Quand j'avais 5 ans je m'ai tué (1994) Movie Script

When I Was 5

I Killed Myself

Hello. My name is Gilbert Rembrant

but everyone calls me Gil.

At night, after everyone's in bed,

my horse Blacky comes to me.

He stands under my window.

I know he is there!

Because I can hear him,

a noise like the wind,

but it's not the wind.

And he smells of oranges.

When I ride on his back,

people think it's a boy on a bicycle,

riding in the night.

It's me and Blacky, galloping on...

until there are no more houses...

no more people,

until there is nobody,

no more schools,

nothing more.

The first time Blacky

came to me...

was when I was 5 years old.

The night I killed myself.

Do not worry, little one.

People die every day.

It's just like that, nothing.

Those are the rules.

Come on now, go to sleep.

Yes, when I was 5 years old

I killed myself.

Today I am 8 years, 3 quarters.

Almost 9.

I have just arrived at

the P?querettes Children's Home.

I'm here because of

what I did to Jessica.

The first person I met was

Madame Cochrane.

So ugly I want to puke!

She wears slacks,

even though she's old.

I'm in prison because

of what I did to Jessica.

Take your hands out of your pockets.

Ah! Hello, my little man.

Come in. Sit down.

What are you looking at?

Gil?

Ah! You hear the birds?

You'll see there are many here.

Why doesn't young Gil tell me

a little about himself?

What is his favorite activity?

What he enjoys most of all?

It's night.

Why'd you say that?

At night is when Blacky comes.

Is the night named Blacky?

At night after going to bed

Blacky comes to me,

and I jump out the window onto

Blacky's back and ride away.

We eat cookies with milk,

I dunk them.

Yes? And then?

I won't talk to you!

I think I can help find

what's bothering you,

and help you deal with it.

You're sick,

the sooner you let me help,

the sooner you'll feel better,

and the sooner you'll go home.

Want that?

I must run away!

And why?

My Dad is here.

But your parents have left.

No! It's not the same,

they came to tell me something.

They came to fetch me!

Sit down, please.

Gil! Would you sit down, please!

Tell me, is it Jessica

you're speaking of?

Don't think you have to

say hello or anything!

Okay. I'll say nothing.

Gil. Jessica is not here.

You want me to put

on the seatbelt?

Yes.

It don't hurt me!

Send me Cochrane.

Listen carefully, Gil.

Just say something about the little girl,

and you can return to your wing.

When did you see her the first time?

- In front of my home.

- Yes.

There was a lawn.

I wasn't even allowed to walk on it.

If you won't answer my questions,

I can't release you to go home.

You risk a very long stay.

- Shut up!

- What?

I'm not talking to you!

I repeat - Jessica is not here.

Shut up! Bastard! No!

Let me go!

Let me go! You're tickling me!

Let me go!

Take Mr. Rembrant to

the Quiet Room...

until he regains control of himself.

- You want help?

- No, we will go. Come on!

You know, Madam.

I can walk by myself!

Yes, yes, if you want, come on.

The first time I saw Jessica Wilson

was during the fire drill.

I'm just telling you

that I'm going home.

Jessica, back to your place!

No! I'm going home.

Jessica, come back here at once!

But if there is fire I prefer to

be at home with my parents.

So I'm going.

It's not a real fire, Jessica.

It's just a drill.

She had a very nice dress.

You can tell it was soft

just by looking at it.

That was the first time

I saw Jessica Wilson.

You can watch them for a moment.

I'll be right back.

Who's that saying goodbye to himself?

My name's Edouard.

It's not 'goodbye, goodbye,'

it's 'hello, hello.'

Why'd you do that?

Why'd you do it?

Why'd you do that?

Why'd you do it?

It's been a week now that

I've been in "The P?querettes."

I hate this place.

I'd like to kill it.

No, no, no!

Don't go!

I was just leaving.

Come take my place, my boy.

I'm going.

I am going from one moment to another.

You shouldn't sit on the floor

in your Sunday clothes.

You'll be punished.

How true!

And yet so far.

...because he wanted

to see time fly...

The new boy Gilbert Rembrant,

I don't know if we said,

but I want consistency

in his treatment.

I'll take care of him personally.

- This case is, uh, difficult.

- Difficult?

I think it is in his interest

we must avoid any interference.

Interference?

Listen, it's simple:

Don't take care of him.

I hope that in time we shall see

things a little more clearly.

- Hello Doctor Valmont.

- Hello, beautiful!

You have the folder for Gilbert Rembrant?

You shouldn't do that.

Come on, don't be bad. Ouch!

Wait and see, you little brat!

Shut up!

I really don't understand you.

Push.

He just wanted that we push him.

Gil, tomorrow you're

going to the dentist.

Why?

For a check up,

It's the rule here.

I don't want it!

I'll kill somebody!

- Can I offer you a candy?

- No.

Shit!

Don't say bad words.

It's rude.

You shouldn't eat candy either.

But if I didn't chew

I wouldn't get cavities.

It gives you cavities.

That's what I said.

But you're not supposed to get cavities.

Really? Why?

Because you shouldn't, that's all.

I want cavities

in all my teeth.

Because I want fillings in all

my teeth before it is too late.

Too late?

My dentist,

he is going to commit suicide.

No.

And why would your

dentist commit suicide?

Because he is a dentist.

So?

Everybody hates dentists,

So his son wouldn't hate him

he said he was a football champion.

Now then, I don't believe you.

- It's not true!

- It is, I assure you.

He even bought all the

equipment, shoes, everything.

But then, when the son went to school

nobody had heard of his father,

so he had to own up to the truth.

Since then, his son won't

speak to him anymore.

My dentist will soon

commit suicide.

It's a matter of days.

I have to go to the dentist.

I know.

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Edouard.

It's dusty in here.

It irritates the eyes.

It causes allergies.

Listen Edouard...

I have to go to the bathroom...

it is my belly... there is something wrong.

I'm afraid.

This... I'm afraid of the dentist.

I have to go to the toilet,

but I've never been here before.

I don't know where it is.

I do. Don't worry,

I'll show you.

You know, Edouard,

I have something wrong inside me.

I'm different from other people.

I hate school,

fortunately there was Tignasse.

Tignasse is a bad student.

He writes his own excuse notes.

One day he wrote he had lung cancer!

We are blood brothers.

In life, and in death!

Ouch!

But I'm afraid of needles.

Hey! You all right?

Are you hurt?

I wore a bandage for 3 weeks.

And do you know this one?

Q: Why'd the moron throw his

watch out the window?

- I don't know.

- Cat got your tongue?

- I don't know, yeah!

- A: He wanted to see time fly!

That's not even funny!

And this one... know what it is?

- Where did you get this?

- I don't know!

- What do you mean "I don't know"?

- I don't know!

You will answer me, no?

I don't know what

I mean by 'I don't know.'

Oh! You never know, that's it!

I don't know!

Madam Chatel! Madam Chatel!

Here!

- Thank you, my dear Anne!

- Not at all, Madam Chatel.

Return to your place, my dear.

Now I want silence!

- Tignasse, come here.

- Come get me!

Hands back!

What did you do to Tignasse?

If you hurt him I'll kill you!

I swear to God!

You hear me? I'll kill you!

Enter!

- Look! That bastard Polaski!

- Come on, let's go!

Hi Mama!

But, look at the state you're come in!

No! Don't touch, please!

Well, who did you

fight with today?

Yeah, and it's because of the Jews.

What are you talking about?

What is this nonsense?

You'll tell me the truth, yes?

- Well, I was run over by a Rabbi.

- What?

He got out of his car and

asked if I was Jewish.

I told him yes but

he didn't believe me

so we arm-wrestled and

I won, because he was old.

Then a guy showed up and

he said I could be a

negro if I'd rather.

I said, ok because I find them negroes

nice to have hidden some of them.

That made the Rabbi angry.

He pushed me and tore my shirt.

Then I went home and

now I'll go see my troops.

Salute!

Gil, come back here right now!

She thinks I have nothing else to do!

Children I have very

good news this morning:

the pool is open

Starting today,

all residents of "the P?querettes"

will take turns in there,

and imagine this:

our group is first!

That's fortunate, no?

So when you have finished breakfast,

we'll go swimming.

But we must be a good as Angels...

if we want the right to go swimming.

Won't we, Gil?

No! It's cold!

It's cold!

But what's cold, my dear?

- Come on, come on?

- No!

- Here we go!

- No!

If you don't stop everyone

will know you can't swim!

But you risk nothing,

you have a life jacket!

Come on, advance,

move! A little more.

- You see, you made it!

- Don't let me go!

I'm drowning!

You risk nothing, you have a lifejacket!

- Let me go!

- Come down!

- Well, what happened this time?

- Nothing.

- This piece of shit!

- Don't say bad words!

- Who started it this time?

- I did.

- And what happened exactly?

- Nothing.

- Can I go to the Quiet Room?

- No! Out of the question.

Whenever you get upset

you go to the Quiet Room,

writing on the walls instead

of confiding in me.

I'll never talk to you!

Never!

Come on! Hop, sit-up!

You know, the pool's just opened but

behave like this and you'll never swim!

I don't care!

I want to go home!

I don't care! I want to go home!

I want to go home!

Calm down! Gil, calm down!

Gil enough! Calm down!

One day we went to the

zoo on a school trip

I pretended to be high up

in a tree to eat my food...

which I had killed with a dagger.

One man saw me and

walked to my tree.

He was a white hunter.

- Want some?

- Umgaoua!

I thought you might be thirsty.

Umgaoua!

Gil has a girlfriend!

Gil has a girl!

You better shut up!

- I'm tired of getting my hands dirty!

- Hands? You mean your butt!

How is my Little Sweetie?

- Yes.

- Can I do something for you?

Yeah! Don't call me 'Little Sweetie,' okay?

- Why're you limping?

- A lion ate my knee.

- Come!

- What are you doing? - Shh!

We'll throw my shirt on Polaski

like a net, like with a wild beast

and we are the hunters.

Gil! Where is your shirt?

You want to get pneumonia

on top of everything else?

Don't worry, it's germs that

make you sick, not drafts.

- How do you know?

- I read it in a magazine.

Liar! You're too young!

I did! We get them at home.

My father taught high school.

He lets me do whatever I want.

You didn't need to toss my cup.

You could say 'thank you!'

Now I'm all stained.

I was Tarzan!

You're mental!

It doesn't cost anything to be nice.

That's what my Papa says.

- So?

- So what?

- So?

- So what?

I don't read all the magazines.

Often I just look at the pictures.

I love to see the clothes,

they're very elegant.

I never look at clothes!

Never!

Liar! You look at Miss Uris's!

That's not true!

Of course. I saw you on the bus,

she always sits next to you

and you look at her clothes

and when she crosses her legs

you look at her shoes.

- Hi crocodiles!

- Gil! Come back here right now!

Don't worry, he knows them.

They're his pals!

His name's not Gil,

his name is Jules.

You better get out of here right away.

They will kill you and eat you.

They are not your friends.

I'll introduce myself:

I'm Jessica Wilson!

They don't understand!

It must be Spanish alligators.

I once saw a cartoon.

Popeye punched an alligator

up into the air

and it came down as suitcases.

- So?

- So... nothing!

- Jessica, look out!

- My name is not Jessica.

- What's your name?

- Contessa.

My Papa calls me that.

But you can't.

The Big Hello.

No! You can't look!

It's mine! It's private!

- Not even a little?

- No!

Okay Gil, I promise.

And don't you write on it either.

Dr. Nevele said only I could write on it!

I haven't written anything.

Then what is that? Some pudding?

It wasn't me who wrote it.

What's that on your belt?

This?

Hot sauce.

To put in the mouths of

children who want to bite.

To teach them not to.

You understand?

What's with you?

Why don't you use it?

I don't like spicy food.

Are you satisfied?

I wanted to show you the result of

what I call... your interference.

Excuse me, but I don't see

how this involves me.

It was Gil, but it's

because of you.

Did you speak to him about me?

Let's be serious, after each meeting

with you his condition worsens.

He sinks even more

into his silence.

But he talks to me.

If you spoke in line with our

authority I would say nothing.

But you offer him complicity,

that reinforces him...

in his refusal of any

verbal communication.

Listen doctor, I don't understand.

- I've been here a while...

- You're here to help us!

and to learn.

You, you offer him complicity.

And you, by your very presence,

turn his punishment into a reward.

Not only did you pay no heed

to my friendly warnings,

but you took advantage of our trust...

to poke your nose in his case.

So here.

You are officially banned from

interfering with Rembrant's case.

Your stubbornness has forced

me to go to the Board.

What does this mean?

It means if you keep it up

you'll be fired, my man.

Hey!

What will you do for me now?

Come on.

Jessica will write me soon.

Then you'll give them to me, okay?

Sure.

I wasn't talking to you.

All the better for me.

I won't talk to you either!

- Who were you talking to?

- To myself.

Don't do that.

Edouard, don't do that.

- Would you do me a favor?

- What?

I want you to help me.

I have to go swimming and I'm afraid.

- You're a sissy!

- Thanks. You're right.

Besides, there are many

things that frighten me.

Death and swimming.

That's why I'm here.

I'm supposed to be

in the pool now, dying.

- Not true!

- Yes.

That's not true! You lie!

You're a liar! Bastard!

Only sissies are afraid to swim!

You're a sissy!

I hate it when it's cold.

Ah! It's cold!

The others will think

you're a baby.

I don't care what

others think.

Only you.

Maybe we could just

go to the shallow side.

Stay away!

You see I'm scared, no?

Stay away!

Ha! Not as cold, now. Eh?

What do you think?

Try to go further?

I'm too short.

It's too deep for me.

Well, you know what?

I'll take you in my arms

So you won't be too short, and I won't

be afraid because you're with me.

Hold me tight!

Don't be afraid, Edouard. I'm here.

You know sometimes

it helps to be held.

I don't care what others think.

It helps me, makes me stronger.

Sometimes when I'm afraid

I get really angry.

It is the same for everyone.

When we are angry

it's because we're afraid.

- There!

- You hold me too tight!

Let up a little! Let go!

Let me go, go! Let me go!

- Really?

- Yes!

Go ahead, kick your feet!

Kick your feet!

Come on out! I've had enough.

It's only you enjoying this!

- Are you a coward! No!

- Enough?

No! Again, again!

Let me go alone!

- Hey! Hey! You think?

- Yes, it's okay! Let go of me!

Pump your feet!

- Don't leave me, Gil, I'm afraid!

- Don't worry, I have you!

Hey! You're swimming!

You're swimming!

Edouard! Make the Big Hello!

Yeah!

You're lucky not to

be in music class,

I always feel stupid

singing this song

"In the clear fountain.

walk my way"

"I found the water so beautiful

I am bathed me."

There has long as I love you

I will never forget.

"On the highest branch

there was a nightingale..."

Enter!

- Hello ma'am.

- Hello dear.

- The director sent me.

- "Madame" Director!

Continue, Gil.

Continue!

All around us

people are jealous

They all blame me

to have eyes for you too sweet.

to love you madly my love!

madly in love night and day!

It's not nice!

But I do not care,

how they behaved

because I think it's normal

to love you madly my love!

madly in love night and day!

I think every moment

anything can happen

but my heart can not change

it will really always for you!

To love you madly my love!

To love you madly night and day!

One day if you want

can be from both

From making fun

those enraged at seeing us,

to love you madly my love!

To love you madly night and day!

Every day the postman comes

but I'd get no letter from Jessica.

And every day I asked Doctor Nevele

if there was a letter for me.

And he replied "NO,"

he is a villain with nose hair!

To hide something from you...

nothing makes me so sick,

it is disgusting...

Mailman! Please!

Give me my letter!

- The letter from Jessica!

- What are you talking about?

Jessica Wilson, she

said she would write.

Yes, but the mail goes

first to the secretary.

- Give me my letters!

- Oh no!

Let me go! Let me go!

I want my letters!

- But wait!

- I want my letters!

Are we done with this here?

Let me go! Let me go!

You're hurting me!

Go away! Let me go!

Give me my letters!

Give me my letters.

- What are you doing here?

- I was waiting for you.

By what right do you

deprive Gil of his letters?

It's none of your business,

but I'll answer.

Sit down.

When I examine him, his refusal

to communicate is total,

Not to mention the violence.

For me it was important once we

decided to keep the child here,

that I establish a classic

system of reward.

That you understand very well.

The mail is a part of this.

There is nothing for

this kid here. Nothing.

This is not about illness;

It is a love story!

But you understand nothing.

Just release him and

he will be cured.

What you just said there has

completely erased my doubts!

You were warned,

a suspension of 10 days,

to give you time to think.

And then if you want to continue your

internship you'll be in another section.

I'm talking to you about a child who's suffering!

And you reply, "temporary suspension?"

That is why Gil will

never talk to you! Never!

Keep him 10 years, 20 years if it

amuses you. He will remain silent.

Leave, Valmont.

Jessica said she would write to me

if we were ever separated.

Let's forget Jessica for a moment.

Speak to me instead about your school.

I will not speak to you.

Yeah! Go Gil!

Defend yourself!

Ah! Just you and me, Dr. Nevele!

Oh no, no!

And your favorite subject, what is it?

Mom? How come Jessica is

not in the directory?

- Who?

- Jessica, a girlfriend.

It only has father's names,

not the children's.

- Hello?

- Hello? Jessica?

It's Gil from the school.

Ah Gil, my Papa died.

[ Gil names his puppet "Thierry le Pantin" ]

I decided to go

to Jessica's house.

I was not alone,

Thierry le Pantin was with me.

It was raining 'cats and dogs,'

as my brother would say.

Tignasse says when it's raining

"God is taking a piss."

I looked in the windows

of Jessica's house.

Telling myself that maybe she saw me.

Perhaps she was looking at me.

I didn't see her.

But maybe she was there, anyway.

So I stayed all day!

And then night fell.

Gil?... Excuse me.

But where have you been?

Your father and I were worried!

We waited for you!

You know what time it is?

So? Where have you been?

Look at you! You're soaked!

Go on, go to your room and

put on your pajamas.

When we returned to school

Jessica was not there.

It's normal, you know. You're allowed

to miss when somebody dies.

and it's a shame.

You go to the back of the classroom and

make me a beautiful table display

with a beautiful blue sky

and small white clouds.

Miss Iris is the successor

to Madam Choltes,

who'd become too old

even to be a teacher.

Everybody in their place?

Yes?

So we will have Show and Tell,

as I told you before the holidays.

Have a seat over there,

We're going to take turns

telling what we did.

Well, Anne, would you like to start?

For the holidays we went

to my aunt's in Toulouse,

a city where there are lots of monuments,

museums, and historical sites.

- "We went to see..."

- Anne Jandrot... I don't like her.

She is the ugliest girl in Europe, man.

You should see her when she smiles!

All happy like an idiot!

I swear it! When she was born

his parents said: "What a treasure!"

So they buried her.

She is so ugly that she strips

the leaves from the trees!

Tignasse! How many times have I told

you not to eat candy in class!

We don't suck candies when

we can't offer one to everyone!

Bon appetit, everyone!

Back to your places!

And you come with me.

Arms folded and heads down, everyone!

Until you have calmed down.

That's enough, Anne. Sit down

and cross your arms like the others.

The other morning

I woke up very early,

and I got a surprise when

I looked out the window.

I discovered that I could

see to Mont Blanc

and I saw my horse Blacky,

his mane blew in the wind...

and dust flew around his hooves.

I went on our porch

which was full of flowers

there was a small boy

on the sidewalk.

Then I said:

"Why do have your raincoat on, boy?

It's not raining!"

He gave me a puppet and

we went for a walk.

We went to a long sidewalk

and slid down a chute

to a place that was full of toys.

There were dolls, models

and 'B?cassines.'

Then we went to a place

where there was a car...

with keys in it, so we drove to

C?te d'Azur for 3 hours.

Afterwards, we were very tired,

we went home to my house.

There, we did magic tricks

until we fell asleep.

When we woke up...'

we were 'grown-up.'

We should go!

We are not covered and it's raining!

We'll get sick!

Hurry, we will be soaked!

- We need coats!

- You said it.

Oh!

It's the truant officer!

He will catch us and

send us to reform school!

What do we do?

It's not! It's a meter reader!

You know when you want

something very much,

you must make a a prayer to the stars.

You put your hands together like that.

Normally you kneel

but I don't always.

It's not required, and you look

at a star and say your prayers.

Star light, star bright

First star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight.

I want for Jessica to write me, please.

To know if she is well and

if she still remembers me.

Well, Gil, what are you doing here?

I made a wish upon a star.

You should make one too.

There aren't any stars!

I know.

Good, well, I must get back to my wing.

Good night, Karl.

- Well, well, good night.

- Good night.

I think I'm being fired, Gil.

They asked me to leave.

Mrs. Cochrane? You waited for me

here because I was not in my bed?

- You've looked for me everywhere?

- Yes.

It was you who wrote that?

- Huh?

- Yes.

Seven Mile Road is black

with white stripes,

And Lodi Street here, well, it is gray.

And Marlot street, it has stones in it.

I find it very interesting.

It's like the man there,

the more he walks away,

the more he seems to shrink.

Because the earth is round;

we learned this in science.

What if it's not true,

like when they have fire drills?

Perhaps this man is really

becoming very small!

Can I do something

for you, my boy?

I... I'm shopping for toys

for my children.

I have two son.

Gil and Don Diego.

They are extraordinary boys.

They are first in

everything at school.

Not bad these balloons!

Hello Ma'am. I am the meter reader

for the water company.

Follow me to the basement.

It's a trap! It's a trap!

You'll never take us alive!

This one is a little too light.

I better buy something else.

Hey! I might be buying

one of these kangaroos here.

But I'll keep looking...

because between you and me,

the price is a scandal!

Young man! Unless you have

money to buy something,

I'm obliged to ask you to leave!

Unaccompanied children

are forbidden here.

But he's not unaccompanied.

He is with me.

This is not real B?cassine!

[ doll based on a comic strip ]

She has real button eyes,

not plastic.

Would you not have a real

B?cassine, Madame, please?

I'm sorry, miss.

It is a real B?cassine!

And now your little brother

and you, you must go!

No, I'm sorry!

This is not real!

I had a real one, and she died.

She died in hospital,

same time as my Papa.

And now children:

Goodbye!

You know, Madame,

today is a holiday in our religion,

My brother and I came

here to buy toys.

You know, it is better to give

than to receive.

But because you don't

want us to stay here,

we are not able to buy.

This is very sad for you, Madame.

Very sad!

Adieu Madame.

You better pray!

We've left,

I'm taking you on a trip.

B?cassine did not die alone.

It was I who killed her... in the hospital.

When I went to see my Papa.

He was under a tent,

with plastic tubes everywhere.

His eyes were open

but he said nothing.

I said: "What's wrong, Papa!

It is Contessa!"

But he looked away.

I thought it was

because of the plastic.

That it was why he couldn't see.

So I wanted to tear it.

I pushed it away with my hand.

I was furious at my Papa.

He would not talk to me.

I shouted that he was wicked.

My aunt pulled me back.

She took me out of the room.

I had B?cassine with me.

She made me sit down

on the hard chairs.

Mama came out crying.

She said to my aunt that

it was all over.

And to take me back home.

But I screamed that

I wanted to see Papa.

My aunt held me real hard.

She wouldn't let me go.

She said there were things

that children don't understand.

So I decided I didn't want

to be children anymore.

I took B?cassine...

and I killed her...

in the wastebasket.

By the elevator.

Don't worry, Jessica.

We're heading to the C?te d'Azur.

The policeman had a revolver

but he didn't kill us.

He was a very nice police officer

and he liked children.

He said it was dangerous,

driving cars inside a store,

and he let us go,

if we went straight home.

When we came out I heard

the man in a suit who said:

"Is that all? You're letting

them go just like that?"

And the policeman said,

"I guess you were never a kid."

I'll go in and let you in the back, okay?

You see now the head of the

man who lives in the moon?

Do you see? I have foggy glasses.

This is my mother's bag.

Peter Pan is a girl.

They made her look like a boy

but he is a girl!

They just cut her hair short

and make her wear a tight brassiere.

I'm not old enough to wear a brassiere.

But I have one,

Mom gave it to me, for when I am.

Look! I am a camel!

You don't have to cry, huh?

I'm not.

That's what I say!

There's no reason to cry!

- Well, I don't cry!

- But no! It was a joke!

Jessica! It was a joke!

We'll pretend. I dunno...

Something. So you won't be so sad.

I am fed up with games for children!

I don't want to be

children any more! I don't!

I won't let anyone hurt you!

I am going to do a magic trick

so that we're not children anymore.

You're my friend.

My Mama told me that when

I grow up I would love someone.

It would mean

I would protect them from harm.

I thought it would be Tignasse,

but no, it was Jessica!

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

The next day, my father and

mother brought me here.

The P?querettes Children's Home,

and they left me.

Jessica's mother made them do it.

I've heard that they could

bring specific charges,

but they also thought it would be best.

Now, I've been here 2 months.

I do not know if you know,

but Edouard is back.

I don't see him because

he doesn't come to my wing.

But this morning...

- Edouard?

- Gil?

I have something for you.

For a week I've been

lugging it around.

Edouard!

Dear Gil, I don't know

if I'll be able to write again,

because my mother's taking

me to a private school tomorrow.

The doctor of the school

advised her to send me there.

He said that what happened

will bother me for a long time.

He gave my mother pills

to make me sleep.

The night I came home from hospital,

she put me to bed in her room.

When she left, I got up and

I went to my own room.

I'd lay there, but I could not sleep,

I was afraid, and I heard a noise.

I really listened,

listened, very hard.

I was afraid.

It was dark,

there was only one little bit of

light coming from the street

and I saw Thierry le Pantin

sitting on the windowsill,

He looked outside,

the noise... it was him.

Thierry le Pantin sang.

I listened forever to the singing,

He sang, he sang, he sang,

it was sweet, and when I was asleep,

I dreamed about rainbows.

Blacky!

Slowly, Blacky.

Go! Sit down!

Sit down, Blacky!

And I galloped on the back of Blacky.

Until the end of houses,

until the end of people

until there was nobody,

no more schools, no more prisons.

Nothing... just Jessica.

Gil took over a year to learn "the rules."

They let him go home.

He thought only of Jessica.

One day he found her.

with original French subtitles

and advice from 'Make'

Quand j'avais 5 ans je m'ai tué (1994) - full transcript