Qarib Qarib Single (2017) - full transcript

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My heart is racing

The same complaints, mom!

How do you expect dad
not to eat the payasam you make?

Do I need to come to Trivandrum
to deal with this?

Come over.

Don't post my pictures
on that WhatsApp group.

Aunt picked my brains over it
for half an hour.

"You're looking so beautiful.

-Are you seeing someone?"
-Jaya!

Come on.



Mom, I'll call you later. Bye!

You're looking so lovely!

I am actually getting married.

Who'd have thought I'd find
a husband on Tinder?

Especially in this suit.

It's been ten years now.

My near and dear ones

Are far away

Here.

My near and dear ones

Are far away

Can I get the bill?

Two hundred and forty rupees.

My near and dear ones are far away



I brew my own cup of tea

Do my own shopping

I compliment myself

I'm lonesome and lonely

I chat with myself

Keep myself busy, running pillar to post

Take myself on long drives

I'm lonesome and lonely

Night and day in the balcony

I wave an electric racket
To slay mosquitoes

No one comes to meet me!

My near and dear ones are far away

I hope you're eating well.

Just because there's no one
to prod you...

And what's this act about being sick?

That's why you're in my room.

Get lost, kid!

I've finally got my freedom.

I'd like to drive someone crazy, too

I'd like to be the reason for desire, too

Stay up talking through the night

In this big, bad world

No one to call my own, dammit

Lights out on romance!

It's me, it's me
Lonesome and lonely!

Cloaked in the blues

I'm lonesome and lonely!

The broken pieces of my heart!

My near and dear ones

Are far away

My near and dear ones are far away

Mukesh, I want that report in an hour.

Open your heart for love

Don't be lonely!

Your brother was around all this while.

Eventually your friends' kids
will leave the nest too.

And Komal's cat.
What's her name?

-Zinky?
-Zinky.

She'll also go to heaven in a few years.

When will you stop making excuses?

-What if you become a virgin again?
-What?

The gates can grow back, girl!

What gates...

That guy, Saurabh. Remember?

He's still single.

-Why don't you meet him?
-He wants to remain single.

There's a new girl
on his profile picture every week.

Oh, you've already stalked him?

Just get some extracurricular action.

You have the whole house to yourself.

But the diary is chockablock.

Yes, of course.
What a blemish on your record!

Go ahead, spend your whole life
insuring others' lives.

Don't live for yourself.

Jaya!

Are you still single?

B for Boy, G for Girl

Open your heart for love

-Don't be lonely!
-Be a couple today.

Jaya Kumaari?

Bloody!

Still Single

Exciting eyes, can I see some more?

This is Abkar.

MA?

Will you teach me a thing or two?

What does TK mean?

Do erotic postures interest you?

"Your profile is very different
from the others.

I'd like to meet you if that's possible.

If you find my profile acceptable,
let me know.

We can give a coffee shop some business.

Yogi."

Meena!

I have to attend an event.

Didn't you recommend a hair treatment?

Hey, Jaya!

-Weren't you here last week, too?
-Yes.

What's cooking? You seem to be visiting
the salon a lot.

Some important office meeting?

No. I'm just learning a thing
or two from you, Mrs. Saluja.

Meena...

My eyebrows and upper lip as well.

But, didn't you do your
upper lip just last week?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

In Mumbai?

My brother's studying at Princeton.

I have a lot of friends.

I won't be able to babysit today.

I'll take them to shopping tomorrow.

Come on.

Ms. Jayashree?

This is so mean of you.

The others get turned off looking at me.
You were leaving without even seeing me.

You are?

Didn't you recognize me?

I recognized you from your eyes.
Come on.

Time to rest my legs.
I've had a good work out.

-Let's go in.
-Yes.

Come on.

-Here?
-This table, please?

You made me run an extra 50 meters today.

Do you go for a run every day?

Yes, ma'am. I make a round
of Carter Road every day.

Training for the marathon.

-Marathon?
-Yes.

But, Carter Road is barely two kilometers.

Who wants to run
the whole marathon, Ms. Jayashree?

I haven't been punished.

I'll run a little.
Then back to home.

Then I'll watch the results on TV.

Find out who ran so much!

Welcome, mate.

What will you have?

-Get us two lattes.
-Yes.

That's two mugs of lattes,
but we don't want to get mugged.

You are a chemical engineer?

Yes, people would say that.

What do you mean?

I've studied cylinders and pipes,
but I don't work with them.

So what do you do?

I don't do anything.

It just came to my mind.

They choose their profession
but call themselves tortured slaves

If I may recite, with your permission.

They choose their profession
but call themselves tortured slaves

But lovers like me
are willing slaves to poetry.

Kudos to me!

I thought poetry was just a hobby.

My first girlfriend would call me
Sir Poet, Ms. Jayashree.

I go by the pseudonym of Viyogi.

I have published six books.

-Really?
-Yes.

-Oh.
-None of them sold.

I gave them for free to friends.
Idiots didn't read a leaf.

It's the age of the Internet.
Who reads these days?

Poets like me are thirsting for praise.

This same couplet on Facebook

would've fetched you thousands of likes.

I don't know much about Facebook,

but you get one big like!

Tell me, Ms. Jayashree TK.

How come a woman like you still single?

Were you busy with work,

or was it heartbreak?

-Here's your order.
-Thank you, mate.

-Online dating for the first time?
-Yeah.

There aren't many worth meeting.

There was an assault
of cheap messages last night.

Really?

-Yes.
-Let's have a look!

Come on, log into the website,

I'll straighten them out.

Why is it okay?

I never thought they could stoop so low.
These men!

I'd like to know. Come on.

Your voice is hesitant,
but your fingers are expressive.

Would you please look the other way?

Why? What's there?

Oh I see!

I'm just saying.

"Exciting eyes!
Can I see a picture of your lips, too?"

What's this other guy saying?

Let's go to a disco and grind our hips.
Damn!

Let me look at this.

I'll sort him out.

-You...
-What are you doing?

Your eyes are fascinating, too.

Just a minute.

-Would you please type? I'm slow.
-Okay.

-Your eyes are exciting, too.
-Fine.

Meet me at Vashi station tomorrow
at 9.30 a.m., near the phone booth.

I'll be waiting. Muah!

Just type that. Okay?

We'll send the hip grinder even further!

We'll send him to Khandala.
Just type it.

I don't want to go, Mr. Yogi.

You don't have to meet them.
They'll come to meet you.

They'll say hello to someone
with pretty eyes.

They may get slapped. It will be fun!

Come on. Get those fingers to work.

Has the doctor forbidden you
from having fun?

What do you have to lose?

They'll come and wait.
What happened?

It means I'm going to
have to delete my profile.

So where would you like to go for dinner?

No...

I know a very...
Don't stop those fingers.

Call the hip grinder to Khandala
under the bridge at 11.

Told him?

What are your feelings
toward char-grilled lamb?

Very negative feelings.

Ah! So sorry to hear that.

Shall we have a sandwich here?

Sandwich for dinner?

How about some poison instead?

There's a great restaurant,
it's Friday night.

There's great food, great music.

How did you get here?
By cab or rickshaw?

Great! Follow me then.

-Mr. Yogi...
-Mate!

Money for the lattes.

It's gonna be a fun night.

-Come.
-I'm coming.

Come.

I'm in a fix.

There should be a helpline
on this dating website.

You think there is?

Go, go.

Speed. Ms. Jayashree, hurry.

Or we'll miss the dinner reservation.

-Ready, one, two, three, come!
-I'm coming.

Come.

Follow closely... Keep driving.

A betel leaf?

So same old hangout tomorrow?
Or someplace new?

Would you message me
through the website?

We'll chat and figure it out.

-Let me do it right away, reply him.
-Huh?

Battery's gone.

Give me yours.

Give me your phone.

Why?

I'll call my driver.
How else will I get home?

Oh... sure.

Here.

Is there a problem with the touch screen?

No, it's okay.

Dillu, mate...

It's your boss.

Waiting with your food at the gate.
Hurry!

Here you go. Thank you!

Ms. Jayashree, do you eat mangoes?

-What?
-Mango, mangoes?

How did you get my number?

From Dillu.

This is his phone.

-What variety of mangoes do you prefer?
-What?

Some varieties, you squeeze and slurp.

And some others, eaten in pieces.

But mangoes when squeezed
and slurped, it's divine!

Please! I don't slurp my food.

Mangoes were made to slurp,
Ms. Jayashree TK.

You've missed out on one
of the best things in life!

This man is nuts!

Enjoying the jog, Dillu?

-Won't stop driving now, will you?
-No.

Will you become a rickshaw driver?

Not at all.

Won't leave me, will you?

Never, never.

This way.

-Turn right here, mate.
-Okay.

Now you can return.

The good life!
These are from our orchards.

For you, slurping practice.

By the way,
I've ordered two mugs of latte.

Time to get mugged, then.

And have those two apes replied?

I haven't checked. Why?

Just asking.

He said, "Sorry".

And deactivated his account.

Did you do something?

Your mug of latte.

-Are you one of those stalker types?
-Yes?

No, I'm not.

I can't stand people being
disrespectful to women.

He'll forever have nightmares
about dating sites.

My second girlfriend...

she'd say, "Viyogi...

there are barely a
few honorable men left.

Soon, they'll be banned, too."

She was right!

You are right. It's this face.
I look like a stalker.

Who's Manav?

How do you know?

You saw my password?

Was he your husband?

This is the problem with Indian women.

-What?
-Well...

Get married. Spend your whole life
with him or his memory!

Earlier, you'd attach them to your name.

Now they're stuck as your passwords.

-The same problem.
-Why taunt me?

You bring up your ex-girlfriends
every two seconds.

Who knows how many you've had!

Just three.

Been in love three times.

And all three... mad, crazy love.

Historic! Epic tragedy!

None of them have been able to forget me.

-They still pine for me.
-Are you in touch with them?

No. Not in touch...

Then how do you know they pine for you?

I'm sure of it.

Pining for years may exist in poetry,
not in real life, Mr. Yogi.

What would you know
about the madness of love?

The fortunate ones commit suicide.

Unfortunate ones like me write poetry.

The arranged marriage types...
they might move on.

If you're so confident, contact them.
Message them.

-You'll know how many tears they've shed.
-Message?

It was an era of love letters,
Ms. Jayashree.

A WhatsApp message?

-Then go and meet them.
-No.

Left three of them in pools of tears.

If they see me now,
they'll fall apart again.

Who are you really worried about?
Them or yourself?

Let's say, I go.

Would you...

like to come along?

If I go alone,
how will their families react?

So?

So come along!

Don't worry about the expenses.

I have a lot of money.
I'll take care of it.

You may be loaded,

but I take care of my own expenses.

What a wonderful feminist thing to say!

We'll split everything then.

I'll take care of the air tickets,
food and cabs.

You handle hotel bookings.

Of course,
we'll have to book two rooms.

You in yours and I'm in mine. Okay?

-What...
-Okay?

How will you introduce me to your exes?

We'll think of something.

That you are my manager.

-Manager?
-Yes.

A manager for your marathon practice?

You tell me then,
what would you like to be?

I don't want to play any part here.

Yes, Vimmi.

-Take your kids shopping?
-Where are you off to?

Listen. At least let me
say goodbye. Listen.

A change of scenery will do you good,
Ms. Jayashree TK.

City life eats you alive.

How long will we have lattes and dinners?

It'll be a vacation, too.

Been to Jaipur?

-Hrishikesh?
-Where?

Hrishikesh. Think about it.

Bye, Mr. Yogi.
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Listen to me.

Gangtok?

Listen...

-Am I looking fat in this?
-No.

Yes.

I'll just try the other one.

-Wait here.
-Yes.

-Kesha wore the exact same dress!
-Like you know!

-Too loose?
-No...

-Hold it here.
-Looks good.

It's mom. Shall I put it on speaker?

Yes. Talk to her.

How's the shopping?

We're having fun.
The clothes are a bit pricey.

So what?
Buy whatever you feel like.

Borrow from Aunt Errand.

She's my friend.

Aunt Errand is around, isn't she?

She's right here.

She's right here.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Come on. Let's go there.

Mom really knows how to embarrass us.

She knows exactly
the wrong things to say.

Are you done shopping?

Ms. Jayashree, Dillu says hello.

Hello to Dillu.

Wonder if I should tell you or not...

You get offended easily.

What is it? Tell me.

Has anyone ever told you?

Your nose shoots up in
the air when you're angry?

Just like in cartoons.

You think of me a cartoon character?

I love cartoons.
They remind me of myself.

I think I could pose as a cousin.

Excuse me?

As your cousin. On the trip.

Do cousins pair up
to go on vacation together?

Why not? Tell me if you want to...

Should we leave? Ice cream?

It's true. The salwar got torn.

-I'm going out of town for a few days.
-Oh!

I'll be accessible on phone and email.

Just get the work done.

-Your uncle in Gwalior?
-He called yesterday.

He's getting married again.

Wow. This uncle's quite a stud.

None of those genes in you?

The office is sending me on a trip, mom.

-A trip?
-Yes.

Why?

Because... I'm the best employee.
It's my reward.

That's great!

-A meditation retreat?
-Yes.

You are not allowed to talk, right?

Yes, for ten days.

Good thing.

I'll be spared from your blabbering
for ten days!

Switching on the saint mode, huh?

But why, sis?
You're already a saint!

Shall I back out?

So many days with him.

Chatter, chatter, chatter.
Drives me nuts!

Shall I cancel?

There you are!

Why are you yelling so loudly?

How does one yell softly?

Will you teach me?

You booked business class
for a two-hour flight?

We'll sit comfortably, eat good food.

What's the use of being rich?

Right?

If you love to throw away money,

you could've bought
insurance policies from me.

But let's take a selfie first.

Were you always a miser?

Let's do a pout.

We look so hot.

Ms. Jayashree,
what are you doing there?

Let me gift you my book.

Mate!

You have The Wails of Viyogi?

Viyogi.

Not "W". It's a "V" for Viyogi.

-Come on. I'm just joking.
-Don't side with her.

The book's not in stock.

That's unfair!

Madam, problems never end for women.

Don't you understand?

You can't take it aboard.
Don't you get it?

-Sir, I can't kill anyone with this.
-But you can't carry it aboard.

-It's not allowed.
-Not allowed?

-It won't scare a mouse!
-Don't you get it?

-Sir, please...
-What's the problem?

I brought my keychain along by mistake.

So what's the issue
if I carry a keychain?

-Exactly.
-No problem with this?

Give it to me.

-It's a gift from my second girlfriend.
-So?

It has a sentimental value.
I can't throw it.

It's a knife, Yogi.

Look at it!
I'll put it in my check-in bag

-and be right back.
-Okay?

Putting it in my check-in bag.
Okay?

I'm going.

Where are you?

Well, Ms. Jayashree.
I took ages to get to my check-in baggage.

-Carry on. See you at Dehradun Airport.
-What?

Your attention, please.
Fasten your...

Has he planted something in my bag?

I hope not.

God, please!

All flights to Mumbai are full today.

There must be some option.

I'm coming.

Till then treat yourself
to Uttarakhand snacks.

Go ahead, Listina. Ask!

I don't know what to say.
You've called me.

You call me every day.
There must be some problem today, too.

No problems today.

You're asleep?

So early?

I'm in Dehradun.

Last time, I was here with Manav.

You okay?
-The meditation guys are calling me.

If you like someone there,
speak to him.

Don't talk rubbish.
Go to sleep. Bye!

Don't be boring.

So what did they offer you
in business class?

No way.

That's throwing away money!

Once I got such amazing biryani.
I don't have words to describe it.

And with it...

-Mate, take this burden off us.
-Yes, sir.

And the yogurt dip
with the biryani...

The biryani and the dip...

They were like...
like two lovers in love!

Ms. Jayashree.

Take this!

And... check this out.

Making a good yogurt dip

is no less than rocket science.
Trust me!

I still haven't told you how I met Radha.

We used to fly kites
before falling in love.

I wrote a poem on my kite

and it landed on her roof.

I wrote it to make a good impression.

We went to the same kite seller.

You hear me, Ms. Jayashree?

Radha and I shared two hobbies.

Food and chatting.
She made me the gourmet I am today.

You hear me, Ms. Jayashree?

Radha was in the 10th grade.
I was in the 12th grade.

We flew kites every day,
just so we could look at each other.

-Ms. Jayashree?
-Yes.

Some water, please? This intense
storytelling has left me parched.

Please don't mind, I don't
share my bottle with anyone.

Makes sense.

What if you have something
contagious and I get it?

Mate, please give me your bottle.

Take it, sir.

-Where's the water from?
-The Ganga.

The Ganga? Perfect!

A spiritual retreat, Ms. Jayashree!

Charity Home

So?

Charity

Oh God!

What happened?

You could've booked us
in a three-star hotel.

It didn't have to be five-star.
We have enough money.

Saints and seekers, what a pure place!

Since when did
they start rating ashrams?

Good evening, oh holy one.

-Bless you.
-Only you can rescue me.

The pots of money that you have,
where does it come from?

I make money just like that,
Ms. Jayashree.

Money follows me.
I don't have to work for it.

You earn without working?

I give ideas to food companies.

If the product works,
I enjoy the royalty.

Really? Tell me one.

One just became a huge hit.
Raw Mangifera flavored cookies.

Raw Mangifera.

-Raw Mangi?
-Raw Mangifera... Mangifera.

-Mangifera?
-Raw Mangifera.

Raw mango.

You and your mangoes.

You've not tried chatori cookies?

Once we get our deliverance from here,
I'll get you to taste it.

-Provided we attain it.
-Such a divine place.

Organic and natural food.

Tour the sights.
Enjoy the view of the Ganga.

Wake up at six and practice yoga.

Only roosters wake up at six for yoga!
Why should we wake up so early?

We're not here
to deliver milk packets.

Come here, mate.

Here you go.

Can you swing some wine?

Mate? No?

God will be very upset with you.

-Hey! How come you're here?
-Just like you.

-All okay?
-Yes.

The family, the kids?
Hey, listen!

Listen.

Ms. TK.

Practicing your yogic breathing?

Aren't you hungry?

Come for a dip in the Ganga.

Come on, will you?

One day, I was reciting my poems.

My father overheard me.

He lost his cool.

He packed me off to the city.

"I don't want to see you here!"

It was tragic!

I promised Radha to come back
and I left.

-These are good for the circulation.
-Oh.

How are your hemoglobin levels?

-Try walking in them?
-No.

-My hemoglobin levels are fine.
-Just a little...

By the time, I finished high school
and got back,

Radha's atrocious father
had got her engaged.

And he sweet-talked me into
helping with the wedding.

I cried my eyes out!

Please eat.

And when it was time to leave,
the way she cried...

She bawled her heart out!

Every girl cries when it's time
to leave her father's home.

Those tears are different.

These were for me.

I'm very worried.

What if she breaks down again tomorrow?

Isn't she married?

How does that matter?

Let's say, things work out for us,

would you forget your husband?

They've started the prayers
by the Ganga.

Shall we go?

-Are you scared of ghosts?
-Huh?

Why?

We're staying in the middle of
a big cremation ground.

If a stray spirit shows up to say hello,
you won't be scared, right?

Just asking.

I've befriended ghosts now.

Are you calling me a ghost?

Ghosts like me aren't easy
to get rid off.

You need to kick us really hard,
Ms. Jayashree.

-Jaya.
-What?

Just Jaya.

There's no "shree".

Why not?

Jayashree was for
the stillsinglle profile.

Such a small lie!

That's so you.

The Internet's... very weird.

I can't tell what's true
and what's not.

Without the Internet,

the world will come
to a standstill, Mr. Yogi.

That's how important it is!

The virtual world is a public record.

Security is an issue for sure, but...

Lucky Radha, she got away!

-Ma'am, greetings!
-Greetings!

-I'm looking for Radha.
-Who are you?

Sir Poet!

Chatori cookie!

See what I mean!

Sir Poet!

It's been ages!

You haven't changed a bit.

The same skin and bones.

You lost weight.

He must have you in splits, right?

-No, I... I'm not...
-No?

Didn't you recognize her?
Jaya!

You remember Aunt Nirmala from Bareilly?

Her elder daughter.

The one that got kicked twice
by the buffalo?

-The buffalo kicked...
-No, that was Aunt Usha, right?

Forget the aunts.

Tell me how you've been?

On top of the world, Sir Poet.

-On top of the world!
-Great.

Told you.

Guddu, Chandu, Krish!

-Who're they?
-My kids.

Wow!

-Come here.
-Wow!

Look, there's someone from my village!

Village?
I've come from a mega city.

Seek blessings from my brother.

-Hello, Uncle.
-Hello, Uncle.

-Touch her feet too.
-Bless you!

-Hello, Aunt.
-No... no, please don't.

Guys, come on.
Get tea ready, hurry.

Radha, we'll leave.
We have some stuff to do.

Rubbish!

No way, you're leaving!

If you leave without meeting Shekhawat,
I'm dead meat.

-Mr. Brother-in-law!
-Dad!

Who's shouting?

-My husband, Shekhawat.
-We're upstairs.

-He's here.
-Your husband's here.

Please come.

-Hello.
-Brother-in-law.

Meet the famous poet from my village.

-He looks the part.
-Fantastic.

He does a lot of charity work there.

-Really?
-Yes.

Whenever someone comes from the village,
I'm overjoyed.

-Great.
-But I feel like kissing you.

Shall I, Radha?

My goodness!

Just great.

-Have a seat.
-Have a seat.

-Radha.
-Yes.

-Serve him some halwa.
-Okay.

He looks so delicate.

-The sign of a healthy man is curves.
-Yes?

There should be curves
either here... or here.

You have neither.

You have them, that's enough.

You wrestle?

No, no.

Radha likes muscular men.
That's why.

Okay.

-We have two small companies.
-Yes.

A travel company.

And the other is
Radha's Adventure Company.

Radha's Adventures!

-Radha.
-Yes!

Shall we take him for "that"?

-Yes... yes, great fun.
-What?

-You can eat when you return.
-What?

-Come, it'll be fantastic.
-Go ahead.

Ma'am, come along.

Can't this thing go any slower?

Park at the corner there.

We'll take a cab and go.

Park at the corner there.

Oh my God, Yogi!

-Uncle!
-Ms. Jaya.

-Hurry up or he'll drown.

-Yogi!
-Uncle.

You won't drown.
You have a life jacket on.

-What jacket?
-The one you're wearing.

-Come, Sir Poet.
-Don't be scared.

Don't be scared.

A hot oil massage at home
and you'll feel great.

No, no. We have some work.

We'll get off at the next turn.

What? Not so fast. We still
have to do "that" in the evening.

What's left now?

-I think we're done.
-What's it called, Krish?

-Bonfire.
-Yes, a bonfire.

Wow!

Sir Poet, please sing something.

-No, no.
-Please.

I remember how often
you'd sing your favorite song.

No, no.

You loved singing it.

-No, no.
-Come on, please.

-Come on, please.
-Come on, please.

Uncle, go for it.

Yes, yes, please.

Which was your favorite song?

They're beautiful

This earth, this river

-This night
-And?

-And you!
-Wow!

We're so close

But these stars far away!

Like our dreams
We see them

But they don't exist

But these are for real

This earth, this river

This night

And you!

Seems like Radha never got over you.

Yes, did you see
how she held my lips?

Yes.

She did it all the time.

But she shouldn't have called you
her brother.

Right?

In small towns, they often do that.

I didn't mind it.

I'm glad you didn't.

I'm glad she didn't
bawl her heart out either.

Right. Maybe she's crying now?

-After I left.
-You think?

A Chatori cookie to celebrate?

Wow! Kudos to the maker.

"We are different, like day and night

The sun rises with you,
the stars twinkle for me."

That's from my poem.

I finally found
your poem on a blog.

There's a blog on me on the Internet?

It's on the Poet Ghalib,
the blogger has quoted you.

Mr. Yogi, why aren't your books
on the Internet?

Where's the joy in reading poetry
on the net?

The scent of paper...
if you can't touch it...

Millions can access your poetry
on the net.

That's the benefit of the Internet.

Your self-published books
won't cross the oceans...

This should help
in spiritual growth...

They're beautiful

This river

This night

And?

Sing on.

What?

Please sing.

And?

My towel!

Get out of here!

I'm going.

-Go! Out!
-I'm leaving!

-Not there!
-I'm going.

Not here.

-Out of here!
-I can't see a thing!

Go straight now!

What are you saying?

Why did you come to my room
without knocking?

Close the door!

Mr. Yogi, how could you do this?

Shut the damn door!

-Me?
-Shut the damn door!

Who else?

-I'm closing it.
-Close your eyes, Mr. Yogi!

-Not that side...
-My eyes are closed!

My eyes are closed, I can't see.

I've closed it.

My eyes are closed!

-What?
-Ass!

Okay.

This had to happen today!

Stay seated until further instructions

and do not unfasten your seat belts.

A cool drink to
cool my cousin down?

Ma'am, can I get you a
raw mango drink?

Oh, sorry. You don't share bottles.

May I put this treasure chest up?

Sit comfortably.
No one's running away with it.

Will you please calm down now?

I didn't know you sang so well.

While listening...

I leaned on the door
and the damn door just gave away.

I don't know who left the door open.

But who opened the door?

I could've had a heart attack.
Think about it.

It was scary.

Must be a ghost.

There were ghosts
where you booked us, I'm sure!

That motel.

Was it a motel?

No, it was a spiritual retreat.

There's a surprise for you in Delhi.

"Really? What surprise?"

If I told you, it wouldn't remain
a surprise, would it?

Did I ask you what the surprise was?

No, you didn't.

But, it's so fabulous
that you'll be super happy.

You'll enjoy it so...

Time to sleep

Please pay attention.

It's an 1855 steam engine,
did you know that?

It's in the Guinness
Book of World Records!

Really?

Go ahead, Google it.

Why Google when you're here?

-Step in.
-Here?

I got it, thanks.

Wow.

This train was in the museum for years.

Then it thought,
why not tour the tracks?

Hang out with the exes.

I love the way you laugh.

-There.
-Thank you.

Can I take that? Have a seat.

The train's making you so happy,
shall we buy it?

-Perhaps, buy something to eat?
-Great!

I thought you'd never ask.

-I'll get you something awesome.
-Okay.

Sir, we have a set menu.

That's not cool, mate.

Cold cucumber sandwiches
with hot tea?

That's not done.

Get some hot fritters going, mate.

It's a set menu.

Not everything is set in life.

There's the answer!

Give me some of those, mate.

-Are these freshly made?
-Absolutely, sir.

A plate of those.

-One plate.
-No, make it two.

What's that?

Kebabs!

I could hug you, mate.
I'm tired of veggies!

-Pack some kebabs, too?
-Don't even think about it!

It's the whistle! Time to leave.

Hurry up, mate.
Some of those, too.

Here.

-How much?
-75 rupees.

Here.
And for the kebabs, too.

-But, you didn't buy any, sir.
-Keep it, mate.

Excuse me, please...

Excuse me, please...

Oh damn! Don't change the subject.

It's our turn now.

That's right.

Is the Fairy Queen
luxury section ahead?

It's gone. There she goes.

-Oh God!
-Pull the emergency chain.

Go ahead.

Broke it?

-Hello.
-Are you on the train?

Yes. But, not on ours. On another one.

-Yogi! Pull the chain.
-I did. It broke.

The Indian Railways for you!

Yogi.

-Jump, Yogi. Jump.
-Okay, I'll jump.

-Ms. Jaya, should I jump?
-Yes, jump.

-Jump off?
-Obviously.

Alright.

I can't.
The train's moving, Ms. Jaya.

It's slow, Yogi.

Maybe your train is slow. Mine's not!

What if I break my leg?

Get off quickly, ass!

What's that?

Why did you get off?

I went to get us fritters, Ms. Jaya.

-Hello!
-The height of foolishness, Yogi!

We are in trouble!

Sorry, Ms. Jaya.

Come on! 15 fritters for 10 rupees.

Have some delicious fritters.

A gentleman had ordered fritters.

Leave it here.

Yes, ma'am.

It's not chess. Don't take so long.
Go ahead, play.

It's your turn now.

Ms. Jaya, everything's sorted.

Is my laptop bag with you?

Yes. What about it?

Please keep it carefully.

Don't worry.
It's kept close to my heart.

Have you gotten off the train?

No. Old Delhi is 15 minutes away.

I'll get off and figure out transport.

I'll get there when you will.

Buddy, stop looking at my cards.

Can't you figure it out now?

There's an Internet dongle
in my laptop bag.

Net? Okay.

Is the password
the same or changed?

What?

-Your turn.
-Your turn.

-Buddy, it's your turn.
-Here you go.

Thief!

Is it stolen?

No, it's with me.

Where is it?

Ashish, your voice is breaking up.

What's wrong?

Top class idiot!

How I wish I could kill you!

How I wish I could kill you!

I'm done. It's your turn.

Take my life, will you?

And I'll take yours

Take my life, will you?

And I'll take yours.
Gently, I'll squeeze your neck

Tell him I've jumped off the train.

Tell him!

The train to Alwar is tomorrow morning.

-Tomorrow?
-Yes, sir.
MAZE HDRelease

-Hurry! To Alwar.
-Where will you go, sir?

So far? In a rickshaw?

Will you go to Alwar?

Of course! Wherever you say, sire.

-You'll have to step on the gas.
-Absolutely.

-Like an airplane.
-I'll fly like a rocket, sire.

I'm from Old Delhi.

We have a saying,
"Hands off the wheel,

but feet never off the pedal."

Don't you get it?

Are you stupid?

I ask for a squirrel
You come with a buffalo

Which school has churned you out?

Just one way out of this

Kick you out, goodbye!

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Just one way out of this

-Kick you out, goodbye!
-Sir!

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Ma'am, I understand you
won't go for the wildlife safari?

It's part of the
Fairy Queen package.

It's already been paid for.

-S'il vous plait!
-Merci!

If it's paid for, I'm going.

Of course, I'll go.

Please tell my cousin...

All lines in this route are busy.

Should I shed tears?

Should I shed tears for you?

Or laugh at you?

How do I get you to understand?

You're an illiterate fool

Did you knock yourself out?

Oh looney lady
Spare me this nightmare!

Oh looney lady
Spare me this nightmare!

I might be the one to squeeze your neck!

Take my life, will you?

And I'll take yours

Why bother this much?

Let's just say goodbye!

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Neither are you king nor am I queen

This is no fairy tale

Take my life, will you?

And I'll take yours

Take my life, will you?

Should I slow down, sire?

Don't you slow down!

Take my life, will you?

Where's she gone?

The wildlife safari.

Must be on her way back.

Okay.

And why are you waiting alone?

Come along.

Come on.

Greetings!

Good night!

When did you get here?

Eight hours too late.

It's been eight hours?

Any wild animals on the safari?

Antelope? Jackal?

-Wow!
-It was amazing.

So what's your plan?

Shall we move on?

I was thinking of returning to Mumbai.

There's a ton of work piling up.

Babysitting kids...

or taking someone shopping?

We should meet other people.

-Go out...
-Go out on dates with others?

Right.

Should I find you a dashing prince
on the same site?

You still on it?

Why? Shouldn't I be?

But I've heard there are rules
to online dating.

Are there? What might they be?

Well, if you're getting to know someone,

you're supposed to
deactivate your account.

But didn't you just mention
dating other people?

It doesn't make a difference to me.

-There's one difference between us.
-Just one?

There are many small ones,
but this is important.

What is it?

Let it be.

No, please tell me. What is it?

I speak my mind.
I do what my heart desires.

But you...

Sire, when will your cousin be here?

Mate, no one in the world
has the answer to that.

Let's wait some more.

As He wishes.

-In this cab.
-Sir!

So what did they feed you
on the Fairy Queen?

-Fritters.
-That rascal got you fritters?!

The wounds remained a lifetime,

and I was distraught with time.

Distraught with time?

Why did my fingers freeze
as they wrote your name.

Fantastic, sire!

As the performance was over,

a gorgeous woman wearing
stilettos and a long kurta,

walked up to me and softly said...

"Why do you write such sad poetry?"

And what did you say, sire?

"Because I hadn't found you yet."

Oh, man! You just killed it, sire.
Too much!

How can I forget such a romance, mate?

I'll be meeting her after 14 years.

Never!

-That kind of love is once in a lifetime.
-Well...

I got lucky twice over.
And then, a third time.

Barely love,
almost like the local train.

Miss one, hop on to the other!

Ma'am, you have to
fall in love to know

what it feels like.
How would you know?

-Those who've had an arranged marriage...
-Stop the car.

-Why get upset over trivial issues?
-Stop the car!

Where are you going?

Drugstore
Reasonable prices

This isn't the brand I asked for.

It's fantastic, madam. It's new.

I pop four-five myself every night.

The best sleep ever!

Never heard of it.

You take sleeping pills, Ms. Jaya?

Good Lord!

The worst habit ever!

Your other habits like not
sharing water are still okay...

Meditate. Stare at the fan.
Count backward...

We have to attend a party at Anjali's.

Anything else?

Thank you.

That's 87 rupees and 95 paisa, sir.

95 paisa!
I want exact change back.

-I want exact change back.
-Five...

You bought the Fairy Queen...

I'll just go to the pantry.

Oh shit!

You're going to get us killed.

I've locked all the doors, sire.

Check it again.

Checked, sire.

What pills are these!

Ms. Jaya, please sleep for a bit.

-Here's a pillow.
-Everything will be fine.

Don't be silly.
She doesn't share anything with others.

There's something
I'd like to ask you...

Why did you stop after the third one?

Why not a fourth or a fifth?

Manav's asking.

Is Mr. Manav sitting
in the back with you?

No.

Right there in front of me.

How can you talk to Mr. Manav?

Do you have a special data plan?

An exclusive one!

A direct line.

Hey...

Didn't you go to Old Delhi
to fry fritters?

-Where are they?
-The fritters?

They're being fried.

-Are they?
-Yes, they are.

-Are they?
-Yes, they are.

Still being fried?

You can't eat them till you fry them.

Why is everything so slow
on the Fairy Queen?

I'm hungry.

Give me the fritters.

They'll be ready soon.

Mate, how long before we reach there?

We're almost there, sire.

Hurry up, mate.

-Mr. and Mrs.?
-Miss...

Shashidharan.

-Shashi...
-Shashidharan.

Two separate rooms, please.

We're having a fight.

Oh!

-Which couple doesn't, Mr. Shashidharan?
-Yes.

-I'll give you adjacent rooms.
-Yes.

There will be hope for a truce.

Here?

Where is it?

It's the limit! Taking revenge?

-No.
-I never made you wait so much.

Your memory fails you.

Even owls would go back to sleep
and I'd be up waiting.

-It is revenge then!
-No.

Let's meet tomorrow.

-We're still on our way...
-No, absolutely not!

-We're in your city, Ms. Number Two.
-Hey...

-Where should we come?
-Hey...

Please ignore that.

The party must have been over by now.

-We'll meet tomorrow?
-No way!

What's happening there?

-A procession's passing by.
-What?

We must meet today!

Shall I make it one room, then?

One room?

No. We want two.

My regards!

-Anjali.
-Viyogi!

God.

-Hats off to you, Sir Poet.
-Mr. Shashidharan...

She's real poetry!

Mr. Shashidharan.

Shall I get you the suite?

What room?

The suite.

Unbelievable!

Anjali's turned into Angelina Jolie.

Where are your long kurtas?

Somewhere in the back of the closet.

One word from you and I'll pull it out.

Don't take the effort.

They're kept well?

Absolutely.
One is especially safe.

The maroon one?

That's the one.

Maroon!

Viyogi, you haven't changed at all.

You're just the same. Vagabond.

I'm glad, you didn't get too rich.

Money ruins the best of them.

Tell her that you are rich.

-What?
-Tell her...

Yes... I'll tell her.

-Did you leave the party midway?
-What?

Same old party. Same old people.
Same old conversations.

And you've come from
so far just to meet me.

Anjali, you're sizzling hot!

So much steam!

Too many sleeping pills.

Without you...

If I may recite, with your permission?

-Please do.
-Do I...

-Please, please do.
-I see.

-Please, please do.
-Shall I?

Please.

Where you don't exist...

there exist just ruins.

Cause wherever you stand...

that's where the party begins!

How was that?

-Wonderful!
-Wonderful!

-Did you say she's your cousin?
-Yes.

His Aunt Nirmala's daughter.

Wasn't she got kicked by a buffalo?

Mom, I tell you. A nut case!

You...

Wasn't that her penknife?

-Where is it?
-What?

-In this pocket...
-Jaya, what are you doing?

-Jaya, what are you doing?
-Where is it?

Where is it?

Jaya, what are you doing?

-You put it here.
-What are you...

-Got it!
-What do you want?

-No, don't...
-Here!

-No, don't.
-Look at this.

This blade still cuts apart
the beats of his heart.

Wow. Now give it back.

Viyogi, you still have it?

Well...

He believes...

you still miss him.

No, I mean...

Tell her you're rich.

I will, I will.

-I will.
-Tell her right now.

I will.

-Now!
-Okay.

She's a bit woozy.
Too many sleeping pills.

Are you done?

-Yes.
-Are you done?

Yes.

I'll walk her to the door.

-Okay.
-Please wait in the car.

Ma'am, this way.

Awfully quiet for a party.

-Is it over?
-No.

The last few would be on the terrace.

They'll do some stargazing all night.

And sing the same old songs.

So you think I didn't get over you?

What was the party for?

My wedding anniversary.

And you came to meet me?

I just left the anniversary party,

not the marriage.

-I never forgot what you said.
-What?

"You are leaving a poet...

but his poetry
will always stay with you."

You chose well.

My poetry doesn't buy me a bag of chips!

Ma'am, where are you...

-You still have the scooter?
-No, sold it.

But I kept its mirror.

So is she packing her bags?

Are you going to steal her away?

-Steal her?
-Yes!

It's very late now, Ms. Jaya.

I'll come back for her in the morning.

What?

Why did you need to hide?

Isn't she the love of your life?

-Isn't she?
-What?

We would have closed our eyes.
You could've had fun in the car.

You had to cover your ears too.

-Did you kiss her?
-No.

No, I didn't.

She kissed me.

Just once.

What now?

What? It's done now.

An affair with a married woman,
Mr. Viyogi?

Your second ex becomes
your fourth girlfriend?

Why are you stuck on the numbers?

Let it be.

The driver is waiting.
There's no one else to take us back.

This city's a maze. We'll get stuck.

Asleep, Ms. Jaya?

-You were...
-Yes!

You were absolutely right!

-Mr. Yoginder AKA whatever...
-What did you say?

I don't give a damn
about your pseudonym!

-There's one difference between us.
-Yogi is my pseudonym.

What difference?

-Lots of small differences...
-Yes?

-...but there's a major difference.
-A Major difference.

I don't cheat on anyone.

You're absolutely right!

Slimeball!

Oh my...

Go to the love of your life.

I have Manav.

But he's not around.

He passed away many years ago.

Come along.

What happened?

Ms. Jaya.

Where are you?

-Oh God.
-You are dead!

Jaya...

Asleep?

Yogi.

Mr. Yogi.

What are you doing in my room?

What are you doing in my room?

Well... the thing is...

you're in my room.

What are you doing here?

Yeah... so, why did you bring me here?

What do you think?

It's your room. What do you think?

You brought me to this room.

Forcibly!

-Forced you?
-Yes.

Are you saying
that in my drunken state,

I forced you?

That's what happened.

You don't know what you're capable of.

Whatever happened, it was meant to be.
What do we do now?

Did you?

Touch my arm.

-Doesn't it feel different from before?
-Why?

I carried you all the way,
so I've developed muscles here.

I carried you.
Didn't steal you away.

You have muscles now?

-Ms. Jaya.
-Yes!

You had passed out
under the moon and stars,

on a carpet of green grass.

Wasn't it a full moon night?

Ms. Jaya.

Mr. Yogi.

I still see a full moon.

Answer the call.

Why aren't you answering it?

-What?
-Answer the phone.

And shall I leave?

-If you want some privacy.
-What?

No. What's the hurry?

I'll answer it.
What's the rush?

Perhaps she wants more?

What do you think?

A question for a question?

Tell me, what do I think?

What do I think?
What do you think?

What does she think?

Who knows?

You tell me what you think.

Take the call.

What the hell!
I've been calling for so long.

Why don't you answer the call?

Give it a rest, Anjali.
Let me sleep a bit.

It's an old habit.
It won't go away so easily.

Your scent took me back in time.

By the way...

I pulled out that maroon kurta
from the closet.

Will you come over to see it?

Huh?

What happened?
Cat got your tongue?

Mr. Viyogi.
Forgotten the art of repartee?

You remember?

I used to be Aunt Nirmala's daughter
once upon a time.

Listen. She's a keeper!

Keep her close.

-Sire.
-Sire.

Sire, I tried writing last night.

Not sure if it's a poem or a song.

Very well.

Sire!

-Sire!
-Right back at you!

The way the light's falling
on your face...

it's as if an artist...
has painted it.

Liquid gold dripping off your nose.

Like your third ex...
my ex-boyfriend lives in Gangtok, too.

And I've come on this trip to meet him.

Not to meet your exes.

You had a boyfriend?

Yes.

You mean an authentic,
legitimate boyfriend?

What do you mean authentic?

I mean a proper boyfriend?

Obviously, authentic!

Is there another kind?

Were you in kindergarten then?

In college!

Don't think I can have a boyfriend?

Of course, you can.
Could've been many.

You're saintly enough
to have stopped at one.

Sikkim's most famous face.

Google it. Sidkong Sharma.

Ding-Dong Sharma?
Never heard of him before.

He was a guest faculty at our college.

Who did you say you were coming with?

How did you plan to introduce me?

Why?

Have you lied to him like you lied to me?

-But you...
-Sire, to the airport, right?

-Goodbye, ma'am.
-Thank you.

Oh, we didn't hear your poem.

-Another time, sire.
-Okay. Goodbye!

-Sire, something I wanted to tell you.
-Yes?

It's the first rule of driving.

Eyes on the road, always!

Straight ahead.

Of course the rear view is important.

But to turnaround and
go back a 100 kilometers

is a waste of time.

But you know best. You are wise.

You've spoken such wise words!

You were a great guide.

So long.

Jaya!

You must've come for a conference,
I'm sure.

-Such a coincidence.
-Hello!

My friend from the salon.

She has great taste in clothes.

Really?

We have a hen party. Next weekend.

And you must design our kaftans.

An off-shoulder for me, please.

She'll do it.
Our problem is solved, isn't it?

Now, Jaya will style us.

She had a yellow kaftan.

So beautiful, I almost died.

Mrs. Saluja, I haven't
come here for a conference.

I'm traveling with a date.

Yes. But,
it didn't click with this date.

So, I'm off to Sikkim...

to meet an ex-boyfriend.

She's rocking it.

Really!

She's coming to meet me.

Of course.
Why else would I come to Gangtok?

My cousin is with me.

Yes.

A helicopter ride...

When you're done with your fingers,
you can borrow mine.

Don't worry. It'll be okay.

Ours isn't a till-death-
do-us-apart love story.

I've booked my return ticket.

I'll leave for the airport
after meeting my ex.

Enjoy the mountains with Mr. Sharma.

If you feel like it,
call me when you get back.

We can give a coffee
shop some business.

But...

Go on.

Here.

What does Ms. Number Three do?

Well...

Gauri teaches contemporary dance.

Is Mr. Sharma coming here to meet you?

To pick me up.

He'll take me home.

To introduce you to the family.

He's single, too.

Is he properly single
or single like you and me?

I'll go.

When it was about your exes, Yogi...

you took me on a world tour.

You've booked your return ticket?

Your food, your exes.

Your poetry.

Your keychain.

It's all about you!

Your fritters, your chatori cookies,

your snores!

Your damn snores!

And the nonstop jabbering!

I don't want to give some business
to a coffee shop with you.

Because there's no room for anyone else
in your life.

Does yours have room for someone else?

You're looking stunning!

Vimmi.

-You gave me the perfect name.
-What?

Aunt Errand.

Next time,
call when you need a friend. Okay?

Please listen to me.

Komal, your cat spends
more time with me than you do.

I'm in Sikkim on a pleasure trip.

Please don't call me.

If you meet someone through
a dating website...

Still nursing hopes of marrying me?

It's been 14 years.

There was a dream

Should we let it go?

The little that we have

Shall we let it go?

There was a dream

Should we let it go?

The little that we have

Shall we let it go?

Shall we take a moment, look within

Or perhaps, let it go

Out of habit, you'd wonder
If it worked out, how'd it be?

But no, let it go

There was a dream

Should we let it go?

The little that we have

Shall we let it go?

The past, why doesn't it ever pass?

Oh, why not?

It finds its way back into the present

I didn't think about you

Yet, your memory found its way
Back into my heart

If you'd have questions for me
I'd have plenty of answers

But no, let it go

Out of habit, you'd wonder
If it worked out, how'd it be?

But no, let it go

You made it big, congratulations.

That which was a dream

Should we let it go?

The little that we have

Shall we let it go?

In the words of a saint

How can I help you?

Where's my sister?

She's gone out.

Who are you?

Yogi.

What's the full name?

What name do you
go by on Facebook?

And how do you know my sister?

Met her at that
godforsaken retreat?

Mate, let's not go down that road.

My name is Yogendra Kumar
Devendranath Prajapati AKA Viyogi.

I did have a Facebook profile
but I've deleted it.

I'm not interested
in the other sites.

And I'm not sure where I stand.

You study at an
Ivy league University.

Ms. Jaya Shashidharan's brother...

haven't you figured out
that I'm no thief!

Are you her... boyfriend?

The famous local industrialist,
Mr. Kong Sharma,

where does he live?

Yogi!

Yogi.

I miss the damn ride every time.

Not this time!

Mr. Yogi.

Yes, Ms. Jaya.

May I ask you something?

Yes.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am.

Will you share this with me?

Soaring in the skies like a bird I glide

Following your lead, wherever you go

As your fellow traveler

I'll walk hand in hand with you

Soaring in the skies like a bird I glide

Following your lead, wherever you go

Make an excuse, call me out
I'll be there for you

Following your lead, wherever you go

We'll flow together

We'll find shore, here somewhere

Let's get close, take this forward

Let's find out what happens next

Just walk with me
I'll follow your lead blindly

Just walk with me

Let's take a step

Just walk with me

Only dreams will be waiting for us

Just walk with me
We'll find reasons on our way

Where do you wanna go?
What's the worry?

We'll think about destination
On our way

Destination is an excuse
Who cares will we get there?

Let's worry about it on our way

Don't think

Why worry that we haven't met earlier?

Let's know each other

When we wander aimlessly
Why worry?

Just walk with me

I'll follow your lead blindly

Just walk with me

Let's take a step

Just walk with me

Only dreams will be waiting for us

Just walk with me
We'll find reasons on our way

I'm nothing but a traveler
Following your lead, wherever you go

As your fellow traveler

I'll walk hand in hand with you
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