Psycho Granny (2019) - full transcript

I would like to say a few words

before we start
this delicious meal,

which I don't mind telling you,

I spent the entire day
preparing.

But it was worth every second

because it allowed me
to create this perfect moment.

I just wish I'd been able
to create this perfect moment

for a better family.

I am just so disappointed
in all of you.

Dennis, this is the first day

you have spent with the family
in months!



You're always away
at the office,

wrapped around your cell phone.

Or is it your secretary?

We don't really know, do we?

Suzy, it was good of you
to change your plans

at the last minute to be here.

I know,
you'd rather be getting high

with your hoodlum boyfriend.

And speaking of the devil,

the inestimable Rip.

Thank you, by the way,
for actually washing your hair

before joining us for a meal.

I know that you would
much rather be banging Suzy

in the backseat of your car,
but...



And last but not least, Shannon.

A complete and utter failure
as both a wife and a mother.

The only thing
you were perfect at

was ignoring everything wrong
with this family.

Perhaps, if you'd been able
to take a day or two

off of pill popping,

you might have noticed
what was happening

all around you, but, alas, no.

Now, I understand
that these days

it is very difficult
to be a family.

What with cell phones
and all the devices,

it is so much easier to focus
on those distractions

rather than the people
that really, truly matter.

And I have done my very best

to try to show you
the error of your ways.

But I just can't spend
anymore effort

in trying
to make this family perfect.

So I wanted to take
this opportunity to tell you

that I'll be moving on

and so shall all of you be.

We just won't be going together.

Cheers!

Perfect.

"Survived by her daughter...

Samantha."

Perfect.

I'm sorry. I'm such a mess.

Hey, don't be sorry.

You're supposed to be crying.

I know, I just feel
so drained. It's...

It's like I'm crying,
but nothing's coming out.

Well, you're just dehydrated.

Here.

Have some water.

And now I'm filling up
so I can cry some more.

Thank you.

I just wish that...

that I didn't ever listen
to all those websites

that said we had to wait
three months

before telling anyone.

She's my mother,
I could've at least told her.

Sam, there's no way you could've
predicted your mother's passing.

And after
the last two miscarriages,

we were just being cautious.

I know.

I was just so afraid
of disappointing everyone again.

Look,
you didn't disappoint anyone.

You never disappointed anyone.

And listen, your mother,

she's gonna be
looking down on you and her.

My God!

I would kill
for a glass of Pinot right now.

You know what?
We're gonna be fine.

Yeah.

- I'm here. I'm here.
- Yeah.

For whatever you need.

For the both of you.

I guess I should get ready.

Ah, you look fine.

I'm wearing sweatpants.

Yeah, I'm sure
they're used to people

showing up in their sweatpants.

Hey, you know what?
I have an idea.

You wear your sweatpants.

And I will wear mine.

Show of solidarity.
What do you think?

All right, Mrs. Kirkpatrick,
I just have

a few more things
for you to sign.

Flick it over, sign by the X.

Of course.

Is it the office?

I told 'em not to call today.

It's gone off four times.
It might be important.

- Maybe you should take it.
- Are you sure?

Yeah. Go ahead. I'll be fine.

Okay, all right. Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

Um, are you the sole executor
of the estate

or do you have any other family
members who are helping you?

No. My mom was adopted.

So it was always
just the two of us.

I see.

Well, take a look at this.
Initial by the X.

- I'm sorry.
- I know.

Don't forget page two.

All right. I will go
and make some copies.

I'll be right back.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Oh, I'm s... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to sca...
To scare you.

Oh, no, no, no. It's, uh...
It's okay.

At least you didn't break it.

Yeah.

Um, I know this...

is kind of
an unorthodox question,

but I'm looking for someone

who might be here.

And I was wondering if you could
help me with that.

Oh, I don't work here,

but Mrs. Wicker will come back
soon and she can help you.

Okay. Um...

Would you mind if I wait here?

- No.
- Thanks.

Not at all.

Oh, I'm-I'm, I'm Colleen.

- I'm Samantha.
- Nice.

These, these places make me
kind of nervous.

Me, too.

I mean, no one ever
really prepares you

for stuff like this.

So... I assume
you lost someone, too.

- My mom.
- Ooh, that's tough.

Uh...

I lost my daughter.

Oh...

It's kind of strange.

This crying
in front of somebody else.

I guess I just never,
you know,

really got over the guilt

of giving her up for adoption.
I...

Are you here for Leslie Schuman?

Wha...

Yeah.

Why, did you know her?

Um, she's my mother.

W-what?

Uh, so you are, uh...

Uh, no,
this isn't...

This isn't the way
this is supposed to happen.

This... No. I, um...
I have to...

- Uh, no-no, no.
- No, I have to, I have to go.

- I have to go.
- Please, please wait.

I'm going. I have to go.

Oh!

Who was that?

I, I think
it was my grandmother.

I don't think
she ever reached out to her.

And most of the time
when I asked about family,

she would just
change the subject.

Mm, well,
how did she even found out

about your mother passing away?

I ran the obituary in the paper,

and the paper ran it online.

So as long as she knew
my mother's name,

she could have done
a quick search and found it.

I mean, my mom could've reached
out to her towards the end.

But if she did, I don't know
why she didn't tell me.

God, there are so many questions
I'd love to ask her.

Of course, there's the big one.

Why did you put my mom up
for adoption?

Maybe it was a, uh,
family scandal, you know?

She came from a rich family,

she gets pregnant
out of wedlock.

- Stop it.
- What?

Look, you might be
a long-lost Vanderbilt.

Seriously, you-you could be
worth a billion dollars.

And then I wouldn't put up
with you working all the time.

But in all seriousness,
I need to know.

Yeah, well, I'm really happy

that you're getting reconnected
with your grandmother.

Just be careful.
You know how you can be.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know, you get...

really connected with people
and things really quickly.

Is that your nice way of saying
I'm codependent?

Let's just say, if it weren't
for my allergies,

we'd be up to my eyeballs in
stray cats and dogs right now.

- You're no help.
- Sure, I am.

Who do you think is buying
that mansion

for the three of us to live in,

Mrs. Vanderbilt?

- Hello?
- Hello, Mrs. Kirkpatrick.

I'm so sorry
to bother you, but...

Well, Ms. Wicker
had an accident last night.

Oh? Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, we are all
quite shocked, but I'm just

following up with some of her accounts and wanted

to let you know that all
the paperwork is completed

and we will be
mailing you copies.

Okay. Thank you.

Who was that?

The funeral home.
There was an acci...

- Hello?
- Hi, Samantha.

- This is Colleen.
- Oh.

Hi. It's her.

We, uh-uh met
the other day.

No, no, no, no, I-I remember.
Of course, I remember you.

Ask her
if she'll buy us a yacht.

Uh, I hope
I'm not disturbing you,

but when I, I told the people
at the funeral home

about our, you know,
our, o-our situation,

they were kind enough to give me
your number. I...

I just feel so bad
about that first meeting,

if you can even call it that,
and the way I just ran out.

I was really hoping that I could
make it up to you somehow.

Would you even consider
having lunch with me?

- Sure.
- Great!

Um, how does Frye's
on 24th sound?

- That sounds great.
- Wonderful.

Uh, say, tomorrow at 12:30?

- Okay.
- Oh, thank you.

This is great.
I'll-I'll see you there.

So?

We are going to lunch.

Make sure she treats.

Oh, well, this is just...

so unfortunate.

I had such high hopes for you.

Hmph.

I don't even know
what I was thinkin' with you.

You...

Mm,
you were so close.

You just weren't quite there.

Hm.

But this one...

This one is gonna be perfect.

Hi, you've reached
Leslie Schuman.

Please leave a message.

Hello!

Oh, hey, hon!

- Hey.
- I'm sorry.

I didn't know
you were on the phone.

Oh.

No, I'm not.

I keep calling my mom's phone

and I just wanna
hear her voice again.

Oh, honey,
it's perfectly normal.

- You miss her.
- Yeah.

You're gonna miss her
a really long time.

Probably forever.

It'll get better.

There's no wrong way to grieve.

I'm just having a hard time
accepting

that I can't call her
and see how she's doing

or even ask her opinion
about anything.

I mean, there is so much that
I didn't even get to say to her.

So many times that I could've
told her how much I loved her...

and how much she meant to me,
but I didn't.

You didn't need to.

You showed her all the time.
She knew.

Oh, I would give anything...

just to see her again.

I couldn't imagine.

But just because she isn't here

doesn't mean she's not with you.

You're really good to me.

You really didn't have
to come here.

Oh, of course, I did, dummy!

I love you.

You're my best friend.

That's what best friends do.

Anything you need, I'm here.

How would you like to follow me
tomorrow to Frye's Diner

for some emotional support?

What does that mean?

I met a woman
at the funeral home

that I think might be
my biological grandmother.

A-and we're meeting tomorrow
for lunch.

- What?
- Yeah.

Ooh, is she rich?

Ugh, you are just as bad
as Brad.

Come on, this... could be big.

I'm kidding, kind of.
I'm not. I...

Seriously, if you want me to go,
I'll be there.

No, that's okay.

I'll just tell you all about it
tomorrow night.

Good idea, it'll distract
Brad's crappy coworker

from hitting on me all night.

Classic.

So, um, I expect you have
a lot of questions.

- Why would you say that?
- Oh!

I don't know. Hm...

Um... I guess,

tell me a little bit
about yourself.

Sure, uh, I'm originally
from a, a town

about 50 miles from here
called Roxbury.

Oh, I went there when I was kid.

They have a fall festival
that my mom used to take me to.

I remember that festival.

Gosh, I haven't been there
in a million years,

but I remember it.

Uh, well,
and then after I left Roxbury,

I, I traveled a lot,
have new experiences,

explore new cultures,
you know, that sort of thing.

- And help people.
- Oh, really?

Oh, I'm a registered nurse.

That's incredible.

So do you want to, uh, you know,

get down to business,
so to speak?

I'm ready if you are.

One second.

Uh...

Why don't we start with the
biggest elephant in the room?

Why I gave your mom up
for adoption.

You don't really
have to tell me.

I mean,
I've been thinking about it

and it's not really
any of my business, so...

Of course, it's your business.

It's part of our family...

It's part
of your family history.

I would never keep that
from you.

- Modern parenting.
- I don't get it.

How can they just keep
their faces

buried in their cell phones
and ignore that child?

Why do they even have a family?

So you were saying?

First of all,
I, I married the wrong man...

Well, he wasn't a man.
He, he was a boy.

We got married
right after high school.

We were young and stupid.

And I got pregnant
right after we got married.

He started drinking.

Got worse and worse and...

I mean, I would have stayed
with him through that.

I-I wanted to try to help him
through that,

but... he didn't.

And then he started running
around with other women.

I said, "Well," you know,
"enough is enough.

I'm not gonna put up with that."

So I... I tried to do it
on my own.

I... really tried.

But it just got worse

and worse...

and it was so unfair
for my daughter.

She didn't sign up for anything
like that for...

So I... I thought

that probably the best thing...

was for me to give her up.

I really, I did it for her.

It was for her...

You don't have to justify
anything to me.

Thank you. You're so sweet.

Uh, why don't we just move on?

I would really, really like
to know more about you.

How long have you been married?

Oh, well,
for about ten years now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Is the pitter patter
of little feet in your plans?

We've been trying,
but it's not so easy

as everyone makes it out to be.

Well, I wouldn't worry.

I sense that those little feet

will be in your future.

You... have the perfect aura
of motherhood about you.

Helen?

Helen?

Helen!

Uh...

- Helen, I thought that was you.
- Well...

It's me, Julia. I lived across
from you in Portland. God.

It is so good to see you again.
Yeah.

I'm just in town
visiting my sister.

I had no clue
that you've moved here.

I'm so sorry, dear,
I think you have me confused.

We were all so worried
about what happened to you.

I mean, one day you were there,

the next day
y-your place is vacant.

We all joked
that you must have run out

in the middle of the night.

I'm so sorry, as I said, I...

You have me confused
with someone else.

I've, I've never even been
to Portland.

Helen,
we were neighbors for a year!

You have to remember me!

Oh, I'm sure if we had been
neighbors, I would,

but, I'm, I am certainly
not this, uh, this Helen.

Oh, then you must be

her long-lost twin then,
I guess.

I don't know you.

And you certainly
do not know me.

But have a lovely, lovely day.
Okay?

Uh, I'm sorry to bother you,
then.

Mm, now,
this looks delicious.

Thank you.

- Oh, my God!
- What's wrong?

It's this guy that I met
on one of those dating apps.

We went out the other night
and had a terrible time.

And, apparently,
he wants to go out again

for another terrible time.

Now, why are you online dating

when there are so many
perfect guys all around you?

- How's your wife, Todd?
- She's still in Phoenix.

All right.

- It's time to get serious.
- Yeah.

Tell me everything

about this potential grandma.

Not much to tell.

She seems pretty certain
that my mom was her daughter.

And your mom
never mentioned her at all?

Mm, never, I mean,

my mom never talked
about her childhood,

or our family, for that matter.

Mm. She want money?

No, Sam's mom wasn't exactly
rolling in it, you know?

She seems pretty sincere.

I wish
you could have talked to her.

She seemed genuinely racked
with guilt.

Wow. That's amazing.

- Just be careful, babe.
- What?

I can tell. You've completely
dropped your guard.

It is not.

Okay.

Changing the subject...

I'm ready if you are.

What are you two talking about?

We are pregnant!

- I knew it!
- Attaboy!

Thanks, man.

It has been killing me not being
able to tell you, for real.

Oh, my God, babe.
I'm so excited.

Do you know
what you're having yet?

We're not revealing
the gender yet.

Is it a Brad Junior?

Uh, I don't care what it is
as long as

there's only one of 'em.

Oh, my God, Sam,
if you need anything,

just let me know.

Thank you, Aimee.

Oh, my God.
Somebody pour some wine.

- Mm-hmm.
- We need to cheers.

- Okay.
- A club soda for the mama-to-be.

Here's to the growing
Kirkpatrick clan.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Okay.

- Knock knock!
- Oh! Hi!

Oh, you startled me a little.

- I'm sorry.
- No problem.

Um, I was just finishing off
a couple of chores

that I've been putting off.

You know,
I saw this little trick online

and it makes sure that you park
your car perfectly every time.

- That's a great idea.
- Yeah.

I could use one of those.

I've bumped
into Brad's workbench

a few times more
than I'd like to mention.

Oh, well, you know, if you need
any help putting one up,

as you can see,
I am now an expert.

- I may take you up on that.
- Oh, good.

How about take me up
on a cup of tea?

- Sure.
- Great. Come on.

Now, this is a little strong.

I brought it back from India,

and they like their tea
with a bit of kick over there.

- I love your home.
- Oh. Thank you.

I'm still putting it together.

You'd think I'd be farther along
after a year.

Where have you been before here?

Oh, oh, okay.

Um, well, after I came back
from overseas,

I settled in Knoxville,
and then I went to Philly.

And then I made the big move,
you know, to Seattle

and after that I just did
sort of the whole

Pacific Northwest thing,

bouncing back and forth

between Oregon

and-and Washington state...

Colleen? Are you okay?

Yeah, sorry. Um...

You know,
people think it is too cold

and rainy in Oregon, but I love
the weather up there.

Well, you've lived a full life.

I guess so.

But I've also missed out
on so much.

If you don't mind me asking,

did you have any other children?

No.

I never could find the
perfect man to have them with.

Well, no one's perfect.

They can be.

But in the end, I-I think I just
spent so much time looking

that my biological clock
wound down,

and it was too late.

Also, I, I wonder

if maybe I didn't feel...

so guilty
about giving up one child

that I didn't... feel

I deserved to have another.

Oh...

I think I drank too much tea.

Yeah, I told you it's strong.

Would you mind pointing me
towards the bathroom?

Oh, of course, it's
the first door down the hall.

And I'm sorry, I just...
It's a little embarrassing.

But my septic tank has been
giving me trouble.

I'm having a repair guy come,

but in the meantime
we can't flush it.

So I've used
my bathroom upstairs

so this one is perfectly clean,
so go ahead.

- Well, I can hold it, it's--
- Oh, God, no.

No, I never want you
to feel uncomfortable.

Not when you're here.

- Okay.
- Just don't flush.

I won't.

Oh, my gosh!

You, you scared me.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

- I didn't flush.
- Oh, it's not that.

It's, um, uh, the tea. My turn.

- Oh!
- Okay. Will you excuse me?

- Oh, yeah.
- Okay. It's...

All right.

Colleen, are you
doing all right in there?

Yeah, everything's fine, dear.
I'll just be another moment.

- H-help yourself to some more--
- Some tea?

Yeah.

All right.

Would you like anymore tea?

Uh, uh...

No. Thank you.

- Oh!
- Oh, my goodness!

We have got to stop meeting
like this, okay?

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to keep you waiting.

- Oh. No problem.
- Good.

I hope you don't mind, I was
also looking at these pictures

on the walls.

- Oh.
- All these different people.

Yeah. Lot of people.

Who are they?

No idea.
They came with the frames.

That's certainly one way
to decorate.

I'm kidding, of course.

Um, lot of 'em are patients

I've helped
throughout the years,

you know,
from all over the world.

That's really sweet.

I, uh, I like to think of them

as, as part of my family.

Bye. See you later.

Hm...

Hm...

Have you even bothered to do
any research on this woman?

Look, I know you're questioning
if she's really my grandmother.

But what if she is
and I blow everything

because I'm too suspicious?

Besides, it's nice to talk
to someone about my mother.

- Case in point.
- I'm not answering it.

Just go ahead.

I'm done talking.

- Hello? Hey.
- Hey!

Look, I'm sorry
to bother you so late.

But I need you in New York
for a few days next week.

Oh, come on, man. Again?

Sorry, we need
your expertise on site.

Hey, look, I have to take
a red-eye out there

tomorrow night, just be
thankful you're not spending

the entire next two weeks away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I guess it's better we go now

than to go closer
to Sam's due date.

I'm finishing up
the blueprints now,

I'll drop them off
at your house tomorrow evening

before my flight.

Okay. All right. Oh, hey, uh...

Just, um, drop them
on the porch, all right?

Now I gotta go explain this
to Sam.

Good luck with that.

I'll call you
when the blueprints are ready.

Yeah. Thanks.

She loved baking.

She was always in the kitchen
making something

or trying out a new recipe.

Sounds great. But I assure you,
she did not get that from me.

You know, she passed down
all her recipes to me,

and I haven't had time
to make anything.

But I would like to try to make
her carrot... cake.

Oh, hey, uh,
are you, are you okay?

Uh, yeah.

It's just a little bit
of acid reflux.

Oh, well, let's go here.

- Let's just sit down.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I get that too sometimes.

You know,
I think somewhere in here

I have a ginger candy.

Mm...

Oh! Et voila!

- Mm! Thank you.
- You're welcome.

You know, I think that
by handing you that hard candy,

I've officially become granny.

Mm. Sam!

- Aimee!
- Hiya!

- Hey.
- How are you?

Where have you been?
I've been texting you.

I am sorry.
It's been a crazy week.

- I-I'm good. How are you?
- I'm good.

- I'm, uh, Colleen.
- Oh!

I'm sorry.
Aimee, this is Colleen.

- Colleen, Aimee.
- It's so nice to meet you.

Glad to put
a face and name together.

- Likewise.
- So...

What are you ladies up to today?

- We're just out for a stroll.
- Hm.

Oh!

- Oh.
- Uh...

- Well, honey, are you okay?
- I'm sorry.

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I guess morning sickness
is an all-day thing, huh?

What? Are you pregnant?

- Yeah.
- Ah, that's wonderful!

Congratulations,
I told you you had the aura

of motherhood about you.

I'm so sorry
to ruin the surprise, Sam.

It's okay, I'm gonna start
showing soon, so...

Well, you know
that this also means

that I am going to be
a great-grandmother.

I had better stock up
on hard candies.

- And crackers.
- Oh...

All right, I gotta get back
to the office.

- Um, but we'll catch up soon?
- Yeah.

- Okay. I'll text you.
- I'll talk to you later.

It was really good to meet you,
Colleen.

You, too, Aimee.

She seems nice.

Yeah. We've been friends
since high school.

- Oh, that's a long time.
- Yeah. Yeah, it is.

She knows me better
than anyone else.

Listen, have you ever considered
homeopathic remedies

to help
with your morning sickness?

Um, Brad and I don't...

We're not that experimental.

It isn't really experimental.

They have been proven very safe
and very effective.

They're just organic remedies
to help you through this.

And I know a lot about them.
I'd love to share it with you.

- That sounds interesting.
- So you're game?

- I'm game.
- Great.

Why don't you come over
to my house tomorrow

and I'll take you through
all my experimental remedies?

- Sounds good.
- Wonderful.

Are you feelin' any better?

Uh, yeah. I think I feel fine.

Ready to continue our walk?

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay, fine.
- Great. Yeah, great.

Okay, I'll see you
in a little bit.

Hey, Todd's on his way over,
he's gotta drop off

some paperwork
and some blueprints.

Oh, I thought he was flying
to New York tonight.

He's stopping by on his way
to the airport.

He'll be here in a few minutes,
he's just gonna leave 'em

on the front porch.

You really think this
one isn't gonna let you down?

No, it's different,

Samantha and the baby.
It's perfect.

Is it? We thought Dennis
and Barbara were perfect, too,

but we both know
how that turned out.

Well, that wasn't my fault.

You said it yourself, they were
too flawed to be fixed.

Don't you get tired
of hearing that?

I know I get tired of saying it
every time things go wrong.

Just shut up.

Poor, poor Colleen.

Shut up.

Looks like she's never gonna
find the perfect family--

Just shut, shut up!

- Oh?
- Are you okay?

I have to tell you something.

And I don't want you
to be mad at me.

Okay.

Colleen knows about the baby.

You told her?

Actually, Aimee blurted it out.

And, of course, my head
was in a trashcan throwing up,

so it was kind of hard to hide.

Hm.

Oh.

Ah.

I can see we just steered away

from being cautious

right into inviting her over

for Christmas dinner.

My parents don't even know yet,
but yet this stranger knows?

Oh, my God! Uh, oh...

Oh, my...
I'm sorry.

- You, you startled me.
- Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to, sweetie.

You're pissed that I told her?

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

It was just nice to tell someone
who might be family,

since I didn't get to tell
my mom.

And it was nice to see someone
who was genuinely happy for me.

Genuinely ha...

- I'm genuinely happy!
- I know!

Okay, that was a bad choice
of words, okay?

It's just, I didn't get to see
that excited

I'm-gonna-be-a-grandma look
from my mom.

And I got that look
from Colleen.

You don't get it.

Are you, uh...
You lost?

No, I'm just about to visit
my granddaughter.

Finishing up
a, a baby blanket for her.

Oh.

Are you Sam's grandmother,
Colleen?

Guilty as charged.

Don't you think
it's a little late for a visit?

I could say the same to you.

I understand, okay,
I just think you're replacing

your mother with her
a little too much.

Don't turn this
into another codependency talk.

I'm not turning this
into a codependency talk.

I'm concerned.

Do they know that you're here?

No. No,
I just kind of wanted to...

you know, surprise them.

Uh, have you put any thought
to taking the drugs

that Dr. Valentine
prescribed for the stress?

- Are you serious?
- I-I know, I know, I'm...

It's your decision, of course.

I'm just concerned
that all this stress and anxiety

is gonna endanger the baby
in any way.

Look, this is our family now.
The three of us, okay?

- I know.
- It's-it's gonna be okay.

You okay?
Uh-huh. Yeah.

Um, you sure
this is a good idea?

- It's a great idea.
- Okay.

I can tell already
you need this.

- Okay.
- All right, just lie down.

- Relax. Come on.
- All right.

- Okay.
- Mm...

Oh, my gosh!

- Your shoulders are so tight!
- Yeah.

I'm really not used
to getting massages.

- Oh.
- Someone suggested acupuncture.

Do you know anything about that?

I dabble in a little needlework.

It can be very effective.

But there are simpler things.

I can, uh, send you home
with some--

- Let me guess. Some tea?
- What?

No. Vitamins.

Okay, maybe some tea,
but not the strong stuff.

I'll send you back
with something soothing

and relaxing.

Okay. Ooh.

Do you eat enough
cruciferous vegetables?

I... I have no idea.

Broccoli, cauliflower, kale.

I-I try to, but I'm not
a big vegetable eater.

Mm-hmm.

Mom used to catch me
hiding my Brussels sprouts

in the napkin.

Oh.

I guess that's something
I never grew out of.

Well, you need
to start eating them,

and lots of them.

You know what, I will
also include a list of foods

you can enjoy and those
you really ought to avoid.

Oh, um, okay.

My gosh.

There's so much tension.

Is something bothering you?

I... It's...

You know what, it's nothing.

This feels so good
and I don't want to ruin it.

Okay.

It's just...

- Brad.
- Oh?

I feel like
he doesn't understand

what I'm going through,
and I just wish that he knew

how much sharing this pregnancy
with my mom meant to me.

I feel like he just wants me
to forget it and move on.

Has he said that to you?

No. Oh, God, no,
he would never say that.

It's just the look
and the attitude

I get from him sometimes.

Well, some people
have a hard time understanding

what another person's
going through.

There are very few
perfect people,

no matter how hard
we try to make them so.

I told you about my ex-husband.

Yeah, you mentioned he drank
and ran off with another woman.

Yeah. Those were just
the broad strokes.

No pun intended.

You know what the worst part
of it was?

What is that?

The jerk ran out

before I could kick him out.

Okay, look, now you relax.

Just put your head down.

Okay.

- Close your eyes.
- Mm-hmm.

And while you're doing that,

I will go put the kettle on
for us.

Okay.

Colleen?

Colleen?

Colleen, have you seen my phone?

Yeah.
Uh, everything's fine, dear.

I put it in my pocket because
I didn't want it to disturb you.

All right, what's going on?

Well...

I guess you caught me.

I, you know, I just,
I couldn't help myself.

I had this spare bedroom,
so I just decided

to turn it into a nursery.

And, yeah, I went with the pink
because, personally,

I had my fingers crossed
for a girl.

Oh, Colleen, you...

You really shouldn't have.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just...

I wanted to do something.

Why would there be
a nursery here?

Well, for when
you and the little one

come to visit or...

I mean,
if you just need a babysitter.

I'm just looking forward
to being the perfect grandma.

- Colleen, I--
- I know, I know.

We are not there yet, quite yet.

But you never know
what tomorrow will bring.

- Thank you.
- Good.

- How about some tea?
- Sounds good.

Let's go.

That was amazing.

Yes, it was.

So if I didn't mention it
earlier,

thank you for taking time

out of your busy pregnancy
to see me.

Stop it.

I know I'm not family, but...

Oh. Come on, that's not fair.

I know. I'm sorry.

I lash out because I miss you.

I need to know you're okay
every once in a while

and not locked in the trunk
of some old lady's car.

- You are the worst.
- Yes.

Honestly,
it just feels really good

to take a break
from both of them.

- Both of them?
- Yeah.

Colleen and Brad can just get
so damn controlling.

Example?

I mean, I've got Colleen

pushing
these herbal therapies on me,

while Brad is all about
not getting too close.

And he wants me to take
these anxiety drugs.

Brad wants you to take
what kind of drugs?

It's all these things
that the doctor recommended

when my mom died, he said it
wasn't necessary, so I thought,

"If I didn't really need them,
then why take them?"

And then
there's Colleen's herbal cures,

all the oils and the candles...

Ignore them both.

And do not run off with Colleen
to some hippie commune.

I am not calling your kid
Starflower.

You wanna hear something
really weird?

You know I do.

The other day I went over there
for some...

holistic therapy...

Okay, stop.

She made an entire nursery
so the baby could sleep there,

for when the baby and I
wanna stay over.

- That's weird.
- Right?

You know, I-I just told her
that I need some time

to come around,
but I don't know,

I'm beginning to think
the problem is with me.

- You are not the problem.
- Thanks.

Brad thinks that I stepped into
this grandma thing headfirst.

Uh, you know,
but I've set some rules.

But I just feel so guilty
for doing that.

You do not need to feel guilty.

Look, I don't wanna be

another controlling factor
in your life,

but I think I want someone

to look into your grandma.

Do you remember Jill? We went
for drinks a couple of times.

She owes me a favor.

Or maybe I owe her a favor.

Anyway, she works
at an adoption agency

and has access
to all these databases.

Why don't I just have her
do a quick search

and we'll see what comes up?

Oh, I don't... No.

That feels
a little too spy-movie for me.

Well, I'm doin' it.

We're having lunch
tomorrow.

And I gotta run.

I will call you
when I find anything out.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Okay.

I love you and your babe.

I love you, too.

Oh...

Oh, she's dangerous.

Yes, she is.

And you know the type. They
don't respond to just talk.

You're right.

Something more definite

may be required.

Be careful,
you don't wanna break

Samantha's heart.

We all have our hearts broken
a little.

But she'll recover,

and she won't have to go
through it alone

because... granny's home.

Keyboard keys clacking]

Aimee, let me just finish up
this email and then I was thi--

So remember how you owe me?

- No.
- Well, you do.

But it's not for me,
it's for my friend Samantha.

You remember her? We had drinks
a couple of times...

Anyway, I need you
to look up an adoption for me.

What's this?

It's the name of a woman

who supposedly

put her daughter up
for adoption.

You know,
there's usually more paperwork

when someone requests
this kind of information.

Please...

I'm so gonna get fired for this.

Well, that's odd.

Oh, this is interesting.

I've got a few arrests
and warrants.

What for?

Looks like suspicion

of credit fraud,

and a few
pending identity-theft charges.

- Anything else?
- No...

Wait! Yes, yes, there is.

This is from 1983,
and it looks pretty local.

Uh, another arrest?

No, it's something else.

It's hard to tell,
I'm gonna have them

send the report over
from the other agency.

Um, if I put the request in now,
I can have it by end of the day.

Get it to you
by tomorrow morning.

- Yeah, that would be great.
- Okay.

Listen, I have to run.

Uh-uh, raincheck on lunch.

I need to make a phone call.

Okay, but you owe me.

Come on, Samantha. Pick up.

Hi, it's Samantha, I can't take

your call right now,
but please leave a message

and I'll get back to you
as soon as possible.

Hey, Sam, it's Aims. Listen,
I just checked in with Jill.

And that wannabe grandma
of yours is a felon.

Jill found some shady stuff
in her past

and something from the 1980s.

I will know more tomorrow,

but I need you
to stay away from her.

Uh, I'm gonna go over there now

and tell her
her granny days are done.

Call me as soon as you get this.

Hey!

Oh! Well, isn't this
a delightful surprise!

Uh, Aimee, right?

Can it, granny!

- I'm sorry?
- You heard me, Colleen.

Or is it even your name?

Okay, I'm confused.

What do you want with Samantha?
Money?

Where is this coming from?

Samantha's mother dies and then
you show up out of nowhere.

Well, hardly out of nowhere.

Samantha must have told you,
her mother--

Why don't you tell me
about the identity-theft charge

or what happened in 1983?

Oh, Aimee...

This is all clearly
a huge misunderstanding.

Why don't you come inside?
I'll put the kettle on.

We can sit down calmly
and talk about it.

I will tell you
everything you want to know.

Come on.

Please, come in.

Now, I don't, I don't know
what it is you think you know,

but, uh, it's, there's a simple
explanation for all of this.

- You want a cup?
- No, I don't want a cup!

I want you
to leave my friend alone.

You are the last thing
she needs in her life right now.

You know,
I think I have something

that will solve all of this.

- What?
- A tea kettle.

God!

Okay.

One, two, three!

Oh...

The fiery crash
happened around 2 a.m.

on Whitaker Road.

At this point,
police are unable

to identify the victim,

but do suspect...

Glen. Glen, I'm not...

I'm not arguing that with you.
I just don't understand why.

Wha... What do you mean he never
showed up? I-I don't understand.

He was supposed to be
in New York with you.

Hey, Sam, it's Aims...

Okay, fine.

- ...wannabe grandma...
- It's already booked?

Okay, well, I've to pick up the
rest of the files at the office,

so I'll swing by now.
I'm on my way.

- I have to head out to New York.
- What?

- Yeah. Todd never showed.
- Where is he?

I don't know. His wife thinks
he ran off with somebody else.

So I guess
they need you now.

Yeah, yeah, they-they need me.
Yeah, it's a big deal.

It's gonna take about a week,

maybe two,
to figure this all out.

I was hoping that we could do
some baby-room things this week.

Oh, we always got Colleen
for that.

Wow, how long have you been
holding on to that one?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It's just...

I haven't seen much of my wife
lately.

I thought you wanted me
to get out more

so my grief
didn't endanger our baby.

I wanted you to figure out
your grief.

I didn't want you to substitute
it with something else.

You don't know this woman.

I am sick
of having to justify myself

and any time that I spend time
with Colleen!

She at least listens
and seems to care about me.

Excuse me?

You don't trust me.

- You don't trust my choices.
- That's not true.

I just wanna make sure
that my wife and child are safe.

And that includes
being able to trust the people

she spends the most time with.

Because I can't make
that judgement for myself?

I...

You know what? Take it.

Have a safe flight.
I'll see you when you get back.

F-fine.

Hello?

You better get ready.
He'll be coming out soon.

Oh, don't worry. I'll be ready.

Remember,
just enough to knock him out.

Would you just shut up?

Here he comes.

Okay.

I guess it's showtime.

Ah!

Hey, it's Aimee!

You know what to do!

Hey, Aimee, it's me.

I could barely hear the message
you left me.

I guess, give me a call
when you have a chance.

Thank you
for inviting me over.

I don't want to be alone
in the house

when Brad is away on business.

Well, I'm surprised he left you
in this condition.

Oh... It's fine.

I mean, it's not like I'm gonna
pop this thing out tomorrow.

I just wish he didn't leave
in the middle of an argument.

I know, he said he was gonna
call, and he hasn't yet.

I don't know, I'm sure
he just got busy with work.

Well, I think Brad needs
to reorganize his priorities.

You and the baby
should always come first.

He knows that. He just has
a lot of responsibilities.

I'm sorry that I freaked out
the other day.

- About the nursery.
- Oh, no.

Please don't give that
a second thought.

I realize that I was coming on

a little strong with all that,

and the last thing
that I wanna do is ruin this

by being too pushy. I just...

You know, I do regret not
watching my own child grow up.

If only things had been perfect
enough for me to raise her...

But I know
that it's gonna take time

for you to trust me

and be able to let me
into your life and the baby's.

I'm sure we'll get there soon.

And this little baby
is going to be excited

to have a grandma in her life.

- You're having a girl?
- Yeah!

Oh! That is so wonderful!

Oh, my gosh!

So much
for the big gender reveal.

Oh, my God!
That is so wonderful.

It's gonna be just
a perfect little gaggle of gals.

Oh, I can hardly wait
to go shopping for her.

- Shall we have more tea?
- Absolutely.

This calls for a toast!

Okay!

Why do you have Aimee's phone?

Well, she left it here
the other day.

- Oh, she was here? When?
- Well...

Okay, you're gonna find out
eventually.

We decided to plan
your baby shower together.

I'm sorry to ruin the surprise.
I hope you're not mad.

No, not at all,
I just never pictured Aimee

as the baby-shower-planning
type.

Really? 'Cause she came up
with some great ideas.

So just, you know, act surprised
when it happens, okay?

Okay. I will.

And I was hoping that, um,
when you give it back to her,

you could tell her maybe you
found her phone at your house

so it doesn't seem like
I blabbed about the party.

Sure.

Okay.

How about that tea?

Mm-hmm.

Do you mind
if I use your restroom?

Of course not.
You know where it is.

Uh...

Is everything
all right in there?

I'm fine. Just one minute.

Oh, oh, oh...

I mean, I'm...

You know what,
I'm not feeling so well.

Oh, sweetie.

- Is it the morning sickness?
- Yeah.

Well, I could get you
some ginger.

No, no, no, no. It's, it's okay.

I'll-I'll go home
and lay down for a bit.

Well, you're welcome
to lie down upstairs.

I have the guest bedroom
made up.

No, I'll text you later.

Feel better, and drive safely.

Samantha?

Where's Samantha?

Wha... What is that?

That is a little
cocktail of my own design

that's going to give you
a nice long trip to sleepy town.

W-why?

Because I think
you need some time to think,

time to give you
some perspective.

Perhaps, even gain
a little appreciation

for exactly what it is you have.

You know
it's not just about you anymore.

Now, boy.

You get your rest.

Sleep tight.

We're gonna be going
on a little trip soon.

Oh...

Oh...

- Hello? Yes.
- Hi, Samantha?

Hi, this is Jill. I'm Aimee's
friend from the adoption agency.

Oh, yeah. Uh, what's up?

Well, a couple of days ago
Aimee asked me

to look into something for her.

And if I found anything,
I said I would call.

- Did you find something?
- Yes.

The records are very old,

but it seems
that your maternal grandmother

died giving birth
to your mother.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

According to the records.

There is something else,
though.

I did find something
about Colleen.

- Was it?
- Yes.

Yeah, it was
in an old case file from 1983.

It seems that she did
give a child up for adoption.

Not long
after her husband went missing.

Does anybody know
what happened to her husband?

Apparently, he was
on a trip to the Grand Canyon.

He just disappeared.

Park officials
never found a body.

They did question the wife,
though.

Quite a lot, actually.

Uh, some of the officers
on the case were certain

that she was responsible.

Do you know the child's name?

Yes, it's, um...
Hold on. It's Melanie.

Do you have a-a last name
or current address or...

I can't give you that.

Oh, man. Please, plea--

O-okay,
I'll text it over to you,

but you never got it from me.

Thank you.

Melanie? Melanie Goodwin?

- Mrs. Kirkpatrick?
- Yes.

Your secretary told me
I would find you here.

Yeah, sorry that we had to meet
under these conditions today,

but I'm due in court
in just a little while.

My secretary told me
that you said it was urgent?

- Yes.
- So how can my firm help you?

Well, this is really difficult
to say.

- Divorce.
- Excuse me?

It is okay.
I have seen this before.

It is very difficult at first.

But believe me, I've handled
a million divorce cases

and everything you're feeling
goes away

as soon as you sign
those final papers.

No, this isn't about divorce.

It's actually about you.

Excuse me?

You were put up for adoption
in 1983, right?

Who are you?

I think I may have met
your birth mother.

Regardless of who
this woman claims to be,

my mother,
the mother that raised me,

is Windy Goodwin.

And I have no interest

in connecting with someone

who had no interest
in connecting with me.

So if I cannot help you
with any legal matters...

- I've a very busy schedule.
- Look, I understand.

This is my address and my phone
number and that is the name

of the woman that I believe
is your biological mother.

I know
this is gonna sound crazy.

I think she killed your father

and my family may be in danger
because of her.

This has all been very amusing.

You should probably get inside.
Looks like it's going to rain.

Do not contact me again.

Melanie, please...

Come on. Come on.

Hi, you've reached Brad.

Leave a message
and I'll get back to you.

Brad, where have you been?

Please, just, just call me back.

Hi,
you've reached Brad.

Leave a message
and I'll get back to you.

Brad, I just got your text.

What's going on?
Why aren't you in New York?

You know what,
I'm on my way home.

It's really starting to rain.

I'm very worried.
Please call me.

Brad? Brad, are you here?

He won't be picking up, dear.

Brad's in the back.

He's sleeping.

He's very, very tired.

Don't worry, dear,

this is just something
to help you sleep, too.

That's a good girl.

Colleen?

Colleen?

Please untie me.

Please, I promise
I won't say anything.

Oh, I know you won't,
sweetheart.

Whatever you do,
please don't hurt my baby.

Hurt the ba...

I would never do anything

to hurt
our perfect little family.

This isn't your family.

Okay, I know
that this is slightly unorthodox

since you're so early
in the pregnancy,

but as your nurse
and as a concerned grandmother,

I'm going to have to insist
on strict bedrest

for the duration
of the pregnancy, all right?

But when it comes to
the delivery, I don't want you

to worry about a thing,
not for a moment.

I've delivered
hundreds of children.

And when it comes to it,
the baby doesn't care

whether you're in the hospital
or at home.

You can't do this.

Eventually, someone will stop by
and check on me.

And who would that be?
Your mother?

Brad? Aimee?

I don't think so.

What have you done?

I have made a perfect little
world for the three of us.

Just the three of us.

You're sick, you need help.

Oh, no, dear, I work alone.

And believe me, in the end

you will thank me for this.

Aimee is not the kind of friend

that you want to have
around your child.

She was out every night with
different men, drinking and t...

Oh, my God, the negativity.

I'm sorry,
but Aimee just had to go.

No. No, you didn't!

And don't get me even started
on Todd.

I did the whole world a favor
with that one.

Such an alpha male. No little
girl needs that in her life.

And believe me,
there is no perfect family

with the two of them
in the picture.

So... you'll understand
eventually,

you know,
because when it comes to it,

the most important thing,

the very most important thing
is family.

Grandma?

- Yes, dear?
- Grandma...

What have you done with Brad?

Is he okay?

Colleen! No!

What is that?

Oh, this is just something
to keep you hydrated.

And these are vitamins

to keep you and the baby
healthy.

Everybody's gotta have
some vitamins.

And this is just something
to, you know,

keep you calm for the duration
of your pregnancy.

You clearly need that.

I need to hang this.

What happens if my daughter
and I don't live up

to your perfect standards?

Are you gonna dump us
like you dumped Melanie?

Melanie...

You don't know the first thing
about Melanie.

I know that you left her
at an orphanage. Why?

Was it because she wasn't
the perfect little daughter

that you dreamed about?

No, Melanie was perfect.

It was her father
that was the problem.

I've already told you this.

Is that why you killed him?

Oh? Huh?

Look at that.

Look at me improvise.

How about that? All right,
let's get down to business.

No, no!

Stay still, honey,
I have to get this in.

Mm-mm! Stop.

Well, you are about
the worst patient ever.

Okay. Suit yourself.

I will just, uh, have to do it
while you're sleeping, then.

Okay, so... Here.

Let's, let's get this off

and you are just gonna feel
a little pinch...

Samantha!

Don't make me come over there!

Samantha!
Melanie, help!

- Ah.
- Oh, ...!

- Ah!
- Damn it!

Aah!

The patient's gonna sit there.

I'll call you.

Bye.

Hey.

Thank you.

Thank you, too.

You know, I meant what I said
about her not being my mother.

She stopped being my mother
the second she gave me up.

My mother was the woman
who raised me

and who put up with me
for the last 30-some years.

But she is still blood...

and I'm gonna do what I can

to make sure
she gets the help she needs.

That's very sweet of you.

I can't help
but feel sorry for her.

She truly did believe

that she was creating
something perfect.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I am gonna go get
a month-long spa treatment.

- Congratulations on your baby.
- Thank you.

Samantha.

Brad.

- Thank God.
- I love you.

I love you, too, little girl.

We love you, too.

Okay. Let's get started.

"Colleen Barton."

How are you felling today,
Colleen?

Just great, thanks.

My!

What a perfect little family
you have, doctor.