Project X (2012) - full transcript
It's Thomas Kub's 17th birthday and all he wants to do is throw a small party with some friends to help raise his social status and maybe even get lucky. But when his best friend Costa starts calling radio stations and putting ads up on Craigslist, you can be sure that this party is going to get really out of hand really fast.
What up, my lovely females! This is
your boy, Costa, your host for the evening.
Behind me is Thomas Kub's house.
Today is Thomas Kub's birthday.
And this is Project X, yo.
Hey, we want some pussy
Hey, we want some pussy
Birthday cake. Mm.
- Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight.
- Excuse me.
Shit. Um, Mrs. Kub,
I thought you guys left already.
- So, what's getting wet tonight?
- Uh...
Nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub.
- Who's your friend?
- Don't worry about him.
We're shooting this birthday movie
for Thomas.
Like this day-in-the-life type thing.
No big deal.
He's still in the shower.
See you later.
Fuck me, that was close.
Dax.
Happy birthday, motherfucker!
Whoa, shit! What the fuck, dude?
- What the fuck?
- I'm jerking off to your mom.
So, dude, it's your last day
of being a loser. How does it feel?
You're such a dick, Costa.
Shit never gets old.
Wait for another day
What's up, Dax?
How'd they rope you into this?
He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V Club.
He's a fucking weirdo, I know,
but he's a solid shooter.
And he's gonna make us look pimp,
and you fucking better.
Thomas, get down here!
Oh, shit. Let's go.
You said your parents would be gone by 7.
I don't wanna go talk to your fucking dad.
No food in the living room. Your mother
will kill me and I'll have to kill you.
- Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay?
- Oh, cool.
You guys can have that.
Knock yourself out.
Back door or turn the alarm system off.
And look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot.
I know you're gonna have friends over.
- Dad, what do you think is gonna happen?
- Mr. Kub, honestly, we have no...
Mm-mm. I'm sorry. Who are you?
This is Dax.
What is this?
He's shooting a movie
for my birthday, you know, a little present.
Didn't know you had Goth friends.
He's just a friend from school.
Four or five friends, tops.
I'm just asking that you please
respect my house, okay?
All right, fine.
So leave the gate open for the gardener.
And I know I don't need to tell you,
but my car is off limits.
- Yeah, Dad, I know.
- Good. Okay.
The pool heater, don't touch it.
And also, guys,
do not go in my office, right?
I have three projects I'm working on.
I don't want anybody in there, clear?
- Get out, out, out.
- Dad...
Nothing goes in here, right?
Where's your mom?
I'm gonna get the bags.
What's going on? What's the matter?
- I'm just worried.
- About what?
I don't know.
Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.
Oh, please, stop it. Come on, honey.
He's 17 years old.
That's what I'm worried about.
Let's be realistic here, okay?
This is Thomas we're talking about.
He's not exactly Mr. Popular.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid.
He's got a couple of friends. They're gonna
hang out, but they're not gonna do anything.
He's a sweet kid, but...
...he's a loser.
Happy birthday to you
- Happy birthday, Thomas.
- Whoo! Yay!
All right, honey, car is here.
- Boys, gotta get to school.
- Cool.
Hold on. We gotta give Thomas
his birthday present.
How cool is it that Thomas
was born on your anniversary?
What a great anniversary gift, a baby.
Happy birthday, sweetie.
Ahh.
- Mom's minivan? Nice.
- Yeah.
It's just for school and back.
That's it, right?
- Yes. Thank you so much.
- Cool, right? You have a car now.
I know.
- Okay.
And, Milo, you take good care of Thomas,
okay? Momma's gonna miss you.
- Okay, bye.
- All right, see you guys.
Every one of my phone calls
gets answered, right?
- Yeah, I know.
- Every one. Okay.
- All right, have fun.
- Bye.
Happy anniversary.
Get off me, you little faggot dog.
- Yeah!
- It's on, motherfuckers!
- Whoo!
- Dude, chill out. Goddamn.
It was really cool of your mom and dad
to clean it out and wash it for you.
It's a free car.
I'm not about to complain about a free car.
It's not even a car. It's a fucking minivan.
We can't even roll in this.
Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you
the Benz. That'd have been sick.
You know what, you're right, Costa.
Let's just take your car.
- Oh, you don't have one.
- Good fucking joke, good fucking joke.
So, dog, you ready for tonight?
I actually wanna talk to you
about that, you know, before we jump into it.
I knew it. You're bitching out.
What?
What? Dude, I'm not bitching out.
Thomas is bitching out
like the little bitch that he is.
- Fuck you.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- We need this party. You need this party.
I'm just nervous.
What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks?
That's not an option.
People will show up.
Look at J.B. He's like a little fat
Rain Man, texting away.
Dude, stop.
You're telling me he doesn't need this?
Holy shit, dude. Your parents gave
you the minivan? That's awesome!
- Yeah.
- Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax.
That isn't happening. That's not real.
Uh, excuse me...
Sorry.
Hey, can I get to my locker right there?
Dude, why are you staring at my dick?
I wasn't. My locker's there.
Can I get to it?
- Whatever, you fucking weirdo.
- Dude, just let it go. Just come on.
- Hey, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom.
- See? See what I told you?
Is it true what I heard about you
at Zam's party?
You got a blowjob from his mom?
That party was so sick.
Everyone got laid.
Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob.
- Nice.
- Are you kidding me?
Why the fuck weren't we
at that party, man?
So we missed a party, dude. Big deal.
It is a big deal. We miss every party.
I mean, did you hear that guy?
Wheelchair Robert got beat off.
I wanna show you something.
See this? Check this out.
That's Stasia. Gorgeous, right?
That's my girl back in Queens.
We could be crushing this kind of ass,
but we need a game changer.
I mean, no one even knows who we are.
If we want to be bigtime players,
we need to make a bigtime play.
You feel me?
J.B., what the fuck, man?
Why do you have a boner?
- I don't, it's just my underwear sitting funny.
- Cover up.
That's absolutely disgusting.
It's easy to talk shit when
the party's not even at your house.
Dude, please don't back out.
This party is gonna change everything for us.
Okay. Well, I mean,
I'm the one taking the whole risk.
All you do is show up and drink.
You think we'd ditch you
if something went wrong?
- I'm fucking offended, man.
- Yeah, me too.
The idea behind tonight is
to get these bitches...
...to recognize us as large-scale ballers.
Back in Queens,
I had hoes blowing me on the reg.
- I started hanging out with you two. Zero!
- I just don't really see the point anymore.
How do you not see the point?
There's the point. There's the point.
Okay.
There's two more fucking points
right there! It's all around you.
Dude, I get it.
If you fuck this up, I will stab you.
I'm not kidding.
- Okay, no more than 20 people.
- Twenty people?
- All right, 30 people.
- Thirty people?
- To make sure my house doesn't get fucked.
- Thirty people won't change anything for us.
All right, look, okay, 50 people,
absolute max.
Fine, 50 people, absolute max.
You know, just big enough to be cool.
Sand, an adversary in many ways
more dangerous than those carrying weapons.
Mass marketing, handled.
- Shh.
- Yeah, of course, Jack. Anything.
And if you guys get there
before we get there...
...you can just get in the backyard
and set up...
...and do what you gotta do.
- Dax, Dax. Go film over the top.
Okay. Really, we appreciate that.
Oh, uh... I have to call you back, sir.
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
Get the fuck out of here!
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Guys. Hey, guys, what the fuck?
your boy, Costa, your host for the evening.
Behind me is Thomas Kub's house.
Today is Thomas Kub's birthday.
And this is Project X, yo.
Hey, we want some pussy
Hey, we want some pussy
Birthday cake. Mm.
- Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight.
- Excuse me.
Shit. Um, Mrs. Kub,
I thought you guys left already.
- So, what's getting wet tonight?
- Uh...
Nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub.
- Who's your friend?
- Don't worry about him.
We're shooting this birthday movie
for Thomas.
Like this day-in-the-life type thing.
No big deal.
He's still in the shower.
See you later.
Fuck me, that was close.
Dax.
Happy birthday, motherfucker!
Whoa, shit! What the fuck, dude?
- What the fuck?
- I'm jerking off to your mom.
So, dude, it's your last day
of being a loser. How does it feel?
You're such a dick, Costa.
Shit never gets old.
Wait for another day
What's up, Dax?
How'd they rope you into this?
He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V Club.
He's a fucking weirdo, I know,
but he's a solid shooter.
And he's gonna make us look pimp,
and you fucking better.
Thomas, get down here!
Oh, shit. Let's go.
You said your parents would be gone by 7.
I don't wanna go talk to your fucking dad.
No food in the living room. Your mother
will kill me and I'll have to kill you.
- Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay?
- Oh, cool.
You guys can have that.
Knock yourself out.
Back door or turn the alarm system off.
And look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot.
I know you're gonna have friends over.
- Dad, what do you think is gonna happen?
- Mr. Kub, honestly, we have no...
Mm-mm. I'm sorry. Who are you?
This is Dax.
What is this?
He's shooting a movie
for my birthday, you know, a little present.
Didn't know you had Goth friends.
He's just a friend from school.
Four or five friends, tops.
I'm just asking that you please
respect my house, okay?
All right, fine.
So leave the gate open for the gardener.
And I know I don't need to tell you,
but my car is off limits.
- Yeah, Dad, I know.
- Good. Okay.
The pool heater, don't touch it.
And also, guys,
do not go in my office, right?
I have three projects I'm working on.
I don't want anybody in there, clear?
- Get out, out, out.
- Dad...
Nothing goes in here, right?
Where's your mom?
I'm gonna get the bags.
What's going on? What's the matter?
- I'm just worried.
- About what?
I don't know.
Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.
Oh, please, stop it. Come on, honey.
He's 17 years old.
That's what I'm worried about.
Let's be realistic here, okay?
This is Thomas we're talking about.
He's not exactly Mr. Popular.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid.
He's got a couple of friends. They're gonna
hang out, but they're not gonna do anything.
He's a sweet kid, but...
...he's a loser.
Happy birthday to you
- Happy birthday, Thomas.
- Whoo! Yay!
All right, honey, car is here.
- Boys, gotta get to school.
- Cool.
Hold on. We gotta give Thomas
his birthday present.
How cool is it that Thomas
was born on your anniversary?
What a great anniversary gift, a baby.
Happy birthday, sweetie.
Ahh.
- Mom's minivan? Nice.
- Yeah.
It's just for school and back.
That's it, right?
- Yes. Thank you so much.
- Cool, right? You have a car now.
I know.
- Okay.
And, Milo, you take good care of Thomas,
okay? Momma's gonna miss you.
- Okay, bye.
- All right, see you guys.
Every one of my phone calls
gets answered, right?
- Yeah, I know.
- Every one. Okay.
- All right, have fun.
- Bye.
Happy anniversary.
Get off me, you little faggot dog.
- Yeah!
- It's on, motherfuckers!
- Whoo!
- Dude, chill out. Goddamn.
It was really cool of your mom and dad
to clean it out and wash it for you.
It's a free car.
I'm not about to complain about a free car.
It's not even a car. It's a fucking minivan.
We can't even roll in this.
Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you
the Benz. That'd have been sick.
You know what, you're right, Costa.
Let's just take your car.
- Oh, you don't have one.
- Good fucking joke, good fucking joke.
So, dog, you ready for tonight?
I actually wanna talk to you
about that, you know, before we jump into it.
I knew it. You're bitching out.
What?
What? Dude, I'm not bitching out.
Thomas is bitching out
like the little bitch that he is.
- Fuck you.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- We need this party. You need this party.
I'm just nervous.
What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks?
That's not an option.
People will show up.
Look at J.B. He's like a little fat
Rain Man, texting away.
Dude, stop.
You're telling me he doesn't need this?
Holy shit, dude. Your parents gave
you the minivan? That's awesome!
- Yeah.
- Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax.
That isn't happening. That's not real.
Uh, excuse me...
Sorry.
Hey, can I get to my locker right there?
Dude, why are you staring at my dick?
I wasn't. My locker's there.
Can I get to it?
- Whatever, you fucking weirdo.
- Dude, just let it go. Just come on.
- Hey, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom.
- See? See what I told you?
Is it true what I heard about you
at Zam's party?
You got a blowjob from his mom?
That party was so sick.
Everyone got laid.
Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob.
- Nice.
- Are you kidding me?
Why the fuck weren't we
at that party, man?
So we missed a party, dude. Big deal.
It is a big deal. We miss every party.
I mean, did you hear that guy?
Wheelchair Robert got beat off.
I wanna show you something.
See this? Check this out.
That's Stasia. Gorgeous, right?
That's my girl back in Queens.
We could be crushing this kind of ass,
but we need a game changer.
I mean, no one even knows who we are.
If we want to be bigtime players,
we need to make a bigtime play.
You feel me?
J.B., what the fuck, man?
Why do you have a boner?
- I don't, it's just my underwear sitting funny.
- Cover up.
That's absolutely disgusting.
It's easy to talk shit when
the party's not even at your house.
Dude, please don't back out.
This party is gonna change everything for us.
Okay. Well, I mean,
I'm the one taking the whole risk.
All you do is show up and drink.
You think we'd ditch you
if something went wrong?
- I'm fucking offended, man.
- Yeah, me too.
The idea behind tonight is
to get these bitches...
...to recognize us as large-scale ballers.
Back in Queens,
I had hoes blowing me on the reg.
- I started hanging out with you two. Zero!
- I just don't really see the point anymore.
How do you not see the point?
There's the point. There's the point.
Okay.
There's two more fucking points
right there! It's all around you.
Dude, I get it.
If you fuck this up, I will stab you.
I'm not kidding.
- Okay, no more than 20 people.
- Twenty people?
- All right, 30 people.
- Thirty people?
- To make sure my house doesn't get fucked.
- Thirty people won't change anything for us.
All right, look, okay, 50 people,
absolute max.
Fine, 50 people, absolute max.
You know, just big enough to be cool.
Sand, an adversary in many ways
more dangerous than those carrying weapons.
Mass marketing, handled.
- Shh.
- Yeah, of course, Jack. Anything.
And if you guys get there
before we get there...
...you can just get in the backyard
and set up...
...and do what you gotta do.
- Dax, Dax. Go film over the top.
Okay. Really, we appreciate that.
Oh, uh... I have to call you back, sir.
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
Get the fuck out of here!
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Guys. Hey, guys, what the fuck?