Quelle strane occasioni (1976) - full transcript
Three sexy and comedic episodes.
THOSE STRANGE OPPORTUNITIES
ITALIAN SUPERMAN
NANNI LOY
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Hey, fisherman, want kastan jakken?
Want? Sir?
Sir, it's good, eh? Taste.
Look! Mmmh...
Mmmh... very good...
Good... good...
Kastan jakken! Kastan jakken!
Thank goodness, dear.
See? All gone.
Oh, yeah?
- Things are starting to go well.
Demand is increasing.
My success will be crazy!
I see.
- Don't you believe me?
I believe only in the cashbox.
- That?
That's just the change.
The big bills are kept safe.
Really? Show them to me then.
What?
- Hurry up.
In front of the people here?
You know I'm shy.
Please! I'll cover you. Go on!
Only a fool like you,
could think that chestnut cake
would be more successful
than pizza in Holland!
It was an inspiration!
Now, I've got another one.
- Oh, no!
We'll make it more nordic.
Instead of pine nuts,
we'll put pieces of herring.
Then we could also put some… No?
I always ask myself why someone
like me married someone like you!
Me too.
Then start asking yourself,
why I should go on with someone like you!
My… my love! Darling! I swear,
I won't return home until it's empty!
And more in the man purse!
Kastan jakken! Kastan jakken!
Italian lupin!
Lupin...
Kastan jakken! Kastan...
Kastan jakken!
Chestnut cake! Kastan!
Chestnut cake.
You want a piece? Piece?
- No, all of it.
All?
- Yeah, all.
Dutch, you smart. Very smart!
Very intelligent.
Good Bosch! Cheap! Good!
- How much is it?
15.
- 15?
10.
- 10?
8.
- 8?
Too much?
- No, not too much.
8 not too much?
Tell everyone!
My name is Giobatt.
Advertise! Promote.
Promote in all...
…Amsterdam!
- Good day.
Please, advertise.
Bon appetit to you and your family!
- Karl!
And bon appetit to Karl, too.
- Karl!
Mr... Mr Karl?
Good? Like?
Kastan jakken!
Kastan jakken!
Kastan jakken!
Italian lupin!
What... what do you want?
Kastan jakken? Italian lupin?
But… what do you still want?
I've never been with a man!
Now, I think we've cleared everything up.
Now, I'll thank you and go.
Goodbye, gentlemen...
What?
I don't understand French very well.
Ah! Practically, you want to tell me...
that is, in a certain sense...
I didn't understand a word.
Take your clothes off!
Are you a doctor?
A gynecologist? Right?
Take it off!
Am I expecting a baby?
- Take it all off!
Take it all off?
- All!
Be patient. I hurt here
because I was beaten.
- Naked!
Naked?
- Completely naked.
Sorry, Doctor, but... everything?
Be pat… everything?
- Yes, everything.
But not my underwear, eh!
- Yes! - OK.
Even the underwear. Perfect.
Listen, can you lower the lights?
OK. Everything.
There, even the underwear.
But not the lights? You can't?
There.
Maybe if I dimmed the lights a little.
Don't you agree?
Not the lights?
Piera!
Piera! Piera! Victory!
Piera! Victory! Ring the bells!
Her Majesty, the Queen?
- Yes, Juliana of Holland.
At the opera exit?
- Eh...
At the entrance of the opera.
- She stopped the coach?
All of a sudden.
- She came out? - She flew out.
And she went crazy over chestnut cake?
- A huge tray full.
But Prince Bernhard ate 4 of them.
Madonna, how a prince eats!
- Yes, Bernhard is a very hungry man.
But explain something to me.
1000 guilders are...
How many trays are 1000 guilders?
- 1000 guilders are...
1626!
If all the trays are
worth only 5 guilders each,
who gave the rest to you?
- It was… Prince Bernhard.
Uh… No! the director...
- Of the opera?
Yes, the director of the opera
made me an exclusive contract,
which I must work 5 years for.
You say it with such a face?
- How do I say it?
Like it's a tragedy.
- No, it's disgustingly lucky.
I'm tired of this damn chestnut cake.
It's got into my eyes.
- What will you do now?
I want to go celebrate!
I want to take you to...
I want to go celebrate
at the station's beer shop!
No, no.
No?
- We're staying home.
Home? To do what?
- We celebrate here.
But you want to make...
- Yes.
Again?
- Why not?
Yes, but at least,
turn off the light, please.
You know that with the light on,
I can't concentrate at all.
It doesn't matter to me.
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you have cost me!
Let me sleep!
How much sleep, you have cost me!
Oh Maria, oh Maria,
how much sleep, you have cost me!
Silence!
La lumiere! Grand! Great effect!
Ici la femme!
La muchacha, the naked lady!
Naked?
- Oui! Naked! Naked! Naked!
Gran excitación!
Now should she masturbate or not?
Would you like her to masturbate or not?
Bien! Bien! Bien!
And at this moment… alors…
Bam!
Superman appears! Voilà!
You go out with your little red pants, no?
Go to the publique and…
un, deux, trois… voilà!
And your grand zizi before the publique!
D'accord? Do you like it, Giobattain?
Do you like it?
Not bad.
Après you wait, wait for the great
public gives a round of applause.
Admiration!
Et après, you go over to the lady,
who is laying here completely naked.
She calls you and calls you!
And you go in l'oscurité!
Et ici, the spotlight on your
great erotic genius. Giobattain, d'accord?
Giobattain! What did you do?
Nothing. I thought it was… maybe a…
- What's wrong with you, Giobattain?
It's just that I can't do this at all.
I'm used to making love
only with my wife without a spotlight!
I can't! I'm leaving!
- Halt!
I don't understand.
He said if you break the contract,
you pay a penalty, Giobattain.
I'll stab you 5 times, Giobatta!
5?
Besides, Giobattain,
pornography is a mission. A social duty.
The girls here are all missionaries.
Mon Cher, I'm a missionary too.
But Father… I mean, Reverend…
Eh, Mr Director!
I have a problem:
Doing these things embarrasses me.
Ah, c'est ça? Shame? Prejudice?
Giobatta, we're in the year 2000!
There's still 24 years to go.
- But modesty and morals change!
As time goes by, they change!
And just think, Giabatta,
200,000 Italians emigrated to Holland:
waiters, miners.
Exploited, humiliated, waiting for
revenge, payback, redemption, Giobattain!
You're a symbol, Giobattain,
a national monument like
the Colosseum! The Sistine Chapel!
The Obelisk of Saint Peter, Giobattain!
Allez! Allez! Allez! Come, girls, please!
I have a big show to do!
Excuse me… excuse me, Mr Engineer?
Where did he go?
Where is he? Where is he?
Ah, there he is.
I'd like to ask you for one last favor.
- C'est ta vie.
If I could do the show with a hood.
Good idea!
Your beauty's not here, Giobattain.
Your beauty's there!
Great idea!
One more?
- Yes!
When you open your coat,
the Italian National Anthem, oui?
On your grand zizi,
a little white, red and green flag!
You like this idea, Giobbatain?
Thank you.
I'm a little nervous.
Ready, Giobattain? Allez, allez!
- Just a moment!
I'm not ready. Almost there.
Want me to get the girl ready for you?
- No, gracias! That would be worse.
Allez! Allez!
- Wait.
I have to look at pictures of my wife.
Ready, Giobattain? Be a good boy.
Can you get out? Oui? Lights!
Go now!
- Mama!
Great! Formidable!
Viva Italia!
Viva Italian work! Viva!
Italy, stand up!
Bravo, Giobattain!
A triumph! Allez! Go!
Again!
Again!
Entrez, entrez, mesdames et messieurs!
Adelante! Come in!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
This is a big success!
Adelante, señores y señoras!
Un grande espectáculo!
Entrée pour le Superman:
the greatest success of the season!
Good morning.
- Good morning? Good night, my love.
It's not even 1 am.
That's the 5 o'clock steamer.
- That one?
Maybe they have daylight savings time.
Yes, indeed, they do. You sleep.
No. I want to talk to you.
- Talk? Now? - Yes.
OK, talk and I'll listen
with lots of enthusiasm.
Giobatta, what do you
every night at this hour?
The opera closes at midnight.
And why do you sneak in like a thief?
And why before, you only washed twice
a month, now you wash every day, eh?
Don't sleep when I'm talking to you!
- Kastan jakken! Italian lupin!
Sorry, my love, I'm very tired.
And why don't you make love anymore?
- What? I don't do anything else!
Huh?
- No, I mean…
I recognize that I reduced activity
by a smidgen. - To zero!
Zero? The truth is that these
chestnut cakes are totally ruining me.
Now there's a big demand.
Everybody wants them.
Everybody at night?
- At night? No… ah, yes!
I mean, everybody wants
them at night including:
nightwatch, street cleaners,
tram drivers, truckers.
And there's a damn sleepwalker
who wants two trays every night.
I'm completely… drained dry.
I mean completely drained.
Let's go to sleep.
- Later!
Later?
What are you doing? You want to…
- Yes!
Again? - What do you mean "again"?
- OK, turn off the light.
Don't you want to?
- Yes, I want it very much.
But I can't guarantee it.
What's this?
- What? The flag!
Why is it here?
- Because November 4th.
The Victory Anniversary.
Turn off the light, please.
Mama!
Giobatta!
Piera!
- Pig!
Piera!
- Damned pervert!
Piera, wait!
- Old brute! Swine!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Hey, your zipper's open!
- What?
Ah, yes, thank you.
Piera!
You gypsy!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Come in, it's a very big show.
Where are you?
Entrez, entrez, mesdames et messieurs!
Adelante, señores y señoras,
grande espectáculo!
We have the big show tonight.
We have the…
Piera!
Piera!
Wait for me!
Love!
Wait for me!
Stop! Free yourself
of those medieval prejudices!
Do as I do!
I'm modern! Open minded!
Sweet heart of Jesus,
make me ever so good.
Without prejudices!
Wait, I want to talk!
It's 2000! Piera, you must adapt too!
Modesty and morals change!
They change. Every day, they change!
Then, we live in a world
where all forms of violence
have been abolished!
Get lost!
- Love.
Love, I threw you to the ground.
Darling, I love you.
I didn't say anything. Don't be angry.
Piera! What were you doing there?
I swear, love, don't be angry.
I didn't like it!
It's an exhausting job
but I couldn't turn down so much money.
You want to know who you married?
Shall I tell you?
You're married to a missionary.
- No, I'm married to a monster!
Do you want to know why I married you?
Shall I tell you?
- No, don't tell me.
Wait!
Just a minute!
Just a minute!
What? No!
Be care… Be careful, love!
Piera!
I'm here!
Piera, forgive me!
If not for me, at least for
the 200,000 Italian emigrants!
To them, I'm a symbol!
I'm the Colosseum!
The Sistine Chapel!
Help!
Piera, try to understand my position!
I did it for you!
Piera, you're my life!
Piera, I love you!
Piera, I love you!
Piera, I'm going to shit myself.
But if you really can't get over it,
I'm willing to stop, you see.
Of course, we must give up the fridge,
the washing machine, the color TV,
and the fur coat.
Piera, look, if you want, I'm ready
to sell chestnut cakes in the street.
And eat them.
I'll do whatever you want.
Well? What should I do?
Stop or continue?
No, continue.
Continue? Really?
- Yes, but with me!
Love, what are you saying?
You… in public?
In front of 250 people?
Yeah, why? Did morals change
just for you? Or just for men?
Didn't you tell me to free myself
from medieval prejudices? - Yeah.
Didn't you say you were
modern, open minded, advanced?
Then you know what I say?
First, we'll be getting
two salaries and not just one.
Then, at least, I'll get love every night.
Twice!
And on holidays...
... thrice!
The Italian Superman
and Lady Godiva!
The greatest and
sexiest show of the season!
Entrez, mesdames et messieurs,
le grand spectacle.
Come in, ladies and gentlemen,
this is a big show.
Adelante, señores y señoras!.
Superman y Lady Godiva para ustedes!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
What are you waiting for, asshole?
- Just a minute.
The audience is ready,
but the equipment… not so much.
Wait a minute, now.
You like it? Like it?
- Yes, thanks.
Now you'll go and "bam, bam, bam!"
- Yes, be patient.
Here's the situation…
- Violate her! Destroy her!
Make her your own! Go out, oui!
Go out and kill her! Lights! Lights!
What are you doing?
- I'm praying.
Oui, oui, ready?
Allez. Allez! Go!
Mama!
You're a disgrace to us!
And Italy? And Italy's reputation!
Yes, OK, it's true. You're right.
But to be honest, you must agree
that the other shows weren't bad.
Quite the opposite.
Be kind. I'd like to try again.
Impossible!
Three losses, three Waterloos.
The show must go on.
We can't risk it, right?
No, no, no… I don't want to take risks.
I only ask you… to let us try…
one more time. You tell him.
Yes, he's been practicing at home.
Even with the lights on
and the windows open.
Yesterday, today, this morning. Damn!
It was very good!
In the last few days after lunch
I've been practicing even by myself.
Huh?
- Yes, I did it as a precaution.
Try to understand my situation.
Let me try again. One more time. Be kind.
Huh?
No?
Then…
Then you're sending us…
- No! You're going.
Sorry? I didn't understand.
He says you're going back to Italy.
She'll stay here to work off the contract.
Excuse me, Surveyor,
but you can't to do this to me!
I appreciate this gesture
very much, Engineer, but
my wife will work with whom?
We've replaced you!
- With a Turk!
Mustafa, Mustafa et voilà bam bam, Mustafa!
Lady Godiva and son Mari!
Alors, don't just stand there!
Say hello to Mustafa, no?
Oh, Mustafa, écoute-moi bien, je voudrais
que tu fasses beaucoup attention…
Nice… nice to meet you.
I'm the husband…
Excuse me. Can I ask you a question?
Don't insist so much.
It's 2000. You said so yourself.
Morals have changed.
Changes everyday, no?
Yes, true, but… don't you think that
maybe this time, it's gone too far?
Sweetie, first you did it for me
and I'll now I'll do it for you, eh?
You're so good!
The thing is… I love you.
- So?
The fact is… I may be embarrassed…
to be supported… by my wife.
Look, if I ask him, he'll find you a job.
I'm glad. Very glad.
Yes…
Entrez, mesdames et messieurs,
The sexy show!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
Super erotic! Fabulous!
Lady Godiva and Ali Pasha!
The Turk who has…
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
I want to sleep!
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
Stay with me!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
THE SWEDISH HORSE
Telephone!
Telephone!
Mom, pick up the phone!
- I'm packing! You do it!
You didn't wake me up and I'm late.
Paola!
I need to get dressed! Can't Dad?
There's never anybody who will answer.
Hello? Always too late, eh?
Who is it?
I don't understand anything.
- Guess.
Guess? I don't want to.
Some imbecile.
Must be for your daughter. - Paola!
Is it Renato?
Tell him I'll be right there!
Antonio?
- This is Giovanna. Who is it?
Ah, Giovanna. It's Cristina.
- Cristina?
Pieter Andersson's daughter.
- Cristina!
Antonio!
- Huh? - It's Cristina!
Cristina who?
- Where are you? In Stockholm?
Pieter's daughter!
- Cristina? Where are you?
At the Autostrada del Sole, going to Rome.
- She's here? - Yes.
What a pity, I'm sorry.
Unfortunately, Paola and I are leaving.
Damn!
- We're going to Torvaianica.
The painter and the electrician
are waiting for us.
But it doesn't matter, but come anyway.
Antonio will be here.
I get her? I gotta work.
I can't play the nursemaid to a girl.
It's been almost 10 years
since we were in Sweden.
Who was that? Antonio?
- Yes, he's here.
You want to talk?
- Yes.
What do I say? You do it.
- Yes, this way you two can make plans!
I'll put him on.
He's taking the phone right out of my hand!
You think so? Hello, Cristina?
No, we're leaving...
- Ah! You're coming with us?
Sorry, I was talking to Giovanna.
Christina?
- It's actually Paola.
What's that got to do with you?
- I was told it was Renato.
But it's Cristina. And it's for me.
Christina?
Cristina?
- I hear you.
If you come here now, I'm alone.
I'm staying in Rome to work.
If you go to sea with them,
you'll have more fun.
What do you prefer?
- I'd rather go to Rome.
Even Giovanna and Paola
would be happy to see you.
Cristina?
- Yes?
You understand, sweetie?
- Yes.
Why don't you answer me then?
- I don't know.
How do you not know?
She rather see you!
Damn, what a noodle!
- What?
We'll be there around 4:00.
I'm coming with Adam.
Ah, Adam! Who's Adam?
- My boyfriend. Then we go to Pompeii.
She's coming with her boyfriend.
Cristi…
She hung up.
She says they're going to Pompeii.
- Then they're not coming?
No, they're coming!
My day will be wasted!
On Monday, I gotta turn this work in!
- Antonio, it's the least you can do.
After all,
we were their guests for two years.
Pieter is your best friend, no?
- If it were him, he could've helped me.
Listen, it's barely 10:00.
When they come, it'll only be for a minute.
How long could two kids stay?
- Daddy, stop worrying!
As soon as they see you, they'll run away.
Yeah.
I've said 1000 times: Saturday and Sunday,
when anybody calls, I'm not home!
Who told you to pick up? You jumped in!
- That too. - You want Paola to stay?
If she comes with her boyfriend,
then Renato gets to come over.
Yes! And let's organize a dance party! Oh!
I must work alone!
- Work!
I didn't stay in Rome on purpose to spend
my Sunday playing the police! - Police who?
Who would you have to police?
- I'll tell you.
Your daughter's habit of
bringing men in her bedroom…
Men? It's Renato.
- So? Is he not a man?
But we leave the door open!
- Why, would you like to close it?
Yes, because at least we could study
without seeing you stick your
fat head in every 2 minutes!
With any excuse: an eraser, the crazy glue.
- You're a child!
Of course, the father is childish!
What does he know?
How did I get to this age?
I never learned a thing!
Because they can explain everything,
they know all! - Come, leave her be.
And if it happens later?
What's going to happen?
They're two kids.
It won't happen because I'm 300 years old!
And they think they can fool me?
Come on, Antonio.
You never told her that we didn't make
love until after we were married?
That's embarrassing.
Right, these days, it's an embarrassment!
Let's not tell her!
Antonio?
- Yes.
What do I do? Stay? Or go with mom?
- Go with mom. It'll be better.
Can't you see you're a bear?
- Me? - No, me.
Antonio, you're not fluid!
- So, I'm not fluid. Oh, well!
No! Why do you say you don't like anyone,
you don't want to see anyone?
And who should I like? Renato?
- Of course! - Really?
One who never says hello.
Puts his feet on the table.
He criticizes too.
He says, "Look how he's dressed!" To me.
So tell your Renato, I'm 50 years old.
Next time, he does it, I'll punch him.
Just hope, he doesn't answer back, Dad.
I'll break your head. Believe me.
Antonio!
- Eh?
Forget about it.
You're starting to compete like children.
No, I'll make you have a new daughter.
I assure you, she'd be better than her.
I hurt myself too.
What pisses me off about your husband
is that he's says he's a lefty.
But you're always provoking him.
- I provoke him?
You know how he is.
What were you talking about?
- Saying? You don't let us breathe!
Personal stuff between women!
- Who cares? Who asked you? - Let's go.
Then Antonio, we'll leave.
See ya. Sorry if I don't kiss you.
- Please! It's a nuisance!
Why should we kiss
or even see each other?
Actually, don't come back.
It'll be better. - OK.
Hey! - Eh?
- Call as soon as you get there, eh?
We'll call as soon as we get there!
The horse!
- What? - What horse?
The one Cristina gave me in Stockholm.
Where did you put it?
Antonio! After 10 years?
- You threw it away.
This is the respect for my things!
If Cristina asks me,
how will it make me look?
But she probably doesn't remember.
Did you take it?
- Me? I've never seen it!
She doesn't see anything! Just Renato!
Go, on. I look for it myself.
- Antonio, let it be.
Ah, Anto'!
- Yes?
Have fun with the horse.
Look, where they hid it!
Here it is.
Elastic section modulus…
C with K…
And 1900…
That's it.
The day is over.
Cristina!
Is it really you?
- Antonio! - How grown you are!
Is that Adam?
- Yes.
Antonio Pecoraro, a pleasure.
Come in.
Unfortunately, Giovanna and Paola…
What does he say?
- He says he prefers to go on.
But he just got here.
Bye. Goodbye.
Why did he come then?
- It's nothing. Don't worry.
You had a fight? Eh?
Adam! Give her a little kiss. Go on!
Like that. Good.
Now, let's have a coffee.
We'll have a nice chat and then…
I was saying, we'll have coffee.
If you don't like coffee,
we'll have a beer, eh?
Hey? Good, good…
I was saying let's have a coffee.
And later, when you get to Pompeii,
after fighting, you can make up.
You can enjoy the whole day!
He's gone? - Yes,
but he'll be back tomorrow to say sorry.
Tomorrow?
But aren't you going to Pompeii?
Tomorrow. We wanted to stay here tonight.
I told him I was staying with a family.
But since it's just you, he got upset.
Then, let's call him.
- No, forget it.
I'll stay, if I'm not in the way.
No! Of course not!
No, it's only that I must
absolutely finish some work.
You do what you want:
rest, go out, read the papers.
I'll work for a bit
and then tonight we'll eat out.
Eh? Or would you like to eat here?
I prefer here. I'm tired,
after riding the motorcycle for miles.
Sure.
- Meantime, I can shower and do my laundry.
Good idea! Do what you like.
Cristina, my home is yours!
What?
- What? Over there.
And you didn't remember!
They sell them in Italy too?
- Sell?
No, you gave it to me when you were small,
when we were in Sweden.
You still have it?
- Well, it was always here.
It brings me luck.
Antonio?
- Yes?
Where are the bathrobes?
In the… in the clo… the closet.
Go ahead, I'll get it for you.
Here, take it.
- Thank you. Come in.
No need. I'll put it on the handle.
Antonio? - Yes?
- How do you go around at home?
Well, we… In what sense?
Haven't you ever seen
your daughter naked?
No. There's never been any occasion.
Also when we go to the bathroom,
we lock it up, barricade ourselves in.
If we had a stroke,
we'd have to call the firemen.
Besides, there are points of view
which should be respected.
I'd like to be more open,
but you know how Giovanna is.
She comes from a Catholic family.
Paola talks and talks and poses…
But she's like the mother:
Full of scruples, taboos…
Antonio?
- Eh?
Sorry, I was under the shower.
I didn't hear anything.
Better that way.
Spaghetti with tomato and parsley.
Giovanna always made it in Stockholm.
My father liked it very much.
He still talks about it.
Ah, old Pieter!
We had some good times.
My father loves you very much.
- I always told Giovanna so.
A friend like Pieter is hard to find.
We were very close.
You know, two years working together.
We drunk more than alpines!
You don't remember, you were too small.
Actually, I remember everything.
- Really? Like what?
I remember you couldn't stand the cold.
You were always in bed with a fever.
- True! It was 20 below!
I freeze at 1 degree.
I used to come in your room
to bring you coffee.
I sat in a chair and when
you fell asleep, I'd watch you.
Why?
- Because I liked you a lot.
Liked me a lot?
You were 9 years old!
You liked an uncle. A frozen relative.
No, I liked you as a man.
Dark all over!
A very handsome Italian!
Well, all little girls
have these fantasies.
Then, when they grow up…,
… they go to Pompeii with Adam.
Cheers!
No, no. Wait, don't drink.
I'll show you a game. Do you want to?
Do as I do. Make a wish.
Yes.
Look me in the eyes.
- There.
Bend your head a little.
Now think of something.
Well…
Did you do it?
Yes.
What did you think of?
- That the sauce is burning.
This is where you'll sleep tonight:
Paola's room.
How old is she?
- About your age.
It's a bit childish.
- Her mother.
But it's OK, because even though
she doesn't look it, she's still a girl.
Heavens, the teddy bear!
Woe to whomever touches him!
She never ran away from home?
Who? Paola?
No, it was me who ran away once.
- With a woman?
No, a man. My friend.
- Tell me all about it!
Tell you what?
He had a fight with his wife.
He said, "Enough! Let's get out of here!"
And we went to Grottaferrata.
To think. To make a decision.
Then we came back for dinner
and nobody noticed.
They were watching Nuccio Fava on TV.
In other words, a crisis.
- A crisis? No.
20 years of marriage,
more than anything else,
will break your balls.
But what can you do?
When two people love each other well…
Because me and Giovanna,
we really love each other.
It doesn't take much to have fun.
Do you make love to your wife every day?
What do you mean, "every day"?
Every year!
Laugh, laugh! Innocent!
Wait, I'll get you pajamas.
- No, it's OK.
What?
- I sleep with nothing.
Me too. The same.
Oh, God, the same!
Maybe nude, I'd give off
another impression. Look…
All right, I'm going.
- Antonio?
Can I get a kiss?
- Why not? Eh!
No, here.
This is the mineral water.
The lamp is there. You can read
"L'Intrepido", "Linus" (comics)…
"The Fight Goes On." (communist paper)
What? It must be Renato's.
Well, good night.
Are you taking the water away?
- Eh? Ah, right! See?
That's why I came.
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
- Hello? Who is it?
It's me, Giovanna.
- Ah, what do you want?
You're the one who called me.
- Ah, right! Sorry!
Did the um… painters come?
Yes, they came. They're done.
- Good!
The electrician is coming tomorrow.
By the way, did Cristina come?
- Eh?
I said, did those two kids come?
- Yes! They came!
Good. - Yes, they had to stay
because they were dead tired.
They're sleeping together in Paola's room.
Together?
Yes, they came together from Sweden!
Was I supposed to separate them?
But in the room there's only one bed.
Well, yes…
Instead of worrying about other
people's kids, worry about Paola!
The child?
What is she doing? Sleeping?
No, she went to the movies.
At this hour?
Anto', "this hour"? It's 9:00 p.m.
Please, she's grown up, 19 years old.
No! Giova', I can only warn you!
Don't come crying to me later, eh?
Don't come…
Stay calm! Don't get agitated.
But… OK, I'm not agitated.
Good night, eh?
Good night. See you tomorrow.
I said I'd see you tomorrow.
Well, whenever.
I'm afraid of thunder.
I'm scared.
- Me too.
Don't scold me?
At home, when a storm scares me,
my father always scolds me.
But here the situation is different.
I'm a good friend of your father but…
I'm not your father.
You said that girls get over it
when they grow up. - Yes.
But not in my case.
Cristi', I can handle a few flashes.
You'd better go.
And one…
And two.
Hello?
- Hi, Cristina, it's Paola.
Hi. How are you?
- Good. And you?
Good. I'm fine too.
- Is Antonio there?
Yes, he's asleep.
- I hear him.
Call him for a sec, I've something to say.
Just a minute.
Antonio?
Antonio! Telephone.
- Telephone?
Where is it?
Hello! Who's this?
- Hi, Dad. It's me.
Me? Me who?
- Don't you recognize me? It's Paola.
What do I know?.
You've never call me "dad!"
Sorry to wake you.
- No. Who woke up?
I was here with Cristina talking about…
What were we talking about?
Hey, sweetie! Where are you?
Mom said you were worried.
I want to tell you that tonight,
I'm not sleeping there.
Ah, you're not sleep…
And… and where will you sleep?
I'm with Renato.
I'll sleep with him tonight.
Can you hear me?
- What happened?
Huh? It's Paola.
She says she'll sleep with Renato tonight.
- Ah, good!
Eh… You're telling me? But…
Paola, is this the first time
you're sleeping with Renato?
No, it's been almost two years.
- Ah, two years! It's been… two years.
Hi, Antonio.
- Who's that?
It's Renato.
- Of course, it's Renato! It's Renato.
Listen, Paoletta.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
Because if I told you yesterday,
you would've beaten me to death.
And what has changed…
oh, God… since yesterday?
You've changed. At least, I hope so.
Good night, Dad.
That was Paola.
She's sleeping with Renato tonight.
You already told me.
No, she called me so I wouldn't worry.
Well done, eh?
- Yes, well done!
It gives me so much satisfaction.
Will you tell your wife
you slept with me?
Eh?
Of course! If it comes up
in conversation, why not?
But does your wife tell you
when she has sex with other men?
Giovanna?
Naturally! That's what were used to.
Just like my father and mother.
Well, you heard Paola,
we have no secrets.
There are no secrets between
parents and kuh… kuh… kuh… kids.
Fluid. We are fluid.
You really don't eat in the morning?
But what am I going to eat?
No, thanks. I'm fine like this:
Coffee and cigarettes.
I've confidence in my parents too.
- Good.
My mother always told me
to search you out. - Did she?
That I would get better.
Last night was very important for me.
For me too.
And just think, so many problems
could be resolved so easily.
Well, not all. It depends on many things.
Right. For my father and your wife,
it was a totally different thing.
I didn't understand, sorry?
Giovanna must have told you that she was on
friendly terms with my dad in Stockholm.
Why would I be against it?
An important friendship. Pieter …
To them, it was beautiful.
A pure relationship.
Of course, I know…
What do you mean by "pure"?
A purely physical relationship.
A sexual attraction.
Uncomplicated by sentiment.
You're still talking about
my wife and your father?
Yes.
Excuse me for a moment.
What is she telling you?
What is she telling you?
What is she telling you?
A pure… physical… relationship!
Anto'! This means they were fucking!
But, it's impossible.
I don't get it. OK…
I don't get it. It happens.
Now, I'll try to understand.
What were we talking about?
- About Giovanna and my dad.
Ah, right! Of that pure
friendship without… anything…
Dad's marriage was in crisis then.
And his relationship with your
wife was very important.
Can you clarify that concept, please?
Important, because it was
a purely sexual relationship.
See! Now, it's clear!
It was brief though. Only 3 months.
So short? I thought it'd be more.
No. Only for the 3 months,
you were in Malmo for the trial.
That's it!
- Giovanna must've told you.
Eh, she would write me, call me at night.
I'd say, "Don't get dramatic,
I'll never leave you."
That'd never happen.
You did well because that
saved my dad's marriage.
After, he felt younger.
- Did he?
Now his relationship with mom
can be called perfect.
Well, you can't imagine how glad I am.
But it was important for your wife too.
- Really? Let's hear it, I'm interested.
Before that, she had only
been to bed with you. - Right!
She never knew another man's body.
A mistake.
Sure! Only making love to me
would be a terrible mistake!
She should throw herself out the window!
No, this way, she could choose.
- And she chose me.
And thus your marriage went well.
Antonio. Today, I met a happy family.
Me too!
I was happy and didn't even know it!
It's Adam.
He told me he'd be here at 7:00.
He's always on time.
Huh? Ah, Adam!
Hi.
- Hi.
What is he saying?
He asks for pardon.
Yesterday, he acted like a fool.
Well, he only did it yesterday.
I've done it my whole life.
Will you tell him we made love?
- No, I can't. He's jealous.
He's not like us.
- He's not, eh? Poor thing.
I see how bad it is.
- Thank you. - No, why?
Bye, Antonio.
- Bye, Cristina.
40.
19.
1.95.
Hi, Anto'.
Hi.
- Did Paola come back?
Paola?
She's 19 now. Why should she?
Cristina and Adam left?
Yes, this morning. They said hello.
Did it rain in Torvaianica?
- It flooded everywhere.
Good.
Next year the roof needs to be repaired.
- I know.
And here?
What here?
Did it rain?
- A hurricane!
Cristina was scared.
I had to get up…
… to keep her company.
- Wasn't Adam there?
No. He left.
And what did you do?
We talked. Talked! Talked!
She went on forever.
All night long.
What did she tell you?
- Tell me? That her mom's fine.
Her father too. Indeed, he's better.
Yes, better than ever.
But what do I care? I couldn't
wait for the rain to stop, to go to bed!
But no, it went on the whole night.
Bad weather!
Would you like to continue
talking about the weather,
or do you want to tell me something else?
Yes!
That on Saturdays and Sundays,
when the phone rings,
I'm not available to anybody!
I must not answer the phone!
Where did you find this?
- I knew where it was.
Because when I want to,
I know everything.
Shall I make dinner?
You better.
THE ELEVATOR
Fuck off.
Excuse me?
May I?
Excuse me.
Well?
What's going on?
Whoa!
See? The elevator stopped.
- Yes. You can see the wall.
But… it's not moving. Try again.
What the bloody hell!
Tell me it's not true! I felt it.
- Felt what, Miss?
When I passed you and
saw a priest at the wheel,
I thought, "Now, you'll have bad luck!"
Miss, why blame the priest
when the fault is yours?
Mine?
- Yes.
Now it's my fault?
Because you're superstitious, you did
the horns thinking to get rid of the devil.
Instead, you called him.
And because he's spiteful, here we are.
Stopped in an elevator.
What do I care about the devil?
I did the horns to that black shirt
which has always brought me bad luck!
3 months in the hospital!
Not much, It could've been worse.
However, in view of your ideas,
I don't want to argue.
Why ring if no one's there?
Well, a tenant, a passer-by,
someone will hear.
No one will hear at all!
They're all on vacation!
Didn't you see the garage? - Holy cow!
We're at the August holidays: 14 is today,
15 is the Assumption and 16 is a holiday.
We can't get out until the 17th.
- What? 4 days here? Here?
I can't stand it! No! No!
Help! Let me out! Let me out! Somebody!
I want out! Help me get out!
The elevator! The elevator! Do something!
Damn you…!
What a tremendous pain!
Here. - What is it?
- French cognac.
OK.
- Thank you.
Forgive my reaction, but your kick
drove right into me. I'm a man too.
The idea of being locked in here,
makes me lose my head!
We must be patient.
I could see if you were alone but…
… you're in good company.
May I introduce myself?
Monsignor Ascanio La Costa.
- Donatella.
Wait a second.
- What?
Do you live in this building?
- No.
Then what did you come here for?
You following me?
I don't follow anyone.
I have come to see an old friend.
Who? - The MP who lives
on the 3rd floor, number 9.
But he died.
What? He's dead?
- Eh!
Why wasn't I informed?
What pain! What a terrible thing!
Poor Alfonso.
My God, who knows how devastated
the family will be! - Yes.
Devastated. They're all at the sea.
Really?
- Yeah.
I wanted to go there too.
It's 9:00, damn it! I have a date
at 10:00 and instead I'm here!
Because of you.
Miss, if the Lord God really wants
to test us, He has his reasons.
Instead think that we must
be here for 4 days and 4 nights.
We must get along.
Let's try to get organized.
We should think about
getting out of this situation.
And how? - How?
- Get out how? With prayers?
We'll do something, no? - Miss, God helps
those who help themselves. Let's try, Miss.
The elevator might
have started working again.
No. It didn't.
It's not working.
- HELP!
The elevator!
Well? What are you doing?
Coming down?
I can't reach.
You can't? - No.
Don't be afraid, Donatella.
Here. Put your foot in. - Shall I go?
You OK? - Yes.
- Donatella,
do you feel comfortable?
- Yes.
Is the height OK?
- Yes.
What do you see in front of you?
- A complicated thing, a wheel.
Stretch out your arm and touch it.
- Yes.
Donatella, are you touching it?
- Yes.
Do you feel it?
- Yes.
Easy, easy, Donatella.
With your hand look for the hole.
I found it.
- Insert your finger.
In the hole?
- Of course, in the hole.
Can you feel the spring?
And the little wheel? - Yes.
Now, Donatella, very gently,
make it turn until it clicks.
Gently, please,
it's a very sensitive device.
I'm turning.
- Turn.
I'm turning.
- Turn.
I'm turning.
- Turn. Turn.
Damn it the hell!
- Holy Madonna! Oh, my God!
What a blow, Donatella! Are you hurt?
- You hafta ask? Didn't you see me flying?
See you? I felt you! You fell on me!
Just look: He says he's technical
and almost gets me killed!
It's your fault, Donatella.
I told you to touch it gently.
Anyway, we had to go down
to get the floor, no?
Thank goodness. See what floor we are on.
- What's this?
"Long live Oretta, who has it tight."
There's also a little drawing.
Probably, a young bricklayer.
At heart, they're innocent phrases.
What the fuck are you saying?
Bricklayer? That's a wall! - Wall?
Before, you could see part
of the door and now nothing!
What do you mean? It's a wall.
What can you do?
Let us arm ourselves with
holy patience and wait. - Wait?
Who does he think he is?
I've gotta go to the sea with my guy.
He thinks I'm going to spend my August
holiday in here with a bad priest like him!
I'm going! Oh!
My dear Miss,
if you don't like me, know that
neither do I like your impudent behavior.
And we're stuck in this elevator,
which neither of us asked for.
the situation demands it.
It's a typical case of force majeure.
What are you doing? Crying?
Cry, cry. It'll do you good.
The elevator! Help!
We're in the elevator! Help!
I'm curious.
- Yes?
Do you smoke a lot?
- Yes. Why?
First of all, it's bad for you.
And then, if you keep smoking,
we'll suffocate to death.
You don't smoke?
- No, I don't.
Every now and then, if I feel like it.
I won't say no.
Want a puff?
- A puff, you say?
Hey, aren't you hot dressed like that?
- It's my uniform.
Well, if I said,
I wasn't hot, I'd be lying.
But I can assure you that
enduring these difficulties
in the spirit of holy resignation,
even freshens me up.
I'm hot as hell. - Yes.
- Can I take my shirt off?
What's underneath it?
- A bathing suit.
Good! Take it off then!
Here. No, no, my cigarette. Thank you.
If I were naked, I wouldn't have asked.
I don't want to seduce a Monsignor.
"Seduce", you say? Such a dear girl!
You see what you young people are like?
They accuse you of being
cynical, cruel, materialistic.
And yet beneath that tough exterior,
there's so much purity.
Miss, I assure you,
coming from your lips…
the word "seduce"
has the scent of a lily.
OK, I'll put it back on.
- What? - My shirt.
Why?
- I thought that you… I don't know…
Why? You're fine.
- Really? - Of course!
Then, if I may, I'll take off my skirt too.
- Yes! Good! Well done!
I'll take my shoes off!
- Go ahead.
It's silly but I feel more free.
I feel better!
- Hush! - What is it?
I hear a noise, a motorbike.
Hush, it stopped!
This is the building. The maid said
nobody's here. Not even the doorman.
Elevator! Help!
- No, there's someone.
We're trapped in the elevator!
They're trapped in the elevator.
Let's go.
Elevator! Anyone there!
- Donatella.
We're up here!
- Dear, let me do it. My voice is stronger.
Elevator!
Here we are!
Is anyone there?
We're here!
We're trapped in the elevator!
We'll take this Mercedes.
- Do you hear?
Who are you?
- The technicians!
Great! Who called you?
The maid!
- Get up.
Hurry up! We can't take much more!
It'll take just a few minutes!
We're on it!
We're free, finally!
Thank you, dears! God bless you.
Nice! "I'm going to the sea!"
- Happy? - Yes, I'm happy.
Good, dear.
We spent some pleasant hours together.
We got to know each other.
We became friends.
But now unfortunately, we must part.
- Excuse me.
I hope that after this brief encounter,
you'll judge me with more serenity.
Thank you, dear.
Take this.
Smash it! Break it!
I don't like to ruin this beautiful door!
What do I care about the door?
Smash it! Break it! Whatever it takes!
Let them do it, dear. Let them work.
What's that?
- Oh, God! Donatella, wait!
Oh, God, the alarm!
It's my car alarm!
What? - Don't you see?
They're not technicians, they're thieves!
They're not fixing the elevator,
they're stealing my car!
No! Don't do it!
Don't touch it! Don't steal it!
Listen to me!
Let's hope they don't do it!
They steal your car and you laugh?
- Yes! They don't know what awaits them.
What a shock!
- Come on, before someone comes!
Damn you, you son of a bitch!
You heard the yelling?
- Yes, I did. He could've died, poor thing.
Yes, electrocuted.
It's the police! - Yes.
- Now they'll set us free!
We're getting out?
- No, dear, they're chasing the thieves.
Hear how they're chasing them?
Hear the siren? Do you hear it?
No, you can't hear it anymore.
- Damn it, the bloody hell!
Poor guys.
- Poor us not poor guys!
Victims of this corrupt society.
Shall we say a prayer for the thieves?
Our Father, who art in heaven…
- You crazy? You almost electrocuted them.
You laugh about it and then you pray?
What's the use?
It is useful.
A prayer is always useful.
Maybe they stole because
they were hungry. - Yes.
I know. Of course, it's true, dear.
They were hungry.
But he who is hungry steals bread
and not my car which costs 8 million!
No, no! If you break it, you'll ruin
everything! There are bottles!
Picnic stuff, things you'd
bring to the sea, things…
To eat?
I was leaving for three days.
- Do you have anything good?
Just out of curiosity.
- A little bit of everything.
Look.
- Oh, my goodness!
Hunter's sausage, raw prosciutto,
several French cheeses.
Wheat bread, canned food, salmon…
- Smoked? Yes.
And in that white jar?
- This one? Stuffed olives.
Black olives? Great.
- Tuna, boiled eggs.
Water, French white wine…
- Enough!
I could eat everything!
- You eat?
I didn't bring these things for you.
- No, eh?
No. Sooner or later, I'll be at the sea.
This stuff is not to be touched!
Fill an empty glass.
Empty a full glass.
Never leave it empty.
Never leave it full.
Prosit!
Can you pass me a stuffed olive?
You like it? - It's to die for.
I'm a glutton, aren't you?
Me too.
- Want more?
Good!
- A real delicacy.
You know it's almost better
here than at the sea?
Thank you, Donatella.
I like it because…
it makes me feel less guilty.
Sorry.
- Why? Leave your leg there.
You look relaxed like that.
So radiant, so beautiful!
Is that from your apartment?
- That idiot!
He'll keep calling and never think to
come by and see why I'm not answering.
That's the youth of today: lazy.
They have no imagination and
they let slip the best opportunities.
You're right.
- Of course.
Yes, just like my boyfriend.
- Yes?
He never knows what to do.
He stands there paralyzed.
If it were up to him,
we would… never fuck.
Oh, Donatella!
Oh, Donatella, how funny
you are with your irreverence!
That's why…
girls your age prefer mature men.
No?
Yes. Yes, mature men.
For some things.
What do you think, dear, of mature men?
Is my rhythm good?
- Yes, very good.
Where did you learn to dance?
Sometimes, for some holidays, I organize
parties where all the kids dance.
How nice!
That's him, huh?
- Yes.
When did you meet him?
We met yesterday at my friend's house.
- Yes?
We all danced and were happy.
But he was…
- What was he doing?
Why do you make me talk?
First of all, because I'm a priest.
And then,
because it's good for you to talk.
Go on. What was he doing?
He was sad, poor thing.
- Yes?
His mother died almost a month ago.
And you comforted him?
- Yes.
He read me a poem,
he wrote for his dead mother.
It's beautiful, all that.
Romantic, poetic.
How old is the boy?
- Two years younger than me.
He's also rather shy.
- Yes?
Then I asked him, "Wanna dance?"
You asked him?
- Yes.
So we went to the terrace.
- Yes.
And we danced.
Very close together. In the dark.
And I could feel that he desired me.
And how did you know?
Didn't I say we danced close together?
- Yes. - I'm no child.
OK. That's enough. I get it.
No! I gotta tell you right now.
- Yes? - And I won't do it again.
Good. Tell me then.
- At one point while dancing…
Yes? - I whispered in his ear…
- What?
"Listen, boy, I like you and
I can tell I don't gross you out."
"Why beat around the bush?"
- Yeah.
Now women take the initiative
and not the men? - Certainly.
Good! And then?
- I said, "Seeing that you like me…"
"I'll make love to you."
And what did he say?
- "No."
Because he came with his sister.
- What the fuck?
Sorry, I meant… Did it end like that?
- No.
And then?
- We were sitting in a corner.
We kissed.
But there we couldn't consummate it
because there were people in the room.
Right. Of course. And then?
I realized that he was out of his
mind with desire for me. - Yes?
And then? - I felt for him a strange
feeling of tenderness. - Yes?
I did something which
I've never done before. - Yes?
Go on.
Eh! If you don't explain clearly…
- I don't know if I can tell everything.
A priest is never shocked.
Even if you told me
that you assassinated him.
Go on. What did you do that boy?
Go on. Tell me.
Tell me.
Tell me all!
I unzipped his pants and took it out.
- Yes?
With your hands?
- No!
With what?
- With the mouth.
Then every guy who loses his mom,
that's how you console him?
What nice red socks, you have, Monsignor.
Who gave them to you?
- A woman.
The only woman in my life.
A friend?
- No.
My mother, whom I loved so much.
Why do you say "loved"?
Don't you love her anymore?
Unfortunately, she died.
- Oh! When?
Almost a month ago.
- Just like him. Poor thing.
She's all I had in the world.
She left an immense void.
Are you crying for my tragedy?
I should be at sea with my boy.
- The boy.
But he doesn't cry anymore,
because you comforted him.
Would you do it again?
- I told you it was my first time, no?
I know, forget about it.
Everything has a beginning.
I want to be at sea
under a tent, under the moon.
Wait, dear. It might happen.
How? With a miracle?
- Right. With a miracle.
Now concentrate and
give me your hand. Like this.
Try to close your eyes
and let your imagination go to work.
Like this.
You find yourself on a white beach.
On the seashore.
Yes.
- The night is sweet.
The moon is shining.
Smell the scent of seaweed.
The murmur of the sea.
You sleep soundly and you're dreaming.
You feel around your cheeks
the caress of a kiss.
Who is it?
- Guess, dear!
It's your boy. It's not me, it's your
boy who is kissing you. Sleep, dear.
I can't. I need a sleeping pill.
- No, dear. Try counting sheep.
What sheep?
- Yes, you're a shepherdess.
And you have a flock of 1000s of sheep.
And they must pass a narrow bridge.
Now, count one by one.
The first sheep passes and you count.
Close your eyes, dear.
1, 2... Count, my dear.
3, 4, 5…
- Count, dear.
6, 7…
31, 32, 3…
Is anyone in the elevator?
It's me, Donatella,
the one who lives in the garret!
We've been trapped for a long time!
Call someone, the firemen!
Oh, heavens!
I'll see, I'll get someone!
It won't be easy in the August holiday!
I beg you, Ma'am,
for heaven's sake, be quick!
Stay calm, they'll get you out somehow!
This is your miracle, Monsignor!
- Miracle? A damn jinx, you mean!
Why? - Why? She interrupted our
dream which was going so well.
She's a smart woman, she'll get us out.
But how? What can she do?
It's August holiday! It's a ghost town!
She'll find someone. She always does.
Just think, the day of her
husband's funeral two years ago,
she found a man,
brought him home and slept with him.
She lives below me. I hear everything.
What? You spy on people?
- Spy? No, this was a special case.
An incredible story.
I'll tell you about it. - Go on.
On the night of the funeral,
I was in the bathroom.
I was shampooing my head.
To wash it, I went underwater.
- Yes?
And so, immersed, I heard everything.
You could hear all from downstairs.
Underwater, you heard everything?
- Yes, noises, voices!
The sound was dilated
but I heard everything.
What a strange phenomenon.
What did you hear? - So, at one point,
I heard her crying,
and he was consoling her.
She was crying and he was consoling her.
Then, all of a sudden,
shhh, a great silence.
A great silence? They were asleep?
- Right, they were asleep!
After a while the bed started going
cri-cri, cri-cri, cri-cri. - A cricket?
A cricket? It was the bed moving!
- Thee bed moving?
And why was the bed moving?
- You want me to tell you, Monsignor?
It moves because someone moves it.
Got it? - I get it! They were exercising!
Yes, when a widow come back
from a funeral, she exercises!
They were fucking.
- Donatella!
While the bed was moving,
what did the widow say?
Ah, she was panting! Moaning!
What did she say?
- "I said no… No! What are you doing?"
"Ah! No! What are you doing? What are
you doing? No! What are you doing?"
What are you doing, Monsignor?
- Nothing.
Mamma mia, I felt that!
- Of course. Let me do it.
But you can't!
- I can, I can.
Here, like this.
- Like what?
Lift your leg.
- Which one? - Go on.
Stretch out your body.
- Fine, fine, fine!
Come on! - Like this?
- Yes. - How? - Like that.
But… why?
- Relax now.
I'm relaxed but what's going on?
- Good, like that. - No, no, no…
Is it OK?
Is it OK? - I don't know.
- Is that better?
I don't understand!
- You like that?
My God! I'm trembling all over!
But what happened?
- Nothing. Nothing happened.
Nothing? - No.
- How?
He says,"Lift your leg, do this, do that."
I was a fool!
But one doesn't act so treacherously!
Do you understand?
You could've asked, no?
Drink some water,
it'll do you good, Miss.
After what happened,
you're being formal?
That's absurd.
- I don't think it's absurd.
Quite the contrary.
If you reflect well,
nothing happened that
I should drop formalities.
What? I don't understand.
You see, Miss,
if a man and a woman like us,
for example,
are trapped in an elevator…
… at the same time, they are
also deprived of their free will.
Which means? - They can't make
free decisions over their actions.
Which are?
- Let's put the case that a man
feeling threatened by
the call of the senses,
can he use, like in our case,
his free will to get out of the elevator?
No. - And the lady?
- No.
Well then, what significance, Miss,
can an act have which happened
against the will of those concerned?
- Oh, I see.
It's as if it didn't even happen.
- Not "as if."
You should be convinced
that it didn't happen at all.
It didn't happen?
- No!
Now, my dear girl,
let's continue being on formal terms.
Since no sin happened,
I absolve you from any penance.
This is my address:
15 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
And there's my number. See?
Then I can come visit you, eh?
No. On the contrary.
You see, Miss,
I gave you my card…
… just to test you.
When you leave this elevator,
you will regain your free will
and be mistress of your actions.
If you were to visit me at home,
out of your own spontaneous will,
and I fell into temptation then
and only then,
we can say it really happened
and that we sinned.
I understand.
- On the other hand,
if you resist, it'll be a victory
of the spirit over the flesh,
and for me, an immense pleasure
to have given you this lesson.
12 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
If my sister answers the phone, you say,
"I'll leave you my name and
the Monsignor will call me back. OK?"
Elevator?
- Yes! Who is it?
The doorman next door!
Mrs. Adami called me!
Thank you, dear! Is it fixed?
The elevator is working! Push the button!
Good! We'll go up to your
place then I'll come down.
What are you doing, Miss?
Why don't you get dressed?
You coming out naked? That's indecent.
Goodbye, Monsignor.
- Goodbye, Miss Donatella.
12 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
- OK.
Telephone: 68-36-14.
What do you want?
And you couldn't come and
see why I wasn't answering?
I was here.
But I couldn't answer because
I was trapped in the elevator!
With a Monsignor.
Why are you laughing, idiot?
It was a very important experience.
I've never spoke to a modern priest before.
In a certain sense, nothing happened.
In another sense, everything happened.
No, don't come!
Tonight, I've decided to end it.
I'm going to use my free will.
I'm not trapped in the elevator,
so I can meet up with you.
So, I won't come.
Bye.
Here, Monsignor.
- Hush! Don't call me Monsignor!
Why?
- She hears everything!
Miss Donatella, who lives upstairs.
She listens to everything
that happens here.
She goes to the bathroom,
puts her head under water
and she hears dilated all the noises.
She hears the squeaking of the bed.
- No! - No? Time to change the bed!
Tell me one thing,
with her in the elevator, what happened?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
English subtitles by sineintegral@KG
ITALIAN SUPERMAN
NANNI LOY
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Kastan jakken!
Lupin! Italian lupin!
Hey, fisherman, want kastan jakken?
Want? Sir?
Sir, it's good, eh? Taste.
Look! Mmmh...
Mmmh... very good...
Good... good...
Kastan jakken! Kastan jakken!
Thank goodness, dear.
See? All gone.
Oh, yeah?
- Things are starting to go well.
Demand is increasing.
My success will be crazy!
I see.
- Don't you believe me?
I believe only in the cashbox.
- That?
That's just the change.
The big bills are kept safe.
Really? Show them to me then.
What?
- Hurry up.
In front of the people here?
You know I'm shy.
Please! I'll cover you. Go on!
Only a fool like you,
could think that chestnut cake
would be more successful
than pizza in Holland!
It was an inspiration!
Now, I've got another one.
- Oh, no!
We'll make it more nordic.
Instead of pine nuts,
we'll put pieces of herring.
Then we could also put some… No?
I always ask myself why someone
like me married someone like you!
Me too.
Then start asking yourself,
why I should go on with someone like you!
My… my love! Darling! I swear,
I won't return home until it's empty!
And more in the man purse!
Kastan jakken! Kastan jakken!
Italian lupin!
Lupin...
Kastan jakken! Kastan...
Kastan jakken!
Chestnut cake! Kastan!
Chestnut cake.
You want a piece? Piece?
- No, all of it.
All?
- Yeah, all.
Dutch, you smart. Very smart!
Very intelligent.
Good Bosch! Cheap! Good!
- How much is it?
15.
- 15?
10.
- 10?
8.
- 8?
Too much?
- No, not too much.
8 not too much?
Tell everyone!
My name is Giobatt.
Advertise! Promote.
Promote in all...
…Amsterdam!
- Good day.
Please, advertise.
Bon appetit to you and your family!
- Karl!
And bon appetit to Karl, too.
- Karl!
Mr... Mr Karl?
Good? Like?
Kastan jakken!
Kastan jakken!
Kastan jakken!
Italian lupin!
What... what do you want?
Kastan jakken? Italian lupin?
But… what do you still want?
I've never been with a man!
Now, I think we've cleared everything up.
Now, I'll thank you and go.
Goodbye, gentlemen...
What?
I don't understand French very well.
Ah! Practically, you want to tell me...
that is, in a certain sense...
I didn't understand a word.
Take your clothes off!
Are you a doctor?
A gynecologist? Right?
Take it off!
Am I expecting a baby?
- Take it all off!
Take it all off?
- All!
Be patient. I hurt here
because I was beaten.
- Naked!
Naked?
- Completely naked.
Sorry, Doctor, but... everything?
Be pat… everything?
- Yes, everything.
But not my underwear, eh!
- Yes! - OK.
Even the underwear. Perfect.
Listen, can you lower the lights?
OK. Everything.
There, even the underwear.
But not the lights? You can't?
There.
Maybe if I dimmed the lights a little.
Don't you agree?
Not the lights?
Piera!
Piera! Piera! Victory!
Piera! Victory! Ring the bells!
Her Majesty, the Queen?
- Yes, Juliana of Holland.
At the opera exit?
- Eh...
At the entrance of the opera.
- She stopped the coach?
All of a sudden.
- She came out? - She flew out.
And she went crazy over chestnut cake?
- A huge tray full.
But Prince Bernhard ate 4 of them.
Madonna, how a prince eats!
- Yes, Bernhard is a very hungry man.
But explain something to me.
1000 guilders are...
How many trays are 1000 guilders?
- 1000 guilders are...
1626!
If all the trays are
worth only 5 guilders each,
who gave the rest to you?
- It was… Prince Bernhard.
Uh… No! the director...
- Of the opera?
Yes, the director of the opera
made me an exclusive contract,
which I must work 5 years for.
You say it with such a face?
- How do I say it?
Like it's a tragedy.
- No, it's disgustingly lucky.
I'm tired of this damn chestnut cake.
It's got into my eyes.
- What will you do now?
I want to go celebrate!
I want to take you to...
I want to go celebrate
at the station's beer shop!
No, no.
No?
- We're staying home.
Home? To do what?
- We celebrate here.
But you want to make...
- Yes.
Again?
- Why not?
Yes, but at least,
turn off the light, please.
You know that with the light on,
I can't concentrate at all.
It doesn't matter to me.
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you have cost me!
Let me sleep!
How much sleep, you have cost me!
Oh Maria, oh Maria,
how much sleep, you have cost me!
Silence!
La lumiere! Grand! Great effect!
Ici la femme!
La muchacha, the naked lady!
Naked?
- Oui! Naked! Naked! Naked!
Gran excitación!
Now should she masturbate or not?
Would you like her to masturbate or not?
Bien! Bien! Bien!
And at this moment… alors…
Bam!
Superman appears! Voilà!
You go out with your little red pants, no?
Go to the publique and…
un, deux, trois… voilà!
And your grand zizi before the publique!
D'accord? Do you like it, Giobattain?
Do you like it?
Not bad.
Après you wait, wait for the great
public gives a round of applause.
Admiration!
Et après, you go over to the lady,
who is laying here completely naked.
She calls you and calls you!
And you go in l'oscurité!
Et ici, the spotlight on your
great erotic genius. Giobattain, d'accord?
Giobattain! What did you do?
Nothing. I thought it was… maybe a…
- What's wrong with you, Giobattain?
It's just that I can't do this at all.
I'm used to making love
only with my wife without a spotlight!
I can't! I'm leaving!
- Halt!
I don't understand.
He said if you break the contract,
you pay a penalty, Giobattain.
I'll stab you 5 times, Giobatta!
5?
Besides, Giobattain,
pornography is a mission. A social duty.
The girls here are all missionaries.
Mon Cher, I'm a missionary too.
But Father… I mean, Reverend…
Eh, Mr Director!
I have a problem:
Doing these things embarrasses me.
Ah, c'est ça? Shame? Prejudice?
Giobatta, we're in the year 2000!
There's still 24 years to go.
- But modesty and morals change!
As time goes by, they change!
And just think, Giabatta,
200,000 Italians emigrated to Holland:
waiters, miners.
Exploited, humiliated, waiting for
revenge, payback, redemption, Giobattain!
You're a symbol, Giobattain,
a national monument like
the Colosseum! The Sistine Chapel!
The Obelisk of Saint Peter, Giobattain!
Allez! Allez! Allez! Come, girls, please!
I have a big show to do!
Excuse me… excuse me, Mr Engineer?
Where did he go?
Where is he? Where is he?
Ah, there he is.
I'd like to ask you for one last favor.
- C'est ta vie.
If I could do the show with a hood.
Good idea!
Your beauty's not here, Giobattain.
Your beauty's there!
Great idea!
One more?
- Yes!
When you open your coat,
the Italian National Anthem, oui?
On your grand zizi,
a little white, red and green flag!
You like this idea, Giobbatain?
Thank you.
I'm a little nervous.
Ready, Giobattain? Allez, allez!
- Just a moment!
I'm not ready. Almost there.
Want me to get the girl ready for you?
- No, gracias! That would be worse.
Allez! Allez!
- Wait.
I have to look at pictures of my wife.
Ready, Giobattain? Be a good boy.
Can you get out? Oui? Lights!
Go now!
- Mama!
Great! Formidable!
Viva Italia!
Viva Italian work! Viva!
Italy, stand up!
Bravo, Giobattain!
A triumph! Allez! Go!
Again!
Again!
Entrez, entrez, mesdames et messieurs!
Adelante! Come in!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
This is a big success!
Adelante, señores y señoras!
Un grande espectáculo!
Entrée pour le Superman:
the greatest success of the season!
Good morning.
- Good morning? Good night, my love.
It's not even 1 am.
That's the 5 o'clock steamer.
- That one?
Maybe they have daylight savings time.
Yes, indeed, they do. You sleep.
No. I want to talk to you.
- Talk? Now? - Yes.
OK, talk and I'll listen
with lots of enthusiasm.
Giobatta, what do you
every night at this hour?
The opera closes at midnight.
And why do you sneak in like a thief?
And why before, you only washed twice
a month, now you wash every day, eh?
Don't sleep when I'm talking to you!
- Kastan jakken! Italian lupin!
Sorry, my love, I'm very tired.
And why don't you make love anymore?
- What? I don't do anything else!
Huh?
- No, I mean…
I recognize that I reduced activity
by a smidgen. - To zero!
Zero? The truth is that these
chestnut cakes are totally ruining me.
Now there's a big demand.
Everybody wants them.
Everybody at night?
- At night? No… ah, yes!
I mean, everybody wants
them at night including:
nightwatch, street cleaners,
tram drivers, truckers.
And there's a damn sleepwalker
who wants two trays every night.
I'm completely… drained dry.
I mean completely drained.
Let's go to sleep.
- Later!
Later?
What are you doing? You want to…
- Yes!
Again? - What do you mean "again"?
- OK, turn off the light.
Don't you want to?
- Yes, I want it very much.
But I can't guarantee it.
What's this?
- What? The flag!
Why is it here?
- Because November 4th.
The Victory Anniversary.
Turn off the light, please.
Mama!
Giobatta!
Piera!
- Pig!
Piera!
- Damned pervert!
Piera, wait!
- Old brute! Swine!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Hey, your zipper's open!
- What?
Ah, yes, thank you.
Piera!
You gypsy!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Come in, it's a very big show.
Where are you?
Entrez, entrez, mesdames et messieurs!
Adelante, señores y señoras,
grande espectáculo!
We have the big show tonight.
We have the…
Piera!
Piera!
Wait for me!
Love!
Wait for me!
Stop! Free yourself
of those medieval prejudices!
Do as I do!
I'm modern! Open minded!
Sweet heart of Jesus,
make me ever so good.
Without prejudices!
Wait, I want to talk!
It's 2000! Piera, you must adapt too!
Modesty and morals change!
They change. Every day, they change!
Then, we live in a world
where all forms of violence
have been abolished!
Get lost!
- Love.
Love, I threw you to the ground.
Darling, I love you.
I didn't say anything. Don't be angry.
Piera! What were you doing there?
I swear, love, don't be angry.
I didn't like it!
It's an exhausting job
but I couldn't turn down so much money.
You want to know who you married?
Shall I tell you?
You're married to a missionary.
- No, I'm married to a monster!
Do you want to know why I married you?
Shall I tell you?
- No, don't tell me.
Wait!
Just a minute!
Just a minute!
What? No!
Be care… Be careful, love!
Piera!
I'm here!
Piera, forgive me!
If not for me, at least for
the 200,000 Italian emigrants!
To them, I'm a symbol!
I'm the Colosseum!
The Sistine Chapel!
Help!
Piera, try to understand my position!
I did it for you!
Piera, you're my life!
Piera, I love you!
Piera, I love you!
Piera, I'm going to shit myself.
But if you really can't get over it,
I'm willing to stop, you see.
Of course, we must give up the fridge,
the washing machine, the color TV,
and the fur coat.
Piera, look, if you want, I'm ready
to sell chestnut cakes in the street.
And eat them.
I'll do whatever you want.
Well? What should I do?
Stop or continue?
No, continue.
Continue? Really?
- Yes, but with me!
Love, what are you saying?
You… in public?
In front of 250 people?
Yeah, why? Did morals change
just for you? Or just for men?
Didn't you tell me to free myself
from medieval prejudices? - Yeah.
Didn't you say you were
modern, open minded, advanced?
Then you know what I say?
First, we'll be getting
two salaries and not just one.
Then, at least, I'll get love every night.
Twice!
And on holidays...
... thrice!
The Italian Superman
and Lady Godiva!
The greatest and
sexiest show of the season!
Entrez, mesdames et messieurs,
le grand spectacle.
Come in, ladies and gentlemen,
this is a big show.
Adelante, señores y señoras!.
Superman y Lady Godiva para ustedes!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
What are you waiting for, asshole?
- Just a minute.
The audience is ready,
but the equipment… not so much.
Wait a minute, now.
You like it? Like it?
- Yes, thanks.
Now you'll go and "bam, bam, bam!"
- Yes, be patient.
Here's the situation…
- Violate her! Destroy her!
Make her your own! Go out, oui!
Go out and kill her! Lights! Lights!
What are you doing?
- I'm praying.
Oui, oui, ready?
Allez. Allez! Go!
Mama!
You're a disgrace to us!
And Italy? And Italy's reputation!
Yes, OK, it's true. You're right.
But to be honest, you must agree
that the other shows weren't bad.
Quite the opposite.
Be kind. I'd like to try again.
Impossible!
Three losses, three Waterloos.
The show must go on.
We can't risk it, right?
No, no, no… I don't want to take risks.
I only ask you… to let us try…
one more time. You tell him.
Yes, he's been practicing at home.
Even with the lights on
and the windows open.
Yesterday, today, this morning. Damn!
It was very good!
In the last few days after lunch
I've been practicing even by myself.
Huh?
- Yes, I did it as a precaution.
Try to understand my situation.
Let me try again. One more time. Be kind.
Huh?
No?
Then…
Then you're sending us…
- No! You're going.
Sorry? I didn't understand.
He says you're going back to Italy.
She'll stay here to work off the contract.
Excuse me, Surveyor,
but you can't to do this to me!
I appreciate this gesture
very much, Engineer, but
my wife will work with whom?
We've replaced you!
- With a Turk!
Mustafa, Mustafa et voilà bam bam, Mustafa!
Lady Godiva and son Mari!
Alors, don't just stand there!
Say hello to Mustafa, no?
Oh, Mustafa, écoute-moi bien, je voudrais
que tu fasses beaucoup attention…
Nice… nice to meet you.
I'm the husband…
Excuse me. Can I ask you a question?
Don't insist so much.
It's 2000. You said so yourself.
Morals have changed.
Changes everyday, no?
Yes, true, but… don't you think that
maybe this time, it's gone too far?
Sweetie, first you did it for me
and I'll now I'll do it for you, eh?
You're so good!
The thing is… I love you.
- So?
The fact is… I may be embarrassed…
to be supported… by my wife.
Look, if I ask him, he'll find you a job.
I'm glad. Very glad.
Yes…
Entrez, mesdames et messieurs,
The sexy show!
Come in, ladies and gentlemen!
Super erotic! Fabulous!
Lady Godiva and Ali Pasha!
The Turk who has…
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
I want to sleep!
Oh Maria, oh Maria!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
Stay with me!
How much sleep, you've cost me!
THE SWEDISH HORSE
Telephone!
Telephone!
Mom, pick up the phone!
- I'm packing! You do it!
You didn't wake me up and I'm late.
Paola!
I need to get dressed! Can't Dad?
There's never anybody who will answer.
Hello? Always too late, eh?
Who is it?
I don't understand anything.
- Guess.
Guess? I don't want to.
Some imbecile.
Must be for your daughter. - Paola!
Is it Renato?
Tell him I'll be right there!
Antonio?
- This is Giovanna. Who is it?
Ah, Giovanna. It's Cristina.
- Cristina?
Pieter Andersson's daughter.
- Cristina!
Antonio!
- Huh? - It's Cristina!
Cristina who?
- Where are you? In Stockholm?
Pieter's daughter!
- Cristina? Where are you?
At the Autostrada del Sole, going to Rome.
- She's here? - Yes.
What a pity, I'm sorry.
Unfortunately, Paola and I are leaving.
Damn!
- We're going to Torvaianica.
The painter and the electrician
are waiting for us.
But it doesn't matter, but come anyway.
Antonio will be here.
I get her? I gotta work.
I can't play the nursemaid to a girl.
It's been almost 10 years
since we were in Sweden.
Who was that? Antonio?
- Yes, he's here.
You want to talk?
- Yes.
What do I say? You do it.
- Yes, this way you two can make plans!
I'll put him on.
He's taking the phone right out of my hand!
You think so? Hello, Cristina?
No, we're leaving...
- Ah! You're coming with us?
Sorry, I was talking to Giovanna.
Christina?
- It's actually Paola.
What's that got to do with you?
- I was told it was Renato.
But it's Cristina. And it's for me.
Christina?
Cristina?
- I hear you.
If you come here now, I'm alone.
I'm staying in Rome to work.
If you go to sea with them,
you'll have more fun.
What do you prefer?
- I'd rather go to Rome.
Even Giovanna and Paola
would be happy to see you.
Cristina?
- Yes?
You understand, sweetie?
- Yes.
Why don't you answer me then?
- I don't know.
How do you not know?
She rather see you!
Damn, what a noodle!
- What?
We'll be there around 4:00.
I'm coming with Adam.
Ah, Adam! Who's Adam?
- My boyfriend. Then we go to Pompeii.
She's coming with her boyfriend.
Cristi…
She hung up.
She says they're going to Pompeii.
- Then they're not coming?
No, they're coming!
My day will be wasted!
On Monday, I gotta turn this work in!
- Antonio, it's the least you can do.
After all,
we were their guests for two years.
Pieter is your best friend, no?
- If it were him, he could've helped me.
Listen, it's barely 10:00.
When they come, it'll only be for a minute.
How long could two kids stay?
- Daddy, stop worrying!
As soon as they see you, they'll run away.
Yeah.
I've said 1000 times: Saturday and Sunday,
when anybody calls, I'm not home!
Who told you to pick up? You jumped in!
- That too. - You want Paola to stay?
If she comes with her boyfriend,
then Renato gets to come over.
Yes! And let's organize a dance party! Oh!
I must work alone!
- Work!
I didn't stay in Rome on purpose to spend
my Sunday playing the police! - Police who?
Who would you have to police?
- I'll tell you.
Your daughter's habit of
bringing men in her bedroom…
Men? It's Renato.
- So? Is he not a man?
But we leave the door open!
- Why, would you like to close it?
Yes, because at least we could study
without seeing you stick your
fat head in every 2 minutes!
With any excuse: an eraser, the crazy glue.
- You're a child!
Of course, the father is childish!
What does he know?
How did I get to this age?
I never learned a thing!
Because they can explain everything,
they know all! - Come, leave her be.
And if it happens later?
What's going to happen?
They're two kids.
It won't happen because I'm 300 years old!
And they think they can fool me?
Come on, Antonio.
You never told her that we didn't make
love until after we were married?
That's embarrassing.
Right, these days, it's an embarrassment!
Let's not tell her!
Antonio?
- Yes.
What do I do? Stay? Or go with mom?
- Go with mom. It'll be better.
Can't you see you're a bear?
- Me? - No, me.
Antonio, you're not fluid!
- So, I'm not fluid. Oh, well!
No! Why do you say you don't like anyone,
you don't want to see anyone?
And who should I like? Renato?
- Of course! - Really?
One who never says hello.
Puts his feet on the table.
He criticizes too.
He says, "Look how he's dressed!" To me.
So tell your Renato, I'm 50 years old.
Next time, he does it, I'll punch him.
Just hope, he doesn't answer back, Dad.
I'll break your head. Believe me.
Antonio!
- Eh?
Forget about it.
You're starting to compete like children.
No, I'll make you have a new daughter.
I assure you, she'd be better than her.
I hurt myself too.
What pisses me off about your husband
is that he's says he's a lefty.
But you're always provoking him.
- I provoke him?
You know how he is.
What were you talking about?
- Saying? You don't let us breathe!
Personal stuff between women!
- Who cares? Who asked you? - Let's go.
Then Antonio, we'll leave.
See ya. Sorry if I don't kiss you.
- Please! It's a nuisance!
Why should we kiss
or even see each other?
Actually, don't come back.
It'll be better. - OK.
Hey! - Eh?
- Call as soon as you get there, eh?
We'll call as soon as we get there!
The horse!
- What? - What horse?
The one Cristina gave me in Stockholm.
Where did you put it?
Antonio! After 10 years?
- You threw it away.
This is the respect for my things!
If Cristina asks me,
how will it make me look?
But she probably doesn't remember.
Did you take it?
- Me? I've never seen it!
She doesn't see anything! Just Renato!
Go, on. I look for it myself.
- Antonio, let it be.
Ah, Anto'!
- Yes?
Have fun with the horse.
Look, where they hid it!
Here it is.
Elastic section modulus…
C with K…
And 1900…
That's it.
The day is over.
Cristina!
Is it really you?
- Antonio! - How grown you are!
Is that Adam?
- Yes.
Antonio Pecoraro, a pleasure.
Come in.
Unfortunately, Giovanna and Paola…
What does he say?
- He says he prefers to go on.
But he just got here.
Bye. Goodbye.
Why did he come then?
- It's nothing. Don't worry.
You had a fight? Eh?
Adam! Give her a little kiss. Go on!
Like that. Good.
Now, let's have a coffee.
We'll have a nice chat and then…
I was saying, we'll have coffee.
If you don't like coffee,
we'll have a beer, eh?
Hey? Good, good…
I was saying let's have a coffee.
And later, when you get to Pompeii,
after fighting, you can make up.
You can enjoy the whole day!
He's gone? - Yes,
but he'll be back tomorrow to say sorry.
Tomorrow?
But aren't you going to Pompeii?
Tomorrow. We wanted to stay here tonight.
I told him I was staying with a family.
But since it's just you, he got upset.
Then, let's call him.
- No, forget it.
I'll stay, if I'm not in the way.
No! Of course not!
No, it's only that I must
absolutely finish some work.
You do what you want:
rest, go out, read the papers.
I'll work for a bit
and then tonight we'll eat out.
Eh? Or would you like to eat here?
I prefer here. I'm tired,
after riding the motorcycle for miles.
Sure.
- Meantime, I can shower and do my laundry.
Good idea! Do what you like.
Cristina, my home is yours!
What?
- What? Over there.
And you didn't remember!
They sell them in Italy too?
- Sell?
No, you gave it to me when you were small,
when we were in Sweden.
You still have it?
- Well, it was always here.
It brings me luck.
Antonio?
- Yes?
Where are the bathrobes?
In the… in the clo… the closet.
Go ahead, I'll get it for you.
Here, take it.
- Thank you. Come in.
No need. I'll put it on the handle.
Antonio? - Yes?
- How do you go around at home?
Well, we… In what sense?
Haven't you ever seen
your daughter naked?
No. There's never been any occasion.
Also when we go to the bathroom,
we lock it up, barricade ourselves in.
If we had a stroke,
we'd have to call the firemen.
Besides, there are points of view
which should be respected.
I'd like to be more open,
but you know how Giovanna is.
She comes from a Catholic family.
Paola talks and talks and poses…
But she's like the mother:
Full of scruples, taboos…
Antonio?
- Eh?
Sorry, I was under the shower.
I didn't hear anything.
Better that way.
Spaghetti with tomato and parsley.
Giovanna always made it in Stockholm.
My father liked it very much.
He still talks about it.
Ah, old Pieter!
We had some good times.
My father loves you very much.
- I always told Giovanna so.
A friend like Pieter is hard to find.
We were very close.
You know, two years working together.
We drunk more than alpines!
You don't remember, you were too small.
Actually, I remember everything.
- Really? Like what?
I remember you couldn't stand the cold.
You were always in bed with a fever.
- True! It was 20 below!
I freeze at 1 degree.
I used to come in your room
to bring you coffee.
I sat in a chair and when
you fell asleep, I'd watch you.
Why?
- Because I liked you a lot.
Liked me a lot?
You were 9 years old!
You liked an uncle. A frozen relative.
No, I liked you as a man.
Dark all over!
A very handsome Italian!
Well, all little girls
have these fantasies.
Then, when they grow up…,
… they go to Pompeii with Adam.
Cheers!
No, no. Wait, don't drink.
I'll show you a game. Do you want to?
Do as I do. Make a wish.
Yes.
Look me in the eyes.
- There.
Bend your head a little.
Now think of something.
Well…
Did you do it?
Yes.
What did you think of?
- That the sauce is burning.
This is where you'll sleep tonight:
Paola's room.
How old is she?
- About your age.
It's a bit childish.
- Her mother.
But it's OK, because even though
she doesn't look it, she's still a girl.
Heavens, the teddy bear!
Woe to whomever touches him!
She never ran away from home?
Who? Paola?
No, it was me who ran away once.
- With a woman?
No, a man. My friend.
- Tell me all about it!
Tell you what?
He had a fight with his wife.
He said, "Enough! Let's get out of here!"
And we went to Grottaferrata.
To think. To make a decision.
Then we came back for dinner
and nobody noticed.
They were watching Nuccio Fava on TV.
In other words, a crisis.
- A crisis? No.
20 years of marriage,
more than anything else,
will break your balls.
But what can you do?
When two people love each other well…
Because me and Giovanna,
we really love each other.
It doesn't take much to have fun.
Do you make love to your wife every day?
What do you mean, "every day"?
Every year!
Laugh, laugh! Innocent!
Wait, I'll get you pajamas.
- No, it's OK.
What?
- I sleep with nothing.
Me too. The same.
Oh, God, the same!
Maybe nude, I'd give off
another impression. Look…
All right, I'm going.
- Antonio?
Can I get a kiss?
- Why not? Eh!
No, here.
This is the mineral water.
The lamp is there. You can read
"L'Intrepido", "Linus" (comics)…
"The Fight Goes On." (communist paper)
What? It must be Renato's.
Well, good night.
Are you taking the water away?
- Eh? Ah, right! See?
That's why I came.
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
- Hello? Who is it?
It's me, Giovanna.
- Ah, what do you want?
You're the one who called me.
- Ah, right! Sorry!
Did the um… painters come?
Yes, they came. They're done.
- Good!
The electrician is coming tomorrow.
By the way, did Cristina come?
- Eh?
I said, did those two kids come?
- Yes! They came!
Good. - Yes, they had to stay
because they were dead tired.
They're sleeping together in Paola's room.
Together?
Yes, they came together from Sweden!
Was I supposed to separate them?
But in the room there's only one bed.
Well, yes…
Instead of worrying about other
people's kids, worry about Paola!
The child?
What is she doing? Sleeping?
No, she went to the movies.
At this hour?
Anto', "this hour"? It's 9:00 p.m.
Please, she's grown up, 19 years old.
No! Giova', I can only warn you!
Don't come crying to me later, eh?
Don't come…
Stay calm! Don't get agitated.
But… OK, I'm not agitated.
Good night, eh?
Good night. See you tomorrow.
I said I'd see you tomorrow.
Well, whenever.
I'm afraid of thunder.
I'm scared.
- Me too.
Don't scold me?
At home, when a storm scares me,
my father always scolds me.
But here the situation is different.
I'm a good friend of your father but…
I'm not your father.
You said that girls get over it
when they grow up. - Yes.
But not in my case.
Cristi', I can handle a few flashes.
You'd better go.
And one…
And two.
Hello?
- Hi, Cristina, it's Paola.
Hi. How are you?
- Good. And you?
Good. I'm fine too.
- Is Antonio there?
Yes, he's asleep.
- I hear him.
Call him for a sec, I've something to say.
Just a minute.
Antonio?
Antonio! Telephone.
- Telephone?
Where is it?
Hello! Who's this?
- Hi, Dad. It's me.
Me? Me who?
- Don't you recognize me? It's Paola.
What do I know?.
You've never call me "dad!"
Sorry to wake you.
- No. Who woke up?
I was here with Cristina talking about…
What were we talking about?
Hey, sweetie! Where are you?
Mom said you were worried.
I want to tell you that tonight,
I'm not sleeping there.
Ah, you're not sleep…
And… and where will you sleep?
I'm with Renato.
I'll sleep with him tonight.
Can you hear me?
- What happened?
Huh? It's Paola.
She says she'll sleep with Renato tonight.
- Ah, good!
Eh… You're telling me? But…
Paola, is this the first time
you're sleeping with Renato?
No, it's been almost two years.
- Ah, two years! It's been… two years.
Hi, Antonio.
- Who's that?
It's Renato.
- Of course, it's Renato! It's Renato.
Listen, Paoletta.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
Because if I told you yesterday,
you would've beaten me to death.
And what has changed…
oh, God… since yesterday?
You've changed. At least, I hope so.
Good night, Dad.
That was Paola.
She's sleeping with Renato tonight.
You already told me.
No, she called me so I wouldn't worry.
Well done, eh?
- Yes, well done!
It gives me so much satisfaction.
Will you tell your wife
you slept with me?
Eh?
Of course! If it comes up
in conversation, why not?
But does your wife tell you
when she has sex with other men?
Giovanna?
Naturally! That's what were used to.
Just like my father and mother.
Well, you heard Paola,
we have no secrets.
There are no secrets between
parents and kuh… kuh… kuh… kids.
Fluid. We are fluid.
You really don't eat in the morning?
But what am I going to eat?
No, thanks. I'm fine like this:
Coffee and cigarettes.
I've confidence in my parents too.
- Good.
My mother always told me
to search you out. - Did she?
That I would get better.
Last night was very important for me.
For me too.
And just think, so many problems
could be resolved so easily.
Well, not all. It depends on many things.
Right. For my father and your wife,
it was a totally different thing.
I didn't understand, sorry?
Giovanna must have told you that she was on
friendly terms with my dad in Stockholm.
Why would I be against it?
An important friendship. Pieter …
To them, it was beautiful.
A pure relationship.
Of course, I know…
What do you mean by "pure"?
A purely physical relationship.
A sexual attraction.
Uncomplicated by sentiment.
You're still talking about
my wife and your father?
Yes.
Excuse me for a moment.
What is she telling you?
What is she telling you?
What is she telling you?
A pure… physical… relationship!
Anto'! This means they were fucking!
But, it's impossible.
I don't get it. OK…
I don't get it. It happens.
Now, I'll try to understand.
What were we talking about?
- About Giovanna and my dad.
Ah, right! Of that pure
friendship without… anything…
Dad's marriage was in crisis then.
And his relationship with your
wife was very important.
Can you clarify that concept, please?
Important, because it was
a purely sexual relationship.
See! Now, it's clear!
It was brief though. Only 3 months.
So short? I thought it'd be more.
No. Only for the 3 months,
you were in Malmo for the trial.
That's it!
- Giovanna must've told you.
Eh, she would write me, call me at night.
I'd say, "Don't get dramatic,
I'll never leave you."
That'd never happen.
You did well because that
saved my dad's marriage.
After, he felt younger.
- Did he?
Now his relationship with mom
can be called perfect.
Well, you can't imagine how glad I am.
But it was important for your wife too.
- Really? Let's hear it, I'm interested.
Before that, she had only
been to bed with you. - Right!
She never knew another man's body.
A mistake.
Sure! Only making love to me
would be a terrible mistake!
She should throw herself out the window!
No, this way, she could choose.
- And she chose me.
And thus your marriage went well.
Antonio. Today, I met a happy family.
Me too!
I was happy and didn't even know it!
It's Adam.
He told me he'd be here at 7:00.
He's always on time.
Huh? Ah, Adam!
Hi.
- Hi.
What is he saying?
He asks for pardon.
Yesterday, he acted like a fool.
Well, he only did it yesterday.
I've done it my whole life.
Will you tell him we made love?
- No, I can't. He's jealous.
He's not like us.
- He's not, eh? Poor thing.
I see how bad it is.
- Thank you. - No, why?
Bye, Antonio.
- Bye, Cristina.
40.
19.
1.95.
Hi, Anto'.
Hi.
- Did Paola come back?
Paola?
She's 19 now. Why should she?
Cristina and Adam left?
Yes, this morning. They said hello.
Did it rain in Torvaianica?
- It flooded everywhere.
Good.
Next year the roof needs to be repaired.
- I know.
And here?
What here?
Did it rain?
- A hurricane!
Cristina was scared.
I had to get up…
… to keep her company.
- Wasn't Adam there?
No. He left.
And what did you do?
We talked. Talked! Talked!
She went on forever.
All night long.
What did she tell you?
- Tell me? That her mom's fine.
Her father too. Indeed, he's better.
Yes, better than ever.
But what do I care? I couldn't
wait for the rain to stop, to go to bed!
But no, it went on the whole night.
Bad weather!
Would you like to continue
talking about the weather,
or do you want to tell me something else?
Yes!
That on Saturdays and Sundays,
when the phone rings,
I'm not available to anybody!
I must not answer the phone!
Where did you find this?
- I knew where it was.
Because when I want to,
I know everything.
Shall I make dinner?
You better.
THE ELEVATOR
Fuck off.
Excuse me?
May I?
Excuse me.
Well?
What's going on?
Whoa!
See? The elevator stopped.
- Yes. You can see the wall.
But… it's not moving. Try again.
What the bloody hell!
Tell me it's not true! I felt it.
- Felt what, Miss?
When I passed you and
saw a priest at the wheel,
I thought, "Now, you'll have bad luck!"
Miss, why blame the priest
when the fault is yours?
Mine?
- Yes.
Now it's my fault?
Because you're superstitious, you did
the horns thinking to get rid of the devil.
Instead, you called him.
And because he's spiteful, here we are.
Stopped in an elevator.
What do I care about the devil?
I did the horns to that black shirt
which has always brought me bad luck!
3 months in the hospital!
Not much, It could've been worse.
However, in view of your ideas,
I don't want to argue.
Why ring if no one's there?
Well, a tenant, a passer-by,
someone will hear.
No one will hear at all!
They're all on vacation!
Didn't you see the garage? - Holy cow!
We're at the August holidays: 14 is today,
15 is the Assumption and 16 is a holiday.
We can't get out until the 17th.
- What? 4 days here? Here?
I can't stand it! No! No!
Help! Let me out! Let me out! Somebody!
I want out! Help me get out!
The elevator! The elevator! Do something!
Damn you…!
What a tremendous pain!
Here. - What is it?
- French cognac.
OK.
- Thank you.
Forgive my reaction, but your kick
drove right into me. I'm a man too.
The idea of being locked in here,
makes me lose my head!
We must be patient.
I could see if you were alone but…
… you're in good company.
May I introduce myself?
Monsignor Ascanio La Costa.
- Donatella.
Wait a second.
- What?
Do you live in this building?
- No.
Then what did you come here for?
You following me?
I don't follow anyone.
I have come to see an old friend.
Who? - The MP who lives
on the 3rd floor, number 9.
But he died.
What? He's dead?
- Eh!
Why wasn't I informed?
What pain! What a terrible thing!
Poor Alfonso.
My God, who knows how devastated
the family will be! - Yes.
Devastated. They're all at the sea.
Really?
- Yeah.
I wanted to go there too.
It's 9:00, damn it! I have a date
at 10:00 and instead I'm here!
Because of you.
Miss, if the Lord God really wants
to test us, He has his reasons.
Instead think that we must
be here for 4 days and 4 nights.
We must get along.
Let's try to get organized.
We should think about
getting out of this situation.
And how? - How?
- Get out how? With prayers?
We'll do something, no? - Miss, God helps
those who help themselves. Let's try, Miss.
The elevator might
have started working again.
No. It didn't.
It's not working.
- HELP!
The elevator!
Well? What are you doing?
Coming down?
I can't reach.
You can't? - No.
Don't be afraid, Donatella.
Here. Put your foot in. - Shall I go?
You OK? - Yes.
- Donatella,
do you feel comfortable?
- Yes.
Is the height OK?
- Yes.
What do you see in front of you?
- A complicated thing, a wheel.
Stretch out your arm and touch it.
- Yes.
Donatella, are you touching it?
- Yes.
Do you feel it?
- Yes.
Easy, easy, Donatella.
With your hand look for the hole.
I found it.
- Insert your finger.
In the hole?
- Of course, in the hole.
Can you feel the spring?
And the little wheel? - Yes.
Now, Donatella, very gently,
make it turn until it clicks.
Gently, please,
it's a very sensitive device.
I'm turning.
- Turn.
I'm turning.
- Turn.
I'm turning.
- Turn. Turn.
Damn it the hell!
- Holy Madonna! Oh, my God!
What a blow, Donatella! Are you hurt?
- You hafta ask? Didn't you see me flying?
See you? I felt you! You fell on me!
Just look: He says he's technical
and almost gets me killed!
It's your fault, Donatella.
I told you to touch it gently.
Anyway, we had to go down
to get the floor, no?
Thank goodness. See what floor we are on.
- What's this?
"Long live Oretta, who has it tight."
There's also a little drawing.
Probably, a young bricklayer.
At heart, they're innocent phrases.
What the fuck are you saying?
Bricklayer? That's a wall! - Wall?
Before, you could see part
of the door and now nothing!
What do you mean? It's a wall.
What can you do?
Let us arm ourselves with
holy patience and wait. - Wait?
Who does he think he is?
I've gotta go to the sea with my guy.
He thinks I'm going to spend my August
holiday in here with a bad priest like him!
I'm going! Oh!
My dear Miss,
if you don't like me, know that
neither do I like your impudent behavior.
And we're stuck in this elevator,
which neither of us asked for.
the situation demands it.
It's a typical case of force majeure.
What are you doing? Crying?
Cry, cry. It'll do you good.
The elevator! Help!
We're in the elevator! Help!
I'm curious.
- Yes?
Do you smoke a lot?
- Yes. Why?
First of all, it's bad for you.
And then, if you keep smoking,
we'll suffocate to death.
You don't smoke?
- No, I don't.
Every now and then, if I feel like it.
I won't say no.
Want a puff?
- A puff, you say?
Hey, aren't you hot dressed like that?
- It's my uniform.
Well, if I said,
I wasn't hot, I'd be lying.
But I can assure you that
enduring these difficulties
in the spirit of holy resignation,
even freshens me up.
I'm hot as hell. - Yes.
- Can I take my shirt off?
What's underneath it?
- A bathing suit.
Good! Take it off then!
Here. No, no, my cigarette. Thank you.
If I were naked, I wouldn't have asked.
I don't want to seduce a Monsignor.
"Seduce", you say? Such a dear girl!
You see what you young people are like?
They accuse you of being
cynical, cruel, materialistic.
And yet beneath that tough exterior,
there's so much purity.
Miss, I assure you,
coming from your lips…
the word "seduce"
has the scent of a lily.
OK, I'll put it back on.
- What? - My shirt.
Why?
- I thought that you… I don't know…
Why? You're fine.
- Really? - Of course!
Then, if I may, I'll take off my skirt too.
- Yes! Good! Well done!
I'll take my shoes off!
- Go ahead.
It's silly but I feel more free.
I feel better!
- Hush! - What is it?
I hear a noise, a motorbike.
Hush, it stopped!
This is the building. The maid said
nobody's here. Not even the doorman.
Elevator! Help!
- No, there's someone.
We're trapped in the elevator!
They're trapped in the elevator.
Let's go.
Elevator! Anyone there!
- Donatella.
We're up here!
- Dear, let me do it. My voice is stronger.
Elevator!
Here we are!
Is anyone there?
We're here!
We're trapped in the elevator!
We'll take this Mercedes.
- Do you hear?
Who are you?
- The technicians!
Great! Who called you?
The maid!
- Get up.
Hurry up! We can't take much more!
It'll take just a few minutes!
We're on it!
We're free, finally!
Thank you, dears! God bless you.
Nice! "I'm going to the sea!"
- Happy? - Yes, I'm happy.
Good, dear.
We spent some pleasant hours together.
We got to know each other.
We became friends.
But now unfortunately, we must part.
- Excuse me.
I hope that after this brief encounter,
you'll judge me with more serenity.
Thank you, dear.
Take this.
Smash it! Break it!
I don't like to ruin this beautiful door!
What do I care about the door?
Smash it! Break it! Whatever it takes!
Let them do it, dear. Let them work.
What's that?
- Oh, God! Donatella, wait!
Oh, God, the alarm!
It's my car alarm!
What? - Don't you see?
They're not technicians, they're thieves!
They're not fixing the elevator,
they're stealing my car!
No! Don't do it!
Don't touch it! Don't steal it!
Listen to me!
Let's hope they don't do it!
They steal your car and you laugh?
- Yes! They don't know what awaits them.
What a shock!
- Come on, before someone comes!
Damn you, you son of a bitch!
You heard the yelling?
- Yes, I did. He could've died, poor thing.
Yes, electrocuted.
It's the police! - Yes.
- Now they'll set us free!
We're getting out?
- No, dear, they're chasing the thieves.
Hear how they're chasing them?
Hear the siren? Do you hear it?
No, you can't hear it anymore.
- Damn it, the bloody hell!
Poor guys.
- Poor us not poor guys!
Victims of this corrupt society.
Shall we say a prayer for the thieves?
Our Father, who art in heaven…
- You crazy? You almost electrocuted them.
You laugh about it and then you pray?
What's the use?
It is useful.
A prayer is always useful.
Maybe they stole because
they were hungry. - Yes.
I know. Of course, it's true, dear.
They were hungry.
But he who is hungry steals bread
and not my car which costs 8 million!
No, no! If you break it, you'll ruin
everything! There are bottles!
Picnic stuff, things you'd
bring to the sea, things…
To eat?
I was leaving for three days.
- Do you have anything good?
Just out of curiosity.
- A little bit of everything.
Look.
- Oh, my goodness!
Hunter's sausage, raw prosciutto,
several French cheeses.
Wheat bread, canned food, salmon…
- Smoked? Yes.
And in that white jar?
- This one? Stuffed olives.
Black olives? Great.
- Tuna, boiled eggs.
Water, French white wine…
- Enough!
I could eat everything!
- You eat?
I didn't bring these things for you.
- No, eh?
No. Sooner or later, I'll be at the sea.
This stuff is not to be touched!
Fill an empty glass.
Empty a full glass.
Never leave it empty.
Never leave it full.
Prosit!
Can you pass me a stuffed olive?
You like it? - It's to die for.
I'm a glutton, aren't you?
Me too.
- Want more?
Good!
- A real delicacy.
You know it's almost better
here than at the sea?
Thank you, Donatella.
I like it because…
it makes me feel less guilty.
Sorry.
- Why? Leave your leg there.
You look relaxed like that.
So radiant, so beautiful!
Is that from your apartment?
- That idiot!
He'll keep calling and never think to
come by and see why I'm not answering.
That's the youth of today: lazy.
They have no imagination and
they let slip the best opportunities.
You're right.
- Of course.
Yes, just like my boyfriend.
- Yes?
He never knows what to do.
He stands there paralyzed.
If it were up to him,
we would… never fuck.
Oh, Donatella!
Oh, Donatella, how funny
you are with your irreverence!
That's why…
girls your age prefer mature men.
No?
Yes. Yes, mature men.
For some things.
What do you think, dear, of mature men?
Is my rhythm good?
- Yes, very good.
Where did you learn to dance?
Sometimes, for some holidays, I organize
parties where all the kids dance.
How nice!
That's him, huh?
- Yes.
When did you meet him?
We met yesterday at my friend's house.
- Yes?
We all danced and were happy.
But he was…
- What was he doing?
Why do you make me talk?
First of all, because I'm a priest.
And then,
because it's good for you to talk.
Go on. What was he doing?
He was sad, poor thing.
- Yes?
His mother died almost a month ago.
And you comforted him?
- Yes.
He read me a poem,
he wrote for his dead mother.
It's beautiful, all that.
Romantic, poetic.
How old is the boy?
- Two years younger than me.
He's also rather shy.
- Yes?
Then I asked him, "Wanna dance?"
You asked him?
- Yes.
So we went to the terrace.
- Yes.
And we danced.
Very close together. In the dark.
And I could feel that he desired me.
And how did you know?
Didn't I say we danced close together?
- Yes. - I'm no child.
OK. That's enough. I get it.
No! I gotta tell you right now.
- Yes? - And I won't do it again.
Good. Tell me then.
- At one point while dancing…
Yes? - I whispered in his ear…
- What?
"Listen, boy, I like you and
I can tell I don't gross you out."
"Why beat around the bush?"
- Yeah.
Now women take the initiative
and not the men? - Certainly.
Good! And then?
- I said, "Seeing that you like me…"
"I'll make love to you."
And what did he say?
- "No."
Because he came with his sister.
- What the fuck?
Sorry, I meant… Did it end like that?
- No.
And then?
- We were sitting in a corner.
We kissed.
But there we couldn't consummate it
because there were people in the room.
Right. Of course. And then?
I realized that he was out of his
mind with desire for me. - Yes?
And then? - I felt for him a strange
feeling of tenderness. - Yes?
I did something which
I've never done before. - Yes?
Go on.
Eh! If you don't explain clearly…
- I don't know if I can tell everything.
A priest is never shocked.
Even if you told me
that you assassinated him.
Go on. What did you do that boy?
Go on. Tell me.
Tell me.
Tell me all!
I unzipped his pants and took it out.
- Yes?
With your hands?
- No!
With what?
- With the mouth.
Then every guy who loses his mom,
that's how you console him?
What nice red socks, you have, Monsignor.
Who gave them to you?
- A woman.
The only woman in my life.
A friend?
- No.
My mother, whom I loved so much.
Why do you say "loved"?
Don't you love her anymore?
Unfortunately, she died.
- Oh! When?
Almost a month ago.
- Just like him. Poor thing.
She's all I had in the world.
She left an immense void.
Are you crying for my tragedy?
I should be at sea with my boy.
- The boy.
But he doesn't cry anymore,
because you comforted him.
Would you do it again?
- I told you it was my first time, no?
I know, forget about it.
Everything has a beginning.
I want to be at sea
under a tent, under the moon.
Wait, dear. It might happen.
How? With a miracle?
- Right. With a miracle.
Now concentrate and
give me your hand. Like this.
Try to close your eyes
and let your imagination go to work.
Like this.
You find yourself on a white beach.
On the seashore.
Yes.
- The night is sweet.
The moon is shining.
Smell the scent of seaweed.
The murmur of the sea.
You sleep soundly and you're dreaming.
You feel around your cheeks
the caress of a kiss.
Who is it?
- Guess, dear!
It's your boy. It's not me, it's your
boy who is kissing you. Sleep, dear.
I can't. I need a sleeping pill.
- No, dear. Try counting sheep.
What sheep?
- Yes, you're a shepherdess.
And you have a flock of 1000s of sheep.
And they must pass a narrow bridge.
Now, count one by one.
The first sheep passes and you count.
Close your eyes, dear.
1, 2... Count, my dear.
3, 4, 5…
- Count, dear.
6, 7…
31, 32, 3…
Is anyone in the elevator?
It's me, Donatella,
the one who lives in the garret!
We've been trapped for a long time!
Call someone, the firemen!
Oh, heavens!
I'll see, I'll get someone!
It won't be easy in the August holiday!
I beg you, Ma'am,
for heaven's sake, be quick!
Stay calm, they'll get you out somehow!
This is your miracle, Monsignor!
- Miracle? A damn jinx, you mean!
Why? - Why? She interrupted our
dream which was going so well.
She's a smart woman, she'll get us out.
But how? What can she do?
It's August holiday! It's a ghost town!
She'll find someone. She always does.
Just think, the day of her
husband's funeral two years ago,
she found a man,
brought him home and slept with him.
She lives below me. I hear everything.
What? You spy on people?
- Spy? No, this was a special case.
An incredible story.
I'll tell you about it. - Go on.
On the night of the funeral,
I was in the bathroom.
I was shampooing my head.
To wash it, I went underwater.
- Yes?
And so, immersed, I heard everything.
You could hear all from downstairs.
Underwater, you heard everything?
- Yes, noises, voices!
The sound was dilated
but I heard everything.
What a strange phenomenon.
What did you hear? - So, at one point,
I heard her crying,
and he was consoling her.
She was crying and he was consoling her.
Then, all of a sudden,
shhh, a great silence.
A great silence? They were asleep?
- Right, they were asleep!
After a while the bed started going
cri-cri, cri-cri, cri-cri. - A cricket?
A cricket? It was the bed moving!
- Thee bed moving?
And why was the bed moving?
- You want me to tell you, Monsignor?
It moves because someone moves it.
Got it? - I get it! They were exercising!
Yes, when a widow come back
from a funeral, she exercises!
They were fucking.
- Donatella!
While the bed was moving,
what did the widow say?
Ah, she was panting! Moaning!
What did she say?
- "I said no… No! What are you doing?"
"Ah! No! What are you doing? What are
you doing? No! What are you doing?"
What are you doing, Monsignor?
- Nothing.
Mamma mia, I felt that!
- Of course. Let me do it.
But you can't!
- I can, I can.
Here, like this.
- Like what?
Lift your leg.
- Which one? - Go on.
Stretch out your body.
- Fine, fine, fine!
Come on! - Like this?
- Yes. - How? - Like that.
But… why?
- Relax now.
I'm relaxed but what's going on?
- Good, like that. - No, no, no…
Is it OK?
Is it OK? - I don't know.
- Is that better?
I don't understand!
- You like that?
My God! I'm trembling all over!
But what happened?
- Nothing. Nothing happened.
Nothing? - No.
- How?
He says,"Lift your leg, do this, do that."
I was a fool!
But one doesn't act so treacherously!
Do you understand?
You could've asked, no?
Drink some water,
it'll do you good, Miss.
After what happened,
you're being formal?
That's absurd.
- I don't think it's absurd.
Quite the contrary.
If you reflect well,
nothing happened that
I should drop formalities.
What? I don't understand.
You see, Miss,
if a man and a woman like us,
for example,
are trapped in an elevator…
… at the same time, they are
also deprived of their free will.
Which means? - They can't make
free decisions over their actions.
Which are?
- Let's put the case that a man
feeling threatened by
the call of the senses,
can he use, like in our case,
his free will to get out of the elevator?
No. - And the lady?
- No.
Well then, what significance, Miss,
can an act have which happened
against the will of those concerned?
- Oh, I see.
It's as if it didn't even happen.
- Not "as if."
You should be convinced
that it didn't happen at all.
It didn't happen?
- No!
Now, my dear girl,
let's continue being on formal terms.
Since no sin happened,
I absolve you from any penance.
This is my address:
15 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
And there's my number. See?
Then I can come visit you, eh?
No. On the contrary.
You see, Miss,
I gave you my card…
… just to test you.
When you leave this elevator,
you will regain your free will
and be mistress of your actions.
If you were to visit me at home,
out of your own spontaneous will,
and I fell into temptation then
and only then,
we can say it really happened
and that we sinned.
I understand.
- On the other hand,
if you resist, it'll be a victory
of the spirit over the flesh,
and for me, an immense pleasure
to have given you this lesson.
12 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
If my sister answers the phone, you say,
"I'll leave you my name and
the Monsignor will call me back. OK?"
Elevator?
- Yes! Who is it?
The doorman next door!
Mrs. Adami called me!
Thank you, dear! Is it fixed?
The elevator is working! Push the button!
Good! We'll go up to your
place then I'll come down.
What are you doing, Miss?
Why don't you get dressed?
You coming out naked? That's indecent.
Goodbye, Monsignor.
- Goodbye, Miss Donatella.
12 Via Buonarroti, block B, number 8.
- OK.
Telephone: 68-36-14.
What do you want?
And you couldn't come and
see why I wasn't answering?
I was here.
But I couldn't answer because
I was trapped in the elevator!
With a Monsignor.
Why are you laughing, idiot?
It was a very important experience.
I've never spoke to a modern priest before.
In a certain sense, nothing happened.
In another sense, everything happened.
No, don't come!
Tonight, I've decided to end it.
I'm going to use my free will.
I'm not trapped in the elevator,
so I can meet up with you.
So, I won't come.
Bye.
Here, Monsignor.
- Hush! Don't call me Monsignor!
Why?
- She hears everything!
Miss Donatella, who lives upstairs.
She listens to everything
that happens here.
She goes to the bathroom,
puts her head under water
and she hears dilated all the noises.
She hears the squeaking of the bed.
- No! - No? Time to change the bed!
Tell me one thing,
with her in the elevator, what happened?
Nothing.
Nothing happened.
English subtitles by sineintegral@KG