LL TRY FOR THREE.
THREE POINTS.

WHICH MOTION PICTURE WON
THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR 1955?

MARTY.

BEST PICTURE.

- MARTY.
- BEST PICTURE.

MARTY.

HE DOESN'T KNOW IT?

[ Barry ] ALL RIGHT, HERB, I'LL
TELL YOU WHEN YOUR TIME IS UP.

I DON'T RE-REMEMBER.
I DON'T REMEMBER.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T
WANT TO GUESS AT IT, HERB?

OTHERWISE, I'LL HAVE
TO CALL IT WRONG. WAIT.

MARTY.

[ Barry ] YOUR TIME IS UP,
HERB. I'LL NEED YOUR ANSWER.

BEST PICTURE...

OF 1955...

ON THE WATERFRONT?

[ Barry ] NO, I'M SORRY.
THE ANSWER IS MARTY.

[ Audience Exclaiming ]

MARTY. IT WAS MARTY THAT
WON THE ACADEMY AWARD...

FOR BEST PICTURE IN 1955.

MARTY WAS ERNEST BORGNINE.
GEEZ, WHAT AN EASY QUESTION.

THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR
1955. YOU LOSE THREE POINTS.

YOU GO BACK DOWN TO 15.
BETTER LUCK ON THE NEXT ROUND.

AND NOW FOR YOU,
PROFESSOR, THE CATEGORY IS...

CIVIL WAR.

HOW MANY POINTS YOU WANT
TO TRY FOR, FROM 1 TO 11?

CIVIL WAR. THAT'S A... THAT'S
AN AWFUL BIG SUBJECT.

WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.
I'LL... I'LL TRY FOR 11.

ELEVEN POINTS WILL BRING YOU TO 21,
AND YOU WILL BE OUR NEW CHAMPION!

[ Thump ] BECAUSE OF A DISAGREEMENT
WITH HIS COMMANDING GENERAL,

ULYSSES S. GRANT WAS
VIRTUALLY PLACED UNDER ARREST...

FOR A BRIEF TIME EARLY IN 1862.

WHO WAS THE COMMANDING GENERAL
OF THE UNION ARMY AT THAT TIME?

TOUGH QUESTION.

IT'S JUST SO ODDLY FAMILIAR.

[ Barry ] WOULD YOU
LIKE SOME MORE TIME?

WHATEVER YOU CAN
SPARE. ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW THE NAME?

YES, I KNOW HIS NAME.
HALLECK. GENERAL H.W. HALLECK.

YOU ARE OUR NEW
CHAMPION FOR $20,000!

[ Audience Applauding ]

[ Barry ] COME ON OUT, HERB.
COME ON OUT, PROFESSOR.

WASN'T THAT
SOMETHIN', FOLKS? HUH?

YOU FEELIN' ALL RIGHT?

VERY GOOD. PERHAPS WE CAN GET AN
ICE PACK OUT HERE FOR THE PROFESSOR.

I SUSPECT HIS GRAY
MATTER IS RED-HOT.

I WONDER IF HE'S MARRIED.

OUR CONGRATULATIONS FOR A WONDERFUL
VICTORY. PROFESSOR CHARLES VAN DOREN.

I AM CONSTANTLY AMAZED AT THE FACTS
THESE GUYS HAVE AT THEIR FINGERTIPS.

TOUGH QUESTIONS TONIGHT.
UH, YEAH. OH, WELL, NOT REALLY.

WOW, YOU WERE FANTASTIC. HEY, YOU
BETTER UNLIST YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE PRESSURE?
LOOK AT HIM; HE'S SOAKIN' WET.

IS THIS GUY A NATURAL OR
WHAT? JESUS! HE'S A NATURAL.

DO YOU THINK HE'S INVOLVED
WITH ANYONE? I DON'T KNOW.

I'M GONNA MISS YA, HERB. YOU
KNOW, I'M REALLY GONNA MISS THIS GUY.

HEY, DAN, LISTEN, THAT GUY
IS REALLY TERRIFIC. OH, HI.

WE COULD EASILY BEAT OUT I
LOVE LUCY WITH HIM. I KNOW WE CAN.

LET'S GET A PHOTO HERE.
OH, GEORGE. HERE WE GO.

CHARLES VAN DOREN. MILES BRONFMAN,
AN EXECUTIVE HERE AT THE NETWORK.

OH, THERE WE GO. SO WHAT DO
YOU THINK, CHARLIE? YOU EXCITED?

PROFESSOR, CAN I INTERRUPT
YOU? CHARLIE, I JUST WANTED TO...

- MY SON WAS IN YOUR FATHER'S
CLASS. SAYS HE'S A SAINT.
- OH, REALLY?

CHARLIE, I WANT YOU TO MEET BILL
HENDERSON. HE PROMOTES THE SHOW.

CONGRATULATIONS. SENSATIONAL.
JUST SENSATIONAL. THANK YOU.

NOW WE HAVE A CLEAN-CUT INTELLECTUAL
INSTEAD OF A FREAK WITH A SPONGE MEMORY.

- SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, CHARLIE.
- OH, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK
ABOUT THAT. I WAS SO NERVOUS.

DAN! DAN!

SO PURE, IT FLOATS? HMM?

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT WAS GREAT.

GO HOME AND HAVE A MARTINI.
WE'LL TALK IN THE MORNING.

UH, I-I'M GONNA TAKE THE STAIRS.

- HOW DID YOU KNOW
HE'D GO FOR IT?
- WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

[ Muttering ]

MEANWHILE, IT'S OKAY IF
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER.

YEAH, SO IT'S... MY GOD, IT'S
NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T WORKED HARD.

I DESERVE $20,000
AS MUCH AS ANYBODY.

MY GOD! $20,000.

THE HIGHEST NAVIGABLE
LAKE IN THE WORLD IS:

LAKE TITICACA. LAKE TITICACA.

THAT'D HAVE TO BE LAKE
TITICACA. CORRECT FOR TEN POINTS!

[ Applause ]

[ Charlie ] MICHEL MONTAIGNE.
AROUND HIS NECK,

MONTAIGNE WORE A MEDALLION
WHICH READ: "WHAT DO I KNOW?"

HELLO. THIS IS HERB
STEMPEL CALLING FOR

MR. ENRIGHT. I'M TERRIBLY
SORRY; HE'S NOT IN.

OUR CURRENT REIGNING CHAMPION,
FROM NEW YORK, NEW YORK,

MR. CHARLES VAN DOREN.

[ Barry ] TWENTY-FOUR HOURS,
GERITOL LIQUID, OR NOW, IN NEW...

IT'S THE ONLY TOWN HOUSE
AVAILABLE IN THE VILLAGE.

I THINK I'LL TAKE IT.

WILL DO. IT'S JUST THAT HE'S OUT OF THE
OFFICE RIGHT NOW... THIS IS HERB STEMPEL.

THIS IS ABOUT THE
17th TIME I'VE CALLED.

I GUESS WILLIAM PITT THE ELDER.

YOU HAVE 21!

[ Applause ]

COME TO ME, CHARLIE. GOOD.
SMILE. HOLD THE BAG RIGHT THERE.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. GOOD.

[ Announcer ] HERE,
PROFESSOR VAN DOREN TURNS

IN THE EVIDENCE OF
HIS AMAZING POPULARITY:

THOUSANDS OF LETTERS A WEEK FOR
THE EGGHEAD TURNED NATIONAL HERO.

WINNINGS TO DATE: $50,000!

HEY, CHARLIE! THE
CHECK'S IN THE MAIL.

IS MR. ENRIGHT IN? I'M
SORRY; HE'S NOT RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS HERB STEMPEL. YOU TELL HIM THAT
HE PROMISED THAT HE WOULD CALL ME BACK,

AND IF HE DOESN'T,
SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? THAT'S
RIGHT. OKAY, BYE. I UNDERSTAND.

YOU JUST TELL MR. ENRIGHT THAT
IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME,

MAYBE THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY
WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO ME.

IF HE WANTS TO PLAY HARDBALL,
I'LL PLAY HARDBALL. VERY WELL.

GOOD MORNING,
MR. VAN DOREN. HELLO.

[ Barry ] AND
RETURNING WITH $83,000,

OUR CHAMPION, AFTER SEVEN
WEEKS, CHARLES VAN DOREN.

- [ Applause ]
- WELCOME TO TWENTY-ONE,
GENTLEMEN.

[ Van Doren ] EVENING,
JACK. CHARLIE...

[ Screaming ] GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.

IT WAS A TOTALLY HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE.
ALL MY FRIENDS KNEW THAT I LOVED MARTY.

IT'S ONE OF MY
FAVORITE FILMS. I-I-I SAW IT

THREE TIMES. IT'S ABOUT
A BOY IN THE BRONX...

MR. ENRIGHT WILL SEE YOU NOW.

HAVE A SEAT, HERB.

THANKS FOR COMIN' UP. I FEEL WE HAVE SOME
UNFINISHED BUSINESS WE NEED TO HASH OUT.

I HAVE SOME UNFINISHED
BUSINESS WITH YOU TOO.

THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE GRAND
JURY AND THE THINGS YOU SAID,

WELL, THEY HURT ME.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW...
WELL, THEY HURT ME DEEPLY.

I TOLD THE TRUTH.
THERE YOU GO AGAIN.

YOU PROMISED ME, DAN. Y-YOU
PROMISED THAT YOU'D HELP ME OUT.

DON'T YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO
HELP YOU MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE?

BUT THE POINT IS, YOU'VE MADE IT
IMPOSSIBLE. LOOK, YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE?

I WANT YOU TO SIGN THIS
STATEMENT. I APOLOGIZE.

WHAT KIND OF STATEMENT? IT CLEARS
ME AND THE SHOW OF ANY WRONGDOING.

- WHAT ABOUT THE PANEL SHOW?
- SEE? THAT'S A PERFECT
EXAMPLE.

I TOLD YOU I'D DO WHAT I COULD,
AND I DID. I PUT YOUR NAME ON A LIST.

YOU PUT ME ON A LIST? THAT'S IT?

NBC OWNS OUR COMPANY.
EVERYTHING GOES THROUGH THEM.

NBC BOUGHT YOUR COMPANY FOR
TWO MILLION BUCKS. WHAT ABOUT ME?

PEOPLE WATCHED ME ON THAT
SHOW. LOOK. LOOK. LOOK AT THIS.

- OH, HERB, DON'T START...
- "HE HAS BECOME A FRIEND
IN OVER 50 MILLION HOMES,

WHOSE WEEKLY VISITS THE WHOLE
FAMILY EAGERLY ANTICIPATES."

I WAS A FRIEND, TOO, IN 50 MILLION
HOMES. LOOK, WHAT CAN I TELL YOU, HERB?

LIFE IS UNFAIR. LIFE
IS UNFAIR TO ME.

LIFE'S NOT UNFAIR TO
CHARLES VAN DOREN.

REMEMBER HOW HE
SNUBBED ME AFTER THE SHOW?

- THERE'LL BE OTHER SHOWS.
- WHAT OTHER SHOWS? I NEED THE MONEY, DAN.

WHA... WHAT? HOW COULD
YOU NEED THE MONEY?

IT'S GONE. I MEAN IT'S
INVESTED. IT'S TIED UP. IT'S...

WELL, CAN'T YOU TALK TO YOUR
BROKER? HE'S NOT A BROKER.

HE'S MORE OF A
BOOKMAKER. IT'S SEED MONEY.

HE'S SETTING UP IN FLORIDA RIGHT
NOW. HE SAYS IT'S THE NEXT GROWTH AREA.

YOU GAVE YOUR MONEY TO A
BOOKIE WHO SKIPPED TOWN?

I-I WANT WHAT I HAVE COMING, DAN.
I HAVE TO GET BACK ON TELEVISION.

HERB, I'M GONNA... SHOW ME
THIS LIST. WHERE'S THIS LIST?

[ Sighs ] I SUBMITTED
A LIST OF 45 NAMES.

THEY REJECTED THREE.
YOU WERE ONE OF THEM.

THAT BIG UNCIRCUMCISED PUTZ IS
ON THE COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE,

AND I CAN'T EVEN MAKE THE
TOP 42 FOR A PANEL SHOW.

LOOK, MAYBE YOU COULD WARM
UP THE AUDIENCE BEFORE THE SHOW.

- I COULD THROW YOU
50 BUCKS A WEEK.
- FIFTY BUCKS A WEEK?

THAT SHOULD BE ME
ON THE COVER OF TIME.

SHIT, HERB, JUST SIGN THE
STATEMENT. CHARLES VAN DOREN.

HE WOULDN'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO A
DOORBELL IF YOU DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM.

SIGN THE STATEMENT,
AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!

SIGN THE STATEMENT, HERB. SIGN THE
STATEMENT. WHO CARES IF IT'S TRUE?

- I'M GIVING YOU A CHANCE.
- YOU PROMISED ME!

YOU GET ME THAT PANEL
SHOW, OR I'M GONNA

BRING YOU DOWN WITH
ME, YA LOUSY, LYIN' PRICK!

- YOU AND CHARLES
VAN FUCKIN' DOREN!
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I'LL JUST TELL EVERYONE THAT
IT'S A FRAUD. THAT'LL WARM 'EM UP.

- "THE FIX IS IN,
THIS WEEK ON TWENTY-ONE."
- WHEN'S MY NEXT APPOINTMENT?

THE COVER OF TIME? HIS MUG
SHOT WILL BE ON THE COVER OF TIME!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

[ Sighs ] OY.

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE
WORKIN' THIS MORNIN'?

- YOU GOT HERE EARLIER, MOOIE.
- "DEMONSTRATORS STONED VICE
PRESIDENT NIXON'S MOTORCADE...

AS IT PROCEEDED
THROUGH CARACAS."

GEE, DICK, WHAT'S THE NEW YORK
TIMES SAY? SAME THING? GENERALLY.

MOST PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN WASHINGTON
SETTLE FOR THE WASHINGTON PAPERS.

[ Goodwin ] WELL, THE TIMES
IS THE PAPER OF RECORD.

AHH. OOH.

DICK HOPES SOMEDAY TO BE
CONFUSED WITH AN IMPORTANT PERSON.

"ALTHOUGH THE CROWD WAS CORDONED
OFF AT A DISTANCE OF A HUNDRED YARDS,

AN UNIDENTIFIED VENEZUELAN STRUCK
NIXON IN THE HEAD WITH A THROWN ONION."

OW! THE SENATORS
SHOULD SIGN THIS GUY.

DID YOU GUYS KNOW THERE WAS A GRAND
JURY IN NEW YORK ON THE QUIZ SHOWS?

JIM LEMON CAN'T EVEN
HIT THE CUTOFF MAN. THIS

GUY THROWS A 300-FOOT
STRIKE WITH AN ONION.

- HAVE THEY COME UP
WITH ANYTHING?
- THEY SEALED THE PRESENTMENT.

THAT'S A NO. WHY
DO YOU SAY THAT?

A PRESENTMENT'S A
STATEMENT OF FINDINGS.

IF THERE WERE ANYTHING IN IT, THEY'D
WANT TO RELEASE IT TO THE PUBLIC, RIGHT?

IF THE PURPOSE IS TO MAKE FINDINGS
PUBLIC, THEN WHY KEEP IT A SECRET?

[ Goodwin ] WHY SEAL THE
PRESENTMENT? IT'S ILLOGICAL.

IT'S A LOCAL MATTER.
IT'S TELEVISION.

WHOA. TV.

IT'S UNDER OUR JURISDICTION, RIGHT? I MEAN,
WE HAVE OVERSIGHT OVER ALL THE AGENCIES.

- IT INCLUDES THE F.C.C.
- YOU'RE GONNA INVESTIGATE
A DEAD INVESTIGATION?

WE'RE GONNA PUT TELEVISION
ON TRIAL. TELEVISION.

EVERYBODY IN THE
COUNTRY'LL KNOW ABOUT IT.

- WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
- THERE'S SOMETHIN' THERE.

MR. CHAIRMAN, I'LL FIND IT.

THE NETWORKS,
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY?

COSMETICS? [ Chuckling ]

THAT'S BIG GAME, SON. YOU DON'T
GO HUNTIN' IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

SIR, I SMELL SOMETHIN'. AT LEAST GIVE
ME A CHANCE TO SEE WHAT I CAN DIG UP.

LET ME GO UP TO NEW YORK.

[ Lishman ] YA KNOW, THIS
ISN'T SOME JUNKET FOR

YOU TO STAY IN A HOTEL
AND SEE A BROADWAY SHOW.

I'M GIVIN' YOU EXACTLY ONE WEEK
TO FIND SOMETHING. YOU GET THAT?

UNSEAL A PRESENTMENT.
I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
GO ABOUT THAT. I'VE NEVER...

OH, HERE YOU GO. LOOK AT THIS.

HASN'T BEEN A PRESENTMENT UNDER
SEAL IN THE STATE OF NEW YORK SINCE 1869.

THAT EXPLAINS IT.

1869? YEAH.

COUNSELOR, I'VE REVIEWED IN DETAIL
THE MATERIAL SUBMITTED IN YOUR REQUEST.

A MAN'S REPUTATION IS
COIN OF THE REALM TO HIM.

I SEALED THIS PRESENTMENT...

TO PROTECT THE REPUTATIONS
OF THOSE UNFAIRLY IMPLICATED...

BY A CERTAIN MENTALLY
UNSTABLE FINGER-POINTER.

THAT INTEREST, ALONG WITH
IMPORTANT ISSUES OF FEDERALISM,

DICTATE THAT I REJECT YOUR
COMMITTEE'S REQUEST AT THIS TIME.

[ Phone Ringing ]

MR. ENRIGHT'S
OFFICE. MR. ENRIGHT?

IT'S JUDGE SCHWEITZER.

YES? HI. MISS MITCHELL?

UH-HUH. MY NAME
IS RICHARD GOODWIN.

I'M WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL
SUBCOMMITTEE ON LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT.

WE'VE BEEN INVESTIGATING
THE QUIZ SHOWS RECENTLY.

- UH, I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD
ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION.
- OH! I'VE GOT PEOPLE.

COULD I JUST HAVE A
MOMENT OF YOUR TIME? NO.

I WAS CURIOUS HOW MANY
EPISODES YOU APPEARED ON.

NOT VERY MANY. NO. HOW...

THREE WEEKS. DID ANYONE EVER
ASK YOU NOT TO TALK TO ANYONE?

[ Announcer ] THE TODAY
SHOW WITH DAVE GARROWAY...

AND DAVE'S REGULAR
CO-HOST, MR. J. FRED MUGGS.

DAVE'S GUESTS THIS
MORNING ARE: THE AGA KHAN,

LYLE GOODHUE, INVENTOR
OF THE AEROSOL SPRAY CAN...

AND QUIZ CHAMPION
CHARLES VAN DOREN.

TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
LOOK AT THAT. YOU SEE THAT?

YES. UH-HUH. [ Chattering ]

WELL, YOU HAVE THAT CONVERSATION,
AND I'M GONNA BEGIN THE SHOW.

I'LL SEE YOU, MR. MUGGS.

GOOD MORNING.

AND GOOD MORNING,
CHARLIE. GOOD MORNING, DAVE.

HOW ARE YOU THIS
MORNING? I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

I SEE WE HAVE A, UH, AN UNUSUALLY
LARGE CROWD OUTSIDE THERE THIS MORNING.

SO HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN NOW,
CHARLIE? IT'S BEEN NINE WEEKS NOW.

AND YOU'VE WON
HOW MUCH? $93,000.

HMM, SO THAT'S, UH,
$10,000 A WEEK. THAT'S RIGHT.

ALTHOUGH LAST WEEK, I KNOW YOU
WERE PREEMPTED FOR ANOTHER PROGRAM.

WELL, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH TELEVISION.
THE PAY'S GOOD, BUT IT'S NOT THAT STEADY.

DON'T REMIND ME. I'M UP
FOR RENEWAL. [ Laughing ]

SO TELL US ABOUT THE
BOOK YOU'RE WORKING ON.

WELL, IT'S CALLED
LINCOLN'S COMMANDO,

AND I HOPE PEOPLE WILL
FIND IT AS INTERESTING AS I DO.

HOW DO YOU THINK HONEST
ABE WOULD DO ON A QUIZ SHOW?

HONEST ABE? YEAH.

WELL, I THINK HE'D
DO VERY WELL. AND, OF

COURSE, ON A SHOW LIKE
THIS, HE'D BE WONDERFUL.

I'M SURE HE WOULD.

[ Church Bells Ringing ]

HERE WE ARE, PROFESSOR.

YEAH, I-I'M JUST... I JUST
HAVE TO TIE MY SHOE.

[ Chattering ]

HI, MR. VAN DOREN.
HEY, MR. VAN DOREN.

HEY! [ Chattering ]

OH! GOOD MORNING. HI.

GOOD MORNING, MR. VAN
DOREN. GOOD MORNING.

WHERE'S THE MONKEY? I
SAW YOU ON TV THIS MORNING.

IS THOMAS MERTON EPISCOPALIAN
OR CATHOLIC? CATHOLIC.

HELLO. ARE YOU HERE
FOR OFFICE HOURS?

OH, NO. I'M RICHARD GOODWIN.

- DID CLARK BYSE CALL?
- CLARK BYSE? NO, HE DIDN'T.

SEE, I'M UP FROM WASHINGTON. HE
SUGGESTED I MIGHT LOOK YOU UP.

- YOU'RE NOT
A STOCKBROKER, ARE YOU?
- LAWYER, WHICH IS BAD ENOUGH.

PROFESSOR BYSE TAUGHT ME CONTRACTS.
THEN WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.

HE TAUGHT ME MY
BACKHAND. I'M WITH THE

HOUSE SUBCOMMITTEE
ON LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT.

I'VE BEEN SWARMED BY
STOCKBROKERS LATELY.

I FEEL LIKE A GIRL
WITH A BAD REPUTATION.

THE COMMITTEE HAS
JURISDICTION OVER TELEVISION.

I'M SORRY. PLEASE,
UM, HAVE A SEAT.

THANK YOU.

YOU MUST HAVE DONE VERY WELL AT
HARVARD. CLARK DOESN'T LIKE ANYONE.

UH, I WAS, UH, ACTUALLY
FIRST IN MY CLASS.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE AN
AFFLICTION. DID YOU CLERK? WELL...

- UH, FRANKFURTER.
- OH, REALLY? HMM.

IT'S NOTHIN'. I TELL YOU, WHAT I
LOVE IS WHAT YOU DO, LITERATURE.

WELL, HELL, IF I WAS FIRST IN
MY CLASS, I'D GET A TATTOO.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO NEW YORK,
DICK, UH, LITERATURE? LET ME ASK YA.

DID YOU EVER NOTICE ANYTHING OUT OF THE
ORDINARY ABOUT THE QUIZ SHOW YOU'RE ON?

WHAT?

ANYTHING SUSPECT.
ANYTHING AT ALL.

YOU MEAN BESIDES ITS POPULARITY?

WHAT I'M HOPING IS THAT YOU MIGHT BE
ABLE TO GIVE ME SOME KIND OF ROAD MAP HERE.

- I FEEL LIKE WE SPEAK
THE SAME LANGUAGE.
- WELL, OF COURSE.

ANYTHING I CAN DO TO
HELP. [ Door Opening ] OH, UM,

MR. VAN DOREN. YES? YES, YES.

I'M SORRY. I'M IN YOUR CLASS ON THE
ROMANTICS, AND, UH... OF COURSE YOU ARE.

I-I... ACTUALLY, I'M AUDITING IT
BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN ON TELEVISION.

DO YOU... SHOULD I COME BACK
LATER? OH, UM, IF YOU DON'T MIND...

I'LL COME BACK. I TELL YOU WHAT.
WHY DON'T YOU MEET ME TOMORROW?

I'LL TAKE YOU TO LUNCH AT
THE ATHENAEUM. THE WHAT?

I'M SORRY. THE ATHENAEUM
CLUB AT FORTY-THIRD

AND FIFTH? SAY, UH,
TOMORROW AT NOON?

LUNCH AT THE ATHENAEUM. AT NOON.

GREAT. GREAT. SEE YOU THEN.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT ODE ON A GRECIAN URN.

"BEAUTY IS TRUTH; TRUTH, BEAUTY.

THAT IS ALL YE KNOW ON EARTH
AND ALL YE NEED TO KNOW."

DOES HE REALLY MEAN THAT ABOUT BEAUTY AND
TRUTH? WHY FOSTER CHILD? I DON'T UNDER...

CONGRESS INVESTIGATES
COMMUNISTS.

CONGRESS INVESTIGATES
MOBSTERS. THAT IS NOT ME.

YEAH, WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT
SIDE. YOU'LL BE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

- THAT'S A JOKE, CHARLIE.
- WELL, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

CHARLES VAN DOREN. HEY! CHARLES
VAN DOREN! IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY.

- HOW YA DOIN'?
- I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS.

YEAH, WELL, LOOK, I ALR... WHO
WAS THAT? IT'S JUST SOME GUY.

WELL, LOOK, I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS GUY
GOODWIN, AND I'M ON TOP OF IT. SO TRUST ME.

YOU CALLIN' INFORMATION? WHAT ARE
YOU DIALIN' FOR? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

OH, FOR INFORMATION?
CHARLES VAN DOREN,

HE'S DIALIN' FOR
INFORMATION. I HAVE A NAME.

HEY, CHUCK, WHAT DO YOU DO?
CHUCKIE! ANSWER THIS QUESTION.

I-I'M SORRY. I GOTTA GO. WHAT
STREET DO I LIVE ON IN BROOKLYN, HUH?

- D-DID YOU TELL HIM ANYTHING?
- N-NO, NO, I DIDN'T...

[ Shouting ] I-I GOTTA GO. I
GOTTA GO! I'VE GOTTA GO!

COME ON! LET'S GO! HEY, CHUCK, HOW
YA DOIN'? HOW YA HOLDIN' UP? ALL RIGHT?

HEY, CAN I GET AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY
WIFE? GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY WIFE!

COME ON, CHUCK! DON'T BE A SNOB!
GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY WIFE!

[ Goodwin ] SO SANDRA SAYS
WHAT'S EVER ON HER MIND.

AND YOU'VE BEEN
MARRIED HOW LONG?

FIVE YEARS. YOU?

OH, NO. I'M SUPPOSED TO
BE FIXED UP WITH THIS GIRL...

ON THE COVER OF THE
NEW HARPER'S BAZAAR, BUT...

WELL, YOU KNOW
HOW THAT IS. YEAH.

- WALDORF SALAD FOR YOU,
MR. VAN DOREN.
- OH, THANK YOU.

AND A REUBEN
SANDWICH. THANK YOU.

SO... OH.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS
GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION, CHARLIE?

OH, I REMEMBER DAN MENTIONED
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS,

THAT IT WAS ALL SOME...
SOME WILD GOOSE CHASE.

UH, A POLITICAL THING.

THEY TALK SO FAST IN THAT BUSINESS.
HALF OF IT GOES RIGHT PAST ME. DAN?

ENRIGHT. HE'S REALLY
THE ONE TO TALK TO.

- YOU KNOW IF HE TESTIFIED?
- UH, UH, MORE WATER?

UH, YOU CAN REACH
HIM AT NBC. DAN ENRIGHT.

SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
WITH THIS COMMITTEE, DICK?

SIX MONTHS. SEEMED LIKE A GOOD
WAY TO POSTPONE THE INEVITABLE.

POSTPONE THE INEVITABLE.
IS THERE A SPOT FOR ME?

I MEAN WALL STREET.

OH. [ Chuckles ]

SO, BACK TO THIS, UH,
GRAND JURY BUSINESS.

I'M WONDERING... OH.

DAD! CHARLIE.

EXCUSE ME, FRANK.

THIS IS A SURPRISE.

HOW ARE YOU, SON? WE SHARE AN
OFFICE, AND I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE.

OH, I'M THERE, DAD. I'M JUST
HIDING BEHIND YOUR REPUTATION.

[ Mr. Van Doren ] NO, I'M SERIOUS.
WE ALL MISS YOU AT HOME.

PLEASE, JOIN US. DAD, THIS IS DICK
GOODWIN. HE'S UP FROM WASHINGTON.

NARROW ESCAPE. DAD
DOESN'T LIKE WASHINGTON.

A SWAMP THAT TRADED
MALARIA FOR POLITICS.

- WHAT'S THE SPECIAL?
- IT'S THE REUBEN.

REUBEN SANDWICH IS THE ONLY
ENTIRELY INVENTED SANDWICH.

WON THE NATIONAL SANDWICH
CONTEST TWO YEARS AGO.

- A SALIENT POINT. WHO INVENTED IT?
- UH, REUBEN KAY.

- AT A POKER GAME IN OMAHA.
- I KNEW THERE WAS A "K"
IN NEBRASKA.

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAVE THE SANDWICH HERE,
BUT THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY REUBENS.

- TOUCHE.
- DICK'S A PROTEGE
OF CLARK BYSE.

I JUST FINISHED A CLERKSHIP
WITH JUSTICE FRANKFURTER.

OF COURSE YOU DID. FRANKFURTER COLLECTS
BRAINS THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE COLLECT STAMPS.

UH, DID YOU HAPPEN TO
SEE THE SHOW MONDAY, DAD?

MONDAY. UH, WE WERE
WITH BUNNY WILSON.

OH, NO, IT'S NOTHING. JUST THERE
WAS A QUESTION ABOUT HAWTHORNE.

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS
WITH BUNNY ONCE HE GETS GOING.

SO, DICK, CHARLIE INVITE YOU TO HIS POKER
GAME YET? HE'S A HELLUVA POKER PLAYER.

W-WE HAVE A REGULAR GAME THURSDAY NIGHTS,
JUST SOME FRIENDS I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME OVER
NEXT WEEK. ARE YOU A GAMBLER, DICK?

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M A GAMBLER. I
KNOW WHICH END OF AN ACE IS UP.

WELL, DICK, IF YOU LOOK ROUND THE TABLE
AND YOU CAN'T TELL WHO THE SUCKER IS,

IT'S YOU.

YEAH, DAN ENRIGHT, PLEASE.

UH, DICK GOODWIN.

UH, NO. ACTUALLY, I'LL
JUST CALL BACK. THANKS.

"NAME THE THREE HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPIONS WHO PRECEDED JOE LOUIS."

OH, I KNOW THAT.
UH, JIM BRADDOCK.

MM-HMM. MAX BAER.

AND...

- DAMN.
- PRIMO CARNERA.

PRIMO CARNERA. OF COURSE.
YEAH, GOOD OLD PRIMO.

I WAS THERE THAT NIGHT AT THE GARDEN,
THE NIGHT BAER BEAT HIM. YEAH. REALLY?

THE BIG GUINEA. TWELVE
TIMES BAER KNOCKED HIM DOWN.

AL, I'VE BEEN THINKING. MAYBE YOU
SHOULDN'T GIVE ME THE ANSWERS ANYMORE.

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANNA
DO THAT FOR, PROFESSOR?

CHARLIE, YOU'RE DOIN'
THE RIGHT THING, REALLY.

EVERYBODY'S MAKIN' MONEY. WELL,
WHAT IF YOU JUST GAVE ME THE QUESTIONS...

AND I COULD LOOK UP
THE ANSWERS ON MY OWN?

I MEAN, DON'T YOU THINK THAT'D
BE... WELL, BE LESS EGREGIOUS.

[ Bob Barker ] ONLY
IN THE BALCONY.

YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT.

ALL RIGHT. NOW,
YOUR CONSEQUENCE...

DOESN'T WANT THE ANSWERS
ANYMORE. JUST WANTS THE QUESTIONS.

- WHO?
- "WHO." THE GREAT WHITE HOPE.

[ Sighs ]

DAN, WHAT THE
HELL IS "EGREGIOUS"?

HE JUST WANTS THE QUESTIONS?

UH, EXCUSE ME. UH, MR. NOLAND?

YEAH? MY NAME IS
RICHARD GOODWIN.

I'M WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL
SUBCOMMITTEE ON LEGISLATIVE OVER... AHH.

[ Man ] NO, NO, I DON'T WANNA
SAY ANYTHING. NO, CAN'T HELP YOU.

[ Woman ] I TOLD THEM
EVERYTHING I HAD TO SAY.

EVERYTHING I KNEW I TOLD THEM.

[ Buzzer ]

YEAH? MR. STEMPEL. MY
NAME IS DICK GOODWIN.

I'M AN INVESTIGATOR WITH
THE SUBCOMMITTEE ON

LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT
OF THE U.S. CONGRESS.

YEAH? DID YOU RECENTLY
TESTIFY BEFORE A GRAND JURY?

YEAH. WELL, IF YOU HAVE A MINUTE, I'D
REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.

[ Drums Banging ] GEE.

FI... FINALLY. I-I KNEW IT
WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME.

COME IN.

[ Drums Continue ] DIDN'T
YOU GO TO CITY COLLEGE?

UH, HARVARD. TOBY!

- [ Gasps ] - THIS
IS MY WIFE, TOBY.

THIS IS MR. GOODWIN.

HE'S AN INVESTIGATOR FROM
THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE,
MR... I-I ALREADY GOT THE POT ON.

I TELL YA, THAT SOUNDS
GREAT, ACTUALLY.

AND BRING SOME RUGULACH
IF THERE ARE ANY LEFT.

I LOVE MY WIFE, BUT IT'S LIKE LIVIN' WITH
A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS. [ Drums Continue ]

IF CHARLES VAN DOREN
TOLD 'EM WHAT I TOLD 'EM,

DO YOU THINK THIS WHOLE GRAND
JURY THING WOULD BE SQUASHED?

- QUASHED. IT'S NOT "SQUASHED."
- NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

QUASHED, OKAY? WHAT EXACTLY
DID YOU TELL THE GRAND JURY?

HAVE ONE. UH, NO, THANKS.

LESTER, WILL YOU KNOCK
IT OFF FOR TEN MINUTES?

COME ON. THEY'RE A JEWISH
DELICACY. BEFORE TOBY EATS IT.

I'M RETAININ' WATER FOR YOUR
INFORMATION. YOU AND THE GRAND COULEE DAM.

COME ON. YOU DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.

I'M QUITE FAMILIAR WITH
RUGULACH, THANK YOU.

HOW'D A GUY LIKE YOU GET
INTO HARVARD? CAPPED TEETH.

- LESTER!
- [ Drums Continue ]

HERB, WHAT EXACTLY DID
YOU TELL THE GRAND JURY?

NO, YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT.
IT'S... IT'S SEALED. IT'S ILLEGAL.

WELL, UH, JUST BETWEEN US.

THEY MADE ME TAKE A DIVE. MARTY.

THEY MADE ME LOSE ON
MARTY JUST TO HUMILIATE ME.

WHO MADE YOU TAKE
A DIVE? DAN ENRIGHT.

HE TOLD ME I HAD PLATEAUED,
THAT THE RATINGS HAD PLATEAUED.

A SINKING SHIP AND
THE RATS STAYED.

DO YOU THINK IN A
MILLION YEARS I WOULDN'T

KNOW MARTY, AND MEANWHILE,
CHARLES VAN MORON...

WOULD BE ON THE
SHOW 11 WEEKS IN A ROW?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. H-HOW
COULD THEY MAKE YOU TAKE A DIVE?

WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
ANSWER MARTY IF YOU KNEW IT?

WHAT, AND THROW AWAY HIS FUTURE IN
TELEVISION? WOULD YOU PLEASE GO INSIDE...

AND TELL GENE
KRUPA TO TAKE FIVE?

LESTER. LESTER!

YOU'RE SO NAIVE. IT'S A
FIX. IT'S ALL... IT'S ALL A FIX.

A SETUP. I MADE A STUDY OF IT. THEY
ALWAYS FOLLOW A JEW WITH A GENTILE.

AND THE GENTILE WINS MORE
MONEY. WHAT IS THAT, A COINCIDENCE?

HERB, YOU'RE SAYING THIS WHOLE
GRAND JURY THING WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO
DO? YOU HAVE TO NAIL VAN DOREN.

ARE YOU GONNA NAIL VAN DOREN? LOOK, FIRST
OF ALL, I'M NOT HERE TO NAIL ANYONE, OKAY?

THIS ISN'T MCCARTHYISM. LISTEN, THINK
ABOUT WHAT MCCARTHYISM DID FOR McCARTHY.

LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING. DO YOU HAVE ANY

CORROBORATIVE EVIDENCE
TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

LISTEN TO ME. DON'T MAKE NECESSARILY THE
MISTAKES THAT I MIGHT HAVE MADE IN LIFE.

THINK ABOUT YOUR CAREER. YOU NAIL
VAN DOREN, IT'LL BE BIGGER THAN SPUTNIK.

IT'LL BE LIKE A BIG, BLOND SPUTNIK CRASHING
RIGHT DOWN ON HIS, WHEW, FRIGGIN' HEAD.

CHARLIE? HI. DICK GOODWIN.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT

GAVE ME YOUR NUMBER
UP IN CONNECTICUT.

YEAH. LOOK, UM, I MET WITH
HERBERT STEMPEL YESTERDAY.

HE TOLD ME A COUPLE OF
THINGS. I'M KINDA CURIOUS...

WHAT?

SURE. WELL, WHAT TRAIN WAS THAT?

YEAH, JUST HOLD ON. I
GOT A PEN RIGHT HERE.

GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

HOUSATONIC.

CORNWALL, CONNECTICUT.

I WILL, UH... I WILL, UH...
I'LL GET RIGHT ON THE WAY.

DICK, I'M GLAD YOU
COULD MAKE IT. CHARLIE.

THAT'S SOME
SNAPPY-LOOKING MERCEDES.

COME AROUND THE BACK. WE'RE JUST
ABOUT TO EAT. WHAT'S THAT, THE 300?

YEAH, IT'S MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY,
SO I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAR.

IT'S ONLY GOT 110 MILES ON IT. THE
SHOW'S TREATIN' YOU WELL, HUH?

[ Mrs. Wilson ] DOROTHY, YOUR
TOMATO SALAD IS FABULOUS.

WHAT'S YOUR SECRET? MANURE.

NOW, LOOK AT THOMAS.
THOMAS IS AERODYNAMICALLY

DESIGNED TO GO
DIRECTLY TO HEAVEN.

- AND WHO ARE YOU?
- DICK. GOODWIN.

- I'M A FRIEND OF CHARLIE'S.
- AH.

YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE FROM
BOSTON. BROOKLINE, ACTUALLY.

[ Both Laughing ]

THE WRONG GIRL FOR ME.

- YOU KNOW I DIDN'T.
- YOU DID. WE HAVE HORSERADISH
GROWING IN THE GARDEN.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD. [ Laughs ]

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
MARRIED? TWENTY YEARS.

AUNT IRITA HAD AN AFFAIR
WITH WENDALL WILLKIE. HMM?

"NOW SEE SUMMER BLOOM UPON THIS
LEA. THREE SCORE RINGS AROUND THIS TREE.

"ONCE GREEN; NOW BARE.

"ONCE LUSH; NOW SERE.

"CONSOLED ONLY THAT I AM...

"PLANTED HERE.
YOU CERTAINLY ARE.

- "ROOTS THICK...
- AND OLD.

"AND DEEP, AND DODDERING.

ASSUAGE MY WOES... " A
TERMITE NIBBLES AT MY TOES.

- ET TU, BUNNY?
- CHARLIE, IS
JACK BERRY SINGLE?

I THINK SO. MY ROOMMATE HAS A CRUSH
ON HIM. SHE WANTS YOU TO INTRODUCE HER.

- WHAT'S DAVE GARROWAY LIKE?
- CHEAP.
- CHEAP?

- WASN'T I TALKING?
- YOU WERE, YES. TALKING
AND TALKING AND TALKING.

CHARLIE'S FAMOUS,
LIKE ELVIS PRESLEY.

LIKE LEOPOLD OF BELGIUM,
USURPED BY HIS SON BEFORE HIS TIME.

I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES
ME KING BAUDOUIN?

NEXT BIRTHDAY, YOU
ALL GET A DIRTY LIMERICK.

I CERTAINLY HOPE
SO. [ Laughing ]

[ Woman ] SO HOW'S
IT FEEL, CHARLIE?

[ Charlie ] WELL, I CAN'T EVEN EAT
DINNER IN A RESTAURANT ANYMORE.

PEOPLE FOLLOW ME INSIDE TO DISCOVER
WHAT KIND OF "BRAIN FOOD" I EAT.

IN MY DAY, IT WAS FLAGPOLE-SITTING
AND SWALLOWING GOLDFISH.

LAST WEEK ALONE, I HAD
11 PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE.

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD
ACCEPT ONE OF THEM.

TO THINK THEY UNLEASH YOU ON
THOSE IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG MINDS.

WHY NOT? HE'S 33 YEARS OLD. JESUS
CHRIST HAD A GIRLFRIEND AT 33 YEARS OLD.

- LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT.
- AND HE SHARED AN OFFICE
WITH HIS FATHER.

I'M SURE THEY'RE
ALL VERY NICE GIRLS.

IN THAT CASE, PERHAPS I
SHOULD APPEAR ON A QUIZ SHOW.

THE MONEY, MEANWHILE, NO
ONE KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

THOUGH EVERY STOCKBROKER IN
NEW YORK SEEMS EAGER TO TRY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
PUT IT IN THE BANK? THAT'S

WHAT I'VE ALWAYS DONE
WITH MY PRIZE MONEY.

NO, IT'S JUST... YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DAD.
THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF TAX IMPLICATIONS.

I THINK I CAN UNDERSTAND
THE CONCEPT OF TAXES.

- AT THIS LEVEL,
IT'S A BIT MORE COMPLICATED.
- AND AT MY LEVEL?

I NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF HAVING A
LEVEL, CHARLIE. WHAT LEVEL MIGHT THAT BE?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS IF THE MONEY
FELL INTO MY LAP. I WORKED FOR IT.

- WORK? OH-HO-HO-HO.
- MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WATCH
THE GAME SHOWS, DAD.

THEN I SUPPOSE WE'VE
BECOME A NATION OF PROCTORS.

[ Dorothy ] MARK. HELP
ME OUT HERE, HARVARD.

UH... CLAIM VICTORY
AND DEPART THE FIELD.

- WE DON'T HAVE A TELEVISION.
- [ Mark ] WHY ON EARTH
WOULD WE NEED A TELEVISION?

[ Rita ] HOW MUCH
MONEY IS IT AGAIN?

WHAT? THEY DON'T
HAVE A TELEVISION.

- YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW?
- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH IT
THE OTHER NIGHT AT THURBER'S...

- EVEN THURBER HAS A TELEVISION,
AND HE'S BLIND.
- HOW MUCH IS IT NOW, CHARLIE?

$122,000. WHAT?

[ People Gasping ] SHE
HEARD THAT ALL RIGHT.

WELL.

"SOME RISE BY SIN AND
SOME BY VIRTUE FALL."

MEASURE FOR MEASURE.

"TO DO A GREAT RIGHT...
DO A LITTLE WRONG."

- MERCHANT OF VENICE.
- IT'S THIS GAME
OUR FAMILY PLAYS.

"O WHAT MEN DARE
DO! WHAT MEN MAY DO!

WHAT MEN DAILY DO, NOT
KNOWING WHAT THEY DO."

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. "THINGS
WITHOUT REMEDY SHOULD BE WITHOUT REGARD;

WHAT'S DONE IS DONE."

"THINGS WITHOUT ALL
REMEDY." MACBETH.

[ Dorothy ] "HOW THE ILL WHITE
HAIRS BECOME A FOOL AND JESTER."

NOW, PROFESSOR, OPEN YOUR
PRESENTS. [ People Laughing ]

WELL, WHAT HAVE WE
HERE? [ John ] AFTER-SHAVE.

AWWW. [ People Laugh ]

UH-HUH.

[ People Clapping ] OH, NOW!

- OH, MY GOD! HOW SWELL!
- [ Chuckles ]

I GUESS I'M SURROUNDED.
THANK YOU, CHARLIE.

I-I THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT LIKE IT, DAD.

SO DO YOU REMEMBER
HERBERT STEMPEL?

REMEMBER HIM? I STILL
CAN'T BELIEVE I BEAT HIM.

STEMPEL TELLS ME THAT DAN ENRIGHT
MADE HIM TAKE A DIVE FROM THE SHOW.

WHAT?

HE TELLS ME THAT DAN
ENRIGHT MADE HIM TAKE A DIVE.

[ Chuckles ] THAT'S
RIDICULOUS. YEAH?

A LITTLE ODD, THOUGH, DON'T YA THINK? I
MEAN, LOSING ON SUCH AN EASY QUESTION?

YOU KNOW, FRANKLY, DICK, IF
STEMPEL CAN JUST RUN AROUND...

AND SMEAR A MAN LIKE DAN ENRIGHT
TO THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS...

NO, NOBODY'S SMEARING ANYBODY. I'M
JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE TRUTH HERE.

COULD YOU JUST UNTIE THE
BOWLINE THERE AND SHOVE US OFF?

ALL RIGHT.

DICK, COULD YOU RAISE
THE JIB FOR US, PLEASE?

THE JIB. JUST, UH... YEAH.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR
GUYS LIKE US WHEN WE WERE IN SCHOOL?

BEING SMART WAS
LIKE BEING CROSS-EYED.

BUT YOU SHOULD
SEE THE LETTERS I GET.

KIDS ARE EXCITED
ABOUT... ABOUT BOOKS...

AND LEARNING AND
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE.

DAN ENRIGHT HAD A
LOT TO DO WITH THAT.

YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU THINK
HE WANTED YOU TO WIN?

I MEAN, IF YOU LOOK AT THE
RATINGS, THEY'RE STAGGERING.

[ Chuckles ] WELL, WHAT DID HE
SAY, THEY "MADE" HIM TAKE A DIVE?

WELL. WELL, HOW DID THEY
"MAKE" HIM TAKE A DIVE ANYWAY?

HE DIDN'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE ANY
FUTURE HE MIGHT HAVE IN TELEVISION.

- [ Chuckles ] - YEAH,
WELL... [ Chuckles ]

ANYWAY, HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU SAY
TESTIFIED IN FRONT OF THE GRAND JURY?

WHY? WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, IF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS TRUE, THEN EVERYBODY LIED.

[ Freedman ] HI. AL
FREEDMAN. HI. I'M DANNY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU. I'M SORRY FOR
THE DELAY. COME ON IN. HAVE A SEAT.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE
OR A SOFT DRINK? ANYTHING?

I'M FINE. THANKS. YOU SURE?

WE'RE VERY WELL STOCKED
UP HERE. NOTHING? I'M FINE.

NO TROUBLE. I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE
SPOKEN TO CHARLES VAN DOREN.

- AND HERBERT STEMPEL.
- OH, I WAS AFRAID OF THAT.

HE SAYS AND I QUOTE, THAT
HE WAS MADE TO "TAKE A DIVE."

BELIEVE ME, I'M QUITE FAMILIAR WITH HERB'S
ALLEGATIONS. I COULD RECITE THEM BY ROTE.

FORTY-SIX WITNESSES SWORE UP
AND DOWN HERBIE'S A LYING TUB OF SHIT.

AL. SORRY.

- WHY THE BIG SECRET?
- WELL, TO PROTECT
PEOPLE'S REPUTATIONS.

I MEAN, FRANKLY, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT
THE PUBLIC IS GONNA BELIEVE, YOU SEE?

THERE'S THAT AND, UM...

- LOOK, DICK, I WA... CAN I CALL YOU DICK?
- SURE, DAN.

AFTER THE LOSS, HERB CAME
TO VISIT ME IN AN AGITATED...

WELL, I SUPPOSE THE CLINICAL TERM
WOULD BE, UH... WHAT? THE GUY'S NUTS.

MANIC. HE WAS IN A MANIC
FRAME OF MIND. MANIC.

AND I TOOK THE PRECAUTION OF
TAPE RECORDING THAT MEETING.

AL, WOULD YOU... PLAY THE TAPE?

LISTEN TO THIS.

[ Stempel ] YOU GET
ME THAT PANEL SHOW...

OR I'M GONNA BRING YOU
DOWN, YOU LOUSY LYIN' PRICK!

YOU AND CHARLES
VAN FUCKIN' DOREN!

[ Enright On Tape ] WHAT IS THIS,
HERB? ARE YOU BLACKMAILIN' ME?

I NEED THAT MONEY,
DAN. I NEED TO GET BACK

ON TELEVISION. YOU GET
ME THAT PANEL SHOW...

- OR I'LL TELL EVERYONE
IT'S A FRAUD.
- YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

WHO CARES IF IT'S TRUE? "THE FIX
IS IN THIS WEEK ON TWENTY-ONE."

OKAY.

SO HE NEEDED MORE MONEY
AFTER ALL THAT MONEY HE WON.

GAMBLING. AND
THAT'S THE LEAST OF IT.

I MEAN, IF THE JUDGE WAS PROTECTING
ANYONE, HE WAS PROTECTING HERB.

GIVEN... WELL...

- HIS MEDICAL CONDITION.
- [ Scoffs ] HIS MEDICAL CONDITION?

- OH, YEAH.
- AL, GET THE BILLS.

I MEAN, PUT YOURSELF
IN HIS SHOES.

HE'S NO LONGER
IN THE PUBLIC EYE.

HE'S REMEMBERED, IF HE'S REMEMBERED AT
ALL, AS "THE GUY THAT LOST TO VAN DOREN."

TELEVISION IS LIKE A
MONKEY ON HIS BACK,

AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE
WHO IS NECESSARILY STABLE TO BEGIN WITH.

- NO.
- SO YOU PAID FOR
HIS PSYCHOANALYSIS?

I FELT RESPONSIBLE.
YOU'RE TOO NICE.

NO, I'M NOT. IF IT WERE
UP TO ME, I WOULD'VE

SENT HIM TO THE SKATING
RINK THE FAST WAY.

- FIVE SESSIONS A WEEK?
- FIVE, AND NOT A DENT.

HERB IS SO ANGRY WITH HIMSELF FOR LOSING,
AND IT WAS ON SUCH A SIMPLE QUESTION TOO.

MARTY. MARTY. HIS
EGO COULDN'T HANDLE IT.

HE BLAMES CHARLES VAN
DOREN FOR HIS DOWNFALL.

AND OF COURSE, THE REAL DOWNFALL OF HERBERT
STEMPEL HAS ALWAYS BEEN HERBERT STEMPEL.

HERBERT STEMPEL. ABSOLUTELY. YOU
MET HIM. DOES HE SEEM STABLE TO YOU?

WELL, I DEFINITELY HAVE AN INKLING
OF WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

HE TOLD ME THIS WHOLE STORY
ABOUT HOW WHEN A JEW IS ON THE SHOW,

HE ALWAYS LOSES TO A GENTILE, AND
THEN THE GENTILE WINS MORE MONEY.

RIGHT? [ Chuckles ] WHO COULD
DREAM UP A SCHEME LIKE THAT?

A SYMPTOM OF HIS
VAN DOREN FIXATION.

THE THING OF IT IS, I
LOOKED IT UP. IT'S TRUE.

WE COULD CHECK IT.

[ Toby ] HERBIE, I
WANNA GO HOME.

I TOOK YOU TO DINNER, DIDN'T
I? JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WHA...

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY DON'T YOU RETURN
MY PHONE CALLS? DID YOU TALK TO VAN DOREN?

I'LL TELL YOU WHO I SPOKE TO. I SPOKE
TO DAN ENRIGHT. FORGET ENRIGHT.

GOODWIN, 1535. YOU THREATENED TO BLACKMAIL
HIM IF HE DIDN'T GET YOU ON A PANEL SHOW?

WHAT? WHEN? I DIDN'T BLACKMAIL
HIM. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE'S GOT THE WHOLE THING ON TAPE.
HE PROMISED ME THAT PANEL SHOW.

WHAT TAPE? WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

LISTEN, GOODWIN, DON'T THINK
I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.

YOU'RE BUILDING THIS GREAT CASE
AGAINST ME. A PILE OF EVIDENCE,

AN ARMY OF WITNESSES
AGAINST ME, HERB STEMPEL.

AND MEANWHILE, YOU AND
VAN DOREN ARE OFF GIVING

EACH OTHER THE SECRET
IVY LEAGUE HANDSHAKE.

HERB, YOU'RE MAKIN'
ME LOOK LIKE A JERK.

I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOIN'
TO YOU. THEY DID IT TO ME.

JUST BECAUSE YOU WENT TO HARVARD, YOU
THINK YOU HAVE SOME STAKE IN THE SYSTEM?

HE DIDN'T PAY FOR YOUR
PSYCHIATRIST BILLS? THE POINT IS...

VAN DOREN GOT THE ANSWERS.

HE DID NOT GET THE ANSWERS. IF
ANYTHING, HE GAVE THEM ANSWERS.

I KNOW HE GOT THE ANSWERS. AH, BULLSHIT,
HERB. HOW DO YOU KNOW HE GOT THE ANSWERS?

BECAUSE I GOT THE ANSWERS.

YOU GOT THE ANSWERS? WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, YOU GOT THE ANSWERS?

NOT VERY MANY ANSWERS.
I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT

FROM UNDER THE FINANCIAL
THUMB OF MY IN-LAWS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A VICTIM IN ALL THIS.

I DIDN'T HOLD MYSELF UP TO BE
THE CROWNED PRINCE OF EDUCATION.

I DIDN'T PREEN MYSELF
ON THE COVER OF TIME

MAGAZINE WITH A FACE
FULL OF PHONY HUMILITY...

GOOD NIGHT, HERB.

[ Elevator Doors Close ]

TOBY.

TOBY, WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING WITHOUT ME?

YOU NEVER TOLD ME
YOU GOT THE ANSWERS.

I KNEW THE ANSWERS
TO A GOOD PART OF THE

QUESTIONS ANYHOW. THE
ONES I DIDN'T, THEY FED ME.

I'M SURE I MUST'VE MENTIONED IT.
IT'S NOT A THING YOU MENTIONED.

WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO
THAT YOU DIDN'T MENTION?

ENRIGHT SAT RIGHT IN OUR KITCHEN AND
SAID, "HOW'D YOU LIKE TO MAKE $25,000?"

I DON'T KNOW ANY MAN IN AMERICA
WHO WOULD TURN THAT DOWN.

IT'S DISHONEST. LET ME
TELL YOU ABOUT HONEST.

YOU KNOW WHAT MY FATHER USED TO
TELL ME? "WORK HARD AND YOU'LL GET AHEAD."

WAS THAT HONEST?
LOOK AT GERITOL.

"GERITOL CURES TIRED BLOOD." AND I'M
THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE ASHAMED.

YOU NEVER SAID THAT YOU
WERE GETTING THE ANSWERS.

LET THEM BELIEVE WHATEVER
THEY WANT. WHAT DO I CARE?

WHAT DO I CARE IF A BUNCH OF SAPS...
I WAS ONE OF THOSE SAPS, HERBERT.

HE GOT THE ANSWERS. NOW WHY WOULD HE
ADMIT THAT? HE'S ONLY IMPLICATING HIMSELF.

- WELL, MAYBE IT'S THE TRUTH.
- YEAH, WELL I HAVE A HUNCH
IT IS THE TRUTH.

THOUGH MEANWHILE, WE'LL HAVE TO
HAVE HIM TESTIFY IN A STRAITJACKET.

BUT VAN DOREN ISN'T CRAZY. MAYBE
YOU SHOULD PUT HIM ON THE STAND.

- WHAT'S VAN DOREN
GOT TO DO WITH THIS?
- THEY GAVE STEMPEL THE ANSWERS.

WHY WOULD VAN DOREN
BE ANY DIFFERENT?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
THESE PEOPLE ARE LIKE.

IT'S ALL THURBER AND TRILLING
AND BUNNY WILSON. BUNNY?

YEAH, EDMUND WILSON.
THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL HIM.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T
MEAN YOU HAVE TO.

LOOK, MY POINT IS, WHY WOULD A GUY
LIKE THAT JEOPARDIZE EVERYTHING HE HAS?

- WHICH IS WHAT?
- SANDRA, THE MAN IS ON
THE COVER OF TIME MAGAZINE.

HE'S NOT GONNA BE ON THE COVER OF
TIME AS MARK VAN DOREN'S SON, DICK.

[ Barry On TV ] BOXING. HOW MANY
POINTS WOULD YOU LIKE TO RISK?

I'LL RISK EIGHT POINTS, JACK.

ALL RIGHT. FOR EIGHT POINTS, NAME
THE THREE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONS...

IMMEDIATELY PRECEDING JOE LOUIS.

WELL, MY FATHER WOULD
KNOW THAT. [ Barry Chuckles ]

THAT'D BE JAMES J.
BRADDOCK. CORRECT.

MAX BAER LOST THE
BELT TO BRADDOCK.

YES. AND THE FELLOW BAER BEAT?

[ Charles ] OH, NOW, I
REMEMBER HE KNOCKED

HIM DOWN 12 TIMES BEFORE
HE FINALLY SUCCUMBED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
GUESS? PRIMO CARNERA.

[ Barry ] CORRECT! YOU HAVE 21!

[ TV Audience Applauding ]

[ Jack ] SECOND BASE
IS EDDIE STANKY.

[ Fred ] NO, IT'S RED
SCHOENDIENST.

[ Goodwin ] I HEAR THAT PAT
BOONE PLAYS ON THE WHITE SHOES.

NO, THAT'S DANIEL BOONE.
[ Charles ] ACE-KING BETS.

CHECK. CHECK. BET FIVE.

I'LL RAISE THAT A
DOLLAR. I'M OUT.

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, FRED.

DICK'S ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST
YOUNG LAWYERS DOWN IN WASHINGTON.

[ Fred ] GREAT. ALL MY MONEY
ALREADY GOES TO WASHINGTON. TAXES.

IT'S NOTHIN' BUT ORGANIZED
THEFT. [ Goodwin ] NO, PROPERTY.

WHAT? "PROPERTY
IS THEFT," I BELIEVE.

THAT'S THE LOCUS
CLASSICUS FROM PROUDHON.

- [ Groans ]
- I WARNED YOU.

- OH, GREAT, ANOTHER ONE.
- [ Jack ] ACE BETS FIVE.

AND ANOTHER ONE. I'LL SEE THAT.

- WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON,
CHARLIE?
- I RAISE FIVE DOLLARS.

- I'D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT
YOU GOT UNDER THERE, CHARLIE.
- THE TRUTH HAS ITS PRICE.

EVERYTHING HAS ITS PRICE.

SO WHERE'D YA PREP, DICK?

DICK'S UP HERE ON A WITCH HUNT.
HE THINKS TWENTY-ONE IS RIGGED.

IS IT?

[ Men Chuckling ]

HEY, UH... WHICH FACE CARDS
ARE IN PROFILE, WITHOUT LOOKING?

JACK OF SPADES, KING OF
DIAMONDS, JACK OF HEARTS.

CAN WE PLAY CARDS? IT'S BAD ENOUGH
MY WIFE MAKES ME WATCH THIS CRAP.

OKAY, YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK ON LINCOLN. THE
NIGHT HE WAS SHOT, WHO WAS THE DOCTOR...

AT HIS DEATHBED?

JOSEPH K. BARNES WAS THE DOCTOR.

- WHOA.
- WHO WAS THE DETECTIVE
ON THE CASE?

[ Charles ] THE DETECTIVE WAS
CLARVOE. JOHN ALEXANDER CLARVOE.

- WHO EMBALMED HIM?
- COME ON.

BLACK OR BROWN,
CHARLES D. BROWN.

THEN HE WAS MURDERED
WITH ESTATE TAXES. LET'S PLAY.

- YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSED?
- ACE CHECKS.

CHECK.

UM...

- [ Jack ] WHOA.
- NOW I'M IMPRESSED.

GO AHEAD, DICK, CALL 'EM.

- [ Fred Chuckling ]
- WHAT DO YOU SAY, DICK?

I KNOW YOU'RE LYING.

- [ Jack ] WHOA-OH.
- [ Chuckles ]

BLUFFING. THE WORD IS BLUFFING.

[ Chuckles ]

TOO RICH FOR MY BLOOD.

- [ Jack ] TRY GERITOL.
- SANDWICH TIME.

[ Groaning ] HOW 'BOUT A DRINK?

THIS GAME COULD USE
A LITTLE JUICE, HUH?

[ Men Chattering ]

[ Enright ] CHARLIE? CHARLIE?

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN IMPLICATE
YOU DIRECTLY ARE ALL IN THIS ROOM.

JUST THINK ABOUT THAT.

YOU THINK THAT NUDZH IS GONNA
GET ME TO TALK? HE MAY BE A NUDZH,

BUT HE WAS ALSO FIRST IN HIS
CLASS AT HARVARD LAW SCHOOL.

- OH, HARVARD?
- WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT?

- AL, STOP IT.
- SORRY. CHARLIE, THEY COULD
KILL ME, I WOULDN'T TALK.

THEY COULD SUBJECT ME
TO ANY KIND OF TORTURE, UM...

- THE RACK?
- THANK YOU. THEY COULD
PUT ME ON THE RACK...

THE IRON MAIDEN? WHATEVER.

- THE BASTINADO?
- CHARLIE, I'M NOT TELLIN' 'EM
A GODAMNED THING.

CORRECT ME, DAN, IF I'M
WRONG. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

PLUS, WHAT DID YOU DO
WRONG? EVERYBODY KNOWS

THE MAGICIAN DON'T
SAW THE LADY IN HALF.

- IT'S NOT EXACTLY
THE SAME THING.
- IT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

I AM A COLLEGE PROFESSOR!

- [ Groans ]
- [ Knocking ]

THEY NEED THE
PROFESSOR IN MAKE-UP.

OH-HO, WELL. [ Chuckles ]

AREN'T YOU CHARLES
VAN DOREN? [ Chuckles ]

I'M SORRY, DAD. I DIDN'T MEAN TO WAKE
YOU. I JUST HAD TO GET OUT OF THE CITY.

YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME, CHARLIE.

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD
SLEEPING IN THE CITY.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. I TOOK THE REST OF
THE CAKE. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE IT.

UNDER A LITTLE STRAIN
LATELY. THAT'S THE WAY

IT ALWAYS IS WHEN
YOU'RE FINISHING A BOOK.

OH, NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S
THE... TELEVISION SHOW.

OW, JESUS, I JUST REALIZED,
WE WATCHED YOUR SHOW.

DID I TELL YOU? MOTHER AND I
MOVED THE TELEVISION TO THE DEN.

NO, NO, YOU DIDN'T MENTION
IT. ANYWAY, WHAT WAS IT?

SOMETHING ABOUT THE
GALAPAGOS ISLANDS?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL TRY SOME OF THAT.

THE ORIGIN AND THE DESTINATION
OF THE VOYAGE OF THE BEAGLE.

THAT'S RIGHT. BIOLOGY
FOR SIX POINTS.

GOOD GOD, THE PRESSURE!

ALL THOSE LIGHTS, THE MONEY,
THOSE STRANGE LITTLE BOOTHS,

THAT MAN TALKING SO FAST,
LIKE BEING IN A BULL RING.

I DON'T THINK I COULD
REMEMBER MY NAME.

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS HAD A GOOD
HEAD FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF.

IT'S JUST AMAZING THAT YOU
COULD MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY.

BUT YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID YOU
WERE THE ACTOR IN THE FAMILY, CHARLIE.

[ Chuckles ] YEAH.

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INTERFERE
WITH YOUR TEACHING, WHY NOT?

DAD.

HUH? WHAT?

SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND?

YOU NEVER TOLD ME
YOU FELT PRESSURE...

YOU KNOW, UM...
LIKE FINISHING A BOOK.

OH-HO, ARE YOU KIDDING?

WHEN I WAS FINISHING THE HAWTHORNE
BOOK, I TOSSED AND TURNED SO BADLY...

YOUR MOTHER THREATENED
TO CHECK INTO A HOTEL.

OH, SURE. [ Chuckles ]

YOU KNOW, I THINK THE OLD BIRD'S
FINALLY GETTING THE HANG OF THIS.

YOU KNOW, I JUST HAD
THE STRONGEST MEMORY.

COMING HOME FROM
SCHOOL, GOING TO THE FRIDGE.

ICE-COLD BOTTLE OF MILK,
BIG PIECE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE.

IT WAS JUST THE
SIMPLICITY OF IT.

I-I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING THAT
WILL MAKE ME FEEL THAT HAPPY AGAIN.

NOT 'TIL YOU HAVE A SON.

[ Barry Over Kinescope ]
THAT WOULD BE OUR

MOST DIFFICULT QUESTION
ON AMERICAN LITERATURE.

FOR 11 POINTS, I'LL READ YOU LINES
FROM AMERICA'S GREATEST POETS.

YOU MUST IDENTIFY
THE AUTHOR. FIRST:

"I HEAR AMERICA SINGING
THE VERY CAROLS I HEAR."

THAT WOULD BE... WALT WHITMAN.

THAT'S RIGHT. SECOND:

"I SHOT AN ARROW IN THE AIR. IT
FELL TO EARTH I KNOW NOT WHERE."

[ Contestant ] HENRY WADSWORTH
LONGFELLOW. RIGHT AGAIN, JIM!

FINALLY: "HOPE IS THE THING WITH
FEATHERS THAT PERCHES IN THE SOUL."

[ Jim ] THAT IS, UH... ACTUALLY
BY ONE OF MY FAVORITE POETS,

EMILY DICKINSON.

I'M SORRY, JIM. DID... DID
YOU SAY EMILY DICKINSON?

OH! WELL, YES! ALL RIGHT!

[ Kinescope Stops, Rewinds ]

- DICKINSON.
- I'M SORRY, JIM.

DID... DID YOU SAY EMILY
DICKINSON? OH! WELL, YES!

FAVORITE POETS, EMILY DICKINSON.

I'M SORRY, JIM. DID... DID
YOU SAY EMILY DICKINSON?

- OH! WELL, YES!
- [ Kinescope Stops ]

WHO IS IT? MR. SNODGRASS?

YEAH? MY NAME IS
RICHARD GOODWIN.

YEAH? HI. I'M A FEDERAL INVESTIGATOR
ON A CONGRESSIONAL SUBCOMMITTEE.

THE COMMITTEE'S BEEN INVESTIGATING
THE QUIZ SHOWS. [ Chuckles ]

I WAS JUST LOOKING AT A KINESCOPE OF YOUR
APPEARANCE ON TWENTY-ONE, AND I NOTICED...

MR. SNODGRASS? [ Snickering ]

THIS IS GOOD. YEAH? WHAT IS IT?

[ People Chattering ]

- DRIVE ON BY.
- WHAT?

GO AROUND TO THE
BACK ENTRANCE. OKAY.

- [ Phone Ringing ] - [ Woman
] MR. KINTNER'S OFFICE.

EXCUSE ME. DO YOU THINK HE MIGHT
SEE ME BEFORE THE PEACOCK MOLTS?

WHO ARE YOU WITH AGAIN?

I'M WITH THE U.S. CONGRESS.
PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF THEM.

OH, YOUR NAME IS GOLD... EXCUSE
ME, NOT YOU. YOUR NAME IS GOLDWYN?

GOODWIN. AH, YES. PLEASE HAVE
A SEAT, MR. GOLDWYN... GOODWIN.

I'LL SEE IF HE'S
AVAILABLE. RIGHT.

YES, THAT'S RED, LONG
STEM. THANK YOU. [ Sighs ]

WELL, I'M SURE HE'D BE AVAILABLE
IF MY NAME WERE GERITOL.

PERHAPS IF YOU COULD COME
BACK ANOTHER TIME. [ Door Opens ]

GOOD NIGHT, ROSE.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. KINTNER.

MR. KINTNER. EXCUSE ME. MY
NAME IS RICHARD GOODWIN. OH?

I'M WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL SUBCOMMITTEE
ON LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT. CONGRATULATIONS.

HOW'S CHAIRMAN
HARRIS? OH, HE'S FINE.

STILL IN THAT SAND
TRAP WHERE I LEFT HIM?

I AM HERE TO GIVE YOU A
CHANCE TO COOPERATE.

WE'LL COOPERATE IN ANY WAY
WE CAN. NOW WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

TWENTY-ONE IS RIGGED, AND I CAN PROVE
IT. WHO WON, HOW LONG THEY WERE ON,

IT WAS ALL A SCHEME TO KEEP THE
RATINGS UP, AND NBC MADE MILLIONS OFF IT.

YOUNG MAN, I AM THE PRESIDENT OF
THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE DAY-TO-DAY
OPERATIONS OF TWENTY-ONE ARE.

DOES CHAIRMAN HARRIS KNOW
EVERY LITTLE THING YOU'RE UP TO?

I HAVE ENRIGHT COLD. AND,
SIR, THAT MEANS I HAVE YOU.

- REALLY?
- REALLY.

THEN WHY ARE YOU THE
ONE THAT'S SWEATING?

[ Barry ] THIS WEEK'S
CHALLENGER FROM NEW

YORK, NEW YORK, WELCOME
MRS. VIVIENNE NEARING.

AND RETURNING THIS WEEK WITH $139,000,
OUR CHAMPION, CHARLES VAN DOREN.

[ Audience Applauding ]

A VERY CORDIAL WELCOME TO THE
SHOW, MRS. NEARING. MR. VAN DOREN. JACK.

YOU'RE BACK AGAIN WITH
A LOT OF MONEY AT STAKE.

MRS. NEARING, LET'S TELL THE PROFESSOR AND
OUR AUDIENCE A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

[ Announcer ] A SOMETIMES PAINTER,
PIANIST AND DOUBLE-CROSTICS FAN,

SHE HAS A BACHELOR'S DEGREE
FROM QUEENS COLLEGE, NEW YORK,

AND A M.A. AND
L.L.B. FROM COLUMBIA.

SHE AND HER HUSBAND VICTOR
ARE LAWYERS IN NEW YORK.

QUITE A BEAN INSIDE THAT PRETTY
HEAD, HUH? SHE'S TERRIFYING.

ALL RIGHT, I THINK YOU
BOTH KNOW HOW TO PLAY

THE GAME. DON'T FORGET
TO PUT YOUR EARPHONES ON.

THE VERY BEST OF LUCK TO BOTH
OF YOU. LET'S PLAY TWENTY-ONE.

SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT AIRPLANES
OF WORLD WAR II WERE THE FOLLOWING:

THE P-40, THE P-47, THE P-51,

THE B-24, THE B-25 AND THE B-26.

GIVE ME THE NICKNAMES THE
AIR FORCE GAVE TO THESE PLANES.

THAT'S MUCH HARDER THAN THE QUESTION THEY
ASKED THAT WOMAN, AND HERS WAS TEN POINTS!

DO YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF THOSE
PLANES? OF COURSE NOT. SIT DOWN.

WHO WOULD KNOW THE
NAMES OF THOSE PLANES?

HE'S NOT THE SECRETARY
OF DEFENSE. SHH, SHH.

AS WE ENTER OUR FINAL ROUND, MRS.
NEARING LEADS BY A SCORE OF 21 TO 16.

IT IS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH, AS IT WERE, FOR
CHARLES VAN DOREN, OUR REIGNING CHAMPION,

AFTER A RECORD-BREAKING
14 WEEKS.

WILL HE HOLD ONTO HIS TITLE?

WOW. MRS. NEARING.

YES? YOU HAVE THE
REQUIRED 21 POINTS.

WE'RE GOING TO LET YOU
LISTEN IN ON THIS LAST ROUND.

PLEASE DO NOT DIVULGE YOUR
SCORE OR SPEAK IN ANY WAY.

MR. VAN DOREN, THE
CATEGORY IS ROYALTY.

ROYALTY. YES, SIR.
[ Charles ] ROYALTY.

HOW MANY POINTS WOULD YOU
LIKE TO TRY FOR? WELL, LET'S SEE.

I'LL TAKE FIVE, FIVE POINTS.

[ Barry ] ALL RIGHT. NAME THE KINGS
OF THE FOLLOWING COUNTRIES:

NORWAY, SWEDEN,
BELGIUM AND IRAQ.

- COULD I TAKE
THE THIRD PART LAST?
- CERTAINLY.

TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED, CHARLIE.
YOU HAVE A LOT RIDING ON THESE ANSWERS.

I SURE HAVE. WELL, NORWAY, THAT
WOULD BE HAAKON. KING HAAKON.

[ Barry ] THAT'S RIGHT. AND
SWEDEN, UM, GUSTAVUS.

RIGHT AGAIN, CHARLIE.
THE KING OF IRAQ? IRAQ, UH...

TURN IT... TURN IT OFF.
TURN THE DAMN THING OFF!

GOOD GOD! WHAT GOT INTO YOU?
IT'S JUST TOO NERVE-WRACKING.

I REMEMBER THAT'S HIS, UM...

GREAT-UNCLE IN THAT WONDERFUL
BOOK, THE SEVEN PILLARS OF WISDOM.

UM, DO... NO, UM...

- FAIS... OH, KING FAISAL.
- CORRECT. AND BELGIUM?

BELGIUM. BELGIUM. BELGIUM. BELGIUM.
LET ME SEE... THAT'S THE THIRD PART?

[ Barry ] THAT'S RIGHT. UM...

KING OF BELGIUM, UM...

UM... UM...

LET ME SEE...

PROFESSOR, WOULD
YOU LIKE MORE TIME?

[ Charlie ] BELGIUM,
THE KING OF BELGIUM.

I CAN PICTURE HIM, JACK.

RIGHT DOWN TO THAT
HAPSBURG LIP THAT THEY...

I CAN'T SEEM TO
SUMMON THE NAME. UM...

HE'S GONNA DUMP IT.

[ Ringing ]

IS GARROWAY HERE?

[ Ringing Continues ]

PROFESSOR, I'M SORRY. I'M GOING
TO HAVE TO ASK FOR YOUR ANSWER.

IT SEEMS LIKE AN EASY ONE.

LEOPOLD.

- NO.
- [ Crowd Gasps ]

[ Barry ] NO, I'M... I'M SORRY,
CHARLIE. THE ANSWER IS BAUDOUIN.

KING BAUDOUIN.

LEOPOLD IS BAUDOUIN'S
FATHER, THE FORMER KING.

WHAT A STUNNING TURN OF EVENTS.

- MRS. NEARING, YOU HAVE JUST
UNSEATED OUR CHAMPION.
- BAUDOUIN. OF COURSE.

- COME OUT HERE, BOTH OF YOU.
- [ Crowd Applauding ]

[ All Chattering ]

LISTEN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?
GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, THAT'S WHAT.

CALL IT A BONUS ROUND, BUT
GET HIM ON THAT SHOW AGAIN.

SOMEONE WILL CALL IF HE
LOSES, WON'T THEY? I'M SURE.

CONGRATULATIONS. THANK YOU.

CHANGING OF THE GUARD, AS IT WERE. YOU
TAKE HOME $10,000 OF MR. VAN DOREN'S MONEY.

WE'LL TRY NOT TO HOLD THAT AGAINST
YOU. PLEASE, COME BACK NEXT WEEK.

TELL US YOU WANT TO CONTINUE PLAYING. I
SURE HOPE YOU DO. HOW 'BOUT A WARM HAND...

FOR OUR NEW CHAMPION, MRS.
VIVIENNE NEARING. THANK YOU.

[ Applause ]

[ Barry ] WHOA, WHO IS THAT IN OUR
WING? IS THAT DAVE GARROWAY?

DAVE GARROWAY OF THE NBC
TODAY SHOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[ Applause ] HELLO, DAVE.

HOW ARE YOU, CHARLIE?
FINE, THANK YOU, DAVE.

- I WAS WONDERING,
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
- WELL, I WAS, UM...

HOPING TO ENJOY SOME PEACE AND QUIET
NOW AND A CHANCE TO GET BACK TO MY BOOKS.

YOU KNOW, EVENTUALLY, THIS SAD DAY
HAD TO COME, BUT WE DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU.

SO, AT THE TODAY SHOW,
WE DECIDED WHY NOT MAKE

CHARLIE OUR SPECIAL
CULTURAL CORRESPONDENT,

TO THE PEOPLE AND TO THE
SCHOOL CHILDREN OF AMERICA.

WELL, I... I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT FIRING THE CHIMP.

[ Laughs ] HOW DOES $50,000 A
YEAR SOUND TO YOU, PROFESSOR?

[ Applause ]

UM, WELL, I...

I WAS HOPING TO, UM... [ Chuckles
] TO GET BACK TO MY TEACHING.

WELL, THIS IS THE LARGEST CLASSROOM
IN THE WORLD, PROFESSOR: TELEVISION.

SO, IF YOU WILL, JUST SIGN
RIGHT HERE ON THE DOTTED LINE.

CHARLIE, WALK AWAY.
COME ON. YOU DON'T NEED IT.

[ Chuckles ]

CONGRATULATIONS,
CHARLIE. [ Applause ] THANK YOU.

[ People Chattering ]

DID MR. GARROWAY
LEAVE? YES, SIR.

GOOD SHOW, DAVE. THANKS.

MRS. NEARING, CONGRATULATIONS. IT
WAS A WONDERFUL SHOW. THANK YOU.

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS MRS.
NEARING. YOU KNOW AL FREEDMAN.

[ Mrs. Nearing ] YES, WE'VE MET. [ Enright
] YOU'RE GONNA BE NEEDED TOMORROW.

YOU'RE A VERY
DISRUPTIVE YOUNG MAN.

OKAY, LET'S BRING THE CAMERA OUT,
AND LET'S BRING THE BLACKBOARD IN.

YOU REMEMBER JAMES SNODGRASS? WHO?
AND CAN WE GET MRS. NEARING IN THERE?

JAMES SNODGRASS. GET
HER IN THERE WITH HER FAMILY.

HE WAS A CONTESTANT ON YOUR SHOW. YOU
KNOW HOW MANY CONTESTANTS WE'VE HAD?

THIS MAN WAS AN ARTIST. MAYBE THAT'LL
JOG YOUR MEMORY. AL DIGS THESE PEOPLE UP.

GOD KNOWS WHERE HE
FINDS THEM. NOW, A PICTURE

WITH HER MOTHER. HE'S
IN GREENWICH VILLAGE.

THERE WAS A QUESTION ABOUT THE
FIRST LINE OF A POEM BY EMILY DICKINSON.

BARRY APPARENTLY EXPECTED HE WAS GOING TO
SAY RALPH WALDO EMERSON AND GET IT WRONG.

REALLY? I'M VERY BUSY NOW. YEAH,
AND I HAVE IT ON THE KINESCOPE, OKAY?

IT'S CLEAR AS DAY. THE MAN
LITERALLY DID A DOUBLE TAKE. [ Chuckles ]

HE DID A DOUBLE TAKE. AND-AND WHO
TOLD YOU THIS? IS THIS HERB AGAIN?

OR IS THIS THE GREENWICH VILLAGE
BEATNIK? OH, THAT'S INTERESTING.

WHY IS HE A BEATNIK? BECAUSE
HE'S NOT CHARLIE VAN DOREN?

YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.
HE'S NOT CHARLIE VAN DOREN.

YOU GOT CRACKPOTS COMIN'
OUT OF THE WOODWORK.

YOU'RE SNOOPIN'
AROUND ASKIN' QUESTIONS.

YOU DON'T HAVE A SHRED OF CONCRETE
EVIDENCE. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

IN THIS ENVELOPE ARE
ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT

JAMES SNODGRASS WAS
ASKED ON TWENTY-ONE, OKAY?

THE ODD THING ABOUT THIS ENVELOPE IS
HE APPEARED ON THE SHOW ON JANUARY 13,

YET SOMEHOW HE MAILED THIS TO
HIMSELF JANUARY 11, REGISTERED MAIL.

I'D SAY THAT'S PRETTY GODDAMN
CONCRETE, WOULDN'T YOU?

[ Barry ] LOOK RIGHT
INTO THE CAMERA.

[ Freedman ] I WASN'T IN THERE,
WAS I? YOU DIDN'T SEE ME?

[ Photographer ] NO, YOU
WERE OUT. IT'S OKAY.

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

HOW'S THAT TRAP FEEL
CLAMPED ON YOUR LEG?

HE SENT IT TO HIMSELF
REGISTERED MAIL?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE FALL GUY HERE WHEN
NBC AND GERITOL ARE MAKIN' THE REAL MONEY?

[ Sighs ] DICK.

[ Chuckles ] DAN.

YOU WANT ME TO
IMPLICATE THE NETWORK?

YOU DON'T OWE THEM A THING.

IF I EVEN HINTED THAT
THE NETWORK KNEW,

AND THEY DIDN'T... KNOW,

THEY'D NEVER LET ME
THROUGH THE DOOR AGAIN.

I GOT A SNEAKIN' SUSPICION YOU'RE
NOT GOING THROUGH THAT DOOR ANYWAY.

TELEVISION'S MY LIFE, DICK.

IT'S OVER. WHY DON'T YOU
GO TALK TO YOUR FAMILY?

I JUST HAD A THOUGHT.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED
IN YOUR OWN PANEL SHOW?

SERIOUSLY. [ Chuckles ]

WHAT?

I'LL GET BACK TO
YOU ON THAT, DAN.

[ Doorbell Buzzes ]

EXCUSE THE ROBE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

FIRST DECENT NIGHT'S SLEEP I'VE HAD
IN MONTHS. WOULD YOU LIKE COFFEE?

I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY BEFORE I HEAD
BACK TO WASHINGTON. I GOT A 10:00 TRAIN.

WE'RE GOING TO ANNOUNCE
OUR HEARINGS LATER TODAY.

OH, REALLY? AS I EXIT
THE STAGE, YOU ENTER.

WELL, DON'T FORGET THE
WORLD'S BIGGEST CLASSROOM.

OH, THAT. WELL, IT'S... [ Chuckles ]
IT'S THE WORLD'S BIGGEST SOMETHING.

UH...

HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, DICK? YOU
SEEM LIKE A BLACK COFFEE MAN.

YEAH, BLACK'S FINE.

HERE WE GO.

A TOAST TO... ESCAPE.

"IT IS THE BASKET IN WHICH
THE HEART IS CAUGHT...

WHEN DOWN SOME AWFUL
BATTLEMENT THE REST OF LIFE IS DROPT."

KING BAUDOUIN.

EMILY DICKINSON, ACTUALLY.

THE ONE YOU LOST ON.

OH, THAT.

WELL, IT SEEMS THE BELGIAN CONSULATE
HAS FORMALLY PROTESTED MY IGNORANCE.

UP AT CORNWALL, CHARLIE, YOUR FATHER
SAID HE FELT LIKE LEOPOLD, REMEMBER?

YOU LOST ON ONE YOU
KNEW. SAME AS STEMPEL.

WELL, I... I MUST HAVE
HAD A MENTAL BLOCK.

I WAS THERE LAST NIGHT.

I COULD SWEAR A SMILE CREPT
ACROSS YOUR FACE WHEN YOU LOST.

[ Sighs ]

I WANTED TO GET OFF THE
SHOW. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN HOLDING
MY BREATH FOR 14 WEEKS.

WHY? WHAT'D YOU THINK IT WAS?

LOOK, I SPOKE TO THE COMMITTEE, OKAY? WE'RE
GOING TO HOLD THE HEARINGS WITHOUT YOU.

I AM NOT OUT TO DESTROY
YOU OR YOUR FAMILY.

YOU GO ON AND YOU LIVE YOUR
LIFE, AND GOD BLESS YOU. OKAY.

BUT I WANNA KNOW, MAN TO
MAN, DID YOU GET THE ANSWERS?

"MAN TO MAN"? YEAH,
JUST BETWEEN US.

WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS STILL
THAT BUSINESS WITH STEMPEL?

I MEAN, DAN SAYS HE'S NOT
THE MOST RELIABLE FELLOW.

THERE'S A PROBLEM, CHARLIE. I FOUND ANOTHER
CONTESTANT, A MAN NAMED JAMES SNODGRASS.

HE SAYS HE GOT THE ANSWERS TOO. ARE YOU
SURE THESE PEOPLE ARE TELLING THE TRUTH?

HE PUT THE QUESTIONS IN A SEALED ENVELOPE
AND SENT THEM TO HIMSELF, REGISTERED MAIL.

THAT WAS TWO DAYS BEFORE HE APPEARED
ON THE SHOW. THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A GENIUS TO CONNECT
THE DOTS. DON'T CONNECT THEM THROUGH ME.

DON'T TREAT ME LIKE I'M SOME
MEMBER OF YOUR GODDAMNED FAN CLUB!

ARE YOU TELLING ME EVERYBODY
GOT THE ANSWERS BUT YOU?

YOU'RE SO PERSISTENT. I ENVY
THAT. WAS IT JUST THE MONEY?

YOU'LL FORGIVE ME, BUT
ANYONE THAT THINKS MONEY

IS EVER JUST MONEY
COULDN'T HAVE MUCH OF IT.

YOU WANNA INSULT ME, FINE. BUT
YOU CAN'T ENVY ME AT THE SAME TIME.

JESUS! IF SOMEONE OFFERED YOU ALL THIS
MONEY TO BE ON SOME RIGGED QUIZ SHOW,

INSTANT FAME, WOULD YOU DO IT?

NO. OF COURSE NOT. NO, NO.

THROW THE WHOLE THING IN: COVER OF TIME;
DAVE GARROWAY; 50,000 TO READ POETRY ON TV;

WOULD YOU DO IT?

NO.

AND I WOULD?

[ Sighs ] HONESTLY, DICK.

ALL RIGHT. LOOK, DO ME A
FAVOR. DON'T EMBARRASS ME.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. DON'T SAY
ANYTHING. DON'T TALK TO THE PAPERS.

JUST DISAPPEAR FOR TWO WEEKS.

PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU.

MORE COFFEE, DICK?

NOPE. [ Sighs ] I BETTER GO.

I DON'T WANNA MISS MY TRAIN.

[ Gavel Pounding ]

[ Man ] THE SUBCOMMITTEE
WILL BE IN ORDER.

THE SPECIAL SUBCOMMITTEE
ON LEGISLATIVE OVERSIGHT...

WAS CREATED PURSUANT
TO SECTION 136...

OF THE LEGISLATIVE
REORGANIZATION ACT OF 1946...

TO CONDUCT A GENERAL
INVESTIGATION INTO THE OPERATION...

OF THE FEDERAL
REGULATORY AGENCIES.

I'LL ASK IF YOU WERE ASSISTED IN ANY
WAY. YOU ANSWER, "YES." I'LL SAY, "HOW?"

YOU SAY, "I WAS GIVEN THE
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS IN ADVANCE."

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT ON MY PANTS?
I'LL ASK, "WAS THIS DONE ROUTINELY?"

- YOU ANSWER, "YES."
- NOT THAT TIE. THE TELEVISION TIE.

- [ Alarm Ringing ]
- [ Groans ]

- WE'VE GONE OVER THIS
FIVE TIMES ALREADY.
- JUST TRY TO RELAX.

BE CONFIDENT. LOOK AT THE
CHAIRMAN DIRECTLY WHEN YOU ANSWER.

ENOUGH! YOU'RE WORSE THAN
ENRIGHT! I'M TELLING THE TRUTH.

IF THEY PREFER TO BE LIED TO, THEY
CAN JUST TURN ON THE TELEVISION.

THERE'S A LOT
RIDING ON THIS. YOU'RE

TELLING ME THERE'S A
LOT RIDING ON IT, YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, TOBY?
WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT WHAT?

READY TO WATCH YOUR
HUSBAND GIVE 'EM HELL?

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA ACCOMPLISH.
- AS SOON AS ENRIGHT REALIZES...

WHAT DO YOU WANT, THE TWO-TONE OR
THE OXFORD? YOU SHOULD WEAR THE OXFORD.

WHEN ENRIGHT REALIZES HE'S ALONE UP
THERE AND THEY'RE GONNA CUT HIM LOOSE,

HE WILL IMPLICATE NBC
AND GERITOL LIKE THAT,

AND BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE
GONNA SEE SOMETHIN'.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA ACCOMPLISH. I
JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S GONNA ACCOMPLISH.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT? IF I DO
NOTHING ELSE, I WILL CONVINCE THEM...

THAT HERBERT STEMPEL KNOWS WHAT
WON THE GODDAMNED ACADEMY AWARD...

FOR BEST GODDAMNED
PICTURE OF 1955.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO
ACCOMPLISH! I'M SICK OF ALL THIS.

THE SUBCOMMITTEE
CALLS HERBERT STEMPEL.

[ Goodwin ] SO, IN OTHER
WORDS, YOU KEPT ON WINNING.

YES, SIR, THAT IS CORRECT. AT ANY
TIME DURING THIS CHAMPIONSHIP RUN,

WERE YOU EVER
ASSISTED IN ANY WAY?

[ Stempel ] I WAS GIVEN THE
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS IN ADVANCE.

GENERALLY, I WOULD RECEIVE THE
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON FRIDAY.

THEN WE'D HAVE SORT OF
A REHEARSAL ON MONDAY.

- THIS IS FROM
THE VERY BEGINNING?
- YES.

DAN ENRIGHT CAME TO SEE
ME IN MY KITCHEN AND HE SAID,

"HOW'D YOU LIKE TO MAKE $25,000?"
AND I SAID, "WHO WOULDN'T?"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY REHEARSAL?

WELL, FOR EXAMPLE, HE TOLD ME HOW TO
BREATHE HEAVILY INTO THE MICROPHONE...

AND SIGH SUCH AS THIS.

[ Heavy Sighing ] [
People Laughing ]

HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO STUTTER
AND SAY IN A PLAINTIVE VOICE,

"I WILL TAKE, UH,
N-NINE... UH, NINE POINTS."

- IT WAS ALL CHOREOGRAPHED.
- HOW TO BITE MY LIP. HOW TO MOP MY BROW.

HE TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY NOT TO SMEAR MY
BROW, BUT RATHER TO PAT FOR OPTIMUM EFFECT.

OF COURSE, I'M
SHVITZING THE WHOLE TIME

BECAUSE THEY TURNED
OFF THE AIR CONDITIONING.

EXCUSE ME? [ People Laughing ]

- THAT'S FUNNY.
- [ Goodwin ] MR. CHAIRMAN.

WITH YOUR PERMISSION,
WE MIGHT AT THIS POINT,

VIEW A PORTION OF THE
PROGRAM, TWENTY-ONE.

WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

HERB STEMPEL, WITH YOUR
$69,500 STILL AT STAKE...

ALTHOUGH NOW AT $2,500 A
POINT... THE CATEGORY IS...

NEWSPAPERS.

HOW MANY POINTS
YOU WANNA TRY FOR?

- THERE! THERE'S THE LIP BITING.
- [ People Laughing ]

[ Chairman ] YES, WE SEE.

FINALLY, I WAS TOLD
TO OPEN MY EYES...

AND WITH A DAZZLING
SMILE, GIVE THE ANSWER AND

EXPLODE WHEN JACK
BARRY SAYS, "THAT IS RIGHT."

THE EMPORIA GAZETTE?

[ Barry ] THAT IS RIGHT!
[ Stempel Chuckles ]

I DON'T KNOW WHERE
HE GOT IT ALL. SOME

ARTICLE ON MASS PSYCHOLOGY
HE READ IN ESQUIRE.

[ People Laughing ]

[ Stempel Chuckles ]

- I'LL TRY EIGHT POINTS.
- WATCH VAN DOREN.

HE'S BETTER AT IT THAN I AM.
MR. STEMPEL, IF I MIGHT REFER YOU...

- ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT CHARLES
VAN DOREN WAS ALSO COACHED?
- OF COURSE HE GOT THE ANSWERS.

WHY WOULD THEY GIVE ME THE
ANSWERS AND NOT GIVE HIM THE ANSWERS?

WHY WOULD THEY MAKE ME TAKE A DIVE UNLESS
THEY KNEW THE OTHER GUY WOULD GET TO 21?

IT'S ILLOGICAL. YOU DON'T FIX ONE
GUY WITHOUT FIXING THE OTHER GUY.

IT'S IMPLAUSIBLE,
MATHEMATICALLY.

[ Barry ] IT WOULD BE, AND
YOU HAVE EIGHT POINTS.

YOU SEE? LOOK AT HIM. YOU SEE WITH
THE BROW? PATTING, NOT SMEARING.

MR. STEMPEL, HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED
ANY PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT OF ANY KIND?

WHAT?

- UH, MR. STEMPEL,
I WAS WONDERING...
- MR. GOODWIN, PLEASE.

FIVE SESSIONS A WEEK. THAT'S
PRETTY EXTENSIVE, ISN'T IT?

WELL, I BELIEVE WE CAN ALL USE A
LITTLE HELP AT VARIOUS TIMES IN OUR LIVES.

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT ANY OF
YOUR TESTIMONY IS MOTIVATED...

BY AN IRRATIONAL ANIMOSITY
TOWARD MR. ENRIGHT?

I-I-I DON'T KNOW. IF A MAN DOESN'T
LIVE UP TO HIS AGREEMENT...

A MORBID FIXATION
ON MR. VAN DOREN?

IF A MAN PROMISES CERTAIN
THINGS JUST TO SHUT ME UP...

"HOW'D YOU LIKE TO MAKE $25,000?"
AND YOU SAID, "WELL, WHO WOULDN'T?"

IN RETROSPECT, LOOK AT VAN DOREN. I
SHOULD'VE HELD OUT FOR A LOT MORE.

YOU PROSTITUTED YOUR
INTELLECTUAL ABILITY FOR MONEY.

THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ME AND VAN DOREN.

I ADMIT IT. I HAVE MY MORALITY.

CHARLES VAN DOREN IS A
PROFESSOR AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY.

A MASTER'S DEGREE
IN ASTROPHYSICS.

A PH.D. IN LITERATURE.

HAILS FROM ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT
INTELLECTUAL FAMILIES IN THIS COUNTRY.

ISN'T IT JUST
POSSIBLE, MR. STEMPEL,

THAT YOU GOT THE
ANSWERS AND HE DIDN'T?

[ Crowd Chattering ]

[ Woman ] SO I TOLD MY HUSBAND,
"WE REALLY NEED A VACATION."

MY HUSBAND SAYS, "WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO WITH THE CAT?"

UH-HUH. AND I
SAID, "I DON'T KNOW."

GOOD MORNING.

WILL YOU EXCUSE US?

CHARLIE, I'M BOB KINTNER.

OH. DON'T GET UP.

IT'S ABOUT TIME WE
MET. HI. IT'S A PLEASURE.

THIS WHOLE... QUIZ
SHOW MESS, UH-HUH.

AND HEARINGS AND ALL THAT. I'VE
BEEN FOLLOWING THAT IN THE PAPER.

WELL, OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT
HAS PREPARED THIS FOR YOU.

WE'D LIKE YOU TO HOLD
A PRESS CONFERENCE.

OH, THERE'S A SPLIT INFINITIVE
HERE IN THE SECOND PARAGRAPH.

[ Chuckles ] SHALL
I SCHEDULE IT?

WELL, LOOK, UM...

I HAVEN'T BEEN SUBPOENAED, AND I CAN'T
THINK OF ANYTHING THAT'D SOUND GUILTIER...

THAN A MAN WHO HASN'T BEEN ACCUSED
OF ANYTHING PROTESTING HIS INNOCENCE.

CHARLIE, SPECULATION IN OUR
SOCIETY HAS A WAY OF BECOMING FACT.

TELEVISION IS A PUBLIC TRUST.

WE CAN'T AFFORD EVEN A HINT
OF A SCANDAL IN OUR COMPANY.

WELL, I... I'D RATHER NOT DO IT.

I'M SORRY.

HAVEN'T WE BEEN GOOD TO YOU?

HAVEN'T WE TREATED YOU
LIKE PART OF OUR FAMILY?

WE HAVE GREAT EXPECTATIONS
FOR YOU, CHARLIE.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA
DO THE RIGHT THING.

I'M SORRY, MR. VAN
DOREN. IS HE IN?

- HE'S GONE, MR. VAN DOREN.
- HE'S GONE TO WASHINGTON?

MR. FREEDMAN'S GONE TO MEXICO.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN
HOLD A QUIZ SHOW HEARING WITHOUT VAN DOREN.

VAN DOREN HAD NO CONTACT
WITH NBC OR GERITOL.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, THEY DEAL
WITH ENRIGHT. ENRIGHT'S THE KEY HERE.

THE KEY TO WHAT? THE JURY HEARS THE PUBLIC.
THE PUBLIC DOESN'T KNOW DAN ENRIGHT.

THE PURPOSE IS NOT
TO REFORM THE SOULS OF

THE CONTESTANTS. THE
PURPOSE IS TO REFORM TV.

IT'S LIKE THE BARENBLATT AND THE
SWEEZEY CASES. YOU DON'T WANNA CALL HIM.

FINE, DICK. JUST DON'T PATRONIZE
ME WITH YOUR LEGAL BULLSHIT.

SHE'S GOT A POINT, DICK. BOB,
MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO HOME.

HOW'D YOU LIKE DICK'S
STEAK DONE, BOB? MEDIUM?

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO
NEED TO DRAG THE MAN INTO

THE SPOTLIGHT. YOU
DRAGGED HERB STEMPEL IN.

THE MAN HAS TO BE DRAGGED FROM THE
SPOTLIGHT WITH HIS TEETHMARKS STILL ON IT.

YEAH, WELL, NOBODY
FORCED CHARLES VAN DOREN

TO GO IN FRONT OF 50
MILLION PEOPLE EITHER.

THIS IS NOT McCARTHYISM. WE ARE NOT
HERE TO EXPOSE FOR THE SAKE OF EXPOSING.

THIS IS NOT THE POINT!

THAT IS THE POINT!
THAT IS NOT YOUR POINT!

YOU ARE TEN TIMES THE
MAN CHARLES VAN DOREN IS.

TEN TIMES THE BRAIN AND
TEN TIMES THE HUMAN BEING.

MEANWHILE, YOU'RE BENDING
OVER BACKWARDS FOR HIM.

YOU ARE LIKE THE
UNCLE TOM OF THE JEWS.

I'M GLAD IT'S SO EASY
FOR YOU TO DESTROY A

MAN'S LIFE. I'LL HAVE
TO KEEP THAT IN MIND.

BOB, SIT DOWN.

THE QUIZ SHOW HEARINGS WITHOUT VAN
DOREN IS LIKE DOING HAMLET WITHOUT HAMLET.

THE CHAIRMAN'S INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOR ME TO
GET YOU UP THERE AS PROMPTLY AS POSSIBLE.

THE QUESTIONS ARE TO TAKE
NO LONGER THAN 15 MINUTES.

YOU'RE TO RECEIVE THE
QUESTIONS IN ADVANCE,

AND I'M TO THANK YOU FOR THE
COURTESY OF ATTENDING THIS HEARING.

MERCY. WHAT A
GRUELING LINE OF INQUIRY.

MUST HAVE A FAMILIAR RING,
THE QUESTIONS IN ADVANCE.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE US
FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

TAKE THIS, PLEASE. THANK YOU.

[ Door Closes ] YOUNG MAN...

THE RATINGS WENT UP IF THE SAME
CONTESTANT CAME BACK WEEK AFTER WEEK.

THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY FOR THAT
TO HAPPEN. YOU HAD TO KNOW THAT.

YOUNG MAN, I SELL OVER $14
MILLION A YEAR WORTH OF GERITOL.

GERITOL. THAT'S THE
KIND OF BUSINESSMAN I AM.

THAT SHOW, TWENTY-ONE, COST
ME $3½ MILLION YEAR IN, YEAR OUT.

SALES WENT UP 50% WHEN VAN
DOREN WAS ON. FIFTY PERCENT.

SO THE VERY IDEA THAT I WAS UNAWARE OF
EVERY DETAIL OF THAT SHOW'S OPERATION,

FRANKLY, IT'S VERY INSULTING.

SO YOU KNEW. THAT'S
EVEN MORE INSULTING.

YOU HAD TO KNOW... IT'S NOT ABOUT
WHAT I KNOW. IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I KNOW. YOU KNOW
THAT DAN ENRIGHT RAN A CROOKED QUIZ SHOW.

HE NEVER INFORMED YOU?

DID HE?

[ Chuckles ] LET'S
SEE WHAT HE SAYS.

DAN? LOOK, DAN ENRIGHT WANTS
A FUTURE IN TELEVISION, OKAY?

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT
THE PUBLIC HAS A VERY SHORT MEMORY.

BUT CORPORATIONS,
THEY NEVER FORGET.

HE'S NOT THAT STUPID.
HE KNOWS HE'S THROUGH.

NO. OH, HE'LL BE BACK. NBC IS
GONNA GO ON. GERITOL'S GONNA GO ON.

MAKES ME WONDER WHAT YOU
HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ALL THIS.

DON'T WORRY. I'M
JUST GETTIN' STARTED.

EVEN THE QUIZ SHOWS'LL
BE BACK. WHY FIX THEM?

THINK ABOUT IT. YOU
COULD DO EXACTLY THE SAME

THING BY JUST MAKING
THE QUESTIONS EASIER.

THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T TUNE IN TO WATCH SOME
AMAZING DISPLAY OF INTELLECTUAL ABILITY.

THEY JUST WANTED
TO WATCH THE MONEY.

IMAGINE IF THEY COULD WATCH YOU.

YOU'RE A BRIGHT YOUNG KID WITH A
BRIGHT FUTURE. WATCH YOURSELF OUT THERE.

I TURNED IN MY
CLUBS AFTER THAT DAY.

[ Kintner ] WELL, YOU
WEREN'T TOO GOOD WHEN

YOU WERE OUT ON THE
LINKS WITH ME THAT DAY.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
YOU OUT THERE AGAIN.

STUCK IN THAT SAND TRAP
FOR AN HOUR. NO MORE FOR ME.

WOULD YOU STATE YOUR
NAME AND PROFESSION?

MY NAME IS ROBERT
KINTNER. I'M THE PRESIDENT

OF THE NATIONAL
BROADCASTING COMPANY.

[ Man ] MY NAME IS MARTIN RITTENHOME. I
RUN PHARMACEUTICALS INCORPORATED.

I TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY
VERY SERIOUSLY, CONGRESSMAN.

WE IMMEDIATELY COMMENCED
OUR OWN INTERNAL INVESTIGATION.

TO FERRET OUT THIS CORRUPTION
WHEREVER IT MAY EXIST.

NOBODY BROUGHT THE ARTICLE IN
TIME MAGAZINE TO YOUR ATTENTION?

I WAS IN EUROPE.
I DIDN'T SEE IT.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT.
YOU WERE TRAVELLING.

I DIDN'T SEE IT. I WAS
TRAVELLING AT THE TIME.

YOU SURE YOU NEVER ASKED ABOUT PARTICULAR
CONTESTANTS OR ABOUT THE RATINGS, NOTHING?

- THAT WAS THEIR DEPARTMENT.
- I RELIED ON THE EXCELLENT
REPUTATION OF DAN ENRIGHT.

DAN ENRIGHT WAS MORE IN THE
NATURE OF AN INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU
THOUGHT WHEN YOU FOUND OUT?

I WAS AS SHOCKED AS
YOU ARE. I MEAN, THIS WAS

A TERRIBLE THING TO DO
TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

I NEVER, NEVER IMAGINED...

THEY COULD PERPETRATE THIS
FRAUD ON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.

I'D LIKE TO SAY ONE OTHER THING. I THINK
ALL THAT MONEY SHOULD BE RETURNED.

MR. GOODWIN, ANY
FURTHER QUESTIONS?

NO, SIR, THANK YOU.
NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

[ Chairman ] ON BEHALF
OF THE SUBCOMMITTEE,

I WISH TO THANK YOU
FOR YOUR APPEARANCE...

AND YOUR TESTIMONY HERE.

VAN DOREN'S MADE A STATEMENT.

I LOOK LIKE THE MARK IN A SHELL GAME
HERE, AND YOU LOOK LIKE THE SHILL.

SIR, IF YOU... SHUT UP!

WHEN IS VAN DOREN
COMING HERE? I DON'T SEE

HIM ON THE SCHEDULE.
HE'S NOT ON THE SCHEDULE.

WAIT A MINUTE. WE DISCUSSED THIS.
THE CONTESTANT ARE NOT THE VILLAINS.

WE WERE GONNA ONLY BRING IN THE
ONES WHO WOULD COME IN VOLUNTARILY.

ALL I KNOW IS IN THE
LAST HOUR, I'VE GOTTEN

OVER 200 TELEGRAMS
FROM PEOPLE ASKIN' ME...

WHY I WON'T LET POOR CHARLES
VAN DOREN DEFEND HIMSELF.

I'VE GOT EVERY WOMAN IN ARKADELPHIA
SQUEALIN' LIKE A PIG UNDER A GATE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
THESE WOMEN VOTE.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

[ Lishman ] WHERE IS FREEDMAN? THE
MARSHALS ARE BRINGING HIM BACK FROM MEXICO.

BY WHAT? BY MULE?

SIR, PLEASE, JUST TELL
ME WHAT IT IS THAT HE SAID.

"MR. VAN DOREN MADE HIMSELF
AVAILABLE TO THE SUBCOMMITTEE STAFF.

HE HAS ADVISED THEM AT NO TIME WAS HE
SUPPLIED WITH ANY QUESTIONS, ANSWERS..."

[ Whistling ]

THAT STATEMENT OF YOURS
TOOK ME A BIT BY SURPRISE.

I KNOW. I KNOW. WE HAD A DEAL.

I ASKED MYSELF, "WHY WOULD
HE MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE THAT?

HE KNOWS I'LL COME AFTER HIM."

BUT THEN IT OCCURRED TO ME:

HE KNOWS I'LL COME AFTER HIM.

I CAN'T DECIDE IF YOU THINK
TOO MUCH OF ME OR TOO LITTLE.

CHARLIE, I WANNA
THINK THE BEST OF YOU.

EVERYONE DOES.

THAT'S YOUR CURSE.

DID YOU BRING A
SUBPOENA? RIGHT HERE.

WELL?

I REMEMBER FIVE, SIX
YEARS AGO, MY UNCLE

HAROLD TOLD MY AUNT
ABOUT THIS AFFAIR HE HAD.

IT WAS A SORT OF MILDLY UPSETTING
EVENT IN MY FAMILY. MM-HMM. MILDLY?

YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN
CONTEXT. THE THING OF

IT IS, THE AFFAIR WAS
OVER LIKE EIGHT YEARS.

SO, I REMEMBER ASKIN' HIM, "WHY'D
YOU TELL HER? YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT."

I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT HE SAID.

IT WAS THE "GETTING AWAY WITH
IT" PART HE COULDN'T LIVE WITH.

I MIGHT TAKE THAT CHANCE.

A CHANCE IS WHAT I'M GIVIN' YA.

DON QUIXOTE IS LIFE. [
Boy ] I STILL DON'T SEE...

HOW THIS OLD GUY WITH A HORSE AND A
FAT OLD SIDEKICK CAN THINK HE'S A KNIGHT.

IT MEANS IF YOU WANNA BE
A KNIGHT, ACT LIKE A KNIGHT.

OKAY.

ACT LIKE A KNIGHT?
YOU ACT LIKE A KNIGHT.

[ Boy #2 ] I AM A KNIGHT.

I SHALL MISS THEM. WHAT IS THIS?
THAT RETIREMENT BUSINESS AGAIN?

[ Chuckles ] THAT'D BE LIKE A
SNAIL RETIRING FROM HIS SHELL.

I CAN'T GO ON DOING THIS
FOREVER. IT'S FOR YOU NOW, CHARLIE.

SO, WHAT'S THE NEWS? DID YOU READ NORMAN
MAILER IN DISSENT? I ONLY GLANCED AT IT.

EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT. THEY DON'T
KNOW WHETHER HE'S A GENIUS OR A FOOL.

HAVE YOU HEARD THERE'S THIS
CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE THAT'S, UM...

WELL, THEY'RE INVESTIGATING
THE QUIZ SHOWS.

I READ THAT. WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

WELL, EVIDENTLY, CERTAIN OF THE CONTESTANTS
WERE GIVEN THE ANSWERS IN ADVANCE.

CHEATING ON A QUIZ SHOW. THAT'S
LIKE PLAGIARIZING A COMIC STRIP.

WELL, AT ANY RATE, IT SEEMS THE
COMMITTEE WANTS TO CALL ME TO, TO TESTIFY.

OH, I'VE TESTIFIED BEFORE.
FUNDING FOR THE ARTS. IT'S NOTHING.

- I THINK THIS IS
A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
- YOU'LL RUN CIRCLES ROUND THEM.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY JEFFERSON AND
LINCOLN DOWN THERE ANYMORE.

I THINK THIS IS A
LITTLE DIFFERENT.

I'D THINK YOU'D BE GLAD AT A
CHANCE TO CLEAR YOUR NAME.

OTHERWISE, PEOPLE
MIGHT BELIEVE...

PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE WHATEVER THEY
WANT TO BELIEVE. THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE.

JUST TELL 'EM THE
TRUTH. YOU'LL DO FINE.

THE REAL ISSUE, CHARLIE, IS HOW THIS
KEEPS DISTRACTING YOU FROM YOUR TEACHING.

THIS AND THAT PROGRAM IN THE MORNING,
THOUGH YOU INSIST THAT IT DOESN'T.

DAD, I CAN'T SIMPLY
JUST TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.

CAN'T TELL THEM THE TRUTH?

WHY ON EARTH NOT?

IT'S, IT'S COMPLICATED.

COMPLICATED?

[ Sighs ] YEAH, I CAN'T. I CA...

CHARLIE, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND,
IT'S JUST THIS BUNCH OF FRAUDS...

SHOWING OFF AN ERUDITION
THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO... THE PROBLEM IS...

IS IT SEEMS I WAS
ONE OF THOSE FRAUDS.

WHAT?

WHAT... WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THEY GAVE ME THE ANSWERS.

THEY GAVE YOU THE ANSWERS.

THEY GAVE YOU THE ANSWERS!

WELL... NO, NO.

AT FIRST, THEY ASKED ME QUESTIONS
THEY ALREADY KNEW I KNEW THE ANSWERS TO.

WE RAN THROUGH THOSE, AND I STILL
DIDN'T WANT THEM TO GIVE ME THE ANSWERS,

SO I HAD THEM GIVE ME QUESTIONS
AND I'D GO LOOK UP THE ANSWERS,

AS IF THAT WERE ANY DIFFERENT.

WE RAN THROUGH THOSE
IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

THEN I JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE
TIME. FINALLY, IT JUST SEEMED SILLY.

THEY GAVE YOU ALL THAT MONEY TO
ANSWER QUESTIONS THEY KNEW YOU KNEW?

- NOW, THAT'S INFLATION!
- YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY HELPFUL.

I'M SORRY, CHARLIE.
I'M AN OLD MAN. IT'S

ALL A LITTLE DIFFICULT
FOR ME TO COMPREHEND.

IT'S TELEVISION, DAD!
IT'S, IT'S JUST TELEVISION.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE
YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO AT THAT POINT?
DISILLUSION THE WHOLE GODDAMN COUNTRY?

- YOU TOOK THE MONEY!
- YES, I KNOW! I TOOK THE MONEY.

- IS THAT WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT?
- NO. NO. I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS A GODDAMNED
QUIZ SHOW, CHARLIE.

- "AN ILL-FAVORED THING, SIR.
- THIS IS NOT THE TIME
TO PLAY GAMES.

- BUT MINE OWN." IT WAS MINE.
- YOUR NAME IS MINE.

CHARLIE.

I'M SORRY.

I'M REALLY SORRY, DAD.

YOU'LL BE, UM...

DRAGGED INTO ALL
THIS, YOU AND MOTHER.

OH, MY GOD, CHARLIE.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA
TELL THAT COMMITTEE?

WILL YOU COME
DOWN THERE WITH ME?

[ Chairman ] THE, UH, SUBCOMMITTEE
CALLS CHARLES VAN DOREN.

[ Crowd Chattering ]

[ Reporters Firing Questions ]

- [ Gavel Pounding ]
- PHOTOGRAPHERS WILL PLEASE
CLEAR THE ROOM.

WILL YOU PLEASE STATE YOUR
NAME? CHARLES VAN DOREN.

I'VE GOTTA GET IN THERE. I'VE
GOTTA GET IN THERE. EXCUSE ME, SIR.

WAIT A MINUTE! HEY,
YOU, COME BACK HERE!

DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT THE TESTIMONY
YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE WILL BE THE TRUTH,

THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING
BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP YOU GOD? I DO.

NOW, WE ARE ADVISED
THAT YOU HAVE...

A PREPARED STATEMENT THAT YOU
WOULD PREFER TO GIVE AT THE OUTSET?

- YES, SIR. MIGHT I FIRST
HAVE A GLASS OF WATER?
- OF COURSE YOU MAY.

YOU MAY PROCEED.

I WOULD GIVE ALMOST
ANYTHING I HAVE TO REVERSE

THE COURSE OF MY
LIFE IN THE LAST YEAR.

THE PAST DOESN'T
CHANGE FOR ANYONE.

BUT AT LEAST I CAN
LEARN FROM THE PAST.

I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT LIFE.

I'VE LEARNED A
LOT ABOUT MYSELF...

AND ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITIES
ANY MAN HAS TO HIS FELLOW MEN.

I'VE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL.
THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE.

I WAS INVOLVED,

DEEPLY INVOLVED, IN A DECEPTION.

I HAVE DECEIVED MY FRIENDS.

AND I HAD MILLIONS OF THEM.

I LIED TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

I LIED ABOUT WHAT I KNEW, AND THEN
I LIED ABOUT WHAT I DID NOT KNOW.

IN A SENSE, I WAS LIKE A
CHILD WHO REFUSES TO

ADMIT A FACT IN THE
HOPE THAT IT'LL GO AWAY.

OF COURSE IT DID NOT GO AWAY.

I WAS SCARED,

SCARED TO DEATH.

I HAD NO SOLID POSITION.

NO BASIS TO STAND ON FOR MYSELF.

THERE WAS ONE WAY OUT AND THAT
WAS... SIMPLY TO TELL THE TRUTH.

IT MAY SOUND TRITE TO YOU, BUT I'VE FOUND
MYSELF AGAIN AFTER A NUMBER OF YEARS.

I'VE BEEN ACTING A ROLE,

MAYBE ALL MY LIFE, OF
THINKING I'VE DONE MORE,

ACCOMPLISHED MORE,
PRODUCED MORE THAN I HAVE.

I HAVE HAD ALL THE BREAKS.

I HAVE STOOD ON THE
SHOULDERS OF LIFE, AND

I'VE NEVER GOTTEN DOWN
INTO THE DIRT TO BUILD,

TO ERECT A FOUNDATION OF MY OWN.

I HAVE FLOWN TOO HIGH
ON BORROWED WINGS.

EVERYTHING CAME TOO EASY.

THAT IS WHY I AM HERE TODAY.

[ Chairman ] MR. VAN DOREN,

I WANT TO COMPLIMENT
YOU FOR THAT STATEMENT.

THANK YOU, SIR.

UH, MR. VAN DOREN, I WOULD LIKE TO
JOIN THE CHAIRMAN IN COMMENDING YOU...

FOR THE SOUL-SEARCHING FORTITUDE
DISPLAYED IN YOUR STATEMENT.

THANK YOU, SIR. THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. [ Rogers ] MR. VAN DOREN,

I JUST WANNA ADD MY KUDOS.

I HAVE LISTENED TO MANY
WITNESSES, IN BOTH CIVIL...

AND CRIMINAL MATTERS,

AND YOURS IS THE
MOST SOUL-SEARCHING

CONFESSION I THINK I'VE
HEARD IN A LONG TIME.

[ Van Doren ] THANK YOU, SIR.

[ Congressman ] MR. VAN DOREN,

I'M ALSO FROM NEW YORK; A
DIFFERENT PART OF NEW YORK.

I'M HAPPY THAT YOU'VE
MADE THE STATEMENT, BUT

I CANNOT AGREE WITH
MOST OF MY COLLEAGUES.

YOU SEE, I DON'T THINK AN ADULT OF YOUR
INTELLIGENCE OUGHT TO BE COMMENDED...

FOR SIMPLY AT LONG
LAST TELLING THE TRUTH.

[ Scattered Applause ]

[ Gavel Pounding ]

[ Gavel Pounding ]

IF THE COMMITTEE HAS NOTHING TO
ADD, MR. VAN DOREN, YOU ARE DISMISSED.

[ Reporters Chattering ]
CHARLIE! OVER HERE!

[ Crowd Chattering ]

LET HIM OUT, BOYS.

[ Chairman ] THE SUBCOMMITTEE
WILL COME TO ORDER. [ Clears Throat ]

OUR NEXT WITNESS WILL
BE MR. DANIEL ENRIGHT.

[ Reporters Chattering ]

- CHARLES, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO ANSWER SOME QUESTIONS.
- OKAY, ONE AT A TIME.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL, CHARLIE?
- RELIEVED.

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND
NOTHIN' BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP YOU GOD?

- I DO.
- WHO HELPED YOU WRITE
THAT STATEMENT?

- DID YOU KNOW YOU'D
BEEN FIRED BY NBC?
- NO, I DIDN'T KNOW.

- WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
TO THE YOUNG PEOPLE?
- ARE YOU PROUD OF YOUR SON?

- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN PROUD
OF CHARLIE.
- PROUD OF WHAT HE DID?

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING NOW IS
FOR CHARLIE TO GET BACK TO HIS TEACHING.

DID YOU KNOW COLUMBIA
TRUSTEES ARE MEETING RIGHT NOW?

THEY'RE GOING TO ASK
FOR CHARLIE'S RESIGNATION.

PROFESSOR VAN DOREN, YOU
SPENT YOUR WHOLE CAREER

AT COLUMBIA. WHAT'S
YOUR REACTION TO THAT?

PROF. VAN DOREN?

DAD, GO AHEAD WITH
MOTHER. I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.

NO REACTION. CHARLES, A FEW
MORE QUESTIONS. [ Reporters Chattering ]

DID THE NETWORK OR SPONSOR
BRING PRESSURE ON YOU...

TO BRING THE SAME CONTESTANT
BACK WEEK AFTER WEEK?

NO, SIR.

DID THEY EXPRESS ANY APPROVAL OR
DISAPPROVAL OF ANY PARTICULAR CONTESTANT?

NEVER. NOT TO ME.

WERE THEY AWARE THAT YOU WERE
SUPPLYING THE CONTESTANTS WITH THE ANSWERS?

NO, SIR. THEY HAD NO
KNOWLEDGE WHATSOEVER.

HERB STEMPEL. HERBIE, HOW 'BOUT A
PICTURE, YOU AND VAN DOREN TOGETHER?

NO. NOT NOW. CHRIST, LOOK AT
THE GUY. COME ON, THE BOTH OF YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE
PROBLEM WITH YOU BUMS IS?

YOU NEVER LEAVE A GUY ALONE
UNLESS YOU'RE LEAVING HIM ALONE.

- WHO DO YOU BLAME, CHARLIE?
- PROFESSOR, ONE MORE SHOT.

DID YOU FEEL THE COMMITTEE
TREATED YOU FAIRLY?

HOW'D THE PRESSURE UP
THERE COMPARE TO TWENTY-ONE?

SO YOU FREELY ADMIT THAT
YOU HELPED RIG THESE SHOWS?

[ Enright ] WHAT ELSE COULD
WE DO? CONGRATULATIONS.

FOR WHAT? VAN DOREN.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA GET TELEVISION.

THE TRUTH IS... TELEVISION
IS GONNA GET US.

[ Congressman ] AND YOU OBVIOUSLY
DON'T THINK YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG.

[ Enright ] YES, WE DID ONE THING
WRONG. WE WERE TOO SUCCESSFUL.

[ Congressman ] YOU
WERE TOO SUCCESSFUL.

[ Enright ] THOSE ADVERTISING
DOLLARS CAME FROM SOMEWHERE.

WHY DO YOU THINK THE
NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES

ARE MAKING SUCH A
BIG THING ABOUT THIS?

[ Chairman ] MR. ENRIGHT,

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE
YOU ARE THE VICTIM HERE.

[ Enright ] THE SPONSOR MAKES
OUT, THE NETWORK MAKES OUT,

THE CONTESTANTS SEE
MONEY THEY WOULD NEVER SEE

IN A LIFETIME AND THE
PUBLIC IS ENTERTAINED.

SO WHO GETS HURT?

[ Chairman ] MR. FREEDMAN,

YOU FREELY ADMIT THAT YOU
HELPED RIG THESE SHOWS?

[ Freedman ] YES, SIR.
YES, SIR? THAT'S IT?

[ Freedman ] WELL, SIR, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.

GIVE THE PUBLIC WHAT THEY WANT.
[ Chuckles ] IT'S LIKE YOUR BUSINESS.

[ Chairman ] DO YOU SEE A NEED FOR
GOVERNMENT REGULATION IN THIS AREA?

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE THE QUIZ
SHOWS ARE A PUBLIC UTILITY, SIR.

IT'S ENTERTAINMENT.

WE'RE NOT EXACTLY
HARDENED CRIMINALS HERE.

[ Chuckles ] WE'RE,
WE'RE IN SHOW BUSINESS.

♪ HOW OR WHEN ♪

♪ JENNY TOWLER ♪

♪ SHE TURNED UP LATELY ♪

♪ WITH A KNIFE STUCK ♪

♪ THROUGH HER BREAST ♪

♪ WHILE MACHEATH ♪

♪ HE WALKS THE EMBANKMENT ♪

♪ NONCHALANTLY ♪

♪ UNIMPRESSED ♪

♪ AND THE GHASTLY ♪

♪ FIRE IN SOHO ♪

♪ SEVEN CHILDREN ♪

♪ AT A GO ♪

♪ IN THE CROWD STANDS ♪

♪ MACK THE KNIFE, BUT ♪

♪ HE ISN'T ASKED ♪

♪ HE DOESN'T KNOW ♪

♪ AND THE CHILD-BRIDE ♪

♪ IN HER NIGHTGOWN ♪

♪ WHOSE ASSAILANT'S ♪

♪ STILL AT LARGE ♪

♪ VIOLATED ♪

♪ IN HER SLUMBERS ♪

♪ MACKIE, HOW MUCH ♪

♪ DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ YES, THE CHILD-BRIDE ♪

♪ IN HER NIGHTGOWN ♪

♪ HER ASSAILANT'S ♪

♪ STILL AT LARGE ♪

♪ VIOLATED ♪

♪ IN HER SLUMBERS ♪

♪ MACKIE, HOW MUCH ♪

♪ DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ MACKIE, HOW MUCH
DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ HOW MUCH DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ HOW MUCH DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ HOW MUCH DID YOU CHARGE ♪

♪ HOW MUCH DID YOU CHARGE ♪♪