Pähkähullu Suomi (1967) - full transcript

CRAZY FINLAND

Dear viewers!

This is Finland.

It has just turned 50.

Happy birthday to you!

Just now we see a stretch of

Farmer Hulkkonen's woodlands...

Oh, I got a speck of dirt

in my eye.

And here we have Helsinki,

Finland's capital.

Daughter of the Baltic.

Here we see

Farmer Hulkkonen's daughter,

and here is Farmer Hulkkonen's son.

But more on him

in the film that follows.

This is a rose,

Rosaceae vitae.

And the lily of the valley,

our national flower - Vionis finlandiae.

Finland has over 60,000 lakes.

Here is one of them,

Lake Tarva, Tarvajärvi.

Did you call me?

- Forget it. Go on diving.

- OK, thanks.

We've seen things

that come in pairs...

Such as these.

But as I said, this is Helsinki.

Let's find among the pedestrian throng

a typical taxpayer.

Such as this one...

No, not quite as typical as that.

But...

that one!

Excuse me, sir,

wait a moment!

Jump into the air!

Thank you.

Just stay there!

The matter will be decided shortly.

An American Finn arrived

in our country today,

the millionaire, William Njurmi.

He is the son of a Finn

who emigrated to the US in 1920,

by the name of Vilho Nurminen.

The family is important

in American industry.

Its wealth

is based on oil discoveries,

specifically hair oils.

The family motto is:

"Use Njurmi's hair oil and your hair

will grow like grass."

Njurmi is accompanied

by his secretary, Miss Smith,

and bodyguard Luigi Cravatto.

At the airport Mr Njurmi presented

a gift to be given to the president.

His stay here is being filmed,

and the film is intended to

be a commercial about Finland

for use abroad.

Details about the film

in our press overview.

CRAZY FINLAND

claims Spede Pasanen Film Productions

Spede Pasanen, Simo Salminen

and Esko Salminen agree

together with...

and...

Left from the goalkeeper...

Assisted by

and the Lapua Youth Club

Army sympathetic, as well as

Gym Girls and "Cottons"

and especially Veikko Sinisalo

Skiing and fighting

Second year of Theater School

Cinematography of a film

Sound

Editing

Editing Assistants

Laboratory

Music recording - Sound mixing

Set design

Art Direction

Music

Screenplay

Direction

Film Production

Goodbye, Mr. President!

Hello!

That was it.

So it was.

It was a shambles.

Totally!

That can never be shown abroad

to promote Finland!

Yes, but that William Njurmi

screwed everything up.

Why didn't you give him

instructions?

Well, we were ordered to

film in secret everything he did.

And that's what's there.

We'll fix it.

We'll find...

...an ordinary guy off the street.

A typical taxpayer

who has strong opinions.

Gentlemen, he's been found,

He's waiting for you outside.

There you are.

- Yes.

- Indeed...

We've made a 50th year

anniversary film about Finland

that will be shown widely

abroad and in Finland.

Well, well! I heard about it

on the news. So what?

- Well, it turned out to be crazy.

- What do you mean?

Things are shown exactly

as they are in Finland.

- Then it's bound to be terrible.

- Well, it needs a bit of retouching.

We started filming as soon

as he arrived from America.

A flower from the Ministry of Finance.

You have a full schedule, Mr Njurmi.

Please get in the car.

On the journey from the airfield

a beautiful Finnish landscape

opened before the visitor's eyes.

First of all, the visitor is asked

what he thinks of Finland.

To everyone's surprise,

he replied in fluent Finnish...

"Very nice."

We are very moved

that you have come

to acquaint yourself with

the barren, poverty-stricken

land of your father's birth.

Of not the least importance

is that

you have promised funding

to support the unemployed.

We are most appreciative

of the fact

that you are investigating

the possibilities

of investing here in Finland.

In other words...

your great wealth will, for its part,

help Finland's commerce to develop.

Right... absolutely!

I'm also mooed,

I mean moved...

when I think how much dough

you've got

that we don't have.

And I believe, Mr Njurmi, that

our government and your money

will work very well together.

And now to the sauna!

Water! This is wonderful!

Here is our greatest

achievement in architecture:

Tapiola, the Garden City.

And the pride of the citizens

of Tapiola...

The water tower.

The Tapiola Aquatic Centre.

The Tapiola fountain.

The Tapiola traffic roundabout.

And a happy Tapiola family

in their very own house.

And now to the Tapiola sauna!

- Here you are!

- Thanks.

I hereby christen the flagship

of Finland's fleet

"William Njurmi II"

To the sauna, gentlemen!

Mr Njurmi sets the foundation stone

for the Aleksis Writers' Institute

And now to the sauna!

Now Mr Njurmi dedicates

the old Lauttasaari bridge.

And now to the sauna!

Sibelius Park.

Paavo Nurmi's statue.

Finnish perseverance.

Satan be damned!

Stay away from my neighbourhood,

goddammit!

It must be Satan, damn it!

Goddammit,

that's it, damn it!

Then to a floating

summer tunnel sauna!

Parliament House.

The National Museum.

The Mannerheim statue.

All off to the sauna!

The President's castle.

The Children's Castle.

The grownups' castle.

Väinö Linna.

And now to the night sauna!

Powerful stuff, guys!

They were surely

the top things to see.

But, hey, the national match march

and the Winter War should be included.

It was, you know, full on

at the Battle of Kollaa. I was there,

and tanks were coming

straight towards me...

I agree it was on the level

up to now, but...

I know, they started

to drink after the sauna.

Well, no, but...

Strip poker, eh?

What did he mean?

Maybe a sauna bum-burn.

Absolutely, gentlemen,

but the matter must be kept secret.

If Mr Njurmi is declared insufficient,

then he can't loan money

to the state.

Then our economy will go back

down the drain.

Or to the devil.

Excuse me.

I raised my gun and fired.

I never saw the other one.

I got them both with one shot.

Wait, I'll tell you...

Both with one shot, but bugger it,

the council ranger was around.

Hear that? It's an elk!

Fire! We'll surround it!

- There it goes!

- To the left.

Form an arc from left to right!

And Rannanjärvi...

they found between themselves.

There are three of them!

They're coming... Hide!

Scram! People!

The Thunder Bar

The usual, thanks.

Just the usual.

- Cheers, boys!

- Cheers!

Thank you!

COW

"In the forest, the great big..."

"Lass of mine, oh lass of mine..."

Hey, there it goes!

Damn, a pine cone in the guts!

That was spot-on.

It was like that at Kollaa.

- Of course, it was realistic.

- That's not enough...

There has to be some romance

in the Finnish forests,

so that the Finnish forests

will be swarming with foreigners.

At Kollaa, the forests were

swarming with foreigners, too.

So when the anti-tank men prevailed,

the hotels were emptied.

No, no, no. Our forests

must be a place of romance.

Could I have the check, please?

In our country, we don't usually

bother about such trivial things.

Aha, visitors!

Lunch for one - Lunch for two

- I hope I'm not intruding...

- What?

If I may introduce myself,

my name is William Njurmi.

I wonder if you could give me

something to eat and wear.

You would be amply rewarded for it.

You see, I'm an American

hair-oil millionaire.

Yeah right!

What else but an oil millionaire?

Down on his luck right now,

during a business slump!

Good joke!

That's enough!

Listen, you're a good chap...

I've used that ruse myself.

But I haven't gone so far

as to be an oil millionaire.

I usually make out

I'm an agronomist.

You can score a meal

with that, too.

We'll set the table

with trick number 5!

Woman at the wheel!

Hey, you bums!

Come here!

Listen, Miss, I'm not a bum...

I'm an agronomist.

Yeah? I'm Kielo Joki, journalist.

I'll kiss to that!

What happened to him?

It looks bad!

Oh! What'll we do?

We'll have to take him somewhere.

Step on it!

This is a scandal.

- Mr Chairman, this is a scandal!

- What are we to do?

- May I speak, Mr Chairman?

- Please do.

Firstly, it is quite obvious

that this is a scandal.

Secondly, Mr Chairman,

what are we going to do now?

Our unanimous decision is

that Mr Njurmi has disappeared.

- May I speak, Mr Chairman?

- Please do.

I move that he should be found.

Excellent idea!

Stop!

He's come round.

Glad it wasn't worse.

Thanks for the help, Miss.

Anything we can do for you?

Some rich American has

disappeared in these parts.

- Have you seen him?

- We sure have.

- Where?

- We saw him here.

Yes, just here.

- This is where we saw him.

- Yes, right here!

He came out of that thicket,

looking like...

Then he started carrying on like...

Then he started jumping

up and down like an ape.

Then he came begging for nuts.

"Nuts, please, nuts!"

Can that be possible?

Yes, I heard that Mr Njurmi could be

described as being a bit muddle-headed.

- Mr Chairman...

- Yes?

I move that this is a scandal.

I move that the resolution

be passed.

As a result of the delicate nature

of the affair,

I move that it be

a secret ballot.

Supported?

I move for a secret ballot

to decide as to whether

we have a secret ballot

or an open vote,

or vote for a secret ballot.

- Opposed!

- Support!

Oppose what?

I oppose supporting a secret ballot.

I support opposing

a secret ballot.

The matter is settled

with a secret ballot.

Fancy a cheese pasty?

Got to think about it.

Well, well!

I was just wondering if you needed

any work done round the farm?

So what can you do?

I've done all sorts of work.

Farm jobs, wood-cutting.

Can you work with machinery?

Yeah... threshing.

I do threshing and binding.

Where are we up to?

Are there any farm jobs?

The votes have been counted.

We have resolved

to send a private eye

to find William Njurmi

and bring him back,

without attracting any attention,

to civilisation.

Miss Smith, as Mr Nurmi's secretary,

what is your opinion of our decision?

Well...I think it's wonderful.

As his bodyguard,

what do you think, Mr Cravatto?

Cavello, Cavello, find him

right away, presto!

So I can protect his...

- Life.

- Si si, life!

Besides, last the month's

salary is still unpaid, pronto.

And you, private eye...

Did you understand your task?

Yes.

Hello... Mr Njurmi?

Just a moment, I'll get him.

That's simply unaesthetic.

Manure in a high-class film!

It must be cleaned up.

And now boys, some

traditional Finnish dancing.

That won't do.

The government and I prefer folk dances.

No, the tango is what's in, now.

No, it should be swinging.

That's what they like abroad.

I demand folk dancing!

The tango is tops!

Go-go!

Folk dancing!

Tango!

Go-go!

Folk dancing!

- Tango!

- Go-go!

- Folk dancing!

- Tango! - Go-go!

Erm...

If you like, Miss,

maybe we could pay a visit

to that hay barn?

On the contrary!

There are a lot of things

people don't know about,

but in there,

I could show you some.

Lovely!

If we take an example,

the origin of life...

Mother nature has taken care

of everything.

Instincts are in control of

both humans and animals.

They sure do!

Let's take this blade of straw.

Nature has made the bee

a propagator of life...

Maybe I could make myself

more comfortable...

and tell you how the pollen

flies from flower to flower.

Please do!

Maybe I can give you

a practical demonstration.

So it flies from flower A

to flower B,

and stays to suck nectar.

Is that all?

By no means, listen.

The pollen the bee brought with it

pollinates flower B.

Are you going to marry me?

Of course! Then the bee flies

from flower B to flower C.

Congratulations, you two.

Now we'll have a wedding.

- Whose?

- Yours.

We heard everything,

and guessed the rest.

In this barn six sisters

got married the same way.

Let's go without a fight!

Hey! What's that up there?

Shan't we start the ceremony?

Damn near got myself married, there!

You rescued me from

that woman's clutches. Thank you!

I'm ever so grateful!

Make three wishes!

I'm so rich, you see...

I can fulfill your every desire.

Go on, make three wishes!

Go jump in the lake!

What's your second wish?

I'll dive in and tell you.

Good as done!

I've not seen a guy like that.

And if you're a detective,

so find out about my hen.

A hen has disappeared.

I could understand you

wanting to eat chicken.

But a '57 wine was

a bit over the top.

"Over the top" was having

to steal the chicken myself.

Yes, but I found you

a poultry farm.

We do it like we agreed.

What's up?

Do you speak English?

No... not one bit.

I'll interpret.

He's a rich Yankee tourist.

He wants a top class hotel near here.

I understand...

That way.

2 kilometres, understand?

Well, I'll be damned! A Yankee!

Never saw one before.

Did he understand?

2 kilometres.

I'll translate.

Thanks!

He understood alright.

I was in Sweden in '52,

and they understood as well.

Jump in!

- I'm going to the same hotel.

- Thanks.

I'll be damned! A Yankee!

Tough guys, they are.

What the hell's wrong now?

And I'm in a hurry.

Meeting starts in half an hour.

Listen... If you can get it started,

bring it to the hotel.

I'll have to run,

to be on time.

If you can't start it, leave it here.

I'll pick it up after a week.

- Bye!

- OK, thanks.

- I stuck a potato in the exhaust pipe.

- Damn clever!

Now that we have a car,

how can we get some money?

That's easy in Finland.

We play at being foreigners

and the money just comes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I present

something magnificent for you...

Direct from France,

the well known singer...

Monsieur Pierre Dumas.

Welcome!

Merci, madame...

Un trop peu, madame...

Merci, madame

Un peu toujours l'amour madame...

Merci.

Adieu.

Excuse me, where is Olav's Castle?

We usually keep it here.

It's haunted here.

Oh, damn!

Kuopio town hall.

Fish bread, a local delicacy.

The town square

is a lively place in Kuopio.

Brother statue...and sisters.

Puijo's rotating tower.

Nice tower, but it turns slowly.

Shall we take another turn?

Yes, but a bit faster.

Miss, step on the gas!

Better Lahti's victory...

...than Imatra's transition.

As I mentioned in my

previous address,

this is Turku.

Historic landmarks, you see.

The Crusaders came

from this city...

They came along like this...

Came to Finland... so...

The crusaders here...

This here is Lievestuore.

Tampere is known

for its beautiful girls.

Do we get to Kajaani soon?

Soon.

Should we see Kajaani soon?

We just drove through it.

Drive slower so we've

got time to see something!

That's Haparanda.

On the Swedish side.

So it really does look like that.

Same as in pictures.

Keep moving.

This is Rovaniemi...

"Paris of the North."

Guardian of the Arctic Circle,

Gateway to Lapland.

Is that mountain big?

Compare it to a matchbox!

- My! It's big.

- And high.

The madness of Lapland

can strike at any time.

Lapland is known for its riches.

Gold is still panned there.

But each in his own way...

Excuse me, you're wanted

on the phone.

Well, those guys have covered

the whole of Finland.

That was some heavy scenery,

but then, so was Kollaa.

Once, when the enemy was attacking,

I shouted to the men...

Keep your eyes open, chaps!

Rahikainen, keep your head down...

That's the way!

Boys, boys,

put your cards away now.

Rokka. Pick up your gun

and start shooting.

Riitaoja, did you remember

to wear 2 pairs of socks?

That cold is really biting.

Riitaoja's done the same

since his last leave.

Things balance out!

Things balance out!

Now we attack.

Come on, hurry up... let's go!

Lahtinen, don't get too far ahead!

Let others attack as well.

This is not your very own

private war, Lahtinen.

Well! Let's see more action!

Honkajoki...shame on you!

If you don't want to do it,

Sinisalo, we'll go by the counter.

Atta boy, Private Keinonen!

You'll go a long way,

I'll tell you that!

What is this

that dropped in?

Not one of ours.

Best I throw it back.

That's the way...

Went off really well.

Lahtinen...!

Don't attack so far ahead!

We aren't a scouting patrol.

See now?

Honkajoki...

Get out of the way!

Give Riitaoja room to shoot.

Hey, stop spending

all your time writing!

Put your pencil down,

and start shooting!

Hey, Linna!

Are you deaf?

Hey, guys!

This what we should get...

As hard as steel...

Kollaa!

Hello? Hello? What?

Paavo Nurmi? No!

This is William Njurmi.

Njurmi, yes.

What is it?

Yes, yes, of course.

Wouldn't do that!

That can happen.

It often does.

Quite correct! Yes.

No need to apologise.

Wrong numbers

are quite common.

Statistics show that one in ten calls

are wrong numbers.

Absolutely correct, of course.

I was coming to Helsinki anyway.

Besides, I was wanted on the phone,

so this went well.

Yes, of course.

What?

Damnation!

Please believe me...

It doesn't matter at all!

Not one bit!

It really doesn't matter!

Goddammit...

Don't apologise for apologising!

There's nothing wrong

with your finger, it's just...

gone into the wrong hole.

Understand?

What?

I'm not the one getting irritated!

I just apologise that

you called the wrong number!

What's your name?

I'll come and discuss this.

Satu Östring. Thank you!

Satu, Satu? Hello, hello?

She hung up.

Mr Njurmi!

Yes, what is it? Yes.

Once, in our country's

financial circles...

in the year eighteen hundred

and forty six...

there developed a need

to legally control

the conditions

for economic development.

and then, in eighteen hundred

and forty seven...

the need swelled up

for capital for our industry.

It was soon realized

that all available means...

They sure are a boring bunch.

But here it was noticed...

Damned hot in here.

I never would've believed

you were a millionaire.

...could be in temporary

payment difficulties...

...eventually ending up

in foreign...

The board members are fixtures.

Could sure do with some changes.

Aha! That was your third wish!

We definitely need a change!

The gentlemen do what they're told,

or there's no loan money to be had!

Are you a bit too warm?

Let's fix that first...

with a bit of ventilation!

This is fine.

Wait while I get the other one.

In the year 1891...

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall..."

Now we're on the right track!

Cheers!

Firstly, gentlemen,

glasses down!

Then?

And then off to the sauna!

But in those branches of industry

that I previously referred to...

there happened, or you

could assume there did,

a noticeable improvement...

Really... really!

It fell apart.

As a sensible sort of man,

can you help us?

No, besides I'm in a hurry

to buy some milk. Ciao!

Now we're going good!

I will say, though,

that I like films like this.

We're rid of them now.

Do you know why I've come

here to Finland?

You're going to lend the government

money to strengthen the economy.

That's neither here nor there!

I can throw billions here

any old time.

But there's a more important purpose.

What's that?

I can't tell you yet,

but do you promise to help me?

I've nothing else to do right now.

- Let's go!

- What?

Let's go!

- What does that mean?

- Come with me!

I'll come, but tell me

what "let's go" means?

PRIME MINISTER

Get out!

Well that's that!

As we expected.

I think that puts

the lid on acting.

You weren't any good either.

With your talents, you might

just make the City Theater.

Damned moustache is stuck fast.

Okay, let's go!

Bella, Bella, mia cara.

How about we swap jobs?

I should become a secretary.

I'm getting fed up

with this job.

Mamma Mia, mafia,

hard job, small pay.

Listen, Luigi Cravatto!

You haven't done any work

since Mr Njurmi toured

around the country.

You've just lazed around,

collecting your high salary.

Si, si, but what about Chicago?

Sempre tirare...

always shooting!

Six times, goddammit!

I look a bit like Mr Njurmi...

So they only shot at me,

helvetto campari!

I look more like Njurmi

than he does himself.

Identificato.

Hello!

Yes?

Right.

I understand

With full authority.

I understand.

Right...

Over.

Well, Luigi, from now on,

you'll be playing the part

of millionaire William Njurmi,

with full authority.

Come?

Yes, for some reason Mr Njurmi

wants to lie low,

and now we have to try

to make people believe

that you're the millionaire

William Njurmi.

With full authority!

Mamma mia! Subito!

Money, money at last!

Man, can I use it!

Gravello, secretary!

First you'll arrange

a press reception for me.

And then a meeting with...

well, Miss Finland.

The swimming pool's

to be filled with champagne!

And after that...

cancel my meeting

with the prime minister.

Goddammit!

Mr Njurmi, why have you kept

your identity a secret for so long?

Cavallo, Cavallo...

We rich have our whims.

Who's this lady you're with?

Miss Finland,

from the year 1922.

Delia Liimatainen.

Mamma mia!

- Where's your bodyguard now?

- It's not worth having one.

Dangerous work supplement,

funeral plan...

widow's insurance.

I tried to protect

my bodyguard's life.

We swapped roles.

I've been shot 6 times,

goddammit!

They all shoot!

Al Capone.

Nitti.

Nessi.

Titty.

Luchi Moreno.

Linnosvuo, mamma mia.

A photographer!

Stupidos, fotografio!

OIL MILLIONAIRE'S HIDE-AND-SEEK

That blockhead!

I should have guessed.

It's going to take a lot

to clear this up.

Miss... a mineral water.

Miss!

Is it possible to get

two hooker-crooker-cocktails?

Hooker-crooker...

What are the ingredients?

Half hooker, half crooker.

And when there are

two cocktails,

you have one whole crooker

and one whole hooker.

It's imported from England.

Does it come with an olive?

Absolutely not!

In that case, we don't have it.

It's imported from England.

Quick, after them!

Luigi, Luigi Cravatto...

Wake up, wake up,

up, up, up!

You're the most beautiful

man in the world

Luigi, Luigi Cravatto

Wake up, wake up, Luigi.

- Good morning!

- Bon giorno, bon giorno.

Good morning, Mr. Cravatto!

Mr Cravatto, you have

a full schedule today.

I sure do.

9.30 am reception

at the city council.

Scrap that!

The new match factory's

first matchbox opening?

Scrap that!

Welcoming the fleet at Riihimäki?

Scrap it!

Lunch at 2pm?

Si, si...that'll be good.

The Njurmi family foundation meeting.

No! Never!

Underwear Fashion Model

School opening?

Si, si, bravo!

Bravissimo!

Bravisississimo!

Bravo tissimissio!

Of course that'd be great. Si!

Trade delegation briefing session?

No, scrap it!

Dinner with Miss Finland?

Si, si!

A bit younger than the last one, eh?

You've always demanded

an old vintage.

Don't mix up wine and women!

I'll do that myself!

Why did I depend on Yrjänä

when Tom is here?

We have to jump!

Bella, bellissima

e cantarelli

Dolce Al Capone

Machiavelli

Bella, bellissima

e cantarelli

Dolce Al Capone

Machi-i-i-avelli!

Come down, my darling!

Bella bella, subito, subito!

Bella! Mia cara!

Andante adagio allegro, per favore!

What can I give you?

What could I give you,

oh mistress of my heart?

Mia cara bella!

Soldid, Soldid, troppo soul!

I've made a list.

Oh?

Bella, mia cara...

A little walk in

the atmospheric woods?

Not with these shoes...

the twigs would scratch them.

Twigs scratch.

Pronto, I fix it!

No more scratching!

Santa la via quo vadis!

Summer! Sacramento!

So what if it's summer?

When I say I want to see

famous Finnish winter sports,

that's what I'll see!

Now!

I'm ready!

Welcome to the world-famous

Njurmi skiing events.

The competitors are Finland's elite.

Conditions will vary

during the races.

The temperature is +22 degrees Celsius.

The strong temperature changes

cause upheaval,

but the slide is generally good

on the moors.

The competitors start

their second round...

Thousands of onlookers

cheer them on.

Sometimes the course is very hilly.

Sometimes even and steep slopes.

The Central Station

clock struck 3 times,

and he left.

Melasniemi first,

Alexander second.

A quick slurp of blueberry

spills on the ground.

The track is judged difficult,

because Nousiainen got lost,

or will he find his way out?

We'll see how this plays out,

but it looks like the winner

is nearly home.

A nice smooth run.

At that crucial moment,

Nousiainen asks for directions.

The Orient Express

comes in as winner

and continues to

the rail-freight arrival depot.

Honored Mr Njurmi...

Due to long-standing

and serious difficulties

our country's economy

has been in a state,

where only a large amount

of long-term credit can save it.

With reference to our

previous conversations...

the state turns to you in this regard,

with confidence.

We appeal to those feelings,

preserved in your heart,

to the poverty-stricken land

of your forefathers.

In other words,

we ask you for money.

Cravello, Cravello!

I'll give you boys

a couple of billion... prego!

Write the numerals yourself!

There are ten different ones.

Simo!

What?

Where are you holidaying?

With my family in Keuruu...

Then Kouvola for a beer.

And you?

I take holidays in winter.

I can manage alright

in summer.

But your senses are sharpened

in a cold dark winter.

Life needs to be varied.

- Come to our weekender in summer.

- Sounds good.

FIRE

Seprento!

And now, Mr Njurmi,

the formula for the hair oil!

Is the fishing good?

Last summer I got a 2.5-kilo pike.

I'm on my way!

What a girl, what a girl!

Can we do something together?

Yes, get married!

Yes, indeed!

Hey, what actually happened here?

No idea.

But it was exciting, eh?

He can't wait to find a priest!

- Luigi!

- Ciao!

My wife... arrivederci!

Damnation! He's run off!

I haven't understood anything

for 15 minutes.

If you understood,

please tell me!

You didn't understand?

I'll explain.

First they came to Finland.

Everyone wondered

why he had come.

But he was at home here.

Then they started giving flowers

and he had a woman with him.

The whole gang was there

to meet him.

Then they were

to show him Finland.

They took him to the sauna,

since it's so healthy.

The sauna opens the pores of

the skin and the sweat comes out.

Then they took him out to eat.

And he did eat a lot!

Then it's the sauna again,

and a swim.

He was so popular that

everyone came to look at him.

They waved to each other,

and went to the sauna.

He didn't find a lake,

but splashed around

in the snow.

Having had enough of that,

he set off round the country.

He went round...

Round and round, and round again.

Then the short one said:

"Romance is the best",

and the other one said

that there should

be a national match.

So he switched

and got a job on a farm

and sowed so awesomely,

that the seeds just flew.

There was a girl

who took a fancy to him.

She was serious about him,

and began to give him that look,

and they were to get married.

But then the zealots came

and took the firewood.

And the women took firewood

and everyone took firewood.

And the others held a meeting

and voted on everything possible,

and they were terribly important,

but one of them

left with his friend

to see the sights.

One wanted to be

in the Winter War.

It was like an East-West match.

Both sides had casualties,

but then came the arbitrator

and canceled the match.

One foreigner wanted

to meet all the girls

and arranged ski races,

while others fought on the boat.

They figured they might finish

at the Stadium,

where they had more people,

and they were chased out.

Others ran away and

hit each other with their fists.

The skinny ones ran away again

and so they punched

and ran and punched so that

the smaller ones fell down.

Ah, now I understand!

Come on, let's go.

Where?

To the priest, of course.

That's where everyone else

has gone.

Subtitles by FatPlank for KG