Quality Time (2017) Movie Script

QUALITY TIME

a film in five parts

KOEN

We're having a family reunion soon.

In seventeen days, to be precise.

I'll have to eat ham

and drink milk there.

It's been like that for 25 years.

I'd be there for... I don't know,

ten minutes at most...

I'm there for ten minutes,

and off it goes:

Hey, Koen!

Koen!!

Koen!!!

MILK!!!

And I immediately go:

Oooh, milk?!

Where?

Milk!

Oioioi!

Yum! Mmmm!

And then I drink milk,

empty the glass in one go.

Always in one go.

And then another glass straight away,

in one go as well.

Everyone laughing of course.

And then it's just a matter of time

before someone brings up ham...

Hey, Koen!

Koen!

HAM!!!

Owwwww!

Oioioi!

Yum.

Where?

Mmm, I love eating ham!!!

Then I grab the ham with my fingers,

don't even bother with bread

and just stuff it down my throat,

slice after slice.

Square ham or round ham.

The wet, pink ham.

They love it when I do that.

Sometimes, I pretend to feel sick

after eating all that ham.

They think that's hilarious.

Hey, Koen, what's the matter?!

I ate a bit too much ham.

HA HA HA!!! OH, KOEN!!!

Koen ate too much ham again!!!

My mum thinks I should say something.

But...

I don't know...

It's not that I don't like it.

Both ham and milk.

I like them.

Still.

And when you see how much it amuses

them, especially Uncle Ben...

But you'd like to eat something else

at those occasions

you always say so.

Well, the thing is:

there are often lots of nice things

to eat at those family reunions...

a whole buffet, with all sorts of things.

Like chicken kebabs.

And last time, there was sushi as well.

It's your own fault.

You should just say...

that you'd like to eat something else,

like sushi.

Uncle Ben would be disappointed

if I stopped with the ham and milk.

It makes his day.

Hi, everyone.

Koen has an announcement to make.

No, no.

I don't have announcement to make.

Yes, you have announcement to make.

No, I haven't.

There is no announcement.

Yes, there is.

No, there isn't.

Koen. Koen. Koen. Koen. Koen. Koen.

Hi, Uncle Ben.

Hey, Koen.

There's ham.

Did you see that?

Ham?!!

Oh, great!

Where, where, where?

Yum, I love ham!!!

Yes, ha ha ha.

There's ham.

There's a lot of ham.

More than enough!!!

Ohhhhh...

Yummy!!!

Koen.

Yes, Uncle Ben?

There's also...

milk!

Ooooh!

Nice!

I love milk!!!

Yummy!

Where's the milk?!

Here.

Mmmmmmm!

Milk!

Yummy!

I feel sick from all that ham and milk.

It's your own fault.

Yes.

I know.

STEFAAN

Stefaan has moved back in

with his parents.

It's a temporary solution.

His therapists recommended removing

all computers from the house.

That's why he went looking

for something else to do.

He's already done a few courses.

Recently, he found one he really likes.

Creative photography.

His parents gave him

a digital SLR camera

as an early birthday present.

Photograph no.1

dressing room

Excuse me.

Sir?

Just a sec.

There was no one there...

so I thought I'd walk up to you.

I'd like to take a picture.

Of me?

No, of the dressing room.

What for?

It's for this project I'm doing.

Well uhh...

I used to play here.

How long will it take?

Just a couple of pictures.

Right.

- When was this?

- Long time ago.

- Who was your coach?

- My coach?

- Small guy. I think his name was Harry.

- Harry?

- Harry van Ginderen?

- Yes.

- Let me get the keys.

- Okay.

I don't have them on me.

Here they are.

- Which one?

- This one.

- That one?

- Yes.

- The big one.

- Yes, this one.

Here you go.

Still smells the same.

Yes, that smell...

Can't get rid of it.

This was my spot.

Ah, you had your own spot?

Yes, that's what people do.

They choose instantly.

No matter if they're old or young.

They choose their spot.

Okay, dad.

Went well?

Yes.

Look.

Nice.

Photograph no.2

fishing spot

Would you mind

standing over there for a moment?

Yes, of course no problem.

What are you fishing for?

Fish.

- I used to fish here too.

- It's a good spot.

- What are you fishing for?

- Perch.

- Bait?

- Maggots. Sometimes worms.

Nice.

TOOT TOOT

TOOT

YES!!!

Ah... no... no...

Sorry.

No problem.

TOOT TOOT

TOOOOT!!!

Thanks again.

No problem.

- Good luck.

- Thank you.

- Went well?

- Yes.

Look.

Photograph no.3

Winston

- Can I help you with that?

- Yes, thank you.

- I've got it.

- Great.

German Pointer,

that's a hunting dog, right?

Yes, originally.

My brother had an Irish Setter.

Yes, also a hunting dog.

- Oh.

- That's our little archeologist.

I'm afraid this is bothering me a bit.

Gerrit, give it a rest.

Gerrit... stop it.

I'm sorry,

but when I leave he'll start again.

- He's going to dig him up.

- He's a boy. He's just curious.

I would really appreciate it

if he wouldn't do that.

OK, Gerrit, that's enough for today!

No... Not just today...

Excuse me, could you please not do that?

Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever?

I'm very sorry,

but that dog meant a lot to me.

Shall we leave him there?

Okay.

The moment I leave,

he'll start digging again.

He just said "Okay", didn't he?

- He's waiting for me to leave.

- Are we done here?

Yeah sure,

you can put the shovel away, but...

- I think we're done now.

- No!

He...

Sorry...

I don't want to cause any trouble...

Just keep your filthy hands off him!

Oh, no no no.

Fuck that!

Just... Goddammit!

Is that too much to ask?!

Dig wherever you like,

I don't give a fuck...

but not here!

Just don't!

Why don't you go inside, Gerrit?

Keep your filthy fucking hands

off my dog!

Fuck!

FUCK!!

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Need a hand, Bob?

It's fine, he's just leaving.

FUUUUUCK!!!

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

ring ring

ring...

- Yes?

- There's no salmon.

Oh... What do they have?

Let's see...

Bacon and egg...

Ham-cheese and egg... Egg...

- Grilled chicken...

- I'll have that one.

Meatball...

and plain cheese.

I'll have the grilled chicken.

- Grilled chicken, okay.

- Okay.

Photograph no.4

first kiss

- It's a complete mess upstairs.

- Don't worry about it.

It's my daughter's room now.

- I can see she likes orange.

- Yes, hahaha.

Everything has to be

either pink or orange. Hahaha.

I'm afraid we can't get inside anymore.

Simon put up shelves.

- Doesn't matter.

- So where should I stand?

Oh, I just need the closet.

- You don't have to be in it.

- HAHAHA!

Oh god, that's so embarrassing!

I thought you wanted a picture of me.

It's not really necessary.

Concept-wise, I mean.

Of course... I feel so silly.

- I think I've got it.

- Let me see!

Okay.

Quite minimalist, isn't it?

You tasted of gummybears.

What?

When we kissed. I remember that.

Haha... Okay...

That's an... interesting detail.

Whenever I eat gummybears I think of you.

That's... flattering, I guess.

It is.

Okay...

Listen, Stefaan...

You're standing a bit close to me now.

I'm sorry... You smell really nice.

Thank you. I'll ask Simon

to give you a ride, okay?

Okay.

Honey, we're done.

Can you give him a ride?

Sure. Right now?

Yes, please.

Ring ring

ring ring

Yes?

We have to meet at the station.

Why are you whispering?

I told her I came by train

they're dropping me off at the station.

- Why did you tell them you...

- I don't know, I just did, okay!

All right...

See you there then.

Okay, I gotta go.

Hey buddy, all set?

Went well?

Yes.

Photograph no.5

birth

Hey!

What do you want?

I'm sorry.

I didn't know people lived here.

Hello, world.

OK, I've got it. Let's go.

Maybe close the door first?

Look.

That can't be right.

There was no window.

Fuck.

Should we go back?

Steef? Should we go back?

Nah, it's OK.

It's still the same hospital, so...

All right.

So this whole time

you've taken the exact spots...

The exact corner of the dressing room...

The exact place in the garden...

The exact same closet...

So?

I don't know.

It's your project...

It's gone.

What?

They took it down.

There was a building here.

Around here...

must have been the entrance.

Front desk...

And then

you went down the hallway here...

And then here it was.

First room on the right.

This is where you were born.

KJELL

Ten seconds before his conception.

36 years later.

I have social anxiety,

and it's only getting worse.

I can't remember the last time

I was at a party.

No one invites me anymore.

Everyone knows I won't come anyway.

Lately, I don't even dine out

or go to family gatherings anymore.

I don't answer calls

from unknown numbers.

I don't answer calls from friends.

Sometimes, I'll send a text

saying I'm busy or something,

but it takes forever to write.

I'm in love with Ingrid Askelund,

but I'm too afraid to talk to her.

Probably just as well,

because I hate myself

too much to be able to love anyone.

I'll die a lonely man,

and no one will come to my funeral.

And it's all Miss Mette's fault.

Who?

Miss Mette from nursery school.

She slapped me when I was

three years old. Right on the bum.

It wasn't hard,

but it really startled me.

I was traumatised.

So, because she smacked you on the bum,

you now have social anxiety?

Well, it was the way she did it.

She snuck up from behind,

scared me half to death.

Mum said I would hide under

the coffee table whenever we had guests.

If she hadn't slapped me,

I probably wouldn't have had

social anxiety now.

So basically, you want to go back

in time to stop her?

Yes, that would be ideal.

- Do you have a time machine?

- My uncle has one.

- Your uncle has one?

- Yes.

You didn't hit him hard,

but it was a surprise.

He was traumatised by it,

and now he has social anxiety.

We want to ask you not to hit him.

- Maybe you can just count to ten.

- Okay.

So, you won't do it?

- No, I won't.

- No.

Hey, what are you doing?

- I'm thinking.

- Okay.

Maybe we can do more.

Like what?

I feel a lot better now.

Maybe we can do something else.

What could we do?

Good question.

Let's go home and think of something.

- Morten?

- Yes?

- Ole?

- Yes?

- What's that?

- The big bad wolf.

That's not the big bad wolf.

That's some sort of monster wolf.

It's too scary.

We could remove its teeth.

The rental place will be furious.

Then we can't use the wolf.

- We'll have to cut it out.

- I think that's best.

- Fine.

- Tell Kristoffer.

- Me?

- You brought him, so yes, you.

- Can't you do it?

- No, I'm not going to...

- Just tell Kristoffer he's out.

- Okay.

- Go on then.

- Kristoffer.

Kristoffer!

GO ON AN ADVENTURE

- It's not coming out.

- Let me try.

- Impossible

- Greetings, noble knights.

May Kjell give it a go?

Ridiculous. Whoever pulls the sword

out of the stone,

will become the mightiest knight

of the intire kingdom.

You have to be a strong knight,

not a pathetic boy.

- We'll see.

- Go on, Kjell. You can do it.

- Go on. Pull as hard as you can.

- Yes.

This was a brilliant idea, Morten.

You're the mightiest knight ever.

We'll serve you for the rest of our lives.

This feels great.

That's good.

Team C, get ready.

Come on.

Help me. A tree fell,

and I'm trapped.

There's a man trapped under this tree.

I recognise his voice.

- It's the King.

- I am the King.

Sir Kjell, we have to help the King.

Use the magic sword.

- Help me, please.

- Put the sword on the tree.

And say: Rise, tree.

- Rise, tree.

- Louder.

- Rise, tree.

- Even louder.

Rise, tree.

I'm saved.

Sir Kjell, you saved me.

I'll be forever grateful to you.

I'd like to introduce you

to my daughter.

That's what euphoria feels like,

I think.

Okay...

It's like I'm connected to

a gigantic electromagnetic field.

- What?

- A gigantic electromagnetic field.

Help. Help me.

- Sir Kjell.

- What's Red Riding Hood doing here?

Sir Kjell, the big bad wolf is after me.

- What's she doing here?

- He wants to eat me.

Can you protect me

with your magic sword?

I can.

Andreas, the wolf's not a part

of this anymore. Can you fix it?

The wolf is gone.

You don't have to be afraid anymore,

Little Red Riding Hood.

- There.

- But he was after me, wasn't he?

But all of a sudden,

the wolf moved to Africa.

- To Africa?

- Africa.

So, sir Kjell, onwards.

Thanks, Andreas.

Hello, noble knight.

I am princess Alissa.

- But who are you?

- Kjell.

The Kjell?

I've heard so much about you.

Would you like to give me...

a kiss?

- Come on, Kjell.

- Please?

Come on, Kjell...

- Please?

- Go on. Give her a kiss.

She seems nice.

I'd have sex with her,

but I belong to Ingrid.

I'm going to make love to Ingrid

when we're back. I can hardly wait.

We're going to have lots of kids

and live happily ever after.

I thought this was a bad idea.

Don't be ridiculous.

I have a magic sword.

If I defeat the wolf,

all my problems will be solved.

I don't know...

You were scared of a frog.

Thanks, Morten.

You've been a great help.

Show time.

Kjell proceeded to traumatise

his younger self severely.

The effect on his mental state

was immediate and relentless.

Overwhelmed by despair Kjell decided

to end his life right there on the spot.

Still wearing the wolf costume, he grabbed

a sword from one of the knights

and violently stabbed himself

in the lower abdomen.

Next thing he knew

he woke up in a 1987 hospital

with a bandage around his waist.

He vaguely remembered watching

a big bad wolf

attempting to stab himself

in the lower abdomen.

Other than that, he had no memories.

His wounds healed rapidly,

he recovered and went out into the world.

He got married to a wonderful woman

and had a son he named 'Morten'

unaware that he once had a friend

who went by that name.

But as Morten grew older

he started looking more and more

like the Morten he had once known.

The resemblance caused his memory

to come back to him in a rush.

He remembered traveling through time

in an old Peugeot 505

and realised he had now become

his best friend's father.

He was very confused by this discovery,

but had trouble focusing on it,

because he had just found out

that his wife cheated on him

with her dietician, that fucking whore.

Kjell moved to an abandoned house

in the country

and started drinking heavily.

Due to his complete negligence

of personal hygiene

he quickly developed a strong body odour

that quite accurately reflected

his psychological demise...

KAREL

childhood

adolescence

alien abduction

presumed dead

return

tea

television

fragrances

Christmas

job

coffee

hospital

surgery

human remains

hydration

recital

cardiac arrest

brain hemorrhage

golden retriever

JEF

Every year, on Pentecost Sunday,

Cecilia Vandenbroecke prepares

Asparagus à la Flamande.

But this year she does it

a few days early...

because her son will be spending

Pentecost with his new girlfriend.

- Ready?

- Yes.

I'm nervous.

- Nice, isn't it?

- It is.

There they are. You got here fast.

- How was the drive?

- It was fine.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Mind if I give you a kiss?

- Hi. Hello.

- Hello.

- Look, this is...

- Oh, guitar.

- Come on in. Shall I take your...

- Yes, thank you.

Have you been to this region before?

I've been in this area before,

but that was a long time ago.

- So you play the guitar?

- I do, yes.

- Beautiful. Wow.

- It is, isn't it?

It takes a lot of work.

She knows all about it now.

- Really?

- Here, take a look.

Our property ends at those posts.

Beetroot, beetroot. Beetroot, Jef.

Chives.

Watch out.

- If someone were standing there...

- I'm sorry.

- They could've fallen off.

- I know. I'm sorry.

We had to give the one guest room

to Paul and the kids.

- I understand.

- The kids can't stay here.

- It's great. Very charming.

- Towels.

- Really?

- Definitely.

Paul? Paul. Nice to meet you. I'm Jef.

Nice to see you in the flesh.

I've heard a lot about you.

- I'll grab the cups.

- Do you want a biscuit?

No, don't give him your bear.

No.

- Coffee?

- Yes, please.

- Is that your bear?

- Yes.

What's your bear's name?

Does it have a name?

- What do you want?

- Noah!

- Kato, what do you want?

- It's nice, didn't we hike here?

He was asked to become assistant manager.

- Really?

- Yes.

I'm just doing it temporarily.

No, I get it, but during that time,

well, then you can...

develop some ambition.

Well, I'm working on music

at the moment.

Do you have a strong foothold

in the music business?

I'm working with different groups.

- You mean bands?

- Yes, bands, but only starting out.

Look how many there are.

I think they're rainbow trout

or salmon trout.

You have salmon trout, rainbow trout...

You have different...

I don't know the difference.

I don't really like fish.

This one is bitter.

Take a big sip. Otherwise,

you won't taste anything.

- Now, try this one.

- Jef?

- Yes?

- Do you want to help him?

He's going to build a platform

across the stream.

- Right.

- And he wants to put a tent on it...

and then sleep there.

What's it for?

Yes, of course I'll help him.

Here. And here.

Here, and then here.

- Seven?

- No, six.

- The posts are going like this.

- Okay.

Then the boards go on.

I want to put them together with nails.

I want to put a tent on it.

But then later,

I want to build a cabin on it.

- We'll start with a tent.

- Yes.

Start with the basics, the tent.

Then we'll see how we can expand it.

- Fun.

- Yes.

- We'll start tomorrow.

- Great plan.

What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- There's fish in the sauce.

- Fish?

- He doesn't eat fish.

Oh, there are anchovies in it.

- I didn't think about it.

- Anchovies aren't fish.

- An anchovy is a fish.

- It's not a real fish.

- I'll cook you something else.

- No, no. I'll eat it, it's no problem.

That's really sweet, but it's really not

necessary, I'll just have some bread.

Some sage, butter, a bit of garlic.

All that effort,

you really don't have to...

So you don't eat fish?

No, no, fish doesn't agree with me,

my stomach...

- I don't really like it.

- It's a pesky little fish.

- How's it going over here?

- Not very well.

- It's not easy, because of the rocks.

- What?

There are a lot of rocks in the stream,

so it's difficult.

Noah. Noah.

- It's askew.

- Be careful on the slippery stones.

It's not stable at all.

- Just do it another time.

- It's not getting us anywhere.

That one went in,

so the others should, too.

- I'll work on the posts in my shop.

- Okay.

- Just do it some other time.

- No, no, it's not a problem. I...

- I'll just move 2 inches to the left.

- If you want I can fix them.

- It's nice of you, but...

- We'll do it another time, Jef.

I told you that mattress is too saggy.

The best remedy

is to put something warm on it.

Like a hot water bottle.

- Do you have one by any chance?

- Do you think it's the mattress?

- No, it's his physique.

- Do you have a hot water bottle, Boukje?

- He's very tall.

- You could strap that to your body.

And you should keep moving.

Especially in the evening,

with the cold humidity, it's terrible.

- Or take a hot shower.

- Let's see.

- I can also change the mattress.

- A hot shower sounds good.

When you are in pain and then sleep

on a bad mattress, it gets worse.

- Bend over. Is it here?

- It's more over here.

Is it a nagging pain?

I think I'll go take a warm shower,

that's probably the best.

And then go like this in the shower.

You should keep moving.

Move like a figure eight.

Yes, like this.

No, that's exactly what you shouldn't do.

- I think I'll take that shower now.

- I'll change the mattress.

That has nothing to do with it.

I didn't realise your mum would

clean our room after one day already.

- I was going to get rid of it, but...

- It wouldn't have bothered her.

- My dad wees in strange places, too.

- Do you think she's seen it?

I don't know. Is it still there?

Let's get rid of it, then.

Imagine your mum opening up the bin

and being hit with the smell of wee.

In the Seventies, they came

to the Netherlands to record an album.

- Right.

- Why would they do that here?

They ended up in Baambrugge, where they

turned a chicken coop into a studio.

- A chicken coop?

- Right.

- My grandparents used to have chickens.

- May I finish?

The greengrocer,

who had a shop in Baambrugge...

Every morning...

he'd see Brian Wilson

in his bathrobe with a big bottle

of Diet Coke walking over.

Every time.

My grandfather used to walk around

in his bathrobe.

- I used to sleepwalk.

- Really?

I used to sleepwalk when I stayed over

at my grandmother's.

Every time.

- I started cooking eggs...

- In your sleep?

In my sleep. Really weird. Once,

I went outside and rang the doorbell.

- Did you remember it the next day?

- No.

It used to happen when I lived

in my student housing, as well.

- Sometimes, I just weed somewhere.

- Really?

I would wee somewhere during the night,

and in the morning, someone would ask:

Has a dog been in here?

So, you didn't know?

And the next day, you thought...

It was in my sleep. I would walk around

and wee somewhere.

I once weed in my gran's linen closet,

on the blankets and sheets.

- Linen...

- Linen closet.

- Did you notice what I was doing?

- No, why?

Then I can find out if your mum knows

that I weed in the bin.

What?

If she's seen it, she'll put us

in a different room,

since the steep stairs are dangerous

for a sleepwalker.

- She already knows.

- Sorry?

I told her. She thought

using the bin was a good idea.

She didn't mind at all.

She thought it was a good idea.

Honey...

Honey?

I have six posts firmly

in the ground already.

I'm doing it.

- But Paul was going to take over.

- I'm finishing it.

Paul was going to take over.

- Paul was going to take over.

- There's no need.

A couple of hours

and it'll be finished. Just let me do it.

- It'll be nicer for Noah.

- Sorry?

- It's nicer for Noah.

- Damn it.

Are you serious? For God's sake. Fuck.

Fucking platform. Fuck.

Do you think anyone heard that, Sara?

Are they nice?

Yes, they're very nice, actually.

Do you get along with her brother, then?

Yes.

I told you it would be okay.

And did you play guitar for them already?

No, no there hasn't been an occasion

for that yet, I'll see...

What are you going to do today?

- Lamb and garlic, right?

- Lamb...

Shall we go to the butcher?

- We'll go to the butcher.

- No, we'll go.

So I can choose what I need.

We'll go by car.

You can go for a walk together.

OK, I thought we were going to...

Then we'll be stuck in the village

all day.

OK, no problem. We'll go...

- Lamb.

- Lamb...

If you have a choice, on the bone.

I bought some boneless at first,

because that was all they had.

They didn't have any on the bone.

I was nearly out of the village

when I remembered there was

another butcher's shop.

This still has the bone.

This is the bone.

- I put the boneless one in the freezer.

- Great.

- This is... Are you sure it's lamb?

- Of course.

- It's not mutton? Sure?

- Yes.

- Then you put the thyme here.

- Okay.

And then zest of lemon, very important.

Lots of lemon zest

and then add these three...

Here we are. I was thinking...

Maybe a nice Mâcon or Merlot.

Merlot. Nice.

- What do you think?

- Merlot would be perfect.

- With the...

- Jef? It's ready to go in the oven.

Or maybe a...

- Okay.

- Or here, a Mâcon.

Okay. Perfect.

Pour a little bit on there.

- We've got a nice one.

- There's no meat thermometer.

- Oh, shit.

- Sorry.

Oh, shit. It has to be sixty degrees.

- But...

- Let's just put it in.

- Okay, so I can open the bottle?

- We'll just have to feel it.

- Nice.

- It smells nice.

- The colour looks okay, doesn't it?

- Yes, it looks fine.

- The garlic?

- The garlic is...

- It's a lot of garlic.

- It's nice.

- Mum said to stuff it in the cuts.

- Can I have some more sauce?

- It's almost garlic sauce.

- It's also with garlic.

- I don't think they'll...

- Do you want some?

- I want some more sauce.

- For the kids, I'm going to...

Sauce? It's mint sauce, but I think

there's garlic in there, too.

- Yes, it has garlic in it.

- I like it.

Could you cook mine a bit more,

as well?

- Too raw?

- No, nice, but I prefer it more...

- Well-done?

- Could I have some more gravy?

We can get some ketchup.

That might be a good idea.

A bit of ketchup.

Just to smooth out the taste.

- Nice guitar.

- It is.

- This is great.

- Alright.

- It's a Gretsch.

- What's that?

Later that evening, Jef called his mother

to tell her he'd had a lovely day.

It had been his 13,054th.

He still had 16,329 days to go.

Quality Time (2017) - full transcript