Psycho Goreman (2020) - full transcript

After unearthing a gem that controls an evil monster looking to destroy the Universe, a young girl and her brother use it to make him do their bidding.

Many moons ago on

the distant planet of Gigax,

a nameless evil

reigned supreme.

This ruthless being

had amassed power beyond measure

and was preparing to strike down

all that was good

and just in the universe.

Before he could fulfill

his dark destiny,

the forces of light

banded together,

and in their most desperate hour

toppled the dark one

from his throne.

He was imprisoned in a place

far beyond reach,

for if he were ever

to be released,

it would spell certain doom

for all existence.

Okay, here's the deal, men.

Winner is champion of

the universe,

loser gets buried alive.

Got it?

That's fair.

- Ready?

- Set?

- Crazy Ball!

- Crazy Ball!

You're toast, Mimi.

Not even close, you dork!

Ow, my butt!

Yes, five point butt bonus.

Swing ball.

One...

Crazy ball.

- Two...

- Crazy ball.

- Three.

- Three of a kind!

Four, alright,

four points for me.

I'll get you at

the switcheroo, crumb scum.

Just you watch.

Buckle up for a dirt sandwich,

you little maniac.

Aaaah!

Switcheroo. Aaah!

I win!

Start digging, Luke.

Damn switcheroo.

Keep digging, boy.

Hey, hurry up so I can bury you

and go to sleep already.

I'm gonna bring your bed

into my room

and make one of those,

oh, what do you call it.

Oh, super beds.

Oh, yeah, that's cool.

Is that a coffin?

Is this where

they buried Grandma?

No, I don't think so.

Let me see.

It's really stuck in there good.

Maybe if I press those,

it'll do something?

No, I'm the Crazy Ball champion

so I get all the treasures.

Right, of course.

Let's see.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Dumb dumb chump, here we go.

Wow, first try.

Come to mama.

Cover it up!

Hurry, before mom and dad see.

Shovel faster, numnuts.

I'm trying.

Luke, Mimi, do you kids

know what time it is?

- 9:00.

- 9:00.

What happens at 9:00.

Get inside.

It's time for bed.

Dad?

You okay, sport?

Is there such thing

as monsters?

Well, here's the thing, Luke.

In a lot of ways,

humans are the real monsters.

So I'd say yes.

Okay, what your genius father

is trying to say is no,

there's no such thing

as monsters.

What happened to your head?

Somebody lost at Crazy Ball.

Again?

Mimi, I don't want to keep

going through this, okay?

Remember what we said last time

you were playing kookie ball?

It's Crazy Ball!

Plus, it's not even my fault.

Check the tapes. Luke sucks.

It doesn't matter, okay?

You need to take it easy

on your brother.

He won't want to play

with you anymore.

What's the deal

with monsters?

Are they fake? Are they real?

All the above?

Yeah, what's with all

the monster talk tonight?

It's just that, if there

are monsters coming to kill us,

could you make sure they...

could you make sure

they kill Luke first?

That's harsh.

But okay.

Mimi, that's

a horrible thing to say.

Why?!

Dismissed.

Good night, wacko.

Dad!

Good night.

Look at this shit!

There's not a pawn shop in town

that's going to want this crap!

If it's all garbage,

why did that old guy put up

such a fight when we busted in?

I think I sprained my wrist

clocking that geezer.

Look at this. Why the hell

would you even grab this?

Suck my dick, asshole!

It was dark.

And that's a nice frame.

Not any more.

What the hell did

you say, buddy?

A variation

of the Ironian tongue.

How primitive.

Let's just get out of here!

This guy's on something.

Hey, you dickless shit.

We already killed

one asshole tonight.

And we'll gladly do it again!

Your flesh is unevolved

and weak.

Perhaps in a few millennia, you

will make worthy adversaries.

But not today.

Hey, man, please,

I don't want to die.

Then live forever.

This is a really big hole.

How did you even dig this?

Huh?

Alright, first I want to say,

great job on the hole, son.

- Thanks.

- Second I want to say,

this is completely unacceptable.

- Oh.

- Somebody's going to

have to fill this in.

Anybody.

One of you even.

- I vote dad.

- Me too.

Yeah, me three.

And if I... when I vote,

I will vote for all of

- you three, as a family.

- No, no.

Doesn't work that way.

Alright.

So much for democracy, huh?

Do the dishes, Greg.

What made these?

If I had to guess,

I'd say some wino

was on his way home

from a bender last night.

Thought he could Evel Knievel

his way over this hole

and fell in.

- What else could it be really?

- Maybe a raccoon.

That doesn't make

any damn sense.

Oh!

Oh, oh, my hand.

- Are you okay?

- Oh, God, my hand.

- Well, that didn't take long.

- Oh, it hurts so bad, Susan!

- Okay, okay.

- Oh, my God.

- Come on.

- Oh, Susan.

Ow! Don't even look

at it, it hurts.

Did you see the size

of those freaking claw marks?

We need to tell

somebody what happened.

Maybe we should

go to the police.

I don't trust cops.

Not one bit.

We're going to go search

ourselves tonight.

That's crazy.

We don't know

what was down there.

What's crazy is what a stupid

wiener you can be some times.

Pull up your diapers

because we're going to go find

what crawled out

of your grave last night

like a couple of real

American heroes.

Can you dig it?!

Yeah. I dig it.

- Hey, man.

- Hey, Alistair.

You beat Rage Master 64 yet?

Yeah, man, medium difficulty.

- No way.

- Hey, kiddy.

You look good in your

little outfit there.

Why don't you give us

a spin, hunky boy?

Um, no thanks.

Never mind.

My math!

Is your sister crazy?

Mimi, look.

That way.

There's no way

this was a dirty wino bum.

Look at how even

his footsteps are.

Duh. When has dad ever

been right about anything?

Yeah, good point.

I'm not going in there.

Here, take this.

I call it the Luke killer.

It will protect you.

How the hell

does this work?

Ow! The damn thing cut me.

You're using it wrong.

Don't kill her Mark.

I'm going to kill you.

Mimi, wait. Oh, crap.

Stop jumping at everything!

You're jumping, too.

I'm jumping because

you're jumping!

This place is dangerous.

Didn't somebody die back

when this was a shoe factory?

Nobody ever died

from making shoes, Luke.

That's just crazy.

Besides, the most dangerous

thing in here...

is me.

We should get out of here.

Hey, creep!

We know you're in here.

Show yourself or...

or I'll break you

into a pile of bones?

No, that wasn't good.

This is super dumb.

Let's go.

Is that fear I smell?

How sweet.

Oh, my God.

Man, that's what

this one called me.

Aah!

Are you also man?

You are much smaller creatures.

No matter.

You will suffer like the rest.

Know that in the sweet

release of death

you'll be spared

the sight of your planet

being torn to pieces,

watching as everyone

you hold dear is drowned

in a sea of their own blood.

Shut it!

No, I am not a man.

I am a wo-man.

And you're going to let go of

my stupid wiener bro right now!

Mimi, look.

Is this yours?

Speak.

The gem of Praxidice.

This cannot be.

Believe it, buster.

Stop messing around

and explain, scum.

The Geminia One, whoever wields

it is able to command me

for as long as it's

in their possession.

But know this, child.

The power you wield

will be short lived.

Sure, sure. But first let's

test this baby out.

Alright, Monster Mash.

Pick up my bro and, uh,

spin him around a bunch.

Hey, come on.

Ah.

It hurts.

Alright, put the cry baby down.

Enough! The longer we play

these childish games,

the more horrifying

your deaths will be.

This is but a small example

of what I am capable of.

His eternal pain

will take his mind

beyond the furthest

reaches of madness.

Preserved in an endless

state of... no!

He was my masterpiece!

Oh, sorry man.

Thank you.

Do you have a name,

Monster Man?

No name can encompass

my dark will.

Though my enemies

will sometimes refer to me

as the arch duke of nightmares.

Well, that sucks.

Never mind.

We can workshop this.

Luke!

- Yeah?

- I want names.

They've got to be fresh,

they've got to be cool.

Go.

We can't name it.

He's going to kill us.

Ha! You would pray

for something so simple.

I will drink your

endless screams as I rip...

Dinosaur-us Flex.

That's not bad actually.

- Rexothundrax?

- Cobrala Khan.

Revenge X Bad Lord.

- Heartless Creep.

- Oh, Rip Lord.

How about Shadow Slammer?

Or even Merman.

Nemesis Grim Night.

No, too sinister.

How about Dark Lord

of Wonderful Smooches?

I will never accept

such a title.

Stop running

and clap your hands,

you know, for a while at least.

How about Psycho Man?

Mm, Goreman?

That's it.

Did I get it?

No.

Stop that annoying clapping!

His name will be...

Psycho Goreman!

Or PG for short.

I don't see how that's better

than Archduke of Nightmares.

Psycho Goreman, that's great.

It's fun, it's hip,

it's wow, and it's now.

You're making

a terrible mistake,

you putrid little creature.

Soon I'll get the gem back,

and when I do...

Nice to meet you, PG.

I'm Mimi.

And I'm Luke.

Aaah! I wield powers

unimaginable

to your simple minds.

Soon you will beg me

for mercy.

But know that you will

only receive pain.

Knock knock?

What?

Knock knock?

Have you succumbed

to madness already?

Just say "who's there" already.

Geez, what planet are you from?

Gigax.

Who's there?

Me. Crazy Ball champion

of the universe.

And the champion says...

go over there,

sit down, shut up,

and wait for us

to come back in the morning.

You dig?

Dig what?

Go!

You will suffer in eternity

for this!

Yeah, yeah.

Bye-e-e-e-e-e!

I wonder what

it's favorite shows are.

Do you think it likes

grilled cheeses and tacos?

We should bring him

some welcome goodies

before we take him out

on the town.

What do you mean

take him out on the town?

I got to show him off.

I'll be the coolest kid

in school.

He's going to kill everybody

if we take him anywhere.

No, he won't.

Not unless I tell him to.

Mimi, I'm pretty good at going

along with your crazy ideas.

But we need to think

about this one.

Fine. I should probably teach

him some cool tricks anyways.

See what kind of slick stuff

he can do.

Watch out, world,

it's Mimi's time to shine.

The vasiaults have analyzed

the cosmic resonance

and confirmed our suspicions.

The ultimate evil has awoken.

How can this be possible?

Who could have deciphered

the sequence

that released

the gem of Praxidice?

I approved

the sequence myself.

Whoever solved it

must have intelligence

that far surpasses our own.

Which is a notion that I find

quite preposterous, I must say.

- Preposterous?

- That's right.

Enough!

Our mistake was being merciful

to that demon

instead of wiping him

from the galaxy forever.

It is clear that the rules

of the Gigaxian unity accords

have failed us.

What do you suggest

we do, Templar Pandora?

It's time to elect justice

through the Templar code.

There will be no trial

for that abomination.

The only verdict is for him

to die by my hand.

He has single handedly

extinguished entire planets

from existence.

How do you expect to

defeat him on your own, hm?

I do not fear him.

I have faith that the gods

will watch over and protect me.

Ooh, sounds like a load

of superstitious nonsense to me.

What was that?

- Huh?

- Huh?

No, no, no.

I didn't say anything.

- You don't believe me?

- I believe you, Templar.

It's just, we're boys

having a laugh.

And...

- Just a bit of...

- Just what?

I think it's an excellent plan

so why don't we just move on?

Lots of things

to discuss here.

Aah!

Do you not believe that it is

my destiny to vanquish

this darkness from the universe?

I... would leave...

Never forget that it was we,

the Templars,

that cleansed your worlds

of the dark one's scourge.

It was the will of the gods

that saved you,

and they can just as easily have

you all wiped from existence.

Remember this.

Yes, you're very kind.

What are the creatures

of this planet?

Humans, your holiness.

Bring me one of these

human things.

- Where am I?

- Come here, my dear.

Don't be afraid.

He will not escape us this time.

The light of heaven will always

extinguish the darkness of evil.

May the gods watch over me.

And the president said,

"But, Mimi, every day's

your birthday."

Then we started eating

the whole cake

while they broadcasted

it to the whole world.

And that's when I woke up.

Which really sucked because

I wanted to finish

that tasty cake.

Okay, so who's this

guy you have got living

in the old shoe factory?

You're going to

love him, Alistair.

He's this big scary monster

that wants to kill everybody.

Huh?

Hey, could one of you guys

help me with this?

No, thanks.

Holy crud.

I know, right?

PG, wake up!

PG, wake up. I want you

to meet our friend, Alistair.

Wait, were we supposed

to feed him?

You alive, buddy?

Aaah!

Stop!

Nice try.

Anyways, Alistair,

this is Psycho Goreman.

Or PG for short.

- Hi.

- Silence!

Okay.

We've brought you

some reading material, PG.

And a TV to watch.

Did you sleep okay?

I'm sorry we didn't

bring any pornos.

Petty displays of wealth.

How can your short life spans

allow such narcissism?

Yeah, but look

at all the hunky boys.

I do not care for hunky boys.

Or do I?

PG, can I ask you something?

No!

PG, I don't like that attitude.

Be nice, please.

Luke, ask him again.

Can I ask you something?

What?

What are you?

That is a tale bathed

in the blood

of a million dead memories.

I was born in a time before

time, on the planet Gigax.

A world light years

from your own.

My entire existence

was servitude,

under the rule of beings that

claimed to serve a higher power

that governed over us all.

These entities,

known as the Templars,

had no more divine purpose

than the dirt I excavated

to help build their churches.

But still they were able

to crush the people of Gigax

beneath their gilded heels.

The Templars preached to us

their holy scriptures,

declaring their

rightful ownership of Gigax.

To them, we were nothing

more than parasites

trespassing on hallowed ground.

That candy was weird.

But then one day

every thing changed.

I discovered an artifact

thought to be lost forever,

forged by ancient

Gigaxian warlocks out of energy

from the darkest corners

of the galaxy...

the gem of Praxidice.

The moment I took

the gem in my hand

and felt its immense power,

my destiny was clear.

I would destroy the Templars

and anyone else

that stood against me.

The gem bonded with me

and gave me power

beyond all other beings.

I was able to raise an army

led by my loyal generals,

the Paladins of Sydion,

and take back Gigax.

But I didn't stop there.

It was clear that my thirst

for death would only be

satiated if I snuffed out

all light in the universe.

But I was overthrown

and imprisoned

by the Templars

and their planetary alliance.

They stole the gem

and, with it, my power.

To this day, I do not understand

how such weak minded insects

could defeat the greatest

power in the galaxy.

TV's working.

Well, that boring dumb story

made me tired.

Let's go, guys.

PG, your homework

is to watch more TV

and learn how to be more fun.

Otherwise...

I will have to punish you.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

It would nicer if you were dead.

Alright, bye.

Energy runs through this box.

It might be enough.

Spirits of the electroverse,

find my world and alert

the Paladins of Sydion

that their master walks again.

The gem of Praxidice

has been taken

by two brainless meat children.

You must attain the gem

even if it has to be pried

from their tiny dead hands.

Thanks for

having me to stay over

for dinner, Mrs. Hallenbeck.

Glad to have you, Alistair.

Yes, very glad to have you.

Well, I was busy filling

in that hole in the backyard,

so unfortunately, Mr. Hallenbeck

had the pleasure

of playing master chef tonight.

How great is

this chicken, Alistair?

It's my special recipe.

It's, uh...

It's a little tough, Dad.

The microwave will do that.

But it sure brings

out the flavor.

What did you three maniacs

get up to?

We, um... Ow!

We were playing

guns in the forest.

Guns?

Now that sounds like fun.

Back when I was in the army, we

used to play guns all the time.

Except it was called

the Iraq War.

We played for keeps.

Meaning I killed people.

Okay, don't listen to GI Joker

over here.

He's never fired

a gun in his life.

- Anyways...

- Can me and Alistair

play video games?

Mm-hmm. Just put your plates

by the sink, okay, honey?

But, Alistair,

games are for nerds.

Wouldn't you rather go

in the driveway

and throw basketballs

at Luke or something?

Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.

But I just really want

to play some vids.

Come on, let's go.

Guess I'll play by myself then.

Hey, Mimi.

Can you come back

and finish your broccoli?

No, I cannot, because champions

don't eat broccoli!

Well, she finished

my delicious chicken.

And in the end, isn't that

all that really matters?

No, she didn't.

And then I heard Kyle

put all his pubes in a bag

and sold them to Mason

for five bucks.

Isn't that crazy?

Dude, what's he going to do

with a bag of pubes?

What the frig are you doing?

- But...

- Took you long enough.

I don't have all night.

Time is a false construct that

only exists for

primitive beings unable to phase

into the ninth dimension.

Also I got lost.

Mimi, what the heck

are you doing?

He can't be here.

He can be wherever

I want him to be.

Remember?

Heads up, dumpy butt.

Bulls eye!

This reminds me of

an ancient torture technique

I learned from the worms

of Janus many moons ago.

Should I go?

This is getting a little weird.

Those were good people,

those worms.

I don't care about

your stupid ancient techniques.

Unless they can make Alistair

stop being such a freaking dork.

I once used my dark magic

to help the warlord of Zatonia

seduce the moon princess.

I can do the same

for you if you wish.

You can make him want

to chuck basketballs with me.

Alright, I'm going to bounce.

Good night, everybody.

Do it.

So be it.

Your wish is my command.

Oh, Jesus!

Greg, what did you do

to the microwave?

Cooked a great meal

for my family, that's what.

You're welcome.

It's totally wrecked.

You're welcome.

That's great.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What did you do to him?

Get away from my kids!

My lucky bat!

Come on!

Greg, what the hell

are you doing?

Aaah!

You dare stand against me with

such a weak excuse for a weapon?

No, I didn't. She did. She did.

You asshole!

Don't hurt my parents.

That's an order.

Um, Mom, dad, I want you to meet

my new best pal,

Psycho Goreman,

or PG for short.

I don't care what his name is,

you need to call the police.

Are you kidding me?

What's a cop going to do

against this thing?

- Is he going to kill us?

- No way.

PG's a big softy.

He wouldn't hurt anybody.

Right, buddy?

My entire existence is built

on death and destruction.

I will kill you both.

No, no, no, no.

No, you won't.

PG's just being a goof.

He's family now. Don't worry.

Be worried.

When I'm free of

your daughter's control,

I will bath in your blood.

Ha!

PG, you're such a whack job!

I will kill you.

I will kill you.

I will kill you.

♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Freak all the rest ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Freak off ♪

♪ Freak off ♪

♪ Freak yourself ♪

♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪

Hey, asshole!

Nice Halloween costume!

♪ Freak all the rest ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Freak off! ♪

♪ Freak you ♪

♪ You're not my monster,

tell me what to do ♪

♪ Freak yourself ♪

♪ I'm a heckin' mess ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Freak all the rest ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

What the fuck, man?

So tomorrow

we've got a tight schedule.

We're bowling at 10:00,

and then a light picnic brunch,

which we'll have to have

around noon

so that Mom can take us

to the grocery store.

I've set aside

four hours for baking

so hopefully that's enough time

to bake all 12 cakes.

Wow.

I wish my face could do that.

What do you eat

back at home, PG?

Food is not only for

sustenance back on Gigax.

It's part of an honor code.

To be eaten is considered

a warriors death.

I remember during the battle

on the Bridge of Souls.

I've got it.

Here's the new plan.

Six hours for baking,

and we push upside down karaoke

to Sunday.

Boom!

Does that...

Of course it does.

Case closed. Judge Mimi will

return after these messages.

Don't mind if I do.

I was going to eat those.

I think you've

had enough, fatso.

Champion's got to eat.

So good.

Hello, boy.

What is happening right now?

You have crossed

the dream barrier

and are traversing

the nightmare realm.

It is here where I am able to

communicate with your privately.

Hidden in your dark thoughts.

What do you want?

You know what I want.

The gem.

This sick game

must come to an end.

Get it for me

so that I can be free.

I can't do that.

Mimi found the gem.

It belongs to her now.

Finders keepers, that's the law.

How long before others

learn of my awakening

and invade this quiet

little planet of yours?

Sooner or later,

the gem will be mine.

Help me now, and I might

consider sparing your life.

I can't betray

my sister like that.

Do you think she would

grant you the same courtesy?

No.

I see the way she treats you.

These small torments

are just the beginning.

How long before

she puts her life before yours?

She would never do that.

I think.

You know this is the only way.

Give me the gem so we can

both be free of her madness.

I'm sorry, but I don't think

I can do it.

It will lead to bad things

if I help you.

Fine!

You are stronger than I thought.

But also incredibly stupid.

So... what happens now?

We wait for this dream

of yours to conclude.

Okay.

Alright, cats, what I'm about to

teach you today is confidential.

The government can not,

under any circumstances,

find out about this game.

Got it?

Okay, so there's two teams.

Each team starts by throwing

their balls as far away...

So you got to run and get

the other teams balls in...

Chuck them at your opponents,

the other player throws their

- ball as high as they can...

- And then spin around like this.

Each Jumping Jack

gives you a point.

Then whoever gets hit

has to take the ball.

But only while the opposing

player is doing...

But there is a special

move called the switcheroo.

Which happens when

two balls collide in mid air.

And when that happens, whoever

punches their opponent first

gets all of the other

team's points plus one.

Okay, the game ends

when you reach 67 points.

I have no idea what's going on.

Do you?

Oh, no.

Get away from the kids!

Right now!

What the hell is that thing?

- Just remember your training.

- There's no time. Shoot him!

I should have let those hit you.

Hurry up, PG.

We don't have all day.

You are protectors

of this realm?

I was expecting something

a bit more impressive.

Who are you?

Who am I?

Let me show you, law dealer.

Ahh.

I am your master now.

Tell your people

darkness has fallen.

Resist the eclipse

of my power again

and I will not

show you the mercy

I've shown your friend.

Run.

Vince, give me the key!

Here, another contestant

for your game of nonsense.

PG, now I have to

start all over again.

Okay, so there's two teams.

Each team starts by

throwing their ball

as far away from

the other team as possible.

Do you get it?

See, he gets it.

Glad one of you

monster boys understands.

That soulless husk

is just telling you

what you want to hear.

Whatever, you're dumb, I get it.

Let's play.

Oh, I get Alistair's

done for the day.

Bye, Alistair.

I'll be right back, you morons.

Don't move.

Are you okay, buddy?

Yeah, it's just...

What?

Do you think

I'll ever be normal again?

Probably not.

But who cares?

I like you just

the way you are.

Oh, okay.

Bye, Alistair!

You beautiful blob.

So the "F" word works

in a lot of different ways.

If you stub your toe, you can be

like, "Ow, my frigging toe!"

Or if you see something

weird or crazy,

you can be like,

"What the frig?"

But the best one is when

you're telling someone off.

You can be like...

you tell it to them, Luke.

Frig off.

Frig off.

Use that on someone

you really hate.

What is this?

Some kind of special card?

What is this junk?!

I told you guys

to write me love letters

telling me how amazing I was!

What a waste of beautiful card.

What is love?

You know, have you ever felt all

warm and fuzzy about somebody?

Like when you rip out

your enemy's spine

and display it

to their grieving family?

No, not... no, not exactly.

Love is...

Love is a happy feeling

towards somebody you care about.

You feel complete.

Even if you didn't think

you were missing something

in the first place.

All I feel is anger and hate.

I will never be whole.

Don't worry about it, PG.

Love is for losers anyway.

Oh, yeah? I thought you were

so in love with Alistair.

That doesn't count.

We're just friends

that are going to get married

and be together forever.

And fight a lot,

like mom and dad do.

PG, I don't like the way Luke's

making fun of me.

Kill him, please.

No, please!

Stop!

Just kidding!

Your face.

You're such a scaredy cat.

And you're just... no!

So close.

That's it!

Now you get to pull the wagon.

Faster, you dog.

Hey, buddy.

You're safe now.

It was horrible.

His eyes.

It's like he was

looking into my soul.

And Vince.

Excuse me, human. I'm searching

for a nameless evil

that was buried here long ago.

He's awoken

and has most likely slaughtered

half your people already.

Have you seen him?

No offense, ma'am, but that

description is a little vague.

I've seen him!

That think that killed Vince!

Emmett O'Brien,

didn't you listen to a thing

that this poor man says?

No.

God, you're a dumb ass.

I must find him.

Give me everything.

Something's coming.

What? You got to dump?

Welcome back to the land

of the living, master.

Spare me the theatrics,

Dark Scream.

What took you so long?

We came as soon

as we could, my lord.

Let me be the first to say

that we are all so very glad

to see that you're alive.

PG, are these silly

little guys your friends?

Why don't you introduce us?

They don't look very friendly.

Ah, yes, Paladins,

this is Mimi and...

her brother.

It's Luke.

You should know my name by now.

They are the humans

responsible for freeing me.

That's right. You're welcome.

Mimi has the Gem of Praxidice.

Don't worry.

She doesn't know how to use it.

You may kill them now.

You fool.

Why would we do that?

Excuse me?

We like things

the way they are now.

You must be joking?

Far from it, master.

We are quite content

with running the fifth moon

of Gigax ourselves,

sharing the duties equally.

We take turns

as the appointed leader

so everyone

gets a fair chance.

As you can see,

it is currently my turn.

Let me guess, you made a deal

with those righteous idiots,

the Templars.

In exchange for

your imprisonment,

they agreed to spare us

any further inconveniences.

I put my trust in the worst

the galaxy has to offer,

and this is how you repay me?

I should have known better.

Except for you, Cassius 3000.

I always knew

I couldn't trust you.

Huh, come on.

We all knew this day was coming.

So why don't you lay down

and die like a good little boy?

Yeah, like a good

little boy, yeah.

You imbeciles.

Pandora's crusade

will not stop with me.

Her gaze will fall upon your

wretched hides soon enough.

Your shared crown is nothing

but a symbol

of your own incompetence.

Then we will trade this crown

for one made

from your shattered skull.

Kill him!

PG, you jerk!

Stop right there!

What? No!

What are you doing?!

You told them to kill me!

They're going to

kill you instead.

See how you like it.

Ahh.

How long is this

going to go on for?

What do you mean?

I mean, shouldn't

he apologize or something?

No, it's all right. Hey, PG!

- What?!

- Apologize.

I'm sorry.

Not good enough.

Let's try this again,

but this time,

you got to really mean it.

A ruler never apologizes.

It's a betrayal

of everything I stand for.

I would die... Aah!

Yes, scream for me.

Fine, you don't want

to give me a real apology,

that's your problem.

Come on, Luke. We go.

Wait!

Wait.

Yeah, do you have

something you'd like to say?

I am truly sorry,

little creature.

Great. Apology accepted.

Now, was that so hard?

Go get them, dude.

Yes!

Ha-ha!

Oh, my...

Taste of my magic, witch master.

No way, lady.

You chose this, now live

with the consequences.

Please spare me.

Look into the pool

and see the horror that dwells

inside true darkness.

Do you see?

That's where real darkness lies.

Within ourselves.

I... understand now.

Good.

Maybe in the afterlife you can

be crowned the king of fools.

Gloat all you want.

Soon enough the Templars

will find you.

And throw you back

in your dark prison forever.

Despite being a gibbering idiot,

you fought honorably.

So I will give you

a warriors death.

No, please.

The horrors you've just

witnessed cannot be unseen.

Your young minds

will carry this

until it consumes you

in a miserable death.

Cool.

Can we go home now?

Yes.

It's time to rest.

PG, what's wrong?

I'm dying.

- What?!

- What?!

Of course.

They must have saved my blood

from the battle

of the zone keepers

and cursed their blades with it.

Clever move, Dark Scream.

We can't move him

ourselves.

We need to call for help.

Great idea, dingus!

How are we going to do that?!

Well, I don't know, cowboy cat,

what is the difference between

a saddle and a can of paint?

- You're going to love this one.

- What is this? What is that?

Oh, yeah. I bought a new TV.

In other news, I'm going to take

a couple of weeks off work

till my hand

can heal completely.

So you might want to pick up

a few extra shifts

at the pharmacy.

You dumped me for this beauty.

- No!

- Hey. What the frig?

Maybe you should pull up

your pants, huh?

Just hike them up,

pack up your precious TV,

get your lazy ass

out of this house.

Lazy?

How dare you!

You know how much

I hate that word.

My parents used it,

my teachers used it.

And now you?

Shame on you, Susan.

You're better than that.

You know what I hate, Greg?

I hate how you will find

any excuse you can

not to go to work,

help with the kids,

do anything whatsoever

around the house.

Oh, I don't do

a damn thing, huh?

Let's have it.

What do you do, huh?

I'm waiting.

Oh, you think you're frigging

better than me, huh?

You think you're frigging

better than me, huh?

Well I have a BA in English.

What have you done

with your life?

Huh? What have you done

with your life?

I ask you.

Find me!

Find me or you all die!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

What the frig?!

Where am I going?

The ravine near highway 11

and Ryerson Avenue!

Aaah!

Oh! Oh!

I don't know where that is.

Aaaah!

Go south of Prescott Road

until you reach

the second set of lights!

Go!

- Come on!

- Hurry!

Over here! Go faster!

Right here!

No, no, no.

Aaah!

I'm sorry, PG.

You should be.

This is all your doing.

Could you move over and make

room for my wagon please?

Thanks, bud.

You think I'm lazy, PG?

Who's mom talking to?

Kids, kids get out of the truck

and come inside.

Why? Who's the skirt?

She needs to talk

to your friend, okay?

It isn't safe out here.

Come, children.

You don't want to be

anywhere near that... thing.

Pandora.

I see you've come to cleanse

the universe of me once again.

Immaculate timing as always.

Drop the disguise and show

these humans the face

they will bow to once

you enslave them

into endless servitude.

Endless servitude?

Sounds like being

married to you, Susan.

Greg, shut up

and get out of the truck.

Kids, come inside, okay?

Let these two figure

their shit out.

Dad, don't.

Just do what she says, child.

I will not ask you again.

Uh, excuse me?

You don't talk to me like that.

Luke, here's my idea.

You go beat her up,

and we'll drive away.

She doesn't look that tough.

Do not let her weak

human skin fool you.

She will strike you

down immediately.

Good to know. Thanks, PG.

Luke, beat her up.

But PG just said...

Shut up, your wiener,

and go fight her like a hero!

Do it now!

You know what, Mimi?

I can't. I just can't.

You go beat up

that lady right now!

I'll bash her brains

if you don't.

This has gone too far.

I've had enough.

You can't push me

around anymore.

Fine!

Then you're out of the band!

Greg, for once

in your lazy ass life,

you don't actually have

to do anything, okay?

Just get out of the truck

and come inside.

How's this for lazy, Susan?

Greg.

Hang on, kiddo.

Greg, don't even

thing about it!

Bye!

We must act fast before

he's able to regenerate.

This beast will consume

all the light in the universe

if we don't stop him.

Okay. So what do we do?

Follow me.

Slowly, slowly.

Gonna wrap you up, okay, PG?

I feel my life slipping away.

Stay with me, PG.

I'm not going to let you go.

There's only one remedy

for this curse.

You must give me the gem.

What?

No, no, you'll kill everybody.

It's the only way.

The gem is linked

to my life force.

Once it's in my possession,

I will regain my strength.

Excuse me.

Mr. Goreman.

Can I get a moment alone

with my daughter, please?

Thank you.

How you doing?

Dad, I'm sacred.

I don't know what to do.

First off, that's a lie.

I know for a fact

you've never been scared

of anything in your life.

That's true.

Look, I know I'm not

a good dad or a smart dad.

But I still have

some dad wisdom for you.

When I was your age, a weird guy

in a van outside my school asked

if I wanted to see

his baseball cards.

I said yes without thinking.

And he took me

in the back of his van

and showed me

his giant collection

of pristine baseball cards.

I had a lot of fun.

And I'm thankful I put my trust

in that creepy weirdo.

So I think you should trust your

weird murdering monster friend.

It's the grown up thing to do.

Thanks, Dad.

That makes a lot of sense.

No problem, kiddo.

I need a bit of a think.

I'll be in my office

if you need me.

Your partner made a very poor

choice taking the evil one

from us.

Oh, wow!

My mistake was

letting him live.

It was selfish of me

to want him to suffer forever.

I won't make that mistake again.

Drink it.

It's time for you

to stand beside me

and right the wrongs

of this universe.

I'll drink that.

Is it gross?

The final battle has begun.

The fate of the universe

rests in Pandora's hands.

And what if she fails?

Then there will be

no stopping him.

She is our last hope.

Stop hogging these blugels.

They're for everyone.

Pass those blugels.

Hi, God.

Now, I know I don't do

all the goody two-shoes stuff

you say everybody should do,

but I can't help it.

And I'll do whatever

the heck I want, okay?

Anyways, I need your advice.

A huge battle between evil and

worse evil is about to go down.

And I have a very

big decision to make.

What shades should I wear?

That's a trick question.

I know I'm going

to wear the zebra ones.

In conclusion,

why am I even talking to you?

There's a new God in town,

and his name is Psycho Goreman.

And he's coming for you, buddy.

So this TV won't stop bleeding.

Okay, here's the deal, man.

I'll give you the gem

so you can kill that mean lady.

But you have to promise

that you won't kill us, okay?

I will not kill you,

little creature.

Or your family of idiots.

Do you mean it?

Yes.

Wait, what about telling him

not to kill everybody else

on the planet?

Oh, yeah. Oops.

Oops is right.

Oh, crud.

What? Where's the gem?

Your time is up, evil one.

Oh, man! Get out of here, lady!

Step aside, Mimi!

Mom?

Susan?

- Hi.

- Shut up, thief.

Just walk away, child.

It's time I rid the universe

of this cursed thing.

Give me the gem, boy.

No, not until my family is safe.

That's the deal.

You don't get it.

Do you, lady?

Nobody tells me what to do.

Not you, not her, not him.

Yeah.

Not the president. Not anybody!

Mimi, this is serious!

Stop it right now!

Never, ever, ever!

That's some good

parenting, honey.

I wish I could help.

I'm just too damn lazy.

You!

Whoa.

Susan.

Think about what

you're doing here.

Hey.

Aaaah!

Mimi, stop!

Shut up, you fat traitor!

Killing me won't bring back

the thousands of warriors

I've massacred

with my bare hands.

No, but ending you will light

a new dawn for my people.

And I shall lead the galaxy

toward a bright future,

built on a law

and order of the Templars.

Go, Pandora! I believe in you.

I've always believed in you.

Just couldn't stay away

from the TV, could you, Greg?

Susan, I would still

forgive you for this

if you stopped right now.

I'll go to therapy now

if you want,

if you still want to do that.

if that's what you still want.

Come on, yes!

Die!

Please. Don't.

I've been doing

a lot of thinking, Greg.

I think you're the cause

of all the headaches in my life.

And I think it's payback time!

Susan, you're choking me.

Give me the gem.

Don't make me use this, bro.

It's just like Dad said.

People are the real monsters.

And you're one of them.

Is it not part

of the Templar code

to allow a defeated foe one last

chance for battle, if requested?

The Templar code

says lots of things.

You are weak,

and we have the gem.

There is no way

you could defeat me in battle.

I do not request

hand-to-hand combat.

If you are truly the warrior

you claim to be,

you will honor this request.

Name your contest.

I will defeat you

no matter the circumstance.

Mimi!

Huh?

You will decide the contest.

Okay, you three

will be Team Suck.

You two plus me

will be Team Hero.

If Team Hero wins,

we get the gem.

And if Team Suck wins,

you can have PG.

Got it?

Could you explain

the switcheroo part again?

Nope.

Should have paid attention.

Okay, chumps, let's do this.

Ready...

Set...

Still love you, Susan.

- Crazy Ball!

- Crazy Ball!

Ow!

I don't understand sports.

No.

Quick!

Do Jumping Jacks!

Crazy Ball. Crazy Ball.

What are Jumping Jacks again?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Where are your gods

tonight now, Pandora?

Aah!

Yeah!

I win butt bonus.

66 points.

One more point

and Team Suck wins.

Dream on, back stabber.

This is for the time you made me

eat my own sand castle.

I was helping you!

Now that beautiful sand castle

will be with you forever!

I was so sick I had to miss

a week of school.

You're welcome!

The switcheroo.

If they get

the switcheroo, they'll win!

Oh, this game is

complete nonsense.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Dumb dumb chuck, here we go!

Yes!

I win again.

We win!

Aaah!

How does failure taste, Pandora?

Now give me the gem.

I will humor this no longer.

No way!

What are you doing?!

The beast must die!

Mimi, get out!

No!

I'll protect you, PG.

Aaah!

Luke, give me the gem!

Please throw it to me, you dork!

I don't know.

You're always so mean to me,

and I just wish that you would

say you were sorry for once.

And I'm always there

for you when you need me,

but I thought we were a team.

And you're always beating me up

and calling me names.

♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Frig all the rest ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm the hecking best ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

What is this?

Is this love?

Yes, silly.

Sing along.

♪ Frig off ♪

♪ Frig you ♪

♪ You're not my boss ♪

♪ You don't tell me what to do ♪

♪ Frig off ♪

♪ Frig you ♪

♪ You're not my boss ♪

♪ You don't tell me what do ♪

Frig yourself.

You are not worthy of the gifts

I have bestowed upon you.

Susan?

Greg.

Hey.

Yeah, you need to take me

to the hospital, okay?

I can't feel my hand.

I think it might be broken.

Luke, can you drive?

- No.

- The judgment is...

death.

You're toast now,

you big metal moron.

Even with your powers restored,

how can you expect

to defeat my holy blade?

You are defenseless

against me.

Then I'll make my own.

You'll not stand between me

and my holy destiny.

Frig off.

I'm not going to say it.

But I have something

to tell you.

Not my hunky boys!

Aaaah!

You have no idea

what you've done.

The universe

as you know it is finished.

Thank you.

I'm proud of you guys.

Finish me, nameless one.

Get this over with

so that I can be at peace.

There will never

be peace for you.

I've been to the after world,

and it's a place where fools

like you suffer the worst.

And my name is...

Psycho Goreman.

That's a beautiful name.

You fought with honor.

It's only fitting I give you

a warriors death.

No, not that!

No!

- Let's go.

- Oh, no.

What is he doing?

Oh, you don't want to see this.

You know, I remember when this

used to be a shoe factory.

Delicious.

Well, what now?

Now I will do

what I was meant to do...

destroy everything.

The age of chaos begins anew.

Yes, and?

And I will spare your lives.

Take it.

Really?

I don't need it

anymore, little one.

For the first time

in centuries I feel whole.

Thanks to your family,

I now know that true power

comes from within.

The power of love.

What?

Goodbye, Mimi.

Goodbye, Greg and Susan and...

boy.

It's time for me to take

this new found power

and use it to destroy

the galaxy.

PG, wait!

Well, we learned a lot today.

About what?

Okay, okay, let's go

to the hospital.

Okay, Greg, come on.

Come. This way.

Whoa, okay.

Chaos has erupted in downtown

Spangler Springs

as police are powerless

to stop the rampage

of what can only be described

as a giant naked purple man.

Alistair, come on

it's time for dinner.

♪ Two heads, one heart ♪

♪ Every reason to bite ♪

♪ He fights for justice,

redemption, and love ♪

♪ He will stop till

he bathes in their blood ♪

He doesn't know

how to find us, does he?

Right. Well, luckily,

Cortex has a plan B.

There's always a way out.

So who wants to

kill themselves first?

♪ A nameless evil

once buried forever ♪

♪ Now he's awake,

and he's ready for terror ♪

♪ But hold up, wait,

there's a catch ♪

♪ This kid Mimi has

a plan to hatch ♪

♪ With the magic,

she has the power ♪

♪ The monster's her friend,

it's her finest hour ♪

♪ They'll go adventures,

cause all kinds of trouble ♪

♪ Blow up the world

and dance on the rubble ♪

♪ First he needs a name ♪

♪ Something cool,

it can't be lame ♪

♪ That's when it struck her

so cool and so mean ♪

♪ The monster will be named PG ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ A council of aliens ♪

♪ It's evil and scary ♪

♪ Saw PG awaken from

where he was buried ♪

♪ He has to be stopped,

and who better to do it ♪

♪ Templar Pandora, yeah,

it's time to move ♪

♪ But they weren't

the only team ♪

♪ Who noticed that PG was free ♪

♪ His old pals like

the Monster Mash ♪

♪ Showed up to betray him

and take out the trash ♪

♪ But Mr. Goreman,

he ain't fool ♪

♪ He killed them all, yeah,

he took them to school ♪

♪ And they'll never

forget his name ♪

♪ It's the last thing

that they'll say ♪

♪ PG ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Meanwhile at home,

Mimi's dad is a mess ♪

♪ He can't keep a job

or cook a chicken breast ♪

♪ When PG comes home

at his darkest hour ♪

♪ Mimi's dad shows that

he's not a coward ♪

♪ Final battle is at hand,

but PG can barely stand ♪

♪ So he chooses a contest

to settle it all ♪

♪ His fate is decided

by Crazy Ball ♪

♪ When the galaxy

runs in fear ♪

♪ That's when Mimi

and her brother appear ♪

♪ At the end of the day,

it's not about killing ♪

♪ It's all about family,

and I've got a feeling ♪

♪ That everything will be okay ♪

♪ Not sure why I feel that way ♪

♪ The galaxy is in flames, and

a murdering monster's to blame ♪

♪ PG ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Stay in school, kids ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ Don't do drugs ♪

♪ PG for short ♪

♪ PG for short ♪