Procession (2021) - full transcript

When we received the grand jury

investigation from Pennsylvania,

it was shocking and it was saddening.

And then I sat down to try to figure out,

"Well, how many priests

in the Kansas City area,

the St. Louis area, and KCK

had been similarly abusive?"

We have over 230 priests that we know of

that have been

sexually abusive in this area.

This is a problem that doesn't go away,

and it needs to be

stopped as much as possible.

[sighs]

I was a victim in St. Elizabeth's parish,

where there were four

pedophile priests in the same rectory.

I was in third grade when it started.

It stopped in eighth grade,

when I moved away.

I'm now 62 year...

[exhales]

[sobs]

[sniffles]

Sixty-two years old...

[exhales]

...and I still live the pain

for what happened to me

when I was in grade school.

It is an absolute poverty

that the statute of limitations

is the crown jewel of the Catholic Church.

What does God

and Jesus Christ think about that?

[choral music playing]

What do you ask of the Church?

[parents] Baptism.

Baptism.

Godparents, are you ready

to help the parents of this child

to raise him in the faith of the Church?

[choral music continues]

[baby gurgles]

Let's get the fuck out of here.

We will.

I claim you for Christ.

I baptize you in the name of the Father,

and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

[parents] Amen!

[priest] May God,

the giver of all life, human and divine,

bless the parents of this child.

[baby whines]

- [mother shushes]

- [baby cries softly]

[choral music continues]

[priest] We're gonna line you all up.

I need you to grab

the holy water and put it on a table.

- Yes, Father.

- Okay.

[priest] I need you to grab the Bible

out of the cabinet over there, okay?

- Set it on the table.

- [boy 1] Yes, Father.

[priest]

And I need you to carry the cross.

[boy 2] Yes, Father.

[whispering] You have to understand,

only special altar boys get this, okay?

[boy 3] Yes, Father, thank you.

[priest] And may

the perpetual light shine upon him.

[clanging echoes]

Pick it up. Pick it up.

- [bell clangs]

- [priest] Pick it up.

[ominous music playing]

[music intensifies]

[indistinct chatter]

I have a Simon and Garfunkel

concert on video, remember...

It's not super old,

probably about ten years ago.

Hey, guys!

Good morning, good morning!

What is all this?

[laughs]

- Hi, darling. How are you?

- [Rebecca] I'm good!

- Hello, dear. [grunts]

- Hi, sweetheart.

- [Rebecca] What is this?

- Just torturing my wife.

[Rebecca laughs]

- Oh, hi!

- Hi, thanks for joining me.

I'm Rebecca Randles and I'm an attorney.

I've handled every childhood sex abuse

case in the Kansas City area, except one.

- Hello, ladies.

- [woman] Somebody I haven't met.

Hi, I'm Rebecca.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Monica, I'm the drama therapist.

- Oh, wonderful!

- Nice to meet you.

[Rebecca]

We've represented over 400 victims

of childhood sexual abuse

in the Catholic Church.

- How are you today?

- Pretty good. How about you?

When you first approached me

about casting this film,

as you know, I was leery.

You and I sat down and talked about,

"How do we do this?

How do we cast? Should we do it?"

And so kind of

the parameters that we chose

were to look at those

who had been public first,

who had been involved in press conferences

and that kind of thing,

who'd actually spoken.

[Ed] My name's Ed Gavagan.

I came in from New York City,

where I live now.

I grew up in Wyoming.

There's a deep vein of shame,

and I've never sat in a room, actually,

with this many people

who have a common abuse story.

[Dan] Uh... I'm Dan Laurine.

I am a survivor

of the Kansas City Diocese.

I actually work in commercial films

and productions here in Kansas City,

and so I was contacted through Rebecca,

uh...

to see if I'd be

interested helping with this,

and obviously

I'm very interested in helping with this.

I mean, I have so much anger and hatred,

I can't even put it into words.

And it's not because

of the priest that did this to me,

it's the Catholic Church,

the independent review board,

and the archbishop.

How they've treated me

for the last six years.

They just blatantly lie.

Lie, lie, lie.

If I could just say,

you have a great voice.

Like, you could have like this voiceover:

[low-voiced] "In a world

where five young men come together."

- [laughs]

- [Michael] Like the Darth Vader...

[all chuckling]

My name is Monica Phinney.

I'm a registered drama therapist,

I live here in Kansas City, Missouri.

Drama therapy is the intentional use

of dramatic theater roleplay techniques

for a therapeutic goal.

Trauma, in particular,

I sort of view as

this sticky sort of thing,

like, it gets you kind of stuck

in a certain part of your brain

and it's very hard.

We break free of that

by putting it out into the world

in whatever way makes sense to us.

We don't always understand

why we're painting what we're painting,

or why we're, um, role-playing

the way that we are.

But once it's out there in the world

in whatever way it's out there,

we can take it back in through

the logical and reasonable

part of our brains.

As a drama therapist,

using theater and role play

to achieve a therapeutic goal

is also just letting the art do its job

in providing a containment

so that we can do that safely,

and that's a big part

of why I'm personally here.

[Ed] For us, like,

I can't risk not being believed

and I can't risk that I look like

I'm exploiting what happened to me.

- And...

- [Michael] Or you look pathetic.

I can't look like

a pathetic, emotional mess.

- Yes.

- [Michael] That's not fair.

[Ed] You know, cut to the weepy dude

who, you know, whatever.

Now he's got a wife and a kid

and he's holding it together.

- You know, golf clap. And, uh...

- [claps softly]

Like, I'm a guy. I can...

I'm a New York City contractor,

I can chew the balls

of a union electrician

and get my money back,

but I can't talk about

what happened to me when I'm 13

without choking up, and... and... you know.

It's still very

incredibly painful for you.

And it is, but in my mind

it's like, "They're not going to win."

And that's how I cope with it.

They're not going to win. That's just...

And I have a way of blanking out too,

so it's okay. [chuckles]

I do think that we are going

to hit some rough spots,

as far as emotions.

[Rebecca] Our biggest concern

is that everyone be safe.

And I know that every time

that we call and say,

"Hey, do you want to do a news conference?

Do you want to..." Whatever.

For every single person we call,

it brings it all back.

But if it's too painful,

we shouldn't do it.

And Sasha Sanders has been the glue

that has held most of these men together

when we go through the litigation process.

I've been in the background

of Rebecca's foreground

for the last 24 years,

and I think coming into this,

one of the things that might help

is to think about being able to stand up

for the little boy that couldn't.

I want this to be like

a Marvel superheroes

vanquishing

the fucking forces of darkness,

if I can... [sobs]

[Rebecca] Mm-hmm.

The Hammer of Thor.

Like, you know, that would be great.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] 'Cause we're slowly developing

what this is gonna become.

[Mike] Makes me sick to even be in there.

It really does. I fucking hate this shit.

I fucking hate it.

Of course. We'll be in touch.

Okay, see you later. Nice to meet you.

- See you later.

- [Rebecca] All right.

Thanks for all your help.

Do you feel comfortable

voicing those types of concerns

as we go through the process?

If it doesn't make sense to us,

it doesn't make sense to both of us.

So far. I mean,

I've only known him a couple hours.

Because of our similar situations.

I didn't realize

you didn't know each other.

No. We've never met.

Today's the first time.

- [Monica] Wow. Okay.

- We have Rebecca in common.

- And now you have to...

- [Tom] There you go.

...kiss the cross.

- [Tom] No way, I'm not kissing it.

- [Ed laughs]

[Michael] It's amazing

how clothes can have an effect on you.

So...

[man] So, is there anything of this

that you imagine being a character in?

Probably the green.

[man] You want to pick it out?

[Michael] There's a symbol.

Everything there has a symbol, a meaning.

[Ed] I remember these.

[Michael] Oh, the incense burner.

I mean, to this day,

it's like one of those smells that just...

You never smell it, and then when you do.

I don't know if there's another

physical artifact in the world

that I haven't held in 45 years.

[incense burner chain clanking]

[Ed] I always see my 13-year-old self

as a kid I used to know,

but not me.

And what the problem I'm having

is that I don't feel like

I have a connection to him.

So I don't know how to take care of him.

So, coming down the aisle with these guys,

this is melding me with the kid.

And now...

[sparse, emotional music playing]

[Michael]

It's an unusual approach to therapy.

And I agree with trying a new perspective

because the story's

been told so many... the same way.

And I think if I can help,

and I think you think so too,

we can help, that's what we want to do.

But I... you know,

I'm not going to self-flagellate

in front of a camera...

to have that result.

[line ringing]

- [male voice] Hello?

- Rick?

[Dan] Hey, so I'm working on a documentary

that we're filming here in Kansas City

about the survivors of the Kansas City

Catholic diocese sex abuse.

We basically have gotten together

and we're trying

to walk through each other's memories,

and the things that haunt us the most.

Each individual survivor

is writing their own...

script, basically.

But we have a few scenes

where we need a church,

and obviously, the Catholic diocese

isn't being very helpful

as far as that goes.

- [man 2] This is the original church.

- Yeah?

We put all new walls, new windows.

[Dan] So, one of the most enjoyable jobs

I get to do in film production

is location scouting.

I've been doing that for over 20 years.

I'm scouting locations

for the guys to film scenes in,

but it's equally as important

that when we visit those places,

it's an opportunity to

take back the power

of those places over us.

Because we were so young,

so tiny and fragile back then.

[emotional string music playing]

[man 3] And we do

rent this out for weddings.

Couple of dear friends of mine

got married in here.

[Dan] Where are the outlets

or electricity if they need it?

[man 3] They're out... out in the foyer.

[Dan] These are the questions

they're gonna ask me.

Can we plug in lights? Can we do this?

Uh...

I felt I was really gung-ho about it.

Like, "Yeah!

I want to make that documentary,"

when you called

and initially talked to me.

But, I mean,

the very first pastor I went up to...

[exhales]

Just kind of brings it

all to the surface again.

I guess there's that big hope

this is gonna be the thing

that actually puts it to bed.

[Mike] They engraved

the word "justice" in concrete,

which is just a blatant fucking lie.

They want the exact opposite of justice.

See, there it is. See it?

"It is an absolute poverty

the statute of limitations

is the crown jewel of the Catholic Church.

What does God think of that?"

[woman] Sir, can I help you?

[Mike] No.

Okay, this is private property.

I think you need to get off it.

Okay. All right, I'm leaving.

Know what makes me sick?

It's the word "justice"

engraved in concrete on that wall.

[scoffs]

How is the statute of limitations,

how is that "justice"?

I mean, you're against

the rape of children, aren't you?

[man 4] Yes, sir, I think anyone

who does that should go to jail.

[Mike] So...

Appreciate you listening to me.

Okay, take care.

- Will you hold on a second?

- Sure.

- Thanks. What was your name?

- Mike. Mike Foreman.

Mike? Okay.

Where were these cops

when I was 11 years old and I needed them?

[laughs]

You follow college football at all?

Not as much as I'd like to.

[both chuckle]

Unfortunately, we work those wonky hours.

There's a hell of a game Saturday.

LSU's at Alabama.

Okay.

So we'll... You just won't be

allowed to come back on this property.

Thank you! [laughs]

[compressor whirring]

[Mike] Today is the six-year anniversary

of when I first met

with the independent review board.

This is back before I had

experienced any of their lies

and all of their

flat-out fucking bullshit,

so I wasn't even 10% as angry as I am now.

But even then, I told those assholes

on the independent review board

that I stain decks

and I work by myself

all day long every day,

and I'm alone with my thoughts.

And every fucking day, my blood boils.

And when it boils,

I've got nowhere to put it,

so it just fucking boils more.

[sanding]

[Mike] I'd like to see

Archbishop Joseph Naumann

hold an open press conference.

I'd like to ask him

how he arrived at the conclusion

that I have no credibility.

And that ridiculous letter he wrote me,

at the end of the letter, he said,

"It is my sincere prayer and hope

that through God's

abundant and unfailing grace,

you are able to experience

healing and peace in your life."

And after he told me that, in writing,

about his own sincere prayer,

then he continued to lie

about my credibility,

and he spent several

hundred thousand dollars in legal fees

to use the cheap-ass

statute of limitations

to deny me my day in court.

[Rebecca] You know, we've been at it,

gosh, 30 years.

Thirty years. 1992 was the first case.

And so we've been collecting material

about the Catholic Church since 1992,

and that's what we're

carrying back to the office.

[Michael] This whole garage is full.

And then you have more?

[Rebecca] Yeah,

'cause these aren't just boxes,

these are lives.

Where is this going?

[Rebecca] This is

every place that Monahan was.

- Here's every place that O'Brien was.

- [papers rustling]

Every place that Tierney was,

every place that Reardon was.

And so, St. Elizabeth's

was kind of the jumping off point

for all of these men.

If we were to do a timeline,

O'Brien, first allegation is 1963.

[Michael] Gets out in 2002.

[Rebecca] So, 40 years

after the first allegation.

[Michael] When I say,

"There were four there at the same time,"

they can't figure out how could that be.

Because they're overlapping

in the hiding and the cover-up,

that's what happened.

Almost like they spread out like a cancer

and they kept poisoning everybody!

- [Rebecca] Oh! We have that chart.

- [Michael scoffs] We need a bigger chart.

[Rebecca] This is when

Lake Viking begins in earnest.

He didn't own the property

in Lake Viking until the 70's.

[Michael] And when was Joe?

In the 70's? '77?

[Rebecca] Joe was in the early 80's.

[Joe] I was a good Catholic boy,

attended Nativity of Mary

church and elementary school.

Much of the abuse happened there

with Monsignor O'Brien and Father Honhart.

And at one point,

Monsignor took me

and a couple other guys to his lake house

where he introduced us to Father Reardon.

I remember, uh, Father Reardon saying,

"Come on,

let's show them how much fun this can be."

And that's when he raped me.

It kind of came as a shock

when it started coming out,

and it came out

in nightmares of Lake Viking.

[Sasha] How are you?

I'm good.

[Rebecca]

A lot of people start having nightmares

before they begin

to have the memories flood back.

As a matter of fact,

it's probably the most common way

that people remember things

that have been long repressed.

- [Joe] Well, it still happens.

- [Sasha] Okay.

[Joe] Which now I know are memories

and not necessarily nightmares,

but they're just awful, awful...

- ...memories.

- Yes.

So what's coming out now is

I'm now that boy.

- Okay, that's...

- [Sasha] We talked about that.

That's what's coming.

That's the nightmares I'm having.

I've worked with abused, neglected,

abandoned youth my entire adult life.

There's so many people

out there that can relate.

Do I have concerns?

Yes, I have concerns being re-traumatized.

For years,

I would throw up every Sunday morning,

and not knowing even why

I was throwing up on Sundays.

Church caused so much anxiety,

uh...

but I do have several years

under my belt of dealing with this

and knowing that I'm okay now.

Knowing that I'm safe

and I'm okay with who I am.

- [Michael] Is this vodka?

- [man] Yes.

[Michael] Perfect.

[Dan] So as far as

what you want to do with the film,

do you want to recreate the nightmares?

[Joe] I really don't know,

but it might be interesting.

In my nightmares,

I'm running towards the house,

away from the threat.

Sometimes it was

cowboys and Indians were shooting at me.

Other time, it was alien invaders.

And I run up to the house

and I should be relieved,

but it's like the blackest,

thickest, heaviest blanket of evil.

Now you've realized you're

exactly where they wanted you to be.

Uh, then a pair of eyes will open up

and will be these green eyes.

- [Michael] O'Brien had green eyes, right?

- [Joe] Yeah.

Um, so, do I want

to go to Lake Viking? Yeah.

I do want to go to Lake Viking.

You know,

is there something lurking there?

You know, and if I can eliminate that,

then that may remove even more power

out of these nightmares

of running to the house

and just finding evil.

[Ed] When I was

a young boy in fourth grade,

my family moved to Wyoming.

You know, my Dad was gone.

I had this void of a father figure.

This new bishop showed up

and we knew that

he'd come from Kansas City,

but that was all that we knew.

He was this larger-than-life figure,

you know?

There were pictures of him with the Pope.

So there's the public persona

of the great man,

and then there's the truth.

And so for me, a scene that would help,

I thought of that movie, All That Jazz.

This idea of, "It's showtime!"

And so I thought, um, it would be

an interesting montage of hands

anointing the head

of a baby during baptism,

a close-up of that,

and all of these positions of the power

and the sacraments and the influence.

And then, you know,

juxtapose that with his hands,

um, yanking down my underwear.

Is he allowed to do this to me?

Doesn't seem right,

and yet he's kind of

the definition of what's right.

So...

I don't have anybody I can check with.

And checking with God was not working, so...

- [Michael] Hey. How are you?

- How you doing?

- Good.

- [Ed] Good to see you.

Nice to see the place again, wow!

He was transferred

to become the new bishop,

so he got promoted.

[laughs]

Right? I mean, it's...

"You molest boys,

let's promote and move you."

Yeah! Move you to the middle of nowhere.

So by these close-ups on the hands...

I like the idea

'cause the power comes through the hands.

Do you think your hands

could be, you know, in the vestments?

[Michael] Can... I... To control

your idea coming out, I think so.

- Yeah.

- [Ed] And even...

You don't want to do it?

Is it too close to you?

- I guess, yeah.

- I like the idea.

Okay, sure.

[Ed] And then, um, the other thing

I was thinking is we could go to Wyoming.

So I was thinking I would

call Bishop Bigler, the current bishop,

and say that

we're working on this project,

and would it be possible

to film in the cathedral in Cheyenne?

You'd get to go up to the bell tower

where they had

this giant, braided-steel cable.

And if you pulled it

all the way down and hung on,

you would get lifted up,

like you were flying.

And so to go

ring that bell again and expose...

- What was... Yeah.

- A new announcement, perhaps.

[Michael] I said yes

to acting in Ed's scene

because Ed was

really, really damaged for a long time.

Now, we're all damaged,

but really, really hurt by it

and, you know, it's like

a little kid asking you to help them.

And I think that's within all of us,

the child saying, "Help me."

I had a very sheltered childhood

and my parents were very strict Catholics.

I went to five different grade schools,

and so the last one

I ended up at was St. Elizabeth's.

My molestation was at a swimming pool

in downtown Kansas City.

Uh, Father Tierney goes,

"Stop crying. I'll drop you off

to your parents. Nothing happened."

"This is what you do

with special friends and priests."

But I wouldn't stop crying.

I get out and I run inside my house

and my mom goes,

"What's wrong? Why are your eyes red?"

I said,

"It's the chlorine in the pool, Mom,"

and I ran up to my room.

After that

I couldn't be around people with red hair.

A certain color.

The smell of chlorine

made me start almost vomiting.

You know, I had people call me a liar.

I've been spit on.

Being treated like an enemy of the Church

instead of having them

try to help you was a complete shock.

The pool where my abuse happened

has been torn down.

And, to me,

a sense of place and a physical location

is incredibly important

since, you know, I'm an interior designer.

And for my not to be there,

it's like something

that will always be in

the back of my mind that I can't confront.

I hope with these other guys,

they can confront it

and then go on,

and I just want

to help them get through it.

[emotional string music playing]

[Ed] This was the Bishop's residence

and the Bishop's bedroom

was up on the left.

And then he would

take me back to Kansas City.

"It's going to be fun.

We're going to see the Royals play."

But did they have someone with them?

- [Ed] They had boys with them.

- Yes, that's what I remember.

It was kind of like,

"Look, what I brought!"

- [Ed] Fan club, yeah.

- "I've got this one!"

And he was showing me off

to all the guys who had their boys.

[Ed] Hmm.

I don't think I've been inside this church

in, uh, more than 30 years, probably.

[door creaks]

[choir singing hymn]

[priest 2] Almighty ever living God,

you have restored us to life

by the blessed death

and resurrection of your Christ.

Preserve in us the work of your mercy,

that, partaking of this mystery,

we may have

a life unceasingly devoted to you.

Through Christ our Lord.

[congregation] Amen.

[priest 2] I want to add

a petition today for healing.

For those in society

and those in the church,

for all those who

have been harmed by sexual abuse,

that the healing of the Lord

would wash over them

and that the community of believers

would accompany them with great love.

Through Christ our Lord.

[congregation] Amen.

[priest 2] You may be seated.

[whispering]

First time anyone's been nice like that.

From any clergy at all.

- Especially... Especially a bishop.

- Yeah.

- I feel seen.

- I get it.

- [Ed] How you doing, man?

- Good.

[Ed] Thanks for...

Thanks for going through this with me.

Of course.

So this is the...

where all the priests would get dressed.

And I had, uh...

Did kind of some sketches.

This would be like, um,

before getting ready.

- So this would be like, tying their shoes.

- Uh-huh.

You know, and I just feel like

the hands are the kind of the easiest.

Like, you don't need a lot of props.

That's powerful.

[Dan] Right?

- [Dan] That's it?

- [Ed] That's it.

[Michael] Oh, you're kidding.

[Ed] You pull this.

Pull this all the way down.

[Dan] Was it a rope then?

Has it always been a cable?

[Ed] It was always the braided steel.

- [Ed] What's that?

- [guide] You can pull it if you want.

- [Dan] Here we go.

- All right, here we go.

- [Dan] Big smile. Look at that smile.

- [Michael] I know, it's like...

[bell rings]

[laughs]

[Michael] Oh my gosh.

And you just keep pulling?

And bouncing like that. Oh, how fun.

[bell continues ringing]

[mouths] Wow.

It sounds like...

[ringing continues]

[ringing continues]

[ringing fades]

♪ But my dreams, they aren't as empty ♪

["Behind Blue Eyes"

by The Who playing on stereo]

♪ As my conscience seems to be ♪

[man] Mike. Hey. Stop for a sec.

♪ I have hours... ♪

[song halts]

[man] How long have you been doing that?

- This?

- Yeah.

Shortly after this shit happened to me.

I've been... My whole life,

I isolated myself.

When I was in high school,

I was down in my parents' dark basement

for hours a day.

[exhales]

My first therapist told me

that she thinks when I do this

I put myself in a dissociative state.

I mean, I just...

If I don't do this, I'm just not right.

["Behind Blue Eyes" restarts]

[groans]

♪ And if I swallow anything evil

Put your finger down my throat ♪

[Mike] Now,

when Naumann wrote me his letter,

he calls it "the independent review board"

three times in writing!

I go there,

there's a fucking Catholic priest.

He's used to people

lapping up his lies like eager puppies.

My abuser's dead.

Oh, fuck. Oh, Goddamn,

I hate this motherfucker!

Look at him right here!

What a fucking piece of shit.

The reason I can't move forward

is not because

of the priest that assaulted me,

it's because of

this fucking asshole right here,

and the Catholic Church!

I didn't recover these memories till 2011.

When I told my Dad, I said...

I've always called my dad

by his first name. His name's Doug.

I said, "Doug, have you ever noticed

I have never had

a romantic relationship in my life?"

And from the second

I said that, I regret...

Just the look on his face,

I wish I hadn't said that to him.

He passed in 2017.

He was the only person, really,

that had the mental stamina

to listen to me.

Big Tom, I know what

you've been through, man.

[Monica] Okay, so today

is a brainstorm session

related to Mike's story.

I think that the anger is,

to an extent, comforting.

So I think it's... even letting go

of any amount of anger is scary.

[Joe] Your anger is justified.

And no one can

really take that away from you,

any more than anyone can take it from me.

[Tom] But I think Mike

has gone through this so many times,

that's all he knows right now,

and we need to change that...

Or you need to change that,

for your benefit.

[Dan] So, my brother and I

went in for the independent review.

And we went in there

and it was a whole table of people

wanting us to tell these stories

we haven't told each other.

We haven't told anybody.

But our mother set this up,

and we're both...

turning back into little boys,

scared,

and trying to explain

to these people what happened to us.

And they're...

uh...

- [exhales]

- [whispers] Take your time.

I can't remember who it was...

the head person at the tables,

as we finally tell our stories

and, you know, it's time to wrap it up,

and he says,

"Tell your mother we're sorry."

That was his response to me.

And I lost it, and I said,

"You tell my mother you're sorry,

'cause she still believes in you."

So I know that anger.

I've never

been the same since that review.

That's when everything

started coming back out.

That's when everything unraveled for me.

You mentioned your brother?

[Dan] Yes, my older brother, Tim,

was a victim of Monahan as well.

I don't know what

I'm looking for with my brother,

whether it's connection,

whether it's relief, whether it's...

Closure? I'm not sure.

But I want

something to happen out of that,

I want something to come to surface.

I want he and I to talk.

[Mike] I think we should do a reenactment

of this independent review board,

just so the public knows

there was a Catholic priest.

You want them to know

it's not what it was supposed to be?

Absolutely.

It was in a room,

not much bigger than this,

and there was just a table.

[Monica] Did you ever have the opportunity

to be in the same room

with any of those four people again?

No. No.

[Monica] Would you have liked to?

I'd love to talk to them right now!

Uh, but I want to find

the picture of Lake Viking.

Yeah, I'm looking for it.

I have a picture on here,

but every time I try to click on it,

it says it is corrupt

and can't be brought up.

Let's see if I can do it

in a different version.

- [gasps]

- [women] There it is.

[Rebecca] We have the deeds

and we've got all

the information that shows

that O'Brien owned it.

- [Dan] Did Monahan go to that lake too?

- [Sasha] He didn't.

No, he went to a different lake.

[Dan] Do you know anything about his lake?

It's such the same story.

Like, it's just exact same story as mine

in going to the lake.

[Joe] You went to a lake?

Oh, yeah. My brother and I both did.

[exhales]

I think you should give him a hug.

[all chuckle softly]

[Dan] I'm here for you.

We're doing the same path.

[Rebecca] Don't be disappointed

if you can't get on the property.

Lake Viking is a private lake.

We've never actually

been able to get into the property

to see where O'Brien's house was.

[emotional string music playing]

[Dan] We're going

to scout Lake Viking for Joe.

He's not sure if he wants to film

his nightmare scenes there yet.

I'm wondering though,

see how that boathouse has two openings?

- Right.

- That what he meant by two docks?

Brick fireplace, brick sides.

The goal is to actually find that house

and kind of introduce it in little bits.

Show it to him and see how he reacts,

and then he can process that,

if he wants to come out

and visit and film there.

You know what's crazy?

I was just thinking I might fall apart

if it was my place to go back and visit,

but because it's Joe,

I'm actually more vigilant

trying to get this than I would be.

Just to do it for Joe.

I think that's the whole point.

People do things for other people

sometimes they don't do for themselves.

[Sasha on phone] Hello?

Yes, darling. "Don't leave the lake,"

what does that mean?

Just don't leave the lake yet.

I have calls into the victims

that actually were abused at that lake.

- Somebody remembers that lot number...

- [Joe on phone] Hey, what's up?

[Dan] I was just calling

you from a dock at Viking Lake.

- [Joe] Really?

- Yeah.

You know, we shot it from the lake.

Now we're gonna shoot ones

we think are close to what you described.

- Then I can text you some pictures?

- [Michael] 348. Okay, thank you, Sasha.

[Joe] Okay.

[Michael] Lot 348, they found it.

With the light shining through,

I got a pretty good picture of the foyer

and the living room in there.

I'm sending that to Joe.

"The last pic,

the one with pointed roof and porch,

although it's not exact in my memory,

did make my heart start pumping fast

and my anxiety to raise."

[Michael] That one.

[wave laps gently]

[Michael] He's Augustus Maximus,

and I've had him... He's 14.

I had to wait years to get him

because the breeders won't give you a dog

if you have children under five

because their legs are so

fragile, they'll just snap them.

They'll just snap.

[barks]

[Michael] They say the dogs

and certain owners look alike.

I would like to look like that dog,

so that would be fine with me.

So, anyway.

[tinfoil crumpling]

[dog barks]

Oh, okay, boo-boo.

[Michael] The dog loves my mom.

Just need a little more balsamic vinegar.

[Michael] It's underneath, Dad.

I'll get it.

Find a couple bowls

I'll put the meatballs in.

[Michael] We're about to start

actually filming scenes for the project

and my scenes are up first.

I just don't want this film

to be a negative thing,

because my parents

would feel horribly guilty,

and, you know, it wasn't their fault

and I don't want them to lose faith.

Basically, it's just, I want it simple,

but clear that from

the minute you're baptized,

that power starts.

Right, the parents have the baby,

then Tom greets them...

It's incredibly upsetting to me

that they use these rituals and symbols

that are supposed to be helpful

and bring you closer to God,

just to hurt you.

You just knew

you didn't talk back to them.

Your parents may say obey them,

but it went beyond that.

I would love to push them

down the stairs at the end or something,

but you know, do you have any other ideas?

Do we use the same actors?

[Michael] Oh, I dunno, I mean...

Though does that sync the point across

that it's always the progression,

- but it's always the same thing?

- The same people.

It's always the same method they use?

[Michael] I think that'd be great

to have that one boy,

'cause we're all that one boy.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed

to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed in

doing right and succeeded in doing wrong.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed

to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed

to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

[Dan] So that's actually

my line from when I was a kid.

It took me a long time

to come up with this line,

to take the ammo away from him,

to take the power away from him.

So I can walk in, say this to him,

and it's kinda like

sticking it to the man.

Like, "I'm not giving you one thing."

"You don't get to use

anything against me."

Forgive me, Father, for I've failed

to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed to

do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

Yeah, the thing about the last one was,

I do identify with him

because he's a little badass.

- [Michael chuckles] Yeah.

- [Dan] There's something defiant.

[Michael] We're going Tuesday to tour

for a scene in one of the churches,

so we're scouting them.

I still can't believe we're getting

in the churches. That's a major thing.

It was quite an eye-opener

that actually someone

cared enough to help.

- Yeah, they've renovated.

- [woman] Mm-hmm.

I think those confessionals

are about the same.

I mean, I love the columns.

I wouldn't have done it,

but I love... they're beautiful.

- Yeah.

- There's a light up there.

I know, but does it go on?

[whispering] I can't help myself.

[Michael] Don't do it, Dan!

I'm thinking, I don't know,

like a horror movie almost.

I want the priest, Tom,

to have those green eyes that, um...

- [Dan] Joe was...

- Joe was afraid of.

It really freaks him out

and maybe he can run up

and try to escape and go there,

and like, look down.

One, two, three.

They turn and look there,

and he's shaking,

but he's seeing back down to the demon.

Something like that.

- Then this has become part of it.

- Part of it.

- Enablers.

- The enablers!

Oh.

What do you think?

This is more like

the churches that I remember as little.

Holy Rosary was similar, but not...

- I mean, look at the windows.

- Stunning.

[Michael] You never think

something bad might happen here.

That's the weird part.

[melancholic music playing]

[Ed] That whole visual is pretty great,

from the background of Tom.

Yeah. So are you okay being here?

I am. It's, um...

Somehow the stage set

aspect of it is a big help.

Oh my gosh, changed

everything for me. I froze outside.

[Ed] It's really helpful to see,

you know, the shattered city

and all the Avengers

are converging on this... perch.

And they're like, "Okay, here we go!"

[Joe] Yeah.

[Ed] And somehow, we're going to make a...

We're going to make our point.

[Michael] Cross all them, 'cause

the dolly is going to move that fast.

[man] So, where is the coffin?

In the center.

And then you kind of...

Then he coughs.

[Tom] It'll be... It'll be all right.

Close. He coughs. [imitates cough]

So... And then you kind of laugh

like that knowing laugh that happens.

Then you freeze like your...

Now, you know something's wrong.

You still really don't know,

but you're terrified.

That look of like, "What?"

- You know it's wrong.

- Whatever is happening, you know is wrong.

[Tom] Are you okay? With all that?

[boy] Oh, yeah.

- [woman] Can I share?

- [man] Please.

So, when we, um...

when we originally read the script,

our first conversation of it was,

"We're not even going

to tell Terrick about this opportunity,"

because it was heavy

for us as parents. Um...

Then we talked about it a little more

and we slept on it,

and then we talked

to Terrick, said, "Okay, look,

your agent sent this,

we want you to look at it."

He read it. Um...

He looked at us, like, very casual.

We were the ones

that were so worked up over it.

Um...

And he said,

"Okay. Yeah, I want to do it."

"This really happened?"

And I said, "It did really happen."

And he said,

"But it's not my reality, Mom."

"I mean, it's just... it's acting."

I think it'll be best

if everybody just assumes

there's gonna be things

you need to shake off

at the end of the day

in whatever way works for you personally.

The goal is to just, as much as possible,

tell our brains and our bodies

that we are done with what happened today.

As much as it's going

to integrate into our lives,

we are not in that role right now.

[choral music playing]

[baby cries]

I baptize you in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

[parents] Amen.

[priest] May God, the giver of all life,

human and divine,

bless the parents of this child.

They give thanks for this new life.

- [door slams]

- [priest] The body of Christ.

[priest] The body of Christ.

Amen.

- Body of Christ.

- Amen.

- Body of Christ.

- Amen.

- Body of Christ.

- Amen.

- [priest] The body of Christ.

- Amen.

[priest] I'm sure glad

that long mass is over.

Come here, young man.

Why don't you have a drink with me?

- Cheers.

- [boy] Cheers.

[coughs]

It's your turn to disrobe, go ahead.

[bell tolls]

[ominous music playing]

[choral music playing]

[music intensifies]

[music halts]

Anything with you, Ed? And your deal?

Not yet. My sister was meeting

with Bishop Bigler this afternoon.

- She's gonna call me tonight. Yeah.

- I saw that headline today.

Eleven people

are enough to prosecute, just stop.

Eleven's enough. You're lucky...

You know it's a big thing so...

I really didn't think it...

Maybe one or two,

but 11 accusations, plus more.

That's enough. You don't need...

Whoever else comes in, comes in later.

Which I'm sure

you think about all the time.

Yeah.

Well, I think partly what it is

is the Cheyenne Police Department

is terrified

of the international shit-show of media

that will descend on them

as soon as they pull the indictment

and arrest that fucker.

That should be a good thing.

Think what they're all hoping is

he fucking dies and then it goes away.

My goodness.

[Tom] I have not

been able to tell my story

because mine is still in trouble.

It's before the courts...

[sniffs]

...and so I can't do mine.

But I am able to act for the other guys.

And I feel very honored

and privileged to be able to do this.

This has not been easy

to put this on,

to sit in the room like this.

[indistinct whispering]

[Tom] But it is a way

that I can contribute.

[Dan] This was Father Monahan's robe

that somehow my brother

got out of him for a Halloween costume.

I'm gonna be another priest that steps in,

acknowledges what's going on,

but leaves and doesn't do anything.

Michael wrote this in,

because he heard me talking about how

I remember being

paraded around in front of other priests.

So, that's how he came up with this one.

Even if they weren't participating,

they knew it was going on.

[Joe] Just as bad.

- [woman] Phew. Got it.

- [man] We got it.

Perfect.

[leaves rustling]

[Sasha] Joe disassociates really quick.

You can see his face kind of shift.

So if you see those kinds of things...

And Joe is also

very capable of telling you,

"I'm beginning to disassociate."

"It feels dreamlike to me"

or "I'm moving."

Those are kind of the

descriptive words for him, okay?

- Does that help? Okay.

- [Joe] Yeah, it does.

- [Sasha] If you need me, you'll call me?

- I will.

- [Sasha] Okay, love you.

- Love you too.

This is going to be cathartic for you.

[Joe] I truly believe it is.

This is like a moment

years in the making, you know that?

[Dan] Yeah.

- [Dan] You all right?

- Yeah.

- You here?

- Yeah.

- You want to do this?

- Yeah.

All right.

- You got this.

- Okay.

[Michael] Sure?

- [Joe] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

- [Michael] Okay.

All right.

For every boy that was brought here.

Oh. Whoo.

- [Joe breathes shakily]

- Here's your wall.

You got this.

[Joe exhales]

[Michael] Take a deep breath.

[Joe inhales, exhales]

Okay. Yeah.

It's just walking. It's just a door.

Guess no one's home, huh?

[chuckles nervously]

[exhales]

[indistinct whispering]

[whispers] There's the wall.

'Cause he entered the kitchen,

and I know that can't be the same table,

but there's a wooden table.

Looks like a nice home.

A happy home.

- Right?

- [sniffles]

I am standing

on the porch of my nightmares.

Right now.

[woman] On the porch

of your nightmares right now?

I'm at the door.

[Joe sighs]

I remember years ago,

during the lawsuit

and all the investigation,

I described the house

and I was told that it was wrong.

You know, I...

Everything is right. I was right.

[Dan] There's boys that didn't make it.

There's boys that couldn't live with it,

and we all know that.

So we're lucky to be here.

Thank you.

Well, for all those boys,

we're going to conquer this place.

We have conquered this place.

Take it back.

We'll give this some time to settle in

and then we can discuss about the scene.

- Okay.

- [Dan] Want to try and film it here?

Wanna come back and talk to these people?

You let me know

if you think that's necessary.

I'm more than happy to make that...

Okay, you know, I'm just free thinking.

[Dan] Yeah?

I want this to be a happy place.

[Dan] Mm-hmm.

[Dan] You're on

a roller coaster, my friend.

[both laugh]

[Sasha] You know

I can't wait to get to you.

[both chuckle]

Doesn't it feel nice

that the house has diminished?

[Joe] Yes.

You know, so there's been this debate on

do we film "the nightmare" there?

And I'm leaning towards no.

You know.

Which I know the homeowner will

have to be informed and everything,

but if there is way to protect them,

so it was like a clean start.

[Sasha] I like your answer of no.

So, I don't think

you film "the nightmare" there

because this gives you

a transition away from that nightmare.

Was it cathartic

for the two of you in any way?

It was just...

uh...

Seeing the process work,

seeing it actually... you know,

and being a part of helping him get there.

[clears throat]

You know,

besides being rewarding, actually...

it's kind of showing me

the process that I hope to get to.

[leaves rustling]

[wind whistling]

Up until that day,

I was having nightmares

two or three times a week

and have been for years,

and I've not had one

since I saw the house,

since I saw the pictures,

since you guys went there and did that.

- [Michael] Well, that's fantastic!

- And it's been absolutely amazing.

I...

After so many years, you still

kind of don't want to go to sleep.

I still have insomnia,

but I haven't had a nightmare.

So thank you.

[Dan] It's taking the power back,

not being so victimized by it.

Just not staying a victim,

and transitioning more into survivor mode.

I think that's happening.

I feel that happening.

Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

[Michael] Joe?

Let's put that priest red light on.

That way that tells you

the priest is in the confessional, right?

His red light.

And off means he's waiting for somebody.

[Tom] Yeah, I've seen that.

Everything around here is, uh, breaking.

You see that lock?

Why do they need a lock in here?

[Dan] That's a good question.

[intense music building]

[door knob rattling]

[Tom] There is one thing

that is creepy in there.

They've got a fucking lock.

Why do you need a lock?

[loud bang]

[music stops]

[man] What did you do? Tell me again.

[Tom] Punched...

[man] We can be done for the night.

- Start tomorrow?

- No.

No, I want it now.

I want it now. Let's get it.

[exhales]

I just wasn't ready for that.

I need to conquer these... these fears.

Let's go.

[man] Okay, let's get this thing in.

- [Joe] And this was specific from Dan?

- [Michael] Exactly.

- [man 4] Roll sound! Mark it.

- [man 5] Speed.

Forgive me, Father, for I have failed

to do right and succeeded in doing wrong.

What else do you have to say?

Have you told anyone else

about our special relationship?

[Terrick] No.

- [Tom] What have you done wrong?

- [Joe breathing shakily]

[Terrick]

Well. I talked back to my mother.

- [Tom] Okay.

- [Terrick] And hit my brother.

- [Monica whispering indistinctly]

- [Joe sniffs]

[Joe] Uh, it's...

I was abused in the confessional.

[Monica] Okay.

[Tom] How long has it been

since you've been to confession?

It's been a month

since my last confession.

This is unexpected.

I know. You want to stay here?

Are you sure?

[man] Joe, tell us what you're feeling.

[Joe] Tom, how you doing?

I'm doing good, thank you.

[Joe] Monsignor O'Brien was evil.

And everything he said

was kind of laced with that.

I'm not sure if that's what

you want to convey in this scene or not.

[man] It's your vision, Joe. Take it.

[Joe] Tom, get angry.

Can you do that?

Get angry over what, though?

[Joe] That lock.

Oh, I can do that.

[Joe] Use the anger

that you feel towards that lock,

and then use that

as power and control over Terrick.

[Tom] Young man, I believe

there are things you're not telling me

that you should be telling me right now.

[Joe] And Terrick, you're confused.

[Michael] And you keep pressing him

by being angrier then,

"Have you told anyone

about our special relationship?"

[Tom] Have you told anyone

about our special relationship?

Can we threaten Terrick?

[Michael] Yeah,

it's still Terrick sputtering.

And then Tom, you can say, like,

"You know you can't lie to me.

You can't lie to God,"

You know,

that kind of evil that they say to you.

Can I tell you the actual line?

- You know you can't lie to me.

- I'll write it down.

[Monica whispering indistinctly]

[pen scribbling]

[Joe sniffling]

- [Joe whispering] What he said is...

- [Monica] You wanna say something?

[Michael] Want me to tell him what to say?

Or you want to tell him?

[Joe] I can't say it. Not right now.

[Michael] Okay, Tom, he wants you to say,

"If you ever tell anyone about us,

your parents will disavow you."

"You will be kicked out of the church,

and you will all go straight to Hell."

[Joe sniffles]

[breathes shakily]

[man] Go ahead, Tom.

If you ever tell anyone...

If you ever tell anyone,

your parents will be disowned.

You will be kicked out of the church

and you will go straight to Hell!

[Joe sobs]

[Monica whispers] I got it, I got it.

[Tom] Are you okay, Joe?

[Monica] It's just Tom.

[Joe] Yes, I will be.

I got you, brother.

[Joe sobs]

[man] Go get him out of there.

[Joe sobs softly]

[Tom] I know, man.

I know this is hard, Joe.

[Joe] Okay, I'm okay.

- [Tom] Good. All right.

- [Joe] Okay.

[man] And that is a wrap on today!

[all applauding]

[man] Terrick, you all right?

- Yeah!

- [man chuckles]

[Tom] Come here, young man. Come here.

Your brother may play sports,

he make it to the Super Bowl,

he may make it to the World Series,

but you can say,

"I made a movie with Tom Viviano."

[laughs]

- [man] You good? All right.

- [Terrick] Yeah!

[Joe] It's worth it.

Knowing that this

is a vehicle to help other guys,

you know, the other boys,

because you don't know

how many other people

had their own confessional moment.

[Michael]

What would you say to the little boy?

[Joe] I can't go there.

I've tried, uh,

writing a letter to my 10-year-old self.

[indistinct talking on phone]

Uh, Detective Venegas, this is Ed Gavagan.

I'm trying to reach you.

It's funny, however you try

and reach Cheyenne, it's never...

[laughs] It just...

[line ringing]

[man on phone] Hello, Ed.

[Ed] Hi, Bishop Stephen. How are you?

He would be the highest-ranking American

cleric ever charged with a crime,

the one person who did not beat the rap

by statute of limitations expiring.

How in the hell is he still not arrested?

I'm just going to hope that

Bishop Bigler is able to get the Vatican

to remove him from the priesthood,

which would humiliate him, you know?

And give him a reason to be ashamed.

So, was it...

was it a porch or was it like a stoop?

[Mike] It was like... It was like a porch.

I think that I still

have credibility just knowing, you know,

where approximately this house is.

It was 47 years ago.

[turn indicator clicking]

[Mike] After I was assaulted,

my mom took me back

after she knew what happened.

My mom baked this fucking asshole a cake

and took me back

and dropped me and the cake

back off at this guy's house.

[Dan] So I know, like, the bulk

of what we've always discussed

is the independent review board.

But this is some really powerful stuff,

the mom with the baked cake,

you on the front porch, her driving away.

That's powerful right there.

- [woman] Hey!

- [Dan] Hey, how are you?

[woman] I'm good, how are you?

[Dan] I'm good!

So, uh, I'm a location scout for

commercial films and feature films,

and we're trying to find, uh...

- We're shooting a documentary.

- [woman] Yeah.

And, uh, it's about some boys

back in the late 80's.

Uh...

But there used to be, uh, two priests

that had a house on this street?

- Nope, Valentine.

- Valentine?

[woman] Yeah, they were

priests at Good Shepherd.

[Mike] They were? Do you know

the exact house it was, by chance?

[woman] Uh...

What house did they live in, honey?

I know what house,

but I don't know the address.

It's a ranch, single-car garage.

- [Mike] Thank you.

- [Dan] Thank you so much!

Oh my God, what a stroke of luck!

- I mean, Jesus!

- [both laugh]

I cannot believe those people said that.

I mean, that's proof right there, right?

I'm going to replay that

in my mind tonight over and over.

Just the feeling.

It just somehow hit like a sweet spot.

I stood right on

that fucking porch with cake,

with a priest

who had already assaulted me once.

And we watched my mom

drive right down that street.

God damn.

Well, I threw my kids under the bus.

- [Dan] No, you didn't. No, you didn't.

- You know?

I, uh...

For a long time, I felt like,

"How could I be so blind?"

You were just the prime targets.

You didn't do one damn thing wrong.

You were just moving along in life,

like you were supposed to move along

and he just took advantage of it.

[Mrs. Laurine] Well, yeah,

like Tim said, for a long time

he felt like he deserved

everything that was happening.

That somehow, he was complicit.

[Dan] So, Lake of the Ozarks,

it's not where everything happened.

It's just where, I would say, the most

significant-to-me things happened.

When I went back to him

and I said, "I broke this fishing rod."

He was talking about how important

this guy was that was coming,

and it was his fishing rod.

And, like, I wasn't just in trouble,

Monahan was in trouble too

for letting me use his fishing rod.

And now I owed this guy.

- [Mrs. Laurine] Manipulation, yeah.

- [woman] Mm-hmm.

And so that I had to sleep with

that guy that night for the fishing rod.

[man] How old were you?

Fifth grade.

- [Mrs. Laurine] Ten?

- [woman] Ten, yeah.

[Dan] I asked her

last night if she remembered

the first time

I ever mentioned the abuse to her,

and she's blocked it out.

- [chuckles]

- Mm-hmm.

[man] You've blocked that out?

[voice breaking]

I was going to kill myself.

[Dan exclaims]

But I worked it out,

'cause he's not winning.

He's not winning.

[Dan] All's I got focus on right now

is the dread of what

I'm about to do tomorrow. So...

My brother and I

are going back to the lake

where Monahan used to take us.

So that's going to be my...

I don't know, pressure point.

It's going to be...

I have no idea what's going to happen,

and that scares the hell out of me.

[automated voice]

Starting route to 1432 Swiss Village Road.

[Michael] When did you find out

that he molested both of you?

I mean, did you

ever talk about any of that?

No, that...

We didn't talk about that, like...

until Mom signed us up for SNAP, and...

Like, we never discussed it.

We just knew it happened.

It's been my biggest fear

that you somehow held yourself

responsible for what happened to me.

[Tim] I did for a long time, dude.

A long time!

[Dan] If you're still on the precipice,

if you're not on flat fucking ground,

there's something

that still needs to be dealt with.

[Tim] Right. I agree.

[Dan] I have seen it

work for these other guys.

[automated voice] The destination

is on your right, 1432 Swiss Village Road.

- That's not it, is it?

- [Tim] Hmm?

That's not it, is it?

No.

Man, I'm drawing a blank.

[Dan] The restaurant would have been here.

The pool would've been

in a different direction.

[man] You know what road?

Well, there's another

Swiss Village we're trying to find.

I didn't even know there was another one.

[Tim] I remember now, we could

see the lights of Tan-Tar-A at night.

So we find Tan-Tar-A,

and find a way to get...

[Dan] I remember it had

the decorative trim like this.

[Tim] Yeah.

[Dan] You ever heard anything around here

like Swiss Villas or Swiss Village,

anything like that?

[bar tender] I know where

Swiss Village is, kind of.

He's saying he recognizes it.

So the bartender says

he knows what we're talking about.

Just talked to two sheriffs in there.

They actually put it out on the radio,

called a few people,

but only thing

they can think of is "Susan Road."

[Tim] It's 30 miles, 65...

[Michael] So we're not

going to look for it anymore?

[Tim] We're gonna run out of daylight.

[Dan] I thought I was

gonna get Tim his Lake Viking moment.

Thought I was gonna get it too,

but more importantly,

I thought Tim would get that.

And it would help him heal.

And then when we didn't do it,

I was just terrified

how it was going to affect him.

- How did it affect him?

- I... I haven't been to able talk to him.

Haven't heard from him

for quite a while now, since we did that.

[Michael] I hate to feel that

we caused that kind of a thing.

So would you ever go back?

I don't want to go any place without

knowing that we'll have a good result.

I mean, it was scary with...

I thought it was all done.

We get there, we're roaming around.

It's like, "Oh, my God."

Then I'm worried,

What if we don't find something?

[man] Tim said he knew where it was,

so we were trusting him, and that...

And ultimately we decided, that was...

we made a mistake and we should've done...

[Michael] Robert,

you trust, but you verify.

[Dan] That was me.

That honestly was me.

Tim was so confident.

This doesn't matter,

we're all mentally broken people.

You gonna believe

somebody that's crazy? No.

You gonna figure it out, go from there.

[man] There's no... Yeah.

There was no verification possible.

[Ed] What he's saying is

we got to be careful going forward.

For some reason, I think

we're all put together for something.

Is this it? Maybe.

To help.

I'm understanding why

I'm here at this point with everybody.

And Kathleen, as you know,

I went to St. Elizabeth's,

so it's important for me to go back there.

It would help me very greatly

to put things in perspective,

because everyone so far

has faced a certain point,

a physical point.

That's my physical point

and I don't want to go in there by myself.

I feel bad for you because

there's no ending for you yet, Dan.

Your thing keeps

looping back in your mind.

I think Joe will have an ending.

Maybe Ed will, I don't know.

And it's just... That's sad for...

I'd like to see you have an ending.

[intense string music playing]

[Dan] I was

really concerned the last time,

and I thought I had caused you to spiral.

[Tim] Well, I'm sorry about that.

I'm trying to, like,

process it through the brain

on how we could see

the lights and where we were.

Look at that!

[Dan laughs] I am looking at that!

They've got all the boards

on the outside, the trim.

- [Michael] Wow.

- [Tim] Ho!

[Dan] But look how steep

those fucking steps are!

[laughs]

I just flashed back

on so many things on that.

Whoa.

Did you catch that sign?

[Dan] It could be the same

fucking place we came to last time.

They all look so close.

[Michael] Dan...

[Tim] Tell me...

We didn't come here before, did we?

[Dan] No.

[man] We came in that way, but remember,

this is also far away from that...

[Tim] It's the same place?

[Dan] It's the first place.

It's the same place we came to.

Dan, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Yeah, baby, go ahead.

You had the physical reaction,

everything lines up.

I know.

But are you afraid that this is the place?

So you're rejecting it

'cause you don't want to find it?

It's a weird mind game to me.

When everything

starts making logical sense

and your brother's backing you up,

are you so afraid of finding it

that you're blanking out

and don't want to?

I mean, just think about it.

[Doug] The guy who owns this,

until two years ago, this was grass

and there was a driveway

that went that way.

[man] Say it loud, Doug.

[Doug] The gentleman

who owns this place now said

until two years ago, this was grass,

and this was a driveway

that went out like that.

[man] Until two years ago?

This is the fucking path!

[man] There it is.

[man] What is this path, Dan?

This is the path

where I broke the fishing rod. [sobs]

The path that I broke the fishing rod.

And then had to pay for it.

[exhales]

[sobs softly]

[sniffles]

Oh, God damn.

Oh...

[gasps] Oh, God damn.

[sobs]

[inhales] Oh...

Oh...

[exhales]

- [sings] ♪ I wanna be an Airborne Ranger ♪

- [Dan laughs]

[chuckles]

♪ I want to live the life of danger ♪

[Dan] This is my life.

[Tim laughs]

[Tim] I've been pushed beyond my means!

- [Dan] This is what we survived.

- [Tim] And I love my brother.

And this is the spot.

[Dan] I know it is.

I do too. I do too.

You do realize that, I mean...

I tried to protect you all my life.

Fuck, I do!

You did just fine.

You had nothing to do with this.

It wasn't your fault.

Sure fucked me up.

[Dan] You got me here.

I had to use you to get here.

I told everybody I was doing this for you.

[Tim] A'ight.

Yeah, I did!

I lied to myself,

in effect, to get this to happen.

[Mike humming]

[emotional string music playing]

[clerk] Yeah, what kind of

cake were you looking to get?

Just need a, like,

a traditional two-layer cake,

with chocolate icing.

[Monica] All right, we got a ton of ideas.

Should we walk through it?

Scribble 'em in?

- [Mike] Wanna just start at the beginning?

- [Monica] Yeah.

I also want to sort of interject

and talk through

what may be the most therapeutic

about certain choices, or...

The major thing here is

we get to try things out.

We get to try them a different way.

That's what drama therapy

is usually like, and in this case,

it can be very much like that,

because, for the purposes of the film,

we want to see you try on

different ideas anyway,

and we want them to feel good to you. So...

[Mike] So Terrick's mother

is going to play my mother,

and Terrick's dad

is going to play the priest?

[Monica] I think that'd be cool.

That will be cool.

[Mike chuckles] This is getting good!

[dramatic music playing]

Mom, I really don't want to go

back in that house with that guy again.

Mike, Father Finian is a man of God.

He's trying to help you.

Hey, Mike. Listen, don't worry about this.

You're not 11 years old anymore,

I've got this.

And don't blame Mom.

As ridiculous as it was as what she did,

she was so brainwashed,

she thought that priest was God.

When I was in the sixth grade,

everything was great in my life,

and then my mother

drove me to this house for therapy.

The first thing this priest told me to do

is lay on the floor.

Before I could say a word,

this grown man was on top of me.

[Tom] But you have had bad behavior

before you met Father Meiss.

That is very, very significant.

Oh, really?

Would you like to know

what I think is very significant?

The fact that I was

sexually assaulted twice by a grown man

when I was 11 years old!

Isn't that significant?

[Tom] Yes.

No, you just... Look, you...

I thought I said, "Yes."

Yeah, but you turn

your head slightly in my direction

but you still don't look at me,

and under your breath, you go, "Yes."

- Like that.

- Okay.

I'm asking you a question!

Is that significant?

Yes.

God damn, man, what the fuck? Fuck!

Would you like to tell them how

it was you actually ended that meeting?

And then describe

how you would have liked to have ended it?

[Mike] Yeah.

You know, I'm sorry I got

kind of crazy there on you guys.

- [Tom] No, that's okay.

- [woman] Oh, it's fine. Don't worry.

Okay.

Then when I leave,

there's no doubt in my mind

they know I'm telling the truth.

Now, this is what I should have said.

[intense pipe organ music plays]

I got this letter from Archbishop Naumann,

and in this fucking letter

he said that you assholes said

you could not substantiate my credibility.

What the fuck?

How the fuck else could I know

where that rental house was in 1972

if I wasn't there?

That puts me in the house

with this known child-rapist.

And Mr. Priest,

how the fuck do you live with yourself?

Don't take this too serious, okay?

How in the fuck do you live with yourself?

You're doling out spiritual wisdom

and guidance for decades

in the name of the Lord,

while you're covering up

the rape of little children?

So what would you say to Jesus

if he was here right now?

I want to know!

What the fuck would you tell him?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

What could you tell him, right?

And you're going to tell me

I have no credibility

and you're sitting in a confessional,

having Catholics confess

their sins to your evil ass?

You know, I've never

known the joy of having a child.

I would rather have

a crack whore babysit my child

than any fucking

Catholic priest in the world!

Because I know about you assholes.

And there's not just one or two of you,

there's tens of thousands of you,

isn't there?

Fuck.

Fucking makes me sick just to be in here.

Let me tell you something,

you fucking assholes.

Our mom baked this cake,

but I'll be goddamned

if you fucking assholes are gonna eat it,

you sons of bitches.

[music halts]

Fuck.

You fucking people make me sick.

[exhales]

[Monica] All right, Mike,

let's snap out of it. How you feeling?

Good.

[Monica] Tell Mike

how you're feeling about it.

Man, that felt good to get out,

get that off my chest.

I felt like I had an elephant on my chest.

[Joe] I think what you did was awesome,

and you did something

that is so hard for me to do.

- And that is you talked to Young Mike.

- [Mike] Well...

And that has been

the biggest mountain I'm trying to cross.

[Mike]

I was in character there. I was him!

I was kind of concerned about him.

Everything's going to be okay.

[Monica] Yeah, tell him.

[Mike] I tip my hat to you, Terrick.

This is a horrible subject,

and I'm sure your parents, you know,

helped you with all this,

and you're going to be good, right?

- [Terrick] Yeah.

- [Mike] Awesome.

I think Mike is very strong.

I think that what he did was great,

and I believe him a hundred percent.

[Mike] Thank you. That means a lot!

[Dan chuckles]

[Monica] Let's everyone

walk out of this space.

Get out of the area in general, okay?

Take a couple walks around,

and then I'm going to come find you guys.

[melancholic music playing]

[Michael] All this stuff, Dan?

Yeah, if you wanna take these.

- Do you want this two feet or four feet?

- I think two feet is good. That's...

- We can rip one of these down.

- Okay.

I've got another panel right here.

[Ed] And it's just a blank panel?

- Yeah, just do it blank?

- Yeah.

[Ed] I think it

should just have this, like,

dream, kind of, uh, a doll set look to it.

[pneumatic nailer banging]

The other side over here. So against that.

[Dan] Have you ever stained wood?

- Really, smart ass, really?

- [Dan] No, have you?

Yes. I've done about everything.

- [Dan] Really?

- I didn't say "well," but I did it.

[Dan] I saw that

written on a bathroom wall.

- [laughs]

- [Michael] Did you write it?

[saw buzzing]

You know what?

Push with your foot, the bottom plate.

[Dan] Hang on just a second.

We got to space it for the door.

So here, Ed.

[Ed] Wow! Dude, you got the color just on.

That's great.

Good job, man.

Meant to be. Making it happen.

- Are you doing scenes today?

- No.

[Terrick] When I'm putting clothes

from the closet into the suitcase, you...

I just do it, but when he, um,

asks me to come stand by him,

that's when you want me to act odd?

That, when you have the...

- That's when the awkwardness can start.

- Okay. All right.

[Ed] Interesting to think this little

kid's going into change into clothing

so he can reenact

one of the worst days of my life.

How high did you want the socks?

- All the way up.

- All the way up?

- Yup, great.

- Okay.

Excellent.

[Joe Gideon on recording]

It's showtime, folks. It's showtime!"

[Dan] Try it with this...

It's showtime, folks.

And just think,

"I'm gonna fucking lie to these people."

Like, and there's a shame,

but there's also, like,

an arrogance again of like,

"I'm going to

pull the wool over their eyes."

[man] Like a hustler.

[Ed] Hustler, yeah.

Doesn't he look scarily like a priest?

[whispers] This is a...

This is a lot for Michael.

This is a lot for him, he's doing so well.

[choral music playing]

"It's showtime, folks."

[grunts]

[Ed] My intention is to have that moment,

when the kid is up in a room

with this authority figure.

And this is a fulcrum

for his childhood, at this moment.

There's a transformation

of how he sees religion,

protector figures.

That does a number on your map of reality.

And, uh, when the map is wrong,

it's hard to realize how far away you get

when the map has been distorted like that.

Like I'm not remembering being raped.

I'm not remembering seeing his penis.

None of that happened.

But it was the day that he knew

that I would not ever tell,

and that he could

then go further from there.

We ready?

This almost feels like

more of a protector position, as well.

[Michael] Hey, Eddie, come up here.

[Terrick] Hey, I put the lawnmower away.

[Michael] Oh, that's good. Good.

I need some help packing.

Will you help me?

[Terrick]

How long are you going to be gone?

A couple days.

Okay, there's

the suitcase which you see. Um...

- What do you want me to start with?

- Start with that drawer.

- Okay.

- [Terrick] How many?

[Michael] Yep, perfect.

Now, my underwear.

Three pair also.

- How's school?

- Uh, good.

[Michael] Good. How's your mom doing?

[Terrick] Good.

[Michael] Fold that over, please,

and lock it.

Sorry.

Yeah, both sides. Perfect, good.

[Ed] Now, the belt.

Um, let's do some pants.

I need two pair in there.

[drawer opening]

[Michael] Here, put this in.

Those.

Come here.

[ominous music playing]

You need to go to confession

before I go to Casper.

I went last month, in church.

That was last month.

[Ed whispers] This is perfect.

And then, Michael says...

"What sins did you confess?"

So what sins did you confess last time?

And now, Terrick,

you can tell whichever ones

you think you should.

I've cheated on a test,

and I fought with my brother.

That's all?

[ominous music building]

You need to confess everything.

[Ed] And now, Michael is going to say,

"The church has been

very good to your family."

[Michael] Look at me, the Catholic Church

has been very good to you,

to your mother,

to your brother and sister.

You don't want that

to all go away, do you?

[Ed] What else have you done wrong?

[Michael] So tell me,

what else have you done wrong?

And don't lie to me.

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Ed] "What about when you think of girls?"

What about when you think of girls?

I don't.

What do you do when you think of girls?

What are you talking about?

If you can't tell me,

then you can show me.

Show me what you do

when you have impure thoughts.

[yells] Cut!

[whispering] Okay, guys.

That was really good, Terrick.

- Let's go to lunch.

- [whispers] I wasn't expecting that.

- What's that?

- I wasn't expecting that.

[Dan] All right, I think we got it.

That's a wrap.

Good man.

[laughs]

[Dan chuckles]

Thank you. Good job.

- Oh, baby.

- I know.

- [chuckles]

- [sighs]

- [Ed] You did... I appreciate you.

- It's so frighteningly easy to manipulate.

Scary.

[softly] Thanks.

[sniffles]

[indistinct chatter]

You did so good.

Terrick...

This is the legal thing I can do.

[laughter]

[Terrick] Ed.

- Little homie, lookit here.

- [Ed] Hey, buddy.

[Terrick] Just wanted to let you know,

I tried my best to tell your story.

Thank you.

- Huh? You did a good job, man.

- You did a good job, dude.

All right, well...

Hopefully you'll get

to see, uh, the final chapter

when that bad man goes to prison.

That's what we're waiting for.

[whirring]

[Ed] Well, I guess

the way I think of it is

this is the time that the shame

is put back where it belongs.

And this is the way to do that,

the only way that I know how.

[choral music playing]

[Ed] I end up having correspondence

between the chief of police in Cheyenne

and the special prosecutor

in Natrona County.

I realized what a pissing match

it is between these two guys,

as they decline to prosecute.

Their final paragraph is,

"We very much regret that we

have come to these difficult conclusions."

"However, this letter in no way

should be used as a tool

to vindicate Bishop Hart."

"We have also concluded as part

of our review of this investigation

that EG," that's me,

"was a victim of Bishop Hart."

So he's gonna have just sat down...

In the end, it's because,

and this was indicated to me

in a conversation with their office,

they have scarce resources

and there's no way Hart

is going to live through

the duration of a trial

to get a guilty verdict.

And with that, the case was dropped.

[laughs]

[grunts]

[Dan chuckles]

[wood clatters]

[Dan] Hmm. All right.

[Ed sighs]

[Ed] Bishop Bigler

put me in touch with someone

that could get a letter to the Pope.

So I wrote a letter to the Pope.

And then, to my shock,

the Pope wrote back to me.

And he said that he asks my forgiveness.

And he asked me to pray for him,

and he promised to pray for me.

In the end,

they declined

to remove Hart from the priesthood,

and my assurance from the Pope

that this would be addressed...

I just don't think the Pope

had the kind of clout

that he thought that he did.

[Joe] This is Nativity of Mary

school and church,

and this is where all the abuse started.

This is where Miss Denton was,

and in the lawsuit, she took the stand

and lied through her teeth.

- Oh!

- Yup.

This is the confessional.

[Joe sobs]

So that's where that happened.

Can I shut that?

[Dan] I'd love for you to shut that.

[footsteps approaching]

I started this letter,

I don't even know how many times, to you.

"Dear Joe,

this is the hardest thing to do."

"Why is this so hard?"

"I mean, you're me, or rather you were me,

so why does this feel impossible?"

"There are things you need to know,

light to shine into the darkness

and truths to replace those lies."

"I know what has happened,

and what is about to happen to you."

"And in this regard,

you actually know more than me."

"There are still things

I don't know that you do,

memories I've not yet remembered

and yet still weigh upon my mind."

"You will lock away those memories

in the days to come."

"You'll be trapped,

pushed down and silenced."

"But you do it as

the only way that you see to survive."

"It's taken me nearly

40 years to understand

that although time

continues to march forward,

I continue to be anchored in the past."

"By you, to you and with you."

[Mike] Me and my Dad,

we came here every morning for coffee.

I can see him right here.

I'd say, "Doug,

God, can you believe this?"

"Rob's here filming us."

"We're going to be in a movie,

and you're going to be talked about

in the movie, Doug."

"People are going to

know about you in this movie."

I told you back then I'm never, ever

going to give up seeking

what little justice is possible

from these fucking assholes.

And I will never stop, never.

I can't stop.

[Joe] "And as you repress

the memories of what happened to us,

I trapped you,

along with those terrible times,

deep in the dark places of my mind."

"How awful it is to be locked inside,

to be both prisoner and jailer."

"How awful it is

to not just be silenced in the present,

but also to be the originator

of that silence in the past."

[Tom] But Lord,

I know you had other plans.

Other plans for me.

And that's okay.

Dude!

[chuckles]

[Joe] "It's an incredible sacrifice

that you're about to make,

but you need to know

that it was the right thing to do

and that, with time, you're finally free."

"And as you recover,

you even find your voice."

"Your sacrifice has saved me."

Are you flooded with memories?

Yeah, it's... Actually,

I can't believe I'm standing here

'cause I swore I'd never come back in.

[sighs]

- You want some alone time? To reflect?

- [Michael] Yeah, just for a second.

Just to think for a minute.

That's it.

- [Dan] That's it?

- Yup.

- [Dan] You did it?

- [Michael] Yeah.

[electric razor buzzing]

[Joe] "You're the fire that burns within,

no longer with hatred and self-disgust,

but with the need to share with others

and help lead guys like you

to a better place."

[Dan] So, this whole thing

means a lot to me,

and I appreciate you

helping me with this part.

This is a symbol for me

to say I'm taking this back.

It doesn't have any power over me anymore.

And you helped that

for everybody in the show.

That's been great.

So...

Yeah, fuck this place. Let's get home.

[Terrick] How you feeling?

[Dan] It's a big thing, but I'm good!

I'm good.

Hmm?

[Joe] "It was you that chose

to keep living each day."

- I'm proud of you.

- Thank you.

[Joe] "It was you

that chose to get out of bed."

[chuckles]

[Joe] "In short,

you chose to live and to love,

and in return you chose to be loved."

"Remember your

Superman sheets and curtains?"

"Superman was your hero,

he was not human."

"How many times

did you feel like you were not human?"

"You wanted so badly to be him,

to be anyone other than you."

"You wanted to fight

for truth and justice,

he was your epic hero."

"Well, that's exactly

what you have become."

"You entered the battle of your life

and have gone on

to use those tears, fears and pain

to reach out to

and better understand other boys in pain

who struggle through

their own epic battles."

"You became an advocate for youth

and fight, in a very real way,

for truth and justice."

"I hope the strength you showed

is rewarded with peace and contentment."

"Make no mistake,

you are the epic hero in the story of us."

[inhales shakily]

That's it. That's it.

- [crew applauds]

- That's it.

[Dan] The film is shot.

[man] Incredible.

[Dan whispers] Good job.

[exhales]

[sighs emotionally]

How are you?

Good.

Let's get out of here.

[chuckles]

[church bell ringing]

[choral music playing]