Prehysteria! (1993) - full transcript
Rico, a sleazy museum curator, steals a tribe's sacred dinosaur eggs in the rain forest. Frank is an archeologist and single parent, and eeks out a living by selling fossils from his farm to the museum. In a mixup, his kids bring home the eggs and hatch the miniature dinosaurs. Frank is falling in love with Vicki, who works for Rico, and finds his life complicated when the dinosaurs begin trashing his house, and Rico attempts to regain his treasure.
Hey, slow down,
will you, Jeffie?
I'm about ready
to pass out here.
Jefe, Senor Sarno.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Come on, this has turned
into a real bust, Jeffie.
What is a bust, senor?
You know a bust out, a
dead end, no el artifactos.
I've shown you many caves.
Birdseed, amigo,
all I got here is three
arrowheads and a bear's tooth.
The Sun still hangs
high in the sky.
Yeah, right.
Well, I ain't got all day,
okay, where's the good stuff?
Good stuff?
Yeah, you know, the sacred junk.
You mean sagrado.
Yeah, right, right, sagrado.
There's still a
cave over the ridge,
but it's the Cave of Culebra.
- Culebra?
- Culebra?
What's eating them?
Only the ancestors
of the ancestors
are allowed near
that sacred ground.
All others will
suffer or perish.
Well, let's go take a peak.
I said all others.
Come on, I just wanna
put my head inside.
No.
The Moon grows low.
Oh, come on, make up your mind,
first the Sun is high,
now the Moon is low,
what's with the double talk?
Culebra has spoken!
Jerry, turn it down, Jerry!
I'm gonna kill you,
Jerry, I swear to God!
Can you believe my
brother listens to Elvis?
The kid is living
in the Stone Age.
Get off me!
God, can't I have
any peace in this house?
Jerry!
Jerry!
Jerry!
Don't throw a song, old man.
Elvis is dead, Jerry.
So is that rock, Dad,
but I still love them.
What'd you find?
More fossils, go get your
sister and come help me.
Listen, Culebra speaks.
Why don't you cut it
out with the hocus-pocus,
I thought you were
a modern Injun.
I am not an Injun,
I am third-generation Tolupan!
Yeah, whatever, look, here,
there's another 50 bucks,
show me the cave.
You've insulted my
land and my people.
Get off your high horse
and take the half a yard,
and come on, let's go.
No,
- Whoa!
- you go.
Okay.
The tour is over.
Okay.
- Vamonos.
- Yeah, okay, I'm going.
Vamonos!
Okay, you people
are touchy, aren't ya?
Come all the way to
South America for what?
A bunch of crummy rocks.
You know...
Okay, okay.
Dad?
Huh?
You ever think about Mom?
Yeah, all the time.
Me too.
Hand me that brush, son.
Think she's in Heaven?
Yep, probably having
coffee and donuts with Elvis.
Who do you think
misses her the most?
Oh, I don't know,
maybe this pretty
little lady named Ruby.
Come here, come here,
yes, yes, that's a girl.
Do you love Ruby?
Yeah, like a rock.
Then why'd you give
her puppies away?
Times are hard, Jerry,
and there's no way we can afford
to have five more
animals around here.
I think she misses 'em.
I think that...
Daddy?
Nope.
I didn't even ask you anything.
You're not going
anywhere in that getup.
She looks like Madonna in heat.
Shut up, you little dweeb.
Monica, it's a school night.
I did all my homework,
please, Daddy?
I don't like you running
around with that older crowd.
It's just Spike and Rusty,
you know Spike and Rusty.
Whatever happened
to Brain-Dead Danny?
You're just jealous 'cause
you don't have any friends.
Honey, no is no,
and you're not going
out on a school night.
Fine, fine, I
hate this stupid farm!
Don't feel bad, Mom
couldn't handle her either.
Who says I can't handle her?
I can handle her.
Open sesame, baby sneaks.
Ow!
Don't you jokers sneak
up on me like that again.
You hear me?
You hear me?
I didn't hear that.
Maybe they put something
in my Gatorade.
Nah, the little savages
wouldn't have the guts.
Uh-oh, what's this?
What the...
About gave me a heart attack.
Oh, man, it's like a
meat locker in here.
Bingo.
Would you be
quiet, you dumb mutt?
Did you forget your key?
Daddy, I...
You're in big trouble, missy.
Bingo, gringo.
I guess you kinda caught me
with my hand in the
cookie jar, huh, Jeffie?
Put 'em back.
The souls of my ancestors
cry out for your blood.
Ignore it, Jefe,
they're dead guys.
Look, what do you say
we cash these eggs in,
we'll split it even-steven, huh?
No dice.
Put 'em back, slow and nice.
Take it easy with that
knife, okay, please, please.
How come these eggs
are so small, Jeffie?
Many million moons ago,
the son of Culebra came
down from the mountains
and presented these
small, mutant eggs
to the Tolupos tribe
before he died.
He promised that if we
kept them cold and sacred,
that no harm would ever
come to our people.
These are not just eggs,
they're symbols of eternal life.
Uh-huh, thanks for the
history lesson, amigo.
Hasta luego.
Dad, what do
you think you'll get
for your dig this time?
Ripped off.
What'd you say?
Nothing.
Good, you got no
say, young lady,
after that stunt you
pulled the other night.
I want a life, I don't
wanna go to a dumb museum!
I mean, why can't we ever go
to Disneyland or something?
They got some neat stuff
at those Angel City exhibits.
I am sick to death
of those dirty rocks.
Like I said, you have no say,
you're on probation, young lady.
Then I'm jumping bail, I'm
running away, I want out!
Open the door, Jer.
What?
Open the door, your
sister wants out.
Daddy?
There you go, jump, jump!
Daddy, cut it out!
Should I give her the heave-ho?
Don't touch me,
you little creep!
Alright, sit back and pipe down.
Close the door, Jer.
It's not funny.
Come on.
You know, whatever you
think they're worth, ma'am.
Vicki.
Jerry, get Ruby away from there.
Oh, she's okay.
Ruby.
Why are you always
so nervous about everything?
I'm not, I'm not nervous.
You've been coming in
here for eight months,
and you're still
calling me ma'am.
Have you...
Have you, um,
decided on a price?
Would you relax?
I'm not going to bite you.
I know that.
You have very pretty
eyes, Mr. Taylor.
It's Frank.
So,
shall we take another look
at what you got here, Frank?
Absolutely.
Oh my.
What?
I think you got an azurite here.
Is that good?
That's great.
Hey, Dad, you should see
the dorky shirt Monica got.
No, it's not,
it's really cool, Daddy.
See?
Say hello to the
nice lady, kids.
- Hi, Vicki.
- Hi, Vicki.
Hi.
You want us to get lost?
No, no, we're just
talking about rocks.
He's getting ripped off.
Shut up.
Hey, welcome back, Mr. Sarno.
Hey, what's going
on, sweetheart?
Mr. Sarno, you
remember the Taylors?
Hi, folks.
Get away from me, stinkball!
Mr. Sarno...
Usual price.
Yeah, but Mr. Taylor
has some new azurites.
It's still dino poop,
Vicki, usual price.
But...
I'm sorry, Frank,
it's the usual price.
Whatever's fair.
It's not fair, it's
just the way it is.
It's not your fault, Vicki.
Let me go talk to him.
No, no, no, no, it's okay.
No, it's not okay, Daddy.
I know we saw an unbelievable...
I said it was okay.
You're a stubborn man, Frank.
Proud, stubborn, you name it.
Passionate?
Sometimes.
When?
Daddy, are we gonna hang
out in this boneyard all day?
We haven't seen the
pterodactyl exhibit yet.
Whoop-de-doo.
Can we please blow
this musty pop stand?
Keep your shirts
on, we're going.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll
go get your check.
Vicki?
Yes?
Um,
um, nothing.
Daddy?
Get the cooler.
Jerry, get the cooler.
Ruby, get the cooler.
Sam, Sam, you wouldn't
believe me if I did tell you.
No, I can't spill it to
the papers right now,
'cause it's big,
big, big, big, big, big,
big, big, big, big, big,
Radio City Music Hall-big.
What are you looking at?
I didn't say anything.
Yeah, but you were
thinking something.
What were we talking about then?
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, no,
it's bigger than sunken ships.
Look, I don't wanna
get prehysterical here,
but I think I'm gonna change
the course of natural history.
Nah, you're gonna have to read
about it in the funny papers.
Tootles.
Have a good trip?
I found the holy grail,
and I ain't whistlin' dixie.
Do you want some water?
No, oh, you'd like to
see me choke, wouldn't ya?
Hey, I didn't say that.
Yeah, but you were thinking it.
No, sir, what I was thinking
is that you're being a
little rude to the Taylors.
Who?
Oh, them.
Oh, screw 'em, I got
bigger fish to fry.
Hey, man, turn it back.
Who do you think you are?
Shut up, you make me carsick!
What's tipping your beans?
Getting pretty cozy with
Professor Cupcakes, huh?
Honey, we're just friends.
Leave him alone, he's horny.
Hey!
What did I do?
I'm gonna be a
very, very rich man.
Can I go?
No.
Go get the cooler.
I'm gonna crack open this
little bottle of champagne
and you and I are
gonna drink a toast.
What's taking so long?
I'm dying of thirst in here.
Was that Sam Simon
from the Times?
In the phone flesh.
I could hear the spit
running down his chin.
What's in this thing,
a cure for cancer?
You're thinking small, my dear.
What are you talking about?
Drink up, honey pie, salute.
Right.
Open it.
Behold, I give you
prehistoric life!
A turkey bone?
What?
What the hell's this?
Turkey bones?
Sandwiches?
Wait a minute, this
isn't my cooler.
My babies, where are my babies?
My eggs, where are my eggs?
Did you bring the cooler in?
Nope.
Monica!
What?
Get enough to eat there?
It's a ghoul monster!
Squash it, Dad!
You are such an
immature specimen.
Where is the cooler, Monica?
I don't know, that
was barf boy's job.
Well, it's not in the truck
and it doesn't have any legs,
so obviously it didn't
walk off on its own.
Daddy, it's getting cold.
Keep looking, that
was a $50 cooler.
Maybe it popped out when
you hit the tracks back there.
My face is turning
into plaster of Paris.
I didn't hit those
tracks that hard.
Dad, have you seen Ruby?
Oh, hello, Mona.
Monica!
Whatever, is your daddy home?
Wait here.
Ah, Mr. Taylor.
What can I do for ya?
Well, there's been a
slight little mix-up.
And what might that be?
Well, I believe I
have something of yours
and I think that you
have something of mine.
Great, we have been looking
all over all night for this,
thank you, thank you very much!
Sure.
Oh, what a sweet young thing.
Excuse me, I have
to go wash my hair.
Lovely child.
Okay, where is it?
Pardon?
Don't get cute with
me, where's my cooler?
Your cooler?
Hand it over, farm boy!
Hey, I don't like your tone,
and I don't know what you're
talking about, mister.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I've just lost something
very, very precious to me,
something you can't
put a price tag on.
Here's 200 bucks, gimme.
Give you what?
Look, I'm sure it was all
perfectly innocent on your part,
but your family has mistaken
my cooler for yours,
by accident, of course.
That's possible, we looked
high and low for that, but...
Give you 300.
It's not a question of
money, Mr. Sarno, goodnight!
Whoa!
Will somebody shut that
pooch up before I go crazy?
Could you feed her, Jer?
What's with her?
Maybe she's in heat.
I guess we better keep
her down there for a while,
that Anderson spaniel's been
hanging around here again.
Oh, please don't let
her be preggers again.
That last litter we gave
away almost broke her heart.
So what do you care?
I care.
Alright, I'm...
I got it, Dad.
Chow time, Ruby.
Wow.
Wow.
Ruby, did you hatch these guys?
Look at this mess.
Just try some dog food.
How about you?
You?
Tyrannosaurus Rex,
The King!
Elvis!
I know how it is, Elvis.
I'm a meat and potatoes man too.
You sleeping, Elvis?
He's asleep.
Aw.
Wait,
where's the flighty one?
Oh, great!
Me, my turn, it's
always my turn,
I've done this BS
faithfully for five years,
I'm so sick of it!
Daddy!
Geez, what was that, a bat?
Good god, it had a nose
like my math teacher.
Just stay calm.
Oh, great, Monica!
She's gonna rat on me.
Keep 'em in here, girl.
Sorry, Chilly.
Hold it, babe.
I just had that Fender restrung.
Get off me, I'm
gonna kill this thing!
No, you're not, it's Ruby's kid.
What?
What was that?
Honey, we got company.
Come on.
I don't like this.
Stop acting like a girl.
I am a girl, dummy.
Look, they're gonna
be more scared of you
than you are of them.
Aw.
See?
They're so neat.
Aw!
Elvis!
Say howdy,
'cause you just got kissed
on the tush by The King.
Get that beast away from me.
Watch your tongue, sis,
Elvis just needs a little meat.
Right, Elvis?
You can't be going and
eating Monica's butt, Elvis,
you'll get indigestion,
or brain damage.
Let's see...
Not lamb chops, Dad
will skin me alive.
Ah, how about some bologna?
Elvis.
Don't go messing
with my cookies, man.
That's for dessert.
Watch the fingers, Godzilla.
You're invading my space.
Ruby, do something!
You're kinda cute.
Highway robbers.
Crooks!
I can barely hear
you, Mr. Sarno.
Those double-dealing sons of...
Crooks!
The Taylors are good and honest.
Those dirt farmers led
me on a wild goose chase.
You didn't find your cooler?
Yeah, yeah, I got the cooler,
I got it in my hip pocket,
no, I do not have the cooler!
Highway robbers.
Madonna.
For a pterodactyl?
That's a girl's name, man.
It is a girl, man.
Madonna.
See?
Okay, fine, what do you
wanna call the stegosaurus?
Bon Jovi?
That has a nice ring,
but how about Prince?
No way!
And we're not calling
the chasmosaurus Hammer.
How about I tell Daddy
about your little friends?
Right.
The stegosaurus is Jagger.
Fine, but the
brachiosaurus, Paula,
and the chasmo is Hammer.
The King disagrees, man.
Sick her, Elvis.
God, Jerry.
Jerry, open this door.
Monica?
What's going on?
Who locked this door?
Just make sure
Madonna stays down here.
Hey, Dad.
Why is this door locked?
There's a lotta
crazies out there, Dad.
This is a farm, Jerry, we're
in the middle of nowhere,
you kids tell me
that all the time.
It can happen anywhere.
What can happen anywhere?
Ax murder, they get
you in your sleep.
So what's going on, Jer?
Nothing, how's the
resin game coming?
Where's Monica?
Downstairs, taking care of Ruby,
that dog's got hormones
popping left and right.
Monica!
Monica!
She's just feeding Ruby.
Monica!
She's just feeding Ruby.
Hi, Daddy.
What are you doing in there?
I'm feeding Ruby,
keeping her outta trouble,
isn't that what you want?
Hm.
I want you two to hightail
it up to the living room,
'cause I know when
you're up to something,
and you're gonna sit down
and you're gonna
tell me what it is.
Working late, Miss Vicki?
Oh god, Whitey, why do you
scare the bejesus out of me?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
What are you still doing here?
My job.
Whitey, I gotta
ask you a question.
Now don't take this wrong,
but, we're missing a
cooler from the lab,
and I was just wondering if...
Well, I do take it
wrong, Miss Vicki,
I clean and watch over this
place like it was my own child.
Been working here
for over 20 years,
and I've never taken
so much as a tissue.
I'm sorry, Whitey, I
didn't mean to insult you,
it's just that
Mr. Sarno's breathing
down my neck about this.
I'm embarrassed I
even brought it up,
you're the only honest
Joe in this whole place.
I knew it, I knew it was Whitey!
Good job, Vic.
Rico, no!
Get his legs.
Sir?
Call the law, Vicki!
Sir?
Stop it, Rico!
You're going to
jail, scrub monkey.
Sir?
Call the cops!
Whitey, are you okay?
Yeah.
What about me?
You need a long rest, Rico!
I'm sorry, sir,
I know, I know, I'm fired.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What are you looking at?
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Oh, is that another one
of your little wisecracks?
He's a sweet old man!
He'd steal plastic
forks at a company picnic.
Your mind is going.
Is it?
And where were you
when the cat was away,
making like a mouse?
What?
Oh, you're the
only one left, Vicki,
it's just you and you alone
all by yourself, right?
Mr. Sarno, I never touched
your precious little cooler!
How do I know that?
I don't know that.
I didn't take it!
I could have your
little archeological grant
taken away like that!
You are really losing it, Rico.
Oh yeah?
I'll show you losing it!
I know when
someone's lying to me,
I can tell by their eyes,
and you two are lying.
About what, Dad?
We'd never lie to you, Daddy.
Do you think I'm a fool?
Do you think I am some rube
who just fell off
the raisin truck?
No, Daddy.
We don't know what
you're talking about, Pop.
Oh, you don't, huh?
Ruby's pregnant, isn't she?
- What?
- What?
You heard me,
I told you to keep her away
from that Anderson spaniel.
Dad, Ruby's not pregnant.
Oh, she isn't, huh?
No, but we think you
should consider it,
she's real lonely.
Not a chance!
It's not fair to Ruby,
keeping her cooped up
down there like that,
she has rights too.
Yeah, if Monica was in heat,
you wouldn't lock
her down there.
Don't help me, go to Kmart
and get yourself an IQ.
Well, that's a good one
coming from Miss 55 in Science.
You're so dense.
Alright, cut it out!
We have been through
this 100 times,
we have plenty of
pets around here.
Okay.
Now if I hear one
more word about this,
I'm gonna have that dog...
Okay?
Do I hear okay?
Yeah.
Okay then, go to your rooms.
Don't tell me I
don't know how to handle 'em.
I know how to handle 'em.
Where are my keys?
Where is my cooler?
How many times do I have
to tell you, I don't know!
Round and round we go,
where we stop, nobody knows.
I don't have your cooler, okay?
You're a lying,
deceitful little tramp...
Uh, your breath is killing me!
Where is it?
You're impossible!
I got keys that
jingle, jangle, jingle.
Give 'em here!
Up, girl.
God, you're a sick puppy, Rico.
Woof, woof, woof.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Get out of my way!
You're not going anywhere
until I get my cooler back.
Are you gonna get outta my way?
Well, you just got a
little bit too greedy
for your own good, didn't you?
I am warning you, Rico.
Oh, I'm scared, Vicki,
I'm so scared...
Oh boy.
Oh boy.
Oh boy.
What the...
What the hell?
Monica, Jerry, get down
here on the double!
What in the hell is this?
It almost bit my head off!
Elvis wouldn't do
that, would ya, Elvis?
Jerry?
He's the new King, Dad.
What's going on?
Where in the Sam hell did
you find these things?
In the cellar.
Well, that's where
we keep 'em, Daddy.
It's no big deal, Dad.
You two have some
explaining to do,
and it better be good.
Now, get these things
outta here, pronto!
- Yes, Dad.
- Yes, Dad.
Me, always me, what
am I, the maid?
Bye.
Why can't we keep them, Dad?
You lied to me, Jer,
that cooler was down here
the whole time, wasn't it?
I didn't take it, Ruby took it.
Those animals
belong to Mr. Sarno.
Ruby hatched 'em, Mr.
Sarno couldn't do that,
doesn't that kinda
make 'em her babies?
Fix the latch, Jer.
Come on.
Back to work, princess.
Yes, sir.
Spick and span.
We're still missing
the flying one.
Have you seen it?
Not a sign, Daddy.
What was that?
A car pulling up?
Shh!
Shh.
Hi.
Vicki, what's wrong?
I think I'm in big trouble.
Why?
He just kept coming at me
and coming at me, so I hit him!
I hit him hard, with
a hunk of bedrock.
What, did
you kill Fred Flintstone?
This isn't funny,
I think I hurt Sarno.
Well, that's good.
This was a mistake, I
shouldn't have come here,
you don't give a
rat's tail about me...
Come in the house.
No.
Why not?
Give me my keys.
Heel, Ruby.
Give me my keys back.
What keys?
Just stay cool, I'll bust you
outta this joint in no time.
Jerry!
What's she doing here?
She?
This she has a name, young lady.
Hello, Monica.
Hi, Vic.
Hi.
You look like you got
a case of the GI blues.
Do I?
Tell her about the cooler, Jer.
Don't do it, she'll rat us out!
Mind your tongue, young lady.
What was in the cooler, Jerry?
You mean funny-looking
little creatures,
like mutated dinosaurs?
No, these are dinosaurs,
what did Daddy just say?
That's impossible.
They look pretty real to me.
Frank, dinosaurs haven't been
around for 65 million years.
Well, they're back, man, and
they're looking for trouble.
Hey, cut the Elvis act, huh?
We're trying to work this out.
Can I see them?
Come on, Elvis, get Monica,
Elvis, come on, Elvis.
This isn't normal, and
they can do major damage,
but what am I gonna
do, put 'em on a leash?
I mean, look at 'em.
I mean, sure, they're cute.
Come on, come on,
come on, alright!
I gotta pay the bills.
Am I right, Vicki?
Mm-hmm.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Say hi to Elvis, Vicki-do.
Hi.
He loves the ladies, man.
Get that crocodile
away from her nose!
I thought she might
like to meet the new King.
I don't trust that one.
Oh, Frank, I think I'd
like to take a look at it.
Why? It's butt-ugly.
You're hurting
The King's feelings.
Frank, can I just please
take a closer look at it?
See?
I'm not going to hurt you.
These things were over 40
feet long and seven tons,
the biggest terrestrial
carnivore that ever lived.
Guess we got the
runt of the litter.
They're a
reverse-hybridization
of the species, Frank.
They must've been frozen
in those eggs for ages.
They're awfully small, but
they're still the real deal.
Sort of a Darwinian redo.
We told you.
Oh gosh, Frank, you cannot
give these back to Sarno.
But they're his eggs.
So, give him the shells.
There you go, Dad,
it's all settled,
Elvis and his sidekicks stay.
It's not right.
Frank, I am telling you,
Sarno will put them in a circus
or he'll ship them
off to Hollywood.
They'll just be five
giant dollar signs to him.
Geez, get this vampire
bat away from me!
Okay, Monica, call her off.
Come to Momma.
That's a good Material Girl.
Madonna.
Yeah, son?
I just wanted to
say goodnight, Dad.
Oh, goodnight, I'll see
ya in the morning, bye-bye.
Mind if I say
goodnight to Vicki?
Goodnight, Jerry.
Goodnight, Vicki.
Okay, everybody said
goodnight to everybody else,
so goodnight, don't
let the bedbugs...
Wait a minute,
where's your sister?
I don't know, in bed,
I guess, goodnight.
Goodnight.
I'm sorry, I guess
Monica forgot her manners.
Oh, you don't have
to apologize, your
kids are adorable.
You want 'em, you can have 'em.
You don't mean that.
You want another drink?
Oh, no, I should get going.
You're not going anywhere.
Well, I can't stay here.
Please?
I don't want anything
to happen to you.
Thank you.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Frank.
- Frank.
- Shh!
Alright, I heard that, Monica!
Oh, Frank, Frank,
Frank, it's okay.
I won't have that nosy bird
poking its beak
into my business,
now that one gets locked up
with the others tomorrow.
Frank, they're not zoo animals.
I can't have those varmints
running wild on my place.
Frank, you worry too much.
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Morning.
Morning.
Nice underwear.
Huh?
Are those black hearts?
They're raisins.
Nice.
The kids gave 'em to me.
Very nice, you
should be very proud.
Are you making
fun of my skivvies?
Me?
Morning, sweetie.
Is she gonna finish
her little project
sometime this month?
I can't babysit these
things forever, you know?
I'll be done soon,
why don't you just
put them inside?
Why don't you?
Monica, Monica, come back here!
I'll go talk to her.
Don't you think you should
put on some pants first?
I'm not the bashful type.
Could've fooled me.
Watch where you're going!
Your brain-dead brother
should watch where
he leaves his toys.
Danny, what are you
doing up before 3:00 p.m.?
You are so fresh, I had
to see my ladylove.
- No, Danny!
- Awesome gizmo.
Where's the batteries?
Oh, cool, it talks!
Danny, this is a real dinosaur.
Ah, sure it is.
So, you busy tonight?
It is, now get outta
here, my father hates you.
Ah, chill, crumb
cakes, I'm in love.
Beat it.
Can I have a word with you?
Hey, your dad's half
naked, nice gams, Mr. T,
I see where your daughter
gets her legs.
Daddy, you remember
Brain-Dead Danny?
I said beat it!
Looks like I've been moted, hon.
I'll call you later.
Absotively.
Chow, little dude.
Peace.
Hello, farm boy.
Whoa, caught you with
your pants down, huh?
Did you have a nice little
roll in the hay, did ya?
What do you want, Sarno?
You know what I want, wood hick,
I want my babies back,
and I want 'em now.
What babies?
Play dumb with me
and I'll spill your brains
like a box of your raisins.
Sick him.
I don't want anyone
else to get hurt, alright?
Yeah?
Well, you and I are gonna turn
this cheese box upside down!
They're not in there.
Yeah, right.
I knew they were here!
Ow, oh!
Oh, get your teeth outta me!
Ah, oh!
Your babies don't like you.
Yeah, they do, they're
just being playful.
Get away from me!
Jerry.
Chill, Elvis.
Where's my gun?
And I don't like you either.
Hey, don't push me,
please, you broke the law!
You like threatening women?
A little bit.
Hey, wait a minute,
she was asking for it.
Turn around!
Huh?
Turn around and bend over.
What do you think you're...
Okay.
Now crawl back to your car!
Are you outta
your stinkin' mind?
Watch me crawl.
Oh man, this is
really humiliating,
they're my babies, not yours!
I'll be back!
Maybe not.
Get off my land.
You got a real attitude
problem, raisin breath.
Daddy, I heard a shot.
What's going on?
Nothing, I just ran
off a chicken thief.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, you're such a
cute little dino.
How do you like
your new home, hm?
How do you like it?
I bet you like it.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, sweetie.
Hi, here you go.
Are you happy here?
Oops, you don't eat leaves.
Sorry.
This is excellent, Vicki!
Thanks.
The grape leaves are very good.
Monica?
What?
You haven't touched yours.
I'm not hungry.
Monica.
I'll eat hers.
You would.
I would.
I'll put yours in
the fridge, how's that?
May I be excused?
Monica, please.
Let her go, Frank.
Ditto.
Fine, fine, you're excused.
There's no excuse
for you, Jerry.
What crawled under her armpit?
I'm not talking about that,
I'm talking about you,
what's bugging you?
Nothing!
Don't tell me it's nothing
when I know it's something.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever since you
were four years old,
you and I could
talk about anything.
Times change, I don't
have anything to say.
Well, I do!
Go talk to your girlfriend,
your little scientist babe!
Are you jealous of her?
That's sick.
Monica,
you'll always be Daddy's
girl, you know that.
What about Mom, huh?
Your mother's been dead
for 2 1/2 years, sweetie.
Don't you ever think about her?
I dream about her every night,
and in that dream,
she's still alive,
but by the end, she's gone,
and I have to go through
it all over again.
I have the same dream.
I'm sorry, Daddy, I just
don't want a new mom.
Vicki's not gonna be your
new mom, she's my friend.
If Brain-Dead Danny
were to pass away,
you'd want a new boyfriend
someday, wouldn't you?
I want a new boyfriend now.
So this is the countryside?
Blue sky, wide open
spaces, fresh air.
What is that smell?
It's probably you.
Hey, I didn't do it.
Well, I didn't do it.
Well, I didn't do it.
Hey, Mr. Sarno, I smell
something, did you do it?
It's cow doo-doo, you nitwits,
just keep your eyes peeled
for a blue farmhouse.
Pardon me, excuse
me, Mr. Sarno,
is a farmhouse the
same as a ranch house?
1,000 a piece for these two.
So, they're like dinosaurs,
but they're not real
dinosaurs, Mr. Sarno?
Yes, yes, Louis,
they're deformed lizards!
Hey, speaking of deformed,
I knew this hunchback
in the sixth grade,
you can imagine, when this
guy had an itch, hey, oh!
You gotta be kidding me,
you graduated sixth grade?
Oh no, he missed it by
three days, you believe that?
He, uh,
stabbed the art teacher
with a chisel.
Yeah, crybaby...
I mean, right? It
was just a chisel.
Hey, hey, just shut
up and listen, okay?
You gotta treat these
creatures with kid gloves,
they get a little
nasty sometimes.
Hey, if some lizard bites me,
I'll grind him up
into a pair of shoes,
bada bing, bada boom.
You touch a scale of their skin
and I'm gonna grind
the two of you up!
They're worth millions of...
Of?
Of dollars, Mr. Sarno?
We're almost there.
You know, I'm thinking
here, Mr. Sarno,
if they're worth
millions of dollars,
then me and Ritchie should
get like, um, 1,200 a piece,
am I right, Ritchie?
Absolutely, more
than a thousand,
in spades, that is for sure.
Listen, we made a deal,
and a deal is a deal,
otherwise you two will never
work in this town again!
See what you
almost did, Ritchie?
Hey, I didn't do nothing.
Your carriage awaits, m'lady.
Let's get going, Brain-Dead.
That's my name,
don't wear it out.
Oh!
Those are b-bitchin'
th-threads, Monica!
Just drive.
I'm the only one in 10th
grade who's got a license,
is that why you go out with me?
No, it's 'cause you're
16 and real smart.
Slow down, Einstein!
What's he doing back here?
Who are those dudes?
You're not cheating on
me, are ya?
Just shut up and
turn around, dummy!
Hey, no reason to bag me out,
your wish is my command,
my highness.
Give me that.
Give me that.
I'll see ya later, Ritchie.
He is so stupid, Mr. Sarno.
Yeah, well, you're
close behind him.
Hey, get outta here, fleabag.
Good day, my friend.
Can I help you?
Could I perhaps interest you
in some Girl Scout Cookies?
Is this a joke?
Scouting is not a joke, sir,
it keeps the little
tarts off the street.
Well, I don't think so.
Get the dog.
Mr. Sarno, what
if he bites me?
Then bite him back,
what do you think I'm
paying you 1,000 bucks for?
You know, I was thinking,
I think we should get
at least 1,100 for this.
I'll give you 1,500, just
tie up the stinkin' dog!
Alright, where are the cookies?
Sorry, no free samples.
Good doggie, shut up,
doggie, nice doggie,
you're not a mutt,
you're a good dog.
Hey, what are you
doing to my dog?
Hey, watch the hair!
Would you watch the hair?
Leave it alone, Rico!
Back off, Judas.
Dad!
If you take 'em out of
this habitat, they'll die.
You had your chance
for the piece of the pie,
- I'm gonna get my babies.
- Dad!
You can't...
Do that?
Hey, they're no good to you!
Get off me, you jezebel!
Hey!
Ow.
Come on!
Boss, what do you want
me to do with this one?
Put him in the cage.
He's just a little boy.
The dino, you knot head!
I thought you said
they were just lizards?
Just do it!
Got it!
Alright, put it down!
Okay.
Daddy!
Dad!
Jerry.
Mr. Sarno.
Where's my little angel?
Where's my bird of flight?
Oh, you're a regular poet.
Hey, hey!
Hey, this haircut
cost me six bucks,
what's wrong with you people?
I swear, I'm gonna rip
his little beak off!
He's gonna rip
his little beak off!
It's a she, ya crooks.
I got a headache, Mr.
Sarno, can we go now?
Yes, yes, bless you,
good timing, Louis.
Get the brachiosaurus, Ritchie.
You got it, Mr. Sarno,
which one is that?
Try the one that's loose.
You know, Mr. Sarno, I
don't think it's gonna work,
look at this neck here.
Just stuff him in there.
Come on, Ritchie, let's go.
Okay, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, where's my angel?
Where's my little angel?
Hey, four outta five ain't
bad, Mr. Sarno.
Hey, shut up.
Mr. Sarno, you want
I should plug the dog?
No!
Rico, that dog is
like a mother to them.
What, are you deaf? I
said shut up!
Ah, man, I gotta think!
Louis, grab the mutt,
the rest of them,
they're expendable.
Rico, the dinosaurs
will all die,
but I can keep them alive.
Okay, okay.
Turn around.
I want you sharecroppers
to count to 500,
if you don't, if you follow us,
I'll kill the new
lady of the house.
Oh, I mean it, I'll kill her.
I'll kill her dead!
Get the dog, lunkhead.
It's okay, it's okay.
Come here, doggie.
Today!
Mr. Sarno,
this doggie likes me.
I'm sure glad I didn't plug you.
Trot!
Mr. Sarno, Ritchie said...
Shut up!
425,
426...
500, you count like an old lady!
Hey, don't move.
Come on, Dad,
let's call the fuzz.
I said don't move.
Yeah, you wanna get
Vicki killed, Jerry?
Since when do you care?
I care.
Alright, we're going
to the house, real slow.
Stay behind me.
Can we turn the heat down
a notch or two, Mr. Sarno?
No.
It's like a steam
bath in here, Mr. Sarno.
Those reptiles need a
99-degree temperature.
We're riding in a
traveling sauna circus here
without the three rings.
Shut up and sweat.
I mean it, Mr.
Sarno, I'm gonna pass out.
Then do it, punk!
Look, maybe we should
just get them some water.
Ritchie.
Oh, dear, Mr. Sarno.
It's okay, you'll
be okay, Louis,
just take little, baby breaths.
That's it.
Come on eat, we
got grapes to pick.
What about your girl, Dad?
Eat.
Yeah, what about
your girlfriend?
Are we just gonna
sit around here
while she rots down there
with that greedy slob?
I did not slave over that stove
so you two could jaw
yourselves to death.
Paper says there's
a big surprise exhibit
at the Angel City Museum.
Did I not tell you to eat?
Now eat, I don't wanna
have to repeat myself.
What about Ruby?
Vicki will take care of Ruby.
What about Elvis and
the other little guys?
What about them?
They didn't belong to us, I
told you that from the get-go.
They don't belong
to anybody, Daddy,
they should all be free like
Madonna.
This just makes my skin crawl.
Isn't that bended?
It makes me sick.
Uh-oh, Dad's got
that look in his eye.
Whoa, whoa, love it.
Rico, Rico, Rico...
That's my
name, don't wear it out.
Okay, one question
at a time, please.
Can you give us a hint,
is it from this century?
Cold, very cold, Bob.
Is it bigger than a breadbasket?
Maybe.
Is it fish or fowl?
Ooh, you're getting
warm there, Helen.
Is it a whole
flock of bald eagles?
Getting cold again.
Miss Vicki, is it true that
you were married to Tiny Tim?
Get those tabloid
slobs outta here.
Back, back, back, back!
Is it gonna change the world?
Forever, it's a rebirth!
No more questions!
Is it spiritual.
What did he say, huh?
He said no more questions!
Get outta here!
Get outta here!
Out, out, out, out!
Out, out!
But you promised me
an exclusive, Rico.
Get in line, newsmonger,
this is bigger than you and me.
But you promised!
Keep your shirt on, Sam,
look, shut up, wait with
the rest of the world.
Geraldo, how are ya?
Thank you, thank you.
Testing, testing,
one, two, three,
even kids under 12
can't get in for free.
Happy?
Delirious.
Aren't you? I can't wait.
Neither can I.
Pathetic peons.
You gonna kill him, Dad?
Oh, hi there, Mr. T.
Whoa, hot damn,
what's the wingspread
on that squab?
Hey, Whitey.
He's late for the show.
Where's Sarno?
Oh, he's across the
street, doing his act.
This won't take long.
Uh, attention,
attention, please.
Yes, uh,
well, I'd like to thank you
all for coming out today,
and my lovely young
assistant here and I have,
well, we've discovered
a renewal of life.
Please, give a big hand
to Miss Vicki Vandell.
Isn't she beautiful,
ladies and gentlemen?
Now, I would like to thank each,
each and every one of you
for coming out here today.
What you're about to
see is a labor of love,
and I'd also like...
Yeah, like I was saying, life
takes strange little turns,
and once you think
you've seen it all, kids,
you ain't seen nothing yet!
This moment of time
will be spoken of
in hushed tones of reverence.
Behold,
I give you prehistoric life!
My babies,
where are my sugar babies?
Where are my babies?
Where are my sugar...
Hey, nobody walks
out on me, nobody!
In here, kids.
Paula,
Hammer!
Hey, Elvis.
How ya doin', Elvis?
I missed you.
Got a minute?
What?
You got a minute?
You did, you did this to me.
You stole, you're
the thief, not me!
I'm the one who's trying
to change the world!
You...
Whoa.
So, you love those
punks as much as me?
Your kids?
No, the dinos.
I'm getting there, Mr.
Taylor, I'm getting there.
That's a fine-looking
family you got there, Mr. T.
See ya, Whitey.
Bye.
will you, Jeffie?
I'm about ready
to pass out here.
Jefe, Senor Sarno.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Come on, this has turned
into a real bust, Jeffie.
What is a bust, senor?
You know a bust out, a
dead end, no el artifactos.
I've shown you many caves.
Birdseed, amigo,
all I got here is three
arrowheads and a bear's tooth.
The Sun still hangs
high in the sky.
Yeah, right.
Well, I ain't got all day,
okay, where's the good stuff?
Good stuff?
Yeah, you know, the sacred junk.
You mean sagrado.
Yeah, right, right, sagrado.
There's still a
cave over the ridge,
but it's the Cave of Culebra.
- Culebra?
- Culebra?
What's eating them?
Only the ancestors
of the ancestors
are allowed near
that sacred ground.
All others will
suffer or perish.
Well, let's go take a peak.
I said all others.
Come on, I just wanna
put my head inside.
No.
The Moon grows low.
Oh, come on, make up your mind,
first the Sun is high,
now the Moon is low,
what's with the double talk?
Culebra has spoken!
Jerry, turn it down, Jerry!
I'm gonna kill you,
Jerry, I swear to God!
Can you believe my
brother listens to Elvis?
The kid is living
in the Stone Age.
Get off me!
God, can't I have
any peace in this house?
Jerry!
Jerry!
Jerry!
Don't throw a song, old man.
Elvis is dead, Jerry.
So is that rock, Dad,
but I still love them.
What'd you find?
More fossils, go get your
sister and come help me.
Listen, Culebra speaks.
Why don't you cut it
out with the hocus-pocus,
I thought you were
a modern Injun.
I am not an Injun,
I am third-generation Tolupan!
Yeah, whatever, look, here,
there's another 50 bucks,
show me the cave.
You've insulted my
land and my people.
Get off your high horse
and take the half a yard,
and come on, let's go.
No,
- Whoa!
- you go.
Okay.
The tour is over.
Okay.
- Vamonos.
- Yeah, okay, I'm going.
Vamonos!
Okay, you people
are touchy, aren't ya?
Come all the way to
South America for what?
A bunch of crummy rocks.
You know...
Okay, okay.
Dad?
Huh?
You ever think about Mom?
Yeah, all the time.
Me too.
Hand me that brush, son.
Think she's in Heaven?
Yep, probably having
coffee and donuts with Elvis.
Who do you think
misses her the most?
Oh, I don't know,
maybe this pretty
little lady named Ruby.
Come here, come here,
yes, yes, that's a girl.
Do you love Ruby?
Yeah, like a rock.
Then why'd you give
her puppies away?
Times are hard, Jerry,
and there's no way we can afford
to have five more
animals around here.
I think she misses 'em.
I think that...
Daddy?
Nope.
I didn't even ask you anything.
You're not going
anywhere in that getup.
She looks like Madonna in heat.
Shut up, you little dweeb.
Monica, it's a school night.
I did all my homework,
please, Daddy?
I don't like you running
around with that older crowd.
It's just Spike and Rusty,
you know Spike and Rusty.
Whatever happened
to Brain-Dead Danny?
You're just jealous 'cause
you don't have any friends.
Honey, no is no,
and you're not going
out on a school night.
Fine, fine, I
hate this stupid farm!
Don't feel bad, Mom
couldn't handle her either.
Who says I can't handle her?
I can handle her.
Open sesame, baby sneaks.
Ow!
Don't you jokers sneak
up on me like that again.
You hear me?
You hear me?
I didn't hear that.
Maybe they put something
in my Gatorade.
Nah, the little savages
wouldn't have the guts.
Uh-oh, what's this?
What the...
About gave me a heart attack.
Oh, man, it's like a
meat locker in here.
Bingo.
Would you be
quiet, you dumb mutt?
Did you forget your key?
Daddy, I...
You're in big trouble, missy.
Bingo, gringo.
I guess you kinda caught me
with my hand in the
cookie jar, huh, Jeffie?
Put 'em back.
The souls of my ancestors
cry out for your blood.
Ignore it, Jefe,
they're dead guys.
Look, what do you say
we cash these eggs in,
we'll split it even-steven, huh?
No dice.
Put 'em back, slow and nice.
Take it easy with that
knife, okay, please, please.
How come these eggs
are so small, Jeffie?
Many million moons ago,
the son of Culebra came
down from the mountains
and presented these
small, mutant eggs
to the Tolupos tribe
before he died.
He promised that if we
kept them cold and sacred,
that no harm would ever
come to our people.
These are not just eggs,
they're symbols of eternal life.
Uh-huh, thanks for the
history lesson, amigo.
Hasta luego.
Dad, what do
you think you'll get
for your dig this time?
Ripped off.
What'd you say?
Nothing.
Good, you got no
say, young lady,
after that stunt you
pulled the other night.
I want a life, I don't
wanna go to a dumb museum!
I mean, why can't we ever go
to Disneyland or something?
They got some neat stuff
at those Angel City exhibits.
I am sick to death
of those dirty rocks.
Like I said, you have no say,
you're on probation, young lady.
Then I'm jumping bail, I'm
running away, I want out!
Open the door, Jer.
What?
Open the door, your
sister wants out.
Daddy?
There you go, jump, jump!
Daddy, cut it out!
Should I give her the heave-ho?
Don't touch me,
you little creep!
Alright, sit back and pipe down.
Close the door, Jer.
It's not funny.
Come on.
You know, whatever you
think they're worth, ma'am.
Vicki.
Jerry, get Ruby away from there.
Oh, she's okay.
Ruby.
Why are you always
so nervous about everything?
I'm not, I'm not nervous.
You've been coming in
here for eight months,
and you're still
calling me ma'am.
Have you...
Have you, um,
decided on a price?
Would you relax?
I'm not going to bite you.
I know that.
You have very pretty
eyes, Mr. Taylor.
It's Frank.
So,
shall we take another look
at what you got here, Frank?
Absolutely.
Oh my.
What?
I think you got an azurite here.
Is that good?
That's great.
Hey, Dad, you should see
the dorky shirt Monica got.
No, it's not,
it's really cool, Daddy.
See?
Say hello to the
nice lady, kids.
- Hi, Vicki.
- Hi, Vicki.
Hi.
You want us to get lost?
No, no, we're just
talking about rocks.
He's getting ripped off.
Shut up.
Hey, welcome back, Mr. Sarno.
Hey, what's going
on, sweetheart?
Mr. Sarno, you
remember the Taylors?
Hi, folks.
Get away from me, stinkball!
Mr. Sarno...
Usual price.
Yeah, but Mr. Taylor
has some new azurites.
It's still dino poop,
Vicki, usual price.
But...
I'm sorry, Frank,
it's the usual price.
Whatever's fair.
It's not fair, it's
just the way it is.
It's not your fault, Vicki.
Let me go talk to him.
No, no, no, no, it's okay.
No, it's not okay, Daddy.
I know we saw an unbelievable...
I said it was okay.
You're a stubborn man, Frank.
Proud, stubborn, you name it.
Passionate?
Sometimes.
When?
Daddy, are we gonna hang
out in this boneyard all day?
We haven't seen the
pterodactyl exhibit yet.
Whoop-de-doo.
Can we please blow
this musty pop stand?
Keep your shirts
on, we're going.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll
go get your check.
Vicki?
Yes?
Um,
um, nothing.
Daddy?
Get the cooler.
Jerry, get the cooler.
Ruby, get the cooler.
Sam, Sam, you wouldn't
believe me if I did tell you.
No, I can't spill it to
the papers right now,
'cause it's big,
big, big, big, big, big,
big, big, big, big, big,
Radio City Music Hall-big.
What are you looking at?
I didn't say anything.
Yeah, but you were
thinking something.
What were we talking about then?
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, no,
it's bigger than sunken ships.
Look, I don't wanna
get prehysterical here,
but I think I'm gonna change
the course of natural history.
Nah, you're gonna have to read
about it in the funny papers.
Tootles.
Have a good trip?
I found the holy grail,
and I ain't whistlin' dixie.
Do you want some water?
No, oh, you'd like to
see me choke, wouldn't ya?
Hey, I didn't say that.
Yeah, but you were thinking it.
No, sir, what I was thinking
is that you're being a
little rude to the Taylors.
Who?
Oh, them.
Oh, screw 'em, I got
bigger fish to fry.
Hey, man, turn it back.
Who do you think you are?
Shut up, you make me carsick!
What's tipping your beans?
Getting pretty cozy with
Professor Cupcakes, huh?
Honey, we're just friends.
Leave him alone, he's horny.
Hey!
What did I do?
I'm gonna be a
very, very rich man.
Can I go?
No.
Go get the cooler.
I'm gonna crack open this
little bottle of champagne
and you and I are
gonna drink a toast.
What's taking so long?
I'm dying of thirst in here.
Was that Sam Simon
from the Times?
In the phone flesh.
I could hear the spit
running down his chin.
What's in this thing,
a cure for cancer?
You're thinking small, my dear.
What are you talking about?
Drink up, honey pie, salute.
Right.
Open it.
Behold, I give you
prehistoric life!
A turkey bone?
What?
What the hell's this?
Turkey bones?
Sandwiches?
Wait a minute, this
isn't my cooler.
My babies, where are my babies?
My eggs, where are my eggs?
Did you bring the cooler in?
Nope.
Monica!
What?
Get enough to eat there?
It's a ghoul monster!
Squash it, Dad!
You are such an
immature specimen.
Where is the cooler, Monica?
I don't know, that
was barf boy's job.
Well, it's not in the truck
and it doesn't have any legs,
so obviously it didn't
walk off on its own.
Daddy, it's getting cold.
Keep looking, that
was a $50 cooler.
Maybe it popped out when
you hit the tracks back there.
My face is turning
into plaster of Paris.
I didn't hit those
tracks that hard.
Dad, have you seen Ruby?
Oh, hello, Mona.
Monica!
Whatever, is your daddy home?
Wait here.
Ah, Mr. Taylor.
What can I do for ya?
Well, there's been a
slight little mix-up.
And what might that be?
Well, I believe I
have something of yours
and I think that you
have something of mine.
Great, we have been looking
all over all night for this,
thank you, thank you very much!
Sure.
Oh, what a sweet young thing.
Excuse me, I have
to go wash my hair.
Lovely child.
Okay, where is it?
Pardon?
Don't get cute with
me, where's my cooler?
Your cooler?
Hand it over, farm boy!
Hey, I don't like your tone,
and I don't know what you're
talking about, mister.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I've just lost something
very, very precious to me,
something you can't
put a price tag on.
Here's 200 bucks, gimme.
Give you what?
Look, I'm sure it was all
perfectly innocent on your part,
but your family has mistaken
my cooler for yours,
by accident, of course.
That's possible, we looked
high and low for that, but...
Give you 300.
It's not a question of
money, Mr. Sarno, goodnight!
Whoa!
Will somebody shut that
pooch up before I go crazy?
Could you feed her, Jer?
What's with her?
Maybe she's in heat.
I guess we better keep
her down there for a while,
that Anderson spaniel's been
hanging around here again.
Oh, please don't let
her be preggers again.
That last litter we gave
away almost broke her heart.
So what do you care?
I care.
Alright, I'm...
I got it, Dad.
Chow time, Ruby.
Wow.
Wow.
Ruby, did you hatch these guys?
Look at this mess.
Just try some dog food.
How about you?
You?
Tyrannosaurus Rex,
The King!
Elvis!
I know how it is, Elvis.
I'm a meat and potatoes man too.
You sleeping, Elvis?
He's asleep.
Aw.
Wait,
where's the flighty one?
Oh, great!
Me, my turn, it's
always my turn,
I've done this BS
faithfully for five years,
I'm so sick of it!
Daddy!
Geez, what was that, a bat?
Good god, it had a nose
like my math teacher.
Just stay calm.
Oh, great, Monica!
She's gonna rat on me.
Keep 'em in here, girl.
Sorry, Chilly.
Hold it, babe.
I just had that Fender restrung.
Get off me, I'm
gonna kill this thing!
No, you're not, it's Ruby's kid.
What?
What was that?
Honey, we got company.
Come on.
I don't like this.
Stop acting like a girl.
I am a girl, dummy.
Look, they're gonna
be more scared of you
than you are of them.
Aw.
See?
They're so neat.
Aw!
Elvis!
Say howdy,
'cause you just got kissed
on the tush by The King.
Get that beast away from me.
Watch your tongue, sis,
Elvis just needs a little meat.
Right, Elvis?
You can't be going and
eating Monica's butt, Elvis,
you'll get indigestion,
or brain damage.
Let's see...
Not lamb chops, Dad
will skin me alive.
Ah, how about some bologna?
Elvis.
Don't go messing
with my cookies, man.
That's for dessert.
Watch the fingers, Godzilla.
You're invading my space.
Ruby, do something!
You're kinda cute.
Highway robbers.
Crooks!
I can barely hear
you, Mr. Sarno.
Those double-dealing sons of...
Crooks!
The Taylors are good and honest.
Those dirt farmers led
me on a wild goose chase.
You didn't find your cooler?
Yeah, yeah, I got the cooler,
I got it in my hip pocket,
no, I do not have the cooler!
Highway robbers.
Madonna.
For a pterodactyl?
That's a girl's name, man.
It is a girl, man.
Madonna.
See?
Okay, fine, what do you
wanna call the stegosaurus?
Bon Jovi?
That has a nice ring,
but how about Prince?
No way!
And we're not calling
the chasmosaurus Hammer.
How about I tell Daddy
about your little friends?
Right.
The stegosaurus is Jagger.
Fine, but the
brachiosaurus, Paula,
and the chasmo is Hammer.
The King disagrees, man.
Sick her, Elvis.
God, Jerry.
Jerry, open this door.
Monica?
What's going on?
Who locked this door?
Just make sure
Madonna stays down here.
Hey, Dad.
Why is this door locked?
There's a lotta
crazies out there, Dad.
This is a farm, Jerry, we're
in the middle of nowhere,
you kids tell me
that all the time.
It can happen anywhere.
What can happen anywhere?
Ax murder, they get
you in your sleep.
So what's going on, Jer?
Nothing, how's the
resin game coming?
Where's Monica?
Downstairs, taking care of Ruby,
that dog's got hormones
popping left and right.
Monica!
Monica!
She's just feeding Ruby.
Monica!
She's just feeding Ruby.
Hi, Daddy.
What are you doing in there?
I'm feeding Ruby,
keeping her outta trouble,
isn't that what you want?
Hm.
I want you two to hightail
it up to the living room,
'cause I know when
you're up to something,
and you're gonna sit down
and you're gonna
tell me what it is.
Working late, Miss Vicki?
Oh god, Whitey, why do you
scare the bejesus out of me?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
What are you still doing here?
My job.
Whitey, I gotta
ask you a question.
Now don't take this wrong,
but, we're missing a
cooler from the lab,
and I was just wondering if...
Well, I do take it
wrong, Miss Vicki,
I clean and watch over this
place like it was my own child.
Been working here
for over 20 years,
and I've never taken
so much as a tissue.
I'm sorry, Whitey, I
didn't mean to insult you,
it's just that
Mr. Sarno's breathing
down my neck about this.
I'm embarrassed I
even brought it up,
you're the only honest
Joe in this whole place.
I knew it, I knew it was Whitey!
Good job, Vic.
Rico, no!
Get his legs.
Sir?
Call the law, Vicki!
Sir?
Stop it, Rico!
You're going to
jail, scrub monkey.
Sir?
Call the cops!
Whitey, are you okay?
Yeah.
What about me?
You need a long rest, Rico!
I'm sorry, sir,
I know, I know, I'm fired.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What are you looking at?
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Oh, is that another one
of your little wisecracks?
He's a sweet old man!
He'd steal plastic
forks at a company picnic.
Your mind is going.
Is it?
And where were you
when the cat was away,
making like a mouse?
What?
Oh, you're the
only one left, Vicki,
it's just you and you alone
all by yourself, right?
Mr. Sarno, I never touched
your precious little cooler!
How do I know that?
I don't know that.
I didn't take it!
I could have your
little archeological grant
taken away like that!
You are really losing it, Rico.
Oh yeah?
I'll show you losing it!
I know when
someone's lying to me,
I can tell by their eyes,
and you two are lying.
About what, Dad?
We'd never lie to you, Daddy.
Do you think I'm a fool?
Do you think I am some rube
who just fell off
the raisin truck?
No, Daddy.
We don't know what
you're talking about, Pop.
Oh, you don't, huh?
Ruby's pregnant, isn't she?
- What?
- What?
You heard me,
I told you to keep her away
from that Anderson spaniel.
Dad, Ruby's not pregnant.
Oh, she isn't, huh?
No, but we think you
should consider it,
she's real lonely.
Not a chance!
It's not fair to Ruby,
keeping her cooped up
down there like that,
she has rights too.
Yeah, if Monica was in heat,
you wouldn't lock
her down there.
Don't help me, go to Kmart
and get yourself an IQ.
Well, that's a good one
coming from Miss 55 in Science.
You're so dense.
Alright, cut it out!
We have been through
this 100 times,
we have plenty of
pets around here.
Okay.
Now if I hear one
more word about this,
I'm gonna have that dog...
Okay?
Do I hear okay?
Yeah.
Okay then, go to your rooms.
Don't tell me I
don't know how to handle 'em.
I know how to handle 'em.
Where are my keys?
Where is my cooler?
How many times do I have
to tell you, I don't know!
Round and round we go,
where we stop, nobody knows.
I don't have your cooler, okay?
You're a lying,
deceitful little tramp...
Uh, your breath is killing me!
Where is it?
You're impossible!
I got keys that
jingle, jangle, jingle.
Give 'em here!
Up, girl.
God, you're a sick puppy, Rico.
Woof, woof, woof.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Get out of my way!
You're not going anywhere
until I get my cooler back.
Are you gonna get outta my way?
Well, you just got a
little bit too greedy
for your own good, didn't you?
I am warning you, Rico.
Oh, I'm scared, Vicki,
I'm so scared...
Oh boy.
Oh boy.
Oh boy.
What the...
What the hell?
Monica, Jerry, get down
here on the double!
What in the hell is this?
It almost bit my head off!
Elvis wouldn't do
that, would ya, Elvis?
Jerry?
He's the new King, Dad.
What's going on?
Where in the Sam hell did
you find these things?
In the cellar.
Well, that's where
we keep 'em, Daddy.
It's no big deal, Dad.
You two have some
explaining to do,
and it better be good.
Now, get these things
outta here, pronto!
- Yes, Dad.
- Yes, Dad.
Me, always me, what
am I, the maid?
Bye.
Why can't we keep them, Dad?
You lied to me, Jer,
that cooler was down here
the whole time, wasn't it?
I didn't take it, Ruby took it.
Those animals
belong to Mr. Sarno.
Ruby hatched 'em, Mr.
Sarno couldn't do that,
doesn't that kinda
make 'em her babies?
Fix the latch, Jer.
Come on.
Back to work, princess.
Yes, sir.
Spick and span.
We're still missing
the flying one.
Have you seen it?
Not a sign, Daddy.
What was that?
A car pulling up?
Shh!
Shh.
Hi.
Vicki, what's wrong?
I think I'm in big trouble.
Why?
He just kept coming at me
and coming at me, so I hit him!
I hit him hard, with
a hunk of bedrock.
What, did
you kill Fred Flintstone?
This isn't funny,
I think I hurt Sarno.
Well, that's good.
This was a mistake, I
shouldn't have come here,
you don't give a
rat's tail about me...
Come in the house.
No.
Why not?
Give me my keys.
Heel, Ruby.
Give me my keys back.
What keys?
Just stay cool, I'll bust you
outta this joint in no time.
Jerry!
What's she doing here?
She?
This she has a name, young lady.
Hello, Monica.
Hi, Vic.
Hi.
You look like you got
a case of the GI blues.
Do I?
Tell her about the cooler, Jer.
Don't do it, she'll rat us out!
Mind your tongue, young lady.
What was in the cooler, Jerry?
You mean funny-looking
little creatures,
like mutated dinosaurs?
No, these are dinosaurs,
what did Daddy just say?
That's impossible.
They look pretty real to me.
Frank, dinosaurs haven't been
around for 65 million years.
Well, they're back, man, and
they're looking for trouble.
Hey, cut the Elvis act, huh?
We're trying to work this out.
Can I see them?
Come on, Elvis, get Monica,
Elvis, come on, Elvis.
This isn't normal, and
they can do major damage,
but what am I gonna
do, put 'em on a leash?
I mean, look at 'em.
I mean, sure, they're cute.
Come on, come on,
come on, alright!
I gotta pay the bills.
Am I right, Vicki?
Mm-hmm.
Are you okay?
Uh-huh.
Say hi to Elvis, Vicki-do.
Hi.
He loves the ladies, man.
Get that crocodile
away from her nose!
I thought she might
like to meet the new King.
I don't trust that one.
Oh, Frank, I think I'd
like to take a look at it.
Why? It's butt-ugly.
You're hurting
The King's feelings.
Frank, can I just please
take a closer look at it?
See?
I'm not going to hurt you.
These things were over 40
feet long and seven tons,
the biggest terrestrial
carnivore that ever lived.
Guess we got the
runt of the litter.
They're a
reverse-hybridization
of the species, Frank.
They must've been frozen
in those eggs for ages.
They're awfully small, but
they're still the real deal.
Sort of a Darwinian redo.
We told you.
Oh gosh, Frank, you cannot
give these back to Sarno.
But they're his eggs.
So, give him the shells.
There you go, Dad,
it's all settled,
Elvis and his sidekicks stay.
It's not right.
Frank, I am telling you,
Sarno will put them in a circus
or he'll ship them
off to Hollywood.
They'll just be five
giant dollar signs to him.
Geez, get this vampire
bat away from me!
Okay, Monica, call her off.
Come to Momma.
That's a good Material Girl.
Madonna.
Yeah, son?
I just wanted to
say goodnight, Dad.
Oh, goodnight, I'll see
ya in the morning, bye-bye.
Mind if I say
goodnight to Vicki?
Goodnight, Jerry.
Goodnight, Vicki.
Okay, everybody said
goodnight to everybody else,
so goodnight, don't
let the bedbugs...
Wait a minute,
where's your sister?
I don't know, in bed,
I guess, goodnight.
Goodnight.
I'm sorry, I guess
Monica forgot her manners.
Oh, you don't have
to apologize, your
kids are adorable.
You want 'em, you can have 'em.
You don't mean that.
You want another drink?
Oh, no, I should get going.
You're not going anywhere.
Well, I can't stay here.
Please?
I don't want anything
to happen to you.
Thank you.
I'll sleep on the couch.
Frank.
- Frank.
- Shh!
Alright, I heard that, Monica!
Oh, Frank, Frank,
Frank, it's okay.
I won't have that nosy bird
poking its beak
into my business,
now that one gets locked up
with the others tomorrow.
Frank, they're not zoo animals.
I can't have those varmints
running wild on my place.
Frank, you worry too much.
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Morning.
Morning.
Nice underwear.
Huh?
Are those black hearts?
They're raisins.
Nice.
The kids gave 'em to me.
Very nice, you
should be very proud.
Are you making
fun of my skivvies?
Me?
Morning, sweetie.
Is she gonna finish
her little project
sometime this month?
I can't babysit these
things forever, you know?
I'll be done soon,
why don't you just
put them inside?
Why don't you?
Monica, Monica, come back here!
I'll go talk to her.
Don't you think you should
put on some pants first?
I'm not the bashful type.
Could've fooled me.
Watch where you're going!
Your brain-dead brother
should watch where
he leaves his toys.
Danny, what are you
doing up before 3:00 p.m.?
You are so fresh, I had
to see my ladylove.
- No, Danny!
- Awesome gizmo.
Where's the batteries?
Oh, cool, it talks!
Danny, this is a real dinosaur.
Ah, sure it is.
So, you busy tonight?
It is, now get outta
here, my father hates you.
Ah, chill, crumb
cakes, I'm in love.
Beat it.
Can I have a word with you?
Hey, your dad's half
naked, nice gams, Mr. T,
I see where your daughter
gets her legs.
Daddy, you remember
Brain-Dead Danny?
I said beat it!
Looks like I've been moted, hon.
I'll call you later.
Absotively.
Chow, little dude.
Peace.
Hello, farm boy.
Whoa, caught you with
your pants down, huh?
Did you have a nice little
roll in the hay, did ya?
What do you want, Sarno?
You know what I want, wood hick,
I want my babies back,
and I want 'em now.
What babies?
Play dumb with me
and I'll spill your brains
like a box of your raisins.
Sick him.
I don't want anyone
else to get hurt, alright?
Yeah?
Well, you and I are gonna turn
this cheese box upside down!
They're not in there.
Yeah, right.
I knew they were here!
Ow, oh!
Oh, get your teeth outta me!
Ah, oh!
Your babies don't like you.
Yeah, they do, they're
just being playful.
Get away from me!
Jerry.
Chill, Elvis.
Where's my gun?
And I don't like you either.
Hey, don't push me,
please, you broke the law!
You like threatening women?
A little bit.
Hey, wait a minute,
she was asking for it.
Turn around!
Huh?
Turn around and bend over.
What do you think you're...
Okay.
Now crawl back to your car!
Are you outta
your stinkin' mind?
Watch me crawl.
Oh man, this is
really humiliating,
they're my babies, not yours!
I'll be back!
Maybe not.
Get off my land.
You got a real attitude
problem, raisin breath.
Daddy, I heard a shot.
What's going on?
Nothing, I just ran
off a chicken thief.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, you're such a
cute little dino.
How do you like
your new home, hm?
How do you like it?
I bet you like it.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh, sweetie.
Hi, here you go.
Are you happy here?
Oops, you don't eat leaves.
Sorry.
This is excellent, Vicki!
Thanks.
The grape leaves are very good.
Monica?
What?
You haven't touched yours.
I'm not hungry.
Monica.
I'll eat hers.
You would.
I would.
I'll put yours in
the fridge, how's that?
May I be excused?
Monica, please.
Let her go, Frank.
Ditto.
Fine, fine, you're excused.
There's no excuse
for you, Jerry.
What crawled under her armpit?
I'm not talking about that,
I'm talking about you,
what's bugging you?
Nothing!
Don't tell me it's nothing
when I know it's something.
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever since you
were four years old,
you and I could
talk about anything.
Times change, I don't
have anything to say.
Well, I do!
Go talk to your girlfriend,
your little scientist babe!
Are you jealous of her?
That's sick.
Monica,
you'll always be Daddy's
girl, you know that.
What about Mom, huh?
Your mother's been dead
for 2 1/2 years, sweetie.
Don't you ever think about her?
I dream about her every night,
and in that dream,
she's still alive,
but by the end, she's gone,
and I have to go through
it all over again.
I have the same dream.
I'm sorry, Daddy, I just
don't want a new mom.
Vicki's not gonna be your
new mom, she's my friend.
If Brain-Dead Danny
were to pass away,
you'd want a new boyfriend
someday, wouldn't you?
I want a new boyfriend now.
So this is the countryside?
Blue sky, wide open
spaces, fresh air.
What is that smell?
It's probably you.
Hey, I didn't do it.
Well, I didn't do it.
Well, I didn't do it.
Hey, Mr. Sarno, I smell
something, did you do it?
It's cow doo-doo, you nitwits,
just keep your eyes peeled
for a blue farmhouse.
Pardon me, excuse
me, Mr. Sarno,
is a farmhouse the
same as a ranch house?
1,000 a piece for these two.
So, they're like dinosaurs,
but they're not real
dinosaurs, Mr. Sarno?
Yes, yes, Louis,
they're deformed lizards!
Hey, speaking of deformed,
I knew this hunchback
in the sixth grade,
you can imagine, when this
guy had an itch, hey, oh!
You gotta be kidding me,
you graduated sixth grade?
Oh no, he missed it by
three days, you believe that?
He, uh,
stabbed the art teacher
with a chisel.
Yeah, crybaby...
I mean, right? It
was just a chisel.
Hey, hey, just shut
up and listen, okay?
You gotta treat these
creatures with kid gloves,
they get a little
nasty sometimes.
Hey, if some lizard bites me,
I'll grind him up
into a pair of shoes,
bada bing, bada boom.
You touch a scale of their skin
and I'm gonna grind
the two of you up!
They're worth millions of...
Of?
Of dollars, Mr. Sarno?
We're almost there.
You know, I'm thinking
here, Mr. Sarno,
if they're worth
millions of dollars,
then me and Ritchie should
get like, um, 1,200 a piece,
am I right, Ritchie?
Absolutely, more
than a thousand,
in spades, that is for sure.
Listen, we made a deal,
and a deal is a deal,
otherwise you two will never
work in this town again!
See what you
almost did, Ritchie?
Hey, I didn't do nothing.
Your carriage awaits, m'lady.
Let's get going, Brain-Dead.
That's my name,
don't wear it out.
Oh!
Those are b-bitchin'
th-threads, Monica!
Just drive.
I'm the only one in 10th
grade who's got a license,
is that why you go out with me?
No, it's 'cause you're
16 and real smart.
Slow down, Einstein!
What's he doing back here?
Who are those dudes?
You're not cheating on
me, are ya?
Just shut up and
turn around, dummy!
Hey, no reason to bag me out,
your wish is my command,
my highness.
Give me that.
Give me that.
I'll see ya later, Ritchie.
He is so stupid, Mr. Sarno.
Yeah, well, you're
close behind him.
Hey, get outta here, fleabag.
Good day, my friend.
Can I help you?
Could I perhaps interest you
in some Girl Scout Cookies?
Is this a joke?
Scouting is not a joke, sir,
it keeps the little
tarts off the street.
Well, I don't think so.
Get the dog.
Mr. Sarno, what
if he bites me?
Then bite him back,
what do you think I'm
paying you 1,000 bucks for?
You know, I was thinking,
I think we should get
at least 1,100 for this.
I'll give you 1,500, just
tie up the stinkin' dog!
Alright, where are the cookies?
Sorry, no free samples.
Good doggie, shut up,
doggie, nice doggie,
you're not a mutt,
you're a good dog.
Hey, what are you
doing to my dog?
Hey, watch the hair!
Would you watch the hair?
Leave it alone, Rico!
Back off, Judas.
Dad!
If you take 'em out of
this habitat, they'll die.
You had your chance
for the piece of the pie,
- I'm gonna get my babies.
- Dad!
You can't...
Do that?
Hey, they're no good to you!
Get off me, you jezebel!
Hey!
Ow.
Come on!
Boss, what do you want
me to do with this one?
Put him in the cage.
He's just a little boy.
The dino, you knot head!
I thought you said
they were just lizards?
Just do it!
Got it!
Alright, put it down!
Okay.
Daddy!
Dad!
Jerry.
Mr. Sarno.
Where's my little angel?
Where's my bird of flight?
Oh, you're a regular poet.
Hey, hey!
Hey, this haircut
cost me six bucks,
what's wrong with you people?
I swear, I'm gonna rip
his little beak off!
He's gonna rip
his little beak off!
It's a she, ya crooks.
I got a headache, Mr.
Sarno, can we go now?
Yes, yes, bless you,
good timing, Louis.
Get the brachiosaurus, Ritchie.
You got it, Mr. Sarno,
which one is that?
Try the one that's loose.
You know, Mr. Sarno, I
don't think it's gonna work,
look at this neck here.
Just stuff him in there.
Come on, Ritchie, let's go.
Okay, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, where's my angel?
Where's my little angel?
Hey, four outta five ain't
bad, Mr. Sarno.
Hey, shut up.
Mr. Sarno, you want
I should plug the dog?
No!
Rico, that dog is
like a mother to them.
What, are you deaf? I
said shut up!
Ah, man, I gotta think!
Louis, grab the mutt,
the rest of them,
they're expendable.
Rico, the dinosaurs
will all die,
but I can keep them alive.
Okay, okay.
Turn around.
I want you sharecroppers
to count to 500,
if you don't, if you follow us,
I'll kill the new
lady of the house.
Oh, I mean it, I'll kill her.
I'll kill her dead!
Get the dog, lunkhead.
It's okay, it's okay.
Come here, doggie.
Today!
Mr. Sarno,
this doggie likes me.
I'm sure glad I didn't plug you.
Trot!
Mr. Sarno, Ritchie said...
Shut up!
425,
426...
500, you count like an old lady!
Hey, don't move.
Come on, Dad,
let's call the fuzz.
I said don't move.
Yeah, you wanna get
Vicki killed, Jerry?
Since when do you care?
I care.
Alright, we're going
to the house, real slow.
Stay behind me.
Can we turn the heat down
a notch or two, Mr. Sarno?
No.
It's like a steam
bath in here, Mr. Sarno.
Those reptiles need a
99-degree temperature.
We're riding in a
traveling sauna circus here
without the three rings.
Shut up and sweat.
I mean it, Mr.
Sarno, I'm gonna pass out.
Then do it, punk!
Look, maybe we should
just get them some water.
Ritchie.
Oh, dear, Mr. Sarno.
It's okay, you'll
be okay, Louis,
just take little, baby breaths.
That's it.
Come on eat, we
got grapes to pick.
What about your girl, Dad?
Eat.
Yeah, what about
your girlfriend?
Are we just gonna
sit around here
while she rots down there
with that greedy slob?
I did not slave over that stove
so you two could jaw
yourselves to death.
Paper says there's
a big surprise exhibit
at the Angel City Museum.
Did I not tell you to eat?
Now eat, I don't wanna
have to repeat myself.
What about Ruby?
Vicki will take care of Ruby.
What about Elvis and
the other little guys?
What about them?
They didn't belong to us, I
told you that from the get-go.
They don't belong
to anybody, Daddy,
they should all be free like
Madonna.
This just makes my skin crawl.
Isn't that bended?
It makes me sick.
Uh-oh, Dad's got
that look in his eye.
Whoa, whoa, love it.
Rico, Rico, Rico...
That's my
name, don't wear it out.
Okay, one question
at a time, please.
Can you give us a hint,
is it from this century?
Cold, very cold, Bob.
Is it bigger than a breadbasket?
Maybe.
Is it fish or fowl?
Ooh, you're getting
warm there, Helen.
Is it a whole
flock of bald eagles?
Getting cold again.
Miss Vicki, is it true that
you were married to Tiny Tim?
Get those tabloid
slobs outta here.
Back, back, back, back!
Is it gonna change the world?
Forever, it's a rebirth!
No more questions!
Is it spiritual.
What did he say, huh?
He said no more questions!
Get outta here!
Get outta here!
Out, out, out, out!
Out, out!
But you promised me
an exclusive, Rico.
Get in line, newsmonger,
this is bigger than you and me.
But you promised!
Keep your shirt on, Sam,
look, shut up, wait with
the rest of the world.
Geraldo, how are ya?
Thank you, thank you.
Testing, testing,
one, two, three,
even kids under 12
can't get in for free.
Happy?
Delirious.
Aren't you? I can't wait.
Neither can I.
Pathetic peons.
You gonna kill him, Dad?
Oh, hi there, Mr. T.
Whoa, hot damn,
what's the wingspread
on that squab?
Hey, Whitey.
He's late for the show.
Where's Sarno?
Oh, he's across the
street, doing his act.
This won't take long.
Uh, attention,
attention, please.
Yes, uh,
well, I'd like to thank you
all for coming out today,
and my lovely young
assistant here and I have,
well, we've discovered
a renewal of life.
Please, give a big hand
to Miss Vicki Vandell.
Isn't she beautiful,
ladies and gentlemen?
Now, I would like to thank each,
each and every one of you
for coming out here today.
What you're about to
see is a labor of love,
and I'd also like...
Yeah, like I was saying, life
takes strange little turns,
and once you think
you've seen it all, kids,
you ain't seen nothing yet!
This moment of time
will be spoken of
in hushed tones of reverence.
Behold,
I give you prehistoric life!
My babies,
where are my sugar babies?
Where are my babies?
Where are my sugar...
Hey, nobody walks
out on me, nobody!
In here, kids.
Paula,
Hammer!
Hey, Elvis.
How ya doin', Elvis?
I missed you.
Got a minute?
What?
You got a minute?
You did, you did this to me.
You stole, you're
the thief, not me!
I'm the one who's trying
to change the world!
You...
Whoa.
So, you love those
punks as much as me?
Your kids?
No, the dinos.
I'm getting there, Mr.
Taylor, I'm getting there.
That's a fine-looking
family you got there, Mr. T.
See ya, Whitey.
Bye.