Positively Naked (2005) - full transcript

Spencer tunick: Okay,
put your legs together.

There you go.

Gwenn: You almost ready?

- Do you have any hair stuff?

- No.

What kind of a girl are you?

We have the opposite
relationship of most people.

I'm ready. You're doing your hair.

Here I am in a hotel room with a
man that I've known a month and a half.

- Strange man.
- It's the first time

I've ever slept with him.



You don't have to worry
for me. I'm a good boy.

Perfect gentleman.

I thought they were going
to give US two double beds.

Let me get my gloves.
All right, let's go. Let's do it.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

It's because you love me.

Yeah.

Gloves.

Vinny gets about
60 pills a day,

I only have
one handful a day.

Vinny's nervous about
showing his belly to the camera.

Four cameras
and two tripods.

- How do you feel?
- Uh... I'm ready.

I'm hoping to see
a few guts--



that will make me feel
a little more comfortable.

With all of this going on,
I forgot to be nervous

that I'm going to
get naked on camera.

I was actually hesitant
to tell my friends

because I thought they
would think I'm a sucker.

Julia: This is kind of
an out-of-the-way place.

What do you think?
Looks kind of creepy.

I wanted to be at peak
physical condition for this.

I don't know what they are
going to do. Put US all in a room

and tell US to strip,
I guess. Let's do it.

Come on.

Wow, this is cool. Oh my god.

Look at all these people.

Oh my god.

Elizabeth: I thought I
could do it right away,

because I thought it was
only going to be women.

But then when I got there,

that's when I find out that it was
going to be males and females.

As we all know we're going to
be nude during this installation.

Oops.

Mark: Vinny really
didn't want to do it.

Vinny: I was an underwear
model, but to wear nothing?

- Spencer. Hi, Nicholas.
- My name's Nicholas.

Ron: I was a little nervous,
a little apprehensive.

When Spencer came in-- I don't
know-- something about his voice.

I'd like to thank
everyone for coming.

Ron: He was very
nice with the crowd,

and he kind of explained
how he was going to do things

and I became comfortable.

This is a collaboration
between you and I.

We're going to make
a piece of art together.

At times it will be awkward

and then at times it will
be the exact opposite.

You'll feel like you should
have been here nude before.

But your breakfast will
never taste the same.

In my life I've dealt with
a lot of scary situations,

so why should I be afraid

to disrobe and
display my little fellow

in front of a room
full of people?

This is an honor to be
here working with you.

For me this is a
sign of community.

Julia: I participated
in this installation

despite the fears I had-- physically
being naked in front of people?

- Yeah, we could pose together.

- I love that.

No. Seriously.

I'm going to be
surrounded by all these men.

This was an opportunity to
do it in such an incredible way,

in a celebratory way,
with a community

that shared something
so critical about my life

that they shared, which was HIV.

Have you ever stood up on
the counter naked before, Sean?

I had come into the office
and was talking to Walter

about the cover prospects
for the 10th anniversary issue,

and none of them
excited him or excited me.

We kind of wanted
something special.

I had seen Spencer's work

and I thought, "oh god,
that would be perfect."

Spencer: They wanted a
work that everyone was alive,

interacting with the
camera and defiant.

And I wanted that
too, but I also wanted

to create a relationship

between life and death.

I could be up here.

Sean: I thought that
it would be powerful

for the people who participate.

I knew it would be
a powerful image.

I was thinking as
a magazine guy.

We wanted a good
image on the cover.

They called US with about

a three-week deadline
they were working within.

And most of the time to pull
together Spencer's installations

takes three, four months
at the very minimum.

I was like, "we've
got to do this.

I'm going to do it at no charge.

I'm going to donate
my services."

In two-weeks time we
get nearly 100 people

willing to say not just that
they're HIV, but here they are.

Yeah, we came
down from Boston.

We live in Boston.

This is the film
I'm using today.

Ron: For me, participating
in the installation

was the first time I've ever
made a public statement

that I'm HIV positive,

that I'm a person
who has survived

with the HIV virus for 17 years.

We all aren't dead or dying.
A lot of US are survivors.

Shawn: I'm in a room full of
people who are HIV positive.

I'm with my peers, you know?

There's no need to be
scared. I belong here.

People who have dealt
with the same situation

with HIV that I have,

going through the fear
of "who can I tell?

Which friends can I tell?
I don't want to burden people.

I don't want
to go to my doctor.

I don't want to make
the appointment.

I don't want to take the drugs.
I don't want to do this and that."

Just knowing, without even
talking to everybody in the room,

just looking at somebody and knowing,
"yeah, they know what I've been through

because they've
been through it too."

Loosening up. Yeah, I'm loose.

I'm getting behind you.

Spencer: We're going
to be working back here

or from here, from this angle.

The idea was suddenly growing
and it looked like it might happen.

So this little voice in
the back of my head said,

"are you crazy? You're going to
have to do this. Are you crazy?"

Spence: I feel that
Spencer's work is so important

as a social comment,
especially this.

Every person in that room
that was participating

was there for a spiritual
and emotional reason.

That's his grandmother.

She raised vinny
and she...

There aren't a lot of
times that comes off,

but I guess for
today it's coming off.

Shawn: A funny thing
happened at the shoot.

There was a guy there
who was HIV negative,

and he asked Spencer, "what
about people who are HIV negative

who are here in support
of people with HIV?"

Who is HIV negative?

Shawn: Spencer was like,
"I just want to get people

who are positive right now."

Okay, "neggies,"

finally you're the
ones getting kicked out.

Gwenn: I don't really have
fears so much anymore.

I think in the beginning
of the relationship

I definitely
had concerns.

I knew better. I knew I
wasn't going to contract HIV.

I knew how to use
a condom effectively.

I knew we really did everything
in the relationship to keep me safe.

I knew about all the studies
about relationships like ours

where the negative
partner stayed negative.

We've been in this relationship
for five and a half years,

and I feel like
"I'm still negative,

obviously what we are
doing is keeping me safe,"

so I don't have those
fears so much anymore.

All your bags, all
your backpacks,

every single thing
you brought with you,

please give to the people
behind the counters.

- Woman: We need four bags right here.
- Okay, sure.

Elizabeth: When I was sitting
there I was very nervous.

The fellow that was
sitting next to me,

he kept holding my hands
saying, "you're going to be okay.

Don't be afraid. Don't get
nervous. You're going to be okay."

He encouraged me so much

that when they said
three-- "one two three,"

and it was time to
take your clothes off,

I just took everything
at once, and I was like,

"okay, this is it."

You may disrobe now. Thank you.

Oh my god.

Julia: Come on, you've
got to get undressed.

- Got to go.
- You and me, just you and me.

Julia: This is not real.
This is not happening.

Shawn: Once everybody
took off their clothes,

the majority of the people
in the room were naked.

It sort of became,
"oh, this is normal."

Of course, at first
you're checking people out.

"Thank god
there's somebody here

whose a little chubbier
around the sides than me."

It was so sad that--
the penis thing.

Okay, I'm a gay man.

I know I'm fixated
with the size...

Of the penis.

But particularly--

I didn't want mine
to look particularly little,

and it was
kind of cold in there.

So I wanted to have like

the respectable, normal,

middle-sized,
don't-pay-attention--

Spencer:
Dark hair, right here...

Stand up.
Yes, you can stand up.

- All the way up?
- Yep.

Elizabeth: At the
beginning I was nervous.

A few minutes
later, I was like--

everybody was walking around naked
and nobody was looking at anybody.

Spence: I was
just walking around.

I joked with one of my
friends that was there.

I said, "I'm going to run to the
deli. Do you want anything?"

He's going, "well..." Then I started
for the door without any clothes.

He's going, "wait a minute. You
can't go out. You have no clothes on."

One,

two,

three.

Okay, were going to
try for this. We're gonna--

everyone look at me.

One... Close your eyes.

Two... Open your eyes.

Three... Keep them open.

Elizabeth: I had
ended this relationship

that I had for a couple of years

with this man,

and I heard that he was sick,

but I had no contact with him--

he had left the county. He
had gone back to his family.

When he tested positive,

he had promised
the doctor that he was

going to come to tell
me, and he never did.

In the hispanic community,

it's a culture thing.

It's very common that a man
will have sex with another man

and not consider himself
a homosexual.

They don't consider
themselves bisexual either.

I think that was the reason
why he kept the secret.

And he was ashamed
to come and tell me that

the way he had acquired
the virus

was through sex
with another man.

At the same time,
he got me infected.

Spence: Every time Spencer
asked US to close our eyes,

each time I thought
about one of my friends.

I've probably had
40 or 50 friends die

since 1981.

And I said to myself a small
prayer inside, "this is for you.

This is in honor
and memory of you."

Elizabeth: I decided to tell
my son that I was HIV positive.

He was 12 years old.

I went into his room,
sat on the floor with him,

and I started talking about all the
things that we had done together,

how close we
were to each other,

how much he meant to me
and that I had a secret.

I asked him if he knew
what HIV was,

so he said, "yes, I know.
They told US at school."

I said, "well, I want you to
know that mommy has HIV."

And I told him
how I got the virus,

what had happened

and that I was telling him
because I felt

that he was old enough,

that I didn't want to have
any secrets

and that we had to spend
more quality time together.

He didn't cry a lot,

but I remember
tears coming down his face.

And I've got no answer for
him. He was just listening to me.

It was the worst day
of my life.

I cried all night.

Spencer: Thank you so
much. This is really nice.

Man:
Gorgeous.

Spencer: Look at
each other not at me.

Look at each other.

Sean: Participating in the
installation and getting naked,

I don't think
I could have done it

unless it was a group of other
people who were HIV positive.

That gave me a strength
and a sense of community.

Elizabeth: I have so
many changes in my body

due to the disease

that I was kind of ashamed
of showing my body,

but then I felt
comfortable.

Vinny, which was tougher,
the belly or showing the penis?

Oh no, the belly.

It's really tough
for vinny,

because he has trouble
moving around.

He feels
very self-conscious.

He feels that maybe if he
could do a little more yoga

the belly would go away--
and it wouldn't go away.

He's not fat. It's not
anything he can get rid of.

It's aids-related
lipodystrophy.

It's a redistribution
of lipids fat

around your organs
or around body parts,

such as "the buffalo hump," the
hump that's on the back of your neck.

I have a hump on my back
between my shoulders.

I have a big neck,
big belly,

very very
skinny legs.

Everything is due to the
different protease inhibitors

that I have been on.

The fat in my body has
gone to the wrong places.

Even the most gorgeous
buff gym-body there

that had HIV
spends a lot of time

thinking about
that distended belly

and thinking about
those distortions

in another person,

and has a lot
of empathy for that

because they see that
in their own future.

And yet here

we all knew that we
shared certain fears,

we shared certain feelings
about our bodies

and that collectively
we could--

we could help heal that.

Spencer:
Very still.

Shawn: It was a
unique moment too,

to just forget for a moment
that you're HIV positive

because you're worried
about being naked

and about, "am I going to
rub somebody the wrong way?

Where's my elbow going
back there? Sorry, man."

I think everybody in
the room at one point

completely forgot
about being HIV positive

even though that was
the reason they were there.

Spencer: Okay, here
we go again. Stay still.

Julia: When I was diagnosed

I didn't react in
any particular way.

I was already an addict. I was
trying to kill myself slowly, so--

that was kind of like,
"well, this is what you want."

It didn't require
I do anything more.

I didn't have to take
any more pills, if you will,

or cut my wrists.
I was miserable for years.

I'd been so depressed
for so long.

I have a history
of sexual abuse

and that has colored
my whole sense of self

and my body image
for years.

I haven't been able
to come out from behind that.

I wanted to be proud
of who I am,

and I wanted
to find out

and figure out how to bring
that pride back to my family.

It's a pretty
tall order

because being
this woman,

this trip means so many things.
It means you're living with HIV.

It means you have a history of
substance abuse, prostitution, HIV.

It means
all those things.

But it also means
a person of strength.

A person with a past, yes,
but a person with a future.

A person with
some hope, strength, love--

that's what it
means to me.

Spencer:
Okay, look here.

Very good.
Don't move.

Everyone,
close your eyes.

One...
Open your eyes.

Two... great.

Ron:
I think that everyone

probably felt
a sense of camaraderie.

We're all naked,
we're all here,

we're all positive,

but we're all different
in some way.

Mark: We were married
about 10 years ago.

We petitioned
the Vatican in Rome,

and we actually got
our papal blessing.

Mark proposed
at cafe Rafael,

which is just around
the corner from here.

I got down
on one knee

and had a big, oversized
plastic engagement ring.

There we have
our cake top.

I remember saying, "oh
my god, get up. Get up."

"Will you--?"
"I said get up."

And then you
finally said yes.

- Yeah.
- And then I got up.

Our marriage
has lasted longer

than some of the straight
marriages in our family, so--

I do not have aids.
I'm HIV positive.

I've been HIV positive
for 20 years.

- Vinny, you've been HIV...?
- Positive for 14 years.

- And...?
- And aids for 10.

Mark: The difference
between HIV and aids

is a somewhat
imaginary

but very important
boundary

between being
HIV-positive and healthy

and having
"full-blown aids."

If you get less than 200
t-cells in repeated blood work,

then you have aids.

When I was first diagnosed
with HIV, I thought--

well, there was no such thing
as HIV in 1987.

It was aids-related complex,
a.R.C. Or whatever--

and I thought
I would die.

I thought--
I was waiting to die.

My planning window
became very short.

I stopped buying
new clothes.

Who's going
to need 'em?

The annual check-up
at the dentist's office--

hey, why waste my time
with that?

I didn't tell anyone
for five years either.

Nobody.
I could not tell anyone.

Oh god,
back in those days,

lovers were
leaving one another.

Neighbors were
freaking out.

Families
were freaking out.

I had three roommates.

I didn't know how they
would deal with it.

I didn't know how
to share it with them...

So I kept it to myself.

I had friends
that I had told

around the same time,

and they wouldn't
let me touch their kids.

You know, there were babies--
big large Italian family.

I remember
somebody walked by

and snatched a kid
out of my arm

or wouldn't let me
eat from their plates.

I went through-- I estranged
myself from them for years

because I couldn't, you know--

I couldn't deal
with their phobia.

Spencer: The person next
to you, go-- stay on the chair.

And the person next to
you go up on the counter.

So, boom boom boom.

Yes, on the counter.
Everyone just falls and drapes.

Even if you fall off onto
people, it's going to be just like--

like noodle soup.

All right. Here we go. One...

Two, three... Drop.

Very good. Very good
in the front. Very good!

Here we go.

Um, right over here, could
you cover your special portions?

Shawn: I grew up in
waynesboro, Virginia,

and when I was tested for HIV

it was 1987. I was
in the sixth grade.

My parents wanted to get me
tested because so many people

in the hemophilia community
were testing positive for HIV

because of the blood
products.

And when I was tested,
it came back positive.

One of the first people
my parents told

was my sixth-grade
teacher,

because I had been
missing a lot of school,

because I was getting
sore throats

that I couldn't
really get over.

My teacher,
she had some concerns

about HIV transmission.

She wanted to know if I was
a risk to the other students,

so she went to her doctor.

And her doctor was
either on the school board

or had close connections with
the waynesboro school board,

and I was expelled
from public school.

I was allowed back in just
because my parents battled them--

with lawyers who
told them it was illegal,

with doctors
who told them,

"Shawn is not a danger
to the other students.

He's not going
to be running around

having unprotected sex
during science class."

You know, a lot of the
fears were so irrational.

A lot of people
in my community

who thought they didn't
have to deal with it

realized
"this is out there."

Spence: I heard my parents
and their peer group say

that aids was
a god-given

death wish against
homosexuality,

so I was scared
to say anything

because they
truly did believe that.

If you're going to tell a
friend, "I have cancer,"

that friend will feel
sorry for you.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, she
has cancer. She's going to die."

If you're going to tell this
person, "oh, I have aids."

The person will just look and
say, "oh my god, what did she do?"

I mean, "she deserves it."

Ron: I'm single.
It's difficult--

the disclosure factor.

How do you
tell the person?

How is this person
going to react?

I once had
an attorney

who was in a group
with me.

He and I had just
this terrible...

Debate one night.

He told me that the "last
clear chance" doctrine

obligated me
to disclose my status

to people
automatically,

and I disagreed
with that.

I told him that safe sex is
an individual responsibility.

If I meet a person
in a sex club,

I'm not going
to raise the issue

because people don't
go to sex clubs

to hear about
people's statuses.

However, I have been
asked in a sex club,

and I've disclosed.

I don't have a problem if
the question is asked of me--

no matter where it is--

but I'm not going
to volunteer it

in certain
situations

and I don't think
it's necessary.

I think if you want to know,
then you'll inquire.

Spencer:
Keep still.

Very good.

Now if you can all
look at each other now.

Is everyone okay? This is going
to be great once this happens.

Okay, there you go.
That's perfect.

Okay, that's good.
That's very relaxed.

Sean: We focused so
much on giving back

the possibility of survival
to people with HIV,

which is
unbelievably important,

but it has contributed
to the erosion

of the message that HIV
is a really bad thing.

It messes up your life.
You don't want to get it.

There are actually people
that believe that these drugs

are so progressive

that even if
they did get HIV,

it doesn't concern
them anymore.

They'll just take drugs and
they'll live a full life. Who cares?

Spence: Okay,
don't move, very still.

Barbara: People are
so lax and so cavalier,

which is how I got
HIV in the first place--

was because this was
somebody else's disease.

When my boyfriend and I
got back together in 1988,

we discussed the
idea of safe sex.

We decided we don't
have to worry about safe sex

because this is a
gay men's disease,

this is for I.V. Drug users. What
do we have to worry about this for?

Well... hello!

He had full-blown aids. He had been
walking around with it much longer than me,

and he passed on in '92.

And my doctor told me
over the phone

that my test results
came back positive.

First of all,
I thought I was going

to drop dead
within six months.

I started
planning my will.

Then I called up
a couple of friends of mine

and told them I wanted
to plan my funeral.

Everything was just so
self-conscious to me.

I just felt like a
walking lethal weapon.

Okay, when you're
dropping this time,

don't drop
like you're sitting.

Drop like you're lying.
Okay?

So you're not propping
yourself up by an arm,

and feel free to recline
on someone you know--

or don't know.

All right, one,
two, three.

That's fantastic.
That's-- oh, this is great.

This--
oh, this is nice.

Shawn: Two years after
I was diagnosed with HIV

my mom brought up
the topic

of starting treatment
for HIV.

She was getting a lot of
pressure from my doctor.

A.z.t. Was the only one
that was around

until '95 or so.

There were a couple
of others,

but that was just to
prolong your life a little bit.

I watched people
suffer so horribly

and I've had several people
die in my arms.

It was just horrendous,
these painful deaths

with cancers all over-- black and
blue all over their arms and faces,

these beautiful, sweet,
wonderful, giving people.

In 1994 the protease
inhibitors came,

so I've been on
crixivan, invirase,

sustiva, kaletra,

viread, videx--
I mean everything.

So it would be
novir and fortovase,

videx and viread,
those are the...

The antivirals.

And then there's
all the rest of this stuff

that I take.
All these wonderful meds.

When combination therapy
came out--

and...

I am as extraordinary
an example

of someone who has
benefited from that

as I know--

I would say within three
days of starting the pills

I knew I was getting better.

It was like my body had been
a swimming pool full of virus,

and someone had pulled the plug

and every day more and more
of it was being drained out of me.

A lot of people are still alive

due to the cocktail, and there
are plenty of people that I know

that are over 20-years positive that
never even had to take a drug yet,

so each person
is different.

Are there any people
that are couples here?

I would like
whoever is a couple

to embrace--
as you have been.

Mark: The best news you can get

is to be told
you're going to die

and then not die, because
when you realize that

then you go, "oh shit, I had
all these screwed up things.

I was worried about the
mortgage and I wasn't worried

about spending
time with my family."

Nobody ever dies and goes, "oh,
I should have been working more."

They always go, "I meant to do
this. I should have been writing.

I wanted to do this." And when
you are hit over the head with

"you are going to
die," it refocuses things.

I think that's one
of the reasons

vinny and I have had such
a wonderful relationship,

because we keep on being told,

"you know, you might not
have much more time together

so you better
make the most of it."

It's hard.

I promised that i'd
out-live him though.

I thought he might
not make it through

when I was in the hospital

and he was being
taken care of by the nurse

and he was having
a bad spell.

But now, once again,
I'm the healthy one

and vinny's doing
pretty good too.

I'm not doing bad.

So...

I get a little
sad though.

How come?

I just do.

It's okay.

Spencer: I just want to thank
everyone. It's been so nice.

Thank you.

- Awesome.
- Nice meeting you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

It was a good job.
You did a great job.

- I think it was a wonderful experience.
- Thank you so much.

I appreciate it.
Thank you.

I really appreciate
you coming. Thank you.

Mark: I think it was
about half an hour longer

than what you
were really up for,

- but you got through it.
- Yeah.

My heart jumped when Spencer
asked me to stand on the countertop,

but once I crossed that threshold I
could have done anything in there.

I think we've got
a cover.

I like right here,
what's happening right here.

Right back there.

- Assistant: Which one's that?
- Right.

This is a wonderful
moment for me, so thank you.

Woman: You should
just be beside yourself.

- It's just amazing.
- I'm very happy with it.

I'm excited.
This was great.

Elizabeth: I felt that doing
this installation,

it was to show
the world we are alive.

We are suffering
from the disease.

We have to face

challenges everyday.

Ron: I think we were kind of
communicating to one another,

you know,
that "I'm here with you.

I'm here for you.

We're all
in this thing together."

Julia: I think the message
is that HIV-aids

affects all people
of all ages, of all colors,

from all walks of life,

that we're living
and thriving,

that, in fact, we don't look
any different from anyone else

and that it could be you.

Spence: The shoot was
a divine moment for me.

I tactilely could feel the
presence of Kenny and kerry,

Tony and all these different
people-- they were there.

That gives me peace. Period.

So if I die right now or
tomorrow or next week,

I'm going to die very
happy and very blessed.

Sean: Feeling your mortality
enables a clarity of focus.

You learn
about friends,

you learn about
real love,

you really get
an understanding

of what unconditional
love means.

You also learn that
everybody is going to die,

and everyone knows that,
so that isn't news to anyone.

So it isn't about
having information,

but it's about
learning it

and experiencing it
in your life and realizing it.

That makes
the time we have

while we're alive
precious and important.

For, I think, a lot
of survivors of aids,

it's given them
the inspiration

and even courage

to make their lives
important

and to have meaning.