Pecker (1998) - full transcript
A Baltimore sandwich shop employee becomes an overnight sensation when a photographer's photos he's taken of his weird family become the latest rage in the art world.
paul evans:
* i can laugh *
* when things ain't funny *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* yeah, i can smile *
* when i ain't got no money *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
[advances film in camera]
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
wait!
* life is sweet, whoa *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
are you looking at me?
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
hmm.
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
hey!
hey!
my hair!
hey!
police!
somebody help!
wait, the bus, wait!
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
grrrrr.
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
you're late, pecker.
sorry, mr. Bozak.
i was out
taking pictures.
late is late no matter
what you were doing.
here, finish this order.
[takes picture]
[sighs]
i'll be right there.
ahem.
pecker!
you got customers.
here you go, miss emily.
and don't forget
to come to my show.
yeah, well...
remember, pecker,
this ain't no art gallery.
it's a restaurant.
yeah, okay.
and your friends better
buy something tomorrow,
or i'll throw them out.
yeah, mr. Bozak.
[squeaking]
pecker.
thank you, ma'am.
asshole.
hope to see you
tomorrow.
bye.
whoo!
here you go, pecker-man.
special delivery.
whoa, man.
where'd you get this?
i got myself
a 5-finger discount.
dude, you're gonna
get popped.
not me, bro.
i'm invisible.
you ready to play?
both:
shopping for others!
* i'm a nut, i'm a nut *
* my life don't ever
get in a rut *
* the head on my shoulders
is so loose *
ohh!
hey, you!
brats.
* i'm a nut *
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
woman: next in line, please.
[customers arguing]
would you hurry up,
please?
this is not mine.
well, i don't care
if it's not--
this is not mine.
woman: i wouldn't eat
these rice cakes.
what is this?
i didn't buy this.
there's nothing wrong
with my butt.
uhh!
i don't eat meat.
i'm a vegetarian.
just hold on.
i'll be right with you.
i'm sorry.
void that receipt.
it's okay, ma'am.
just a minute, lady.
what the hell's going on here?
some jerk over in
the produce department.
manager: hey, you!
hey, you!
stop, thief!
somebody help me.
you gonna pay for that?
aah!
[door opens]
pecker: hi, shelley.
pecker, i got
fluff and fold duties.
okay. Just a few pin-up shots.
you can't work every second
of your life, you know.
okay, but i don't have all day
for your stupid art.
i gotta refill
the change machines,
unpack
the mini-soaps.
beautiful.
pecker, how could i
be beautiful
with all the dirt
i put up with?
i don't know,
but you sure are.
shelley: see him?
ring around the collar.
okay, chin up.
lean into the light. Okay.
and her.
you wouldn't believe
the b.O. Stains
on her blouses.
you're so sexy when you work.
do you know that?
how can i be sexy
when i know that she
has dingleberries?
she does?
yes siree, bob.
you're my venus de milo.
you know that?
you're crazy. You see art
when there's nothing there.
hey, buddy, no sitting
on the washing machines.
[slam]
and you, no slamming doors
on the dryer, either.
you trying to make me deaf?
one more shot.
oh, god,
it's a pecker moment.
oh, my god.
you can't dye your clothes
in here!
i don't have
any fall colors.
laundromats have rules,
you know?
can't you read the sign?
get out, and take your tired
wardrobe someplace else!
you are barred from
the spin n' grin laundromat
for the rest of your life!
look, pecker.
i just killed a worm.
i got you something.
goody.
let's go say hi to mom.
oh, i don't know, joyce.
oh, miss betty,
i think it looks
very fashionable.
you know, the layered
look is in this year.
pecker: hi, mom.
hey, peck.
what do you think, pecker?
looks cool, miss betty.
i found a pair of calvin klein
underpants, too.
wow. Good for you.
outsider al,
miss betty, get together.
miss betty: come on, al.
joyce: go on, al.
oh, now there's
a good-looking couple.
miss betty: fresh!
joyce: oh, sir, everything
on that rack is half price.
check the tag
and divide by 2.
every day is
a sale here.
miss betty: oh, joyce,
you really know how to make
homeless people feel good
about how they look.
thanks, hon. We know how
to make a dollar holler
here at the bargain hut.
you know what i always
say, miss betty.
if you've got 15 cents
in your pocket,
i can make you look
like a million dollars.
i want more candy.
little chrissy,
you just had
a candy bar.
your teeth are gonna rot
right out of your head.
i said i want candy!
little chrissy.
don't mind
miss tooth decay.
she's
all sugared up.
oh,
ain't that a beaut?
25 cents.
do you want a bag?
no. I'll wear it out.
chrissy: didn't i say
the word "candy"?
i loved
the seventies, too.
somebody please
give me some candy!
would you mind taking
little chrissy home
for me, pecker?
she's been
aggravating me all day.
yeah, sure, mom.
come on, little chrissy.
joyce: oh, pecker, i, uh...
i thought maybe you could
use this for your show.
oh, yeah.
thanks, mom. You rule.
[door closes]
ohh!
this darn claw machine!
it's rigged!
[chuckling]
you can't be a winner
every time, guzzle.
come on. Have a drink.
i'm broke, jimmy.
your damn claw machine
got all my money.
it's on me,
old-timer.
thanks, jimmy.
hey, pecker.
hey, dad.
afternoon, guzzles.
hi, pecker.
hi, chrissy.
how you doing, eh?
how's it going?
always got
that broken-down camera
his mama found
at the thrift shop.
how's my little
sweet tooth today?
little chrissy
wants a jolt.
oh, she does?
[opens can]
slow day, huh, dad?
slow's not the word for it.
here. I got a shot for you.
[ring]
put this in your show.
it's that damn pelt room,
pecker.
how am i supposed
to compete
with a stripper bar
right across the street?
lesbians, i hear.
showing full bush.
b-e-a-v-e-r,
pecker.
that's all men want
in a bar these days.
it says it right here
in the board of liquor
license rule book.
"section 12-203,
"paragraph 3.
pubic hair and liquor."
it's just plain illegal.
[burlesque music
playing inside]
emcee: let's have a big hand,
gentlemen,
for t-bone the stripper!
[applause and cheering]
emcee: she's all lesbian
all the time!
that's why
we're here!
what are you looking at,
assholes?
emcee: the nastiest girl
in baltimore!
yeah, baby!
man: take it off!
yeah, that's it!
come on!
oh, i got!
i got it!
emcee: we show it all!
you like looking at lezzies,
don't you, suckers?
man: i love it!
emcee: full frontal
lesbian nudity!
you think men got
what women really need?
i got
what you need!
emcee: bush city!
well, you're wrong...
because
this beef curtain
stands alone!
hey, you little peckerwood!
i was just looking!
yeah, well, there's no free
peeking in the pelt room.
i should tell
your father!
one pit beef sandwich
with horseradish and ketchup.
i tell my lady friends,
"give a man
a pit beef sandwich,
and he'll be back
for seconds."
oh. Best pit beef
in town, ma'am.
there you go.
bottom round--
just the way
you like it.
$4.00.
keep the change.
thank you kindly.
i'll see you tomorrow.
pecker!
i need to talk to you.
hi, memama.
how's business?
all baltimore loves
a pit beef sandwich.
can i get a shot?
sure can.
she's doing it again,
you know?
she is?
when did she start?
early this morning.
come on in
and take her picture
if you don't
believe me.
come on.
[car pulling up]
man:
hey, you open?!
[honk honk]
hold your horses!
man:
hey, i'm hungry!
be right back!
man:
i want my pit beef!
sometimes there's things
more important
than pit beef.
come on.
i tell you she's been
a regular blabbermouth
all day long.
oh ho, i can't wait.
just wait till
you hear her voice.
wow.
well, there she is.
hi, mary.
memama in higher voice:
full of grace.
full of grace!
see?
she's talking.
it could be
a real miracle.
a real miracle,
memama.
full of grace.
you think so,
pecker?
i do.
oh, i was blinded
by the blue
of mary's cloak
when i was just
7 years old.
i been praying to her
ever since.
sure has paid off,
hasn't it?
it sure has.
full of grace.
we hear you loud
and clear, mary.
you know what?
why don't you two
sit over there?
perfect.
oh, wow.
you two look
just like a holy card.
we do?
oh, just wait till
you see this picture.
full of grace.
she likes you, pecker!
and i like her, too.
full of grace.
full of grace.
full of grace.
pecker?
honey, we're home!
be right down!
is memama up there
with you?
yeah!
we're taking pictures!
she's got customers!
oh, sweetie, come on.
give it back.
you have to wait
till after dinner, okay?
chrissy:
but i'm hungry now!
man, everything always
looks good through here.
where are you going?
i'm making sloppy joes
for dinner.
i can't stay for dinner.
pecker,
you've got to eat.
why do you think
we called him pecker?
never did eat properly
as a child.
just pecked at his food.
i'm not hungry,
and besides, i'm late for
my photo shoot with tina.
oh, pecker.
we love
your big sister,
but you know
how we feel
about that place
where she works.
the devil's workshop!
at least they don't
show pubic hair.
that's one good thing
i can say.
honey, don't say "pubic"
in front of little chrissy.
bye, mom.
bye, sweetie.
pecker, please
bring me a soda!
okay, okay. Bye, dad.
don't be too late,
pecker.
[men howling
and cheering]
evening, mr. Nellbox.
hey, how you doing,
daisy bait?
good.
still taking
them pictures, huh?
oh, yeah. As long as
it's ok with you.
i told your sister tina,
i said,
"pecker ought to forget
about his stupid camera,
get up on the bar
and dance."
huh?
show his bony ass,
make some real money.
aw, thanks, sir,
but i could never do that.
can i take your picture,
though?
hey, knock yourself out,
buttplug.
hold still.
hey, i'll hold it
any way i can get it.
[laughing]
see you later.
have a ball, kid.
[chuckling]
[dance music playing]
here you go, champ.
there you go.
hey.
thanks. Another beer?
another beer.
hi!
hi!
oh.
let's hear it
for larry the lughead!
whoo!
[applause dies out]
larry's 21 years old,
heterosexual,
uncut,
on probation,
and currently makes
his living as a burglar.
[cheering]
man:
come on, baby!
and how about seafood sam
the sailor man?
[cheering]
he may be straight,
but he's on leave,
so don't ask, don't tell...
just get him
to a hotel.
whoo!
thar she blows!
[laughter]
yes! rrr!
bull's-eye!
hey, larry...
no teabagging.
you know the rules.
no balls on foreheads.
teabagging is forbidden
here at the fudge palace.
patron:
oh. I understand.
you teabag a customer
one more time, larry,
and mr. Nellbox
will fire your ass.
patrons: ooh!
yeah, you're gonna
like this one.
look at this. Look.
okay. Be careful.
wow.
if it wasn't for you,
pecker-man,
i'd never know
this shit existed.
"teabagging"?
jesus.
i thought i had heard
of everything.
dude, have you ever heard of
giving someone a dutch oven?
no. What's that?
it's when you fart in bed,
and quickly pull the covers
over your partner's head.
ha ha!
oh, man, i gotta
try that sometime.
damn.
look at her.
she's scary.
i don't know.
i think she looks
kind of proud.
yeah?
yeah.
well, whatever it is,
it's a cool
fucking picture, man.
you sure got the eye
for this stuff.
it's weird, you know?
sometimes i'm amazed
they even turn out at all.
there's my girl.
shelley sure is
something, huh?
yeah.
she ought take off work
once in a while,
though.
have some fun.
well, work is fun, matt,
if you're doing something
you love, right?
i guess, but look at me.
i'm the best thief in town,
and i can't even get laid.
shh!
you hear them
footsteps?
yeah.
it's her.
quick. One more shot.
little chrissy.
say, "sugar."
sugarrrr.
oh, i love you,
little chrissy.
no matter what.
[chickens clucking
in the mood]
now, this one
i like ok.
it's out of focus,
but it ain't depressing
like the other ones.
makes people feel
like buying something.
can i help you?
christ, they aren't
even in color.
you can't just look
at the pictures
without ordering
something.
i'll have
a macaroni salad.
right.
ohh. Look.
hey, mom.
hi, honey.
here you are.
macaroni salad.
can i get you something?
uh, hi, mr. Bozak.
no, that's alright.
we're just here
to look at the art.
well, little chrissy can't
eat outside food in here.
and they--
they have to buy something.
oh, i'm sorry.
oh, well,
alright.
no.
yes, honey.
you can't have it.
4 medium cokes then.
no! i want
my juicy fruits!
little chrissy,
we're not allowed
outside food.
you're getting a coke.
now come on.
we're here
to look at the art.
you heard her.
get the cokes.
honey, i said--
i want
my juicy fruits!
no, honey, you're going
to have a coke
in just a minute!
oh. Congratulations,
pecker.
pecker:
thanks, mom.
joyce: here you go now,
little chrissy.
now, who's that
in the picture?
it that little chrissy?
yep. That's one of
my favorite ones, too.
sweetie,
you are so talented.
if only you could
concentrate
on pretty scenery
or something
instead of
our boring lives,
you might make a real
career out of this.
okay, pecker,
get back to work.
oh, my god. That's me!
yeah, and it's a miracle
they don't take it down.
man: yeah,
i know what you mean.
you believe
these pictures?
what in the...
i can't figure out
what this one is,
but i kinda like it.
those homos.
pecker, your pictures
are glorious.
there's nothing gay
about it.
pecker,
i'm so sorry i'm late,
but wait till you try
this new product.
it removes lipstick stains,
deodorant rings.
oh, wow. Thanks, honey.
that's really sweet.
mr. Bozak, can i take
a short break?
it won't be long.
oh, come on. Please?
bozak: you're off
the clock then.
okay. Just for 5 minutes.
come on.
and you two...
don't even think
about using the restrooms.
look.
it's all you,
shelley.
shelley: oh, my god.
joyce: you look
so pretty, shelley.
you don't think
i show too much?
no, no.
that's why they call
them figure studies.
what will
my customers say?
they'll say
you inspire me.
oh, pecker, it's just me
in my stupid laundromat.
i mean,
what's the big deal?
excuse me.
are you pecker?
yeah, i am.
hi, i'm rorey.
we're his parents.
hi.
i'm from new york city
where i have
an art gallery.
i'm here to meet with
the baltimore museum,
and i saw your flyer.
your pictures
are amazing.
they're the real thing.
wow. Uh, thanks.
this is
my girlfriend shelley.
i love your look.
so tell me
about this one.
ohh...
well, it's, uh...
it's...
it's kind of, uh...
of...
uh...
it's the pubic hair
of a stripper!
pecker: yeah.
oh!
that's it, pecker.
this is a family restaurant,
and you're fired!
woman: i should hope so.
that was disgusting.
fired?
what did i do,
mr. Bozak?
jimmy: chrissy, don't
eat that, honey!
look, chrissy...
hurry up, al!
i gotta go!
go, go!
jimmy: listen to daddy.
you want to get
rickets?
how much?
pecker:
for my picture?
yeah.
you wanna buy it?
yeah.
of course. It's great.
uh...
$30.
sold.
mom, dad,
i just sold a picture.
i'd also love to give you
a show in my new york gallery
if you'd be willing.
there you go.
look.
man: there's another
opening down the street.
woman:
at pat hearn's gallery.
second man:
got good reviews.
why don't we give it
a chance?
second woman:
alright. Yeah.
[classical
piano music playing]
now, that's
my little sister.
some wine?
may i?
certainly.
isn't she a doll?
oh, my god, pecker,
you've gotta listen
to what they're saying.
and this is the times.
"a teenage ouija
"who's paintbrush
is the broken-down camera
he found in his mom's
thrift shop."
lester hallbrook never raves
about anybody's first show!
wow.
he's right over there.
pecker:
thanks a lot, sir!
oh, no. You don't
have to do that.
oh, yes.
look at this one.
i saw that book
at the strand.
oh, there's
venetia keydash.
she's a writer
for art news.
i wanted to introduce you
to her.
your pictures
are sublime, son.
well, thanks a lot,
ma'am.
if i knew how
to make 'em any better,
they probably
wouldn't work at all.
you know what?
excuse me a second.
isn't he gorgeous?
oh, he is.
we don't have boys
that cute in new york.
you having fun, hon?
how could i, pecker?
these people don't go
to laundromats.
they go to dry cleaners.
[takes picture]
now, rorey,
here's who i wanna meet.
shelley,
i want to introduce you
to one of the biggest
collectors
of modern photography
in new york,
lynn wentworth.
you are so sexy, young lady,
and you don't even know it.
oh, uh...
sometimes
i know i look good.
you know, shelley,
she runs a successful
laundromat in baltimore.
i know she does,
and i bought all
12 pictures of it.
pecker: you did?
$1,300 for one picture?
you know, i really
didn't do anything.
here you go.
now, gypsy,
right?
oh, honey, no.
yes!
no, that's enough
chocolate,
'cause we're gonna have
a big fancy dinner soon.
hey, pecker,
you are rich!
they really are
something special.
i mean, pecker's like
a humane diane arbus.
yes, but with a wonderful
streak of kindness.
mm-hmm.
i'll be right back.
excuse moi.
pardon me.
hi, mary.
that's me.
i beg
your pardon?
i work in a gay bar
in baltimore.
we call everybody
"mary."
you got a little sugar
in you, don't you?
sure. I can tell.
a little light
in the loafer.
i don't mean nothing.
i love fags.
i'm jed coleman,
curator
at the whitney.
this is lester hallbrook
of the times.
oh.
your brother is a very
talented individual.
you got that, mary.
i just can't believe
you want my autograph.
just--i don't know.
there you go now.
it looks like
so much fun.
let's do it
at balducci's.
where's that at?
wouldn't they just die
at dean & deluca's?
yes!
is that a store?
gourmet anarchy.
you can steal
for me any day.
do you get aroused
when you shoplift?
um...Yeah.
i guess so. Um...
would you girls like
to get together later?
yeah!
yeah!
oh, i'd like
to introduce you
to red larchmont.
red!
this is pecker...
and shelley,
who's so lucky.
pecker, darling,
i must have
"little chrissy's sugar fix."
rorey: oh, the whole edition
of that one's gone.
but take a look
at "rats make love."
it's one of my favorites.
oh, there's cindy.
pecker: who?
cindy sherman--
the famous photographer?
ohh. Oh, right. Yeah.
hey, cindy!
thank you for coming
to my show!
hi.
oh, hi, jed.
how are you?
very nice.
coming through.
excuse me!
ladies and gentlemen,
here she is!
full of grace,
full of grace.
that's right.
our lady herself, mary--
right here in new york city.
no, no. I promise you
it'll be okay. Really.
seriously.
i'm pecker's mother.
it's fine.
honey. Hi.
here. Hold my purse
and watch little chrissy
for me, okay?
be right back.
you got spare change?
spare change?
oh, you poor thing.
you must be so hungry.
here.
ooh! thank you, ma'am.
can i have your jacket?
well, sure.
yes. Certainly you can.
there you go.
don't they have
good thrift stores
here in new york?
oh, no, ma'am.
they're so expensive.
really?
'cause, you know,
where i come from,
you can get an easter
outfit for 25 cents.
you can?
yes.
fuckin' lousy art galleries
are ruining
this whole neighborhood!
stupid blank paintings
and out-of-focus pictures
and those
ugly-ass sculptures!
oh, sir.
i--i understand.
i know.
it's really hard,
isn't it?
it's hard to appreciate
new things
if you don't have the
proper outfit to wear.
here. Take this.
accessorize.
yeah, tie it
around your neck.
go on. Don't be afraid
of fashion.
oh, that looks
wonderful.
now, see?
it's a whole new you.
alright, listen up.
they're having
this artist's dinner
at this place called
the "b" bar
after my son's opening.
you all should come.
free food,
and who knows,
maybe you'll get
a new outfit.
oh, hey.
[jazz music playing]
excuse me, lynn.
shelley, you're right here,
right next to pecker.
i'll see you later, lynn.
i was wondering
where you were.
pecker:
do you believe this?
we're in a nightclub.
rorey: so is this your
first time in new york?
tina: you bet.
is all this free?
oh, yeah.
the depth and maturity
of his work.
it's fantastic.
oh, there's bryce.
hi, collin. Hi, pat.
be careful
of that guy over there.
he's from coagulum.
it's a magazine.
[takes picture]
pecker...
you're so good.
oh.
here you are, ma'am.
how fancy.
and for you, miss.
ugh.
oh...No, no.
little chrissy,
don't be frightened now.
these are
just vegetables, okay?
uh-uh.
joyce:
they won't hurt you.
i'd like to propose
a toast.
to pecker:
a brilliant
photographer,
a sweet boy,
and a brand-new
art star. To pecker.
to pecker!
to pecker!
to pecker!
to pecker!
ugh!
blech. Ew.
rorey: pecker, you're
gonna have to stand up.
you have to. All these people
are here for you.
speak, pecker.
oh, god.
pecker,
it's your night.
i shouldn't have
taken off work.
i should be at home
in my laundromat
doing my job.
i'm sure
it will be okay.
[applause]
thank you all
for being so nice to me
and buying my photographs.
[laughter]
i--i wanna thank rorey
for liking my pictures
even though some of them
are out of focus
and sometimes i don't
get the exposure right.
you don't know
what my customers are like.
they wait for me
to go out of town
so they can defy
my rules.
you're just
imagining things.
no, i'm not.
people with their
dirty laundry can be animals.
i'd like to toast my dad
for teaching me
just how far to go.
take a bow, dad.
he's a great guy,
isn't he?
tell me, is it legal
to show pubic hair
here in new york?
i'm not really sure.
and my grandmother,
for teaching me
to believe in myself
no matter
what anybody said.
she's a real saint,
isn't she?
full of grace.
full of grace.
shelley: my customers will do
anything if i'm not there.
they could be pissing
in my dryers as we speak!
it's going to be okay.
i promise you.
oh, yeah,
and my big sister tina,
for helping me to understand
all types of human behavior.
come on down
to baltimore.
the trade capital
of the world!
thanks, tina.
and my little sister
chrissy...
want a valium,
honey?
no!
for teaching me
that life is nothing
if you're not obsessed.
honey. Honey,
you're flinging.
and matt,
the best assistant
a photographer
could ever have.
without him,
i couldn't even do my work.
he's a big help.
[applause]
[laughter]
and of course my mom,
for helping me
pick out my outfits.
[applause]
actually, she helps us all
pick out our clothes.
you look beautiful, mom.
give her a big hand!
can i have
your blouse?
[murmur among onlookers]
um, this is
a private dinner.
we're on the list.
you're gonna
have to leave.
they're sort of with me.
you said we could get
some new clothes!
pecker: mom. Mom,
do you know these people?
i didn't know.
i thought maybe
someone could help them.
it's okay, mom.
everything's different
here in new york, right?
i shouldn't even
be in new york.
i'm a baltimore girl,
and that's where
i should stay.
and most importantly,
to my girlfriend shelley.
to shelley,
the real reason
i take pictures at all.
to shelley!
to shelley!
[applause]
* yes, baltimore *
* you're home to me *
* you're everything *
* a home should be *
* love of friends *
* and family *
* holdin' me *
* holdin' me *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
[song ends]
so, honey,
what does this mean?
"...Pecker's
delicious photographs
of his culturally
challenged family."
"culturally challenged"?
i--i don't like
the sound of that much.
that's just
art nonsense.
that's me in the paper,
you know?
are you homosexual?
uh, no, i'm not.
you wouldn't understand
then.
do you think this stuff
is okay, dad?
yeah, sure.
this is
a big article.
"a stain goddess"?
it says here some paper
named the village voice
called me a stain goddess.
i just means you look good.
hey...
what are you doing
later?
maybe i'll be
in the catholic review.
you're gonna be
a holy day
of obligation, mom.
here's the part
i like.
"over 62 of pecker's
edition prints
"were sold
for prices
as high
as $1,300 each."
they have that
in the paper?
yeah.
oh, it's our stop.
oh, my god.
mom, dad.
what?
ohh, no!
they've seen
your pictures, pecker.
i'm out of here, man.
i'll see you later.
let's go and
check it out.
yeah.
hey, hey.
hold it, buddy.
officer, it's our house.
have we been robbed?
i'm afraid so, ma'am.
but don't worry.
they're long gone.
did they get
my hot rollers?
hey, pecker.
i hear you're rich.
tv is gone.
oh, my god. So is the vcr.
i'll check upstairs.
how about the kitchen?!
nobody's hurt.
that's what's important.
you see what happens
when you leave baltimore?
thank god
mary was with me.
oh, god. My darkroom.
aah!
my liza minnelli cds
are gone!
they ate the cookies, too!
the negatives,
they're all here.
so are the prints.
they didn't even
want my stuff.
ohh!
they took
the clock-radio
and your
electric shaver.
i wonder
if they were cute.
tina!
[whimpering]
oh, sweetie, did they
take your cookies?
it's no wonder
we were robbed
with that pelt room
down the street.
mmm.
pubic hair
causes crime.
full of grace.
oh. Shh.
[telephone rings]
joyce: it's okay.
no! i hate
vitamins! no!
hello?
hi. It's rorey.
is pecker there?
i have
fabulous news.
hold on, rorey.
pecker!
phone's for you!
we were just robbed.
robbed.
what do you mean?
burglarized?
pecker!
it's rorey.
hello?
take pictures,
pecker.
this could be
your next show.
your mom's loss,
your dad's sadness.
get close-ups.
uh, i didn't even think
to take pictures, rorey.
pictures?
guess what?
the whitney museum
wants to schedule
"a peek at pecker"
in their upcoming
schedule.
the whitney, pecker!
the whitney museum!
pecker's off work,
rorey.
call back
during business hours.
this is all my fault.
what they call art
up in new york, young man...
looks like just
plain misery to me.
don't become
an asshole, pecker.
i beg of you.
do not become an asshole.
jimmy:
i don't understand this.
"the haunting image
of financial despair."
i was just kidding around
with pecker.
i've still got customers.
we still have food
on the table. Right, chrissy?
cap'n crunch!
joyce: pecker, don't!
my hair's a mess.
come on.
mom, you look
the same as always.
[doorbell rings]
it's awfully early,
isn't it?
i got it.
yeah.
thank you.
rorey--she's always
in a hurry.
i was on mtv.
what?!
i was talking
to larry the lughead
on the phone,
and he saw pecker's
picture of me
right on mtv.
joyce: oh!
oh, mary,
i'm a model.
"mary" is not
a homosexual term, tina.
oh, my god! the cover!
memama?
oh, my god in heaven.
we're all famous.
just like
the jackson family.
don't say that, tina.
i'm gonna take that up
and show it
to monsignor.
memama, i'd wait.
i really would.
some catholics, mom,
they just might not
understand it.
[doorbell rings]
i'll get it.
move over, kate.
outta my way, ru paul.
see who it is first,
tina!
her comes tina,
supermodel!
ciao, ciao, ciao!
hello. I'm
dr. Deborah klompas.
i'm an m.D. With baltimore
city child protection services.
and you're little chrissy.
how may we help you?
it's more about how i'm
gonna be able to help you.
we, uh, don't need
anybody's help, lady.
protection services
saw little chrissy
in the sun papers.
there's nothing wrong
with little chrissy.
little chrissy's
wired.
she's just a
sugar-sensitive child.
that's all.
she does fidget.
[telephone rings]
i'll get it.
hello.
more good news.
hold on, rorey. We're in
the middle of a family crisis.
dr. Klompas: i am sorry
to inform you,
but your child has attention-
deficit hyperactivity disorder.
she needs ritalin.
this is important.
vogue magazine wants
to do a fashion shoot
called "slumming
with pecker."
you have to hold on,
rorey.
hello.
greg gorman
is the photographer.
he shoots
all the celebrities,
and he wants you to model.
look, rorey,
i can't talk right now.
i'll call you back.
well, she does climb
excessively.
would, uh...
would she eat better?
you just think of these
as mother and daddy's
little helpers.
dad, all kids
love candy, though.
well, it's
for her health, pecker.
chrissy, go ahead.
go ahead and take
your medication.
come on, little chrissy.
give me a pose.
what the fuck you think
you're doin'?
you remember me
from the thrift shop?
hey, wait a minute.
that's my dad's radio.
you robbed our house.
so? you took my photograph
and didn't pay me.
oh. Come on, man.
that's not the same thing.
these are real-life shots.
fuck you, pecker.
it's my life,
real or not, asshole.
we're even now.
hey, wait a minute! my sister
wants her cds back!
no cops
this time, right?
don't worry about them.
they couldn't catch
a goddamn cold.
man, your pictures
are everywhere.
i know.
tell me about it.
it's like, i'm trying
to get new stuff,
but everyone knows
me now.
yeah, i know.
no doubt.
here.
don't even try it,
pecker.
that's my private garbage.
sorry, mr. Bozak.
no hard feelings, i hope.
oh, get a real job.
and, you,
you stole from charity.
i'm callin' jerry lewis.
hey, pecker.
i didn't sign
no model release,
and i'm gonna
sue your ass.
he didn't even
get paid yet.
what would you know,
fartmouth?
[baby cries]
the gallery
gets half his money.
you can suck
my fat ass, matt.
hey, pecker, do you think
i should move to new york?
can i help you?
no. I think
we're just looking.
okay.
do you have any
guess jeans in the store?
this ain't gq, buddy.
we got real clothes
at regular prices.
just trying
to look my best.
how about jordache?
i just told you.
any kathie lee?
sold out.
hi. I'd like to fill out
a job application.
i knew it was you,
stupid.
and you're
peckerhead, right?
pecker, ma'am.
i saw those pictures,
dumbbells!
you're both caught.
i was gonna put it back,
honest.
we were just doing it
for the art.
art-schmart.
give me that camera.
what?
i said give me
that camera,
or i'm callin'
the cops.
okay, you two.
whip it out.
what?!
i said,
take out your units.
look, we're sorry.
i said unzip!
now that's what i call
a peckerprint.
smile.
you're on
candid camera.
i've never been caught
shoplifting in my life.
well, maybe this will
teach you both
that some people don't
feel like being art.
if i can't steal,
i don't want to be famous.
i quit, pecker.
look, we're sorry.
matt's a thief,
but he's a really nice person.
matt!
[door chimes
jingle]
man: is this
the stain goddess
i heard about
on howard stern?
tell me. How do i get
rid of pecker-tracks?
eat one, asswipe.
come on.
be a good little girl
and put your vagina
up to the phone.
shove it, fuckwad.
hey, shelley.
stop taking my picture,
pecker!
you're ruining my life!
i'm sorry. I thought
i was making your life better.
hey, pecker,
want to take my picture?
oh, no.
hey, buddy, you can't
do that in here.
go up to new york.
they love that stuff.
take my picture, pecker.
please?
[moaning]
[telephone rings]
[moaning louder]
don't you dare.
come on! before my quarters
run out! oh!
spin n' grin.
hi, shelley. It's me.
i sold three prints
of you today. Is pecker there?
another obscene call.
it's your girlfriend,
asshole.
[moaning]
can i work in peace?
hello.
hi, honey.
it's me, rorey.
did you get
my little present?
[camera clicks,
flash starts charging]
[auto-focus whirs]
matt on machine:
if this is pecker,
don't call back.
[beep]
shelley:
spin n' grin.
hey, it's me, peck.
a dryer overheated,
and some idiot just flashed me.
call rorey.
maybe she feels like talking.
[hangs up]
hello?
shelley?
could you get that door?
[chimes jingle]
are you sure
that this outfit is...
the way
it's supposed to be?
looks great.
turn this way.
let's see the polaroid.
miss betty: stop
mauling me! get off!
background ready?
5 minutes.
hold still.
i'd never wear
this ugly rag.
it's comme des garçons,
darling.
you should be so lucky.
close your eyes.
miss betty: don't tell me
about fashion, buddy.
uh, mr. Gorman,
i just have to tell you
that i'm not so sure
pecker is so comfortable
about modeling today.
but your son's
a fashion natural.
he's going
to look great.
uh, can i see?
shake your head,
darling.
ohh!
i look like
a simpleton.
you with the rash,
put this on.
my scalp itches.
oh, yeah, yeah.
little chrissy,
look at mommy.
honey?
honey, look at mommy.
uhh...
what? oh, sweetie, is it
time for your medication?
okay, here we go.
i don't know
about these pills.
here.
there you go, sweetie.
okay, here,
wash it down.
uh-uh.
you don't want any soda?
miss betty: i wouldn't
wear this to the shelter,
you twit!
don't fight me, darling.
you can wear this
anywhere.
are you trying
to blind me?
[chimes jingle]
oh, jesus, what the hell
have you done to my mother?
i look silly, don't i?
what a beauty.
i'm not a beauty.
i'm a photographer.
please, i'm more
comfortable
on the other side
of the camera.
look, you know what?
i don't want to be
in vogue.
[crew gasps]
everybody wants
to be in vogue.
alright,
background action.
pecker:
miss betty, al,
you don't have
to do this.
are they getting paid?
nobody went over this
with me.
hey, wait a minute.
i said no.
miss betty:
don't we get food?
pecker:
did anyone hear me?
we're not doing this.
get the hell off me.
al, miss betty,
stop it!
you don't have to model
if you don't want to.
[little chrissy coughs]
he's poor,
he's white...
but he sure ain't trash.
god! i don't want
to be a model.
[coughing]
[gorman taking
pictures]
oh, my god.
are you okay?
what's wrong?
she's choking to death!
here, take a sip.
take a sip.
come on, spit it out.
you can do it.
come on.
good.
great, great.
somebody please
call the doctor!
over here.
this is great. Good.
stop taking my picture!
a little
over there. Good.
spit it up.
spit it up.
ohh. There,
it's all better.
got your shot,
mr. Gorman?
i guess we can
retouch.
the lord is with me.
oh, i know, mary.
i know.
full of grace.
you sure are.
you're a virgin,
you're a mother,
and you're all mine.
[doorbell rings]
shh.
who is it?
we're the friends
of mary,
and we've come to see
our lady.
be right down.
[whispering]
it's alright, mary.
be right back.
look at that baby, eh?
god damn it!
pig!
crowd:
long live bush!
cover it up.
get off me,
motherfucker!
shave it off!
pubic hair harassment!
beaver brutality!
pubic hair
is against the law.
crowd: we want bush!
we want bush!
we want bush!
hey, pecker!
i'll make the money
off my pelt, not you!
t-bone! dad, god, i didn't
want anybody arrested
for my pictures.
crowd: we want bush!
we want bush!
thanks.
we want bush!
we want bush!
we want bush!
thank you.
jimmy: can't you see
what pubic hair
is doing to
this neighborhood?
matt!
sinking your
property values!
matt: get off of me!
i didn't do anything.
mary?
these nice ladies
have come to honor you.
full of grace.
you're saying that
yourself.
what do you mean?
you heard me,
faker.
memama, i need
mary's help.
oh, you have company.
this is my grandson pecker.
pecker, these are
the friends of mary...
or so they say.
they're not being
very nice to her.
we can see
her lips moving.
it's just a matter
of faith, ladies.
here. Come on.
shut your eyes and
think of the color blue.
oh, no, you don't.
heretic!
maryolatry is not a joke.
full of grace.
this is too much
for my catholic ears,
and i'm telling
monsignor.
both: hail mary,
full of grace.
the lord is with thee.
blessed art thou
among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, jesus.
you can tell the pope
for all i care!
my grandmother's a saint!
[door closes]
memama...
ask mary to make my life
like it used to be.
i'll try, pecker.
mary...
pecker has a request.
come in, mary.
it's me,
memama.
mary, it's me,
and i'm talking to you.
mary was silent
for centuries, right?
i guess you can't expect
her to talk on demand.
talk, god damn it!
memama!
pecker,
it's your pictures.
see what they've done?
they've ruined my miracle.
[people chattering]
man: come on!
woman: right here,
waiting.
man: come on.
hello?
this is a gay
establishment, you know.
we know
all about it.
we're here
for the teabagging.
what teabagging?
we saw pecker's pictures.
they're hilarious.
give me that.
alright, listen up!
there's
no teabagging here,
and there's no straight
people allowed, either.
crowd: what?
come on now, all of youse.
i need to see
some gay i.D.,
or you're out of here.
[all talking at once]
take the money, okay?
[music playing]
who will be
mr. Rough trade baltimore?
[cheering]
get away, pecker.
* you'll feel
a lot of love power *
did you hear me?
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
will it be
death row dave?
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
dave's a 3-time loser,
and he's sentenced
to the chair,
but he's still got
a boner!
[crowd cheers]
his last request--
one more hum job before
they pull the switch.
[crowd cheers]
well, here he comes.
he's matt the thief.
[crowd cheers]
he's barely legal,
but he's got the beef.
the kindest face
you'll ever find,
but if you own a store,
he'll shoplift you blind.
man: yeah!
you ruined
my career, pecker.
oh, matt, i'm sorry.
* you be the mama *
* i'll be the pop *
billy!
billy heckman!
dad?
you are queer!
no, mom, i'm trade.
the queers blow me.
oh! ohh! ohh.
i don't blow them.
i'm still straight.
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
you get off that bar
and cover yourself!
come here. Watch
your beer, sir.
man: aw, come on.
we're getting
out of here.
tina...
you're fired.
oh, god, no, mr. Nellbox.
this is all my fault.
don't blame tina.
please.
mr. Nellbox...
trade is my life.
[sobs]
man: because
of your pictures,
look what you did
to your sister.
rorey: washing machine
pervert, right?
yep.
fabulous.
you know, i sold this
one to l'uomo vogue.
good.
and this one-- don't you think
it would be perfect
for that special edition parkett
magazine wants you to do?
yeah, sure.
rorey, we got to talk.
these pictures...
they're just suddenly
all shit.
nonsense, pecker.
your work just evolved.
congratulations.
what's this?
we're doing great.
wow.
and for
your whitney show...
it will be
a triumph of pain.
that's a terrible
poster.
pecker: i want to like it.
i--i just don't.
shelley's
out of context.
she's--she's not like this.
pecker...
how can you be
so kind and gentle
and still have talent?
i just try to do good work.
could we be together
just once?
you mean...
uh...
for the whitney?
but you're my art dealer.
that's right.
i am,
and i also understand
your vision.
just once--
for art.
oh, my god!
shelley!
shelley, it's not
what you think!
it's all about the work!
i hate modern
photography!
i'm sorry, pecker.
i--i didn't mean
for this to happen.
you're not supposed
to have sex with people
you're trying to help.
i didn't plan it.
i like shelley.
she's a sweetheart.
i just wanted
a real boyfriend,
not some art person.
cancel the whitney.
no! pecker,
you can't do that.
i want my friends,
and i want my family,
and i want
my career back!
rorey: look, let's talk.
pecker, don't leave now.
we can work this out.
please.
shelley!
pecker, what about
new york?
they can come to me
this time, rorey.
i'm going to have
my own show
right here in baltimore.
but the whitney!
what am i supposed
to tell the whitney!
shelley, i love you!
shelley, i love you
more than kodak!
shelley!
wait!
shelley!
help, police!
he took a dump
without buying anything!
matt: get off me.
police! i'm making
a citizen's arrest!
hey, matt, i got paid.
i'm giving you a job,
and this time,
you're on salary.
alright, pecker-man.
you're the boss.
bastards!
pecker: shelley!
hello.
voting card, please.
okay, you can take the second
booth on your right.
thank you.
pecker: shelley!
shh!
good afternoon,
gentlemen.
your voting cards,
please?
i don't have it with me,
but i'm registered.
my name is pecker.
um...
excuse me. Do you have
a bathroom i could use?
this is a polling place,
not a filling station,
young man.
excuse me.
excuse me.
voting booths are
private places, mr. Pecker.
if i were you,
i would concentrate
on my own personal choice
of candidate
and not the choices
of others.
yes, ma'am.
but i really have
to use the bathroom.
one would think
a serious voter
would eliminate
before leaving home.
but it's an emergency.
i mean it.
[sighs] alright.
here.
thanks.
it's through that door
and to the left.
to the left!
ow.
pecker.
shh.
mr. Pecker?
i'll be right back.
pecker,
i'm trying to vote.
oh, come on.
mr. Pecker,
did you hear me?
oh, god.
quick, let me stand
in your bag.
pecker...
look. She can't even
see me now.
[sighs]
attention, voters.
no 2 people are allowed
in a voting booth.
more than one person
inside a voting booth
is a federal offense
punishable...
by up to 3 years
in prison.
oh, shelley,
please come back.
without you,
my work is shit.
rorey's your work.
it's you that i love.
i don't understand
any of that art crap.
you could if you just
open your eyes.
pecker, i work
in a laundromat.
art's everywhere.
yeah, in my endless bags
of dirty laundry.
yeah.
it is, if you
think about it.
what?
the brilliant green
of a grass stain?
yes.
that's art.
the subtle yellow
of a urine soaked sheet?
yeah.
yeah. Keep going.
it's what you see
every day.
the aqua blue of cold water
as it dilutes a violent
red blood stain?
oh, you got it.
oh, be spontaneous
for once in your life.
pecker, i'm scared.
you mean the almond brown
of a stubborn mildew stain
can be beautiful?
yes. Yes.
let your mind go,
and you'll be free
forever.
oh, pecker, i think
i finally see it.
ohh. Art, shelley.
art.
pecker, use a condom.
okay.
[both moaning,
booth rattling]
[both moaning louder]
ho ho ho ho!
aah!
[horn honks]
[chattering]
okay, settle down, folks.
settle down. I know
we're all excited.
take it away, pecker.
ladies and gentlemen.
welcome to pecker's place.
crowd: yay!
yeah!
* i'm a pecker man *
* i got my shoes on
straight *
* i'm a pecker man *
* and one of me to yank *
* i'm a pecker man *
* and i just can't wait *
* i'm a pecker man *
whoo!
yeah! yeah!
we're here with pecker's
grandmother memama.
tell us, memama--
why won't mary talk?
she went up, that's all.
mary's broke.
but if
channel 45's viewers
pray hard enough,
maybe our lady
will speak again.
and i'm sloane brown,
channel 45 news,
live at pecker's place.
what's going on, man?
how you doing?
how you doing?
you're going through.
yes, you're going through.
i know you.
look.
friends of the whitney...
this is baltimore.
oh ho ho!
wonderful.
let's get off.
look...
a row house.
[gasps]
with white marble steps.
it's just like
his pictures.
larry:
it's so dignified.
lynn: so powerful.
it's almost sexual,
isn't it?
you with the goiter
in the back, yes.
hi. How you doing?
you.
you.
how you doing, sir?
excuse me,
i'm jed coleman.
this is the group
from the whitney museum.
oh, okay, it's $4.00
for each of you.
oh, i, uh...
i didn't know there was
a cover charge.
i thought you liked it
when i stole.
[music playing]
congratulations, pecker.
well, thank you.
do you know what?
it's not just me.
it's my friends.
it's my family.
you know what? everyone
here inspires me.
pecker sees new york
from the outside looking in,
and if you just
open your eyes,
you'll see it, too.
oh, shelley,
i see what you mean.
that skinny lady
in the photo--
ha ha! that's
fucking hilarious.
i love it.
well, you know what?
we're open for business.
what do you got
to trade?
hell, i do own a bakery.
how about complimentary
birthday cakes
for each member
of your family
for 2 years?
it's a deal.
i'm putting it
right in my rumpus room.
oh, mr. Coleman,
so glad you could
make it.
how does it feel to be
in front of the camera?
well, it...
takes a little
getting used to.
hi, mary!
welcome to baltimore.
[woman laughs]
[snaps fingers]
i didn't know pecker
was showing this work.
yoo-hoo!
pecker, darling.
i want to see lowlife.
show me down and dirty.
oh, well,
it's just us, lynn.
you remember
shelley, right?
congratulations.
man: ooh! ow!
oh, my god.
you look daringly
original.
there's not a catalog,
is there?
nice tits, ma'am.
[woman laughs]
hey, it's liquor lady.
want to dance?
you know, i only had
2 drinks that night.
think i care?
i drink, too.
yeah, set 'em up.
there you go.
oh, miss betty,
now, that looks
wonderful.
oh, i don't know.
will it wrinkle
if i sleep in it?
oh, no.
not that fabric.
you know,
that's flameproof, too,
in case someone
sets you on fire.
alright.
i'll take it.
joyce: good.
oh!
isn't fashion something?
[both laugh]
oh, here comes the vegan.
chrissy's
a good little girl.
she looks
so different.
little chrissy's
off the drugs.
joyce: mm-hmm.
she's sugar-free
and on the road
to a balanced diet.
thank you, honey.
hey, come on, gorgeous,
be honest.
when was the last time
a straight guy
asked you to dance?
[dance music playing]
go on, venetia.
get it, girl.
go on.
you're in baltimore.
* watch out, watch out,
watch out *
crowd: whoo!
hmm.
congratulations,
pecker.
shelley.
thank you. I'm so glad
you could come, rorey.
this is my new
discovery randy.
he's from new jersey,
and he is the first
blind photographer.
i feel portraits,
and i smell landscapes.
i'm giving him a show
in november.
is that outsider art?
no more light readings.
no more focusing.
maybe you should give him
a show in your laundromat.
send me some slides.
i'll do that.
okay!
man: whoo!
[takes picture]
man: go, t-bone!
man: yeah!
[crowd cheering
and whistling]
man: alright,
t-bone!
man: yeah!
no pubic hair!
man: hey, hey,
no pants!
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
[whispering]
take your pants off.
[taking pictures]
ooh, teabag him, larry.
crowd: whoa!
brilliant work,
pecker.
thanks, mr. Hallbrook.
man: shake it,
sweetheart!
man:
whoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
ride it, bitch!
ride it like
a butch bottom!
ohh, new york
was never like this!
holy mary,
mother of god.
pecker!
she's talking,
and i'm not
saying anything.
mary: full of grace--
holy mary,
mother of god.
our prayers
have been answered.
full of grace--
holy mary,
mother of god.
[takes
grace. Holy. Picture]
holy. Holy.
grace. God.
holy.
pecker,
do you think
it's a real miracle?
yes, memama.
yes!
[snorts]
quiet, everybody.
quiet, please.
quiet, everybody.
quiet.
come on in.
gather around.
pecker,
get up here.
[crowd cheering]
i have a toast.
i have a toast.
to pecker.
crowd: to pecker!
and the end of irony!
yay, pecker!
so, what's next,
pecker?
well...
i think, uh...
you know what?
i'm thinking of
directing a movie.
man: alright!
[crowd cheers]
paul evans:
* i can laugh *
* when things ain't funny *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* yeah, i can smile *
* when i ain't got
no money *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* it may sound silly *
* but, mmm, i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got
the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* a slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky *
* love *
* well *
* life is sweet *
* whoa *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha *
[singer laughs
hysterically]
[singer laughs
hysterically]
* it may sound silly *
* but, hmm, i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* a slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky *
* love *
* well *
* life is sweet *
* whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
[singer laughs
hysterically]
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
captioning made possible by
new line home video
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
public performance of captions
prohibited without permission of
national captioning institute
* yeah! *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* go! *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* i can laugh *
* when things ain't funny *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* yeah, i can smile *
* when i ain't got no money *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
[advances film in camera]
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
wait!
* life is sweet, whoa *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
are you looking at me?
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
hmm.
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
hey!
hey!
my hair!
hey!
police!
somebody help!
wait, the bus, wait!
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
* ah ha ha ha ha ha *
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* it may sound silly *
* but i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* this slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky love *
* well *
* life is sweet, whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
grrrrr.
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha ha ha *
you're late, pecker.
sorry, mr. Bozak.
i was out
taking pictures.
late is late no matter
what you were doing.
here, finish this order.
[takes picture]
[sighs]
i'll be right there.
ahem.
pecker!
you got customers.
here you go, miss emily.
and don't forget
to come to my show.
yeah, well...
remember, pecker,
this ain't no art gallery.
it's a restaurant.
yeah, okay.
and your friends better
buy something tomorrow,
or i'll throw them out.
yeah, mr. Bozak.
[squeaking]
pecker.
thank you, ma'am.
asshole.
hope to see you
tomorrow.
bye.
whoo!
here you go, pecker-man.
special delivery.
whoa, man.
where'd you get this?
i got myself
a 5-finger discount.
dude, you're gonna
get popped.
not me, bro.
i'm invisible.
you ready to play?
both:
shopping for others!
* i'm a nut, i'm a nut *
* my life don't ever
get in a rut *
* the head on my shoulders
is so loose *
ohh!
hey, you!
brats.
* i'm a nut *
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
woman: next in line, please.
[customers arguing]
would you hurry up,
please?
this is not mine.
well, i don't care
if it's not--
this is not mine.
woman: i wouldn't eat
these rice cakes.
what is this?
i didn't buy this.
there's nothing wrong
with my butt.
uhh!
i don't eat meat.
i'm a vegetarian.
just hold on.
i'll be right with you.
i'm sorry.
void that receipt.
it's okay, ma'am.
just a minute, lady.
what the hell's going on here?
some jerk over in
the produce department.
manager: hey, you!
hey, you!
stop, thief!
somebody help me.
you gonna pay for that?
aah!
[door opens]
pecker: hi, shelley.
pecker, i got
fluff and fold duties.
okay. Just a few pin-up shots.
you can't work every second
of your life, you know.
okay, but i don't have all day
for your stupid art.
i gotta refill
the change machines,
unpack
the mini-soaps.
beautiful.
pecker, how could i
be beautiful
with all the dirt
i put up with?
i don't know,
but you sure are.
shelley: see him?
ring around the collar.
okay, chin up.
lean into the light. Okay.
and her.
you wouldn't believe
the b.O. Stains
on her blouses.
you're so sexy when you work.
do you know that?
how can i be sexy
when i know that she
has dingleberries?
she does?
yes siree, bob.
you're my venus de milo.
you know that?
you're crazy. You see art
when there's nothing there.
hey, buddy, no sitting
on the washing machines.
[slam]
and you, no slamming doors
on the dryer, either.
you trying to make me deaf?
one more shot.
oh, god,
it's a pecker moment.
oh, my god.
you can't dye your clothes
in here!
i don't have
any fall colors.
laundromats have rules,
you know?
can't you read the sign?
get out, and take your tired
wardrobe someplace else!
you are barred from
the spin n' grin laundromat
for the rest of your life!
look, pecker.
i just killed a worm.
i got you something.
goody.
let's go say hi to mom.
oh, i don't know, joyce.
oh, miss betty,
i think it looks
very fashionable.
you know, the layered
look is in this year.
pecker: hi, mom.
hey, peck.
what do you think, pecker?
looks cool, miss betty.
i found a pair of calvin klein
underpants, too.
wow. Good for you.
outsider al,
miss betty, get together.
miss betty: come on, al.
joyce: go on, al.
oh, now there's
a good-looking couple.
miss betty: fresh!
joyce: oh, sir, everything
on that rack is half price.
check the tag
and divide by 2.
every day is
a sale here.
miss betty: oh, joyce,
you really know how to make
homeless people feel good
about how they look.
thanks, hon. We know how
to make a dollar holler
here at the bargain hut.
you know what i always
say, miss betty.
if you've got 15 cents
in your pocket,
i can make you look
like a million dollars.
i want more candy.
little chrissy,
you just had
a candy bar.
your teeth are gonna rot
right out of your head.
i said i want candy!
little chrissy.
don't mind
miss tooth decay.
she's
all sugared up.
oh,
ain't that a beaut?
25 cents.
do you want a bag?
no. I'll wear it out.
chrissy: didn't i say
the word "candy"?
i loved
the seventies, too.
somebody please
give me some candy!
would you mind taking
little chrissy home
for me, pecker?
she's been
aggravating me all day.
yeah, sure, mom.
come on, little chrissy.
joyce: oh, pecker, i, uh...
i thought maybe you could
use this for your show.
oh, yeah.
thanks, mom. You rule.
[door closes]
ohh!
this darn claw machine!
it's rigged!
[chuckling]
you can't be a winner
every time, guzzle.
come on. Have a drink.
i'm broke, jimmy.
your damn claw machine
got all my money.
it's on me,
old-timer.
thanks, jimmy.
hey, pecker.
hey, dad.
afternoon, guzzles.
hi, pecker.
hi, chrissy.
how you doing, eh?
how's it going?
always got
that broken-down camera
his mama found
at the thrift shop.
how's my little
sweet tooth today?
little chrissy
wants a jolt.
oh, she does?
[opens can]
slow day, huh, dad?
slow's not the word for it.
here. I got a shot for you.
[ring]
put this in your show.
it's that damn pelt room,
pecker.
how am i supposed
to compete
with a stripper bar
right across the street?
lesbians, i hear.
showing full bush.
b-e-a-v-e-r,
pecker.
that's all men want
in a bar these days.
it says it right here
in the board of liquor
license rule book.
"section 12-203,
"paragraph 3.
pubic hair and liquor."
it's just plain illegal.
[burlesque music
playing inside]
emcee: let's have a big hand,
gentlemen,
for t-bone the stripper!
[applause and cheering]
emcee: she's all lesbian
all the time!
that's why
we're here!
what are you looking at,
assholes?
emcee: the nastiest girl
in baltimore!
yeah, baby!
man: take it off!
yeah, that's it!
come on!
oh, i got!
i got it!
emcee: we show it all!
you like looking at lezzies,
don't you, suckers?
man: i love it!
emcee: full frontal
lesbian nudity!
you think men got
what women really need?
i got
what you need!
emcee: bush city!
well, you're wrong...
because
this beef curtain
stands alone!
hey, you little peckerwood!
i was just looking!
yeah, well, there's no free
peeking in the pelt room.
i should tell
your father!
one pit beef sandwich
with horseradish and ketchup.
i tell my lady friends,
"give a man
a pit beef sandwich,
and he'll be back
for seconds."
oh. Best pit beef
in town, ma'am.
there you go.
bottom round--
just the way
you like it.
$4.00.
keep the change.
thank you kindly.
i'll see you tomorrow.
pecker!
i need to talk to you.
hi, memama.
how's business?
all baltimore loves
a pit beef sandwich.
can i get a shot?
sure can.
she's doing it again,
you know?
she is?
when did she start?
early this morning.
come on in
and take her picture
if you don't
believe me.
come on.
[car pulling up]
man:
hey, you open?!
[honk honk]
hold your horses!
man:
hey, i'm hungry!
be right back!
man:
i want my pit beef!
sometimes there's things
more important
than pit beef.
come on.
i tell you she's been
a regular blabbermouth
all day long.
oh ho, i can't wait.
just wait till
you hear her voice.
wow.
well, there she is.
hi, mary.
memama in higher voice:
full of grace.
full of grace!
see?
she's talking.
it could be
a real miracle.
a real miracle,
memama.
full of grace.
you think so,
pecker?
i do.
oh, i was blinded
by the blue
of mary's cloak
when i was just
7 years old.
i been praying to her
ever since.
sure has paid off,
hasn't it?
it sure has.
full of grace.
we hear you loud
and clear, mary.
you know what?
why don't you two
sit over there?
perfect.
oh, wow.
you two look
just like a holy card.
we do?
oh, just wait till
you see this picture.
full of grace.
she likes you, pecker!
and i like her, too.
full of grace.
full of grace.
full of grace.
pecker?
honey, we're home!
be right down!
is memama up there
with you?
yeah!
we're taking pictures!
she's got customers!
oh, sweetie, come on.
give it back.
you have to wait
till after dinner, okay?
chrissy:
but i'm hungry now!
man, everything always
looks good through here.
where are you going?
i'm making sloppy joes
for dinner.
i can't stay for dinner.
pecker,
you've got to eat.
why do you think
we called him pecker?
never did eat properly
as a child.
just pecked at his food.
i'm not hungry,
and besides, i'm late for
my photo shoot with tina.
oh, pecker.
we love
your big sister,
but you know
how we feel
about that place
where she works.
the devil's workshop!
at least they don't
show pubic hair.
that's one good thing
i can say.
honey, don't say "pubic"
in front of little chrissy.
bye, mom.
bye, sweetie.
pecker, please
bring me a soda!
okay, okay. Bye, dad.
don't be too late,
pecker.
[men howling
and cheering]
evening, mr. Nellbox.
hey, how you doing,
daisy bait?
good.
still taking
them pictures, huh?
oh, yeah. As long as
it's ok with you.
i told your sister tina,
i said,
"pecker ought to forget
about his stupid camera,
get up on the bar
and dance."
huh?
show his bony ass,
make some real money.
aw, thanks, sir,
but i could never do that.
can i take your picture,
though?
hey, knock yourself out,
buttplug.
hold still.
hey, i'll hold it
any way i can get it.
[laughing]
see you later.
have a ball, kid.
[chuckling]
[dance music playing]
here you go, champ.
there you go.
hey.
thanks. Another beer?
another beer.
hi!
hi!
oh.
let's hear it
for larry the lughead!
whoo!
[applause dies out]
larry's 21 years old,
heterosexual,
uncut,
on probation,
and currently makes
his living as a burglar.
[cheering]
man:
come on, baby!
and how about seafood sam
the sailor man?
[cheering]
he may be straight,
but he's on leave,
so don't ask, don't tell...
just get him
to a hotel.
whoo!
thar she blows!
[laughter]
yes! rrr!
bull's-eye!
hey, larry...
no teabagging.
you know the rules.
no balls on foreheads.
teabagging is forbidden
here at the fudge palace.
patron:
oh. I understand.
you teabag a customer
one more time, larry,
and mr. Nellbox
will fire your ass.
patrons: ooh!
yeah, you're gonna
like this one.
look at this. Look.
okay. Be careful.
wow.
if it wasn't for you,
pecker-man,
i'd never know
this shit existed.
"teabagging"?
jesus.
i thought i had heard
of everything.
dude, have you ever heard of
giving someone a dutch oven?
no. What's that?
it's when you fart in bed,
and quickly pull the covers
over your partner's head.
ha ha!
oh, man, i gotta
try that sometime.
damn.
look at her.
she's scary.
i don't know.
i think she looks
kind of proud.
yeah?
yeah.
well, whatever it is,
it's a cool
fucking picture, man.
you sure got the eye
for this stuff.
it's weird, you know?
sometimes i'm amazed
they even turn out at all.
there's my girl.
shelley sure is
something, huh?
yeah.
she ought take off work
once in a while,
though.
have some fun.
well, work is fun, matt,
if you're doing something
you love, right?
i guess, but look at me.
i'm the best thief in town,
and i can't even get laid.
shh!
you hear them
footsteps?
yeah.
it's her.
quick. One more shot.
little chrissy.
say, "sugar."
sugarrrr.
oh, i love you,
little chrissy.
no matter what.
[chickens clucking
in the mood]
now, this one
i like ok.
it's out of focus,
but it ain't depressing
like the other ones.
makes people feel
like buying something.
can i help you?
christ, they aren't
even in color.
you can't just look
at the pictures
without ordering
something.
i'll have
a macaroni salad.
right.
ohh. Look.
hey, mom.
hi, honey.
here you are.
macaroni salad.
can i get you something?
uh, hi, mr. Bozak.
no, that's alright.
we're just here
to look at the art.
well, little chrissy can't
eat outside food in here.
and they--
they have to buy something.
oh, i'm sorry.
oh, well,
alright.
no.
yes, honey.
you can't have it.
4 medium cokes then.
no! i want
my juicy fruits!
little chrissy,
we're not allowed
outside food.
you're getting a coke.
now come on.
we're here
to look at the art.
you heard her.
get the cokes.
honey, i said--
i want
my juicy fruits!
no, honey, you're going
to have a coke
in just a minute!
oh. Congratulations,
pecker.
pecker:
thanks, mom.
joyce: here you go now,
little chrissy.
now, who's that
in the picture?
it that little chrissy?
yep. That's one of
my favorite ones, too.
sweetie,
you are so talented.
if only you could
concentrate
on pretty scenery
or something
instead of
our boring lives,
you might make a real
career out of this.
okay, pecker,
get back to work.
oh, my god. That's me!
yeah, and it's a miracle
they don't take it down.
man: yeah,
i know what you mean.
you believe
these pictures?
what in the...
i can't figure out
what this one is,
but i kinda like it.
those homos.
pecker, your pictures
are glorious.
there's nothing gay
about it.
pecker,
i'm so sorry i'm late,
but wait till you try
this new product.
it removes lipstick stains,
deodorant rings.
oh, wow. Thanks, honey.
that's really sweet.
mr. Bozak, can i take
a short break?
it won't be long.
oh, come on. Please?
bozak: you're off
the clock then.
okay. Just for 5 minutes.
come on.
and you two...
don't even think
about using the restrooms.
look.
it's all you,
shelley.
shelley: oh, my god.
joyce: you look
so pretty, shelley.
you don't think
i show too much?
no, no.
that's why they call
them figure studies.
what will
my customers say?
they'll say
you inspire me.
oh, pecker, it's just me
in my stupid laundromat.
i mean,
what's the big deal?
excuse me.
are you pecker?
yeah, i am.
hi, i'm rorey.
we're his parents.
hi.
i'm from new york city
where i have
an art gallery.
i'm here to meet with
the baltimore museum,
and i saw your flyer.
your pictures
are amazing.
they're the real thing.
wow. Uh, thanks.
this is
my girlfriend shelley.
i love your look.
so tell me
about this one.
ohh...
well, it's, uh...
it's...
it's kind of, uh...
of...
uh...
it's the pubic hair
of a stripper!
pecker: yeah.
oh!
that's it, pecker.
this is a family restaurant,
and you're fired!
woman: i should hope so.
that was disgusting.
fired?
what did i do,
mr. Bozak?
jimmy: chrissy, don't
eat that, honey!
look, chrissy...
hurry up, al!
i gotta go!
go, go!
jimmy: listen to daddy.
you want to get
rickets?
how much?
pecker:
for my picture?
yeah.
you wanna buy it?
yeah.
of course. It's great.
uh...
$30.
sold.
mom, dad,
i just sold a picture.
i'd also love to give you
a show in my new york gallery
if you'd be willing.
there you go.
look.
man: there's another
opening down the street.
woman:
at pat hearn's gallery.
second man:
got good reviews.
why don't we give it
a chance?
second woman:
alright. Yeah.
[classical
piano music playing]
now, that's
my little sister.
some wine?
may i?
certainly.
isn't she a doll?
oh, my god, pecker,
you've gotta listen
to what they're saying.
and this is the times.
"a teenage ouija
"who's paintbrush
is the broken-down camera
he found in his mom's
thrift shop."
lester hallbrook never raves
about anybody's first show!
wow.
he's right over there.
pecker:
thanks a lot, sir!
oh, no. You don't
have to do that.
oh, yes.
look at this one.
i saw that book
at the strand.
oh, there's
venetia keydash.
she's a writer
for art news.
i wanted to introduce you
to her.
your pictures
are sublime, son.
well, thanks a lot,
ma'am.
if i knew how
to make 'em any better,
they probably
wouldn't work at all.
you know what?
excuse me a second.
isn't he gorgeous?
oh, he is.
we don't have boys
that cute in new york.
you having fun, hon?
how could i, pecker?
these people don't go
to laundromats.
they go to dry cleaners.
[takes picture]
now, rorey,
here's who i wanna meet.
shelley,
i want to introduce you
to one of the biggest
collectors
of modern photography
in new york,
lynn wentworth.
you are so sexy, young lady,
and you don't even know it.
oh, uh...
sometimes
i know i look good.
you know, shelley,
she runs a successful
laundromat in baltimore.
i know she does,
and i bought all
12 pictures of it.
pecker: you did?
$1,300 for one picture?
you know, i really
didn't do anything.
here you go.
now, gypsy,
right?
oh, honey, no.
yes!
no, that's enough
chocolate,
'cause we're gonna have
a big fancy dinner soon.
hey, pecker,
you are rich!
they really are
something special.
i mean, pecker's like
a humane diane arbus.
yes, but with a wonderful
streak of kindness.
mm-hmm.
i'll be right back.
excuse moi.
pardon me.
hi, mary.
that's me.
i beg
your pardon?
i work in a gay bar
in baltimore.
we call everybody
"mary."
you got a little sugar
in you, don't you?
sure. I can tell.
a little light
in the loafer.
i don't mean nothing.
i love fags.
i'm jed coleman,
curator
at the whitney.
this is lester hallbrook
of the times.
oh.
your brother is a very
talented individual.
you got that, mary.
i just can't believe
you want my autograph.
just--i don't know.
there you go now.
it looks like
so much fun.
let's do it
at balducci's.
where's that at?
wouldn't they just die
at dean & deluca's?
yes!
is that a store?
gourmet anarchy.
you can steal
for me any day.
do you get aroused
when you shoplift?
um...Yeah.
i guess so. Um...
would you girls like
to get together later?
yeah!
yeah!
oh, i'd like
to introduce you
to red larchmont.
red!
this is pecker...
and shelley,
who's so lucky.
pecker, darling,
i must have
"little chrissy's sugar fix."
rorey: oh, the whole edition
of that one's gone.
but take a look
at "rats make love."
it's one of my favorites.
oh, there's cindy.
pecker: who?
cindy sherman--
the famous photographer?
ohh. Oh, right. Yeah.
hey, cindy!
thank you for coming
to my show!
hi.
oh, hi, jed.
how are you?
very nice.
coming through.
excuse me!
ladies and gentlemen,
here she is!
full of grace,
full of grace.
that's right.
our lady herself, mary--
right here in new york city.
no, no. I promise you
it'll be okay. Really.
seriously.
i'm pecker's mother.
it's fine.
honey. Hi.
here. Hold my purse
and watch little chrissy
for me, okay?
be right back.
you got spare change?
spare change?
oh, you poor thing.
you must be so hungry.
here.
ooh! thank you, ma'am.
can i have your jacket?
well, sure.
yes. Certainly you can.
there you go.
don't they have
good thrift stores
here in new york?
oh, no, ma'am.
they're so expensive.
really?
'cause, you know,
where i come from,
you can get an easter
outfit for 25 cents.
you can?
yes.
fuckin' lousy art galleries
are ruining
this whole neighborhood!
stupid blank paintings
and out-of-focus pictures
and those
ugly-ass sculptures!
oh, sir.
i--i understand.
i know.
it's really hard,
isn't it?
it's hard to appreciate
new things
if you don't have the
proper outfit to wear.
here. Take this.
accessorize.
yeah, tie it
around your neck.
go on. Don't be afraid
of fashion.
oh, that looks
wonderful.
now, see?
it's a whole new you.
alright, listen up.
they're having
this artist's dinner
at this place called
the "b" bar
after my son's opening.
you all should come.
free food,
and who knows,
maybe you'll get
a new outfit.
oh, hey.
[jazz music playing]
excuse me, lynn.
shelley, you're right here,
right next to pecker.
i'll see you later, lynn.
i was wondering
where you were.
pecker:
do you believe this?
we're in a nightclub.
rorey: so is this your
first time in new york?
tina: you bet.
is all this free?
oh, yeah.
the depth and maturity
of his work.
it's fantastic.
oh, there's bryce.
hi, collin. Hi, pat.
be careful
of that guy over there.
he's from coagulum.
it's a magazine.
[takes picture]
pecker...
you're so good.
oh.
here you are, ma'am.
how fancy.
and for you, miss.
ugh.
oh...No, no.
little chrissy,
don't be frightened now.
these are
just vegetables, okay?
uh-uh.
joyce:
they won't hurt you.
i'd like to propose
a toast.
to pecker:
a brilliant
photographer,
a sweet boy,
and a brand-new
art star. To pecker.
to pecker!
to pecker!
to pecker!
to pecker!
ugh!
blech. Ew.
rorey: pecker, you're
gonna have to stand up.
you have to. All these people
are here for you.
speak, pecker.
oh, god.
pecker,
it's your night.
i shouldn't have
taken off work.
i should be at home
in my laundromat
doing my job.
i'm sure
it will be okay.
[applause]
thank you all
for being so nice to me
and buying my photographs.
[laughter]
i--i wanna thank rorey
for liking my pictures
even though some of them
are out of focus
and sometimes i don't
get the exposure right.
you don't know
what my customers are like.
they wait for me
to go out of town
so they can defy
my rules.
you're just
imagining things.
no, i'm not.
people with their
dirty laundry can be animals.
i'd like to toast my dad
for teaching me
just how far to go.
take a bow, dad.
he's a great guy,
isn't he?
tell me, is it legal
to show pubic hair
here in new york?
i'm not really sure.
and my grandmother,
for teaching me
to believe in myself
no matter
what anybody said.
she's a real saint,
isn't she?
full of grace.
full of grace.
shelley: my customers will do
anything if i'm not there.
they could be pissing
in my dryers as we speak!
it's going to be okay.
i promise you.
oh, yeah,
and my big sister tina,
for helping me to understand
all types of human behavior.
come on down
to baltimore.
the trade capital
of the world!
thanks, tina.
and my little sister
chrissy...
want a valium,
honey?
no!
for teaching me
that life is nothing
if you're not obsessed.
honey. Honey,
you're flinging.
and matt,
the best assistant
a photographer
could ever have.
without him,
i couldn't even do my work.
he's a big help.
[applause]
[laughter]
and of course my mom,
for helping me
pick out my outfits.
[applause]
actually, she helps us all
pick out our clothes.
you look beautiful, mom.
give her a big hand!
can i have
your blouse?
[murmur among onlookers]
um, this is
a private dinner.
we're on the list.
you're gonna
have to leave.
they're sort of with me.
you said we could get
some new clothes!
pecker: mom. Mom,
do you know these people?
i didn't know.
i thought maybe
someone could help them.
it's okay, mom.
everything's different
here in new york, right?
i shouldn't even
be in new york.
i'm a baltimore girl,
and that's where
i should stay.
and most importantly,
to my girlfriend shelley.
to shelley,
the real reason
i take pictures at all.
to shelley!
to shelley!
[applause]
* yes, baltimore *
* you're home to me *
* you're everything *
* a home should be *
* love of friends *
* and family *
* holdin' me *
* holdin' me *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
* baltimore *
[song ends]
so, honey,
what does this mean?
"...Pecker's
delicious photographs
of his culturally
challenged family."
"culturally challenged"?
i--i don't like
the sound of that much.
that's just
art nonsense.
that's me in the paper,
you know?
are you homosexual?
uh, no, i'm not.
you wouldn't understand
then.
do you think this stuff
is okay, dad?
yeah, sure.
this is
a big article.
"a stain goddess"?
it says here some paper
named the village voice
called me a stain goddess.
i just means you look good.
hey...
what are you doing
later?
maybe i'll be
in the catholic review.
you're gonna be
a holy day
of obligation, mom.
here's the part
i like.
"over 62 of pecker's
edition prints
"were sold
for prices
as high
as $1,300 each."
they have that
in the paper?
yeah.
oh, it's our stop.
oh, my god.
mom, dad.
what?
ohh, no!
they've seen
your pictures, pecker.
i'm out of here, man.
i'll see you later.
let's go and
check it out.
yeah.
hey, hey.
hold it, buddy.
officer, it's our house.
have we been robbed?
i'm afraid so, ma'am.
but don't worry.
they're long gone.
did they get
my hot rollers?
hey, pecker.
i hear you're rich.
tv is gone.
oh, my god. So is the vcr.
i'll check upstairs.
how about the kitchen?!
nobody's hurt.
that's what's important.
you see what happens
when you leave baltimore?
thank god
mary was with me.
oh, god. My darkroom.
aah!
my liza minnelli cds
are gone!
they ate the cookies, too!
the negatives,
they're all here.
so are the prints.
they didn't even
want my stuff.
ohh!
they took
the clock-radio
and your
electric shaver.
i wonder
if they were cute.
tina!
[whimpering]
oh, sweetie, did they
take your cookies?
it's no wonder
we were robbed
with that pelt room
down the street.
mmm.
pubic hair
causes crime.
full of grace.
oh. Shh.
[telephone rings]
joyce: it's okay.
no! i hate
vitamins! no!
hello?
hi. It's rorey.
is pecker there?
i have
fabulous news.
hold on, rorey.
pecker!
phone's for you!
we were just robbed.
robbed.
what do you mean?
burglarized?
pecker!
it's rorey.
hello?
take pictures,
pecker.
this could be
your next show.
your mom's loss,
your dad's sadness.
get close-ups.
uh, i didn't even think
to take pictures, rorey.
pictures?
guess what?
the whitney museum
wants to schedule
"a peek at pecker"
in their upcoming
schedule.
the whitney, pecker!
the whitney museum!
pecker's off work,
rorey.
call back
during business hours.
this is all my fault.
what they call art
up in new york, young man...
looks like just
plain misery to me.
don't become
an asshole, pecker.
i beg of you.
do not become an asshole.
jimmy:
i don't understand this.
"the haunting image
of financial despair."
i was just kidding around
with pecker.
i've still got customers.
we still have food
on the table. Right, chrissy?
cap'n crunch!
joyce: pecker, don't!
my hair's a mess.
come on.
mom, you look
the same as always.
[doorbell rings]
it's awfully early,
isn't it?
i got it.
yeah.
thank you.
rorey--she's always
in a hurry.
i was on mtv.
what?!
i was talking
to larry the lughead
on the phone,
and he saw pecker's
picture of me
right on mtv.
joyce: oh!
oh, mary,
i'm a model.
"mary" is not
a homosexual term, tina.
oh, my god! the cover!
memama?
oh, my god in heaven.
we're all famous.
just like
the jackson family.
don't say that, tina.
i'm gonna take that up
and show it
to monsignor.
memama, i'd wait.
i really would.
some catholics, mom,
they just might not
understand it.
[doorbell rings]
i'll get it.
move over, kate.
outta my way, ru paul.
see who it is first,
tina!
her comes tina,
supermodel!
ciao, ciao, ciao!
hello. I'm
dr. Deborah klompas.
i'm an m.D. With baltimore
city child protection services.
and you're little chrissy.
how may we help you?
it's more about how i'm
gonna be able to help you.
we, uh, don't need
anybody's help, lady.
protection services
saw little chrissy
in the sun papers.
there's nothing wrong
with little chrissy.
little chrissy's
wired.
she's just a
sugar-sensitive child.
that's all.
she does fidget.
[telephone rings]
i'll get it.
hello.
more good news.
hold on, rorey. We're in
the middle of a family crisis.
dr. Klompas: i am sorry
to inform you,
but your child has attention-
deficit hyperactivity disorder.
she needs ritalin.
this is important.
vogue magazine wants
to do a fashion shoot
called "slumming
with pecker."
you have to hold on,
rorey.
hello.
greg gorman
is the photographer.
he shoots
all the celebrities,
and he wants you to model.
look, rorey,
i can't talk right now.
i'll call you back.
well, she does climb
excessively.
would, uh...
would she eat better?
you just think of these
as mother and daddy's
little helpers.
dad, all kids
love candy, though.
well, it's
for her health, pecker.
chrissy, go ahead.
go ahead and take
your medication.
come on, little chrissy.
give me a pose.
what the fuck you think
you're doin'?
you remember me
from the thrift shop?
hey, wait a minute.
that's my dad's radio.
you robbed our house.
so? you took my photograph
and didn't pay me.
oh. Come on, man.
that's not the same thing.
these are real-life shots.
fuck you, pecker.
it's my life,
real or not, asshole.
we're even now.
hey, wait a minute! my sister
wants her cds back!
no cops
this time, right?
don't worry about them.
they couldn't catch
a goddamn cold.
man, your pictures
are everywhere.
i know.
tell me about it.
it's like, i'm trying
to get new stuff,
but everyone knows
me now.
yeah, i know.
no doubt.
here.
don't even try it,
pecker.
that's my private garbage.
sorry, mr. Bozak.
no hard feelings, i hope.
oh, get a real job.
and, you,
you stole from charity.
i'm callin' jerry lewis.
hey, pecker.
i didn't sign
no model release,
and i'm gonna
sue your ass.
he didn't even
get paid yet.
what would you know,
fartmouth?
[baby cries]
the gallery
gets half his money.
you can suck
my fat ass, matt.
hey, pecker, do you think
i should move to new york?
can i help you?
no. I think
we're just looking.
okay.
do you have any
guess jeans in the store?
this ain't gq, buddy.
we got real clothes
at regular prices.
just trying
to look my best.
how about jordache?
i just told you.
any kathie lee?
sold out.
hi. I'd like to fill out
a job application.
i knew it was you,
stupid.
and you're
peckerhead, right?
pecker, ma'am.
i saw those pictures,
dumbbells!
you're both caught.
i was gonna put it back,
honest.
we were just doing it
for the art.
art-schmart.
give me that camera.
what?
i said give me
that camera,
or i'm callin'
the cops.
okay, you two.
whip it out.
what?!
i said,
take out your units.
look, we're sorry.
i said unzip!
now that's what i call
a peckerprint.
smile.
you're on
candid camera.
i've never been caught
shoplifting in my life.
well, maybe this will
teach you both
that some people don't
feel like being art.
if i can't steal,
i don't want to be famous.
i quit, pecker.
look, we're sorry.
matt's a thief,
but he's a really nice person.
matt!
[door chimes
jingle]
man: is this
the stain goddess
i heard about
on howard stern?
tell me. How do i get
rid of pecker-tracks?
eat one, asswipe.
come on.
be a good little girl
and put your vagina
up to the phone.
shove it, fuckwad.
hey, shelley.
stop taking my picture,
pecker!
you're ruining my life!
i'm sorry. I thought
i was making your life better.
hey, pecker,
want to take my picture?
oh, no.
hey, buddy, you can't
do that in here.
go up to new york.
they love that stuff.
take my picture, pecker.
please?
[moaning]
[telephone rings]
[moaning louder]
don't you dare.
come on! before my quarters
run out! oh!
spin n' grin.
hi, shelley. It's me.
i sold three prints
of you today. Is pecker there?
another obscene call.
it's your girlfriend,
asshole.
[moaning]
can i work in peace?
hello.
hi, honey.
it's me, rorey.
did you get
my little present?
[camera clicks,
flash starts charging]
[auto-focus whirs]
matt on machine:
if this is pecker,
don't call back.
[beep]
shelley:
spin n' grin.
hey, it's me, peck.
a dryer overheated,
and some idiot just flashed me.
call rorey.
maybe she feels like talking.
[hangs up]
hello?
shelley?
could you get that door?
[chimes jingle]
are you sure
that this outfit is...
the way
it's supposed to be?
looks great.
turn this way.
let's see the polaroid.
miss betty: stop
mauling me! get off!
background ready?
5 minutes.
hold still.
i'd never wear
this ugly rag.
it's comme des garçons,
darling.
you should be so lucky.
close your eyes.
miss betty: don't tell me
about fashion, buddy.
uh, mr. Gorman,
i just have to tell you
that i'm not so sure
pecker is so comfortable
about modeling today.
but your son's
a fashion natural.
he's going
to look great.
uh, can i see?
shake your head,
darling.
ohh!
i look like
a simpleton.
you with the rash,
put this on.
my scalp itches.
oh, yeah, yeah.
little chrissy,
look at mommy.
honey?
honey, look at mommy.
uhh...
what? oh, sweetie, is it
time for your medication?
okay, here we go.
i don't know
about these pills.
here.
there you go, sweetie.
okay, here,
wash it down.
uh-uh.
you don't want any soda?
miss betty: i wouldn't
wear this to the shelter,
you twit!
don't fight me, darling.
you can wear this
anywhere.
are you trying
to blind me?
[chimes jingle]
oh, jesus, what the hell
have you done to my mother?
i look silly, don't i?
what a beauty.
i'm not a beauty.
i'm a photographer.
please, i'm more
comfortable
on the other side
of the camera.
look, you know what?
i don't want to be
in vogue.
[crew gasps]
everybody wants
to be in vogue.
alright,
background action.
pecker:
miss betty, al,
you don't have
to do this.
are they getting paid?
nobody went over this
with me.
hey, wait a minute.
i said no.
miss betty:
don't we get food?
pecker:
did anyone hear me?
we're not doing this.
get the hell off me.
al, miss betty,
stop it!
you don't have to model
if you don't want to.
[little chrissy coughs]
he's poor,
he's white...
but he sure ain't trash.
god! i don't want
to be a model.
[coughing]
[gorman taking
pictures]
oh, my god.
are you okay?
what's wrong?
she's choking to death!
here, take a sip.
take a sip.
come on, spit it out.
you can do it.
come on.
good.
great, great.
somebody please
call the doctor!
over here.
this is great. Good.
stop taking my picture!
a little
over there. Good.
spit it up.
spit it up.
ohh. There,
it's all better.
got your shot,
mr. Gorman?
i guess we can
retouch.
the lord is with me.
oh, i know, mary.
i know.
full of grace.
you sure are.
you're a virgin,
you're a mother,
and you're all mine.
[doorbell rings]
shh.
who is it?
we're the friends
of mary,
and we've come to see
our lady.
be right down.
[whispering]
it's alright, mary.
be right back.
look at that baby, eh?
god damn it!
pig!
crowd:
long live bush!
cover it up.
get off me,
motherfucker!
shave it off!
pubic hair harassment!
beaver brutality!
pubic hair
is against the law.
crowd: we want bush!
we want bush!
we want bush!
hey, pecker!
i'll make the money
off my pelt, not you!
t-bone! dad, god, i didn't
want anybody arrested
for my pictures.
crowd: we want bush!
we want bush!
thanks.
we want bush!
we want bush!
we want bush!
thank you.
jimmy: can't you see
what pubic hair
is doing to
this neighborhood?
matt!
sinking your
property values!
matt: get off of me!
i didn't do anything.
mary?
these nice ladies
have come to honor you.
full of grace.
you're saying that
yourself.
what do you mean?
you heard me,
faker.
memama, i need
mary's help.
oh, you have company.
this is my grandson pecker.
pecker, these are
the friends of mary...
or so they say.
they're not being
very nice to her.
we can see
her lips moving.
it's just a matter
of faith, ladies.
here. Come on.
shut your eyes and
think of the color blue.
oh, no, you don't.
heretic!
maryolatry is not a joke.
full of grace.
this is too much
for my catholic ears,
and i'm telling
monsignor.
both: hail mary,
full of grace.
the lord is with thee.
blessed art thou
among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, jesus.
you can tell the pope
for all i care!
my grandmother's a saint!
[door closes]
memama...
ask mary to make my life
like it used to be.
i'll try, pecker.
mary...
pecker has a request.
come in, mary.
it's me,
memama.
mary, it's me,
and i'm talking to you.
mary was silent
for centuries, right?
i guess you can't expect
her to talk on demand.
talk, god damn it!
memama!
pecker,
it's your pictures.
see what they've done?
they've ruined my miracle.
[people chattering]
man: come on!
woman: right here,
waiting.
man: come on.
hello?
this is a gay
establishment, you know.
we know
all about it.
we're here
for the teabagging.
what teabagging?
we saw pecker's pictures.
they're hilarious.
give me that.
alright, listen up!
there's
no teabagging here,
and there's no straight
people allowed, either.
crowd: what?
come on now, all of youse.
i need to see
some gay i.D.,
or you're out of here.
[all talking at once]
take the money, okay?
[music playing]
who will be
mr. Rough trade baltimore?
[cheering]
get away, pecker.
* you'll feel
a lot of love power *
did you hear me?
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
will it be
death row dave?
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
dave's a 3-time loser,
and he's sentenced
to the chair,
but he's still got
a boner!
[crowd cheers]
his last request--
one more hum job before
they pull the switch.
[crowd cheers]
well, here he comes.
he's matt the thief.
[crowd cheers]
he's barely legal,
but he's got the beef.
the kindest face
you'll ever find,
but if you own a store,
he'll shoplift you blind.
man: yeah!
you ruined
my career, pecker.
oh, matt, i'm sorry.
* you be the mama *
* i'll be the pop *
billy!
billy heckman!
dad?
you are queer!
no, mom, i'm trade.
the queers blow me.
oh! ohh! ohh.
i don't blow them.
i'm still straight.
* don't drop the soap *
* for anyone else but me *
you get off that bar
and cover yourself!
come here. Watch
your beer, sir.
man: aw, come on.
we're getting
out of here.
tina...
you're fired.
oh, god, no, mr. Nellbox.
this is all my fault.
don't blame tina.
please.
mr. Nellbox...
trade is my life.
[sobs]
man: because
of your pictures,
look what you did
to your sister.
rorey: washing machine
pervert, right?
yep.
fabulous.
you know, i sold this
one to l'uomo vogue.
good.
and this one-- don't you think
it would be perfect
for that special edition parkett
magazine wants you to do?
yeah, sure.
rorey, we got to talk.
these pictures...
they're just suddenly
all shit.
nonsense, pecker.
your work just evolved.
congratulations.
what's this?
we're doing great.
wow.
and for
your whitney show...
it will be
a triumph of pain.
that's a terrible
poster.
pecker: i want to like it.
i--i just don't.
shelley's
out of context.
she's--she's not like this.
pecker...
how can you be
so kind and gentle
and still have talent?
i just try to do good work.
could we be together
just once?
you mean...
uh...
for the whitney?
but you're my art dealer.
that's right.
i am,
and i also understand
your vision.
just once--
for art.
oh, my god!
shelley!
shelley, it's not
what you think!
it's all about the work!
i hate modern
photography!
i'm sorry, pecker.
i--i didn't mean
for this to happen.
you're not supposed
to have sex with people
you're trying to help.
i didn't plan it.
i like shelley.
she's a sweetheart.
i just wanted
a real boyfriend,
not some art person.
cancel the whitney.
no! pecker,
you can't do that.
i want my friends,
and i want my family,
and i want
my career back!
rorey: look, let's talk.
pecker, don't leave now.
we can work this out.
please.
shelley!
pecker, what about
new york?
they can come to me
this time, rorey.
i'm going to have
my own show
right here in baltimore.
but the whitney!
what am i supposed
to tell the whitney!
shelley, i love you!
shelley, i love you
more than kodak!
shelley!
wait!
shelley!
help, police!
he took a dump
without buying anything!
matt: get off me.
police! i'm making
a citizen's arrest!
hey, matt, i got paid.
i'm giving you a job,
and this time,
you're on salary.
alright, pecker-man.
you're the boss.
bastards!
pecker: shelley!
hello.
voting card, please.
okay, you can take the second
booth on your right.
thank you.
pecker: shelley!
shh!
good afternoon,
gentlemen.
your voting cards,
please?
i don't have it with me,
but i'm registered.
my name is pecker.
um...
excuse me. Do you have
a bathroom i could use?
this is a polling place,
not a filling station,
young man.
excuse me.
excuse me.
voting booths are
private places, mr. Pecker.
if i were you,
i would concentrate
on my own personal choice
of candidate
and not the choices
of others.
yes, ma'am.
but i really have
to use the bathroom.
one would think
a serious voter
would eliminate
before leaving home.
but it's an emergency.
i mean it.
[sighs] alright.
here.
thanks.
it's through that door
and to the left.
to the left!
ow.
pecker.
shh.
mr. Pecker?
i'll be right back.
pecker,
i'm trying to vote.
oh, come on.
mr. Pecker,
did you hear me?
oh, god.
quick, let me stand
in your bag.
pecker...
look. She can't even
see me now.
[sighs]
attention, voters.
no 2 people are allowed
in a voting booth.
more than one person
inside a voting booth
is a federal offense
punishable...
by up to 3 years
in prison.
oh, shelley,
please come back.
without you,
my work is shit.
rorey's your work.
it's you that i love.
i don't understand
any of that art crap.
you could if you just
open your eyes.
pecker, i work
in a laundromat.
art's everywhere.
yeah, in my endless bags
of dirty laundry.
yeah.
it is, if you
think about it.
what?
the brilliant green
of a grass stain?
yes.
that's art.
the subtle yellow
of a urine soaked sheet?
yeah.
yeah. Keep going.
it's what you see
every day.
the aqua blue of cold water
as it dilutes a violent
red blood stain?
oh, you got it.
oh, be spontaneous
for once in your life.
pecker, i'm scared.
you mean the almond brown
of a stubborn mildew stain
can be beautiful?
yes. Yes.
let your mind go,
and you'll be free
forever.
oh, pecker, i think
i finally see it.
ohh. Art, shelley.
art.
pecker, use a condom.
okay.
[both moaning,
booth rattling]
[both moaning louder]
ho ho ho ho!
aah!
[horn honks]
[chattering]
okay, settle down, folks.
settle down. I know
we're all excited.
take it away, pecker.
ladies and gentlemen.
welcome to pecker's place.
crowd: yay!
yeah!
* i'm a pecker man *
* i got my shoes on
straight *
* i'm a pecker man *
* and one of me to yank *
* i'm a pecker man *
* and i just can't wait *
* i'm a pecker man *
whoo!
yeah! yeah!
we're here with pecker's
grandmother memama.
tell us, memama--
why won't mary talk?
she went up, that's all.
mary's broke.
but if
channel 45's viewers
pray hard enough,
maybe our lady
will speak again.
and i'm sloane brown,
channel 45 news,
live at pecker's place.
what's going on, man?
how you doing?
how you doing?
you're going through.
yes, you're going through.
i know you.
look.
friends of the whitney...
this is baltimore.
oh ho ho!
wonderful.
let's get off.
look...
a row house.
[gasps]
with white marble steps.
it's just like
his pictures.
larry:
it's so dignified.
lynn: so powerful.
it's almost sexual,
isn't it?
you with the goiter
in the back, yes.
hi. How you doing?
you.
you.
how you doing, sir?
excuse me,
i'm jed coleman.
this is the group
from the whitney museum.
oh, okay, it's $4.00
for each of you.
oh, i, uh...
i didn't know there was
a cover charge.
i thought you liked it
when i stole.
[music playing]
congratulations, pecker.
well, thank you.
do you know what?
it's not just me.
it's my friends.
it's my family.
you know what? everyone
here inspires me.
pecker sees new york
from the outside looking in,
and if you just
open your eyes,
you'll see it, too.
oh, shelley,
i see what you mean.
that skinny lady
in the photo--
ha ha! that's
fucking hilarious.
i love it.
well, you know what?
we're open for business.
what do you got
to trade?
hell, i do own a bakery.
how about complimentary
birthday cakes
for each member
of your family
for 2 years?
it's a deal.
i'm putting it
right in my rumpus room.
oh, mr. Coleman,
so glad you could
make it.
how does it feel to be
in front of the camera?
well, it...
takes a little
getting used to.
hi, mary!
welcome to baltimore.
[woman laughs]
[snaps fingers]
i didn't know pecker
was showing this work.
yoo-hoo!
pecker, darling.
i want to see lowlife.
show me down and dirty.
oh, well,
it's just us, lynn.
you remember
shelley, right?
congratulations.
man: ooh! ow!
oh, my god.
you look daringly
original.
there's not a catalog,
is there?
nice tits, ma'am.
[woman laughs]
hey, it's liquor lady.
want to dance?
you know, i only had
2 drinks that night.
think i care?
i drink, too.
yeah, set 'em up.
there you go.
oh, miss betty,
now, that looks
wonderful.
oh, i don't know.
will it wrinkle
if i sleep in it?
oh, no.
not that fabric.
you know,
that's flameproof, too,
in case someone
sets you on fire.
alright.
i'll take it.
joyce: good.
oh!
isn't fashion something?
[both laugh]
oh, here comes the vegan.
chrissy's
a good little girl.
she looks
so different.
little chrissy's
off the drugs.
joyce: mm-hmm.
she's sugar-free
and on the road
to a balanced diet.
thank you, honey.
hey, come on, gorgeous,
be honest.
when was the last time
a straight guy
asked you to dance?
[dance music playing]
go on, venetia.
get it, girl.
go on.
you're in baltimore.
* watch out, watch out,
watch out *
crowd: whoo!
hmm.
congratulations,
pecker.
shelley.
thank you. I'm so glad
you could come, rorey.
this is my new
discovery randy.
he's from new jersey,
and he is the first
blind photographer.
i feel portraits,
and i smell landscapes.
i'm giving him a show
in november.
is that outsider art?
no more light readings.
no more focusing.
maybe you should give him
a show in your laundromat.
send me some slides.
i'll do that.
okay!
man: whoo!
[takes picture]
man: go, t-bone!
man: yeah!
[crowd cheering
and whistling]
man: alright,
t-bone!
man: yeah!
no pubic hair!
man: hey, hey,
no pants!
[takes picture]
[takes picture]
[whispering]
take your pants off.
[taking pictures]
ooh, teabag him, larry.
crowd: whoa!
brilliant work,
pecker.
thanks, mr. Hallbrook.
man: shake it,
sweetheart!
man:
whoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
ride it, bitch!
ride it like
a butch bottom!
ohh, new york
was never like this!
holy mary,
mother of god.
pecker!
she's talking,
and i'm not
saying anything.
mary: full of grace--
holy mary,
mother of god.
our prayers
have been answered.
full of grace--
holy mary,
mother of god.
[takes
grace. Holy. Picture]
holy. Holy.
grace. God.
holy.
pecker,
do you think
it's a real miracle?
yes, memama.
yes!
[snorts]
quiet, everybody.
quiet, please.
quiet, everybody.
quiet.
come on in.
gather around.
pecker,
get up here.
[crowd cheering]
i have a toast.
i have a toast.
to pecker.
crowd: to pecker!
and the end of irony!
yay, pecker!
so, what's next,
pecker?
well...
i think, uh...
you know what?
i'm thinking of
directing a movie.
man: alright!
[crowd cheers]
paul evans:
* i can laugh *
* when things ain't funny *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* yeah, i can smile *
* when i ain't got
no money *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* it may sound silly *
* but, mmm, i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got
the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* a slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky *
* love *
* well *
* life is sweet *
* whoa *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha *
[singer laughs
hysterically]
[singer laughs
hysterically]
* it may sound silly *
* but, hmm, i don't care *
* i got the moonlight *
* i got the sun *
* i've got the stars above *
* me and my filly *
* well, we both share *
* a slappy-go-happy *
* happy-go-lucky *
* love *
* well *
* life is sweet *
* whoa, yeah *
* sweet as honey *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
* ha ha ha ha *
* ha ha happy-go-lucky me *
[singer laughs
hysterically]
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
captioning made possible by
new line home video
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
public performance of captions
prohibited without permission of
national captioning institute
* yeah! *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* go! *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh *
* ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *