Que Pena Tu Vida (2010) - full transcript

How was my
relationship with Sofia?

let's see...

Javier

Javier and Sofia?

They're a pain!

Where do I start?

I hate people that say
that Mexico City is a shitty place

How are they not going to say that
when we are drowning in smog

There are many pretty days when
we can even see the volcanos

Yes, very pretty...

But what can you tell me
about traffic.



I feel like I've spent more than
half of my life in a car.

It's like that in every major city,
but this city is beautiful!

As modern as any other,
and as ancient as it's roots.

Besides, at the end everyone looks
at their city they way they want to.

In spite of its bullshit,
I love my city!

In spite of its bullshit,
I love my city?

When did you
become a poet?

I don't know, maybe what I love
the most about this city...

it's that you live here

Yeah right Javier!

Sofia...

I know we've only been dating
for a couple weeks but....

I love you

Thank you



I really have to go,
I'm late

I'll see you later?... ciao

Taxi!

I told her I love you

I told you to wait
for three months

I couldn't wait

Don't be so intense, stop stalking
her for a few days

But I know she feels the same

F·%K MY LIFE

F·%K MY LIFE

It's been scientifically proven
that we all have a soul mate

And how can you scientifically
prove something like that?

When I met Sofia, I was sure
I had found my soul mate

Let's see

How did I meet Sofia?

We met at a campaign I made
for the publicity agency

Javier

Yes

Everything all right?

Great! Good, good

I have good news for you

What do you mean?

Come to my office

I got promoted to
Social Media Platform Director

with all its benefits

It carries your style

Youthful but classy

I don't see you with a different one

Listen to me,
I'm a publicist

so don't come up
with those lines

No, I was just saying because
of your shirt

they are the same color

This is the one!

I'm taking it with me

What do you think?

Well, it's a little expensive
for its size...

Don't you think?

It doesn't matter
where you work,

your lifestyle is what
gives you the status

Don't use those slogans on me,

I make a living out of them

When will it be ready?

Two months

We met while shooting
a stupid video clip

I made for the advertising agency
Javier used to work for.

She checked me out
the moment I walked in

He was so creepy... seriously!

At the end, when everything was over,
she came up to me and...

nothing, she just gave me her number

Obviously,
I wasn't going to give him my number!

I told her
I had a lot of work

and that I don't pick up the phone
during business hours...

so I just gave her my email.

I gave him my email address
just so he would leave me alone.

One day he wrote me an email

and asked me to go
to a party with him.

I said I couldn't go,

but he insisted and begged me,
and begged me,

until I got sick of it
and I said yes.

I agreed to go out with him

Four?

Are you alive?

Hey... so.... How was it?

How was what?

Last night

Us

Where is the bathroom?

Out the door,
all the way down the hall

Oh my god, oh my god,
oh my god,

What happened?

Nothing, just that
the cleaning lady is out there

Who?

The cleaning lady,
she is out there

We don't have
a cleaning lady

Poopy

Damn... It's my mother!

You live with your mother?

Did you say my mom looks
like a maid?

She was wearing some random clothes
and she was cleaning

She takes yoga classes

Mom,
what are you doing here?

Hey! As far as I know,
this is my house

Aren't you going to introduce me
to your friend?

No

I'm sorry

Hi, I,
I'm Sofia

Hi, I'm Patricia

Don't you worry,
I'm very modern

Actually, I'm very glad that Poopy
found someone

because he's been dry for
I don't know how long,

if you know what I mean.

She perfectly understands.
Can you please leave us alone!

Don't be a brat

Uish! it smells horrible in here,
we need to air it

It smells like..... youth!

What a mess,
this is so messy, oh my god!

Mom, leave it!
I'll clean up later.

Just leave it mom!

Oh my God!

Hey!

One, two...

Mom, leave it!

Three...

Four!

My poopy is a bull right?

Can you leave now?

Did you already asked your friend
to stay for breakfast?

No! No, no, no, no, I.... can't

In this house we like to treat
our visits very good

Leave her alone!
She has stuff to do

Don't contradict me,
I am you mother

I gave birth to you...
with a lot pain

Go ahead start,
don't wait for me

I was told
in my cooking class

that the best cure for a hang over
is orange juice and asparagus.

And where are the asparagus?

Thanks Ma'am

Oh no, no! Come on, please
don't call me Ma'am,

call me Paty, Sofi.

Ok!

Cooking class?
Weren't you taking yoga classes?

Yes!
But that was before, Poopy

Now, I want to be
a macrobiotic food chef.

Poopy? Why do call him Poopy?

Well, because when...

Mom!

What?

When he was little,
his elementary school classmates

gave him that nickname because

he would always do it in class.

He would always do what?

Well, poop,
That's why ...Poopy

Oh! Got it

Isn't he the most
beautiful thing you've ever seen?

Check this! Lucky you!

Yes! All protein

Well, I guess you're never
going to want to see me again

but let me tell you that
four times is a record.

Four times what?

Us! Four times.

Javier,
we only did it once... if any

And why were there
four condoms open?

Nooo

Well, how was THE one time?

I like you

You like me!

Look,
I swear if we do it again,

I'm going to be more gentle

Javier! I really have to go

Ok, bye

Bye

Take care, ok?

"I want to tell you something,
I like you"

I like you?
I'm an idiot!

Yes?

I have a boyfriend.

We are on a break,
but I have a boyfriend

Look, last night it wasn't bad,
it wasn't, but...

it wasn't very good

It was... ok

Ok ...is good or bad?

Look,
if I break up with this boyfriend,

I would like for us
to keep seeing each other

and maybe, practicing,

this OK can turn
into something ... incredible

So, do you want me to ask you
out to lunch?

I'll call you

Yeah right, I know that one.
You'll call me, sure...

I mean it! I'll call you.
Don't be so desperate.

Bye

Ciao

Poopy!

We lasted....
About a year and a half

Two years!

Two and a half years.

Well, he counts the six months

I was studying dance abroad
but that doesn’t count!

I think that this whole thing
about breaking up...

it kind of had me a little
over my head.

The number you have dialed
has been changed

The number you have dialed
has been changed

Sofia!

Sofia! Open the god damn door
I'm outside!

Sofia?

No you idiot!
It's Andrea

What do you want?

Where are you?
I asked him

Outside her house

Get out of there right now!

I can't,
I have to talk to her in person

To me,
Andrea it's like a dude with boobs

To me,
Javier is like a girl, with balls

She adores me!

You're aware that I'm the one

that will be left
picking up your pieces

when you're crying right?

Bye Andrea

Don't you dare hang up on me!

and he did!

Sofia! I know you're in there,
I can see your car

Sofia stop bugging your neighbors!

Is this what you wanted?

Do you like this?

It's yours?

It looks exactly like my ex's

We broke up and...

I'm sorry

I couldn't care less!

Give me your cellphone!

I normally don't give it to strangers,
but it's 5622

You are an idiot!

Give me your cellphone

and I'll give it back to you
after you pay me

No

What are you doing?

Let me go!

Where are you going?

What is it that I liked the most
about Javier?

Well, he was caring, very funny...

He was also insecure, jealous

I loved him

Until he broke up with me

I got scared

And now you want to
get back together!

I don't know what happened

Listen, you do remember that
I loved you right?

And that I would've gone
anywhere with you.

Please forgive me
I learned my lesson!

Sofia I realized that you are
the most important thing to me

and that we have to be together

But you just said you loved me!

Yes!
And I also said that not any more

Javier please!

Sofia, give me a kiss

- No! What is wrong with you?
- Give me a kiss

Let go of me!

Good evening

Is there something wrong?

No officer, we are just talking

Mmm...what were you talking about?

Well, personal stuff
that doesn't concern you,

So if you please excuse us

There is nothing
happening in here.

If nothing is happening,
why are you teary-eyed?

And if you are teary-eyed

its because
something is happening

but, if you say
nothing is happening

and you have teary eyes,

then you're doing drugs

Of course not,
Officer of course not!

Please,
get out of the vehicle

- Officer, there is no need...
- Turn around

Turn around

What do you pretend
young man?

What happens is that earlier
someone tore my pants

That is against people's dignity.

That is what they did to me!

Who?

It doesn't matter,
it doesn't matter

Go and press charges...

and... lift your pants

That's it?

You can go home now.

And be thankful that
I'm not arresting you

for exposing yourself
indecently in public

Thank you

What's wrong?

Did you know that
when you broke up with me

I spent a whole day
locked in my room

just crying non-stop...

until I fainted?

No

See? That's why
we have to be together

You never cared
about my world,

my job, or my family

No, no , that's not true,
it isn't true!

Ok, ok!

What is my dad's name?

Sofia, come on,

how will I not know
your dad's name!

Javier!
What's my dad's name?

I have more of a visual memory,

I'm not good with names,
names...are...

This can't be real,
you saw him like ten times!

We spent two
Christmases with him!

Well you're ... ok...

I don't know
your dad's name,

but that
doesn't mean anything!

Whatever is important to me
doesn't mean anything to you!

God!

I know you are
not doing ok

I get it... I get it

I don't have to know!

Erase me from twitter,

Facebook, instagram,
everything, please!

Are you ok babe?

Who is that?

She started dating
Paul Izquierdo

The famous singer

Just picture this;
You break up with your girlfriend

and she starts dating a guy
that is a mix between

Hugh Grant, that Fobia singer,
and a bit of Juanes...

That is Paul Izquierdo

I met Paul right after
I broke up with Javier

Uh...

They asked me

If I wanted to be
in his new music video

Take it

What is this?

It's your stuff

You left them at my place

I don't want them

Javier... I just hope...

That you and I can be friends

No thank you,
I already have enough

I know what I did
was wrong

But I was confused

[Delete all photos]

[Yes]

I decided to reflect upon myself

It was a period of..

It was an introspective period,

Serenity,

Peace

Francisca! Hey!

What are you doing tonight?

Your grandma?

What about later?

Tomorrow?
I don't know... some breakfast?

You have a boyfriend!

Why didn't you tell me that
in the first place?

You are a bitch!

♪ You are a bitch! ♪

♪ I have a boyfriend,
but I threw my undies ♪

And she even...

I can't hear you dude

I don't hear anything dude

Fuck!

I'm saying that bitch got mad

Because I didn't remember
her dad's name!

With me is the exact opposite,

I'm really good with names
but I get confused with faces

He is the most annoying person
that's ever been to this bar

And let me tell you we get a lot...
even politicians!

That idiot started telling me

Of his fucking love life
with Juliet...

Sofia?

Sofia, Juliet... like I cared.

Where do people get
that the barman

is here to listen
to their pathetic stories?

No, no, I know you didn't

give me your number,

your friend did.

Hello?

So when are you free?

What are you doing on Sunday?
Going to Mass?

I'm sorry I swear to God
I thought you were an atheist!

Dude we're closed!

Good for you,
I'm happy that a cheap singer

Finally got you a job
as a dancer.

You don't think that

I thought the worst part
was over

But no

Everything alright?

Good, good...

I'm glad
Good news

I want you
to be in charge of

the new campaign
for Paul Izquierdo

We got the account!

I want you to do
a digital media proposal

I know its great!
Give me five!

I'll count on you

So now I had to boost
the image of the guy

that was dating Sofia

Paul,
I'm so happy that we are online,

Honestly,
we are very excited to show you

The digital platform campaign.
So whenever you are ready!

Thank you so much.
I'm really excited to see it

Shall we start?

Please

Javier

Javier,
can you show it to us?

Paul Izquierdo!

How can we define Paul Izquierdo?

As a sex symbol that
takes advantage

Of vulnerable unbalanced women

Javier!
The campaign

The campaign

Paul Izquierdo uses
anti wrinkle cream every day

He also likes to wear
fashionable clothes

He uses his fame to get girls

that are at least 10 years
younger than him

What is this shit?

What does this mean?

What's important here is that

We need to sell
lots of records, right?

That's why the campaign
needs to be aggressive,

And that way everyone
will know that

Paul Izquierdo likes to steal
other men's girlfriends...

Hey!
Silence!

I'm so sorry Paul!
this has never happened before

Why don't you go outside
and take some air?

Anyhow, Paul Izquierdo
is The Old Hipster

That we all carry inside.

Who is that guy?

I'm so sorry

Why don't we try to
relax a little bit

[Share Campaing]

Why did you do that asshole?

I am the Social Media Director

You were

What do you mean?

Unemployed? No

I had free time to read,
draw some of my comics

I think it was good for me.

Seriously?

You still have your ex's
stuffed animals?

First, you have to throw
all this mess away

You do realize that you
can't live like this?

Why not?
I like it

Although... the bank seems
not to like it that much

Look

Javier!
When did you spend all this money?

That is a very good question

Ok and...
how is the job hunt doing?

Did you see this wonderful thing?

What?

Javier!
Why do you torture yourself like this?

Javier!

Javier!

Shh!! Wait this is the best part

Hey I was looking at it

Come here!

What you need is called oxygen

So come on
Get dressed, lets go

Come on!

Coming!

[Civil Status: Widowed]

I just saw your widow status...
are you single?

Seriously?
You just can't be offline for a minute

My ex ex,
just sent me a message

Mariana the pig?

Hey!,
She had a thyroid condition

Let me see
her profile picture

Let me see

Is this for real?

Is this her profile picture?

A flower

I mean,
whom do they want to fool?

The fat ones

They always use flowers
or little bears as profile pictures

Like we were going to forget
that they're fat

I would always come here
with Sofia

You only want
to get back together with her

because you can't have her,

And just for the record
that isn't love,

you are obsessed

Whim

Tantrum

I'm so over this

I have to go

Javier promise me something,

You are not going to go out tonight

Ok I'm out,
you're too bitter

Looks like tonight
is a bit dead

Dude it's Sunday
what did you expect?

And who says we can't party
on a Sunday?

On Sundays only losers come

Of course that
has nothing to do with you

What are you waiting for?
Go for it!

No, I think she is waiting
for her boyfriend

What boyfriend?

I'm sure she is a cougar
in search of fresh meat

If I were you...

What?

You're kidding

Lorena was the typical
forty something year old

with an existential crisis.

She had just split after
many years of being married

I like it.
Interesting...

What?

Why don't you come home
with me?

I want to show you something
that I think you're going to love

Ok

Wish me luck

Yeah, sure,
Get the fuck out of here

Come in

Nice place

That's the only good thing
that my ex left me

Some music?

Ok

Do you like jazz?

I love it! Sure,
I love jazz

It kills me

I have always loved Jazz

Do you mind if
I send a quick email?

Sure

Work, you know...

But yeah,
I mean jazz is great

I've love it since I was a kid,
because...

[Jazz is a music genre
that originated in the United States]

It's a musical genre
that came up in the United States

at the end of
the nineteenth century,

And what I love about it,
it's that is a fusion

between blues and ragtime

which makes music
to be like a fusion...

And for me Louis Armstrong
it's a big one!

Really, a big one.... yes...

Is that the number two edition
of The Lost Island?

Really?

Wow!

Since when do you like comics?

Since I was little

I went to school for advertising,

but my dream has
always been to draw comics

My ex works at an editorial

He has an enormous collection
of these little magazines

Are you serious?

Do you think that maybe
I could have a word with him

about this project...

Come with me

Here it is!

Wow!

Wow!
This is worth a fortune

There are more here

You can have them

Are you serious?

Sure, they're all yours

What are you doing?
No, don't open it!

Why?

What do you mean why?
You just don't do it!

What?

I've been wanting to do this
for a long time

Lorena, calm down!
Please!

You always preferred

your stupid magazines over me!

Here are your stupid magazines!

Look!

I feel so liberated

So things started to
heat up a bit

Is all of this necessary?

Does it bother you?

Hum, no

It's just... the camera...
are you sure?

Come on!

Which other way would I keep
the memory of this moment?

Ok
but don't put this on YouTube

Seriously

You like it?

Yes, it's... ouch...

It hurts a bit but yes I like it

- Yeah?
- Yes

Do you enjoy
watching me in your bed,

with a complete stranger?

With an asshole that
I picked up at a bar

Hey! I'm here

Ramon, call the cops

and please pick up my comics

How nice!

Oh yes, keep talking to me

- Yeah, I love it!
- You like it? You like it?

My love!

Again?

Sr. this has an explanation

Lorena, you and I already broke up

No! You and I are not over

If you hadn't left
with your slutty secretary,

You and I'd still be together

This is the third time
that you break into my house

Baby,
I am incapable of hurting you

He threw away your comics

That's not true

Shhh!! Shut up,
shut up, shut up!

And you have no idea!

He tried to rape me!

How is it that
I tried to rape you,

if I am tied up like a pig?

That's why I tied him up

Lorena, listen to me.
You can't get close to me,

you can't be near my house

- Baby please!
- I am not your baby

Please understand!
You and I are soul mates

- Lorena, please
- You and I are one

- Lorena, this is not funny,
- It's not funny?

One cannot do
crazy things for love

Thanks for coming
to get me mom

Do you realize what time it is?

I have to get up early tomorrow
for my floriculture class

and here I am
getting you out of jail!

Mom, don't overreact!

I told you
it was a misunderstanding

with the apartment owner.

Floriculture class?
Now you want to be a florist?

And what do you care
if I want to be a florist?

What do you...

Honestly I don't know
what am I going to do with you

Now it turns out
that my son is a rapist!

Don't overreact!

Ah! What happened?

Good evening!

Good evening!

Police Commissioner
Rafael Pérez at your service

I'm sorry to inform that you
just hit a patrol car

I'm so sorry officer,
did I hurt you?

No, nothing happened
We were lucky

It's just... that...
I didn't see you

You know how us
women can be

Yes, yes, easily distracted

and passionate

Excuse me officer but...

You have a lovely mustache

Thank you

I don't mean to brag
but only from Commissioner up,

we can pull it off.

Have you noticed how bad
patrolmen look with it?

It looks wonderful on you

Well, at least you banged
the crazy comics lady right?

No

Then, how long
it's been since you...

Are you ok?

It was only one time
Like a thousand years ago...

at the prom and I was wasted

Let's see...
Javier in bed was...

So after that...

Things started to get
romantic and...

He made some really
funny noises

like...

Something like that

I got it ok...stop!

Shut up! I got it!
Enough!

I don't know...

8 months...

Poor baby

That's why you seem
stronger here

Yes?

And... did you already break
your wrist from...

Stop it!

When was
the last time that you...?

I'm not answering that...

You're seeing someone!

Of curse not

Did you get back together
with "Tiger"?

Javier!

Gross!

Nobody calls him "Tiger"
Only you

And only because
one time he said

- What's up tiger?

I mean, calling someone tiger
is much worse than saying

Hi pops! Hello papo!
What's up my paps....

I mean who talks like that?
Come on!

No, I didn't get back
together with him

We just randomly
see each other

I can't believe it!
You are the tiger's fuck buddy

We are two grown ups,

who sometimes need
physical contac,

without getting
any feelings involved

Basically, a fuck buddy

Here it is

Hey!

Fast and Furious 8?

Who's birthday it is?

How do you know that?

Because you always
give DVDs as a birthday present

Who is it?

Give it back!

Who's?

Anthony's

Who is Anthony?

Tiger

On top of everything
the "Tiger's" name is Tony?

Andrea!
He is not good for you.

Do you remember
he cheated on you with your friend?

Well, yes...
but they didn't know I knew

He likes Fast and Furious?

What's wrong with you?
Are you jealous or what?

No I'm not

Then take it down a notch

And... come with me tonight
to his birthday party

I'll pick you up at ten

No!
Javier pick whatever you want...

But, you used to enjoy
watching cartoons with me

Look, this is the critic's choice
for movie of the year

David Lynch?
Who wants to see that?

Well, someone who only
watches cartoons clearly not.

Or who is always drawing,

Or loves a man that slings
spider webs to everyone...

Don't be superficial...

besides,
it lasts like three hours!

Javier!
Not everything is a commercial!

Not everything lasts
thirty seconds

Although lately...you do

Well, we had our differences

What did I like the most
about my relationship with Sofia?

Everything

We were the perfect couple

I loved to make her laugh

I liked that she was
more educated than me

I liked that she wasn't
afraid to play

She fulfilled all
of my stupid fantasies

All of them!

But more than anything

I loved dancing with her

Anywhere

I loved Sofia, but

but where were we heading?

To get married?

To smell our farts
until the day we died?

I think I was
very happy with Sofia,

But I didn’t realized

I don't know why did
I let you convince me

Come on!
It's going to be fun

Andy!

Hi!

I'm glad you came

Happy Birthday!

Thanks!

What's up tiger?

How are you?
Huh? Huh?

What's up pops,
paps, dude?

Welcome, please come in!
Feel at home,

I mean my parents
are gone for the weekend

So I'm home alone.

Seriously?

And how is it going?

Good, great!

The typical brat
that plays golf

And has a weekend house
in the suburbs,

Honestly I have no idea
what was it that Andrea saw in him

Hey look!

Let me introduce you to
Teresa Lascurain Arrigunaga

His girlfriend

Honey,
this is Andrea Robles

Oh, Pinocchio?

Yes

What?

She is cute!

Her nose is not as big
as you said it was

It is! You can tell better
when she smiles

But she has pretty eyes

Well, you haven't seen
her face from the side

Look, smile!

Move backwards a bit

Smile!

She looks like a
little toucan from here

Right! Like a touca...

Smile, smile so we can tell,

because you can see...
it's true!

Toucan, Pinocchio, yeah...

- Smile!
- Smile!

Shut up!

No! I don't have
that big of a nose!

What happens is
that I have a small face.

I was told by a Doctor

Happy Birthday my love

Thanks baby

Wow!

The full Fast and Furious collection!

In Blu Ray!

Oh my god!
You are the best!

What did you bring him?

No, I don't do gifts

Pinocchio,
what about the DV...

It's ok,
I also have a big nose

And I say it strengthens
your personality

I felt like if I was on Avatar
next to the 10ft bitch!

I mean she is pretty
but whatever

Besides!
Who does she think she is?

Introducing herself
as his girlfriend!

Calm down!

You said that things
were not serious with him

Thanks for coming with me
to my humiliation night

My pleasure

You are so dumb

And... what are you doing
this weekend?

Mmm... Nothing,
I'm unemployed.

Do you want to come
with me to this event?

- They hired me as a hostess
- No thanks!

- Come on!
- No

I'll give you free beers!
As many as you want

Ok, I'm in

Do you want to go grab
a beer at a bar?

Right now?
No

No!
What is wrong with you?

I have to get up
early tomorrow

Too bad!
I was thinking

we could grab a beer
and maybe after that

we could hit first base,
then second...

Javier!

Then, maybe third...
Why not?

- Ugh!
- What?

There is no chance that

I'm going to be your
emergency rebound, no way

Well, I tried! I tried!
You never know...

You know what?
Get out of here!

- Grose! Out! Now!
- I've been kicked out of better cars

Please! You're disgusting
Idiot!

Hey!

Take a picture so it lasts longer
in your memory. Asshole

Ursula!

It's Javier Fernandez?
Do you remember me?

We worked together at
Concept Advertising.

Social Media Director
No?

Ursula?

Ursula de la Cuesta

She has something off.

She would get stuck
and we would have to re-set her

so she would snap out of it

Weird, weird

Ursula, are you ok?

Javier Fernandez!
Do you remember me?

We worked at the agency,
at Concept Advertising

Of course I remember you,
what a coincidence!

Yes

What are you doing here?

I was supposed to
meet a date

but he canceled on me
because his wife is at the hospital...

Giving birth.

Should we get a drink?

I hate it!
What do you hate? Tell me

I hate people who use hands-free

and talk on the phone
while they are walking

Oh, because they look like
crazy people?

Exactly!

Like schizophrenics

Exactly just like that!

I hate poor people

What?

I know it's not politically correct

How?

They have bad manners

The other day this guy...

you can't tell but these boobs
are not mine

I mean, they are,
but I bought them.

He turns to see them,

That asshole
that I'm telling you about,

and he is just staring at them...

It was so uncomfortable
that I had to let him touch them.

You let him touch them?

Yes Javier!

It's just skin

and in this case, the skin is plastic

Do you want to touch them?

Here?

Yes

So you can prove they feel real

How dare you
squeeze my boobs?

I'm ... sorry

I said touching!
That is very different from squeezing

It's just that you said to...

You know what,
I don't hate poor people

I hate guys that stare
my cleavage like idiots

Do you want to touch?

Hum..

No...

Are you sure?

Yes, yes, yes

Look who is here?

I don't know, I don't know him

Yes you do know him!

Are you getting the car?

Yes

I'll get it in a bit

What the fuck,
they're following us

Hi Sofia

Oh, Hi Javier

Javier!

Sure, I've heard
a lot of you from Sofia.

By the way, thank you so much

for uploading the campaign
to social media,

it's been a hit!

World trending topic!
Right babe?

Yeah crazy

Hi Paul

Hi

I'm a fan

How are you?

I have all two of your records

Well, I have over ten of them
but thanks

I'll buy the ones I'm missing

Can we talk? Alone?

Now?

Hum, ok, yes

Are you sure puppy?

Yes

I'll be right there

What are you doing here?
Hum, puppy?

What do you mean
what I'm doing here?

Seriously,
stop following me!

Javier, what are you talking about?
You're crazy!

I'm not following you,
It was a coincidence.

I used to come to this bar.

That's what I mean

Baby the car is ready,
should we leave?

Yes
Good bye

You two disgust me!

What did you say?

That you two disgust me!

How dare you talking to me like that?

You know something;

you can keep
all the fucking bars in this city,

get wasted and find someone....

that loves you like I did.

I didn't know you were
such a good singer

Ursula was such a
hypocrite, superficial, racist,

she would get stuck...

but she was really hot

Move harder Paul!

Wait!
Did you call me Paul?

Yes, what's wrong?

Nothing!, nothing

You can call me
whatever you like

Now sing

What?

Sing to me Paul!
Sing to me Paul!

What happened?

Those are not
the right lyrics!

You can't trust in the use
of condoms anymore

You're on the pill right?

No!
They make me feel bloated

Then,
what are we going to do?

I don't know about you,
but I can't have any more abortions

How many times
has this happened to you?

Many! I'm really fertile,

I step on a condom
and I get pregnant.

Maybe the time has come
for me to be a mother

I know I haven't had
a steady income

and that I'm a little
behind with my payments...

You are telling me
that the bank is in a crisis?

And how do you think
I find myself?

No!
Please don't put the music!

One hundred and
fifty thousand

But I paid over four hundred
thousand for it

This particular blue
it's not selling very well

Well but it is elegant,
youthful but stylish

I'm a car salesman.
Don't use that on me

[No jobs found]

I get it!
I owe you a lot of money

and I don't have a job but...

l have a question for you,

If you take the apartment
away from me,

Where am I going to live?

[No jobs found]

One hundred and
forty thousand, cash.

What do you want
to drink dude?

Can you give me a beer
and I'll pay you later

You know what's your problem?

You always want to pick up girls
in ridiculous places like this,

I hate those fucking brats!

I'm done with my shift

and I'm going to a real club,

with real girls,
not like these ones!

Do you wanna come?

Here you go my love

So?

Let's go to
the dancefloor,

I want to see
those tits bounce

Come on!
Naughty girl!

Baby I love your hair!
So smooth

Do you want a blowjob?

What?

You want me to
give you a blowjob?

I give a really good one

- Ok, sure
- Ok let's do it!

What the fuck? Gross!

This fucking fat ass
just puked on me

One can't get sick
without being insulted

What did you just call her?

What she is...
A fucking fat ass

- Are you sure asshole?
- Calm down bitch

Bitch?

Dude run for your life!

Wait for me!
Wait for me!

Hurry up you idiot!

Dude Wait for me!
Wait!

Let's get out of here!

Fucking assholes!

Javier!

Javier!

Javier!

Come here!

Hi

Andrea?

Yes

I thought you were
a hostess

I am!

Don't make fun of me!

You went out
last night didn't you?

You look like shit

No, I didn't

Yes, you did

Can I go in and grab a drink?

It's just that it's
a private event,

but I can get you
anything to drink.

Besides, you said
you were going to keep me company

Do you want me to stay here?

Come on, I'm only grabbing
something to drink

and I'll be right back

Please!

Ok

But don't take too long

Hurry!

I'll be right back

I'll be waiting...

Hi!

Hi!

I haven't seen you in forever!

How are you... doing?

Mmm, What is my name?

I'm really bad with names,
I have more of a visual memory...

Come on!

I know it's really awkward
to run into your ex...

Right, Poopy?

Mariana?

Mariana? Mariana the fa..

Mariana?

Mariana and I dated for like a year

Basically we only watched TV

and ate

What happened to you?

Did you put a balloon in your stomach?
Cut your intestines?

No, nothing like that
No ugly details...

But you were
a super gluttoness

Where did you go?

One minute,
just one minute...hold on

My ex ex is here!

Mariana the pig?

And how did she fit
through the door? Haha

And why did you split?

Raul is a good guy

but his aura and mine

were not vibrating
at the same frequency

He is very different from you

Different? How?

Raul is very serious,

not like you.

You are very hippie and
love doing drugs and stuff

I don't do drugs!

Just because
the only day I smoked pot

your dad had to walk on me
and kicked me out!

Poopy, after everything
we've been through

we trust each other right?

And I miss things...

Seeing you got me hungry

Where are you?
My shift is over

I am waiting for you

Hold on! Wait!

What?

Do you want to do it or not?

I really want to do it!

It's just that I would always
do it with Raul from the front

And I wanted to see if with you,

Wait! Wait!

I don't want you to hit it
with your thing

Hit whom?

I'm three months pregnant

Why didn't you tell me that before?

It's just that I got pregnant
on the last time with Raul...

and these hormones
get me really horny!

No Poopy! Poopy!
What are you doing?

The Dr. said that
it's ok for me to have sex,

that I won't get pregnant again.

We can do it without a condom

Are you serious?

Mariana, no!
You're crazy!

Poopy!

You are crazy!

Poopy don't leave!
Please!

Poopy! Poopy!

I looked
everywhere for you

And you didn't reply
to any of my calls or texts

My phone was off

Do you think
I'm stupid or what?

What happens
is that every time

that you see a moving vagina
you forget about everything else!

You left me alone!

Andrea if you would've been
with someone,

I wouldn't have cared.

If I would've wanted to go
with someone,

I wouldn't have done it,

because I said
I was leaving with you

Because that's what friends do!
And you didn't give a fuck

I was gone
only for a little while

You do realize?

What?

That I'm always
the last thing on your mind,

and you are always
the first thing on mine.

I honestly
don't know why am I

even friends with someone

as immature and selfish as you.

Come on relax
You are jealous

What did you just said?

That you are jealous
because I ran into my ex

Get out!

What?

Get out of my car!

And how am I
supposed to get home?

Get an UBER

Or even better,
call your fat ex girlfriend

She's skinny now
She even looks hot

I don’t give a fuck
Get out of my car Now!

Andrea! Andrea!
Come...

Hey!

Do you think you may know
somewhere I could stay?

They're remodeling
my loft and

I really don't want to
crash at my moms place.

Why don't you
stay with me?

We are already five
but I have an extra room

that I can rent you.

Are you serious?

Of course dude!!

Cool!

This is the best room
in the house

It blocks the noise,

light doesn't bother
you in the mornings,

it's really comfortable
What do you think?

You have a pipe there
so you can work out

or if you want to turn it
into an urban closet...

that's a very
popular style now

What do you think?

It has its own bathroom

you just have to
clean it up a bit

Its great! I wanted this room
for myself but well...No.

Ok let's see

We are all set

Oh I forgot,

that door upstairs
it locks on the outside

if you want to leave
just give me a call

and I'll come and open it for you
if I have a chance. Ok?

Cheer up!
Change that face!

Everything
is going to be ok dude!

You have a home now!

Actually,
I'm going to go

buy some
cold beer to celebrate!

Are you serious?

Of course!
Sure!

I really like you
mother fucker!

Hey dude

do you mind lending me
some money for the beers?

Sure, ok, sure

Two hundred?

You don't want any?

That's ok, leave it like this.
I get it!

To cheer you up!

You're really cool man!

Don't touch me asshole!

Sorry

Respect

Changing subjects

Have you ever played the game...

"hide it in the mouth"?

No, what is that?

It's really stupid.

So I was in jail for a while

and we would always play
"hide it in the mouth"

Hide what?

Hide it man, in the mouth

Is that a joke?

No dude,
I'm serious

Are you grossed out
or what?

No! I respect all
preferences but...

but it's just not...
not... my thing

Hey!
Don't get confused dude!

I like women!
I fucking love women!

Licking their tits!
I love them!

But come on dude,

sometimes it's nice to
just "hide it in the mouth"

Sometimes!

No

Ok man,
if you think it's gross,

I'll start and then you go

No, thanks,
thanks, but...

- I should go
- Hey! Calm down!

I am not asking you
to give me a blowjob!

You're not?

No, it's the most
normal thing in the world

Put your pants down,
let's start

No!

Pull your pants down

No dude, no
I don't want to!

Pull your pants down!
Pull your pants down!

Pussy!

He is so ungrateful!

I took him in
as part of the group

I think he's not sure
about his sexuality

Andrea!

What are you doing here?

Andrea, I know you are not
talking to me

but, do you think
I could stay here just for a few days

I don't have
anywhere else to go

and this guy almost raped me.

Javier this is not
a good moment

What's up tiger?
How are you doing?

Hi

If you want you
can stay in the couch

tonight or for a few days

Hum, no thanks.
I don't want to interrupt

I'm watching you tiger!

Andrea,
what are you thinking?

Why are you messing around
with Tony the Tiger?

What is wrong with you?

Why do you care?

What do you mean
why do I care?

- Are you jealous?
- Of course I'm not jealous

Leave me alone!
This is my life

Leave
Now!

Go!

Mom?

Wait! Wait...
I'm going to get...

Mom

Mom

Mom?

Hi!
Why so much scandal?

I wanted to see
if I could spend the night?

Sure my love!
but, why so much scandal?

What is that patrol
doing outside?

I'm sorry
I'm leaving

No, no, no, don't overreact.

A woman my age
can still have a fulfilled sexual life

It's healthy!

This is Rafael,
Rafael this is my son Javier.

Rafael and I
have been seeing each other

Haven't we met?

No I don't think so, no

Rafael and I met
the night he hit my car

No, no, no, you hit me
my little lioness

No, you hit me
my little lion!

Stay put!

So how are you doing
in school poopy?

[Andrea Robles:
I'm so happy]

[Account deleted]

Fucking bitch!

You destroyed my life!

I hate you!

You are a bitch!

Fucking bitch!

SOS
When will you talk to me again?

This can't be!

I am Javier Fernandez
and I'm suffering so much

and my life is horrible!

I don't have a job,

I don't have a house,

I have no money!
I don't have anything!

I don't even
have a bike now

Why did you call me?

You want to hear that you are
right and that your life sucks?

Well not this time!

I am tired of picking up
your pieces all the time!

Because I have
a lot of problems too,

and I don't run around
complaining about it

all fucking day

Do you think that I studied
four years of classical theater

to end up being a stupid
greek costume at a party

I also owe a ton of money
to a lot of people

and I don't even know if I'm going to
be able to pay rent this month

But aside from you,
I know that things change.

You know
what's your problem?

You've never valued anything

Because you are selfish.

You are ungrateful

and you deserve
each and every one

of the things
that are happening to you.

Who is it?

Sofia it's me, Javier

Javier I'm not in the mood.

Please go

No, no... Sofia,
I'm just here for a minute

I came to say...

That I'm sorry

Are you ok?

I was an asshole to you

I'm sorry for
treating you the way I did

Thank you so much
for loving the way you did

while we were together

You more than anyone
deserve to be loved and happy

I have to let you go

I have to let go off you

You look so pretty

Thanks!

I hope the baby
looks like my poopy!

Mom,
I told you is not mine

I know!
But just in case

you guys decide
to get back together

I decided to give Raul
another chance

Who knows if it'll work

Picture time,
picture time!

Look who is here!

I want to see

Hey, that Paul Izquierdo
it's like a combination

between Hugh Grant,
the guy from Fobia

and a bit of Juanes
don't you think?

Yeah, more or less

You know what Poppy?
I think I'm going to go meet him too

Javier!
How are you doing?

Good and you?

Great, having a good time!
Thanks so much for having us

I'm glad you came

Yeah, great!

I want some,
Please!

Hold on

SOS....
Meet me at your favorite place

I can't believe he got back
together with that giant

I swear to you that he told me
they had broken up

But obviously he lied to me!
He lied to me!

I'm so stupid!

Are you going to be ok?

Yes, yes, I'm ok,
I'm good now

Hey,

I wanted to say I'm sorry
for what I said to you

I think I was
a little over my head

It's ok, you were right

Do you have
somewhere to go now?

No, why?

Well, the city
has grown so much.

It changes all the time

It's not like this is
the best city in the world

but here is my home.

My family is here,
my friends, memories,

and... You

Am I boring you?

One minute,
I'll be right there

Which one of you girlfriends
are you texting

at six in the morning?

Don't you get that
we hate when guys

text us when
they're drunk?

Even if you are not,

because of the time,
it seems that you are

Seriously this is not
a good time to be sending texts

What does this means?

That

You are like
every other man

You thought you
were going to loose me

and you got scared,
you got scared

I was afraid I was going
to loose my soul mate

I realized that...

I love you

I am also afraid to loose

my ex best friend

Do you mind
if I run and take a cab?

Don't be silly

Idiot

We are about to hit our
six month anniversary

And well,
we are doing alright

Cut!

Are we done?

Hey, what do mean....

Thanks so much for
helping me out

with my documentary class
my loves!

Mom what happened
with your hydroponic class?

Leave me alone!
Let me take that off of you

She has taken macrobiotic class,
Tae chi teacher, painting,

I know

Javier, let her.

Hey, what do you mean
that we are doing all right?

Aren't you happy?

Yes I am,
but sometimes

we get along great
and sometimes we don't.

why haven't you ever
taken me out to dance?

Why do you want to go dancing?

Why?
Don't you love dancing?

We said we were not going to get
jealous with the interviews

I'm not jealous Javier!

Mom the camera!

Where are you going?

Nowhere