Pie in the Sky (2022) Movie Script

(crickets chirping)

(gentle music)

(clock ticking)

(clock continues ticking)

(gentle music continues)

(door opens)

(light switch clicks)

(gentle music continues)

(light switch clicks)

(gentle music continues)

(book rustling)

(papers rustling)

(Mama exhales)

(gentle music continues)

(dishware clattering)

(pie tin clatters)

- Oh, shit!

(Mama exhales)

(back cracks)

(pie tin shuffling)

(cupboard door closes)

(dishware clattering)

- Mama.

Mama, what the

hell are you doing

in here in the

middle of the night?

- Did I wake you?

- Playing the cymbals like

that? Of course you woke me.

(Mama exhales)

Are you all right? Do

you need something?

- Just go on back

to bed. I'm fine.

- Well, what are

you looking for?

- [Mama] Brown sugar.

- Brown sugar? At

4:10 in the morning?

- [Mama] Yep.

- Why?

- I need it.

- You need brown sugar

at 4:10 in the morning?

- That's right.

- Well, you've finally

lost it.

- Why don't you

go on back to bed?

- What are you doing?

- I'm making an apple pie.

- At 4:10 in the morning?

- That's right.

- Why?

- Because it's your birthday

and you like my apple pie.

- Oh, well, thank you very much.

But can't this wait 'til later?

- I'm 85 years old.

How much later do

you think I got?

- You're not going anywhere

for a while, trust me.

- Don't you be too

sure about that.

I have got a busy schedule.

- Can't you at least wait

'til the sun comes up?

- No. I can't!

I woke up this morning

knowing I needed

to make an apple

pie first thing.

And I'm gonna make an

apple pie first thing

if it's the last

thing that I do.

And if all you're

gonna do is criticize,

you can just go

right back to bed.

- All right.

- Hey, why don't you help me?

- Help you?

- Yeah, help me.

- It's 4:10 in the morning!

- We're both awake.

- Not by choice.

Besides, I don't know how

to make your apple pie.

- Well, it's about time you

learned, don't you think?

I'm not gonna be around here

to bake them for you forever.

- You are out of your mind.

- Grab those apples off

the top of the fridge.

- Good God almighty.

Well, can I at least

make some coffee first?

You got a running start

on me. I got to catch up.

- Do what you need to do. I'm

gonna go on about my business.

(Dory exhales)

(dial clicking)

(flame roaring)

(cutlery clattering)

- It's 4:10 in the morning,

you know that, don't you?

- No, it's not.

- Oh, yes, it is.

- No, it's not! It's 4:15.

(Dory laughs)

(spoon clinking)

- All right.

What can I do?

- Did you wash your hands?

- What am I, eight?

- There's a piecrust in

the bottom of the freezer.

Why don't you get that out?

- [Dory] Oh, you're not gonna

make a crust from scratch?

- Who the hell's got time to

make a crust from scratch?

I haven't done that since

you went through puberty.

I'd have to get up two hours ago

if I was gonna a make

a crust from scratch.

No, I'm not making a

crust from scratch.

Store-bought is just fine.

- Mama, this piecrust has been

in here for over two years.

- [Mama] That's all

right. It's still good.

- You sure it

hasn't gone rancid?

- [Mama] You know what

that's made out of?

- Yeah, flour and shortening.

- That's right. You

know what shortening is?

- What?

- Petroleum.

It's a fossil fuel.

If it can live in the middle

of the earth for

5 million years,

two more on my freezer's

shelf ain't gonna hurt it any.

- Oh, shortening's

not a fossil fuel.

- Suit yourself.

I don't have time to

quibble about facts

that may or may not be true.

- Where do you want this?

- Take it out of the

plastic and put it in here.

- All right, well, you

don't want it in the tin?

Look, it comes in a tin.

- Good God, no,

I don't want it in the tin.

Those flimsy aluminum

tins aren't worth squat.

You need a good solid glass

dish to make a piecrust.

Now, this is one of those

nine-inch piecrusts.

But we're gonna put it

in a 10-inch glass dish.

At least I think

this is 10 inches.

24 centimeters? What

the hell is that?

Is that...

10, 24...

Well, I don't care what

they say, this is 10 inches.

So put it in here in the

center and let it thaw.

- All right.

Okay. Like that?

- No, not like that,

that's not the center.

It's got to be in the center.

Because once it's thawed,

you're not gonna

be able to move it.

- But the crust doesn't reach

all the way to the edge.

- That's because

it's one of those

nine-inch crust

in a 10-inch pan.

But they always give you

more crust than you need.

Once it's thawed, we're

gonna press it out real thin.

If you don't press

it out real thin,

then it's just a thick crust.

And who the hell wants

a mouthful of crust?

Now, set that over there.

- All right. What about the tin?

- What about it?

- Want to save the tin?

- No, I don't want

to save the tin.

I don't need a tin.

Do you need a tin?

- No, I don't need a tin.

- Well, then get rid of it.

- All right.

(pie tin clatters)

- Now, the first thing I do

is I make my crumb topping.

(Mama exhales)

(knife clinking)

Now, into this little bowl,

I want you to put two

tablespoons of softened butter.

Now, I need to get my cups.

I need a half a cup,

a third of a cup, a...

(spoons clattering)

What are you doing?

- [Dory] I'm measuring

two tablespoons of butter

off this other stick so I can

get just the right amount.

- Oh, here, give that to me.

(Dory exhales)

Here.

Now, this is two

tablespoons of butter.

- Well, how do you

know that's exact?

- I don't. But

it's exact enough.

That's what two tablespoons

of butter look like.

I've been doing this

long enough to know

what two tablespoons

of butter looks like.

And that's it.

Now, to this two

tablespoons of butter,

I want you to add a

third of cup of flour.

- Third of a cup of flour.

- That's right, a third

of a cup of flour.

(refrigerator door closes)

Then we need a third of

a cup of brown sugar.

(spoon tapping)

- Third of a cup of brown sugar.

- [Mama] Are you packing it?

- Yes, I'm packing it.

- [Mama] Is it well-packed?

- Yes, it's well-packed.

- That's got to be well-packed

or you won't get enough.

- It's well-packed, Mother.

- All right, let's

see. All right.

Now, you've got your brown sugar

and your butter and your flour.

Not all recipes call for this,

but I like to throw in a

little bit of cinnamon.

- All right, let me get

you a measuring spoon.

- I don't need a measuring

spoon for the cinnamon.

There.

That's enough cinnamon.

- Okay, how much is that?

- How the hell should I know?

It's enough, that's

all you need to know.

And then I take a fork and

I mash that butter right in

to the brown sugar and flour.

Now, some people

say you should cut

this butter in with a knife-

- What people say that?

- I don't know, the one's who

do it with a knife, I suppose.

But I don't like to do that.

I like to use a fork

so I can press that butter

right between the prongs.

Now, this is not a fast job.

Nor is it one for a weakling.

It demands strength

and time and patience.

- None of which you possess.

- That is correct.

And that is why I am passing

the torch along to you.

(Dory groans)

Now, mm.

You just keep breaking

down that butter

into the flour

and sugar mixture.

Just break it down. Push.

Push.

Push, push.

- I am pushing.

- Well, yes. And you are.

And that is the way

you get it done. Yeah.

Push.

- Oh, God.

Don't you have

something else to do?

You don't have to

keep doing that.

- I'm just trying to help.

- Don't you have

something else to do

besides look over my shoulder?

(kettle whistling)

- All right.

- And go over there and make

some coffee or something.

Finish the coffee.

(kettle continues whistling)

- You like my apple

pie, don't you?

- [Dory] Sure do.

- Well, that's a good thing,

because that's all you're

getting for your birthday.

I didn't buy you a gift.

- [Dory] That's all right.

- I thought about it.

- [Dory] That's nice.

- But I didn't get you anything.

- [Dory] I said

that's all right.

- 'Cause, you know, I

can't get to the store

unless you drive me, you know.

- I know.

- So how the hell am I

gonna buy you a surprise

when you're standing next to me

the whole time?

- Mama, I said it's all right.

- So, I'm baking you a pie.

- I know and I appreciate that.

- Are you done yet?

- [Dory] No, I'm not done.

You said it takes patience.

- Well, it does.

But, still, you should be

done by now.

- Well, I'm not.

(spoon clinking)

- I just didn't

want you to think

that I forgot your birthday.

- I didn't.

- Since I didn't get you a gift.

- Mama, let it go. All is well.

I'm having a very

happy birthday.

- You are?

- Yes, I am.

I really am.

- You sure don't look like it.

- I don't?

- No. You look

sort of pissed off.

- Mama, I'm fine.

- Is it 'cause I

didn't buy you a gift?

- Mama, stop it! I'm fine!

I don't need anything for

my birthday except you!

- You think I don't pick up

on your sarcasm, but I do.

- [Dory] God, Mama,

can we just cook?

You crazy old lady.

- What?

- I said you're

a crazy old lady.

(Mama laughs)

- Well, I'm not the

only one. (laughs)

Have you looked in

the mirror lately?

Happy 65th birthday, Grandma.

- I'm not a grandma yet.

The way things are going,

I probably never will be.

- Oh, you don't know.

Your daughter may

surprise you someday.

- Yeah, well, some

surprises I don't need.

Nah, Maggie's not

like you and me, Mama.

Maggie's an "independent

career type woman"

who won't know she wants

kids 'til it's too late.

Then she's gonna have some sort

of midlife crisis about it,

and the next thing you know,

she'll be living with

two hundred cats.

- Oh. (laughs)

- Yeah, well, thank God I won't

be around to see that, huh?

All right, here. How is that?

- That looks fine.

- You sure?

- Yep.

- All right. What

do I do with it?

- Just set it aside.

- Set it aside?

- Yeah, set it over there.

We're not gonna

use it for a while.

- We're not gonna use it?

- We're gonna use it, we're

just not gonna use it right now.

- Well, when are

we gonna use it?

- Last thing.

Right as the pie goes

into the oven.

- And when is that?

- Not for another

40 minutes or so.

- Why the hell did I go to

all this work now, then?

- Because it needed to be done.

- Is there an order to all this?

- Yes. This is the order.

- Are you sure about that?

- This is my pie, and I

get to choose the order.

And if you can't

follow directions,

you can just go

right back to bed.

- Oh, great.

- We need a large bowl.

(Dory groans)

A large bowl.

Hmm?

- Oh.

- And into that bowl, we're

gonna put white sugar,

brown sugar, flour,

nutmeg, cinnamon, and salt.

- [Dory] What about the apples?

- What about them?

- Aren't we gonna put

the apples in too?

- We're not putting

the apples in yet.

- Well, why not?

- Are you going to question my

recipe every step of the way?

- [Dory] Mm.

- We're gonna put the apples in;

we're just not putting

the apples in yet.

There is an order.

This is the order.

And now, we need a half a

cup of granulated sugar.

(spoon clatters)

Shit!

- Oh! When did you

start using that word?

- What word? Shit?

- Yes. You shouldn't

be saying that.

- I'm 85 years old.

If I want to say the word

shit, I'll say the word shit.

- Well, I never use that word.

- Well, maybe you should.

Maybe you should try it

out every once in a while.

Might make you feel better.

- I feel fine.

- Feel better if you said

shit once in a while.

- Half a cup. This

is half a cup.

There. Boop.

- And now, we need a

quarter cup of brown sugar.

Now, not all recipes call for

this, and that's just stupid.

I don't know see

how you can make

an apple pie

without brown sugar.

And it's got to be well-packed.

Did I tell you that?

Now, look at this.

This is a well-packed

quarter cup of brown sugar.

A quarter cup of brown

sugar well-packed.

- All right, what is next?

- Now, we need a

quarter cup of flour.

- Wait! Whoa.

Aren't you gonna wipe

that off first?

- Wipe what off?

- Your quarter cup.

- My quarter cup's just fine.

- It's got brown sugar

stuck to the sides of it.

- A little brown sugar

never hurt anything.

Brown sugar just make

about any recipe better.

I can't think of a single meal

wouldn't be better

with brown sugar.

And if a little brown sugar

falls off in the flour jar,

then it'll just be a nice

little surprise for me

the next time I'm

baking something.

And now, we need a half

a teaspoon of cinnamon

and a half a teaspoon of nutmeg.

- [Dory] All right.

Let's see here.

(spoons clattering)

- No, not those.

- What?

- Those measuring spoons

won't fit in the spice pan.

Whose stupid idea

was that anyway?

Why would anybody ever

make measuring spoons

that won't fit in a spice can?

(spoons jingling)

- [Dory] Mm.

- You can't pour spices onto

a spoon, don't they know that?

Here, use this one.

- All right. Half a

teaspoon of cinnamon.

- Now, don't, whoa, don't

throw it in all in a clump.

Spread it out. Let

everybody get to know it.

That's the way.

All right, and now, half

a teaspoon of nutmeg.

- Nutmeg? What's the nutmeg do?

- I don't know. But I do

miss it when it's gone.

- All right.

- And we need some salt.

- How much?

- Oh, about that much.

- What was that?

- What?

- What did you just

put in there?

- I put in some salt.

- But you didn't measure it.

Was it a quarter teaspoon?

Was it a half a teaspoon?

- I don't know.

It was that much.

- God, Mama, how am I

supposed to learn your recipe

if you don't stick to a recipe?

- The recipe calls

for a dash of salt.

I put in what I

thought was a dash.

- Well, is a dash

always that much?

- No!

It depends upon the

day, and the time,

and how I'm feeling

at that moment.

Today, I felt like that much

was a dash. Good God almighty.

Grab a fork and stir all this

around 'til it's one color.

And you're gonna have to

break up that brown sugar.

(fork clattering)

What are you doing?

- Well, I'm breaking

up the brown sugar.

- Like that?

- You just told me to break up

the brown sugar, so I'm

breaking up the brown sugar.

- Like that?

- Yes, like that.

That's how I break up brown

sugar. What's wrong with that?

- That's just not

the way I do it.

- Oh, well, how do you do it?

- Well, I do it like this.

Mm-hmm.

- Well, I don't

do it that way.

- Well, fine.

- Well, fine, then.

- Fine.

Wish I had that 60 seconds back.

- Right there. How's that?

- Is that all one color?

- Mostly.

- Mostly's not all one

color. I want one color.

It's got brown sugar and

cinnamon and flour and nutmeg,

it should come out beige.

I want one color.

Should come out beige.

- Oh, a beige is what you want,

then beige is what you'll get.

But some of this brown

sugar won't break up.

- I know. Don't worry about it.

I said don't worry about it.

- It won't break up.

- It'll just be a nice little

surprise for your mouth

when you bite into that bite

and get a little

extra brown sugar.

You see, that is one of the

nice things about brown sugar.

You just never know

what it's gonna do.

Sometimes, it's

not there at all,

other times, it just

kicks you in the teeth.

I just love brown

sugar. (laughs)

I can't think of a single meal

wouldn't benefit

from brown sugar.

- Shrimp scampi.

- [Mama] You could put brown

sugar in shrimp scampi.

- Oh, you can, huh?

- Sure.

- Yeah, well, why on earth

would you want to do that?

- [Mama] Why not?

- Tacos.

- Well, I suppose if you like

sweet tacos, you could...

(Mama laughs)

I see what you're trying to do.

You're trying to

catch me in a lie.

You're trying to

think of something

wouldn't be better

with brown sugar.

And I tell you this: you can

just stand there all day long,

you're not gonna come

up with anything.

- [Dory] All right,

how does this look?

- Now, that's all one color.

That looks fine.

Now, set that aside.

- Set this one aside too?

- Yeah, we don't

need it right now.

- God, why am I

doing all this work

we don't need done right now?

- Because you need to

prep things ahead of time.

That's what we're doing,

we're prepping

things ahead of time

so that when we need

them, they're ready.

Good God, I'm glad you

never worked for NASA,

we'd have never found

ourself on the moon.

All right. Now, it's magic time.

It's time for us

to get doing this,

get everything cleaned up.

Wait, what are you

doing with those cups?

- What?

- Those cups.

What are you doing

with my measuring cups?

- Well, I'm putting

them in the sink.

- Why? They're not dirty.

- Well, they've got flour

and cinnamon on them.

- Well, just blow on them.

It'll come right off.

It's just powder. We

don't need to wash them.

- Fine.

- I mean, now, if it were wet,

if it were corn syrup or

vanilla, well, sure, wash them.

But dry goods are fine.

Dry goods are dry.

That's why they're

called dry goods.

'Cause they're good

when they're dry.

- All right. All right.

- And now, the apples. Woo-hoo.

Grab those apples and

bring them over here

to the table so we can

peel them, will you?

- Peel them? Peel them where?

- Right here on the table.

- We're gonna peel the apples

right there on the table?

- That's right.

- Well, where are

the peels gonna go?

- [Mama] Right

here on the table.

- You're gonna put the peels

right there on the table?

- What have I been saying?

- [Dory] The peels are

gonna go all over the table.

- That's right. It's a table,

it's not a Mercedes Benz.

We're cleaning it all

up when we're done.

- Right.

- Now, we need eight cups

of sliced apples,

which translates into

about six or seven.

But you know what I do?

- I hesitate to ask.

- I use eight.

- Of course you do.

Why do you do that?

- 'Cause they cook down.

Now, if you use those

abnormally large,

genetically-altered apples

from the grocery store,

then you probably

only need about five.

But I like to use these smaller

ones in the five-pound bag,

they're sweeter

than those others.

- You're a genius.

- I know.

- Mm-hmm.

What kinda apples are these?

- McIntosh. I won't use

anything but McIntosh.

Now, your Aunt Sylvia

swore by Granny Smith.

But those apples are

just too damn tart.

Not that your Aunt Sylvia

and I saw eye-to-eye

on most things anyway.

Okay, we got two, four,

six. We need two more.

No. That one's got a dent in it.

- So?

- Well, if you use an apple

with a dent in it, you

lose a whole bite of pie.

- All right, there.

- All right.

Now there's eight.

Now, we need the knife,

the peeler, and the corer.

- The what?

- The corer.

- The corer?

- The corer that you core

the apples with.

- Oh, the apple slicer.

- Well, if you knew what it

was, why'd you just keep asking?

(Dory chuckles)

(utensils clattering)

Now, you take the corer,

the apple slicer, and

you core those apples.

And then I'll core these.

- All right.

- Whew.

(Mama exhaling)

You know, I made an

apple pie just like this

on the day you were born.

- Did you really?

- I just said I did.

Must have been some kinda

nesting instinct or something.

- Nesting instinct. You

had a nesting instinct.

- Well, sure I did.

I think we all do.

At least subconsciously.

And I would not leave,

I had to have the

house all cleaned up,

I had to have everything wrapped

up, everything organized,

before my life changed forever.

And I would not leave

for the hospital

'til that pie came

out of the oven.

- Was Daddy angry?

- Your father? Oh,

he wasn't here.

Your grandmother, my mother,

took me to the hospital.

"Get in the car,

Margaret," she said.

"Forget about that damn pie!"

- [Dory] Where was Daddy?

- Oh, he was somewhere,

I don't know.

- [Dory] You don't remember?

- Well, that pie

came out of the oven,

your grandmother

hustled me into the car.

"Get in the car,

Margaret," she said.

"Keep your legs crossed

for God's sakes!" (laughs)

We got to that hospital.

You were born 30 minutes later.

- Do you remember that?

- Oh, like it was yesterday.

I don't remember

all that much pain,

although they said I

screamed my fair share.

But I remember that nurse.

When it was all over, she

handed you to me and she said,

"Why, she's just as

cute as a sugar cookie."

So, I called you Cookie

those first few weeks.

You probably don't remember.

But your grandmother

put a stop to that.

- So, you named me after

her instead, then, huh?

- No, she named you after her.

I kept calling you Cookie.

- You always said that

you named me Dorothy.

- Well, I lie a lot.

- But you also said I was a

good baby. Is that a lie too?

- You were great

in still photos.

In real life, you

were loud as hell.

(Mama laughs)

- Well, I get that from you.

- Oh, and you couldn't

stand being left alone.

As long as I was in the room,

you were happy as a clam.

But if I had to leave to go

to the bathroom or take a pee,

you screamed so loud

you woke the neighbors.

Finally, I just took

to carrying you with me

every place I went.

- I must have liked

your company back then.

- I must have liked yours too.

Wait a minute.

- What?

- There's core on that piece.

- There's what?

- There's core on that

slice of apple.

You can't put core in a pie.

Nobody likes core in their pie.

- That little bit? Is

that really gonna matter?

- Gonna matter? Where

were you raised?

I have never fed you core

one time in your life.

And I'm certainly

not gonna start now.

Now, you get a knife

and you cut that out.

- All right. All right.

- And you be careful

with that knife.

Don't get blood in my pie.

- I'm not gonna get

any blood in your pie.

- Well, you would

if you cut yourself.

- I'm not planning

on cutting myself.

- Well, that's good thing.

Because we're gonna have enough

to clean up around

here as it is.

I don't need your

cold, lifeless body

at the same time

to be cleaning up.

Wait a minute.

There's stem on that one.

You can't put stem in pie.

Nobody wants stem in their pie.

Good God in heaven. Where'd

you ever learn to cook?

- From you.

- You didn't learn that from me.

I have never put stem in my pie.

- All right, look, you

worry about your apples

and I'll worry about mine.

- No, I'm gonna worry

about all the apples

'cause this is my pie.

- I thought it was my pie. I

thought it was for my birthday.

- It's not your pie yet.

It's my pie right now.

It's not your pie 'til

it comes out of the oven.

And then you can do whatever you

damn well please with it.

- All right.

Well, I am done

coring my apples.

- Well, good. Then, now,

you can do those, would you?

- Those are your apples.

- Good God, you've

got 20 years on me.

Can't you do a

little extra work?

Whew.

(faucet running)

I haven't had a bowl

movement in three weeks.

- [Dory] Oh, good God,

Mama. Are you all right?

- I don't eat as much

as I used to either.

- Well, that's probably 'cause

there's no place to put it.

What else is going on with

you that I should know about?

- Nothing.

- Well, maybe we should have

you checked out later today.

- I don't need to

be checked out.

- Well, maybe you do.

- Well, maybe I don't.

Last thing I need is some young

doctor sticking his fingers

up my butt trying to figure

out what's slowing things

down up there.

- Well, it couldn't hurt.

- Ha, I'm not too

sure about that.

- No, I just meant that

it wouldn't be a bad idea.

- Well, just make sure

he's good-looking,

that's all I can say. (laughs)

- Maybe he'll look like Daddy.

- Oh, God, I hope not.

(Dory laughs)

- I just meant, maybe he'll

be suave and debonair.

- Well, if he's

suave and debonair,

he won't be anything

like your daddy.

- Now, Mama, stop it.

- Your daddy was an idiot.

- Stop it. Daddy

wasn't an idiot.

- Only an idiot could die

the way your daddy died.

- Mama, stop it.

Dying in a farming mishap

doesn't make somebody an idiot.

- Your daddy drank himself

to death. That was no mishap.

- Drank himself to death?

You always told me me

that died because of

a machine malfunction.

- The machine malfunctioned

because he was

drunk off his ass.

He was driving a hay baler

on a farm in Amarillo

while intoxicated.

Lost control, fell

into the machine,

and was spit out the

other end wrapped up

like a happy little package.

By the time they unbaled him,

he was dead as a doornail.

That never would have

happened if he had been sober.

- I never knew that.

- Yep. Your daddy was a drunk.

- But you told me it was

a machine malfunction.

- A hay baler is a machine.

- But you didn't

tell me the truth.

Why didn't you tell me

the truth before now?

- Why would you want

to know the truth?

Weren't you happier

thinking your daddy died

a noble death working the land,

instead of knowing he

was a drunken idiot?

The truth isn't

always the truth.

The truth is what

you believe it to be.

- So, you lied to me?

- That's why most families lie,

to protect the innocents

with ignorance.

Are you done there?

- Yes, I'm done.

- Oh, good.

Then it's time to peel.

Now, this is how I do it.

I take the peeler in one hand,

I take a slice in this hand-

- All right.

Thank you. I know

how to peel things.

I have peeled things before.

- All right, Miss Bossy-Boots,

I was just trying to

give you a few pointers.

- Yeah, well, I

think I can manage.

- Thank you.

- I can't believe

you lied to me.

- It was for your own good.

- Well, shouldn't I be

able to decide that?

- No.

(Dory exhales)

- This is time-consuming.

- What, you've got

someplace else to be

at four in the morning?

- Well, yeah, in bed.

- [Mama] Ha.

- Did you know-

- Mm?

- Aunt Lucy is in the hospital?

- Your father's sister?

- Yeah.

- I didn't even know

she was still alive.

- Oh, yeah, 92 years old.

- Whew.

- Been living in Temecula

this whole time.

- Hmm.

(Dory chuckles)

- Yeah, I called Cousin Mavis

at the hospital this morning

and I said, "Mavis, what

is wrong with your mama?"

And she said...

Know what she said?

- What?

- "She's old."

(Mama laughs)

- That about sums

it up, doesn't it?

God, Lucy Garlifini. I haven't

thought about her in years.

- Lucy Gannon, Mama, we're

talking about Daddy's sister.

- Huh.

I didn't know you

were still in touch

with that side of the family.

- It's the only side left.

We visited them when we

took the kids to Disneyland.

- Disneyland?

- Yeah.

- That's got to be 20 years ago.

- Oh, no. More than 20.

That was the last

family vacation

we took before the accident.

All four of us driving

from Texas to California

in that Volkswagen Vanagon.

Living and eating

and sleeping together

for two weeks in that van,

boy, I thought I was

gonna lose my mind.

Louis said, "Oh, it'll be just

like living in a motor home."

Well, Louis was wrong.

A Volkswagen Vanagon

is not a motor home.

(Mama laughs)

Far as I can tell,

it's not much more than

a twin bed on wheels.

- Oh, Lord.

- But it got us there and back.

Anyway, we visited Aunt Lucy

and Cousin Mavis on that trip.

- Mm.

(dog barking)

You've got a bruise on that one.

- Yeah, I see it. I'll

just peel it away.

- Well, don't peel

away too much.

You won't have any apple left.

- Oh, God, what kinda

idiot do you think I am?

- I don't know, what

kind of an idiot are you?

- Mavis was so

calm on the phone.

I swear, sometimes, I

wonder if she's got a pulse.

I said, "Mavis, aren't you

worried about your mama?"

She said, "Well, what's

there to be worried about?

I don't know anything yet.

I suppose if the doctors tell me

she's got cancer or something,

then I'll be worried.

But until then, I'm

just gonna sit here

and eat my tuna sandwich."

- Oh, God.

- That's what she said.

(both laughing)

Oh, boy, she's a

better woman than I am,

that's all I can say.

Oh, but I don't know,

maybe she's right.

Maybe it's better to just

wait for things to happen

and then deal with them.

The only one who suffers

from worrying is the worrier.

'Cause I've been worrying

about you for 20 years.

It hasn't gotten me a thing.

- Well, maybe you

learned your lesson.

(Dory chuckles)

All right, now that

we got some peeled,

it's time to take a few minutes

before they turn

brown and slice them.

Now, you want to

slice them like this.

Nice and thick.

No, that's too thin.

- Oh, okay.

Like that?

- No, thick!

- That is thick.

- No, I mean thick.

Like your head.

- All right, well, why

slice them at all, then?

Why not just cover

an apple in crust

and bake the whole damn thing?

(Mama laughs)

- Don't be sassy. (laughs)

You don't wear

sassy well. (laughs)

All right, once you've got

some peeled and sliced,

it is now time for the

flour and sugar mixture.

- Oh, now we're gonna use it.

- Woo-hoo.

(Mama laughs)

Now, after they're

peeled and sliced,

you throw them in here, and

you get them all well-covered.

- All right.

- Stir them around there.

Get them all well-covered.

There you go.

Get them all covered up.

- [Dory] Okay.

- And then you go back

to peeling and slicing.

Peel, slice, stir, repeat.

- Yeah, you've got quite

a system here.

- Yes, I do,

and don't you tamper with it.

All right, I am going to

cover up that brown sugar

so that it don't get hard.

- [Dory] All right.

(Mama exhales)

- Oh.

- [Dory] Mama?

- Oh.

- What is it?

- I'm dizzy.

- Okay, all right.

Shh, shh, shh.

Here, come sit right down here.

Right there, right

there. Right there.

Okay. All right.

Did you take you blood

pressure medicine?

- I don't know. I think so.

- [Dory] All right,

all right. Where is it?

- In the bathroom.

- Okay.

All right, you're just gonna

sit here now and keep still.

And I'll be right back.

(Mama exhaling)

(no audio)

(Mama exhales)

(floor creaking)

(Mama exhales)

Why am I in here?

- My pills.

(Dory gasps)

- Oh, right.

(Mama exhales)

Right.

(Mama exhales)

What are you doing over there?

- Well, I figured as

long as I was gonna die,

I should be in a comfortable

chair with my feet up.

- You're not gonna die.

Here. Take one of these.

Okay.

Yeah, okay. Now, just

sit here a while.

You see, this is what

you get when you wake up

at four o'clock in the

morning to make a pie.

Your whole system

gets out of whack.

All right, now you're

just gonna sit there,

and I will finish these.

(Mama exhales)

Mm.

(Mama exhales)

(Dory grunts)

(Dory exhales)

- I am scared of dying.

- You're not gonna die, Mama.

- Well, I am someday.

And it scares me.

- Well, don't think about it

then. Let's change the subject.

- Don't think about

it? I'm 85 years old.

What else is there

to think about?

- Well, let's talk about Howard.

- Howard's dead.

- Mama. All right, let's

talk about your friends.

- My friends are all dead.

(Dory exhales)

- Mama, stop it.

They're not all dead.

What about Carolyn

Wicker? She's not dead.

- She might as well be.

Ever since that

stroke last year,

she can't walk, she can't

talk, and she does is drool.

That's not living.

- Yeah, you're right about that.

- Just when you get

everything figured out,

everything starts to fall apart.

Getting old just sucks.

- [Dory] Oh, I know it.

- You?

Oh, you haven't even started

to age yet. Just you wait.

First, you start farting

for no reason at all.

And then, every time you

laugh, you pee your pants.

Parts of your body start to ache

you didn't even know you had.

Yeah, getting old

is just a hoot.

Then you forget things,

you can't sleep,

and then you find yourself awake

in the middle of the

night making an apple pie.

And suddenly, it

all makes sense.

And you go, "Yeah,

uh-huh, that's right."

As far as I can see,

the only good thing

to come out of aging is I no

longer have to have my period.

Good God almighty, if

I had to fool with that

at this stage of my life,

I think I'd just take out a gun

and shoot myself in the head!

There's peel on that slice.

- There's what?

- [Mama] There's peel

on that slice of apple.

- Oh, just a sliver.

You can barely see it.

- [Mama] I can see it from

all the way over here.

There's no slivers

of peel in my pie.

If you want slivers

of peel in your pie,

you should make

your own damn pie.

- Seems to me I am

making my own damn pie.

So, I'm gonna leave

that little sliver

of peel right on there.

Then when I come across it,

when I bite into that

little sliver of peel,

I'm gonna say, "Mm-mm.

Do you taste that

little sliver of peel?

Boy, is that yummy."

(fork clattering)

- You've got a real attitude

problem there, you know that?

- [Dory] God.

(Mama exhales)

- What were we talking about?

- I don't remember.

- Oh, gosh.

Ugh!

- How are you feeling?

- I'm all right.

- Are you lying?

- Yep.

- Well, you just sit

there for a while.

(Mama exhales)

These spells have

become more frequent.

- Have they?

- You know they have.

This is the third one this week.

- Fourth. I didn't

tell you about one.

- Well, maybe we should

have your medicines checked.

Maybe they should up the dosage,

or change it all together.

- Oh, maybe.

- Yeah, we'll tell them about it

when we go and see

them later today.

I'll call and make

an appointment

after the rest of

the town wakes up.

- It's not gonna do any good.

- What do you mean, of

course it will do some good.

What do you mean by that?

- I'm dying, Dory.

- You're old, Mama,

you're not dying.

- One leads to the other.

- Not today, it doesn't.

I swear to God, Mama, if you

spoil my birthday by dying,

you will never

hear the end of it.

- You know what would

make me feel better?

- I shudder to think.

- If you find a

man before I died.

- Oh, for me or for you?

- Well, I wouldn't

mind one for myself,

but it'd probably kill me.

- Well, if you're dying anyway,

you might as well

go out with a bang.

- No, I mean for

you, you need a man.

- Mama, I do not need a man.

- Well, you need somebody.

I'm not gonna be around here

to look after you

forever, you know.

- Look after me? I'm

here looking after you.

- You are?

- Yes.

- Well, you're not doing

a very good job, then.

- What does that mean?

- Well, look at me.

- You look bright

and sunny to me.

- Well, I don't feel

bright and sunny.

- [Dory] Yeah, well, just

wait for that medicine

to start working, you'll be

dancing around here in no time.

- I don't mean physically,

I mean up here.

Getting old is depressing.

Life used to be so easy.

When I was younger, and I mean

just a couple of years ago,

I'd do things without

even thinking about it.

But life's gotten

more difficult lately.

It's a lot of work just

to get through a day now.

And sometimes, my body

just feels so heavy,

I think I'm not gonna be able

to carry myself around anymore.

And that's depressing.

That's not gonna get any better,

that's just gonna get worse.

But there is one thing that

would make me really happy.

- [Dory] Oh, Mama.

- You can't deny an old,

dying woman's last request.

- Mama, I'm not gonna

hook-up with some fella

just to make you happy.

- I'd do it for you.

- Look, if you want

to see me with a man,

then stare at that picture

of me and Louis over there

'cause short of buying a puppy,

that's as close to a hairy

chest that I'll ever get again.

- Oh, I hate a hairy

chest on a man. Ugh.

Just creeps me out.

I like them smooth

and tall and tan.

(Dory chuckles)

- Looks like somebody's

medicine's starting to kick in.

(both chuckling)

- Oh, you dropped one

there on the floor.

- Oh, I know I dropped

one. I'll get it.

(Dory grunts)

- [Mama] Whoa, whoa!

What are you doing?

- I'm gonna throw it away.

- [Mama] What do you mean

you're gonna throw it away?

- Just what I said.

I dropped this slice on the

floor, the floor is dirty,

I'm gonna to throw it away.

- No, whoa, wait, whoa.

- What are you doing?

Just sit down, Mama.

No, hey, Mama, don't.

Oh...

(faucet running)

- There.

Good as new.

You were going to throw

away perfectly good apple.

Who raised you?

- You raised me.

- Well, I did a

horrible job, then.

- [Dory] Fine, fine. Whatever.

- No daughter of mine

should be throwing away

perfectly good apple just

because it fell on the floor.

When I was little,

we are our food

right off the floor.

- Oh, you did not.

Stop it.

- And we were happy about it.

- [Dory] Would you go sit down?

- Now, that looks good.

There are some thick

ones. That's very good.

- [Dory] Yeah, that's

because I'm tired

as hell of doing

this and I figured

that if I made them bigger,

then they would be done sooner.

- Well, what about this one?

- Yeah, I got a little

thin with that one.

(Mama laughs)

- That looks like a potato chip.

- It'll add

character to the pie.

- My pie does not

need character.

- Give me that. Here.

(Dory humming)

(Mama humming)

- You have no respect

for tradition, do you?

- Okay, I am making a pie at

four o'clock in the morning.

I don't think that's

part of the tradition.

So, please, just sit down.

- You know, you

can't make a good pie

unless your heart's not in it.

(Dory exhales)

That's a fact.

- Thank you.

Sit.

(knife tapping)

(Mama exhales)

- When was the last time

you heard from Maggie?

- Maggie? My Maggie?

- Your daughter.

You remember her?

- Gosh. I don't know.

Why?

- Oh, no reason.

I was just thinking

about her last week.

- God, let me think.

Maggie and I, we

haven't spoken in,

well, I guess it's got

to be two years now.

- Oh, don't you miss her?

- Of course I miss her.

- Well, why haven't

you called her, then?

- Then why hasn't she called me?

When she was little, we

used to talk all the time.

We'd talk about which

boys she had a crush on

or what her interests were.

But ever since the accident,

the gaps between our talks

just keep getting

bigger and bigger and...

God, after Louis and

Michael were gone,

when it was just the

two of us in the house,

she could go days at a

time without talking to me.

The bottom line is, Mama,

she doesn't like me anymore.

- Now, that is ridiculous.

- No, that's true.

I know it's true.

Oh, God, it's funny, isn't it?

I haven't spoken to

her in over two years.

And I think about her every day.

- Well, it can't last forever.

Silence was made to be broken.

Pull your sleeve down.

- What?

- Pull your sleeve down.

I can see them. You know

how I hate seeing those.

- I'm sorry.

(Dory exhales)

So sorry.

Okay.

All right. This is

the last of them.

(dog barking)

- All right, then.

- There we go.

- Just stir those all in.

- Okay.

- Get them going there.

Another one.

- Okay.

- Now, get them covered up.

- Okay, I think they're

stirred in and well-covered.

- I think that

looks pretty good.

- All right, good.

Well, you like that, huh?

- I think you did a fine job.

- Thank you very much.

- And now-

(Dory snorts)

- No.

- Set that aside.

(both laughing)

- You've got to be kidding me.

Are we ever gonna put

this thing together?

- Yes. But set that aside.

First, we have to

deal with that crust,

which is now nicely thawed.

- Okay. (chuckles)

- Now, we're gonna

take this crust

and we're gonna squoosh

it all the way out

to the sides of the dish.

- Okay.

- And make it real thin.

- Okay. Okay.

Like that?

- Even thinner.

- Mm. Okay.

Really?

- That's right, I'm not lying.

- Okay.

- And this ridge part

up at the top, just

press that out flat.

- [Dory] Uh-huh.

- And then, if you

get any holes in it,

you just mush them together.

- Oh, this is gonna make

for a very thin piecrust.

- Well, you need

a thin piecrust.

- Okay.

- There you go.

If you get any holes in the

bottom, you just mush them

back together.

- Okay.

- Once it starts cooking,

it's gonna melt itself

together anyway.

Now, there you go.

I got to tell you-

(Dory laughs)

There is your piecrust.

- Oh, my.

- Woo-hoo!

- Well, I have to say,

that was a lot easier than

making one from scratch.

- Damn anything's easier

than making one from scratch.

Hell, I'd give birth

again before I do that.

(Mama laughs)

- Okay, let me guess,

you want me to set this

aside now, don't you?

- No, Miss Smarty Pants.

I want you to take this piecrust

and set it in the freezer.

- In the freezer?

- That's right.

- We just took it

out of the freezer.

Why are we putting it back in?

- 'Cause it bakes up

better if it's chilled.

- Why?

- I don't know, it just does.

I don't know the

scientific reason.

But the crust comes out flakier

if the shortening is chilled.

- You're pulling my leg.

- Why the hell would

I pull your leg

over something as stupid

as chilling a piecrust?

- God only knows.

- This is the way my

mama did it before,

it's the way I do it now.

- All right, then.

Back into the freezer it goes.

- And now, we need to

deal with this oven.

It needs to be preheated

to 425 degrees.

- Okay.

425 degrees.

(dial clicks)

- All right, now.

You are ready now for the

biggest secret of all.

Are you ready? This is

just gonna blow your mind.

- [Dory] It is, huh?

- Grab that big skillet

out of the drawer.

- Okay. This one here?

- That's the one.

- [Dory] Okay.

- Can you guess what

we're gonna do with that?

- Can it get us arrested?

- We're gonna preheat the

apples on top of the stove.

(Mama laughs)

- That's it?

That's your big secret?

- It's a pretty big secret.

Don't you tell anyone.

- Who would I tell? So what,

we're not gonna bake this pie?

- Of course we're gonna bake

it, it's a "baked apple pie."

But if you just take

those raw apples,

and stick them in the crust,

and put it in the oven,

those are gonna

come out crunchy.

And we want them to

be soft but firm.

- Well, why don't you

just bake it longer?

- Because then the

crust would burn.

So, my little secret is

to pre-cook the apples

on top of the stove.

- Oh.

If Hitler had known this,

he might have won that war.

- If you pre-cook the apples,

they come out al dente.

- Al dente?

- It's an Italian word.

- Yes, I'm familiar

with the word,

I've just never heard it

applied to apples before.

- Oh, al dente can

refer to lots of things.

Matter of fact,

Howard and I once had

a bed that was al dente.

- Soft but firm.

- That's right.

(Dory chuckles)

In fact, oftentimes,

when we were in the

bed, we were al dente.

I was soft and he was firm.

- Let's just keep

cooking, all right?

- What's the matter?

Have you lost your sense

of humor all of a sudden?

- Just trying not to throw up.

- You're no fun at all anymore.

Now, get us some butter.

We need two tablespoons of

butter right here in this pan.

- All right.

Okay.

That looks like two

tablespoons to me.

- All right. There you go.

There is hope for you yet.

(both laughing)

Now, we just need to wait

for that butter to melt

and cover the bottom of the pan.

- Oh, boy.

You know who would

have loved this pie?

- Who's that?

- Michael.

Oh, Michael loved your cooking.

- Yes, he did.

(Dory exhales)

- Oh, I miss him.

- I know you do. So do I.

- Mm. I still dream

about him, you know.

(Dory chuckles)

And when I do, he's

always eight years old.

I don't know why, he always is.

Just is.

My Little Fellow, oh,

that's what called him,

my Little Fellow.

Never even saw 15.

- He was a good boy. You

really raised a good boy, Dory.

- You think so?

- Might have been gay,

but he was a good boy.

All right.

Your butter is melting,

your oven is preheating,

it is time to make

Mama's Apple Pie!

Now, grab that piecrust

out of the freezer

and put it here in

your 425-degree oven

for exactly five minutes.

- You want me to put

this in the oven?

- For exactly five minutes.

- There's not a damn thing

in this piecrust, woman.

You know that, don't you?

- Oh, ye of little

culinary skill.

If you don't pre-cook

that piecrust a little,

it's gonna come out

mushy instead of crisp.

And we want it to be crisp.

So, my little secret is to

give it a little headstart

in the oven for the

same five minutes

that we're pre-cooking the

apples on top of the stove

for the same five minutes.

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, if you

would've pre-cooked

all this last night,

we'd be done by now.

- You have a very short

fuse, you know that?

Now, quick as a bunny,

grab those apples

and pour them right here

on top of this butter.

- Right there on

top of the butter?

- [Mama] That's right.

- All right.

- And get all that flour and

sugar mixture in there with it.

(apples sizzling)

There you go.

Now, on a medium-low flame,

we're gonna slowly saute

those apples for five minutes.

- Oh, the same five minutes

that the crust is in the oven.

- That's right.

- Yeah, you just said

that a minute ago.

You're starting to

repeat yourself.

- I only said it

once, you repeated it.

I'm just agreeing with you.

(Dory chuckles)

Now, stir all that around,

don't let it get

stuck to the bottom.

That sugar'll just

turn to asphalt

if you don't keep it moving.

- Okay.

- Now, smell that.

Take a whiff.

- [Dory] Mm.

- The brown sugar and

the flour and the butter

and the cinnamon and the juice

from those apples

are mixing together

to create an aromatic glaze

that is simply to die for.

You smell that?

- I smell that.

- Is that not to die for?

- That is to die for.

- Making this pie

reminds me of my mama.

She taught me this recipe,

and now I'm passing

it along to you.

And someday, you'll

pass it along to Maggie.

- Maggie doesn't cook, Mama.

Maggie's a poster child

for the fast food industry.

- Oh, you don't know.

Someday, she may

get her act together

and get married and have kids

of her own, you don't know.

- Yeah, someday, she may do

a hell of a lot of things

but come visit me

or give me a call,

that's not gonna be among them,

I can tell you that right now.

- You don't know.

Everybody matures

at their own pace.

Keep stirring. Stirring.

- Okay. It's got nothing

to do with maturity, Mama.

She resents me,

that's the problem.

- Well, everybody gets over

their resentments in time.

I think age does that to

you. Maggie's no different.

She just needs a little

more time, that's all.

- Mama, Maggie is 35 years old.

How much more time does she get?

Now, what it is, is

that she blames me

for the accident.

- I know.

- Which is just ridiculous

because it wasn't my fault.

But damn if I can

convince her of that.

- Well, she can't

blame you forever.

- Well, I think

that's her intention.

Last I heard, she was

dating a man twice her age,

and I know it's

just to piss me off.

All right, maybe

it's just some sort

of father-figure substitute

type thing, I don't know.

Here, how does that look?

- Now, that looks fine.

Turn off your flame now.

Let those just sit there

while your crust finishes.

We can clean up a little bit.

- Boy...

(faucet running)

Louis was a better father

than I was a mother.

- Oh, what a thing to say.

- Maggie used to tell me that.

- Well, if she'd said that to

me, I'd'a slapped in the face.

- Yeah, well, I would have too

if I didn't think she was right.

See, Maggie had a

bond with her daddy

that I just never could match.

But I tried.

I tried to fill that void, hmm?

After Louis was gone, I

tried being her sister.

Tried being her friend. What

I couldn't be was her daddy.

And, God, that's

what she needed.

That's what she wanted.

- You did your best you could.

That's all anybody

can ask of you.

And I think she's gonna come

around in time. I really do.

Everybody ripens when the sun

comes up. She'll ripen too.

- Who are you all of a

sudden, the Dalai Lama?

The sun comes up and

everybody ripens?

What the hell does that mean?

- Means I'm a genius.

(timer ringing)

Oh!

There's the timer. All

right, let's make a pie!

Grab some mitts and get that

piecrust out of the oven

and set it right there.

- Okay.

Here we go.

- There you go.

And now, quick as a bunny,

grab those apples and

pour them in here on top.

- [Dory] Right there on top?

- Right here on top.

- [Dory] Okay.

- There you go.

Get all that flower and sugar

mixture in there with it.

There you go.

Now, you want to get that

in there and spread it out,

you don't want any

mountains in the middle.

'Cause your crumb topping

needs a flat surface,

so you need it nice and flat.

Are you hearing me? Flat.

- Yeah, that is flat.

- Does that look flat to you?

- Yeah, that's flat.

- That's not flat.

- Sure, it's flat.

- What's that?

- All right, (groans)

it's not entirely flat.

There. Ooh!

- When I say the word flat,

what does it mean to you?

I say flat, do you think pancake

or do you think porcupine?

- I know what flat is, Mother.

- I don't think you do.

Otherwise, that'd be

flat. Give me that to me.

Now, this is flat.

Get your crumb topping

and bring it over here.

(Dory gasps)

- My God, the Holy Grail,

the time has finally come

for my crumb topping.

- Oh, why don't you

stop talking about it

and get over here

for heaven's sakes?

Now, get this all around.

All around on the

edges and every place.

I just love a crumb topping.

It's so light and airy on your

tongue. Sorta just dances.

A double crust pie does

not dance on your tongue,

it just lays there.

Now, get all these corners.

Don't leave any

apples underexposed or

they'll likely burn.

Get them all the way

out there, the edge.

There you go.

- That's good.

- I think this is

ready for the oven.

- All right.

- So slide that

puppy in the oven.

- Okay.

- And set your timer

for 30 minutes, and

we will be on our way.

- [Dory] Oh, so it takes

about 30 minutes, huh?

- Not about 30 minutes,

30 minutes exactly.

- [Dory] All right,

then. 30 minutes.

- And in one half hour,

you will have the

most delectable pie

that your tongue has

ever experienced.

(Dory exhales)

All right, now the

pie's in the oven,

we need to clean up a bit.

Oh, got a bunch of peels

there on the floor.

- Well, yeah, well...

Mama?

- Mm-hmm?

- How is it that you get up

at four o'clock in the

morning to bake a pie,

and yet I am doing all the work?

- [Mama] I guess I'm

just smarter than you.

- [Dory] Hey, what is this?

- Oh, it lives down there now.

I just needed some

more room on the shelf.

- Mm-hmm.

(Dory chuckles)

Mama?

- Mm-hmm?

- Did you ever love Daddy?

- What an odd question

to ask out of the blue.

- [Dory] Well, no, the

way you were talking

about him before, falling

into the hay baler and all,

you didn't sound like a woman

who loved him very much.

- Oh, I suppose I did.

It's hard to love a drunk.

Harder still to love a coward.

And your father was

most of those things.

- [Dory] Why did you

ever go out with him

in the first place?

- 'Cause he had a big dick.

- Oh, my good God.

Where is your tact nowadays?

- I don't need tact.

I'm 85 years old. I can say

anything I damn well please.

Besides, didn't you

ever go out with a man

just 'cause he had a big dick?

- [Dory] What?

- I said, didn't you

ever go out with guy-

- No, no, Mama. I

heard what you said.

I just can't

believe you said it.

- Well, didn't you?

- [Dory] Well, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Damn right, yeah.

- But how did you know?

- What? That he had a big dick?

- Oh, would you

stop saying that?

- Well, you asked.

- But I'm trying to be discreet.

- You can't be discreet

about something like that.

You just have to blurt it out.

I knew because he

wore those tight,

stretchy jeans back then.

He knew what he had.

He was advertising.

First time he came towards me,

I thought I was being

charged by a rhino.

(Dory laughs)

- [Dory] But it

wasn't enough, huh?

- Oh, it was plenty.

- No. I mean, it wasn't

enough to save the marriage.

- Dory, I need to

tell you something.

- Okay. What is it?

- You're 65 years old now,

you're probably old

enough to deal with this.

(Dory gasps)

- My good God, you're

a democrat, aren't you?

- What?

(Dory chuckles)

No, I'm not a democrat.

For God's sakes.

- Okay.

What is it, then?

- Your father and I

were never married.

- [Dory] What?

- You heard me.

- You were never married?

- [Mama] No.

- I'm finding this out now?

- [Mama] Yep.

- You waited all these

years and you never told me?

- [Mama] That's right.

- Well, when were you

planning on telling me?

- [Mama] Eventually.

- Eventually? Mama,

you are 85 years old.

How much more eventually were

you planning on using up?

- Well, I was cleaning out

my closet over the weekend

and I saw some photographs

of him, and I thought,

well, now might be the

right time to tell you.

- How many skeletons have you

got in that closet of yours?

- Oh, I've got quite a

few. How many have you got?

- I don't have any.

- You will by the time

I'm finished talking.

- God, I can't believe

you never told me.

- I did, I just

told you right now.

I swear, you're never satisfied.

- I just assumed the

two of you got divorced

when I was a baby.

- I know. And I just let you

think that all these years.

But you said you wanted the

truth and so there it is.

You're not gonna cry, are you?

- No.

I mean, I suppose it

doesn't much matter.

It doesn't change the

way I feel about you.

It's just a little odd finding

these secrets out

this late in life.

- Well, I'm sorry.

That's just the way life is,

just full of little secrets.

- So, then, technically,

I'm a bastard.

- Yep. That's right.

You're a bastard.

- What's the female

word for bastard?

- Bastard.

- Really? It's not bastress,

or something like that?

- No, I think you're

just a bastard.

- Thank you. I think

you're one too.

- Hey, while you're up,

why don't you get

me some more coffee?

- I'm not up.

- Well, then get up and

get me some more coffee.

(Dory exhales)

- [Dory] Now, wait a minute.

If you and Daddy

were never married,

how did you end up

with his last name?

- Oh, I just took it.

- [Dory] You took it?

- Yeah, I took it.

When it became clear to me

that he wasn't gonna

give it to me himself,

I just went over

to the courthouse

and had my name

legally changed to his.

I didn't want him trying to

pretend that you weren't his.

And I didn't want you

going through life

with a stigma around your neck.

Nowadays, women are just popping

out babies right and left,

not caring who the father is,

sometimes not even knowing.

But back then, a woman out

of wedlock giving birth

to a bastard was frowned upon.

- So you became Margaret Jackson

all those years just for me?

- Well, it wasn't

that hard. (laughs)

When your maiden

name is Strogonavich,

Jackson just seems

like a happy accident.

And then I married Howard and

became Margaret Garlifini.

So I was Polish and

British and Italian

and never left the country.

(kettle whistling)

- So, you never lived together?

- No.

He'd show up in town

from time to time

and tell me all the

things I needed to hear.

And that usually resulted

in a night of passion.

And then by the

morning, he'd be gone.

Finally, when you

were about three,

I just told him to take a hike.

- Why did you do that?

- Because he wanted

to have another baby.

- With you?

- Of course, with me. What the

hell's that supposed to mean?

- I'm just asking.

- I said there's just no way

I'm gonna raise

two kids by myself.

If you want to

have another baby,

it's gonna cost

you a diamond ring.

- So, what happened?

- Well, you know what

happened. We never married.

Suppose that big cock of his

just kept him too busy to ever

think about settling down.

And then when I wouldn't open up

those golden gates anymore-

- Okay, Mother, please.

Please.

- Well, he just

stopped coming around.

- Well, that's not totally true.

I remember him stopping

by from time to time

when I was growing up.

- [Mama] Well, that's right,

but he didn't come to see me.

He was coming to see you.

He really liked

being your daddy,

he just didn't know

how to do it very well.

Do you remember him at all?

- Sort of. I remember

he was really tall.

- [Mama] That's because

you were really short.

How old were you the

last time you saw him?

- Oh, the last time I saw

him, I was 11 years old.

- [Mama] That

sounds about right.

- Yeah, I know I was 11

because that was the year that

I had sixth grade spelling,

and that week, one of the words

I had to learn was autopsy,

and I didn't know what it meant.

So, he was around, so

I asked him, I said,

"What's an autopsy?"

And he said, "Your

last physical."

(both laughing)

- Daddy.

- So, I told this

to all my friends.

I did, I said, "You know

how you go to the doctor

every year for your physical?

Well, your last

one's an autopsy."

I had half the class

using this word wrong

before the teacher

set us straight.

(Mama laughs)

- [Mama] He must have had his

last physical soon after that.

- Yeah, that summer.

- Sounds about right. I married

Howard soon after he died.

Oh, now, they're all gone.

- Yeah.

- Daddy and Louis and Michael.

I swear, men are

just unreliable.

Every time the dishes need

washing, they just up and die.

(Dory chuckles)

Those dry goods aren't gonna

put themselves away, you know.

- They're not, huh?

Is that your subtle way

of telling me to do it?

- I wasn't trying to be

subtle. Pull your sleeve down.

- Well, I guess I

should call Cousin Mavis

at the hospital this morning

and see how Aunt Lucy's doing.

- 92 years old, is

that what you said?

- Yeah.

- Good for her.

Your father and I

visited Aunt Lucy once.

- In Temecula?

- No, they were living

in El Paso at the time.

We drove all through the night

with you curled up

in the back seat.

You probably don't remember.

You were just one-year-old.

- No, but pretty sure

we didn't get there

in a Volkswagen Vanagon.

(Mama laughs)

- No, we did not.

- Hmm.

So, if I was only a year old,

then Mavis wasn't even

born yet, was she?

- Not quite.

- [Dory] And you

didn't keep in touch

with Aunt Lucy

over all the years?

- No, we sorta had a

falling-out early on.

- [Dory] Over what?

- Oh, I don't

remember right now.

First met Howard on that trip.

- Howard? Yeah, Howard's

from El Paso, wasn't he?

- Well, look who's

still got a memory.

Yes, he was. I'm surprised

you still remember that.

- Hmm.

So he knew Aunt Lucy too.

- How'd you know that? Did

your aunt tell you that?

- [Dory] What? No, no.

No, I was just asking.

Why, were they friends?

- You could say that.

- [Dory] Huh.

I never knew that.

- Yeah, they were good friends.

- So, all those years you

were married to Howard,

I don't ever remember

him mentioning Aunt Lucy.

- Well, they sorta

had a falling-out too.

- Huh.

So, they must have

moved to Temecula

soon after that visit of yours.

- I don't know. I suppose so.

Why?

- Well, because Mavis

was born in Temecula,

she's lived her

whole life there.

So if I'm only a

year-and-a-half older than her-

- You're nosy today.

- What?

- You're like a

bloodhound on a scent.

Where are you going with this?

- Nowhere.

- Look, you don't

get to pass judgment

on all the decisions

I made in my life.

Some of my secrets are just

going to my grave with me,

and that is the way

that is gonna be.

- Look, it was just idle chat.

- Well, let's just idle chat

about something else, then,

for God's sake.

- All right, all right.

- Good God almighty.

- Okay, I said all right!

(both exhaling)

- Have you ever

ridden a skateboard?

- Seriously? That's what

we're gonna talk about now?

- [Mama] I'd like to

ride a skateboard.

- Right now?

- [Mama] You got one?

- No.

- Well, maybe later, then.

(Dory exhales)

- Yeah, you on a skateboard,

that will be quite

a sight, you know.

Why would you want

to ride a skateboard?

They're dangerous, you

know. You can break a hip.

- At my age, I could break a hip

just getting out of

bed in the morning.

That's not my point.

- Okay, so what is your point?

- My point is it looks like fun.

- Fun? Oh, yeah.

Well, so does skinny-dipping,

but I'm not gonna do

that at my age either.

- You're a sour-suck.

- A sour-suck?

- Living with you is

like sucking on a lemon.

- Yeah, well, you're no

jelly donut, you know.

Fun is overrated at our age.

- You see, that is the

difference between us.

- What is?

- I still want to have

fun, you've given up on it.

- Oh, I haven't

given up on anything.

- You've given up on everything.

- No, I haven't given up on

anything. That's just not true.

I just happen to know

what my limitations are

at this point in my life.

And you don't.

You still want to run and jump

and play like a prairie dog.

- Well, what's wrong with that?

I'm just a young person

trapped inside an old body,

while you're an old

person trapped inside

a young body.

- What does that mean?

- You go around here all day

acting like your life is over.

65 is not old.

I'd kill to be 65 again.

- I'm not even middle

aged anymore, Mama.

65 is well past middle age.

- That doesn't mean you're dead.

You need to go out and

find yourself a man.

- Oh, see, yeah!

Here we go. Here we go.

- [Mama] It'd knock

a few years off you.

- Mama, the last

thing I need is a man.

- No, I'd say the first

thing you need is a man.

- No, Mama, I am not in any

position to have sex nowadays.

- Oh, I don't know, that

looks like a pretty good one.

- Good Lord.

- When was the last time?

- What?

- The last time you had sex,

when was it?

- No, mm-mm.

I'm not gonna stand here and

discuss my sex life with you.

- It'd be a short conversation.

The last time I had sex-

- No! I don't need to know this.

- You don't find it interesting?

- No.

- Really?

- No, no.

Not in the least. So,

please, Mama, just shut up.

- What about that Ed fella?

- What? What are

you talking about?

- Ed, Ed that fella you

hung out with a couple years-

- No.

Mama, that was over a year ago.

- Well? Maybe he's

interested in you.

- He hasn't called in a year.

Does that sound

interested to you?

- Well, maybe he hasn't called

'cause he lost

your phone number.

- Or maybe he hasn't

called because he died.

Either way, it doesn't

sound promising, does it?

- Maybe you should

call him, then.

- Why?

- Maybe you'd like to find

someone to grow old with.

I'm not gonna be around here

to entertain you forever.

- Oh, yeah, because

it is your soft shoe

that gets me up in the morning.

- You know what I mean.

You don't want to die alone.

- I'm not gonna die alone, Mama.

I've got you.

And you are clearly

gonna outlive everybody

because the ornery

ones always do.

So, maybe you ought to call Ed.

- Well, maybe I will.

- Mm, fine.

- Fine!

- Fine, then!

Fine.

(Mama exhaling)

What do you want me to

do with these apples?

- [Mama] Oh, I don't care.

- [Dory] You want to save them?

- You're not gonna throw

them away, are you?

- [Dory] Are you

planning on making

something else with them?

- No, I think I'm done.

- [Dory] All right, well,

they'll be in the fridge

if you change your mind.

- What were we talking about?

- [Dory] I don't remember.

- Oh, good lord.

Here we go again.

Men, that was it.

- Oh, yeah, right, men.

- That was it. That was it.

I was gonna say you

need to find yourself

a fella like Howard.

- [Dory] Oh, Mama,

they don't make fellas

like Howard anymore.

- Oh. He was my little

Rock of Gibraltar.

Loyal as a puppy

and just as happy.

- He was a good man, Mama.

- Yes, he was.

He was a shy, though, and quiet,

I don't think he

said a hundred words

the whole time we were married.

- But he had a good heart.

- Yes, he did.

Shame it had to stop ticking.

Right there in the Circle K.

I went to the next aisle

to get some Diet Rite,

I came back, he was

dead on the floor.

- Just horrible.

- I'll always remember

his last words.

- What were they?

- "I love you."

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- He was reading

a greeting card.

And then just fell on the floor.

- Unbelievable.

- I was your age, 65.

- Do you miss him?

- Oh. I think I miss him more

now than when he first died.

But you remember, I

had his ashes spread

up there on the mountain.

So, every spring when those

cactus flowers come into bloom,

I just feel like he's

paying me a visit.

- That is sweet.

- You know, they charged

me for that greeting card.

- What?

- Yeah.

Said they couldn't resell it.

- That's terrible.

- Well, he did wrinkle it.

And he adored you.

He treated you better

than his own daughter.

- He had a daughter?

- Well, if he had a daughter.

He treated you like his own.

- Mm, yeah.

He was so tickled

when I asked him

to walk me up the

aisle. (chuckles)

His face turned bright red.

(Mama laughs)

- Yeah, shy men are like that.

Oh. (laughs)

I remember the first time I

had him over to the house.

I offered him some of my

homemade fudge, and I said,

"Do you want the male

fudge or the female fudge?"

And he said, "What's

the difference?"

And I said, "Well, the

male fudge has nuts."

(both laughing)

Bright red!

(both laughing)

In fact, the first

time we slept together,

his faced turned the color-

- Oh, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

No. That's far

enough, old woman.

We do not need to go any

further with that story.

- It's really good one.

- Oh, no.

No, thank you.

- Well, you're just

missing out.

- No, thank you.

Mama. Mama?

How many apple pies do you think

that you've made over the years?

- I don't know. At

least a hundred.

Probably more.

- And how long does it

take to make an apple pie?

- How long?

- Yeah.

From start to finish, how

long would you say it takes?

- Oh, I don't know,

hour and 20 minutes.

- So, 80 minutes.

- That sounds about right.

- All right, so that's 100

pies at 80 minutes a pie,

that's 8,000 minutes.

8,000 minutes you've spent

making apple pies. Hmm.

- That's about right.

(Dory laughs)

- 8,000 minutes. That's

about nearly a week.

Nearly a week of your life

you've spent doing nothing

but making apple pies.

- Well, that sounds like a

pretty good use of my time

on this earth, don't you think?

Oh, my God.

- Yes, I do.

I certainly do.

(Mama laughs)

- Oh.

- Muah.

(hand tapping)

♪ Show me the way to go home ♪

- Oh, my goodness.

♪ I'm tired and I

want to go to bed ♪

♪ I had a little drink

about an hour ago ♪

♪ And it went right ♪

♪ To my head ♪

♪ Silver bell ♪

♪ Wherever I may roam ♪

- [Dory] Whoa.

♪ On land, or sea, or foam ♪

♪ You can always hear

me singing this song ♪

♪ Show me the way to go home ♪

♪ Woo-hoo ♪

♪ Boom boom ♪

- We've still got it!

(both laughing)

Remember how we used

to sing that song

when you came home from school?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, I do. It's one of

my favorite memories.

You'd come from the kitchen,

I'd come from the hall,

we'd come together and we would

dance like we had no cares.

- Oh, we didn't back then.

- Boy. What made

you think of that?

- Oh. (laughs) You got me

thinking of your daddy.

That was his favorite song.

- That was?

- Yeah.

- [Dory] Huh.

- He and your aunt

used to sing that

right after they'd tied one on.

- Daddy and your sister?

- Yeah, they were

drinking buddies,

among other things.

- Oh, my God.

- I always thought

that a sad little song,

but your daddy had

a way of singing it,

made it seem real happy.

- Yeah, you know, I

taught that routine

to Maggie when she was little.

And there was a year or so there

when she was seven or eight

when she refused to go to bed

until we'd danced together.

- Dancing makes everything

seem a little bit better,

doesn't it?

- Yeah, sure does.

- I need to get to my chair,

I think.

- Okay, here.

Here we go.

- Here we go.

- Yeah.

(Mama exhales)

Mm-hmm.

Okay?

- Life is good.

- Yeah, life is good.

(no audio)

- I called Ed.

- You did what?

- I called Ed.

That Ed fella.

- [Dory] Yes, I know who he is.

- Well, I called him.

- Just now?

- No. A few days ago.

- Why on earth

would you do that?

- Well, 'cause he

needed to be called.

And for the record,

he's not dead.

- Oh, well, thank you.

- In fact, he's

free Friday night.

- What?

- I said he's free

Friday night.

- What did you do?

- I didn't do anything.

(Dory exhales)

But he's be picking

you up after eight.

- What?

- He's picking you...

What, are you going

deaf? Eight, eight!

- Oh, God.

What, you made a date for me?

- Well, you weren't

making one for yourself.

- Mother, I'm 65 years old.

I do not need you

making dates for me.

I'm perfectly capable

of making my own dates.

- Well, why don't you, then?

- Because I choose not to.

- Well, that's just dumb.

You're running out of time.

- Well, that's a

horrible thing to say.

- Well, it's true.

- Yeah, well,

I know it's true.

But you just don't

say that to somebody.

I'm very upset with you, Mama.

I mean, just how could

you do such a thing?

- It was easy, I

picked up the phone-

- Okay. Okay.

Can't believe you

sometimes. Really.

- [Mama] What?

- Eight.

- Yes.

- This Friday.

- Yes.

- Mm-hmm, well,

that's just ridiculous.

You should have made it seven.

You know I can't

stay up past 10.

- What?

- Seven, seven! What,

are you going deaf?

- Well, why don't you just call

him and change it yourself?

I mean, I put his number

right up there on the fridge.

- Really, I cannot

believe you sometimes.

What has gotten into you?

- Life has gotten into me.

(Dory exhales)

- Oh, my goodness gracious.

This changes everything.

- [Mama] Good.

(paper rustles)

(oven door opens)

(Dory gasps)

- [Dory] Mama, I

think it's done.

- [Mama] Has the timer gone off?

- No.

- Then it's not done.

- [Dory] Well, but it's

getting brown on top.

- [Mama] Yeah.

- [Dory] Well, do you want

to come and look at it?

- [Mama] No, I don't

want to look at it.

- [Dory] Well, maybe

you should just peek.

- No, I don't want to look at it

until it's done

and it's not done.

- [Dory] Well, how do you know

without looking at it?

- Because the timer

hasn't gone off.

Now, close that door or it's

never gonna finish cooking.

(Dory exhales)

(oven door closes)

- I can't believe you

made a date for me.

It's like high school

all over again.

Can you imagine what

Maggie would say

if she knew I had a date?

- I think she'd

be happy for you.

- No, I doubt that.

No, in her mind, I'm supposed

to live in perpetual mourning

as punishment for my crime.

- You didn't commit a crime.

Now, you've got to stop

thinking like that.

- Mama, I know I didn't.

But just try telling her that.

I don't know how

she could blame me

for an accident I had

nothing to do with.

But she does.

- I don't think she blames

you for the accident.

I think she blames you

for sending them out

that morning in the first place.

I know that's not right, but

I think that's what she does.

I think she's decided that

if you hadn't sent them

out that day to start

with, they'd still be here.

- And probably they would.

But how was I supposed to know

that trip was gonna kill them?

I sent Louis and Michael to

the market, that's all I did.

- I know.

- And Louis had driven

to that store a million times

without even getting

a scratch on him.

But this one time

there's a collision

and, suddenly, it's

all my fault, why?

Because I asked them to pick

up some ice cream for dessert?

Hell, people go out all

the time for dessert

and they live to tell about it.

- Well, I think, in time,

that she's gonna come around.

I really do.

I think all people, over time,

come to realize the

randomness of life,

that says this

person's gonna live

and that person's gonna

fall into a hay baler.

Arbitrary nature of things.

Maggie's a good girl.

She's grown up since the

last time you talked to her.

I think she's gonna come around.

Now, you just wait and see.

- You've been talking

with her, haven't you?

- What?

- You've been talking to her.

What did you do,

did you call her up?

Did you send her a letter?

- I did no such thing.

- Well, you have

been talking to her.

I can tell by the way

you're talking now.

- Oh, I texted her, if

you must know, Miss Nosy.

- You text?

- Nearly broke my thumbs off.

- And?

- And she called me right back.

We had a nice

phone conversation.

- So, why didn't you

tell me about this?

- 'Cause it's none of

your damn business.

Besides, she asked me not to.

- Well, I tell you

things all the time

that people tell me not to say.

- That's why you

have so few friends.

- Okay, so what did she say?

- Well, I'm not gonna go into

the whole thing with you.

But I will say this, she's

starting to come around.

She misses you, Dory.

She didn't talk angry

about you at all this time.

And we didn't even talk

about Louis and Michael.

We mostly we talked

about the weather.

- Oh, my God, she's coming

for a visit, isn't she?

- Why would you say

something like that?

- Because Maggie

never goes anywhere

without the

appropriate wardrobe.

Yeah, when we took vacations

when she was little,

she'd check the weather

reports days ahead of time.

She is coming for

a visit, isn't she?

Mama, isn't she?

- Oh, well, damn you!

Now you just spoiled

your own surprise.

- What surprise?

- Yes, she is coming

here later today

to surprise you

for your birthday.

Now you dragged it out

of me. Are you satisfied?

- Shit!

- There you go. (chuckles)

Don't you feel better?

- What are we gonna talk about?

- Well, it's not like

you're strangers.

- [Dory] Mm-mm.

- She's your daughter.

Just like you're mine.

You talk to me all the time.

Even when I don't want you to.

- But, Mama, we haven't seen

each other in over two years.

- It'll just be like that

piecrust from the freezer.

Once it was thawed, it

was fine. Wasn't it?

- Mama, what am I

gonna say to her?

What am I gonna say?

- Why don't you ask her

about her pregnancy?

- She's pregnant?

- Yep.

- Shit!

- Ask her who the father is.

- Who's the father?

- She doesn't know.

- Shit!

(both laughing)

- I don't know

about you, (laughs)

but I feel better hearing

you say shit.

- Oh, my God,

what a day this

is gonna be, Mama.

- You can say that again.

- Oh, God.

You know what?

- What?

- I do feel

a little bit better.

- All right.

It's a good word, isn't it?

- Uh-huh.

- Happy birthday, Dory.

- Oh, thank you, Mama.

(birds chirping)

- I love you.

- Oh, and I love you too.

Mm.

Look at that.

Look, the sun, oh, it's

coming up on the mountain.

Isn't that pretty?

Oh, it's a brand new day, Mama.

It is a brand new day.

(timer ringing)

Oh, there's the timer.

It's ready. The

pie's ready, Mama.

I'll get it.

(Dory chuckles)

(oven door opens)

Oh! Look at that, Mama.

Look at that. (sniffs)

Ah, do you smell that?

Oh, boy. That is

one beautiful pie.

(Dory chuckles)

Here we go. Don't

you think so, Mama?

Mama?

(clock ticking)

(clock continues ticking)

(gentle music)

(clock continues ticking)

(gentle music continues)

Pie in the Sky (2022) - full transcript