Protocol (1984) - full transcript

(SIREN BLARING)

Move it!
(SCREAMS) What?
You scared me!

Move outta here.
I know, I... Look, the car is
temporarily out of order.

And it'll be ready
in a minute. I swear.

All right, get this thing
out of here, right now.

Wait a minute, guys.
Don't get excited.

I'm trying to get this fixed.

Lady, will you move your
goddamn car out of the way!

I'm very sorry.
I'm very, very sorry.

It always starts
sooner or later if we're
just really patient.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)



(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(HORNS HONKING)
MAN 1: This is
an official convoy.

What's going on?

MAN 2:
All right, get out.

Get out of the car.
SUNNY: I'm gonna be late.

MAN 2: Come on!
SUNNY: This happens a lot

and, um,
I'm gonna be okay.
MAN 3: We got it, we got it.

MAN:
Roll down the window.

I don't know, sir.

Can you open the door?
Could you open the door?

I can't, because, look...

See? See this thing?

It's always
been that way.

I can't open the door.
Oh, God!



Young lady,
get this thing outta here!

I don't blame you!

You've got to move
this car, lady.

SUNNY: I'd open the door
but I can't.

I can't. I can't.
I'm locked in here.

I'm going to have
an anxiety attack.

Oh, no!

Oh!

(COUGHING)
SUNNY: This is mental!

SUNNY: Oh, this is great.
Gosh, thank you so much.

DRIVER: Anytime.
I'm so late.

The second time
this week.

I'm late.

The car?
Yeah.

I'm late.

Lou's going to kill me.

MAN ON TV: And if
tonight's banquet

in honor of the visiting
Emir Khaled Abin Abdul Majid

has its desired effect,

State Department
insiders predict that
the administration

will soon be announcing
the start of construction

on a major military base
in the emir's remote

but strategically located
Middle Eastern country.

State department--

Presidential aide,
John J. Hilley,
was accused today

of being overly ambitious
and overly zealous by
several congressmen.

Brad, not in the middle
of the afternoon.

Oh, Kim,
middle of the afternoon,

middle of the night,
what's the difference?

Brad, we can't.
It's just not right.
It's just not right.

BRAD: Right? I'll show you
what's right.

This is right.

(KISSING)

And this...

And this...

Hi, sweetie!
Hi.

I'm late.
The car?

Yeah.

Oh!

Taxi!

Taxi!

(YELLING AND WHOOPING)

Hi!

Hey, Sunny! No car?

No car.

Can I give you
a ride home, later?

No, thanks, Jimmy.
I got a date.

(WHOOPING)

Hi, Lou.
Nice, Sunny.

Nice. Thank you
very much for showing up.

Oh, geez, am I late?

How come you were
running like that if you
didn't know you were late?

Exercise.
Ah!

Funny. (CHUCKLES)
Very Funny!

See, I can't pay
my taxes here.

The joint's dying on us--

I'm real sorry.
I promise I'll be on time

the whole rest of
the week, okay?

What rest of the week?
It's Friday already.

Look, you can make
it up to me by working
cleanup tonight.

Oh, Lou, not tonight.
Please, I have a late date.

Sunny, who're you
going out with?

Guess.

Uh, the Friday
night special?

Oh, come on, Donna.
Give me a break.

He's not so bad.

What do you expect for
Christ's sake,
this is Washington, D.C.

The men are all married,
or gay, or they work
for the government.

Or all three.
How come you
got the zebra?

I got here first.

Well, what does that mean?
I get the giraffe?

No. Francine has
the giraffe tonight.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes!
Oh, no way!

No way!
There's absolutely no way I--

What are you yelling about?
What's the matter with you?

I will not walk
around this place

dressed like
a goddamn chicken!

That is not a chicken,
that is an emu!

An emu? I've never heard
of an emu!

Nobody I know
ever heard of an emu.

So, wear it yourself!

No, dear,
I'm not a chicken.

I'm an emu.

That's emu.

E-M-U.

No, sweetie, I will not
sit on your eggs.

God, I've got to get
something together

for my car which had
a total breakdown today.

God, I'm so broke.

See that guy over there?
The one with
the green jacket.

SUNNY: Yeah?
He's looking
for a good time.

SUNNY: Well, I think
he's gonna have a lot
of trouble finding it.

Look, I know you don't
go for stuff like that,

but the guy gave me 10 bucks
for an introduction.

An introduction,
that's all.

Yeah? Well, tell him
I said "How do you do?"

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Hey, sunshine,
listen to me.

I've got a couple
extra hundred bucks

and I'm not doing
anything with it.

You wouldn't have
to worry about paying
me back right away.

Oh, I'm okay, Ella.
Really, I am.

I'm serious! You know
my friend I told you about?

Sure.
Well, he's been
real generous lately.

I mean, real generous.
You know what I mean?

I think so.

See this?

Now, don't tell anyone.
It's real.

Wow!

See these?
They're not.

He paid for all three.
(LAUGHING)

Now listen, my friend has
some friends, very nice guys.

You should go out
with us some time.

Oh, no. I couldn't.

I didn't say
I didn't believe you.

I just said that I thought
it was very interesting

that you used the same
excuse last week.

No, that was last week.

Your sister's kid's measles
was the week before.

I'm not yelling!
I'm just speaking distinctly!

No, you can't come over
later because later is
the middle of the night.

And anyway, while
we're on the subject,

I want to say something.
I want...

(SIGHING)

God, it's got
to get better.

Does it?

Doesn't it?

Sure it does.

Good night,
sweetheart.

Good night, honey.

REPORTER:
Among the celebrities
we expect to see tonight

are the president himself
and his honored guest,

the Emir Khaled
Abin Abdul Majid.

Washington insiders
consider tonight's gala

to be the beginning
of a series of attempts

on the part of
the administration,

to arrange an important
strategic deal with the emir.

A deal that would involve
the establishment of a major
American military presence

in that
Middle Eastern country.

Although the emir
has had to struggle
for some years

to reconcile
dissident factions

within his traditionally
conservative nation,

he is considered
powerful enough,

if not popular enough,
to assure his own people

that the long-term
economic benefits from
such an arrangement

would more than help
his suffering country.

SUNNY: Excuse me!
Excuse me!

CAMERAMAN:
Right this way, please.

Who is it?
Is it the president?

CAMERAMAN: Yes,
right here, thank you.

Now, one more.
Elizabeth!

CAMERAMAN: Just one more,
please. Thank you.

How are you?

This is our car.

WOMAN: There he is!

Oh!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh!

Ouch!

Ooh! Ow! What've you
got in there, a gun?

A gun?
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

A gun! A gun!
(ALL SCREAMING)

I got him! I got him!

(SCREAMS)

(GUNSHOT)

He got me!
He got me!

WOMAN ON TV:
At approximately 11:45,

when the president's
banquet in honor of

the state visit
of the Emir Khaled Abin Abdul
Majid was breaking up,

and the would-be assassin
appeared in the crowd.

According to eyewitnesses
and the information we
have developed so far,

reveals that the name of
that real-life heroine

is Sunny Ann Davis.

And that her selfless action
in the face of great danger...

The cocktail waitress
apparently threw herself

in the path of the bullet
from the alleged
would-be killer's gun.

Jerry.
What?

It's Sunny.

MALE NEWSCASTER:
There is still no word
as to her condition.

On the lighter side--

FEMALE NEWSCASTER:
No identification yet
of the gun-wielding man

who to the horror of hundreds
of terrified witnesses

made his abortive attempt
on the life of the emir.

We have still not been
told exactly how serious

the courageous Miss Davis'
medical condition might be.

Oh, my God!

Or even in fact where
precisely she was wounded.

DOCTOR:
All right, forceps.

Yeah, I think
I've got it.

(CLINK)

Suture, please.

Beautiful.
Really beautiful.

Thank you.

How did you happen
to be there?

Well, like I said I was
coming out of the hotel.

I was working
7-11 that night,

but I was late at this time
because of all the C.A.

C.A.?
Citizen activity.

Oh.

I don't know that
technical jargon but, uh--

Security guard talk, Bob.

Okay. Now what
did you think

when you heard
the first shot?

Well, uh, I thought,

"Oh, my God,
somebody's shooting."

And the man that was firing,

did you actually
see him?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, see,
I'd clocked him

a little while before,

you know, because
he was a little bit funny.

But uh, I figured, what the
heck, he's just one of those
funny-looking fanatic guys

who hang around when
something's going on.
Yeah. I see.

What did you do?

Well, there really wasn't
anything I could do.

There was no reason to.
See, at the Craigmore School
of Security

we're told never to impede
on an individual's rights.

Even after he pulled
his weapon out?

Well, then you go,
uh, right into

standard operating procedure.

Well, what would standard
operating procedure be
in a case like this?

Well, uh, in this
particular case, I forgot.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Do you remember how
many shots were fired?

Oh, sure. Yeah.
Uh, between two and--

Between about
three and eight. Or nine.

She is right behind me
in one of the rooms

of the George Washington
University Hospital.

And according to the
latest medical bulletin
she's doing just fine.

There has been a rumor
all day that somebody
from the White House,

perhaps
the President himself,

is gonna be paying
a visit to this young lady

whose unusual display
of bravery,

of intestinal fortitude,
of good old fashioned
American guts,

have suddenly
thrust her
into the harsh,

yet warm
and grateful light
of media attention.

Will you give
these flowers to Sunny?

And tell her they're from

the United Ladies
for a Better America.

I'm her cousin
on her mother's side.

I'm her cousin,
just look at me.

Don't I look like her? Look!

Just look at me! Look at me!
Don't I look like her?

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

I'm afraid I can't
comment at the moment.

There will be a press
conference this morning.

REPORTER: Come on.
Give us a break.

Check me out!
I'm a personal friend
of Norman Mailer!

Thank you.

Give us a break!

More mail!
WOMAN: More mail, Sunny.
More mail.

Besides, I'm visiting
my friend Sunny Davis,
the national hero.

Uh, call back later.
Or better yet, call me.

Lou Fox of the Safari Club.

Mom, you should
see this room.
It's so beautiful.

I mean, it's like
a honeymoon suite.

I've got picture on the wall,

I can see the Capitol
from the window.

Look at this,
Wayne Newton.

More mail.
More mail.

This is so exciting.
I can't...

Barry Manilow.

SUNNY:
Oh, Mom, listen, I think
I'm coming home soon.

Yeah.
They're gonna pay for it.

Yeah, they're paying...
Who are you?

I'm Mike Ransome.

I'm, uh, the Middle East
desk chief over at
the State Department.

I'm here to help you
get through your
press conference.

Oh! Mom, I'll call you back.
Give my love to Dad.
Lou, hey! Pay attention.

SUNNY: Okay, bye-bye!
(KISSES)

Well, you sure don't
look like one.

Like one what?

A middle-aged
desk clerk.

No, no, that's Middle
East desk chief.

Oh! (LAUGHING)
MAN: More mail!

ALL: More mail!

(LAUGHS)

I guess you're hearing
from a lot of people.

Liza Minnelli!

This is a list
of 90 names,

all marriage proposals.

Well, I may have to
turn some of them down.

Are you married,
Mr. Ransome?

Hey, Donna, come on.
Give the guy a break, okay?

I mean, really!

Are you married,
Mr. Ransome?

Not anymore.

Congratulations.
Neither am I.

I know.
Oh, yeah?
What else do you know?

I know that we don't
have much time before
the press conference.

So, if you'd just let me,
uh, fill you in on some
of this material.

Shoot.
Now, this map is part of
the background material

that we're handing out
to the press today.

Now, here is
the emir's country.

In yellow?
Yes.

And pretty. That's pretty.
It's a pretty little country.

And yes, of course,
you cannot help but discern
its strategic importance

to the west in terms
of its proximity to the Gulf

and its value as a buffer,
geographically speaking,

between these two
traditional rival nations.

Wow.

Dr. Greg Pearlman,
the chief of surgery here

at George Washington
University Hospital

is just finishing
his report

on the details of Miss Davis'
medical condition.

The young lady herself...

(RINGS)

Mr. Hilley's office.

Oh, would you hold
a moment, Senator?

Can you speak with
Senator Miller?

Would you, uh, tell him
I'll call him back

when this press
conference is over?
I wanna watch it.

WOMAN:
I apologize, Senator.

Can Mr. Hilley
call you back

just as soon as this
press conference is over?

It won't be but a minute.

Wonderful.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
(CROWD CHEERING ON TV)

MAN ON TV: Let's take our
cameras down to the floor now.

Miss Sunny Davis being
wheeled to the microphone.

(ALL CHEERING)

Would you like to
say something before
the questions?

No, not really.

Well, yes.

(WINCES)

Um, well,
I'd like to say, um...

Thank you to everybody
at the hospital

for being so nice and
taking such good care of me.

And, um, I'd like to tell
everybody in America

that this is absolutely
the best place to come

if you're ever
shot in the ass.

(LAUGHTER ON TV)

Is the chief
watching this?

Don't know.

Well, what did he say
when you talked to him?

He was taking a nap.

Now that the worst is
over, can you tell us what
you're going to do next?

Well, I'm going to
go home to Oregon
and visit my folks.

And, uh, relax and see
what new things my dad's
invented in his workshop.

And, uh, check on my dog,

and eat some of my mom's
huckleberry pie,

which is about
the best in the world.

(CHUCKLES) Jesus Christ!

What is this
cornball routine?

Look at them.
Who?

HASSLER: Them.
The hard-boiled press.

Yeah. They're eating it up.

And then there's my grandma
and grandpa who I haven't
seen in a long time and...

Gosh, they're in their 70s
and in really great shape.

And Grandma still acts
as a volunteer school
crossing guard.

I think she's gonna
sing the national anthem
in a minute.

Hi, Grandma.
Hope you're watching.

(CROWD LAUGHING)
I'll see you soon!

I'll bet Grandpa was
personally decorated
by Eisenhower or something.

And by the way,
my grandfather

used to pitch
for the Salem Rockets,

which, you know, was an
old double AA league--
Even better.

And he was MVP
two years running, and we're
really proud of him.

Maybe she's running
for office.

Come on.
Can you be that dumb
and run for office?

FEMALE REPORTER: A couple
of questions, if you would.

First, Sunny, what about
your personal life?

What about it?
Well, for starters,
you live with two men.

Is that right?
No.

It isn't?

I live in a small part
of a house

that belongs to two men
who live together.

You understand
the difference?

REPORTER:
Uh, all right, all right,

let's go on
to something else then.

Now, when you first realized
that the alleged assailant
was about to shoot--

Alleged? (CHUCKLES)
You wanna see alleged.
I'll show you alleged.

(LAUGHTER)

All right, I've seen enough.

Ah, yeah, would you get
the president for me, please?

As I see it so far,
she's got the working women,

the small-town folks,
the senior citizens,

the gays, and the
law-and-order bunch.

And the baseball fans,
barflies, and animal lovers!

Margaret!
Yes? Yes, sir.

Make sure the line to the
hospital is clear, right now.

Patch it through now!
Do it! Do it!

She really is something,
isn't she, sir?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'd never heard of the
emir before last night

and I wasn't really risking
my life for him or anything.

I just thought he was gonna
try and shoot the president,
that's all.

Tell him to make
the call now.
He's talking.

How can I interrupt?

I didn't say "give my life,"
I said "risk".

I mean, he is our president,
isn't he?

No, sir.

MALE REPORTER:
Sunny, do you support
the president's position--

(LAUGHING)
Yes, sir, now.
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

SUNNY: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

REPORTER: But do you support
the president generally?

Do you think he's
doing a good job?

Well, he gets paid
a lot more than I do,

so he must be
doing something right.
(LAUGHTER)

Make the call!

REPORTER: Did you vote
for the president?

Well, actually,
I never voted.
REPORTERS: Never?

Right, never.

Well, do you
consider yourself

to be a republican
or a democrat?

Look, I consider myself
to be just an American.

Tell him to make
the goddamn call!

There's a call here that some
of you may want to listen to.

Who is it?

Hello?

Mr. President?

WOMAN: It's the president!

FEMALE NEWSCASTER:
From Washington, D.C.,
CNN Headline News, top story.

I'd like to tell
everybody in America

that this is absolutely
the best place to come

if you're ever
shot in the (BLEEP).

MAN ON TV:
Tonight, Sunny Davis
speaks up.

Hi, Grandma!

WOMAN ON TV:
Sunny on Monday, at 7:30.

MAN: From Hollywood,
The Tonight Show,

starring Johnny Carson!

Tonight, Johnny's one and
only guest, Sunny Davis.

MAN: She's got
the gun here, see?
WOMAN: Mmm-hmm.

MAN: Okay, now,
run it, please.
Run it, please.

Thank you. Okay, now she's
opening her mouth, see, see?

Right here,
she's opening her mouth.

WOMAN: She's really
determined here.

MAN: Yeah she's pulling him
down, see, see, there it is.
WOMAN: Mmm-hmm.

MAN: And she bites him here.
He screams and--

WOMAN: Coming up, saints,
sinners, and Sunny Davis.

ANNOUNCER: Good evening.
Tonight's lead story,

the sudden celebrity of
Sunny Davis.

WOMAN 2: Sunny,
do you think you'd ever do
anything like this again?

WOMAN 3: Stay tuned.
The news continues.

Lef.

Oh, absolutely,
Your Majesty.

No problem.

And we get the base?

And he really said that?

Yes, Marietta.
He really said that.

Well, I'm convinced.

Yes, but are we really
being fair to her?

It's an extremely
volatile situation,

and she's a totally
inexperienced--

Oh, come on, Michael.
She's some little drink
hustler in a clip joint.

We're giving her a shot
at something important.

You think
she's gonna say no?

Coffee, gentlemen.

Shouldn't the president
be in on this?

I don't think so, Michael.

You're right, Marietta.
I think we can handle
this among ourselves.

Besides, it's almost 9:30.

The president has retired.

He has a difficult
day tomorrow.

Yeah, he has to
get up...early.

He has to get up early.

Okay, okay.
Who can we get to go
talk to the girl

and impress her?

Come, on. Let's think.
There must be someone.

Someone who is reasonably
good-natured,

has a relatively high TVQ,

and absolutely nothing
important to do.

(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)

LAUREL: Tom, this
is the first time

anyone as highly ranked
as the vice president
has visited our city.

Although of course,
the governor is
here all the time

to visit his
sister Clara,

who lives just
outside of town.

And we're sure proud
of that, Laurel.

Oh, here's the Cougar band
coming around the corner

at Main and Superior.

Right past
Schmitter's Hardware.

Sunny Davis graduated in
the top 75% of her class

at Diamond Junction High.
She was a pep girl,

a member of the
hair-dressing club

as well as an expert
ping-pong player.

Laurel, why don't you just
describe some of
the fashions here?

Okay. Well. Sunny Davis
is wearing a red smock,
I guess you'd call it.

And the vice president's
wearing a suit.

TOM: Oh, there's
Mayor Barrenholz.

He'll be giving Sunny
Diamond Junction's
unique version

of the key to our city,
the gold chain saw,

with, of course, Sunny's
name engraved right there
on the blade.

Courtesy of
Schmitter's Hardware,

corner of Main
and Superior.

(CHEERING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh, hurry!
We're getting wet.

Can I help?

(SNEEZING)

ALL: Bless you.

Thank you.

(DOG BARKS)
Come on, boy. Come on.

Here it is. Come on.

Here. Come on, come on,
come on. Here it is.

Here you go, boy.

Come on, hey!
Come on, give it to me.

Give it to me, come on.
Yoo-hoo!

What do you think?

Oh, really fine.

Do you think so, honest?

Absolutely. I do.

It's like a real
professional job.

Are you serious?
Totally.

Believe me. My own cleaners
back in D.C. couldn't do it.

Which ones?

Top Hat and Tails Express.
Or Fourth Street?

Yes.
Near the court there?

That's the one.
They're terrible.

They once ruined
a blouse of mine

and it was very
delicate material.

It was very fragile.

Yes.

And they ripped
it to shreds.

Really?

Shreds.

It's hard to believe
what so-called professionals

will do sometimes,
you know what I mean?

I think so. Yes.

Because professionals...

Well, they don't
always care, you know.

Anyway...

Um, why don't you let
me take them in for you.

No, I wanna do the cuffs.

It's not really necessary.

Necessary? Are you kidding?
This is an honor for me.

Really, this is another
major event in my life.

Well, I must say,
this is very impressive,
Mrs. Davis.

Thank you.
Isn't this impressive,
Michael?

Yes, sir,
it certainly is, sir.

And just what is
that vegetable dish
might I ask?

That's another one
of Dad's inventions.

It is?
Asparabarb.

How's that?

It's a cross between
asparagus and rhubarb.

I grow the stuff
out back.

Looks like hell,
but it's delicious.

Ooh, I'll bet it is.

Mr. Davis has developed
quite a few original notions.

Has he?

If you'd like, after dinner,
I'll take you down to
the basement

and I'll show you something
that'll knock your socks off.

Really? And what might
that be?

MRS. DAVIS: Not now, dear.

MR. DAVIS:
It could save our country
50% of its water bills.

After dinner, Dad.

50% of its water bills?

Yes, I'd be interested
in hearing about that.

It's an electric toilet.

Ah.

MR. DAVIS: You won't
forget the experience.
I guarantee it.

Later, Dad.

(BARKING)

Popcorn!

Popcorn!

Oh, don't jump on the nice
Mr. Vice President.

Ah!
Do you want me to
get rid of him?

Oh, no, absolutely
not at all.

Ah, nice dog.

I wonder, why exactly
you called him Popcorn?

Oh, that was
his father's name.

Ah, yes.
Of course.

So, let's talk
about the future.

Okay.

Uh, first of all,
how is, uh...

Oh, that's just
about as good as new.

You'd have to look very
close to see the scar.

Well, I'll... I'll take
your word for it.

Sunny...

What are your plans?

I don't have any.

I mean, well, I have a job
at the Safari Club,

and Lou, well,
he's my boss,

and he's really a nice guy

(DOG BARKING)
and everything but business
hasn't been so hot

and I was kind of hoping
for an advancement, you know.

But the problem is that Lou's
aunt works the cash register

and his sister
is the hostess,

so, I mean, I'm just
gonna have to wait around

until one of them
quits or drops dead.

I guess you know
what that's like, hmm?

Hmm.

Sunny, we want you
to come and work with us.

What do you mean?

Well, we think you've
proven yourself to be

a truly valuable citizen.

We think you'd be
a valuable addition
to our team.

(CHUCKLING)
Are you kidding?

No.

Well, oh, my gosh,
what would I be doing?

Well, you'd be acting
as a special assistant

to ambassador
St. John.

You know
who that is?

Um, I don't know.
No, I don't think so.

No, I know I don't know.
Who is he?

She.
She? She's a she?

And she's the head
of a department
of government

that we think you'd
be particularly
well-suited for.

And what
department is that?

Protocol.

Protocol?

That's...

Gosh, that's--
I don't believe it.

Protocol?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Protocol!

Could, um...

Could you just, well, um...

I'll be right back.
Could you just wait here?

And I'll just be right back.

Protocol.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

You see these colored--

Oh, God, you won't believe
what just happened!

What happened?

P-R-O--
What's wrong you?

T-O-K...

MR. DAVIS:
What happened here?

P-R-O-T-O-C...

Okay, wait a minute,
wait a minute, guys.
Protocol.

"The customs
and regulations

"dealing with the
ceremonies and etiquette

"of the
diplomatic corps."

(GASPING) It's a job!

What kind of a job?

It's a job.
They want me to
work for them!

Work where?

Mama!

Oh, thank you! (GIGGLES)

Well, exactly, um,
where would I be working?

The State Department.
And I was wondering,

does a job like that
pay by the hour,
or the week or what?

Well, for a start,
about $35,000 a year.

(YELP)

(GRUNTING)

Sita, sita.
Fa dow sita.

WOMAN: Dear Falcon,
pigeon in cage.
Signed, Eagle.

Shak fro!
Lachi arah!

Ya la ya la la la.

La la la la.

Undu la la.

SUNNY: Dad, these books
that the Protocol Department
sent me

are filled with the
weirdest rules. Listen.

"Never cross your legs
in front of an African chief

"because the sole of the shoe
is considered an insult."

(BOTH LAUGHING)
My God, I'm gonna
be more careful.

Oh, God, you wouldn't believe
all the rules they've
got in this book.

Half of them don't
make sense at all.

I don't know how I'm gonna
learn all this stuff.

Stop worrying. You're just
like your mother.

You'll do okay.

I just hope I don't
screw up.

You won't. You won't!
I mean, there's so much
that I'm supposed to--

Now, before you get on that
plane I want to tell you
how proud I am of you.

What you did,
grabbing that assassin
and all.

Gee, Dad, that's the first
time you ever told me
anything like that.

Well, that's the first
time you ever did
anything like that.

Excuse me.
Hello, Sunny.

I'm Earl Crowe, and I'm
real happy you're here.

I'm the deputy chief
of Protocol,

but you can call me Earl.

And I'm going to take you
in to meet the boss.

Mrs. St. John?

That's right.
She's a wild woman, Sunny.

A wild woman.
She's tough, but she's fair.

She works 26 hours a day
and gives you 200%.

She must be exhausted.
(CHUCKLING)

But seriously, Sunny,
how is that hip?

Great.
That's wonderful.

The other one though,
where the bullet went in,
still aches a little.

WOMAN: There she is.

This flower is from
every one of us.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Sunny, Sunny,
Sunny, Sunny.

Sunny.

Do you know
what you've done?

What?

You don't have
the slightest idea
what you've done?

I don't think so.
You really don't?

Well, whatever it is,
I know that I can fix it,

or clean it up, or...
(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh! She's priceless,
priceless!

You brought us together.

And now, I think
I have something for you that
will please you very much.

This is where
I'll be working?
Yes.

Oh, and this is my phone.

With your own extension.

Oh, this is very
exciting for me, ma'am.

I'm sure it is, dear.

You know, Sunny,
you must prepare yourself

for all kinds
of new experiences.

I guess so.

You must learn
to accept

new sights,
new sounds,

new exotic fragrances,
so to speak.

SECRETARY:
Ambassador St. John,

your call to
the Austrian council.

You must be exhausted
from your trip,

so, I suggest you go home
and get some rest.

The limousine will
pick you up at 7:00.

What limousine
is that, ma'am?

Tonight's reception
will be quite formal,

so, wear
something...pretty.

Sunny, I think
you're going to have

a remarkable future.

Even sooner
than you think.

They talk funny.

Funny how?

I don't know.
They sound like
they're saying things

that they're not really
saying but I can't figure
out what the hell it is.

Jerry,
tell me the truth...

Am I one of those,
"Oh, yeah, she's really
a lot of fun,

"and she's got a great
sense of humor,

"but she's not
a very bright"
kind of people?

Come on, Sunny,
don't be ridiculous.

You're a very bright
kind of people.

Oh, thank you.
(APPLAUSE)

Thank you.

Sunny, what are you gonna
be doing, specifically?

Well, specifically,
I don't know,

but whatever it is,
I know it will include
a lot of new sights

and new exotic
fragrances.

REPORTER: Is that your
own line of fragrances?

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh!

John J. Hilley,
White House.

Sunny Davis.
Pat Hassler.

Sunny Davis.

Sunny, the president
asked me to deliver

a personal message
to you.

You're kidding.
Absolutely not.

He wanted me to tell you

that he's extremely proud
that you're with us.

Did the president
really say that?

Yes, and he also said that
he knows you're ready to do

whatever your country
asks of you.

He's got his
eye on you, Sunny.

Oh, wow!

Sunny!

Mr. Crowe!

How really interesting
you look.

Thank you.

I want you to
meet the Belgian ambassador
and his wife.

This is Sunny Davis,
Your Excellency.

Bravo, Sunny.

Oh, bravo,
Your Excellency.

And you too, ma'am.
(CHUCKLING)

Why, you sure have
a great little country.

That's the girl.

Have you ever been
to Belgium?

No, no. No, actually,
I haven't been anywhere.

Oh.
I mean, outside
of this country, I mean.

Well, I was in Canada once,
but that doesn't count

'cause it's like attached.

Sunny Davis?

Yes.

Oh, is something wrong?

Should I get my coat?

Oh...
Welcome back.

Hi! Oh, gosh,
I wanna thank you!

Hey, guys, you know what,

I'm a personal friend
of the emir.

(CHANTING)

Sunny.
(GASPS) You scared me!

Sunny, dear.

Have you ever
met a wise man?

Personally, you mean?

Yes, personally.

Oh, well, like how wise?

Very, very wise.

Well, have you heard
of Babba Nokda Nondo?

He lived in a cave
up near Salem,

and he only ate things
he could actually pick up
off the ground.

That's very--
And me and my cousin
Madge went up there once

and he was having like
this out-of-body experience.

All right!
We--

(SOFTLY) All right.

That's very
interesting, dear.

But the point is,

I would like you
to meet someone

who's very, very,
very important,

the Nawaf Al Kabeer.

SUNNY: Wow.

He's the chief temporal
adviser to the emir

on moral and
ethical matters.

A man of transcendent
spiritual power.

He can see straight
into your thoughts.

May I present
Miss Sunny Davis.

Well, Mr. Nawaf,
this is a real
natural high for me.

Bedik salil.

Lethee syahseil
kabil.

It means,

"Blessed are
the small ones,

"who shall be
made large."

Oh, I see. Yeah.
I couldn't agree more.

And, you know,
I read something--

Al habdul lelah.
ALL: Al habdul lelah.

What is it?
It means, "Praise be to God."

Oh, yes.

Sunny Davis.
ALL: Sunny Davis.

Yes?

My child,
how old are you?

Thirty-two.

Hmm.

Thirty-three.

You see, you have become,
through your bravery,

part of the history
of my country.

Oh, that's very
flattering, but--

Sunny Davis.
ALL: Sunny Davis.

Yes.

Our children
praise your name.

You're kidding! Oh!

Our beloved Emir
Khaled Abin Abdul Majid

remembers you
in his prayers,

and hopes that
until you come to him,

until you are with us--

Wait.
Who's coming where?

You will accept, as evidence
of his great affection,

this simple gift.

Oh, honest to God,
it's not necessary.

This miserable token
of his esteem.

How miserable?

Sunny Davis...

Jamil a jeden.

Jamil a jeden.

Rolls-Royce.

(SUNNY GASPS)

Please.

REPORTER:
Sunny, can you tell us...
(CLAMORING)

We are very, very, very proud
of our dear Sunny.

And we remain confident
that whatever choices

Sunny makes for her future,

whether it is with us
or elsewhere,

that relations between
Sunny and the emir

will always reflect
the warmth and affection

our two countries
have traditionally
felt for each other.

Thank you. Sunny?

No. I'd like
to say something.

Um, I'd like to say

that I think the emir
is really a great guy.

And as for Mr. Al Kabeer
and his friends,

well, I've never met a nicer
bunch of foreign people.

And that car is just about

the prettiest thing
I've ever seen,

and it really gives me
a headache to have to
tell you that

as a government employee

I will naturally transfer
ownership of it

to the General Services
Administration,

and include it in a list
of foreign gifts to
a government official

in the monthly
Protocol report,

in accordance with Federal
Registry Order 327.

WOMAN: That's crazy.
I'd never do that.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

WOMAN ON TV:
The Rolls-Royce will be sent
to the Federal Repository

as Miss Davis requested,

where it will be placed
under the supervision

of the secretary
of transportation

who announced he would
take charge of the
$119,000 car personally.

HILLEY: No, Your Majesty,
it does not mean she turned
down your proposal.

Hal dam!

Tiah! Tiah!
Ami halla goon vilnon hamma!

How angry
would you say he was?

He was cursing in at least
four languages.

MRS. ST. JOHN:
Let's go over our options.

Well, we could give up
this mysterioso stuff

and tell the girl
what the situation is.

Throw ourselves
on her mercy?

No, appeal to her
patriotism.

I don't think so.

I agree, it's too risky.

Large gains
demand large risks.

Personally, I think she'll be
able to handle herself,

judging from
last night's performance.

Well, if you hadn't
given her

all those
goddamn manuals...

The girl's obviously
been doing her homework.

Perhaps, she's not
as unintelligent
as you seem to think.

Or perhaps
we're not as clever
as we think we are.

What do you mean "we"?

Now, wait a minute, you have
an attitude problem--
Oh, come now, gentlemen!

I'm sure she will
make the sensible choice
when the time comes.

Until then, we just
have to keep her busy.

And out of trouble.

(BAND PLAYING)

MAN: Ready, load.
Present arms!

WOMAN: Your Majesty, allow me
to introduce myself.

Excuse me.

My car broke down.

I welcome you on behalf
of the president...

Fire!

(SCREAMS) Guns!
Hit the deck!

Allifih!

SUNNY: I thought we were
being attacked! I'm sorry.

(VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(ON PLAYER)
♪ Don't stop

♪ My whole world
is goin' crazy

♪ I can't fight this

♪ No, babe

♪ Oh, no, baby
No

♪ You know,
you end up on go... ♪

You said
it was a barbecue.

Sunny, let's be absolutely
clear about the procedure
on this one.

SUNNY: Yes, sir,
I think I've got it.

Um, when the limousine stops,
I get out on the left side.

Right.
Oh, the right side?

(STUTTERS)
No, I mean, correct.
It's the left.

The left...

Then I walk around the back,
I open the right door
to the limo,

I help the ambassador out,

and I present him
to Vice President Merck.

(SIGHS) Correct.

She's late.

Well, here we are.

Now, left.

Left side.
Yeah, this is the left.

MRS. ST. JOHN: Have you lost
control of her entirely?

We're training her
to be a princess,
not court jester!

A few more days,
only a few more days.

God knows what she could do
in a few more days!

"How do you do,
Your Grace?"

"Thank you very much,
Baroness."
(MUSIC PLAYING)

"I'm honored to meet you,
Your Excellency.

"Good night, Knight."

"Good night, Knight"?

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Yeah, hold on a minute.

Sunny, it's for you.

Oh, thanks. Hello?

Oh, hi, Mr. Crowe.

Yeah, the Queen of Dubai.

Okay. I'll be there.
Don't you worry.

Bye.
(SIGHS)

You know more queens
than I do.

(LAUGHING) Oh, Ben!

SUNNY: Yes.
This is the National
Archives building.

You know, it holds
the Declaration
of Independence,

the Constitution,
the Bill of Rights.

It's really pretty,
isn't it?

Oh, I have the napkins
that match your hat.

Isn't that great?

Now, you know, I've never
read the Constitution.

This will be fun
for all of us, won't it?

And this is where
we encase

all of our
precious documents.

And this is, um,
the Constitution.

Very old.

And this is the Declaration
of Independence.

Can you read that?

(GASPING)

"We hold these truths
to be self-evident,

"that all men
are created equal,

"that they are endowed
by their creator

"with certain
inalienable rights,

"that among these
are life, liberty, and
the pursuit of happiness.

"That to secure these rights,

"governments are
instituted among men,

"deriving their just powers

"from the consent
of the governed."

Very interesting.

We're real proud of that.

Hey, what's the matter?
You're sick?

No, no, no. They just closed
the bookstore for the day
to take inventory.

Oh, God, that looks good.
Could you make me one?

Why, here.

I thought you had
some big luncheon.

I did, but it was for some
nice Tibetan guy.

But they served food
I didn't recognize.

And I swear to God,
the main course

was still alive.

Oh, my coat...
Did you see anyone famous?

Well, I sat next to a senator
who put his hand on my leg,
under the table.

Which one?
The right one.

No, no, no.
Which senator?

I don't know, but you
really had to appreciate
his energy level.

He was eating and drinking
with one hand,

copping a feel
with the other.
(LAUGHS)

And talking about
fiscal irresponsibility
all at the same time.

You know what amazes me?
Is how these guys...

I got to go. Is how
these guys have time

to run the country
when they're so busy.

Going to banquets
and openings and receptions
all the time.

God, I don't know
how they do it.

Yeah, but are you
having any fun?

Oh, yeah, fun. God!
I'm having a great time.

I mean, it's really
very interesting.

I'm making a lot of mistakes,
but they don't seem to mind.

I wonder why that is.
Maybe they just like you.

Yeah, maybe.

SUNNY: Donna?

Donna!

Hey, Donna! Donna!
Could you beep
your horn, please?

Hey, Donna!
(HORN HONKING)

God. Sunny!

Oh, Sunny.

Oh, God.

Hi, sweetie!

(GIGGLES)

Sunny,
what are you doing?

Well... A very
special assignment.
Can't you tell?

They look
awfully like dogs.

Yeah, very important
dogs, though.

They belong to
some Bulgarian big shot.

Come on, guys,
sit down.

Stay. Sheba!

Come on, stay.
Stay, babies, stay.

(DOGS PANTING)
(CHUCKLES)

Hi.

Oh, Sunny. God, we really
miss you, Sunny.

Oh, God.
I miss you guys, too.

You do?

God, everybody's
so jealous of you now.

All those, uh, big parties
and famous people

and events
that shape our lives,

and shit like that.
(BOTH GIGGLE)

(DOGS WHINING)

SUNNY: Oh, I got to go.

Donna, listen, give my
love to Lou, will you?

I think he's gonna have to
close the club, Sunny.

Are you kidding?

Well, he's losing
money every week.

We're all out
looking for other jobs.

Oh, that's terrible.
Oh, is there anything
I can do?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I think that Lou was
sort of hoping,

what with your new
connections and all,

that you might be able
to do a little something
to help him out.

Listen, Donna.
Why don't you get in?

I'll give you a ride
and we'll talk about it.

DONNA: No, it's okay, really.
I'm gonna walk.

SUNNY: Come on!

DONNA: Really, Sunny, I'm not
really crazy about dogs.
(CHUCKLES)

I know you're not
crazy about dogs.
(DOGS BARKING)

(SCREAMS)

SUNNY: Wait a minute!

Boris!

Simba! Simba!

(LAUGHS)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)

Where is
our dear Sunny?

In the bathroom.

I see.
And Mr. Ransome?

In the bathroom.

SUNNY: Oh! Oh!

Better?
Oh...

Yeah.

You know, what you
should do is

take a very long,
very hot shower.

When?
(SIGHS)

As soon as possible.

Where?

Hey, don't give me
a hard time.

Okay.
(CHUCKLES)

Listen, do you do necks?

Mmm.

Did you used to
do this to your wife?

None of your business.

I'm glad you've got
great fingers.

(BONE CRACKS)
Ow!

Shh. Not so loud.

Yikes. I feel like

I'm in high school
or something.

Did you lock the door?

(CHUCKLES) No.

Listen, will you
tell me something?

What?

Why did they
give me this job?

Because you did
something extraordinary.

And?

And they wanted
to reward you.

And?

And it's good
publicity for them.

Nothing else?

Like what?

I feel like...
I don't know, I feel like

they're testing me
for something.

You know, uh,
if you behave yourself,

I'll give you a real
massage someday.

In the meantime, you ought to
find a good chiropractor.

And I think you just
changed the subject on me.

Sunny, I can't give you
advice about your life.
I hardly know you.

So get to know me.

Do you always say
what you think?

Yeah, it's no big deal.
I just never understood
why people...

Some people don't say
what they think.

Don't you say
what you think?

Not always, no.

Too bad.

You know what I read
the other day?

The Declaration
of Independence.

I mean, the real one.
You know, the original,
the one in the archives?

Boy, those guys knew
how to say what
they thought.

Talk about simple.
I mean, all that stuff
about happiness.

What government talks
about happiness anymore?

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

MRS. ST. JOHN: Sunny dear,
are you in there?

Yes, ma'am.

We were concerned.

Well, Mr. Ransome
was just giving me
an adjustment.

MRS. ST. JOHN:
We are about to leave.

And we were talking
about the Declaration
of Independence.

(CHUCKLES)

You did lock it.

What, dear?

I can't hear you, dear.

What did you say?

Are you coming, dear?

Sunny dear,
are you coming?

Not quite, ma'am.

He's here
on an unofficial visit.

Unofficial?

Officially.

You mean, officially
he's here unofficially?

HILLEY: Yes, that's it.
That's exactly right.

It's not a state visit.
It's not even
a ceremonial visit.

It's private.

The emir wants privacy.

And now, Sunny, we want to
take you into our confidence.

And I know
that we can trust you.

Am I right?

Mr. Hilley,
my lips are sealed.

(LAUGHS) Well, that's good.
Because what I have
to tell you--

They could slap me around,
keep me awake for
days at a time...

I don't think that's what--
They can hang me
upside-down

and throw stuff
in my face.
HILLEY: Yes, yes, I see.

SUNNY: They could keep
me in a dark, cold cell
without much food or water.

HILLEY: You're a brave girl.

But what they couldn't do
is anything with

electricity or live snakes,
because I don't think
I can stand--

Sunny!

Yes, sir.

We...

Our government,

the United States
of America,

are attempting
to negotiate

a complex and highly
important agreement
with the emir

that will allow us
to build

a military base
in his country.

Right.

The mission of
the Protocol Department

is to see that the emir,

while he is in our country,
has a good time.

Well, officially
a good time,

or unofficially?

HILLEY:
Unofficially, of course.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Got it.

A very good time.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, Lou.
Answer the phone.

Lou, it's Sunny.

Listen, I got
a great idea.

Your Majesty.

EMIR: Sunny.

Do you know what that is?

That is your Supreme Court,
am I right?

Right.
Where your laws
are interpreted.

That's right. Do you have
that kind of setup
where you live?

Not exactly.

Our laws are handed down
by Allah, by God.

To whom?
To me.

Oh.

Hey! Hey, what's going on?

It's supposed to be
a party for a lot of
big shots.

Got a call from
someone in Protocol.

Said something about
a major social event.

Yeah, I got
the same call.

She said something
about lots of VIPS.

Something like,
"Guaranteed very good time,"

or something like that.

REPORTER 1:
Here in this dive?

Hey, didn't Sunny Davis
used to work in this joint?

The Sheik of Arabic.

Who the hell's that?
Holy shit.

SUNNY: Thank you.

Hey, isn't that
Sunny Davis?

Your Highness,
I'd like you to
meet Lou Fox.

This is a hell of an honor,
Your Majesty.

That's all I got to say.
(CHUCKLES) It's a hell
of an honor.

EMIR:
Thank you very much.

Let's go, let's go.

REPORTER: Over here,
Sunny, please.

Hey, do you mind
crouching down a little,
Your Honor?

That way we get
the sign in the picture.

Here he comes!

Girls, show time! Show time!
Take your places!

Take your places.

George, you salute.

Girls, flags over
your heart.

LOU: Now I want you guys
to think of this

as like your oasis
away from your oasis.

Now, Your Majesty,
and you other fellows,

I think you're gonna find
we pour some of the most
generous drinks in town.

Right this way,
Your Majesty.

Hey, by the way,
tonight's dinner special

is the baked Virginia ham

with a choice
of two vegetables.

Hey, Lou.

What, Sunny? What?

Who are those guys?

(ALL LAUGHING)

It's a little
birthday party.

They want me to make 'em
a cake made out of raw fish.

Well, happy birthday!

(SPEAKING IN JAPANESE)

(CHUCKLING) Happy birthday.

Oh, hi, honey!

What's going on
in there?

What's... What's this?

Hey. Hey, let's get this!

Hey, guys, guys!
Get on this!

REPORTER: Ladies, are you
friends of Sunny's?

We're in
public relations.

(ARABIC MUSIC PLAYING)

We're all out of
camel's milk,

but this is
yogurt and 7Up.

Oh. Oh.

(GROANS)

Gloria!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh. Excuse me.

This place is fabulous!

(MEN YELLING)

Hi, honey!

Oh, God, I'm so
glad you could come!

Are you kidding?

What does the word
"jackpot" mean to you?

(LAUGHS)

You see that little
guy over there?

All right, now.
Go really easy on him. Okay?

Because he's a wise man,

you know,
like a swami or guru.

You know
what I'm saying? Okay.
Okay.

Hey, isn't that
the Nawaf?

Nawaf!

Bobbie!

Charmaine!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(RINGS)

Yeah.

What?

Where?

What are you...

Press?

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

WOMAN: Make a wish. Yes.

(ALL CHEERING)

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

EMIR: Hello!
Hi.

This is a swell place,
isn't it?

Yes, it is swell.

SUNNY:
I used to work here.

EMIR: I know that.

See that girl over there?
Look over there.

See that girl dressed like
kind of a chicken?

An emu,
I would imagine.

What about her?

Um, well, I used to have to
wear that costume a lot
when I worked here.

It's pretty silly,
isn't it?

You must have
looked very beautiful.

More males!

Ben!

Oh, thank you
for coming.

Listen, I want you to
come see the emir.

He's here!

SUNNY: Just what
we need, more men.

Your Majesty, I'd like
to introduce you

to Ben Granger
and Jerry Jerome.

These are the guys
that I live with.

And this is, um...

His...

Highness...

El Emir Khaled Bin
Abdul Majid.

Elabig Hamene
Hamen Majid.

Just a short while ago,
the emir and his
entire entourage,

all escorted Sunny Davis
inside the Safari Club,

which you see
right behind me.

Those limousines are
the cars they arrived in.

By the way, the guests
continue to arrive.

The kind of guests
you wouldn't necessarily...
(HORNS HONKING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ARABIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Whoo!

MAN: All right, Lou!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(LAUGHING)

I guess your friends
are having a good time.
Don't you?

Oh, yes.

(POP ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Lou! Lou! Lou!

Jimmy!

Whoa!

It's Jimmy! (SCREAMS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Jimmy!

Great to see you,
but not tonight!

I got a private party
over there.

Hey! Jimmy!
Jimmy!

Hi, honey!

Come on! I want you
to meet somebody!

Oh, banzai!

Hi! Hi, guys!
Hi, how are you?

Listen, have you
ever met an emir?
No.

Have you ever
met a biker?
No.

Well, Khaled,
this is Jimmy.

Jimmy, this is Khaled.

How do you do?
How you doing, man?

(GIGGLES)

Yes.

What?

I'm on my way.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Whoa!

Whoo!
Whoo!

Whoo!

Ow!

Hi.

Is it difficult for you
to leave all this?

This? Oh, no.

I mean, I've made
a lot of good friends,

and, well, we've had
a lot of good times together,

but, you know,
a person has to move on.

Sunny, you could be
the mother of kings.

Oh, sure. Queen Sunny,
the ex-cocktail waitress.
(CHUCKLES)

I'm just lucky I get to meet
people like you. That's all.

Just 'cause of
that crazy accident.

There are no accidents.
Sure, there are.

There is only destiny
and character.

Destiny brought you
together with me and
the man with the gun.

Character, your character
brought you the rest
of the way.

Uh, no, I don't think so.

Sunny, you and I are more
than just an ex-cocktail
waitress and an emir.

We are also
a man and a woman.

Yeah, I can see that.

You understand
what I'm saying?

Yeah. You want to date me.

Emirs do not date.

(CLAMORING)

Uh, Mr. Hilley!
Mr. Hilley!

Mr. Hassler, Mr. Hassler,

what is the White House...

Please, not now!

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

ALL: Whoa!

Hey!
What can I get for you?

I like that coat.

He likes my coat!

Give it to him.
All right.

You got it.

Now give me your coat.

Now remember, it's BYOL.
Bring your own leather.

(LAUGHING)

Whip! Whip!
Whip! Whip! Whip!

Beat me, whip me...
What do you
think of that, huh?

(SQUEALING)

I love it! Oh.

FEMALE REPORTER:
What about Sunny Davis?

Mr. Hassler,
why is Mr. Ransome here?

I want an explanation!
I'm sure it's okay.

Right. Yeah.

Now, what the hell
are they doing in there?

Having a good time,
I guess.

What?
"Having a good time"?

Yes.

FEMALE REPORTER:
Follow Hilley!

Follow Hilley!
MAN: All right.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

♪ You do what
you wanna do

♪ You do everything
you can
Jesus Christ!

♪ You do what you wanna do

♪ Hey, but I
love you, Suzanne

♪ You do anything once

♪ You try anything twice

♪ You do what you gotta do

Hey, but I love you, Suzanne
(YELLING)

♪ Hey, hey

(CHUCKLES)

♪ Do what you wanna do

♪ But I love you, Suzanne

What the hell
is this place?

Must be one of those
gay Arab biker sushi bars.

♪ Do what you wanna do

♪ Hey, baby, do what you can
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh, God!
That's disgusting!

♪ You do what you
wanna do, baby

♪ But I love you, Suzanne

♪ I know you,
try anything once, baby

♪ You do what you can

(YELLS)

(SPEAKS IN ARABIC)

HILLEY: Sunny!
What in God's name

are you doing in
this tide of human swill?

Why you...
Don't...

(GROANS)

Oh.

Wait, wait. What's swill?

You're under arrest.

(SCREAMING)

♪ Do what you wanna do

♪ I love you, Suzanne

♪ Hey, hey

(GLASS BREAKING)
Aah!

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

♪ Do what you wanna do

(GRUNTS)

♪ Hey, you do what you can

♪ You do what you wanna do

♪ Hey, but I
love you, Suzanne ♪

Rock 'n' roll!

MAN: Let's party!

No! No! No!

Help!

Listen, listen! Hey!

I know we can
work this out

just the way
the diplomats do.

Help!

Holos! Asteluhu!

(ALL YELLING)

Jiharah!
Jiharah!

(SIREN WAILING)

MAN: (ON RADIO)
WXED Action Line. (ECHOING)

Tonight's WXED hot story.

WOMAN: (ON RADIO)
Tonight's hot story is
even hotter than usual.

I'm at the Club Safari

where dozens of dignitaries
have been arrested.

Among them, the recently
almost-assassinated

Emir of Ohtar
and Protocol's Sunny Davis,

a former waitress
at this downtown hot spot,

plus high-ranking members
of the administration

who apparently had just
stopped by the club
to use the phone.

More details as they happen.

This is Cheryl Greenberg.

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

Thank you,
Mr. Vice President.
That's terrific.

Michael, take them.
Yes. Of course.

(CAR STARTING)
NAWAF: Sunny! Sunny Davis!

Sunny, thank you.

It was an
unforgettable evening.

MRS. ST. JOHN: We won't
keep you much longer, dear.

SUNNY: I'm really sorry.
You'll have my resignation

as soon as I look up how
resignations are written.

We have
no intention in asking
for your resignation.

You don't?
Certainly not.

There will be
tactical problems

in dealing with
tonight's situation.

Let's go into my office.

SUNNY: Well, I think
I'll write a letter
to the emir.

Listen to me.
We will take care
of this matter.

You will not
be a part of it.

I won't?

In a few hours,

the emir will fly back
to his country.

We want you
to go with him.

You're kidding!

You are right now
our principal social
contact with the emir.

MRS. ST. JOHN: Our relations
with him up until this point
have been ambivalent.

You can change that.

Gee, I don't know.

I've never been outside
the United States.

I mean, do you
really think I could--

Sunny, this is a chance
for you to perform

a vital service
for your country.

Mrs. St. John, does this
have anything to do

with that strategic
military thing

that Mr. Hilley was
talking about yesterday?

Absolutely not.

This has to do
with simple trust...

Trust between us,

trust between you
and the emir.

You'll be treated
like royalty.

CROWE: You'll stay
in a lovely palace.

MRS. ST. JOHN:
It will be like living
in a beautiful dream...

A beautiful,
beautiful dream.

(WOMEN ULULATING)

Thank you.

SUNNY: Dear Michael,

I don't know when
I'll be able to send
this letter,

but I just
wanted you to know

how grateful I am for
helping me out again.

I know you're going to be

real proud of the job
I'm doing.

The people here
are certainly friendly,

and they greeted me

like I'm a real princess
or something.

I can honestly say
that I'm on a sort

of intimate footing
with some of them already.

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

Although, of course,
I can't understand

what any of them
are talking about.

I haven't actually been
outside the palace yet,
but as soon as possible,

I plan to contact
the American ambassador

for any
special instructions.

I think there's
some kind of
feast tonight.

And then tomorrow
we're supposed to go

on a nice camel ride
in the desert.

If there's a diplomatic
pouch coming this way,

gee, I wouldn't mind
if you included

a tuna fish salad sandwich
and some lip gloss.

A poem for Sunny.

Ah, Sunny

Golden hair
like the desert sun

Eyes the color
of the summer sky

Breasts riper than
the ripest pomegranates

And loins like
the royal storehouse

bursting with
the seed of kings

Loins that--

Gatva! Gatva!

(CLATTERING)

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm happy to announce

that a high-ranking
delegation will be
traveling to Ohtar

to sign an agreement
with the emir

for a military base
in that country.

MAN ON TV: Hi. We're back
with TV Truth.

Uh, Wendy, would you
like to analyze

the video tape
for our audience?

WENDY: Hassler starts
the press conference

by announcing that
they cut the deal.

MAN: So we got our base?

WENDY: Yeah, but I want
your audience to see this.
It's coming right up.

MAN: Now he's announcing
that a sort of
contingent of--

WENDY: Yeah, yeah.
But that's not so unusual.
Wait, here it is.

We're gonna get him to
stay for the wedding, too.
Now how about that?

WENDY: Now, was that
a slip or what?

MAN: That is some slip.
He had no intention of
mentioning the wedding.

WENDY: No, he didn't.
He's such a jerk.
That's extraordinary.

What wedding?

SUNNY: Dear Mrs. St. John,

they're keeping me
real busy here.

And I'm experiencing
all sorts of new
exotic fragrances.

Tomorrow, I hope to see how
the ordinary people live,
if I can walk.

Please give my best
to Mr. Crowe.

Sincerely, Sunny Davis.

(GRUNTING)

(MEN LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Cover your hair!

She's marrying the emir.

He's so famous.

He's in everything.
He's on TV, in People.

He's so cute.
And I wish I was her.

Well, she's embarrassed
the country, are you kidding?

Embarrassed the country,
marrying that guy.

I mean, it's just a thing
for the money, right?

I think Sunny Davis
represents the kind of
American woman

we can all be proud of.

She's real, she's honest...

And she's not going to take
any crap from anybody.

SUNNY: Okay, gentlemen,
here's a little list
that I've made up

of some places
I'd like to visit.

Uh, one of them
is a hospital,
a day-care center,

maybe a farm,
an irrigation project,

something like that.

(CAR STARTS)
And also, I'd like to see

that military base
we're building.

Where is it?

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Stop.

(NAWAF SPEAKING ARABIC)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

I've been
set-up, haven't I?

NAWAF: Shall we
go back? (CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(ALL SHOUTING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I want to talk to you.

Why are you
dressed like that?

Because I'm an American.
That's why.

(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)

SUNNY: What were you
going to do, make me
a part of your harem,

and tell me
about it afterwards?

I don't have a harem.
I have some wives.

Wives? You've got
some wives?

(MEN YELLING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Aah! Help me!

(GROANS)

You've got some wives?

You must have billboards
all over town!

Quickly. This way!

EMIR: Don't you understand?
They've not been able
to give me sons.

Must have sons.

Oh, this is the 20th century,
for God's sakes.

Don't you know anything
about chromosomes?

When my country finds out
what you tried to do...

EMIR: When they find out?
(GUNSHOTS)

Get down!
(CREAMS)

Why do you think
you were sent here?

SUNNY:
I don't believe you.

Americans don't do
things like that.

Do we? Oh.
(GUNSHOT)

(SUNNY SCREAMS)

Hurry! That way!

(GUNSHOT)

Are you all right?
(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)
Move.

(MEN CLAMORING)

You really know how to fly
one of these things?

I am the chief
of the Air Force.

That's not
what I asked.

(GUNSHOT)

NEWSCASTER ON TV:
Revolution in Ohtar

sparked by
the imminent wedding

of the Emir Khaled
Abin Abdul Majid

to American Sunny Davis.

Rebel forces
overthrew their government.

The Emir and Miss Davis
have escaped

and are en route
to the United States.

The sudden coup d'etat

came as a shock
to most western observers...

This news just in.
According to deep
background sources

in the State Department,

Sunny Davis
had no knowledge

of the emir's
wedding plans

which were arranged
by our government
without her consent,

in exchange for
a planned military base

in the emir's country.

We'll have more for you
in this report

in just a few minutes
from now.

NARRATOR:
This is Inside Story.

Tonight's inside story,

Sunny Davis,
heroine or hustler?

She was queen for a day,

and she claims
she didn't even know it.

Her presence started a war

that may affect
the world's economy.

Then, rescued from sure
death and probable torture,

she learned she was
traded for nothing less

than the balance of power
in the Middle East.

Or did she know it?

Absolutely not.

We goofed.
She didn't know a thing.

You see, we were
the marriage brokers.

Our government,

we were trading her off
for the base.

We duped her and now
we ought to pay for it.

NARRATOR: Where is Ohtar?
And why should we care?

This tiny emirate
might just pull down

an American administration

and send it hurtling
into a scandal

that could
only be called...

"Sunnygate."

Sex, politics.
Politics, sex.

Sunnygate.

NARRATOR:
Did she or didn't she?

And if she did,

did she do it
for her country?

Stay tuned.

REPORTER: Senator Norris!
Senator Norris!

Was Sunny Davis traded
for a military base?

Was she in on it?
People want the facts.

I know, I know.

I got about 30,000
telegrams and letters,

phone messages,
all asking the same question.

The answer is, folks,
we just don't know.

I'll tell you one thing,

it's gonna be
one hell of an investigation,
this whole affair.

That I promise you.

Public pressure
on the administration

continues to mount
in the Sunnygate affair.

(RINGS)

Senator Norris
has announced hearings
to discover the truth

in the allegations that--
Yes, sir.

...swapped by
administration officials
for a military base.

Yes, sir.
We're watching it now.

WOMAN ON RADIO:
Exactly what did she know

about the connection
between that military base

and her engagement
to the emir, and when
did she know about it?

Marla Gilbert, WXED.

You lied to me.

What we did was we felt
for the good of the country.

You lied to me.

I think what
Mrs. St. John is saying
is that certain decisions

and complex decisions
on sensitive issues

have to be
made discreetly.

After all, the welfare
of the people--

Wait a minute.
I'm one of the people,
aren't I?

Well, I think
the important thing is
that we all pull together

so when that
congressional committee

starts its hearing
tomorrow--

You mean, you wanna
tell me what you think
I should say, right?

Yes, but only if you're
very comfortable with that.

Well, I don't know
what I'm gonna say.

I'll tell you this.

I can't wait to find out.

Sunny, we're all
in this together.

We, you and I
represent the president.

And I'm sure--

Mrs. St. John,
you're a very, very
misguided person.

And I don't work
for you any longer.
Sunny...

Going back to
waiting on tables, dear?

Goodbye, Mrs. St. John.

You're right, Sunny, look.

Let me go, Mr. Hilley.
Look.

I'm going to make
one last appeal to you

on behalf of the country.

Mr. Hilley, there are
at least four people
in this room

who don't speak
for my country.

And you're one of them.

REPORTER 1:
Over here, Sunny.

Sunny, were you nothing
more than a pawn

in the Ohtar situation?

REPORTER 2: How did
the Protocol Department
manipulate you?

Did you allow it
or encourage it?

MALE REPORTER: Here she is.
FEMALE REPORTER: What? Oh!

Excuse me, Miss Davis,
you may remember me...

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I'd like
to know exactly--

MALE REPORTER: Miss Davis,
how are you going to defend
yourself in this hearing?

FEMALE REPORTER:
Is there something that you
would like to...

Can you give us
a statement, Mrs. St. John?

Has the president given
you any instructions?

We have no comment
at this time.

MALE REPORTER 1:
Hey, there's Michael Ransome!

MALE REPORTER 2:
Mr. Ransome,

will you expect to testify
for the department?

Mr. Ransome is no longer
with the department.

MALE REPORTER:
Have you been fired,
Mr. Ransome?

MICHAEL:
No, sir. I resigned.

Was it over
the Sunnygate affair?
Yes.

MALE REPORTER:
Well, what else happened?

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

MICHAEL: Just a minute.

Now, look. I'm an expert
on Middle Eastern affairs.

I was on my way up,
really on my way up
in the political racket,

if you know what I mean.

And then,
a few weeks ago,

I met this rather
extraordinary person

who reminded me
that I had forgotten

something real basic,
real simple.

That I'd forgotten
to say what I think.

So I quit, that's all.

Sunny, is there anything
you'd like to say
before the hearing?

Yes. He owes me
a massage.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

MAN: Do you swear
to tell the truth,

the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?

SUNNY: I do.

MAN: Would you
state your name
for the record, please?

SUNNY: Sunny Ann Davis.

MAN: And what is your
present address?

SUNNY: 1442 G Street.

MAN: And what is
your age, please?

Thirty-five.

Senator Norris.

Sunny, when did you
first meet the emir?

The night I got shot.

No. I'm sorry.

I didn't actually
meet him then.

It was after that.
After they gave me

the job at the department
of Protocol

and the emir came back.

I see. And the emir
came back for...

For me.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

No. No.

I meant for how long
a period of time.

Oh, it was just
a couple of days.

It was unofficial.

NORRIS:
An unofficial visit.

SUNNY: Officially, yes.

And what, to the best
of your understanding,

were your duties
with regard to the emir?

I was supposed
to show him a good time.

(MURMURING)

(GAVEL BANGING)

NORRIS: A good time?

Yes, sir. That's what
Mr. Hilley told me.

NORRIS: Mr. Hilley told you
to show the emir
a good time.

Well, actually the exact
words he used were,
"A very good time."

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

NORRIS: And, uh...

How did you interpret
this curious directive?

I didn't interpret it.
I just did it.

I took the emir
and some of his friends

to a party at
Lou Fox's Safari Club

where I used to work.

I have to say that
I really feel badly
about what happened.

I imagine it was
the first time Mrs. St. John
ever got busted.

(LAUGHTER)

Of course,
I could be wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

(GAVEL BANGING)

NORRIS: Sunny, I'd like
to move on to your
trip abroad with the emir.

Yes, sir.

Didn't you think
it was unusual

for a person like yourself,

who had
no practical expertise

to be sent on a mission
of such importance?

Yes, sir, I sure did.

But I figured
they must know
what they were doing

because they're supposed
to be the experts.

Sunny, the purpose
of this hearing

is to find out
who is responsible.

If you
give us the name--

No sir, I...

No, sir, I'm sorry.
I can't do that.

NORRIS: You can't?

Why not?

Because I'm responsible.

(ALL MURMURING)
(GAVEL BANGS)

Do you know
what my dad says?

He says that if you let a guy
sell you a diamond ring
for only 10 cents,

the chances are
you own a diamond ring
not worth a dime.

Well, I bought
the whole mine.

I thought I was getting
a free ride,

or at least
a real cheap one.

And I really have
to thank them for that.

I mean, the people
who sold it to me, I mean.

Do you want
to know something?

Before I started to work
for the government,

I'd never read
the Constitution.

I didn't even begin to know
how things worked. I didn't.

I didn't read
the newspaper,

except to look up
my horoscope.

(PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

And I never read
the Declaration
of Independence.

But I know they had,

the ones
we're talking about,
the experts.

They all read it.

They just forgot
what it was about.
(CLEARS THROAT)

That it's about
"we the people."
And that's me.

I'm "we the people."

And you're
"we the people".

And all of us,

we're all "we the people."
Right?

So when they sell me
that 10-cent diamond,

or down the river,

or to some guy
who wears a lot of medals,

that means
they're selling all of us.

All of "we the people."

And when they...

I mean, when you guys,

when you spend
another pile of money

and when you give away
or sell all those guns,

and tanks, and planes,

and every time you invite

another foreign big shot
to the White House

and hug and kiss them
and give them presents,

it has a direct effect
on "we the people's" lives.

So if we don't...
I mean, If I don't know
what you're up to

and if I... If I don't
holler and scream

when I think you're
doing it wrong,

and if I just mind
my own business

and don't vote or care,

then I just get
what I deserve.

So now that I'm Sunny Davis,
private citizen again,

you're going to have to
watch out for me,

'cause I'm gonna be watching
all of you like a hawk.

(ALL CHEERING)

(APPLAUSE)

(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

I'm quite sure
the good sense
of the American people

will allow them to
distinguish between

a few trivial and
unsupported allegations--

REPORTER: There she is!
There's Sunny!

ALL: Sunny!
(MRS. ST. JOHN SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Get off of me, you twit!

(ALL APPLAUDING)

How'd I do?
Great.

You really think so?
Of course.

It's the new me.
I always say what I think.

Oh, that's nice, Michael.
That's really nice.

You want to know
what else I think?
What?

If you ever
run for office,

I should manage
your campaign.

(CHUCKLING) Are you kidding?

What did you say?
Are you running for office?

FEMALE REPORTER: How about
running for president?

Sunny Davis for president!

(ALL CHEERING)

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute,
please, everybody.

Um... Thank you very much,

but it's really
not my style.

MAN: Oh, no!

Hey, Sunny,
what about Congress?

MALE REPORTER:
What about running
for Congress, Sunny?

Well, the polls have been
closed for about 10 minutes

here in Green Hills,
a tiny suburb of
Diamond Junction, Oregon,

and it is still impossible
to predict a winner
in this kind of thing.

Some people are calling
tonight's contest

one of the closest races
in Congressional history.

Both candidates
gained early...

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Ladies and gentlemen,
the candidate is coming
to the podium.

This is sure to be
no concession.

(ALL CHEERING)

ALL: (CHANTING)
Sunny! Sunny! Sunny!

Sunny! Sunny! Sunny!

Sunny! Sunny! Sunny!

Down.

Listen, I just want to
say a couple of things.

First of all, this is
not a victory speech,

because we haven't won yet.

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Also, it's getting
really late, so I want to
take this chance--

MAN ON TV: Incidentally,
tonight's election coverage

was brought to you
through the courtesy
of Schmitter's,

for all your hardware needs.

Corner of Main and Superior,
in Diamond Junction.

And no matter what...
No matter what happens,

we're still gonna
go on together,
you and me,

and the best
campaign manager
in this whole country,

my husband, Michael!

(ALL CHEERING)

And of course,
my very, very good friend

and the best,
best baby-sitter

a working woman
could ever wish for,

my very good friend,
Al Kabeer!

(ALL CHEERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

Uh, I have a phone call
that some of you
may want to hear.

Who is it? Hello?

What?

We won!

(ALL CHEERING)

We won!

We won!

Wow!

(ALL CHEERING)