Permanent Green Light (2018) - full transcript

Tim.

Don't you want to see
what that was?

No.

A building collapsed.

By itself?

Do you want me to come help you?

I'm

not sure I want to see it.

This is for you.

That's really nice.

Thank you.



It's from that collapsed building.

I'm going to imagine
it's something else, if that's ok.

I like it.

It reminds me of something
I'm thinking about.

I'm trying to

figure out the difference

between ending and dying.

Things that matter die,

things that don't end.

Exactly.

Would you mind
thinking about this with me,

and telling me what you think?

You know...

I like to wait until
the things I think about



are thoughts
before I talk about them.

I know.

We have time.

Then ok.

I'm going to the amusement park.

You can come with me
if you want to.

Would you go by yourself?

Yes.

I like the idea
that you would go alone.

What about fireworks?

Too obvious?

This is for you.

You said you like piñatas.

I do. I'm obsessed with them.

Did you make this?

Yes.

What is it supposed to represent?
- Now?

I don't know.

How long does it take?

It could take five seconds,
it could take all day.

And then what?

Usually kids would fight
to get the falling stuff.

No, I meant

what would happen to the piñata.

I would throw it away.

Do you miss them afterwards?

Do you feel sorry
about smashing them?

I don't think I would.

I've never actually smashed one.

But you have hundreds.

37. I have 37.

Don't you want to know
what's inside them?

It's always just candy and cheap toys.

I only like them empty.

But I hate how light they are
when they're empty.

It's a problem.

I guess yours is different?

What's inside it is different?

It's completely different.

I'm so happy.

Tell me when stuff falls out,
so I'll know when to stop.

It's out.

Are you ok?

More than.

Can you wear your headphones?

I need to hear it through the speakers.

I have to shit.

Is he ok?

Get away from my door.

Roman,

what's that?

I like that you called him

"that".

It looks like you.

Yeah, I used the mirror.

Is it you?

No, his name is Pentti Monkkonen.

No one ever took a photo of him.

That wasn't planned or anything.

It's just that no one ever wanted to,

I guess.

He disappeared, I don't know...

twenty years ago.

No one knows what happened to him.

No one knows what he looked like,

apart from people
who knew him personally,

but they don't count,

so I made him look like me.

They're cool drawings.

I really like them.

Eventually,

they're going to look

like...

this.

But I haven't figured out
how to draw that yet.

Do you think he died?

No.

He's still out there?

No.

I think to say...

Pentti Monkkonen died or

is still out there somewhere,

is too much about us
and not enough about him.

What do you think happened?

You know how...

when a ship sinks

out in the ocean,

and there are people on board,

looking at pictures of it sinking

is so amazing.

But you don't think about the people.

You just think about

how intense the ship looks
because you know they're inside it.

You're making me nervous.

Really?

Yes.

Are you hinting that

you're going to kill yourself?

No.

You're not like somebody on a ship,

you're really important.

You're like...

a kind of sun.

Ok.

The sun is important,

but we don't think about it.

We think, "It's light outside."

Or we don't even pay attention.

We're just...

lit.

Me, I love the sun.

Yeah,

we're just lucky to be
near a thing that's on fire.

Guillaume, are you okay?

Great.

And you?

I'm bored. I'm leaving.

Really?

I think there's something really
fascinating happening in here.

You know that project you're working on?

Well, it looks like my
neighbor's son killed himself.

I just happened to look
over my fence and...

I saw him through their window.

Where is this coming from?

What do you think?

Does that help?

Maybe,

I can't tell yet.

What was he like?

I don't know...

mopey.

That's the only word
that springs to mind.

Are his parents going to care?

Yeah,

I think.

They're churchgoers.

I wish we could do
something else to him.

I have a friend,

she collects suicide bomber vests.

You would like her.

She's like me, she doesn't
want to explode her vests.

But she would probably give me one.

The problem is...

the forensics guys

would know it happened
after he died.

DNA and all of that.

I hate DNA.

I can imagine.

I saw a photo the other day.

I was doing research
on Pentti Monkkonen,

the guy who totally disappeared.

It was a photo of the roof
of a building,

seen from above,

and there was a shadow on it.

You could tell it was
a human's shadow,

but there was nobody there.

And it was...

There was something wrong with it,
I couldn't tell what.

Then I read what it was.

Apparently,

someone fell out
of an airplane or jumped.

I guess he dropped for miles
and then landed on that roof.

The shadow is what
he became when he hit.

There was nothing left of him,

no skin or bones or blood
or anything else.

Just a black shadow.

Some people think the shadow
is Pentti Monkkonen.

I don't think it's him,

but I thought, "What if it is?"

He got so close.

I should go,

but thank you for thinking of me.

I should call the police.

You want to get high first?

What do you mean?

Do you want to do drugs with me?

Can I bring some home with me instead?

That's not very friendly,
but I guess so.

Something huge is going on.

It's incredible.

Maybe you know.

In you or out in the world?

The world.

Where you are.

Is it something I would like?

No.

Do your friends like it?

I think so.

I mean...

as far as I can tell.

How many of your friends
knew you from before?

Just Ollie.

Ok, I'll talk about this, but

I have to be careful because
I think it's all in your head,

and I don't understand your head.

Can I come in?

No.

If you come in, I'll freak out.

You have to stay there,

like a video.

Before...

I never know how to talk
about what happened.

All the words for it are too...

too knee-jerk.

You fell off your bike.

No,

I mean what that supposedly caused.

I can't pronounce it.

It ruined the part of your brain
that controls your muscles,

and it changed the way you behave.

I think so.

Before that,

my friends always asked me,
"Why are you so strange?"

Now I realize they meant,

"Can I know you better?"

And they could have.

No one tries
to know me better now,

except you.

Because they think

I would freak out.

And I would.

I really like my friends, but...

Fuck.

You want me to freak out.

You're always trying.

You think it's the only way
left to really know me.

When Guillaume was here the other day,

I asked him if you were ok,

and he said no.

He probably meant
you wouldn't think so.

It's amazing that you
don't know me anymore.

And that it feels permanent.

I always thought, with you,
that would be impossible.

You don't agree at all.

I don't agree that it's amazing.

I just helped myself so much
by thinking that. Really.

Thank you.

Actually, maybe you could like it.

Tim.

Roman.

Can I meet your friend?

Sure, ok.

How were the drugs?

Surprisingly nice.

Thank you.

I left my sleeping bag at your place.

If I ever sleep outside again,
it will be in your yard.

Ok, Roman.

I'll do the introduction,
then I have to go to work.

Roman, this is Léon.

She's very suspicious of you.

Sit?

Ok.

I don't know if I want to see
your suicide bomber vest collection

or if I just want
to talk about it.

I don't know how to talk about it.

Where do you buy them?

From a guy.

Do you collect them because
you like to wear them?

No.

Do you like them because of
the politics, violence and stuff?

No.

I don't watch TV.

Why do you like them?

I don't like them,
I mean...

I've never seen one.

I just like that,

when they go off,
from what I read about them,

they disintegrate the bomber guys.

What I don't like...

is that everything around them
gets blown up too.

It's their flaw.

That's intelligent.

Thank you.

Tim said I should give you one.

He didn't tell me why.

He's nice.

I could give you
the one I'm wearing,

but we'd have to go behind a tree.

I thought you didn't wear them.

I wear them sometimes,

but I don't like it.

I don't think I want one.

They're too...

I don't know,

famous.

But thank you.

I'm trying to figure out
how I could explode,

how people could watch that
or even read about it,

and they'd love it,

but I wouldn't matter.

I would just be

a particularity of the explosion.

Maybe...

if you made people dislike you first,

or if no one cared.

No, I think that's a myth.

This is a weird, intrusive question, but

it's for that exploding project
I just told you about.

Are you into suicide bomber vests
because you want to kill yourself?

Yes.

Are you like that too?

Everyone keeps asking me that, but no.

No one's ever asked me that.

You're the first.

I hope you won't do it.

Why?

Maybe because

it seems like we could be friends.

I don't think friendship will stop me.

I mean...

I didn't really mean friendship.

No, maybe it's

better for me if you do it.

I mean if you really want to.

That sounds horrible.

It's only because I don't know you.

I didn't take it personally.

I just need to find a reason to do it.

Can you think of any?

No.

I'm actually happy.

Hi, Tim.

That was fast.

Does it fit?

Hi.

This is my best friend, Ollie.

Hi, Tim.

Come in.

It keeps doing that.
I don't know how to stop it.

I can fix it.

That would be great, thanks.

I didn't know Léon at all, but

I thought she seemed intelligent,

unique.

So, I wonder if I could
ask you a question.

Shocked.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This was going to happen anyway.

I texted Léon

a really important question,

but she did this too fast,
and I never heard back.

Maybe, I could ask you,

if you knew her really well,

but not right now
when things are weird.

Oh, yeah,

where she got the explosives.

I'll text you.

She left me her phone.

Ok.

Tim?

Is she actually in the coffin?

Yes.

Why?

Because she's shaped like that.

More or less.

Didn't she blow herself up?

No. She jumped off of something.

I told you, she just collected them.

She's in there?

This is the last text message
Léon sent me.

They think she sent it about
ten minutes before she jumped.

Do you want to see her
while I read this or not?

No.

It's him.

I'll catch up with you.

Why here?

I don't know.

Curiosity.

I thought we should talk
about what we're thinking.

Yeah,

about the thing.

A friend of ours.

He talked to you at the funeral.

His sister called me.

I didn't know he had a sister.

What did she want?

I couldn't tell, but I tried
not to give it to her.

You're freezing.

I am.

I have alligator blood.

Literally I do.

An alligator bit me
when I was five.

I almost bled out.

Its saliva got inside my veins,

and since then
we've become one.

To be honest,

this has been
really difficult for me,

I cry a lot.

Me too,

but about something else.

It's not that I don't like
having him around,

but I'm mostly worried
he might not do it.

I guess that's it.

Can I say something?

Sure.

Maybe I'm prejudiced
because of Leon,

but why don't you tell him, "No."

What do you mean by "no"?

Don't do it.

Did you tell Léon, "Don't do it"?

Yes.

I've thought about it.

I know you should do
everything you can

to stop someone from
committing suicide.

I understand why
you're supposed to do that.

I get that it doesn't work.

But I get that it could,

you never know.

I get how...

great it will be
if he explodes and

it turns him into nothing.

It makes me crazy
just thinking about that.

It's so exciting.

It's probably impossible,

but you never know.

I get that he's probably
just going to die,

that it could fuck me up
for the rest of my life.

I thought about saying,

"No, don't do it."

But I decided to take the risk.

What are you trying to do?

Explode.

Blow myself up.

But...

nobody and nothing else.
Just me.

Ok.

The other important thing is

there would be nothing left.

Or barely anything.

Just really minuscule things.

Not even things, if possible.

Maybe a mist, if I have to.

You're going to leave stuff behind.

In that case,

I would like

the explosion and what it
leaves behind to be so incredible

that people will go...

"Thank you so much,

whoever did this."

Shit.

You can't come in here.

Why not?

Because you're too old.

Why are you like that?

I'm an actor.

A friend of mine is making
a movie down the street.

I'm playing the evil guy.
- You don't look real.

I know. It's really low budget.

Well...

Tim.

My son got you
this gift a while ago.

He meant to give it to you,
but he got too depressed.

What is it?

I don't know.

He thought you would like it

because you love piñatas so much.

I never even talked to him.

Please.

Alone...

bad.

Friend...

good.

I'm not... It's...

I'm just not.

Someone buzzed your door.

How did you hear that?

Do you want to go
swimming?

Sure.

That's him.

Sinister.

I feel like you're tired of me.

Sorry.

I'm in a new phase.

I'm trying to...

I'm trying to think and talk
as if I were a thing

and not myself.

Ok.

You seem like you love me,

and that's nice
if kind of weird.

I mean, thank you, but...

it makes it hard to figure out
how to tell you something.

Wait, let's swim.

I wonder where this river comes from.

The mountains.

I'll go find out.

Shit.

Are you ok?

Yeah,

I did that a hundred times.

So,

where does the river start?

What?

I don't know.

I still don't know how to say this
to someone who loves me,

so I'm just going to say it
and see what happens.

I'm going to explode.

I mean on purpose.

I know where.
I know why.

I've decided.

I'll try to be cool about it

if you let me sleep with you.

I can see why that trade off
makes sense to you, but

no.

You said you want
to think like a thing,

but you're not doing that.

If you were a thing,

you'd say,

"Sure,

whatever."

No,

this is good.

Thank you for wanting to,
by the way.

I'll pay you.

Can I?

I met this girl recently.

She collected suicide bomber vests.

And I felt like we had...

a connection.

Because I'd already decided
to explode by then.

But she wanted to kill herself and die,

and I don't at all.

I thought

when she did it,

she'd do it with one of her vests,

and I thought,
if she does that,

maybe the explosion will be so great

that the suicide vest aspect,

which was the flaw in it for me,

wouldn't matter.

And I was excited about that

for obvious reasons.

She killed herself three days ago,

but she jumped off a building instead.

So...

It was just like a

normal death.

There was a funeral.

I had to see her father.

Her coffin was there.

It was shaped like her.

You couldn't...

not know she was in there.

You couldn't not think about
how she's not alive anymore.

It made me...

what do you call it?

I hate all the words for it.

You cried.

Yeah,

that.

I felt nauseous
even thinking about it.

Even telling you, I feel nauseous.

What does that have to do with us?

I don't know.

This isn't my area.

One day,

when you remember that
you wanted to sleep with me,

you'll think,

"God, that was so tiny."

I really think that's
what's going to happen.

It's great here.

It's nice to not do anything.

Bright idea.

Thank you.

I almost wish you'd
brought that board game.

Thank you.

It looks like you've been crying.

Really?

It was a while ago.

You want to take a walk with me?

So what do you do?

I don't mean school.

Maybe I mean
what do you "like to do".

I mean because
you're so young.

No offense.

I'm an actor.

Could I have seen you in something?

I've only been
in one movie so far.

Tim's in it too.

Do you watch bad horror movies
teenagers make with their friends

and upload onto youtube?

Not recently.

Then no.

You'll want to speed up now.

Check this weirdness out.

Oh right,

that should do it.

I think you...

should probably go further away.

Like that way.

Maybe stop there.

Can you still see me from there?

With details?

Yes.

How detailed do you want?

I can see your hair,
but not your hairs.

That should be ok.

Then yes.

I can't decide if

I should talk or just do it.

Talk.

Yes.

When I fell off my bike last year,

it was the most amazing thing
that ever happened to me.

For those of you
I didn't know before,

I was riding bikes
with my friend Charles,

who I don't know anymore.

I was telling him something,
and he was listening.

I remember thinking it was the
most important thing I had ever said.

I think it was about him and me.

I also remember

he seemed more interested in me
than he'd ever been before.

My wheel hit something,
and I fell off,

and I hit my head.

It happened so fast that

I was still talking when
my head hit the ground.

We never talked again.

Whenever we were accidentally together,

he looked at me
like he didn't know me.

I don't think he did.

He talked about me in the
past tense to other people,

and he would even say
how great I had been.

I didn't care at all.

That part isn't so relevant, but

it was amazing too.

We'd been best friends
since we were five.

People said that
he was probably just...

traumatized.

And...

yeah,

my head made a scary sound
when it hit the ground,

but it didn't even bleed.