Q: The Movie (1999) - full transcript

- [LaQuita] Damn, but look at all that SPAM,

looks like y'all having a barbecue, huh?

(upbeat hip hop music)

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty



♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2,000, zero, zero just had me ♪

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Hot male top down

♪ Creeping up real slow

♪ Another ass in the car all good to go ♪

♪ See that body got my eyes open ♪

♪ Please stop

♪ Shake that ass over here on my block ♪

♪ Having fantasies with a playa ♪

♪ See you shaking that ass in the Q like you don't care ♪

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude



♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it'll only take a little time ♪

♪ Between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something about that ass got me blind ♪

♪ So come and stand right in front of me ♪

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ Till a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like way,

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2,000, zero, zero just had me ♪

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ I carry heartbreak

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ My man's watching, I love the way she throw it up ♪

♪ Tear drop I used to cry heavily ♪

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a big ass ahead of me ♪

♪ HW, hit me with a six pack

♪ She got ass

(crickets chirping)

♪ Uh, Uh,

♪ Nigga- Nigga- what

♪ Doggy style, 69

♪ I like it

♪ When you do it to me all the time ♪

♪ Doggy style, 69

♪ Uh uh uh, Nigga- Nigga- what

♪ Doggy style, 69

♪ I like it when you do it to me all the time ♪

♪ Doggie style, 69

♪ Uh

♪ Well come on let's get it on before your mama be home ♪

♪ And you best be dipping down til the break of dawn ♪

♪ If Victoria got a secret then that bitch is a lie ♪

♪ Cause all my niggas know

♪ That I'm the piece of the pie ♪

♪ (indistinct) if you wanna be down ♪

- Damn baby, you got more stacks

than the mother fucking International House of Pancakes.

- Are you ready?

'Cause I'm about to give it to you so good

you gonna jump up

and slap your mama.

- Hell yeah I'm ready,

bring that shit over.

(moaning)

- Oh you feel so good!

- Boom shakalaka!

Boom shakalaka!

♪ You know mama gonna make it worth your while ♪

♪ So give it up, give it up

(phone ringing)

- Who this?

- Hi Cedric, it's your boo, Gia.

I just wanted to say good morning.

- Yo baby, I'm trying to catch mad Z's right now,

I'm gonna hit you back in a few hours.

- [Gia] Okay, toodles.

- My girlfriend Gia always calling when I'm dreaming

about my ex-girlfriend Marika.

But I'll tell y'all more about that later on.

♪ What your girl don't know

- Mama! Hey, I'm naked and I'm trying to take a doo doo.

- Boy please, you ain't have no clothes on

when I gave your ass life.

Now hurry up and get out of here, get downstairs

and help your father load that car, and I mean now!

(loud slam)

- Boy, you know you got decent clothes upstairs.

Why you come out of the house looking like this?

And where are your shoes?

- Hurry up, boy, I been waiting on your ass for 20 minutes.

- Sorry about that pop, what you need?

- I want you to put them bags in the back.

- Okay, you've been waiting down here for 20 minutes

and you already brought the bags out?

How come you didn't just put them in the trunk?

- Cause you need to do some work.

- Cedric, now you know your daddy got a bad back.

Just get over here and put these bags in the car,

and quit questioning him.

- What you talking about?

I ain't got no bad back.

- Well it's not a newsflash,

you've had a bad back for years now.

- Well, you weren't complaining about that last night

when I threw your ass in the froggy style position,

now was you? (laughs)

- Well you do have tendency to rise to the occasion.

- Yes, I do. (both laughing)

(Cedric clears throat)

(Cedric coughing)

(record scratching)

- Come on, man, what's wrong with you?

I want the lawn mowed, the house clean,

and most importantly I want that backyard straightened up,

especially the pool.

And don't have none of them two-bit ho's

you be messing around with up in here while I'm gone.

- What about two-bit hoochie mama's, is that cool?

- Boy, you want me to knock you into the middle of November?

- Only if it's the 15th, that's the only time

y'all seem to buy grocery these days.

Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding pops, just kidding.

- Now look here boy, I know you're in your last semester

of college, so you a man now.

Be responsible, okay?

Cause if you are, as a graduation gift,

I might be able work something out on that

93 Jeep that you want.

- For reals?

(laughs)

- That's right, son, that's right.

I know how you feel,

you're a horny little motherfucker all the time.

So if you wanna get your little booty thing going,

after you finish your work, you better carry your ass

to a motel or to the back of someone's car.

Don't have my place smelling like ass,

'cause the only person allowed to

pop coochie in that castle, is this king.

Got it?

(car horn honking)

Woman, stop honking that horn at me, goddammit.

Can't you see me here conversating man to man to my son?

Shit,a woman will drive a man crazy.

Nag you to death, make you wanna commit suicide,

or homicide.

Look boy, if you wanna have one,

two of your homeboys over, that's fine, but no parties.

- Don't worry pop, I won't let you down.

- Oh no no, you won't let me down.

You'll let yourself down,

and your mama down,

and that pretty little Jeep down.

- If you need anything, I left the number to where

we gonna be staying on the fridge.

And in case of an emergency I left 911's number too.

See you later, be good.

- (indistinct) boy.

(hip hop music)

- Hey nigga, let's throw a party.

- Hell no!

- Why not?

- Nigga, the bottom of the page.

- Oh damn!

You getting this shit?

- Yeah! - Lemme see.

Damn, oh that looks tight right there.

- Yep, pop say all I gotta do is keep the house straight,

mow the lawn, clean the backyard, the pool

and I'll be four wheeling my ass off...

Nigga!

- Hey man, when you get this,

can I have your bus pass and your tokens?

- Yeah Delron.

- Cool!

- Man, this shit sure is dope.

Definitely a ho magnet.

- That's what I'm saying.

(laughs)

- Man, we could drop a funky ass barbecue

and your moms and pops won't even know it.

It ain't gonna take us 48 hours to clean

this motherfucker up.

- I don't know man, pops warned me about throwing a party.

- That's right.

He said don't have a party,

he didn't say nothing about a barbecue.

- Nah, he didn't.

- I can call my boy Scotty, get him on the ones and twos.

Get my grandmother recipe for barbecue sauce,

throw it up on the grill.

We could charge niggas $10 to get in.

We could put chips in our pocket and parlay

with a gang of bitches all day.

- Naw man, I'm too close to getting me some wheels, man.

I am not fucking it up.

- Oh shit!

- What?

- Man...

Radio not included man.

- Let me see that.

- A car with no sound,

man you best be keeping your on the bus with spike leak.

- I saw your baby daddy at the party with Tarika.

- Oh no you didn't. - Yes, I did.

You need to call him.

- I know that low life.

- Check your man, he was with her.

- Did he... - Kissing!

- You kidding me? - I am serious!

- I am serious.

No, I'm not kidding.

- Hello ladies.

Hey y'all, I was on my way to the beach,

y'all ladies wanna roll.

- To the beach?

- Yeah.

- [Both] Yeah, let's go!

- Play something that we can groove to!

- Yeah, put the music on!

(hip hop music)

- What is that?

♪ How y'all feeling out there?

- Is that what you call music?

♪ Jedi Jedi getting busy

♪ I'm in the studio

- Oh no, I can't do!

Huh uh!

- Hold up! Hold up! - Oh no, no.

- When you roll the windows up it get clearer!

You just gotta concentrate on the sound.

All right dawgs.

Let's do this but y'all keep it on the DL.

I don't want everybody and their mama showing up.

- Cool, cool, cool, cool.

It's on, it's on.

- We gon' get our shit off! - [Geeter] Yeah!

(hip hop beat)

(soulful music)

- Robin, why don't you get out and go help my sister

with her bags?

- I ain't helping Virginia with shit.

I got a bad back, remember?

Ah! You feel that shit?

You must have felt that shit.

Looking like Yoda.

- What you got in here...

- Look look look look,

like I said girl,

you wear that bikini you be wearing down at the beach...

Let your ass in for free!

- Yo, how's it going dog? - Let me get back with you...

- Shit is all good, I done called everybody on the list.

- So how many people coming?

- One, two, three, four, five, about 35.

- About 35?

Nigga, there's only 20 on the list.

- I forgot a couple of the freakazoids that might cut me off

the coochie if they find out later that they didn't

get an invite to the party of the year.

- Nigga, I told you I didn't want everybody

and their mama here.

Did you hear that? - Man, calm down.

Look, the more motherfuckers we get in here,

the more chips we going to clock.

Speaking of which,

give me a hundred dollars.

- What?

- Yeah man, list of shit we need, you know?

Potato chips, dips, Chronics and shit.

- Yo, I can read nigga.

- Didn't know you hooked on phonics.

- All's I got is $25, man.

How much you got?

Well...

Damn, I got about...

Oh, about 40.

- $40?

- Nah, 40 cent nigga!

- (groans) Oh, shit.

- Hey, ask that nigga Delron, he got a job.

- Delron!

Yo man, we need a C note to get the stuff for the barbecue

and all we got is $25.

- And 40 cent.

- Whatever.

How much can you kick in?

- All I got is $5.

- Man, you gonna get your money back after the barbecue.

- Man, if I had it, I'd kick it in.

All I got is $5.

- Nigga, you been working all summer.

- All summer.

- And all you got is $5? - [Geeter] $5...

- Yeah man, I had to give Latoya my last

so she could tighten up her weave.

- Damn pussy-whipped bastard.

- Yo man, we got 90 minutes to come up with $70.

Now who do we know that can front us that kind of cash

on this short of notice?

- The only two people I kick it with

is you two broke down mofos!

- Don't look at me, the only bitches I fuck with

is ons the county.

They won't even let me look at the snaps.

You need a new job, nigga.

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ You gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

(phone rings)

- Who this?

Yo what's up man?

So where's it at?

All right man.

Yeah.

Thanks anyway dawg.

Right.

Yo, Roscoe couldn't come up with the ends.

- Damn!

- Did you ask Marika?

- Hell naw!

I ain't asking her for shit!

- Oh man.

Hey, you better chill out dude, we on the paper chase.

And we trying to chill

with some half naked ho's in the process.

You better swallow your pride man.

- All right man, shit I'll ask her.

- [Cedrick] Marika, the one I was dreaming about earlier,

she my ex girl and we broke up over some silly shit.

Kind of got that love hate thing going on.

As a matter of fact, the only reason I'm dating Gia

from the valley is to make Marika jealous.

Cause I know she can't stand Gia's ass.

- What is it Cedrick, don't you see I'm working?

- Yeah, yeah, I seen that and your hair look so nice.

Anyway, I need to borrow $70.

(screams)

Come on Marika, you know I wouldn't even step to you

if I didn't really need this dough.

- Have you been gambling again?

- (mockingly) No I ain't been gambling again!

Me, Delron and Geeter is throwing a barbecue,

charging $10 a head, expecting like 30 people.

We need your funds for the Q, drinks, et cetera.

I mean you'll have your money back by this afternoon with

like, you know, two, three, percent interest.

- No! Huh uh! it ain't going down like that!

You know what Imma do?

Imma loan you that money!

But you gonna gimme back 50% of the profit.

- Hell naw! You tripping!

See that's why I don't like asking you for nothing.

You always gotta be a bitch about it.

- [Marika] Bitch? - Fuck that!

Take your ass back in the store, Ill get the money

from somebody else. - [Marika] Whatever.

- All Right!

All right.

50% of the profits is cool I mean, 50...

(hip hop music)

[Cedrick] As usual, Big Nig was 45 minutes early

to the barbecue in case we needed some Q cent.

Every time he come over he eat up everything and wanna put

his big, black, crusty ass in somebody pool.

(hip hop music)

♪ What's happening, I see you cappin' ♪

♪ Trying to play that role

♪ Like you don't know me

♪ Coming to the (indistinct) of diamonds and pearls ♪

(splash)

- [Cedrick] Damn!

That had to be at least a eight on the Richter scale!

♪ I see you looking at the way my teeth glisten ♪

It was all to the good.

Me and Geeter was on our way back from the

store with all the stuff for the Q.

Mom's, pops and aunt Virginia was

well on their way to my cousin's wedding in Oaktown.

♪ The lights down low

♪ Sitting at the bar

♪ See you from afar

♪ Looking like a star

♪ Wondering who you are

♪ Ooh baby smooth, sexy, chocolate ♪

♪ And you look so fine

And Big Nig was back at the house with Delron, chillin,

with a donut.

♪ I've been waiting for the longest time ♪

- Where did all this SPAM come from?

- Oh man, I got this when you went to go get some more ice.

I got the SPAM, it's on!

- We are not serving SPAM.

- Oh, come on man, most niggas and niggets

won't even know the difference.

They'll think it's some ham or some shit like that.

- Fool, people paid good money for some barbecue.

I'm not trying to take advantage of the homies by

substituting no SPAM for ham!

- Come on man, you gotta keep your eyes on the prize.

The Kenwood, the two speakers, the amps, a gang of khaki.

We in a business venture.

Business venture all right?

We gotta keep costs low. Now we hook up this...

- What's up fellas!

Damn, but look at all that SPAM,

looks like y'all having a barbecue huh?

- Yeah this afternoon.

Hey hey hey!

You're more than welcome

to come through if you want to, LaQuita.

- Really Ced, should I bring anything?

- Hey!

- What the fuck a broke bitch like this gonna bring?

I mean she bring that government cheese up out the crib

your mom's gonna whoop that ass!

- Don't be calling me no bitch Geeter.

You need to shut your ugly ass up.

- Oh shit she called me ugly!

Excuse me have you took a look in the mirror lately?

I mean, God damn!

- Yes I have.

And it confirmed what I already know

that I am mad fine and I got it going on.

- Well from where I stand

and that's pretty motherfucking close.

You look like you been whooped

with four or five ugly sticks.

I'm talking a Rodney King beat down.

- Imma fuck you up nigga!

(screaming)

- Hey hey hey!

Hey hey hey hey hey hey, Chill.

Yo man Geeter what's up?

You can't be squaring up to fight no girl!

- That's a motherfucking bear!

Imma whoop that bear's ass!

- LaQuita LaQuita LaQuita! - [Geeter] What's up then?

- Just come to party and get your boogie on.

All right? Just come get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Swang it, swang it, swang it, swang it

Doo Doo Brown girl!

Bad ass!

Damn crack head!

Come on.

- Man I'm scared man.

I don't, fuck this...

I ain't going that way, man.

♪ Bringing on Armageddon

♪ Bullets are gonna be etch'n

♪ Deep into your flesh'n

- Yo, can't believe they only had one pack of Lee's.

Let's roll up to the boys market and get some more Lee's.

- The one on the other side of tracks.

- Yeah.

- Shit, nigga since you went away to school.

Hoo Bangers took over that whole side of tracks, man.

- Who that?

- That's made up a bunch of old school niggas.

And I think they saw that Original Gangsta decided to make

a comeback on the motherfucker.

- Man I ain't scared of no old school busters

perpetrating like they hard!

- What? Shit, go get them hot dogs then nigga.

Shit, it's my boy right there.

(ominous hip hop music)

- Oh, maybe one pack is enough.

I mean cause look,

it's like five or six in the pack.

- Oh man, you's a punk!

- I ain't no punk, I'm just saying man.

I mean, I mean look at the time, dude.

It's already 3:30.

Oh shit!

Nigga it's three-motherfucking-thirty!

- Man would you calm down?

We on CP time.

That mean we got about a hour

before niggas start showing up to the pool party.

- Hey hey hey hey hey hey!

We are not throwing a party.

We're throwing a Q!

BAR-BE-CUE!

- WHAT-E-VER!

♪ Listen up y'all here comes the road call ♪

♪ This goes out to those who big ball ♪

♪ Mama, playa playa

♪ If you're sporting Chuck Taylors ♪

♪ Or Armani, and alligators

♪ Who's in the house (house)

♪ Open up your mouth (mouth)

♪ The west (west), the east (east) ♪

♪ And the dirty south (south)

- Hey Delron!

Delron, come here.

- What's up Shea?

- What's up is this Q is booty!

- Come on Shea.

I let you and your girls get in for free.

Look, look, just hang in there all right.

Cedrick and Geeter will be back in a moment

with the, the drinks, the munchies...

Look, it'll be all on there.

Just trust me it'll be phat then.

- Y'all ain't even got no music going on.

What you talking about?

- Music?

Look, why didn't you say so?

Hold on...

Bam! This here plays Clarence Carter and

We be Strokin' and

the best of the Village People.

Any request?

- Dang.

I know we gonna have a

backyard full of motherfuckers that wanna kick our ass.

The only thing that could possibly take their mind off

the fact that they starving and dehydrated.

Is if your boy Scotty

is fucking it up on the ones and twos.

What?

- Nothing?

- It's not nothing, it's something.

Cause you got that, I fucked up look on your face.

- Man I didn't fuck up shit, aight!

- Man what time did you tell Scotty to be there?

- Three o'clock.

- And what time he coming?

- He ain't.

- Damn, nigga we ain't got no DJ?

- Man that motherfucker tripping over some old bullshit man.

- What you do?

- Check this out.

I went up to the court

to get my ball on,

just as I stepped on the court.

Scotty started talking smack.

- Look who's monkey ass showed up on the court.

What's up Getty?

You no basketball playing motherfucker.

You coming up here man?

You can't play no ball bitch!

Come on, come on.

- Man, shut your sushi eating ass up.

You ain't got no game Scotty.

Look here, the game of basketball.

We shoot shit in the hoop.

Not in a bowl of rice.

Get your ass outta here.

(slow rhythmic music)

The stage was set.

Me and this fake ass Theo was about to get

our ball on, one on one for high stakes.

We bet 50.

- [Cedrick] $50?

- [Geeter] 50 cent!

(rhythmic music continues)

See Scotty was up there getting lucky.

All his stuff was going in.

I was having a off game, I couldn't even

throw a pea in the ocean.

It was 12 to zero. Scotty was going up

for the winning basket, and see what had

happened was I fell and hurt my leg, right?

So I had to stop the game cause technically,

I was down before the ball went in the hoop.

You know what I'm saying? (chuckles)

Yo where you going man?

- So the brother says, baby,

aren't you forgetting to put something on?

Don't you get a draft?

You get it?

Her pants man she forgot her pants!

You know the draft, the breeze,

the breeze blowing on her ass, the breeze!

The breeze.

Aw fuck y'all man.

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

- What's up Scotty.

- Yo what's up partner.

What's goin on man?

What's up man?

What's up with the 9 1 1 on the page, man.

- I need your help, dude.

We trying to have a barbecue and I ain't got no DJ.

I'm paying $150 dude.

What's up fam?

You'll help a brother out?

- That motherfucker right there one of the hosts?

- Yeah.

- I can't fake it.

- Yo, I'll pay you the 50 cent he owe you.

- Look man.

It ain't about money, right.

It's about prin-ci-pal man.

You know what I'm saying?

And that motherfucker is tripping.

- So I might do it if his ass apologize.

- Aw nah! Fuck you...

- Come on man!

Yo, all that man want you to do is apologize.

Better get over there and say you sorry.

- Hell no man.

That's why they shot that girl

in the back over some damn orange juice.

- Fool, them people was Korean Scotty Japanese!

- Man, Japanese, Korean. It's all the same.

Just like light skin, dark skinned, black.

We all black, they all Asian.

- Dude look, remember the mission we on dude.

We on the paper chase.

I mean you want ho's to call you phone

just because you rich and black?

Or MC Hammer 'cause your ass black and broke.

- All right man.

S-s-s-s-s-s

s-s-s-s-sorry.

- I, I can't hear that man.

- I said, I'm sorry!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- Yeah!

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake shake shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just add me

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Hot male top down

♪ Creepin up real slow

♪ Another ass in the cut.

♪ All good to go

♪ See that body

♪ Got my eyes open

♪ Please stop

(coughs)

- That's Chronic boy!

♪ See you shaking that ass in the Q ♪

♪ Like you don't care

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude

♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it only take a little time ♪

♪ between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something about that ass got me blind ♪

♪ So come and stand right in front of me ♪

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ Till a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

- Damn!

- Ooh wee! - [Geeter That thing so fine

man I'd cut my big toe off

just to pick the lint off her panties

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just had me

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy.

♪ I carry heartbreak

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ I make her squat 'cause I love the way she throw it up ♪

♪ Tear drop, I used to cry heavily ♪

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a thick ass ahead of me ♪

♪ H-Dub hit me with a six pack

♪ She got ass

♪ I love the way the tits stack ♪

- Bam!

- Damn!

Nigga this look like more chips than waffles.

- $580 worth of dead presidents.

Oh oh, and the DJs paid too.

- Cool cool cool.

Oh man I cannot wait to see Latoya.

I can surprise her with that

coach bag she's always wanted!

Lord nigga!

That must be some bomb ass pussy

cause you be dumping chips in her lap like a motherfucking

dump truck.

- Just let me know when you see her.

- Nigga there she go over there.

- Hold on I'll be back.

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake it.

♪ It's big can you take it for real? ♪

♪ Don't fake it

♪ Bounce

♪ Bounce

♪ As we roll.

- Baby got back! - Aw damn girl!

- Y'all are breaking y'all neck

trying to see that girl's booty.

Y'all are trifling!

- It's a barbecue!

- What's wrong with that shit?

- It's what you do at a barbecue.

- [Geeter] Man! - Look at that

We looking at yo' back. - [Geeter] Yeah!

♪ So hush the fuzz

♪ Shake that stuff

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake shake shake ♪

♪ That ass

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

- From the looks of it I'm probably about to get paid.

How much money did we profit?

- I don't know I ain't added it up yet.

- Well I'll start counting these heads myself

to figure out how many chips you owe me.

- Marika! Now that wouldn't even be accurate

cause a lot of these bitties got a discount.

- A discount for what?

- For being on my motherfucking VIP list.

- Your VIP list?

- Yeah, remember her right there.

That's right!

- And how does that work?

- Wait, if they wearing a thong

and got booty that's half price.

If they let me squeeze the booty, that's free.

If they let me use the thong as like dental floss,

I give their ass $5! (laughs)

- You know what Ced you got problems.

- Excuse you, your mama got problems.

- No, you know what?

I'm not even gonna go there with you,

cause you ain't even worth it.

Just don't play me outta my money okay?

- Ain't nobody trying to play you outta shit.

You need to quit messing with that sherm

cause it's making your ass paranoid.

- Lemme tell you what you need to do cause I am tired...

(scream in the background)

- Hi Cedi-poo!

- Hey Gia-boo (chuckles)

- Hi Marika.

- Hi Gidget

- It's Gia.

- My bad.

Chris!

Chris!

Yeah y'all do know Chris don't you?

This is Gidget and Cedrick.

(hip hop music)

- Oh my God!

That is like my favorite song of all time.

Cedi-poo let's go get our groove on please.

- Anything for my Gia-boo.

- Okay, let's go.

- Excuse me, but me and my baby

is about to go get our boogie on.

♪ Intro number solo

♪ You ringing my phone off the hook ♪

♪ Take a look.

♪ Boza got 'em shook

♪ Is you thinking 'bout fucking with me too ♪

♪ And sucking with me too

♪ And what about doing

- Woo!

Feel like I could just chop that motherfucker...

- Nigga you need to go check on the barbecue.

- Nigga please, you're choking me the fuck out anyway.

♪ Can't take it no more

♪ Sorry sorry

♪ I got much game like Atari

♪ Nintendo, Playstation, fuck you ♪

♪ Call me 1-8-0-0 amazing

♪ Well I guess I'll be number two black tag ♪

♪ Got pepper in their blood streams ♪

♪ I floss together

♪ West side you live in the club scene ♪

♪ Twice show ability twice your utilities. ♪

♪ Number two, double double girlfriend. ♪

♪ You ain't feeling me.

♪ What about this game that you claim ♪

♪ At this barbecue

♪ Platinum at nice two G

♪ Cuz my watch gotta be sparking you. ♪

♪ Jumping in the sack.

♪ Way back.

♪ It's not playing here

♪ Baby you wannabe foxy

♪ I'm gonna be fucking you like Pam Grier ♪

♪ To phase me is the equal to

♪ Making doves cry

♪ Cause I hit your little split ♪

♪ And have your ass cream in a mud slide ♪

♪ Two time to credit

♪ Ahead of your back drop

♪ Don't wanna be nothing

♪ Unless your digits hit my black box ♪

♪ One(one), two(two), three(three), four(four) ♪

♪ If you ain't fucking me

♪ Don't page me no more

♪ One(one), two(two), three(three), four(four) ♪

♪ I ain't fucking you

♪ Unless you talking bout dough ♪

♪ One(one), two(two), three(three), four(four) ♪

♪ If you ain't fucking me

♪ Don't page me no more

♪ One(one), two(two), three(three), four(four) ♪

♪ I ain't fucking you

♪ Unless you talking bout dough ♪

♪ Bad bad bad

♪ I want the cash

♪ And I know that nigga want some ass ♪

♪ Wanna suck on these

♪ Better up the cheese

♪ So gimme five karats on the finger please ♪

♪ Take me to the mall

♪ And buy me Prada

♪ And I'll tell my girls

♪ That you the real Don Dada

♪ Lace me up

- Ced, yo Ced, man we bout

to start Chicken fights man if you down.

- Aw Cedi-poo, Chicken fight's are like totally awesome,

let's do it!

- Y'all obviously haven't gotten freaky

or you would know that he runs outta gas

anytime he has to use his hips for more than two minutes.

♪ You wanna act like you was stressed but I knew ♪

♪ You played around

♪ But all it took was one time

♪ For me to put it down

(slow melodic music)

(joyful frolicking)

(ladies grunting)

- [Delron] Right in her titties!

Bite the titties!

Bite the bitches titties.

- [Cedrick] Yeah yeah yeah!

♪ Hey hey now

♪ Come on deep with me(deep with me) ♪

(laughs)

- I didn't know Foxy had a cousin, where

you been hiding that all these years?

- Can you hand me a towel?

- Oh, you want a towel, or a relaxer kit?

- A towel Cedrick.

- O---kay

(laughs)

- Woo!

(splash)

♪ Good time tonight

- You gonna let her walk all over you like that?

- I'm sorry I didn't mean to. - Don't let her

walk all over you like that!

- Excuse you.

- I said I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bump you.

- You best be sorry - That's right you

better be sorry!

- Oh she, she walking away from you Mo Mo get her!

- You definitely lucky I'm about to get my grub on!

Don't let me catch you out in the street.

(collective cursing and shouting)

- Bitches who ain't know, ho!

(laughs)

♪ Yeah I peep you over there in your ♪

♪ Platinum tie ho

♪ You know ghetto fabulous

♪ Got you all curious baby,

♪ But you ain't gotta have a lot of money to be ♪

- Cedrick!

- Hi!

What's up Ro? You join the nation?

- Sho enough my brother, the most positive move

I have ever made in my life.

Looky here.

I want to give you your props on the shindig that you

have put together today my brother.

Black folk coming together united, it's beautiful!

- Thanks man.

- My only concern is the menu.

Say it isn't so that you're serving barbecued pork ribs.

Don't you know pork is like a drug killing the black man?

Heart attacks, high blood pressure, impulse tense,

pre-ejaculation,

car jacking,

gang violence

black on black crime.

All a result of eating pork.

So Cedrick, are you gonna contribute to

the conspiracy by the white man

to bring down the black man by serving this

shit the blue-eyed-devil call pork?

- Yeah, well actually I was

just in charge of inviting the peoples.

Now Geeter, he's in charge of the menu.

He's the chef today, so you might wanna holler at him.

And you know,

he's right over there at the barbecue grill brother Shabazz.

♪ Oh yes

♪ We're feeling good and also blessed ♪

♪ Today gon' be a good day

♪ Not settling for less

♪ So when mom's get up on that early morning stressing ♪

♪ No sooner than she finish her lesson ♪

♪ I'm dressing

♪ Ready to carry on

- Smoking that shit all the time, man...

- Oh shit!

- What the hell?

- Get yo shit before I burn it.

- The Q ain't ready yet, man?

How much longer?

- You need to tighten your shit up Saskwatch!

- You shouldn't be worried about the Q.

- You need to be worrying

about your mouth and your head okay!

(laughing)

I finally figured out why you always cracking on me.

- Cause you the picture of after birth?

- Cause I won't break you with none of this.

- You better get away from me with that!

(groans)

Man fuck ya'll!

Get away from me you, you, you.

Whatever you is!

- I don't know why you tripping Geeter, I know you want me.

But that's all right.

- Get away from me with that bullshit!

- You see that?

- She's got the hots for you!

- Shit man! Naw, naw!

(hip hop music)

- Yo Big Nig wake up!

Big Nig! Yo Big nig!

(water splashing)

- What you do that for Ced?

- Cause your big ass wouldn't wake up.

Get off me!

Yo, I need you to get out the pool for a minute,

Ranisha want to get in.

- Well that's cool, I got room for baby on the raft.

- Man she wanna take a swim and she can't do that with your

big old ass sprawled out like Shamu.

- Come on man I'm comfortable.

- Come on Big Nig man, just for a little bit.

Yo, besides dog, I think the hotdog's are ready.

- For real?

(water splashing)

♪ Wild Irish Rose killing all you ho's ♪

♪ Rebut you so and I blow through the red lights ♪

♪ You dead rise and you knew that ♪

♪ Go through hell so you can tell what land like, ♪

♪ Buckin your homies they phoney y'all make the mud splash ♪

♪ Bullets ricochet off the bodies ♪

- In order to rise as a people, we must be on the same page

my brother, we must consume the same food my brother.

A minimum of one deans power day is mandatory.

Brothers who are eating pork are contributing to the

conspiracy to bring down our people.

If you are eating pork, you must stop it.

That means you can't fuck around with no more ham.

No ham hock, no chitlings, no bacon and no more neck bone.

You must sever yourself from the pig completely.

- Hey hey hey hey, does that include SPAM?

(slow soulful music)

- Oh this is just scorching today.

It's hot in here and, and Robin slow this thing down.

Turn this music off, I can't even hear myself think.

- [Robin] Woman dammit... - Get off at the next exit

I gotta pee.

- Look at them rocking.

- I ain't looking at anything right now but your black ass.

- Did you hear what I said? I got to pee.

- Viola dammit you gotta wait. I'm making record time.

I'm not gonna let you fuck up my records.

- Did you hear what my sister said?

Stop at the next exit and let her use the bathroom.

- Hell naw!

- What's with you, man.

- Okay If you don't get off now

I'm gonna pee in your backseat.

♪ Hold me squeeze me

♪ And love me too

(farts loudly)

- What?

- Woo, thank you.

- Shit!

- I told that bitch you was my man.

She better quit fucking with you.

And if I find out she been there to visit you since you been

locked up,

I'm gonna commence to kicking that ass on both of y'all.

(beep)

Hold on.

Hello?

- Hello, may I speak to Cedrick please?

- Call back bitch I'm talking to my man.

(beep)

Hello?

I dunno some old ho.

Nigga I'm talking to you.

- [Cedrick] Hold up!

- Hold on, what?

- [Cedrick] What you doing on my phone.

- Yeah okay check.

Okay I gotta go, this ain't my phone.

I hear you dawg. I'm off!

- [Cedric] Get your ass up outta my house.

All right I'll call you back.

Nigga don't call me collect please.

(beep)

(phone ringing)

- Mo Mo, Mo Mo, what the fuck is wrong with you?

- [Mo Mo] Who you talking to?

- He talking to you Mo Mo.

- Where's my mama good crystal?

What the hells the matter with y'all, don't y'all got any

home training?

What you doing in the house anyway?

I thought I told y'all to keep y'all ghetto asses out back.

- I don't do what the fuck you tell me to do.

I do what I want to nigga I'm Mo Mo!

You better recognize! - Better recognize!

- This here is my house!

Now amongst your crew you might be Hoo Chella,

Queen Gucci whichever other hoochie they bow down to.

But up in here that don't mean shit.

- Kick his ass now! Get him!

- I bet it's gon' mean some shit

if I go upside your head one time nigga.

(everyone shouting)

- Hold up!

Hold up!

Hold up!

Hold on!

Wait, before ya'll nigga's start fighting

let me set up some shit

out back so y'all can get y'all squab on.

And we gonna make bets.

I don't know what my boy said,

but I think I might have to go with Mo Mo right here.

- [Mo Mo] You better bring your bets on nigga what?

What?

- I don't know what the hell is happening

to our ho's in this house!

(hip hop music)

(moaning)

(climactic grunting)

- That was good!

- That was it?

- [Cedrick] What the hell is going on?

- We was boning.

And now we're basking in the after glow.

- Yo get over here right now!

Yo man, ya'll ain't gonna be

doing the naked Humpty dance in my house.

Y'all get dressed and take ya'll asses out back like

everybody else.

And spray some Lysol,

you got the whole hall smelling like ass.

(hip hop instrumental)

- Cedrick make love to me!

- Hell naw!

- Please Cedrick please! - [Cedric] Girl don't beg,

keep your dignity and put some clothes on.

- [Gia] Cedrick!

- Get your ass into the bathroom!

- Who are you talking to?

- Oh me? Just talking to myself.

You know how I be doing, Cedrick in the house

west side! (chuckles)

- Cedrick, I need to talk to you.

- What's up?

- I just heard from a reliable source.

Ever since we've been together,

they've seen you out with Kiki, Michelle and Regina.

- What, girl you can't be believing rumors.

Look we're together now.

And if we gon' make it we gots to have trust.

Come here.

- You're right, I'm sorry for questioning.

I mean, it's not like

I just caught you with a naked woman in your bedroom.

(chuckles)

(gasps)

- One, two, three. - [Cedrick] G-G-Gia, yo Gia!

It's not what it looks like.

- Do it look like I'm boo boo the fool?

- Look, nothing happened.

- That's why Shea ain't got no clothes on?

And it smells like ass all up and down this hallway.

- It smell like ass cause people

keep fucking in my guest rooms.

- You know what Cedric, I'm out of here.

- Gia!

Gia!

Gigi!

Gia!

What's wrong with you?

Damn!

(phone rings)

- [Cedrick] Who this?

- Hey, this is your mama.

Yeah I called earlier

some heifer called me a bitch and hung up on me.

Oh, there's, they're getting along well.

Surprisingly well, you know we had to

stop off and let Virginia use the

bathroom. I think something's wrong with that girl bladder.

Yeah, but she and Robin's getting along just fine.

Yeah.

Okay now you take care and take,

take care of everything while I'm gone now.

Cause I trust you okay?

All right, mama love you all right.

Okay, bye bye.

(slow melodic melody)

♪ How do I tell her that I miss her ♪

♪ That I want her back

♪ That I want her to come my way again ♪

♪ Man I don't know

♪ I just don't know man

♪ What to do

♪ What to do

♪ Thinking back to better days

♪ And the way we used to be

♪ I reminisce kissing your lips, ♪

♪ Rubbing your hips, ecstasy

♪ Me for you and you for me

♪ That's the way it went down

♪ And now you're not around

♪ I wonder why

- Damn, I heard you had fine ass Shea

in the bedroom and you didn't even hit it.

- True that, true that!

- What?

Oh man, tell me the reason why

you didn't hit Shea is cause

you still strung on that bitch Marika?

- Nigga don't call her no bitch!

And no, I'm not sprung.

- Please, by the way them veins is bulging out your neck

I'd say you's jealous as a motherfucker right about now.

- Jealous of what?

That fool Rolando?

Come on man that

nigga look like a broke ass Martin Lawrence.

(laughs)

- [Geeter] Yeah? All right man.

See we your boys, you gotta tell us something.

I mean shit, you didn't hit Gia,

nor did you hit Shea nigga.

And if your ass is keeping that shit real secretive

then you ain't had no nana,

since you broke with that bitch Marika.

Either your ass is still sprung as a motherfucker.

Or you just one of them gay type niggas.

- All right man.

There's a reason why I didn't hit Shea earlier today.

I'm about to break it down for you niggas.

- [Big Nig] Better be good motherfucker!

- [Cedrick] You remember this morning

when we was chilling on the porch?

- Oh shit, here come fine ass Shea!

- What's up Shea, hi what you doing up here?

- Oh she came to see me. - [Shea] Beep beep!

I paged you last night but you didn't call me back

why are you playing me?

- I'm not playing you Shea.

I was gonna call you, but I been busy.

Imma call you.

- When?

- Tonight,

- Tonight?

- Fo'sheezy!

- You gonna call me tonight?

- I'm gon' call you tonight.

- You better.

- Yeah.

- Man y'all sit down!

- Nigga is you crazy?

Do you know who that is?

Ever since the fifth grade nigga

that's been the MVP of the hood.

- [Delron] Sho nuff! - [Geeter] Most valuable pussy

she up here trying to give it to you.

You up here acting like Bill Cosby.

Shit like, I don't want the booty.

I don't want the booty, give me the jello pudding.

- [Cedrick] What ya'll ain't know

is that I had already got them drawers a week ago.

(moaning)

- [Shea] Oh Cedrick!

Yes!

Oh Cedrick! Oh Cedrick!

(high pitched moaning)

- [Cedrick] Ooh, what's my name?

What's my name?

- Cedrick! Cedrick! Cedrick!

- What's my favorite food?

What is it?

- Mexican baby!

- What's my favorite dessert?

- Pie baby!

Pie babe!

Pie!

- What? Who, who's my favorite player?

- Kobe!

- Kobe who?

- Kobe Bryant!

- That's it!

I think I can, I think I can, I know I can!

I know I can, I know I can, I know I can!

(howling)

(simultaneous moaning)

(random piano melody)

(singing) Her pussy was, physical.

(piano melody continues)

- [Cedrick] We did the freak nasty four days in a row.

But after each time

there was a odor of stankiness in the air.

♪ We just have to do

♪ Our thing

♪ To get this going

♪ Further further further further further ♪

Now the stankiness turned out to be baby's panties.

They had skid marks the size of Compton.

♪ My lusting thirsting

Now there was dookie crumbs on the couch,

dookie crumbs on my jimmy,

dookie crumbs in the hall,

dookie crumbs on the wall.

There was enough shit in that house

to make a dookie pot pie.

I got my shit and I left.

So ever since I left Shea's house that day,

I never looked at her with a romantic eye again.

I mean being the gentleman I am I never brought the shit up.

No pun intended.

Since then she been jocking.

Bringing me cookies, cupcakes,

calling me every hour on the hour,

paging me 24/7, the whole nine.

- That's deep Ced.

I mean I heard some fine females have some stank pussy,

but I ain't never heard nothing like this.

- Man, please let me tell you something.

A bitch that fine can shit on me, and I'll still eat

the pussy I'll be like.

(disgusted groans)

- [Geeter] Be chewing it down like a motherfucker!

- What's up with that big ass Kool-Aid smile Delron?

- Man I just got done tearing Latoya's ass up!

That motherfucker be chilling now.

Gave her one of them super sperms man, made the girl

go in convulsions and shit.

I was in there tearing it up.

I was like,

I was like,

I was like, Nigga- what?

Doo Doo Brown! Doo Doo Brown!

- Man, please!

You're so damn whipped it's pathetic.

- Man I ain't whipped, if anything I got her sprung,

from tearing up that punani!

- Well look here, I ain't trying to start nothing.

But Craig told Jimmy,

that Bill told Clinton

that they told

Latoya that you can't fuck!

- What?

- Yeah, yeah that's right.

She said fucking you was so boring

she'd rather have an enema.

(background cackling)

At least she can feel that shit.

(laughing)

- Hey yo, looks like Latoya still horny.

- [Geeter] Word.

Hey I might gon' have to hit that shit there.

- [Cedrick] Go on handle your business!

- [Geeter] Go on over there!

Dalmatian shirt, ashy son of a bitch!

Hey look ya'll I'm going back to the grill.

- Imma cook up some shit.

- Have me another blunt!

(laughing)

- Hurry your ass up, before your burn the food nigga.

- Yo G, can I keep you company?

- [Geeter] Bring your big ass over!

- Yo, and use the pool sparingly Big Nig.

♪ Jump off the death cliff,

♪ Bungee with the gift swift

♪ Facts not a myth

- I wanna talk about it now.

Latoya, I know we've been doing it all the time,

but we really never talked about the matter.

So I guess I just wanna confirm what I already know,

you know what I'm saying?

- No I don't!

What are you saying Delron?

- Like this morning,

when we was having sex in your guest bedroom's house.

You know, when we was doing the booty bump, butt naked.

Did you cum?

- Did I cum?

- Did you climax?

I mean, it's not a trick question, Latoya.

- This is a barbecue Delron.

I don't think this is the time

or place to be talking about our sex life.

- Oh, come on Latoya.

I just wanna confirm what I already know.

- What is that?

- That I'm the greatest of all time!

- You wanna know the truth?

- Yeah, I'm a man. You know, give it to me raw.

Don't sugar coat the shit for me.

- Well no, I did not have an orgasm.

- You didn't?

- Did I stutter?

- That's cool, you know?

I mean, men can't get off all the time.

You know what I'm saying?

Well, look, look,

when we was in your cousins father's bedroom bathroom

floors, you, you came then right?

Well that goes to say

you know you the best pussy I've sho' nuff ever had.

I'm sho' nuff the best dick you've ever had right?

Right?

- Oh shit Latoya!

- If I ain't the best dick you've ever had,

who in the hell is?

- [Delron] You're kidding me!

That fat roly poly motherfucker?

Oh, ya'll two were never an item!

- Look before me and you got together,

Big Nig and I hooked up for a few booty calls.

- Now that nigga is the bomb!

That shit raw, black!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, we can go without the play by play okay.

Thank you!

Look out of all the motherfuckers a girl been with.

Where does a nigga rank?

- Shit Delron, let's not go there.

- No, we started this shit, now we gon' finish.

- All right, out of 28 lovers...

- You've been with 28 niggas?

- 25 niggas, one Puerto Rican

and two Mexicans.

- Damn that's a lot of motherfuckers!

- And I have to say you rank...

28.

Well it's not like it's your fault.

I mean, you really weren't given much to work with.

I mean the first time I saw your dick,

I said damn that shit look like a navel!

I mean you know Delron,

a pimple I can handle but (indistinct).

I don't know Delron, it just ain't working for me baby.

It's cool though, it works, for you.

(hip hop music)

(sad wailing)

- What's going on D?

- I'm trying to be a handicapped, dude.

- What you talking about?

- My Dick Ced, it's as small as a motherfucking quarter man!

- Man Latoya just fucking with your head, man.

I'm sure your shit ain't that small.

- Well, come over here and look at it.

- Nigga I'm not trying to look at your dick.

- You're supposed to be my road dog man!

My partner,

I need you Ced!

I didn't ask you to touch it and shit.

I just want you to look at it, damn!

Come here!

- Damn nigga! Where the rest of it?

- I told you Ced!

- Chill chill chill!

Don't think of it as little, think of it as petite,

it's petite. You got a petite dick!

- Man there's probably a gang of three year old's

running around with a dick bigger than mine.

I gotta compare my shit to theirs, man!

(sobbing)

Let me see your Dick!

- Hey nigga! I'm not letting you see my dick!

- Let me see your motherfucking dick!

- Yo chill man, chill!

Delon, Delron, Delron man!

Snap out of it dude. It's not the end of the world.

Shit man!

There's a gang of women out there who like brothers with

petite dicks.

I mean, I don't know any of them,

but I'm sure they're out there.

(hysterical sobbing)

Yo yo yo, quit acting like a punk.

Take this shit like a man.

I mean look at Muggsy Bogues, he didn't let being short

stop him from balling.

And I'm sure he don't let it stop him from fucking.

Anyways man, don't even trip,

cause there's penile enlargement places that

can help you.

I mean, I don't know if your dick gonna be like silicon,

like some titties and shit.

But it might be something you'd wanna look into.

(louder sobbing)

D, D, D!

Yo yo yo yo yo yo.

Look, look the best way to get over an old love

is to find a new love.

Now get yourself together, pull your pants up

and commence to macking.

Cause there's a gang of booty out back.

Ghetto booty, dark chocolate booty, caramel booty,

vanilla booty, hood rat booty,

hoochie booty, boujee booty.

Any flavor booty you craving, it's out back.

All kinds of ass man!

- You right. You right, you right Ced.

Thanks man.

- Hey man! Don't be trying to gimme no love

when you got your pants down.

(slow muted sobbing)

(hip hop music)

- Yo, what you doing in my room G?

- Oh, oh what's up man.

Shit, yeah I had a little too much to drink man.

Nigga had to lay down and get a nap.

- Okay.

(audible sniffing)

You was boning in my room wasn't you?

Damn man, ain't a niggas bed sacred no more?

- All these out here, you know I had to pull me something.

I was hornier than a motherfucker!

Come on man.

- All right man.

- You know me right? Shit.

- I ain't gonna playa hate.

Play on playa!

(chuckles)

So what's up? Don't keep a nigga all in suspense.

Which one of them fine biddies did you pull?

Wait wait wait, don't tell me.

It was the one in the leopard G-string bikini with

that long weave, come down to the ass,

sort of look like a poor man's Tyra Banks?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Or was it that thick red bone sista

with the big old button-them-Daisy-Dukes?

Ass look like it stole something.

- Yeah, you know...

(lip smack)

- Hurry up and get back on in here boy.

So we can go for round two!

- Damn!

(disgusted sigh)

- You and LaQuita?

- Come on man I got desperate, all right.

I ain't had no pussy in so long, man.

I thought my dick was going to fall off, okay.

Keep this on the down low man, don't tell nobody.

- All right man.

I ain't gonna tell nobody.

- Don't tell nobody.

♪ I can do it better than you and you ♪

♪ You'll never work it better than me ♪

♪ And

♪ If you wanna wanna

♪ Baby baby don't be shady

♪ It's all gravy

♪ I ain't tripping cause I know I'll be the baddest ♪

♪ Pure chocolate on the scene with the status ♪

♪ I beat a black dress

♪ So mack this

♪ I could just roll him like a slinky ♪

♪ Wrapped around my pinky

- What?

- Hey yo Ced man, why you tell everybody?

- I ain't tell everybody.

I told Big Nig, and he told everybody.

(high pitched giggle)

Anyways man, how long till the Q is ready?

People starting to complain that they hungry nigga.

- About 20 minutes.

Look man, we outta cups, we ain't got no more plates.

What we gonna do? Eat off your mama's China?

- Hell nah, niggas done broke up enough shit already.

I'll just make a run to the store.

- All right.

- How much longer for the barbecue I'm starving?

- About 20 minutes.

- Man, okay.

Is, is anything in there even close to lean?

- Nope.

- I know something in there chicken and turkey, right?

- No look. All we got is bad shit.

Kind of shit that clog up your arteries,

have you dying like a motherfucker.

- Man I'm starving and everything,

but I'm not about to eat that junk.

I'm about to go to the store.

- Hey, Ced about to go to store.

Why don't y'all roll together?

- Why don't you go get me some turkey?

- No!

- Punk!

(hip hop instrumental)

- [Cedrick] I had no luck with the market's in my hood.

So I was forced to go to the boys' market

on the other side of the tracks.

♪ You know you love my stuff

♪ Don't make me huff and puff

♪ I got you feeling stuck

♪ You just can't get enough.

♪ You know you love my stuff

♪ Don't make me huff and puff

♪ With the words I manifest.

♪ I could break your chest with no contest ♪

♪ I must confess

♪ I leave the microphone blessed ♪

♪ Respect

♪ Versatile

♪ Getting wild with this style

♪ Meanwhile

♪ Your ear hole is in my total control ♪

♪ I'm representing from HI

♪ The HP you know the stee,

♪ West end and South side

♪ Where hustlers hide

♪ Making money

♪ I'm somewhere laying low with the honey ♪

♪ Holding down the fort

♪ With a three, two court

♪ Yo yo

♪ I be a quarter of the dollar

♪ A quarter after that

♪ I'm on the track

♪ With a caller on the crooked scholar ♪

♪ Searching my brain for an answer ♪

♪ Wait and see if he can find it in the mind ♪

(engine sputters)

- Well well well...

You need to borrow a Barber token? (car horn blares)

- Kiss the blackest part of my ass Cedrick.

- Whatever, even though you acting salty.

I'm still gonna help you out

cause that's the kinda gentleman I am.

Pop the hood.

Try to start this old raggedy ass hooptie up.

(engine starts)

- Thanks for fixing my ride.

But you need not flex that little bird chest,

it's kind of scary.

- Oh, I see. Even though a brother help you out,

you still gonna try to clown.

Treat him like a motherfucking joke?

- Yep.

(hip hop instrumental)

- Come on Cedrick get in.

I mean I can give you a ride back to your crib,

that's the least I could do since you did fix my hooptie.

Oh, come on man, you're making me feel bad.

- You are, I get under the hood

and get all greasy and sweaty for your ass.

And in return, all you do is clown

a brother about his chest?

Knowing I'm sensitive about my chest.

I be doing two or three pushups a night trying to get my

shit tight.

Aint my fault I got a high metabolism

so the shit don't work.

- All right I'm sorry okay.

I shouldn't have went there with you.

You know, I do know you sensitive

about your chest and everything.

- Lucky I was in a good mood.

I could have clowned you about your trouble spots.

- What trouble spots?

- Like that thing that sits above your eyebrows

the size of a watermelon.

- My forehead?

- Your eight head, cause it's about twice

the size of the average motherfuckers.

Don't get me started about that big ass mouth.

Cause with all that lipstick on,

it closely resembles a baboons ass.

- Okay Cedric.

Okay I got the point.

Now do you want a ride or not?

- Not.

- Fine.

♪ Intro number solo

♪ You're ringing my phone off the hook ♪

♪ Take a look who's that

♪ Got him shook

♪ Is you thinking bout fucking with me too ♪

♪ And sucking with me too.

♪ And what about doing my crew? ♪

♪ Good idea, man

♪ I swear you ain't prepare for this ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Or somebody tossed and flossed ♪

♪ In cracks like G straps hung in ♪

♪ The back.

♪ I got thunder and tracks

♪ Checking my ball sacks.

♪ What we here for

♪ On the hardwood floor

♪ You can't take it no more

♪ Sorry sorry

♪ I got much game like Atari

♪ Nintendo Playstation

♪ Fuck you

♪ Call me 1800 amazing

♪ Well I guess I'll be number two ♪

♪ Black bag

♪ Got pepper in their blood streams ♪

♪ I fall together.

♪ West had you up in the club scene ♪

♪ Twice show ability

♪ Twice your utilities

♪ Number two

♪ Double double girlfriend

♪ You ain't feeling me.

(engine revving)

- Cedrick you need to get in the car.

This is the Hoo Banger territory,

and its after six o'clock okay.

- What? I ain't know punk Marika.

I ain't scared of no damn Hoo bangers.

(ominous hip hop music)

(melodic hip hop beat)

(engine grinds)

- Damn get out and go look up under my hood.

- I ain't getting out the car in this neighborhood!

I mean , cause, cause my,

my thigh, it's like cramping.

- Yeah right!

(dog barking)

(high pitched hiss)

- I don't know why you buy that trash

all it does is berate sistas.

- I buy it for the articles that stimulates my mind.

- Yeah right, something getting stimulated.

But it definitely ain't your mind.

Shit, you know what Ced?

If Chris was here not

only would he be carrying my groceries,

but he would have bought them.

- That's because Chris is a punk.

- No that's because Chris is a gentleman,

and you're a jackass.

- Whatever.

- Yeah whatever.

♪ You tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

- Mo Mo there go that knucklehead

(indistinct) and that boujee bitch!

- Mo Mo won't you take your old low budget ass

back to the projects and leave us the fuck alone.

- No he did not try to clown me in front of my girl!

(collective screaming)

- Fuck you!

- Fuck me?

- [Cedrick] Fuck you!

- Nigga you about to get yourself fucked!

(collective arguing)

Don't tell me he called my mama a bitch!

- [Cedrick] Fuck you!

- My mother a bitch? What?

You know what, I got something for y'all ass!

Hand me my motherfucking clip!

Yeah, yeah yeah!

- Oh shit!

- Don't say no bull skit Kappa shit like that

nigga you done lost your motherfucking mind!

You don't know who the fuck I am do you?

(gunshot)

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ Off the hinges when I finish

♪ You must want it

♪ Tisha Campbell

♪ Got you open from the strokin' ♪

♪ And that's just with a little sample of ♪

♪ All the ways I can make you run ♪

♪ Chasing me up the block with guns ♪

♪ Played with the hot dog got the bun ♪

♪ I'm the ginger bread man I'm number one ♪

♪ Too quick to catch I got game ♪

♪ You can't back me

♪ Your stuff ain't gold

♪ What you been told

♪ You can't trap me

♪ What somebody don't like to chase ♪

♪ Wanna put scratch marks in my face ♪

♪ Try to be a joke about the plate of eighths ♪

♪ Catch by the case

♪ Then do the chase

♪ Too fast for you

♪ You won't pair up

♪ And you won't play me.

♪ Got 20 niggas and

♪ Got the nerve to page me

♪ Black cat

♪ Don't fold a fan

♪ Don't like it when you play for 10 ♪

♪ So put on your rope

♪ Choose track star baby

♪ And let these games begin

♪ Imma guy who got game and who got houses ♪

♪ You can have all that

♪ But don't beat using your blouses ♪

♪ That's where the brother tried to run ♪

♪ Hurry hurry girl, gon' miss the fun ♪

♪ If you want your rent for the rent, ♪

♪ You're dumb you chase me

♪ I don't chase you I'm done

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

(dog viciously growling)

(screaming)

- [Cedrick] My ass!

Get out, go!

Get your shit!

Get, get out all you black bastards, get outta my house!

Ooh, nice ass you can sta- Naw fuck that!

Get your ass out, get out!

You're tearing up my shit.

You black, get out!

(crickets chirping)

(knock at door)

Come in.

- Damn you look tired.

- Guess after eating all that Q niggaitis finally kicked in.

- Yeah I know what you mean it's kicking my butt too.

- Yeah, well you really threw down,

especially for someone who claims not to eat pork.

- Oh man,

I woulda ate so much today, man.

I coulda ate a pigs booty.

You know what I'm saying?

(slow romantic music)

You know what?

I just wanted to say thanks.

- For what?

- For looking out for me today.

I mean, there's a lot of times

you could have left me and you didn't

and it's nice to know you still care.

- Here you go.

- What's this?

- It's your money back.

Plus your cut of the profits from the Q.

I was gonna rip you off, but after that tender moment,

nigga kind of felt bad about taking advantage of you.

♪ With her to leave

♪ I cried about you and I

♪ The thought crossed my mind

♪ If you really changed

♪ Over time

(moaning and squealing)

- Yubbadubbadoo!

(phone rings)

- Who this?

- Hey, this your mama.

We're down here at the Delonda's Donuts.

And I was calling to see if you wanted some.

- I didn't know they had a Delonda's Donuts in Oaktown.

- No boy we ain't in Oaktown

we down the street from the house!

Do you want a donut?

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ If you tried to catch me

♪ If you tried to oppress me

♪ Off the hinges when I finish

♪ You must want it Tisha Campbell ♪

♪ Got you open from the strokin' ♪

- Hey! Mom dad, y'all home!

(joyful chuckle)

So how was the wedding?

- Oh, the wedding was beautiful,

but how was things around here?

- Oh, everything was cool around here.

You know? Just... - [Robin] So the house

alone was fine son. Looks very nice.

- Yeah, - [Cedrick] Yeah,

so can we go get that little Jeep

that we were talking about before you left?

- You know I'm proud of you son.

Yeah, we can go pick up that Jeep a little later on.

But first, me and your mama are gonna go take a nap

and a shower.

We been riding around all day long

with that crazy ass Jabba The Butt.

You know I don't like them damn Star Wars

creatures don't you son?

- [Cedrick] Wait wait wait

I'll get it, I'll get, I'll get it pops.

Y'all been driving all day, you're tired.

Sit down.

(slow romantic melody)

(muffled scream)

D!

What the fuck?

- Get on up there.

- Homie, Shea broke me off a little bit.

She didn't even care if I had a petite dick.

Man she saw me crying and she said she need a man that was

sensitive.

- Nigga get your naked asses up outta here!

My parents is downstairs.

(high tempo hip hop beat)

(collective arguing)

- [Cedrick] All you do is nag nag nag nag nag!

- Yeah if you start doing

what you're supposed to do I wouldn't have to nag your ass.

- If I had $5 for every time you nagged me

I'd be a rich motherfucker!

What you doing boy?

- Oh, I was just giving y'all a turn down.

Check, check it.

Skittles.

Okay, I'm gonna get outta here so y'all can take a nap,

but first I want you to see what I did to the bathroom to

welcome you home.

♪ Doo Doo Brown

♪ Twice twice

♪ Doo Doo brown

Look to the left of the toilet.

It's two ply!

♪ Twice twice

♪ Doo Doo brown

(chuckles)

- I don't know what you're up to

but at least you did clean the bathroom while we was gone.

- [Robin] The whole house gone crazy!

(loud smash)

- What was that noise Cedrick?

- Oh, I'm sure it was probably nothing.

You kids get some rest and I'll go check it out.

(hip hop beat)

- Robin didn't I tell you about eating in this bed.

There are crumbs everywhere.

- I told you, I don't be eating in the bed.

- Well, I haven't been eating in the bed

and you're the only other person sleeping in it.

You had to do it.

- Denise, I haven't had nothing in this bed since 1976.

What I ate your ass!

What the hell?

- Who the hell are those?

Cause they sho' ain't mine!

- We know they ain't yours, shit.

You can't get a finger in these much less your big ass.

Whoever it is, they need to wipe their ass.

- [Both] Cedrick!

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero

♪ Just add me

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Hot male top down

♪ Creeping up real slow

♪ Another ass in the cut

♪ All good to go

♪ See that body

♪ Got my eyes open

♪ Please stop

♪ Shake that ass over here on my block ♪

♪ Having fantasies with a playa ♪

♪ See you shaking that ass in the Q ♪

♪ Like you don't care

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude

♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it only take a little time ♪

♪ Between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something bout that ass got me blind ♪

♪ So come and stand right in

♪ Front of me

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ That ass till a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake,

♪ Shake shake that ass

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it.

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero

♪ Just add me

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ I carry heart break

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ My mans watching

♪ I love the way she throw it up ♪

♪ Tear dropped

♪ I used to cry heavily

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a thick ass ♪

♪ Ahead of me

♪ H-dub hit me with a six pack

♪ She got ass

♪ I love the way the tits stack ♪

♪ I got pain but the way she keeps bouncing ♪

♪ Move's mountains next girl I'm denouncing ♪

♪ Pop the butt I love the way her butt swang ♪

♪ She got more body than a 99' Mustang ♪

♪ Tasting her game by the cat

♪ Can't sweat her fire

♪ Cheat and then telling you lies like a leprechaun ♪

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake

♪ Shake shake that ass

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just add me

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass shake it

♪ It's big can you take it for real ♪

♪ Don't fake it

♪ Bounce bounce

♪ As we roll in my house

♪ About to blaze into

♪ A whole ounce

♪ Big booty

♪ Come sit down on my couch

♪ Do it to me screw me truly

♪ Barbecue on the grill

♪ Busting season on my chest

♪ One two mic check

♪ Got all this here

♪ Between your blue jeans

♪ Peep the scene

♪ Lost in your sauce

♪ Stuck to your butt,

♪ Up in your guts

♪ How y'all feeling out there.

♪ It's versatile Red eye

♪ Jedi getting busy

♪ I'm in the studio you know what I mean ♪

♪ RSVP production getting biz for nine eight ♪

♪ How you feeling

♪ Snake brought your finger Aye ♪

♪ Jump off the cliff.

♪ Bungee with the gift

♪ Swift facts

♪ Not a myth

♪ Well equipped the Jedi

♪ East the nine admire

♪ I'm focused on the vision

♪ Reflected in the prism

♪ Effectively alism off of clues ♪

♪ Who's the figure

♪ Take a picture

♪ Remember ever clever verbal

♪ On the curve puffing herbal

♪ Smoke flesh and finesse

♪ From the chest no rest

♪ I relax when stress is

♪ Less sacrifessed

♪ Yes yes y'all

♪ Kick the ball over the moon

♪ Supernova

♪ Quay Zar maneuvers

♪ Let's move

♪ A lyrical literal display

♪ In 3D degree we check

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 affinity

♪ Propel in history

♪ Futuristic and majestic

♪ Publicly elected cassettes on sale for retail ♪

♪ With email from my crib in Brazil ♪

♪ How it feel

♪ Stick a butter finger

♪ Ooh Hershey's

♪ Mercy mercy

♪ And never thirsty

♪ Satisfied from inside

♪ Like candy in the wrapper

♪ Yeah, I peep you over there in your platinum tie ho ♪

♪ You know

♪ Ghetto fabulous got you all curious baby ♪

♪ But you ain't gotta have a lot of money to be a black cat ♪

♪ You know what I'm saying?

♪ So get over here in this Q girl ♪

♪ Getting with you ain't easy

♪ Nose up when you see me

♪ Just because I whistled at you ♪

♪ You think I'm sleazy

♪ I'm in your hood

♪ But my thug life means you can't ♪

♪ Compete with your own mobile phone ♪

♪ This guy paid.

♪ You need a playa with a Navigator ♪

♪ That's beige

♪ I need a partner in this card game ♪

♪ Who got spades

♪ We parlay

♪ We party

♪ With a carte

♪ A backyard barbecue bumping on Sadé ♪

♪ You like to eat at Spago

♪ Drive a platinum Tahoe

♪ But baby we can get toe down off this bottle ♪

♪ Attracting the strong

♪ But baby girl

♪ we can play in the pool

♪ But don't let your Cartier

♪ Get in the way

♪ Of a fling in the summer

♪ Don't care about the Hummer

♪ All I want is barbecue volleyball and your number ♪

♪ Only star to ever see off

♪ Flowing with God

♪ You better come down to earth ♪

♪ And get some corn on the cob

♪ Come on

♪ You don't have to be a star baby ♪

♪ Come on come on come on

♪ To be in my show

♪ You don't have to be a star baby ♪

♪ You don't have to be a star baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ Sexy fabulous

♪ Can I

♪ Make you my miss

♪ Candy kiss your lips

♪ Lace your fingers with chips

♪ Be my lady for you

♪ I beat Mr. Mister.

♪ My last name

♪ Will form major game

♪ Versatile alias buck wild

♪ I freestyle

♪ A low key plan

♪ To be your only man

♪ Plain and simple

♪ Want to be in like a dimple,

♪ Your eyes reflect my physical frame ♪

♪ Ease the pain

♪ Softly caress the parts of your body that I know the best ♪

♪ Hold your breath

♪ The knight in shining armor

♪ My princess fly right out

♪ The beauty parlor

♪ Holler holler

♪ Got no dough

♪ So to me still delicate

♪ Chocolate tone

♪ We talk on the phone

♪ It turns me on

♪ Got bars over cars

♪ Cause you don't gotta be a star for me ♪

♪ Uh uh

♪ You don't have to be a star baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ You don't have to be a star baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ How do I tell her that I miss her? That I want back, ♪

♪ Want her to come my way again, man. ♪

♪ I dunno

♪ I just don't know man

♪ What to do

♪ What to do

♪ Thinking back to better days

♪ And the way we used to be

♪ I reminisce kissing your lips ♪

♪ Rubbing the hips

♪ Ecstasy

♪ Me for you and you for me

♪ That's the way it went down

♪ And now you're not around

♪ I wonder why why why why

♪ Looking up to the sky

♪ As the birds fly by

♪ Thinking what to say

♪ For you to come my way

♪ Yesterday

♪ I was in love

♪ Now today I'm all alone

♪ Maybe tomorrow will bring an end to the ♪

♪ Pain and sorrow

♪ Can I take back the things I said things I did ♪

♪ You got me wide open like a cup with no lid ♪

♪ Can I say to you

♪ I'm sorry

♪ Except my apology

♪ I would do anything for you to acknowledge me ♪

♪ Don't be so cold

♪ This ain't the end of the road ♪

♪ We got time to fix it

♪ And can I please come and visit ♪

♪ Your friends are telling me

♪ That your number's unlisted

♪ With all the new digits.

♪ What I gotta do

♪ Hey boo I'm looking for you

♪ I miss your snug fit and I

♪ Never wanna quit feeling it

♪ Remember way back way back

♪ We could still have that

♪ We could still have that

(beat continues)